Latest / Deeply Well with Devi Brown / Happy, Healthy, Creative with Melanie Fiona

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Happy, Healthy, Creative with Melanie Fiona · Deeply Well with Devi Brown

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Mm from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl in
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  Speaker 1: two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers
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  Speaker 1: to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you
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  Speaker 1: were fired. You will pass through centuries on the hands
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  Speaker 1: of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the
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  Speaker 1: backs of diamond eyed school children who growing into hymnals
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  Speaker 1: recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments
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  Speaker 1: out of the windows of restored Alchemedo cheriots to keep
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  Speaker 1: the warmth of their blood. Be wise, be smart, being black,
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  Speaker 1: Opal Brown courts bloodstone and prayer. Be every form of
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  Speaker 1: jim se King told, scribe, scribe told son, son, told wife,
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  Speaker 1: wife told her daughter, and daughter told the as this is.
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  Speaker 1: And the ancestors told me that you would come to
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  Speaker 1: give wisdom. Thousands. They said you would come, Dropping Dropping
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  Speaker 1: gim Welcome back, all right, another episode of the Dropping
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  Speaker 1: Gym's podcast. As always, I'm your host, Ebie Brown, and
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  Speaker 1: as always, thank you for carving out this little moment
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  Speaker 1: in time not just to spend with me, but to
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  Speaker 1: spend with your self. Showing up for you. That is
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  Speaker 1: what I feel, uh I get to do for myself
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  Speaker 1: when I do this show, and that's what I think
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  Speaker 1: that we get to do with one another collectively. So
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  Speaker 1: today's show, I'm going to be speaking to a concept
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  Speaker 1: that was really something I've resonated with deeply when I
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  Speaker 1: started my spiritual journey and something that really gave me
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  Speaker 1: hope in digging deeper, you know, a big, big thing
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  Speaker 1: that I faced when I really deeped over into my
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  Speaker 1: spiritual journey. And I know a lot of you guys
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  Speaker 1: are familiar with my backstory. Originally I was working in entertainment.
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  Speaker 1: I lived a completely different life, and so when I
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  Speaker 1: first started my journey, I always felt pulled into directions.
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  Speaker 1: I felt like I had to choose whether I wanted
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  Speaker 1: to be in the streets, not really right, but living
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  Speaker 1: a life that was a little more rooted in you know,
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  Speaker 1: societal pleasures and an ego, or forging my path in
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  Speaker 1: the spiritual world, which at that time I thought I
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  Speaker 1: was either choosing partying or the Himalayas to meditate. And
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  Speaker 1: so I always felt a little bit at odds with
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  Speaker 1: how to find a way to take up space authentically
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  Speaker 1: as the newer version of who I had become. So
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  Speaker 1: the concept of duality was one that I really connected
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  Speaker 1: with in the spiritual sense when I began my journey.
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  Speaker 1: And you know, duality is really rooted in a condition
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  Speaker 1: of being dual. It's an instance of opposition or contrast
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  Speaker 1: between two concepts or two aspects of something, a dualism.
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  Speaker 1: And so when I was really deepening my journey, especially
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  Speaker 1: in my meditation practice and reading a lot of the
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  Speaker 1: Sacred Text, you know, something that was spoken about quite
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  Speaker 1: often is spirituality does not mean one has to disappear
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  Speaker 1: for the rest of their life and only live in
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  Speaker 1: one specific kind of way. It means that you can
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  Speaker 1: continue on the path of your life, but there is
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  Speaker 1: now a veil lifted and a new opportunity to deepen
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  Speaker 1: your connection to yourself and deepen your service to others.
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  Speaker 1: And so that was something that really gave me a
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  Speaker 1: lot of inspiration as I was figuring out how I'd
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  Speaker 1: be taking myself, this new version of me on a
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  Speaker 1: test drive, and how I would allow that to show
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  Speaker 1: up in the world through my work. You know, a
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  Speaker 1: lot of a lot of us when we enter into
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  Speaker 1: a deeper space of healing, one of the first things
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  Speaker 1: we think sometimes is, well, I gotta give up my
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  Speaker 1: whole other life. You know, I gotta quit my job.
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  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go live in the mountains. I'm gonna disappear.
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  Speaker 1: I'm gonna cut everybody off. Or this means that I
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  Speaker 1: have to be, you know, a hundred percent vegan, and
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  Speaker 1: I have to be fully versed in you know, all
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  Speaker 1: of all of the holistic offerings that are available to me.
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  Speaker 1: And I have to wear you know, clothes made of
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  Speaker 1: Hampton smell like nac chomba, and you know, we think
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  Speaker 1: that we can only be one thing. And something that
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  Speaker 1: I've really loved about my journey, especially the last couple
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  Speaker 1: of years, is I'm all the things. You know. I'm
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  Speaker 1: someone that is deeply, deeply committed to the work of
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  Speaker 1: self and the work of being of service to others
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  Speaker 1: on their journeys to healing. I'm also fully about that metaphysical,
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  Speaker 1: esoteric ritual life U And you know, I love a
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  Speaker 1: good key key too, and I love you know, some luxury.
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  Speaker 1: I love living it up. I love, you know, many
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  Speaker 1: of the things that Earth has to offer. But I
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  Speaker 1: can be all the things. And I really love that
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  Speaker 1: this moment in time, especially and especially for women, is
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  Speaker 1: a time that we can realize, Look, we are all
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  Speaker 1: multidimensional beings and we're all multi hyphen it. We do
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  Speaker 1: not have to fit in anyone's box or in anyone's
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  Speaker 1: limited perception or definition of who we are and who
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  Speaker 1: we can be. And so that concept of dualism is
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  Speaker 1: something that I'm really proud to showcase to people. I
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  Speaker 1: like to be multiple things at once. You know, that's
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  Speaker 1: saying like, get you one that can do both. I
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  Speaker 1: feel like I can do all the things you know,
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  Speaker 1: and we all can't. There there's facets to each of
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  Speaker 1: us that probably the majority of people don't know about.
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  Speaker 1: And so as you listen to the show today with
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  Speaker 1: my guests that I will be introducing shortly, I really
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  Speaker 1: want to invite you to start really observing yourself in
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  Speaker 1: the way of who am I now? Who am I becoming?
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  Speaker 1: How can I express the fullness of who I am?
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  Speaker 1: How can I allow myself to be vast? You know,
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  Speaker 1: in front of people, you don't have to compartmentalize yourself.
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  Speaker 1: You don't have to be one way in public or
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  Speaker 1: with your family and then another way privately. How can
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  Speaker 1: you now integrate all the dimensions of who you are
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  Speaker 1: so that you can have the joy of being your
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  Speaker 1: full self in each moment, and other people can have
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  Speaker 1: the joy and inspiration of seeing you be your full
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  Speaker 1: self in each moment. So today's show, my guest is
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  Speaker 1: none other than the renowned, multitalented, multi hyphen it incredible
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  Speaker 1: woman Melanie Fiona and I know a lot of us
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  Speaker 1: have seen her gorgeous, gorgeous photos on social media lately, huge, huge,
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  Speaker 1: congrats just got married. The pictures are so beautiful. She
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  Speaker 1: of course, is an acclaimed, very successful, award winning singer.
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  Speaker 1: She is a mom, she is a creator, she has
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  Speaker 1: so many things, and she is also a spiritual teacher
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  Speaker 1: and a spiritual healer, and so we are going to
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  Speaker 1: today dig into all of those facets of her beautiful being.
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  Speaker 1: So today's show, you know, Melanie and I and we'll
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  Speaker 1: kind of dive into our story in just a bit.
