Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / From Cute to F*ckable with Dylan Mulvaney

Transcript

From Cute to F*ckable with Dylan Mulvaney · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi, Chelsea, Hi, Hi, Hi. How's everybody doing good?
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: You know what?
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: I actually saw our friends Allison and Darling in.
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: New York last week. Oh did you, I said Darling. Yes,
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: they're taking the town by storm. Everyone who's listening, please,
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: this is a reminder that if you tag me when
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: you're watching my special, my new special, The Feeling on Netflix,
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: where I wear my gold one piece, which is my
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: golden anniversary year. I had no idea between Gold Bond
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: that I was wearing gold gold bathing suit and then
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: my special, which I taped way before I turned fifty.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: I was wearing my gold jumpsuit and this is my
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: fiftieth year, so everything is gold and that's your golden anniversary.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: So it's my anniversary with myself.
• 0:43
  Speaker 4: I love that, I know.
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: So please tag me for the special because I get
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: so many tags about my books, but I'm not getting
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: as many about my special, and my special is the
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: newest thing out, so I want to make sure all
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: my ardent fans are watching it and tagging me, and
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: I'll repost you.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: And yes, it's called The Feeling.
• 0:57
  Speaker 4: I love it.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: And Chelsea, we also went to ask for more couples
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: and duos to call in or to write in for
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: many sods.
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: Yes, if you're having a even if it's a friendship
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: like kind of disagreement or a relationship disagreement, we want
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: you guys to call in for couples advice. We're going
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: to do that on our minisodes as well too. And
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: also everyone can check out my European dates. I start
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: in Rekuvic mid May and I end in Lisbon, Portugal
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: at the beginning of June. So come see me in
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: Europe if you're one of our European fans. Also, if
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: you guys want another inspiring book to read, I am Maria.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: But Maria Shreiver just came out and it is beautiful.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: It's a book of poetry. I'm not really but it's
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: not your traditional poetry. It's like stream of consciousness poetry.
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: And there's a forward by her about everything she's experienced
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: in her life that is so moving and it just
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: blew me away. I read the entire book last night
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: on my sofa.
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: Well, I just finished Dilan Mulvaney's new memoir.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Yes, I've read that of course for our new guest,
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: I mean guest.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: It's so I mean obviously. You know, we read a
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: lot of celebrit memoirs on the show, and I think
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: it's one of my favorites that I've ever read. Like,
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: it's so beautiful, it's funny, it's light, it's refreshing, like
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: it's honest.
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: It's great.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a great read, just like Dylan herself. She's
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: a great read.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: And her brand new podcast, The Dylan Hour, just launched.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: I actually worked on it. It was so much fun.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: It has amazing episodes. It's so fun and kitchy. It's
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: really fun to watch on YouTube also because it's like
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: sixties themed and it has a whole pink set and
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: it's really sweet. I would start with either like the
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: Norri Read episode. It's really really fun. There's an episode
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: with her dad that's really.
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: Touching and really fun.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: She's got an episode with Glennon Doyle. Go check it
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: out The Dylan Hour, which it.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Brings us to our guests. Please welcome Dylan mulvaney. Oh
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: look at you. Look at how you handled that microphone. Dylan.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: Wow, I'm a podcast throw Wow back by popular demand.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Wow, by very popular demand, is our favorite.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: Our favorite transgender woman, our favorite transgender person.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Dylan mulvaney is back.
• 3:00
  Speaker 5: Oh.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: We have a lot of catching up to do, have
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: a lot to talk because you've been hanging around with
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: a lot of my friends. I saw Alan Cummings. You
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: posted a picture of you guys last night.
• 3:09
  Speaker 5: I'm like, where well? I More importantly, the last time
• 3:13
  Speaker 5: was on this podcast. The last thing I asked you.
• 3:15
  Speaker 5: I hadn't been kissed as a girl yet, and I
• 3:17
  Speaker 5: was like, should I do it? And you were like, yeah,
• 3:19
  Speaker 5: hurry the fuck up. Yeah, And I did accomplish a
• 3:22
  Speaker 5: lot of that.
• 3:23
  Speaker 4: So you last saw each other.
• 3:24
  Speaker 5: But what I'm about to show you is very important
• 3:27
  Speaker 5: because I was in Paris and this was Alan Cumming
• 3:31
  Speaker 5: was included in this evening and I went clubbing with
• 3:34
  Speaker 5: a bunch of people from a conference and I left
• 3:37
  Speaker 5: the club looking like this. And I just wish that
• 3:42
  Speaker 5: for our audio listeners that they would really get to
• 3:45
  Speaker 5: see this.
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: But can you describe what you see?
• 3:48
  Speaker 6: Well?
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: We can hold it up. Can I hold this up
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: to a camera? Can you see that this is Dylan.
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: That's me leaving the club.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: Look, I'm like a whore on the loose. This is
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: what I would call summer whore. When you have a
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: hot pink lipstick. It's all around.
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: Her once like maroon, and then it went, it's giving clown.
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: This is ridiculous. Basically I went into the club.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: And sucked face with everyone you saw.
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: And just one, just one, and he really did a
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: number on my makeup.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: Your face looks like my head right now. I thought
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: I had a pimple on my forehead morning.
• 4:23
  Speaker 4: Are you saying my face looks like a pimple.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: In that picture? It looks like a big pimple that
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: pops right now. That one.
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: We got a big problem. What I'm walking around like
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: all the time.
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: I thought I had a pimple on my forehead this
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: morning in my hotel room, and I went in after it,
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: and then as I was trying to squeeze it and
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: nothing was coming out, I realized it's a fucking mosquito bite.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Oh so I basically attacked myself.
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: It adds character, and I went and it's like a
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: knot on my head right now.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: I got into my car this morning.
• 4:50
  Speaker 5: We're a New York cartoon with like a fucking piano
• 4:53
  Speaker 5: dropped on your head, New York.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: And my driver's like, what's he goes, what's wrong with
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: your head? That's what he said to me.
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: Rapa, he can say that thoughways been my driver for
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: a long time. Okay, So, Dylan mulvaney, the last time
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: we spoke, you were I mean, first of all, I
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: don't even know where to begin.
• 5:08
  Speaker 5: You've been very busy, been all over. But I was
• 5:11
  Speaker 5: going through the ringer right when I saw you.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: That was because you were getting you were getting a
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: lot of.
• 5:16
  Speaker 5: Back a lot of backlash. And now that's just seems
• 5:19
  Speaker 5: to be the trend of my life.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: And so let's revisit what was happening. It was the
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: beer commercial.
• 5:23
  Speaker 5: There was a beer situation, and it felt like the
• 5:26
  Speaker 5: whole world was after me. And now I've really learned
• 5:29
  Speaker 5: how to not give a fuck, and I think I
• 5:32
  Speaker 5: learned that's kind of from you. And I also just
• 5:35
  Speaker 5: now know to roll with the punches, because if this
• 5:37
  Speaker 5: is going to be my life, then I think that's
• 5:39
  Speaker 5: kind of just comes with it.
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we do our best.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: I think it's very important to build resiliency as soon
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: as you possibly can, because if you're going to be
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: in a public, if you're going to be in the public.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: There is no way that you're going to get out.
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: Of this unscathed being a public personality, there's just no way.
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: So when people are really sensitive and they can't deal
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: with it, I mean, it's a natural reaction to have,
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: but eventually you have to toughen up a little.
• 6:04
  Speaker 5: Were you ever fragile? I kind of the way I've
• 6:07
  Speaker 5: read your stuff, like, it doesn't seem like that.
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: I don't know if fragile would be the word, but
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: I've been knocked down a lot. Yeah, I've been knocked
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: over and down and thought, oh fuck, maybe I should
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: just disappear. Maybe everyone's sick of me, or maybe this
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: or that and that. You know, you think that those
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: moments are temporary. They're not permanent. And I deal with
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: a lot of people that come to me who are
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: fragile and want to know what to do.
