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Transcript

Being Neurodivergent Is Not What You Think · The Unrelatable Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, hello, and welcome back to the Unrelatable Podcast.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Now, I know not everybody that just turned on this episode is going to be neurodivergent, you know is going to have ADHD or anything else along those lines, and so, if you don't, I invite you to still listen to today's episode, because I feel like it might give you insight on how people that are neurodivergent, how their brains work, and, of course, I'm only speaking from my perspective when I share these experiences that I'm going to share.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: But I also have a lot of submissions and a lot of experiences to share from other people and comments, and so I just think that, even if you haven't experienced what it is like to live life with this kind of diagnosis, I think that you will enjoy today's episode.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: And I do have to say I have a new diagnosis.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: I was diagnosed not last year, but the year before, in the fall, and so this is something that is still really new for me.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: I still feel like I have no part of it under control, especially right now, and so I will be sharing a little bit about how that has affected my life and then kind of how it can affect my partner's life and what that kind of looks like day to day.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: And then you know, like I said, I'll be sharing other people's experiences and I just want to tell you straight up front that when this is something that it affects, when I have something that I really want to say and I have so many things that I want to talk about today, sometimes it all comes out jumbled or I stutter or I get a really high heart rate and I have a hard time explaining myself and it can be or sound overwhelming.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: So if that happens, just know I'm doing my best here.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: I do have a podcast, obviously if you're listening, you know that, but I am in no way shape or form qualified to do a podcast.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: I mean, is anyone qualified?
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Some people are probably qualified, but everything about how I public speak, all that jazz kind of points me towards not podcasting Because, like I said, I do stutter, sometimes I breathe really hard in the background because my heart rate gets high, because I get really excited and just passionate about what I'm talking about.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: And I guess there is a part of me that is good for podcasting because I can just talk and talk and talk and talk.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: But I did want to share that.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: If you notice those kinds of things.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: That's something that Caitlin from the Blend to Blunt podcast I know I've talked about them so much, but hear me out.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: When I was recording their episode, they were interviewing me on their podcast, so if you haven't listened to it, it's an interesting one, it's really good, but if you haven't listened to it, in the middle of the episode they started asking me I think it was about ketamine.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: We started talking about ketamine and my thoughts were so jumbled I actually started sweating.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: My back was like so sweaty and my face was getting red and my heart rate was going up.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: And Caitlin was like Hannah, like or I can tell that you're passionate about this right now she's like I respond in the exact same way.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: She's like when I have something that I just am so excited to share, but my brain suddenly can't formulate thoughts and words and sentences, I react in that manner.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: And she's like that's so funny, because when I saw you doing that, we were talking after the fact, after we'd recorded it, and she was like I noticed this, because this is what I do too, because Kate also has ADHD, and so it's just super interesting, but it can make it hard for me to feel like I am forming coherent thoughts and sentences, and so you might just be thinking, no, hannah, I don't notice that at all, but if you do, just know that it is just something so fun and exciting and that I appreciate you listening.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: And so with that, with that crazy intro, welcome back to the Unrelatable Podcast.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: Hi hello, I'm so happy to be here.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: You know why?
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Because it's taken me an entire week to record this episode.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: A part of changing my schedule from posting on Wednesdays to Thursdays is that my pottery class is on Wednesdays and it's kind of an all-day event because it is around three hours long, and then I have therapy and after therapy I'm so sorry but I'm not very.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: I just feel like I'm not in the headspace to typically sit down and record episodes or post on social media or any of that kind of jazz, because it's just therapy.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: For me, lately has been a lot, and I do have a new therapist, because we moved, obviously, and so I'm excited about that.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: But anyways, it's just been something where in my head I thought oh my gosh, now that I'm posting on Thursday, I have one extra day of preparation.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: How exciting.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be able to record multiple episodes a week and be able to be super on top of my game and everything, but it's been something that has been really affected by my ADHD, and so I am going to complain about it for just a few minutes.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm going to complain about it.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: I a few minutes, okay, gonna complain about it.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I'm going to share with you what life has been like recently.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: So my car just got an update where it can do autopilot.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: It literally takes you from point A to point B.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: When you tell it to, it'll even take you from your house to the highway, to the freeway, and it will merge.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: It will slow down, speed up with traffic.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: It's extremely crazy.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, it's a 30-day trial that they automatically uploaded, because I think that it's normally $200 a month or something, and I think they really want people to try it, because people then are more likely to purchase it.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: I guess Not me not me, though, but Caden's been full throttle with it.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: He's always been one to use the semi autopilot.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: So basically, it can just keep you.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: It will slow you down, speed you up and kind of with a flow of traffic, but it won't change lanes and stuff for you.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: So that's kind of been the settings that we've had, but now with this free trial or whatever that automatically uploaded, it will literally take you.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: If you want to go to In-N-Out, you just put In-N-Out, it'll take you from your garage into the parking lot and park for you, which, yeah, like I said, caden loves it, he thinks it's great.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Me, I cannot give up that control because it freaks me out.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: It's a death wish, in my opinion.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: I cannot believe it, but this is kind of a good representation of where my brain has been the past 10 days, because my ADHD not even 10 days, but it feels like it honestly feels like the entire year has been this way.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Besides, when I'm on vacation, when I'm on vacation, when I'm home visiting my family, my brain feels like it can actually slow down and breathe.