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Creating Your Body Confidence Practice · Your Strongest Body

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: You are listening to your Strongest Body.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Betsy Foster, a certified strength and conditioning specialist and certified nutrition coach.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: I've worked as a personal trainer for over a decade, helping people build strength, speed, muscles, as well as a deep appreciation for their bodies and confidence that helps them live their life to the fullest.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Now I'm sharing what I know with you fitness, nutrition and all the deeper stuff to help you discover your strongest body.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Hello, hello, welcome back to another episode of your Strongest Body.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: I hope you are having a great day so far whenever you're listening to this.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: I think one of the things I like in podcasts I always say this is that I like that you get to know the host, but then when I start to do these sort of like, let me update you on my personal life.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: I never, ever know what to say, so we'll try it.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: When this comes out, it'll be May, which is great.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: I love the month of May.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Because I have Mother's Day and my birthday and it's just like a very fun month.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I also get to go on a trip this May, I have some work stuff and then my husband and I are getting some time, so I'm just like really looking forward to the month ahead and it's been like sitting there on my calendar as like a shiny object for a while.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: This past weekend was great.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: I got to go to a hockey game a playoff hockey game.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: I'm a Tampa Bay Lightning fan and we got to go and they won and the energy was great.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: But then I came home with a sore throat because I was screaming.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: But the weather's been good, it's all rocking and rolling and at the same time, all those good things and then some days just are hard.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Some days are hard, and so I want to validate that if you are feeling that Sometimes I get on here and I'm like everything is amazing.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Everything is amazing and there are still hard things every day, and so I hope that if you're having a hard time, things are turning around for you.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: I think about it as a coach a lot of times.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: I think that if you're having a hard time, things are turning around for you.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: I think about it as a coach a lot of times.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: I think that the most important skill as a trainer or a coach is realizing that everybody has something going on, no matter who they are, where they are, what their circumstances are.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: What we see is only part of the picture and everybody has something going on.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: So I just want you to know that if your workouts aren't going great or the food thing is stressing you out or you haven't had something exciting on the calendar, know that I understand and am here for you.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: I decided that today's episode was going to be about body image because I've had a couple like a few comments come up with clients lately as well as just people asking me some things about sort of my, the way I developed, how I feel about body image and strength training and resistance training in general.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: I mean, I got some lovely comments from somebody at the gym saying that they really appreciate the content and I know that it resonates for my clients.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: It resonates for me.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, part of why I have my belief system is because it fuels my own training and it supports me.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: But at the same time, I want to acknowledge that shifting your mentality about body image and shifting your idea of what beauty and strength and the goal of exercise is is hard and it is a never-ending practice.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: Like they say with yoga and mindfulness, you have to have a body image practice too.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: I believe it is something that you are unlearning all the time.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: I usually have some kind of outline here where I'm going to go through the three or five points, but I thought I would just get on here and chat today because this stuff is kind of nonlinear and this stuff doesn't always have a system that we can approach it with, and so I thought I'd start with the idea.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Somebody asked me why this is so important to me the other day and the answer I have is this is so important to me.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: The other day, and the answer I have is since my mindset has shifted about training and taking up space and being bigger and being proud of my body, I can't unsee what was such a struggle before.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I can't unsee what was so difficult before.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: There's no turning back to me, which I think is really positive.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: I think it's such a huge motivator for me moving forward.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: But it doesn't mean that I still don't have to do work on it.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: So my background is in performing, did a lot of theater as a kid, did a lot of dance as a kid.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: I didn't realize until much later in life and I have some clients who probably can really connect to this idea I would imagine I didn't realize till later in life how judgy performing arts was, but also how much it centered around the look and the desired appearance of someone, and that is the nature of it.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: There's kind of a little bit no getting around it in terms of casting.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: People are fitting people into sizes and making sure that the look is right.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's what the film industry is all about.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: And then in dance I mean classical ballet, dance is all about the line and the aesthetic of the individual.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: Now there is a lot of change around that and certainly there are sects of different dance that do not conform to that idea.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: But the dance world in general is very much about being smaller, about being leaner, about I wouldn't even say being leaner, because there's very little.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: There's very little priority put on muscle and strength.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, strength is secondary to this sort of like light and airiness in a lot of cases, and that's I mean specific to ballet or in specific to my personal experience with it.