Latest / Drawn of History / Dr. Tara Swart _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _532(M4A_128K)

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Dr. Tara Swart _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _532(M4A_128K) · Drawn of History

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Today's guest is a woman I've been intrigued with for
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: a while. She is a neuroscientist. She's an author and
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: she's an advisor who focuses on how to get peak
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: mental performance. She wrote a bestselling book called The Source,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: which is all about things you can do to be
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: your best self. She's a fascinating woman and I'm grateful
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: for our chat. Today's guest is Dr. Tara Swart.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Just so you know, all this air conditioning and ice
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: is really playing havoc with my throat. Really?
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because I'm not used to it.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't have it in the UK, huh? Yeah, sometimes,
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: you know, I wonder. You know, I find sometimes there
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: will be, I'll go on vacation and I'll stay in
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: a place that doesn't have air con, you know. And
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: it's kind of cool because at first I'm like, this sucks.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: But then, like, you feel a lot more connected to, Nate,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: like just the, you know, I don't know what it is.
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: The environment.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: Minimum. Yeah.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: You feel way more connected to the environment when you
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: don't have air conditioning. You don't have all these kind
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: of little comforts, you know, because you're always kind of
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: trying to balance everything for the perfect amount of comfort.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: That's what I feel like I'm trying to do these days.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: It's like, I'm always trying to, like, okay, the air conditioner,
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  Speaker 1: am I laying the right, like when I go to
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: sleep specifically, it's like, am I laying the right way?
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Do I, it's like, I have to have so many
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: little things kind of, perfectly lined up or everything's not
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: going to be okay, you know?
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  Speaker 3: But do you do that thing where you blast the
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: air conditioning but you sleep under loads of blankets? Yeah. Why?
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: I don't get that. Why not just have the bedding
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: that's correct for the temperature that it naturally is?
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think because people have just gone rogue. People
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: don't know how to just beat. People are just crazy
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: like that. Really, they're really sleepopaths, I call them. Because
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: it's kind of crazy. Yeah, you're right. Like I'm going
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: to put it at 65 degrees and I'm going to
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: bundle up like it's like I'm in Antarctica.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And then the craziest stuff is sometimes you'll see
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: like some people have like a rainforest. They have an
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: eye mask on. It literally seems like they're being– it's
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: kind of the same thing as if you were being
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: tortured in a country. Like in a– you know, it's
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  Speaker 1: like they've got eye masks. There's like water dripping in
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: the back. It just– you're like this is crazy. This
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: is what they used to do to prisoners, it seems like,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: you know?
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  Speaker 3: Theo, I knew I was going to laugh with you,
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: but I can't believe I've got the giggles like already.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Do you really?
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: Oh, well, dang.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: I like an eye mask, personally, because I can't tolerate
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: any light when I'm sleeping. But when you said I
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: have to be in the right position, do you actually
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: know what the right position is, according to a neuroscientist?
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Uh-uh. For sleeping? And I'm here with neuroscientist Tara Swart,
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: and you're that brain babe. Yeah, you're the lady that
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: knows about The brain.
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  Speaker 3: I am.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: And we're happy to hear about it today and we're
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: happy to have you. Do I know the right position? No,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: I don't. I sleep.
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, tell me how you sleep.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: I sleep on my side, I guess, and pillow between
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: my legs, holding a pillow, and just kind of hoping
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: for the best usually. What do you suggest?
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: So sleeping on your side is.
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: Actually the best position.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: So sleeping on your side is good.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: So left or right. Probably when, so I like to
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: connect everything back to evolution. So when we slept in
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: the cave, we co-slept. So we huddled together for warmth.
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: And we probably slept on our left side to protect
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: our heart and have our dominant hand ready for an attack.
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  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: But now it doesn't matter which side, but a side
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: is better than back or front. And the reason is,
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: that we're cleaning out our brain very actively overnight. And
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: if your neck is stretched like this, then it helps
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: the waste products to get moved out through the lymphatic
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: and lymphatic systems and excreted from your body.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Oh, nice. So yeah, so I'm doing okay.
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: No wonder you've got such a sharp wit. Maybe.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: You know, it used to be better. I had so
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: much stress over the past few years that a lot
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: of my wit has eroded. To be honest with you,
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  Speaker 1: I feel like it. I just know it. My brain
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: used to have more fun, and now it feels like
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  Speaker 1: it has more responsibility. And so it doesn't have the
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: ability to have as much fun, I guess. And some
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: of that could be growing up. Some of that could
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: be actually having more responsibility. But I think there's just
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: a lot of stress in the world, it feels like,
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  Speaker 1: especially here in the States. I feel like everybody's stressed out.
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  Speaker 1: Is that something that you're noticing in you guys' field,
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  Speaker 1: or is that even something that you guys look at?
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  Speaker 3: So I changed career actually around the time of the
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: global financial crisis. And I went from being a psychiatrist
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  Speaker 3: in the National Health Service in the UK to becoming
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  Speaker 3: a stress expert and advisor for very senior leadership people
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  Speaker 3: in financial services. At that time, we were seeing a
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  Speaker 3: lot of high profile suicides and heart attacks that were
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: caused by stress, even if you weren't overweight or had
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: high blood pressure or smoked or something like that. So
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: that was a time where a former psychiatrist kind of
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  Speaker 3: could really find a niche in a new career to help,
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  Speaker 3: you know, highly stressed people. Then things seemed to sort
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  Speaker 3: of calm down a bit. But I think the new
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  Speaker 3: normal was just that we're kind of chronically stressed all
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: the time. And then the pandemic happened. So unprecedented levels
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: of stress, health anxiety, actual illness, and potentially people dealing
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: with death. So just took things to the next level
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  Speaker 3: and meant that all of us were more stressed than
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  Speaker 3: we should be all the time. And the brain is
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  Speaker 3: constantly monitoring out our stress levels. There's a hormone called cortisol.
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  Speaker 3: When that's high all the time, the body literally goes
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  Speaker 3: into survival mode. And I just feel like that's how
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  Speaker 3: so many of us if not all of us are
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: at the moment.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels like that. It feels like everybody's in
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  Speaker 1: survival mode. It feels like, why are we like this
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  Speaker 1: right now? What's going on? Is it really happening that
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  Speaker 1: people are more stressed or is there just so much
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  Speaker 1: more awareness around it that we're also taking it on
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  Speaker 1: as like a placebo type of thing?
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  Speaker 3: I really don't agree with the latter because remember, I've
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  Speaker 3: been a psychiatrist for seven years before I even started
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  Speaker 3: coaching in this field. So, you know, there were reasons
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  Speaker 3: for people to be stressed and us to know about
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  Speaker 3: it for a long time. I think what's really changed
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  Speaker 3: at the start of the pandemic, I actually predicted this
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: was going to be a mental health crisis. I also
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: said it could be an opportunity for some kind of
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  Speaker 3: spiritual revolution. And I think that's happening for some people.
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  Speaker 3: People who are deep into that are really kind of
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  Speaker 3: getting a lot out of it. But for most people,
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  Speaker 3: the pandemic happened. We came out of it and we thought, OK,
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  Speaker 3: everything will just go back to normal. But actually, everyone's
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  Speaker 3: social circle shrank. We're more lost, lonely and disconnected than
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  Speaker 3: I think ever before in the history of humanity. I
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: think the genders have become very polarised in a way
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  Speaker 3: that's not good for either gender. And I think that
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  Speaker 3: people are really struggling with what to do about that.
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  Speaker 3: often doing exactly the opposite of what they should be doing.
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  Speaker 3: So using your devices more when actually you should be
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  Speaker 3: connecting with people face to face more, for example. Kind
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  Speaker 3: of also because of devices and, you know, let's say
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  Speaker 3: dating apps, for example, just using people as pieces of
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  Speaker 3: garbage that you can get through really quickly instead of
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  Speaker 3: forming actual, deep, meaningful relationships that could nurture both parties.
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  Speaker 1: Well, it makes sense. I mean, say if you're looking
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: on Amazon and you see different items, you're like, I
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: don't want this one, not this one, maybe this one,
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: let me read up on it. Nah, yes. And then
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  Speaker 1: you are looking on the same thing and it's people,
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  Speaker 1: it would make sense that you start to treat them
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  Speaker 1: the same way in a way without even realizing it maybe,
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  Speaker 1: especially because of some of that phone access. What effects
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  Speaker 1: do we see when we're really stressed out that people
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  Speaker 1: may not notice? I had an experience years ago where
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: I was extremely stressed. Some people I couldn't even talk to.
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  Speaker 1: Some of my close friends, just because of the volume
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  Speaker 1: or the speed they communicated at, I just, I was like,
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  Speaker 1: it's too, I just couldn't handle it. I was so
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  Speaker 1: burnt out. And I thought though, that I just wasn't
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  Speaker 1: working hard enough. That was my first thought. I was like,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: I got to do better. I'm not doing well enough.
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  Speaker 1: And that just burnt me even more. What's the best
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  Speaker 1: way to recognize when you're somebody that's at the brink
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  Speaker 1: kind of before you get there, I guess.
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  Speaker 3: I always said that one of the most cruel aspects
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  Speaker 3: of any kind of mental health issue is that the
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  Speaker 3: first symptom is loss of insight. So that means that
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  Speaker 3: the first, the first thing that happens to you is
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  Speaker 3: you actually lose the clarity that something is going wrong.
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  Speaker 3: So being aware is really important. And sometimes this will
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  Speaker 3: come from your friends and family saying, Theo, what, what's
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: going on? Like you're working like a maniac and you
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: don't really seem well. Um, Or it could come from
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: if you've had previous experiences. So maybe if you ever
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: got into that place again now, you might recognize it
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  Speaker 3: quicker because you've been through it before.
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  Speaker 1: For sure.
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  Speaker 3: And something like journaling can really help with that as
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: well for you to kind of have a tangible thing
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  Speaker 3: that you can read saying, I'm not sleeping well. And
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  Speaker 3: that's usually a sign that I'm getting burnt out or,
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  Speaker 3: you know, I've withdrawn. from my social circle.
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  Speaker 1: So yeah, some kind of reflection of yourself. Yeah. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Once you know what that is, I used to have
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  Speaker 3: in my journal, a list of things to do when
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  Speaker 3: I'm stressed, because I would find that when I get
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: to the point of realizing that I'm stressed, I don't
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  Speaker 3: really have the higher mental functions of working my way
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  Speaker 3: out of it. But now I don't need to look
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: at that list. I kind of, and it's very simple things.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: Talk to a friend, have a square of dark chocolate,
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: take a nap, go for a walk, you know, nothing
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  Speaker 3: kind of too extreme. So once you've started doing those
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: things a little bit, then it's obviously also important to
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  Speaker 3: address the cause of your stress. So if for you
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: it was working excessive hours, then trying to do whatever
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: you can to, you if you possibly could like take
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: a quick digital detox break over a long weekend or something,
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  Speaker 3: you might feel a lot better. One of the things
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  Speaker 3: I learned is that if I just take two days
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: of kind of, you know, drinking lemon water in the
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  Speaker 3: morning and just kind of, you know, slowing down and
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  Speaker 3: eating really clean, that it can make a big difference
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  Speaker 3: in just two days. If you say, you know, I
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: can't take proper time off for two months, but I
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: can do this two days, you might be able to
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: reset yourself. And I try to share a lot of
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: information about resetting your nervous system. So there are two
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: modes we can be in. Fright, flight, fight or rest.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Is that three modes or no? Fright, flight, fight.
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  Speaker 3: That's one of them.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: That's one of them. Okay, that's one mode has three parts.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, you know, you get a shock, you
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: want to run away or you have to attack a
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: predator kind of thing. And the other mode is rest
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: and digest. And that's the nice feeling you get after
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: you've had a nice meal and you just feel a
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: bit lazy and really calm. And so we want to
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: be in the rest and digest mode more of the time,
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: but we tend to find that we're hypervigilant, like looking
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: out for the next threat. And actually, if you're willing
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: to share, I have some research to share about the
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: way that you grew up in that kind of environment.
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  Speaker 3: So there's a lot of breathing exercises that you can
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: do to move yourself into the restful state. For me,
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: things like going for a long walk in nature really
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: helps me to get into that state. So people have
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: to identify what it is that for you can reset
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: your nervous system really quickly.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: But it's up to you. It's up to us, right?
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  Speaker 1: It's like, I think sometimes we're all looking for something
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: to fix us or a certain medicine or a certain
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: tea or a certain, you know, we're looking for something
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: to get the job done for us. But in the end,
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: you really have to take control of it.
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, you mentioned medication, and I didn't even
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: respond to that, because to me, that's the absolute last resort.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: But I think culturally, the UK and the US are
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: a little bit, you know, different.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, we're pretty pilled up. I mean, we're like
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: our pills, you know? Yeah. Yeah.
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: And I did. I did actually bring you a little
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: tea that's a kind of like calming, nurturing one. So yeah,
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: there's nothing wrong with that.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: You brought me this nice gift, actually, very sweetie. I
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: saw this store, I was walking in London, and I
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: saw it. It's called Fortnum and Mason. It was real
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: fancy in there. But yeah, they got some nice tea
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: right here. Rhapsody. Botanical infusion. This looks nice, baby. This
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: little canister. Oh, it's a girl. Yeah, it looks nice.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: This is very sweet of you. Thank you.
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: You're welcome.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: I'm going to remember to calm down and have me
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: some of this. Is this for calming down? Good. I
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: need it. It's hard, yeah. It's hard to calm down.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: It's hard to calm down when you feel like, well,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: there's always this feeling these days like you have to
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: fend for yourself. I think that's a big feeling of
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: a lot of stress right now is like everybody kind
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: of feels that. In America, some of the fabric of
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: our society has started to kind of disappear. It's like
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: a lot of things that we felt like people used
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: to feel a sense of purpose from our country and
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: we're not feeling that now. And so immediately that kind
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: of like, it's very scary, you know, because then you're like, well,
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: what do I belong to? And the closest thing you
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: find is yourself or your family. And so those are
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: the things you really start to lock in on, you know?
