Latest / The Bubble Lounge (Highland Park & University Park Texas) / Rediscovering Yourself After the Kids Leave Home with Dana Manley & Ashley Meece

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Rediscovering Yourself After the Kids Leave Home with Dana Manley & Ashley Meece · The Bubble Lounge (Highland Park & University Park Texas)

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bubble Lounge.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: I'm Martha Jackson.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: If you have found yourself tearing up over the thought of having a quiet house, you're not alone.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: For so many of us this season, when the last child heads off to college or moves out, it's harder than we expected.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: It's not just about letting go of our kids.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: It's about letting go of our kids.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: It's about letting go of a time in life we deeply loved.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing it's not a loss.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Loss is when something is gone forever.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: What we are experiencing is the end of a chapter, not the whole story.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: In today's episode, I'm joined by two dear friends, dana Manley and Ashley Meese moms I've known for many years, who are here to talk about the raw, emotional and the surprisingly beautiful transition into becoming an empty nester.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: We're going to talk about the hard parts, the unexpected gifts and why this stage of life might just be the beginning of something wonderful.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: So, whether you're packing up your dorm room bins or adjusting to a quieter kitchen table, I hope you'll leave this episode feeling seen, supported and maybe even a little excited about what's ahead, because now is the time to rediscover the parts of yourself you put on hold and to believe that the best may still be waiting for you.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Ladies, welcome to the show.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Hi, Martha, Hi thanks.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Thanks for having us.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: I am so excited to have you both here.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: I know you both from the UPPA, the Preschool Association, which is how I know most people in the neighborhood.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: By the way, Can you please introduce yourselves and tell us about your background with the Park Cities?
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: Sure, I'll go.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: First.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: I'm Ashley Meese.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: I'm a mother to two daughters.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: So first, I'm Ashley Meese, I'm a mother to two daughters.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Lila is a junior at Baylor and a freshman at McKinley at University of Texas Very nice and I have known Dana for a long time.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: Both of our children grew up at University Park and involved there and then very involved in the middle school and high school and cafeteria and theater choir, and those were our primary involvements.
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: Yes, and I'm Dana Manley.
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: My kids, ford is a junior at Rollins College and Greer just finished her sophomore year at Samford University in Birmingham, alabama and I they both grew up in the district and I just remember volunteering nonstop from.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: You know all of the activities in the preschool association.
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: I was PTA president at UP and then tended to volunteer a lot in the booster clubs with choir and theater and band and HP Arts and Lit Fest.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Well, you both have been very active and thank you for all the things you've done for our schools and everything.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Well, so the reason we're here today is I ran into Dana the other day and we were talking about the fact that she's an empty nester.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: And I'm around so many people that have been talking about this and they feel very emotional and reluctant and they don't know what's next.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: But Dana was painting such a positive picture that I was like Dana, will you please come and do a podcast?
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: And she agreed and she invited Ashley.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: So that's how this all happened.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: But I'm so excited just to kind of dig in and find out more, because I'm going to be in the same situation in two years.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: I literally can't believe.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: You know it's here.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: It all goes by so fast.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: But talk to us, dana, about just like the senior year and all the things that were going through your mind.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Yes, there's a lot, and with back-to-back students, like I mean you get through that, I mean you get through that senior year and then repeat it again with back-to-back students.
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: So there is just a lot going on and I just tried to be present, really present for everything.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: So, because you know it goes so fast, you're right.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Link your eyes and it's and it's over.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Well, I would I have to say that I was an emotional mess when Alexis graduated.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: She's my oldest and graduated two years ago.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Just that anticipation of not having her around anymore, it was just crazy, and I'm really glad that I did not have back to back.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: I have exactly four years apart, which means, guys, we're going to have graduates for high school and college at the same time.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: At the same time, yeah, which is really concerning me.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Well, ashley, tell us about your experience part.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: I was more concerned about how I would feel when Liza left the nest, if you would, because we were extremely close and I was very much more involved in her life.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: I would say, and I was.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: I knew I wasn't necessarily going to be sad, but I definitely felt there would be a void in how I would feel about that and I have to say it wasn't near as bad as I thought I.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: Again, like we said earlier, if you felt like they were in a place where they were happy and they were thriving, it just makes all of your kind of concern and anxiety just melt away.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: I also am thankful she was only an hour and a half away at Baylor and I just have to say I also was preparing myself mentally and I actively said I need to keep my mind busy.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: I was still involved somewhat with my younger one, mckinley, in choir and theater, but I decided to get a part-time job so that I would have something for myself and that would keep my mind occupied, so I wasn't like constantly, you know, texting her and wondering what is she up to, and it really happened very smoothly.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: I have to say I'm so thankful.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: And then when McKinley went on, you know that's now I have no children at home and again thankful she's only three hours away at UT.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: But again I really did do some thinking about how I'm going to prepare myself, and so I had things planned in advance to keep myself occupied.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: I think that that's so smart is just keeping your mind occupied so you're not thinking about it Exactly.
