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84 | A Cent for Your Contemplations · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: I want to start this episode by saying I love my girlfriend very much noted.
• 0:04
  Eric: For let it, let it be a matter of the record shows the record shows.
• 0:09
  Eric: Alyssa is like the most empathetic humans I have ever met.
• 0:15
  Eric: She's also one of the most anxious sure.
• 0:18
  Eric: So, say we all so, and so say we all I agree, but Alyssa's flavor of anxieties and I'm trying to think of a way to say this doesn't make me sound like a psychopath.
• 0:28
  Eric: Delight my soul.
• 0:29
  Eric: Okay, case in point before let's put those pitchforks away, I'm just gonna present this without comment and I just want to hear your thoughts.
• 0:37
  Eric: Okay, I took note in my phone List of questions Alyssa will ask me about Nezumi throughout the day.
• 0:44
  Eric: Nezumi is her little palm tree.
• 0:47
  Eric: Yeah, dorable, also incredibly anxious little pup, sure?
• 0:53
  Eric: So here's a list of questions Alyssa will ask me about Nezumi throughout the day.
• 0:56
  Eric: One Does she look sad right now?
• 0:59
  Eric: Two does she look angry at me right now?
• 1:02
  Eric: Three does she look high right now?
• 1:05
  Eric: Four Does she look anxious right now?
• 1:09
  Eric: Five Does she look like a turkey?
• 1:13
  Matt: Okay, well, there was a definitive pattern to the questions.
• 1:18
  Matt: Couldn't agree more until the end.
• 1:20
  Matt: Yes, the end kind of was a curveball.
• 1:24
  Eric: Yeah, yes, and, and, mind you, when we got to like that was like the basic order of the.
• 1:31
  Eric: Quite, this is all from one day.
• 1:32
  Eric: Sure, yeah, this is a singular day with capped off with.
• 1:37
  Eric: Does she look like a turkey?
• 1:39
  Matt: Okay now Eric, I have to know objectively yes, does this dog?
• 1:44
  Eric: look like a turkey?
• 1:44
  Eric: Not even a little bit, okay, not even looks like a dog.
• 1:50
  Matt: Barks like a dog.
• 1:50
  Matt: Barks like a dog, gobbles like a turkey.
• 1:53
  Matt: Got it, gobbles like turkey.
• 1:56
  Eric: But this is.
• 1:57
  Eric: This is kind of like throughout the day.
• 1:58
  Eric: This is, you know, alyssa.
• 2:00
  Eric: Alyssa handles my anxiety by just reassuring me that I haven't, that, that that no one's mad at me and that I haven't done anything wrong, when I've convinced myself that everyone's pissed off at me.
• 2:10
  Matt: Well, yeah, I mean yeah with good reason.
• 2:15
  Eric: Alyssa, fuck you, I broke his brain.
• 2:20
  Eric: I broke it took a second for that to sink in, whereas I I will.
• 2:27
  Eric: I will do the same for a little always reassure.
• 2:29
  Eric: I'm like, hey, you know you're safe, you're happy, you're you're loved, you're good, you're so good.
• 2:34
  Eric: But I also have to play emotional lifeguard for the dog.
• 2:38
  Eric: Sure, of course, specifically her thoughts and worries around the dog.
• 2:42
  Eric: She will look at me.
• 2:42
  Eric: She's like does she look okay?
• 2:44
  Eric: Does she look depressed?
• 2:45
  Eric: Does she looks?
• 2:45
  Eric: Is my dog Eric?
• 2:46
  Eric: I need you to tell me my dog's not dying.
• 2:48
  Eric: Alyssa, your dog is not dying.
• 2:50
  Matt: Well, you don't know, you're not a vet.
• 2:52
  Matt: I can't.
• 2:54
  Eric: I can't say that no of course not.
• 2:57
  Matt: No, it is Disdamental.
• 2:59
  Eric: What fucking world.
• 3:00
  Eric: Am I gonna like?
• 3:01
  Eric: Yes, no, I.
• 3:04
  Matt: I Obviously agree with you that there's no other response, but I also would never ask you, eric poach, is this living creature dying Because you don't know?
• 3:15
  Matt: Yeah, I Don't know, you're not qualified.
• 3:19
  Eric: I don't know, I'm looking over.
• 3:21
  Eric: I'm literally the dog is literally like Going to town on like a raw hide bone.
• 3:28
  Eric: I'm like no, I'm pretty sure the dog's okay, pretty sure it's fine.
• 3:32
  Eric: Yeah, I think we can say with some amount of certainty the dog is not a turkey.
• 3:38
  Matt: Well that one's easier to quantify than the others then the sad, then the angry.
• 3:44
  Matt: Yes, now for the angry.
• 3:47
  Matt: Did she, did Alyssa, that is, do something to the dog that might cause it to be angry?
• 3:54
  Eric: If you would ask to Alyssa that question, she could probably rattle off several things that she like.
• 3:59
  Eric: Like she, she could come over the reason any Number.
• 4:01
  Matt: I'm not asking Alyssa, I'm asking you.
• 4:04
  Matt: I'm asking you what did she do to this dog?
• 4:08
  Matt: Eric, all right, man, cuz you gotta know, yeah, who's side I'm gonna take you.
• 4:15
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
• 4:16
  Eric: It's, it's the dogs, it's the dogs.
• 4:18
  Eric: So let's.
• 4:20
  Eric: It's just clear the air, let's.
• 4:24
  Eric: I Think she might have done something to make the dog angry boy, when I expected it all.
• 4:29
  Eric: I'm getting you in trouble now, eric talk, no.
• 4:34
  Matt: Listen, I'm leaning in because, much like Fraser Crane, I'm listening everybody else Just play it cool.
• 4:41
  Eric: Nobody tell Alyssa if she asks, this episode never came out.
• 4:45
  Eric: That little puppy wanted to treat and she didn't get a treat.
• 4:48
  Eric: Mmm, mmm, yeah, mmm.
• 4:50
  Eric: Now I'm not trying to put my girl on blast.
• 4:52
  Eric: Sure no puppy Want to treat.
• 4:56
  Matt: Puppy wanted a treat.
• 4:57
  Eric: Let me ask you something.
• 4:58
  Matt: Yeah, did the puppy deserve a treat.
• 5:01
  Eric: I will say this again I Can only speak from my own perspective.
• 5:06
  Eric: It is not my dog, sure she.
• 5:09
  Eric: She was doing that thing where she was standing near where the treats were.
• 5:14
  Eric: Yeah, looking where the treats were stowed because we don't keep them in line of sight, of course.
• 5:19
  Eric: Looks where the treats are stowed, looks back at us.
• 5:22
  Eric: Looks at where the treats are stowed, looks back at us, you pick up what I'm doing.
• 5:25
  Matt: Why any sound?
• 5:26
  Eric: whiny sound.
• 5:26
  Eric: Whiny sound, whiny sound sure, or?
• 5:30
  Eric: We're not trying to reward that, I Would say.
• 5:35
  Eric: I would say.
• 5:36
  Eric: But, like that said, the asterix on the end of that statement is that all dogs deserve all treats all the time.
• 5:42
  Matt: That's what you just said.
• 5:44
  Matt: It is true and what I was going to say.
• 5:46
  Matt: But now, since you gave me the context, sounds to me like this dog was asking pretty politely for Saying hey, don't you think I deserve a treat?
• 6:00
  Matt: And it sounds like Alyssa said fuck you, fuck you know through dog let in.
• 6:07
  Eric: As far as a dog can understand the machinations of humans, she might as well have been saying that she might as well be saying that might as well been saying Fuck you, get the fuck out of my house, I hate you, I hate you.
• 6:20
  Matt: Yeah, and I think it's wrong that she hates this dog and honestly, I think it's kind of fucked up and for those reasons, I have to say that she did this dog dirty and dirty.
• 6:33
  Matt: She did the dog dirty.
• 6:35
  Matt: She sounds like a good, good dog who deserved a good, good treat.
• 6:39
  Matt: And yeah, so, alyssa, if Alyssa, if you're listening, which I assume you are, which means something fucking squealed.
• 6:48
  Matt: I just want to say you know, you know we've been having fun here, but I also suffer from anxiety, as we all know.
• 6:57
  Matt: Any any longtime listener of the show knows.
• 6:59
  Matt: So let's have anxious person to anxious person.
• 7:04
  Matt: I want to come clean.
• 7:05
  Matt: You know bits I want.
• 7:07
  Matt: Let's put the Eric.
• 7:08
  Matt: Let's put the bits aside, bits side, because anxiety is a serious Hoster's off.
• 7:15
  Eric: I've taken off the holster, I've sat it on the table set it, set it down.
• 7:18
  Matt: So guns, guns are down.
• 7:20
  Matt: Alyssa, this is just you and me, okay, the guy who ratted you out and the guy who ratted you out.
• 7:27
  Eric: Who, who can, who can live will rat it, you out really no-transcript.
• 7:32
  Matt: The dog's mad at you, Alyssa the dog is mad at you, alyssa.