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: I think we're attracted to you.
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe a magnetism because it's like, oh you're okay.
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: But but that becomes a lot to handle too. Like
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: I remember this was just last week. I was like,
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: I had so much of my own shit to deal with,
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: and then I had like four or five people coming
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: to me about how to deal with their shit, and
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: I remember thinking, I don't have the fucking time for this,
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: I'm not a counselor. But then I'm like, no, you
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: are a counselor. That's actually what you like enjoy doing.
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, you want to help people.
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: So it's easier to look in rather than into yourself sometimes.
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: Have you met anyone that you're interested in, like more
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: long term? Are you just having fun with strangers?
• 7:07
  Speaker 4: You know in Paris bars that'll do it?
• 7:08
  Speaker 5: Oh? Oh my god, You're gonna die. I can't believe
• 7:10
  Speaker 5: I'm telling you this on air. I did hook up
• 7:13
  Speaker 5: with my room service waiter in Paris also this weekend.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: I've always dreamt about.
• 7:18
  Speaker 5: Actually I left that that picture moment, and I went
• 7:23
  Speaker 5: back to the hotel and then I got a charcoonery
• 7:26
  Speaker 5: board and the waiter was so hot chelse and and.
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: He went Savah and I went Sava.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: And then does that mean suki? Suki? What is something?
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: How are you? I think? And I said how are you?
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: And somebody else is gonna quote me that was incorrect.
• 7:43
  Speaker 5: Then we started making out and it was amazing.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: I love that these things.
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: You were making out with your room service attendant. Yeah,
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: I didn't even know that was legal.
• 7:51
  Speaker 5: Well, I'm trying to kind of pivot because I went
• 7:53
  Speaker 5: on a date a few weeks ago where the person was, well,
• 7:56
  Speaker 5: I was on a date with a woman and she
• 7:58
  Speaker 5: was like She first asked me, She's like, are you
• 8:00
  Speaker 5: into me? And I was like, yeah, I'm into you.
• 8:02
  Speaker 5: And then I was like are you into me? And
• 8:03
  Speaker 5: she's like well, and I was like what does that mean.
• 8:06
  Speaker 5: She's like, You're kind of like the baby bird and
• 8:08
  Speaker 5: I'm the mama bird. And I don't know if I'm
• 8:09
  Speaker 5: allowed to fuck the baby bird. And I'm like, you
• 8:11
  Speaker 5: can fuck the baby bird. And I'm just sort of
• 8:17
  Speaker 5: now trying to figure out how to take myself out
• 8:19
  Speaker 5: of the cute to fuckable category, you know what I mean.
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: So, dear Chelsea, how do you go from cute to fuckable?
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: I think it's a natural progression and it's gonna happen
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: very naturally.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: And what I see with the room service waiter, and
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: it starts with sucking off the room service waiter. No,
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: I don't think you sucked out.
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: I didn't do it.
• 8:33
  Speaker 6: I don't.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: Okay, good good, because I just yeah, yeah, I mean
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: you can. There's nothing wrong with that. I mean, I
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: don't know what goes on in France, but it sounds wonderful.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: This is like when messuses go.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Down on you.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I've had a lot of massages and that's
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: never come up.
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: I was gonna say you did say it though, like
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: that was a frequent Like.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: I would like I would love a messuse to go
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: down on me, to get on grinder. I well, but
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: I want to just have a mesuse offer it, Like
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: why not. I'm relaxed, I'm not gonna fight you. You can
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: go down on me, finger blast me. That's the perfect
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: setting for me to get figure blasted is while I'm
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: lying down half hour for you too. I know so,
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: and I hear all these stories. I even went to
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: this hotel that I heard, Yeah, what's wrong with me?
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: And then I was like, oh, I guess. And my
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: friends like, you're just too intimidating. I go while I'm
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: getting a massage. To intimidate, you have to go.
• 9:17
  Speaker 5: In full glam. You get full glamm done. We get
• 9:20
  Speaker 5: Jamie makeup in here just to really beat your face.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you've been hanging out with Jamie makeup.
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: I love that woman vibe so fun.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: I know, she's so fun.
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you got to keep the good ones around.
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: I told her she's a personality higher. You need her personality.
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: I was like, forget about your makeup skills. Your personality
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: is where it's at.
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: That's how I feel about myself too.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, so tell me about your life. I want to know.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: So you left here and you had a lot of
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: drama with the beer, and then that subsided.
• 9:47
  Speaker 5: And then we started Marco polowing in you because we
• 9:51
  Speaker 5: found that I don't like to text, you don't like
• 9:53
  Speaker 5: to do facetimes or phone calls. So it's like this
• 9:55
  Speaker 5: walkie talkie app and I asked you about ayahuasca. Went
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: to do that down in by myself. Yes, And that
• 10:02
  Speaker 5: really made me willing to do life again. It was
• 10:05
  Speaker 5: like a lot of great things came up. And then
• 10:08
  Speaker 5: I came back to the States and finished up my book.
• 10:12
  Speaker 5: I've got my podcast.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: It's the podcast call.
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: It's called the Dylan Hour.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Oh I love it.
• 10:17
  Speaker 5: And it's sort of like to serve a podcast thank you.
• 10:19
  Speaker 5: It's like sort of this nineteen sixties flare, you know.
• 10:22
  Speaker 5: I love to live in the eras. And what it
• 10:25
  Speaker 5: originally came from was that there was I was getting
• 10:28
  Speaker 5: so much hate from these like conservative extremist, like right
• 10:30
  Speaker 5: wingers all had all these podcasts, and I was like, well,
• 10:33
  Speaker 5: what the fuck, I want one? And and so it's
• 10:36
  Speaker 5: not targeting those people at all. It's just kind of
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: a celebration of femininity. And the important part is that
• 10:41
  Speaker 5: we get to drink alcohol on it. Which do you
• 10:44
  Speaker 5: ever do that on here?
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: I don't, not on my podcast, but I did Burt
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: Kreischer's podcast, and it was around It was at noon,
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: and I had.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Two vodka OJ's. Oh and it was a two hour podcast.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: And I think that's pretty much how all podcasts should
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: be conducted.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: It's just a very loose.
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: Format, and people are more relaxed, and it's just easier
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: to drink and talk about yourself.
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: And in they'll tell you more things.
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I don't need alcohol to open me up,
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: you know. I mean I already have a problem with
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: my mouth. I gave away way too much information.
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: If you were gonna come on my pod, what do
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: you think we would drink? Like, what's your go to?
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: I was drinking gin for a while. I'm kind of
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: engine you'll get there, honey.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: I'm a little bit in gin. And then I'm kind
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: of pivoting back to vodka. Now, vodka was brushing me
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: out for a while because it tasted like it started
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: to taste like gasoline. But whenever you overdo anything, it
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: starts to taste disgusting.
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: You ever tried to ever clear?
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: Oh no, that's really gasoline.
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: I like that.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: That's like rubbing alcohol.
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: That'll get you.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: What are you drinking?
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: I love vodka. I love an espresso Martina.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Oh I had one of those yesterday.
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: I will keep you up. And I love oh dirty
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: Shirley Temple. You've ever had one of those? What's surety
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: temple with vodka? Oh? Yeah?
• 11:55
  Speaker 5: Or an aperol sprits? Yeah, that's very my York of eyes. Yeah, my,
• 11:58
  Speaker 5: orca very my or so you'll.
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: Come on my pod one day of course, okay, talking
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: about how to drink.
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: Honored to be on your podcast, and yeah, it's sort
• 12:06
  Speaker 5: of just like a celebration of femininity in giving me
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: a chance to get off, you know, the internet so
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: much and kind of get in front of somebody else
• 12:14
  Speaker 5: because so much of what I was doing online was
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: just me in my bedroom, and I was like, I
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: haven't talked to someone in five days, so it's time
• 12:21
  Speaker 5: to sit down and shoot the shit.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: And are you still living in your same house.
