Latest / Come Back to Love: / Come Back To Love August 20, 2026 The Hidden Cost of Conflict Turning Hidden Tension Into Clearer Communication & Stronger Results with Roby

Transcript

Come Back To Love August 20, 2026 The Hidden Cost of Conflict Turning Hidden Tension Into Clearer Communication & Stronger Results with Roby · Come Back to Love:

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to come back to Love with your host, Robin Vogel.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Each week at this same time, come Back to Love
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: covers an endless array of topics related to relationships, love
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and intimacy, along with all the reasons you maybe keeping
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: love at a distance. Can a shattered heart be your
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: doorway to your greatest love story. Robin will give you
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: practical tools that can be used to heal the past
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: and help you to safely love again. And now today's
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: come back to Love.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: In a world that often feels disconnected, uncertain, and overwhelming,
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: there has never been a more important time to come
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: back to love. I'm Robin Vogel, radio show host, psychotherapist,
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: relationship expert, and the author of come Back to Love,
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: a Path to Healing. For over twenty years, I've been
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: sitting with people in their most tender, courageous moments, the heartbreaks,
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: the longing, the walls they've built around their hearts, and
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: the quiet hope that real love.
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: Is still possible.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: This show is a sanction', a place to heal the past,
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: reconnect with yourself, and fall in love again with your life,
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: with others, and most importantly, with yourself.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: Welcome to come.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Back to Love on kme E T, your ABC News
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: radio affiliate. Come Back to Love airs in southern California
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: every Thursday at one thirty pm Pacific, that's four thirty
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: pm Eastern Time on fourteen ninety AM and ninety eight
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: point one FM. I'm so happy to have a guest
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: this week. I alternate, as you know, between doing solo
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: shows and having guests, and this week I am happy
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: to invite somebody with the same name and the same spelling.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: So thank you, Robin Mattaigue. I hope I'm saying your
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: last name correctly. I'm so glad to have you here,
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: and we're going to talk about actually a topic that
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: is very near and dear to my heart, absolutely has
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: to do with a relationship, and that is the hidden
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: cost of conflict. Turning hidden tension into clearer, commune unication
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: and stronger results. Robin is a conflict resolution specialist and
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: the speaker, helping individuals, couples, and teams turn tension into connection.
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  Speaker 2: Blending psychology, counseling and lived experience, she supports clients to
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: eliminate conflict by addressing the root cause patterns that quietly
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: drain energy, time and focus, resulting in clarity, stronger relationships,
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  Speaker 2: and good results. As a founder of a Life of Choice,
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  Speaker 2: her work is grounded in curiosity, compassion, and the belief
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  Speaker 2: that conflict can lead to clarity and growth.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, and yes, thank you so much.
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  Speaker 4: For having me. And yeah, it's very fun that we
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  Speaker 4: have the same name and spelling.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: Yes, we're going to have to say each other's names
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: like back and forth, back and forth.
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  Speaker 3: What do you think, Robin?
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  Speaker 4: I don't know what do you think?
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: Robin?
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  Speaker 3: And I'm not talking to myself day exactly.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: So welcome to you, Welcome to our listeners. I'm really
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: grateful to be here every week on Thursday afternoons on
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: K M E. T. It's such a pleasure. And come
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: back to love, Oh my goodness. I mean I've been
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: doing this work for twenty five years. Come back to
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: love from conflict is like the most asked question, you know,
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: it's the most common topic obviously that especially couples will
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: come in to work with me and discuss like how
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: do we get out of this?
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: Not what do we do about it?
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: So I always start before we get to that, asking
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: my guests like how did you come to this work?
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: You talked about lived experience I'd love to hear, and
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: I know our listeners would love to hear as well.
• 3:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah. So my family was I call it the d dysfunctional.
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: So my dad alcoholic, rachiholic, sexual abuser, my mom was
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: mentally ill and suicidal. So I grew up from like
• 4:11
  Speaker 4: age four being really responsible. And the way that I
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: dealt with seeing those two extremes was just to not
• 4:19
  Speaker 4: say anything and just really barry who I was. And
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: yeah it was the world was scary, so I couldn't
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  Speaker 4: really acknowledge it. I looked good to the outside, but
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  Speaker 4: underneath there was all this turmoil, and I really didn't
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: have a direction in my life. I just kind of
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: fell into things. Luckily I was able to finish high school,
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: go to university, things that hadn't happened in my family.
