Latest / Soul Salon with Ayandastood / 51: multi-passionates: be confusing.

Transcript

51: multi-passionates: be confusing. · Soul Salon with Ayandastood

• 0:00
  If you are like me, you have had the fear of being confusing to other people.
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  You have said, I have too many interests on a Monday.
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  I want to do this on a Thursday.
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  I want to do that.
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  There are too many mediums.
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  I feel want to express through me.
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  I have so many different ideas.
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  And within me, there are so many contradictions that I hold.
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  And I've been taught by the society that I live in, which privileges the Western
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  imagination.
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  I've been taught that I'm not allowed to contradict myself.
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  I'm not allowed to be a hypocrite.
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  I'm not allowed to have interests or values that clash.
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  So there are all these contradictions that you're holding and you've been taught
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  to believe that it somehow is a higher form of being to not be confused and to not
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  be confusing.
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  And in today's sole session, we really want to reclaim the state of being
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  confused and being confusing.
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  Okay, my loves.
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  Hello, soul sibling.
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  Hello sunshine.
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  Hello, divine and magical being.
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  Welcome or welcome back to the soul salon.
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  A soulful place, a feeling place, a healing place for the healers, for the
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  dreamers, for the feelers.
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  I am so grateful to have you back with me today.
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  Let me tell you this.
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  Let me ask you this question because so often we're trying to protect people from
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  ourselves.
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  We're saying, I can't post this next because I posted that and it's going to be
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  confusing if I go this other direction.
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  I'm not allowed to express in this way when I usually express in that way.
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  It's going to be confusing.
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  And what I really invite you to babes is you didn't come to planet earth or the
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  ancestral truths that had to be the case for you to be listening to this right
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  now, all of the mystery and the magic, all of the chaos in the universe that
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  transpired just for you to be in this moment of your life with these interests,
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  with these passions, with these callings, with these desires, you didn't come to
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  planet earth to say, Oh, no, that's too confusing.
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  No, no, no, I resist that because it's going to confuse people.
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  It even confuses me.
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  I need to pick one thing.
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  I need to pick one lane.
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  And even as I know that I'm not meant to do that, I still will limit and hold
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  back just how many interests I have, just how multi passionate I am babes.
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  We have all been miseducated about the state of confusion.
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  We've been taught confusion, bad clarity, good, this false binary and also this
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  false idea because so often actually as human beings, as conscious beings,
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  as curious beings, we actually seek out the experience of confusion.
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  It's not that we reject or deny it.
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  We seek it out.
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  What do I mean by this?
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  Why did people love playing chess?
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  The confusing state of what am I going to do next?
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  What will my opponent do if I do this and they do that?
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  Why do people love mystery books?
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  And after they finish the book, they almost want to go back to the state of
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  consciousness early in the book where they didn't know it was going to happen,
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  proving that knowing or that kind of knowing that means accumulating more
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  information is not the highest state of being or knowledge.
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  Why do we love mystery films, mystery TV shows where we're trying to figure it
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  out? Why do we love plot twists?
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  Why do we love the gossip of something being surprising or shocking to us?
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  Why are we looking for games that befuddle us where we sit there and we're like,
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  oh, I played banana gram for the first time yesterday, which is like scrabble.
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  And I loved the feeling of like, what am I going to do with this letter?
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  It's a frustration, but it's also like delicious.
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  What I want to transmit with all of these examples, babes is it can be
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  fun, pleasurable, delicious, expansive, ah, to be confused.
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  The confusion I feel when I play a game is not the same kind of confusion.
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  I feel when I watch a mystery movie is not the same confusion.
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  I feel when I read a mystery book and so on.
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  So what is this tell us babes?
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  There are different frequencies, textures and flavors of confusion.
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  And what if my love you, you're being brings about a certain frequency,
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  a certain texture, a certain flavor, a certain softness of confusion that we,
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  the collective can only experience through your being through your expression.
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  You are going to bring a particular kind of confusion that people who want to be
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  specifically confused in the way that you are confusing want to feel through
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  and with you because they also may feel the exact same kind of confusion
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  playing with them and running through them, moving through their hearts, their
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  hands. So you are not here to protect us from your confusion.
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  That is not the case.
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  It's only in this Western paradigm that says confusion is a negative state of
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  being that we should reject.
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  If you are confused, you need to come back to clarity.
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  You need to come back to direction.
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  You need to come back to certainty.
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  Certainty is the goal.
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  We are certain.
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  We must be clear.