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: I live in the cute house.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: I didn't know if you had to move because we'll
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: worried about all the back That was scary.
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: But we're okay now now.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: Everything's good, So that's great. I'm glad to hear that.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: What other backlash have you been facing?
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: I released a song called Days of Girlhood. Did you
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: hear about that one?
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I heard about that, but I did not hear
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: about the backlash.
• 12:43
  Speaker 5: So I put this song out sort of as like
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: you ever heard of Rebecca blacks Friday, Yeah, or like
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: Paris Hilton stars are Blind. You know. I wanted one
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: song to give the gaze, you know, if I was
• 12:53
  Speaker 5: going to go at any moment, just to remember me
• 12:56
  Speaker 5: and and so I basically put the most sort of
• 12:59
  Speaker 5: just like still tereotypical, silly feminine things into one song.
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: I did not think I was singing fucking you know.
• 13:06
  Speaker 5: I didn't think I was Chaikowski or anything when I
• 13:08
  Speaker 5: went into writing this. And wow, the Internet just roasted
• 13:12
  Speaker 5: me because it first started with the turfs, and it
• 13:15
  Speaker 5: started with you know, women who were so deeply offended
• 13:18
  Speaker 5: that I would be singing about.
• 13:21
  Speaker 4: Womanhood or girlhood.
• 13:22
  Speaker 5: Wait, what's the turf trans exclusionary radical feminists. So a
• 13:26
  Speaker 5: feminist that doesn't include trans people, okay, copy like as
• 13:30
  Speaker 5: jk Rowling, Yes, right, but this song gave them kind
• 13:34
  Speaker 5: of like this perfect sort of like, oh, I'm gonna
• 13:37
  Speaker 5: be sad on the internet to talk about how much
• 13:39
  Speaker 5: this song, you know, made them so upset. And then
• 13:43
  Speaker 5: my audience had already decided that it was a bad song.
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: But the thing about gen Z is they.
• 13:47
  Speaker 5: Will ride hard, and so when they found out it
• 13:50
  Speaker 5: was getting hate, they were like, well, now this is
• 13:52
  Speaker 5: my favorite fucking song I've ever heard. But yeah, I
• 13:55
  Speaker 5: don't think I meant for I don't think the music
• 13:57
  Speaker 5: industries for me. How about you?
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: No, No, I don't have any I can't sing and
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: I have no rhythm.
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: I can't go to karaoke.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I don't do karaoke, Dylan, are you not hearing me?
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I cannot you want to hear me saying I.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: Do Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you?
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: Like that's it good?
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: No, that's not good. I know that's not good. And
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: I'm not taking voice lessons. What you think I need
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: to add that to my repertoire.
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: I don't know it sounds like, you've got two months
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: in my Orca to fucking.
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: I find one month in my Orca and I'm not
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: fucking and I'm not recording an album.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: You want me to come out with a song so
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: I can get more hay than you got.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: So you can do you can be like, look you
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: you see this one.
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: We should we actually I should record a song and
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: then we release it together called you thought I was
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: an asshole?
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: Watch this feat. I'm gonna be pictured on it. Catherine,
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: do you sing?
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: I do I do sing?
• 14:52
  Speaker 6: Oh?
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: Hell yeah?
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, so you know I'll sing on the on
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: there with you as well.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Catherine sings when she talks sometimes and I have to stop.
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: Chelsea's like fuck, I'm like, yeah, Catherine, that does not
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: go with this podcast.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: I can't help it.
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: I have a song, and Mines is not a musical
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: theater podcast. Minus get Ready.
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: I want to talk about some heartfelt moments that you've
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: had with like fans and people that have reached out
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: to you, because that must feel really good and meaningful,
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: and I.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: Know that you have them.
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: Oh my god.
• 15:22
  Speaker 5: Every day I think, like so often the internet feels
• 15:25
  Speaker 5: like the most toxic place. And then I'll open up
• 15:27
  Speaker 5: like a DM from like a girl that just went
• 15:31
  Speaker 5: to college that's getting her bottom surgery, or a parent
• 15:34
  Speaker 5: that like they watched my videos together and like that
• 15:37
  Speaker 5: to me is worth it. Like I think so often
• 15:41
  Speaker 5: I feel like social media and content creation, it's so
• 15:47
  Speaker 5: can feel really icky. Sometimes it can feel like it's
• 15:50
  Speaker 5: either selfish or that you don't know if it's actually
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: helping anyone, or that it's potentially hurting you know, Like
• 15:57
  Speaker 5: I'd never want to put something out there that's about
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: representation of the trans community. But then when you've got
• 16:03
  Speaker 5: the dolls surrounding you and rallying behind you. And that
• 16:06
  Speaker 5: was my big takeaway from the backlash at beer Gate
• 16:09
  Speaker 5: was like, oh I got so burned, and the trans
• 16:13
  Speaker 5: community and the queer community were the ones waiting to
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: pick me back up. And I think that just told
• 16:19
  Speaker 5: me like, Oh, that's who I want on my side,
• 16:22
  Speaker 5: That's who I want my audience to be. And because
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: I tried so hard to be palatable for so long, to.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: Be and feeling to all these people, right, Yeah, we
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: were talking about that with my book title. They were like, oh,
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: well this is going to exclude men, and I'm like,
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: but what straight men are reading my books. Like, let's
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: be honest, I'd rather home in on the people that
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: are my audience, all the people who feel like I do,
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: who don't want to have children, who are single, who
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: is you know? Who care about being a woman and
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: being a sister and all of those things. It's better
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: to focus and home in on your audience instead of
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: trying to appeal to everyone.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: Amen.
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: In my show that I'm doing is called fag Hag,
• 16:57
  Speaker 5: and a lot of people go, oh my god, can
• 16:59
  Speaker 5: I say that.
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I don't know, can you? I've seen have
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: a bag hag?
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: I know, I know, like I do. I love ga.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: I went out last night.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: I tried to set my two gay guy friends up
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: and my one gay friend got so fucking wasted he
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: was such a mess at dinner. And then I had
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: my other friend at dinner. She was got off a
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: plane from Paris, and so I'm with this guy that
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: I know, trying to set him up with this guy
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: and my other friend and they're not making any sense,
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: the two of them.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: It was like being out with three year olds.
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: So did they like each other? Yeah?
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: They ended up hucking up so great turn Well, I
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: don't know you know, because you like men and women,
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: so it's hard for me to focus on which one.
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 17:37
  Speaker 5: It's funny though, because when I'm on Riah and I'm
• 17:40
  Speaker 5: looking for your men, it's a lot of these guys
• 17:42
  Speaker 5: that'll say like mutual, you know, mutual and common Chelsea Handler,
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: and it's usually you know, it's usually the men over
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: forty and and I'm like, do I want to be
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: do I want to be sisters with her on this one?
• 17:57
  Speaker 5: And then I sometimes I'm like should I text Hervey?
• 17:59
  Speaker 5: And I'm like, he's not hot enough to really go
• 18:01
  Speaker 5: to bat for this one? Yeah, right, but I will
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: start vetting through you.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: If yeah, just send me a screen.
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: They always say no, you can't take a screenshot, but
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: I do it all the time.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: I do it. You're not spurt, They're not going to bandy.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: If they haven't banned me by now, they're not gonna
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: ban me.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: And sometimes I need to take a screenshot because I'm like, wait,
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: I don't know if I've already met this person.
• 18:20
  Speaker 5: Sometimes they'll be like really hot, and I'll be like,
• 18:22
  Speaker 5: good for Chelsea, and I can only assume, you know,
• 18:26
  Speaker 5: maybe it's like your fucking pool boy.
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: I know, I know, I use RYA a lot when
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: I'm and yeah, in spurts are periods of my life
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: where I am all about ryacause it's just so fun
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: when you're in a different city and you're just wanting
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: to hook up and nothing more serious.