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: It's the first time where I feel like I don't need to constantly be on my phone making sure I'm responding to people and being a good friend and being a good sibling and, you know, being there for people.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: It's the first time that I feel like I can breathe and be with the people that I'm with in that moment.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: And you know, unfortunately we can't go on vacation all day, every single day, but anyways, my ADHD has been in full auto drive, I have had zero control.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: It feels like I have my brain, okay, and in the very, very, very back of my brain.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I'm sitting on this chair and like my whole body is in the back of my brain, sitting on this chair, just little Hannah.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: And I'm staring through my eyes and I can see.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I can see myself going through my life.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: I can see the day going by, time passing and I'm just watching myself go throughout life in this very painfully slow way.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: That is not at all.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: It's not productive.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: It's like the second that my eyes open.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: When I wake up in the morning, I take a look at what time it is 7am so I go to the bathroom, come back, get a drink of water, take a look at the time, suddenly it's 1030am.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: Well, what happened the last three and a half hours?
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Did I just black out and where?
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Where did the time go?
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: What have I been doing and where did the time go?
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: What have I been doing?
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: It has felt like I have been doing nothing for all of 2024.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: Even if I've done a lot of little tasks like running to the store, going grocery shopping, cleaning the house, keeping the house clean, cleaning up the kitchen, throwing the hand towels in the dryer, taking crew on his 25-minute walk in the morning, his 25-minute walk at night, doing my cardio, working out, working like I have a job, you know what I mean?
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: I run social media accounts for businesses and it has just been ridiculous because it's taking me hours upon hours upon hours of preparation and planning to do one or two things on my list a day to get to the gym and this is kind of how I know that my ADHD is in full power drive right now is because getting to the gym doing the thing that I actually love and enjoy and have a lot of goals and plans and exciting things for, has been seemingly impossible.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Every conflict that can happen seems to happen.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Every distraction to happen seems to happen.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Everything comes up and it's suddenly.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: This is the most important thing to do in this moment and, don't worry, I'll get to the gym in a minute.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: Suddenly it's 4.30 PM and I'm driving to the gym in this traffic that is terrible.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: I'm getting to the gym, it's crowded full of people and I just don't know what's happening.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: I don't know what happened to my day and you know I'm just sitting in the back of my brain looking through my eyes but not actually controlling my life, and this makes me feel extremely lazy and out of control.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: That probably makes me sound crazy.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: It probably does, and I feel kind of crazy.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: I do, and I was on medication.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I did try a few different kinds, but I had just barely started a new one and we don't have health insurance, and so it was kind of like this trial thing where the doctor was giving me free, free ones until we decided which one that I liked and then I was going to sign up for it, whatever.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: But when I left on my trip to Europe last summer, I stopped taking it, not because I didn't have access to it, it was literally in my what is it called?
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Crossbody bag, bum bag, it was in the pocket of that Just all of them.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: I had dumped them in there and I couldn't get myself to take it, even if, even though it was literally on my body, on my person, my brain would think oh, it's already 11am, I better take my medication, because I wasn't, whichever one I was on.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: I don't even remember you weren't supposed to take it past 9, 10, 11am, because it did stimulate your brain to concentrate and to get tasks done, but suddenly I was, you know, not even a second later after thinking oh yeah, I need to take my medication, it's right here, it's literally a finger away.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: Suddenly it's 4pm and then it's too late to take it, and I have no idea why I didn't just reach my finger and and take it.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: And so then I of course went through the withdrawal, but it wasn't that bad because I was traveling and distracted.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: But today, for example, I got out my salmon, placed it in the air fryer, seasoned it and got distracted with all these tasks.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: 45 minutes later, I haven't even cooked it in the air fryer.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: I know that.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: And also, by the way, some of these things that I'm going to say, if you don't have ADHD, but you have some ADHD tendencies, you're probably going to relate to it.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: A lot of these things are things that everybody feels day to day.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Maybe like, maybe some of these examples are going to be relatable, but I just feel like this extreme of a, this extreme I don't know it's just been extreme.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: For me, it's been really hard because it feels it doesn't feel like just laziness, it's feels like an extreme case of distraction.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: And it's so difficult for me because with my major depressive disorder and anxiety, everything.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: It becomes so crippling and it causes me to have these days where I feel like I accomplished nothing, maybe literally I don't accomplish anything.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: So then the next few days I have to work extra hours on the days that I do feel capable, and so then it feels like I never actually have a day off ever from life or from anything, because I am self-employed, so everything gets done on my time and I never get a day off mentally.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: Even if I'm, even if I hardly accomplish anything in a day, it's always on my mind that I should be doing it and that I need to do it.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: And so mentally there's never a break, even if physically I'm not doing it.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: It's always running on.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: It's like going on and on and on in my mind.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: It's like this tape just constantly playing and if I'm not able to catch it and press pause, complete the task, sit down and focus, well, suddenly I'm working till 8pm on Fridays and Saturdays and Sundays and it's driving me insane because that doesn't cause me to be able to rest, and I know it drives Caden insane and crazy because he just wants to go on a date.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: I mean, we actually did go on two dates this week, so, yeah, but it's just been something where, also, this is not me needing or asking for any type of sympathy.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm just really trying to explain how my brain is working or, I guess, not working and, yeah, that's how it's been.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: And it's taken me all year long of guilting myself Hannah, why haven't you been doing these things that you set on your, on your uh, vision board, and these timeframes that you set and these processes?
