Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Enneagram Fours | Thriving at Work and Home

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Enneagram Fours | Thriving at Work and Home · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, I'm Amy Wicks, a Jesus and Enneagram enthusiast.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: As a wife, mama of three humans, and a fur baby, I get it.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Juggling entrepreneurship in a family is challenging.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: But I believe the Lord does want your work to be enjoyable.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: As an Enneagram type 7, I am all about the fun factor.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And this podcast is here to help you put the joy back into working mom life.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: So you can see 1 Timothy 617 come to pass in your own big guy.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's a verse that says, God has given us all things to enjoy.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: All friends, it means all.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Motherhood, work from the home life, or work out of the home life.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: With the Lord's help, there's truly a way to feel calm, balance, joy, clarity, and peace in any arena of life.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Simply Full Hearted Podcast, where you can expect solo-style and interview-style episodes that are full of faith-based concepts, simple ideas, Enneagram insights, alongside practical tips to help you put that smile back on your face when it comes to doing life with Jesus.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now get your headphones and head to that big pile of dishes in the sink.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe that bathroom that needed cleaning two weeks ago.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: And let's get to learning together.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the fifth episode of the Nine Type Spring series.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And this specific episode is all about the Enneagram 4.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: I encourage you to listen to each of these episode series, whether you know your Enneagram type or you're just beginning your personality discovery journey.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: I think you'll also want to share this special nine-part series so that way your friends and family can learn along with you.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe they'll even figure out their Enneagram type.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Best of all, if you listen to learn about each type, it's really going to support your marriage, your kids, your parenting, your workplace, because you're probably interacting with all nine Enneagram types on a regular basis.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Something that I love to share with my clients and you as part of this community is that you are able to utilize character traits of all nine types because, well, you're made in God's image.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And the triune nature of God is all the types and more.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that you can reflect God's nature and his character traits when you're living as a beloved child of our Heavenly Father.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that Scripture wouldn't tell you to be an imitator of Christ if it wasn't possible.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I encourage you to listen in and to learn the positive attributes about each Enneagram personality type.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: All of the episodes in this special series is going to spotlight one Enneagram number, and we'll do a deep dive in about 30 minutes.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: You'll learn things about the core traits, childhood experience, parenting tips, and you'll even get an overview of how each Enneagram type pairs with the other Enneagram personalities.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: And plus, I'm going to share an inspiring transformation story about one of my clients.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'd love for you to listen to the very end because I'm sharing some of my favorite insights about the Enneagram 4 in the last 60 seconds of this episode.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And also, if you haven't heard, I've created the Enneagram Guidebook for moms who desire to thrive in their faith, family, and business.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's free and you can get your copy today.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Just click the link in the show notes or go to simply wholehearted.com to gain even more understanding about your type's strengths, weaknesses, and the small pivots you can make to thrive.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Are you ready to dive in?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, here are 10 common traits of an Enneagram 4.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: 1.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Authenticity is your priority.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: 2.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: You feel like you don't belong.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: 3.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Melancholy feels like a comfortable friend.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: 4.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: You see details in beauty that others don't notice.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: 5.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: You feel endeared when someone remembers details about your life.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: 6.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's very important for others to be aware of your emotional depth.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: 7.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: You're willing to sit with others in their pain and distress.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: 8.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: You place great value in your intuition.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: 9.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: You tend to reflect on the past more than what is in the moment.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: And 1.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: You're very aware of what is missing.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now, did you nod your head to most of these traits?