• 18:41
  Speaker 5: It's perfect tool, oh the best, and you can like
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: I've seen guys from high school that like I had
• 18:46
  Speaker 5: a crush on, or I've seen like my favorite actors
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: and that it's it's good.
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: On that note, we're gonna take a break, Dylan, and
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: we'll be right back with Dylan mulvaney.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, right into us at
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea Podcast gmail dot com. We'd love to hear
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: But this week we're especially looking for questions about parenting.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: So if you are a parent and have problem children,
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: please write in and tell us your story at Dear
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: And we're back with Dylan mulvaney. Catherine, are we ready
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: to rumble today?
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: We are so ready to rumble. We've got our callers
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: hanging out, We've got questions, and our first question comes
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: from Audrey, I think this fits very much into what
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: you were talking about with dating and dating guys are girls, so,
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: Audrey says, Hi, Chelsea, I'm a twenty two year old
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: trans woman from the South.
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: I have a doozy for you.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: I've been with a man for four years and we
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: got together a couple months into my transition. I love
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: him and he is my best friend, but I've recently
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: come to the realization that I'm attracted to women. I
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: think I just made myself believe I was attracted to
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: men because I liked how validated and feminine it made
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: me feel to dat man. But I've come to realize
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: my femininity is just as valid being with a man
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: or a woman. After thinking about all of this, my
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: attraction to men has gone way down. It's like once
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: I discovered the truth, my brain wouldn't let me see
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: men the same. My attraction for women is now greater
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: than it is to men. Should I tell him I
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: want to experiment with women. Should we break up? I
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: don't want to hurt my best friend that I love
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: so much, but I want to make some changes. Audrey
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: Dylan Well.
• 20:27
  Speaker 5: I think it's very common for trans people to expand
• 20:31
  Speaker 5: their sexuality, you know, after a gender identity shift, because
• 20:37
  Speaker 5: I think once you unlock one part of yourself, you're like,
• 20:40
  Speaker 5: oh my gosh, there's this Why would I limit myself?
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 20:42
  Speaker 5: It's like I think we put sort of parameters on
• 20:45
  Speaker 5: ourselves and once you open one floodgate, you're like, fuck it.
• 20:48
  Speaker 5: And I think that's kind of what happened with me,
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: is like as far as like, oh, why am I
• 20:53
  Speaker 5: limiting myself? But I also think and it sounds like
• 20:56
  Speaker 5: it's more so just based on her attraction women in
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: less of like her disdain for men, because I more
• 21:02
  Speaker 5: so I'm like, Wow, this grass isn't greener because I
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: had never been with straight men before and now I
• 21:07
  Speaker 5: have and it's actually not the it's not amazing.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: Yes, gay men, I knows, it's not amazing, And that's
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: why so many women are becoming la.
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: Life lesbian friends make that change.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's totally normal.
• 21:20
  Speaker 5: And then like in getting really serious really fast, which
• 21:23
  Speaker 5: they getting really serious with women, And I think for
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: Audrey it sounds like maybe if there's nothing going on
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: with the relationship that feels toxic or unsafe and she
• 21:34
  Speaker 5: still really does enjoy this person, it sounds like maybe
• 21:38
  Speaker 5: an open relationship might yeah, the option.
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: If he's if he's going to be open for that,
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: But I really don't think you have a choice. Like,
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: when you love someone and you respect them, it is
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: really kind of imperative that you are honest with them. Oh,
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: absolutely so, Like either way, I mean, if he's not
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: open to it, you'll find out right away. But either way,
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: you need to be honest about your desires and see
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: how and give him the opportunity to say yay or
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: if he rejects it, and.
• 22:02
  Speaker 5: Then you have a decision to make right Catherine, did
• 22:04
  Speaker 5: she write specifically that she's met another woman that's kind
• 22:08
  Speaker 5: of interesting to her yet? No?
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: Huhuh, just I think in general.
• 22:12
  Speaker 5: Well, that's a good timing situation. You know, it sounds
• 22:14
  Speaker 5: like a conversation with the boyfriend or you know, the
• 22:17
  Speaker 5: man friend that to see how he feels, you know,
• 22:19
  Speaker 5: about what this relationship could look like.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you should definitely address it.
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: Though.
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: It's good practice to address these uncomfortable conversations as early
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: as you can because life is filled with them, and
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: the better you are at being honest and upfront and
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: direct without it being acrimonious or screaming or yelling, like
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: the more evolved you become and the better skilled you
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: are to actually handle difficult situations.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know, Audrey is only twenty two, so
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: like very young, just starting to experience these things. And
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: she also mentioned best friend a couple of times, and
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: there's maybe some examination there of you know, our relationships
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: change over time, and maybe you do feel about this
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: guy more than he's a friends than a real partner, right,
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: you know, or maybe the romantic feelings of shit and
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: gen Z.
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: Is so fluid with their with everything, And I think
• 23:10
  Speaker 5: that my advice to her would be, like, don't try
• 23:12
  Speaker 5: to put a label on what this attraction is for
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: you until you do a little experimenting and you put
• 23:18
  Speaker 5: your you know, like you might like being with women
• 23:21
  Speaker 5: more than you expected, or it might not. But I
• 23:24
  Speaker 5: think in the meantime, having this conversation with the guy
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: and going from there, because I don't think anyone in
• 23:30
  Speaker 5: that age group is going to be judgy.
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: I also think it's a great time in your life
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: to be experimenting with your femininity. Like I liked what
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: you said in her letter about like she's realizing that
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: her femininity isn't reliant upon a male presence.
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: I did get a little nervous.
• 23:47
  Speaker 5: I thought about, you know, being with the woman, would
• 23:50
  Speaker 5: that make me feel like I had to like step
• 23:52
  Speaker 5: up and put on sort of these like masculine qualities.
• 23:56
  Speaker 5: But it's never been that way. And I think that
• 23:59
  Speaker 5: as long as it's giving you dysphoria, it can be
• 24:02
  Speaker 5: really beautiful because a woman honoring a trans woman's existence,
• 24:07
  Speaker 5: like in a romantic relationship, is really special.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: What ended up happening with you and this older woman
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: or this this woman, you were just the mama bird,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: the mama bird.
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: Sorry you did not we kissed, but then I think
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: it was then you were urgitated. Well, then I asked you.
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: I asked her. I was like, well, how do we
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: go from cute to fuckable? And she was like, you
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: need to have more sex? And I was like, how
• 24:27
  Speaker 5: do you know I'm not having more sex? And she
• 24:29
  Speaker 5: was like, well are you? And I was like no.
• 24:33
  Speaker 5: And so I think it was kind of like doctor's
• 24:35
  Speaker 5: order situation. And then I'll circle back, you know.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: With like SOD two weeks after you've told me some
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: it sounds like your your pairing skills are great.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean I've been on a roll late. I
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: mean I've hoped up, I've made I've actually set three
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: people up in the last six months.
• 24:52
  Speaker 4: Maybe find me. I could go with the man, Okay, but.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: Like I gotta think, I gotta start thinking.
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: Gety to sixty, thirty to sixty, yeah kind of range.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: Is that way older? Though I like older too.
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: I want somebody very sure of themselves, successful tall.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: I could see you with an older man.
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: Actually, first I'm the first wife. No, I'm third wife vibes,
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: and then he's my first.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: Husband, especially with like, what's the way you're vibing?
• 25:15
  Speaker 7: Now?
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: I know you're dressed to go to the theater, right.
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: No, I wear this all the time.
• 25:21
  Speaker 5: You never know what's sixty year old man you're gonna
• 25:22
  Speaker 5: meet on the streets of New York on his way
• 25:24
  Speaker 5: home from Wall Street.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: On his way home from his podcast, think about.
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: What Wall Street was? Oh God, that's my one condition.
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: No men podcast unless it's something really boring talking about
• 25:35
  Speaker 5: money management.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, Catherine, money man.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: Our next color is Jerry Jerry?
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: Is is it Jerry Seinfeldt?
