Latest / Armstrong & Getty One More Thing / We Too...Can Do The Weave!

Transcript

We Too...Can Do The Weave! · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: In honor of our president. We're going to do the weave.
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: It's one more thing.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: I'm strong and getty.
• 0:05
  Speaker 3: One more.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Do you know what the weave is? That's what they
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Does Trump call it that or do other people call
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: it that? Anyway?
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Trumped us?
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when he's given a speech and he just kind
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: of goes around from subject to subject to subject and
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: then brings it back to something, we're going to kind
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: of do that here.
• 0:21
  Speaker 4: We don't have.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: A particular thing. I'm just going through my notes from vacation.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Somebody did win a one point eight two billion dollar
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: jackpot in the power Ball, second biggest ever.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: One me too. I haven't said anything about it. I'm
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: that down to earth.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: One point eight billion dollars. So the one time lump sum,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: if they decide to take that, will be eight hundred
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: and thirty five million dollars. Okay, So even if you
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: have to pay half of it in Texas, you have
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden four hundred and twenty million dollars.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: That's a lot of money. The worst thing that could
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: happen to you, It's hard to imagine coming out of
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: that better than you entered it. Even if that is
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: the standard five years from now, is your life better
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: or worse. It's hard to imagine it being better in
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: my mind, you know, I was just for most people.
• 1:09
  Speaker 5: I was just talking to a friend of mine the
• 1:11
  Speaker 5: other day who got some form of inheritance, and it
• 1:14
  Speaker 5: wasn't a huge sum of money, but I mean it's
• 1:16
  Speaker 5: a lot for him. The amount of people hitting him
• 1:20
  Speaker 5: up for.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Money, wow, is on.
• 1:23
  Speaker 5: And we're not talking lottery money. We're talking you know,
• 1:27
  Speaker 5: a few thousand, you know. But he's like, I can't
• 1:31
  Speaker 5: believe I'm getting calls from people that I haven't talked
• 1:34
  Speaker 5: to in a couple of years.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Well, just so just start there. If you live in
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: one of the states where they make you identify yourself
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: for promotional purposes, and so your name is out there
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: that you've got four hundred some million dollars, yeah, you
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: immediately have to move, change your name, change your number.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: I mean, so you got a hassle right off the bat,
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: best case scenario, man, and yeah, and you.
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: Just have to establish your trust and get used to
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: saying I have no control over the trust.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: There's a there's a board that decides where the money goes.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Yes, but I.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: Because a lot of the the begging you would get
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: would be pretty legitimate and pretty hard tug.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: Oh hell yeah, like like all of it could be right. Look,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: my kid's going to be dead by by spring if
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: I don't get this much money for this procedure. And
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: then if you're single like myself, imagine that nightmare unless
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: you're just going to keep it a secret, but then
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: would be pretty tempting to not keep it a secret
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: for obvious reasons. Oh my lord.
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I've said many times I think I could handle it,
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: but I concede it.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: Would be enormously difficult.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't mind giving in a world, but right the
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: way it would affect motivation, I would really worry about
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: could I still be motivated to do a variety of
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: things that I like to do or want to do? Yes,
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: or how I would treat my Thank you for asking
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: the answers I know I could absolutely real quickly, or
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: I had something to say. Oh, I live next door
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: to a brain surgeon once, and he was a douchebag,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: but he said something very very interesting to me once
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: before I really he probably knows you're talking about him,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: because you probably didn't live next to that many different
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: brain surgeons.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: Well, he's an a hole.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: He can think whatever he wants, but it's probably not
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: his fault. I think he had an abusive father anyway,
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: who drove him to achieve and achieve and achieve, and
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: it was never good enough, and it tortured him anyway,
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: that turned him into an a hole. But I asked
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: him once as we were sipping a glass of something
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: delightful and purple, I said, how do you handle the
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: whole life and death thing day after day? And he said,
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: I can't let their problems become my problems, or I
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: wouldn't be able to function. To do my job and
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: to save the most people, I have to be dispassionate.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: It's a mathematical thing. If I can separate myself from
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: oh my god, this is a living person with people
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: who love them and dreams and aspirations. I'm a better
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: surgeon because I keep a cool head. You would have
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: to get to the point where you'd say, I understand
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: your child will die if they don't get the money,
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: but I will go berserk and all the money will
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: be gone. If I go on an ad hoc basis,
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: every person who comes up to me, I decide, yay,
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: you're Nay, that will never work.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: As a system. I've got to trust the system.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Now go away, Now go away.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, remember about forty five seconds ago, I said, but
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: it would be enormously difficult.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway, now go away with You're trying, kid with
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: a disease, get hired.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: I try to throw that in. But anyway, where we're Ay, Yes,
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: winning the lottery.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Still doing the weave. I was looking at my pictures
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: from my notes. One of them is of a turkey
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: in a pan, which reminds me Henry. He was thirteen
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: at the time. Oh, he was fourteen because it was Christmas,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: made Christmas dinner. It was just him and me, very cool,
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: and he looked up on chat GTP what he wanted
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: and we went to the grocery store and he bought
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: all this stuff. I let him do it on his
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: own and wrung it up and brought it home and
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: he made a turkey and sweet potatoes and corn bread,
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: like baked a turkey. However many hours that takes. It
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: took him the whole day working in there.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: I'll always kind of enjoyed the esteem of the crowd
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: when I unleash the bird and slice it up and
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: it's nice and tender.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: Now children can do it. No good for him, that's terrific.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: It was cool. It was cool that he did that.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: And do you attribute at least part of that to
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: his boy scout experience?
