Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 307: Stay or Leave? The Truth About Relationships No One Talks About: Guest Karyn Spetz

Transcript

E 307: Stay or Leave? The Truth About Relationships No One Talks About: Guest Karyn Spetz · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:45
  Worked
• 0:45
  out
• 0:45
  the
• 0:46
  heavens
• 0:46
  were
• 0:46
  helping
• 0:47
  today,
• 0:48
  right?
• 0:48
  Absolutely.
• 0:49
  So,
• 0:49
  good
• 0:50
  morning,
• 0:50
  everybody,
• 0:50
  and
• 0:51
  welcome
• 0:51
  back
• 0:51
  to
• 0:51
  another
• 0:51
  episode
• 0:52
  of
• 0:52
  Adult
• 0:52
  Child
• 0:52
  of
• 0:53
  Dysfunction.
• 0:54
  Today
• 0:54
  with
• 0:54
  we
• 0:55
  have
• 0:55
  with
• 0:55
  us
• 0:55
  a
• 0:55
  very
• 0:56
  special
• 0:56
  guest,
• 0:56
  and
• 0:57
  it's
• 0:57
  a
• 0:57
  conversation
• 0:58
  that
• 0:58
  is
• 0:59
  going
• 0:59
  to
• 1:01
  really
• 1:02
  be,
• 1:02
  I
• 1:03
  don't
• 1:03
  want
• 1:03
  to
• 1:03
  say
• 1:03
  controversial,
• 1:04
  but
• 1:04
  it's
• 1:04
  something
• 1:05
  that
• 1:05
  people
• 1:05
  are
• 1:05
  really
• 1:06
  going
• 1:06
  to
• 1:06
  think
• 1:06
  on.
• 1:07
  And
• 1:07
  I
• 1:08
  don't.
• 1:08
  I
• 1:08
  want
• 1:09
  you
• 1:09
  to
• 1:10
  feel
• 1:10
  free
• 1:10
  to
• 1:10
  look
• 1:11
  at
• 1:11
  this
• 1:11
  with
• 1:11
  an
• 1:11
  open
• 1:12
  eyes
• 1:12
  and
• 1:12
  open
• 1:13
  ears
• 1:13
  and
• 1:13
  open
• 1:13
  heart
• 1:14
  and
• 1:15
  just
• 1:15
  love
• 1:15
  this
• 1:15
  conversation
• 1:16
  because
• 1:16
  it's
• 1:16
  a
• 1:16
  conversation
• 1:17
  that
• 1:17
  many
• 1:17
  of
• 1:18
  us
• 1:18
  have
• 1:18
  contemplated
• 1:19
  and
• 1:19
  not
• 1:20
  known
• 1:20
  where
• 1:20
  to
• 1:21
  find
• 1:21
  the
• 1:21
  answers.
• 1:21
  And
• 1:22
  we
• 1:22
  have
• 1:22
  with
• 1:23
  us
• 1:23
  today
• 1:23
  Karen
• 1:24
  Spetz,
• 1:24
  and
• 1:25
  she
• 1:25
  has
• 1:25
  some
• 1:25
  of
• 1:25
  these
• 1:25
  answers
• 1:26
  because
• 1:26
  what
• 1:27
  she
• 1:27
  does
• 1:27
  is
• 1:27
  she's
• 1:27
  a
• 1:28
  relationship
• 1:28
  coach,
• 1:28
  and
• 1:29
  she
• 1:29
  specializes
• 1:30
  in
• 1:30
  helping
• 1:30
  women
• 1:31
  who
• 1:31
  are
• 1:31
  struggling
• 1:32
  with
• 1:32
  the
• 1:33
  should
• 1:33
  I
• 1:33
  stay
• 1:34
  or
• 1:34
  should
• 1:34
  I
• 1:34
  go?
• 1:35
  Question.
• 1:36
  And
• 1:36
  I
• 1:36
  know
• 1:36
  you're
• 1:36
  probably
• 1:37
  like,
• 1:37
  whoa.
• 1:38
  But
• 1:38
  really,
• 1:38
  it's
• 1:39
  a
• 1:39
  question
• 1:39
  we've
• 1:39
  all
• 1:39
  asked
• 1:40
  ourselves
• 1:40
  when
• 1:40
  things
• 1:41
  get
• 1:41
  tough.
• 1:42
  And
• 1:42
  Karen
• 1:43
  works
• 1:43
  specifically
• 1:44
  with
• 1:44
  people
• 1:44
  that
• 1:44
  have
• 1:45
  that
• 1:45
  question.
• 1:46
  So
• 1:46
  welcome,
• 1:46
  Karen.
• 1:48
  Thank
• 1:48
  you
• 1:48
  so
• 1:48
  much.
• 1:49
  I'm
• 1:49
  happy
• 1:49
  to
• 1:49
  be
• 1:49
  here.
• 1:50
  Yeah,
• 1:50
  it's.
• 1:51
  I
• 1:51
  love
• 1:51
  having
• 1:52
  you
• 1:52
  here
• 1:52
  because
• 1:52
  this
• 1:52
  is
• 1:53
  a
• 1:53
  conversation
• 1:53
  I.
• 1:54
  Like
• 1:54
  I
• 1:54
  said,
• 1:54
  I
• 1:54
  mean,
• 1:55
  every
• 1:55
  single
• 1:55
  client
• 1:56
  that
• 1:56
  I've
• 1:56
  ever
• 1:56
  had
• 1:57
  has
• 1:57
  wrestled
• 1:57
  with
• 1:58
  this
• 1:58
  conversation
• 1:58
  at
• 1:59
  some
• 1:59
  point.
• 2:00
  And
• 2:00
  if
• 2:00
  you
• 2:00
  go
• 2:00
  to
• 2:01
  a
• 2:01
  marriage
• 2:01
  counselor,
• 2:02
  I
• 2:02
  feel
• 2:02
  like
• 2:02
  all
• 2:03
  of
• 2:03
  their
• 2:03
  answers
• 2:03
  were
• 2:04
  the
• 2:04
  same
• 2:04
  that
• 2:04
  they
• 2:05
  got
• 2:05
  from
• 2:05
  these
• 2:05
  counselors.
• 2:06
  But
• 2:07
  what,
• 2:08
  what
• 2:08
  made
• 2:08
  you
• 2:08
  decide
• 2:09
  you
• 2:09
  wanted
• 2:09
  to
• 2:09
  work
• 2:09
  with
• 2:09
  women
• 2:10
  on
• 2:10
  this
• 2:10
  big,
• 2:11
  big
• 2:11
  question?
• 2:12
  Yeah,
• 2:13
  well,
• 2:14
  I
• 2:14
  am
• 2:14
  a
• 2:14
  certified
• 2:15
  relationship
• 2:15
  coach,
• 2:16
  and
• 2:16
  I.
• 2:16
  And
• 2:16
  I
• 2:16
  used
• 2:17
  to
• 2:17
  work
• 2:17
  a
• 2:17
  lot.
• 2:18
  The
• 2:18
  majority
• 2:18
  of
• 2:19
  the
• 2:19
  people
• 2:19
  that
• 2:19
  I
• 2:20
  worked
• 2:20
  with
• 2:20
  was
• 2:20
  in
• 2:20
  couples.
• 2:21
  But
• 2:21
  then
• 2:21
  I
• 2:22
  just
• 2:22
  saw
• 2:22
  this
• 2:23
  organic,
• 2:24
  you
• 2:25
  know,
• 2:25
  switch
• 2:25
  towards
• 2:26
  more
• 2:27
  women
• 2:27
  reaching
• 2:28
  to
• 2:28
  me
• 2:28
  individually,
• 2:29
  saying,
• 2:30
  I
• 2:30
  don't
• 2:30
  know
• 2:30
  if
• 2:30
  I'm
• 2:30
  ready
• 2:31
  for
• 2:31
  that
• 2:31
  yet.
• 2:31
  I
• 2:32
  don't
• 2:32
  know
• 2:33
  if
• 2:33
  I
• 2:33
  want
• 2:33
  to
• 2:34
  stay
• 2:34
  in
• 2:34
  the
• 2:34
  relationship
• 2:35
  to
• 2:35
  work
• 2:35
  on
• 2:36
  it.
• 2:36
  And
• 2:36
  they
• 2:36
  were
• 2:37
  really
• 2:37
  looking
• 2:37
  for
• 2:37
  this
• 2:38
  more
• 2:38
  individual
• 2:39
  help
• 2:40
  to
• 2:41
  see
• 2:41
  what
• 2:41
  was
• 2:41
  going
• 2:42
  on
• 2:42
  with
• 2:42
  them
• 2:43
  personally
• 2:43
  and
• 2:44
  changes
• 2:44
  that
• 2:44
  had
• 2:44
  happened
• 2:45
  for
• 2:45
  themselves
• 2:46
  that
• 2:47
  maybe
• 2:47
  were,
• 2:48
  of
• 2:48
  course,
• 2:48
  related
• 2:49
  to
• 2:49
  the
• 2:49
  relationship,
• 2:50
  but
• 2:50
  it
• 2:50
  was,
• 2:51
  it
• 2:51
  was
• 2:51
  different
• 2:52
  from,
• 2:52
  hey,
• 2:52
  we
• 2:52
  want
• 2:53
  to
• 2:53
  work
• 2:53
  on
• 2:53
  it.
• 2:53
  It
• 2:53
  was
• 2:53
  like,
• 2:54
  do
• 2:54
  I
• 2:54
  want
• 2:54
  to
• 2:54
  work
• 2:54
  on
• 2:55
  it?
• 2:55
  Right.
• 2:57
  So
• 2:57
  what
• 2:58
  would
• 2:58
  you
• 2:58
  say
• 2:58
  is
• 2:58
  the
• 2:59
  average
• 2:59
  age
• 2:59
  that
• 2:59
  this
• 3:00
  is
• 3:00
  coming
• 3:00
  up?
• 3:02
  I
• 3:02
  would
• 3:02
  say
• 3:03
  it
• 3:03
  used
• 3:03
  to
• 3:03
  be
• 3:03
  more
• 3:04
  like
• 3:04
  40,
• 3:05
  50,
• 3:06
  you
• 3:06
  know,
• 3:06
  to
• 3:07
  60.
• 3:07
  But
• 3:08
  I've
• 3:08
  actually
• 3:08
  seen
• 3:09
  this
• 3:10
  more
• 3:11
  women
• 3:11
  that
• 3:11
  are
• 3:11
  in
• 3:11
  their
• 3:12
  30s
• 3:12
  coming
• 3:12
  to
• 3:12
  me
• 3:13
  as
• 3:13
  well.
• 3:13
  But
• 3:13
  it's,
• 3:14
  it's
• 3:14
  a,
• 3:14
  you
• 3:14
  know,
• 3:15
  I
• 3:15
  know
• 3:15
  30s
• 3:15
  isn't
• 3:16
  really
• 3:16
  midlife,
• 3:17
  but,
• 3:18
  you
• 3:18
  know,
• 3:18
  like
• 3:18
  35
• 3:19
  to
• 3:19
  50ish,
• 3:20
  I
• 3:21
  would
• 3:21
  say.
• 3:21
  But
• 3:21
  It's.
• 3:22
  It's
• 3:22
  generally
• 3:23
  women
• 3:23
  that
• 3:23
  have
• 3:23
  been
• 3:24
  married
• 3:24
  for
• 3:24
  a
• 3:24
  number
• 3:25
  of
• 3:25
  years,
• 3:25
  and
• 3:25
  they're
• 3:25
  going,
• 3:26
  oh,
• 3:26
  wait
• 3:26
  a
• 3:26
  minute.
• 3:27
  Does
• 3:27
  this
• 3:27
  still
• 3:28
  work
• 3:28
  for
• 3:28
  me?
• 3:29
  So,
• 3:29
  yeah.
• 3:30
  Yeah.
• 3:31
  Interesting.
• 3:31
  I
• 3:31
  mean,
• 3:31
  like
• 3:32
  I
• 3:32
  said,
• 3:32
  I've.
• 3:32
  I've.
• 3:32
  Everybody
• 3:33
  I've
• 3:33
  ever
• 3:33
  talked
• 3:33
  to
• 3:33
  has
• 3:34
  questioned
• 3:34
  it,
• 3:34
  and
• 3:34
  I
• 3:34
  don't
• 3:35
  know
• 3:35
  if
• 3:35
  it's
• 3:35
  because
• 3:35
  I'm
• 3:35
  talking
• 3:36
  to
• 3:36
  people
• 3:36
  that
• 3:36
  come
• 3:37
  from
• 3:37
  a
• 3:37
  trauma
• 3:37
  background.
• 3:38
  And
• 3:38
  so
• 3:39
  they're
• 3:39
  deciding
• 3:40
  finally,
• 3:40
  like,
• 3:40
  okay,
• 3:41
  I'm
• 3:41
  45
• 3:42
  years
• 3:42
  old.
• 3:42
  I've
• 3:42
  been
• 3:42
  wrapped
• 3:42
  around
• 3:43
  my
• 3:43
  kids.
• 3:43
  I've
• 3:43
  been
• 3:43
  wrapped
• 3:44
  around
• 3:44
  school.
• 3:44
  I've
• 3:44
  been
• 3:44
  wrapped
• 3:45
  around
• 3:45
  their.
• 3:45
  Their
• 3:46
  stuff.
• 3:46
  Their
• 3:46
  stuff,
• 3:46
  their
• 3:47
  stuff.
• 3:47
  And
• 3:48
  now,
• 3:48
  all
• 3:48
  of
• 3:48
  a
• 3:48
  sudden,
• 3:48
  I'm
• 3:48
  in
• 3:49
  an
• 3:49
  age
• 3:49
  where
• 3:50
  I
• 3:50
  want
• 3:51
  it
• 3:51
  to
• 3:51
  be
• 3:51
  a
• 3:51
  little
• 3:51
  bit
• 3:51
  about
• 3:52
  me
• 3:52
  or
• 3:52
  I
• 3:52
  want
• 3:53
  to
• 3:53
  heal
• 3:53
  me,
• 3:54
  and
• 3:55
  I
• 3:55
  don't
• 3:56
  know
• 3:56
  how
• 3:56
  to
• 3:56
  do
• 3:56
  that
• 3:57
  with
• 3:57
  someone
• 3:58
  else
• 3:58
  in
• 3:58
  the
• 3:58
  picture.
• 4:01
  Yeah,
• 4:01
  yeah,
• 4:02
  that's
• 4:02
  real.
• 4:02
  I
• 4:03
  think
• 4:03
  it.
• 4:03
  Yeah,
• 4:04
  so
• 4:04
  I
• 4:04
  see
• 4:04
  that
• 4:05
  a
• 4:05
  lot.
• 4:05
  So
• 4:06
  it's
• 4:06
  interesting
• 4:07
  because
• 4:07
  that's
• 4:08
  definitely
• 4:08
  where
• 4:08
  this
• 4:09
  midlife
• 4:09
  thing
• 4:10
  comes
• 4:10
  in.
• 4:10
  Right.
• 4:11
  Because
• 4:12
  almost
• 4:12
  always
• 4:13
  kids
• 4:13
  are
• 4:13
  either
• 4:14
  out
• 4:14
  of
• 4:14
  the
• 4:14
  house
• 4:14
  or
• 4:15
  they're
• 4:15
  like
• 4:15
  teenagers
• 4:16
  doing
• 4:17
  their
• 4:17
  own
• 4:17
  thing,
• 4:18
  not
• 4:19
  needing
• 4:19
  as
• 4:19
  much.
• 4:20
  And
• 4:20
  so
• 4:21
  these
• 4:21
  women
• 4:21
  are
• 4:22
  looking
• 4:22
  around,
• 4:22
  they're
• 4:22
  going,
• 4:22
  oh,
• 4:23
  like,
• 4:23
  my
• 4:23
  role
• 4:23
  as
• 4:24
  a
• 4:24
  mother
• 4:24
  is
• 4:25
  very
• 4:25
  different
• 4:26
  now,
• 4:26
  and
• 4:26
  it
• 4:26
  doesn't
• 4:27
  take
• 4:27
  up
• 4:27
  as
• 4:27
  much
• 4:27
  of
• 4:28
  me.
• 4:28
  And
• 4:29
  so
• 4:29
  they
• 4:29
  start
• 4:29
  to
• 4:29
  look
• 4:29
  around
• 4:30
  and
• 4:30
  go,
• 4:30
  what's
• 4:31
  happened
• 4:31
  here?
• 4:31
  Because
• 4:31
  I'm
• 4:32
  not.
• 4:32
  I
• 4:32
  don't
• 4:32
  feel
• 4:32
  like
• 4:33
  I'm
• 4:33
  the
• 4:33
  same
• 4:33
  person
• 4:33
  that
• 4:34
  I
• 4:34
  was.
• 4:35
  Right.
• 4:35
  And
• 4:36
  we're
• 4:36
  not.
• 4:36
  I
• 4:36
  mean,
• 4:37
  I'm
• 4:37
  not
• 4:37
  the
• 4:37
  same
• 4:37
  person
• 4:38
  I
• 4:38
  was
• 4:38
  at
• 4:38
  26
• 4:39
  when
• 4:39
  I
• 4:39
  got
• 4:39
  married.
• 4:40
  Absolutely
• 4:40
  not.
• 4:40
  I'm
• 4:41
  57.
• 4:41
  I've
• 4:41
  had
• 4:42
  31
• 4:42
  years
• 4:42
  to
• 4:44
  figure
• 4:44
  it
• 4:44
  out.
• 4:45
  But,
• 4:45
  yeah,
• 4:45
  I
• 4:46
  can
• 4:46
  see
• 4:46
  how
• 4:46
  people
• 4:46
  kind
• 4:46
  of
• 4:47
  get
• 4:47
  lost
• 4:47
  in
• 4:47
  that.
• 4:47
  You
• 4:48
  know,
• 4:48
  my
• 4:49
  oldest
• 4:49
  son
• 4:49
  is
• 4:49
  still
• 4:49
  living
• 4:50
  with
• 4:50
  me.
• 4:50
  My
• 4:50
  youngest
• 4:50
  son
• 4:51
  just
• 4:51
  moved
• 4:51
  out.
• 4:51
  So
• 4:52
  it's
• 4:52
  like,
• 4:53
  wow.
• 4:54
  And
• 4:55
  so
• 4:55
  what
• 4:56
  is
• 4:56
  your
• 4:57
  perspective?
• 4:58
  Like,
• 4:58
  what
• 4:58
  is
• 4:58
  this
• 5:00
  fix
• 5:00
  it
• 5:00
  or
• 5:00
  leave
• 5:00
  it
• 5:01
  kind
• 5:01
  of
• 5:01
  attitude
• 5:02
  that
• 5:02
  we're
• 5:02
  seeing?
• 5:04
  Yeah.
• 5:04
  I
• 5:04
  think,
• 5:05
  well,
• 5:05
  what
• 5:05
  I.
• 5:06
  What
• 5:06
  I've
• 5:06
  really
• 5:06
  noticed
• 5:07
  and
• 5:07
  what
• 5:07
  I've
• 5:07
  actually
• 5:08
  learned
• 5:09
  about
• 5:09
  myself,
• 5:10
  you
• 5:10
  know,
• 5:10
  speaking
• 5:10
  of
• 5:11
  growth,
• 5:11
  I
• 5:11
  mean,
• 5:12
  you
• 5:13
  know,
• 5:13
  there
• 5:13
  was
• 5:13
  a
• 5:13
  time
• 5:13
  in
• 5:13
  my
• 5:13
  life
• 5:14
  where
• 5:14
  I
• 5:14
  would
• 5:14
  have
• 5:14
  said
• 5:15
  maybe,
• 5:15
  oh,
• 5:16
  you
• 5:16
  should
• 5:16
  definitely
• 5:16
  do
• 5:17
  this,
• 5:17
  or
• 5:17
  you.
• 5:17
  You
• 5:18
  shouldn't
• 5:18
  do
• 5:18
  that,
• 5:18
  or
• 5:19
  you
• 5:19
  don't
• 5:19
  have
• 5:19
  to
• 5:20
  put
• 5:20
  up
• 5:20
  with,
• 5:20
  or,
• 5:21
  you
• 5:21
  know,
• 5:21
  having
• 5:22
  these
• 5:22
  more
• 5:22
  like
• 5:22
  black
• 5:23
  and
• 5:23
  white,
• 5:23
  yes
• 5:23
  and
• 5:23
  no
• 5:24
  approaches
• 5:25
  to
• 5:25
  things.
• 5:25
  But
• 5:25
  what
• 5:26
  I've
• 5:26
  learned
• 5:27
  through
• 5:27
  the
• 5:28
  work
• 5:28
  that
• 5:28
  I've
• 5:28
  done
• 5:28
  with
• 5:29
  other
• 5:29
  people
• 5:30
  and
• 5:31
  just
• 5:31
  going
• 5:32
  through
• 5:32
  different
• 5:32
  things
• 5:32
  that
• 5:33
  I've
• 5:33
  gone
• 5:33
  through
• 5:33
  in
• 5:33
  my
• 5:33
  own
• 5:34
  marriage
• 5:34
  that
• 5:34
  we
• 5:34
  all
• 5:35
  go
• 5:36
  through
• 5:36
  is
• 5:36
  we
• 5:36
  really
• 5:37
  don't
• 5:37
  know.
• 5:38
  I
• 5:38
  don't
• 5:38
  think
• 5:38
  anyone
• 5:39
  knows
• 5:39
  how
• 5:40
  you
• 5:40
  would
• 5:40
  handle
• 5:40
  a
• 5:40
  particular
• 5:41
  situation
• 5:42
  until
• 5:42
  you're
• 5:42
  in
• 5:43
  that
• 5:43
  situation.
• 5:43
  And
• 5:44
  I've
• 5:44
  worked
• 5:45
  with
• 5:45
  women
• 5:46
  who've
• 5:47
  said
• 5:47
  to
• 5:47
  me,
• 5:48
  oh,
• 5:48
  I
• 5:48
  know
• 5:48
  I've
• 5:49
  given
• 5:49
  this
• 5:49
  advice
• 5:49
  to
• 5:50
  my
• 5:50
  girlfriends
• 5:50
  before,
• 5:50
  but
• 5:51
  now
• 5:51
  I'm
• 5:51
  in
• 5:51
  it,
• 5:51
  and
• 5:52
  I
• 5:52
  don't.
• 5:53
  I
• 5:53
  don't
• 5:53
  know
• 5:53
  what
• 5:53
  I
• 5:53
  want
• 5:54
  to
• 5:54
  do.