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: So I kind of had always like been in that world and so to a certain extent there was always an underlying kind of concept of like.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: If I can look like this underlying kind of concept of like, if I can look like this, I will be able to achieve this, and I think that's in every area of life, because that's kind of societally, what we create.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: We create this idea that appearance to a certain extent is going to open doors in different capacities, and that's because we are in a fat phobic society and we prize the beauty industry in a way that puts some on a pedestal and some not.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: So it's not only in the performing arts space, but it certainly was a huge part of my interaction with all of the hobbies that I liked.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: The hobbies that I liked, the things I liked doing always had a hint of.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: But this is the look, this is the look.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Being smaller in dance is always applauded, especially for women, and that was hard.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: And then I always loved exercising, but exercising especially when I started working in a professional setting for dance, exercising all the dancers were like using it as like constant calorie burn.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: That was the focus of it and I fell into it too at that point because it was like that's what everybody's doing and if I want to be successful, that's what I have to do.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: Fast forward to really discovering resistance training and I start to see the possibility of strength being the goal.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Yes, there are physique elements and I certainly train for that now.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: I train for strength and physique, but there was a moment where I started to see the possibility of a goal other than how I looked and other than getting smaller in the gym.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Other than getting smaller in the gym.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Really clear presentation of the way in which women from childhood are expected to shrink, are expected to take up less space are in every bit of language that we have around exercise and fitness and nutrition.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: It's about getting smaller.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: It's about that quest to be less and less and less.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: And she talks very openly about how men also have body image pressures.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: But the body image pressures for men tend to be you need to be bigger, you need to be stronger.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Well, that in and of itself is a psychological mind.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm talking about.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: It really can mess with you.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: So when I learned about that, it sort of truly opened my mind in a way I hadn't before.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: And then I saw and felt the incredible benefits of strength training.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: I saw my muscles get bigger, I saw the numbers on the weights go up and I knew in those moments that I was meant to be more truly, was meant to be more, not less.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: And even now, when I'm thinking about creating any kind of goal I have, even if that goal has to do with getting leaner in a certain phase of the year or something it still comes back to.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I deserve to take up space, I deserve to be here, I deserve to be strong and capable, and any choice I make about my body is coming from that space.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: And also, I don't owe an explanation to anybody, because I deserve whatever I want to do with my body.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: It's body autonomy, it's body autonomy.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: And I know that I am worthy, regardless of my size, so I can do whatever I want goal-wise because I know that I am worthy right Beyond my physical appearance.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: And so then all that other stuff is just things I can play with and things that I like doing training-wise, and I have to regularly acknowledge that I got to check in with myself on these things Because I am thinking about the practice of being present with why I am making these body choices right.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: I would be lying to you if I said that I never catch myself trying to make myself smaller in certain circumstances.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be honest, it's very infrequent, but that's because I put a ton of work into it, but I can hear that voice sometimes, or I can see those messages and check myself.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: I can notice something really growing on myself and in a second go like, oh, am I getting too big?
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: And am I mad at myself about it?
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: No, no, what I do is pause, I try to reflect, I try to say, hey, you are fighting against years and years and years of societal and cultural concepts and you're doing it so well 90% of the time.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: So like it's fine.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: It's fine.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: And I can look and say, oh, this is getting big in a place that I'm not really interested in.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: That.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: And I can acknowledge that two things can be true at one time.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: Two things can be true at one time I can know my worth, I can know that my size, that being that bigger in any certain area, isn't a bad thing, and I can want something to be different at the same time.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: I think we, I think and this you may relate to, this, I'm not sure but if you're like a high achiever, if you're a person who has been like programmed to get the answers right on the test, you're always searching for the correct answer, you're always searching to achieve I have good body image, and that's not a thing.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: That's not a thing.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: There's no end point, there's no 100% on the test.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: There are constant waves of different thoughts and ideally, what we're focusing on is having a sort of running mantra, a sort of running belief in ourselves and about ourselves that takes up more space than the negative thoughts.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: And then the negative thoughts what we're doing with them is we're kind of acknowledging them, we're sitting with them and we are hopefully in a place where we can just move on from them.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: And then also, I want you to know that if you're having those thoughts, if you catch yourself going like I don't want, I'm feeling bulky or I'm feeling this way and you're slapping yourself on the wrist for it, give yourself a break.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: Give yourself a break.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Here's another way we pick on women, right?