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: I mean, I, there's two things I want to say here. Let's,
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: I'll start with myself and then come to you. I
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: have worked very hard to create a large community of
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: people around me that I really trust that make me,
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: that make me feel safe. Although, you know, I agree
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: that safety and peace and freedom have to come from yourself, but,
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: But you also create the narrative that you have about
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: the world through your experiences and your perception of the
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: world ever since you were a child. But there's a
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: choice as an adult that you can make to change
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: some of that. So I put things into place that
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: I can see every day in my life that make
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: me feel like the world is a safe place where
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: I can take some risks and I can trust and
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: that could make my life better. But I can completely
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: understand why if you haven't worked on that for decades
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: and maybe you don't know about things like neuroplasticity, which
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: we can come on to, you know, how you can
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: change the pathways in your brain, that it's very easy
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: to default to the world is not a safe place.
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: You know, I'm not safe. I can't trust anyone. I
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: have to be careful. And this particularly came up for
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: me when I was looking into some research and you
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: shared with me that, you know, Well, I won't put
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: words into your mouth. I asked you to identify the
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: first age at which you experienced some kind of neglect
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: or abuse or trauma in childhood. Would you like to
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: share what you said?
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. I talk about this sometimes on here
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: and I don't want to beat a dead horse, but
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: this is an environment where it's helpful to share about
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. Yeah, my mother had a condition,
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: I think, where she couldn't she had like this kind
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: of almost, I say like it's an emotional autism in
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: a way, but she didn't know if there was something
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: wrong with you. Yeah, my mother didn't really build like
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: a connection with me when I was young. She didn't
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: really look at me. She didn't touch me very much.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: And she couldn't tell if there was something wrong with me.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: So if I was sitting to her crying, she didn't
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: understand there was something wrong, right? Or if I looked scared,
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: she didn't understand there was something wrong. Now, if I
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: had a cut on my arm, she immediately- Could be like, oh,
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: how can I, what's going on here? Because it was very,
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it was obvious.
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: It's tangible.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: It was tangible.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: But anything that was intangible, like emotional, there was just no,
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: there was nothing there, you know? And so I think, yeah,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: when I grew up, it was just like that a lot.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: And so I was constantly in a fright or flight probably. Yeah.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: And I know that you. you want to heal and
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: move on and not flog a dead horse, but I
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: really feel like I can bring some new information to
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: you that could really help you.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: Great. No, it's good.
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: So there's a psychological sort of construct called psychosocial stages
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: of childhood development. Now, Freud first described this and basically said,
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: whether it's from zero to two or two to five
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: or five to seven, whenever you feel like the first
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: separation from your parents or illness or something happened, there's
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: a rewiring of that child's brain. And Freud said, the
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: outcome is always bad. So something goes wrong, you know,
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: you suffered neglect or trauma, this is what's going to
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: be wrong with you. But Erickson came along later and
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: said that it could be a vice or a virtue.
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: So something could go wrong. And obviously, a lot of
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: people end up, you know, in with substance abuse or
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: criminality and things like that. But If you're lucky, if
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: you have one supportive adult in your life or you
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: as a child make some kind of amazing intuitive choice,
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: then you can go down the other path. Now for you,
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: having experienced this from zero to 18 months, which is
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: the first stage and then on, it's the vice and
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: virtue are mistrust and trust. So if you go down
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: the road of mistrust, it's feeling unsafe in your environment
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: and having fear of future events. But it's also possible
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: that you could have gone down the road of feeling
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: safe in your environment and hopeful for future events. And
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: the piece I really loved, which is connected to the gift.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: So after you shared that with me before I flew,
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: I never, ever take a gift to someone if I'm
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: going to do a podcast. And I also think it's
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: a little maybe a slightly strange thing to do. But
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: I just had this feeling in my heart like I
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: really want to get him a gift. And obviously that
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: shop is like very English. So that made sense. But
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: I walked around the entire store and I looked at
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: every tea and it has like teas and jams and
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: cookies and stuff. And I finally found that one and
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: picked it. And then I did further research into Ericsson.
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: And he basically said that the way for you to
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: heal is through nourishment and affection. And that was exactly
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: why I chose the gift that I chose for you.
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: So obviously my like neuroscience experience kind of brought me
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: to an intuitive answer but it's also said that if
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: you do the right work and you're still in the
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: window of opportunity it's sort of in your 40s you
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: know midlife is actually a big opportunity to rewire your
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: brain in a really healthy way then what the outcome
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: that you could have would be a really positive experience
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: of interdependence and relatedness.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: Well thank you it's very sweet of you and it's
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: nice to have and we'll make sure to keep it
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: in here so we can remember that too and our
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: and our listeners and viewers can look at it and
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: remember that too, that there's a way to move forward, right?
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: That's the biggest thing. Because at a certain point, you
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: kind of get tired. There's part of you that gets
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: tired of using the past as a crutch, kind of.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: There's a part of you that still is in some
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: pain from it. And then there's a part of you
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: that slowly comes along that, that really wants to move forward.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: And that part starts to grow. I've noticed that part
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: grow in me more, especially in the past year. So
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful for that. I never really thought that that
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: would kind of happen. But is there a way that
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: people can choose the perspective that they want if they
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: wanna choose mistrust or trust now that they're an adult?
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so interestingly, Carl Jung, another psychologist, also said that
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: 42 to 44 is the sort of corridor of age
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: where we go from not being our best selves to
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: the ability to choose. And I think you're in that
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: age gap.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm in there. Yeah, yeah.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: And you said in the last year it happened. So
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: unless people have some kind of crisis, like a divorce
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: at the age of 35 or something, then people don't
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: usually come to this point of like, do I choose
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: trust or mistrust? until naturally until about 42 to 44
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: um and so first of all obviously you have to
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: know that that there are these options so if people
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: google erickson's stages of psychosocial development yeah so basically trust
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: versus mistrust is the first one that was you a
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: lot of my ceo clients are in the industry versus
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: inferiority one um which is age five to seven usually And.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Is that like the, you always hear a lot about,
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: you don't think you're good enough or whatever.
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, imposter syndrome.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you always hear about that imposter syndrome.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: Is pornography causing a problem in your life? That's a
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: good question. It's a real question. It has in mind,
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: it has at certain periods in my life, watching porno
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: and everything and watching porno was making me, it was
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: ruining my life. It was ruining my life, man. It
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: made me feel just so much shame. That's what it did. Well,
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: watching pornography has become commonplace today, and oftentimes men will
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: use porno to numb the pain of loneliness, boredom, anxiety,
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: and depression. That's why I want to introduce you to
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: my friend, Stephen Walt. Steve is the founder of Valor Recovery.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: He is a dear friend of mine. He is a
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: dear friend of mine. And Valor Recovery is a program
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: to help men overcome porn abuse and sexual compulsivity. That's right.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: Their coaches are in long-term recovery, and they will be
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: your partner, mentor, and spiritual guide to transcend problematic behaviors.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: There is zero commitment if you reach out to them.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: It's just the first step in trying to figure out
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: if you may need some help, if you can get
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: some help. To learn more about Valor Recovery, please visit
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: them at valorrecoverycoaching.com or email them at admin at valorrecoverycoaching.com.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: The links will be on the YouTube. And again, there's
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: no commitment when you reach out to them. But I
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: promise you, only something positive will come from you reaching
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: out and figuring out what type of help, if any,
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: could benefit you. Thank you. How do we adjust our perspective?
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: Is it that possible that we can adjust our perspective now?
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So there's this amazing thing called neuroplasticity. When I
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: was still at medical school, we didn't have sophisticated scanning techniques,
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: you know, for brains or bodies. So we had kind
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: of like x-rays and.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. And just asking people, guessing.
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, kind of, you know, and in neurology, a lot
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: of guessing, because if someone had a brain tumor... but
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: you knew where it was roughly, then you would say, oh,
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: now we know which part of the brain you use
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: for like writing or it was a lot of guesswork
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: in neurology particularly. Once we could scan brains, we could
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: see how healthy brains are working. So what's happening when
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: you're experiencing an emotion or you're recalling a memory or
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: you're making a decision or, you know, being really funny,
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: you know, we can see what's going on in the brain,
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: which parts of the brain are interacting with each other,
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: which systems are getting a lot of blood flow. And
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: so we also then found out that, because we used
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: to think that by the time you stopped physically growing,
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: like age 18, that your brain became completely fixed, your personality,
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: your IQ, et cetera. We now know that the brain
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: actively grows and changes till we're about 25. So if
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: you think of a newborn baby, it can't do anything.
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: And within 18 months.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: It's ridiculous, really.
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: It's like.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: if you look at him, you're like, this is ridiculous,
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: you know, like you would never draft one on your
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: fantasy team or whatever, you know, they just, it's bad.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: But anyway, go on. I mean, I like what God does,
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: but some of that is the starting point is very far,
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: you know, it's, you're off, you're far off the line,
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: it feels like.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: But isn't it incredible what happens within 18 months?
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: So, you know, then they're like, walking. They can control
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: their own bladder and bowels. They can speak up to
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: five languages if they've been exposed to different languages in
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: the first few years of their life. So that's the
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: biggest example of neuroplasticity. That change is incredible, as you've
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: just said. And then in teenage, there's quite a lot
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: of change. The brain becomes a bit more sophisticated for adulthood.
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: And then this process is going on really actively till
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: we're about 25. And then from 25 to sort of 70-ish,
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: You have to put in more effort to get your
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: brain to change, to get your brain to keep learning
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: and growing, but it's absolutely possible. And for some people,
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: it's okay to plateau. If you get a job that
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: you love and you want to do that for the
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: rest of your life and you married your high school
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: sweetheart and nothing really needs to change, that's fine too.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: But for a lot of us, this opportunity to think
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: that you can really change your personality, your career, your community...
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: your resilience throughout your life is like a beacon of hope.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, 100%. Yeah, because you start to think, oh, it's
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: too late. But you're saying it's not. No. Wonderful.
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: So once you know about, and also I'm doing that
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: thing about saying so the whole time, which I'm going
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: to start doing.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: Do people say it a lot?
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Who does? Americans?
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: Well, an American producer told me that everybody does it.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: Says so? Yeah. I don't know if we do. We might.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know that much. Anyway. Yeah,
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: I'm hopeful that you know what you're talking about because
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: I don't, you know?
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: If you know about neuroplasticity, that means you know that
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: you have some options to change the way that you
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: behave in the outside world or your thought patterns and
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: your beliefs about yourself. Right.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: So you're saying there's still a lot of hope. There's
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: still a lot of hope for people from 20 to 75.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: There's still a– yeah, it shouldn't be something– anything you
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: feel hopeless about.
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Your brain, you can still, and that's the main thing
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: you got to change. Yeah.
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: And you might be able to identify what that is
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: for yourself. But I think this Erickson stages is a
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: really helpful one because people can go and look up
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: the age that they were when they first felt abandoned
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: or neglected and then work out what their particular issue
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: is and work on that. But if I was doing
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: a proper session with you, you know, like I do with,
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: with people, I would ask you, what is the repeated
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: negative thought that you have about yourself?
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Um, I don't know if it's a thought, but it
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: feels like a belief. And it just feels like I
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: have to do something to be worth something. That's the
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: biggest one. I think that was always there. Whatever I
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: do isn't enough. This isn't good enough. You're not enough.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: That was like a deep one. It's not even something
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: I think. It's just something that it's almost like a magnet.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: That's inside of me, you know, and it brings my
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: other thoughts down to it a lot of times.
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: So you've kind of said the thought and the belief,
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: which often what I have to do with people is
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: dig under the thought to actually find out what the
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: belief is that's driving that thought. And then I help
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: people to create an affirmation that's the opposite of that belief.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because sometimes it's like the thought will be, man,
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: this isn't good enough. And it goes back to the
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: belief that, I would always set my goals ridiculous. So
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: always I felt like I was underachieving, always. Because I
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: didn't even know what my goals were, but I just
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: knew that I needed to get my mother's attention. I
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: needed to get some feeling. I needed to get some response, right?
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: And I would try everything and nothing worked. And so
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: I think it created this thing inside of me where
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: You always have to keep trying. There's never a piece.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: You have to keep trying and it's always never going
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: to work. Yeah.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: Everything you do will never be enough. Yes. Just to
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: even get that minimal piece of attention from your primary caregiver. Yeah.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Everything I do will never be enough. And so
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: it started, then that kind of went through my life,
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: I guess, you know.
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: So have you heard of a part of the brain
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: called the amygdala?
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: So this is where all our basic emotions come from.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: Like caveman stuff, huh? Yeah. Yeah.
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: And there's that movie, I think it's called Free Solo,
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: about the guy who climbs like a crazy vertical cliff
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: face in Yosemite.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. That guy's really interesting.
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: Have you seen his brain scan?
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: No.
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: Okay. So they found out that basically he doesn't really
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: have an amygdala or any activity in his amygdala, so
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: he can't feel fear.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: And that's why he'll do things that you and I
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: would be like, I'm not going to do that because
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: I'm going to die if I do that. Yeah.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: So.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, my buddy Jeff was like that. He would always, yeah,
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: he would just burn a lot of shit in his
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: house and stuff. And like, and he, he was just,
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: he was an idiot. But, oh, wow, this is that
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: guy's brain scan.
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: This is so cool that you do this, by the way.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's neat to be able to see things, you know.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: Wow, so he's.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: Doesn't have a fear. So some people have less fear
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: than other people.
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: So fear is actually our most basic emotion. And in
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: this movie, in this documentary, they showed that the reason
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: he could do these crazy things was because he wasn't
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: experiencing fear. But in similar research, we see that female
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: primates who have physical damage to their amygdala will neglect
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: or even physically abuse their babies. So what's becoming interesting
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: now is that this psychological stuff, like you say, I
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: think my mom had some form of emotional autism, it's
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: becoming much more aligned to physiological stuff. So kind of
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: now we say anything biological probably has a psychological element
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: and anything psychological may be underpinned by some kind of
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: neurological issue. So It's perhaps too late to investigate that,
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: but it just makes the point that there are so
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: many reasons she could have been like that, and none
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: of them are actually to do with you. Right.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because as a youth, you think it's your– yeah.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: Of course, when you're a baby or a kid, everything
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: in the world revolves around you. So if the world
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: isn't giving you a lot of stuff back, then you
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: think it's your fault. And so that's where you create
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: ideas like, oh, I'm not enough. Nothing I ever do
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: will be enough.