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: It's not Jerry Seigne.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: He's always calling in.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: I can't keep him off the long No Jerry is
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: calling in from Chicago, and Jerry uses pronouns fave M.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: You're Chelsea. I'm a forty two year old non binary
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: gender queer person and assigned mail at birth. But if
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: you knew me in my day today, you would only
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: know this from my stand up. That's because certain open
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: mics are the only place I feel safe dressing or
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: acting feminine, probably because I can claim that I'm just joking.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: I don't enforce my pronouns at work because after numerous attempts,
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: I've lost hope. When I see a cute blouse, I
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: will always talk myself out of buying it, and when
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: I do muster the courage to wear quote women's clothes
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: out of the house, part of me still feels a
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: little strange. My stand up hobby has been a great
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: way to cope. I joke that I've always looked like
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: a daddy but talk like a mommy, and how it
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: unnecessarily confuses people. But I know this is just a
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: band aid on the real problem. I hate to admit it,
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: but I'm so ready to give up and conform again.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: Ever since I had to I don't know, ever since
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: I had to stop being a lawyer for my health.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: Confronting anyone about any issue, big or small has triggered
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: my fight or flight response, and mine is usually freeze.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: And I feel so lonely because the only people my
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: age coming out as non binary are celebrities like JVN
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: or Sam Smith. If when you wore a jumpsuit in
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: one of your specials, Chelsea, I bought a jumpsuit tour
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: to my open mics. Everyone who went up after me
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: made fun of it, and I didn't even care because
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: I kind of felt like I was channeling your confidence.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: Maybe I'm hoping you can work your magic on this problem.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: I honestly don't see a solution to You're devoted, but
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: not in a creepy way. Fan Jerry Vevam hi je
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: Jerry will join us here perfect.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Oh what a conundrum it is really just it's just
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: brutal hew in these streets, I know.
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's just so hard to even be what
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: people expect of you, and then you want to be
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: something that people don't expect, and then you have to
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: con You're consumed with what other people think, and I
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: hate that. I hate that everyone is so consumed with
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: what other people think and how they're going to view
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: them and how you get rid of that. People are
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: always like, how are you so confident? I'm like, I
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: don't feel like I'm that confident, but I just I'm
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: not interested in negative opinions about me.
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: Do you ever feel like you might have a sheathe
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: in your bio?
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Something like that is happening? Wow, something like that.
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: Coming out episode? Hi, Jerry, Oh, I love you already.
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: I'm Dylan, by the way.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: Dylan Mulvaney's our special guest.
• 28:09
  Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, no, I'm familiar. I've seen your your videos
• 28:13
  Speaker 8: on TikTok and really moving.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, talk to us.
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: So you're feeling pretty like low and not able to
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: express yourself.
• 28:21
  Speaker 8: I can't enjoy being feminine because there's just always like
• 28:25
  Speaker 8: a fear attached to it.
• 28:27
  Speaker 5: And you did say, you know, you wore that jumpsuit,
• 28:30
  Speaker 5: which I'm so obsessed with already, But you said that
• 28:33
  Speaker 5: other people commented negatively about it.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, But I.
• 28:37
  Speaker 8: Mean that wasn't so much generated so much as like,
• 28:40
  Speaker 8: oh yeah, or you off to like construction work or something.
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: I think it's iconic.
• 28:46
  Speaker 5: My worry for you is that I don't want you
• 28:48
  Speaker 5: to use stand up as a way to self deprecate
• 28:51
  Speaker 5: about yourself, because I think a lot of comedy can
• 28:54
  Speaker 5: go in that direction, and especially if the crowds you're
• 28:57
  Speaker 5: performing for are more of the straight or taurus crowd.
• 29:02
  Speaker 5: What I really want you to try to focus on
• 29:04
  Speaker 5: is finding those like specifically queer or trans or non
• 29:08
  Speaker 5: binary open mics, because that's where you can make, you know,
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: light of a situation without having to be the butt
• 29:15
  Speaker 5: of every single joke. And I got back in a
• 29:18
  Speaker 5: stand up recently since I had, you know, transitioned, and
• 29:21
  Speaker 5: I found myself in these rooms where they were only
• 29:24
  Speaker 5: laughing when I was putting myself really down or you know,
• 29:27
  Speaker 5: referring back to myself as a gay man or what
• 29:30
  Speaker 5: like it. And I think, as much as it might
• 29:32
  Speaker 5: feel good to get that laugh, I just don't want you,
• 29:35
  Speaker 5: especially in such a sensitive time where you are truly
• 29:38
  Speaker 5: finding your true self, and I don't want it to
• 29:42
  Speaker 5: hinder that in any way. I want you to protect yourself.
• 29:45
  Speaker 5: And I also I went by day then Pronounce for
• 29:48
  Speaker 5: about a year and three months before I fully transitioned,
• 29:52
  Speaker 5: and I just wanted to confirm with you, like it
• 29:55
  Speaker 5: can be so lonely because people some people just don't
• 29:58
  Speaker 5: get it.
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: What do you think.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: I think that you have to I understand and I can't.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: You know, I haven't been through this myself, but I
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: think it's really important to have strong conversations with yourself
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: every single day about who you are and what you're
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: putting out there, you know what I mean, so that
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: you have confidence in your decision making and that other
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: people aren't having such an impact on the way that
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: you feel about yourself. You're not looking for their validation.
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: You have the desire to express your feminine side that
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: has nothing really to do with any of them, and
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: if they don't like it, that's also not your problem.
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: You need to go where the light is, you know
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: what I mean, like the people that love you, the
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: people that understand you, and when you're on stage. I
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: agree with what Dylan said, Listen, a lot of comedy
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: is self deprecating. I'm self deprecating, but I think it's
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: important to recognize the difference between making fun of yourself
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: to fit in versus making fun of yourself because.
• 30:55
  Speaker 5: You already love that part of yourself and it's safe
• 30:57
  Speaker 5: territory to make light of.
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it seems like you're missing a chunk of self love,
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: and if I were going to give you any advice,
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: I would say to fill yourself up every single day
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: before you leave the house, whether that's with like affirmations,
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: a gratitude journal, or looking in the mirror and telling
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: yourself that you're a fucking rock star, that you're beautiful,
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: that you're kind, that you're capable, and that you're intelligent.
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: And keep having these ongoing conversations with yourself because I know, Dylan,
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: you had to do that for a very long time too.
• 31:28
  Speaker 5: Oh, it can be so lonely and still, you know,
• 31:31
  Speaker 5: Like I think what was sad was when I did
• 31:34
  Speaker 5: transition back onto the binary. In some ways, it was
• 31:37
  Speaker 5: like a little bit of relief because people at least
• 31:39
  Speaker 5: knew where to put me or what you know, where
• 31:42
  Speaker 5: to slot me. And just don't give into that pressure
• 31:46
  Speaker 5: right now, because I want you to put yourself in spaces,
• 31:50
  Speaker 5: whether that's queer bars or open mics or meetup groups,
• 31:55
  Speaker 5: activities that like you know one hundred percent that the
• 31:58
  Speaker 5: people there are going to honor your puns, They're going
• 32:01
  Speaker 5: to complement your fun, feminine outfits. Find someone to go
• 32:05
  Speaker 5: shopping with that you feel really safe and is going
• 32:08
  Speaker 5: to like make you feel euphoric. I know dating can
• 32:11
  Speaker 5: also be really tricky, but you've got to oh my gosh, honey,
• 32:15
  Speaker 5: I don't I fucking know it. And you have to
• 32:19
  Speaker 5: right now prioritize your identity and not your comedy career,
• 32:24
  Speaker 5: not relationships, not And this is your time to really explore,
• 32:28
  Speaker 5: because if you don't go all the way into whatever
• 32:32
  Speaker 5: it is you're interested in or what you are looking
• 32:35
  Speaker 5: to find, you might shut yourself off from a lot
• 32:38
  Speaker 5: of beautiful things.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: Do you have a small community there in Chicago that's
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: separate from your work?