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• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Well, what surprised you all the most about the transition?
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: 3719.
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: Well, what surprised you all the most about the transition?
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: Well, I will say, for me, my experience both of my parents passed away within five months of each other, at the end of my daughter's senior year.
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: So I had a lot going on and it did keep me from just obsessing over being an empty nester.
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: So, just, you know, that was the stage of life that I was in and what I was dealing with towards the end.
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: But I will note that once your you know students are out of high school and all the things that you volunteer for, you know you might be used to going to a meeting or volunteering on a certain day of the week, I mean, all of that abruptly ends and there's no more communication coming from the school and your calendar just frees up, and so that was something to get used to.
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: How do I feel?
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, how do I feel that time?
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: That's what I keep wondering about.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: That's my biggest question is because we're all used to just going full force and full speed and having all these checklists with her kid and all the things Absolutely the different schools and everything and then all of a sudden to not have it.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: It sounds both amazing and scary all at the same time.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Ashley, how did you deal with that part?
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: I would say I felt the same thing.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: There is this abrupt lack of things on your calendar that are requiring you to attend to.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: I, luckily, though, saw it as freedom to some extent.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: I was sad in some ways because I loved all my involvement in the schools and HPISD and the friendships and the groups that I made amazing lifelong friends and I realized that those don't necessarily stop, even though some of the activities and the involvement.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: It's also a relief in some ways, as we all know after senior year, because there's so much to do and so much and there is a sense of freedom of your time is your own again, and I've enjoyed that.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: I will say one of the biggest differences was a little bit more silent in the home and dealing with lack of activity and singing in the kitchen, and I thought that was really going to affect me.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: And it's weird because I've really come to really embrace the quiet a little bit more.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: I'm able to have more me time in the mornings, which I really relish and, you know, some quality quiet time to reflect and to think, to pray, and I'm the type of person who I used to have, you know, blaring upbeat Christian music every morning as the girls are getting ready and now I have silence.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: It's been that's been strange, but that's because I'm actually really enjoying that.
• 10:54
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• 10:59
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• 11:06
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• 11:17
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• 11:21
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• 11:28
  Speaker 1: Well, I think so much of our involvement in this community is based on the schools, like what we're talking about, the volunteering and just all the organizations that we're involved with, the sports, the extra activities and everything.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: And I've heard some moms say I'm worried, I'm not going to be relevant anymore because I don't have that anymore, and I mean it is such a big part of you while you have kids in the school district and so talk about, like, those first few weeks without the kids at home.
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: So I will say I got some advice from somebody you know older that had an older kid and had already been through empty nesting, and they recommended don't go home right after drop off our freshmen.
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: We went to the beach on the way home and spent a few nights reminiscing and laughing and crying.
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: When that emotion hit us Once I got home, I probably started talking to the dogs more.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, see, I do that right now because I work at home alone and literally I have no interaction.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: So I do talk to my two boxers a little too much, it's a little weird, but you know, you got to do what you got to do.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: What about you, ashley, with the first few weeks?
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: Well, I will say, the first few weeks of being a true empty nester after my second daughter left, I too had some travel planned, and that was immensely helpful.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: I had a really good friend's daughter getting married in Montana and it was something to look forward to, to prepare for.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: I had also signed up for a trip with my church and spent 16 days in Italy.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: That I had to look forward to in Italy, that I had to look forward to.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: My husband did not want to he doesn't have the same wanderlust, I guess, as I do about travel and luckily I have a good girlfriend who also wanted to, who's an empty nester and was like I'll go with you, and so we did that and had that to look forward to.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: And then in between that, you're busy visiting your children in college or going to football games or a number of other things.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: Mom's weekend, dad's weekend.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: It's crazy it is crazy.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: So those voids of our involvement in high school surprisingly get filled by other things.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: Now you do have to be intentional when you're at home of keeping up with friends and having activities to fill that, and then, beyond that, I've given myself grace of a year of really trying to not figure out what I'm really going to be doing with my time, but it is something that's always in the back of my head of how am I going to use this time I have use my gifts at this stage in life.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Well, I was talking to one of my good friends the other day who's also an empty nester as of last year, and she was just saying how interesting it was to kind of rediscover yourself.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: Like all those hobbies and interests and what made you you kind of were put on hold during this past 18 years per kid, and she has like rediscovered her artistic side and she's creating all sorts of artwork and it's like really fulfilling her Like that is how she spends her day.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Have you both like revisited things that you hadn't thought about in many years?