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  Speaker 1: But I was really drawn to some of the similarities,
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  Speaker 1: um that she and I share on this spiritual path
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  Speaker 1: and some of the ways that our beliefs really click
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  Speaker 1: with one another, but also how we're still able to
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  Speaker 1: show up fully in the world in other dimensions without
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  Speaker 1: further ado, Welcome to the show, Melanie, Melanie, thank you
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  Speaker 1: for joining. Thank you for having me. I'm so happy
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  Speaker 1: to finally be sitting down here with you because I
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  Speaker 1: feel like it's been a long time coming. I mean
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  Speaker 1: so long coming, pandemic, all the things getting in the
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  Speaker 1: way of our fun. Um. We originally so we originally
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  Speaker 1: met like face to face, heart to heart last year.
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  Speaker 1: But obviously I'm a fan of your work. I have
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  Speaker 1: seen you in the world so beautifully for years. We
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  Speaker 1: have mutual friends. But last year, before the pandemic, it
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: sounds like, um, I'm talking about like back in my day,
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  Speaker 1: Like it seems so long ago ago. But we were
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  Speaker 1: in person, and we were at this really beautiful event
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  Speaker 1: in the mountains of Tapanga, in this gorgeous like tree
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  Speaker 1: house kind of near Malibu that overlooked just all this
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  Speaker 1: wooded area, very viby. It was this event that Cassie
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  Speaker 1: was throwing while she was pregnant with her first child,
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  Speaker 1: and it was like a beautiful day for moms. And
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  Speaker 1: so I went there with my girlfriend Joanna Simpkin, who
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  Speaker 1: has been on the show before, and so many beautiful
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  Speaker 1: ladies were in the building. We meditated, we prayed, we
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  Speaker 1: even laid hands on. Cassie did some you know, beautiful
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  Speaker 1: airs together as moms. We ate and then it was
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  Speaker 1: so funny because I feel like you and I instantly
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  Speaker 1: understood that we spoke the same language. So we like
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  Speaker 1: our antennas were out and we're like, oh, yeah, we're
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  Speaker 1: into the same stuff. You know, all about that world, um,
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  Speaker 1: and so we kind of like had a chance to
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  Speaker 1: really dive in there and um, and we were going
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  Speaker 1: to go on a play date. We're neighbors. We found
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  Speaker 1: out we lived so close to each other. We were
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  Speaker 1: going to do our play date, and then the safer
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  Speaker 1: at home order came out. I know, I know it was.
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  Speaker 1: It was actually like we had connected and I want
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: to say, like we were talking about pumpkin patches, yes,
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  Speaker 1: and the pumpkin patch. What ended up happening was then
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  Speaker 1: there was the fires, and then we couldn't go outside
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  Speaker 1: because the air quality was so trash, and then pandemic,
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  Speaker 1: and then it was like, now our kids are teenagers
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  Speaker 1: and we're yeah, I know, and now here we are virtually,
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  Speaker 1: but he looked, by any means here we are. We're
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  Speaker 1: still here. That to the most beautiful part is we're
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  Speaker 1: still here. It's so true. I was thinking of that
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  Speaker 1: recently too, like it's just you know, outside of like
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  Speaker 1: our frustrations for the world and for life, it's actually
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  Speaker 1: really beautiful how adaptive we all are, Like we have
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  Speaker 1: all really been, you know, we don't give ourselves enough credit.
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  Speaker 1: We've all really been showing up in the best way
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  Speaker 1: possible and adapting on the fly. Right. It's like at first,
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  Speaker 1: once you get through the depression of not seeing humans,
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  Speaker 1: then you're like, well we have zoom. I mean, we're blessed.
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  Speaker 1: There's other ways to connect. Yes, yes, And I think
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  Speaker 1: that to them the greatest thing that I think, the
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  Speaker 1: separation from distraction and demand and reaction of like a
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  Speaker 1: very social life or like lots of happenings in the
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  Speaker 1: outside world. It really has given us a great chance
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  Speaker 1: to examine and redefine perspective. And that for me has
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  Speaker 1: been the most important thing, is just really recognizing how
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  Speaker 1: I view things my life, what I was prioritizing, how
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  Speaker 1: I was spending my time, what I was doing with
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  Speaker 1: my life, versus now I feel like it's at two
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  Speaker 1: and it's like, what do you want to do on
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  Speaker 1: this side of your life? Because as we've seen, life
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  Speaker 1: can change overnight, and that can be amazing, Like that
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  Speaker 1: can be like anything is possible, but also anything is
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  Speaker 1: possible like pandemic. So it is the deepest uncertainty. So
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  Speaker 1: let's sit there for a minute. How how have you
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  Speaker 1: been personally transforming this year? What has been coming up
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  Speaker 1: and shedding for you? So I will say this, there
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  Speaker 1: has been many things that I feel like I have
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  Speaker 1: been working towards to get to this point of this
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  Speaker 1: year as far as like personally professionally what I have
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  Speaker 1: kind of been going through. UM, And I feel like
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  Speaker 1: everything kind of came to a head this year for me,
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  Speaker 1: and the stillness of it all really allowed for me
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  Speaker 1: to focus on well being because I know it's easy
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  Speaker 1: to lose yourself in the process of uncertainty, and so
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  Speaker 1: a lot of things were up in the air for me,
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  Speaker 1: and I just feel like a lot of things finally
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  Speaker 1: landed and now I'm starting to feel settled. UM. I
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  Speaker 1: had some things professionally that were unresolved, those finally got resolved.
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  Speaker 1: We're moving to a new home. UM. We shifted and
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  Speaker 1: I put my more energy into my family and my
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  Speaker 1: son as far as like the home and how I
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  Speaker 1: want his upbringing to be during this time and in
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  Speaker 1: the world moving forward. Now we're home schooling, and really
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  Speaker 1: I feel like as a family unit, as a person,
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  Speaker 1: I feel so much more whole. And I feel like
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  Speaker 1: I'm I've inched to this, like, oh, whatever level you
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  Speaker 1: thought you were at, You're about to go to the
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  Speaker 1: next level. And so that came with finding discipline and
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  Speaker 1: motivation when discipline wasn't there vice versa, you know, finding
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  Speaker 1: the finding having the discipline when the motivation wasn't there
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  Speaker 1: to do the things that I know I needed to
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  Speaker 1: do to make myself a better my their woman, human artist, um,
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  Speaker 1: you know, partner. And it really gave me time and
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  Speaker 1: space to start prioritizing, I think what was really important
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  Speaker 1: to me and the things that I was kind of neglecting.
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  Speaker 1: So health became a priority. I changed my diet completely.
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  Speaker 1: I'm I'm leading a much healthier lifestyle as far as
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  Speaker 1: what I ingested, what I in take, and that goes
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: for everything that goes for social media, that goes for
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: a media, that goes for entertainment, that goes for like
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  Speaker 1: I said, foods. So I feel like what's happened is
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  Speaker 1: I've kind of gone to another level of a holistic
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: approach to my life. And I'm just very very grateful
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  Speaker 1: for that, because I feel like I feel more solid
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  Speaker 1: now and I feel like moving forward, I'm stronger. And
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  Speaker 1: that's that was my goal. That was my mantra for
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  Speaker 1: the last four months of this year was finished stronger
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  Speaker 1: than you started. And so I will say that my
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  Speaker 1: twenty twenty is finishing personally stronger than it started. And
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  Speaker 1: I'm very, very grateful for that, very grateful. God. I
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  Speaker 1: love that so much. And I think you know, and
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  Speaker 1: that's something that we speak to quite a bit on
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  Speaker 1: this show. It's like, if you'll let it, and I
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  Speaker 1: know that's challenging, especially depending on how you're weathering the storm,
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  Speaker 1: but if you let it, there are so many gifts
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  Speaker 1: to be found in this moment, so many, so many,
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  Speaker 1: And the perspective again I come back to, is everything,
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  Speaker 1: because I mean there there are so many challenges again
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  Speaker 1: in life in general, much less in the middle of
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: a pandemic. But truly, I think even if you could
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: really look back even prior to this, and I learned
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: this from a friend of mine actually, who is a
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: he's a two time cancer survivor, and he his outlook
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: on life in the face of death. This is pre
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: pandemic has been a massive inspiration to me because his
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: outlook and his perspective on life has just is what's
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: kept him alive. And so when I think about that,
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: I think about the fact that challenges will always find us,
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  Speaker 1: and sometimes they are magnified because there's things that are
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  Speaker 1: out of our control. What I love about the pandemic,
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: as terrifying as it is, is that we have been
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  Speaker 1: given the opportunity to recognize how not in control we are,
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: because you know, we as simple humans, think that we're
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: just in the driver's seat just like that. They say
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: you can't do this, you can't do that, And now,
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  Speaker 1: who are you as a person, and what have you?