• 5:55
  And
• 5:55
  so
• 5:56
  fix
• 5:56
  it
• 5:57
  or,
• 5:57
  you
• 5:57
  know,
• 5:58
  leave
• 5:58
  it.
• 5:59
  That's
• 5:59
  not
• 5:59
  something
• 5:59
  that
• 6:00
  you
• 6:00
  can
• 6:00
  really
• 6:00
  decide
• 6:01
  until
• 6:01
  you're
• 6:01
  going
• 6:02
  through
• 6:02
  it.
• 6:03
  And
• 6:03
  I
• 6:03
  think
• 6:03
  we
• 6:03
  need
• 6:03
  more
• 6:03
  of
• 6:04
  that
• 6:04
  compassion
• 6:04
  and
• 6:05
  understanding.
• 6:06
  So.
• 6:06
  Yeah,
• 6:06
  I
• 6:07
  mean,
• 6:07
  and
• 6:07
  it's
• 6:07
  not
• 6:07
  a
• 6:07
  one
• 6:07
  size
• 6:08
  fits
• 6:08
  all
• 6:08
  either.
• 6:08
  It
• 6:09
  depends
• 6:09
  on
• 6:09
  the
• 6:09
  relationship.
• 6:09
  It
• 6:10
  depends
• 6:10
  on
• 6:10
  who
• 6:10
  you
• 6:10
  are.
• 6:10
  It
• 6:11
  depends
• 6:11
  on
• 6:11
  what
• 6:12
  you're
• 6:12
  doing.
• 6:12
  Um,
• 6:13
  so
• 6:14
  why
• 6:15
  do
• 6:15
  you
• 6:15
  think
• 6:15
  this
• 6:15
  is
• 6:15
  happening
• 6:16
  so
• 6:16
  much
• 6:16
  now?
• 6:18
  Or
• 6:18
  do
• 6:18
  you
• 6:18
  think
• 6:18
  it's
• 6:18
  just
• 6:19
  being
• 6:19
  talked
• 6:19
  about
• 6:19
  now?
• 6:20
  Well,
• 6:20
  I
• 6:21
  think
• 6:21
  it's
• 6:21
  being
• 6:21
  talked
• 6:21
  about,
• 6:22
  and
• 6:22
  I
• 6:22
  think
• 6:22
  it's
• 6:23
  more
• 6:23
  acceptable.
• 6:24
  So,
• 6:25
  you
• 6:25
  know,
• 6:25
  baby
• 6:25
  boomers,
• 6:26
  they
• 6:26
  were
• 6:26
  really
• 6:26
  the
• 6:26
  first
• 6:27
  generation
• 6:27
  to
• 6:27
  be
• 6:27
  like,
• 6:28
  oh,
• 6:28
  yeah,
• 6:28
  I'm
• 6:28
  not.
• 6:29
  I'm
• 6:29
  not
• 6:29
  in
• 6:29
  this
• 6:30
  forever,
• 6:31
  no
• 6:31
  matter
• 6:31
  what.
• 6:32
  So
• 6:33
  generationally,
• 6:34
  we've
• 6:34
  changed,
• 6:35
  and
• 6:35
  it's.
• 6:35
  It's
• 6:35
  become
• 6:36
  more
• 6:36
  acceptable
• 6:36
  to
• 6:37
  separate
• 6:37
  and
• 6:37
  divorce
• 6:38
  and.
• 6:38
  And
• 6:39
  do
• 6:39
  your
• 6:39
  own
• 6:39
  thing
• 6:39
  after
• 6:40
  a
• 6:40
  certain
• 6:40
  period
• 6:40
  of
• 6:41
  time,
• 6:41
  and
• 6:41
  you
• 6:41
  realize
• 6:41
  it's
• 6:42
  not
• 6:42
  working
• 6:42
  for
• 6:42
  you.
• 6:43
  But
• 6:43
  I
• 6:43
  think
• 6:43
  the
• 6:43
  other
• 6:44
  thing
• 6:44
  that's
• 6:45
  happened
• 6:45
  is,
• 6:46
  well,
• 6:47
  financially,
• 6:48
  it's
• 6:48
  more
• 6:49
  possible
• 6:49
  for
• 6:49
  women
• 6:49
  to
• 6:50
  do
• 6:50
  this.
• 6:51
  And
• 6:51
  also
• 6:52
  because
• 6:53
  personal
• 6:53
  development
• 6:54
  and
• 6:55
  mental
• 6:55
  health
• 6:56
  awareness
• 6:57
  and
• 6:58
  just
• 6:58
  personal
• 6:59
  growth
• 6:59
  is
• 6:59
  so
• 7:00
  much
• 7:00
  more
• 7:00
  a
• 7:01
  part
• 7:01
  of
• 7:01
  our
• 7:01
  lives
• 7:02
  now.
• 7:03
  What
• 7:03
  I
• 7:03
  see
• 7:03
  happen
• 7:04
  a
• 7:04
  lot
• 7:04
  is
• 7:05
  women
• 7:06
  are.
• 7:06
  Men
• 7:07
  are
• 7:07
  also
• 7:07
  involved
• 7:08
  in
• 7:08
  this
• 7:08
  personal
• 7:08
  growth,
• 7:09
  you
• 7:09
  know,
• 7:09
  that
• 7:10
  we're
• 7:10
  all
• 7:10
  experiencing
• 7:11
  as
• 7:11
  society.
• 7:12
  But
• 7:12
  I
• 7:12
  have
• 7:13
  found
• 7:13
  that
• 7:13
  women
• 7:13
  are
• 7:14
  much
• 7:14
  more
• 7:15
  into
• 7:16
  this,
• 7:16
  and
• 7:17
  they're
• 7:17
  wanting
• 7:17
  to
• 7:17
  work
• 7:17
  on
• 7:18
  themselves.
• 7:18
  They're
• 7:18
  wanting
• 7:19
  to
• 7:19
  do
• 7:19
  this
• 7:20
  reflection,
• 7:20
  and
• 7:20
  they're
• 7:21
  saying,
• 7:21
  hey,
• 7:22
  like,
• 7:22
  these
• 7:23
  things
• 7:23
  that
• 7:23
  I
• 7:23
  was
• 7:23
  okay
• 7:24
  with
• 7:24
  before,
• 7:24
  I'm
• 7:25
  really
• 7:25
  not
• 7:25
  okay
• 7:25
  with
• 7:26
  now.
• 7:26
  And
• 7:27
  so
• 7:27
  they're
• 7:27
  doing
• 7:27
  all
• 7:27
  this
• 7:27
  personal
• 7:28
  development,
• 7:28
  and
• 7:29
  honestly,
• 7:29
  it's
• 7:30
  not
• 7:30
  as
• 7:30
  acceptable
• 7:30
  for
• 7:31
  men
• 7:31
  to
• 7:31
  get
• 7:31
  in
• 7:31
  touch
• 7:32
  with
• 7:32
  their
• 7:32
  feelings
• 7:32
  and
• 7:33
  to
• 7:33
  really
• 7:33
  think
• 7:33
  about
• 7:33
  things
• 7:34
  in
• 7:34
  this
• 7:35
  same
• 7:35
  way
• 7:35
  as
• 7:35
  it
• 7:35
  is
• 7:35
  for
• 7:36
  women.
• 7:36
  And
• 7:37
  that
• 7:37
  creates
• 7:38
  this
• 7:38
  gap
• 7:39
  where
• 7:40
  women
• 7:40
  are
• 7:40
  going,
• 7:41
  hey,
• 7:41
  this
• 7:41
  is
• 7:41
  who.
• 7:42
  This
• 7:42
  is
• 7:42
  what's
• 7:42
  working
• 7:43
  for
• 7:43
  me.
• 7:43
  This
• 7:44
  is
• 7:44
  what's
• 7:44
  not
• 7:44
  working
• 7:44
  for
• 7:44
  me.
• 7:45
  I
• 7:45
  want
• 7:45
  something
• 7:45
  different.
• 7:46
  Can
• 7:46
  you
• 7:47
  work
• 7:47
  with
• 7:47
  me
• 7:48
  on
• 7:48
  this?
• 7:49
  Can
• 7:49
  we
• 7:49
  still
• 7:49
  fit
• 7:50
  together
• 7:50
  in
• 7:50
  this
• 7:51
  new
• 7:51
  person
• 7:51
  that
• 7:51
  I'm
• 7:52
  becoming
• 7:52
  and
• 7:52
  that
• 7:52
  I
• 7:52
  want
• 7:53
  to
• 7:53
  be?
• 7:53
  And
• 7:54
  there's
• 7:54
  this
• 7:54
  gap
• 7:55
  here
• 7:55
  that
• 7:55
  they're.
• 7:55
  Not
• 7:55
  able
• 7:55
  to
• 7:56
  bridge
• 7:57
  and
• 7:57
  I
• 7:58
  mean,
• 7:58
  I
• 7:58
  know
• 7:58
  I
• 7:58
  did
• 7:59
  a
• 7:59
  summit
• 8:00
  back
• 8:00
  in
• 8:00
  last
• 8:01
  December,
• 8:01
  two
• 8:01
  Decembers
• 8:02
  ago,
• 8:02
  and
• 8:02
  it
• 8:02
  was
• 8:02
  literally
• 8:03
  called
• 8:03
  Shattering
• 8:03
  the
• 8:04
  Stigma.
• 8:04
  And
• 8:04
  I
• 8:05
  had
• 8:05
  a
• 8:05
  couple
• 8:05
  guys
• 8:05
  come
• 8:06
  on
• 8:06
  there
• 8:06
  and
• 8:06
  just
• 8:06
  talk
• 8:06
  about
• 8:07
  the
• 8:07
  stigma
• 8:08
  about
• 8:08
  mental
• 8:09
  health
• 8:09
  with
• 8:09
  men
• 8:09
  and
• 8:10
  them
• 8:10
  having
• 8:10
  to
• 8:10
  be
• 8:11
  tough
• 8:11
  and
• 8:11
  having
• 8:11
  to
• 8:12
  be.
• 8:12
  So
• 8:12
  do
• 8:12
  you.
• 8:12
  I
• 8:13
  mean,
• 8:13
  do
• 8:13
  you
• 8:13
  encourage,
• 8:14
  as
• 8:14
  a
• 8:14
  first
• 8:14
  step,
• 8:14
  depth,
• 8:15
  like,
• 8:15
  hey,
• 8:16
  see
• 8:16
  where
• 8:16
  your
• 8:17
  spouse
• 8:17
  even
• 8:17
  sits
• 8:18
  with
• 8:18
  this?
• 8:19
  Because.
• 8:19
  Yeah,
• 8:20
  I
• 8:20
  mean,
• 8:21
  absolutely.
• 8:21
  Because
• 8:22
  I
• 8:22
  know
• 8:22
  there
• 8:22
  are
• 8:23
  some
• 8:23
  men
• 8:23
  that,
• 8:24
  because
• 8:24
  of
• 8:24
  pride,
• 8:25
  because
• 8:25
  of
• 8:25
  ego,
• 8:25
  because
• 8:26
  of
• 8:26
  what
• 8:26
  they've
• 8:26
  been
• 8:26
  conditioned
• 8:27
  to
• 8:27
  believe.
• 8:28
  Y.
• 8:28
  They're
• 8:29
  probably
• 8:29
  going
• 8:29
  through
• 8:29
  the
• 8:30
  same
• 8:30
  thing
• 8:30
  that
• 8:30
  the
• 8:30
  women
• 8:30
  are
• 8:31
  going
• 8:31
  through.
• 8:31
  They
• 8:31
  just
• 8:32
  don't
• 8:32
  feel
• 8:33
  that
• 8:33
  they
• 8:33
  can
• 8:33
  say
• 8:33
  anything.
• 8:34
  Oh,
• 8:34
  absolutely.
• 8:35
  100%.
• 8:35
  I
• 8:36
  always.
• 8:36
  My
• 8:37
  first.
• 8:37
  The
• 8:38
  first
• 8:38
  thing
• 8:38
  I
• 8:38
  always
• 8:39
  encourage
• 8:39
  is,
• 8:40
  you
• 8:40
  know,
• 8:40
  and
• 8:40
  when
• 8:40
  I'm
• 8:40
  working
• 8:41
  with
• 8:41
  women
• 8:42
  in
• 8:42
  this,
• 8:42
  and.
• 8:43
  And
• 8:43
  to
• 8:43
  be
• 8:43
  fair,
• 8:43
  I've
• 8:44
  actually
• 8:44
  worked
• 8:44
  with
• 8:45
  a
• 8:45
  number
• 8:45
  of
• 8:45
  men
• 8:45
  on
• 8:45
  this
• 8:45
  too.
• 8:46
  I.
• 8:46
  I
• 8:46
  kind
• 8:46
  of
• 8:46
  say,
• 8:47
  like,
• 8:47
  oh,
• 8:47
  I
• 8:47
  work
• 8:47
  with
• 8:47
  women,
• 8:48
  but
• 8:48
  I've
• 8:48
  had
• 8:48
  men
• 8:48
  work
• 8:49
  reach
• 8:49
  out
• 8:49
  to
• 8:49
  me,
• 8:49
  and
• 8:50
  they're
• 8:50
  like,
• 8:51
  I
• 8:51
  can't
• 8:51
  do
• 8:51
  this
• 8:52
  anymore.
• 8:52
  Like,
• 8:53
  can
• 8:53
  you
• 8:53
  work
• 8:54
  with
• 8:54
  me?
• 8:54
  Can
• 8:54
  you
• 8:54
  help
• 8:54
  me
• 8:55
  with
• 8:55
  this?
• 8:55
  And
• 8:55
  have
• 8:56
  had
• 8:56
  really
• 8:57
  good
• 8:58
  experiences
• 8:58
  working
• 8:59
  with
• 8:59
  men,
• 9:00
  seeing
• 9:00
  a
• 9:00
  lot
• 9:00
  of
• 9:01
  change
• 9:01
  there,
• 9:01
  which
• 9:02
  has
• 9:02
  been
• 9:02
  very
• 9:02
  positive
• 9:03
  for
• 9:03
  them.
• 9:03
  So
• 9:04
  just
• 9:04
  to
• 9:04
  be
• 9:04
  clear
• 9:05
  about
• 9:05
  that,
• 9:05
  some
• 9:05
  men
• 9:06
  are
• 9:06
  reaching
• 9:06
  out
• 9:06
  about
• 9:06
  that.
• 9:07
  Um,
• 9:08
  but
• 9:09
  yeah,
• 9:09
  it's.
• 9:10
  It's
• 9:10
  not
• 9:10
  as.
• 9:11
  Sorry,
• 9:11
  I
• 9:12
  got
• 9:12
  distracted.
• 9:12
  And
• 9:12
  I
• 9:12
  think
• 9:13
  I
• 9:13
  forgot
• 9:13
  the
• 9:13
  original
• 9:13
  question
• 9:14
  about.
• 9:16
  I
• 9:16
  think.
• 9:16
  I
• 9:17
  think
• 9:17
  I
• 9:17
  just
• 9:17
  asked
• 9:17
  you
• 9:17
  if
• 9:17
  it
• 9:18
  was
• 9:19
  like,
• 9:20
  I
• 9:20
  guess
• 9:20
  the
• 9:20
  difference.
• 9:20
  Between
• 9:21
  have
• 9:21
  the
• 9:21
  conversation.
• 9:22
  Yeah,
• 9:22
  yeah.
• 9:23
  To
• 9:23
  have
• 9:23
  the
• 9:23
  conversation.
• 9:23
  Yep,
• 9:24
  absolutely.
• 9:24
  So
• 9:24
  that's
• 9:25
  the
• 9:25
  first
• 9:25
  thing
• 9:25
  I
• 9:25
  recommend
• 9:26
  is
• 9:26
  like,
• 9:26
  once
• 9:27
  you
• 9:27
  realize
• 9:27
  what's
• 9:27
  not
• 9:28
  working
• 9:28
  for
• 9:28
  you
• 9:28
  and
• 9:29
  what
• 9:29
  you
• 9:29
  want
• 9:29
  different,
• 9:30
  then
• 9:31
  bring
• 9:31
  that
• 9:32
  to
• 9:32
  your
• 9:32
  partner
• 9:33
  and
• 9:33
  be
• 9:33
  like,
• 9:33
  hey,
• 9:34
  this
• 9:34
  isn't
• 9:34
  working
• 9:34
  for
• 9:35
  anymore.
• 9:35
  And
• 9:35
  to
• 9:35
  be
• 9:36
  honest,
• 9:36
  I
• 9:36
  did
• 9:36
  this
• 9:36
  in
• 9:36
  my
• 9:36
  own
• 9:37
  marriage.
• 9:37
  I
• 9:37
  was
• 9:37
  like,
• 9:38
  this
• 9:38
  communication
• 9:39
  thing
• 9:39
  we've
• 9:39
  got
• 9:40
  going
• 9:40
  on,
• 9:40
  or
• 9:40
  lack
• 9:40
  thereof,
• 9:41
  it
• 9:41
  does
• 9:41
  not
• 9:41
  work.
• 9:42
  We
• 9:42
  need.
• 9:42
  I'm
• 9:43
  doing
• 9:43
  the
• 9:43
  Cliff
• 9:43
  note
• 9:44
  version
• 9:44
  here.
• 9:44
  Right,
• 9:45
  right.
• 9:45
  We
• 9:46
  need
• 9:46
  something
• 9:46
  different.
• 9:47
  And
• 9:47
  he
• 9:48
  was
• 9:48
  like,
• 9:48
  yeah,
• 9:49
  I
• 9:50
  agree,
• 9:50
  but
• 9:50
  he
• 9:50
  just
• 9:50
  didn't
• 9:51
  have
• 9:51
  the,
• 9:51
  you
• 9:51
  know,
• 9:51
  he
• 9:52
  didn't
• 9:52
  grow
• 9:52
  up
• 9:53
  learning
• 9:53
  how
• 9:53
  to
• 9:54
  talk
• 9:54
  about
• 9:54
  all
• 9:54
  this
• 9:55
  stuff.
• 9:55
  And
• 9:56
  I
• 9:56
  do
• 9:56
  it
• 9:56
  for
• 9:56
  a
• 9:56
  living.
• 9:57
  So,
• 9:58
  you
• 9:58
  know,
• 9:59
  I
• 9:59
  was
• 9:59
  the
• 9:59
  one
• 9:59
  that
• 9:59
  brought
• 9:59
  it
• 10:00
  up,
• 10:00
  but
• 10:00
  he
• 10:00
  was
• 10:00
  like,
• 10:01
  yeah,
• 10:01
  you're
• 10:01
  right.
• 10:01
  This
• 10:02
  doesn't
• 10:02
  work.
• 10:03
  And.
• 10:04
  Yeah,
• 10:04
  yeah,
• 10:05
  go
• 10:05
  ahead.
• 10:05
  No,
• 10:06
  I
• 10:06
  was
• 10:06
  just
• 10:06
  gonna
• 10:06
  say,
• 10:06
  I.
• 10:07
  I'm
• 10:07
  sure
• 10:07
  there
• 10:08
  are
• 10:08
  more
• 10:09
  than
• 10:09
  you
• 10:09
  would.
• 10:09
  Than
• 10:10
  people
• 10:10
  would
• 10:10
  think
• 10:11
  that
• 10:11
  guys
• 10:11
  are
• 10:11
  in
• 10:12
  this
• 10:12
  exact
• 10:12
  same
• 10:12
  situation.
• 10:13
  Yeah,
• 10:14
  I
• 10:14
  mean,
• 10:14
  you
• 10:14
  know,
• 10:14
  we're
• 10:15
  not
• 10:15
  the
• 10:15
  Same
• 10:15
  people
• 10:15
  we
• 10:16
  were.
• 10:16
  They're
• 10:16
  not
• 10:16
  the
• 10:16
  same
• 10:16
  people
• 10:17
  they
• 10:17
  were
• 10:17
  either.
• 10:17
  But
• 10:18
  I
• 10:18
  do
• 10:19
  like
• 10:19
  that
• 10:19
  you
• 10:19
  made
• 10:19
  it
• 10:20
  a
• 10:20
  point
• 10:20
  where
• 10:20
  you
• 10:20
  said,
• 10:21
  you
• 10:21
  know,
• 10:21
  with
• 10:22
  the
• 10:22
  generations
• 10:23
  thing,
• 10:23
  because
• 10:23
  it's
• 10:24
  true.
• 10:24
  I
• 10:24
  know
• 10:25
  so
• 10:25
  many
• 10:25
  people
• 10:26
  like
• 10:26
  my
• 10:26
  grandparents
• 10:27
  and
• 10:28
  my
• 10:28
  parents
• 10:29
  and
• 10:29
  that
• 10:29
  stayed
• 10:30
  together
• 10:30
  because
• 10:31
  marriage
• 10:31
  was
• 10:32
  this
• 10:32
  bond
• 10:32
  that
• 10:32
  you
• 10:33
  didn't
• 10:33
  break
• 10:33
  no
• 10:33
  matter
• 10:33
  what.
• 10:34
  You
• 10:34
  just
• 10:34
  learned
• 10:35
  how
• 10:35
  to
• 10:35
  adapt
• 10:35
  and
• 10:36
  you
• 10:36
  learned
• 10:36
  how
• 10:36
  to
• 10:36
  survive
• 10:37
  and
• 10:37
  you
• 10:37
  learned
• 10:38
  how
• 10:38
  to
• 10:38
  just
• 10:39
  appease
• 10:40
  or
• 10:40
  whatever
• 10:41
  it
• 10:41
  was,
• 10:41
  just
• 10:41
  be
• 10:41
  content.
• 10:42
  I
• 10:42
  know.
• 10:42
  I
• 10:43
  don't
• 10:43
  know
• 10:43
  how
• 10:43
  many
• 10:43
  hundreds
• 10:44
  of
• 10:44
  people
• 10:44
  I
• 10:44
  know
• 10:44
  that
• 10:44
  are
• 10:45
  just
• 10:45
  like,
• 10:45
  yeah,
• 10:45
  I'm
• 10:46
  not
• 10:46
  unhappy,
• 10:46
  I'm
• 10:46
  not
• 10:47
  happy.
• 10:47
  I'm
• 10:47
  just
• 10:47
  kind
• 10:47
  of
• 10:48
  here.