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And how do you think this has played out
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: in your relationships with women throughout your life?
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: It's been tough. I think, you know, it's been tough.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: I remember I would be like, I didn't know how
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: long to look at a girl when you, when you
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: looked at them, you know, I didn't, I would get
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: super nervous. I remember like in my twenties, if there
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: was like intimacy or something, you know, I got super,
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: it made me super nervous. I always felt nervous. Um,
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: it gave me like, yeah, sexual problems. Cause just, Like
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I think just not knowing how to be around somebody,
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: those types of things for sure. And then I think fear,
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: like I put women on a pedestal a lot of times.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: It was like if they were always kind of unattainable
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: in a way inside of me. It's like, oh, I'm
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: not going to get a girl that I want. I'm
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: just going to get a girl that, you know, I'll
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: hope the best that a girl will want me.
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: So that was kind of maybe some of my, some
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: thought patterns. Those aren't all the things that I have today.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: You know, some of that is certainly eroded and I've
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: learned a lot over the years and stuff. But those
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: are some of the things I think, if that's what
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: you're asking about. Yeah. Yeah.
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: I mean, it makes sense because it's basically a mirror of,
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: you know, no matter what I did, I couldn't get
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: my mom's attention. So women must be so far away.
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: I won't be able to get their attention.
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And then if one did, I would like kind of,
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: I would be overbearing kind of sometimes, you know, I just,
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: you learn all that kind of stuff the hard way.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: Then you're like, you know, if a girl looks at
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: you one time or even like, you know, even if
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: she's just taking her garbage out or whatever, and you're
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: hiding in the bushes or whatever, but even if she
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: looks over, you're like, damn, this might be something real.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: You know, I would fantasize like before I'd even, I
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: would adjust kind of my plans. Like, I'm going to
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: go out of town. But then I'd seen this girl.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: I was like, maybe I'll stay in town a few
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: extra days. Maybe I'll see this girl again. Just like very,
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: you know, kind of based a lot of my life
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: around the hope that there would be some connection, you know?
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: So that kind of stuff, I think, wasn't very healthy.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: And then when I did get a connection with a woman,
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: I couldn't do it. It was too much, kind of.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: It was very hard to lock in on a relationship.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: I'd always find myself cheating, that sort of thing, you know.
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: Have you heard about this hormone called oxytocin?
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So actually, the way that we build the emotional
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: architecture in our brains is through eye contact with our mom.
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: So you didn't have that. You also didn't get physical affection, which,
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: you know, your mother holding you or kind of, you know,
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: cuddling you. would induce oxytocin and that would help to
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: build healthy neural architecture in your emotional system. So you didn't,
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: you didn't have that.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: No, the architecture was very limited. It was luckily, it
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: was a damn, you know, it was more of a Hardee's.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: I felt like that somebody had built her a Tim
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: Hortons inside of me. It was very, yeah, it was
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: just a, you know, it was just like more of
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: a kebab shack, you know, than it was like a
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: real fixture of love.
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: It felt like, you know, I was going to say,
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: I don't know what, Tim Hortons is, so I couldn't
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: laugh at that joke.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: It's just kind of like a drive-thru establishment.
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: You know, it wasn't a real place of like, you know,
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: there wasn't a ton of value like in the architecture,
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: I don't think.
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: And in your life now, whether it's through friends, family, pets,
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: you know, sometimes even things like bathing or getting a massage,
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: how much physical affection do you get?
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, it's weird because I kind of created a
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: life that's kind of isolating sometimes because I think that's
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: maybe what I was used to. But now it's gotten better.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: I do get more massages. I find myself I am
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: able to lock in a little bit more communication with women.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: I feel more confident. I've been like done therapy for
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: a long time. I did some ayahuasca seminars, things like that.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: So plant medicine. So there's been things that I think
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: have helped me. Okay.
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So for people who are lonely, because I think
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: this is an issue as well at the moment, bathing
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: instead of showering actually gives you oxytocin because you're enveloped
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: in warmth. It's kind of like a hug. So that's
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: one thing that people can do. Oh, yeah.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: When you get out of a warm bath, you're just like, oh, man,
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: you know. Yeah. You almost feel like a baby kind of.
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: Do you think this is the reason that you sleep
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: with the air conditioning on so high and so that
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: you're wrapped up in lots of blankets?
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: It could be. Oh, I noticed if I don't tuck
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: the blanket under my feet, then it's very hard for
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: me to sleep. So I'm still, yeah, I'm definitely a
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: very tall baby. I think, you know?
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think so.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: So that's okay. I have to remember that sometimes, you know? Yeah.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm in like recovery programs and they're always like,
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: we're all babies. We're just retarded or not. Or I
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: don't know if they, people say like, but then we're
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: like not doing, we're just babies that are having a
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: tough time, you know? Like if you saw a baby
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: smoking or drinking a coffee, you'd be like, God, this baby.
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: Is in a bad way.
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: He isn't doing well. Yeah. The baby was taking like, uh,
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: Propecia or something like, God, this baby needs some help.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: Needs some help.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm one of those babies, but I'm getting better.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm a kind of a, I'm like,
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: now I'm like a camp counselor of the babies, you know,
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: I'm not as much, you know, I'm still kind of
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: a baby, but I'm, I'm evolving out of it pretty quick.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: I hope.
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: So another tip for you, I'm pleased to hear that
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: you're having massages and therapy, but I find that there's
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: a place that talking therapy can't go beyond, and that
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: is trauma that is stored in the body that you're
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: not even consciously aware of. Have you heard of that book,
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: The Body Keeps the Score?
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: So it was written in the 70s, but it's back
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: in the bestseller list, which is making me feel hopeful
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: that more people are realising that since the pandemic that
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: we've got trauma stored in our bodies. So I've actually
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: recently been doing some somatic therapy called Body Realignment and
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: And it seemed to be, for me, surfacing emotions that
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: I perhaps don't allow myself to in talking therapy or
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: in regular life. I think there are some emotions, for example, anger,
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: that it's quite still socially unacceptable for women to express.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: That's a good point. Yeah, women aren't allowed to get
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: super angry, I guess.
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: When I did boxing, I actually felt like I released
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: a lot of anger as well. I can only do
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: that physically, whether it's through a sport or this kind
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: of body exercise. And I think for men, it might
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: be things more like sadness that it's not socially acceptable
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: to express as much.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, probably so. I think a little bit, even though
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: it's more now, I think people are kind of, now
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: everything's a little bit more free. What type of trauma
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: really can get held in our bodies?
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: Oh, all sorts. So that phrase psychosomatic is that all
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: the various emotions that we can feel can end up
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: showing up as physical symptoms in our body. And that
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: can be actual illness, but also it can just be
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: aches and pains. For me, it's like tense shoulders and
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: just aches and pains. But when I actually had the
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: body realignment therapy, there were parts of my body that
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't even think, like kind of like the size
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: of my ribs and things that was so painful. And
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: the therapists, they know which parts of your body can,
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: you know, certain emotions get stored in. So I think
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: for that one, you really have to find someone that
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: can guide you through that. But the point I another
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: point that I really wanted to make is we talk
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: a lot about trauma and like, you know, like you
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: set such a great example to people of don't just
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: keep focusing on the trauma and be a victim. I
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: actually think we have as much access to generational healing
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: as we do to generational trauma. So, you know, horrific
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: things have happened in the past, like the Holocaust, apartheid, slavery,
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: the treatment of the.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: First Americans, um, Yeah, France winning the World Cup as well,
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: some people would say. That was bad. It was pretty, oh.
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, it'll affect people for generations into the future.
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: I think some people it will. Yeah, yeah, totally.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: Some people it will. But what were you going to say?
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: So I was going to say that we can also
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: get access to ancestral or ancient wisdom. And if we
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: put that together with the somatic stuff, think about what
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: our ancestors did. when they didn't really have resources spared
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: to have fun. They danced, they drummed, they chanted, they hummed,
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: they sang, they painted. These physical activities are actually really
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: good for us and can help us to release some
• 39:44
  Speaker 3: of that stored trauma. I'd love people to go away
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: with that message that, yes, you might have stored trauma
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: that talking therapy hasn't completely got rid of, but there
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: are things that you can do at home. You don't
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: have to pay for a massage. You can do self-massage.
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: You can take a bath. You can dance around your
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: living room. And all of these things could also help
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: you to release that kind of trauma.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: I've noticed there'll be times where I've done yoga and
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: a certain thing, and then I'll lay down after it
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: and tears will come out of my face and it's
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: just pain, something being released. Sometimes a memory or something
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: might be with it or a feeling, but it's, it's yeah,
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: it's pretty amazing that that kind of thing can happen.
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: In yoga, hip opening particularly releases a lot of emotions.
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: So again, people can Google some, some of the like
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: hip opening poses and you're supposed to stay in them
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: for longer, like five minutes. And if it produces tears,
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: then it's definitely helping release trauma.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I feel like we've kind of been all over
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: the place right now. I want to talk, So let's
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: go through a couple of things. So I want to know, like,
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: does stress affect men and women the same?
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: This is a really interesting one. So there are different
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: forms of stress. One is called adaptive stress, and it's
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: actually a very healthy response to a short term stressor,
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: like a deadline or a podcast interview or something. And
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: then there's the chronic stress, which is bad for us
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: because it starts to erode our immunity. It causes a
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: lot of inflammation throughout the body. But the differences between
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: men and women aren't with regard to those. It's with
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: regard to how we respond to being in either of
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: those situations. So men, and all of this is based
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: on population norm studies, so it's most men and most women,
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: but not all. Men are very good at reacting to
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: a crisis and releasing all of that cortisol and adrenaline
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: and fighting off the monster or whatever it is, but
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: they have to rest afterwards. women can actually find ways
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: to recoup resilience during long periods of stress. So they'll
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: still be dealing with the stressful thing, but at times
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: they'll find, you know, whether it's speaking with a girlfriend
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: or taking a bath or, you know, going for a
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: walk in nature, they find ways to keep their resources
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: topped up so they don't have that crash that like
• 41:57
  Speaker 3: more men tend to have.
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: I wonder sometimes if a lot of like, because we
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: have so many, everybody feels so stressed out and it
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: seems like it's such a thing, you know, Um, I
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: wonder if sometimes I think like it used to be,
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: we had to literally like be weary of like a
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: lying attack in us, you know, it was like really
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: fight or flight. Like it was, um, but now that's
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: not the case.
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: But I wonder, I wonder if that, that thing that
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: was worried about everything out here just started to go
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: inside of us because there wasn't anything else out here
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: to fight really.
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely. The biggest threats to our safety now is
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: psychological threats. So. Things like your partner leaving you, you
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: losing your job, your friends not liking you anymore.
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah. The fear started to become internal as opposed to external.
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: And I wonder if we're partially just in a phase
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: of that, you know, like we're evolved, you know, it's
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: almost like an evolution because yeah, the lions now are
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: the fears inside of us. Like you're saying our partner
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: leaving us or us losing our ability to feed our
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: families or a goal that we have not working out
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: or something, losing a job. Yeah.
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: The things that you need to kind of keep your
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: basic life on the road that it's on, you know,
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: not lose the things that make you feel psychologically safe.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: Are you less stressful if you're in a relationship? Does
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: relationships or like love having somebody, a family, does that
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: affect stress at all?
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: It depends what kind of relationship, right? Good point.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: If it's an interdependent, trusting relationship where both parties are
• 43:33
  Speaker 3: in it for the long term, then that inevitably will
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: reduce your stress levels. But I mean, what I'm seeing
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: a lot of at the moment actually is as women,
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: we tend to be having the same conversations that, you know,
• 43:45
  Speaker 3: whether you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, whatever, of kind
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: of you know want to find a nice man and
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: settle down but just feeling like that desire for commitment
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: isn't the same as it was you know basically since
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: there have been apps and stuff like that but I've
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: actually got some really close male friends and they've been
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: confiding in me recently that a they don't really talk
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: to each other about deep things like they do with
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: me and that some of them have no one to
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: confide in wow and you know, lovely guys who I
• 44:21
  Speaker 3: think would make, you know, nice husbands for some of
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: my friends, but have been so broken by toxic relationships
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: that they've been in that they now just want non-committal
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: casual relationships. And this is where the problem starts is
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: where a guy says, let's say it was you and I,
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: and you say, Tara, I've had all these issues. I've
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: just told you about my upbringing, mummy issues, et cetera.
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: I can't commit to you, but you know, we can
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: hang out. But if I'm thinking, well, you know, I'd
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: like to marry you. So I'm going to hang out
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: with you in the hope that you'll get to know
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: me and like me and change your mind. That happens
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: so much. And then it leads to issues, obviously, for
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: both parties when it doesn't work out. So that's an
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: incredibly stressful place to be in, no matter what gender
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: you are. And the outcome only reinforces for both that
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: you're not worthy of love.
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah. How does it reinforce that?
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: So for the woman... particularly if they're actually being intimate,
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: she will be experiencing a lot of oxytocin. Basically, that
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: happens through cuddling and physical intimacy, but like off the
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: scale when you orgasm. So she'll be getting more and
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: more bonded to the guy. If the guy has no
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: intentions of this becoming a committed relationship, then he'll be
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: experiencing a lot of reward, like the dopamine, the reward chemical,
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: lots of testosterone. And there's also this hormone called vasopressin,
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: which in both genders is to do with our blood
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: volume and our blood salt. But for men, it's also
• 45:57
  Speaker 3: to do with bonding, social bonding and aggression, but aggression
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: in terms of protecting and being possessive of your partner.
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: And so if men don't get to have sex straight away,
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: that hormone will build and build and build and then
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: they'll become bonded to the woman. And then they'll also
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: start releasing oxytocin when they orgasm.
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: So there's better value in creating a relationship if you
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: don't have sex immediately.
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: It will work better for the woman in terms of
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: chances of the man bonding with her. Yeah.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like, I feel like sometimes I romanticize the
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: past and it feels like that used to be more
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: of the thing, you know, like people would wait till
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: marriage for sex. And so it creates, you know, that
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: had a lot more value to it. Like, yeah, I
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: think sex and intimacy is kind of like was, I
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: don't know, for a lot of guys, it got replaced
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: by pornography too. I think really damaged it, especially for me.