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  Speaker 1: What have you? What have you gotten in control of?
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: And if now, if the things that you thought you
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: were in control of aren't happening, and you haven't gotten
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: control of your personal well being and perspective on life,
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: it will seem extremely, extremely difficult. And that's not to
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: take away from the physical things that happened. People have
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: lost jobs, incomes, homes, you know, and so lives you know.
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  Speaker 1: And so I think that the perspective of life and
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: your well being as a person has to be paramount,
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: because it's not when those physical things happen and life
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  Speaker 1: happens you you you, If you are not within self
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  Speaker 1: to be able to stay grounded, stay grateful, stay focused,
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  Speaker 1: it's going to be very difficult to see your way
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  Speaker 1: out of it, you know. And I think that that's
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  Speaker 1: the hardest part we have as human beings. It's a
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: very difficult thing to to unlearn, you know, a hundred
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  Speaker 1: a hundred percent. And you know, the thing that has
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: been interesting about like really really sitting so deeply inside
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: of this state of surrender and relinquishing control. It's actually
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: been fascinating to observe because you know, I think, and
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  Speaker 1: again this is if you let it. So I always
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: encourage keep your heart open. It doesn't have to make sense,
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: but try to stay open to these thoughts. You know. Um,
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: not only have we realized, I mean just so so
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  Speaker 1: truly that we control nothing, Um, we've also, at least
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  Speaker 1: for me, I've realized that even the things I want
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  Speaker 1: to be in control of have shifted, you know, Like
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  Speaker 1: there used to be this tight reins of control. Even
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: when I thought in previous moments, having been on this journey,
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: I thought I was fully surrendered. Right then this moment
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: came along and I think you know, if you're if
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: you haven't been on the path yet, it's such a
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: beautiful time for awakening. But if you have been on
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: the path, it has been a shadowy yet phenomenal time
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: to be in mastery, like to really embody every tool
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: you've picked up along the journey, to really sit inside
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: of the deepest layers possible of the lessons we've had
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: in life. You know, like there's so many opportunities to
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: be triggered, but the truth is where the triggers lie.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: So when things are coming up in the pandemic, because
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: you're inside of your head, because you're really like, oh
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: I don't don't I can't make my own decisions, I
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: don't control it. You know, you're also able to see, okay,
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: so why is that so hard for me? That self
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: inquirer You're able to say why why is this giving
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: me this reaction? And then you kind of walk that
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: trail backwards and it's like, oh, there there might still
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: be something that needs a little love from this experience
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: or a deeper healing here. And so it's been it's
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  Speaker 1: been really beautiful um experiencing and observing the role that
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: control plays and and the things that we didn't even
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: realize we were trying to control that show themselves. No,
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: it is, it's it's really amazing. And you know, back
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: to what you're saying, Like, for me, the place that
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: I'm so grateful to be at is that the awakening
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: journey that I first experienced in two thousand and twelve,
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: because I feel like once you understand that, you can
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: definitively point out when it is in your life. Two
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: thousand and twelve for me was that year, and and
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  Speaker 1: I feel like I was able to really put what
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I learned into practice this year and in these last
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: few years, and that's been like, really, it's been really
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: good from a soul perspective because I just feel that
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying, like I feel my evolution and
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: I feel like what I'm grateful for is the is
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: the ability, like you said, to surrender. That has been
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: like my favorite words since childbirth, like surrender, because when
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: you go with the flow, you find that you're not
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: spending your energy fighting, but you're finding your way through
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: your writing. You're writing, you're going and so that's why
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: I just feel like even though certain things didn't turn out,
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: maybe the way I wanted them to this year. I'm
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: so grateful for how they turned out because I know
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: it's the path of least resistance. I know it's the
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: natural progression of how life was was written for me
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: this year, So you know, I just I just find
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: peace in that. I find peace and not romanticizing about
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: what could have been or should have been or what was.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: I'm really just really grateful for what is and whatever
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: that is, knowing that my health and my safety are intact,
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: like I have that and I have another day here
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: on this planet. So it's like, yes, Okay, they're still
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: there's still hope there, and there's still more room to
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: be grateful, you know, and and yes, of course, like
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: I my I empathize so much for the people out
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: there who might not necessarily have those tools as yet,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: and maybe like being pushed this year has pushed them
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: into that. But I'm also so excited for those people
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: because I feel like that's the that's the beauty, Like
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: that's where that's where, like I think the sweet spot
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: of life comes from is when it gets so challenging
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: that you literally feel yourself growing into something more than
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: you were before on any levels. So so so beautifully said.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: And there, you know, and I think for for those
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: listening that are really identifying with this being that really
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: scary dark knight of the soul, that that moment where
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: you're just like, I don't have any tools, how do
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: I do this? Well, one you do. You came to
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: Earth with them. It's just about remembering them and activating them. Um.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: But too, there will be another side of this, you know.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: I think we get so stuck in this idea of
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: the work being hard or painful that we don't recognize
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: you're already in pain without the work, but when you
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: do the work, you're on the other side of it.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: When you do the work, that will be an end too,
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: the pain, versus just sitting in it from here on out,
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: you know. Correct? And if and if for anyone out
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: there who's listening that might think, you know, um, that
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: feels foreign. If you are the type of person that
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: feels like you need to be in control, imagine how
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: wonderful it feels to be in control of doing amazing
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: work that's amazing for you. So rather than rather than
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: sitting in it, like you said, the way that you
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: do take back your control is to invest in that
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: self work for yourself. If that's all you can do,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: then that's beautiful. Like if you don't have any control
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: over anything that's going on outside of your body, then
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: the thing that the one thing that you do have
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: control over is yourself. And so you know, that's a
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: great way to still feel somewhat in control. You know,
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: I always say out to people like you might not
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: be able to control anything else, but you have control overselves.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: You do. Yeah, so so so so so beautiful, and
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: there's nothing more important you could be doing with your life.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: And I think that's what we really need to savor on,
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: especially in the day and age where so much as comparative,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: so much is you know, procured in such a way
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: that it will create a certain perception on Instagram where
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: everything is about I'm living my purpose or I'm an
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: expert at this, or I'm making this much money. You know,
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: everything is so performative, and so I think it's just
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: it's so important to really know there is nothing more
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: important that you could be doing with your life other
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: than loving yourself and working on yourself. From that space,
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: everything else radiates outward one thousand percent. I can't even
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: tell you how true, Like how much. I would love
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: to like co sign that like on a thousand percent
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: to anyone who's listening to because it's it is so true,
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: like you cannot give what you don't have. And so
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: whatever role that you play in life, whether that's defined
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: by whatever it is, whether it's your job or your
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: role in your family or a parents or a sibling
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: or daughter, friend, sister, lover or whatever it is outside
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: of that, if you have not created yourself as a
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: whole person and how you feel and how you feel
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: loved for yourself, and how you are providing for yourself,
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: and how much time and attention you give and love
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: to yourself, then it's going to be very hard to
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: give that to other people without feeling depleted or exhausted. Um,
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: you know it's it really does start. It really does
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: start with self. It does. It does. And you know,
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: working on self is not selfish and selfish it's a
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: bad rap, but meaning selfish in a positive way. It's
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: not a bad thing, no, And and it's such it's
