Latest / Rich Spinster / Sweet Love

Transcript

Sweet Love · Rich Spinster

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's just all about love and life and living and freedom.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's what that's what it's all about for me now.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Rich Spenster Podcast.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: I am happy to be joining you all on this rainy Monday morning.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get into some things, shall we?
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: First thing.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: I cut my hair off.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Listen.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: This was something that I had been thinking about for a while.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: So let me let me rewind.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: When I first started the podcast, and and most people who have been in my life for about 20 years know that I've always worn locks.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And not only did I wear locks, I only wore my locks curly for the most part because I just felt like that was a more unique way of wearing it.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought it was flattering.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I loved my lock journey.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, I got locks because I didn't want to do my hair.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's it.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: I did not want to do my hair.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: I did not want to spend my life worrying about what my hair would look like, or is it raining outside?
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: And all of the things that women, particularly black women, have to worry about.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so one day I said to my best friend, I said, Lulu, I'm gonna lock my hair, which really meant Lulu, I need you to lock my hair.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so we did.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so I went on this wonderful journey of having locked hair.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I never regretted it.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: It was great.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: About, I would say, five years ago.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: About five years ago, I I just didn't want the locks anymore.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like they had run their course and I just did not know what I wanted to do with my hair, but I knew that I did not want to wear locks anymore.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I talked about it a lot with friends and I listened to other people's opinions, and they were saying, yes, do it, no, take them down, whatever.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so I thought about it for a long time, and then suddenly this past summer, I was coming back home from a trip and I just started combing out the locks.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I I told this story previously in the podcast.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: I started combing out the locks, and it was so cathartic.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what I wanted to do with my hair.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know if my hair would even survive combing out the locks, but I knew that it was something that I needed to do for myself.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I combed them out, and it took me about a week, five days to a week, to unravel about 17 years, 18 years worth of locked hair.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was like, well, what am I going to do with this hair?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to do my hair every day.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: I what am I supposed to do?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: I I invested money in deep conditioners and expensive shampoos and washing my hair all the time.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it was just a lot of work.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I know this is the life that many of you all live, and it seems normal.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: It is not normal for me to get up in the morning and think about my hair.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: My morning routine was getting up in the morning, getting dressed, throwing on Max Ruby-woo lipstick, and going about my merry way.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I was suddenly faced with the reality that I was going to have to put in more effort than I really wanted to.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so I thought, well, I'll just wear my hair in a ponytail.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'll just, I just was frustrated because then I was like, my goodness, I'm having to do the ponytail every day and get some edge control and like all of the things that I didn't want to do.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, this weekend, I said, no, I'm cutting it off.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: I put it in a ponytail and I took some scissors to it and I cut it all off.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then I thought, hmm, hmm, this scissor thing is not working.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: This scissor thing is not working.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I went to Walmart.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you this story.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I went to Walmart and I thought, how hard could this be?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go get some clippers.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I went to Walmart, I purchased some clippers, came home.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: The clippers that I purchased, they were trash.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I put it back in the box, went back to Walmart to get some clippers that had been recommended online.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Got home, opened it, and do you all know those damn clippers had been used?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: It had someone else's hair in the clipper.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: I was disgusted.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: I was absolutely disgusted.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I what did I do?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Packed that shit back up, went back to Walmart, and then grabbed another one from the back.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Grabbed one from the back, went to the counter, customer service counter, was like, okay, so the girl was like, I was like, yo, this has hair in it.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: She was like, oh, they didn't even like scan anything.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: They just said you're good.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I went home and I went into the bathroom and I started cutting my hair off.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I started with a higher guard, and I was like, no, lower, lower, yeah, lower, lower.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so I got to the point where I was completely satisfied.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: I also had my best friend Lulu taper the back for me and kind of clean it up for me.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I tell you all, I have, I have never been so happy just to not even think about it, to not to wake up in the morning and it was almost like going back to my old life where I would wake up in the morning and not think anything about my hair.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was the exact same thing.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: It was in my early 20s, I was wearing my hair in a bob, and it was relaxed, and it was in a bob, and everyone was very complimentary on my hair.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: They would always say, Oh, your bob looks so nice, it's so shiny, it's so bouncy, and all of that.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then one night I went into the bathroom at like one o'clock in the morning, and I shaved my head completely bald with a razor, like a big razor.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: It was a mess.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: It was a mess.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: I finally got it clean, but it took forever.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't even like a good, it was one of those plastic pink ones, you know, those disposable razors.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: It was a mess.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: I had a couple of nicks and everything, but I got through it, bleeding and all.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I just felt like it was something that I needed to do.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Anyone who has ever shaved their head understands what that feels like.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: It just felt like something that I needed to do, and I was extremely happy with it and pretty confident, although the reactions from people back then were very different.