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  Speaker 4: And then I repeated the pattern. I married someone who
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: looked different, they didn't drink, they were a big sports person,
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: so a natural athlete. But at the same time that
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  Speaker 4: same path of not dealing with conflict and then the explosion,
• 5:04
  Speaker 4: and I couldn't understand it because I'd asked all the time, like,
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  Speaker 4: what's going on? It's not about this, like I could
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: tell and it just didn't happen, and then you know,
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  Speaker 4: we had to blow up and I left. Then I
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: dealt with cancer twenty six years ago, had breast cancer,
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: and I really had to stop and look at my
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: life and say, you know, how did I get here
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  Speaker 4: and what has to change? And so that's when I
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  Speaker 4: really started to go more into the emotional aspect that
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  Speaker 4: i'd you know, i'd hadn't done all the intellectual stuff,
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: but not the emotional stuff.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: Got it and the cancer kind of like I call
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: it a step invitation mm hmm, yeah, to do that work.
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  Speaker 2: It sounds like, Wow, thank you for sharing that. I
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: really appreciate it. I know that my heart, my listeners
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: are listeners today are I'm sure feeling compared and gratitude for.
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: The depth of your sharing.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: And for me, this work is all about intimacy at
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: the core, and so I appreciate you sharing your story
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  Speaker 2: with us. And so I mean, it's amazing how people,
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: you know, myself included, take our life experiences and create
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: a whole life purpose and work around you know, a
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: big piece of it, Like you chose conflict and conflict resolution,
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  Speaker 2: and I chose the practice of healing because of the
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  Speaker 2: grief and trauma.
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  Speaker 3: That I experienced as a child.
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  Speaker 2: And so my work, you know, is called come Back
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: to Love, but my programming is mostly called Heal your Heart,
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: because it's really all about healing the parts of ourselves
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: that haven't been healed yet. You know, at this point
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: in midlife that as you so that as you mentioned,
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: people don't keep repeating that pattern of you know, the
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: body looks different, the person looks different in the relationship,
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: but actually it's the same.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the same pattern, energetic and yeah, we repeat
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: it as generational. Yeah, we see that everything, and it's
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  Speaker 4: until you get to that root cause and really look
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  Speaker 4: at it. And it does take courage, It does take
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: that willingness to be honest. And what I find is,
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: you know, we're funny as humans. We we're all human,
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: but we want to distance ourselves from being human and
• 7:39
  Speaker 4: not eel those feelings.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I was going to say say more about that,
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: but I think, yeah, what you're saying is, yeah, we're
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: human and we have feelings because that's part of being human.
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  Speaker 2: And yet we spend a lot of energy trying to
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: distance ourselves from that, which really starts early early on
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: in life. And I actually always say I'm an internal
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: family systems therapist, and I always say, you know, we
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: developed these protective parts when we're young, when there's abuse,
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  Speaker 2: when there's illness, when there's trauma, when there's you know,
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: et cetera, and thank god, you know, thank god we're
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: able to protect ourselves. Otherwise how could we survive what
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: we went through?
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  Speaker 4: Mm hmm. Yeah. One of the tools I use is
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: that the Oni gram. I like to say, you know,
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  Speaker 4: our past and our personality doesn't have to define us.
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  Speaker 4: But yes, we talk about that too, that we have
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  Speaker 4: these systems that we bring in to protect us. And yes,
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: with other things, it's like, what is that map of
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  Speaker 4: the world? How did I get to see the world
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  Speaker 4: in this way? And then what are those blinders? How
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  Speaker 4: can I open it up to see other options?
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  Speaker 3: Exactly?
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  Speaker 2: Yes. One thing I like to say is which is
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: pretty much the same as like, the things that protected
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: us are now what we work towards unwinding and right
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  Speaker 2: because those same things are the things that are blocking
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  Speaker 2: us from love in all its forms.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, and those things are often what create conflict.
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  Speaker 4: Absolutely, and that's what I find. I also do another tool,
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  Speaker 4: a motivational map, and it helps to pinpoint like most
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  Speaker 4: people believe they're aware. You know, we don't want to
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: think bad of ourselves. So yes, I'm early aware. And
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  Speaker 4: at the same time, studies show, like one study showed
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  Speaker 4: ninety five percent people thought they were aware, ten to
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  Speaker 4: fifteen percent actually are. So that's that big gap where
• 9:51
  Speaker 4: we think we know what we're doing, when really the
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  Speaker 4: unconsciousness running the show. Rather than having that willing us
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: to say, I don't know, how can I go back
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  Speaker 4: to that curiosity to look at what are those tensions
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  Speaker 4: within me that get played out in the world around me?