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: the biggest conspiracy ever, it's the biggest conspiracy in history
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: that women were ever led to believe that they had
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: to deny themselves their own care and their own joy. Yes,
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: that we had to be martyrs for everyone else. It
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: is the biggest hoax in history. It is the very
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: first example of gas lighting that has ever been I
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: co signed this as well. Yeah, I mean I use
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: that for every mother I ever speak to that like
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: needs encouragement. I'm just like, you cannot give what you
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: don't have. Don't throw yourself, Like if you're not checking
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: for you, who's checking for you when you're taking care
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: of everyone else? Like, it just can't be that, moms,
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: that's like my my rule. Take me back to two
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: thousand and twelve. Let's talk about your awakening. In two
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: thousand and twelve, you were very much still entrenched in
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: the like the deepest part of the industry and two
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: and from the inception of your career and through that
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: moment of awakening, it was really like some of the
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: really special times in the industry, Like Ego was at
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: an old time high the video shoots right the Champagne
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: like it was just such such an extraordinary um and
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: lashy time of life. And then having an awakening in
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: the soul set the stage for me. What did that look, feel, taste, sound,
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: what what was that like? It was it was profound
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: that That's what I will say. It was profound because
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: it was so screaming at me. It was so screaming
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: at me. And I just want to start off by
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: saying that person like my personal self, who I am
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: and who I have been throughout my life has just
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: really never been about the fanfare. Like I don't like
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: I'm I'm from Toronto, I'm the child of immigrants. I've
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: lived a very humble existence. I've never really cared so
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: much for the flash and the glitz and the glam
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: and all of it, you know. And so I feel like, truthfully,
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: in retrospect, when I look back on it, I always
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: feel like my purpose as a vocalist was never to
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: be about the music industry more than it was about music.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: And so I often can recognize times before my awakening
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: how I felt so conflicted but never knew what that was,
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: you know, I never knew why I was so resistant
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: or never knew why I didn't find my voice yet
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: to stand up for myself and say no to certain things,
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: or not participate or not be influenced or not, you know,
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: like all these things. And so I feel like when
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: two thousand twelve, came around. I had I had just
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: broken up with the longest relationship, most serious relationship of
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: my life, that I thought was going to be the
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: future of my life. UM. I walked away from a
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: very big ego of that relationship, UM, of that partner
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: and what we were to each other, what we what,
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: what our egos did for one another, which was wonderful
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: until it was terrible, And you know, it combusted and
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: burned and went down in all of the flames. And
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: that was the first part. That was the first thing
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: that happened. UM. And then I remember remember feeling the
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: most heartbroken ever in my life, and then having to
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: release an album amidst that, and then having to show
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: up and be be a human being with all this
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: hurt and uncertainty and transition. I had moved from l
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: A to New York, like my whole life had just
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: uprooted and changed. And I'm putting out my second project.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: It's music videos, It's Grammys. I want two Grammys that year, UM,
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: in the in February. And so it was such a
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: weird juxtaposition very high professional success and then very low
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: self value as a person. You know, I was shattered
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: inside and and none of it was making me feel better,
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: and uh and that sounds like I knew, like one
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: of the biggest ways that I think awakening to reveal themselves.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: It's like hold on. Society told me if I have this, this, this,
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: that I would be happy, I would be successful, I
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: would have reached. And then you're like, okay, so I
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: have all of this and you're making a list, and
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: I'm like, yep, got that, got that cool? Cool? Okay,
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: international acclaim. Why do I feel empty? Who lied to me?
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: Who lied? And I like, and then I and then
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: I believe the lie and then so then you get apart.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: You get down on yourself, like how did I get here?
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: And I specifically remember I will. I can tell you this,
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: like it's vividly, I can still see myself. I'm on
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: this trampoline in the ocean in St. Lucia, Okay. I
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: am down there on Mother's Day weekend opening for Diana
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: Ross and Tony Braxton at the St. Lucia Jazz Festival. St.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: Lucia is one of my favorite places in the whole world.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: I'm in the middle of paradise on a trampoline in
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: the ocean, heartbrokenly devastated with Grammy's back in my apartment
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: in New York, and I'm just like, Okay, God, I'm
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: tired of. I said, I'm tired of. I literally said
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: this out loud. All of my band, my my mom
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: even came down, and they were all at the hotel.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: I went out on the ocean by myself and I
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: had to have a talk with God, and I said, God,
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: I don't know what's happening in my life right now.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: The way that I feel is the most uncomfortable I've
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: ever felt. Please just make it stop. Please. I don't
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: want to feel like this anymore. I'm ready to learn
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: whatever it is that you're willing to teach me. I
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: just don't want to feel this sad and this down
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: and this lost anymore. And then it got worse. Let's
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: talk about that. Then, I try to stress, it is
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: not puppies and rainbows like. The work is the shadows.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: The work is the investigation. So you identified, you called
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: out to God. Yes, And then how did it get worse?
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: God took my voice away from me. God challenged the
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: exact same vessel that I have made money off of,
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: that I have impacted people with that I was my
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: whole identity and my whole livelihood. And it he attacked
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: my voice. He he sent the awakening to my gift
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: and my throat chakra was completely blocked. I couldn't. I
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: started having trouble singing. I couldn't. I was very hoarse
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: all the time. I you know, I sing big, huge ballads.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: My my power is my is my specialty, and my
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: voice and that was gone. After thirty minutes, I couldn't
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: sing anymore. And I was going through a series of
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: tests with different you know, vocal specialists and doctors, and
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: they were all dumbfounded. They were like, your voice is
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: in perfect condition. We do not see a scar, a nodule,
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: springing tear. We don't know what to tell you. And
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: it was one doctor, one doctor, and he was the
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: last doctor I saw. He was in Toronto. He said
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: to me, he said, but what kind of year have
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: you had? And I said, and and by the way,
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: as soon as he said this to me, I immediately
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: started crying. Somebody asked me, how are you? And that
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: opened me up completely because no one had asked, and
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: I didn't even ask myself. I wasn't even able to
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: identify it. And when he said, what kind of a
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: year have you had? And it was like a therapy session.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: It was just like black Well, I broke up and
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: this happened to da da da da da and all
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: these things boobah boo bah, highs and lows and and
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: and I also will say this. My album, the second
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: album that I put out that March, is called The
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: m F Life. And at that time, my entire energy
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: of m F, aside from being my initials, was the magnificent, fantastic,
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: motherfucking life. And that was like what either MF Life
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: stood for because I was acknowledging the highs and the lows,
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: and the highs and the lows, and that's where that
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: energy I had manifested for myself in my life. And
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: so once he asked me, I was like, oh ship,
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: I am living exactly what I manifested. And I was like,
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: oh God. And at this time, these this language of
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: manifestation and stuff wasn't really coming not at all. Well,
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: it wasn't even it wasn't out what, it wasn't out right,
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: but but that but I was recognizing that there was
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: parallel between what I was talking about, thinking about saying
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: being being immersed by and how that was affecting me.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: And so that was the moment that I realized, UM,
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: that I needed to change my UM. I needed to
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: I needed to acknowledge the power that I had within
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: myself two design and reflect the life that I want
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: for themselves. And that was the first time. And so
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: my doctor that I was seeing in New York, an
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: amazing doctor. I will say his name over and over
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: again because I love him so much. His name is
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: doctor Ronald Primus. And he was seeing me. He was
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: my general practition practitioner. And when I told him I
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: had seen all these doctors, these specialistity had sent me to,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: he said, well, how do you feel about Eastern medicine?
