Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / THE REBOUND TRAP: The Truth About Transitional Supply ♻️🏚️

Transcript

THE REBOUND TRAP: The Truth About Transitional Supply ♻️🏚️ · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So you're looking at the new person, the new supply, the
• 0:05
  narcissist new supply, and you're confused, right?
• 0:08
  You like interesting. You're wondering how I went from
• 0:16
  Someone Like You who had it all together, who had everything
• 0:20
  that I was looking for, right? Who had everything that I
• 0:23
  needed, How I went from Someone Like You to someone who is
• 0:27
  frankly could be a mess, right? Somebody that's not like you.
• 0:32
  Maybe. Perhaps the words y'all might
• 0:33
  use is a downgrade. You think I've changed my
• 0:37
  standards, but I really haven't. I just changed my requirements.
• 0:41
  Look, I'm a diagnose narcissist. And today we're talking about
• 0:45
  the narcissist and their transitional supply, the life
• 0:49
  raft we jump into when our relationship or when our
• 0:53
  relationships start sinking. Snap, snap, snap for the intro.
• 1:01
  What's going on, y'all? Hope you're having a beautiful,
• 1:02
  beautiful day. What's going on, Joy?
• 1:04
  I just saw you posted in the Group A few minutes ago.
• 1:07
  What's up, y'all? But yeah, transitional supply,
• 1:10
  the in between. The new supply might not be
• 1:14
  permanent. They might just be transitional.
• 1:18
  If you're watching on YouTube, make sure you hit that the
• 1:20
  thumbs up and drop a comment. Let me know you're here, y'all.
• 1:24
  We're going to hop right into it, y'all.
• 1:27
  Like when you are leaving a Like I said, when a narcissist leaves
• 1:30
  the relationship or you break up with them, most narcissists
• 1:33
  don't want to be alone, right? Narcissist cannot be alone.
• 1:36
  Like I can't sit with myself. I can't do it.
• 1:39
  I hate it. The silence starts to attack me.
• 1:43
  So if I can't be alone, if I don't want to be alone, guess
• 1:46
  what I do? I find someone else.
• 1:50
  Like I said, the silence is my enemy.
• 1:51
  I need somebody to fill this space.
• 1:53
  I need some new supply. So if I discard you or you leave
• 1:57
  me and I don't have a backup ready, I or I, I will.
• 2:02
  Or your narcissistic partner, whoever it is, right, They will
• 2:06
  take the very first thing that walks by.
• 2:09
  It's not, look, it's not about having a type anymore.
• 2:12
  It's literally about survival. And most narcissists need supply
• 2:17
  in order to survive. New Zealand's in the house, not
• 2:20
  the life raft. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 2:21
  Jessica James. Yeah.
• 2:24
  What's up, Jeanette? I hope you're having a good day.
• 2:26
  But yeah, y'all seriously? It's a life raft.
• 2:29
  You need something need somebody she is a beauty.
• 2:33
  That's what ends up happening right here.
• 2:34
  Y'all narcissist need somebody and that's what happens like we
• 2:38
  got to survive. I can't If I need narcissistic
• 2:41
  supply, I might take somebody that's not my type.
• 2:43
  And you you have had you look at me like this.
• 2:45
  You look look you looking at my Facebook like this like who?
• 2:48
  Who the hell Lee talking to now ain't going to break over me Who
• 2:51
  he talking to? Y'all see this?
• 2:57
  You see what I'm saying that's what y'all be doing, right?
• 2:59
  That's what you do right there. So sometimes it's about
• 3:02
  survival, but it's also about convenience as well, right?
• 3:06
  Because some narcissistic people think about it like this, like
• 3:10
  if you kick out a narcissist and some of y'all can attest to
• 3:13
  this, some of y'all can y'all, y'all don't feel it when I say
• 3:15
  this. Sometimes if you kick out a
• 3:16
  narcissist, they don't have anywhere else to go, right?
• 3:21
  They don't have anywhere else to go.
• 3:23
  They are they look when you kick them out, they will be let's
• 3:27
  keep it PC. They will be an unhoused person,
• 3:32
  right? They will be unhoused.
• 3:35
  Unhoused and unfair. So they need somebody all the
• 3:38
  convenience. I'm not.
• 3:40
  Do you have a house? This is a nice house.
• 3:43
  This is an amazed. This is an amazing house.
• 3:47
  Damn, it could fit two people. OK, This is an amazing like
• 3:52
  damn, it's a nice house. I'm I'm what?
• 3:54
  Oh, where where do I live? Oh, me, I'm in between houses
• 3:59
  currently. I'm in between houses.
• 4:01
  Like really? I'm living in between two
• 4:03
  houses, you know, like the space between two houses.
• 4:06
  I got a tent set up in the space between my Mama house and my
• 4:09
  auntie house. I sleep in a tent right now.
• 4:11
  But look, I can move in here. You want me to do?
• 4:14
  I can. Look, I can, I can take this
• 4:15
  space off and do whatever I need to do.
• 4:16
  And me and you, I love you. I love you.
• 4:19
  I love you. Did that work?
• 4:21
  OK, I'm in there. You see?