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Or did you think of a person or two you know that fits this description?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: If you answered yes, you might be an Enneagram 4, or know someone who is.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: But here is one of the most essential facts about the Enneagram that you need to know before you listen anymore.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram identifies motivations, not outward behavior.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, there are common traits or behavior patterns of each personality type.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: But the question to always ask yourself is what is the real reason behind your action?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Or what is the core fear, longing, desire, or emotion behind your conduct?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: You may share learned behavior character traits based on your family or community culture, but what's really beneath the surface?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Take time to pay attention to the motivations, not just the outward qualities.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because the Enneagram 4 tends to get labeled as the creative or artist, it's important to note that any personality type can be expressive and talented in the arts.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: While a four has a keen eye for beauty, all nine Enneagram types have creative gifts as well.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Now with this important fact in mind, here are some core motivations attributed to the Enneagram 4.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: An Enneagram 4 desires to find their unique significance.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: A four may often be the most misunderstood of the types, due to some of the mischaracterizations of their type.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: By definition, the four may be the most uniquely interesting and diverse of the Enneagram types, and just as they feel exceptional, indeed they are.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Fours are motivated by the need to experience their feelings, to be understood and search for the meaning of life, to avoid being ordinary.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Fours ache to be seen and understood.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: They have a strong desire to be known, which propels them to an ongoing search for significance.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: And this motivation develops their ability to see the beauty and their propensity to wonder.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Their superpower is that they're so attuned to feelings they may be aware of how others feel when they are suffering.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: This empowers them to empathize with other people's pain and deep emotions.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Nyla, my podcast manager, reminded me of a great characterization of a type four in the Disney movie Inside Out.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many fabulous ideas to pull from that film, but for today, the character sadness is a beautiful depiction of the four.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: In the movie, sadness reminds others to not be afraid of negative emotions and to let them feel their feelings without rushing through the experience.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't seen that yet, we've linked a short YouTube clip for you to enjoy in the show notes.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now, with all of these excellent qualities, you might be asking, what's hard for a type four?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: The message that a four longs to hear from their parents, spouse, and loved one is to be seen and loved for exactly who they are, special and unique.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: And this may mean the four might often feel misunderstood, wondering if they're missing something or what is missing in the relations they hope to fulfill their ache.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is the root cause of the four struggle to envy, because their focus of attention is not on others' possessions, their envy is aimed at their longing for the substance that they think lies behind others meaningful experiences in life, relationships, and the satisfaction they believe others have.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: This search for meaning often causes them to experience painful, unresolved feelings, leading them to a downward spiral of melancholy or darker moods that they can't seem to shake.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: While it is true that fours often feel different from others, they long to belong.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because of their tendency towards idealism and fear that they are too much or not enough, they may feel socially awkward or self-conscious, yet they deeply wish to connect with people who understand them and their feelings.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: You've probably heard me say before that one of the best ways to determine your personality type is to answer the questions or read the material and filter the content based on what you were most like as a kid.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you have a hard time remembering that far back, think through the information based on your 18-year-old motivations.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: And to help your process today, here is what a type 4 might look like as a young person.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: The type 4 child may come across as sensitive and struggle with feeling as if they are an outsider, lonely, or abandoned.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: A type 4 child feels disconnected and misunderstood by their parents because they feel different and they can't see themselves reflected in their parents' personality, looks, values, or behavior patterns.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: They tend to fixate on what is missing and how they don't fit in with what they deem is the status quo.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: This will create a pattern of comparison from an early age and they will wonder why they don't have or aren't more alike and create a sense that they are tragically flawed and will never fully belong.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: When a four is making new friends, they may even worry that it's only a matter of time until they find out that thing or flaw, even if they don't know what that is, which might exclude them from the group.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: This propels their coping mechanism to turn inward, to find their authentic self and to show the world how unique and special they are, instead of trying to find it within their family unit.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: The four is often gifted with active imagination, and discovering the depths of themselves and the world becomes their goal.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you've listened to all of this and you're fairly certain you're a type four, and you also happen to be a parent, I have some special encouragement and caution for you.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: As a type four parent, you're really great with kids and very supportive, but you can quickly become overly critical or protective.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: You are motivated to explore and support your child's unique talents and emotional needs, which empowers your children to become aware of their authentic selves.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: You will naturally parent your child to lead with compassion and inspire them to empathize with others.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Your parenting superpower will enable you to attend to your child's feelings, which helps you to be in tune and aware of how they feel or when they're suffering.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: There are many things to be cautious of as a type 4 parent, but I have three practical tips for you.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: First, you really do value your connection with your children, so after times of exhorting your kids or training them, you may be found thinking, will they reject me?
