Latest / Dwelling Place: The Bible for Moms / #209. When Your Kids Fight: What Jesus Teaches About Conflict & Forgiveness | Matthew 18 & Mark 9

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#209. When Your Kids Fight: What Jesus Teaches About Conflict & Forgiveness | Matthew 18 & Mark 9 · Dwelling Place: The Bible for Moms

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  This is The Dwelling Place from Entrusted Ministries.
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  Today's episode will give you all the feels as we walk through Matthew 18 and Mark 9, looking at Jesus' love for children, our call to conflict resolution, the standard of forgiveness and a confession and prayer for greater faith
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  I'll read Matthew 18 in its entirety before we break it down And if that means a dance party for you, you're my people.
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  But that's not what we're doing here today At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"
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  And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
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  Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
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  Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me.
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  But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and be drowned in the depth of the sea."
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  Woe to the world for temptations to sin!
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  For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes.
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  And if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.
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  It is better for you to enter life crippled or lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire.
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  And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away.
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  it is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire see that you do not despise one of these little ones.
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  For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven.
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  what do you think?
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  If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray?
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  And if he finds it, truly I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray.
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  So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.
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  If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.
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  If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
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  But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
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  If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church.
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  And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
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  Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
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  Again, I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.
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  For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.
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  Then Peter came up and said to him, Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?
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  As many as seven times?"
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  Jesus said to him, I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
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  Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants.
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  When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.
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  And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had and payment to be made.
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  So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.'
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  And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.
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  But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, Pay what you owe."
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  So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, Have patience with me, and I will pay you."
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  He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt.
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  When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place.
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  Then his master summoned him and said to him, You wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.
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  And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant as I had mercy on you?"
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  And in anger, his master delivered him to the jailers until he should pay all his debt.
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  so also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart
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  Speaker 78: All right, let's start at the beginning where the disciples come and ask Jesus, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"
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  Speaker 78: Surely they're expecting it to be one of them.
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  Speaker 78: I mean, Peter, James, and John just got to see the transfiguration.
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  Speaker 78: but instead of Jesus elevating his followers, He pulls a little child out of the crowd And says we need to be humble to be great in the Kingdom of God He also reveals how deeply he loves children by
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  Speaker 78: saying that if anyone is to harm them It would be better if a millstone was tied around their neck I know some of you might enjoy milling your own flour.
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  Speaker 78: That's not the mill that Jesus is talking about.
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  Speaker 78: He is talking about a giant millstone.
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  Speaker 78: I mean, some of these could be thousands of pounds And he's saying it's better to have that tied around your neck than the consequence you'll get for harming a child.
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  Speaker 78: When you think about some of the heart-wrenching, devastating things that are being done against children in today's world, it's so difficult to understand why it's allowed But we can take heart that these offenses will not go unpunished.
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  Speaker 78: if something devastating has happened to you or your children You can take comfort in the God who weeps with you but will also be the source of justice When Jesus says, "If your eye causes you to sin, cut
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  Speaker 78: it out," of course he's not recommending self-mutilation.
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  Speaker 78: But in today's world of technology I can't help but think that there are some things that we need to cut out so they don't impact our eyes we need to protect our kids in this way, and we also
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  Speaker 78: need to be modeling righteousness, Next, let's look at what Jesus says about if a fellow believer sins against you
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  If you've been in the church a lengthy amount of time, you've probably heard Matthew 18 as the standard for conflict resolution This is a reasonable, honoring way To handle interpersonal conflict, If someone's hurt you, you first go to
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  them to talk about it.
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  You don't gossip and share it with everybody.
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  Now, Is there a place to process things?
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  maybe with someone very close to ask for prayer to make sure your heart and your perspective is right in it?
