Latest / Voices for Voices® / When Friendship Becomes a One-Way Street | Episode 455

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When Friendship Becomes a One-Way Street | Episode 455 · Voices for Voices®

• 0:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Hi everyone, it's Justin.
• 0:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh just wanted to uh reach out here on this episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
• 0:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh thank you for joining us, whether you're watching and listening here in the United States or across the world.
• 0:20
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh without you, we want to have a show.
• 0:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh and if you can give us the big thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share, those would be fantastic to help us reach our goal of helping at least 3 billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond.
• 0:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And if you can do us another huge favor, again, another free thing that you can do to help us, uh, and that is to reach out to 25 or 50 of your contacts on your phone, let them know about the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast that is centered on uh mental health, trauma, recovery, helping others, and again, that huge goal of helping over three billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond.
• 1:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, just an amazing time to be to be alive and uh just trying not to take any day any time for granted, which is something that is very easy to do.
• 1:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh and and part of that is we talk about self-care, we talk about getting enough rest each each night uh as best as we can.
• 1:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And gonna just touch on like one one topic, and and we can laugh about it a little bit.
• 2:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So my sleep hygiene has is has really been pretty not great uh for a long time.
• 2:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Going to bed late, sometimes waking up early, others sleeping in, and not really taking advantage of the full fullness of of the day.
• 2:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And part of that uh with getting that extra rest, and I don't know if this all ties together or if it doesn't.
• 2:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm just gonna give you what I'm experiencing.
• 2:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh so number one, uh I'd say so out of the seven days of the week, probably like maybe three to four, maybe four uh times a week, I'll wake up with just this uh aching back pain, and I've never had, and I know I know I'm getting older, so I'm susceptible to uh you know uh growing pains, not in the sense of children getting growing pains and and growing and that, but uh I feel like I'm getting older and older and older by the day, and I am, we all are.
• 3:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so this back pain is just very uncomfortable.
• 3:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So then I try to readjust how I'm sleeping.
• 3:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh so I don't know if I'm sleeping out of the wrong angle.
• 3:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh I'm not sure, but it's something I haven't experienced before uh with this uh this better sleep hygiene where I'm going to bed earlier, and for the most part I'm waking up a little earlier, and sometimes I wake up a little bit earlier because of the back pain.
• 4:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And it's uncomfortable.
• 4:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh I don't mind, I I I guess waking up a little bit early, uh earlier uh with this better sleep hygiene, uh, just uh having that back pain just really has me uh you know sometimes just like, oh my gosh.
• 4:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh so I'm wondering how many, how many of you out there watching and listening uh have the same thing, you know, sleeping you know, awkwardly on our sides or in a different at an angle, or I'm still trying to figure out like what's the best best way.
• 5:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So I don't know if it if part of it is that because of my better sleep hygiene that I'm sleeping longer, so closer to nine possibly ten hours a night, if just that amount of time by itself alone is uh part of this, so I'm not really sure.
• 5:49
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh but it's frustrating because on one hand I'm getting you know, the sleep hygiene is getting much better, and then on the other hand, you know, this this you know back pain and soreness uh is really impacting me.
• 6:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um so just wanted to start with literally uh you know human human uh let's say human issues, growing issues, um getting older issues, uh, and wondering if anybody else, uh any other viewer, listener has and is experiencing this this type of soreness and and pain, where it's like even when I feel it and I try to turn maybe the opposite way, it's still there for a while.
• 7:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So very, very interesting, and and it has to do with mental health because not able to uh I'll say operate at like peak performance level, uh and and it just affects my mind too, because it you know the soreness really affects me, um, and and so I have to take my time, you know, getting getting up, getting started in the morning.
• 7:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um, and so we just wanted to start there on kind of the human condition, uh the uh the anatomy uh uh of uh of kind of getting older and it stinks this part.
• 7:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It is not a whole lot of whole lot of fun.
• 8:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh okay, so let's let's move further into our episode today.
• 8:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There's times in our lives when we make decisions that are very hard.
• 8:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I can't share what unfortunately I can't share what those are for me at this point, may be able to comment at a later later time, but right now uh just not not able to.
• 8:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But it's pretty pretty, you know, uh pretty deep things, situations, events that have occurred and part of part of me I I I I've I haven't always had the confidence, uh I guess, as a way to kind of get started here is you know, we think of you know each other as you know, we're gonna live forever, even though we're not, and that we make the best decisions that we can with the information that we have.
• 9:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And that is no different than what I'm talking about here.
• 9:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: The only difference is this has huge impacts on certain situations, events.
• 10:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: However, those changes and the effect on the you know these the larger larger events that I'm referring to is kind of a big a big deal.
• 10:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And having the confidence to make the decisions to actually go forward and do it is a different thing, right?
• 10:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: They say hindsight's always 2020, where where we look back on a particular decision, a particular event, a particular experience.
• 11:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so we look at look at that and go, wow, I wish I would have made this decision, or I wish I would have made that decision.
• 11:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Excuse me.
• 11:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So hindsight's always 2020 to be able to be like, oh well now it now it makes sense.
• 11:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I should have did this or I should have done that.
• 11:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So what I'm talking about now is things that I've done in the near term that were hard decisions, but good decisions.
• 12:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Let's just put it this way.
• 12:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Let's say let's say we have a friend that we've we've had for, I don't know, some some length of time, and they're they're just they're constantly either being mean uh not there when we need them or any number of things.
• 12:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And we feel like we don't have that support from this particular friend, this hypothetical friend.
• 12:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So we have the we have the decision to make.