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, first of all, I was totally bald.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I understand that that felt maybe a little extreme for some people.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: But when I started growing my hair back out and I was wearing it pretty low, actually had more hair than I do now.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: I had just lots of compliments.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: People would would tell me, wow, you look amazing, or you have the face for that.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: You look really beautiful.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Except for black folks.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Black people really had a strong reaction to my hair being bald and really low at that time.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Mind you, this is before a lot of people were, there was no natural movement.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people in the 90s had just, they there not a lot of people around me were wearing their hair natural as black women.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so I really did stand out where I was located at the time, which was in Florida.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't really feel confident with it at that time.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: I thought, well, maybe it doesn't look good, or maybe it's not feminine enough, or maybe I should do this.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: And and so I ended up growing my hair back out.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: But it was years and years of struggling with my hair.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I probably shaved it two other times before I was in my 30s.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then I decided to start my locking process.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: So um, but here I am now, and I don't, I cannot imagine growing my hair back out.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: I can't imagine doing, you know, uh a lot of fun things with it.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: I definitely want to get some designs in it, and it has a part on the side, but I need to work on that a little bit because I haven't been to a barber, but I did pretty well for somebody who didn't go to a barber.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm very satisfied.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't wait to play with color and all of those kinds of things.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I think what it does for me is like hair has never been important for me or important to me, but it has always been important for me to own myself, and I own my life, and I own myself, and I own what I look like, and I don't do any of that to please other people, it is all about pleasing myself, and I'm sorry, but I have never felt just so myself and confident and bold as I do right now with no hair, and so we'll see how this journey goes.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot wait to dye it like a blonde, which I'll probably do in the spring.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: But this is the new journey I am on, and it feels so amazing, and I feel so free, and that's what it's about.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: It is about freedom.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Everything in life for me is about freedom, how I express myself, how I dress, how I wear my hair, the color lipstick I might put on that day.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: It is all about freedom.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: How I love people is about freedom.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: And this is just another extension of that.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope by sharing that that it also maybe motivates other people to step into their freedom, whatever that looks like.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: I am not going to be governed by anybody's standard, beauty or otherwise.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I am only interested in people who are also on that journey.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I just wanted to share that little bit with you all today.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing that has been weighing on my heart has been the Nolan Wells case.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: The state of Mississippi claims that Nolan Wells drowned.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: There has been so much secrecy around this case, and unfortunately, unfortunately, most of us already knew what the outcome was going to be.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: We knew what the outcome was going to be because we've seen this time and time again, and not only during our lifetimes, but our parents and our grandparents and our great-grandparents, they've told us.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: They've told us, but as the years go on, there's still a part of Black America that wants to believe that we can have a society where there is justice for all.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: My heart breaks for his family.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: My heart breaks for the people that loved him.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to say they are very strong.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: They are strong people because let me tell you something.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that I'm a good person.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: I love people deeply.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: I am empathetic.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm altruistic at my core.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: My nephew is 20 years old, my nephew is in a fraternity, my nephew's in college, my nephew is a good-looking, smart young man.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: My nephew is loved.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: But if my nephew went out with his a group of his white friends and didn't come back, I'm not waiting for the police.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not waiting for justice.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: We're all gonna cry together.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's what's gonna happen.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: We're all going to cry together because I have no faith in the justice system when it comes to the lives of black people, especially the lives of young black men.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's just it.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: I would, I, I would, I'm not gonna say what I would do, but I will tell you this.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: After I did it, I would then be in Mexico somewhere.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because there is no way I could walk around knowing what it that something happened to my nephew, and there was no, there's gonna be no justice for it.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: No one was gonna be held accountable.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna be going back out to the lake on Memorial Day or 4th of July, again, having a good time in boats, and I'm supposed to be home grieving.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, no, no.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: No, the shit wouldn't go down that way.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: And and part of me feels, part of me feels we have to hold on to our young ones that we have to as a community support and protect our communities.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't mean just as a community where you live.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: I mean if you see a young black man or a young black woman by themselves somewhere, check on them and be like, you all right?
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Check on them and say, Is there anything you need?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: If you see them in a group and they're the only black person in the group, watch that group.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: Pay attention.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: We can no longer afford to trust the justice system in this way.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: We can no longer wait on some benevolent white person to step in and stop something violent from happening.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: We can't do that.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to know them.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: One thing I love about growing up in the South is particularly in a small town in Florida, and I thought this was the case everywhere.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: You would go to the mall or any store and you see another black person, and that you acknowledge that person.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'd be walking in, you know, you walk in a store.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: How you doing?
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: How you doing?