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: Why are you just not being?
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: Why are you not doing it?
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Why are you incapable of doing it?
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: And then I can go down this route of extremely harmful dialogue to myself, which isn't going to help anybody.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: And that's what I've begun doing and it's really started to affect my confidence, because I'm starting to believe oh my gosh, I am just lazy.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I don't really accomplish anything Recently, with the gym being something that's very difficult for me to get to.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: I mean, once I'm there and I'm in the gym, it's great and I can do my workout.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: I have been pushing my body extremely hard in the gym.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, I have been going, I've been doing my workouts, I've been doing my cardio, I've been getting everything done, but the amount of time that it takes me to get there and to finish it.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: It is really impacting my mental health and it's so frustrating because it's not a choice.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: I'm not.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: It feels like I'm not choosing anything that's happening in my life and so, anyways, I'm just heavily considering finding a primary care doctor here, because, even though I don't have insurance of any kind, it's just been so hard.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: And so, amidst all of this, I thought it would be a great time to make an episode on it and to kind of ask you guys about your experiences being neurodivergent.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: And, like I said, all of my responses have been about ADHD.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: And so, again, if you don't have it yourself and I'm sure you know someone that has it, because a lot of the population does have it, if not as extreme, there's lots of tendencies and whatnot.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: But I just thought that it would be good to be able to kind of talk about that, because all ADHD isn't the same.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: There's a huge spectrum of different experiences and the spectrum of how impairing ADHD is for people is so different.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: And so you might think, oh, I know someone with ADHD and it kind of affects how they do school, but it doesn't really affect anything else.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: Well, there's a big spectrum of impairments and how much it can affect people's lifestyles, your brain and understanding your diagnoses can be really powerful, at least for me.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: When I was diagnosed with ADHD, it felt really.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: I felt like I was taking back my power because this whole time, my whole life, I've thought that I'm just so lazy and incapable of finishing things.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: And you know, I have a bunch of hobbies and I always like starting new things and I'm always starting and quitting jobs I mean not within the last several years because I found what I like to do, because it allows me to be creative.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: But, that being said, it has just been comforting for me to be able to know that, because the view of ADHD can be seen as so different, so many people will look at it as a superpower and quote unquote a superpower.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you've heard that before, but you know, look at your diagnosis as a superpower or whatever.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: First of all, I don't think there's any superpower of being of depression or anxiety.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, I know that that's not technically a that doesn't make you neurodivergent or whatever, but just going to get that out of the way.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: But I know some people that really think of ADHD as their superpower and I think that that is the case because they figure out how to harness it.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Obviously, because I was watching a video and they said that they like to think of it not as a disorder but more of a trait.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: It's like having brown hair or blonde hair ADHD is a trait.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: It's not good or bad, it just is what it is.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: It's like having this brain that runs like a Ferrari.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: It runs like a Ferrari but it doesn't have any brakes until you install them and you have to figure out how to slow down, how to stop, how to harness that power and I guess if that's something that I can eventually learn, then I will be able to use it, because I think that I am an extremely creative person but because of that it's really hard for me to do other things that don't feel exciting.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: So let's jump into one of your experiences.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: I really wanted to get some feedback, whether people have experienced it with medication or not.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Kind of when you're diagnosed, all of that jazz.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: This submission says.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: I read someone explaining ADHD in a way that really clicked for me.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Quote unquote getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult feels like being told you suck at Mario Kart your whole life and then finding out that your game generates 40 times more banana peels than it's supposed to unquote.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: Getting my diagnosis in my 30s was empowering and helped me feel more quote-unquote normal.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: I realized I wasn't dumb or broken, I just had an abnormal amount of Mario Kart bananas to navigate.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: I had to go through some grieving, though I feel sad for the child and teen version of me who maybe wouldn't have had such a challenging time in school or social settings had she had the resources to thrive.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: I tried to manage things with just therapy, but really medication has been the game changer for me.