• 10:48
  And
• 10:49
  I
• 10:50
  think
• 10:50
  that's
• 10:50
  probably
• 10:50
  the
• 10:51
  people
• 10:51
  that
• 10:51
  you
• 10:51
  deal
• 10:51
  with,
• 10:52
  right?
• 10:52
  Yeah.
• 10:53
  I
• 10:53
  mean,
• 10:54
  well,
• 10:54
  kind
• 10:55
  of
• 10:55
  they're
• 10:55
  kind.
• 10:56
  They're
• 10:56
  there,
• 10:56
  but
• 10:57
  eventually
• 10:58
  something.
• 10:59
  Because
• 11:00
  sometimes
• 11:00
  I
• 11:00
  have
• 11:01
  talked
• 11:01
  to
• 11:01
  people
• 11:01
  and
• 11:02
  they're
• 11:02
  just
• 11:03
  kind
• 11:03
  of
• 11:03
  coexisting.
• 11:05
  Yeah.
• 11:05
  And
• 11:05
  they're
• 11:06
  not
• 11:06
  motivated
• 11:06
  one
• 11:07
  way
• 11:07
  or
• 11:07
  another
• 11:08
  to
• 11:09
  change.
• 11:10
  And
• 11:10
  so
• 11:10
  the
• 11:11
  women
• 11:11
  that
• 11:11
  are
• 11:11
  coming
• 11:11
  to
• 11:12
  me,
• 11:12
  they're
• 11:13
  like,
• 11:13
  this
• 11:14
  isn't
• 11:14
  working.
• 11:14
  But
• 11:14
  I
• 11:15
  just
• 11:15
  don't
• 11:15
  know,
• 11:16
  like,
• 11:17
  is
• 11:17
  it
• 11:17
  possible?
• 11:18
  Like,
• 11:18
  what
• 11:18
  do
• 11:18
  I
• 11:19
  do
• 11:19
  with
• 11:19
  this?
• 11:19
  So
• 11:20
  there's
• 11:20
  something
• 11:20
  in
• 11:20
  there
• 11:21
  that
• 11:21
  there's.
• 11:21
  They
• 11:21
  want
• 11:22
  more.
• 11:23
  Can
• 11:23
  they
• 11:23
  have
• 11:23
  more?
• 11:24
  What
• 11:24
  would
• 11:24
  that
• 11:24
  look
• 11:25
  like?
• 11:27
  Because.
• 11:27
  Yeah.
• 11:28
  And
• 11:28
  I.
• 11:28
  I
• 11:28
  mean,
• 11:29
  to
• 11:29
  your
• 11:29
  point,
• 11:29
  I
• 11:30
  don't
• 11:30
  ever
• 11:30
  want
• 11:30
  to
• 11:31
  see
• 11:31
  anybody
• 11:31
  but
• 11:31
  just
• 11:32
  like,
• 11:32
  existing
• 11:32
  in
• 11:33
  their
• 11:33
  marriage
• 11:34
  for
• 11:34
  decades,
• 11:34
  like,
• 11:35
  we
• 11:35
  get
• 11:35
  one
• 11:36
  life,.
• 11:37
  You
• 11:37
  know,
• 11:37
  it's
• 11:38
  too
• 11:38
  short,
• 11:38
  you
• 11:38
  know,.
• 11:38
  What
• 11:39
  do
• 11:39
  you
• 11:39
  want
• 11:39
  to
• 11:39
  do
• 11:39
  with
• 11:39
  it?
• 11:40
  It
• 11:40
  really
• 11:40
  is.
• 11:40
  My
• 11:41
  husband
• 11:41
  and
• 11:41
  I,
• 11:41
  we
• 11:41
  cruise
• 11:42
  a
• 11:42
  lot,
• 11:42
  and
• 11:43
  I
• 11:43
  watch
• 11:43
  people,
• 11:44
  and
• 11:44
  it's
• 11:45
  like,
• 11:45
  I
• 11:45
  watch
• 11:46
  people
• 11:46
  watching
• 11:47
  people,
• 11:47
  if
• 11:47
  that
• 11:47
  makes
• 11:47
  sense.
• 11:48
  Like,
• 11:48
  I'm
• 11:48
  a
• 11:48
  people
• 11:49
  watching
• 11:49
  people
• 11:50
  watcher.
• 11:52
  I
• 11:52
  don't
• 11:52
  know
• 11:52
  what
• 11:52
  it
• 11:52
  is
• 11:53
  love
• 11:53
  to
• 11:53
  people
• 11:53
  watch,
• 11:54
  but
• 11:54
  I
• 11:54
  like
• 11:54
  to
• 11:55
  watch.
• 11:55
  Like,
• 11:55
  if
• 11:55
  you
• 11:56
  see,
• 11:56
  for
• 11:56
  instance,
• 11:57
  if
• 11:57
  you
• 11:58
  see
• 11:58
  a
• 11:58
  couple
• 11:58
  and
• 11:59
  they're
• 11:59
  hugging
• 12:00
  and
• 12:00
  laughing
• 12:01
  and,
• 12:01
  you
• 12:01
  know,
• 12:02
  getting
• 12:02
  pictures
• 12:02
  taken
• 12:03
  and
• 12:03
  then
• 12:03
  you
• 12:03
  see
• 12:03
  couples
• 12:04
  walk
• 12:04
  by,
• 12:05
  it's
• 12:06
  like
• 12:06
  half
• 12:06
  the
• 12:06
  couples
• 12:08
  don't
• 12:09
  react
• 12:09
  at
• 12:09
  all.
• 12:09
  But
• 12:11
  sometimes
• 12:11
  you
• 12:11
  see,
• 12:11
  like,
• 12:12
  the
• 12:12
  girl,
• 12:12
  like,
• 12:12
  oh,
• 12:13
  you
• 12:13
  know,
• 12:13
  like
• 12:13
  this
• 12:14
  happy,
• 12:14
  joyous
• 12:15
  thing.
• 12:15
  And
• 12:15
  then
• 12:15
  sometimes
• 12:16
  you
• 12:16
  see
• 12:16
  this
• 12:16
  look
• 12:17
  of,
• 12:17
  why
• 12:18
  can't
• 12:18
  that
• 12:18
  be
• 12:18
  me?
• 12:19
  Yeah.
• 12:20
  You
• 12:20
  know,
• 12:20
  I'm
• 12:20
  saying
• 12:21
  you
• 12:21
  literally
• 12:21
  see
• 12:21
  this
• 12:22
  look,
• 12:22
  and
• 12:22
  it's
• 12:22
  like,
• 12:23
  so
• 12:23
  blatantly
• 12:23
  obvious
• 12:24
  that
• 12:24
  it's
• 12:24
  just
• 12:24
  envy.
• 12:25
  It's,
• 12:25
  I
• 12:26
  want
• 12:26
  that,
• 12:27
  I
• 12:27
  want
• 12:27
  that,
• 12:27
  or
• 12:28
  I
• 12:28
  want
• 12:28
  nothing.
• 12:28
  Like,
• 12:29
  you
• 12:29
  can
• 12:29
  see
• 12:29
  it.
• 12:29
  It's
• 12:30
  almost
• 12:30
  like
• 12:30
  you
• 12:30
  want
• 12:30
  to
• 12:31
  be
• 12:31
  like.
• 12:31
  It's
• 12:31
  like
• 12:31
  I
• 12:32
  want
• 12:32
  to
• 12:32
  walk
• 12:32
  up
• 12:32
  and
• 12:32
  be
• 12:32
  like,
• 12:33
  hey,
• 12:33
  I
• 12:33
  know
• 12:33
  this
• 12:33
  girl.
• 12:33
  Karen
• 12:34
  Spence.
• 12:35
  Yeah.
• 12:35
  Yeah,
• 12:36
  you
• 12:36
  can
• 12:37
  literally,
• 12:38
  you
• 12:38
  can
• 12:38
  read
• 12:39
  the
• 12:39
  energy
• 12:39
  on
• 12:39
  people.
• 12:40
  And
• 12:40
  the
• 12:40
  cruise,
• 12:41
  I
• 12:41
  feel
• 12:41
  like,
• 12:41
  is
• 12:41
  a
• 12:42
  really
• 12:42
  good
• 12:42
  way
• 12:42
  to
• 12:42
  see
• 12:43
  it
• 12:43
  because
• 12:45
  there's
• 12:45
  a
• 12:45
  lot
• 12:45
  of
• 12:45
  couples
• 12:46
  and
• 12:46
  there's
• 12:46
  a
• 12:46
  lot
• 12:46
  of
• 12:46
  people
• 12:46
  that
• 12:47
  are
• 12:47
  there
• 12:47
  for
• 12:47
  this
• 12:47
  nice
• 12:48
  romantic
• 12:49
  situation.
• 12:50
  And
• 12:51
  so
• 12:51
  it's
• 12:51
  a
• 12:51
  really
• 12:51
  interesting
• 12:52
  place
• 12:52
  to
• 12:52
  really
• 12:53
  observe
• 12:53
  that
• 12:55
  dynamic.
• 12:56
  Really?
• 12:56
  Yeah.
• 12:57
  Yeah,
• 12:57
  I
• 12:58
  bet.
• 12:58
  And
• 12:59
  it's
• 12:59
  interest,
• 13:00
  you
• 13:00
  know,
• 13:00
  it's
• 13:00
  interesting
• 13:01
  that
• 13:01
  you
• 13:01
  mentioned
• 13:01
  that.
• 13:02
  It
• 13:02
  makes
• 13:02
  me
• 13:02
  think
• 13:02
  of,
• 13:03
  you
• 13:04
  know,
• 13:04
  sometimes
• 13:04
  in
• 13:04
  that
• 13:05
  coexisting
• 13:05
  space
• 13:06
  and
• 13:06
  especially
• 13:07
  sometimes
• 13:07
  I'll
• 13:07
  hear
• 13:07
  like,
• 13:08
  oh,
• 13:08
  well,
• 13:09
  know
• 13:09
  we're
• 13:09
  staying
• 13:10
  together
• 13:10
  for
• 13:10
  the
• 13:10
  kids
• 13:10
  or
• 13:10
  something
• 13:11
  like
• 13:11
  that,
• 13:11
  and
• 13:12
  we
• 13:12
  don't
• 13:13
  fight.
• 13:13
  And
• 13:13
  so
• 13:13
  they
• 13:13
  think,
• 13:13
  like,
• 13:14
  that's
• 13:14
  enough.
• 13:15
  And
• 13:16
  what
• 13:16
  I
• 13:17
  tell
• 13:17
  people
• 13:17
  and
• 13:18
  really
• 13:18
  try
• 13:19
  to
• 13:19
  impress
• 13:20
  upon,
• 13:20
  like,
• 13:21
  the
• 13:21
  importance
• 13:21
  of
• 13:22
  is
• 13:22
  there's
• 13:23
  a
• 13:23
  difference
• 13:23
  between
• 13:23
  the
• 13:24
  lack
• 13:24
  of
• 13:24
  negative
• 13:25
  and
• 13:25
  the
• 13:25
  presence
• 13:26
  of
• 13:26
  positive.
• 13:27
  And
• 13:29
  to
• 13:29
  have
• 13:29
  a
• 13:29
  healthy
• 13:30
  relationship,
• 13:31
  like,
• 13:31
  it's
• 13:31
  not
• 13:31
  just
• 13:32
  not
• 13:32
  fighting,
• 13:33
  it's
• 13:34
  the
• 13:34
  affection
• 13:35
  and
• 13:35
  the.
• 13:35
  How
• 13:36
  was
• 13:36
  your
• 13:36
  day?
• 13:36
  And
• 13:37
  the.
• 13:37
  Oh,
• 13:37
  I'm
• 13:37
  so
• 13:37
  sorry.
• 13:38
  You're
• 13:38
  right.
• 13:38
  I
• 13:38
  was.
• 13:39
  I
• 13:39
  was
• 13:39
  super
• 13:39
  snarky
• 13:39
  with
• 13:40
  you.
• 13:40
  I
• 13:40
  didn't
• 13:40
  mean
• 13:40
  to,
• 13:40
  you
• 13:41
  know,
• 13:41
  that
• 13:41
  was
• 13:41
  my
• 13:41
  bad.
• 13:41
  Like,
• 13:42
  seeing
• 13:42
  the
• 13:42
  repair
• 13:43
  there,
• 13:43
  like,
• 13:44
  that's
• 13:44
  what
• 13:44
  kids
• 13:45
  need
• 13:45
  to
• 13:45
  see.
• 13:45
  To
• 13:46
  see
• 13:46
  two
• 13:46
  and
• 13:46
  different
• 13:47
  parents
• 13:47
  is.
• 13:47
  Is
• 13:48
  not
• 13:48
  good.
• 13:49
  No,
• 13:49
  no,
• 13:50
  it's
• 13:50
  absolutely
• 13:50
  not.
• 13:50
  And
• 13:51
  it
• 13:51
  doesn't
• 13:51
  give
• 13:51
  them
• 13:51
  any
• 13:51
  role
• 13:52
  model.
• 13:52
  I.
• 13:53
  I
• 13:54
  kind
• 13:54
  of
• 13:54
  say
• 13:54
  that,
• 13:54
  you
• 13:55
  know,
• 13:55
  my
• 13:55
  parents
• 13:55
  fought
• 13:56
  violently,
• 13:56
  but
• 13:57
  it
• 13:57
  was
• 13:57
  a
• 13:57
  different
• 13:57
  world
• 13:58
  back
• 13:58
  then.
• 13:58
  Back
• 13:58
  then,
• 13:58
  you
• 13:59
  know,
• 13:59
  you
• 13:59
  had
• 13:59
  to
• 13:59
  prove
• 14:00
  one
• 14:00
  unfit
• 14:01
  for
• 14:01
  the
• 14:01
  father
• 14:01
  to
• 14:02
  get
• 14:02
  custody.
• 14:02
  It
• 14:02
  was
• 14:02
  a
• 14:03
  really
• 14:03
  ugly
• 14:03
  thing.
• 14:04
  And
• 14:04
  I
• 14:04
  remember
• 14:04
  that
• 14:05
  the
• 14:06
  comment
• 14:06
  where
• 14:06
  people
• 14:06
  would
• 14:07
  say,
• 14:07
  like,
• 14:07
  oh,
• 14:07
  your
• 14:08
  parents
• 14:08
  are
• 14:08
  staying
• 14:08
  together
• 14:09
  for
• 14:09
  the
• 14:09
  kids,
• 14:10
  like,
• 14:11
  that
• 14:11
  is
• 14:11
  so
• 14:12
  damaging.
• 14:12
  First
• 14:13
  of
• 14:13
  all,
• 14:13
  I
• 14:13
  never
• 14:13
  once.
• 14:14
  I
• 14:14
  don't
• 14:14
  have
• 14:14
  a
• 14:14
  memory
• 14:14
  of
• 14:14
  my
• 14:15
  parents
• 14:15
  hugging.
• 14:15
  I
• 14:16
  don't
• 14:16
  have.
• 14:16
  I
• 14:16
  didn't
• 14:16
  grow
• 14:17
  up
• 14:17
  with
• 14:17
  any
• 14:17
  kind
• 14:17
  of
• 14:17
  affection
• 14:18
  in
• 14:18
  the
• 14:18
  house
• 14:18
  because
• 14:18
  there
• 14:19
  was
• 14:19
  so
• 14:19
  much
• 14:19
  fighting.
• 14:20
  And
• 14:20
  I
• 14:20
  remember
• 14:21
  the
• 14:21
  first
• 14:21
  time
• 14:22
  I
• 14:22
  got
• 14:22
  divorced,
• 14:22
  it
• 14:23
  was
• 14:23
  kind
• 14:23
  of
• 14:23
  like
• 14:23
  that.
• 14:23
  It
• 14:24
  was
• 14:24
  like
• 14:24
  we
• 14:24
  didn't
• 14:24
  really
• 14:25
  fight,
• 14:25
  but
• 14:25
  there
• 14:26
  was.
• 14:27
  There
• 14:27
  wasn't
• 14:28
  much
• 14:28
  else
• 14:28
  there.
• 14:28
  And
• 14:29
  I
• 14:29
  remember
• 14:29
  thinking,
• 14:30
  I
• 14:30
  would
• 14:30
  rather
• 14:31
  my
• 14:31
  kids
• 14:31
  have
• 14:31
  no
• 14:32
  role
• 14:32
  model
• 14:33
  and
• 14:34
  be
• 14:34
  able
• 14:34
  to
• 14:34
  have
• 14:34
  to
• 14:34
  figure
• 14:35
  it
• 14:35
  out
• 14:35
  by
• 14:35
  watching
• 14:36
  other
• 14:36
  people
• 14:36
  than
• 14:36
  to
• 14:37
  have
• 14:38
  a
• 14:38
  role
• 14:38
  model
• 14:39
  that
• 14:39
  was
• 14:39
  literally
• 14:40
  that
• 14:40
  they
• 14:40
  were
• 14:41
  going
• 14:41
  to
• 14:41
  model
• 14:41
  complacency
• 14:42
  and
• 14:44
  just
• 14:44
  coexisting.
• 14:46
  I
• 14:46
  did
• 14:46
  not
• 14:46
  want.
• 14:47
  Yeah,
• 14:47
  absolutely.
• 14:48
  And
• 14:48
  to
• 14:48
  think
• 14:48
  like,
• 14:49
  oh,
• 14:49
  this
• 14:49
  is
• 14:49
  what.
• 14:50
  This
• 14:50
  is
• 14:50
  what
• 14:50
  marriage
• 14:51
  is.
• 14:52
  Yeah,
• 14:52
  it's
• 14:52
  just
• 14:52
  kind
• 14:53
  of,
• 14:54
  you
• 14:54
  know,
• 14:54
  this
• 14:55
  in
• 14:55
  between
• 14:55
  space
• 14:56
  of
• 14:56
  nothing
• 14:56
  really
• 14:56
  good,
• 14:57
  nothing
• 14:57
  really
• 14:57
  bad,
• 14:58
  but
• 14:58
  just,
• 14:59
  you
• 14:59
  know,
• 14:59
  and.
• 14:59
  And
• 15:00
  yeah,
• 15:00
  that's.
• 15:00
  They.
• 15:01
  They
• 15:01
  Learn
• 15:02
  what
• 15:02
  they
• 15:02
  learn
• 15:02
  about
• 15:03
  relationships
• 15:03
  through
• 15:03
  watching
• 15:04
  you.
• 15:05
  And
• 15:06
  so
• 15:06
  there
• 15:06
  should
• 15:07
  be.
• 15:07
  You
• 15:07
  want
• 15:07
  them
• 15:07
  to
• 15:08
  see,
• 15:08
  like,
• 15:08
  oh,
• 15:09
  you
• 15:09
  know,
• 15:10
  my
• 15:10
  relationship
• 15:11
  with
• 15:11
  my
• 15:11
  romantic
• 15:11
  partner
• 15:11
  should
• 15:12
  be
• 15:12
  fun
• 15:12
  and
• 15:12
  energetic
• 15:13
  and
• 15:13
  not
• 15:14
  perfect.
• 15:14
  But,
• 15:15
  you
• 15:15
  know,
• 15:15
  we
• 15:16
  can
• 15:16
  make
• 15:16
  it
• 15:16
  work
• 15:16
  and
• 15:17
  kind
• 15:17
  of
• 15:17
  come
• 15:17
  back
• 15:17
  together
• 15:17
  and
• 15:18
  figure
• 15:18
  things
• 15:18
  out.
• 15:19
  And
• 15:19
  it's
• 15:19
  got
• 15:19
  to
• 15:20
  be
• 15:20
  this
• 15:20
  mix
• 15:20
  of,
• 15:21
  you
• 15:22
  know,
• 15:22
  how
• 15:23
  do
• 15:23
  we.
• 15:23
  How
• 15:23
  do
• 15:24
  we
• 15:24
  do
• 15:24
  this
• 15:24
  in
• 15:24
  a
• 15:24
  way
• 15:24
  that's.
• 15:25
  That's
• 15:25
  fun
• 15:26
  and
• 15:26
  is
• 15:26
  healthy?
• 15:27
  And
• 15:28
  if
• 15:29
  you're
• 15:29
  missing.
• 15:30
  Just
• 15:30
  because
• 15:30
  you're
• 15:30
  not
• 15:30
  fighting,
• 15:32
  if
• 15:32
  you
• 15:32
  don't
• 15:32
  have
• 15:32
  that
• 15:33
  affection
• 15:33
  piece
• 15:33
  there,
• 15:34
  you're
• 15:35
  still
• 15:35
  missing
• 15:35
  out
• 15:35
  on
• 15:35
  it.
• 15:36
  They're
• 15:36
  not
• 15:36
  learning
• 15:36
  the.
• 15:37
  The
• 15:37
  good
• 15:37
  stuff
• 15:38
  that
• 15:38
  a
• 15:38
  relationship
• 15:39
  could
• 15:39
  be,
• 15:39
  right?
• 15:40
  And
• 15:40
  not
• 15:40
  only
• 15:40
  that,
• 15:41
  but
• 15:41
  eventually
• 15:41
  there
• 15:42
  becomes
• 15:42
  resentment.
• 15:43
  If
• 15:43
  one
• 15:43
  person
• 15:44
  is
• 15:44
  changing
• 15:45
  and
• 15:45
  one
• 15:45
  person.
• 15:45
  If
• 15:46
  one
• 15:46
  person
• 15:46
  wants
• 15:46
  that
• 15:47
  and
• 15:47
  the
• 15:47
  other
• 15:47
  person
• 15:47
  is
• 15:48
  okay,
• 15:49
  there
• 15:49
  becomes
• 15:50
  that.
• 15:50
  There.
• 15:50
  There
• 15:51
  has
• 15:51
  to
• 15:51
  become
• 15:51
  that
• 15:51
  resentment.
• 15:52
  Like
• 15:52
  every
• 15:53
  missed
• 15:53
  opportunity
• 15:54
  for,
• 15:54
  you
• 15:54
  know,
• 15:54
  you
• 15:55
  go
• 15:55
  on
• 15:55
  a
• 15:55
  cruise
• 15:55
  and
• 15:55
  it's
• 15:56
  okay,
• 15:56
  but
• 15:56
  it's
• 15:57
  special.
• 15:57
  And
• 15:57
  you're
• 15:58
  like.
• 15:58
  Like,
• 15:59
  it
• 15:59
  makes
• 15:59
  you
• 16:00
  want
• 16:01
  out.