• 4:24
  I know that, I know that sounds foolish, but that really is what
• 4:30
  happens, man. I know it sounds foolish, but
• 4:33
  that's how the mind works. That's how it goes right there,
• 4:36
  man. They sometimes just want to have
• 4:39
  someone around. That's really, really what it
• 4:41
  goes. Except when it's at Mama House
• 4:43
  first. Live from North Carolina.
• 4:44
  I'm in North Carolina too. But yeah, sometimes it's out of
• 4:47
  convenience. Like do you have a cat?
• 4:50
  Look at first my list of things that I needed in the person, my
• 4:54
  list of things like my first, my first list of things I needed
• 4:57
  were I needed somebody that was a certain height, certain
• 5:01
  financial status, certain weight, race, religion,
• 5:05
  ethnicity, whatever it is I need, I need.
• 5:07
  I had a lot of specific needs and wants for my partner.
• 5:11
  You got to have this much money. You got to be you got to be all
• 5:14
  this, be all that. Appreciate it.
• 5:17
  But now all of a sudden, my needs have changed.
• 5:21
  Do you have a couch? Who do?
• 5:24
  Whose name on the lease? Is there food in the fridge?
• 5:31
  Do you have a car that I might can ride in or use sometimes to
• 5:34
  go look for a job? Do you have debt, right?
• 5:39
  Do you have a bank account, you know, or a debit card or
• 5:42
  something? A little extra debit card, Could
• 5:43
  it? Could you add me as an
• 5:44
  authorized user on your Discover Card, right?
• 5:49
  If the answer is yes to any of those questions, then you are
• 5:51
  hired on the spot. You have been hired for the
• 5:54
  position of narcissistic supply, AKA transitional supply, right?
• 6:00
  This is not my soul mate. This is not their soul mate.
• 6:03
  This right here is literally them near a service, a service
• 6:06
  provider, right? It's not a soul mate.
• 6:08
  It's a service provider. It's somebody that I need and
• 6:11
  whatnot. It's somebody I need here with
• 6:13
  me. And so this, that's what goes on
• 6:15
  right here. This is the mentality that you
• 6:17
  face. You know what I mean?
• 6:19
  I don't give me a hit like and sub.
• 6:23
  Y'all make sure y'all hit the like button in the sub if you're
• 6:25
  on YouTube especially as well. But yeah, that's the mentality,
• 6:28
  man. So I know we're never going to
• 6:32
  cover what a lot of y'all like to say.
• 6:35
  Why do they downgrade? Why do they look like a
• 6:38
  downgrade? That's the word just y'all use.
• 6:40
  I don't think people, unless they are evil people, they can't
• 6:43
  be downgrades, right? Because we can't control how we
• 6:45
  look. We can't control how we present
• 6:47
  ourselves, right? So sometimes when a narcissist
• 6:50
  is choosing new supply, it's about that the person might be
• 6:54
  easy. Like I did a video yesterday
• 6:57
  about grade A supply. A lot of y'all attended.
• 6:59
  If you haven't watched my video on grade A supply, it's logged.
• 7:02
  It's linked to my YouTube channel right now.
• 7:04
  But sometimes I go from grade A supply.
• 7:07
  I might look, I might go for ADAD minus right.
• 7:11
  I went for somebody who who who ran a Fortune 500 company to
• 7:15
  somebody who just had a couch, who just who got a boneless
• 7:18
  couch. You know, the couches with no,
• 7:20
  with no boneless couches, they don't have no wood in them
• 7:23
  anything. They just all cushion.
• 7:25
  I went for somebody running that to a boneless couch that I can
• 7:28
  sleep on right, because I need to look.
• 7:32
  I don't need grade AI. Don't everybody look?
• 7:34
  Everybody don't get look. DS get degrees, right.
• 7:38
  Everybody don't pass with an A give me AD minus and I'm out of
• 7:41
  there. Did I get my diploma?
• 7:44
  Did I get my degree with all my DS?
• 7:47
  Yes, yes, DS get degrees, D's get degrees.
• 7:58
  So yeah, I might take AD after I go from grade A.
• 8:02
  Yeah, that's what I might do sometime.
• 8:04
  That's where I go. That's literally how it goes.
• 8:06
  I'm not right. That's my mentality.
• 8:07
  That's how I work it, right? I don't know about it.
• 8:10
  See, Janelle, I don't know about an F Say, I don't know about AI
• 8:13
  might get AF. You can look, you can take a
• 8:15
  couple FS and still pass. You can't have an overall F
• 8:18
  though. You can take a couple FS.
• 8:19
  Look, that boneless couch might have a hole in it, right?
• 8:23
  That's an F, but it's a couch, right?
• 8:26
  That's what goes right there. So sometimes, yeah, it's not
• 8:30
  about looks. It's not about whatever it can
• 8:31
  be about the person is easy. Like if I had a grade A supply
• 8:35
  that set boundaries and those boundaries are starting to get
• 8:38
  on my damn nerves. And I couldn't, I could, I had
• 8:41
  to start taking accountability and stuff like that.
• 8:43
  I had this, They started demanding respect for me.
• 8:46
  I'm tired now, man. Just give me somebody who don't
• 8:48
  have boundaries, give me somebody who don't care as long
• 8:51
  as I'm there, give me somebody who needs me, right?