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: It's like a breath of fresh air after decades and decades of chaotic static in my brain.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: The noise has turned low and I feel much more balanced and calm when medicated.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: For me, the reduced rate of depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation is worth the health risks of long-term medication use.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much, first of all, for sharing that.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to say that right now I really appreciate it when people have a positive perspective on medication, because I know that there's a lot of people out there that are like I got off my medication and you can do it too, and it kind of becomes something where, if you're medicated, you're seen as more weak, like you can't control yourself more, you can't build that discipline and it's just completely inaccurate.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: And I think, once we understand and recognize that depression is a spectrum, anxiety is a spectrum, adhd is a spectrum and everyone's going to feel these emotions, but you might not have a brain that is as susceptible to the effects of it or produces as high of neurological firings of it.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: I'm even making sense.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: Listen, I'm not a doctor, okay, I barely know.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: I barely know anything.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: Still, I'm just talking from my experience, but you know what I'm saying, okay.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: So this next comment says this is why a lot of people with ADHD struggle with video game addiction.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: There are some other reasons as well as having to do with how ADHD has the brain release serotonin and dopamine.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: But our interest in certain games or activities that are interesting to us causes us to hyper focus and almost forget about everything else going on in the world.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that is.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: That is something that is, I guess, what some people could say can be turned into a superpower is being able to hyper focus.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: This is actually something that Caden has told me.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: He's like he has this hyper focused sense about him.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: Where I can, he can literally be sitting down at the table and also, he's not diagnosed, but we're kind of thinking that he might be on the spectrum of ADHD.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know, it's still something to explore.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: But anyways, caden, hopefully you don't mind me sharing this.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: I'll ask him later and if he says no, then I'll take this out.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: But anyways, he'll be sitting at the counter working.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: I can come in, start talking to him and he'll say hey, yeah, how are you?
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: And then I will have a full on conversation.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: He won't hear a word.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: He won't literally not hear a word because he's so focused.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: And this isn't just a normal type of oh sorry, do you mind repeating that, it's a whole thing, and it's been our whole marriage really, and it's been something where I have to really make sure that I'm not coming into the room and interrupting his state of flow, because it can take a.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: You know, it can take a minute for him to get into that and once he's into that, I need to let him be able to finish it.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: And so, yeah, I don't even know how that had to do with that comment, but thanks for sharing this.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: Next comment says one day in third grade, my mom got a call from my teacher.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: She was concerned that I was spending too much time in the bathroom.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: She wondered if I was sick or if I was skipping.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: What I was actually doing was reading the essays, appreciating the paintings and work in the hallway walls done by my classmates of the school.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: I was quote unquote distracted or quote unquote time blind.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: But my superpower is that I notice other things that people don't and I take time to be curious, fast forward.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: I am really good at traveling because I read signs that other people don't notice and I can navigate my way through a new place very well.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I love that.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Also, there's a bird outside and you can probably hear it.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: So if you hear, if you hear a little bird chirping, it's because it's literally right outside this window.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: So, yes, that is actually something that I have is distractibility, and I actually cannot even focus right now because of this bird.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: This is so dumb.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, this is something that's very hard for me is being hyper aware of my environment.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Okay, we went to a restaurant several weeks ago with this couple that we're getting to know, and they have two kids, and so we went to a restaurant several weeks ago with this couple that we're getting to know and they have two kids, and so we went to this family friendly restaurant where they were playing music and there were probably 20 kids just running around and there was lots of noise of people talking and music was playing.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: And I was trying to listen to these people that we were talking to and getting to know but my brain was so overstimulated I couldn't even hear what they were saying and I kept having to be like I'm so sorry, can you repeat that?