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  Speaker 4: Because our world is just reflecting back what's going on
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  Speaker 4: in here, and so taking that time in this fast
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  Speaker 4: paced world is a real challenge.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, so beautifully said.
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  Speaker 2: I wonder if you could give us and our listeners
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  Speaker 2: like a tangible example. Maybe you have a case study
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: or a you know, some people you've worked with that
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  Speaker 2: can demonstrate what you said around those internal tensions and
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  Speaker 2: not being aware.
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  Speaker 3: Of them and what they create.
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  Speaker 4: Sure. I recently worked with a couple and you know,
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  Speaker 4: they're really committed to each other. They had a daughter,
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: and the person that I knew it was about why
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  Speaker 4: can't I get him to just do these things. Everything
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  Speaker 4: would be okay, yes, and it's always like the thing right,
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  Speaker 4: we put it out there and we don't take ownership
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  Speaker 4: of it, rather than looking at, well, what's really going on.
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  Speaker 4: So I did their motivational maps and so one of
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: them was much more relationship oriented and they need a
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: lot of information, they need to feel that connection. There
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: was a lot of things that they thought they were
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: doing right because they're coming from that perspective, and the
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: other person was really high growth and it's like next thing,
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: you know, what's the next thing? And onto the next thing,
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: and they were both really successful in their businesses by
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: that left that gap with time and really having the communication.
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  Speaker 4: And so when we looked at this, yes, this person's
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: expectation was I'll just tell you once and like why
• 11:57
  Speaker 4: do I have to remind you? You should just do
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: it like I do. I just do it where it's
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: The other person is like hmm, yeah, I'll get to it.
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: I'll get to it. And so there was this bringing
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  Speaker 4: together to say, can you slow down enough to see
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: their perspective and maybe bring in systems so you can
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: work together on it, and how can you see that
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: some change and some systems can move you forward to
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: more towards the growth and not just sit in that
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: old way of being that feels really comfortable. So they're
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: both kind of on these extremes and helping them to
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: see each other's perspective. And how can you actually work
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: together to create the systems so that it doesn't become
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: a problem and then have the discussion and have the
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: knowledge of what's going on with each other when you
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: do that.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: That's beautiful, And have you worked.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: I'm curious with any people that like have had a
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: really hard time seeing each other's perspective or like have
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: resistance to it, are really stuck in that, you know,
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: because I hear that a lot, right, like if only
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: you would change, And I'm sure I know I've said
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: it myself, right, I mean, it's a human thing. If
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: you would change, I would feel so much better and
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: everything would be just totally fine.
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, And it's really comes down to what is keeping
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: you stuck in the sense of what is it costing you?
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: I love your question because it's like bringing in the
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: curiosity what is it costing you from both sides, so
• 13:41
  Speaker 4: that willingness to open it up and actually go in
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: and have that intimacy. Like to me, intimacy is just
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: that continuum, right, and it depends how close we are
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: as to how intimate we become, and a lot of
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: that starts with ourselves and building that relationship. And so
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: if I can actually say, well, you know, not allowing
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: myself to go there is stopping us from getting closer
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: and that's what I want. And then getting the help
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: if you need it, because sometimes we don't know how
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: to do that. And then from the other side, it's like,
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: I want more and more, but is it too much
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: for that person in their capacity, Like with the enneagram,
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: there's a certain type that is very much more reserved
• 14:30
  Speaker 4: and doesn't even know their feelings, and so giving them
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: the space to figure that out, whether it's an hour
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: a day, a week, whatever it is, and not pushing right,
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: because we know that dance of intimacy. The more one
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: pushes forward, the other with draws, and then it goes
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: back and forth and we never actually come together because
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: we're not able to see that.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: That's right, Yeah, beautiful, Wow, yeah, so important.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: So so.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: How so what do you use?