• 16:01
  But
• 16:01
  at
• 16:02
  the
• 16:02
  same
• 16:02
  time,
• 16:03
  you
• 16:03
  know,
• 16:03
  I
• 16:03
  try
• 16:03
  to
• 16:04
  caution
• 16:04
  people
• 16:04
  that
• 16:04
  are
• 16:05
  quick
• 16:05
  to
• 16:05
  be
• 16:05
  like,
• 16:06
  I
• 16:06
  just
• 16:06
  want
• 16:06
  out.
• 16:07
  Because
• 16:07
  the
• 16:07
  grass
• 16:07
  isn't
• 16:08
  always
• 16:08
  greener
• 16:08
  on
• 16:08
  the
• 16:09
  other
• 16:09
  side.
• 16:09
  Sometimes
• 16:09
  it's
• 16:10
  easier.
• 16:10
  You
• 16:11
  know
• 16:11
  what
• 16:11
  I
• 16:11
  mean?
• 16:11
  It's.
• 16:12
  Sometimes
• 16:12
  it's.
• 16:12
  If
• 16:13
  you've
• 16:13
  been
• 16:13
  with
• 16:13
  someone
• 16:13
  for
• 16:14
  25
• 16:14
  years,
• 16:14
  and
• 16:14
  it's
• 16:15
  always
• 16:15
  worth,
• 16:15
  like,
• 16:16
  hey,
• 16:16
  can
• 16:16
  we
• 16:16
  communicate?
• 16:17
  Can
• 16:17
  we
• 16:18
  talk
• 16:18
  this
• 16:18
  out
• 16:19
  versus
• 16:20
  I'm
• 16:20
  growing,
• 16:20
  you're
• 16:20
  not.
• 16:21
  Because
• 16:21
  that's
• 16:22
  pretty
• 16:22
  black
• 16:22
  and
• 16:23
  white,
• 16:23
  too.
• 16:24
  Yeah,
• 16:24
  absolutely.
• 16:24
  And
• 16:25
  that's
• 16:25
  why
• 16:25
  that
• 16:25
  initial
• 16:26
  conversation
• 16:27
  is,
• 16:27
  you
• 16:27
  know,
• 16:28
  and
• 16:28
  that
• 16:28
  might
• 16:28
  be
• 16:29
  five
• 16:29
  initial
• 16:30
  conversations,
• 16:30
  you
• 16:30
  know,
• 16:31
  like,
• 16:31
  kind
• 16:31
  of
• 16:31
  regrouping
• 16:32
  and
• 16:32
  what
• 16:32
  is
• 16:32
  this
• 16:32
  going
• 16:33
  to
• 16:33
  look
• 16:33
  like?
• 16:33
  And
• 16:33
  then
• 16:33
  you
• 16:34
  do
• 16:34
  maybe
• 16:34
  go
• 16:34
  to,
• 16:35
  you
• 16:35
  know,
• 16:35
  couples
• 16:35
  to
• 16:36
  make
• 16:36
  that
• 16:36
  work
• 16:36
  and
• 16:36
  see
• 16:37
  how
• 16:37
  all
• 16:37
  you're
• 16:37
  going
• 16:37
  to
• 16:38
  put
• 16:38
  together
• 16:38
  these
• 16:38
  new
• 16:39
  versions
• 16:39
  of
• 16:39
  yourself
• 16:40
  to,
• 16:40
  you
• 16:40
  know,
• 16:40
  make
• 16:41
  them
• 16:41
  work.
• 16:42
  But,
• 16:42
  yeah,
• 16:43
  it
• 16:43
  is
• 16:43
  really
• 16:43
  important
• 16:44
  to
• 16:45
  have
• 16:45
  that
• 16:45
  conversation
• 16:46
  to
• 16:46
  say,
• 16:46
  like,
• 16:46
  oh,
• 16:47
  is
• 16:47
  this
• 16:47
  possible?
• 16:47
  Although
• 16:48
  I
• 16:48
  will
• 16:48
  say,
• 16:48
  you
• 16:49
  know,
• 16:49
  once
• 16:49
  in
• 16:49
  a
• 16:49
  while,
• 16:50
  I
• 16:51
  will.
• 16:52
  I
• 16:53
  was
• 16:53
  working
• 16:53
  with
• 16:53
  someone
• 16:53
  recently,
• 16:54
  and
• 16:54
  she
• 16:54
  was
• 16:54
  like,
• 16:56
  I'm
• 16:56
  done,
• 16:57
  you
• 16:57
  know,
• 16:57
  but
• 16:58
  she
• 16:58
  came
• 16:58
  to
• 16:58
  me
• 16:59
  six
• 16:59
  months
• 17:00
  after
• 17:00
  they
• 17:00
  were
• 17:00
  separated,
• 17:01
  and
• 17:01
  she
• 17:02
  was
• 17:02
  just
• 17:02
  kind
• 17:02
  of
• 17:02
  like,
• 17:02
  how
• 17:02
  do
• 17:03
  we,
• 17:03
  like,
• 17:04
  finalize
• 17:05
  all
• 17:05
  this?
• 17:05
  And
• 17:05
  she
• 17:05
  wanted
• 17:06
  to,
• 17:06
  like,
• 17:06
  go
• 17:07
  through
• 17:07
  it
• 17:07
  and
• 17:07
  process
• 17:08
  it
• 17:08
  with
• 17:08
  somebody
• 17:09
  else
• 17:09
  to
• 17:09
  make
• 17:09
  sure
• 17:09
  she
• 17:09
  wasn't
• 17:10
  missing
• 17:10
  anything.
• 17:12
  And,
• 17:12
  you
• 17:12
  know,
• 17:13
  through
• 17:13
  our
• 17:13
  work
• 17:13
  together,
• 17:13
  she
• 17:14
  was
• 17:14
  just
• 17:14
  like,
• 17:15
  no,
• 17:16
  he's
• 17:16
  not
• 17:16
  changing.
• 17:17
  I
• 17:17
  have
• 17:17
  tried,
• 17:18
  and
• 17:18
  it's
• 17:19
  not
• 17:19
  going
• 17:19
  to
• 17:19
  work.
• 17:19
  So
• 17:19
  she
• 17:20
  was
• 17:20
  just
• 17:20
  kind
• 17:20
  of
• 17:20
  out.
• 17:21
  And,
• 17:22
  you
• 17:22
  know,
• 17:22
  depending
• 17:23
  on
• 17:23
  the
• 17:23
  background
• 17:24
  that
• 17:24
  your
• 17:24
  spouse
• 17:25
  comes
• 17:25
  from
• 17:25
  to
• 17:26
  husband,
• 17:26
  wife,
• 17:27
  whatever
• 17:27
  it
• 17:27
  is.
• 17:28
  I
• 17:28
  think
• 17:28
  communication
• 17:29
  is
• 17:30
  so
• 17:30
  much
• 17:30
  of
• 17:31
  the
• 17:31
  key.
• 17:31
  And
• 17:32
  some
• 17:32
  people
• 17:32
  cannot.
• 17:33
  Like,
• 17:33
  if
• 17:33
  you've
• 17:33
  grown
• 17:34
  up
• 17:34
  and
• 17:34
  never,
• 17:34
  never,
• 17:35
  never
• 17:35
  communicated
• 17:36
  and
• 17:36
  you've
• 17:37
  always
• 17:37
  lived
• 17:37
  your
• 17:37
  whole
• 17:38
  life
• 17:38
  just
• 17:38
  not
• 17:38
  wanting
• 17:39
  to
• 17:39
  rock
• 17:39
  the
• 17:39
  boat,
• 17:41
  sometimes
• 17:41
  that's
• 17:42
  your
• 17:42
  instinct
• 17:43
  is,
• 17:43
  this
• 17:44
  is
• 17:44
  not
• 17:44
  working,
• 17:44
  I'm
• 17:45
  out.
• 17:45
  And
• 17:45
  maybe
• 17:45
  without
• 17:46
  ever
• 17:46
  even
• 17:46
  having
• 17:47
  that.
• 17:49
  Yeah,
• 17:49
  yeah,
• 17:49
  that
• 17:49
  does
• 17:49
  happen.
• 17:50
  If
• 17:50
  you
• 17:50
  don't
• 17:51
  know
• 17:51
  and
• 17:51
  especially
• 17:53
  if
• 17:53
  you're
• 17:54
  like
• 17:54
  walled
• 17:54
  off,
• 17:55
  I
• 17:55
  would
• 17:55
  say,
• 17:55
  you
• 17:55
  know,
• 17:56
  kind
• 17:56
  of
• 17:56
  that
• 17:56
  avoidant
• 17:57
  type.
• 17:58
  You
• 17:58
  may
• 17:58
  like
• 17:59
  not
• 17:59
  know
• 17:59
  how
• 18:00
  it.
• 18:01
  I'm
• 18:01
  not
• 18:01
  saying
• 18:01
  you
• 18:01
  can't
• 18:02
  learn
• 18:02
  because
• 18:02
  you
• 18:02
  definitely
• 18:03
  can.
• 18:04
  I
• 18:04
  lean
• 18:05
  towards
• 18:05
  avoidant.
• 18:06
  That's
• 18:06
  my
• 18:06
  bad
• 18:07
  day
• 18:07
  is
• 18:07
  I'm
• 18:07
  like,
• 18:08
  well,
• 18:08
  I'm
• 18:08
  like,
• 18:08
  whatever.
• 18:09
  You
• 18:09
  know,
• 18:09
  I
• 18:10
  don't
• 18:10
  have
• 18:10
  those
• 18:10
  bad
• 18:10
  days
• 18:11
  very
• 18:11
  often,
• 18:11
  but
• 18:11
  when
• 18:11
  I
• 18:12
  do
• 18:12
  or
• 18:12
  even
• 18:12
  those
• 18:13
  moments,
• 18:13
  I
• 18:13
  have
• 18:13
  to
• 18:13
  go,
• 18:13
  oh,
• 18:14
  okay,
• 18:15
  what
• 18:15
  am
• 18:15
  I
• 18:16
  doing
• 18:16
  here?
• 18:17
  Like,
• 18:17
  let's
• 18:18
  come
• 18:18
  back
• 18:19
  and
• 18:19
  reconnect.
• 18:20
  But
• 18:21
  yeah,
• 18:21
  if
• 18:21
  you
• 18:21
  don't
• 18:21
  get
• 18:21
  those
• 18:22
  skills
• 18:22
  and
• 18:22
  know
• 18:22
  how
• 18:22
  to
• 18:23
  do
• 18:23
  that,
• 18:23
  then
• 18:23
  you
• 18:23
  don't
• 18:24
  know
• 18:24
  how
• 18:24
  to
• 18:24
  do
• 18:24
  that.
• 18:25
  Right,
• 18:26
  right.
• 18:26
  And
• 18:27
  when,
• 18:28
  yeah.
• 18:28
  And
• 18:28
  when
• 18:28
  you're
• 18:29
  angry
• 18:29
  and
• 18:30
  one
• 18:30
  if
• 18:31
  you
• 18:31
  can't,
• 18:31
  communication
• 18:32
  is
• 18:32
  just
• 18:32
  so,
• 18:33
  so,
• 18:33
  so
• 18:33
  vitally
• 18:33
  important.
• 18:34
  But
• 18:34
  it's
• 18:34
  so
• 18:35
  hard
• 18:35
  to
• 18:35
  establish
• 18:36
  if
• 18:36
  you've
• 18:36
  never
• 18:36
  had
• 18:36
  it.
• 18:37
  Because
• 18:37
  I,
• 18:37
  I
• 18:38
  had
• 18:38
  a
• 18:38
  marriage
• 18:39
  counselor
• 18:39
  on
• 18:40
  here
• 18:40
  not
• 18:40
  too
• 18:40
  long
• 18:41
  ago
• 18:41
  and
• 18:41
  he
• 18:41
  literally
• 18:42
  called
• 18:42
  those,
• 18:44
  those
• 18:44
  non
• 18:44
  communicative
• 18:46
  marriages
• 18:47
  like
• 18:47
  death
• 18:47
  by
• 18:47
  a
• 18:47
  thousand
• 18:48
  paper
• 18:48
  cuts.
• 18:49
  It
• 18:49
  is.
• 18:50
  Yeah.
• 18:51
  Because
• 18:51
  every
• 18:52
  little.
• 18:52
  And
• 18:52
  you.
• 18:53
  By
• 18:53
  the
• 18:53
  time
• 18:54
  someone
• 18:54
  actually
• 18:54
  leaves,
• 18:55
  it's
• 18:55
  like
• 18:55
  there's
• 18:56
  no
• 18:56
  trying
• 18:57
  any.
• 18:57
  There's,
• 18:57
  it's
• 18:58
  done.
• 18:58
  It's
• 18:58
  emotionally,
• 18:59
  the
• 18:59
  disconnect
• 19:00
  has
• 19:00
  been
• 19:01
  usually
• 19:01
  so
• 19:02
  long.
• 19:02
  Yeah,
• 19:02
  unfortunately.
• 19:04
  Yeah,
• 19:04
  absolutely.
• 19:05
  But
• 19:05
  yeah,
• 19:05
  that
• 19:05
  is
• 19:06
  communication.
• 19:07
  And
• 19:07
  you
• 19:08
  know,
• 19:08
  every
• 19:08
  couple,
• 19:09
  I
• 19:09
  think
• 19:10
  probably
• 19:10
  every
• 19:10
  single
• 19:11
  couple
• 19:11
  that
• 19:11
  I've
• 19:11
  worked
• 19:11
  with,
• 19:12
  you
• 19:12
  know,
• 19:12
  oh,
• 19:12
  you
• 19:12
  know,
• 19:12
  what's
• 19:13
  going
• 19:13
  on.
• 19:13
  We
• 19:13
  need
• 19:13
  to
• 19:13
  learn
• 19:14
  how
• 19:14
  to
• 19:14
  communicate
• 19:14
  better
• 19:14
  or
• 19:15
  we
• 19:15
  need
• 19:15
  to
• 19:15
  learn
• 19:15
  how
• 19:15
  to
• 19:15
  fight
• 19:16
  better.
• 19:16
  That's
• 19:16
  what
• 19:16
  they
• 19:17
  say.
• 19:17
  Community.
• 19:18
  It's
• 19:18
  actually
• 19:19
  every
• 19:19
  single
• 19:20
  thing
• 19:20
  is
• 19:21
  about.
• 19:21
  I
• 19:22
  don't
• 19:22
  care
• 19:22
  if
• 19:22
  it's
• 19:22
  money,
• 19:23
  kids,
• 19:23
  infidelity,
• 19:25
  you
• 19:25
  know,
• 19:26
  you
• 19:26
  know,
• 19:26
  your
• 19:26
  family
• 19:27
  getting
• 19:27
  involved,
• 19:28
  you
• 19:28
  know,
• 19:28
  you
• 19:29
  watching
• 19:29
  video
• 19:29
  games,
• 19:30
  hanging
• 19:30
  out
• 19:30
  with
• 19:30
  your
• 19:30
  friends
• 19:31
  too
• 19:31
  much.
• 19:31
  Whatever
• 19:31
  it
• 19:31
  is,
• 19:32
  it
• 19:32
  all
• 19:32
  actually
• 19:33
  comes
• 19:33
  down
• 19:33
  to
• 19:34
  communication.
• 19:35
  All
• 19:35
  about
• 19:36
  me.
• 19:37
  Yep,
• 19:37
  absolutely.
• 19:38
  So
• 19:39
  talk
• 19:39
  about.
• 19:40
  I
• 19:40
  mean,
• 19:40
  and
• 19:40
  for
• 19:40
  the
• 19:40
  people
• 19:41
  out
• 19:41
  there
• 19:41
  listening,
• 19:41
  if
• 19:41
  you're
• 19:42
  sitting
• 19:42
  there,
• 19:43
  we
• 19:43
  are
• 19:43
  not
• 19:43
  trying
• 19:44
  to
• 19:44
  say
• 19:44
  one
• 19:44
  way
• 19:44
  or
• 19:45
  the
• 19:45
  other,
• 19:45
  we
• 19:45
  are
• 19:45
  not
• 19:45
  judging.
• 19:46
  There
• 19:46
  is
• 19:47
  your
• 19:48
  life.
• 19:49
  The
• 19:49
  only
• 19:49
  thing
• 19:49
  I
• 19:50
  can
• 19:50
  say
• 19:50
  is
• 19:51
  that
• 19:51
  you
• 19:52
  deserve
• 19:52
  to
• 19:52
  have
• 19:52
  the
• 19:53
  absolute
• 19:53
  best
• 19:53
  one.
• 19:54
  So
• 19:55
  wherever
• 19:55
  that
• 19:55
  aligns
• 19:56
  with
• 19:56
  you
• 19:56
  and
• 19:57
  whatever
• 19:57
  that
• 19:57
  means,
• 19:59
  that's
• 20:00
  perfect
• 20:00
  for
• 20:00
  you.
• 20:01
  I
• 20:01
  mean,
• 20:01
  you
• 20:02
  have
• 20:02
  to
• 20:02
  do
• 20:02
  at
• 20:03
  some
• 20:03
  point
• 20:03
  in
• 20:03
  your
• 20:04
  life
• 20:04
  if
• 20:05
  you're
• 20:05
  in
• 20:05
  that
• 20:06
  coexisting
• 20:07
  or
• 20:07
  just
• 20:07
  existing
• 20:08
  or,
• 20:08
  you
• 20:09
  know,
• 20:09
  just
• 20:09
  being
• 20:09
  that
• 20:10
  content.
• 20:11
  Yeah,
• 20:11
  you
• 20:11
  deserve
• 20:12
  joy.
• 20:12
  I
• 20:12
  mean,
• 20:13
  you
• 20:13
  do.
• 20:14
  Yeah.
• 20:14
  Either
• 20:15
  in
• 20:15
  or
• 20:15
  out,
• 20:15
  whatever
• 20:16
  that
• 20:16
  is,
• 20:16
  you
• 20:16
  know,
• 20:16
  however
• 20:17
  that
• 20:17
  needs
• 20:17
  to
• 20:18
  work
• 20:18
  for
• 20:18
  you.
• 20:18
  And
• 20:18
  I,
• 20:19
  I
• 20:19
  do
• 20:20
  really
• 20:21
  emphasize,
• 20:22
  like,
• 20:22
  no
• 20:22
  guilt,
• 20:23
  no
• 20:23
  pressure.
• 20:24
  No,
• 20:24
  I
• 20:24
  never
• 20:25
  have
• 20:25
  an
• 20:25
  agenda
• 20:25
  when
• 20:25
  someone's
• 20:26
  working
• 20:26
  with
• 20:26
  me.
• 20:26
  That,
• 20:27
  you
• 20:27
  know,
• 20:27
  woman
• 20:27
  who
• 20:28
  decided,
• 20:29
  you
• 20:29
  know,
• 20:29
  I'm
• 20:29
  done.
• 20:29
  I'm
• 20:30
  like,
• 20:30
  okay,
• 20:30
  great,
• 20:30
  let's
• 20:31
  talk
• 20:31
  about
• 20:31
  what
• 20:31
  that's
• 20:32
  going
• 20:32
  to
• 20:32
  work.
• 20:32
  Look
• 20:32
  like,
• 20:33
  you
• 20:33
  know,
• 20:33
  because
• 20:33
  you're
• 20:33
  still
• 20:33
  going
• 20:34
  to
• 20:34
  interact.
• 20:34
  There's
• 20:34
  kids
• 20:35
  and
• 20:35
  stuff,
• 20:35
  you
• 20:35
  know,
• 20:36
  because
• 20:37
  I
• 20:37
  don't,
• 20:37
  I
• 20:37
  don't
• 20:38
  know
• 20:38
  what
• 20:38
  the
• 20:38
  best
• 20:38
  choice
• 20:38
  is
• 20:39
  for
• 20:39
  somebody
• 20:39
  else.
• 20:40
  I'm
• 20:41
  divorced.
• 20:41
  I'm
• 20:42
  married.
• 20:42
  I've
• 20:42
  been
• 20:42
  with
• 20:42
  my
• 20:43
  husband
• 20:43
  for
• 20:44
  11
• 20:44
  years
• 20:44
  now.
• 20:45
  Well,
• 20:45
  we've
• 20:45
  been
• 20:45
  together
• 20:45
  16.
• 20:46
  We've
• 20:46
  been
• 20:46
  married
• 20:47
  for
• 20:47
  11.
• 20:48
  And
• 20:49
  yeah,
• 20:49
  we're
• 20:49
  do.
• 20:50
  We're
• 20:50
  in
• 20:50
  the
• 20:50
  best
• 20:50
  place
• 20:51
  we've
• 20:51
  been,
• 20:51
  but
• 20:51
  it's
• 20:52
  because
• 20:52
  we've
• 20:53
  gone
• 20:53
  through
• 20:54
  things
• 20:54
  that,
• 20:55
  you
• 20:55
  know,
• 20:56
  whatever.
• 20:56
  People
• 20:57
  make
• 20:57
  that
• 20:57
  choice
• 20:57
  for
• 20:58
  themselves.
• 20:59
  That's
• 20:59
  what
• 20:59
  they
• 20:59
  need
• 21:00
  to
• 21:00
  do
• 21:00
  for
• 21:00
  them.
• 21:01
  Yeah,
• 21:01
  absolutely.
• 21:02
  And
• 21:02
  that's,
• 21:02
  and,
• 21:03
  and
• 21:03
  usually,
• 21:04
  like
• 21:04
  you
• 21:04
  said,
• 21:04
  that's
• 21:05
  not
• 21:05
  something
• 21:05
  that
• 21:05
  happens
• 21:06
  overnight.
• 21:06
  It's
• 21:06
  usually
• 21:07
  something
• 21:07
  that
• 21:07
  builds.
• 21:07
  It's
• 21:08
  usually,
• 21:08
  you
• 21:08
  know,
• 21:08
  you
• 21:08
  stop
• 21:09
  the
• 21:09
  communicate,
• 21:09
  whatever,
• 21:10
  whatever
• 21:10
  it
• 21:10
  is,
• 21:10
  whatever
• 21:11
  happens.
• 21:12
  But
• 21:12
  talk
• 21:12
  about
• 21:13
  your
• 21:13
  advice
• 21:14
  or,
• 21:14
  you
• 21:15
  know,
• 21:15
  what
• 21:15
  you
• 21:15
  think
• 21:15
  to
• 21:16
  people
• 21:16
  that
• 21:16
  just
• 21:16
  literally
• 21:17
  have
• 21:17
  that
• 21:19
  I'm
• 21:19
  growing,
• 21:20
  they're
• 21:21
  not.