• 7:35
  Matt: The dog is mad at you, alyssa, and she deserves to be mad at you and you deserve to feel bad about it.
• 7:40
  Eric: God, she's so mad at you, she's so pissed.
• 7:43
  Eric: Still Now go pet that dog Give the dog a treat, give the dog a treat, right this fucking minute.
• 7:48
  Matt: Give Zuzu a treat.
• 7:48
  Matt: Give Zuzu a treat.
• 7:50
  Matt: Well, hello everybody and welcome to you.
• 8:08
  Matt: Didn't Ask For this, the podcast answering life's least pressing questions.
• 8:12
  Matt: My name's Matthew Shea.
• 8:13
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 8:15
  Matt: Eric Poach, I was told to ask you how you're doing today.
• 8:20
  Eric: Matthew, I'm glad you ask and so organically.
• 8:25
  Matt: I had the pleasure.
• 8:26
  Eric: Yes, this weekend I was visiting family in Virginia.
• 8:31
  Eric: I was visiting my aunt and uncle, as well as my Grammy.
• 8:35
  Eric: They're all doing, they're all thriving, and I got the opportunity to guest on my uncle's podcast.
• 8:44
  Matt: Very nice.
• 8:45
  Eric: Yes, I was told nerds of a certain vintage, the description being all things nerdish from a couple middle-aged gentlemen.
• 8:55
  Matt: I like that.
• 8:56
  Eric: And it is my uncle Andy and his friend Patrick discussing all things nerd, giving their hottest takes, talking a lot, I learned, talking about a lot of K-drama, k-drama, no, k-drama, korean drama, which is like big fan.
• 9:14
  Eric: Apparently they got heavy into Korean drama over the past couple of years.
• 9:19
  Matt: Oh, they're nerds.
• 9:21
  Eric: Oh, they're fucking nerds.
• 9:23
  Eric: That's awesome.
• 9:24
  Eric: But yeah, I had the pleasure of getting on their show and I had my nerd cred assessed and we started recording with an entire bottle of Old Forster 1929 115 proof bourbon and by the end of that my uncle was just asleep on the floor of his bedroom.
• 9:45
  Eric: We got shitfaced and went hard in the paint on nerd shit.
• 9:50
  Matt: It was a can't wait to listen to this.
• 9:52
  Eric: It was a hoot.
• 9:53
  Eric: You can find it wherever you find podcasts.
• 9:57
  Eric: One second, I literally forgot the name of one of the most ubiquitous.
• 10:02
  Eric: Oh there, Apple Podcasts.
• 10:04
  Eric: I'm sorry he's finding on Apple.
• 10:08
  Matt: Podcasts Jesus, if you think I'm cutting that, you're out of your goddamn life, I know, for God's sake Apple.
• 10:16
  Matt: Podcast.
• 10:17
  Matt: It's okay, eric, they only invented the medium.
• 10:23
  Eric: The word pod derived from iPod, so yeah, you can find Nerds of a Certain Vintage where you find podcasts.
• 10:33
  Eric: Please give it a listen.
• 10:34
  Eric: It's really fun In the short time I had with them that I can remember I had fucking blast.
• 10:42
  Matt: How much do you think of that old Forster you?
• 10:45
  Eric: put away Not even fucking with you Probably a third of that bottle.
• 10:48
  Eric: A third, so you did it I took.
• 10:51
  Matt: That's most of the work.
• 10:54
  Eric: I took it to the paint.
• 10:58
  Matt: Well done you, Eric.
• 10:59
  Matt: I'm proud of you.
• 11:00
  Matt: Thank you.
• 11:01
  Matt: I will say it does sound like it is within the same family as our genre of podcast.
• 11:09
  Matt: The Nerds of a Certain Vintage of just two Makes you my competitor.
• 11:14
  Matt: Well, maybe, but in the sense that it sounds like it's two white guys talking to the mics.
• 11:24
  Eric: Oh yeah, I'd say that's a pretty fair assessment.
• 11:26
  Eric: I was ready for you to hit me with a conflict of interest.
• 11:29
  Matt: No, no, no, Okay, no.
• 11:31
  Matt: So so here's the.
• 11:33
  Matt: I say that because we received an interesting email following our last episode and it's something.
• 11:38
  Matt: It brings up a point that I wanted to flag for you in the moment, but you were so you were rolling that I didn't bring it up.
• 11:48
  Matt: I let you go.
• 11:48
  Eric: I was in the paint.
• 11:49
  Matt: You were in the paint, and so the subject line of this email is stop looking at the sun.
• 11:55
  Matt: This comes from Juniper.
• 11:57
  Matt: Juniper says I was concerned at how many times Eric referred to looking directly at the sun during the swapping.
• 12:06
  Matt: Swapping see fuck, during the swapping senses discussion in episode 83.
• 12:14
  Matt: It didn't feel right to let that go by without saying hey, buddy, don't do that.
• 12:20
  Matt: Yes, your podcast is among my favorites and I've listened to every episode.
• 12:29
  Matt: Thank you for bravely stepping into the rarefied field of straight white middle class men talking into Mavericks, talking to Mavericks, talking into microphones true, mavericks.
• 12:42
  Matt: What's happened to me, eric?
• 12:44
  Matt: You caught a bit of the poach.
• 12:46
  Matt: I just now developed dyslexia.
• 12:52
  Eric: It was my me forgetting what Apple podcast is.
• 12:54
  Eric: I think it threw you off, True true, it's usually it.
• 12:57
  Eric: Matt's used to me just just bungling that kind of shit, but every now and then I get one so unforgivably simple that I think it.
• 13:06
  Eric: I think it threw you off, that it makes the cut.
• 13:09
  Matt: And then she also includes a or they include a PPS.
• 13:12
  Matt: I want to contribute to the mascot brackets.
• 13:15
  Matt: My mind goes blank every time they're brought up, but I think that the Google gripes segment on its own could inspire some sort of theme to mascot.
• 13:25
  Matt: Now.
• 13:25
  Matt: Juniper, I did respond back to this email to say, hey, you give us a name, we can work with that.
• 13:32
  Matt: Just give us the griper if you want, not that one.
• 13:36
  Matt: We can do better than that, I think.
• 13:37
  Eric: Griper, no griping.
• 13:38
  Eric: Griper, no griping Shit writes itself.
• 13:43
  Matt: But we do still need some fodder for the the bracket mascot.
• 13:48
  Matt: We are.
• 13:49
  Matt: So I would love a 64.
• 13:51
  Matt: But we're so far from a 32 right now.
• 13:54
  Matt: Honestly, we'll be lucky to.
• 13:56
  Matt: I think we will easily hit 16.
• 13:59
  Matt: Easily.
• 14:00
  Matt: Currently we have 11 so far.
• 14:03
  Matt: So if you and some have submitted images but not everybody, so you know we can easily come up with we can make them up ourselves to do a whole bracket.
• 14:16
  Matt: Wouldn't it be more fun if you could say hey, I created the mascot for this podcast.
• 14:24
  Eric: And Juniper, you can help us out a lot here.
• 14:26
  Eric: Just send us, like a cool, 49 mascots.
• 14:30
  Eric: A cool 49.
• 14:33
  Matt: We'll take it from there, Juniper.
• 14:35
  Eric: Like phone it in.
• 14:36
  Matt: Just phone it in.
• 14:37
  Matt: Just you know, keep a cash, A cash 49.
• 14:41
  Matt: Don't break a sweat Good ideas.
• 14:44
  Eric: But back to the matter at hand.
• 14:46
  Eric: Yes, juniper, your email one.
• 14:49
  Eric: Thank you so much for listening to our show, my God, every episode, thank you so much.
• 14:55
  Eric: Juniper Also.
• 14:57
  Eric: I'm honestly touched that Juniper cares about my senses, Like the chairs about my sensory organs does not want me looking into the sun.
• 15:05
  Eric: Because you should not be, and I'm going to take that feedback and I'm going to incorporate that into into my daily life.
• 15:13
  Eric: That's good.
• 15:14
  Eric: I have my solemn oath that from this day, from this weekend forward, this upcoming weekend forward, I will no longer sorry, I will not stare directly into the sun.
• 15:33
  Matt: Yeah, again, eric, you shouldn't even be looking at it.
• 15:36
  Matt: You're really not meant to look at it at all.
• 15:39
  Eric: I dare anyone on this planet to look at our beautiful majestic sky, full of wonder and blue and cloud, and not look at literal giant flaming ball of nuclear fission happening Well it hurts to look at it.
• 15:59
  Matt: I don't know if you experience pain the way other humans do.
• 16:02
  Eric: Yeah, but what majestic things do.
• 16:05
  Eric: If a god were a peer before me, I would probably like my face would get melted, like you know, Raiders of the Lost Ark.
• 16:14
  Eric: But it wouldn't.
• 16:14
  Eric: Like it's not.
• 16:15
  Eric: Like I'm not going to try, I got like what's the point of being fucking majestic if people aren't going to look at you?
• 16:22
  Eric: That's kind of a bummer for the sun.
• 16:24
  Matt: What's the point of being majestic if the very sight of you doesn't cause pain?