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: You know, once I found pornography, there was like a
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: way to have a feeling, a connection with a woman
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: that was safe enough for me to be in. I
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: knew I wasn't going to be hurt. There was some
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: sexual reward to it. And I could start it and
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: stop it as I wish. And it was the only
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: kind of relationship I could even really handle kind of
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: whenever I was in other relationships, but those weren't, none
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: of them were as long as my relationship with pornography,
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: you know, to be honest. Yeah.
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: And now right now I'm like, I think I'm 77
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: days off of pornography and 70 days off of masturbation.
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: So I've had sexual activities, but I haven't been, you know,
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: touching my wiener or whatever. People just say different stuff.
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know what
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: they say in your country, you know, topping off the, Wanking. Yeah, okay.
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: Wanking or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thinking of the
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: queen or whatever they say. I don't know what they say.
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: Queen takes rook or whatever. That's like a chess move.
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: But yeah, so that's been kind of different. For me,
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: that's been different. But that was a huge thing.
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: How is it different?
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: Well, for one, I quit thinking about it. It's like
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: I don't think about pornography. I don't think about masturbation.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: I don't have that weird feeling where I'll masturbate and
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: then I'll just be laying there like, I'm still right
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: where I was, but I've kind of ejaculated or whatever.
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: Because sometimes semen or some people call it, I don't
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: know what people call it or whatever, like party sauce
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: or whatever. I don't even know what people call it
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: on the street or whatever. But I feel like the
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: more I keep it in my body, the more masculine
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: I feel, right? And the more of myself I feel,
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: as opposed to just having a leak of it constantly.
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: It was kind of like I almost had a leak.
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: of my masculinity. And I would cause the leak, but
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: the leak would happen. And it was just like a
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: dripping pipe. It was like, you look at a dripping pipe,
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: you're like, ah, you know, but you look at a
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: pipe that's not dripping. You're like, Hey, this is some
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: pretty good construction.
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: I love that phrase leak of my masculinity.
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That's kind of what it felt like, you know,
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: now that I really think about it. And then, um,
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: I start to look at women a little bit. I
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: don't think of it just so much in, in, I've
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: always thought of women in more than just a sexual sense,
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: but the sexual part isn't as strong. It's not like,
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: let me just think about sex. It's given me a
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: little bit more space in myself to be like, well,
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: let me think about who this person is and do
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: I really want to engage with them? It starts to
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: give a little bit more value to sex for me.
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: And by that happening, intimacy is kind of created because
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: for one, I have a little more intimacy with myself, right?
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: It's like, I respect my intimacy a little bit more.
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: I'm not just masturbating. I'm not just like, you know,
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: tossing my intimacy off to some person through a screen
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: or something that doesn't really mean anything to me. And
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: so I think those are some feelings in my head
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: that start to happen. And I start to feel a
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: little bit more, I don't know if it's integrity, but
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: it is a little bit more sense of intimacy with myself.
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: That's lovely. So one of the reasons that people resort
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: to things like that, particularly after a breakup, is that
• 50:09
  Speaker 3: The brain circuitry that is to do with unrequited love
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: is relieved by certain activities because they cause the same
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: kind of chemical cocktail. And those activities are things like alcohol, cocaine, pornography.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: Sorry.
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, it makes it make sense, right? This is
• 50:30
  Speaker 3: why people go to those things.
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And obviously they're addictive, so then it becomes something
• 50:38
  Speaker 3: that you need to do more of to get the
• 50:39
  Speaker 3: same reward.
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: Right, and that becomes your relationship.
• 50:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so then it's like, well, yeah, of course other
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: relationships are going to be different because I don't even
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: realize the relationships that I put in front of human relationships.
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: And the other thing is that pornography creates such an unrealistic,
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: idealized version of what a woman should look like and
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: what she should be prepared to do in an intimate
• 50:59
  Speaker 3: relationship or even not in an intimate relationship, you know, like...
• 51:03
  Speaker 3: in a one night stand or very early in dating,
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: that that's very damaging to male and female relationships as well. That,
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: you know, the expectation that you will naturally have if
• 51:13
  Speaker 3: you've been looking at that every day.
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh yeah. And to not have it in my
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: brain and it starts to my, my imagination starts to
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: start up again. Like that's one thing that's disappeared over
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: the years. I feel like is our imagination because we
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: have access at anything you want to see. You want
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: to see two gay guys attack a squirrel or whatever
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: in a Marina or whatever you can but you can
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: Google it right now and it'll, you'll find it. Like
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: anything you want to find out there, you can, it's like,
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: we don't need our imagination. We used to have to imagine.
• 51:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: Um, and so that like, now my imagination starts to
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: start up again, you know, cause, uh, yeah, I'm not
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: attaching porn to women I meet now, you know? Um,
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: and there, yeah, right there. Squirrel attacks, twink right there.
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: That is, I don't know. We were, And that might've
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: been the rebuttal who, who knows where the first attack started, but,
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: but yeah, so that's something that's been really neat just
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: on this recently that I've been doing and really seeing
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: some reward from it. And you know, what's so crazy
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: for years, I tried like different like blockers on computers
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: and stuff. And I got started with this kind of
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: recovery coach and he just said, why don't you text
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: me at night? And he said, tell me something that,
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: Felt good during your day. Tell me something you felt
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: like maybe you could have done a little bit differently.
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: And then tell me how long you've been off of
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: porn and how long you've been off of masturbation. That's
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: for some reason, that's all it took. And it's just
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: been so easy.
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: Well, it's accountability.
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's it. It's like accountability with somebody that I trust.
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: And that you respect because you will feel like you've
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: let them down if you can't send those messages.
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: That's a good point. Yeah, it's funny. I didn't feel
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: that as much, but I did. I just felt I
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: was shocked at how easy it started to help me,
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: you know. So that's been that's one thing that's really
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: that's been really nice. Do couples what is the chemistry
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: that happens in the brain if you're in a like
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: if you've created a you're in a comfortable relationship or
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: you're you mentioned earlier that like families have better chemistry
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: if they sleep together. Did you say something like that?
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: Or sleeping under one roof, you know? Like a lot
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: of my Mexican friends are always so happy and most
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: of their families live together.
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: Intergenerational.
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh, they sleep on each other's backs sometimes. They just,
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: you know, they're really close knit.
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: What is it? Is there scientific evidence to back any
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: of that up?
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, lots. And the research was done on prairie voles.
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: Prairie, like little animals?
• 53:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 53:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: Bring up one. Prairie dog.
• 54:00
  Speaker 3: Vole, not dog.
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: Prairie vole, they call them. Y'all make everything fancy. We
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: know what they are.
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: It's not a dog. It's like a little mouse thing.
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: Oh, it is? Well.
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: Let's see who's right. See?
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: Oh, prairie vole. I've never seen that. Oh, dang. That's rodentia.
• 54:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: Wow. Is that a, oh, that almost looks like a
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: little bit of a hamster or something or a little gerbil. Gerbil? Yeah,
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: you don't have them? You got them? Gerbil.
• 54:24
  Speaker 3: Gerbil.
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's pronounced, I guess that maybe the J is
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: silent or whatever.
• 54:28
  Speaker 3: It's not a J.
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: That gerbil, baby, look at them.
• 54:33
  Speaker 3: Those are a couple.
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: I'll make slippers out of them bad boys. I'll make
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: a newborn a set of slippers with them little warm,
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: them little chunks of warmth.
• 54:41
  Speaker 3: Those are beautiful. Make your slippers out of the marsh
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: voles because they are promiscuous. These ones are monogamous. They
• 54:48
  Speaker 3: mate for life.
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: Oh, they do? Oh, that's beautiful. And so they studied
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: them and they found out that these are healthier animals.
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: Is that what you're going to tell me?
• 54:56
  Speaker 3: That's a little bit oversimplified.
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 54:59
  Speaker 3: I would say that the reason... So basically, they're the
• 55:02
  Speaker 3: same kind of vole, but some of them live in
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: the prairie and some of them live in the marsh.
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 55:06
  Speaker 3: And in the marsh, there's plenty of food and shelter. So,
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: you know, why not have sex with lots of other she-voles?
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: Because you can.
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: It's partying. It's like being in the city. Yeah.
• 55:17
  Speaker 3: In the prairie, to make sure that your young would survive...
• 55:21
  Speaker 3: it's more advantageous for you to settle down with one Mrs.
• 55:24
  Speaker 3: Vole and protect the children, protect the territory and share
• 55:29
  Speaker 3: the job of finding food for them. So what happens
• 55:33
  Speaker 3: in the prairie voles compared to the marsh voles is
• 55:37
  Speaker 3: that certain receptors, so for some of the hormones we
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: discussed like oxytocin and vasopressin and dopamine. So if we
• 55:45
  Speaker 3: were prairie voles rather than marsh voles and you would
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: get a dopamine hit every time you saw me, You
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: would choose me over a different vole. It's not like
• 55:52
  Speaker 3: a new strange vole. You'd say, no, I'd rather stay
• 55:54
  Speaker 3: with my vole. And you'd have higher levels of vasopressin
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: and oxytocin. And we'd both have more receptors in the
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: reward centers of the brain for those hormones. So we
• 56:06
  Speaker 3: would just feel so good every time we see each other.
• 56:09
  Speaker 3: If we saw the other one in distress, we would
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: want to comfort them.
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: Why did they create more receptors?
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: We don't know why. It's not just that you have
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: more of the hormone, but you have more of the
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: receptors in certain parts of the brain. It's just it's
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: part of the bonding kind of like increases the bonding,
• 56:28
  Speaker 3: the fact that you've got more of the hormone and
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: more of the receptors and it's in the reward part
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: of the brain. But actually, it's not just like if
• 56:36
  Speaker 3: we just hung out together and looked after the babies
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: and fed them and saw each other frequently, that would happen.
• 56:43
  Speaker 3: But sexual activity actually intensifies the wiring. So it's kind
• 56:46
  Speaker 3: of like The genetics and the receptors load the gun,
• 56:50
  Speaker 3: but actually having sex pulls the trigger.
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: Interesting. Wow. So that's why you see if it's a
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: healthy family, then that's why people want to be in
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: a healthy family because it feels good.
• 57:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 57:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: And the co-sleeping is a different thing. That's oxytocin.
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: Co-sleeping?
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, which is like sleeping together like you two and
• 57:11
  Speaker 3: the kids.
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: Are those people healthier?
• 57:15
  Speaker 3: Or even just the couple sleeping together because some people
• 57:18
  Speaker 3: don't sleep together because they snore or whatever. Oh, yeah.
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: I know you're talking about people in New Jersey. I
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: know it. I've been over there. The women snore too. Dang. Yeah,
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: you're like, gosh, is this my wife or is this
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: a refinery I'm laying next to?
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: Anyway, with no other issues like that, it is more
• 57:43
  Speaker 3: healthy for you to sleep together because you increase both
• 57:47
  Speaker 3: of your levels of oxytocin will go up.
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: So you feel better. Your brain feels better sleeping with
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: someone that it cares about or just anyone?
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: You would get some benefits of sleeping with just anyone,
• 58:01
  Speaker 3: but it's much more if it's somebody that you care
• 58:04
  Speaker 3: about and that you love.
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: And if a family is closer together, that's even more.
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, Indian families, like Mexican families, sleep together.
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: Or at least one of the children, let's say there's
• 58:18
  Speaker 3: a widowed grandparent, one of the grandchildren would sleep with them.
• 58:21
  Speaker 3: So no one sleeps alone.
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's pretty cool. Are there animals that do that
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: as well that you think that we learn that from?
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: All animals do that.
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: They do?
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: Well, obviously some animals, like snow leopards, they're completely independent.
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: They don't even stay with their children after a certain age.
• 58:38
  Speaker 3: I know, it's really sad.
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 58:41
  Speaker 3: But most animals will sleep together. And so there's a
• 58:45
  Speaker 3: few things that go on there. One is that you
• 58:47
  Speaker 3: actually share your gut microbiome. So we have an oral microbiome,
• 58:52
  Speaker 3: a skin microbiome, and a gut microbiome, which are the
• 58:54
  Speaker 3: good bacteria that help us not just to digest and
• 58:59
  Speaker 3: help our mental health, but also contribute to our immunity.
• 59:03
  Speaker 3: So if we ate together, kissed, slept together, then I'm
• 59:08
  Speaker 3: guessing I've got a better gut microbiome than you. I
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: would actually donate healthy cells to you as part of
• 59:12
  Speaker 3: a relationship.
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: Really? Yeah.
• 59:14
  Speaker 3: And improve your immunity.
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: Wow. So there's a lot of value in being close
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: to someone and there's a lot of neuroscientific value. That's cool. Yeah,
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: I didn't, I guess it makes sense, you know, it
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: certainly makes sense.
• 59:33
  Speaker 3: Well, we had to be part of a tribe to
• 59:35
  Speaker 3: survive when we lived in the cave, right?
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: For sure. And if you ever seen like a group
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: of puppies or whatever, somebody has like a box of
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: dogs or whatever, you know, they always look like it.
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: So if you see them all right there by the mom,
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: it looks like the funnest thing in the world.
• 59:48
  Speaker 3: Even just looking at a puppy with big eyes would
• 59:50
  Speaker 3: make you release oxytocin.
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: God, then I need to start dating animals then.
• 59:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: You know, I don't know what you guys' laws are,
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: but might have to come over there to do it.