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Therefore, you may base your decisions on what you think they may feel.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: But it's important to decide what's healthy for you and them, not perceived feelings.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: And second, when it comes to making parenting decisions or disciplining, you will tend to bring up past mistakes or perceived failures.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: But your child needs you to just focus on the current experience and believe that they can and will do it better next time.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: And last but not least, you may be tempted to constantly compare your parenting to others and inadvertently feel like you're flawed or not the parent they need.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: But the Lord chose you to be their mom.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: I promise that you are uniquely equipped to love your kids really well.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: Here is an inspiring story about one of my Enneagram 4 coaching clients, and of course, I have changed the name and a few of the story details to make it a little bit more fun to listen to.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Sydney had always felt different.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Her adoption wasn't a secret, and it was clear on the outside her skin tone was not the same as her parents and some of her siblings.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: But for some reason, she experienced shame that she was different and felt like everyone knew it.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: From childhood, Sydney felt a sense of something missing, and while she wasn't the only one in the family who was adopted, she felt she was alone in her inability to fit in or belong.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Her high school years were spent trying on different groups of people.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Some days she dressed preppy and hoped to find a place in the popular group.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Other weeks she participated in the school clubs to find her people, and she even remembers going goth for a time, wondering if that group would help her mitigate her feelings of loss and abandonment.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: In her youth, Sydney attended attachment therapy sessions, worked throughout the summer with tutors, and was involved with her family's Christian community.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: And even though at the time she resented the help, now she knows this investment by her parents contributed to her emotional and relational health.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: At the time, because of her wounds from early abandonment, these contributions by her parents bred resentment and emphasized her feeling that something wasn't quite right or that something was missing.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: But regardless of her feelings, their loving contributions and foundations opened up doors to college and a successful career.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sydney pushed herself hard through her years of college, desiring to finish what she started.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: And even though she didn't think she was interested in romance, she quickly found herself in an emotional push and pull relationship.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Sydney loved the sense of belonging that this boyfriend gave, but she also feared if he got too close that he would see her flaws or authentic self and no longer want to be in relationship with her.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually, his persistence to marry her won out, and she found herself with someone who she felt she didn't really know or didn't know who she was deep inside, a baby on the way, and a career that felt ill-fitting.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: When Sydney heard about Enneagram coaching from her best friend, the uniqueness of the approach intrigued her.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Five years out from the divorce from her rocky marriage with two adult children, she really wanted to explore what it would look like to show up differently in a new business, her adult kids, and her new significant other.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: At first glance, Sydney identified with a few traits of the one, mostly the themes of idealism and pursuit of excellence.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: But when we talked about the core fears, struggles, and longings of a four, it moved her deeply.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: As we continued to explore the type four, Sydney expressed that it felt like someone had been reading her diary, which both terrified and pleased her.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Sydney intuitively knew her focus, mood, and energy were off, but her typical coping mechanisms weren't doing the trick.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: She realized how being out of alignment caused her to put pressure on her kids and her new boyfriend to satisfy her self-image needs, the feeling of belonging and self-acceptance.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, the great moments that she would experience, both anticipated or spontaneous, were constantly marred by the fear that it would lead to emptiness.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: She would constantly feel like life was bittersweet, creating a low hum of depression.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: As Sydney dove into the coaching sessions on the emotional struggle, about shame, and her retreating behavior patterns, she quickly began to realize how this was causing her to self-sabotage success in her relationships and her business.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: Once she identified how she was trying so hard to do life in her own strength, she began to understand her desire to be seen and to belong could only come from her Heavenly Father.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: And while this was a profound aha moment, we both knew it would take daily rhythms of prayer and scripture meditation to believe this truth.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: The key was and is trading her rumination on what is missing for meditation on God's character.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Sydney was also feeling an emotional pull in too many directions.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: So she quickly began to implement boundaries which gave her a healthier balance of time with others and also by herself.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Intentionally, she planned time with a close group of girlfriends who provided lighthearted moments, which became an anchoring rhythm.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: And even though Sydney was inclined to be alone with her melancholy, she let their positivity balance out her mood.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Also, because Sydney wanted to deepen her friendships with her daughters, I encourage her to reach out and plan a few weekend getaways.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: And she was even finding herself to being more amiable about scheduling last-minute lunches with them or dates between seeing other clients.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Sydney began to experience that emotional balance arises when the extraordinary and the mundane are present together.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, it created a deep richness in her spiritual life and relationships.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Going forward, Sydney feels so optimistic that she can avoid some of the pitfalls in her new relationship that have built up resentment in the past.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now, wasn't that a beautiful tale?