• 13:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Do we continue with this friendship or being colleagues or acquaintances?
• 13:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So do we continue or do we stop that?
• 13:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Right?
• 13:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like if we don't feel better or on par after conversations with said person for whatever period of time it is, then maybe that friend isn't a friend.
• 13:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so it would be a hard decision to make to say, hey, sorry, I I just don't I don't I don't think this friendship is working for the both of us and it can be a hard decision to make right, especially somebody like me who is I don't like confrontation, and so to go through with excuse me.
• 14:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: For those those watching, my my dog just kind of attacked me in a good way.
• 14:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: She's not intending to hurt me.
• 14:56
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: She um then for those listening, you're just hearing uh hearing jingle bells, uh, which is around um our our dog's neck.
• 15:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But um so there's this decision that we have to make at some point.
• 15:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's either working or it's not and what I'm talking about is more of kind of that acquaintance type of uh type of relationship and so as I I I can't get into specifics right now uh my message is if you find yourself in these types of situations be confident.
• 16:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Be confident in your gut, your intuition.
• 16:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Something feels off, maybe something is off.
• 16:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Meaning there there's there's just something that doesn't feel right.
• 16:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh don't feel that the again that the relationship is, you know, if you if you're asking for help and you're not getting it you have to make make a decision to just go again, go with the sheep and just follow like everybody else?
• 17:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Or do we say enough is enough?
• 17:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so recently that has been a reality for me, for the organization is, you know, enough is enough.
• 17:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And as hard as it is to to do it, and like I said, I'm not not good at confrontation, but when there's a third party or somebody or an organization they're trying to you know work through some things and they aren't holding up their end of the bargain, that you can have that confidence to say, okay, this isn't working out and not worry about it.
• 18:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I mean, I worry all the time, but sometimes like this, you have to be confident with the decisions that you make.
• 18:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Not every decision, again, hindsight's always 2020.
• 18:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's always easy to look back and go, I should have done this, I should have done that, blah blah blah.
• 18:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But in the moment when the decision needs to be made, and right, each one of us has human characteristics and we have feelings, and when we don't feel that those are being met, especially if we're paying somebody for a service, we should have all the confidence in the world, all the confidence in the world to do what?
• 19:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: All the confidence in the world to make a decision for ourselves, maybe our organizations if we we have one and not to feel not to feel bad about making that decision.
• 19:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Hard to make it, very hard.
• 19:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But there's something called I've had it.
• 20:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And enough is enough.
• 20:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We've all been part of conversations and of friendships and different professional relationships and where others have told us, right?
• 20:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: One reason or another, oh this isn't gonna work, you know, interviewing for a job.
• 20:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I mean, that's what I'm trying to do now.
• 20:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Part of uh part of what I'm doing.
• 20:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And then I get the you know, the dreaded, oh well, you know, thank you for applying.
• 20:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're no longer hiring fish position, it's been filled.
• 21:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh and so that sucks.
• 21:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so as those organizations and and people do those things, and as those messages come through, it should empower us that when we have the opportunity, if needed, to do the same, especially when you when we're spending our own money, we should feel empowered to make those decisions.
• 21:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: To say, you know what?
• 21:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I've had it.
• 21:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: This business decision, this business relationship is done.
• 21:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And here.
• 22:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Are the reasons why and sometimes we don't have to give the reasons, they're obvious.
• 22:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But recently, for me, I've had so much, so much evidence.
• 22:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Okay, Lucy.
• 22:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Hey Lucy, I know you like seeing yourself on TV.
• 22:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah, I know you do.
• 22:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I know.
• 22:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You want a belly rub.
• 22:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Please stop.
• 22:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Please stop.
• 22:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you.
• 22:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you.
• 22:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So let's try to worry less, right?
• 22:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Let's when when things aren't working up.
• 23:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Okay.
• 23:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you.
• 23:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Lucy.
• 23:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's it.
• 23:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's that that's enough.
• 23:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm gonna have to sit you down, okay?
• 23:11
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Want to sit you down.
• 23:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you.
• 23:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So that uh that there's a song there called, Don't worry, be happy.
• 23:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Hard to easy, easy to hear, hard to do.
• 23:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Because then once we make a decision, we look back and go, Oh, did I make the right decision?
• 23:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Don't worry about it.
• 23:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you have that gut feeling, you have that feeling in your heart that things just weren't working out, and you're paying lots of money.
• 24:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You shouldn't have to feel bad.
• 24:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You shouldn't feel bad.
• 24:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Because if you're paying somebody, that means there's there's money leaving your pocket and my pocket for somebody else.
• 24:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And if they're not holding up their end of the bargain, we absolutely have the ability to say, no, I've had it, this is enough, and I no longer need your services.
• 24:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'll be able to comment more on this at a later time, but wanted to definitely share what's going on in real time.
• 25:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And to be empowered to make your decisions.
• 25:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That if you are gonna have to pay, is gonna actually do their fucking job.
• 26:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Apologies for the language there.
• 26:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So thank you for joining us on this episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
• 26:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, if you can give us the big thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share, uh, that will greatly help us reach our goal of helping at least three billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond.
• 26:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Help us reach over 3,000 cities across the world and help us reach over 300 countries, territories, provinces across the world.
• 26:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're well over 110 countries, well over 1,100 cities worldwide.
• 26:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And it's all because of you.
• 26:56
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you for watching, thank you for listening, and if you can reach out to 25-year contacts in your phone, let them know about the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
• 27:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you can Etsy on it, you can voices for voices on it.
• 27:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So hope you have a great day, and we will see you on the next episode of the show.
• 27:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Bye for now.