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: I'm curious for actual conflict resolution, like I've been teaching
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: an imago style communication of reflecting back. Let's just say
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: this is a sort of a more well known one, right,
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: like active listening. What I heard you say is you know,
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: fill in the blank and sort of setting up a
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: structure for people to have a conversation that is intended
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: to have less reactivity, is intended to like really slow
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: it down, kind of painfully slow for some people. But
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: there's so much value, in my opinion, in that, And
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: I've just relied on that style of communication for so
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: many years I think in my own personal life as well,
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: and also when I'm working with groups or couples or
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: even in group facilitation. You know, if I'm we're holding
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: a support or board sharing circle, you know, I'll invite
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: in that just deep listening and sometimes reflection. So I'm curious, Yeah,
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: like what's your style and what's been effective and what's helpful?
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I agree, And so there is kind of
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: a combination of things that I've learned in all these
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: different tools. So the presencing practice to get present and
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: it's like, okay, are you actually present? Here? Are your
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: feet on the floor, have you taken a breath to
• 16:33
  Speaker 4: reconnect with yourself? And the eye statement, So this is
• 16:36
  Speaker 4: about me instead of you, and this is the effect
• 16:40
  Speaker 4: like really those tangible things, right, so this is what
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: happened when you did this. So often we just have
• 16:49
  Speaker 4: this blanket statement that has no context, and setting up
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: the structure to have that conversation instead of like texting
• 16:59
  Speaker 4: or less just meet. Like to me, that's the biggest thing.
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: It's like people expect to just resolve these things on
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: the fly, and that's when communication goes off track. So
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: having that time, setting up some structure, setting up some
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: guidelines like maybe we're going to set a time every
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: week where we're checking in so it's not escalating, and
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: then having those statements and the listening and even depending
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: where they are, but definitely starting with learning to understand
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: how to say basically what the other is saying, not
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: in a parenting kind of way of course, but just oh,
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: or even seeing if you can help them to go
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: to the deeper part of what is going on for
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: them in the sense that oh it sounds so building
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: the empathy so it sounds like you're maybe angry or
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: whatever that is to help them to feel that difference
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: of what's going on for them, and that builds the
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: kindness and the compassion when we start to feel that.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that practice of you know, reflecting empathy
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: and just taking in a way sometimes for people like
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: just to guess because.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: A lot of people don't know, you know that I
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: don't know how. I hear this a lot from a.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: Lot from men actually over the years, Like I just
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: I don't know how my wife feels if it's a heterosexual,
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: you know, relationship.
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: And.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: Because there just maybe hasn't been an education or a
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: practice or a role modeling, you know, of tuning into
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: feeling and identifying emotion. And yet for women often it's
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: so important to them, but men often aren't acculturated, you know,
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: in that way. So I've I've had a practice of
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: like taking the value out of it and really saying, hey,
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: there's a lot of ways to communicate here, and the
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: emotional piece isn't the only way.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: And yet it's important, so let's practice. I don't know
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: if you do this. Sometimes I'll just say, like, just
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: name something.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: Because kind of automatically, the person who either is on
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: the receiving end is either identifies with it right and
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: we'll say, yes, that's exactly how I feel, or right away, no,
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: that's not it, you know, and then you know, they'll
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: say directly, so it's it's really beautiful to witness those
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: exchanges back and forth.
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and understand that we can have more than one
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: at a time. I think that's another misconception about feelings,
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: like it sees, yeah, your emotions will know, there's all
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: these different things and there's layers, and we can and
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: that's how we have the tension because we are feeling
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: more than one thing and we don't know how to
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: sort it out, right, Yeah, that's right for me.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: That's where internal family systems work so well. It's like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: And I have found that too to be so helpful.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: And actually, I'm gonna like pause here to really allow
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: our listeners to to really hear what you just said,
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: which was that our feelings are complex and we have
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: more than one and we do. We can grow up
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: feeling like it's black or white.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: You know, I'm just mad, you know, or I'm not.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: And I think some of the growth opportunities to really
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: know that first of all, we are complex being Second
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: of all, we can hold more than one feeling at
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: a time. You know, we can have grief and relief
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: for example at the same time as one example, but
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: then too, So that's one piece that I sort of
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: want to emphasize, and the other is at least in
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: using like the mapping that you're using or parts language
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: where you're identifying different and things. I have found it
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: really helpful for the person who's receiving the information to
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: hear I'll just use my part's language, you'll say it differently,
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: and I'd love to hear how you would say it,
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: Like I have a part that's really angry at you.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: I also have a part that actually feels grateful. I
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: have another part like it just kind of eases the
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: receiving of the information.