• 8:53
  Somebody who might have some type of, you know, a lot of
• 8:56
  time, most times narcissists look for strong people, right?
• 8:59
  But when they're looking for a transitional supply or somebody
• 9:02
  to fill a space, they'll go after somebody that's
• 9:04
  vulnerable. They'll go after somebody
• 9:05
  that's, that might be have low self esteem or something like
• 9:08
  that. So because now I guess want
• 9:10
  somebody easy. I I want somebody or someone who
• 9:13
  who won't hold me accountable because they just happy I'm
• 9:17
  here, right? I'm trading.
• 9:19
  I'm, I'm trading quality for compliance in this situation
• 9:23
  right here. I'm trading down sometimes,
• 9:25
  right? I'm trading.
• 9:27
  I can't afford to pay. Look, it's just like a car.
• 9:28
  Yeah, it's like a car payment. I can't afford the car payment
• 9:32
  no more. It's $1200 a month.
• 9:36
  I'm gonna have to trade this in. Eat the negative equity.
• 9:39
  Roll it. Roll the negative equity for my
• 9:41
  previous relationship into this new one, right?
• 9:45
  And now my car payment is too, man, I got $125.00 car payment.
• 9:48
  Yes, I have to get behind the car and push it down a hill to
• 9:52
  start it. But yes, I have a car now,
• 9:54
  right? I'm still riding, I'm still
• 9:56
  getting back. I'm still getting from point A
• 9:58
  to point B, aren't I? I'm still getting where I need
• 10:01
  to go, right? Yeah, I say some stupid stuff.
• 10:08
  I know y'all like you. Stupid as hell, but what were
• 10:13
  y'all? I'm going to tell y'all were the
• 10:14
  survivor, right? Or the old supply?
• 10:16
  I'm going to tell y'all where y'all get caught up at?
• 10:18
  Right here. You get.
• 10:19
  You get caught up in the comparison game.
• 10:22
  You get caught up comparing yourself to the new person and
• 10:24
  guess what ends up happening? You start talking negative about
• 10:27
  the new person. They don't know you.
• 10:28
  They don't know you exist. You start just hyping yourself
• 10:30
  up like they fat, they ugly. They did stay that look what I
• 10:34
  got everything. They don't have a house.
• 10:36
  They got a boneless couch. My couch has I got I got a bone
• 10:39
  in the couch. My couch got too many bones.
• 10:42
  It's rock hard. It got it's all my couch is all
• 10:44
  bones, no cushion, right? They got boneless.
• 10:46
  I got all bones right. He's all comparing and
• 10:49
  comparing, comparing and comparing and comparing.
• 10:54
  You start comparing and contrasting yourself to the new
• 10:56
  person and then you start asking yourself questions like well
• 11:00
  what do they have that I don't? Do they love them more?
• 11:03
  Are they going to treat the next person better?
• 11:07
  That's one of the question y'all ask a lot.
• 11:08
  Are they going to treat them better than they treated me even
• 11:11
  though I look better and have more money?
• 11:12
  Da da blah blah Boo Boo Boo Boo Boo.
• 11:14
  You know what I'm saying? The truth of the situation is
• 11:18
  somehow they the new person is just getting used right and it's
• 11:22
  her. It sucks to say because
• 11:23
  sometimes the new person is absolutely just getting used.
• 11:27
  That's what we happening right there.
• 11:29
  That's what happens sometimes like it just they just play the
• 11:32
  role that they're meant to play, you know, and it doesn't mean
• 11:36
  that the person won't be around for a long time.
• 11:38
  Transit. I know people ask this question
• 11:39
  like Lee, how long does transitional supply?
• 11:43
  How long does transitional supply last?
• 11:46
  And I'll be real with y'all, There's no, yeah, there's no
• 11:48
  timetable, right? Right.
• 11:50
  There's no timetable on it. A transitional supply could be a
• 11:53
  couple of days, it could be a couple of weeks, it could be
• 11:55
  years, right? Transitional supply serves a
• 11:59
  purpose, you know, And sometimes it's sometimes, even though it's
• 12:02
  a transitional supply, they be good to you.
• 12:06
  That boneless couch. I go from the boneless couch to
• 12:09
  the boneless bed and I'm clapping some boneless cheeks.
• 12:12
  I did too much. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
• 12:17
  I would do I would do far. I would do far, but then we
• 12:20
  going on right there 7 cats couch was like, yeah, hey, but
• 12:24
  it's a couch. You see what I'm saying?
• 12:26
  It's a couch nonetheless, It's my it's my cat piss couch.
• 12:33
  It's my cat piss couch. That's where it goes right there
• 12:36
  man. I'm just telling you this is the
• 12:37
  mentality that you face when you have this type of person going
• 12:41
  around. Yeah, I joke too much man.
• 12:45
  But this is what y'all here for. Y'all know?
• 12:47
  This is why y'all follow me. This is y'all tune into my lives
• 12:50
  because I crack jokes. I make people laugh.
• 12:52
  This is what I do. Appreciate that Jessica James.
• 12:56
  This is what I do. Seriously, this is what I do.
• 12:58
  I just make people I, I like. I make myself laugh.
