Latest / The Living Freed Podcast / If the Mask fits, wear it?

Transcript

If the Mask fits, wear it? · The Living Freed Podcast

0:19
Hey y 'all, I'm Hannah Liz, a coastal living,
0:22
Jesus living, NC native, and this is the Living
0:25
Free Podcast. Where we discuss intentionally
0:29
living our lives to the fullest that God has
0:31
intended Having those late night open heart friend
0:34
combos not letting others ourselves or ideas
0:37
hold us down Allowing Jesus to free us of the
0:40
chains that we didn't know we were holding on
0:42
to You can see the full show notes attached to
0:45
this episode and if you love this episode, please
0:47
leave me a review I'm gonna be so for real with
0:51
you. I already recorded this episode and the
0:54
mic took it really weird and I feel like the
0:56
last two episodes were not the best quality,
0:58
so I decided to re -record the whole thing, so
1:01
bear with me please. Okay. Anyways, we're gonna
1:04
dive into what's been going on with weekly updates.
1:07
I just got back from Iceland. I did not expect
1:11
to be recording an episode this week. Was not
1:14
in my cards, was pre -planned to not record and
1:17
to force myself to take a break because low -key,
1:20
I didn't have anything to talk on. I prayed over
1:23
subjects. I went over my list of subjects and
1:25
just didn't feel drawn towards anything and was
1:28
like, you know what, Hannah Liz, you're going
1:30
to take a break. Take the week off. We'll pick
1:32
up again a week after you've been back in the
1:35
States because you will have been traveling for
1:36
10 days. And didn't happen. Day two of Iceland.
1:41
Jesus said, guess what, babe, you're going to
1:42
run through the streets naked. I said, that's
1:44
so cute. No, I'm not. And he said, you know,
1:48
this is going to haunt you until you type it
1:49
out. So I typed out a few sentences that I'd
1:52
call it a day, and every single day it haunted
1:54
me till the whole thing was typed out. So I got
1:57
home and that night edited it, and now I'm here
2:01
talking on this subject. So hope you're excited
2:03
because I'm dreading it. Okay. Anyways, what
2:08
is in? Let's talk about the fun stuff. What's
2:11
in? What is in is, um, so fun. Uh, thunderstorms.
2:16
It's thunderstorming and is the perfect nap weather
2:20
and I am fighting very hard to not take a nap
2:22
right now and what is out is apparently not the
2:24
sun because of aka the thunderstorms and To doing
2:28
my hair. I'm not doing my hair between the traveling
2:31
and the rain and the humidity My curls are curling.
2:34
I feel like I look like I belong in the 80s and
2:37
I'm kind of digging the vibe Especially especially
2:40
with my banana clip. So we're gonna call it a
2:42
day with that one I want to try and start to
2:45
keep these intros in under 10 minutes, so I'll
2:48
tell y 'all about Iceland really quick and then
2:50
kind of call it that. So anyways, um, well first
2:55
off, if you hear any heavy breathing, I decided
2:57
to wear high -waisted jean shorts today and it's
3:00
cutting off all my oxygen. I don't know what
3:02
I was thinking. TBH. But anyways, Iceland was
3:06
amazing. The waterfall was amazing. The hike
3:08
was amazing. The canyon's amazing. The food,
3:11
not amazing. The shopping... not amazing. A Taurus
3:15
shop is a Taurus shop and then their actual Icelandic
3:18
fashion I don't think is cute so I didn't buy
3:21
anything. I did find a couple markets and bought
3:23
some of my friend's earrings. I did accidentally
3:27
spend $200 on a sweater for myself because I
3:30
thought who would leave Iceland without a sweater
3:32
and now I'm thinking I should have left Iceland
3:34
without a sweater but it is kind of cute and
3:36
it is soft and anytime someone compliments my
3:38
outfit best believe I'll be saying thanks this
3:40
sweater's from Iceland and that will be that.
3:43
Also, I have a friend in town from the West Coast.