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: He's like, I know I practice Western, but how do
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: you feel about Eastern? And I said, doctor, at this point,
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: I will, I will try anything. And um He's like,
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: I want to send you for a reiki and I
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: want to send you for acupuncture. And he was like,
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: and I want you to I want you to start
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: thinking about what that is. And I was like okay,
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: And I remember I got off the phone with him.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: I sat in my apartment in Brooklyn and the sky
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: opened up and it poured rain I turned off the
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: TV and I sat and I watched the rain, and
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: I knew that that was my that was in This
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: was the cleansing, this was what my full wake up
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: call was. And now every decision that I needed to
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: make had to be from a mindful, awakened place. And
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: so I went for reiki acupuncture and I went for three.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: I went for I wanted to say it was like
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: three sessions of each. And I went on tour with
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: Mary J. Blige and D'Angelo for six weeks after and
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: had no problems with my Wow. I love that you're
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: I love that you're sharing that. I was just actually
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: having this conversation. UM. I have a community collective called
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: Karma Gang, and we have like by weekly chats and
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: and so in this last one that we did, UM,
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: I'm a Ricky practitioner, and I had someone who does
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: karuna raiky on the show and we ended up in
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: this conversation. And I think this is so aligned with
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: what you're saying. I think it's so important for people
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: to know when you are on any type of quest
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: or journey or any type of evolving of self, don't
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: think you have to just do one thing right, like
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: don't think it's just while I have a therapist or
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: while I meditate. You know, I found that the way
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: to not just have the totality of your healing, but
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: to stand in a space of embodied mastery, you have
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: to approach your body from a somatic experiencing perspective. So
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: getting that energy work done as you're processing, you know,
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: do a reiky session after you go to therapy so
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: that thematically you are dissolving the trauma in the cells
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: of your being. You know, we need all of it.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: We need to be integrated mind, body, and soul to
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: actually be liberated beings, to be free. Yes, yes, And
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: I will say that, you know, for anyone who might
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: be listening that that has skepticism or doesn't know what
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: they're right, what they're right, tools might be exploration is
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: the greatest thing. And so you know, I was, I
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: was at a place where I was like, I felt
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: rock bottom. I felt like I had I didn't know
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: which way to turn. And so when somebody pointed me
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: in a direction, somebody that I trusted and I and
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: I could feel the the the connection between what he
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: was saying and what I was experiencing, I was like
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: I have to pursue this. And when I had my
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: first Reiky session with my with her name is Angelie.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: She's amazing in New York. Um. And I had my
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: first Reiky session with Angelie, I cried, I sobbed, I coughed.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: I mean, she literally was moving the energy that brought
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: me coughing. Like I I'm telling you, like anyone who
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: thinks like trust me, when when it's there for you,
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: it will find you. And I was laying on that
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: table waiting to waiting to be skeptical. I was waiting
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: to be like, all right, here we go, let's try it,
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: let's see what it is. And there was no question
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: that what was being what was being given to me
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: in that moment, and what was being taken off of me,
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: what was being healed from me was was one past
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: life trauma, deep emotional trauma, energetic trauma and energetic weights
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: and contracts that I didn't even know where in me,
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: and I was I couldn't control my body's response. It
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: was and I remember feeling that stress too, of being
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: like stop crying and then like I couldn't stop crying,
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: and it was like okay, well stop coughing. Well I
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: couldn't stop coughing. And and then I had to surrender
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: and let my body and let my spirit and let
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: my ancestors come into that room and be like, girl,
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: let us hold you up right now. And um. And
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: that's and that's what I knew, and and and he
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: changed my life. And from then it was like any
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: time there was a blockage, any time there was an obstacle,
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: anytime there was fog or I didn't have clarity, it's
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: I knew where to go. I knew what practices I
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: needed to go and go back to. And so that's
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: what kept me alive. Y you know, yes, And it's
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: like once you learn those tools, and it doesn't just
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: the way that I experienced is this, it's like you
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: get you get tools, right, you you filling up the
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: toolbox with all different kind of things, so you know
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: that you're equipped. You know that, Okay, today is a
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: tough day, so let me scan what do I know
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: to work my process. But outside of that, it's also
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: like when you do all of the deep work that
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: you've just described, you build for yourself such a vibrant
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: inner life, Like it's truly like you have a galaxy
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: resting inside of your chest, so that even if all
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: you can do is close your eyes, it feels like
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: that's enough because of what the ability you have created
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: for you to connect deeply inside of your own body
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: and your own self. Hold that thought, we are coming
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: right back. How do you start integrating the work right?
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: Because it's like you are still amidst ego. You're an entertainer,
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: you're a celebrity. You are still face to face with
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: everyone's projections and everyone's ego. But now you have this
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: inner mystery, you have this pool of consciousness that you're
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: cultivating inside of yourself. How does that feel? Well, the
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: first thing that started happening is I started to say no.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: I started to say no to many things. And I remember,
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I started saying happy, healthy creative, Happy,
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: healthy creative, happy, healthy creative. And those were my boxes.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: And if anything presented itself in that time from that
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: point on after that tour, it had to check those boxes,
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: either all three or one of them. And that was like,
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: that was my baseline. Those were the three priorities of
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: my life. And so how did that process fail? Though? Like,
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: because that's that's the thing. It sounds simple, but learning
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: how to adv kate for yourself and say no for
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: most people is the most terrifying part of the journey. Terrifying, terrifying. Um,
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: you know what it was. It was just like, first
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: of all, I was very blessed to have a team
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: of people around me at the time that honored that
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: journey that I was on, and they did not They
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: respected very much when I said, hey, I I can't,
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: I can't do this. And even if they talk about
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: me behind my back, they never did it to my face.
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: You know. They totally were like, Okay, she said no,
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: you know, and now we have to go tell the
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: partner or the brand or the label. But she said
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: he And it's like, I'm not doing this to make
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: it difficult on you. I'm doing it so that it's
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: not difficult on me because I am not a whole
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: None of this runs. Hold on, let's say that again
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: because I feel like that needs to be written down
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: by people listening. That is a mantra for really learning
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: how to own your power. Can you say that piece
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: one more time. I am not doing this to make
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: it difficult on you. I am doing this so that
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: it is not difficult on me. See that shift like,
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: listen to that shift. Everyone that that is what a
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: perception shift in motion looks and feels like. And when
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: we're able to kind of add more languaging to our
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: depth of understanding of ourselves, it's easier for us to
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: honor our own boundaries. Yes, it all comes from intention
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: and the intention to do no harm. If you have
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: that at the forefront of anything that you've set an
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: intention for for yourself, then you can move forward confidently
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: and peacefully because you know your intention is to do
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: no harm and that means to yourself and others. And
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: so that is like first thing that started happening. And
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: then it was amazing because what happened was I literally
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: was turning down big paying opportunities because they weren't aligned
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: with who I was becoming at that time. And I
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: remember like in the industry, it's like you don't say
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: no to money. When that bag is on the table,
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: you get that bag and you go get it and
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: you do. And I was just like, all money is
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: not good money to me. Right now, that's I will
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: be okay, Like I don't want to do this very volatile,
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: hi high stress, very low frequency reality television and affiliate
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: I don't want to do that. I don't want to
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: be associated with this energy and this community of entertainment.
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: And I had turned down certain things that were I
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: just knew would not would pay me well, but just
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: wouldn't be good for me. I wasn't gonna be happy,
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: It wasn't gonna feel like happy with myself at the
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: end of the day when I went to sleep, and
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: that was always my thing. It was like I'd say
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: this to everybody, it's at the end of the day
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: you have when you lay down at night, it's just you,
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: and you have to be able to sleep well. Nobody
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: else is going to be there to pat you to
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: sleep like, not your managers, not your label, is not
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: your boss, is not your coworkers, It's you. So you
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: have to be able to sleep well at night. And
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: and so I didn't want to be up all night
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: stressed out about a decision that I knew it wasn't
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: I made, that wasn't necessarily right for me. So I
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: started to say no. And then opportunity started finding me
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: in all the ways that I wanted it to. So
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: right after that happened, I actually at the height of
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: like my album being at the height of it was
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: and like I had just done a really amazing performance
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: on VT Awards and it was great. Everything froze at
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: my label and my whole project was frozen. And now
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: I was faced with the opportunity to either stay at
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: a major label or go independent, and I chose to
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: go independent. And that was another phase where I stepped away.