• 16:28
  Matt: Yes, is that what you're saying?
• 16:31
  Matt: Yeah, oh man.
• 16:34
  Matt: So don't look at the sun, eric, or anyone else.
• 16:39
  Eric: After this upcoming weekend.
• 16:42
  Matt: Why?
• 16:42
  Matt: This weekend Is there an eclipse or something I'm unaware of?
• 16:46
  Eric: I just I want to wean off of the thing that I do not do.
• 16:53
  Matt: For full transparency.
• 16:53
  Matt: Eric, it's Monday, so when we're recording this episode, four days of fun in the sun, baby.
• 16:59
  Matt: So that's plenty of time to go blind, is what I'm trying to say.
• 17:04
  Eric: Blind by magnificence.
• 17:05
  Matt: I think you only need like like 30 seconds of straight looking at the sun.
• 17:11
  Matt: I think that does the job.
• 17:13
  Eric: Say that to the dots burned into my corneas I that's my target audience right now.
• 17:18
  Eric: Poachers corneas.
• 17:23
  Eric: This is Matt.
• 17:24
  Eric: We need to talk, we need to talk.
• 17:26
  Matt: And speaking of talking, should we move on to the questions at hand.
• 17:29
  Eric: You should begin again, juniper.
• 17:31
  Eric: Thank you so much for a very nice email.
• 17:33
  Eric: You rule.
• 17:34
  Eric: I appreciate you, you too.
• 17:35
  Matt: Also, I wanna give a shout out actually real quick, to everyone who has sent us, or me personally, because I've gotten a lot of, I've gotten direct messages on TikTok.
• 17:46
  Matt: Instagram on Twitter, on Facebook, on text messages, everybody is sending me this video of possibly Amelia Earhart's plane at the bottom of the ocean.
• 18:00
  Matt: That's gone viral last week and I just wanna say thank you so much for the concern.
• 18:06
  Matt: Now, if memory serves, I did specifically say it's not enough to just find the plane.
• 18:13
  Eric: But if we Matt, but we got a plane.
• 18:17
  Matt: I think if we got a plane with something that confirms that the plane crashed into the water, that's remains enough for me.
• 18:26
  Matt: We know what happened to her Cause she's gone.
• 18:29
  Eric: If she's in the water like there's no skeleton to be found, and look, I'm just asking you to look at this statistically, Matt, let's put on our math caps for a second.
• 18:38
  Matt: I got it on.
• 18:39
  Eric: Think of any, any location on earth.
• 18:41
  Eric: Right, you got all the possible locations on earth and you have the remains of Amelia Earhart's plane.
• 18:48
  Eric: Which of those locations do you think, statistically speaking, has the highest likelihood of having bits of Amelia Earhart?
• 18:56
  Matt: in it Exactly, and so and they're not gonna rate they can't get that plane out of there, if it is indeed her plane.
• 19:03
  Eric: So if it is, we don't know there's no confirmation at all.
• 19:08
  Matt: But if they can confirm it's her plane, I think that's good enough for me for that bingo square after all.
• 19:15
  Matt: I gotta be honest, that was the shoot for the moon one for me that was yeah, we're off to a rollicking start.
• 19:21
  Matt: We're off to a rollicking start.
• 19:23
  Matt: We did get.
• 19:23
  Matt: We have we got many submissions this year, our first, really our first year where it was a tradition to do the bingo squares.
• 19:33
  Eric: Shout out to everyone who sent in bingo cards so far like people are actually doing it this time around, which is awesome.
• 19:40
  Matt: And listen, I put them all in a big doc.
• 19:42
  Matt: I'm keeping track of them.
• 19:44
  Matt: Of course you should keep track of your own, but like I wanna be able to be there as the bingo caller when somebody says, hey, I got a bingo, I want to be there for you to say that's a good bingo, that's a good bingo, that's a good bingo.
• 20:00
  Matt: And then you will, of course, win a guest ship.
• 20:02
  Matt: Of course, submissions.
• 20:05
  Matt: The submission window is closed, folks.
• 20:06
  Matt: End of January that's when we drew the line.
• 20:09
  Matt: Yes, oh wait, there's one more bit of business we gotta discuss.
• 20:13
  Eric: I hope it's what I'm thinking about.
• 20:15
  Matt: Now I have gotten a decent amount of feedback from different people regarding the Venice Canals.
• 20:22
  Eric: Okay, Hashtag justice for Venice.
• 20:25
  Matt: And I wanna clarify something and I did this to shut the fuck up before you yell at me condescendingly, the.
• 20:32
  Matt: I wanna clear something up, as I did on Good Pods you can look in the comments on the episode.
• 20:40
  Matt: Ian the Holy Mole commented that he was among others that are on Team Eric by saying that the Venice Canals, that it was a good they got it right away.
• 20:53
  Matt: That is the Venice Canals.
• 20:54
  Matt: I will note that.
• 20:55
  Matt: So did I, but my qualm, my qualm was not that I didn't get it, my qualm was that you unfairly gave me a whole city that I was supposed to get by its most well-known characteristic.
• 21:16
  Matt: I'm just saying that the Venet Venetian Canals themselves are not a specific enough location.
• 21:24
  Matt: I don't think, and I was surprised that you would do me dirty this way and I will say before you get a word, in edgewise, lindsay said Dr Barwaden, your wife Dr Barwaden, and said whose reputation is beyond repute.
• 21:44
  Matt: go on she is on Team Eric in the sense that she thinks it is technically a valid location to have done, but is shitty of you to have done.
• 22:00
  Eric: I'm sorry, matt, I was here's my edgewise.
• 22:04
  Matt: Yeah, you were set up for a celebration, but instead she said what you did was technically okay, but it's what people, it's what leads to people writing rules about.
• 22:17
  Matt: You know, you're the reason, you know, for warnings of like take the plastic off these chicken nuggets before you put them in the oven.
• 22:29
  Eric: I'm the reason the Geneva Convention exists.
• 22:31
  Eric: Yes, yes.
• 22:33
  Matt: You committed a war crime.
• 22:34
  Matt: I committed a war crime.
• 22:35
  Eric: So I'll say a couple of things.
• 22:36
  Eric: One hell yeah, I also.
• 22:39
  Eric: I was getting messages at work from Joey and Shauna who were like oh, you were absolutely right about this, cool, cool.
• 22:49
  Eric: Two I would say you're feedback, oh, you're best friend.
• 22:52
  Matt: You're self-proclaimed best friend.
• 22:55
  Eric: Just so I understand your feedback correctly, you take issue with the fact that I gave you such a famous place.
• 23:02
  Matt: No, that's not my issue.
• 23:04
  Matt: Everyone's twisting my words.
• 23:06
  Matt: Too famous, everyone's twi-.
• 23:08
  Matt: No, no, everyone is twisting my words.
• 23:11
  Matt: I'm saying you gave me a city that you described with its most famous feature.
• 23:18
  Matt: So saying the Venetian canals is not in the spirit of what we've done with other stuff, the Statue of Liberty and even Chernobyl, because it's such a.
• 23:31
  Matt: Could you say that in episode 83?
• 23:33
  Matt: What about Chernobyl?
• 23:34
  Eric: It's a town.
• 23:35
  Matt: It is a town, but it's not really.
• 23:37
  Matt: It's an abandoned town and it's one central spot as opposed to the Venetian canal.
• 23:42
  Matt: Which are bobbin' and weave it all over the place.
• 23:45
  Eric: I understand a highly indensely populated famous place is unacceptable, but a radioactive husk that's been abandoned is I get it?
• 23:54
  Eric: I hear your feedback.
• 23:57
  Matt: I just once again wanna say this whole time I have accepted the result.
• 24:02
  Matt: I never debated that.
• 24:05
  Matt: I didn't get it correct.
• 24:06
  Matt: I did say Venice right away.
• 24:09
  Matt: But play the tape, matt.
• 24:11
  Matt: It sounds like you're talking about like gondola rides in Venice.
• 24:16
  Matt: But I know you're not picking a whole city of just Venice Like that doesn't.
• 24:24
  Matt: We've never, we can't be doing places Like I mean, I guess that's a well-known place, but we've never done just like a general city and I don't think you'd do that.
• 24:32
  Matt: I don't think you'd think that's fair.
• 24:34
  Matt: So I have a secondary guess.
• 24:36
  Matt: That's where I'm gonna put the tape, that's where it will go.
• 24:41
  Matt: You were ready with that and you will hear me say I don't think you would have done that to me.
• 24:47
  Matt: I don't think you would have thought that was fair.
• 24:50
  Eric: And you might not hear it, but that is.
• 24:52
  Eric: You might not hear it in the episode, but that is the moment is like ooh, I just won this bitch.
• 24:58
  Matt: All I'm saying is and listen.
• 25:00
  Matt: Yeah, I think at this point enough people have weighed in, that it's clear.
• 25:04
  Matt: People think it was acceptable for you to pick the whole goddamn city of Venice as your it would be so much land mass.
• 25:15
  Matt: Well-known place.