3:47
He is not here visiting me. He is here with his
3:49
girlfriend's family. So I got to meet her. They've
3:51
been dating for two years. I haven't seen him
3:53
since he came to visit me that first year. I
3:55
moved back to North Cackalacki. So it was really
3:58
good to just grab coffee with him and her down
4:00
in Carolina Beach and just enjoy some conversation
4:03
and catching up and show him a little bit more
4:05
around the town that I'm living in. So anyways,
4:07
that was really good. Tonight we have Bible study
4:10
and I'm so ready to get back into Bible study
4:13
and dive into this study because we've been doing
4:16
Your story has a villain and I low -key feel
4:20
like I'm learning so much. So I'm excited to
4:22
see the girls It's been a week Lauren my co -leader
4:24
led by herself all solo last week and I'm excited
4:27
to just see everyone and catch up Okay, I know
4:29
that was fast again. It's like my third time
4:32
recording it because the mic keeps pulling the
4:34
vocals weird So here we are ready to rock and
4:37
roll Let's dive in into today's episode. Let's
4:47
talk about how hard it is to fit in, especially
4:50
in a world that's so divided in so many ways.
4:54
I've spent many years trying to fit in, okay,
4:57
most of my life, but not in the way that most
5:00
people would think. I didn't wear what other
5:03
people wore. I didn't pick up their fun little
5:05
sayings. I didn't want to be like them. I just
5:08
wanted to be liked by them. At church, I knew
5:11
who I wanted to be friends with and I sought
5:13
them out. At school, I knew who I wanted to be
5:15
friends with and found a way to have them seek
5:18
me out. In my everyday social circles, I knew
5:21
who I was expected to be and showed up that way.
5:24
It became kind of second natured in my everyday
5:27
life. So much so that I would say even my own
5:31
family barely knew me. I think it's kind of human
5:34
nature to want to fit in and be liked. I'm sure
5:37
we've all been in a situation where we want to
5:39
say the right thing, wear the right things, and
5:42
be at the right events to be liked or socially
5:45
accepted. Maybe you're like me and you've adjusted
5:48
your social media aesthetic to fit those around
5:50
you too. For some of us, it could have been a
5:53
one time thing, but I'll be honest about myself
5:55
and say it was a long time thing, because to
5:58
some degree, I felt like my life depended on
6:00
it. My social life, that is. I wasn't a different
6:03
person completely, group to group. My core of
6:06
who I am, I always stayed the same. But for example
6:10
at church, I served a lot. If there was a service
6:13
team, I was on it. I was at a baptist church,
6:16
so if you know, you know. Anyways, If you're
6:19
Baptist, you don't drink, but if you're Italian
6:21
like me, then you do drink. So, I'd serve, and
6:25
when people talked about how bad alcohol is,
6:27
I'd keep my mouth shut. They didn't need to know
6:30
having a small glass of wine with dinner occasionally
6:32
is a part of our lifestyle. When I was home,
6:35
I would skip a glass of wine with dinner that
6:38
we would have every now and then, because I knew
6:40
my church wouldn't like it if I did drink, so
6:43
I didn't. and my family asked only once or twice
6:46
and I made up some excuse because I didn't need
6:49
to tell them why. I took off a full year from
6:52
alcohol when I was 17. Yes, you heard that correctly,
6:56
17, because I felt weird about serving in church
6:59
and drinking at all. When my family would ask
7:03
me why at our family events, I'd say, oh, you
7:05
know, I've been allowed to drink slash consume
7:08
alcohol under my parents supervision my whole
7:11
life. And if and I wanted to prove to myself
7:13
I can go a whole year without drinking. And they'd
7:17
say, oh, interesting, okay, and then they would
7:20
move on. It wasn't that I was anywhere near being
7:24
an alcoholic, let me be clear. It wasn't a problem
7:27
for me to turn down or be at a family event and
7:31
not drink a glass or two or have a mark by the
7:33
pool with my mom and aunt, but I felt like I
7:37
was lying to my church family about my life every
7:39
time I did drink. At church, I was as perfect
7:42
as I thought perfect could be. I dressed up,
7:45
had my hair and makeup done every Sunday, sat
7:47
with my grandparents, showed up early to serve,
7:50
and I would stay late after to serve, but I never
7:52
felt like I truly fit in. I tried. Oh, did I
7:56
try. But something always felt off. Like, I was
8:01
friends with the quote unquote inner circle,
8:03
but I was just always one degree on the outside
8:07
and never felt known by my friends there. Maybe
8:10
it's because no one knew how to have a real deep
8:13
conversation or they all grew up having a simple
8:16
life. Meanwhile, I had ex -drug dealers, gang
8:19
members, and sex workers living with us, so I
8:22
saw the world from a very different view compared
8:24
to the rest of them. Now, y 'all know I was homeschooled
8:28
and never fit in with the homeschoolers. I had
8:31
friends that were homeschooled, but best believe,
8:33
I never fit in with the homeschoolers. You know
8:36
what I'm talking about, the ones that everyone
8:38
know as anti -social or awkward and weird and
8:41
the long denim skirts. Because mine is the dad
8:45
who said I dress like a whore because of my sparkly
8:48
shirt. I couldn't wear those jean skirt things.