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: And then I did a brand deal with Nike to
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: check to my healthy box where I ran a half
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: marathon and I pushed myself harder than I ever did.
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: I did collaborations with brig brands like Pepsi and and
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: all these things that just came after I had said
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be an independent artist, and all these
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: opportunities came, and all these really great, amazing things started
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: happening that fed my happy, healthy, creative boxes, and I
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: started to see the power and and the reward, Like,
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: let's be clear, everybody loves to be incentivized, right Like
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: people love to see results for themselves. And so my
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: results started showing up in the ways that we're checking
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: all the wellness boxes for me as as a person.
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: And then I started to realize that I wanted to
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: explore other ways to be creative and then I wanted
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: to start making my album with producers that I, you know,
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: had loved and admired for so long, in a very
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: free space where I wasn't at the demand and the
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: forefront of entertainment anymore. And that allowed me to shift
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: into then what then became the next phase of my life,
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: which was motherhood. And that was a whole another level
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: of awakening. And so you know, I, you know so
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: exactly right that I trust me, I'm still awakened. I'm
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: still trying to wake up every day. It's so you know,
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: so so I really feel like that's that's what really
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: shifted everything for me, That that very dark knight of
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: the soul, that feeling of rock bottom, that feeling of
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: desperation and not and my and literally everything that I
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: had put so much value into my identity, my public persona,
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: my voice, my popularity, my this, my relevant that, the critics,
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: the co signs and everything, and the power came from
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: me turning around and saying, you don't need any of that.
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: You actually don't feel good trying to chase after that,
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: So why not just redefine how you want your life
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: to look? Why don't you redefine how you want your career?
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: What do you want to do with your purpose and
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: your gifting? And I always go back to this, it's
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: like self coined thing that I that I've said and
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: I and I owe it to my four year old
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: self because she came up with it. When I was
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: four years old, I said I wanted to be a
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: singing nurse. And I have it written in books and
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: my parents would tell me and we'd always laugh about
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: this throughout my whole life, Like who gave this four
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: year old the confidence to say I want to be
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: a singing nurse? And I knew it. I knew that.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: I my four year old self knew that, even if
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: my year old self didn't know that. You know, and um,
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: but she knew it deep down. She just wasn't. She wasn't.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: She wasn't living in that mindful of responsibility, of of
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: honoring that that purpose that's there. And so I remember too,
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: even when I first started doing like one of my
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: very first promo run this is before the Awakening, I'll
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: never forget. Um. I did a song called It Kills Me,
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: which was a number one record, Thank you. It earned
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: me my first Grammy nomination, was an number one record
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: for nine weeks and it was literally like the highest
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: introduction like of success I had had as a new artist.
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: And I remember going on a on a promo run.
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: And promo run for those who are not industry based
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: means you don't make any money, so um, you just
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: have to do one million interviews, be exhausted as hell,
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: go from city to city. Yeah yeah, and then and
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: look your best and smile and have right. So but
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: at that time, I was because I was so excited
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: right to be like embarking on the beginning of my journey.
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: And I remember I went to Spellman College and I
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: did like a little meet and greet, and this girl
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: came running up to me. She's like, oh my god,
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: you're here. You're here. She's like, please don't leave. I
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: have to go get my roommate. She's like, just please, please, please,
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: just wait, please don't leave before I bring her back.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go and get her right now. She loves you,
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: she has to meet you. And so I was like,
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this is so crazy. I have a fan,
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: like wow, a really big fan. And and the girl
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: came and I will never forget her, beautiful brown skinned girl,
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: she was wearing pearls. She she was just beautiful, just beautiful,
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: very gentle spirit. And she came and she hugged me
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: and she started crying. And I was like, oh my god,
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: what do I do with this? Like what I've never
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: had anybody cry meeting me? Like is this weird? What
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: am I supposed to do? And she looked at me
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: and she was like, I just want to thank you
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: so much. And I was like, oh, okay, I want
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: to thank you because you're supporting my music. And she
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: was like, no, I have to thank you. She was like,
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: I didn't know your music. My roommate put me onto
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: your music. And then she's like, and then I fell
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: in love with your music. And then I fell in
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: love with all of your interviews and watching you and
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: listening to you. And she was like, and I started
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: to see that if someone as beautiful and talented, as
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: strong as you could go through something difficult and get
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: out of bed, than I could too. And I immediately
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: that that was like the first thing that gave me
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: awareness that this was bigger than music, and this is
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: that was like you you are affecting people, you are
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: healing people, you are helping people. And so be mindful
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: of that as you move forward in how you approach music.
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: And then the awakening happened, and then now I feel
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: like I am fully living in the singing nurse purpose
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: as far as using my voice to share in every
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: way I possibly can to bring healing. So if that
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: is through music, if that is through podcasts, if that
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: is through wellness, summits and being and speaking, that's been
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: through also through motherhood for me and bringing healing to
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: other moms and creating community and dialogue in the process
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: of that. And so that is actually what has become
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: my my evolved self, from my awakened self to now,
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: and that has been the higher version of myself, is
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: to allow myself to be all that I am, not
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: just one version of who I thought that I needed
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: to be. So beautifully profoundly said, you know how, if
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: you have any any advice you can give, or any
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: any share of experience you can give for someone listening
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: who it's living a powerful life or is embedded in
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: a career but feels a deep yearning a spiritual calling
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: to be more. You know, now you're in mastery of self.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: But in those moments and in those years of trying
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: to make internal and outward sense of embodying these two
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: very different things. Like I know, I when I worked
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: in radio for years, it was like my spirituality was
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: the core of who I actually was and what I
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: wanted to spend one hundred percent of my time when
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: I was not at work doing. But then I would
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: have to show up at work, and I'd have to
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: talk about things I didn't care about, like celebrity gossip
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: or who was doing this or what? You know, what
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: what song encouraging people to you know, kill each other
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: due to rugs and whatever? Like. It was starting to
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: eat at the core of my being until I finally
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: just had to really switch lanes. Um and so, but
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: I do believe that you don't have to give up
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: your entire life to honor your calling. So what was
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: that piece of it like? And and how can people
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: build their confidence into showing up in both roles? I
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: think that it comes back to and it's so interesting
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: because I am so fascinated by you as well because
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: it is a very it is a very similar journey.
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: It is it is a very similar journey. And in
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: the fact that like understanding what the entertainment business is,
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: it thrives off of these very like slacious like gossiping
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: judgment project. Yes, you know, commentary and and and opinion
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: and judgments and gossip, and I just it always felt
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: yucky to me. I never wanted to be in gossip.
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: I never cared to be in the tabloids like I
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: never cared. I kept a very private life. And and
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: I feel, like, you know, to your point of what
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: you're saying is that, like I think, deep down inside,
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: I knew that that wasn't a part of me that
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: was actually going to be what would keep me in music,
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: what keeps me in music and in the way that
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: I am now. And I'm happy to say that even
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: the journey that I've had to go through in the
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: last few years of even emancipating myself further to UM
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: to literally come back to being a completely free an
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: independent artists, which I'm so grateful for it this time, um,
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: you know, because that was also a challenge of being
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: stuck in some situations UM that I couldn't freely express
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: my my my music. I could freely express the musical
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: works that I was creating in the last few years,
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: and that was very difficult, and that the music business
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: is not explored enough, like like the grander public gets
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: a certain view of it, like when you remember like
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: princes speaking out or as of recently, Kanye B on
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: a tirade on social but the oppression of the music industry,
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: like it is the colonialization of the music industry, the
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: way people are profiteering off of young talent of color,
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: It is just insane. It is. It is criminal, yeah,
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: and it and it is. It is some of the
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: most low frequency, uh business deals I have ever seen
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: in entertainment and in music specifically. And I hate when
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: people are like, why didn't you read the contract? Why?