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: I'm having a really hard time concentrating and there's just times where you literally can't choose what you hyper focus on because you're so overstimulated.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: And I actually learned the ADHD traits were adaptive for survival back in the day, a long time ago.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: Long time ago, us as humans, our ancestors, needed this hypersensitivity, hyper awareness, not hypersensitivity, but this hyper awareness of the environment, of the surroundings, because of hunting and gathering, you know, spotting ripe fruit, ripe fruit, spotting ripe fruit, spotting animals in the wild and it's kind of something that you have either been able to grow through, where you're able to use that in ways that are mostly just helpful, or it is just this random lightning strike of productivity or of attention that you get, and you get this lightning strike of productivity and you just want to hurry and bottle it up and save it, but it comes so randomly that you don't know when it's going to happen.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: And, just like our hunters and gatherers, they would be able to spot a freaking moose in the wild and go get it because they had these qualities and things about them.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: And so for me, I'm like I'm trying to figure out how to capture this lightning strike of inspiration of productivity that can happen.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: Productivity that can happen, but it's so hard.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Like I was saying before, with my podcast schedule I realized I'm not simply someone that can have a routine like Caden.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: So Caden, for example, is someone where he can follow a routine, and that is what really helps him.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: For me, if I have a routine of okay, hannah, you're recording podcast episodes on Mondays and Tuesdays my Mondays are heavily affected by Sundays and Saturdays, and that's because sleep is a huge effect of ADHD.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: What you eat is a huge effect of ADHD and you know there's lots of things that can affect your neurodivergence and so if you are so sensitive to these things, it can actually really affect the days after and how you react and how your ADHD drives you.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: So, let's say, something unexpected happens on Saturday or Sunday.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: Well, this is still affecting you throughout the week, but you don't think that it is, but you're kind of feeling the after effects.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: It's like an earthquake.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: Think that it is, but you're kind of feeling the after effects, it's like an earthquake.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: And so for me, for example, on Mondays, if I'm like, okay, monday is my podcast day, well, there's just some times where I simply cannot get myself to sit down and record an episode because, number one, I don't have the inspiration.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: Number two, suddenly, even though I have a hundred notes on my phone of topics to say and stories to share and experiences to talk about, I have nothing to say.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: Suddenly, I have nothing to say, I have no desire.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: It's something that I'm really working on because I feel like you should have discipline, right.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: So then I get on myself and I'm like Hannah, why don't you have discipline?
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: Why are you so dysfunctional?
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: I know all these things are things that I'm, these are things that I'm working through.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm trying to redefine what success is for me, because successful performance and living life is just.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: You kind of have to rewire your brain of what that looks like when you are neurodivergent because it's not going to be following a routine perfectly.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: It's just.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: It's just not.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: I mean, for me, I'm trying to, but it's not the same thing where for Caden, if he goes to bed at a certain time, wakes up at a certain time, well then he's great for the rest of the week, like it's perfect.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: For me, it's just, it comes and goes and bouts of inspiration and I can't, I can't control when it happens.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: I don't even know if this is making sense anymore, but yeah, okay.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: So back to these comments.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: I feel like how they said that they are really good at traveling because they notice signs that other people don't.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: That really is a good way to look at it, because if you pay attention and you have kind of that curious aspect about you, you do live life more adventurously.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: If you are more curious and you notice art and paintings, you tend to be someone that can have more in-depth conversations about topics that you feel stimulated by.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: And not to say that you can't if you don't have ADHD.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: That's not what I'm saying at all, but I feel like it.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: Really I enjoy talking to people that are neurodivergent because a lot of times people have really interesting points of views, points of views really interesting point of views that I just haven't thought of a lot of times and I feel like that is always something that I am open and excited to hear about.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that any of that made sense.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: I don't know if any of this is making sense, and I just hope that some of you are connecting with it.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, this comment says that feeling when you are behind on everything, you can't find the keys, you're already late, you haven't packed the kids school lunch, someone's calling you now about the email you were supposed to respond to yesterday and, oops, you forgot to put fuel in the car and you just hate yourself.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: No matter how hard you try, it feels like all you do is fail, continually letting people down.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: I've been so, so low lately.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: Well, first I just want to say I feel like that sounds very overwhelming, and one thing that I have learned is that, like I said, we are highly influenced by how the days before go, and so if you're constantly living, you know, on these stressful cusps of not being able to be on time ever and finish work on time and you're not eating foods that make you feel balanced and you're not able to work out and all these things.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: It's just, it's basically permission for procrastination to happen and you can't control a lot of life situations that cause these things.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: You know, you might have a totally honest and real goal to cook your dinner that night but then suddenly you're running to the hospital at 12pm.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: You're there all day and the only option is to eat some fast food.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: So then the next day your brain cannot hardly work how it's supposed to and you also didn't sleep well that night because you had all that oil in that fast food and it just didn't let you sleep well.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: And now you're affected from days to come and you're extra sensitive.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: And it's so hard because I feel like one thing that can help, at least for me, is getting outside of your four walls, getting outside of your home, of the four walls that you're always in, even your office, if you work in an office.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: And also this is not really advice, this is stuff that I'm just like, things that I have been finding helpful, that I'm trying to implement, because when you're in these four walls, what are you thinking about?
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: What are you, what are you doing?