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: There is so much to be gleaned from this transformation story.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: So, if you listen closely, you may have heard a few tips to experience growth as a type 4.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: But if you were caught up in the story and you were wondering what was happening next, I've outlined seven tips for awareness to experience growth to apply to your parenting and workplace if you're an Enneagram 4.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: First, be proactive to move from envy to finding joy in the ordinary.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: Second, get curious about what others, especially your children, need from you, not what you need from them.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Third, not every situation can be better or different.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Stay present with the goodness of the moment.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Fourth, recognize how your focus of attention drifts to what is missing.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: The truth is you are worthy.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: This moment is beautiful, and what you have is exactly what you need.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Fifth, be honest when you're experiencing life more deeply than those around you.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sixth, trust your intuitive nature.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Others will be blessed by your ability to deeply empathize.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: And seventh, take hold of the truth that you belong.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: When you've been invited, asked, or approached, you have a place at the table.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Don't discount the validity because you feel otherwise.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've listened to all of this and you're fairly confident you lead as a type 4, I want you to tune into this special growth message for you.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, identify the message you may have heard your whole life.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: And this message may have been perceived, or maybe someone did speak this over you.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: That internal message you've heard is if I don't tell anyone my pain and take care of my needs, then no one will see me or understand me.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the deal, my Enneagram forefran.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: You can make a choice to rest in the truth that the Creator sees your unique pains, struggles, and needs.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: As you practice solitude, believe this truth from the story of Hagar, found in Genesis 1613.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: She, as in Hagar, gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: You are the God who sees me.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: For she said, I have now seen the one who sees me.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: This passage of Scripture reminds us that nothing escapes our Heavenly Father.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: He gets you, he knows that fatal flaw, and is still crazy in love with you.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: Not a detail of your life, not a hair on your head, not one thing goes unseen by your good shepherd.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: The Lord understands your unique sorrows, joys, and needs, and he won't ever leave your side.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: Now the fun part of the podcast, maybe while you're really listening, you want to know how the Enneagram 4 gets along or doesn't get along with each Enneagram type.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: But before I give you the highlights, here is something that you need to know about Enneagram and relationships.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: There is no one perfect type for your personality.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the deal: all types are compatible.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: The only question you need to ask when considering a relationship, or how to engage in that relationship, is that person healthy or unhealthy?
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: And this is going to make the biggest difference in knowing what your level of interaction is going to be healthiest with that personality.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: With that being said, here are some general similarities or differences between the types.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram 1 and Enneagram 4 have a unique connection between growth and stress.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: So when they're in a relationship or In a working environment, there is so much to glean from each other.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: The four goes to the high side of the one in health, so they can learn the power of focus from the one.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: And on the flip side, the four can help the one get out of their dualistic approach and be more engaged with their feelings.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: These types may clash though when the four wants to focus on feelings and emotional needs, but the one would rather repress and dismiss their emotional needs.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram two and four also have unique connection and growth, and they are both in the heart triad or rely on their feeling center of intelligence.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: The four deeply values authenticity, which is a challenge for the two who are often in denial of their needs.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: The two may get frustrated at the four's melancholy, and the four may get frustrated with the two's ability to reframe and move on from disappointment.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: Both will be excellent at supporting each other emotionally, and they'll equally share a desire to create a welcoming space that is aesthetically pleasing.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram III and the Enneagram Four are also feeling centered, but the four will feel much more comfortable and in touch with their feelings.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: The four may find themselves frustrated by the way a three reframes painful or disappointing experiences and moves on way too quickly in their book.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: The four can invite the three to notice their feelings a little longer while demonstrating it isn't a waste of time, and perhaps even give them a language or permission to be disappointed or sad.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: If you are a four, allow the three to speak the hope that you need to climb out of your melancholy.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: This combo can bring a unique expression of beauty and excellence to the world.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: If it's a combination of a three-ring four with a four-ring three, most likely they will both want to skip the surface level conversation and go deep to have a good heart to heart.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: An Enneagram 4 with an Enneagram 4 will both share the fear of abandonment and the desire to belong, which will either lead them to compassion or it'll be really difficult to manage.