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: But here's some of the world's most solitary animals right here. Platypus. Yeah,
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: I could see that kind of maybe polar bear. That's sad, man.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 3: That's sad.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: Because it's so cold and they're just up there. And
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: polar bears, every video you see a polar bear, it's
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: like the polar bears looking for food. It's just like, God, like.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 3: And the ice cubes. Yeah, it's always.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: Did I say ice cubes? Yeah, it's floating on like
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: a little, it's floating on like, you know. four grams
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: of ice or whatever and it's just like it's god
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: it just seems like a horrible life snow leopard a
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: sandpiper hawaiian monk seal the chuckwalla lizard.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 3: Snow leopards are beautiful i think i feel like i
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: would want to be one but i wouldn't want to
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 3: be on my own you'd have to be though i'll
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 3: just be a regular leopard then.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: That's fair okay you're allowed this first of all i'd
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: like to say thank you to dan morgan and everyone
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: over at Morgan & Morgan. We had an issue with Kai,
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: the hitchhiker, and he filed a lawsuit against us, and
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: he made quite a hullabaloo, but Morgan & Morgan stuck
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: with it until finally our case was dismissed. Morgan &
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: Morgan is America's largest injury law firm. They have over
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• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: slash This Past Weekend or dial pound law, pound 529-
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: What is it about love today that makes it seem
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: like you think it's harder to find? Or am I
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: just romanticizing it?
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 3: I think that one of the reasons is that we're
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 3: living so much longer. So to be honest, in cave
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 3: times where all we had to do was survive, survive
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 3: to reproduce our genes, you and I, it wouldn't be
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 3: worth us being alive anymore at the ages that we're
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 3: at now. So now that we're living much longer and
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 3: the divorce rates are like 50%, people are looking for
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 3: that second long relationship or even third long relationship that
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 3: they might have in their life. So I think it's
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 3: just very hard Obviously, people did stay together for like,
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 3: you know, 50 plus years or whatever. I just think
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 3: society has changed. It's all about, you know, sort of
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 3: instant gratification and short termism. And our attention spans have
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 3: changed because of the Internet and smartphones and apps and
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 3: things like that. And it's just become more socially acceptable
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 3: as well. So in many cultures... They still won't divorce,
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 3: but the cultures that we exist in, it's kind of
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 3: quite normal now.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: It's a swap meet, yeah. It's very much a swap meet,
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: it feels like. Yeah, I know you talked about maybe
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: coming out of the pandemic that people would sense a
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: return maybe to faith. Is there any proof that having
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: faith and a higher power has a positive effect on
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: your brain?
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so having a moderate amount of faith or some
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 3: sort of spiritual belief is beneficial for the brain, but
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 3: having none or too much, like fundamentalism, is actually not
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 3: good for your brain.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: Really? How does having too much affect your brain negatively?
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 3: Well, it might become associated with certain levels of paranoia
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 3: or mistrust or sort of survival emotions like anger or
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 3: hatred or fear, because it kind of often means that
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 3: you have to be against someone. Right. Right.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: So when you get to the point where you're against somebody, um,
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: or where you're so for just one thing that you're
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: then inherently against other things, it can get, uh, it's
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 1: not as healthy for you. Um, you advise like in
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: your work, you advise like a lot of very like
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: powerful people, you know, cause I know that you, um,
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: have worked with like a lot of like, you know,
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: a lot of the, a lot of the powers in
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: the world will come to you to help them. Um,
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: what are problems that powerful people have and successful people have? Like, um,
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: that maybe would surprise us. Do you think if you can,
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: you don't have to get specific, but if you want
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 1: to share anything.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 3: Well, the first thing I will say is that the
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 3: problems are pretty much exactly the same, you know, whether
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 3: it was a patient I saw in the national health service, um,
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 3: as a doctor or, you know, as it is now
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 3: as an executive advisor to like very senior people. And, um,
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 3: because I'm a stress expert, I do tend to see
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 3: people who are managing really high levels of stress and complexity.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 3: And they're also traveling a lot. So their sleep might
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 3: be really disrupted. They often don't really believe in sleeping
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 3: that much anyway. So it's all those sort of habits,
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 3: like people who don't get enough sleep, who, I mean,
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 3: they would tend to eat well because they can afford to,
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 3: but they might not be eating in what I call
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 3: like a brain first approach. So they might be eating
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 3: because they want to run a marathon or because they
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 3: can afford expensive things, but that's not necessarily what's best
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 3: for your brain. So I can help them with that.
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: Really, is eating certain ways better for your brain? Because, yeah,
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: I find most of the time I eat just because
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 1: I have to. Like if I didn't have to eat,
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: I would a lot of times I would just keep
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: working or doing something, you know, and I don't eat
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: like a lot of variety of stuff. Yeah, I don't.
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: I'm not a foodie, I guess, you know. I maybe
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: would be once I get married or something. If my
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: wife wants to get something or order something, then I
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 1: would try something like more new or something. But I
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: just like, I'll just usually make a quesadilla or have
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: a smoothie because it's easy.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 3: Wow. So you wait till you're hungry and then just
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 3: eat something because you have to.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's kind of how I am. It's a little bit,
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: it's kind of sad really, but it's okay.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 3: Maybe it's because you don't know. that even though your
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 3: brain is such a small percentage of your body weight,
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 3: it uses up 20 to 30 percent of everything that
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 3: you eat.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: Your brain does?
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 3: So when you're asleep, your brain's using up 20 percent
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 3: of what you ate that day.
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: What a thief, huh?
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 3: It's just energy hungry. That's what we would call it.
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 3: And so when you're when you're really focused on something
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 3: like this, you're probably using up about 25%. But if
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 3: you're under a lot of stress, your brain will take
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 3: up 30% of what you're eating.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: Wow. What happens to our brain while we're sleeping?
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 3: Do you know? We know quite a lot more about
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 3: it now than we did, let's say, 20, 30 years ago,
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 3: but we probably don't know everything because we actually don't. Well,
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 3: we've only recently understood why we need to sleep for
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 3: eight to nine hours. And that's because that cleaning process
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 3: I mentioned- Oh, it's nine now? Well, eight hours and
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 3: 15 minutes is the ideal in the sort of population
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 3: norm studies.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: Let's round it up. I'll take nine if we're willing
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: to do it.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 3: Nine in bed so that you get at least seven
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 3: to eight hours of sleep. Because that cleansing process takes
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 3: seven to eight hours. And that process is flushing out
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 3: toxins that are exactly the same pathologies that we see
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 3: in dementia and Alzheimer's and things like that. And they
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 3: build up due to the daily wear and tear of life,
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 3: stress and alcohol and processed food and all that kind
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 3: of thing. I know there's a big debate in this
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 3: country at the moment about ultra-processed food, but from a
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 3: brain point of view, don't eat it.
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: It's really bad for you?
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 3: Really bad.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: What are some of the effects that processed foods have
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: on your brain?
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 3: Well, everything comes down to inflammation. So these ultra-processed foods,
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 3: for your body to break them down, is going to
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 3: cause a lot of cell activity. And then it's also
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 3: leaving the waste products from that food for your body
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 3: to get rid of. And this is going to cause
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 3: some of the cells to become inflamed. And when your
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 3: body's under stress, and that's the only nutrition that it's getting,
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 3: then basically your cortisol levels go up and that crosses
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 3: the blood-brain barrier. So it supplies blood to the whole
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 3: brain and body. And it will just cause inflammation in
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 3: your gut. Your gut talks to your brain all the time.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 3: Your brain talks to your gut.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: You know? But that's good.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 3: It's actually a three-way gossip because your gut microbiome is
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 3: also signals to the gut and the brain separately. Wow.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: So your brain is super busy, huh? Mm-hmm. If it
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: can have such an effect, then what are the things
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: you recommend that you would eat? I mean, obviously some
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: of it seems kind of obvious or things you would
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: or wouldn't.
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 3: So I would suggest, this is ideal, ideal, okay? This
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 3: is what I do, but it's taken me years to
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 3: get to this point. I eat 30 different plant products
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 3: per week. Now, that can include coffee, dark chocolate, spices.
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 3: So especially if you eat a lot of Mexican food,
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 3: it's actually not as hard as you think to do that.
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 3: But you do need to vary the sort of vegetables
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 3: that you're using. In South America, they actually call squash, beans,
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 3: and corn the three sisters and attribute that to the
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 3: blue zones of longevity in parts of South America. Then
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 3: you do need to eat some good quality vegetables. Protein.
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 3: So lean proteins like eggs, yogurt, tofu.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: Fish. Can we do fish?
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 3: Fish.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 1: Can we have it?
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, good.
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 3: Fish.
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I like fish. I like having fish.
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Even like.
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 1: And it looks cool if you see it in the water.
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 1: That's the only thing I don't like.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 3: You have a thing about fish.
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 1: You think?
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 1: Maybe I do. But cows, you look at me like
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: this thing is dumb as fuck. I'm not eating this thing.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: That's how I feel a lot of times, you know.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: especially the one with the bell on his neck or whatever.
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 1: You're like, this one's dumb, but at least he's trying
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 1: to party. But it's like, it's like cows. I, I
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: know people are like meat eaters. You got to eat them.
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 1: But sometimes I look at a cow and I'm like, dang, man, this,
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be eaten. This thing just seems
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: kind of dumb, you know, no offense to cows either,
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: but you know what I'm saying? Kind of just like,
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: just standing there, you know, They could easily be victims
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 1: of crime or whatever. But a fish, you know, it
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: just looks like that's how I would like to be,
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 3: Okay. So if you'd be an animal, you'd be a fish.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Or just something more exciting, you know. Yeah. So
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: sometimes I think like, oh, I should eat things that
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 1: are like things that I want to be like. Maybe
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: that would be cool.
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 3: That's actually cool because I try to eat things that
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 3: look like a brain, like a cauliflower or a walnut.
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, really?
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 3: That's crazy, dude.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 1: Wow. That's cool. It kind of makes sense that it
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: would help it. A walnut looks just like a brain, huh?
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 1: That's crazy. Yeah.
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 3: And if you cut a cauliflower in half, it looks
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 3: exactly like a brain too.
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow.
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 3: And then the good fats, we can't forget the good
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 3: fats for the brain. So that is your oily fish, avocado, eggs, nuts, seeds,
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 3: olive oil, all that kind of thing. And then dark
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 3: skinned foods are better for your brain than regular colored foods.
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 3: So- purple sprouting broccoli instead of green broccoli, blueberries instead
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 3: of raspberries, because that purple colour has antioxidants in the
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 3: skin of the food called anthocyanins, which really help with neuroplasticity,
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 3: you know, that process we talked about of changing your brain. So,
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 3: you know, I try to eat kind of, I try
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 3: to take the purple version of everything, but basically quite
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 3: just like saying dark-skinned stuff is better for you.
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean, yeah. I think I've heard.
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: I mean, I got BLM. I mean, people like different things,
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 1: you know, you gotta, you know, everybody likes somebody, somebody. Yeah.
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 1: My friend only dates brothers, honestly. And, um, yes. And
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of value in that. So yeah, I
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 1: could certainly see that. So yeah. Explain it.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 3: Actually, can I share a story that is a really,
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 3: really kind of important one that had a massive impact
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 3: on me and I, I would like to share it
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 3: because I think it could really help people.
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would love to hear it.
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 3: So I was standing on the street outside my house
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 3: waiting for a taxi. And a young blonde woman walked
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 3: past me, but then I could see out of the
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 3: corner of my eye that she stopped and turned around
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 3: and came up to me. And she said, are you
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 3: Tara Swart? And I said, yes. And she said, you
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 3: saved my life. And I was a bit taken aback.
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 3: So I said, you know, what was it that I
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 3: said that resonated with you? Because I feel like I
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 3: can speak so broadly that I don't always know what
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 3: it is. And she said, I struggled with a really
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 3: serious eating disorder for years. And I heard you say
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 3: that you choose what you eat because it impacts your brain.
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 3: And it immediately changed my relationship with food. And I
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 3: have heard, I mean, when I was a psychiatrist, the
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 3: eating disorders ward was like a hopeless case. There was really...
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 3: not much we could do. And I've heard that recently
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 3: the latest way of dealing with eating disorders is tying
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 3: people to their beds and forcing them to eat. And
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 3: I can't believe that's helpful for anyone. But just hearing
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 3: this person say that one thing I said changed her
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 3: life so dramatically, it was kind of, just made me
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 3: feel like everything I've done has brought me to the
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 3: right place.
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 1: Well, that's wonderful. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, it's
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: so powerful if somebody comes up and you can tell
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 1: they're being real or genuine, you know? And they share
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: something with you.
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 3: You must get that.
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 1: I meet a lot of people. And sometimes there's moments
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 1: where you're like, oh, this is really cool. And it's
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: like you can share. And sometimes you'll be having a
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 1: bad day. And they'll tell you something that they heard
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 1: you say that helped them. And you're like, well, shit,
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 1: tell it back to me right now. I know.
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 3: Same.
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, look, thank you for coming back and telling
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 1: me because it's like the exact thing I needed to
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 1: hear right now.
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 3: Sometimes people, my friends, send me a page, a photo
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 3: of a page from my book, and they're like, you
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 3: wrote this. Like, why are you being like this now?
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 1: I know it's so hard to help ourselves a lot
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 1: of times, but that's why we need each other. You know,
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 1: my friend James Becerra, he always says that we're the
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: keys to each other's locks, actually.
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 3: Oh, I love that.
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 1: I think you might have done a podcast in Venice
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 1: one day. You ever do one in Venice? Mm-hmm.
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 3: Maybe with Sahara Rose. It hasn't come out yet.
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 1: No, this was with a man, Senj.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 3: Oh, Drew Perahit?
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 1: No, it was an Indian man.
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he's Indian.
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 1: He is? Yeah, Drew. Yeah, maybe it was him. Was
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 1: it in Venice, do you think?
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 3: It was in LA.
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 1: It was in LA?
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 1: It looked like my friend James' studio. I saw some
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, that kind of looked like
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 1: James' studio. Because I have no idea if it was
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 1: or not. It looked a little similar.
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 3: Okay, let me ask you a question.
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 3: Did you know... that we actually have a second nose
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 3: that's not connected to the brain.
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 1: Uh-uh. We have a second nose more than the one
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 1: on our face?
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 3: It's called the vomeronasal organ, and it detects the smells
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 3: of things that when you eat them, they give off
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 3: a vapor like a spicy food, and it actually connects
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 3: to your heart and makes your heart rate go up,
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 3: but it doesn't connect directly to your brain. And dogs
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 3: have them. It's got a special name in dogs, which
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 3: I can't remember, but that's why they can smell pheromones.