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: Not really, I need to look harder.
• 32:45
  Speaker 5: Right I think it can be expensive, but I know
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: Second City and the Groundlings, and you know, there's a
• 32:51
  Speaker 5: bunch of comedy theaters there that have a bunch of classes,
• 32:55
  Speaker 5: and I imagine that they attract some queer folks. And
• 32:58
  Speaker 5: although that's not, you know, necessarily a queer meetup by
• 33:02
  Speaker 5: any means, I do think that there might be some
• 33:04
  Speaker 5: really cool, safe people there to get to know, and
• 33:07
  Speaker 5: especially like you might not need group therapy, but I
• 33:10
  Speaker 5: think a group laugh can be a great thing.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: I would like to ask one piece of advice on
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: behalf of Jerry, so as far as like the outfit
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: goes right, Jerry is you know, channeling Chelsea and while
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: wearing like a Chelsea type outbit with the jumpsuit. But
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: is there a way that Jerry can preempt those sorts
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: of jokes when they do come up and sort of
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: like talk about how they look fabulous, like before anybody
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: else comes up and makes a big deal about it.
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: I have a friend, a comedian friend named Michael Folk
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: who dresses like he likes to dress like a woman,
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: and he goes by they them he's non binary, and
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: he sometimes wears dresses sometimes.
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: They like to wear dresses.
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: They like to wear dresses, Thank you. They like to
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: wear dresses, and they have a great attitude about it
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: because it's just part of who they are. They're not
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: ever explaining themselves, and if anyone does probe or lean in,
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: they're just like there's no question, Like there's such a
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: confidence about what they're doing that there's no question And
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: it doesn't matter because you can't be doing this looking
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: for everybody's approval. It's outside of a lot of people's
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: comfort zones. Again, that is not your problem. That is
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: their problem. That is their issue. Let people figure out
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: how they're going to talk to you, you know, and
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: you can't expect everybody to like fall in place with
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: what you know how you want to identify, because it's
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: so out of touch with them.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: But you have every right to identify however you want.
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: So you've got to like really instill in yourself whatever
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: confidence you were able to come up with, to say,
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: this is who I am, this is what I'm gonna do,
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: and you're gonna either love.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: Me or you're gonna hate me, and neither one of
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: those things are my problem.
• 34:49
  Speaker 4: Amen.
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: And I think when you really do lean into who
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: you are and what your desires are, there is a
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: magnetic field that you kind of create around you that
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: attracts like minded people because you're living out loud in
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: a brave way.
• 35:07
  Speaker 5: Yes, And when you start vetting some of those people out,
• 35:10
  Speaker 5: I think that makes room for the good ones to
• 35:12
  Speaker 5: come in because what I did early on were I
• 35:15
  Speaker 5: could you can sometimes just tell when people you know
• 35:18
  Speaker 5: are if they're not catching up with your pronouns after
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: you know, months of years of knowing you, or if
• 35:24
  Speaker 5: they're making snide comments about your outfits or whatever that
• 35:27
  Speaker 5: might be. That's when you start hitting the sort of
• 35:32
  Speaker 5: do not disturb button on that friendship because that then
• 35:35
  Speaker 5: expands for more people to come in.
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, I believe that to be true for sure. It's
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: about creating your own magnetic field. And the more you
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: are true to yourself, the more you shine, the more
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: abuiliant you can be. I know I had to throw
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: that in there because it's really the right descriptor. You know,
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: you want to be a ball all of light, like.
• 35:53
  Speaker 4: Teach people how to treat you right.
• 35:56
  Speaker 5: Even I remember with my family, you know, we took
• 35:59
  Speaker 5: a little bit of time. I'm a part and I
• 36:01
  Speaker 5: had to have some real tough conversations, but they got
• 36:03
  Speaker 5: it when they realized how important these things were.
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: To huh and again, and this is repetitive, which I'm
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: very good at. You can't rely on other people's reactions
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: to you to fill your cup up. That is not
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: how you get your cup filled. That is an inside job.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: You have to fulfill yourself. You have to fill yourself up.
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: I mean sometimes you can have somebody fill you up.
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: Hopefully one day's time that will happen for you. And
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: I love to get filled up. But on this notion,
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: it is it is a you know, it's your self employed.
• 36:35
  Speaker 3: You have to take care of your own happiness, and
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: once you have that, then nobody can take that from you,
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: no matter what their reactions. Do you are and no
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: matter what their judgment is. And the more comfortable you
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: are with yourself, the more uncomfortable people become around you.
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: What she said, Okay, problem solved. Problem solved.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: Well, we have another color joining us shortly, and we
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: had a bit of a curveball. This coller is l K?
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: Is that el King? Is she calling in again from
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: her last episode?
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: I mean, I wouldn't put it past her.
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: I love el King. She and I have been texting,
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: have you? Oh yeah, yeah, I'd like her attitude. She's
• 37:10
  Speaker 3: a country so she was on the podcast last year.
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: Elk says, I'm a thirty seven year old divorce This
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: takes a turn, so stick with me here. I'm a
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: thirty seven year old divorce lesbian living in Alabama. I've
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: managed Mede, a lovely woman by Happenstance, who is in
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: all regards a ten. We've become fast friends and I'm
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: digging the friendship. But damn am I into her? I
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: find myself stumbling over my words and acting like a
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: child with a crush. This is not normal territory for me.
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: I'm usually much more confident and direct, but this woman
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: is special. I know she had a tough breakup and
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: maybe the last year, and I also know when we
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: met in February she mentioned she hasn't been interested in
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: dating since the breakup. What do I do continue building
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: the friendship or make my intentions known while I ruin
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: the friendship? If I tell her my feelings and she's
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: not feeling it, I just don't know what to do.
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: And then so el K reached out today and said
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: she's had a bun stuff kind of come up in
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: therapy and this is like still sort of a part
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: of her story, but is taking a bit of a
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: back seat. So I thought we could talk a little
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: bit about multiple things kind of going on in our
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: lives at once. But Elk says, I wrote in about
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: having a crush and I looked forward to talking to
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: you about that. However, since first writing in, I've had
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: some major developments in therapy, one of them being a
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: slow uncovering of childhood trauma. I've lost both my parents
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: since twenty twenty, and my last grandparent passed last month.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: I'm unsure if part of me was protecting the elders
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: in my life. But it seems something in my brain
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: unlocked after my grandmother passed. How do I maintain my job,
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: myself and my sanity as I work through these muddy waters.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Elka, so a
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: lot to unpack.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: Hi father, Hi ay, Hi cutie?
• 38:47
  Speaker 4: How are you fucking handler?
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: And good are you.
• 38:52
  Speaker 4: Fucking lover?
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: This is Dylan mulvaney, our special guest today.
• 38:56
  Speaker 4: Ah Hi Lka nas, nice to meet you.
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: Nice to meet you too. What a beautiful big smile
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: you have on your face. I love it.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: First of all, what's going on with the girl? Are
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: you still just totally took a back seat.
• 39:12
  Speaker 6: I mean she's a friend and I was looking forward
• 39:15
  Speaker 6: to talking to you about that. I was kind of
• 39:16
  Speaker 6: in that like giddy, like you know, I felt like
• 39:19
  Speaker 6: a little kid, like just kind of tickled. And then
• 39:23
  Speaker 6: it was like I'm in therapy, like working on some
• 39:26
  Speaker 6: stuff and just like out of nowhere, therapy just like
• 39:28
  Speaker 6: hit me like a truck and was like, no, you
• 39:31
  Speaker 6: got more important things to think about.
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: Okay, Well this is all good, okay, because this is
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: all good.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: It's better that therapy took a front seat.
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: That's a good sign because it is it needs to
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: take a front seat before any real, normal, healthy relationships happen.