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: Um, I would say for sure.
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: I mean, one of the things that I'm committed to doing is starting to play golf again.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: I mean that is a time consuming thing to do and it's something my husband and I can do together.
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: So that's one thing I'm committed to do.
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: Committed to do.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: I love cooking, and so I will say it's different cooking for two people versus one, sure, but that is something you know.
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: Taking some cooking classes with friends and inviting you know couples over to try new things.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: I spend more time, I think, reading and listening to.
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: I got in the habit of listening to audiobooks going back and forth to Oklahoma with my parents, so I've definitely have more time to read.
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: I would say back to my theme of travel.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: I love to travel, I love languages and that is definitely something that I am excited to do more of, but I am really trying to figure out.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: I will say I'm on a mission to really figure out, like I said, how to use my gifts in a meaningful way.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: You know, motherhood is the most meaningful part of our lives.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: Absolutely 100%.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: Yes, you're still a mom when they go off to college and they still need you in different ways, but I am.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: I told myself I would give myself this year to really think about that a lot, to listen to guidance about what it is that I want to pursue, and I have so much more life to live, but I still have passion.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: I mean, I still have hobbies.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: I love cardio dance and I love to play pickleball and mahjong.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: I love cardio dance and I love to play pickleball and mahjong, and so I definitely am filling my life with those things continually, but also trying to think outside of the box, like I do want to take an art class or, you know, there is this freedom of like the world is your oyster again.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Right, I agree with you, like there's still plenty of life to be had and I think that, like anything that you ever thought about doing, just because maybe you're a little bit older now, don't let that hold you back.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: Like, go ahead and just jump in and try it, because you have more time on your hands to do it.
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• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Martha from the bubble lounge sent you.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: So are there still moments that you struggle at home, like, for example, my daughter is in her just completed her sophomore year in college, but I tend to keep her door closed and I rarely go in there.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: And if I do go in there to drop off laundry or something.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: It just kind of makes me sad.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: Do you guys have any moments like that?
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: I love keeping those doors open because, they're clean, those ribs are clean.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: Exactly, that is an excellent point that is.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: I think one of the best parts is the house is clean.
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: There aren't, yeah.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I do look forward to that.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: I didn't really.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: I don't really have anything like that, but I will say we felt that void of really missing them more after Christmas.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: This first Christmas it was weird, like our fall was so busy, like I said, when our second daughter went to University of Texas and we had a lot planned but then they were home for a month again and then after Christmas was harder.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would agree, like there's this back and forth that they come home for summer and then you get used to it again, and then there's a period of getting adjusted to them not being there and then only to repeat it again at Christmas break.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like there's this back and forth.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: A bit of a roller coaster.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: So how do you guys stay connected with your kids without being overbearing?
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: overbearing um with our family.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: We have um a text, a family, family text, yes, and what's?
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: What's the name of it?
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: A family, I love it.
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: Um, and so like, if, if one of us reads something from a devotional and want to share it, we'll include that there.
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: Or sometimes everybody will be like, hey, take a picture of what you're doing right now and share it.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: Okay, I like that.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: That's really cute.
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: It's not daily, but on occasion someone will initiate something.
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: Initiate something when you know.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: When I need some direct information from one of my kids, I'll just text them individually for that.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: And how's the response time on that?
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: Well, I would say sometimes it's pretty slow, right, but I, you know, I'll express that if it's something I need right away and if I don't hear from them, then I'll call.
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: But I feel like text is the best way to communicate in our family.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would agree, definitely.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: What about you, ashley?