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: Like this is what I get and yes, keep your
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: keep your legal acumen up. However, why would you make
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: ever a contract like that that I would have had
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: to say, Oh no, you're being a predator, Like where
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: where is the responsibility on the business or on the
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: people that are working for this talent to actually show
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: up in integrity, you know. So it's like everyone wants
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: to see as well, you should have read it, got
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: you ha ha, And it's like, okay, understands the way
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: it's done. Yeah, yeah, well this is the way it's
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: always been done. Well why aren't why yeah, well, why
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: why has it been done that way? You know, honestly,
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: and it started right because it started being done that
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: way when you know, certain certain people were profiting on
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: black music, and so you wanted to keep them just completely,
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: you know, under your thumb, you wanted to give them
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: just enough to get a flashy car or you know,
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: and and not actually be able to create for your family. Yeah, yeah,
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: you know, and and and that is one of the
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: most heartbreaking things. And I know we could do a
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: two hours. It's just that, like you know, the the
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: the the the bait and switch that they do, which
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: is like find somebody who comes from an unfortunate, under
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: under underserved circumstance and say that, like you know, a
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: bird in the hand is worth two the bush. So
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: just take what we're giving you now, but don't think
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: about your legacy later on. You know, Um, well we'll
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: throw this bag at you now, you know, so that
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: you can help you and everybody from your neighborhood. But
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: you know, you'll never own your rights when you're seventy
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: five and you don't have a job, Like it's crazy
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: to me, it's crazy. And again we can go round
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: rounds about that, but in going through that process, it
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: forced me to have to ask myself, is that all
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: you are? Is that all you are? Are you just
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: dependent on only being of a singer? And I knew
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: that wasn't the truth. I knew that that wasn't the case.
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: And I knew that through allowing my voice to expand
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: in ways that no one did have an ink eight
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: mark on, that I could start to find greater purpose
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: for myself and really start to expand. And so now
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: that I am on the other side of my emancipation,
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: I feel so free to just explore every color, every shade,
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: every angle, every gift that I have within me, free
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: of judgment, free of expectation or this previous ego that
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: was formerly saying well this is who you need, because
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: you know, I have to read the stuff online where
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: people are just like, well, Melaniy Fiota win and had
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: a baby and then she, you know, she she just
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: quit music, And it's like, man, y'all want to sit
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: here and comment on my life. You have no idea
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: what's been going on in my life. You have no
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: idea the alopecia spots I had to go through through
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: stress and my hair falling out because somebody told me
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: that I couldn't put out the album that I had
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: spent three years while pregnant making, Like what are you
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: talking about? And you want to just pin me into
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: a corner and say I just washed up because I
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: became a mom, Like I mean, can I just say
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: I am so happy that the conversation for mothers has
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: been pushed so far forward just in the last couple
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: of years, because the fact that that would ever be
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: a criticism of you, and now it's like something that's celebrated, right,
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: Like now, Cardi B was pregnant, you know, in all
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: her videos and it was like wow, like she's doing it,
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: like you can be a mom and have a destiny.
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: But then then before that, it's like, you know, you
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: have Lauren Hill crucified for getting pregnant. You have people
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: unable to you know, it's like, well, guess guess you're
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: retired at at twenty two now forever and yes, it's yes,
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: you're washed up now. And I'm like, I remember when
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: I was pregnant. I was nine, I was nine months pregnant,
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: and I happened to go to the Grove, which is
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: out here in l A and one of my bosses
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: happened to be there and we saw each other, and
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: I was so excited to see him. I was like, hey,
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: one of my old bosses in radio, and I was like, oh,
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: it's so good to see you. And he's like, wow,
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: look at your stomach. I found out he went back
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: to the radio station in a meeting, in a meeting
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: of people, some people that I had hired previously, that
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: I had mentored my peers, and began to tell everyone
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: how sorry he felt for me because I was pregnant
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: and I had no idea what I was doing with
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: my life. Mind you, at the time, I had a
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: thriving small business. I left on my terms, I had
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: products in Nordstrom stores, I had written a book. But
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: to him for his limited view not just of life
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: and the entertainment industry, but his limited view of what
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: a woman could be or could have, it was, oh,
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: now my life is a waste. And I'm quote unquote
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: just a mom whatever the hell that wants. But it's
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: just like agating another three hour specifically, like I just
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: I can't even begin, I mean to scratch the surface
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: of like what it's been, and like again to your point,
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: like I've got so much. So what I realized too,
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: is that what I have been through is like a
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: course in itself, what I've gone through as a mother,
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: as a woman, as an artist, you know. And I
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: want to talk about the ego really quickly because something
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: that I learned through therapy, something that I learned through therapy,
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: which um my therapist was really wonderful when she put
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: this in, because I was remember, I was feeling so
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: stuck and so so lost, and and and and after
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: right after having a baby, and then now my career
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: is in this state of paralysis, and I'm like, what
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: what's happening? And she said to me, she said, I
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: don't want you to lose the healthy ego. And I said,
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: I said, the healthy ego. She's like, I want you
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: to remember that it's okay to feel good. She's like,
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: I want you to remember that it's okay that like
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: people loved your music or love your music or clap
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: for you when you're on stage. And so the fact
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: that that's not there for you right now, it is heartbreaking.
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: And that doesn't make you a bad person, because you
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: miss the feeling of celebrating your gifts publicly with other people,
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: you know, it's the place in which you do it from.
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: And so that's the thing. I was feeling so depleted.
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: I'm at home taking care of a baby. I'm not
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: out on the on the road feeling this this thing
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: that I used to feel, which was singing, which made
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: me feel so expanded and happy. I wasn't even doing
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: that anymore, and so I was losing myself. I was.