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 3: And also, I got this research from my colleague at
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 3: MIT who creates artificial noses. And he's created an artificial
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 3: nose that can detect prostate cancer before any of our
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 3: current diagnostic tests can.
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 1: No way.
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 3: And, get this, this might cause some trouble for some
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 3: people that you know. It can detect pregnancy earlier than
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 3: any test at the moment. And it can tell who
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 3: the father is.
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 1: Nuh-uh. Oh, my God. So it's going to be like
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: Snorri Povich or whatever. What are they going to put
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 1: the nose on?
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: How do they do it? They just hold it up
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 1: to something?
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 1: And what's it made out of?
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 3: I think titanium, but it's connected to a machine, obviously.
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 1: Wow. So it's a robotic nose that can tell if
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 1: you have cancer. It can tell if you're pregnant and
• 1:16:44
  Speaker 1: tell who the father is. What... Oh, I wonder how
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 1: expensive it is. Hopefully you can just put a dollar
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 1: in the back of it and find out. Nano nose.
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 1: Here you go. Early this year, Mershen and his team.
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Mershen. He's my friend.
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 1: They had created a nano nose, a robotic nose powered
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 1: by AI that could identify cases of prostate cancer from
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 1: urine samples with 70% accuracy. Wow. So really like a
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 1: real piss sommelier or something they would call it, a
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 1: urine sommelier. Wow. The nano nose. What else can it do?
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 1: Early detection of lung cancer.
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 3: They'll start going across the cancers. So cats and dogs
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 3: in old people's homes, they go and sit outside the
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 3: door of the person that's dying. And that's because cell
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 3: death starts to happen before you actually die. And it
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 3: happens in a certain order. And they can smell when
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 3: that's happening.
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 1: That's crazy.
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 3: Andreas Merchant also told me something, but I can't remember why,
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 3: so I'm going to say it on this podcast so
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 3: I can send him the link and then ask him
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 3: to explain.
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 1: Okay, fair.
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 3: Which is that if you inject rabbits with urine from
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 3: pregnant women, they get their period.
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 1: No. Wow. If you inject them with urine from pregnant women,
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 1: they get their period. Man. So next time a pregnant
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 1: woman's like, I'm not a problem, I'll be like, yeah,
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 1: but you obviously are into some– you've got sorcery running
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 1: through your body right now because that's crazy.
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 1: That's crazy to think that. Yeah. I've never seen anything
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 1: like that. I wouldn't even do it to anybody. And
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 1: early– go back to that nano-nose. I want to see
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 1: what else it can do. That's fascinating to me. And
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 1: do they show any use of that nano-nose?
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, for detecting cancer.
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 3: And pregnancy.
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 1: But I'm just wondering, do they have it on the
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 1: end of the stick or something?
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 3: How it's actually used. Okay, how it's used, yeah. He
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 3: also told me that way more women are super smellers
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 3: than men.
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 1: I could bet that because also women are, I think,
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 1: over life, they're like the chefs and they do like
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 1: the more of like the, they have to smell if
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 1: the kid's okay or whatever, probably. Do you think that's why?
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think so. It makes sense.
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 1: Okay. Electric Nose accurately sent us out hard to detect cancers.
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 1: An odor-based test that sniffs out vapors emanating from blood
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 1: samples was able to distinguish between benign and pancreatic and
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 1: ovarian cancer with up to 95% accuracy. That's crazy.
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 3: But Theo wants to see a picture of how they
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 3: use it, like what it looks like when they're actually
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 3: sniffing patients. leading cause of cancer death. And there's a
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 3: one in five chance for a preventive medical checkup. The
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 3: late detection of prostate cancer often means the removal of a.
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 4: Part or the whole organ.
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 3: But there's hope. At the Parc Scientific de Barcelona.
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's incredible. Where does our intuition and our gut
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 1: instincts come from?
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 3: That's one of my favorite questions.
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 1: Is it really?
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I love intuition. It's like my superpower.
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah?
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So basically... Because it's so cool.
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 1: It's like this ghost that's in us a little bit.
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, kind of. Yeah. The ghost of wisdom or something.
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 3: I mean, Andreas Mershen also said to me that things
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 3: like extrasensory perception, they're not woo-woo. He was actually comparing
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 3: that to the fact that most people don't know we
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 3: have the second nose. He was like, there's science about it.
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 3: We just haven't discovered it all yet. So intuition was
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 3: a bit like that. People didn't, because they couldn't see it.
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 3: It wasn't tangible. They didn't really take it that seriously.
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 3: Like I've been teaching at MIT for over 10 years now.
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 3: And 10 years ago, senior leaders would say, that's not
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 3: a sense I would use at work. I'm not going
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 3: to use that for hire or fire. But then actually
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 3: the older, wiser guys would say, that's exactly the one
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 3: I use for hire or fire because I've learned over
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 3: time to trust it. So I honed my intuition by
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 3: journaling and reading over my journal and writing down every
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 3: decision that I made if logic told me one thing
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 3: and intuition told me another, and I decided to trust
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 3: my intuition more and more.
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 1: You really mapped it out.
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I think I was naturally quite intuitive, but sometimes
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 3: I was afraid to trust it when I felt like
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 3: something else was the right thing to do, logically. What
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 3: we need to live our normal life is called our
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 3: working memory, and it's stored in the outer cortex of
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 3: the brain. Our sort of beliefs and thought patterns, you know,
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 3: sort of what we were discussing earlier on, that's in
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 3: systems in the limbic part of the brain, which is
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 3: the shape and size of your clenched fist, so obviously
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 3: yours is bigger than mine, and the cortex is around it.
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 3: And then through a process called Hebbian learning, which is
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 3: named after the neuroscientist Donald Hebb, because you can't remember
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 3: everything that you've experienced in your life, but you have
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 3: experienced it, so that information... like neurons that fire together,
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 3: wire together, get stored deeper in your spinal cord and
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 3: your gut neurons. And that's why intuition is sometimes called
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 3: gut instinct.
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 1: Oh, so that's why you kind of feel it right there.
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 1: You kind of go there in your brain, like, what
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 1: is my gut telling me to do?
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like butterflies in your stomach tells you that you're nervous, right?
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 3: But the sense of like, this is the right thing
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 3: for me to do, or this is the right person
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 3: for me to date, that you might not feel it viscerally,
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 3: but you're just... get that sense.
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because over time it's like, yeah, you have to
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 1: believe that your intuition gets honed as well because you've
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 1: had experiences.
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but it can also, actually a really important point
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 3: is that neuroplasticity can be a bad thing. If you
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 3: repeatedly go for people that it ends up being a
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 3: toxic relationship and you have a breakup that drags out
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 3: and damages you and then you don't really heal and
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 3: you just go back into a similar type of relationship,
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 3: you're going to kind of, that's your intuition telling you
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 3: the wrong thing, right?
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 1: Right, but you're following it.
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 1: So you could actually, you could mold your intuition negatively
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 1: as well. Yeah. Oh, wow.
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 3: Like obsessing over a breakup. That's neuroplasticity. Yeah.
• 1:23:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I used to do that, man. That was the worst. God,
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 1: I would be so heartbroken, the most heartbroken freaking weirdo ever, dude.
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 1: Smoking or whatever, just walking around the neighborhood. What else?
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 1: How do we change our perspective? How do we use...
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 1: Is our perspective our brain?
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 3: So this is called the hard problem of neuroscience. And
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 3: that is the question of whether our brain is our
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 3: mind or our mind is our brain. And basically... If
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 3: we're being very scientific, then our consciousness, which is everything
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 3: that we think and feel, arises from neurons and chemicals
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 3: that are physically part of our brain. There's a big
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 3: move more recently, and this has happened in the past.
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 3: In ancient times, we believed in seers and shamans and
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 3: mystics and things like.
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 3: Clairvoyance and claircognizance and things like that. And we've moved
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 3: away from that in modern times.
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we believe in a lot more astrology, the moon,
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 1: that sort of thing as well.
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah. But science is now starting to look at some
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 3: of this ancient wisdom in a way that we may
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 3: have actually forgotten things that we knew before that are
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 3: crucial to our mental health in the modern world. So
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 3: I mentioned some of those things already, like drumming and chanting, but...
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 3: What we believe now is that our brain might actually
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 3: be filtering our consciousness down so that we can survive
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 3: in this material world. But actually, our minds are capable
• 1:24:40
  Speaker 3: of a lot more than what we think now. So
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 3: in terms of perspective, that is all the filters that
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 3: your childhood and your upbringing have put on how you
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 3: see the world. And you can absolutely challenge your perspective.
• 1:24:54
  Speaker 3: It's not your brain. It's a version of reality that
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 3: your brain's creating. And I have some really favorite exercises
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 3: that I have that people can do at home. So
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 3: one is if I have a dilemma or particularly if
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 3: I'm really struggling and just feeling like things aren't going
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 3: to work out, I describe myself sitting here, what I'm
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 3: wearing at my age. And I ask the question, like,
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 3: what should I do? Or, you know, what's going to
• 1:25:19
  Speaker 3: happen to me? Like, you know, when you're really kind
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 3: of a bit desperate. And then I get up and
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 3: I walk seven steps and And I turn around and
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 3: I say, I'm Tara, seven years older than you. And
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 3: I've seen what happens in your life in the next
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 3: seven years. And I answer the question. I give advice.
• 1:25:36
  Speaker 3: So that's kind of like.
• 1:25:39
  Speaker 1: That's pretty cool.
• 1:25:41
  Speaker 3: Thanks.
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 1: Because you're kind of putting yourself in a place and
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 1: then you're using your same self.
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 3: And my intuition.
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 1: And your intuition. And who even knows what powers the
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 1: world grants you if you. say, okay, now I'm going
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 1: to put myself seven years ahead and speak back to myself.
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 1: It often feels like there's so many hidden abilities that
• 1:26:04
  Speaker 1: we have that we just don't know about yet. Like
• 1:26:07
  Speaker 1: even with like five senses, it's like, I bet there's
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 1: 30 senses. We just don't even know some of what
• 1:26:12
  Speaker 1: they are yet.
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 3: There's up to 33.
• 1:26:14
  Speaker 1: Is there really? They told us there's five. Did they
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 1: tell you that, dude?
• 1:26:21
  Speaker 3: Well, not at medical school. At medical school, I obviously
• 1:26:24
  Speaker 3: knew there's more than five, but I didn't know there's
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 3: like 22 to 33.
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 1: They don't trust us with them, dude. I think, yeah,
• 1:26:31
  Speaker 1: you got it. I guess if you go to school,
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 1: you get more senses. You don't get more.
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 3: You've got them as well. You've got chronoception. You understand
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 3: the passing of time. You've got.
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 1: I got five, but they give you five senses.
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 1: Right. Touch, feel.
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 3: Touch and feel are the same.
• 1:26:48
  Speaker 1: Okay. Sorry. My bad, doc. Touch.
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 3: Taste.
• 1:26:53
  Speaker 1: Taste. Smell. Sight. Hearing. Hearing. And hearing, yeah. Sorry. But
• 1:26:59
  Speaker 1: there's more than that.
• 1:27:00
  Speaker 2: Way more.
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 1: Unreal. Wow. That'd be cool to go through all of
• 1:27:05
  Speaker 1: them one day. Whenever I come to your country, we'll
• 1:27:09
  Speaker 1: have to go through all of them.
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 1: What country do you live in? You live in London?
• 1:27:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah. London's not a country.
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 1: It isn't? No, it's a city. Oh, yeah. Told you guys, huh?
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 1: Enough with the attitude, all right?
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 1: Manchester's the real England. I'm joking. Well, people think different things. Wow.
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 3: So your perspective, you can do that exercise or you
• 1:27:31
  Speaker 3: can ask yourself, what advice would I give my brother?
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 3: Because it's just about taking yourself one step out of
• 1:27:36
  Speaker 3: the situation that you're in because then you can't see
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 3: the wood for the trees, you know?
• 1:27:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're stuck in yourself. But yeah, what advice would
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 1: I give my brother? That's a great idea. What advice
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 1: would I give my sister? What advice? Because it is crazy.
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 1: You'll give them the best advice, then you'll get off
• 1:27:49
  Speaker 1: the phone and do the worst thing.
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, totally.
• 1:27:53
  Speaker 1: That's so fascinating.
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 3: I mean, because some of my advice is like pinned
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 3: on social media. Me and my girlfriend were laughing so
• 1:28:01
  Speaker 3: much about some of the things that I say. And
• 1:28:03
  Speaker 3: then in my real life, I'm like, why is this
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 3: happening to me?
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 1: I know. It's so funny. I think we all take
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 1: turns being something that someone needs to hear, you know,
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 1: even in the sense that somebody came up to me
• 1:28:17
  Speaker 1: in the airport and was telling me something like, oh man,
• 1:28:19
  Speaker 1: where'd you hear that? And like, you said that. I'm like, well,
• 1:28:22
  Speaker 1: I needed to hear that right now. It's like we
• 1:28:25
  Speaker 1: all kind of take turns, even throughout the day, throughout
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 1: the moment, throughout the years, being each other's champions at
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 1: certain little moments. I think that that's pretty remarkable. That's
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 1: kind of a gift. um you've talked a lot about
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 1: like manifesting and stuff do you really believe.
• 1:28:38
  Speaker 3: In it 100 yeah i've been actively doing it myself
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 3: kind of personally for 15 or 16 years and then
• 1:28:47
  Speaker 3: in 2019 my book the source came out where i
• 1:28:49
  Speaker 3: shared that more professionally and the response to that was
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 3: actually quite phenomenal and in making me believe in it
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 3: even more.
• 1:28:56
  Speaker 1: Wow it's a bestseller yeah i'm Yeah, congratulations.
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 1: So cool.
• 1:29:00
  Speaker 3: Thanks.
• 1:29:01
  Speaker 1: So cool to write a book and have people want
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 1: to absorb it. Yeah, tell me a little bit about
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 1: that manifesting because we forget about it. We forget sometimes
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 1: that we're the captain of the ship. Sometimes we just
• 1:29:13
  Speaker 1: feel like the stream owns everything, you know?