• 13:00
  I don't even know right. So All in all, like seriously,
• 13:05
  All in all, the new, the new supply or the transitional
• 13:08
  supply is typically providing me what you took away, right?
• 13:13
  But you if, if you discarded me, right, provided me what you took
• 13:17
  away, lack of boundaries access, whatever the case may be, I'm
• 13:20
  getting that from now. I'm getting that from now.
• 13:22
  But again, you have to understand and recognize that
• 13:25
  there is a temporary status associated with narcissistic.
• 13:29
  The transitional supply is temporary, right?
• 13:31
  The temporary is literally a temporary visa into your life
• 13:35
  with the climate going on in America, right?
• 13:37
  Transitional supply rarely last a long, long time.
• 13:41
  I'm not saying that they don't last.
• 13:43
  Like I just told you a few minutes ago, they could be
• 13:44
  weeks, months, it could be years, right?
• 13:47
  But as soon as I get my money, right, as soon as I get myself
• 13:50
  together, as soon as I feel comfortable enough that this
• 13:53
  person no longer serves me or I could find better, I'm out of
• 13:56
  there, right? As soon as I can find my own
• 13:59
  place, my own house, as soon as I get my own job that the the
• 14:02
  transitional supply helped me get, I got my own car and stuff
• 14:05
  like that. As soon as I get my life
• 14:06
  together, what as soon as I get where I want to go or where I
• 14:09
  need to go, or I find some more grade a supply or at least AB
• 14:13
  right, I'm out of there, right? And not all.
• 14:16
  I know I make a joke, a lot of jokes, but not all narcissists
• 14:18
  are struggling financially. There are a lot of narcissists
• 14:20
  that are actually well offered just decently, you know, just
• 14:22
  decent financially and what not. So Narcissus, just because they
• 14:26
  have a transitional supply doesn't mean that they won't
• 14:28
  target someone else. And what ends up happening
• 14:30
  sometimes is they find a transitional supply and be
• 14:33
  having babies with them. And so the transitional supply
• 14:35
  is it being long term. Transitional supply is long
• 14:38
  term. It was a instead of like, you
• 14:41
  know, those, those what do you call a Roche?
• 14:43
  They used to call them Roach motels back in the day, right?
• 14:45
  They used to call them Roach motels, but now they're called.
• 14:48
  But the, the, you can extend their stay instead of being a
• 14:52
  Roach motel or just like a overnight thing, it turns into
• 14:56
  an extended stay. It turns into an extended stay
• 14:59
  because now we got a kid together.
• 15:01
  Now there's something that, that there's something going on right
• 15:03
  here. That's what ends up happening,
• 15:05
  man. Like temporaries, like temporary
• 15:07
  transitional supply typically serve to get the to get the
• 15:11
  narcissist from point A to point B, but there's no time limit on
• 15:15
  the length of time it takes to get from point A to B, right?
• 15:18
  So if you're, if you're a narcissistic partner has broken
• 15:21
  up with you or you broke it with them, right, you got to stop
• 15:23
  hurting yourself, man. You got to stop checking their
• 15:26
  social media. We'd be doing it if you, if you
• 15:28
  check your narcissist social media, drop some eyeballs in the
• 15:31
  comment section. Like do, do do the little side
• 15:33
  eye. Just type the type, the word
• 15:34
  EYES and drop that emoji in the comment section.
• 15:37
  I know a lot of y'all do it. Don't be ashamed and nothing to
• 15:38
  be embarrassed about, right? Because there, this is what the
• 15:41
  community is for. This is what it is for right
• 15:43
  here. Like stop checking that person's
• 15:45
  page. It's called pain shopping.
• 15:48
  You're going to looking for things that are going to hurt
• 15:50
  you. Nothing on that page is going to
• 15:51
  make you feel better, right? Nothing.
• 15:53
  Even if they're doing bad because you have a high capacity
• 15:56
  for empathy, you're going to feel bad for them.
• 15:58
  If they're sad, you go, Oh no, they're sad.
• 16:00
  You see, even if they hurt you, you be like, Oh no, they're sad.
• 16:03
  Maybe I can help. See, there you go again.
• 16:06
  You going to be you going to become the transition supply,
• 16:08
  you see. So stop checking their page like
• 16:11
  you're not look, you're not looking for love anymore, y'all,
• 16:13
  That's you're but you're not you're not looking for love in a
• 16:17
  transactional relationship dynamic, right?
• 16:19
  They are. They are not happy with them,
• 16:21
  even though it seems like it in the pictures, right?
• 16:23
  They just they, they're just getting their needs met.
• 16:25
  This typically happens right here, y'all.
• 16:27
  That's what typically happens in these situations.
• 16:29
  You got to stop looking at social media, stop comparing
• 16:32
  yourself to the narcissistic like to the narcissistic ex and
• 16:35
  whatnot, or they have going on to the new supply and what ends
• 16:39
  up what really can help you out. If you're talking negative about
• 16:42
  a new supply that doesn't know you exist, that doesn't help you
• 16:46
  right there. You know what I mean?
• 16:48
  That doesn't help you at all at all at all.
• 16:53
  But that bad. Why say that more steam O what's
• 16:57
  up girl? My favorite one around is men
• 16:59
  sleep with who they can women sleep with who they want and
• 17:01
  that kills any product Yeah, He is he is 88 years old still
• 17:09
  doing this yeah. They don't get better or ate up.