• 21:21
  Or
• 21:22
  I'm,
• 21:22
  I've
• 21:23
  changed,
• 21:23
  they're
• 21:23
  not.
• 21:24
  What
• 21:24
  do
• 21:24
  you,
• 21:24
  how
• 21:25
  do
• 21:25
  you
• 21:25
  go
• 21:25
  at
• 21:26
  that
• 21:26
  angle?
• 21:26
  The
• 21:26
  basic.
• 21:27
  Which
• 21:27
  I
• 21:27
  think
• 21:28
  is
• 21:28
  a
• 21:28
  lot
• 21:29
  of
• 21:29
  people.
• 21:29
  Yeah,
• 21:29
  it
• 21:30
  is
• 21:30
  a
• 21:30
  lot.
• 21:30
  Right.
• 21:31
  So
• 21:31
  again,
• 21:32
  I
• 21:32
  always
• 21:32
  want
• 21:33
  to
• 21:33
  start
• 21:33
  with,
• 21:34
  okay,
• 21:34
  you're
• 21:35
  growing,
• 21:36
  great.
• 21:36
  We're
• 21:37
  all,
• 21:37
  you
• 21:37
  know,
• 21:37
  that's
• 21:38
  a
• 21:38
  good
• 21:38
  thing.
• 21:39
  So
• 21:39
  I
• 21:39
  want
• 21:39
  to
• 21:39
  embrace
• 21:40
  that.
• 21:40
  And
• 21:41
  you
• 21:41
  are
• 21:41
  learning
• 21:42
  more
• 21:42
  about
• 21:42
  yourself.
• 21:43
  And
• 21:43
  then
• 21:43
  the
• 21:44
  question
• 21:44
  is,
• 21:45
  so
• 21:45
  what
• 21:45
  are
• 21:46
  you
• 21:46
  finding
• 21:47
  is
• 21:47
  missing
• 21:47
  from
• 21:48
  your
• 21:48
  relationship
• 21:48
  as
• 21:49
  a
• 21:49
  result
• 21:49
  of
• 21:49
  this
• 21:49
  growth?
• 21:50
  Like,
• 21:50
  what's
• 21:51
  not
• 21:51
  there
• 21:52
  that
• 21:52
  you
• 21:52
  wish
• 21:52
  was
• 21:53
  there?
• 21:53
  What
• 21:53
  are
• 21:53
  you
• 21:54
  missing?
• 21:55
  And
• 21:56
  a
• 21:56
  lot
• 21:56
  of
• 21:56
  times
• 21:57
  we
• 21:57
  don't
• 21:58
  know
• 21:58
  what
• 21:58
  that
• 21:58
  is.
• 21:59
  We'll
• 21:59
  be
• 22:00
  like,
• 22:00
  I'm
• 22:00
  just
• 22:00
  not
• 22:00
  happy
• 22:01
  or
• 22:02
  it
• 22:02
  just
• 22:02
  isn't
• 22:02
  working
• 22:02
  anymore.
• 22:03
  Okay,
• 22:04
  that
• 22:04
  may
• 22:04
  be
• 22:04
  very
• 22:04
  true.
• 22:05
  I'm
• 22:05
  sure
• 22:05
  it
• 22:05
  is.
• 22:06
  Why?
• 22:07
  What
• 22:07
  is
• 22:07
  it
• 22:07
  specific?
• 22:08
  Is
• 22:08
  it
• 22:08
  communication?
• 22:09
  Is
• 22:10
  it
• 22:10
  that
• 22:10
  you
• 22:10
  feel
• 22:10
  like
• 22:11
  you're
• 22:11
  over
• 22:11
  functioning
• 22:12
  in
• 22:12
  the
• 22:12
  relationship?
• 22:14
  Is
• 22:14
  there
• 22:14
  a
• 22:15
  lack
• 22:15
  of
• 22:15
  trust
• 22:15
  because
• 22:16
  of
• 22:16
  xyz,
• 22:17
  things
• 22:17
  that
• 22:18
  have
• 22:18
  happened
• 22:18
  in
• 22:18
  the
• 22:18
  past?
• 22:19
  What
• 22:19
  are
• 22:19
  you
• 22:19
  Missing.
• 22:20
  Let's
• 22:20
  like
• 22:21
  really
• 22:21
  talk
• 22:21
  about
• 22:21
  that.
• 22:22
  Is
• 22:22
  it
• 22:22
  possible
• 22:23
  to
• 22:23
  find
• 22:24
  that
• 22:24
  in
• 22:24
  the
• 22:24
  relationship
• 22:25
  you're
• 22:25
  in
• 22:25
  now?
• 22:26
  If
• 22:26
  you
• 22:27
  could
• 22:27
  get
• 22:27
  it,
• 22:28
  would
• 22:28
  you
• 22:29
  want
• 22:29
  to
• 22:29
  work
• 22:29
  on
• 22:29
  it
• 22:30
  or
• 22:31
  no?
• 22:32
  You
• 22:32
  know,
• 22:32
  so
• 22:33
  that's
• 22:33
  kind
• 22:33
  of
• 22:33
  the
• 22:33
  beginning
• 22:34
  part
• 22:34
  of
• 22:35
  my
• 22:35
  work
• 22:36
  with
• 22:36
  someone.
• 22:36
  Yeah.
• 22:37
  And
• 22:37
  that
• 22:37
  absolutely
• 22:38
  makes
• 22:38
  sense.
• 22:38
  I
• 22:38
  mean,
• 22:38
  if
• 22:38
  you
• 22:39
  have
• 22:39
  someone
• 22:39
  that
• 22:39
  comes
• 22:39
  to
• 22:39
  you
• 22:40
  and
• 22:40
  says,
• 22:40
  you
• 22:40
  know,
• 22:40
  I
• 22:40
  got
• 22:41
  19
• 22:41
  things
• 22:41
  in
• 22:41
  my
• 22:42
  bucket
• 22:42
  list
• 22:42
  and
• 22:42
  they
• 22:43
  have
• 22:43
  absolutely
• 22:43
  no
• 22:43
  desire
• 22:44
  to
• 22:44
  do
• 22:44
  any
• 22:44
  of
• 22:44
  them,
• 22:47
  then
• 22:47
  go
• 22:48
  do
• 22:48
  them.
• 22:48
  You
• 22:48
  know,
• 22:48
  if
• 22:49
  you
• 22:49
  don't
• 22:49
  have
• 22:49
  the
• 22:49
  means
• 22:49
  to
• 22:50
  go
• 22:50
  do
• 22:50
  them,
• 22:50
  then
• 22:52
  with
• 22:52
  them,
• 22:53
  then
• 22:53
  maybe
• 22:54
  you,
• 22:55
  if
• 22:55
  they're
• 22:55
  on
• 22:55
  your
• 22:55
  bucket
• 22:56
  list,
• 22:56
  go
• 22:56
  do.
• 22:56
  You
• 22:56
  know,
• 22:56
  I
• 22:57
  mean,
• 22:57
  there
• 22:57
  are
• 22:57
  some
• 22:57
  things
• 22:58
  that
• 22:59
  sometimes
• 22:59
  you
• 23:00
  just,
• 23:01
  you
• 23:01
  know,
• 23:01
  I'll
• 23:01
  be
• 23:01
  honest.
• 23:02
  My
• 23:02
  husband
• 23:02
  made
• 23:03
  a
• 23:03
  comment
• 23:03
  and
• 23:03
  it's
• 23:04
  so
• 23:04
  funny,
• 23:04
  and
• 23:04
  it
• 23:05
  stuck
• 23:05
  with
• 23:05
  me
• 23:06
  so
• 23:06
  hard.
• 23:06
  We
• 23:06
  were
• 23:06
  standing
• 23:07
  at
• 23:07
  the
• 23:07
  kitchen
• 23:07
  and
• 23:07
  this
• 23:07
  is
• 23:08
  like
• 23:08
  six
• 23:08
  years
• 23:08
  ago,
• 23:09
  and
• 23:09
  I
• 23:09
  said,
• 23:10
  oh,
• 23:10
  I
• 23:10
  want
• 23:10
  to
• 23:10
  go
• 23:10
  to
• 23:10
  Greece.
• 23:11
  And
• 23:11
  I
• 23:11
  have
• 23:11
  all
• 23:11
  these
• 23:11
  things
• 23:11
  on
• 23:11
  my
• 23:12
  bucket
• 23:12
  list.
• 23:12
  And
• 23:12
  he
• 23:12
  said
• 23:12
  to
• 23:13
  me,
• 23:13
  I've
• 23:14
  pretty
• 23:14
  much
• 23:14
  seen
• 23:15
  everything
• 23:15
  I
• 23:15
  want
• 23:15
  to
• 23:16
  see.
• 23:17
  And
• 23:17
  you're
• 23:18
  like,
• 23:18
  oh,
• 23:19
  okay,
• 23:19
  okay,
• 23:20
  well,.
• 23:20
  Do
• 23:20
  I
• 23:21
  have
• 23:21
  free
• 23:21
  reign
• 23:22
  to
• 23:22
  go
• 23:22
  see
• 23:22
  those
• 23:22
  things?
• 23:23
  Yay
• 23:24
  or
• 23:24
  nay?
• 23:24
  And
• 23:24
  he's
• 23:24
  like,
• 23:25
  yeah,
• 23:25
  go
• 23:25
  ahead.
• 23:25
  Okay,
• 23:26
  fine.
• 23:27
  Yep.
• 23:27
  Yeah.
• 23:28
  Okay
• 23:28
  with
• 23:28
  solo
• 23:29
  travel,
• 23:29
  like,
• 23:29
  yeah,
• 23:30
  I'm
• 23:30
  okay
• 23:31
  with
• 23:31
  that.
• 23:31
  They
• 23:31
  have,
• 23:32
  you
• 23:32
  know,
• 23:32
  cruise
• 23:33
  buddies,
• 23:33
  dot
• 23:33
  com.
• 23:34
  You
• 23:34
  go
• 23:34
  in
• 23:34
  there,
• 23:34
  you
• 23:34
  get
• 23:35
  yourself
• 23:35
  cruise.
• 23:36
  But
• 23:36
  I
• 23:36
  mean,
• 23:37
  there
• 23:37
  are
• 23:37
  some
• 23:37
  things
• 23:38
  that
• 23:38
  in
• 23:39
  your
• 23:39
  life,
• 23:39
  especially
• 23:40
  as
• 23:40
  you
• 23:40
  get
• 23:40
  older,
• 23:41
  are
• 23:41
  non
• 23:41
  negotiable.
• 23:42
  You
• 23:42
  know,
• 23:42
  I
• 23:43
  want
• 23:43
  to
• 23:43
  travel.
• 23:43
  I
• 23:44
  don't.
• 23:44
  I
• 23:45
  want
• 23:45
  to
• 23:46
  have.
• 23:48
  I
• 23:48
  want
• 23:48
  to
• 23:48
  live
• 23:48
  near
• 23:48
  my
• 23:49
  grandkids.
• 23:49
  I
• 23:49
  don't,
• 23:50
  you
• 23:50
  know,
• 23:50
  there
• 23:50
  are
• 23:50
  some
• 23:51
  big
• 23:51
  life
• 23:51
  things
• 23:52
  that,
• 23:53
  what
• 23:53
  I
• 23:53
  call,
• 23:54
  I
• 23:54
  call
• 23:54
  them
• 23:54
  non
• 23:54
  negotiables
• 23:55
  for
• 23:55
  me.
• 23:55
  And
• 23:56
  I
• 23:56
  think
• 23:56
  everybody
• 23:56
  kind
• 23:57
  of
• 23:57
  in
• 23:57
  their
• 23:57
  own
• 23:57
  heart
• 23:58
  and
• 23:58
  in
• 23:58
  their
• 23:58
  own
• 23:58
  soul
• 23:59
  has
• 23:59
  a
• 23:59
  few
• 23:59
  non
• 23:59
  negotiables.
• 24:00
  Sure,
• 24:01
  absolutely.
• 24:02
  Yeah.
• 24:03
  And
• 24:03
  I,
• 24:03
  and
• 24:04
  it's
• 24:04
  interesting
• 24:04
  that
• 24:04
  you
• 24:04
  mentioned
• 24:05
  because.
• 24:06
  Just
• 24:07
  because.
• 24:07
  So
• 24:08
  some
• 24:08
  people,
• 24:08
  they're
• 24:09
  like,
• 24:09
  listen,
• 24:09
  I
• 24:09
  don't,
• 24:10
  I
• 24:10
  don't
• 24:10
  want
• 24:10
  to
• 24:10
  go
• 24:10
  to
• 24:10
  Greece.
• 24:11
  I
• 24:11
  don't
• 24:11
  want
• 24:11
  to
• 24:11
  do
• 24:12
  any
• 24:12
  of
• 24:12
  those
• 24:12
  things.
• 24:13
  And
• 24:13
  I
• 24:14
  want
• 24:14
  to
• 24:15
  stay
• 24:15
  at
• 24:15
  home
• 24:15
  and
• 24:16
  sit
• 24:16
  at
• 24:16
  my,
• 24:17
  you
• 24:17
  know,
• 24:18
  house
• 24:18
  and
• 24:18
  do
• 24:18
  the
• 24:19
  things
• 24:19
  that
• 24:19
  I
• 24:19
  want
• 24:19
  to
• 24:19
  do
• 24:19
  here.
• 24:20
  And
• 24:20
  I
• 24:20
  want
• 24:20
  my
• 24:20
  partner
• 24:21
  with
• 24:21
  me.
• 24:21
  So
• 24:21
  it's
• 24:21
  not
• 24:21
  going
• 24:21
  to
• 24:21
  work
• 24:22
  for
• 24:22
  me.
• 24:22
  Like,
• 24:22
  you
• 24:22
  need
• 24:22
  to
• 24:23
  want
• 24:23
  these
• 24:23
  things
• 24:23
  with
• 24:23
  me.
• 24:24
  Well,
• 24:24
  that's
• 24:25
  going
• 24:25
  to
• 24:25
  have,
• 24:26
  you
• 24:26
  know,
• 24:26
  one
• 24:27
  set
• 24:27
  of
• 24:27
  consequences.
• 24:28
  Right.
• 24:29
  But
• 24:29
  sometimes
• 24:30
  it
• 24:30
  happens
• 24:30
  where
• 24:31
  they're
• 24:31
  like,
• 24:32
  but,
• 24:32
  yeah,
• 24:32
  you
• 24:33
  go
• 24:33
  for
• 24:34
  it.
• 24:34
  I
• 24:34
  will
• 24:34
  be
• 24:35
  right
• 24:35
  here
• 24:36
  waiting
• 24:36
  for
• 24:36
  you
• 24:36
  when
• 24:37
  you
• 24:37
  get
• 24:37
  back.
• 24:37
  And,
• 24:38
  And
• 24:38
  Sometimes
• 24:39
  relationships
• 24:40
  do
• 24:40
  really
• 24:40
  well
• 24:41
  like
• 24:41
  that,
• 24:41
  and
• 24:42
  I
• 24:42
  think
• 24:42
  that's
• 24:43
  great.
• 24:43
  You
• 24:44
  know,
• 24:44
  if
• 24:44
  you
• 24:44
  can
• 24:45
  feed
• 24:45
  yourself
• 24:46
  and
• 24:46
  what
• 24:46
  you're
• 24:47
  wanting
• 24:47
  personally
• 24:48
  and
• 24:48
  needing
• 24:49
  for
• 24:49
  yourself,
• 24:49
  and
• 24:50
  you
• 24:50
  can
• 24:50
  do
• 24:50
  that
• 24:51
  inside
• 24:51
  of
• 24:51
  a
• 24:51
  relationship,
• 24:52
  like,
• 24:52
  awesome.
• 24:54
  So
• 24:54
  are
• 24:55
  there
• 24:55
  some
• 24:55
  main
• 24:56
  questions
• 24:57
  that
• 24:57
  you
• 24:57
  have
• 24:58
  people,
• 24:58
  like
• 24:58
  people
• 24:59
  listening
• 24:59
  to
• 24:59
  this
• 24:59
  podcast
• 25:00
  who
• 25:00
  have
• 25:00
  not
• 25:00
  come
• 25:00
  in
• 25:01
  and
• 25:01
  worked
• 25:01
  with
• 25:01
  you
• 25:01
  haven't.
• 25:02
  Are
• 25:02
  there
• 25:02
  some,
• 25:03
  like,
• 25:03
  I
• 25:04
  don't
• 25:04
  want
• 25:04
  to
• 25:04
  say
• 25:04
  trigger
• 25:04
  questions,
• 25:05
  but
• 25:05
  questions
• 25:06
  you
• 25:06
  could
• 25:06
  ask
• 25:06
  yourself
• 25:07
  to
• 25:07
  see
• 25:08
  how
• 25:08
  serious
• 25:09
  you
• 25:09
  are
• 25:09
  about
• 25:10
  this?
• 25:10
  I'm
• 25:10
  just
• 25:10
  not
• 25:11
  happy.
• 25:13
  Yeah.
• 25:13
  I
• 25:14
  think
• 25:14
  the
• 25:14
  one
• 25:14
  thing
• 25:15
  that
• 25:15
  really,
• 25:16
  that
• 25:16
  when
• 25:16
  I
• 25:16
  ask
• 25:17
  someone
• 25:19
  is
• 25:19
  that
• 25:20
  question
• 25:20
  that
• 25:20
  I
• 25:20
  mentioned
• 25:21
  before
• 25:21
  is
• 25:21
  like,
• 25:21
  okay,
• 25:22
  now
• 25:22
  we
• 25:22
  know
• 25:22
  what
• 25:23
  you're
• 25:23
  missing.
• 25:24
  If
• 25:24
  you
• 25:25
  could
• 25:25
  get
• 25:25
  it
• 25:25
  in
• 25:25
  your
• 25:25
  relationship,
• 25:27
  would
• 25:27
  you
• 25:27
  want
• 25:28
  to
• 25:28
  stay
• 25:28
  and
• 25:29
  get
• 25:29
  it?
• 25:29
  If
• 25:29
  your,
• 25:30
  if
• 25:30
  your
• 25:30
  partner
• 25:30
  was
• 25:31
  like,
• 25:31
  okay,
• 25:32
  yeah,
• 25:32
  I
• 25:32
  can
• 25:32
  do
• 25:32
  that.
• 25:32
  It's.
• 25:33
  It's
• 25:33
  not
• 25:34
  going
• 25:34
  to
• 25:34
  be
• 25:34
  easy,
• 25:34
  but
• 25:34
  I'm
• 25:34
  going
• 25:34
  to
• 25:34
  put
• 25:35
  in
• 25:35
  the
• 25:35
  work
• 25:35
  and
• 25:35
  we're
• 25:35
  gonna,
• 25:36
  we're
• 25:36
  gonna
• 25:36
  make
• 25:36
  it
• 25:36
  work.
• 25:37
  Would
• 25:37
  you
• 25:37
  be
• 25:37
  like,
• 25:38
  oh,
• 25:38
  like,
• 25:39
  disappointed
• 25:40
  because
• 25:41
  secretly
• 25:41
  you
• 25:41
  were
• 25:41
  hoping
• 25:42
  that
• 25:42
  it
• 25:42
  wasn't
• 25:42
  gonna
• 25:43
  work
• 25:43
  and
• 25:43
  you.
• 25:43
  And
• 25:43
  you
• 25:43
  could
• 25:44
  cut
• 25:44
  out
• 25:45
  and
• 25:45
  I
• 25:45
  don't
• 25:45
  say
• 25:45
  cut
• 25:45
  out
• 25:46
  like,
• 25:47
  you
• 25:47
  know,
• 25:48
  like,
• 25:48
  give
• 25:48
  up
• 25:48
  too
• 25:48
  early
• 25:49
  or
• 25:49
  anything
• 25:49
  like
• 25:49
  that.
• 25:49
  No,
• 25:49
  I
• 25:50
  get
• 25:50
  it.
• 25:50
  Hoping.
• 25:50
  Yeah.
• 25:51
  That
• 25:51
  you
• 25:51
  could
• 25:51
  be
• 25:51
  like,
• 25:52
  it
• 25:52
  would
• 25:53
  be
• 25:53
  decided
• 25:53
  for
• 25:53
  you,
• 25:54
  or
• 25:54
  are
• 25:55
  you
• 25:55
  like,
• 25:55
  oh,
• 25:55
  okay.
• 25:56
  Yeah,
• 25:56
  that.
• 25:57
  That
• 25:57
  would
• 25:57
  be
• 25:58
  good.
• 25:58
  I.
• 25:58
  I'd
• 25:59
  be
• 25:59
  curious
• 25:59
  to
• 25:59
  see
• 26:00
  what
• 26:00
  that
• 26:00
  would
• 26:00
  look
• 26:01
  like.
• 26:01
  I
• 26:01
  would
• 26:01
  like
• 26:01
  to
• 26:02
  spend
• 26:02
  the
• 26:02
  next
• 26:02
  20,
• 26:02
  30
• 26:03
  years
• 26:03
  with
• 26:03
  the
• 26:03
  person
• 26:03
  that
• 26:04
  I
• 26:04
  thought
• 26:04
  I
• 26:04
  was
• 26:04
  going
• 26:05
  to
• 26:05
  be
• 26:05
  spending
• 26:05
  my
• 26:05
  whole
• 26:06
  life
• 26:06
  with.
• 26:07
  And
• 26:07
  they.
• 26:07
  There
• 26:07
  can
• 26:08
  be
• 26:08
  relief
• 26:08
  there,
• 26:08
  but
• 26:09
  sometimes
• 26:09
  there's.
• 26:10
  I
• 26:11
  don't
• 26:11
  know
• 26:11
  that
• 26:12
  I
• 26:12
  would
• 26:12
  want
• 26:13
  that.
• 26:14
  Right.
• 26:14
  So
• 26:14
  that's
• 26:15
  kind
• 26:15
  of
• 26:15
  the
• 26:15
  dividing
• 26:16
  line.
• 26:16
  Yeah.
• 26:17
  And
• 26:17
  it
• 26:17
  makes
• 26:18
  sense.
• 26:18
  It's
• 26:18
  very
• 26:18
  cut
• 26:18
  and
• 26:19
  dry,
• 26:19
  too,
• 26:19
  with
• 26:19
  that.
• 26:19
  It's.
• 26:20
  If
• 26:20
  you
• 26:21
  could
• 26:21
  fix
• 26:21
  it,
• 26:21
  would
• 26:21
  you
• 26:21
  want
• 26:22
  to?