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  Yes, but we can probably confess that as women, our temptation is not to prayerfully process things we're much more likely to air the dirty laundry Wanting to justify our hurt, our frustration, and our offense That's not what Christ
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  calls us to Step two, if that conversation does not go well, if the person doesn't own how they've harmed you Jesus says to take another brother or sister or two And go back to them, seeking restoration once again
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  If that doesn't work, then you have to get a greater authority to help you If they still don't listen, Jesus is saying, Cut off fellowship."
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  Because when someone is choosing to live in sin, you don't want them to experience all the blessings of being in the body of Christ.
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  You want them to realize that there are consequences to sin.
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  And one of them is a breach of fellowship.
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  In this portion, we have one of the most misapplied Bible verses in all of Scripture.
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  Now, do not feel bad if you've been guilty of this.
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  I myself have until several years ago when I realized how Jesus actually applied this phrase.
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  In Matthew 18:19 He said, if two of you agree on Earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in Heaven.
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  For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them."
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  Whoa.
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  This is not saying, Oh, we're in a prayer circle, and we're praying for your husband to get that job, and there's three of us, so we know God is here."
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  God is omnipresent.
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  He's everywhere.
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  And if you're a believer, His Spirit dwells in you.
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  But Jesus issues this promise in terms of conflict resolution.
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  He's saying when one of your brothers goes astray- and you go after him, God is with you in that process If several of you are united that, this is causing a problem in your fellowship and in the church,
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  Jesus wants it resolved
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  Speaker 77: I have to confess that most of the time that I've heard this passage and thought about it, it kind of feels like bringing the hammer down Like, okay, enough is enough But as I'm looking at it in its
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  Speaker 77: context, it's standing out to me now That Jesus says this Right after he tells the parable of the lost sheep And that if one sheep goes astray, the shepherd will leave the 99 to go after it instead of
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  Speaker 77: a hammer, this method of resolving sin in another believer's life or conflict is almost like an ambulance stretcher.
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  Speaker 77: It's like you're going to them hoping that you can provide the way for healing God's heart is to bring this person back into the fold and when we seek out someone, even when they have hurt us, our hope,
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  Speaker 77: our prayer, our expectation should be to restore them to fellowship.
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  Speaker 77: We should want this to go well Now, Why would I meditate on this passage for moms?
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  Speaker 77: Because you deal with conflict Probably as much as a head of HR does if your kids are able to talk and if you have more than one, They're probably getting into situations where they have conflict all the time
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  Speaker 77: We could go back all the way to Genesis 4 When God spoke to Cain and asked him to get his heart right and not harm his brother sibling issues have existed since the beginning of time.
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  Speaker 77: and I'm certain they exist in most of your homes.
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  Speaker 77: Thankfully, the same Jesus that told us in the Beatitudes, "The blessed are the peacemakers," now gives us a really detailed way that we can handle this So I would be praying about what this looks like in your home.
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  Speaker 77: If this is the model that your kids are supposed to be working toward, how can you start making them think about it now?
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  Speaker 77: I wanna recommend two resources to you that we have First of all, we did an episode of Again called The Sandpaper Sound of Siblings.
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  Speaker 77: It's all about how sibling relationships are a blessing and how they refine our character issues.
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  Speaker 77: I'm gonna link that in the show notes.
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  Speaker 77: The second is our study in Trusted With a Child's Heart.
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  Speaker 77: Chapter 10 talks all about helping a child walk in repentance after they've sinned.
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  Speaker 77: And it's actually a really great tool for guiding them in reconciliation as well I'll link our website in the show notes so that you can sign up to see that resource.
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  Speaker 77: It's one of those things that you wanna have printed out and put wherever you have those deep water talks with your kids Thankfully, as we continue to walk through the Gospels
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  I notice he does not say forgive and forget and move on But clearly in the next verses, when Peter asks his question and Jesus says basically, We need to forgive regardless of how many times someone hurts us."
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  I'm not declaring that forgiveness equals restoration and reconciliation.
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  Of course, that is the goal But there are certainly times where protecting ourselves or our children from further offense may be the wisest biblical action.