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: I agree they're more responsive to texting.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: But I would say I was surprised, even with my oldest daughter, where we were extremely close, we were in a good place where, I have to say, I didn't feel like I had to be knowing every detail about her day or talking to her, you know, every few days.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: I mean, I have friends who talk to their kids multiple times each day.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: So, and I'm not judging that, I'm just saying it's different, different strokes, but I I was surprised that I actually feel like our conversations were so much more meaningful because I would say quality over quantity, when we really needed to talk or felt like we hadn't really talked verbally, those conversations were so much more meaningful.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: But just even little texts like hey, I know you're going to be taking this test today, just thinking of you, and she would text back and go oh, thank you, mama, I appreciate that so much, those I can be filled on those responses.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: And then my other one same thing I know how much she appreciates me that I'm not asking her every detail every day, because when I do, there's a reason and she is so much more willing to respond and therefore reaching out for my help as well.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Right, I would agree, text is really good.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: I do text daily, for sure, and just check in, this week has been exam week at UT and a lot of stress for the kids, and so I've been sending just like Thinking of you, inspirational, trying to lift her up and help her get through the stress and everything of stress for the kids.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: And so I've been sending like, just like thinking of you, inspirational, trying to lift her up and help her, you know, get through the stress and everything.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean, I think that just having a little bit of boundaries is important and again, it just it's whatever works for your family, you know, your, your level of involvement.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: And I would say there's no right or wrong 's no wrong or no, and like our family.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: Until the girls were both away, we did not have a family text chain that we would text regularly, and that has brought us to call together.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: You have one now, but now we do mises pieces and that is a way that we can, same thing, share an article or a podcast, which my husband does frequently, and I'm not sure that they've ever listened to one of them, but we still can reach out.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, oh my gosh, I love the names of both of your group texts.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: Ours is fam bam.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure why Alexis named it several years ago.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: There's nothing too deep that we've done on it yet, but maybe when we're empty nesters maybe it'll get a little bit more intentional.
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• 25:11
  Speaker 1: Well, so it sounds like you both have had a pretty good transition, and I love that.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: That's why I wanted to do this episode with you guys, because so many people are nervous about the changes that are coming to them in a few weeks.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: But have you found any comfort with talking with other friends or just having mom groups or any involvement with other moms?
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: It's key.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely.
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: That's key.
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely.
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: It's great the things you can learn from somebody who has already walked down that path and then to be, you know, someone to offer advice to people that are coming after you with empty nesting I mean, and the recommendations that you get.
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: Like this was interesting.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: You know, from a self-care standpoint, it's horrible to feel sick and when you're not going to be with your mom, I learned from another mom to put together like a self-care box with all the different kinds of medications for all the different symptoms that your kid, you know, has during the year, whereas when they're home I just say, hey, take this.
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: But when they're on their own you don't want them to have to leave and go to you know a store to get something.
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: You want them to feel better quickly.
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: So this box has this whole write up with you know symptoms and what to take.
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: That's brilliant.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: I love that Because at home, when it happens, we just all have this medicine cabinet of stuff and we know what to give them.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: But oh my God, that's brilliant, I love that.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that was something I learned from another mom and both of my kids have told me they have used that and appreciated the time that went into putting that together.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: That's awesome.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: What about you, Ashley?
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: I would just say having friends who continue to encourage you at this stage of life is just so important.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: I'm so grateful that I do have several groups so important.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: I'm so grateful that I do have several groups.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: I have a prayer group of women that we've met together and done life with for gosh almost 14 years.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: I have several groups of women that we intentionally keep up with each other, encourage one another.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: We've got text threads that, yes, if anyone's struggling with something, we are praying for our kids, we're giving advice and I absolutely think the more you can cultivate those and not let those slide when you become an empty nester, it just makes the whole process and the experience just so much better and it's fun.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's all good.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: Well, what about any advice for people that still have high schoolers at home, like me, for example, like things that you wish you may have done before they graduated?
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: I just drove my daughter back from college yesterday from Birmingham, so we had about 10 hours in the car.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: Oh wow, and I asked her what would you wish you had known before?
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: you left.
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: That's good I love that and she.
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: One of the things she said was budgeting.
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: She wished she had really understood better how to budget.
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: And then you know, she really didn't start keeping a calendar and prioritizing her schedule until really this year, really this year.
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: And she said now I look at our family calendar and I can see how you manage your time, how you block off certain times to focus on different things or you have to-do lists on each day.
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: And so those were.
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: And she said, and I know, you know you tell me things and I don't necessarily do it.
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: You do have to learn for yourself.
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: You have to learn what works for you.
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: So but but I've definitely seen growth this year with her managing her time better and and really really figuring out how she learns how she studies best, really figuring out how she learns how she studies best.