• 26:22
  I
• 26:22
  mean,
• 26:22
  that's
• 26:23
  really.
• 26:23
  At
• 26:23
  the
• 26:23
  end
• 26:24
  of
• 26:24
  the
• 26:24
  day.
• 26:24
  Yeah.
• 26:25
  If
• 26:25
  you
• 26:25
  could
• 26:25
  fill
• 26:26
  those
• 26:26
  voids,
• 26:27
  is
• 26:27
  that
• 26:27
  the
• 26:27
  person
• 26:28
  you
• 26:28
  want
• 26:28
  to
• 26:28
  do
• 26:28
  them
• 26:28
  with?
• 26:31
  And
• 26:32
  sometimes
• 26:32
  people
• 26:33
  really
• 26:33
  just.
• 26:34
  It
• 26:34
  takes
• 26:34
  a
• 26:35
  minute
• 26:35
  to
• 26:35
  figure
• 26:36
  out
• 26:36
  if
• 26:36
  they
• 26:36
  would.
• 26:37
  Some
• 26:37
  people,
• 26:38
  you
• 26:38
  ask
• 26:38
  that
• 26:38
  question
• 26:38
  and
• 26:39
  they're
• 26:39
  like,
• 26:39
  oh,
• 26:39
  like
• 26:39
  a
• 26:39
  little
• 26:40
  light
• 26:40
  bulb
• 26:40
  goes
• 26:40
  off
• 26:42
  and
• 26:42
  then
• 26:42
  we
• 26:42
  can
• 26:42
  work
• 26:43
  on,
• 26:43
  okay,
• 26:43
  now
• 26:44
  what's
• 26:44
  that
• 26:44
  going
• 26:44
  to
• 26:44
  look
• 26:44
  like
• 26:45
  either
• 26:45
  way?
• 26:46
  And
• 26:46
  some
• 26:47
  people,
• 26:47
  they're
• 26:47
  like,
• 26:48
  geez,
• 26:48
  I
• 26:48
  just
• 26:49
  don't
• 26:49
  know.
• 26:50
  And
• 26:51
  so
• 26:51
  we
• 26:51
  do
• 26:52
  a
• 26:52
  little
• 26:52
  bit
• 26:52
  more
• 26:52
  work
• 26:52
  with
• 26:53
  that.
• 26:54
  Yep.
• 26:55
  Makes
• 26:55
  sense.
• 26:56
  I
• 26:56
  mean,
• 26:56
  it
• 26:56
  seems
• 26:56
  like
• 26:57
  such
• 26:57
  a
• 26:58
  40
• 26:59
  years
• 26:59
  ago,
• 26:59
  this
• 26:59
  was
• 27:00
  not
• 27:00
  a
• 27:00
  simple
• 27:00
  concept.
• 27:01
  It
• 27:01
  seems
• 27:01
  like
• 27:01
  it's
• 27:02
  a
• 27:02
  simple
• 27:02
  concept.
• 27:02
  It's
• 27:03
  not
• 27:03
  Ever
• 27:03
  simple,
• 27:04
  but
• 27:04
  you
• 27:04
  know
• 27:04
  what
• 27:04
  I
• 27:04
  mean,
• 27:04
  40
• 27:04
  years
• 27:05
  ago,
• 27:05
  you
• 27:05
  stayed
• 27:05
  together.
• 27:06
  It
• 27:06
  didn't
• 27:06
  matter.
• 27:06
  You
• 27:07
  were
• 27:07
  married
• 27:07
  till
• 27:07
  death
• 27:07
  do
• 27:08
  us
• 27:08
  part.
• 27:09
  Now,
• 27:09
  it's
• 27:10
  not
• 27:10
  that.
• 27:10
  That's
• 27:11
  not
• 27:11
  the
• 27:11
  case
• 27:11
  anymore.
• 27:12
  I
• 27:12
  mean,
• 27:12
  we
• 27:12
  obviously
• 27:13
  have
• 27:13
  serious
• 27:13
  marriage
• 27:14
  vows
• 27:14
  and
• 27:14
  stuff,
• 27:14
  like,
• 27:15
  you
• 27:15
  know
• 27:15
  what
• 27:15
  I
• 27:15
  mean?
• 27:15
  But
• 27:15
  it
• 27:16
  seems
• 27:16
  like
• 27:17
  if
• 27:18
  you
• 27:18
  are
• 27:18
  not
• 27:18
  happy,
• 27:19
  it's.
• 27:19
  I
• 27:19
  mean,
• 27:20
  I
• 27:20
  joke
• 27:20
  with
• 27:20
  people
• 27:20
  when
• 27:21
  they're,
• 27:21
  like,
• 27:21
  getting
• 27:21
  ready
• 27:22
  to
• 27:22
  get
• 27:22
  married
• 27:22
  for,
• 27:22
  like,
• 27:22
  the
• 27:23
  third
• 27:23
  time,
• 27:23
  and
• 27:23
  I'm
• 27:24
  like,
• 27:24
  why
• 27:24
  are
• 27:24
  you
• 27:25
  getting
• 27:25
  married?
• 27:25
  It's
• 27:25
  literally
• 27:26
  just
• 27:26
  a
• 27:26
  piece
• 27:26
  of
• 27:26
  paper.
• 27:27
  Like,
• 27:27
  I
• 27:27
  know
• 27:27
  that
• 27:28
  sounds
• 27:28
  horrible,
• 27:28
  but
• 27:29
  I'm
• 27:29
  like,
• 27:31
  what
• 27:31
  are
• 27:31
  you
• 27:31
  doing?
• 27:32
  Like,
• 27:32
  you're
• 27:32
  doing
• 27:32
  this
• 27:33
  for.
• 27:33
  Why?
• 27:34
  Like,
• 27:34
  just
• 27:34
  spend
• 27:35
  the
• 27:35
  rest
• 27:35
  of
• 27:35
  your
• 27:35
  life
• 27:35
  with
• 27:35
  this
• 27:36
  person
• 27:36
  and
• 27:36
  continue
• 27:36
  to
• 27:37
  love
• 27:37
  them.
• 27:37
  Like,
• 27:38
  you
• 27:38
  know,
• 27:38
  I
• 27:38
  mean,
• 27:38
  it's.
• 27:39
  And
• 27:39
  I'm
• 27:39
  not
• 27:39
  saying
• 27:40
  that
• 27:40
  I
• 27:40
  don't
• 27:40
  have,
• 27:40
  like,
• 27:41
  take
• 27:41
  marriage
• 27:41
  vows
• 27:42
  seriously.
• 27:42
  Don't.
• 27:43
  Don't
• 27:43
  quote,
• 27:44
  like,
• 27:44
  put
• 27:44
  that
• 27:44
  in
• 27:45
  my.
• 27:45
  But
• 27:45
  I
• 27:45
  just
• 27:46
  feel
• 27:46
  like
• 27:49
  I
• 27:49
  would
• 27:49
  rather
• 27:49
  be.
• 27:50
  Not
• 27:50
  have
• 27:50
  that
• 27:50
  piece
• 27:50
  of
• 27:51
  paper
• 27:51
  and
• 27:51
  be
• 27:51
  with
• 27:51
  someone
• 27:51
  that
• 27:51
  brings
• 27:52
  me
• 27:52
  joy
• 27:52
  my
• 27:52
  entire
• 27:53
  life.
• 27:53
  Yeah.
• 27:54
  You
• 27:54
  know,
• 27:55
  I'm
• 27:55
  saying.
• 27:55
  Yeah.
• 27:56
  And.
• 27:56
  And
• 27:56
  some
• 27:57
  people
• 27:57
  do
• 27:57
  choose
• 27:57
  to
• 27:57
  do
• 27:58
  that.
• 27:59
  And
• 27:59
  then
• 27:59
  there
• 27:59
  are
• 28:00
  some
• 28:00
  people
• 28:00
  for,
• 28:01
  you
• 28:01
  know,
• 28:02
  religious
• 28:02
  or
• 28:02
  spiritual
• 28:03
  or
• 28:04
  just
• 28:04
  their
• 28:05
  traditions
• 28:05
  or
• 28:06
  values.
• 28:06
  They
• 28:06
  want
• 28:07
  to
• 28:07
  have
• 28:07
  that,
• 28:08
  you
• 28:08
  know,
• 28:09
  that
• 28:09
  piece
• 28:09
  of
• 28:09
  paper,
• 28:10
  even
• 28:10
  if
• 28:10
  it's
• 28:10
  a
• 28:10
  third
• 28:10
  time
• 28:11
  or
• 28:11
  fourth
• 28:11
  time
• 28:11
  or
• 28:11
  whatever
• 28:12
  it
• 28:12
  is.
• 28:13
  And
• 28:14
  that's.
• 28:14
  That's
• 28:15
  fine
• 28:15
  with
• 28:15
  me.
• 28:15
  Whatever
• 28:16
  somebody
• 28:16
  wants
• 28:16
  to
• 28:16
  do.
• 28:16
  But,
• 28:17
  yeah,
• 28:17
  a
• 28:17
  lot
• 28:17
  of
• 28:17
  people
• 28:17
  are,
• 28:18
  you
• 28:18
  know,
• 28:18
  because
• 28:19
  in.
• 28:19
  In
• 28:19
  a
• 28:19
  lot
• 28:20
  of
• 28:20
  ways,
• 28:20
  you
• 28:20
  know,
• 28:20
  marriage
• 28:21
  is
• 28:21
  a
• 28:21
  legal
• 28:21
  thing.
• 28:21
  It's
• 28:22
  a
• 28:22
  paperwork
• 28:22
  thing.
• 28:23
  There
• 28:24
  are
• 28:24
  a
• 28:24
  lot
• 28:24
  of
• 28:24
  benefits
• 28:25
  to
• 28:25
  being
• 28:25
  married
• 28:26
  for
• 28:26
  those
• 28:26
  reasons.
• 28:27
  But
• 28:27
  a
• 28:27
  lot
• 28:27
  of
• 28:27
  people
• 28:27
  are
• 28:28
  just
• 28:28
  like,
• 28:28
  yeah,
• 28:28
  let's
• 28:28
  just
• 28:29
  do
• 28:29
  this
• 28:29
  thing
• 28:29
  together.
• 28:30
  Let's
• 28:30
  just
• 28:30
  do
• 28:30
  this
• 28:31
  life
• 28:31
  thing
• 28:31
  together,
• 28:32
  and
• 28:33
  you
• 28:33
  can
• 28:34
  be
• 28:34
  with
• 28:34
  somebody
• 28:34
  for
• 28:35
  30,
• 28:35
  40
• 28:35
  years
• 28:35
  like
• 28:36
  that,
• 28:36
  no
• 28:36
  problem.
• 28:36
  You
• 28:37
  know,
• 28:37
  I
• 28:37
  mean,
• 28:37
  it's
• 28:37
  very,
• 28:38
  very
• 28:38
  much
• 28:39
  the
• 28:39
  same
• 28:39
  thing
• 28:39
  in
• 28:39
  many
• 28:39
  ways.
• 28:41
  Very
• 28:41
  cool.
• 28:42
  So
• 28:42
  I'm
• 28:42
  just.
• 28:42
  This
• 28:43
  is
• 28:43
  probably
• 28:43
  a
• 28:43
  personal
• 28:43
  question,
• 28:44
  but.
• 28:44
  So
• 28:44
  this
• 28:44
  growth
• 28:45
  that
• 28:45
  you
• 28:45
  went
• 28:45
  through
• 28:45
  and
• 28:46
  you
• 28:46
  figuring
• 28:46
  out
• 28:46
  this
• 28:47
  own
• 28:47
  question
• 28:47
  on
• 28:47
  your
• 28:47
  own,
• 28:48
  is
• 28:48
  that
• 28:48
  your
• 28:48
  husband
• 28:49
  now?
• 28:50
  Yes.
• 28:51
  Okay.
• 28:52
  So,
• 28:52
  yeah,
• 28:53
  so
• 28:53
  we've.
• 28:54
  So,
• 28:54
  yeah,
• 28:54
  I
• 28:54
  was
• 28:55
  a
• 28:55
  very
• 28:55
  different
• 28:56
  person.
• 28:57
  Let's
• 28:58
  see.
• 28:59
  16.
• 29:00
  So
• 29:00
  I
• 29:00
  was
• 29:00
  32
• 29:01
  when
• 29:01
  we.
• 29:02
  When
• 29:02
  we
• 29:02
  met,
• 29:03
  and
• 29:03
  I'm
• 29:04
  48
• 29:04
  now.
• 29:04
  And
• 29:04
  that's.
• 29:06
  In
• 29:06
  a
• 29:06
  lot
• 29:06
  of
• 29:06
  ways,
• 29:07
  I
• 29:08
  was
• 29:09
  a
• 29:09
  hot
• 29:09
  mess
• 29:10
  is
• 29:10
  how
• 29:10
  I
• 29:11
  describe
• 29:11
  myself
• 29:11
  at
• 29:12
  that
• 29:12
  age.
• 29:12
  Right.
• 29:13
  And
• 29:13
  so
• 29:14
  I
• 29:14
  did
• 29:14
  a
• 29:14
  lot
• 29:14
  of
• 29:15
  personal
• 29:15
  growth.
• 29:16
  I
• 29:16
  didn't
• 29:16
  have
• 29:16
  a
• 29:16
  good
• 29:16
  relationship
• 29:17
  with
• 29:17
  me,
• 29:17
  let
• 29:18
  alone,
• 29:18
  which
• 29:18
  is
• 29:19
  really
• 29:19
  the
• 29:19
  foundation
• 29:19
  to
• 29:20
  be
• 29:20
  able
• 29:20
  to
• 29:20
  Have
• 29:20
  a
• 29:20
  good
• 29:20
  relationship
• 29:21
  with
• 29:21
  somebody
• 29:22
  else.
• 29:23
  So,
• 29:23
  you
• 29:23
  know,
• 29:24
  I
• 29:24
  did
• 29:24
  a
• 29:24
  lot
• 29:24
  of
• 29:25
  just
• 29:25
  work
• 29:26
  naturally
• 29:27
  because
• 29:27
  I
• 29:28
  was
• 29:28
  learning
• 29:29
  things
• 29:30
  and,
• 29:30
  you
• 29:31
  know,
• 29:31
  just,
• 29:31
  I've
• 29:31
  always
• 29:31
  been
• 29:32
  like,
• 29:32
  love
• 29:33
  to
• 29:33
  study
• 29:33
  and
• 29:33
  learn
• 29:34
  and
• 29:34
  grow.
• 29:34
  And
• 29:35
  then
• 29:35
  I
• 29:35
  really
• 29:35
  started
• 29:35
  to
• 29:36
  apply
• 29:36
  things
• 29:36
  and
• 29:36
  think
• 29:37
  about
• 29:37
  things
• 29:37
  differently.
• 29:38
  And
• 29:40
  when
• 29:40
  I
• 29:40
  got
• 29:41
  to
• 29:41
  have
• 29:41
  a
• 29:41
  better
• 29:41
  relationship
• 29:42
  with
• 29:42
  myself,
• 29:43
  I
• 29:43
  refer
• 29:44
  to
• 29:44
  myself
• 29:44
  as
• 29:44
  a
• 29:44
  recovering
• 29:45
  people
• 29:45
  pleaser.
• 29:46
  So
• 29:47
  lots
• 29:47
  of
• 29:47
  changes
• 29:48
  there.
• 29:48
  Yeah.
• 29:49
  And
• 29:50
  it's
• 29:50
  impossible
• 29:52
  if
• 29:52
  one
• 29:52
  person
• 29:52
  in
• 29:53
  the
• 29:53
  relationship
• 29:53
  changes.
• 29:54
  It
• 29:54
  is
• 29:55
  impossible
• 29:55
  for
• 29:56
  the
• 29:56
  relationship
• 29:56
  to
• 29:57
  not
• 29:57
  change.
• 29:58
  Absolutely.
• 29:59
  For
• 29:59
  the
• 29:59
  good
• 29:59
  or
• 30:00
  the
• 30:00
  bad.
• 30:00
  I
• 30:00
  mean,
• 30:00
  it
• 30:00
  just
• 30:01
  has
• 30:01
  to
• 30:01
  change.
• 30:01
  It
• 30:02
  just
• 30:02
  has
• 30:02
  to
• 30:02
  change.
• 30:02
  It's
• 30:03
  just
• 30:03
  going
• 30:03
  to
• 30:03
  automatically
• 30:04
  happen.
• 30:05
  And
• 30:05
  so.
• 30:05
  And
• 30:06
  I
• 30:06
  was
• 30:06
  seeing
• 30:06
  some
• 30:06
  of
• 30:07
  this
• 30:08
  and
• 30:08
  I
• 30:09
  was
• 30:09
  like,
• 30:09
  oh,
• 30:10
  I'm
• 30:10
  starting
• 30:10
  to
• 30:10
  feel
• 30:11
  resentful.
• 30:12
  I'm
• 30:12
  starting
• 30:12
  to,
• 30:12
  you
• 30:13
  know,
• 30:13
  and
• 30:13
  then
• 30:13
  I've
• 30:14
  got
• 30:14
  to
• 30:14
  really
• 30:15
  put
• 30:15
  the
• 30:15
  money
• 30:16
  where
• 30:16
  my
• 30:16
  mouth
• 30:16
  is
• 30:16
  and
• 30:16
  be
• 30:16
  like,
• 30:17
  we
• 30:17
  need
• 30:17
  to.
• 30:18
  Not
• 30:18
  to.
• 30:19
  For
• 30:19
  me
• 30:19
  to
• 30:19
  go
• 30:19
  to
• 30:19
  my
• 30:19
  walled
• 30:20
  off
• 30:20
  space,
• 30:21
  but
• 30:21
  to
• 30:22
  be
• 30:22
  like,
• 30:22
  okay,
• 30:22
  what
• 30:22
  are
• 30:23
  we.
• 30:23
  What
• 30:24
  are
• 30:24
  we
• 30:24
  doing
• 30:24
  here?
• 30:24
  Because
• 30:25
  these
• 30:25
  are
• 30:25
  the
• 30:25
  things
• 30:25
  that
• 30:26
  aren't
• 30:26
  working
• 30:26
  for
• 30:26
  me.
• 30:26
  And
• 30:27
  he
• 30:27
  was
• 30:27
  like,
• 30:28
  yeah,
• 30:28
  I
• 30:29
  agree.
• 30:29
  They're
• 30:29
  not
• 30:30
  working
• 30:30
  for
• 30:30
  me
• 30:30
  either.
• 30:30
  And
• 30:31
  so
• 30:32
  that
• 30:32
  wasn't
• 30:32
  like,
• 30:33
  oh,
• 30:33
  good.
• 30:34
  I'm
• 30:34
  glad
• 30:34
  we
• 30:35
  talked
• 30:35
  about
• 30:35
  that
• 30:35
  and
• 30:36
  got
• 30:36
  it
• 30:36
  all
• 30:36
  figured
• 30:36
  out.
• 30:37
  Right.
• 30:37
  That
• 30:38
  was
• 30:38
  just
• 30:38
  the
• 30:38
  beginning
• 30:38
  of
• 30:39
  the
• 30:39
  work
• 30:39
  in
• 30:40
  our
• 30:40
  marriage.
• 30:41
  And
• 30:42
  so
• 30:42
  we've
• 30:42
  come
• 30:43
  a
• 30:43
  long
• 30:43
  way
• 30:43
  since
• 30:44
  then,
• 30:44
  but,
• 30:44
  you
• 30:45
  know,
• 30:45
  we
• 30:45
  still
• 30:45
  fumble
• 30:46
  through
• 30:46
  it
• 30:46
  sometimes
• 30:46
  and.
• 30:47
  But
• 30:47
  we
• 30:47
  just
• 30:48
  know
• 30:48
  we're
• 30:48
  committed
• 30:48
  to,
• 30:50
  you
• 30:50
  know,
• 30:50
  the
• 30:51
  process.
• 30:52
  Yeah.
• 30:52
  And
• 30:52
  it
• 30:53
  is
• 30:53
  a
• 30:53
  process.
• 30:54
  And.
• 30:54
  And
• 30:54
  I
• 30:55
  think
• 30:55
  a
• 30:55
  lot
• 30:55
  of
• 30:55
  people
• 30:55
  especially,
• 30:56
  I
• 30:56
  feel
• 30:57
  like
• 30:57
  a
• 30:57
  lot
• 30:57
  of
• 30:57
  times
• 30:58
  the
• 30:58
  people
• 30:58
  that
• 30:58
  I
• 30:58
  know,
• 30:58
  a
• 30:59
  lot
• 30:59
  of
• 30:59
  the
• 30:59
  second
• 30:59
  marriages,
• 31:00
  it's
• 31:01
  doing
• 31:02
  exactly
• 31:02
  opposite
• 31:03
  of
• 31:03
  the
• 31:03
  first.
• 31:03
  You
• 31:04
  know,
• 31:04
  there's
• 31:04
  all
• 31:04
  kinds
• 31:04
  of
• 31:04
  different
• 31:05
  reasons
• 31:05
  and
• 31:05
  that
• 31:06
  and
• 31:06
  everything,
• 31:06
  but.
• 31:08
  Well,
• 31:08
  congratulations.
• 31:09
  That's
• 31:09
  good.
• 31:12
  Yeah.
• 31:12
  No,
• 31:13
  it's.
• 31:13
  It's
• 31:13
  just
• 31:13
  a
• 31:13
  really
• 31:14
  interesting.
• 31:14
  It's
• 31:15
  a.
• 31:15
  When
• 31:15
  you
• 31:15
  came
• 31:15
  on
• 31:15
  and
• 31:16
  I
• 31:16
  was
• 31:16
  like,
• 31:16
  oh,
• 31:16
  I
• 31:16
  don't
• 31:16
  know
• 31:16
  if
• 31:16
  I
• 31:17
  even
• 31:17
  want
• 31:17
  to
• 31:17
  talk
• 31:17
  about
• 31:17
  this.
• 31:18
  This
• 31:18
  is
• 31:18
  like
• 31:18
  opening
• 31:18
  up
• 31:19
  a
• 31:19
  can
• 31:19
  of
• 31:19
  worms
• 31:19
  of.
• 31:20
  Yeah.
• 31:21
  Making
• 31:21
  it
• 31:21
  so
• 31:22
  easy.
• 31:22
  But
• 31:22
  it's
• 31:22
  not
• 31:22
  easy.