8:51
It wasn't in me. I wasn't built to do it. I also
8:53
wasn't built to be quiet and anti -social. I
8:57
did try a little. A very small, tiny, minuscule
9:01
bit. A little. I did try to be a little less
9:04
intense when around other homeschoolers. I kept
9:07
my boldness locked in and buried deep down, but
9:10
no matter how hard I tried, that mask just barely
9:14
fit. When we joined a co -op that functioned
9:17
like a school, I'd say I was always nice, but
9:20
I knew how to give just enough sass or make the
9:23
right jokes to make the cool girls want to be
9:25
friends with me. And then I was the cool girl.
9:27
I was the girl that everyone wanted to be friends
9:30
with, but no one knew me. I was always expected
9:33
to dress a little bit better than everyone else
9:35
to say the jokes at the right time and bring
9:37
my sarcasm out just long enough before I could
9:40
get in trouble with the teachers. I shouldn't
9:43
tell you this. I should tell you none of this.
9:45
But what's the point if I don't wrap myself out?
9:48
y 'all there was a time I didn't want to be friends
9:51
with this girl oh my gosh I thought she was weird
9:55
and she tried too hard to be friends with me
9:57
I was so high up on my high horse I'm surprised
10:00
I never fell eventually one period she was trying
10:04
to talk to me and I was over it so I ignored
10:07
her and I kept talking to a friend well later
10:09
that day she was trying to talk to me again in
10:12
a group of friends I was with and I ignored her
10:15
until The guy I had a crush on walked up. He
10:18
was one of the nicest people I knew at the time.
10:20
So what did I do? I turned around and started
10:23
talking to that girl so that I came off nice
10:26
too. My friends were so thrown off by this because
10:30
they knew I did not like this girl. I was tired
10:33
of this poor girl who probably just wanted friends,
10:36
trying so hard to get my attention. And I only
10:39
gave her that attention in the moment because
10:41
the guy I liked at that time came up to join
10:43
our little circle to chat. How embarrassing for
10:46
me, like really though. Now, to make a case for
10:50
myself, I wasn't always the kindest person. I
10:52
never straight up bullied anyone, but I behaved
10:55
how I was expected to in that social circle.
10:57
Again, I am how I am at my core. I could give
11:00
case after case how I still defended those who
11:03
were being bullied, defended those who couldn't
11:06
defend themselves, and that I was friendly to
11:08
the extra weird kids no one else wanted to talk
11:11
to, but I don't need to. I was a teenage girl
11:14
who was flawed, and I still am flawed. Let's
11:19
take a minute and talk about masks and what purpose
11:21
they serve over history. During the Middle Ages,
11:24
at the peak of their very own plague, masks had
11:27
been created for medical use, but that's not
11:29
fully where they started, and not what they were
11:32
always used for. Masks began with their appearance
11:35
as a veil, which was created for fashion in the
11:38
1400s BC, so aka before Christ. They started
11:42
as a fashion moment to set apart the upper class,
11:45
but over the centuries became a part of a protection
11:47
from unwanted male attention in ancient Greece.
11:50
Ancient Rome used them as wedding attire, and
11:53
over time we have turned them more into a religious
11:56
piece, like to show you are a pure virgin on
11:59
her wedding day. or at least Christian culture,
12:02
that's what it's supposed to represent. In the
12:04
1330 CE, so current era, knights used a full
12:08
face metal mask to protect them during battles.
12:12
Eventually, full face leather masks became a
12:14
fashion trend in Italy to again set apart the
12:17
upper class from the lower, to hide their face
12:19
at public events, and they also served the purpose
12:23
to protect their skin from the sun when walking
12:25
outside. Now let's talk about medical masks.