• 25:20
  Eric: Let me ask you something, Eric, no no, no, let me ask you something.
• 25:22
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, is Canada a well-known place?
• 25:24
  Matt: I would dare say so if I give you, if I give you some reviews of the Yukon territory and then say, oh no, I'm sorry, I was looking for.
• 25:37
  Eric: Canada, the country, yeah, but then I was giving you I know I'm blowing it up a little bit.
• 25:42
  Eric: The most famous location in a place that is purely defined by its famous landmarks.
• 25:50
  Matt: I can see that that's true.
• 25:52
  Matt: Okay, I can see that when you think of Venice, you think of the canal.
• 25:56
  Eric: Who put all this rectangle in my square?
• 25:58
  Eric: I just watched.
• 26:00
  Eric: I just watched.
• 26:01
  Eric: Oh, dr Lindsey Barr.
• 26:06
  Eric: Thank you for two things.
• 26:08
  Eric: One, thank you for acknowledging that is an acceptable location.
• 26:12
  Eric: That was technically correct.
• 26:13
  Eric: B thank you Technically collect morally unacceptable.
• 26:18
  Eric: Thank you for confirming that I, eric Poch, understood the fucking assignment, because that's not what she said.
• 26:28
  Eric: I mean, I call me crazy, me crazy, because I'm pretty sure that we had agreed that that last round was going to be hard we did, we agreed that it was hard Much like trench warfare with mustard gas is just warfare in hard mode.
• 26:50
  Matt: Okay, that's an interesting thing.
• 26:51
  Matt: We went hard mode on Google gripes.
• 26:53
  Matt: I'm just saying that you picked a location, quote-unquote famous, that that was outside of the sort of Unofficial parameters that we had been going with thus far.
• 27:10
  Matt: That was my only point.
• 27:13
  Eric: That's why I like to think that this is the exact tone they used in the Geneva Convention.
• 27:17
  Eric: Oh look, all I'm saying, I'm saying is maybe we don't use chemical warfare.
• 27:26
  Eric: That's all I'm saying.
• 27:27
  Eric: I like it was my understanding.
• 27:29
  Eric: We run in with our horses.
• 27:31
  Eric: You guys Stand in a line and shoot at us.
• 27:34
  Eric: We stand a line, shoot back at you can is, but then we've got trenches, okay, and we've got bayonets.
• 27:42
  Matt: So I will say to your credit you did.
• 27:46
  Matt: You did say you were specifically looking for the Venetian canals, but you would have accepted Venice 100%.
• 27:53
  Matt: I've always I Maintained in the episode that I thought that I accept the result.
• 28:00
  Matt: I thought it was a little bit shitty of a choice.
• 28:03
  Matt: That's all I was trying to say.
• 28:06
  Eric: It's all I'm saying, with 20 minute Explanation of why I said it.
• 28:12
  Matt: Eric, justice for that, yes you, you justice for what you got the point in the episode.
• 28:19
  Matt: We're not even re-rewarding you.
• 28:22
  Matt: I'm just trying to clarify my position that I think you changed the rules a little bit, perhaps unintentionally, perhaps unconsciously, but you did change the game a little bit, I think.
• 28:37
  Eric: I, I and I did.
• 28:39
  Eric: I change, I change I.
• 28:40
  Eric: We've witnessed a paradigm shift.
• 28:42
  Eric: I will also say, matt, I just had a realization, but you, ultimate what.
• 28:46
  Matt: But I'm conceding that you ultimately were not looking for Venice.
• 28:51
  Matt: You would have taken it, but you you weren't trying to get me to guess Venice, you were trying to get this synonymous in my mind.
• 28:57
  Matt: There's sin, and that's my point is like I think it was a great.
• 29:02
  Matt: I'm saying it was a gray area.
• 29:05
  Matt: It was a gray area.
• 29:06
  Eric: That's all I was trying to say.
• 29:07
  Eric: Also, I will say this just realize this Everything you have been saying has been a verbal notes.
• 29:14
  Eric: Apology, shall, we do the show.
• 29:24
  Matt: But.
• 29:24
  Matt: But I'm not apologized.
• 29:26
  Matt: I Accepted the result.
• 29:31
  Eric: This is why this is why you are so dear in my heart, cuz I and I appreciate this about you I care and goddamn to you of all the the motions going through Matt Chase body right now, of all the things he's experiencing Apologetic is not one of them.
• 29:45
  Matt: Let me tell you something, eric.
• 29:46
  Matt: You want to know what's going through Matt Chase body right now.
• 29:48
  Matt: It's lightheadedness, cuz it's hard up here on the high road.
• 29:52
  Matt: Okay, it's hard for me up here.
• 30:05
  Eric: Okay, to constantly be the one who has to take Not only on the high road, atop your high horse, in your, in your tower, in your ivory.
• 30:17
  Matt: Tower.
• 30:18
  Matt: Oh, ivory tower.
• 30:19
  Matt: Yeah, that's me, with my bachelor's degree from a public Maryland college.
• 30:24
  Matt: That's me, I'm in an ivory tower of.
• 30:28
  Eric: Moral superiority, not financially, god no, juniper established middle class.
• 30:37
  Matt: They did, didn't they?
• 30:39
  Matt: Oh man Eric, yes, last time I inadvertently ended up reading all the questions, so why don't you do something?
• 30:47
  Eric: Okay, fair.
• 30:49
  Eric: Question one yeah, you know we, I just want to point out.
• 30:55
  Matt: We debated for like a long time what the closing segment was gonna be today and we might not have time at this point.
• 31:01
  Eric: Yeah, but so it's just gonna check though.
• 31:03
  Eric: Yep, 34 minutes in question one.
• 31:05
  Eric: This could be a record for this.
• 31:09
  Eric: This comes from Jennifer.
• 31:12
  Matt: Yes.
• 31:13
  Eric: Why do you have to put your two cents in, but it's only a penny for your thoughts?
• 31:19
  Eric: Why do you have to put your two cents in, but it's only a?
• 31:24
  Matt: penny For your thoughts.
• 31:27
  Eric: So let's, can we establish some things, please?
• 31:31
  Eric: And and just just so we're all working from the same baseline when I'm putting my two cents in, two pennies are being subtracted for me, metaphysically speaking, but when it's a penny for your thoughts, that is usually an invitation To say, hey, can I give you a penny?
• 31:46
  Eric: So I'm gonna give you a penny, yeah, for your thoughts, right?
• 31:50
  Eric: So if you're saying to me, penny for your thoughts, I'll pay you one cent for your Contemplations and then when I put my two cents in, this is me going.
• 32:00
  Eric: okay, here's my it's a donation.
• 32:02
  Eric: It's a donation, that is true.
• 32:04
  Eric: Yeah, in the one you're being paid for services rendered.
• 32:08
  Matt: One is true, blue American capitalism the other charity, charity, charity.
• 32:16
  Eric: No, the other one is.
• 32:17
  Eric: The other one is donation, it's, it's, it's hey it's donation.
• 32:21
  Matt: It's.
• 32:22
  Eric: It's an Unsolicited Contribution so already the thought economy is kind of fucked.
• 32:29
  Eric: Yeah, you've got like a two-to-one.
• 32:30
  Eric: You know we're expecting people to give up two pennies for their thought.
• 32:34
  Eric: Man, this is on it now I'm.
• 32:36
  Eric: I think you might have inadvertently hit, nailed it on the head when you said this is like Capitalism because, yeah, we're charging, we're expecting people to give up two pennies, and we're, but we're only paying them one penny or slash and we inherently Feel the impulse to give two pennies.
• 33:00
  Matt: But when the shoes on the other horse and we're being directly asked for the our thoughts they, the compensation will only be one penny.
• 33:12
  Matt: You know what I mean.
• 33:14
  Matt: Yeah like we're already going above and beyond From the get and that is that.
• 33:20
  Matt: And is that not indicative of the hustle culture that Absolutely is this country over?
• 33:28
  Matt: Where we're paying minimum wage for thought in this country minimum wage one penny, one penny for your thoughts one penny for your thoughts when we went.
• 33:38
  Matt: At the very least you Value your own thoughts at two cents.
• 33:44
  Eric: Now, matt, let me hit you with this.
• 33:45
  Eric: Okay, let me hit you with this, hit me.
• 33:47
  Eric: No, this is a question of of intent.
• 33:50
  Eric: Is when you're putting your two cents in.
• 33:53
  Eric: I think we can agree.
• 33:54
  Eric: It's usually unprompted and unsolicited.
• 33:59
  Eric: So if you're putting your two cents in, this is normally a situation where you're like, oh, hey, oh, by the way, oh, hey, I see there's like a thing happening here.
• 34:07
  Eric: I'm just gonna go ahead and insert myself here and give my two cents.
• 34:12
  Eric: Duh, is that extra cent?
• 34:15
  Eric: Almost like an insurance premium, where you're like, hey, I'm gonna say a thing.
• 34:21
  Eric: That's me tossing a penny in the ring.
• 34:23
  Eric: But, yeah, so what you're saying is that second penny.