• 1:29:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think some versions of manifestation can still
• 1:29:19
  Speaker 3: make people feel like that because it's about the universe
• 1:29:21
  Speaker 3: and vibrations. I wanted to explain manifestation through psychology and
• 1:29:26
  Speaker 3: neuroscience- in a way to say, look, it's your brain
• 1:29:30
  Speaker 3: that's doing it. It's not some outside force. And I
• 1:29:33
  Speaker 3: think that's way more empowering. And that's what people really
• 1:29:37
  Speaker 3: liked about it, that I write a lot about vision boards,
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 3: but I call them action boards because I say you
• 1:29:43
  Speaker 3: can't just create a fantasy and then sit at home
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 3: and wait for it to come true. Like, look at
• 1:29:46
  Speaker 3: how hard you've worked to get to where you are.
• 1:29:49
  Speaker 3: It's very easy for people to say, oh, I'd love
• 1:29:51
  Speaker 3: to have Theo Bond's life. But you've really struggled and
• 1:29:54
  Speaker 3: worked really hard to get here. So I absolutely say
• 1:29:58
  Speaker 3: that that has to be part of it. It can't
• 1:30:00
  Speaker 3: just be expecting things to fall out of the sky
• 1:30:03
  Speaker 3: and come into your life. But manifestation is basically setting
• 1:30:08
  Speaker 3: goals and desires, knowing what you want, finding images of
• 1:30:11
  Speaker 3: them to put on a board that you can see
• 1:30:13
  Speaker 3: at least twice a day. And if it's only once
• 1:30:16
  Speaker 3: a day, then seeing it just before you go to
• 1:30:18
  Speaker 3: sleep because it imprints on your subconscious. And it can
• 1:30:21
  Speaker 3: be very literal or it can be metaphorical, like something
• 1:30:24
  Speaker 3: that you could have a horse on there and it
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 3: could mean one thing to you and something else to me,
• 1:30:28
  Speaker 3: for example. And basically I ask people to make this board,
• 1:30:33
  Speaker 3: look at it daily, visualize these things being true because
• 1:30:37
  Speaker 3: your brain doesn't actually know the difference between something happening
• 1:30:40
  Speaker 3: in real life and a strong visualization. And then, yeah.
• 1:30:46
  Speaker 3: And you won't be afraid of it if you've already
• 1:30:48
  Speaker 3: visualized it. You won't kind of meet that dream girl
• 1:30:50
  Speaker 3: and say, or maybe I'm not ready, you'll have told
• 1:30:54
  Speaker 3: your brain that you're ready to take a healthy risk.
• 1:30:57
  Speaker 1: Wow, so your brain doesn't really know the difference between,
• 1:31:01
  Speaker 1: say that again?
• 1:31:03
  Speaker 3: Between something that happened in real life or something that
• 1:31:06
  Speaker 3: you strongly visualize.
• 1:31:09
  Speaker 1: Wow, it's the same reason why when we watch a
• 1:31:10
  Speaker 1: movie or something, we're able to get lost in it.
• 1:31:12
  Speaker 1: We're able to believe in it because it, wow, so
• 1:31:14
  Speaker 1: you could create enough of a visualization for yourself if
• 1:31:18
  Speaker 1: you really were to powerfully start to focus on it
• 1:31:20
  Speaker 1: and do that. And build that ability to visualize something
• 1:31:26
  Speaker 1: that your brain at one point would have to think
• 1:31:28
  Speaker 1: it's so true that the world would meet you and
• 1:31:32
  Speaker 1: put it into your life.
• 1:31:32
  Speaker 3: I love the way you put that.
• 1:31:34
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 1:31:37
  Speaker 1: Dude, that's crazy. And that's what feels like another sense.
• 1:31:40
  Speaker 1: That to me feels like another sense that like 200
• 1:31:45
  Speaker 1: years from now, they're going to be like, People are
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 1: just going to be– it's just everything, you know, everything
• 1:31:50
  Speaker 1: is going to be so over-manifested. But you know what
• 1:31:52
  Speaker 1: it is? That's one thing that I feel like there's
• 1:31:54
  Speaker 1: like some elite people in the world and they really
• 1:31:57
  Speaker 1: learned that. Sometimes when I see some people who are
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 1: operating at a very elite level or the deep state
• 1:32:04
  Speaker 1: or whatever, I start thinking, oh, that's what they're using
• 1:32:08
  Speaker 1: to the best of their ability. Wow. Yeah, your brain–
• 1:32:14
  Speaker 1: And then the world is like, oh, well, it has
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 1: to have happened because they put it in there so much.
• 1:32:20
  Speaker 1: That's crazy. And what kind of things can you manifest?
• 1:32:26
  Speaker 3: Because people write to me all the time saying what
• 1:32:29
  Speaker 3: they manifested. So it could be a certain kind of home,
• 1:32:32
  Speaker 3: a relationship, a family, pregnancy, their own career. A lot
• 1:32:39
  Speaker 3: of it's like quitting their job and actually starting up
• 1:32:42
  Speaker 3: the business that they've always wanted to do. Travel is
• 1:32:45
  Speaker 3: quite a big one.
• 1:32:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:32:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:32:48
  Speaker 1: What are some side effects of the pandemic that we
• 1:32:50
  Speaker 1: never treated as a society? Because that's fascinating to me.
• 1:32:55
  Speaker 1: We kind of went through it. And like you said earlier,
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 1: now we're just here. And we never looked at, I mean,
• 1:33:02
  Speaker 1: even in recovery rooms, like the shutdown of all of
• 1:33:04
  Speaker 1: the 12-step rooms and people couldn't go to those meetings killed.
• 1:33:10
  Speaker 1: There's no way it didn't kill 100,000 people. Oh yeah,
• 1:33:13
  Speaker 1: at least. Just in those.
• 1:33:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I think there were mental health issues during the pandemic,
• 1:33:20
  Speaker 3: but there were slightly different ones since. And nobody's really
• 1:33:23
  Speaker 3: talking about that, which is so scary. I think they
• 1:33:27
  Speaker 3: involve three sorts of loss. So a loss of your
• 1:33:30
  Speaker 3: sense of self and your purpose, like who am I?
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 3: What direction should I be going in? A breakdown of relationships,
• 1:33:36
  Speaker 3: whether that's marriages, other romantic relationships, working relationships, friendships. People
• 1:33:42
  Speaker 3: are more like disconnected and lonely.
• 1:33:45
  Speaker 1: When some people lost a loved one and had to
• 1:33:48
  Speaker 1: go to it over Zoom and never even got to
• 1:33:51
  Speaker 1: grieve it or have the family be there together when
• 1:33:54
  Speaker 1: they lost their grandmother.
• 1:33:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:33:56
  Speaker 1: There are people that were hoping in the next couple
• 1:33:58
  Speaker 1: of years they would find a loved relationship. And then
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 1: suddenly there's three years where they can't even date. Yeah.
• 1:34:05
  Speaker 1: And what was the third one? Sorry to interrupt you.
• 1:34:06
  Speaker 3: Well, the third one was going to be loss of
• 1:34:08
  Speaker 3: actual loved ones, you know, and grief. Yeah. And I
• 1:34:12
  Speaker 3: think one of the things I'm seeing, it may have
• 1:34:15
  Speaker 3: been creeping up before the pandemic, but it feels very
• 1:34:17
  Speaker 3: evident now, is the world feels like a really difficult
• 1:34:21
  Speaker 3: place for young men. The idea of what it means
• 1:34:24
  Speaker 3: to be a man now doesn't feel clear. And I've
• 1:34:29
  Speaker 3: sort of had male friends say to me that, yeah,
• 1:34:34
  Speaker 3: we're equal, but we're still different. And men, they want
• 1:34:38
  Speaker 3: to love and protect someone, but It feels like women
• 1:34:41
  Speaker 3: are saying, I can do everything by myself now. I
• 1:34:43
  Speaker 3: don't need you. So that feels really sad. And that's,
• 1:34:49
  Speaker 3: I think, happening more in the younger generations than it
• 1:34:53
  Speaker 3: did when we were that age.
• 1:34:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think. And some people start to view themselves
• 1:34:57
  Speaker 1: as men and women. I think some of the gender
• 1:34:59
  Speaker 1: lines and stuff are getting blurred. And some of that,
• 1:35:03
  Speaker 1: I think, is... probably good because you want everybody to
• 1:35:06
  Speaker 1: believe they can do anything, you know, because there has
• 1:35:09
  Speaker 1: to be some value in being a man, just like
• 1:35:12
  Speaker 1: there has to be some value in being a woman. It's,
• 1:35:15
  Speaker 1: we want there to be, I don't want to be
• 1:35:20
  Speaker 1: with some woman and it's a man, you know, I
• 1:35:23
  Speaker 1: would like her to be a woman, you know, most
• 1:35:25
  Speaker 1: of the time. And so it's like, that's a thing.
• 1:35:28
  Speaker 3: Like, can I put that slightly differently?
• 1:35:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:35:31
  Speaker 3: I think it's about having masculine and feminine energies, which
• 1:35:35
  Speaker 3: we can both be capable of. So I think for
• 1:35:38
  Speaker 3: a man, you know, men are obviously physically stronger. And
• 1:35:42
  Speaker 3: so there are things that men can do for women
• 1:35:44
  Speaker 3: that could be helpful in terms of the fact that
• 1:35:46
  Speaker 3: they've got more physical strength. But equally, men are capable
• 1:35:51
  Speaker 3: of emotional intelligence and intuition. And it would be nice
• 1:35:54
  Speaker 3: if that could be more balanced in both the genders.
• 1:35:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because I think in the end, I think it
• 1:36:00
  Speaker 1: probably goes back to some of our nature too. It's
• 1:36:03
  Speaker 1: like I think we want to have someone. Sometimes it's
• 1:36:06
  Speaker 1: like if you don't have somebody, you'll start turning into
• 1:36:09
  Speaker 1: the thing you want too, which is kind of weird.
• 1:36:11
  Speaker 3: What do you mean?
• 1:36:12
  Speaker 1: I feel like sometimes if you're a– maybe you're a
• 1:36:15
  Speaker 1: gal and you're having maybe trouble getting a guy or
• 1:36:18
  Speaker 1: you're not having success in that world, you might start
• 1:36:22
  Speaker 1: kind of like maybe doing more masculine stuff, maybe doing–
• 1:36:28
  Speaker 1: like you'll create what you need.
• 1:36:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess you have to, if you have to
• 1:36:34
  Speaker 3: get on in life, you might have to do things
• 1:36:35
  Speaker 3: that you didn't do if you were in partnership.
• 1:36:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that doesn't make any sense really.
• 1:36:40
  Speaker 3: I didn't know where you were going with that.
• 1:36:42
  Speaker 1: No, I didn't know either. I was trying to like
• 1:36:43
  Speaker 1: think of an idea.
• 1:36:44
  Speaker 3: I thought you were going to say something really outrageous.
• 1:36:46
  Speaker 1: Oh no, I don't know what I was going to say,
• 1:36:48
  Speaker 1: but I just, whatever I said didn't really make any sense. Yeah,
• 1:36:52
  Speaker 1: it is tough. I think it is interesting for young men.
• 1:36:55
  Speaker 1: You know, I think it's interesting a lot for, just
• 1:36:58
  Speaker 1: men these days, you know, but then also there was women,
• 1:37:01
  Speaker 1: like when women didn't have access to a lot of
• 1:37:03
  Speaker 1: money or they didn't have money, they were taken advantage of.
• 1:37:07
  Speaker 1: And so it's like, maybe this is just the, the
• 1:37:11
  Speaker 1: Eddie of the river, the, the path of it that
• 1:37:14
  Speaker 1: we have to get to get to a place where,
• 1:37:18
  Speaker 1: you know, women have more finances and ability to make
• 1:37:22
  Speaker 1: choices for their own. And then once they feel comfortable
• 1:37:25
  Speaker 1: in that space, then they can, let themselves just be
• 1:37:31
  Speaker 1: women again. Does that make any sense? Or somebody's going
• 1:37:34
  Speaker 1: to get upset about that.
• 1:37:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I think it's a bit more complex than that.
• 1:37:37
  Speaker 3: I think we could say that both as men and women,
• 1:37:39
  Speaker 3: and particularly as parents of the younger generations that are
• 1:37:42
  Speaker 3: coming up now into adulthood, that we have a responsibility
• 1:37:46
  Speaker 3: to not emasculate men to the point that they are
• 1:37:51
  Speaker 3: taking their lives and Because women have changed a lot.
• 1:37:56
  Speaker 3: If you think since cave times, or even just since
• 1:37:58
  Speaker 3: the 1950s, women have had financial independence. Women have been
• 1:38:02
  Speaker 3: able to use contraception. Women have been able to use
• 1:38:05
  Speaker 3: hair dye. It's completely changed how particularly older women can
• 1:38:09
  Speaker 3: survive in society and be valued in society. But men
• 1:38:15
  Speaker 3: haven't really changed that much, let's say, since the 1950s.
• 1:38:18
  Speaker 3: So there's obviously some sort of evolution or adaptation that
• 1:38:21
  Speaker 3: needs to happen. Because things were so unfair before. But
• 1:38:25
  Speaker 3: I just think we've got to do it in a
• 1:38:27
  Speaker 3: way that isn't unfair now, if you know what I mean.
• 1:38:30
  Speaker 3: like navigate it together in a way that men and
• 1:38:33
  Speaker 3: women can be in harmony um because when the me
• 1:38:36
  Speaker 3: too sort of conversations first came out obviously there were
• 1:38:40
  Speaker 3: a lot of women that were saying you know all
• 1:38:42
  Speaker 3: the bad things about men that they could and I
• 1:38:44
  Speaker 3: just kept repeating the same thing We have to remember
• 1:38:48
  Speaker 3: most men are good. There's no value in us suddenly
• 1:38:51
  Speaker 3: hating men because this Me Too movement has come up.
• 1:38:54
  Speaker 3: That's not going to help any gender.
• 1:38:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that was a huge thing. Every man, men
• 1:38:59
  Speaker 1: were scared to look at women. Men were scared to
• 1:39:01
  Speaker 1: pat a woman on the back even. It was definitely
• 1:39:04
  Speaker 1: getting real risque out there.