12:28
Not our current 2020 post -COVID mask, but the
12:31
beginning of them back during the middle ages.
12:34
I don't know about you, but when I think back
12:36
on the mask at that time, the image that comes
12:39
to mind are those scary freaky bird -like masks,
12:41
and we all know how I feel about birds. I recently
12:44
learned that those masks have never been confirmed
12:47
to be real at any point in history. They are
12:50
too in a museum in Germany, but they can't be
12:52
dated that far back, so basically everyone thinks
12:56
they're fake. They do say that if those masks
12:58
had allegedly existed, that the beaks would have
13:01
been filled with herbs and other things to cleanse
13:04
the air, while said doctors would breathe them
13:06
in. But most masks in reality were probably just
13:09
a cloth over the mouth, and if the doctor was
13:11
smart, then the nose as well, and now we have
13:14
medical masks today. And that's all I have for
13:16
you on the history of masks. Each type of mask
13:18
has served a purpose, and if you're wearing one,
13:21
then yours does too. The veil just kind of blurs
13:24
the face and is for fashion, used as a deterrent
13:27
or as a religious accessory. The armor mask is
13:31
just that, no face seen, ready for battle. Full
13:34
metal and no one can see who is behind it at
13:36
all. The medical mask protects from disease and
13:39
germs. It hides half the face, keeps all the
13:42
bad stuff from getting in, and mortally, keeps
13:45
it from getting out. Don't know about you, but
13:47
I've worn all of these masks figuratively in
13:50
some way for some time or another On a very serious
13:54
note at a young age my family watched me suffer
13:57
from depression and struggle to heal from past
13:59
abuse They watched me try to put on a smile and
14:02
push through the day even though I had no desire
14:05
to even exist I wore my armored mask a lot I
14:08
didn't want people to know what I was feeling
14:10
or the reality of how I was struggling in my
14:13
day -to -day life There was a time when I was
14:16
a kid that my friend's parents said I didn't
14:18
smile enough and seemed to be going through something,
14:21
so unless I found a way to get past it, I wouldn't
14:23
be able to see her anymore. So I learned to fake
14:25
it, fake the smile, fake the laugh, fake wanting
14:28
to have a conversation with the yes -mams and
14:31
yes -sirs, and I brought it with me through the
14:33
rest of my life. Me going through something?
14:36
Never. Not with this smile on my face. I've never
14:40
known a bad day. I smiled through every situation
14:43
and in every situation. Anything less than the
14:46
appearance of joy, wanting to be desired, and
14:49
as close to perfect a girl could be wouldn't
14:51
cut it, and that crossed over in all of my circles.
14:55
Some circles knew me as a girl who was a friend
14:58
to anyone and was chill. Some knew me as a girl
15:01
who knew how to hold her alcohol and have a deep
15:03
conversation. Some knew me as the yes girl to
15:06
any serving opportunities and never turned down
15:09
an adventure. Each mask served its purpose, and
15:12
it did its job, but with the mask no one can
15:15
see your whole face, or your true face. So you're
15:19
never really known, and never fully seen, and
15:22
if you went missing, no one would know what to
15:24
look for. Anyone who wears a mask, whether full
15:27
face, can only see the eyes or sheer almost see
15:30
-through, knows over time how scary it is to
15:34
give it up. Even when you don't realize until
15:37
now that you've been wearing it, it becomes a
15:39
part of you, until you have to shift on a different
15:42
one for each circle you run in. I realized I
15:45
was quiet in some groups, and loud and outspoken
15:47
in others. I was sweet and meek for some, and
15:50
sass and sarcasm in others. I was a go -with
15:53
-the -flow type of girlie for some, to taking
15:56
charge and bossing everyone around in another.
15:59
Dude, I remember when I started to let my mask
16:02
fall, those around me did not take it well. I
16:05
was getting to know myself and it was a weird
16:07
feeling and people did not understand the change.