• 34:26
  Eric: Yeah, that that's me like hey, look, I'm about to, I'm about to say some shit right off the cuff.
• 34:32
  Eric: I'm about to come in with a hot take, because I don't know about you when I'm saying, well, here's my two cents.
• 34:37
  Eric: That's a buckle up, get ready.
• 34:39
  Eric: From a hot take.
• 34:40
  Eric: Yeah, and and and.
• 34:42
  Eric: That extra penny is the hot take insurance, where, if I say something, I'm talking out of my ass.
• 34:47
  Eric: You then have a penny with which, okay, well, I'd like to toss my penny in the ring.
• 34:52
  Eric: Well, it's like cover.
• 34:54
  Eric: It's almost like it's paying for the conversation.
• 34:56
  Matt: It's pay to play.
• 34:57
  Eric: It's pay to play and it's actually nice thing is, what you're saying is like hey look, we're each worth a penny.
• 35:02
  Eric: I'm gonna pay for both of us so I can get my hot take in.
• 35:05
  Eric: Now that you put it like that.
• 35:07
  Matt: If the going rate for thoughts is one penny, but you, you unprompted, want to be offering your thoughts.
• 35:17
  Matt: It's almost like a tax right?
• 35:19
  Matt: Yeah, you're not, you're paying to put in your thoughts because you're, in a way, you're you're forcing it upon the conversation, so you're also doubling up the contribution of the going rate to two cents to say I understand that what I, that what I'm doing now, was not asked of me and Could be very much unwanted.
• 35:45
  Eric: But here it is Unsolicited.
• 35:47
  Eric: You got it.
• 35:47
  Eric: You got to pay taxes on that shit, my guy unsolicited two cents.
• 35:51
  Matt: But if somebody's asking you that is not, contrary to what we started talking about, it's not undercutting the going rate, it is the going rate.
• 36:01
  Matt: It's going rate.
• 36:02
  Matt: The rates, the rate.
• 36:04
  Matt: Yeah, the compensation is on the other side of Nobody asked me, but I'm going to tell you anyway.
• 36:11
  Eric: And my Recompense for doing this, my toll, is Two cents, and that way the collective may might solicit a thought from someone else with the penny tax you have paid now.
• 36:26
  Matt: The unfortunate realization here is, of course, that I Think in just about all circumstances where these phrases are uttered no currency is exchanged, never, never, and I think I'm gonna start well, we'd be right, collecting, we'd be right, this podcast would be Boomin fine, this face, this face those thought a pennies for these thoughts.
• 36:52
  Matt: I could see myself paying upwards of four to six pennies, matthew, yeah, for several cells, several thoughts just to see how unhinged, you get.
• 37:05
  Eric: Matt, I'd, I'd, I'd go dime on you, my man.
• 37:08
  Eric: Well, I'd go dime that feels right honestly.
• 37:12
  Eric: Yeah, it's, it's.
• 37:14
  Eric: I will say the dime is the most, and and Just putting my two cents in, yeah, I'll Venmo you, I'll Venmo you, thank you.
• 37:20
  Eric: I think the dime is the most stately coin.
• 37:24
  Matt: Interesting.
• 37:24
  Matt: What makes it it's like a subject is a Roosevelt.
• 37:27
  Eric: I can't remember no.
• 37:30
  Eric: I'm in this country 33 years.
• 37:32
  Matt: Okay, no, no, eric, I wasn't asking if the person on the dime is Roosevelt.
• 37:38
  Matt: It is.
• 37:39
  Matt: I'm asking you is it because of Roosevelt?
• 37:43
  Matt: But you did just sort of out yourself a little bit.
• 37:46
  Eric: I, I did I just well, that's.
• 37:49
  Eric: Oh yeah, he's got his little glasses on, doesn't he?
• 37:51
  Eric: Oh wait, is it Teddy Roosevelt or?
• 37:54
  Matt: FDR, it's FDR, oh my FDR.
• 37:59
  Eric: FDR or glasses.
• 38:01
  Matt: Not as Stan.
• 38:02
  Matt: He wore maybe, maybe not on the dime, not when he was being etched into into nickel or whatever the fuck it's made out of.
• 38:12
  Eric: No, but it is the most stately because it and and that's probably what?
• 38:15
  Eric: Because my instinct was to say it's the most stately coin.
• 38:17
  Eric: Now hearing that it's FDR, oh yeah, fuck it.
• 38:20
  Eric: Fuck yeah, it's a very stately president.
• 38:22
  Matt: It just just for the record.
• 38:24
  Matt: Currently it's made of 1.67% copper and 8.33% nickel.
• 38:34
  Eric: That's what a dime is made up of the most stately alloy and yes, of course, it is President Franklin D Roosevelt but the dime is possessed of that very, of that sub, of that kind.
• 38:48
  Eric: It much true to FDR.
• 38:50
  Eric: Fdr was like the very you know, speaks softly but carry a big stick, kind of president.
• 38:55
  Eric: Okay, that was literally Teddy.
• 38:56
  Matt: Roosevelt, who said that quote.
• 38:58
  Eric: Yes, but I think it applies.
• 39:01
  Matt: I think I'm learning a lot about your knowledge of the United States presidents look all Roosevelt's look alike to me, jesus.
• 39:09
  Eric: So like when, when FDR was, you know, boxing heads of state and keeping pet alligators in the bathroom.
• 39:14
  Eric: It was worth it just to see that.
• 39:17
  Eric: Look on your face.
• 39:18
  Eric: Oh God, that was so worth it.
• 39:20
  Eric: But no, it's a stately coin.
• 39:21
  Eric: It's just like oh hey, you're never.
• 39:24
  Eric: You know you're probably not gonna use me that much, but are you gonna throw me away?
• 39:28
  Eric: I'd throw a penny away.
• 39:29
  Eric: I'd throw a penny in the street just to give someone some free luck.
• 39:34
  Matt: Can I tell you a true thing about me and pennies?
• 39:36
  Matt: Tell me, I once picked up a so-called lucky penny, a heads up penny.
• 39:42
  Matt: Okay, what followed, eric, was the worst day of my life, up until that point anyway, and that was in high school.
• 39:51
  Matt: And since high school, what I'm saying is, since high school, I have and this is true never picked up a penny.
• 40:00
  Eric: I Does not surprise me with these that you've.
• 40:04
  Eric: I have never picked up Boycott pennies.
• 40:06
  Matt: I have never picked up a penny since.
• 40:10
  Eric: Not just that.
• 40:10
  Eric: Sorry, let me walk back my statement.
• 40:13
  Eric: You're not boycotting pennies, you're boycotting lucky pennies.
• 40:16
  Eric: I boycott luck itself.
• 40:18
  Eric: You boycott luck itself.
• 40:21
  Eric: Well, it betrayed me.
• 40:22
  Eric: What a fucking power move.
• 40:24
  Eric: It came for me.
• 40:25
  Eric: The most Matt Shea fucking move.
• 40:28
  Matt: Luck came for me.
• 40:29
  Matt: I said I need a lucky penny today.
• 40:32
  Matt: Okay, I did, and I picked it up.
• 40:35
  Matt: And what followed?
• 40:36
  Matt: Eric Sent me into my first crew, clinical depression, and I needed to purge myself of that energy.
• 40:44
  Matt: And I've never picked up a penny since.
• 40:46
  Matt: And that's true.
• 40:47
  Eric: This is like the shittier version of the two-face origin story.
• 40:50
  Eric: I make my own luck.
• 40:57
  Matt: Yes, but only in the sense of that I choose.
• 41:00
  Matt: I choose to make it myself and not rely on fate.
• 41:05
  Eric: Yeah, what would this shitty Batman villain's name be?
• 41:07
  Eric: Unlucky Penny, great, great worker.
• 41:11
  Matt: Absolutely good, that's comedy.
• 41:15
  Eric: That's fucking.
• 41:16
  Eric: All led to this.
• 41:18
  Matt: Do you think we've put in our two cents on this question?
• 41:20
  Matt: We have Great, jennifer.
• 41:23
  Matt: Thank you for the question.
• 41:24
  Matt: Thank you so much, jennifer.
• 41:26
  Matt: We're gonna move on now to once again.
• 41:30
  Matt: We got a bit of a data dump from our good friend Aaron in one of his patented question-laden emails, so we're gonna knock one of them off right now.
• 41:42
  Matt: But again, eric, I read all the questions last time, so take it away.
• 41:44
  Matt: King.
• 41:45
  Eric: If each of us had the ability to use a quote challenge via instant replay, like in sports, once per day, how would you use your challenge?
• 41:56
  Eric: So this is, if we were going back to review the tape.
• 41:59
  Eric: Yes, if we're looking back.
• 42:02
  Matt: You get one challenge a day, one one.
• 42:06
  Matt: Let's look at the tape Per day.
• 42:09
  Eric: Refs are reviewing the footage.
• 42:10
  Eric: And I think for the sake of the question it has to be a sincere review of the footage, so it's not like we automatically get no, but like if we're talking about the ability to have a stop, let's go back to the tape and actually assess this fairly.