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: Therapy is the is what you do to have normal, healthy,
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: happy relationships. Especially well, let me say this, I think
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: that when you're with the second question you asked, which is,
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: how do you remain connected to your work and be
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: productive and and be engaged in all the things that
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: life requires from you while you're going through therapy. And
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: the answer to that is easily, because you are doing
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: the work that that is going to make you an
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: even more whole person and an even more healthy person.
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: So all of these things that you have going on
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: while you're going to therapy actually complement your therapy because
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: you're doing it while you're facing all of your responsibilities.
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: And while so all of it is good, you can
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: do all of it at the same time. Therapy is
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: not meant to like you're supposed to take two years
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: off from life. I mean only people can do that,
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: you know, like I did that because you know why.
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: But you know what I mean, that's not really nice.
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: That's awesome, but yeah, not relatable, not relatable at all.
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: But really, but but the other great thing about going
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: to therapy while you're living your life is that you
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: can integrate your therapy and what you learn into your
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: life in real time. Whereas I took two years off
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: just to go to therapy and travel.
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: So when I was.
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: Done with therapy, I'm like, how do I match all
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: of this stuff into my life when I'm working? So
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: you actually have an advantage that you don't even really see, sure,
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: because you're going to be incorporating the things you learn
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: as you're living your life in a real way.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: Sure, sure going to therapy weekly? Like yeah, do miss right? Well,
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: no don't you shouldn't.
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: I mean hopefully you know you'll go and then at
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: a certain point you'll be like, Okay, you know, I
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: can take a break or I'm ready for a relationship.
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: It also sounds very healthy that you recognized that this
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: crush you had is not as important as you dealing
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: with your childhood issues.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah that's healthy.
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because if you were more still focused on that
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: while you were doing this, it would mean that you
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: had your priorities a little bit out of whack.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was.
• 41:52
  Speaker 6: I was focused on the kind of the stuff that
• 41:54
  Speaker 6: was coming up, and I was like, oh, ships talked
• 41:56
  Speaker 6: with Chelsea Handler about a crush. I don't want to
• 42:00
  Speaker 6: come out to Chelsea, but it doesn't feel as important
• 42:03
  Speaker 6: to talk about.
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: I think sometimes people make up problems to call in.
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: They're like, uh, what color should I paint my I'm
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: like what?
• 42:12
  Speaker 4: And did you do? You just lost some loved ones too.
• 42:15
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I lost my mom in twenty twenty and my
• 42:18
  Speaker 6: dad in twenty twenty two.
• 42:20
  Speaker 4: I'm so sorry for your loss.
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: I think that thank you know, while you're navigating the
• 42:25
  Speaker 5: grief and the new sort of therapy of it all,
• 42:28
  Speaker 5: I still want you to be able to find the joy,
• 42:30
  Speaker 5: because sometimes we go zero to one hundred, especially in
• 42:33
  Speaker 5: something that's so intense as mental health can be, and
• 42:37
  Speaker 5: we go in that direction, we forget to be silly,
• 42:40
  Speaker 5: we forget to be in love, we forget to treat
• 42:43
  Speaker 5: ourselves to the frivolous things. So I actually am kind
• 42:47
  Speaker 5: of pro you still, you know, maybe not as heavily
• 42:52
  Speaker 5: engaging a crush, but sometimes having a crush is really
• 42:54
  Speaker 5: fun and can kind of help you take your mind
• 42:56
  Speaker 5: off serious things and not to disassociate and put all
• 43:00
  Speaker 5: your eggs in that basket. But I like to think
• 43:02
  Speaker 5: of dating kind of as like an iPhone game, well
• 43:05
  Speaker 5: because so much of it is, you know, swiping, but
• 43:08
  Speaker 5: you know, just that thing that I'm like, oh, I
• 43:10
  Speaker 5: don't have that much. You know, i already did my
• 43:12
  Speaker 5: therapy for the day, I've already had a good cry.
• 43:14
  Speaker 5: What can we do next? Let's try to fuck someone.
• 43:17
  Speaker 5: But I actually wanted to ask you. I wanted to
• 43:19
  Speaker 5: ask you about this friendship thing because I've been in
• 43:21
  Speaker 5: that situation too, where you know you're you're friends with
• 43:24
  Speaker 5: someone and you think, oh, maybe this could be more,
• 43:27
  Speaker 5: but it can be a little awkward about trying to
• 43:29
  Speaker 5: get there. Do you think there's are you the kind
• 43:32
  Speaker 5: of person that would be willing to, you know, say something,
• 43:36
  Speaker 5: or do you think you would need a really clear sign?
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: I think I would need.
• 43:40
  Speaker 6: I mean, I don't have any problems being direcked. But
• 43:43
  Speaker 6: at the same time, it was the first time, like
• 43:45
  Speaker 6: in my adulthood, where I got kind of like like
• 43:48
  Speaker 6: that giddy just like kind of stupid.
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: You know, the best, the best feeling in the world
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: is that is really truly just like.
• 43:56
  Speaker 6: I am now, I'm just bumbling over my words, just
• 43:59
  Speaker 6: like I.
• 43:59
  Speaker 4: Don't know you don't want to. You don't want to
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: ruin the friendship. So what do you what do you
• 44:04
  Speaker 4: say to somebody who like, well, what is the what
• 44:06
  Speaker 4: is the vibe?
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: Break it down a little bit more specifically, what has
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: been been the vibe of late?
• 44:11
  Speaker 6: We don't live in the same town, so I haven't
• 44:14
  Speaker 6: hung out with her in person, and so I mean
• 44:16
  Speaker 6: it's a newer friend. I don't think she doesn't strike
• 44:20
  Speaker 6: me as really interested in anything right now, not just
• 44:24
  Speaker 6: with me, but like in general.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: But I don't know if I'm reading that wrong or not.
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: Well, I think that I think the important takeaway from
• 44:31
  Speaker 3: this is you're getting yourself healthy and you're creating like
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: a better version of you that that will be like
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: the a net result after this therapy. It's gonna make
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: you sexier, it's gonna make you everything better, and you're
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: gonna and then you're gonna be in a better place
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: and maybe she'll be in a different place and you
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: can pursue that down the road. But I think your
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: focal point should just be you right now. And it
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: sounds like you're doing that and that's that's only good.
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: That is only good. Nothing bad is going to come
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: out of that you're gonna get through your therapy sessions.
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: Some are going to be true and some are gonna
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: be less tricky, but you're gonna go through the gamut
• 45:03
  Speaker 3: of emotions and when you come out on the other side,
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: you're gonna be a better person. You're gonna be a better,
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: fuller version of yourself. And and I love that you
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: said you're direct. Most people can't fucking be direct, so
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: great you have that advantage too.
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: I'm an m eatee too, so you could just.
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: Go up to her and be like, I like pussy?
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: Do you like mine? You know, it's simple when the
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: time is right.
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: You ever said that to someone?
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: Do I like pussy? Do I? Do you like pussy?
• 45:27
  Speaker 4: Do you like mine? Said very I said it like
• 45:33
  Speaker 4: it wasn't the first time.
• 45:35
  Speaker 5: It's all I'm saying, Okay, you want pussy, go get it.
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: Oh fuck, my mom can't listen to this one.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: I was just thinking about my sisters. I was like,
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: they're gonna be anyway.
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: You're a You're a love, You're a joyful and happy
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: and I'm happy for you and you're gonna be fine.
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: And yeah, keep doing what you're doing.
• 45:58
  Speaker 6: Thanks Chelsea, Love you Okay, love you, thanks so much.
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: Oh cute. Her accent reminds me a fortune themestir.
• 46:08
  Speaker 4: I love it.
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: Well, let's take a quick break and we can wrap
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: up with a quickie.
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: Okay, Well, take a break and we'll be right back
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: to wrap up with Dylan mulvaney.