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  We must have facts.
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  We must have evidence.
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  That's not actually the state of the universe.
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  The universe is the magic that chaos, the mystery.
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  It is us trying to make sense of what does not make sense.
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  And that is a beautiful pursuit when it is used to further love and community
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  and connection, but it can also have its shadow aspects,
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  which is trying to assert dominance and control and certainty over an
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  uncontrollable and uncertain and undominable reality.
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  I work with multi passionate creators who have big dreams in many different
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  mediums and something I often hear is, Oh, I want to start this new newsletter.
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  Or I want to post this new post, but I think it's going to be confusing.
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  And so therefore, I avoid it because I don't want people to be confused.
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  And I want us to also, there's a beautiful, soulful aspect of this is like,
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  we're trying to be loving towards a collective.
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  Maybe we don't want to lead them astray, but there's also any go a part of
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  this, my loves that we think, Oh, I get it, but they won't.
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  I get it.
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  I get the fact that I can like dancing and poetry and I can critique capitalism,
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  but I can also understand that we need to earn money in the system in order to
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  pay rent in an order to keep doing what we're doing.
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  And in order to bring more people into the movement that we're trying to create,
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  I can hold that contradiction, but no one else can.
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  They won't get it. They're just going to be confused.
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  They're going to reject what I'm here to create because they'll be too confused by it.
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  But I get it. I get it.
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  I mean, I don't always fully get it, but I get it enough to like embody it.
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  You know what I mean?
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  So I want to say that if you hold this contradiction within you,
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  if you hold this confusion within you, what if you invite the possibility that
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  other people will understand and will be able to hold it as well,
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  that our consciousness or our level of being able to hold uncertainty is not
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  greater than those of the people that we are here to serve.
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  So I want to invite you to say, it doesn't make sense.
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  And I'm going to do it anyways.
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  It doesn't make sense.
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  And I'm going to do it anyways because the purpose of this earth and the purpose
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  of my being on this earth is not to make sense.
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  I did not come here for a human experience that is subsumed by the goal or
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  desire to make sense that would be imposing structure on something so divine
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  and magical that cannot be forced into a system and to a sense of order that
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  is not aligned to it.
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  You are magical.
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  My love, you are expansive and we want to expand through with and for you as
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  well, because when you expand, does your audience not expand with you?
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  Do they not see?
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  Oh, they're doing that now.
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  Oh, so that's possible.
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  Even if I don't want to do that, I know I'm introduced to the possibility of
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  that. So when we allow ourselves to be confusing, we invite other people into
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  that state of expansion, because what always proceeds expansion is confusion.
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  Like when you're learning something, you often sit there like, wait, what?
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  What just happened?
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  And then you have to reread the sentence, reread the sentence, reread the sentence,
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  or you go look it up and you're like, oh, I'm confused.
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  And that's another example of humans loving that feeling.
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  Like why do we love learning?
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  I'm not saying we only love learning because it being confused, but I think
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  that learning has within it in the journey of it, the experience, the
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  deliciousness of confusion, of not knowing of uncertainty, of not having it
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  all figured out.
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  And we want to figure you out, knowing that you can never fully, that project
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  can never fully be completed.
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  And when my clients say to me, oh, no, this is going to be too confusing.
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  I'm like, there is there's what needs to happen next because that is you
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  silencing this inner child within you that wants to play and not have it
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  imposed on it, the need or the requirement for it to make any sense at all.
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  You don't owe a sense.
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  You don't owe us making sense.
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  You don't even owe that to yourself, babes.
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  Do you owe yourself making sense to yourself?
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  I mean, listen, there is the reality that transcends our ability,
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  describe or speak or understand it.
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  And that is your mystical dimension, my darling, that you have within yourself.
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  Where you're like, why do I feel so cool to do this?
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  Do you need to sit and figure out the why?
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  Or do you just need to honor the calling or play with the calling or let the
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  calling move through you and let you move through it?
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  We do not need a human experience that privileges logic and rationality.
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  That is over expressed in the world right now.
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  We need to embrace the mysticism.
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  We need to embrace the confusion and the doubt,
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  knowing that something is trying to expand through us, through that feeling.
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  And that something is also wanting to expand others through its transmission,
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  through its expression.
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  Okay, my darling's, okay, my loves.
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  So my darling's my loves.
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  It's okay if it doesn't make sense to you fully and you don't need to wait for it
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  to fully make sense for you to act trusting that things are going to unfold
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  as they are meant to.