• 42:28
  Matt: To put this in soccer terms, we're going to VAR on this.
• 42:32
  Matt: We're checking for off sides.
• 42:34
  Matt: Let's go.
• 42:35
  Matt: Yes, absolutely so.
• 42:39
  Matt: Eric, what comes to mind for you?
• 42:41
  Matt: What would you use this challenge for?
• 42:45
  Eric: So, without talking too much about where I work, oh yeah, I'm an engineer, and engineering would be great if it weren't for all the fucking engineers Nice.
• 42:59
  Eric: What I would do is review one of the countless emails I receive from people asking me a question, which I then answer, and then, several minutes later, get a reply from that same person asking me the exact same question, phrased slightly differently, hoping I give them the answer they want this time.
• 43:26
  Eric: That's a solid use of it, because I've only got so much per my last email in the tank.
• 43:33
  Eric: After a while it starts to cost my pennies.
• 43:38
  Matt: It would do that to anyone.
• 43:39
  Matt: I think what you've described so far is very much the default thing, like winning an argument oh, let's go to the tape.
• 43:49
  Matt: Did I really say that?
• 43:51
  Matt: I could easily say that's the first thing to jump to my mind.
• 43:55
  Matt: Oh, if me and Lindsay are debating whether or not I said something or whatever, let's go to the tape, like that feels normal.
• 44:02
  Matt: But I also think this could be used as a self benefit, because something else I could use for it is like God, where the fuck did I put my keys?
• 44:12
  Matt: God damn it.
• 44:13
  Matt: Let's go to the tape.
• 44:15
  Matt: Let's go to the tape and see what I did.
• 44:19
  Matt: And maybe that's jumping to mind because, as a new homeowner, I have, as promised, installed cameras all over my God damn exterior, and so now I am frequently checking them for just passes.
• 44:34
  Eric: So this is actually an option for you.
• 44:37
  Matt: This is exciting, Well sort of, but not with the example I gave.
• 44:40
  Matt: I don't have internal cameras, so the I can't check the literal tape of what I did with my keys when I walked in the door, but if we could do that, that would be a good use of it.
• 44:55
  Matt: That isn't just like proving someone wrong or disproving another person's point.
• 45:01
  Eric: Now, on further reflection, I'm not gonna change my answer, but I am gonna get a little more specific.
• 45:05
  Eric: I'm gonna, as the great Peter Ray once said, specificity, oh yeah, specificity yeah, specificity, like really narrow down on one specific, well known point for example.
• 45:17
  Eric: This is where I'd use it as a spite play.
• 45:21
  Matt: Yeah you wouldn't want to, I'd want to broad with it.
• 45:24
  Eric: I'd want it's very good.
• 45:27
  Eric: Peter Ray, that's very good.
• 45:29
  Matt: I wasn't even trying to do, peter Ray, I was trying to make a fucking connection to your Venetian canals.
• 45:35
  Matt: Ah, ah, ah, hey, wait don't have to wait a minute, don't I have to embrace you in no top apology.
• 45:42
  Matt: Isn't that what we agreed upon?
• 45:44
  Matt: You do, we did, don't write didn't I have to do it.
• 45:48
  Eric: We did agree.
• 45:49
  Eric: Whoever the court of public opinion sided with.
• 45:53
  Matt: And I think, at least thus far in between.
• 45:54
  Matt: It's been a couple weeks in between the well, it's been a week between the release and now and we've got basically all of the opinions.
• 46:03
  Matt: Is it's valid?
• 46:04
  Matt: But shitty is what I'm hearing.
• 46:08
  Eric: Ah, I don't want to review the tape.
• 46:10
  Eric: We don't need to review the tape again.
• 46:12
  Matt: I will write you a notes top apology.
• 46:14
  Matt: It'll look for that on our Instagram.
• 46:16
  Eric: You are, and continue to be, a man of honor.
• 46:19
  Eric: It's true.
• 46:19
  Eric: My specificity, unlike you, to my, not just when they email me back asking for the same thing, but in a different way, hoping I give them a different answer.
• 46:27
  Eric: Yeah, I want to review the tape.
• 46:29
  Eric: When someone emails me with a bunch of fucking people, including my bosses and my bosses, boss and my bosses, bosses, bosses, bosses, copied on it, where they think they are calling me out on something I messed up, and when I reply to them and explain hey, here's objective evidence showing I didn't fuck up at all and you are, in fact, the one who has fucked up.
• 46:56
  Eric: When they do that most cowardly of moves.
• 47:00
  Eric: When they reply back to me and only me oh, yeah, no, no, apologizing for it.
• 47:10
  Matt: Oh, no, no, no that oh when they, when they was like, suddenly, all the directors have seemingly vanished and you, eric, you got to tell me when you respond to them to say oh, it's okay, I accept your apology.
• 47:23
  Matt: You put them all back on.
• 47:24
  Eric: I add every single fucking one back in, and I got to dare them to call me on Got to.
• 47:34
  Eric: That is a matter of fucking principle at that.
• 47:38
  Eric: Of course you got to, yeah yeah, oh yeah.
• 47:41
  Eric: So that's my.
• 47:44
  Eric: That is where, because I want that reviewed, because I want, I just want.
• 47:47
  Eric: It's not a question of what happened, we have it all in writing.
• 47:50
  Eric: I just want everyone to watch them be a cowardly piece of shit.
• 47:54
  Matt: I think there's actually many, many uses to this Cause.
• 47:57
  Matt: Like think about it from like traffic accident.
• 48:00
  Matt: You know, oh, who's at fault?
• 48:02
  Matt: Let's look at the replay, although that could go both ways.
• 48:06
  Matt: If you know it is your fault, you don't want to be looking at the replay now, do you?
• 48:09
  Matt: Matt?
• 48:10
  Eric: who took?
• 48:10
  Eric: Who took how many slices of pizza?
• 48:13
  Matt: Who took.
• 48:14
  Matt: Now that's useful, because sometimes I genuinely forget.
• 48:18
  Eric: I've been so guilty of that.
• 48:20
  Matt: I'm just in the in the thralls of enjoying some zah and I can't keep track of how much.
• 48:27
  Matt: I mean, can't keep track who's got who?
• 48:29
  Eric: can track that.
• 48:30
  Eric: Who?
• 48:30
  Eric: Who could anything else, any other, any other fun ways?
• 48:34
  Eric: We could use the review, the footage and I'm going to address an elephant in the room and I think you did bring this up at some point as as much as I'm, I'm willing to say, like, when we have a disagreement with our significant other, yeah, I feel like that's a.
• 48:47
  Eric: I feel like anyone who would say, oh, yeah, I'm going to review the footage and show my significant other that they're how wrong they are when they said this.
• 48:55
  Eric: I don't think they really understand the human experience.
• 49:01
  Eric: No, no, no, I don't think they understand how that in no, and this isn't, this, has nothing to do with this is just like when two human beings are disagreeing with each other and are in that argumentative headspace.
• 49:12
  Eric: Yeah, I really don't think showing footage, no, it's not a good move.
• 49:18
  Eric: No, it's not.
• 49:18
  Eric: It's not intelligent for anyone.
• 49:20
  Eric: It just it will only make it worse.
• 49:23
  Matt: I will invoke the great poet William Joel and say and although you might not have done anything, will that be consolation when she's gone?
• 49:37
  Eric: Yeah, bejels, bejels got it right.
• 49:40
  Matt: Bejels got it right baby.
• 49:41
  Matt: So so no, I don't you could, one could review the tape.
• 49:48
  Matt: It's unwise, it's unwise, it's unwise.
• 49:52
  Eric: That's what I'd say Downright.
• 49:54
  Eric: Venetian in its pettiness.
• 49:59
  Matt: Well, that certainly was.
• 50:00
  Eric: Yes, that little comment right there, yeah.
• 50:03
  Matt: That was downright Venetian in it.
• 50:04
  Matt: Let me tell you something.
• 50:06
  Matt: Yes, I will write.
• 50:09
  Matt: I'm gonna write you in the top apology.
• 50:11
  Matt: Yes, you are.
• 50:11
  Matt: I concede that the tide is against me that everyone thinks what you said is okay.
• 50:17
  Matt: So I guess I'm just wrong, and so we haven't yet decided what the next season of Google Grypes will look like.
• 50:26
  Matt: Maybe it's more locations, maybe it's, you know, movies.
• 50:30
  Eric: Our good friend Andy recommended famous dishes.
• 50:33
  Matt: Andy who, for the record, is on my side, andy was on your side, yes, and I once again in the chat tried to remind Andy that I was not arguing, that I got the point incorrect.
• 50:47
  Matt: We have to stop this.
• 50:49
  Matt: We can't keep going around and around in a gondola like this we're up Venetian Creek without a pole.
• 50:57
  Matt: Yeah, we sure are.
• 50:59
  Matt: What do you think, Eric?
• 51:01
  Matt: Have we answered this challenge?
• 51:03
  Eric: question.
• 51:03
  Eric: No, I think we knocked it out of the goddamn park.
• 51:05
  Matt: Aaron, thank you for the question.