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: We pick on women because we say now you're supposed to be, you probably have learned that you're supposed to be above your body.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: You're supposed to not like your body.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: If you want to be smart or capable, then you don't care about your appearance.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm a whole ass person who both likes to add you know, or or just like feel, feel good about your body, feel good in your clothes, that you aren't less of a smart, capable, strong, uh uh, helpful woman, mom, friend, sister.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: If you also care about how your body looks, the question becomes who is telling you how your body should look?
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: Are you the one that's making that choice?
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: How are you balancing societal expectations with who you are right now, with the realistic nature of body change and things like that?
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: See, it's not perfect, it's not neat and, if you like, neat and tidy in categories.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: This isn't going to be easy, but it's going to be sort of like an ongoing practice.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: An ongoing practice so not getting listy, because I don't really have a great list for you per se.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: The things I think you should focus on are creating your deep philosophy about bodies and their worth and you as a human being.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: Somewhere, if you are a religious or spiritual person, you may have these beliefs within your system of beliefs already and you want to fine-tune them for yourself, or you want to come up with your own philosophy for yourself.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: Then I want you to come up with a strategy for the moments where you veer off course, the moments where you're like I felt this way and I didn't want to feel that way.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: You might call them bad body image days, bad body image moments, negative self-talk, whatever that is.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: You want to come up with a strategy A strategy to maybe acknowledge the thought, maybe to check in on where it's coming from, because sometimes, if it's pretty consistent and or it's pretty persistent, you might need to check in on where it's coming from and change something about your environment.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: Are you around people who are making you feel this way?
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: Are you taking in a lot of media that's making you feel this way?
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: Are your workouts making you feel this way?
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: Whatever it might be, check in for yourself and then allow yourself to move on.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Come up with a strategy for letting the thought be there and still participating in your day.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Letting the thought be there and still going out with your friends, letting the thought be there and still going to work out whatever it is.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Finding a strategy for that.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: And then, lastly, finding a strategy for being unapologetic in whatever you choose to do with your body.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: I think this is one where I, years ago, would have told you like I have improved my body image, I've improved my feelings about my body and I am above having feelings about my body, you know, because it doesn't matter, and I don't think that's realistic.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: And if that's you and it's truly you, then great.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: But I think that what we've asked women to do to a certain extent is undo all the cultural learning and then in that, in being this elevated, this woman, above your body, you don't have feelings about how you look.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: I'm calling bullshit on that.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: I'm calling that you can be a whole woman and have feelings about how and what and what you want to do with your body and what you want to do with your body.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: And I think that comes a lot from this like sort of shame-based, puritanical, I don't know belief system, and by all means I don't mean to pass judgment on it.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: I just think that I think the expectations of women are untenable and unrealistic.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: Untenable and unrealistic.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: And I think if you have lived your life feeling like like in order for me to have a good body image, I have to actually not care about how my body looks, you might still be then struggling, because both of those things can be true at the same time.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: So, coming up with a strategy for like, being unapologetic in what and how and who you want to show up in your body, and those are three really big tasks that don't fit into a tiny list and are honestly a practice, are honestly a thing that's going to come up day in and day out, and how you show up is up to you, but I would encourage you to show yourself grace, to understand that you're only a human being and to know that, no matter who you are and what you are right now, no matter where you are in this journey, no matter where your body is in this journey, you are so worthy in this moment and you are more than just one category of things.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: So I want you to know.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: I guess my biggest takeaway is like this is never ending.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: It's never ending, but it doesn't have to be painful.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: That's a big part of it.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: This is a practice for me, but it's really a joyful practice.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: A joyful practice of redefining what beautiful is, redefining that big and space and growth is my big goal.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: It is joyful to know that I can have moments of struggle and move on from it, and that any moment of struggle I'm having about my body is something, is a way that my brain is communicating to me that I got to check in and then I am so joyful in discovering who I am that is also my body and being proud of my body and feeling good in my body without shame.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: That's an incredible thing, and I live and I don't know if it's getting older, is doing it for me or something like that, but, like you know, I'm showing up as me, more and more like me, unapologetically like me, every single day, and part of that is is creating this.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: You know deep and appreciative body image practice.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: So that was a little rambly, but I hope there are some nuggets in there that you can take away and if you have questions or you want to talk more about it, you know where to find me, betsy, at BeFosterStrongcom or on Instagram at Foster underscore strength.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: As always.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: I hope this helps and I will talk to you soon.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: Until next time, go build your strongest body.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: Bye.