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: And we're back, are back, So one last little question
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: to wrap up. Kara is in her thirties and she
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: writes in and says, Dear Chelsea, A situation I've been
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: dealing with lately is one of my best friends is
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: single and longing for someone special. I'm newly married, so
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: it's difficult for me to give dating advice without sounding
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: lame and tone deaf. I remember being the only one
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: of my single friends before I met my now husband,
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: surrounded by married friends constantly hearing don't worry, you'll find someone. Honestly,
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: it got annoying after a while, and it didn't help.
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: I do not want to come off that way to
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: my friend and want to support her in any way
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: while she looks for quote the one my friend is
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: one of the coolest people I have ever met. We're
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: both out doorsy and she does pottery and other art
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: and is incredibly talented. Most importantly, she has a huge
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: heart that I know would be appreciated by the right person.
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: She's been going on dates that seem promising at first,
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: and then after a couple dates, they end up acting weird,
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: and I think it's discouraged her quite a bit. She
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: always asks what's wrong with her when it isn't her
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: at all. It's just men being men. It takes everything
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: in me to stop myself from finding these men and
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: beating the shit out of them for being so stupid
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: and hurting one of the best people I know. I
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: don't want her to give up when I know she
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: wants a partner for life and a family. If any
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: of your listeners happen to be a straight man who
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: loves art, the outdoors, and who isn't an asshole, then
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: do I have the woman for you? Until then? What
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: advice would you give my friend if you were me, Kara.
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be that kind of pat that's
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: so meaningless to be like, you're going to find your person,
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: You're going to find someone.
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: There's so nothing in that.
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: What I think is is just to keep motivating your
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: friend to keep trying to keep going out there. To
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: meet men that you might think are appropriate for her,
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: or if you do meet a guy that you're like,
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: oh wait, actually do it and encourage your other friends,
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: if you have other friends in your friend group, to
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: do the same for her in supporting her to meet
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: that guy. I know, whenever my friends try to set
• 48:14
  Speaker 3: me up, I find I'm I well, actually, let me
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: take that back. Some of my friends when they want
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: to set me up my good, close friends, then that's
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: okay because they know me well enough and they are
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: close friends, and you have every right just to be
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: as encouraging and as uppy as possible about it.
• 48:31
  Speaker 5: And I loved that she even pitched her friends, you know,
• 48:33
  Speaker 5: her friend to people. She's like, if anybody's looking, now,
• 48:36
  Speaker 5: that's a cool friend, right, that's so.
• 48:37
  Speaker 4: That right there is the energy.
• 48:39
  Speaker 5: My favorite thing when like a friend of mine, I
• 48:42
  Speaker 5: don't love the whole you're gonna find someone.
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: I love the how the fuck are you still single?
• 48:47
  Speaker 4: Like that's fucking crazy.
• 48:48
  Speaker 5: I like when there's sort of this energy of like, well,
• 48:51
  Speaker 5: that's just fucking why, Like because I do that a
• 48:53
  Speaker 5: lot with them, my other single friends, where.
• 48:55
  Speaker 4: It's like how is this possible?
• 48:56
  Speaker 5: Like we're so hot and fun and so maybe kind
• 49:00
  Speaker 5: of like leaning into that a little bit, you know,
• 49:03
  Speaker 5: build her confidence up in herself, in her personality and
• 49:08
  Speaker 5: her looks, and make her feel like the fullest version
• 49:11
  Speaker 5: of herself as a friend, rather than putting so much
• 49:14
  Speaker 5: emphasis on the what she's.
• 49:16
  Speaker 4: Going to be like when she has a relationship.
• 49:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and and making it dating fun and being an
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: energetic Like when you look at the subject matter of dating,
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: it can be depleting if you have that attitude, it
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: can be exhausting, right, or it could be fun and
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: hopeful and happy. And I think as a friend, you
• 49:34
  Speaker 3: sound like you really care about your friend. So you're
• 49:36
  Speaker 3: the person to keep her bolstered up, you know what
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: I mean, keep her going and and be energized when
• 49:42
  Speaker 3: she's on a date. And if it's disappointing, okay, that's okay,
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: Well that's out of the way.
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: Let's get to the next one.
• 49:47
  Speaker 3: The more people she says no to or that say
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: no to her, the closer she is to finding the
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: person that she is going to want to spend more
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: time with. So I think she's very very lucky to
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: have a friend like you, and you can just be
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: an even better friend by helping her through this and
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: not looking at her being single as some sort of
• 50:03
  Speaker 3: losing a game. There's benefits to being single and being
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: in this phase looking for your love too. This is
• 50:09
  Speaker 3: an exciting part while you're looking. It's like, you know,
• 50:12
  Speaker 3: enjoy the journey, not the result of the journey. That's
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: kind of hard to do when you don't understand or
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: you haven't been through it and understand. Oh yes, it
• 50:20
  Speaker 3: is about the way that you're getting there. It's not
• 50:22
  Speaker 3: always about the end result.
• 50:24
  Speaker 5: So or give them, you know, a constructive piece of
• 50:26
  Speaker 5: advice of like how you found someone or what worked
• 50:29
  Speaker 5: for you, or you know, like back in the day,
• 50:32
  Speaker 5: however long ago that was.
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: I think that can be.
• 50:34
  Speaker 5: Like my my best friend Lily will often you know,
• 50:37
  Speaker 5: give me Like we'll go out and you know, I'll
• 50:40
  Speaker 5: start talking someone's ear off that I think is hot,
• 50:42
  Speaker 5: and she's like, pull back, pull back, and like.
• 50:44
  Speaker 4: That kind of stuff. I think that's fun. I think
• 50:47
  Speaker 4: that's what I'd like to hear.
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna I want to watch you on a date
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: and see what happens.
• 50:52
  Speaker 4: The car and it goes it gets in a wreck
• 50:54
  Speaker 4: real fast, right into a base. Oh I do have
• 50:57
  Speaker 4: a place though I like to go dance to get
• 50:59
  Speaker 4: Davey Wayne's Hollywood.
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: Oh Davy Wade' I haven't been there, And I point.
• 51:02
  Speaker 5: To the hottest person the dance floor. We just make
• 51:04
  Speaker 5: out to Abbits. You're gonna love it.
• 51:07
  Speaker 4: Watch out.
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Chelsea. I love what you said about, like not
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: the person you're gonna wind up with, but the person
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: you want to spend more time with. Like I love
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: looking at it that way. It's just about finding somebody
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: you like being around. And I think also like, don't
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: forget for caraa like, don't forget to like go out
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: and be girlfriends together, Like did your husband go do
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: some fun things together? And also like maybe read her
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: this beautiful letter that you wrote about her and how
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: much you love her. That will be a shot in
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: the arm.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, Yeah.
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: That Dad wraps up our episode of Dear Chelsea. Next
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: up is Dylan's podcast called One Hour with Dylan An
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: Hour with Down.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: Dylan Darwin Darwin or Dylan Darwin The Dylan Hour.
• 51:47
  Speaker 4: Chelsea Handler will be singing.
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: On it, and I'll be there performing live music.
• 51:51
  Speaker 4: I can't wait to ask you your favorite Broadways show.
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, I can't wait to tell you I love you,
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: Dylan mulvaney, I love we love you. Thank you everyone.
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: Do do do do drum roll, Catherine please, Chelsea Handler abroad.
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: Abroad is my European tour.
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad.
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: I need to get.
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: The help out of this fucking country and it's not
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Rekuvic,
• 52:25
  Speaker 3: I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to the UK. I'm
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June. I'm
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna.
• 52:41
  Speaker 3: I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona and Lisbon.
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: I'm coming abroad is abroad.
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.
• 52:51
  Speaker 7: I know I want to go see me abroad and
• 52:54
  Speaker 7: there all be, there all be upcoming Vegas States, April eighteenth,
• 52:59
  Speaker 7: July fifth, August thirtieth, November one and twenty nine at
• 53:03
  Speaker 7: the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas.
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into Dear Chelsea
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea pod.
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: producer Catherine Law and be sure to check out our
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: merch at Chelseahandler dot com