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: This is why the gym can be really effective for a lot of people because it creates a very specific state of focus.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: And so if you get yourself outside of the house, in a different environment, attending classes or attending events that get you out of your state of mind because, also with ADHD, we are extremely and very highly influenced by relationships and you're essentially giving permission for toxicity and procrastination.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: This is something I learned recently.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: If you have ADHD, you have a lower tolerance to filter out toxicity and procrastination.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: So if you're around people that procrastinate a lot, if you're around people that are very toxic, you're like a sponge.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: It's so much easier for you to soak that up.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: But the same goes for focus, the same goes for ambition and positivity.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: You're extra sensitive for those things as well, which is why having a good circle of friends and positive people in your life matters even more, because you are so much more susceptible towards the opposite of that, you know, towards toxicity, procrastination, all these things and this is a fact.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: Actually, so sorry those of you who this affects, but alcohol and marijuana heavily reduce your quality of sleep.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: They might help you fall asleep, but your REM cycle has been shown to be negatively affected and you really don't get as good of quality of sleep, and sleep when you have any type of, when you are neurodivergent, becomes something that isn't just optional, it's not something where you can stay up all night, wake up two hours after you know two hours of sleep and perform normally.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I'm having this memory come to my mind where I'm in college.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: I'm in my second semester living it at the factory up at Utah State University.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: I was the first semester to live, or the first group of people this semester to live, at the factory.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: It was this apartment complex that was essentially supposed to be done a year before and wasn't, or maybe no, actually sorry, not a year before, but a semester before.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: And so instead of moving in in August, we moved in in January.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: Right, and with having roommates and living with one of my really good friends at the time, it's so much easier to just stay up late, hang out on the couch, go out to eat late at night, all those things.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: But I really remember one night I stayed up so late I went to sleep, woke up, went to class late because I didn't hear my alarm, but we were taking a test and I remember arriving sitting down to take the test.
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: Not one thought, not one thought literally not one thought went through my brain.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: I got a zero.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: Have you ever gotten a zero on a test?
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: This was a biology test.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: I specifically remember how disappointed I was because I had actually studied extremely hard.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: I'd studied so hard that the night before the test I was like I'm not going to stress myself out by thinking about the test, because I've already studied really hard, I've done the flashcards, I know everything front to back.
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: I actually couldn't do it.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: I couldn't write anything down, I couldn't decipher what the words were saying.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: It was just so hard for me and I ended up failing the class.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: I actually failed most of my classes that semester.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: So then when I went back a few years later I think I went back a year and a half later, still in the winter, spring semester.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: So when I went back I basically went back to redo those classes, because school for me has been something I know I've already said this so many times, but it's been something that has been so extremely difficult, where the levels of focus and concentration that it takes is so difficult, and it really for me was not worth the payoff because it was just a level of difficulty that I could not function in and, oh my gosh, it was so hard because, no matter how much I wanted it, it was so difficult for me and actually that semester that I did go back and redo it, redo those classes, and I think I got a 3.9 that semester, which was unheard of for me, but I was only going to school.
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: I was I working Actually, I think I was working at GNC at that time, because at this point it was still, I think at this point I wanted to be a nurse actually.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: So so I joined the ROTC because I was convinced that I was going to go into the Air Force.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: Yep, I was.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: I was a cadet, miss Cadet Felt, and that was actually the best semester experience that I'd had, and I did get a 3.9.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: I was able, though, to put a lot of concentration on school.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: I was married.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: I wasn't, you know, I didn't have a whole bunch of roommates.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: We were actually living with my grandparents at this time, and their home, for me, has always been a place where I can be clear headed, and so, yeah, anyways, just that's just how that went, okay, so this comment says before being diagnosed with ADHD, I was told by teachers that I was just looking for attention and that my willpower was low, lol.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is literally what I'm talking about, because you could have all of the willpower in the world to be a good student and you could try so hard and concentrate so hard, but sometimes the information it just doesn't get past.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: Just doesn't get past your frontal lobe.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: It doesn't get past.
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: That's not what I meant to say.
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: It doesn't get past your forehead is what I meant to say.
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: And yeah, then they'll call these kids.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: They'll just say, oh, they're just hyper and they just want attention.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: They're attention seeking.
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: That's why they're allowed in class and this and that, and it's just really too bad Because a lot of times people are just not diagnosed until later in life, and so I've been seeing, actually, a lot of videos recently where people are explaining how frustrated they are that college is being downplayed as something that's not necessary, even though it's something that is extremely good and it can really help you reframe your way of thinking about life and it can just really introduce different ideas and perspectives and it's a really good way to build work ethic and all these things that are outside of your degree right, it teaches you how to learn how to work with people, all these things, and this person was saying how frustrating it is that everyone just hates on college, and what I have to say about that is, anytime I've talked about dropping out of college and that it's not necessary for myself and these kinds of things.
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: I 100% would have rather gotten a degree and have a degree under my belt, 100%.
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: It literally wasn't possible for me, though, and I also don't want to downplay that, because I'm sure there's people that have worse ADHD than me that have gone and gotten a degree right.
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: So that's not.
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: I'm not trying to downplay that, but what I'm saying is is I think college is great.