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  You get to act in the mystery, in the magic.
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  I love the Julia Cameron quote.
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  I think about it all the time.
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  Lean into mystery, not mastery, lean into mystery, not mastery.
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  Like it's so true.
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  I want to leave you with one more idea, my loves that's going to help you.
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  If you feel like you have so many different passions and interests and things
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  within you moving and some of them contradict and some of them clash and some
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  of it doesn't make sense.
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  I want to invite you into the understanding of yourself,
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  my darling, my love as a creator, which is what you are, a divine creator.
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  I want you to know that you may be creatively polyamorous.
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  So just as in polyamory, polyamorous people are needing multiple
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  partners to feel fully loved and expressed and to give the love that they
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  feel called to give.
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  But similarly creatively, you have love to give all these different mediums
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  and platforms and you are trying to understand, okay, how do I relate to all
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  of these different mediums in a way that makes sense and in a way that we can
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  all expand together?
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  And so it's not wrong.
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  It's not less than it is beautiful and precious and divine and you are so
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  worthy of that expression and of that multifaceted love that you are here to
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  give. Some creators are, they just write and that's beautiful for them.
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  They're writers or they're filmmakers.
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  I think that's divine and wonderful.
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  And in reality, no one only creates one thing, but we're talking about maybe
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  the focus that they put their creative energy into.
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  That could be their truth.
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  Other people, we want to do so many different things and we want to give our
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  love to so many different areas of creativity in our lives.
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  That is certainly the type of creator I am.
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  And that is the create I tend to then work with because that's the type of
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  create I tend to attract is people who are like, wait, but I want to do so
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  much. It doesn't make sense.
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  How can I want all of these things and how can we bring that into a state of
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  curiosity rather than judgment or radical acceptance?
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  That what if my energy is not scattered, but actually it's meant to
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  manifest like this because I am an exact match for what I'm here to create.
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  So it's not me changing my energy.
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  It's honoring that energy and saying, well, what is natural for that energy
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  to create in this world?
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  And so maybe it is multiple different things.
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  And I just think that's a very precious thing.
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  I've learned that that's actually so special.
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  It's like whole cruxes of the soul.
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  Sometimes what I do is I have a note on my phone and I say questions.
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  I'm still figuring out and something that I learned from my therapist is
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  you're always going to be figuring it out.
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  There's not going to come that one day where all questions have been answered
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  and every form of confusion has been resolved and you have nothing left to
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  figure out. You'd be dead.
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  Okay. So those of us who are alive to life are going to be confused because
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  it's confusing. Oh my goodness.
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  It makes so much sense.
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  Oh my word.
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  You see the contradiction.
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  Now she's celebrating it making sense in an episode about celebrating what's
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  confusing. Yes, it's a contradiction divine and delicious.
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  So we are going to embrace contradiction.
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  We are going to embrace the fact that we get to be confused and we get to be
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  confusing. You know what I mean?
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  We have been taught to put on a pedestal that state of certainty and
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  clarity and knowing.
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  But we are going to reclaim the state of confusion, uncertainty and
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  unknowing in order to usher a world into being that does not yet exist.
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  We must be the kinds of people who can sit with and create through confusion
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  because we are envisioning.
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  We are dreaming.
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  We are imagining and imagination.
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  Isn't it a little bit confusing?
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  Because what we create is not perfectly in alignment with the vision,
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  but we need the vision to create sometimes.
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  So it's all a little dance we're doing and you are worthy of the dance.
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  My love, you did not come here to make sense.
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  You did not come here to silence the parts of you that you feel don't make sense.
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  You did not come here to have a niche.
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  If you didn't come here to have a niche, some people came here to have a niche.
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  It's not me. It's not you.
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  You wouldn't have gone to the end of this video if that was the case.
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  So we're just going to do what we want to do and expand and also expand into
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  the mystery of maybe in the beginning, you have no niche and then over time,
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  you're like, whoa, I love talking about XYZ.
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  So I'm going to talk about that most, maybe not always, but most.
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  And so niche is unfold babes.
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  I want you to unfold. Okay.
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  You are worthy.
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  You are deserving and you are multifaceted for a reason because the creative
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  energy, the creative intelligence of the earth wants to manifest through a
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  being such as yourself, who is multi-dimensional because the kinds of things
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  that you can bring forth through your being as someone who is a prism,
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  reflecting into multiple mediums and creations is going to be
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  energetically different and its own kind of creation versus the kinds of
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  creation that is more singular focus, which is also delicious and divine.