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  However, I would encourage you to not try to discern that on your own.
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  I would seek out a biblical counselor or someone on staff at your church Sometimes we're just too close to the situation, and there is a trend of cutting off family members In the name of boundaries That feels a
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  lot more like convenience and self-preservation than biblical faithfulness Since scripture says that There is wisdom in a multitude of advisors If you're wrestling with one of those situations where it feels like And you're wondering if it might be
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  best to set some guardrails or boundaries while still forgiving in your heart I encourage you to wrestle through that with someone
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  Speaker 79: And then the final account in Matthew 18 was the parable of the unforgiving servant It's entirely convicting, and I don't have time to go over all of it with you today, But I think it's important that we understand
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  Speaker 79: the denominations of the currency that are represented in the story The first servant owed the king 10,000 talents.
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  Speaker 79: A talent was the largest sum of money possible and 10,000 talents would be an infinite amount of money My Moody commentary estimates that this would equate to about several billion dollars But the second slave owed about 100 days'
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  Speaker 79: wages It wasn't nothing, but it was nothing in comparison Of course, the meaning is how can we harbor bitterness and unforgiveness toward others when God has so graciously forgiven us?
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  Speaker 79: And I think bitterness and unforgiveness is often one of those things that is picked up in generations, that is picked up.
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  Speaker 79: Kids notice it in their families And bitterness and unforgiveness is not something we wanna model for our kids.
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  Speaker 79: And it's not something we want to break our fellowship or to create a barrier between us and the Lord god calls us to evaluate our hearts so that these wicked patterns can't grow And though Matthew 18 was our
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  Speaker 79: main emphasis for today, I'd like to take a peek over at Mark nine because there's another account of someone Jesus called to evaluate their heart as well
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  beginning in verse 17 And someone from the crowd answered him, "Teacher, I brought my son to you, for he has a spirit that makes him mute.
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  and whenever it seizes him, it throws him down and he foams and grinds his teeth and becomes rigid.
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  This has been happening to the boy since childhood And the father begs for compassion and Jesus' help.
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  Jesus' disciples were unable to cast it out, but the father hasn't given up Jesus tells him, all things are possible for one who believes."
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  And I've always been inspired by the father's response.
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  He cries out, "I believe.
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  Help my unbelief."
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  Other translations say, "I believe.
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  Help me overcome my unbelief."
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  And I wanna fill you with hope that whatever you're wrestling through as a mom, that Jesus is able Now, sometimes his will is to not bring the healing or the solution that we desire, but he is able And
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  though it's probably not as serious as the situation this father was encountering I would guess that there's something in your motherhood that you're trying to trust God for.
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  maybe it's for that baby to finally sleep through the night maybe it's for the dyslexic child to finally be able to read maybe it's to overcome a severe health diagnosis and maybe it's for a defiant attitude that you
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  feel like you're trying to be so consistent in and you're not seeing fruit Can we say together, I believe.
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  Lord, help me overcome my unbelief we have a lot to pray over from the scripture we've read today.
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  Heavenly Father We come before you grateful that you are a God of restoration and that you've chosen us to be your ambassadors on this earth, and to help reconcile others to you we know that even when we strive
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  to walk righteously, conflict does happen I pray you would give us discernment about what is our part and that we would not Cower with fear of man But that we would diligently and lovingly seek resolution.
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  we thank you that you love our children so deeply and that when they are wronged You rise up in justice.
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  Thank you that you do not overlook these offenses And that one day you will rise up to defend their cause We're grateful, God, that we can come to you with our hopes, but also with our doubts.
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  We say with the Father, I believe.
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  Help me overcome my unbelief."
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  Help us to trust you to work mightily But I also ask that we would be completely surrendered When you choose to refine our character instead of resolving the circumstances we believe you are a good father And we thank
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  you for the loving example of your Son Jesus, it's in your Name that we pray.
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  Amen.