• 51:07
  Matt: Eric, take it away three for three bed baby.
• 51:09
  Matt: This one Bid, bid, bid, bid, bid bid, take it away, babe.
• 51:15
  Eric: Oh, take it away, babe oh take it away, babe.
• 51:17
  Eric: This next one is from our boy, our angel, our treasure, zac Deuce.
• 51:23
  Eric: Zackey D, the boy from me At Zac Deuce asks the Charmin Bears come in different colors Blue, red and brown.
• 51:35
  Eric: Why is this?
• 51:38
  Matt: Now I would be remiss to not point out that these bears represent different products in terms of where you find them.
• 51:50
  Matt: Okay, Okay.
• 51:52
  Matt: The brown bear is on the standard Charmin toilet paper you poop paper.
• 51:59
  Matt: The red bear is on Charmin's ultra strong toilet paper, okay, and the blue bear is found on the ultra soft paper.
• 52:13
  Eric: Oh, okay, so brown bog standard Red ultra strong, Ultra strong, Blue ultra soft, ultra soft, ultra soft.
• 52:24
  Eric: First, what's your preferred flavor of Charmin?
• 52:27
  Eric: Ultra soft.
• 52:28
  Eric: Blue bear, ultra soft baby all day long.
• 52:29
  Eric: All day long Got to be.
• 52:31
  Eric: I hope this is sound gross.
• 52:34
  Eric: I don't need strength in my toilet paper.
• 52:38
  Eric: No one's really gonna be judging like the.
• 52:41
  Eric: I need soft.
• 52:45
  Matt: So that's the.
• 52:46
  Matt: What I'm saying is, that's the delineation of like, where you find these bears In.
• 52:52
  Matt: Practically speaking, they're used marketing-wise to show three different products visually, but what I would ask, the question I would ask, is why?
• 53:05
  Matt: What does that represent?
• 53:07
  Matt: What does that represent?
• 53:09
  Eric: So let's get the easy one out of the way.
• 53:11
  Matt: Yeah.
• 53:12
  Eric: Brown no-transcript.
• 53:14
  Matt: Color poopy, color poop, color bears.
• 53:18
  Eric: Color bears, color poop.
• 53:19
  Eric: This is the Mario in Mario Kart of toilet paper Sure.
• 53:25
  Matt: Yes, all the stats are equal.
• 53:28
  Eric: Everything balanced as all things should be.
• 53:30
  Matt: And Eric, before we go too far down this road, I feel like I need to get a barometer.
• 53:37
  Matt: I need to take a status check of you and your relationship to toilet paper, and I think the best way to do that is what are your thoughts on Scott?
• 53:49
  Eric: My thoughts on Scott.
• 53:50
  Matt: Yeah, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not.
• 53:54
  Matt: Okay, scott is the worst toilet paper.
• 53:59
  Matt: Yeah, do not fucks with.
• 54:00
  Matt: It is the worst toilet paper.
• 54:03
  Matt: Not only is it not powerful enough, not strong enough to withstand any amount of shit, it's somehow also rough enough that it's uncomfortable and it leaves a residue.
• 54:14
  Eric: Yeah, it is the rippled chip of toilet paper.
• 54:17
  Eric: It is, it is.
• 54:21
  Eric: I don't need that nonsense.
• 54:22
  Eric: I'll also add of the two toilet papers, sharmin, yes, Scott lets you know it came from a tree.
• 54:30
  Eric: You know, scott lets you know that you are mortal.
• 54:33
  Eric: It might as well have memento mori on every roll, yeah, but I will say this I am a convert to the golden land of the bidet.
• 54:44
  Eric: Everyone's bidetting now.
• 54:47
  Eric: Oh, it's Matt, join us.
• 54:49
  Eric: It is so beautiful.
• 54:50
  Matt: I might have to, because it is so nice If you do get one that warms the water Well.
• 54:55
  Matt: So we were using.
• 54:56
  Matt: This might be again.
• 54:58
  Matt: Once again, we found ourselves in poop territory.
• 55:02
  Matt: Yeah, but, we.
• 55:04
  Matt: It does seem like everyone is using potatoes now, and what I'll say is we, for the long time, were using flushable wipes as a little after toilet paper pallet cleanser, if you will, sharmin, I will point out.
• 55:21
  Matt: But now that we have a house, we're a little bit more leery of whether or not we should be putting in our plumbing.
• 55:30
  Matt: We didn't give a shit in the apartment, no, god no.
• 55:34
  Matt: But now we're sort of like oh, maybe we shouldn't, so we haven't been.
• 55:39
  Eric: I'm glad you bring that up, because this little PSA for me, to you and all of our listeners there's no such thing as flushable wipes.
• 55:46
  Eric: That is a scam.
• 55:47
  Eric: They are not good.
• 55:48
  Eric: They're all going to say that they're flushable, they're super not.
• 55:52
  Eric: They're significantly more terrible for your plumbing than just toilet paper.
• 55:57
  Matt: But Eric, it says plumber approved.
• 56:00
  Eric: Plumber approved.
• 56:00
  Eric: Yeah, I'm sure plumbers love that shit.
• 56:02
  Eric: It gets them work.
• 56:03
  Eric: Nice, eric, nice, nice, yeah.
• 56:07
  Eric: So do not, do not fall for that.
• 56:09
  Eric: If you're going to use, if you're going to use wipes sorry to say kids you're going to have to have a little bin to throw your little poopy wipes in.
• 56:14
  Eric: All right, well, send me, send me, your bidet, wreck yeah because and that's probably why everyone's bidet in nowadays is bidets have become way more accessible because you can just buy them off Amazon for like 50 bucks.
• 56:27
  Matt: Here's my question.
• 56:28
  Matt: Fine, here's my question.
• 56:29
  Matt: Yeah, how do you get dry?
• 56:32
  Eric: So that's where the toilet paper comes in.
• 56:34
  Eric: That's where the toilet paper comes in, you do it.
• 56:36
  Eric: Wait, you do it second.
• 56:37
  Eric: So what you do?
• 56:39
  Eric: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 56:40
  Eric: My order of operations.
• 56:41
  Eric: Tell me I sit.
• 56:42
  Eric: I sorry, I spray some poopery on the surface of the water.
• 56:46
  Matt: Oh, you were at home.
• 56:47
  Eric: I poopery at home, wow so do she?
• 56:49
  Eric: I live with two other human beings and there is one bathroom.
• 56:53
  Eric: I poopery it, wait, wait, wait Back.
• 56:55
  Matt: Sorry, back the fuck up.
• 56:58
  Eric: There is one you full bathroom.
• 57:01
  Matt: You have one bathroom in your house, not counting the demon toilet in the basement not counting the demon toilet in the basement.
• 57:07
  Matt: Does anyone use that toilet first?
• 57:10
  Matt: Of all which we have discussed in a previous episode.
• 57:12
  Eric: Pat's gaming rig is in the basement, so he uses that toilet Right Because it's either.
• 57:17
  Eric: It's either use that toilet or walk up two flights of stairs.
• 57:20
  Eric: Sure To get there Like who's got time for that.
• 57:23
  Matt: I can't believe three of you are trying to use one bathroom.
• 57:26
  Eric: I, we're out here, we're like the pioneers, babe.
• 57:28
  Eric: We're out here making do as I, as I explain to you my bidet usage.
• 57:34
  Eric: So I spray some poopery, I sit down, I make my peace with God, I do my business and then I bidet.
• 57:44
  Eric: I bidet first, yeah, get, get nice, and ooh, ooh, ooh, and then I will tear off like a one or two square of toilet paper just to pat myself dry, and that's done.
• 57:58
  Matt: So no wipe.
• 57:58
  Matt: You really like once you know traditional way.
• 58:02
  Eric: Once you get the hang of the bidet, once you get confident, once you get over the learning curve.
• 58:06
  Eric: Learning You're good, you're golden, you start.
• 58:10
  Eric: After all, the bidet is a meta changer.
• 58:13
  Eric: You have to start.
• 58:15
  Eric: You start thinking about things you didn't think about before, like, where is the exact location of my sin hole in relation to the bidet at this moment?
• 58:26
  Matt: See, I feel like I know you.
• 58:29
  Eric: You think, matt, I'll tell you.
• 58:31
  Eric: I thought, I thought I knew.
• 58:33
  Matt: I say this, eric, when I reached down there for my tried and true wipe, my, in terms of accuracy, fucking batten a thousand baby.
• 58:41
  Matt: Oh, I guarantee right.
• 58:44
  Eric: You've been doing that motion for like your entire life.
• 58:46
  Eric: I go all time baby, All time the day.
• 58:49
  Eric: I'm a veteran.
• 58:51
  Eric: I'm a veteran of these wars.
• 58:53
  Eric: It's like the game at the boardwalk and like, oh, she's there where you're spraying, like the clown mouth with water.
• 58:58
  Eric: Yeah, you, you realize, you realize just how how little, like how fine that maneuvering has to be.
• 59:05
  Eric: Once you get the hang, of it's really easy.