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: So, and then you know, just making sure that they know how to self-advocate so important.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: That's so important.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: I mean they start really hyping that up when they get to the high school, but I don't think a lot of them master it at that time.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: So it's such a good feeling when you do see that in your kids, when they finally make that turn and they start doing things like keeping the calendar and just staying more on task and creating those to-do lists.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: It's such a good feeling to be like wow, look, they're becoming a lovely adult.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: That's what I would say too, because I think, as we know, as the senior year winds down, they are so tired of our nagging and reminding them of everything.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: Have you done your thank you notes?
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: Have you done this?
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: So I would say again these moms, it is a transition.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: It's a transition for them as well as for us.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: But y'all, it can be so amazing if you look after yourself, have those connections with friends, sign up for a new Zumba class or pickleball, or keep staying engaged, keep fostering those relationships with friends.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: My husband that's another thing my husband and I have really been more intentional about like reading a book together and sharing about that.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: It is fun to kind of refocus on that relationship as well.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: But really, that maturing relationship with your kids is really fun and neat to see, and it's a process too.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: As they are stretching their wings and as we give them those wings, though, they are appreciating us so much more, and that's a beautiful thing.
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: I think I underestimated how cool that is, as they are growing up and getting older, that our relationship is changing, but truly for the better, and that helps you to not be so sad about the changes that might be happening.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: Oh, I love that Well, I've heard so many people talk about that our empty nesters just how it did change the relationship with their spouse.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about that for a minute Because, like I mean, it is a fact when you have kids you get so enthralled and doing all the activities and things and you do kind of forget that you're, you know, married to someone and maybe you need to focus on that as well.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: But now all of a sudden you have time to focus on that.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: Is it awkward kind of making that adjustment back?
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: Or like, tell me how that went.
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: I mean, our relationship is so much stronger, like we communicate better, we are able to do things for the moment.
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: You know you have more freedom to do impromptu invitations or even you know to plan ahead.
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: It was really important to us to do a couple's Bible study.
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: We'd never done that before and so that is something that we have focused on in this past year and it's been great to you know plan for those and the discussions we have.
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: And then you know getting out, getting outside and being active and doing you know like for for us it'll be you know golf, but but also I would say it's never too soon to start going through your house and going through closets and cabinets and really starting.
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: You know, I just feel like I learned that from you know dealing with my parents' estate and I just want there's so much that we don't need yes yes.
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: And so just getting rid of excess, and that's just a process too.
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: It's mentally a process, yeah, and physically process too.
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: It's mentally a process and physically, but that is something you know that we're able to do together or I can focus on when I have free time.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: And that keeps you busy.
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: It does, yeah, the weaving out of your heart must be extremely busy.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah Well, what about you, ashley?
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: I would say, definitely just the the.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: It's been great to refocus on our relationship and more time together.
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: We actually do look at it as OK.
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: You know, we have a reboot, we're, you know, can have more fun just focusing on each other, and then it is fun, like we said, to see what our girls are doing and watching them and being a part of that experience for them as well.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: But I will say so, my husband started his own business almost two years ago, so he works out of the house now.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: So there has been a little bit of a.
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: I liked I used to have my own morning routine once the kids had left, and now we're kind of in each other's spaces.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: So I will be honest that that has been a little bit of a juggle that his office seems to be at every room in the house and not just in one space at different times of the day.
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: So that's actually can be humorous.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: I actually do like him being around more.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: It's kind of nice, but that is a little bit of a.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: That's been a transition.
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: Okay, I can only imagine.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: Yes, well, so is there any final words of advice you have for these moms that are about to embark on this journey that you guys have been through already, that are feeling apprehensive?
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: I would say it doesn't happen overnight, sure.
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: And so what Ashley said earlier about giving yourself grace, giving yourself a year, you know, lean on your friends, lean on your spouse, listen to your kids, like that is one thing I try.
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: When I do hear from my kids, I try to figure out do you want me to listen or do you want me to give advice?
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: That's really good, Because sometimes people just want to vent yeah absolutely, and so I feel like that is important and probably you know, as a parent, my role is changing from being the day to day parent to the do as a parent without them nearby.
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: I mean, we're definitely a plane ride away and so not having weekends where we can see each other all the time, that is one thing I'm learning to do more of is pray for my children.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: That sounds great.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: Well, ladies, thank you so much for your time today.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: I feel like you offered so much great advice and I think you're going to give a lot of people hope and to just let them know that there's actually some positive about being an empty nester.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: Thank you for having us.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: Thanks so much, our pleasure.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: That's been another episode of the Bubble Lounge.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: I'm Martha Jackson and I'll see you next time.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: You, you, you, you.