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: And and that's what she was saying. She was like,
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: so if you want to sing, sing, she's like, sing,
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: like sing for yourself, sing, but you have to pour
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: into yourself. She's like, you know, take care of yourself,
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: these types of things. And so that really reminded me that,
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: like the ego of entertainment is dangerous when you allow
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: it to be dangerous, it doesn't have to be dangerous
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: if you are whole within self and can literally not
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: get not let it run your life, you know, not
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: let it run your life. Because I think that back
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: to what you're talking about in like social media and
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: like how we compare and like this likes and this
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: thing and this dada dadada, Like I'm happy if a
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: hundred people like it. I don't feel sad if a
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: million people didn't like it. My happy ego is, yeah,
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: I made a difference in a hundred people's lives, Like, Yes,
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: that's so great, you know. And so I want to
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: say that to anybody who is in the creative field
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: of whatever it is, like, let's start taking the expectation
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: off and the comparison off of what you're supposed to
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: be and who you're supposed to be like and what
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: it's supposed to amount to or cost or value, like,
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: determine your valuation for yourself. Determine what that looks like
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: for yourself. And so for me, I am so grateful
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: to be at a space where my audience has expanded
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: not just through music but through wellness, but through motherhood.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: And I'm able to now create change and impact change
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: in a positive way on those three pillars for myself.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: And it's not just dependent on If music was suffering
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: that I was, I was worthless, you know, if people
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: weren't buying my records, then I don't have anything left,
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: you know. Um, Looking at my son be a happy, whole,
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: healthy human being growing in this world makes me feel happy,
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: makes me feel you know, knowing that I even I
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: pour into him and he's going to go pour into
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: the world as a light in this world that makes
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: me feel happy and whole and so too. Ever, who
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: that asshole was, that was your free peneous boss. And
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: I know that's not the greatest high high frequency level,
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: but I'm a little ratchet when it comes to the
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: secting people who talk shit about women. It's just is like, no,
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: like your your your projection of happiness for you is
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: not my definition, you know, and so and so once
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: I feel like you can understand that, like happiness and
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: that whole and success of whatever that is for you
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: is like when you can accept that for yourself, then
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: like and know that one who don't have to be validated,
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: like you don't mean you don't have to call it
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: valid for it to be what is important to me.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: You don't have to think about me and what I'm
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: doing at all. No, No, it's it's a it's a
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: a friend of mine. A long time ago. I remember
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: when I was very very first coming up in the
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: music industry from Toronto, and um I remember like seeing
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: all like some people around me who were like progressing
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: forward and doing things and I was I was working
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: in this like like I was in like a girl
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: group when I was a teenager and um, the girl
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: group had disbanded, and like I was now pursuing my
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: solo career, and I just started seeing other people do things,
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: and I remember feeling like, well, so and so is
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: doing this, and so and so is doing this. And
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: he said to me, He's like, the more time you
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: spend looking at what so and so is doing is
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: the less time you're spending looking at what you can
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: be doing for your And I never forgot that. And
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: this is the this is the struggle of the world
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: we live in now, because everyone, what everyone is doing,
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: is on display, what everyone is doing, is at the
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: tip of your fingertips, what everyone is doing. And I
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: just feel like you are the only person who is
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: responsibility for managing how deeply you allow yourself to be
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: affected by external factors and people and validation. And so
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: that's the work. And so I find my taking lots
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: of breaks from social media these days because I know
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: in this like transformative time of my life where now,
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: like I said at the beginning of this podcast, like
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: all the balls were up in the air and now
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: I feel like they've all landed now and now I'm
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: sitting here looking at my life and now I want
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: to just be in this for myself, and I don't
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: want to think about doing what other people are doing,
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: and so I take the time off. I take him like, Okay,
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: I don't I'm not outside in the world because it's
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: a pandemic, you know what. I'm gonna shut my phone
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: out today and not be on social media today because
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: today I just want to be in the vision of
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: what I want to see in my house right now,
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: Like how do I want to create my new space,
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: how do I want to create my my my design
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: and artistic board for the music and the artistic works
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: that I'm now putting into works like I don't want
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: to be influenced by anything in the outside. So I
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: go within and I stay quiet, and I just focus
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: on me. And when I focus on me feel happy.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: When I focus on my house, I feel happy. When
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: I focus on my family, I feel happy. And so
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: that's what I'm preserving these days. That's what I've been
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: focusing on at the end of this year, to be
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: stronger going into and to what I consider, like I said,
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: Act two for me, how I want my life to
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: look moving forward versus how it's looked beyond in the past,
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: and that's my that's my shift of perspective. That's like,
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 1: that's that's that's my that's my story. What a life,
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: what a masterpiece? Thank you, thank you. It's all beautiful,
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: like the healing journey is. It can be so beautiful
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: if you allow it, really, if you seek the joy
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: and seek the seek the beauty in it. I really do.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: I tell people this all the time, and I sometimes
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: do one on ones, like you know, my fans will
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: do like a one on one and I always do.
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 1: I tell them I'm almost just like everything is temporary.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: Everything is temporary. But if you take it one breath
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: at a time, just like one moment at a time,
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: one moment at a time, you can literally get through
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: anything if you just focus on the present moment. You know,
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 1: how would people anyone listening that would like to do
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: something like that with you, How can they connect with
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: your work? How can they connect with your healing um.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: It's interesting because so initially, well you can find me
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: on social media at Melani Fiona that's every every on
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: every handle um. But I'm actually in the process of
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: creating that kind of like one on one um process
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: for my fans, Like right now, people could connect to me,
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: like I'm on this app called Cameo, which like you, yeah,
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: you do shout outs and you do like you know,
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: happy birthdays and really quick things. Um, but you know,
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: I that's like a quick like shout out thing if
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: you if you want to do that. And some people
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 1: ask for pep talks and some people share their situations
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: and I'll give them like a quick good motivational word
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: on there. So that's one way you can find me.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: But for twenty twenty one, I am really I'm really
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: looking forward to. I'm really looking forward much like you, Debbie,
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: and you've really been in inspiration. It's been wonderful to
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: watch your journey as well, because I've seen since we
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: first connected recently, you know, after Cassie's event, how your
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: life has expanded and the roles that you've taken on,
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: and how you've expanded your community and your voice and
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: your purpose and so you know, in that regard of course,
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: and in that regard um, really knowing that like your
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: community is there, like it's important for us to really
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: recognize honing in on community and really creating the community
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: and not just allowing social media to be the driver
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: of your community. You know, I want to make sure
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: that the people who support me and are with me
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: on my journey, who follow me, really have access to
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: what it is that I'm creating, not not what I'm
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: putting up on Instagram, you know, not those like quick
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: tivot tis real meaningful stuff. And so I feel like
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: towards as I approach one, that's like the journey in
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: which I am building is less social media, more one
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: on one community. And that's how you sustain a life,
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: Like that's how you build community. And if we go
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: back to our ancestors, this was tribes, this was families.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: This is what we did, you know, and and social
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: media is beautiful for what social media is, but it's
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: not ours, and it doesn't have to be. It doesn't.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: It doesn't, it really doesn't. And and I go back
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: to urge anyone listening that like, your community is as
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: as is as rich as you design it to be,
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: whether that's a thousand people or a million people, A
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: thousand true people in your life, a hundred true people
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: in your life can enrich your life in a way
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: that is so much more meaningful than a million fair
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: weather people. And so I I really encourage any any
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: people in your life, fine people by you know, but
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: like I say this, there's this book called the Thousand
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 1: True Fans. So if anyone who's listening is like small
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: business or you know, artist or like somebody who's really trying,
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: you know, has a small following what they consider small
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: and social media numbers whatever the hell that is, um,
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: you know, if you invest into those thousand people and
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: they invest back into you, that is a very sustainable,
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 1: successful life. Like and so there's a book called a
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 1: Thousand True Fans, which I keep meeting. In fact, I'm
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: going to order it today because I keep and I
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: understand the concept of it, but I want to read
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 1: it because I really want to be able to keep
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: that in mind for myself, you know, from going from
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 1: a huge stage to a quiet stage of like transformative
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 1: redefining myself, you know, pivoting, pivoting my perspective time now
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 1: emerging into this new phase of my life. I always
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 1: want to remember that the quality over the quantity I do.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: And and so I encourage anybody out there. I've heard
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: wonderful things about this book. Please read this book, um,
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: and it will really give you a wonderful perspective of
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: how you can sustain a wonderful life and make a
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: living off of a thousand true fans. So um, I
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 1: love that. So yeah, that's my last gift to like
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: any of the artists and fellow creatives and you know,
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: singer songwriters out here, independent artists just like you are.
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 1: You are the bag. Yes, you are the gift. Yes,
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 1: I love that you are the bag. Don't let anybody
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 1: hold that bag in front of you and tell you
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 1: that it's worth more than you. It's it's not well.
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: You are sending us off with a bang. Alanie, thank
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: you so much, thank you, thank you, thank you for
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: dropping all these gems. Thank you for coming on the show,
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: sharing your heart, sharing your gifts, sharing all of your wisdom.
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: Hey find me on social Let's connect at Debbie Brown.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: That's Twitter and Instagram, or go to my website Debbie
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: Brown dot com. And if you're listening to the show
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts, please please please don't forget to rate, review,
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 1: and subscribe and send this episode to a friend. Dropping
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 1: Jams is the production of I Heart Radio and Black
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: Effect Network. It's produced by Triple and me Debbie Brown.
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 1: For more podcasts from My Heart radio, visit the I
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 1: your favorite shows.