• 1:39:06
  Speaker 3: I think even things like, should I hold the door
• 1:39:09
  Speaker 3: open for a woman or not, is a confusing decision for.
• 1:39:11
  Speaker 4: Men these days.
• 1:39:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, I agree. I'll be on an airplane and a
• 1:39:13
  Speaker 1: woman will maybe be about to lift her bag and
• 1:39:15
  Speaker 1: put it up. And it's like, I don't know. Am
• 1:39:19
  Speaker 1: I going to get the lady who's like, I can
• 1:39:20
  Speaker 1: do it myself? Yeah. Or am I just going to
• 1:39:22
  Speaker 1: get the lady who's like, thank you, you know? Or
• 1:39:26
  Speaker 1: just lets me feel good because I can do it
• 1:39:28
  Speaker 1: and I'm able to help out. Not that she can't
• 1:39:30
  Speaker 1: do it. For a lot of guys, it wasn't that
• 1:39:32
  Speaker 1: you can't do it.
• 1:39:33
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:39:34
  Speaker 1: It was like, we want to do it. Yeah. We
• 1:39:36
  Speaker 1: want to be of service. We want to be able
• 1:39:38
  Speaker 1: to show off a little bit. Give us something we
• 1:39:41
  Speaker 1: can do, you know?
• 1:39:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And I love it.
• 1:39:44
  Speaker 1: You know, I think it's... Yeah, I used to have
• 1:39:46
  Speaker 1: this joke. This is a long time. I forgot about this.
• 1:39:49
  Speaker 1: It was like I was talking about women want to
• 1:39:52
  Speaker 1: be men. Now, like you see women that are like
• 1:39:54
  Speaker 1: dead lifting weights. And I'll be like, if you put
• 1:39:56
  Speaker 1: down the barbells and you look lost for a minute,
• 1:40:00
  Speaker 1: then a guy will show right up. You know, like
• 1:40:03
  Speaker 1: there's something about the thing that you just, you know,
• 1:40:06
  Speaker 1: you want to be able to be a guy. And
• 1:40:09
  Speaker 1: I think when it gets confusing as to what does
• 1:40:11
  Speaker 1: that even mean? Where are you allowed to be? What
• 1:40:13
  Speaker 1: are you allowed to do? yeah, you start. And then
• 1:40:17
  Speaker 1: also like all the sex toys came out and you're like, well,
• 1:40:20
  Speaker 1: we can't even, what are we doing? You know what
• 1:40:23
  Speaker 1: I'm saying? Like, you know, like my nuts are powered
• 1:40:29
  Speaker 1: by a battery powered by the Lord or whatever. Like
• 1:40:31
  Speaker 1: I can't compete with these, you know, ingenuity or whatever.
• 1:40:37
  Speaker 3: It's not the same as having an intimate relationship.
• 1:40:40
  Speaker 1: No, but it's also threatening, you know, when it's like,
• 1:40:43
  Speaker 1: you know, you know, you hear some of the other
• 1:40:46
  Speaker 1: room and it just sounds like it should have a
• 1:40:47
  Speaker 1: fan belt on it. It's like some of these, it's like,
• 1:40:49
  Speaker 1: it's just into, I don't know. I think that's kind of,
• 1:40:52
  Speaker 1: you know, I don't know what I'm talking.
• 1:40:54
  Speaker 3: About, but I don't think we should end on this note, Theo.
• 1:40:56
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty lonely as well. What's something you feel like, um,
• 1:40:59
  Speaker 1: before you leave that you, uh, would like to share
• 1:41:02
  Speaker 1: with us or something else we can think about?
• 1:41:05
  Speaker 3: Well, the main thing I would really love people to know,
• 1:41:08
  Speaker 3: which is, is an umbrella over everything that we've talked
• 1:41:12
  Speaker 3: about today. And like you've said, there's so much more
• 1:41:13
  Speaker 3: we could talk about, is that you have so much
• 1:41:16
  Speaker 3: potential in your brain. Your brain is amazing. And if
• 1:41:19
  Speaker 3: you know how to use it properly, you can make
• 1:41:22
  Speaker 3: your life so much better than you ever dreamed it
• 1:41:25
  Speaker 3: could be.
• 1:41:26
  Speaker 1: Really? Yes.
• 1:41:27
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 1:41:28
  Speaker 1: How does somebody who doesn't believe that start to believe it?
• 1:41:31
  Speaker 3: I would make... a set of tweaks in some very
• 1:41:39
  Speaker 3: basic fundamental areas and I would make them micro tweaks.
• 1:41:44
  Speaker 3: So where I talk about sleep, diet, hydration, exercise and
• 1:41:49
  Speaker 3: stress management, I always say change 10 things by 1%,
• 1:41:53
  Speaker 3: not one thing by 10%. So if you went to
• 1:41:56
  Speaker 3: bed half an hour earlier or you drank an extra
• 1:41:59
  Speaker 3: glass of water every day or you ate some more
• 1:42:00
  Speaker 3: vegetables and you walked a thousand steps more than you
• 1:42:05
  Speaker 3: usually do, and spent some time in nature, and we
• 1:42:09
  Speaker 3: haven't even talked about neuroaesthetics, which is a whole other topic.
• 1:42:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, gosh.
• 1:42:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Then if you do a few things like that
• 1:42:15
  Speaker 3: every day, they're physical things that are building the foundation
• 1:42:18
  Speaker 3: for your brain to be in a good environment where
• 1:42:20
  Speaker 3: it can be better, you will, I guarantee you, feel
• 1:42:24
  Speaker 3: so much better within a matter of weeks that you'll think, okay,
• 1:42:27
  Speaker 3: what else can I do? Yeah. And then you can
• 1:42:29
  Speaker 3: build it up to a point where physically you're in
• 1:42:33
  Speaker 3: really good condition. And then you could do a vision
• 1:42:35
  Speaker 3: board or... you know, whatever your goal is, maybe for
• 1:42:39
  Speaker 3: part two, we could ask people to write in and say,
• 1:42:42
  Speaker 3: this is what I'd like to achieve. How, how could
• 1:42:43
  Speaker 3: I do it?
• 1:42:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah. You know what? One thing
• 1:42:47
  Speaker 1: you said, it is, it's so easy to create a pattern.
• 1:42:50
  Speaker 1: It feels hard. The first day is a little tough.
• 1:42:52
  Speaker 1: The second day is a little bit tougher, but then
• 1:42:55
  Speaker 1: that third day you're like, holy shit, this is a
• 1:42:57
  Speaker 1: pattern and it feels different and it feels cool. And
• 1:43:01
  Speaker 1: then you get excited about it. And there's nothing bigger
• 1:43:04
  Speaker 1: I've learned in my life, Tara, than, um, get like
• 1:43:09
  Speaker 1: realizing if you do this and then you do that
• 1:43:13
  Speaker 1: and then you're like, oh, now the landscape looks different. Now,
• 1:43:16
  Speaker 1: what else could I do? What else could I do?
• 1:43:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:43:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:43:18
  Speaker 3: You're a classic example of that.
• 1:43:20
  Speaker 1: I just can't. Sometimes I'm like, what else can I do?
• 1:43:23
  Speaker 1: What else? Like, holy shit. The world's like, I could
• 1:43:27
  Speaker 1: do some, what else to, what else could I do? Yeah.
• 1:43:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah. But man, it really is, especially, yeah,
• 1:43:34
  Speaker 1: there were times when I just didn't feel like I
• 1:43:35
  Speaker 1: could do, you know.
• 1:43:37
  Speaker 3: And, But also for you, there are millions of people
• 1:43:41
  Speaker 3: that some of them you might know about. Some of
• 1:43:43
  Speaker 3: you will never know about the influence that you've had
• 1:43:45
  Speaker 3: on them. And that's another thing that you're doing passively
• 1:43:48
  Speaker 3: by doing everything that you do, which is huge.
• 1:43:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. We don't know the effects that we're going
• 1:43:53
  Speaker 1: to have on other people and stuff like that. It's
• 1:43:55
  Speaker 1: pretty magical. That's why we need each other. You know,
• 1:43:57
  Speaker 1: we need each other to build our oxytocin up. Yeah. Yeah. dude,
• 1:44:00
  Speaker 1: we got to get more oxytocin going, huh?
• 1:44:03
  Speaker 3: Well, laughter creates it. So you're spreading oxytocin like crazy.
• 1:44:08
  Speaker 1: And is it, do we have synthetic oxytocin or they
• 1:44:10
  Speaker 1: don't have that?
• 1:44:13
  Speaker 3: I don't know if I even want to get you
• 1:44:15
  Speaker 3: to Google this, but you can actually purchase it over
• 1:44:17
  Speaker 3: the internet. You obviously do not know what you are getting.
• 1:44:20
  Speaker 3: So please be careful. In lab experiments, they used a
• 1:44:24
  Speaker 3: nasal spray of oxytocin and they showed guys pictures of
• 1:44:28
  Speaker 3: women They had to rate them on attractiveness before and
• 1:44:32
  Speaker 3: after taking the spray. They rated them all as more
• 1:44:35
  Speaker 3: attractive after taking the spray.
• 1:44:37
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:44:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:44:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, dude. I looked up oxytocin and nose spray was
• 1:44:42
  Speaker 1: the top search. So there's an oxytocin nose spray. Don't
• 1:44:46
  Speaker 1: get crazy, guys. But maybe I'll take a hit of
• 1:44:49
  Speaker 1: it next time we record. What, you and I? I'll
• 1:44:53
  Speaker 1: take at least a hit.
• 1:44:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I don't think you need to. That's quite insulting
• 1:44:57
  Speaker 3: to me.
• 1:44:58
  Speaker 1: Oh, sorry. I'll let you take a hit. You're going
• 1:45:00
  Speaker 1: to need it.
• 1:45:01
  Speaker 3: I'll tell you.
• 1:45:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah. If you look at me, you're going to need
• 1:45:05
  Speaker 1: some oxytocin, man. Or we can give a little to
• 1:45:07
  Speaker 1: a pup or something.
• 1:45:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Um, and see what he, we could do that experiment.
• 1:45:11
  Speaker 3: Give some to a puppy and see what happens. Is
• 1:45:14
  Speaker 3: that legal?
• 1:45:16
  Speaker 1: Uh, I don't know. I'm sure. Well, some people write
• 1:45:18
  Speaker 1: in the comments if it is or not. Um, Tara Swart,
• 1:45:22
  Speaker 1: thank you so much. Your book, The Source, I haven't
• 1:45:24
  Speaker 1: read it, but I would like to. So I'm going
• 1:45:27
  Speaker 1: to keep it on my list of stuff to read
• 1:45:29
  Speaker 1: at some point. Thank you. Yeah, thank you for just
• 1:45:32
  Speaker 1: being somebody that wants to help share the information that
• 1:45:34
  Speaker 1: you have and are learning. You're really on the forefront
• 1:45:37
  Speaker 1: of things that are possible for the future. Neuroscience is
• 1:45:40
  Speaker 1: crazy because we just don't know what our brain is
• 1:45:41
  Speaker 1: capable of. What percentage of information about our brains do
• 1:45:46
  Speaker 1: you think we currently know?
• 1:45:48
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's a really good question. It's hard to put
• 1:45:50
  Speaker 3: a percentage on it. But if I think about how
• 1:45:52
  Speaker 3: much has changed since I was at medical school, and
• 1:45:56
  Speaker 3: if I align that with the fact that what we
• 1:45:58
  Speaker 3: used to watch as science fiction as kids, like a
• 1:45:59
  Speaker 3: lot of it's true now, I just don't think we
• 1:46:03
  Speaker 3: know how much potential there is. I think it's big.
• 1:46:05
  Speaker 3: All I can say is it's bigger than what we think.
• 1:46:07
  Speaker 3: We're not capable of knowing that yet.
• 1:46:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy because we're not even capable of
• 1:46:12
  Speaker 1: knowing it yet. That's the wildest thing, man. is we're
• 1:46:17
  Speaker 1: not even capable. Like, again, you got to get there.
• 1:46:19
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you got to get that next place to see
• 1:46:22
  Speaker 1: what else is even possible.
• 1:46:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And now with AI and everything, it's, you know,
• 1:46:25
  Speaker 3: it's just changed the whole.
• 1:46:27
  Speaker 1: Who knows?
• 1:46:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:46:29
  Speaker 1: I mean, we could both be, yeah. Who even knows?
• 1:46:31
  Speaker 1: We can be living in an orphanage right now or something,
• 1:46:34
  Speaker 1: or who knows? AI can do so many things, you know? So, Dr.
• 1:46:38
  Speaker 1: Tara Swart, thank you so much for coming.
• 1:46:40
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 1:46:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I look forward to catching up with you too.
• 1:46:42
  Speaker 1: And I'm in your country.
• 1:46:43
  Speaker 3: I'd love that.
• 1:46:44
  Speaker 1: Yep. And your book, The Source. Are you still teaching
• 1:46:47
  Speaker 1: at MIT? Yeah.
• 1:46:48
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 1:46:49
  Speaker 1: That's crazy, dude. That's like really MIT, dude. You're like,
• 1:46:55
  Speaker 1: oh yeah.
• 1:46:55
  Speaker 3: That was something I manifested that I never thought.
• 1:46:58
  Speaker 1: Really? Yeah. And that's crazy. Cause I don't even know
• 1:47:01
  Speaker 1: where did you hear about it a lot? You're like,
• 1:47:03
  Speaker 1: oh yeah, they're doing something illegal. It feels like, but
• 1:47:08
  Speaker 1: probably pretty good.
• 1:47:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:47:10
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming.
• 1:47:11
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 1:47:11
  Speaker 1: And thank you for my wonderful gift as well. Very
• 1:47:14
  Speaker 1: sweet of you, love. I'm going to have a little
• 1:47:16
  Speaker 1: bit of this when I'm feeling a bit down, Mum.
• 1:47:19
  Speaker 1: Good on you, Miss. You're welcome.
• 1:47:21
  Speaker 4: Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel
• 1:47:25
  Speaker 4: I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone Oh,
• 1:47:33
  Speaker 4: but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace
• 1:47:36
  Speaker 4: of mind I found I can feel it in my
• 1:47:40
  Speaker 4: bones