16:10
I got tired of being meek and quiet in some groups
16:12
and started speaking up. I got tired of always
16:15
being the fun energy brought in and decided I
16:18
didn't want to have to be that anymore. So I
16:21
slowed down. I stopped talking about my crazy
16:23
fun adventures. I stopped letting people trauma
16:26
dump on me and use me as their free therapist
16:28
or support whatever. I went to seminary school
16:32
because well, I wanted to. I went to bars and
16:35
stopped keeping it on the DL. If I didn't want
16:38
to go somewhere or do something, I didn't do
16:40
it just because the circle of people that were
16:42
going expected me to be there or the fear of
16:45
not getting invited again. My switch up threw
16:47
everyone off in my life. Some thought I lost
16:50
my mind. Some probably thought I'd become a heathen
16:53
or just wanted attention. Every choice I did
16:56
or didn't make left people questioning me to
16:59
my face or behind my back. And this was exhausting
17:02
as well because I was feeling more like myself
17:05
more than ever. It was taking a toll on me to
17:08
get these masks off and show everyone my true
17:10
face and feelings and deal with the aftermath
17:13
of it all. But even though it was a scary change
17:16
to let people fully see me, no filter, no hiding
17:19
behind whatever variants of my personality that
17:22
they knew, it was worth it. Worth it to stop
17:25
trying to fit in. Worth it to stop showing up
17:27
how people expected me to. Worth it to stop trying
17:30
to be careful with what I said and did. and being
17:33
who everyone thought I should be. Did I lose
17:37
friends? Oh, 100%. But in that case, were they
17:40
ever really my friends? The respect I gained
17:43
from myself and from others created a whole new
17:45
shift in my everyday life. If I want you to walk
17:48
away with one thing, it's what it feels like
17:50
to be free. Free from others' opinions. Free
17:53
of what you think others expect of you to be.
17:56
Free from feeling left out, not desired, or not
18:00
wanted. Free to make decisions and change your
18:03
mind. Free to jump or take a step back. Free
18:07
to light the color pink or hate it. We weren't
18:11
created to live for man's opinion, so why does
18:13
it constantly happen to us? My mom told someone
18:16
close to me that I wasn't created to live in
18:18
secret, but that's exactly what I was doing every
18:21
time I put a mask on. You know who loves it when
18:23
we live in secret? Even when we aren't doing
18:26
anything bad or shameful, Satan, he wants you
18:29
to hide. to not show your true self, to blur
18:31
out what you truly feel, what you actually think,
18:35
to dismiss yourself. But God wants us to live
18:38
open, free from fear of shame, live as a light
18:41
and not to hide ourselves in whatever way we
18:44
can. Proverbs 10 verse 9 says, Who walks with
19:00
integrity and works righteousness and speaks
19:03
truth in his heart? Galatians 1 -10 says, Am
19:06
I now trying to win the approval of human beings
19:08
or of God? Am I trying to please people? If I
19:11
were still trying to please people, I would not
19:13
be a servant of Christ. You were created for
19:16
more than to live how others expect you to. You
19:19
were created for more than to doll your personality
19:22
to fit in. You were created for more than to
19:25
just exist. Is it uncomfortable to remove whatever
19:28
version of a mask you're wearing? Absolutely.
19:31
But you have to be uncomfortable to grow. And
19:34
if you grow, you can break free of whatever is
19:36
holding you back. Let's pray. Let us find our
19:58
true personality. If we love pink, let us shout
20:01
that we love pink. And if we hate it, let us
20:04
make peace with that we hate it, even if the
20:06
circle we run in loves it. Help us break free
20:09
of what's holding us down and then covering our
20:12
face. Have us find courage to be who you created
20:16
us to be so that we aren't dull and existing
20:18
in this world, but we are bright shining light
20:20
for you to live life free and full of light.
20:26
Free and with courage and live life on this earth
20:30
just freed Not worried about others opinions
20:34
not worried about what we say or do but living
20:37
just freed because of you and in your name in
20:42
Jesus name Amen Alright, that's all I have for
20:55
you today. Thank you so much for listening to
20:58
the Living Freed podcast. Let's get connected
21:01
on Instagram. Or you can email me at livingfreedpod
21:04
at gmail .com. If you're loving the podcast,
21:08
I'd be so honored if you go ahead and hit that
21:10
subscribe button and leave me a review. And if
21:13
you have feedback or a subject you'd like me
21:15
to cover, please email or DM me on Instagram.
21:19
Again, thank you so much for listening. I hope
21:21
you leave feeling encouraged today. Bye y 'all!