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Probably? Probably actually some of it. I also, if I
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: want to make it ultimately sad, do I want to
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: turn this ultimately sad? I think he knows I don't cook,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: and he and his mom have no relationship, and he
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: was hoping to have some sort of Christmas dinner and
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: not if I'm going to have one, I'm gonna have
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: to provide it myself.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: No, that's you know what, That's a really great and
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: beautiful way to deal with a very very difficult circumstance.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I will make it happen. Yeah, what a fine
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: land And he did, and he gave him something to do.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: This one is definitely a downer. I'll save it for
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: the show tomorrow. Maybe I'll end with this.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: Oh man, grace, something to look forward to, folks.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: I'll just give you the teas and I'll give the
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: whole thing the Jewish Center in my tiny little town,
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: which I have been too many many times for other reasons,
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: not Jewish reasons. But they have other sorts of meetings
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: there and everything like that. Can no longer have those meetings.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: They have a great, big, giant fence they just built
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: around it because it's they don't feel like it's a
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: safe campus anymore. Jeez, that is not a good change
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: in my life.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: Wow, that is.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: A down, isn't that something? All the years I've lived
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: in that town for dang near a quarter century and
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: it's just been like an open campus and you could
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: go over there and whatever they were going to do there.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: Now it's got great, big, giant, I mean really big,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: really solid fence all the way around it that they
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: decided they need.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: This is nineteen thirty four Germany, and this means like
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: a lot of the world. Yeah, no, let's not crack
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: down on anti Semitism. We might make somebody mad.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: Oh we do have something funny coming up that's good
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: to end with. Yes, I'll throw this in here. Uh.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Giorgio Maloney, who have the Prime Minister of Italy who
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: we've quoted a couple of different times for her big
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: speech she gave on Christmas Eve. I think anyway, one
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: thing she said, Georgio be a dude. Georgia, OK, yeah, okay,
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: all right. I was gonna say, is it acause you know,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Oh she's she's cute too.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: I like her. She's tough, she's cute.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: Anyway, she said, this pasture has been tough for all
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: of us, but don't worry, because next year will be
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: even worse. I wonder even more. Now, Yeah, good stuff,
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: she got a man.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: Maybe I'll put in an application.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Anyway. Our favorite Trump impersonator who posts stuff online took
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: a look at the capture of Nicholas Maduro. And here's howtwin, my.
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: Fellow Americans, it is my great honor to announce the
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: capture of Venezuelan dictator Nicholas Maduro, a very nasty person
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: with a very stupid mustache. It's very stupid, and he
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: broke what's called the Trump doctrine. F around and find out,
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: and he afed around for too long. And now we
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: found out. Our beautiful men and women of our military
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: entered his home through a hole that was created after
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: we attached Chris Chris to a wrecking ball. We blew
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: a big, beautiful hole in the house. And they said
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: to me, Sar, we found him, sir, he's sleeping like
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: a baby in Hello Kitty Pajamas. Believe it or not,
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: he was in Hello Kitty Pajama sucking his thumb in
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: the fetal position. They said to me, Sar, what do
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: you want us to do?
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Sir?
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: I said, get him out, and they got him out.
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: But when we convict Maduro, we're going to shave off
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: that horrible, stupid mustache. And we're looking at where to
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: send them. We're looking at Seacat. It's a beautiful place
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: in El salvad a very tough place, and if he
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: goes there, maybe the Democrats could have a margarito with him.
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: You know, they like to do that, so maybe they
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: can do that, or we may send them to Somalia.
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: I call it a sugar honey iced tea holl You
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: know what I'm talking about. Solalia. It's a very nasty place.
• 9:51
  Speaker 4: But the days of Maduro sending drugs and gang members
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: into our country are over. And let us serve as
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: a message the rest of the world. If you're a
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: dictator who threatens the United States, including the Ayatollah of
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: Iran and his many wives or goats or whatever the
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: hell he's doing in that cave, We're gonna come for
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: you too. Do not break the Trump doctrine, frat and
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: find out. If you abide by it, you're not gonna
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: have a problem. But if you break the Trump doctrine,
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: you're gonna have a lot of problems. Thank you for
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: your attention to this matter.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: You know what's interesting about that. I'm sure we are
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: all thinking about it. That's only like one percent off
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: what he might have said.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Mean the comedian Shane Gillis does a thing about Trump's
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: speech that he gave after we killed bag Daddy, and
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Trump basically sounded like that he died like a dog,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: laying there in his bed like a coward with his
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: stupid beard. I mean, it's almost exactly.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: This sort of thing. How do you parody it? Exactly?
• 10:55
  Speaker 5: Sugar honey, iced tea hole.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: Spells ship jack. Oh, I get it. Okay, that's troubling, troubling.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: There's no need remember, like the Prime Minister vitally said,
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: you thought last year was bad, next year it's going
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: to be worse.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: Thanks for that, sweetheart.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Well, I guess that's it.