• 31:23
  Even
• 31:23
  if
• 31:24
  you.
• 31:24
  Even
• 31:24
  if
• 31:25
  you
• 31:25
  decide,
• 31:25
  I
• 31:26
  don't
• 31:27
  want
• 31:27
  to
• 31:27
  do
• 31:27
  this
• 31:27
  and
• 31:27
  I
• 31:27
  don't
• 31:28
  want
• 31:28
  to
• 31:28
  mend
• 31:28
  this.
• 31:29
  It's
• 31:29
  never
• 31:29
  easy.
• 31:30
  No,
• 31:31
  it's.
• 31:31
  Oh,
• 31:32
  no,
• 31:32
  it's
• 31:32
  not.
• 31:32
  I
• 31:33
  mean,
• 31:33
  even
• 31:33
  when
• 31:33
  you
• 31:34
  make,
• 31:34
  you
• 31:34
  know,
• 31:35
  a
• 31:35
  choice,
• 31:36
  really,
• 31:36
  the
• 31:36
  work
• 31:36
  that
• 31:37
  I
• 31:37
  do
• 31:37
  with
• 31:37
  women
• 31:38
  is.
• 31:38
  And
• 31:38
  again,
• 31:39
  with
• 31:39
  anyone
• 31:39
  is
• 31:40
  what
• 31:40
  I
• 31:41
  want
• 31:42
  is
• 31:43
  sometimes
• 31:44
  it's
• 31:44
  not
• 31:44
  even
• 31:45
  that.
• 31:45
  When
• 31:45
  we
• 31:45
  finish
• 31:46
  our
• 31:46
  time
• 31:46
  together,
• 31:46
  you
• 31:47
  have
• 31:47
  like
• 31:47
  a
• 31:47
  definitive
• 31:48
  answer
• 31:48
  of
• 31:48
  like,
• 31:48
  oh,
• 31:48
  yes,
• 31:49
  we're
• 31:49
  getting
• 31:49
  a
• 31:49
  divorce
• 31:49
  or
• 31:50
  we're
• 31:50
  splitting
• 31:50
  up,
• 31:51
  or
• 31:51
  we're,
• 31:51
  you
• 31:51
  know,
• 31:51
  100%
• 31:52
  staying
• 31:52
  together.
• 31:53
  But
• 31:53
  you've
• 31:54
  been
• 31:54
  able
• 31:54
  to
• 31:54
  reconnect
• 31:55
  with
• 31:55
  yourself
• 31:56
  so
• 31:56
  that,
• 31:56
  you
• 31:56
  know,
• 31:57
  whatever
• 31:57
  choice
• 31:58
  you
• 31:58
  make
• 31:59
  moving
• 31:59
  forward,
• 32:00
  you're
• 32:00
  going
• 32:00
  to
• 32:00
  feel
• 32:00
  good
• 32:00
  about.
• 32:01
  You're
• 32:01
  not
• 32:01
  going
• 32:02
  to
• 32:02
  be
• 32:02
  second
• 32:02
  guessing
• 32:03
  yourself.
• 32:03
  You're
• 32:04
  not
• 32:04
  going
• 32:04
  to
• 32:04
  look
• 32:05
  back
• 32:05
  in
• 32:05
  six
• 32:05
  months
• 32:06
  and
• 32:06
  go,
• 32:06
  oh,
• 32:06
  man,
• 32:07
  did
• 32:07
  I,
• 32:07
  did
• 32:07
  I
• 32:08
  do
• 32:08
  the
• 32:08
  right
• 32:08
  thing?
• 32:09
  Because
• 32:10
  you're
• 32:10
  going
• 32:10
  to
• 32:10
  have
• 32:11
  come
• 32:11
  to
• 32:11
  a
• 32:11
  place
• 32:11
  where
• 32:12
  you
• 32:12
  go,
• 32:12
  I
• 32:13
  know
• 32:13
  I'm
• 32:13
  making
• 32:13
  this
• 32:14
  place
• 32:15
  not
• 32:15
  from,
• 32:16
  you
• 32:16
  know,
• 32:16
  in
• 32:16
  the
• 32:16
  middle
• 32:16
  of
• 32:16
  a
• 32:17
  fight,
• 32:17
  from
• 32:17
  a
• 32:17
  place
• 32:17
  of
• 32:18
  urgency,
• 32:19
  but
• 32:19
  from
• 32:19
  a
• 32:19
  grounded
• 32:20
  place.
• 32:20
  I
• 32:21
  reconnected
• 32:21
  with
• 32:21
  myself.
• 32:22
  I
• 32:22
  know
• 32:22
  what's
• 32:23
  important
• 32:23
  to
• 32:23
  me.
• 32:23
  I'm
• 32:24
  checking
• 32:24
  in
• 32:24
  with
• 32:24
  my
• 32:25
  values.
• 32:26
  And
• 32:26
  from
• 32:27
  there
• 32:27
  I
• 32:27
  decide
• 32:28
  next
• 32:29
  steps.
• 32:29
  And
• 32:29
  sometimes
• 32:30
  you
• 32:30
  go,
• 32:30
  yeah,
• 32:31
  we're
• 32:31
  going
• 32:31
  to,
• 32:31
  we're
• 32:32
  going
• 32:32
  to
• 32:32
  try
• 32:32
  to
• 32:32
  make
• 32:32
  this
• 32:32
  work.
• 32:33
  That
• 32:33
  doesn't
• 32:34
  mean
• 32:34
  you're
• 32:35
  in
• 32:35
  it
• 32:35
  for
• 32:35
  the
• 32:35
  next
• 32:36
  20
• 32:36
  years.
• 32:37
  I
• 32:37
  mean,
• 32:37
  we're
• 32:38
  going
• 32:38
  to
• 32:38
  try
• 32:38
  to.
• 32:38
  Make
• 32:38
  it
• 32:39
  work
• 32:39
  right
• 32:40
  now.
• 32:40
  We're
• 32:40
  going
• 32:40
  to.
• 32:42
  Yeah,
• 32:43
  exactly.
• 32:44
  Yeah,
• 32:45
  it's,
• 32:45
  it's
• 32:45
  very
• 32:45
  nuanced.
• 32:47
  Yeah.
• 32:47
  And
• 32:47
  I
• 32:47
  think
• 32:48
  that
• 32:48
  is
• 32:48
  a
• 32:48
  very
• 32:48
  important
• 32:48
  point
• 32:49
  to
• 32:49
  make
• 32:49
  too,
• 32:49
  because
• 32:50
  every
• 32:51
  decision
• 32:51
  you
• 32:51
  make,
• 32:53
  it's
• 32:53
  not
• 32:54
  forever.
• 32:54
  You
• 32:54
  can
• 32:54
  change
• 32:55
  your
• 32:55
  mind,
• 32:55
  you
• 32:55
  can
• 32:56
  change
• 32:56
  your
• 32:56
  decisions,
• 32:57
  but
• 32:57
  you
• 32:57
  have
• 32:57
  to
• 32:58
  do
• 32:58
  it
• 32:58
  from
• 32:58
  a
• 32:58
  place
• 32:59
  of
• 32:59
  truth,
• 32:59
  from
• 32:59
  a
• 33:00
  place
• 33:00
  of,
• 33:00
  you
• 33:01
  know,
• 33:01
  really
• 33:02
  embodying.
• 33:03
  What
• 33:03
  is
• 33:04
  this
• 33:04
  going
• 33:04
  to
• 33:04
  look
• 33:04
  like?
• 33:05
  How
• 33:05
  am
• 33:05
  I
• 33:05
  going
• 33:05
  to
• 33:05
  do
• 33:05
  this?
• 33:06
  What
• 33:06
  am
• 33:06
  I
• 33:06
  willing
• 33:06
  to
• 33:06
  put
• 33:07
  into
• 33:07
  it?
• 33:08
  What
• 33:08
  do
• 33:08
  I
• 33:08
  want
• 33:08
  to
• 33:08
  get
• 33:08
  out
• 33:09
  of
• 33:09
  it?
• 33:09
  What
• 33:09
  do
• 33:09
  I
• 33:09
  want
• 33:09
  to
• 33:10
  be
• 33:10
  able
• 33:10
  to
• 33:10
  give?
• 33:11
  I
• 33:11
  mean,
• 33:11
  that's
• 33:12
  a
• 33:12
  big
• 33:12
  thing
• 33:12
  too,
• 33:12
  because
• 33:13
  I
• 33:13
  know
• 33:13
  a
• 33:13
  lot
• 33:13
  of
• 33:14
  people
• 33:14
  that
• 33:15
  go
• 33:15
  through
• 33:15
  this.
• 33:15
  I
• 33:15
  just
• 33:16
  don't,
• 33:17
  you
• 33:17
  know,
• 33:17
  they
• 33:18
  have
• 33:18
  that
• 33:18
  guilt
• 33:18
  around
• 33:19
  it.
• 33:19
  Yeah.
• 33:20
  And,
• 33:21
  and
• 33:21
  you
• 33:22
  have
• 33:22
  to
• 33:22
  kind
• 33:22
  of
• 33:22
  separate
• 33:22
  yourself
• 33:23
  a
• 33:23
  little
• 33:23
  bit
• 33:24
  from
• 33:24
  that
• 33:24
  and
• 33:24
  be
• 33:24
  like,
• 33:24
  okay,
• 33:25
  I
• 33:25
  have
• 33:25
  to,
• 33:26
  like
• 33:26
  you
• 33:26
  said,
• 33:26
  have
• 33:27
  a
• 33:27
  good
• 33:27
  relationship
• 33:27
  with
• 33:28
  myself.
• 33:28
  And
• 33:28
  if
• 33:28
  it's
• 33:29
  based
• 33:29
  off
• 33:29
  of
• 33:29
  fear
• 33:30
  and
• 33:30
  guilt
• 33:30
  and
• 33:30
  shame.
• 33:31
  Not
• 33:31
  gonna
• 33:32
  work.
• 33:32
  It's
• 33:32
  not
• 33:33
  gonna
• 33:33
  work.
• 33:33
  Yeah,
• 33:34
  that's
• 33:34
  a
• 33:34
  very,
• 33:34
  It's
• 33:34
  a
• 33:35
  short
• 33:35
  term
• 33:35
  strategy.
• 33:36
  Then
• 33:36
  you're
• 33:36
  kind
• 33:36
  of
• 33:36
  like,
• 33:37
  you
• 33:37
  know,
• 33:37
  if,
• 33:38
  you
• 33:38
  know,
• 33:38
  you're
• 33:38
  living
• 33:38
  in
• 33:39
  fear,
• 33:39
  guilt
• 33:39
  and
• 33:39
  shame,
• 33:40
  that's
• 33:41
  only
• 33:41
  going
• 33:41
  to
• 33:41
  be
• 33:41
  tolerable
• 33:42
  for
• 33:42
  a
• 33:42
  short
• 33:43
  period
• 33:43
  of
• 33:43
  time.
• 33:43
  I
• 33:44
  don't
• 33:44
  know
• 33:44
  how
• 33:44
  long
• 33:44
  that
• 33:44
  is.
• 33:45
  You
• 33:45
  know,
• 33:45
  maybe
• 33:46
  that's
• 33:46
  two
• 33:46
  weeks,
• 33:46
  maybe
• 33:46
  it's
• 33:47
  two
• 33:47
  months,
• 33:47
  maybe
• 33:47
  it's
• 33:47
  two
• 33:48
  years.
• 33:48
  But
• 33:48
  it's
• 33:49
  still
• 33:49
  short
• 33:49
  term.
• 33:49
  No
• 33:50
  matter
• 33:50
  what,
• 33:50
  you
• 33:50
  can't
• 33:51
  sustain
• 33:51
  that.
• 33:51
  And
• 33:52
  I
• 33:52
  don't
• 33:52
  want
• 33:52
  you
• 33:53
  to.
• 33:53
  I
• 33:53
  Don't
• 33:53
  want
• 33:53
  anybody
• 33:54
  to
• 33:55
  be
• 33:55
  living
• 33:55
  in
• 33:55
  this
• 33:55
  place
• 33:56
  where
• 33:56
  they're
• 33:56
  like,
• 33:57
  not
• 33:58
  sure
• 33:59
  they're
• 33:59
  afraid
• 33:59
  of
• 33:59
  the
• 34:00
  consequences.
• 34:00
  And
• 34:01
  so,
• 34:01
  you
• 34:01
  know,
• 34:01
  they
• 34:01
  don't
• 34:01
  know
• 34:02
  what's
• 34:02
  on
• 34:02
  the
• 34:02
  other
• 34:02
  side
• 34:02
  of
• 34:02
  that
• 34:03
  choice.
• 34:03
  So
• 34:03
  they're
• 34:03
  just
• 34:03
  going
• 34:03
  to
• 34:04
  see,
• 34:04
  sit
• 34:04
  here
• 34:04
  and
• 34:05
  see
• 34:05
  if
• 34:05
  they
• 34:05
  can
• 34:06
  white
• 34:06
  knuckle
• 34:07
  it.
• 34:07
  Like
• 34:07
  that's,
• 34:08
  that's
• 34:08
  no
• 34:08
  place
• 34:09
  for
• 34:09
  anybody
• 34:09
  to
• 34:09
  live.
• 34:10
  No.
• 34:10
  And
• 34:11
  that's
• 34:11
  a
• 34:11
  lot
• 34:11
  of
• 34:11
  what
• 34:11
  I
• 34:11
  do
• 34:12
  with
• 34:12
  my
• 34:12
  clients
• 34:12
  is
• 34:12
  working
• 34:13
  through
• 34:13
  that
• 34:13
  nervous
• 34:14
  system
• 34:14
  regulation
• 34:15
  stuff.
• 34:15
  And
• 34:15
  there
• 34:15
  is
• 34:16
  no
• 34:16
  better,
• 34:17
  no
• 34:17
  worse
• 34:18
  easier
• 34:18
  way
• 34:19
  to
• 34:19
  dysregulate
• 34:19
  your
• 34:20
  nervous
• 34:20
  system
• 34:20
  than
• 34:21
  to
• 34:21
  be
• 34:21
  sitting
• 34:21
  in
• 34:21
  something
• 34:22
  that
• 34:22
  eats
• 34:22
  at
• 34:23
  you
• 34:23
  every
• 34:23
  single
• 34:24
  day
• 34:24
  of
• 34:24
  your
• 34:24
  life.
• 34:25
  Absolutely.
• 34:26
  Yeah.
• 34:26
  Because
• 34:27
  there's,
• 34:27
  you're
• 34:27
  just
• 34:28
  in
• 34:28
  that
• 34:29
  like
• 34:29
  fight,
• 34:29
  flight,
• 34:30
  fix
• 34:31
  constantly.
• 34:31
  You're
• 34:32
  never
• 34:32
  out
• 34:33
  of
• 34:33
  it.
• 34:33
  And
• 34:34
  that's
• 34:34
  a
• 34:34
  huge
• 34:34
  part
• 34:35
  of
• 34:35
  the
• 34:35
  work
• 34:35
  is,
• 34:36
  you
• 34:36
  know,
• 34:36
  because
• 34:36
  a
• 34:37
  lot
• 34:37
  of
• 34:37
  what
• 34:37
  I
• 34:37
  do
• 34:37
  is,
• 34:38
  okay,
• 34:38
  now
• 34:38
  we
• 34:38
  know
• 34:39
  what
• 34:39
  you
• 34:39
  want.
• 34:39
  That's
• 34:39
  great.
• 34:40
  Now
• 34:40
  how
• 34:41
  are
• 34:41
  you
• 34:41
  going
• 34:41
  to
• 34:42
  talk
• 34:42
  about
• 34:42
  it?
• 34:43
  Because
• 34:44
  that
• 34:44
  can
• 34:45
  be
• 34:45
  so
• 34:45
  hard
• 34:46
  is
• 34:46
  like,
• 34:46
  well,
• 34:46
  I
• 34:47
  don't
• 34:47
  know.
• 34:48
  We've
• 34:48
  never
• 34:48
  talked
• 34:48
  about
• 34:49
  this.
• 34:49
  And
• 34:49
  if
• 34:49
  you're,
• 34:50
  if
• 34:50
  you're
• 34:51
  used
• 34:51
  to
• 34:51
  hard
• 34:51
  conversations
• 34:52
  having
• 34:52
  a
• 34:52
  negative
• 34:53
  outcome,
• 34:53
  then
• 34:54
  your
• 34:54
  whole
• 34:54
  body
• 34:54
  might
• 34:54
  be
• 34:55
  like,
• 34:56
  pass.
• 34:57
  I'm
• 34:57
  just
• 34:58
  not
• 34:58
  going
• 34:58
  to.
• 34:59
  So
• 35:00
  that's
• 35:00
  a
• 35:00
  lot
• 35:00
  of
• 35:00
  the
• 35:00
  work
• 35:01
  is
• 35:01
  like,
• 35:01
  okay,
• 35:01
  well
• 35:02
  let's
• 35:03
  get
• 35:03
  you
• 35:03
  to
• 35:03
  a
• 35:03
  place
• 35:03
  where
• 35:04
  you
• 35:04
  do
• 35:04
  feel
• 35:04
  comfortable
• 35:05
  doing.
• 35:05
  Yes.
• 35:06
  And
• 35:06
  it's,
• 35:07
  I
• 35:07
  mean,
• 35:07
  I'm
• 35:07
  sure
• 35:07
  you
• 35:07
  do
• 35:08
  like
• 35:08
  role
• 35:08
  playing.
• 35:09
  Like,
• 35:09
  I
• 35:09
  mean,
• 35:09
  I'm
• 35:09
  sure
• 35:10
  you
• 35:10
  do
• 35:10
  because
• 35:11
  I
• 35:12
  did
• 35:12
  a
• 35:12
  whole
• 35:13
  episode
• 35:13
  on
• 35:13
  how
• 35:13
  to
• 35:14
  have
• 35:14
  hard
• 35:14
  conversations
• 35:15
  with
• 35:15
  people.
• 35:16
  There's
• 35:16
  a
• 35:16
  lot
• 35:16
  of
• 35:17
  mental
• 35:17
  preparation.
• 35:18
  There
• 35:18
  is.
• 35:19
  Especially
• 35:20
  like
• 35:20
  you
• 35:20
  said,
• 35:21
  when
• 35:21
  you
• 35:21
  come
• 35:21
  from
• 35:21
  this
• 35:22
  non
• 35:22
  communicative
• 35:23
  or
• 35:24
  bad
• 35:24
  repercussions
• 35:25
  for
• 35:26
  speaking
• 35:26
  your
• 35:26
  mind
• 35:27
  or
• 35:27
  voicing
• 35:28
  something
• 35:28
  you
• 35:29
  need.
• 35:30
  It's
• 35:30
  a
• 35:31
  hard
• 35:31
  conversation.
• 35:31
  I
• 35:32
  can
• 35:32
  only
• 35:32
  imagine.
• 35:33
  Yeah.
• 35:33
  But
• 35:34
  at
• 35:34
  the
• 35:34
  end
• 35:34
  of
• 35:34
  the
• 35:34
  day,
• 35:35
  no
• 35:35
  matter
• 35:35
  which
• 35:35
  way
• 35:35
  it
• 35:35
  goes
• 35:36
  again
• 35:36
  for
• 35:37
  the
• 35:37
  people
• 35:37
  out
• 35:37
  there
• 35:37
  listening,
• 35:39
  you
• 35:40
  can,
• 35:40
  you
• 35:40
  can
• 35:41
  make
• 35:41
  it,
• 35:41
  you
• 35:41
  can,
• 35:42
  you
• 35:42
  can
• 35:42
  get
• 35:42
  through
• 35:42
  it
• 35:43
  and
• 35:43
  you
• 35:43
  can
• 35:43
  use
• 35:44
  your
• 35:44
  resilience
• 35:44
  and
• 35:45
  use
• 35:45
  your
• 35:45
  tools
• 35:45
  that
• 35:46
  people
• 35:46
  like
• 35:46
  myself
• 35:47
  and
• 35:47
  Karen
• 35:48
  have.
• 35:48
  And,
• 35:49
  and
• 35:50
  ultimately
• 35:51
  it's
• 35:51
  about
• 35:52
  what
• 35:52
  your
• 35:53
  insides,
• 35:54
  what
• 35:54
  your
• 35:54
  soul
• 35:55
  tells
• 35:55
  you
• 35:55
  you
• 35:56
  have
• 35:56
  to
• 35:56
  do
• 35:57
  or
• 35:58
  should
• 35:58
  be
• 35:58
  doing.
• 35:59
  Yeah,
• 36:00
  that's,
• 36:00
  that's
• 36:00
  exactly
• 36:01
  right.
• 36:01
  And
• 36:02
  that's
• 36:02
  why
• 36:03
  it's
• 36:03
  so
• 36:03
  important
• 36:04
  to
• 36:04
  have
• 36:04
  this
• 36:05
  to
• 36:05
  approach
• 36:06
  each
• 36:06
  situ,
• 36:07
  each
• 36:07
  person
• 36:07
  that
• 36:08
  I
• 36:08
  work
• 36:08
  with
• 36:08
  from
• 36:08
  a
• 36:08
  place
• 36:09
  of.
• 36:09
  I
• 36:09
  don't
• 36:09
  know,
• 36:10
  you
• 36:10
  tell
• 36:10
  me.
• 36:11
  I
• 36:11
  never,
• 36:12
  I,
• 36:13
  I
• 36:13
  don't
• 36:13
  ever.
• 36:14
  I
• 36:14
  don't
• 36:14
  even.
• 36:14
  I
• 36:14
  don't
• 36:15
  have
• 36:15
  to
• 36:15
  worry
• 36:15
  about
• 36:15
  saying
• 36:16
  it
• 36:16
  because
• 36:16
  I
• 36:16
  don't
• 36:16
  think
• 36:17
  and
• 36:17
  I
• 36:17
  don't
• 36:17
  feel
• 36:17
  it.
• 36:18
  Like
• 36:18
  I
• 36:18
  have
• 36:18
  like,
• 36:19
  oh,
• 36:19
  you
• 36:19
  should
• 36:19
  do
• 36:19
  this.
• 36:20
  Like,
• 36:21
  I
• 36:21
  don't
• 36:21
  know
• 36:21
  what
• 36:21
  you
• 36:21
  should
• 36:22
  do.
• 36:22
  You.