• 17:11
  You don't you don't age out of toxicity right.
• 17:15
  You do not age out of toxicity. Now I got time.
• 17:17
  I got a few minutes for some some Q&A.
• 17:18
  Y'all if y'all want to drop some questions in the chat feel free
• 17:21
  to do that. You know feel free to drop some
• 17:23
  questions in the chat. All the other good things, but
• 17:25
  like, yeah, they don't grow out of toxicity.
• 17:27
  You will have a 8590 year old toxic narcissistic bastard still
• 17:32
  being evil. You be like, you're 100 years
• 17:34
  old. Are you not going to stop
• 17:35
  cheating? And they'll be like, as long as
• 17:38
  I can get it up, I'm going to get it up.
• 17:44
  The new supply stalks me. Wonder why you got to wonder
• 17:48
  what? What was being told to the new
• 17:50
  supply about you? You don't even, you might not
• 17:52
  even know this person. They're stalking you.
• 17:54
  What was being told about you? That's the thing right there.
• 17:56
  The narcissist will lie to the new supply about what you done,
• 17:59
  how you survive, what you did to them, all kinds of stuff.
• 18:02
  They'll just lie, man. They'd be lying their asses off.
• 18:04
  The new supply watches my social media.
• 18:06
  Yep. Well, I wonder what?
• 18:08
  I wonder what they said to them. Think about that right there.
• 18:11
  A person you don't know is watching your social media.
• 18:14
  Why is that? You don't know this person.
• 18:17
  They don't know you. Why they watch your social
• 18:18
  media? Because a lot of times behind
• 18:21
  the scenes the narcissist is doing comparing this, comparing
• 18:24
  and contrasting you to the new supply or a good one.
• 18:29
  They're telling the new supply that you were abusive.
• 18:33
  They'll tell you, they'll call, they'll tell the new supply that
• 18:37
  you are abusive to them and that's why they are treated in a
• 18:41
  new supply bag. So now you have an enemy.
• 18:44
  Now the new supply is blaming you for being treated badly by
• 18:48
  your ex. The new supply looking at your
• 18:50
  stuff like you devil has one. I got some point.
• 18:54
  You hurt my baby. You see how that goes right
• 18:56
  there? You see that?
• 18:58
  You see, she told me he was. She told me she was told he was
• 19:03
  abused. So they bonded over their
• 19:04
  trauma. Well, did I just say that?
• 19:06
  Didn't I just say that? I just literally just said that
• 19:09
  I just said that. Did I say that?
• 19:12
  I just said they will. They will make these stories of
• 19:14
  about how you were abusive and they're healing from you and
• 19:16
  This is why they treat them new. I just said it.
• 19:18
  Look at look at me. I'll be on point, Nona, I'll be
• 19:20
  on point. I'll be on point with this
• 19:24
  thing. How do I know if he got into
• 19:27
  therapy is how do I know if he got into therapy is changing him
• 19:31
  on manipulation to get him to move back home and take him
• 19:34
  back. Only time was holding that
• 19:35
  situation right there. Let's be real.
• 19:37
  People who get into therapy are not bragging about being in
• 19:40
  therapy. He's not calling like somebody
• 19:42
  who's truly trying to change is not reaching out to you and just
• 19:44
  saying, hey, Stephanie, do you want to give you an update from
• 19:46
  therapy today? The therapy said I was good to
• 19:49
  go and I can come home. No, no, no.
• 19:53
  That's manipulation. True, true.
• 19:55
  Therapy takes a long time to work.
• 19:57
  It's not a couple of days. It's not a couple of sessions.
• 20:00
  That's a long term investment, right?
• 20:04
  That's how it goes right there. The new supply wanted to save
• 20:07
  him from me and told him she will be his private
• 20:09
  psychologist. Look how look, look.
• 20:11
  Yeah, think, think about the mind of somebody who's saying
• 20:14
  something like that. I'm going to be a private
• 20:18
  psychologist. One thing that ends up happening
• 20:20
  a lot y'all y'all know I still do my yeah, I still do my one on
• 20:23
  ones over zoom mental illness.net right.
• 20:28
  I do phone calls as well. But y'all the one thing that
• 20:31
  happens so much like think about that right there like to believe
• 20:37
  everything that comes out of somebody's mouth you just met is
• 20:39
  y'all got to I know some of y'all private.
• 20:41
  A lot of people have done it right, but like you got to think
• 20:44
  about that mentality right there.
• 20:46
  Why are you so willing to believe everything that comes
• 20:49
  out of this stranger's mouth? You see why you so ready and
• 20:53
  ready to believe everything? Yo, you just met this person.
• 20:56
  You believe everything they say. You see what I'm saying?
• 21:00
  Everything they say, everything, like everything out of their
• 21:04
  mouth. Every every kind of fantastical
• 21:07
  crazy ass thing that they make up, you believe it.
• 21:09
  You like just 'cause they cute just 'cause they got a big booty
• 21:15
  or a nice car for they tall, dark and handsome, right?
• 21:21
  Y'all just be believing shit. Y'all just look, we got to use
• 21:23
  our discernment better. Stop believing everything.