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  So precious.
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  We need the works of those people.
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  We wouldn't have many of the movies we have, the books we have, the TV shows
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  without those people.
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  And similarly, we also wouldn't have a lot without the people who feel called
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  to make music and have poetry and take photos and be a dancer and be a
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  chef and be a coach.
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  I don't know.
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  I mean, we're worthy of it all.
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  I hope that you will take a step into the unknown and the unknowable.
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  I hope that you will learn to love the part of you that confuses people.
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  Just love it.
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  I'll introduce myself.
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  People are like, ah, what?
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  What?
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  And I'm like, yeah, exactly.
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  I mean, sometimes I don't even understand.
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  I mean, make that the new vibe.
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  Don't make sense.
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  Sense is boring.
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  I'm kidding.
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  We also need sense.
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  We need it all, but we need it in balance.
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  We need one to not be on a pedestal over the other and we need to bring more
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  mysticism into a world that hyperfixates on logic as defined by the colonizer.
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  Okay.
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  I hope that you go forth and confuse people and confuse yourself.
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  How confusing can it get?
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  Let's find out.
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  Wouldn't that be so cool to find that out in this lifetime?
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  How confusing can it get?
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  And I also want to say I know confusion can feel horrible.
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  It can feel horrible, horrible, horrible for a straighting full of grief
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  because we mourn the times in our life where we maybe did have clarity,
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  where we didn't see all that we see now.
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  Maybe we were more tapped into the matrix and now we're like, oh, I can't
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  see this.
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  And now what do I do?
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  But I want to honor the fact that sometimes the frustration of the confusion
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  comes from the idea that it should be otherwise.
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  That's what I want to tell you.
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  What if it's not meant to be otherwise?
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  What if this is part of a human experience,
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  especially of those of us who are conscious?
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  We're conscious.
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  So we're open-hearted to it all, to the love, to the grief, to the pain,
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  to the suffering and to the confusion.
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  Okay.
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  And how can we accept that confusion in and of itself is neither good nor bad?
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  It's an energy that exists in the universe, which means it wanted to be
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  expressed through the cosmos through the universe.
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  It means that in the cosmos experiencing itself, it wanted the state of
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  confusion.
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  It needed it, perhaps, to even exist at all, to even ponder such
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  questions.
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  Didn't we have to be confused about them?
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  You are the mystery book, my love.
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  You are the chess game that people don't want to end.
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  You are the divine mystery and magic and chaos and you get to be all of it.
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  And it gets to not make sense even to yourself.
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  I love you so much.
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  As always, you are welcome to book a session with me to check out creative
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  activations, which is my offering that I listened to before I created this to
• 15:59
  get into a more flowy, gentle, loving, empowered, let me not use that word
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  because it's full of baggage, a more trusting, loving, motivated
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  frequency right before I listened to this instantly.
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  As a plate, I dropped in.
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  I said, ooh, I'm a creator.
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  Sexy.
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  Oh, what will I create today?
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  And you can listen to a free activation on my podcast, Soul Salon.
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  And I love my podcast so much.
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  And it just continues to not fully make sense to me.
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  It just goes where it wants to go.
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  And I try to allow rather than force and impose a sense of structure
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  at your soul leaves feeling more loved, more gentle, more, more, more
• 16:41
  soulful.
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  That's what I want to create.
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  That's what I'm creating.
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  You can go to my website to check out my things.
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  If they confuse you, sexy, wonderful, delicious, precious, just like you.
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  You are all those things.
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  You are magical.
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  You are divine.
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  And you have not come here to protect us from the state of confusion that we
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  get to experience through you.
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  We don't have to.
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  We get to and we want to, we want to be confused by you.
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  We want the texture and flavor of confusion that only you can bring about
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  within us, that you can awaken in us, that you can speak to in us,
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  that you can nourish and nurture in us.
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  I love you so much, my darling.
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  I will see you on the next Soul session.
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  And I hope that you stay confused and stay confusing.
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  I hope some paradigms have been shifted for you in today's conversation.
• 17:29
  As always, if you can, please leave a five star rating on Apple and Spotify.
• 17:34
  Like, comment, subscribe.
• 17:35
  I love you so, so much.
• 17:37
  Okay.
• 17:38
  I love you.
• 17:39
  Join me on my substack links in the comment section.
• 17:42
  Go there.
• 17:42
  Okay.
• 17:43
  Love you so much.
• 17:44
  Love you.
• 17:45
  Bye.