• 36:22
  But
• 36:23
  together
• 36:23
  we'll
• 36:23
  help
• 36:24
  you
• 36:24
  figure
• 36:24
  it
• 36:25
  out
• 36:25
  so
• 36:25
  that
• 36:26
  you
• 36:26
  can
• 36:26
  feel
• 36:26
  good
• 36:26
  about
• 36:27
  what
• 36:28
  you're
• 36:28
  doing
• 36:28
  next.
• 36:29
  Right,
• 36:30
  Right.
• 36:30
  And
• 36:30
  versus
• 36:31
  yes.
• 36:31
  Because,
• 36:32
  you
• 36:32
  know,
• 36:32
  your
• 36:32
  friend
• 36:32
  comes
• 36:33
  to
• 36:33
  you
• 36:33
  and
• 36:33
  says,
• 36:33
  well,
• 36:33
  I
• 36:33
  did
• 36:34
  this
• 36:34
  and
• 36:34
  I
• 36:34
  did
• 36:34
  that.
• 36:34
  And
• 36:34
  it's
• 36:35
  very
• 36:35
  easy
• 36:35
  to
• 36:35
  say,
• 36:36
  oh
• 36:36
  my
• 36:36
  God,
• 36:36
  I
• 36:36
  would
• 36:36
  never
• 36:36
  put
• 36:37
  up
• 36:37
  with
• 36:37
  the
• 36:37
  crap.
• 36:38
  Yeah.
• 36:38
  But
• 36:38
  at
• 36:39
  the
• 36:39
  same
• 36:39
  time
• 36:39
  it's
• 36:40
  like,
• 36:40
  well,
• 36:40
  what
• 36:40
  made
• 36:41
  him
• 36:41
  say
• 36:42
  that
• 36:42
  and
• 36:42
  how
• 36:43
  did
• 36:43
  that
• 36:43
  make
• 36:43
  you
• 36:43
  feel?
• 36:45
  Yeah,
• 36:46
  yeah.
• 36:46
  There's
• 36:47
  nothing
• 36:47
  surface.
• 36:47
  It's
• 36:48
  always
• 36:48
  like,
• 36:49
  what's
• 36:49
  going
• 36:49
  on
• 36:49
  there.
• 36:51
  Yeah,
• 36:51
  yeah,
• 36:52
  absolutely.
• 36:53
  Well,
• 36:54
  so
• 36:54
  do
• 36:54
  you
• 36:54
  have
• 36:54
  any
• 36:55
  other
• 36:55
  tips
• 36:55
  and
• 36:55
  tricks
• 36:56
  or
• 36:56
  maybe
• 36:57
  some
• 36:57
  things,
• 36:57
  some
• 36:58
  maybe
• 36:58
  self
• 36:59
  reflection
• 36:59
  questions
• 37:00
  besides
• 37:00
  the
• 37:01
  one
• 37:01
  big
• 37:01
  one
• 37:01
  that
• 37:02
  to
• 37:02
  see
• 37:02
  if
• 37:03
  maybe
• 37:03
  people
• 37:03
  might
• 37:04
  want
• 37:04
  to
• 37:04
  come
• 37:04
  work
• 37:04
  with
• 37:04
  you
• 37:05
  or
• 37:05
  need
• 37:05
  to
• 37:05
  know
• 37:05
  more?
• 37:06
  I'm
• 37:06
  sorry,
• 37:06
  my
• 37:06
  dog
• 37:06
  is
• 37:07
  freaking
• 37:07
  out.
• 37:07
  Stop
• 37:08
  messing.
• 37:09
  I
• 37:10
  think
• 37:10
  what
• 37:10
  I
• 37:10
  really
• 37:10
  want
• 37:11
  to
• 37:11
  encourage
• 37:12
  people
• 37:12
  to
• 37:12
  consider
• 37:13
  is
• 37:14
  if
• 37:15
  you
• 37:15
  are
• 37:15
  not
• 37:16
  happy
• 37:16
  with
• 37:16
  what's
• 37:17
  going
• 37:17
  on
• 37:17
  now,
• 37:18
  even
• 37:19
  if
• 37:19
  you're,
• 37:19
  you
• 37:20
  know,
• 37:20
  maybe
• 37:20
  you're
• 37:21
  not
• 37:21
  sitting
• 37:21
  with,
• 37:21
  should
• 37:22
  I
• 37:22
  stay
• 37:22
  or
• 37:22
  should
• 37:22
  I
• 37:23
  go?
• 37:23
  But
• 37:23
  you're
• 37:23
  just
• 37:23
  like,
• 37:23
  what
• 37:24
  I've
• 37:24
  got
• 37:24
  going
• 37:24
  on
• 37:24
  now
• 37:25
  doesn't
• 37:26
  work
• 37:26
  for
• 37:26
  me.
• 37:27
  That
• 37:27
  is
• 37:28
  worth
• 37:28
  looking
• 37:29
  at
• 37:29
  more,
• 37:30
  you
• 37:31
  know,
• 37:31
  figure
• 37:32
  out
• 37:32
  what's
• 37:32
  going
• 37:32
  on
• 37:33
  there.
• 37:33
  If
• 37:33
  you're
• 37:33
  not
• 37:33
  able
• 37:34
  to
• 37:34
  do
• 37:34
  that
• 37:34
  on
• 37:34
  your
• 37:34
  own,
• 37:35
  reach
• 37:35
  out
• 37:35
  to
• 37:36
  someone
• 37:37
  for
• 37:37
  some
• 37:37
  help
• 37:37
  and
• 37:37
  so
• 37:38
  that
• 37:38
  you
• 37:38
  can
• 37:38
  get
• 37:38
  the
• 37:38
  guidance
• 37:39
  so
• 37:39
  that
• 37:39
  you
• 37:39
  can
• 37:40
  get
• 37:40
  to
• 37:40
  a
• 37:40
  place
• 37:41
  where
• 37:41
  you
• 37:41
  figure
• 37:42
  out,
• 37:42
  oh,
• 37:42
  okay,
• 37:43
  I
• 37:43
  can
• 37:44
  make
• 37:44
  it
• 37:44
  work
• 37:44
  here,
• 37:44
  or
• 37:45
  I
• 37:45
  need
• 37:45
  to
• 37:45
  make
• 37:45
  it
• 37:45
  work
• 37:45
  somewhere
• 37:46
  different.
• 37:47
  But
• 37:47
  you
• 37:48
  don't
• 37:48
  need
• 37:48
  to
• 37:48
  sit
• 37:49
  in
• 37:49
  that
• 37:49
  uncertainty
• 37:50
  or
• 37:51
  just
• 37:51
  feeling
• 37:52
  that
• 37:52
  coexistence,
• 37:53
  lack
• 37:54
  of
• 37:54
  happiness
• 37:55
  in
• 37:56
  your
• 37:56
  relationship
• 37:57
  and
• 37:57
  in
• 37:57
  your
• 37:57
  life.
• 37:58
  So
• 37:59
  I
• 37:59
  just
• 37:59
  really
• 37:59
  encourage
• 38:00
  people
• 38:00
  to.
• 38:01
  And
• 38:01
  I
• 38:01
  say
• 38:01
  this
• 38:01
  a
• 38:01
  lot
• 38:01
  on
• 38:02
  my
• 38:02
  podcast,
• 38:03
  like,
• 38:03
  raise
• 38:03
  the
• 38:03
  bar.
• 38:04
  I.
• 38:05
  I
• 38:05
  want
• 38:05
  you
• 38:06
  to
• 38:06
  raise
• 38:07
  the
• 38:07
  bar
• 38:08
  and
• 38:09
  what
• 38:09
  you
• 38:09
  need
• 38:09
  to
• 38:10
  do
• 38:10
  to
• 38:11
  do
• 38:11
  that
• 38:11
  and
• 38:11
  the
• 38:11
  support
• 38:12
  you
• 38:12
  need
• 38:12
  to
• 38:12
  get
• 38:12
  to
• 38:13
  be
• 38:13
  able
• 38:13
  to
• 38:13
  do
• 38:13
  that,
• 38:14
  take
• 38:14
  those
• 38:14
  steps.
• 38:15
  It's
• 38:15
  so
• 38:16
  important.
• 38:16
  You
• 38:16
  don't,
• 38:17
  you
• 38:17
  don't
• 38:17
  need
• 38:18
  to.
• 38:18
  I,
• 38:18
  it
• 38:18
  may
• 38:18
  not
• 38:19
  seem
• 38:19
  like
• 38:19
  it
• 38:19
  right
• 38:20
  now
• 38:20
  where
• 38:20
  you're
• 38:21
  sitting,
• 38:21
  but
• 38:21
  you
• 38:22
  don't
• 38:22
  need
• 38:22
  to
• 38:23
  keep
• 38:24
  living
• 38:24
  in
• 38:24
  this
• 38:25
  space
• 38:26
  of
• 38:26
  feeling
• 38:26
  disconnected
• 38:27
  and
• 38:27
  discontented.
• 38:29
  So,
• 38:29
  yeah,
• 38:30
  and
• 38:30
  that
• 38:30
  is
• 38:31
  a
• 38:31
  perfect
• 38:31
  way
• 38:31
  of
• 38:31
  putting
• 38:32
  it
• 38:32
  is
• 38:32
  just
• 38:32
  raise
• 38:32
  the
• 38:32
  bar.
• 38:33
  Because
• 38:33
  I
• 38:33
  know
• 38:33
  I've
• 38:34
  said
• 38:34
  so
• 38:34
  many
• 38:34
  times
• 38:35
  when
• 38:35
  I'm
• 38:35
  just
• 38:36
  like
• 38:36
  miserable
• 38:36
  and
• 38:36
  people
• 38:37
  like,
• 38:37
  well,
• 38:37
  why
• 38:37
  do
• 38:37
  you
• 38:38
  do
• 38:38
  that?
• 38:38
  I'm
• 38:38
  like,
• 38:38
  and
• 38:38
  then
• 38:38
  I
• 38:39
  get
• 38:39
  Thinking
• 38:39
  about
• 38:39
  it,
• 38:39
  I'm
• 38:39
  like,
• 38:40
  yeah,
• 38:40
  I
• 38:40
  guess
• 38:40
  my
• 38:40
  expectations
• 38:41
  aren't
• 38:41
  very
• 38:42
  high,
• 38:42
  so
• 38:42
  I'm
• 38:42
  pretty
• 38:43
  content
• 38:43
  with
• 38:43
  the
• 38:43
  bar.
• 38:43
  Pretty
• 38:44
  low.
• 38:44
  You're
• 38:44
  right.
• 38:45
  That's
• 38:45
  what
• 38:45
  we
• 38:45
  do.
• 38:45
  We
• 38:46
  tend
• 38:46
  to
• 38:46
  do
• 38:46
  that.
• 38:47
  Raise
• 38:47
  the
• 38:47
  bar.
• 38:48
  Yeah.
• 38:49
  Wow.
• 38:50
  So
• 38:50
  people
• 38:50
  want
• 38:50
  to
• 38:50
  work
• 38:51
  with
• 38:51
  you.
• 38:51
  Where
• 38:51
  do
• 38:51
  they
• 38:51
  find
• 38:52
  you
• 38:53
  so
• 38:53
  you.
• 38:53
  Can
• 38:53
  learn
• 38:54
  more
• 38:54
  about
• 38:54
  me
• 38:54
  and
• 38:54
  how
• 38:55
  you
• 38:55
  can
• 38:55
  work
• 38:55
  with
• 38:55
  me
• 38:56
  at
• 38:56
  A
• 38:56
  Better
• 38:56
  Relationship
• 38:58
  Coaching
• 38:58
  dot
• 38:58
  com.
• 39:00
  I
• 39:00
  do
• 39:00
  have
• 39:00
  a
• 39:00
  podcast
• 39:01
  about
• 39:01
  a
• 39:01
  relationship
• 39:02
  in
• 39:02
  five
• 39:02
  minutes,
• 39:02
  so
• 39:03
  you
• 39:03
  can
• 39:03
  find
• 39:03
  me
• 39:03
  there
• 39:04
  also.
• 39:04
  And
• 39:05
  if
• 39:05
  you'd
• 39:05
  like
• 39:06
  to
• 39:06
  set
• 39:06
  up
• 39:06
  a
• 39:06
  free
• 39:07
  call
• 39:07
  with
• 39:07
  me,
• 39:07
  that
• 39:08
  will
• 39:08
  be
• 39:08
  in
• 39:08
  the
• 39:08
  show
• 39:09
  notes
• 39:09
  along
• 39:09
  with
• 39:09
  my
• 39:10
  website
• 39:10
  information.
• 39:11
  Okay.
• 39:12
  You
• 39:12
  said
• 39:12
  your
• 39:12
  podcast
• 39:13
  is
• 39:13
  called
• 39:13
  a
• 39:14
  bet,
• 39:14
  and
• 39:14
  I
• 39:14
  will
• 39:14
  put
• 39:14
  all
• 39:14
  of
• 39:15
  that
• 39:15
  in
• 39:15
  the
• 39:15
  show
• 39:15
  notes
• 39:15
  so
• 39:16
  you
• 39:16
  guys
• 39:16
  can
• 39:16
  find
• 39:16
  everything.
• 39:17
  Don't.
• 39:17
  Don't
• 39:18
  try
• 39:18
  to
• 39:18
  write
• 39:18
  while
• 39:18
  you're
• 39:19
  driving.
• 39:19
  That's
• 39:19
  my
• 39:19
  biggest
• 39:20
  tip.
• 39:22
  Your
• 39:22
  podcast
• 39:23
  is
• 39:23
  called
• 39:23
  A
• 39:23
  Better
• 39:24
  Relationship
• 39:24
  in
• 39:24
  five
• 39:24
  Minutes.
• 39:25
  Yeah.
• 39:26
  So
• 39:26
  is
• 39:26
  it
• 39:27
  five
• 39:27
  minute
• 39:27
  episodes
• 39:27
  or
• 39:28
  is
• 39:28
  it
• 39:28
  five
• 39:28
  minute
• 39:28
  tips?
• 39:29
  Nope,
• 39:29
  they're
• 39:30
  five
• 39:30
  minute.
• 39:30
  I
• 39:30
  mean,
• 39:31
  sometimes
• 39:31
  I
• 39:31
  get
• 39:31
  a
• 39:32
  little
• 39:32
  talky,
• 39:32
  so
• 39:33
  they
• 39:33
  may
• 39:33
  be
• 39:33
  like
• 39:34
  seven
• 39:34
  or
• 39:34
  eight
• 39:34
  minutes,
• 39:35
  but
• 39:35
  generally
• 39:35
  they're
• 39:36
  about
• 39:36
  five
• 39:36
  minute
• 39:36
  episodes
• 39:38
  because
• 39:38
  I
• 39:38
  want
• 39:38
  people
• 39:38
  to
• 39:39
  be
• 39:40
  able
• 39:40
  to
• 39:40
  listen,
• 39:40
  get
• 39:41
  something
• 39:41
  useful
• 39:41
  out
• 39:42
  of
• 39:42
  each
• 39:42
  episode,
• 39:43
  and
• 39:43
  then
• 39:43
  kind
• 39:44
  of
• 39:44
  keep
• 39:44
  going.
• 39:45
  And
• 39:45
  so,
• 39:46
  yeah,
• 39:46
  a
• 39:46
  Better
• 39:47
  relationship
• 39:47
  in
• 39:47
  five
• 39:48
  minutes.
• 39:48
  Oh,
• 39:48
  my
• 39:49
  gosh.
• 39:49
  And
• 39:49
  you
• 39:49
  need
• 39:49
  to
• 39:49
  transcribe
• 39:50
  all
• 39:50
  of
• 39:50
  those
• 39:50
  into
• 39:50
  a
• 39:51
  book.
• 39:52
  Yes,
• 39:52
  Well,
• 39:53
  I
• 39:53
  actually
• 39:53
  would.
• 39:54
  I
• 39:54
  am
• 39:54
  working
• 39:55
  on
• 39:55
  a
• 39:55
  book
• 39:55
  right
• 39:55
  now,
• 39:56
  so,
• 39:57
  you
• 39:57
  know,
• 39:57
  maybe
• 39:57
  I
• 39:57
  can
• 39:58
  come
• 39:58
  back
• 39:58
  another
• 39:58
  time
• 39:58
  and
• 39:59
  we
• 39:59
  can
• 39:59
  talk
• 39:59
  about
• 39:59
  that
• 39:59
  when
• 39:59
  that's
• 40:00
  done.
• 40:00
  Oh,
• 40:01
  yeah,
• 40:01
  no,
• 40:01
  I'm
• 40:02
  just
• 40:02
  thinking
• 40:02
  I'm
• 40:02
  picturing
• 40:03
  all
• 40:03
  these
• 40:03
  spots
• 40:03
  because
• 40:03
  that's
• 40:03
  what
• 40:04
  people
• 40:04
  need.
• 40:04
  People
• 40:04
  need.
• 40:05
  What
• 40:05
  can
• 40:05
  I
• 40:05
  do
• 40:05
  right
• 40:06
  now,
• 40:06
  right
• 40:06
  here,
• 40:06
  today,
• 40:08
  to
• 40:08
  put
• 40:08
  something
• 40:08
  into
• 40:09
  practice
• 40:09
  or
• 40:09
  just
• 40:10
  a
• 40:10
  question
• 40:10
  to
• 40:10
  self
• 40:11
  reflect
• 40:11
  on
• 40:11
  or
• 40:12
  something
• 40:12
  to
• 40:14
  move.
• 40:15
  Move
• 40:15
  the
• 40:15
  needle
• 40:16
  forward?
• 40:16
  Yeah.
• 40:17
  Yep.
• 40:17
  Absolutely.
• 40:18
  Yep.
• 40:18
  And
• 40:18
  so.
• 40:18
  And
• 40:19
  that's
• 40:19
  really
• 40:19
  what
• 40:19
  it
• 40:19
  is.
• 40:19
  It's
• 40:20
  just
• 40:20
  kind
• 40:20
  of
• 40:20
  like
• 40:21
  tips,
• 40:22
  advice,
• 40:22
  you
• 40:23
  know,
• 40:23
  thoughts
• 40:23
  to
• 40:24
  kind
• 40:24
  of
• 40:24
  shake
• 40:24
  you
• 40:24
  out
• 40:24
  of
• 40:25
  your.
• 40:26
  Your,
• 40:26
  you
• 40:26
  know,
• 40:26
  what
• 40:27
  you're
• 40:27
  sitting
• 40:27
  in
• 40:27
  now
• 40:27
  that
• 40:28
  maybe
• 40:28
  you
• 40:28
  feel
• 40:28
  stuck
• 40:29
  in.
• 40:29
  Just
• 40:29
  to
• 40:29
  give
• 40:29
  you,
• 40:29
  like
• 40:30
  a
• 40:30
  reframe,
• 40:30
  a
• 40:31
  different
• 40:31
  perspective.
• 40:31
  Some.
• 40:32
  Some
• 40:32
  place
• 40:32
  to
• 40:32
  kind
• 40:32
  of
• 40:33
  like,
• 40:33
  kickstart
• 40:33
  something.
• 40:34
  Love
• 40:35
  that.
• 40:35
  Absolutely
• 40:36
  love
• 40:36
  that.
• 40:36
  Thank
• 40:36
  you
• 40:36
  for
• 40:36
  that,
• 40:37
  Karen.
• 40:37
  Yeah,
• 40:38
  absolutely.
• 40:38
  Thank
• 40:38
  you.
• 40:39
  I'm
• 40:39
  gonna.
• 40:39
  I'm
• 40:39
  gonna
• 40:39
  go
• 40:40
  subscribe
• 40:40
  to
• 40:40
  that
• 40:40
  podcast
• 40:41
  right
• 40:41
  now,
• 40:41
  actually,
• 40:42
  so.
• 40:43
  Well,
• 40:44
  thank
• 40:44
  you
• 40:44
  again
• 40:44
  for
• 40:45
  coming
• 40:45
  on.
• 40:45
  I
• 40:45
  so
• 40:45
  appreciate
• 40:46
  you.
• 40:47
  Oh,
• 40:47
  it's
• 40:47
  been
• 40:47
  great
• 40:47
  being
• 40:48
  here.
• 40:48
  Thank
• 40:48
  you.
• 40:49
  You're
• 40:49
  very
• 40:49
  welcome.
• 40:50
  For
• 40:50
  everybody
• 40:50
  else
• 40:50
  out
• 40:50
  there,
• 40:51
  you
• 40:51
  heard
• 40:51
  it.
• 40:51
  Just
• 40:51
  raise
• 40:52
  the
• 40:52
  bar.
• 40:52
  Raise
• 40:53
  the
• 40:53
  bar.
• 40:53
  And
• 40:54
  set
• 40:55
  it
• 40:55
  high
• 40:55
  enough.
• 40:56
  You
• 40:56
  know
• 40:56
  how
• 40:56
  I
• 40:57
  always
• 40:57
  say?
• 40:57
  I
• 40:57
  always
• 40:57
  say,
• 40:58
  treat
• 40:58
  yourself
• 40:58
  and
• 40:59
  set
• 40:59
  your
• 40:59
  standards
• 40:59
  and
• 41:00
  set
• 41:00
  your
• 41:00
  expectations
• 41:01
  like
• 41:01
  you
• 41:01
  would
• 41:02
  for
• 41:02
  someone
• 41:02
  that
• 41:03
  you
• 41:03
  love
• 41:03
  more
• 41:03
  than
• 41:03
  life.
• 41:04
  Your
• 41:04
  sister,
• 41:04
  your
• 41:04
  daughter,
• 41:05
  your
• 41:05
  friend,
• 41:05
  your.
• 41:05
  Whoever
• 41:06
  it
• 41:06
  is,
• 41:07
  raise
• 41:07
  the
• 41:07
  bar
• 41:08
  and
• 41:08
  set
• 41:08
  those
• 41:08
  expectations
• 41:10
  that
• 41:10
  way
• 41:10
  for
• 41:11
  yourself.
• 41:11
  Because
• 41:12
  you
• 41:12
  so
• 41:13
  deserve
• 41:13
  it.
• 41:14
  You
• 41:14
  so
• 41:14
  deserve
• 41:15
  it.
• 41:16
  Yes.
• 41:17
  So
• 41:17
  thank
• 41:17
  you
• 41:17
  very
• 41:18
  much
• 41:18
  for
• 41:18
  everybody,
• 41:19
  and
• 41:19
  we
• 41:19
  will
• 41:19
  see
• 41:20
  you
• 41:20
  back
• 41:20
  here
• 41:20
  next
• 41:21
  week.
• 41:22
  Bye.
• 41:23
  Bye.