• 21:24
  Make them earn your trust. That's one thing people have to
• 21:27
  get good at Make people earn the the benefit of the doubt or your
• 21:32
  trust. Research background checks just
• 21:35
  do background checks. I had a I had AI did a
• 21:40
  one-on-one with a woman one time, right.
• 21:41
  She said she did the background check right before her wedding.
• 21:43
  Like she got it, she got married right?
• 21:45
  And she saw something online about you should do ladies
• 21:48
  before you get married, do a background check.
• 21:49
  And she did a background check on her, her soon to be husband
• 21:52
  right. And turns out he had moved from
• 21:54
  a different state where he had like SA Ed, a few a few other
• 21:58
  women and he had moved states to get away from it.
• 22:00
  So he's on the he was literally a wanted criminal and she only
• 22:04
  found out because she did a background check.
• 22:06
  And she did. Of course, she didn't marry him.
• 22:07
  But she's like Lee. But he's he's in jail writing
• 22:09
  me, telling me that he he made a mistake.
• 22:11
  He didn't want to. He just loved me so much.
• 22:13
  He knew I wouldn't want to be with him if he told me what he
• 22:14
  had he was accused of and he just wanted to fight.
• 22:17
  And it's not true. I'm like, oh, lordy.
• 22:20
  You see, that's what be happening right there.
• 22:21
  They be lying. They be lying.
• 22:25
  He claims to have developed a drinking problem since we got a
• 22:28
  divorce last year and keeps calling me drunk saying he wants
• 22:30
  his wife back, but then ghost me after.
• 22:32
  Yeah. Stop picking the phone up,
• 22:33
  Daphne. Yeah, stop picking the phone up.
• 22:41
  Yes, I beat the phone up because all the if you pick the phone
• 22:45
  up, he doesn't have to go. He doesn't have to work hard.
• 22:48
  Let's say let's say I'm your ex. Let's say so definitely.
• 22:51
  Let's say I'm your ex, right? And I do.
• 22:53
  And I don't want to see you move on.
• 22:56
  I'm calling you complaining about being drunk, right?
• 22:59
  Missing. You want my wife back.
• 23:01
  The fact that you're answering the phone lets me know that I'm
• 23:04
  still, I can still come back into your life that you haven't
• 23:06
  moved on because if you move on, you got another booth.
• 23:09
  You're not answering that phone, right?
• 23:10
  You're not picking the phone up. So now that now that I reassured
• 23:13
  myself that you haven't moved on, I can ghost you and go do
• 23:16
  what I want to go do what I want to do.
• 23:18
  You see, that's how it happens right there.
• 23:20
  That's what I would do. Girl, I'm drunk and I miss you.
• 23:24
  I want my family back. And then you pick up.
• 23:26
  He's like no you don't hang up, hear from me.
• 23:29
  You see what I'm saying? The MO you pick the phone up, it
• 23:31
  is allowed. Letting them know that they
• 23:32
  still have some type of access on you.
• 23:34
  You don't want them to have access.
• 23:38
  Lying bad whole time. Undiagnosed bipolar personality?
• 23:41
  Oh goodness, eight months and then long as we've gone without
• 23:46
  speaking. It's insane.
• 23:47
  Protect your peace, protect your peace.
• 23:49
  Mine hasn't hoovered at all since we split.
• 23:51
  I have him blocked on all socials though.
• 23:53
  He had to see me in court for my protective order though.
• 23:55
  Be safe, be safe, right? You have to be safe right here
• 23:59
  in these scenarios because like, not like I don't say this.
• 24:02
  Not every narcissist hoovers either, right?
• 24:04
  Not every single narcissist or toxic person will Hoover you.
• 24:07
  That's just not like that. That just doesn't happen, right?
• 24:10
  It, it, it seem, I know a lot of people will say that, but that's
• 24:12
  just not 100% true. Like not every narcissist will
• 24:16
  try to Hoover you or get back into your life or do anything
• 24:19
  like that, right? That's not how that's not how it
• 24:21
  works. You know what I mean?
• 24:23
  So that's something you have to think about as well.
• 24:24
  Like not every single narcissist will be like, you know what?
• 24:27
  I don't want to be hoovered, you know, and that not all of them,
• 24:29
  not all of them will do that. And also y'all, if y'all want to
• 24:34
  learn how to heal from narcissistic abuse and
• 24:36
  understand what you went through, I have two courses
• 24:38
  available. One is called finding your why.
• 24:41
  The other is called understanding the seven stages
• 24:44
  of a narcissistic relationship. You can find both of those at
• 24:47
  courses.mentalillness.net. Find both the courses at
• 24:51
  courses.mentalillness.net and you can enter enter the code
• 24:54
  Mothers or Fathers for 50% off courses.mentalillness.net.
• 25:00
  Mothers or Fathers for 50% off My 5 star rated courses that
• 25:05
  people have taken and rated them five stars
• 25:08
  courses.mentalillness.net. They childhood on something.
• 25:12
  Yeah, sometimes they really is. Not all narcissists have bad
• 25:14
  childhoods though, but they will try to use that against you.
• 25:18
  I just left a narcissistic abusive relationship six weeks
• 25:22
  ago. I have an 18 month old son.