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: I have.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: That's what I have found in my practice, that my
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: own practice personally and also in my witnessing of other people,
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: like it helps people sort of hold a bigger context
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: and like not feel like everything about this is anger,
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: which can feel like really, you know, intimidating and upsetting.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: So I'm curious how you would say it. Ravin.
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm similar because I do shadow work as well,
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: so the parts that we don't want to look at
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: helping them to integrate that to see, Okay, this is
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: a part of me that I haven't been willing to
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: look at So this is a part of us, so
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: part but maybe slightly different language, but it is a
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: part of us that's within us and maybe hasn't been
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: heard in a long time. And it's just doing the
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: sabotage because you're not listening to it. And let's see
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: if we can see what its needs are and how
• 22:28
  Speaker 4: we can give it some room at the table. So
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: it's conscious lot rather than running the show in the background.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: Beautiful, I'd love you to share with the audience how
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: you're working, like who, yeah, Like how do people work
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: with you? Where can they find you? We have a
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: few more minutes, but I feel like it'd be really
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: helpful for our listeners to know how to reach you
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: and how you're working with people, like are you working
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: with people at a distance or is it only local
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: to where you live? And because your work sounds really
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: deep and I'm so I'm feeling so grateful to know
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: about it.
• 23:03
  Speaker 4: Yes, mainly it's been online ever since COVID, and I
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: find that, I mean, even in the workplace where it's hybrid,
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: a lot of employers find that it's just more cost
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: effective and it works just as well. So yeah, I'm
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: online my I'm in Canada, so it's a life of
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: choice dot ca A.
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: Dot ca remember that, listeners, dot.
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: Ca And I'm on LinkedIn, I'm on Facebook and my
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: email is simple Robin at a life of choice dot Ca.
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: Oh that's beautiful.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: So honestly, listeners, like, if you are stuck in a conflict,
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: or you're thinking about how to resolve a conflict, I
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: imagine with partners, with family, with work, you know, cohorts,
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: with neighbors, there's so many places obviously and inside ourselves
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: our own internal conflict. Like you are an expert in
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: supporting people in opening up. My experience of you is
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: opening up to compassion.
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: And to love.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: I quote myself come back to love and opening up
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: to compassion and curiosities, and then very specific tools that
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: people can use to resolve not only that inner conflict,
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: but the outer conflicts that you know, of course, like
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: we're human, they happen, and it just feels like really
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: deep work.
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: Robin.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: I'm really grateful that you're sharing it with me and
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: with our listeners today.
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: Thank you so much. And yes, curiosity is definitely the key.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: Absolutely absolutely, and that is an invitation that I'm guessing
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: you make I make the same when people are you know,
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: really struggling with conflict, anger, upset, just inviting in, like,
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: is there any part that's also curious?
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: Can we find curiosity in order to open up to
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: love again?
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: M hmm.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So I want to say to our listeners if
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: anything stirred in you today listening to Robin and I
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: the two Robins, then please do reach out to Robin
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: on her website say it again a Life of Choice
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: dot ca. Yes, a Life of Choice dot c A.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: I'm of course at Comeback to Love dot com and
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: this is come Back to Love radio show. We're here
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: every Thursday at one thirty pm Pacific four thirty pm Eastern.
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: I look forward to seeing everybody next week.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: If you have any questions for I or me or Robin,
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: please always submit them. You can submit them at Robin
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: at come Back to Love dot Com. And I look
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: forward to being with you again next week. Have a
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: beautiful day, everybody. Hi, this is Robin Vogel, host of
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: come Back to Love. If you are ready to heal
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: the past and open your heart to love again, I
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: want to talk with you. Book a free thirty minute
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: private conversation with me at comebacktolove dot com. I'll meet
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: you where you are and give you real tools you
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: can use right now. Because love isn't just possible for you,
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: it's waiting for you. Go to comeback toolove dot com
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: and book your free thirty minutes.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: Today you've been listening to come Back to Love with
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: Robin Vogel, a transformative program that covers an endless array
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: of topics related to relationships, love and intimacy, along with
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: all the reasons you may be keeping love at a distance.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Tune in each week as Robin gives you practical tools
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: that can be used to heal the past and help
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: you to safely love again. Join Robin again next week
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: at the same time for come Back to Love