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: Are there so many jobs where you don't need it?
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: And that's kind of what people are trying to promote, because I feel like when we were in high school, it was college is the only way to go, it is the only way to be successful, it's the only way to get a good job, and so having representation outside of college can be refreshing.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: Do I think that, if you have the funds to go, if you can push through whatever work you need to push through to go and do your degree, whatever do I think it's great?
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: 100%.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: I'm all supportive towards that when I share my experience.
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: That's not me at all being, you know, subtly saying that I don't think college is great.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: I, like I said, I wish that I would have gone and finished a degree not in nursing but in.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: I think I would have really enjoyed psychology and philosophy.
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: I think both of those together would be a very interesting and great, great go around, but it just is not something that, at least right now, that I could ever see myself being able to do.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, so this is another comment.
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: I got diagnosed with ADHD yesterday.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: I'm 29 years of age and I have a fiance and a daughter.
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: I have an unstable financial situation, and it explains the entirety of my constant battles in life to try and reach somewhere great where I can make a functional life for myself.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: See, this is what I'm saying.
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: We just need more awareness around it and maybe people around us that can say hey, have you maybe considered going to your therapist and first talking to your therapist?
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: Because I think that there should definitely be therapy intervention before going right to a doctor and getting on medication, because you kind of have to understand where it's coming from and kind of when it was introduced into your life to be able to treat it.
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: I think, and I also think that therapy just kind of helps you understand that part of you and it can kind of turn it into it being a superpower, if that's the framework that you want to have.
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, this comment says I went from being an amazing intern because I was a jack of all trades and constantly found different niches, slash areas to focus on and add value in, and then got hired after graduating to specialize in a very complex subsection of my field and as a result, I am now very unmotivated and far less productive because I can't bounce around between the things that interest me and everything is far more structured and limited in scope.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: Being a jack of all trades is great for many things in life and is like a superpower when you have the freedom to work on what you want.
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: But ultimately, specialization is rewarded more, and that is often more difficult with ADHD.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I cannot say that better myself when you are someone that hyper, fixates and is really really, really good at something, but you need different outlets for that and you're put in this little, teeny, tiny, tiny little box, whether that's, let's say, you do have ADHD or something, and you go into nursing and your nursing field is whatever you want it to be.
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're on trauma floor for a month and then the next month you are on postpartum and then the next month you are on I don't know another floor.
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: That is constantly changing up your process and your create not necessarily your creativity, but kind of right You're just getting different experiences happening and you know, and that's why working with people a lot of times can be really great if you are neurodivergent.
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: But let's say that you get into accounting and you end up in this job where you're just sitting at a computer and filling out these numbers and it's just something where you cannot actually focus on it and you can't be as productive and motivated.
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: That's something that can be really difficult.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: And for, I guess, to apply that to my life because listen to me, turning everything about myself, that is not what I'm trying to do.
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: But I have learned that when you have ADHD you do have a tendency to think that you relate to people when you share your experience.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: But I'm really trying not to do that.
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to and I think I've actually become a lot better at this because it's been something I've had in my mind for several years.
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: I remember one day when it clicked in my brain of oh my gosh, hannah, when someone tells you an experience, you do not have to immediately tell them how you relate to that in your own life, because it actually takes away from theirs.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: And I know that that's completely not applicable to this situation right now, because what I'm reading is a comment on a forum.
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: I'm not actually reading a submission from one of you guys.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, anyways, there we are.
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what I was talking about before.
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, being a jack of all trades.
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: So I don't know about you guys.
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: But hobbies, oh my gosh.
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: Right now we're doing pottery, and let me update you on my pottery game.
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: Pottery, I am now the best of the best 10 out of 10 skills.
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: I'm just kidding, but I did throw three bowls during my last class and, dare I say, my teacher complimented me.
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: It was so nice.
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: It was such a nice feeling.
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: But that would not have happened if I was in science class and we had to do a science project.
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: So you know, we all have our strengths, okay.
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: So the next thing I kind of wanted to talk about was being able to practice slowing down, because if what is destroying our focus is a hyperactive mind and being more sensitive to overwhelming feelings, you know, especially if you're tired, when your goal is to be more present.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: We've got to slow our mind down, and of course, you can do this through substances or through fatigue.
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: And actually what's really interesting is I would constantly find myself being so much more productive at night in college because I would stay up hanging out with my friends, whatever I'd get home.
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: Suddenly I have all the energy in the world, I have all the focus in the world to clean my room at 2am, to go downstairs, create the most immaculate kitchen, car immaculate kitchen, immaculate bedroom, immaculate.
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: My backpack is suddenly completely sorted.
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: Well, I learned that when you're tired, your thoughts are slower.
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: When you're fatigued, you are not running through a whole bunch of thoughts in your head and trying to slow it down, and you know all these things.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: They're already slower.