• 25:24
  This man in the past six weeks had placed police reports that I
• 25:26
  stole all my belongings from. He called CBS of me accusing me
• 25:29
  abusing my son. He opened the IRS documentation,
• 25:30
  took pictures. I can't get my taxes unless I
• 25:33
  have that paperwork. He says he has cut off right
• 25:36
  here. But if you deal with something
• 25:39
  like this, they're just trying to make your life harder because
• 25:41
  you, because you left, you said you just left.
• 25:44
  They're trying to make your life extremely difficult.
• 25:46
  It's easier to be with me, you know?
• 25:48
  Amanda, just come home. It's easier if you're with me.
• 25:52
  If you were, if you were here, you'd be home already.
• 25:54
  Sound like Pennywise, Don't it? Mine is stalking me.
• 25:57
  Stay safe. Yeah.
• 25:58
  Yeah, Stay safe. If you were home, if you lived
• 26:02
  here, you'd be home by now. It's not like Pennywise from it.
• 26:05
  Come on. Come on.
• 26:06
  In the house. You were here.
• 26:08
  You'd be home by now. 13 court dates, 3 protective orders he
• 26:12
  called from every facility. Therapy was a game thing.
• 26:15
  Oh, good God. He got he he was doing all that.
• 26:17
  Why? Goodness gracious.
• 26:19
  Oh, my goodness. Why does he want couples
• 26:24
  therapy? When I didn't break out when I
• 26:26
  when I didn't break out marriage.
• 26:28
  I have my own therapy. I feel he still wants to share
• 26:30
  accountability for the beauty. Yeah, I mean, sometimes,
• 26:32
  sometimes they'll try to find a therapist or whatever that just
• 26:35
  will say that. And y'all let me be.
• 26:37
  I'm going to keep it. I'm going to keep it Frank with
• 26:39
  y'all right now there are, and this is not for every one of
• 26:42
  them, but there are a lot of horrible therapists out there
• 26:45
  that do not understand narcissistic abuse or
• 26:48
  manipulation, right. You don't have to take a you
• 26:51
  don't have to get certified and manipulation to be a marriage
• 26:54
  counselor. So if you go in there and I had
• 26:56
  a one look, I had a woman one time, right, I did a one-on-one
• 26:59
  with a lady. She said that her husband would
• 27:01
  like literally essay her with would she if she didn't want to
• 27:04
  sleep with him, he would take it from her like take it like
• 27:07
  aggressively. And so she told she told
• 27:10
  somebody that the pastor of the church just happened to also be
• 27:13
  a marriage counselor, like licensed marriage counselor came
• 27:17
  in there and she told the pastor she was like, well, if I don't
• 27:19
  want to sleep with him, he gets aggressive and he just takes it
• 27:23
  from me. Like y'all know the word?
• 27:24
  I'm look, they the fruit grape grape without the G in front of
• 27:29
  it. Her husband would grape her
• 27:31
  right. And the pastor said, and she's I
• 27:34
  don't want to do it all the time.
• 27:35
  And he just he grapes me and the pastor, you know, pastor said
• 27:38
  the pastor slash marriage marriage counsel say he's like,
• 27:42
  you did it. You do that for real.
• 27:43
  And the man was like, yeah, because she don't want to give
• 27:45
  up sometime. And the pastor just like look
• 27:48
  directly at the wife and said, you know, in, in the Bible it
• 27:52
  says you got to pretty much in the Bible it says you got to
• 27:54
  fuck your husband when he wants you, right?
• 27:56
  And she's like, huh, It's your duty to give that booty up.
• 28:01
  You got to get that booty up. You, you got to, even if you're
• 28:03
  not, if you, even, if you, even if you're not in the mood, you
• 28:06
  got to get, you got to give him that boot, that booty, you got
• 28:09
  to give it up. I'm like, wow, wow, that's
• 28:12
  insane. So I would not suggest marriage
• 28:13
  counseling because you end up with someone like that.
• 28:16
  They're going to make you take accountability for your abuse.
• 28:19
  If you'd have just slept with him, you wouldn't have got
• 28:20
  grapes. What?
• 28:26
  Do trauma counseling for yourself.
• 28:27
  Do not go back to the north. Yeah, absolutely.
• 28:29
  Trauma counseling for yourself helps.
• 28:32
  My ex friend is a therapist and gave me psychological psychology
• 28:35
  terminology of what he was doing to me and she turned on me like
• 28:38
  she didn't believe me. Oh dear Lord.
• 28:41
  Yeah, my ex friend. See, my friend, My friend, he
• 28:46
  was out of his mind. Yeah, he was absolutely out of
• 28:47
  his damn mind. My son's father would touch me
• 28:49
  more if I asked him not to. He told me if I don't give him
• 28:52
  as he won't pay my bills. Seat.
• 28:53
  There you go. You see coercive control.
• 28:55
  You see how people like that, how people like this get Badge
• 28:58
  counseling was horrible and everything web webinized against
• 29:00
  me. Yep, that was about right.
• 29:07
  Oh man, I can't stand a religious abuse.
• 29:09
  Yeah, now I if y'all want to see me get triggered, that's what
• 29:12
  this is what triggers me the most right here.