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: Both of these types together will have to be cautious about getting stuck in their emotions and not moving forward in their tasks.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: When a four-wing three and a four-wing five get together, they will formulate a solid strategy and have the ambition to take it to the next level.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: The four wing three will have to understand that their four wing five partner may not long for depth as they do.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: Just remember that not everyone is as comfortable with heart-level conversations.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: An Enneagram 4 and an Enneagram V will both value honest and deep discourse.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: But the four leads with their desire for closeness and intimacy, and the five desires space and autonomy.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: These needs can uniquely create friction in any relationship, but the closer they are, the more challenging it will become.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: When this duo is in a work environment, it can be very harmonious if they respect boundaries and stick to clear communication.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram 4 and the Enneagram 6 both struggle with being misunderstood by others on a large scale.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: This frustration may create a shared bond.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: The 6's loyalty will endear the four's need to be accepted, even with their fluctuating emotions and authentic moments.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: They will have to be cautious to not spur each other's reactive nature to crisis and hardship.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram 4 and Enneagram 7 are almost polar opposites on the Enneagram, except they both may relate to the worry that they are too much for others.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: Fours can show the seven how to experience the darker side of emotions and still survive.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: The four knows good things can come along from allowing yourself to sit in pain and grief a little longer.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: The seven will help the fours shake off their melancholy and embrace the joy of spontaneous moments.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: Recently, the well-known Enneagram teacher Ian Cron mentioned that eights are fours turned inside out.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: I would concur with this statement, and I would elaborate just a little bit that both the Enneagram 4 and Enneagram 8 are equally tender, they're both fearful of vulnerability, and they're incredibly passionate personalities.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: The four tends to express their tenderness and are quietly passionate when compared to the fiery and intense passion of the eights.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: Both types are committed to authenticity.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram IV and the Enneagram IX are very similar, and I've even had clients who originally suspected that they were nine, but then it turned out that they were definitely a type 4.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: Both types are prone to retreating when it comes to conflict, and may be prone to getting stuck in the past and their inner world of reflection.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: But a critical difference is that the four will have a lifelong struggle with envy and comparison, but the nine won't often be engaged with those feelings.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: They'll push past them for the sake of inner peace.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: In relationships, the four can help the nine identify their unique interests and pursuits.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: And the nine will offer the four the sense of belonging that they desire.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: So are you an Enneagram 4?
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you know an Enneagram 4?
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that you learned something new today, whether it was compassion as you better understand the experience of a four, or the hope that transformation and freedom are possible no matter your personality.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: I would be delighted if you shared this episode with your people so they can learn more about the Enneagram 4.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's really simple to use your app's share feature to pass this along with a little note about what you learned.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now, before you go, I wanted to share a few more details about the Enneagram 4 that have been really helpful for me personally to understand.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: I first want to say how grateful I am for the way the fours in my life helped me access my painful emotions.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: Especially last year as I watched my relationship with my dad totally disappear and my parents' marriage fall apart.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: One four friend in particular always spoke words that just seemed to unlock my grief.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: It was crazy.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: She would say something or just empathize and share my anguish on a deep level.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_00: It ministered to me time and time again.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: The other thing I think is important to know is that a four's melancholy might look like depression to others, but it's often just the way a type four is relating and caring for their own emotional needs and their loved ones.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: Also, fours often get pegged as introverts, but in every poll I've done, it turns out that some fours are indeed extroverts.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: And last but not least, a four may feel that they are the odd one in the group.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: But remember, odd is just a shorter word for unique.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: Being odd is not bad.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's not bad to be different.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: Think about how some of your favorite characters in much love shows were the quote unquote odd characters.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you, but when I think of memorable TV favorites, I think of Steve Urkel on Family Matters, or Uncle Cy on Duck Dynasty.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, that iced tea, right?
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: Or even Kimmy Gibbler on Full House.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: So if you love a four, share these silly and fun facts and take a little extra effort to reassure them that they belong.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, the Enneagram doesn't put you in the box.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, when you combine self-awareness with the power of the gospel, you can get free of the box that you feel stuck in.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: Next week, I'm going to be back with an episode all about the Enneagram 5 as we continue our way through our new series.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: There is so much to share with you, I can't wait.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your wholehearted life.