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: And so that's why you can be so productive at night because your brain has been able to finally shut off certain parts, because it's so exhausted.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: And so, anyways, if your goal is to slow down your brain, you can do that through being fatigued right or through substances.
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: But other ways, healthier ways is by learning compartmentalization and being able to compartmentalize your thoughts and to learn how to breathe better and to meditate, and that is 100% one of my goals, and I know that.
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: I know this in my body and in my mind.
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: Whenever I do yoga and I do it several times a week my brain is more clear, I am more productive.
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: Even though I'm taking, you know, an extra three or four hours a week to attend three classes, I achieve so much more because my brain is more clear and it's a goal of mine to be able to start attending yoga again.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: I know I say that like every other month, but it really is.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: This comment says I refuse to believe that there's something about the self that one can't control or optimize.
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: I found the commonality is that people with ADHD, no matter how extreme, can wield it as a weapon when taught.
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: I found that the healthiest, happiest people who were labeled with disorders initially were ones who took practice with getting responsibility for their mind, which you have more control over than people are comfortable admitting.
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: It takes a lot of strength to do, but it's possible.
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: Medicine should only ever be a temporary solution and only if it's absolutely necessary because we are messing with something that is more intricately designed than we are prepared to handle.
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, this is a comment on a forum.
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: Don't worry, this is not a submission, because, while I agree with part of it, I disagree with part of it, because, like I said before, I believe medication is something that some people really need, and so sometimes I feel like, if we're speaking about our own experience and we're saying, oh yeah, well, I was able to overcome depression without medication, you can too.
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: All you have to do is work out daily.
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: It's like, okay, chad, I tried that.
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: Sorry that I'm not, you know, in a frat, and I just definitely think that there were some good things from that comment, though, where we can take control over it.
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: We just have to learn those skills, and I'm not saying 100% control.
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that's possible.
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: I actually can't speak from experience, as we've talked about, but I do think that it is beneficial to keep a positive framework around.
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: Hey, there are solutions, and that's kind of how I felt when I was diagnosed was oh my gosh, you're telling me that there's solutions to this.
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: You're telling me that this isn't just how normal people go day to day and that life can be of higher quality of higher quality than this.
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: Perfect, thank you.
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: That's all of the reassurement reassuring that I need.
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: Okay, so this next comment says finding meditation and learning how to create my own reality and reprogram myself has led me to be a very happy and peaceful person, especially as a self-employed artist.
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: I thrive, without any negative beliefs about having ADHD.
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: I always ask for help with certain tasks, like setting up technology, registering my car, taxes, etc.
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: And I have learned that I have to withdraw the minute I get frustrated.
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: It's more logical to focus on our strengths than to beat ourselves up about the things that we aren't as good at when we can simply allocate those tasks to someone else.
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: I've learned to enjoy the most boring tasks, like chores, by listening to music or podcasts and being totally in the now.
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: It's sad that people diagnosed with ADHD think there's something wrong with them when it really is a free pass to not have to fit into the status quo.
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: After all, it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a sick society, as the famous quote says.
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: There's also a conversation of whether these symptoms are caused by abuse, and I have freed myself so much by healing my traumas.
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: Another thing I ponder is why is our society obsessed with constantly being productive and having a phobia of rest?
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: I suppose the capitalist system is who benefits from that?
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: Who cares what is being productive if you don't know how to just be, and I really like that.
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: Of course, there's things that you can pick and pull from.
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: Maybe you don't agree with all of that, but I think well, first of all, having symptoms tying back to trauma is 100% something that you can explore in therapy, and that's kind of what I was referring to when I was talking about that.
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: You know you can learn where it came from, kind kind of when you started showing these signs.
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: Because our brains adapt.
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: Our brains are trying to.
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: They're in survival mode at times and there's just going to be times where your brains adapt in a way that will affect you in the future and you just kind of have to figure out how to ride that wave.
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: But I really like how, how they said that.
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: You know, why are we so obsessed with being constantly productive in our days?
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: How can we learn to just be, to just be able to rest, and I think that that is something that, ironically, I have to learn how to do, because I don't know how to just be.
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: At the moment, I feel the humongous need and pressure to conform to the productivity I don't know system, and that's something that I'm definitely going to explore further for sure.
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: So, with that, thank you so much for tuning in.
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: I am curious if you have any thoughts along the matter.
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: I do want to do another deep dive, but into anxiety and depression and kind of that area of life and the brain, and so if you have any comments on that, feel free to check out the forms or, sorry, the link in my bio which has access to forms where you can submit your stories anonymously.
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: And yeah, I sound like I'm going to cry and yeah, I sound like I refreshing and yeah, with that, thank you so much for joining me on today's episode of the Unrelatable Podcast and I'll see you next time.
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: Bye.