• 29:14
  The religious manipulation, spiritual abusers that trigger
• 29:18
  me the most. Y'all see me get mad.
• 29:19
  That triggers me the most right there.
• 29:21
  Anybody using the Bible is weaponizing the Bible or
• 29:24
  religion to to to get something from people.
• 29:27
  I hate, hate it. I hate it.
• 29:31
  Hate you gotta say that's how I say it.
• 29:33
  Like that hate the voice come from deep.
• 29:35
  That voice comes from deep down. I was like the the the demon
• 29:37
  voice, like Lee, you're a demon. Like, no, I just hate it.
• 29:44
  Yeah, that's that's little I say OK, that's what little I say
• 29:46
  like get the hell out of here. Like don't ever go to the church
• 29:48
  again. He sends me scriptures every
• 29:51
  day. Of course he does.
• 29:52
  That's not somebody that's getting better.
• 29:55
  That's not somebody somebody who's sending you scriptures
• 29:57
  every day is trying to manipulate you because they hand
• 29:59
  picked the scriptures, right? They'd be hand picking the
• 30:03
  scriptures to sin it. It would say obeyed out obey
• 30:06
  one's wife and treat her with respect and like, Nope, find the
• 30:09
  one about obedience. Wife sinned.
• 30:12
  That's how he'll go right there. They're not sending.
• 30:15
  They're not sending the good stuff.
• 30:16
  They're sending obedient wife can't divorce unless you cheat.
• 30:24
  Send nice, nice. What's what's MTL?
• 30:29
  What's MTL? Is that Montreal?
• 30:34
  I could be wrong. My therapist validate my abuse
• 30:36
  and help me name it. Yay.
• 30:38
  Hey, I love that for you. I really do love that for you.
• 30:42
  My ex-husband has me in this triangle with him and a new
• 30:45
  wife. He cheated with her, divorced me
• 30:47
  and they married in November. I do my split from the property,
• 30:49
  which is all which is all we need to settle.
• 30:52
  He filed an appeal in the land court again.
• 30:54
  We have been back and forth. Yeah, So I'm not engaging with
• 30:58
  the with the new wife or anything like that.
• 30:59
  I'm not engaged, whatever. I'm not talking to her, not even
• 31:03
  if they got kids, I'm not talking to her.
• 31:04
  I'm not doing anything like that.
• 31:06
  If there's of anything, not talking, not new communication,
• 31:10
  I'm not even trying to negotiate with him.
• 31:11
  I'm just letting the lawyers. And if you have the lawyers let
• 31:13
  the lawyers and they didn't communicate with them, there's
• 31:15
  no need. They're just trying to trigger
• 31:16
  you trying to get, they're trying to wear you down to get
• 31:18
  you to give into what they want. When you can't block these guys,
• 31:23
  don't give them access. Sometimes I block and unblock
• 31:25
  depending on on the kids. And yeah, I call it.
• 31:28
  Look, I call it on, I call it on contact, not even no contact.
• 31:32
  I call it on contact, only necessary contact instead of no
• 31:36
  contact. Some people have to go on
• 31:37
  contact. You have to do only necessary
• 31:38
  contact because everybody can't go no contact because you, you
• 31:42
  don't have a third party, you don't have, like I said, you
• 31:44
  have kids or something like that.
• 31:46
  There's so many different things right there.
• 31:47
  So on contact helps you use only necessary contact, only respond
• 31:51
  when necessary, only if it's about the kids, only if only if
• 31:55
  this message or this communication reach, you know,
• 31:58
  reaches, crosses, checks, checks off enough boxes so hits a
• 32:02
  certain a certain number of criteria right there, right.
• 32:06
  Marriage papers are ownership. Yep.
• 32:09
  Access denied. How does they know?
• 32:14
  Narcissists show they're willing to work on themselves.
• 32:16
  They actively go to therapy on their own and don't try to use
• 32:19
  it as manipulation, right? You don't, you don't go to
• 32:22
  therapy and come home. And just like, let my therapist
• 32:23
  say this. And it does not have work for
• 32:26
  me. But yeah, I do got to have
• 32:27
  offer. I had to pick my son up from
• 32:28
  school. He's a senior and he gets out of
• 32:30
  school early now. So I do have to get out of here
• 32:32
  and whatnot. If you want to, like I said I, I
• 32:35
  answer questions every single day in my support group called
• 32:37
  the mental healers. Y'all can find my mental illness
• 32:40
  support group. Is that mental illness.net?
• 32:43
  You can see the scrolling across the bottom of the screen or you
• 32:45
  can just go to courses.mentalillness.net as
• 32:48
  well. Join my support group.
• 32:49
  We do we, like I said, we do zoom meetings every Sunday,
• 32:52
  private zooms. Everybody gets their questions
• 32:54
  answered and whatnot. You post anything in the group,
• 32:56
  you come directly to me. Be safe.
• 32:59
  Thank y'all for tuning in. Appreciate it if y'all.
• 33:01
  I'm grateful for you Mental illness.net for everything.
• 33:03
  Subscribe to the channel and I'm out.
• 33:06
  Thanks, hugs to the chat. Yep, Yep, Yep.
• 33:09
  You're right, Julie.