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: You make eye contact with them.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: It is a way that we as a culture acknowledge each other, but it is also kind of like a telepathic conversation that takes place.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: I see you.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: I see you.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I, though living in the Northeast, the culture is a little different.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: When I am in a store, and normally when I'm in a store, there are not many other people of color there.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm in a store and I see a black person, I still speak.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: How you doing?
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: You doing all right?
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if I don't speak, I nod.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because I want them to know I see you.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we need more of.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: We need to see each other and keep an eye on each other.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: And if something doesn't look right, hey, you good?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I wish that Nolan had had that that day.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: I wish there would have been another one of us nearby who could have checked on him.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is why Nat Turner did what he did.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Keep fucking with people, we gon' back.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because in the words of Kamala Harris, these motherfuckers are crazy.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: I love when Kamala Harris says that, by the way.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: When Kamala Harris curses, it's like I don't know, it's like hearing angels sing for me.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's like hearing angel singing.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: When I hear her say motherfuckers, oh it's a beautiful, beautiful thing.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's a beautiful thing.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Kamala Harris saying motherfucker and seeing her silk press is like, those are like two things that I love more than anything.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Kamala Harris has the best silk press in America.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Hands down.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Hands down she's got the best.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh god, what we could have had.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, in celebrity news, again I'm reporting Taylor Swift has some new songs out.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: You all, I was reading an article on the route and it talked about our like songs.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: It talked about RB songs that are turning 40.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Control by Janet Jackson.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in control and I like it.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: Girl, I wanted to be Janet Jackson so bad.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: Not during control, not during the control video.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: But do you know when I wanted to be Janet Jackson?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I was a little little girl, but when that pleasure principle video came out, and Janet had on those black jeans, and she had on the black t-shirt, and that t-shirt was tied in a knot, and she got up on that chair, and you could see all that booty poking out.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I could see my future.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Sweet Love by Anita Baker.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, can we just stop right here and say Sweet Love by Anita Baker?
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's one of the most beautiful songs.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: It is one of my favorite songs.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: It is absolutely one of my favorite songs.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: When I hear with all my heart, I love you, baby.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Stay with me, and you will see my what?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: I remember hearing that when I was a little kid, right?
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I heard when I was a little kid and I heard Anita Baker's sweet love for the first time, I was like, I felt like I was in love.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like I was in love.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: Woof! It feels so damn good.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: But sweet love, Prince and the Revolution's Kiss, Michael McDonald and Patty Labelle's on my own.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, let me stop again right here.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Michael McDonald is one of my favorite singers.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: I do not play about Michael McDonald.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: I have told this story before on the podcast, and I will tell it again.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: I had to have an outpatient surgery this one particular day.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is years ago, and I had Michael McDonald tickets.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I went to my outpatient surgery, and my doctor was like, So when you get home, you know, you need to rest for a couple of days.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, rest.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: I got a concert I'm going to tonight.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to the Michael McDonald concert.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: And by the looks of it, I got three hours to get to get there.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, You're going to a concert tonight.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: You can't.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: You need to go rest.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to rest after Michael McDonald's.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: I went home.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: I got dressed.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: I took my ass to the Michael McDonald concert.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was not missing that for anything.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: I did not care.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I was woozy.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: But I went to the Michael McDonald concert because I don't play about him.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but Michael McDonald and Patty LaBelle's on my own.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: All of these songs, Candy by Cameo, it's like oh, I can feel it.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Even when you talk, it takes over me.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: These songs are 40.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: These songs are 40.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: We old.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, wait, what?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: We are we're old.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't believe it when I saw that.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was I could not believe that these songs were fucking 40 years old.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: These songs are middle-aged.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they sound good and we look good.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not even gonna dive into anything related to Trump.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all just get out there and vote during the midterms.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's all that you need to do.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, chlamydia has higher approval ratings than Donald Trump.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: And make a plan.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: I was talking to one of my sorority sisters, and she was telling me that she wanted to help take people to the polls just to do it for just a couple of hours so that she could help.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: There's there's always something that you can do, even if it's just a conversation.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm telling you, if there needs to be consequences for people who just don't vote.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: There just needs to be consequences in your life.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you're talking to someone and and they're just not voting because they're lazy, I mean, I guess you can't cut them off.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I would, but you can treat them like a distant cousin, treat them like a cousin from like your daddy's side.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna I'm gonna go and listen to some music.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go listen to some 40-year-old music, some some middle-aged music, some some music that has aching knees sometimes.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go listen to the music that is asleep by 10 o'clock.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm gonna go do.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope you guys do the same.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: Listen.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to the Rich Spenster Podcast.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: You can listen to this podcast anywhere you listen to podcasts, and you can watch the podcast in its entirety on YouTube at Rich Spenster and follow me on Instagram at Rich Spenster.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: Have a sweet week, everyone.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I will talk to you soon.