• 59:08
  Matt: OK, but and I will say but- doesn't the toilet paper then get stuck on your wet asshole?
• 59:13
  Matt: Don't you have residue?
• 59:15
  Matt: That's my concern.
• 59:16
  Matt: My concern is having residue.
• 59:19
  Eric: No, no residue, Just a little pep, pep, pep, like, like, like, like, tell your buddy did a good job.
• 59:24
  Eric: I hear about it Got.
• 59:28
  Eric: I never feel like.
• 59:29
  Eric: And after going to Matt, I never feel cleaner, I never feel purer.
• 59:34
  Eric: That's my only regret is, I wish we had one that did like the warm water, because, I will say this, there are times when I will skip the day just because I, if I'm like waking up in the middle of the night to do some business, I can't be having a jet of ice cold water going right up.
• 59:51
  Eric: You know, right, right, right.
• 59:54
  Matt: No, you're going to be wide awake.
• 59:55
  Matt: I'm on my way.
• 59:57
  Eric: Yeah that, that that dog just won't hunt.
• 59:59
  Matt: OK, that bear just won't shit in the woods.
• 1:00:01
  Matt: Now I'm just I'm doing it.
• 1:00:03
  Matt: Wow, there are so many different varieties.
• 1:00:06
  Matt: I just did a quick Amazon search.
• 1:00:08
  Matt: This one's four hundred dollars.
• 1:00:10
  Matt: It's a whole, oh yeah.
• 1:00:14
  Eric: Seat.
• 1:00:14
  Eric: Yeah, it's not even a nice one Bowl.
• 1:00:17
  Matt: Yeah, this one has like a kitchen hose.
• 1:00:20
  Eric: Yeah, you don't want to do separate bowl, that's a whole, that's a whole, that's a whole production.
• 1:00:25
  Matt: Why would it need a remote?
• 1:00:28
  Eric: So start warming.
• 1:00:29
  Eric: So you'd be downstairs, you can get like your remote.
• 1:00:31
  Matt: Start your car.
• 1:00:33
  Eric: I got to get it warmed up.
• 1:00:34
  Eric: Oh my, oh, my God.
• 1:00:36
  Eric: And I will warn you ahead of time, matt, you will be at no point in the bidet process.
• 1:00:42
  Eric: You will be tempted to be like oh, I wonder what the stream looks like.
• 1:00:45
  Eric: And you'll be like never turn the day on without a body.
• 1:00:50
  Matt: I'm looking right now at a video of someone spraying it Sons of butt sitting there and honestly I am horrified.
• 1:00:59
  Eric: Bro, it will hit your ceiling.
• 1:01:01
  Eric: There's no joke.
• 1:01:03
  Matt: This, this feels this feels crazy to me.
• 1:01:06
  Matt: I can't believe I'm about to buy a bidet.
• 1:01:11
  Eric: You're about to buy a bidet.
• 1:01:13
  Matt: Well, lindsay does want a bidet, so I do think we're about to buy a bidet, but I'm intimidated by it because, like so, we have good friends that live nearby the day of a bidet, and Lindsay says she always uses it.
• 1:01:24
  Matt: But whenever I'm over there, I'm always afraid to use the bidet because I'm like, well, what event, I'm just going to be wet.
• 1:01:31
  Eric: What if I fuck up?
• 1:01:32
  Matt: What Fuck up?
• 1:01:33
  Eric: And then I come out and I'm wet.
• 1:01:35
  Eric: One of the first times I tried to use a bidet was at a friend's house and guess what?
• 1:01:39
  Eric: I made the mistake and like all up and luckily it's just water.
• 1:01:44
  Eric: It's just water, so, but like sure all the water, all the water.
• 1:01:48
  Eric: Sealing toilet water.
• 1:01:50
  Eric: Toilet water.
• 1:01:53
  Eric: It's toilet water, but it's not poopy water.
• 1:01:56
  Matt: It's not poopy water but it.
• 1:01:57
  Matt: It has been where the poopy water is, so can you trust it?
• 1:02:01
  Matt: It has been with with Nundant Red.
• 1:02:04
  Eric: We're Nundant Drink, surely we're.
• 1:02:06
  Matt: Nundant Drink.
• 1:02:07
  Matt: It's a one way ticket to dysentery baby.
• 1:02:12
  Matt: I played Oregon Trail.
• 1:02:14
  Eric: Oh, the forbidden water fountain, true, true, yes, the forbidden Britta.
• 1:02:21
  Eric: Should we go back to the bears?
• 1:02:25
  Eric: So to the bears.
• 1:02:26
  Eric: So what do we think these colors represent?
• 1:02:28
  Eric: Brown, just standard, bog standard.
• 1:02:31
  Eric: You know your standard bear.
• 1:02:34
  Matt: Your stats are all equal.
• 1:02:35
  Eric: Your standard.
• 1:02:35
  Eric: Poop Red representing strength.
• 1:02:40
  Matt: See, I think that's what your butt's going to look like when you're done with Old and Strong.
• 1:02:44
  Eric: I'm like red.
• 1:02:44
  Eric: It feels almost like a challenge, like like oh, you need to.
• 1:02:49
  Eric: Can you hang with this toilet paper?
• 1:02:53
  Matt: Yeah, it does feel a little like rough to me.
• 1:02:56
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, little.
• 1:02:58
  Eric: I'm like, and I find myself like who is this for?
• 1:03:02
  Eric: Who's got a situation that's like I need this paper to.
• 1:03:08
  Eric: I need this to not yield.
• 1:03:11
  Matt: My paper cannot yield to my booty, but there's an implication that simply doubling up or tripling up or quadrupling up your strips of paper there isn't enough without the paper itself being stronger.
• 1:03:27
  Matt: Yeah, to which I say, friend, you got to go to a gastroenterologist.
• 1:03:32
  Matt: Yeah, you need to see a doctor.
• 1:03:34
  Matt: Absolutely, you got to get some work done.
• 1:03:38
  Eric: I don't know what demons you face.
• 1:03:39
  Eric: I don't know what quests you go on when you're trying to rearrange your business down there.
• 1:03:44
  Eric: But goddamn, but get yourself to a colonoscopy stat so that's red so that's red and then blues.
• 1:03:52
  Matt: are boy ultra soft.
• 1:03:53
  Eric: Blue and it's like a Like I'm not crazy, right, it's like a baby blue.
• 1:03:56
  Eric: No, it's like a light, I think it's a pretty deep blue, I think it's pretty blue I think so Ultra soft.
• 1:04:04
  Eric: Maybe the blue is meant to evoke, like the softness of water.
• 1:04:10
  Matt: Well, I think it almost is meant to show like a, like a cooling property, almost.
• 1:04:16
  Matt: You know what I mean.
• 1:04:17
  Eric: Like yeah, like a soothing.
• 1:04:19
  Eric: When we see blue, we think soothing, but now exactly.
• 1:04:23
  Eric: Real quick straw debate.
• 1:04:25
  Eric: Matt is water soft.
• 1:04:27
  Matt: Well, there is such a thing as hard water.
• 1:04:30
  Eric: So, yeah, there is such a thing as hard water, but I've never been.
• 1:04:33
  Eric: Have you ever had soft water marketed to you?
• 1:04:37
  Matt: I'm not sure, but I am showing you.
• 1:04:39
  Eric: I'm showing you the bear, yeah okay, so that's a pretty good blue, but is water soft, matt?
• 1:04:43
  Eric: Yes, yes, I just need to know where you stand.
• 1:04:52
  Matt: Okay, Well, because if ice is hard water is soft Ice do be.
• 1:04:56
  Matt: Hard Ice is unequivocally hard.
• 1:04:59
  Eric: Unequivocally hard, but is water soft.
• 1:05:01
  Matt: I think so Okay.
• 1:05:03
  Matt: And then again, if you fall from a great height, you'll die.
• 1:05:07
  Eric: I'm just going to open up new segment, open up straw debate to our listeners.
• 1:05:10
  Eric: Please feel free to call into the thought line Give us your thoughts Is water soft 410-929-5329,.
• 1:05:20
  Matt: baby.
• 1:05:20
  Matt: Thank you, thank you.
• 1:05:22
  Eric: But yeah, that blue does evoke a soothing feeling, it evokes a tenderness.
• 1:05:30
  Matt: It evokes to me.
• 1:05:31
  Matt: You look at it, and because we're talking about toilet paper, I don't think it's inappropriate to say that when you see that blue bear, you think to yourself ooh, when I'm done pooping, my butthole will be soothed.
• 1:05:44
  Eric: If the blue bear is the sky, the shaman is the cloud.
• 1:05:48
  Eric: I think that's what they're going for.
• 1:05:51
  Matt: Eric, that Eric, that's beautiful.
• 1:05:54
  Eric: I think I just nailed it.
• 1:05:56
  Eric: I think you just nailed it, Eric.
• 1:05:58
  Eric: I think I got shaman dialed in.
• 1:06:01
  Matt: I think so, and I think basically all we've done here is held a marketing meeting for a company we are not employed by.
• 1:06:11
  Eric: We have just confirmed that their marketing strategy is effective.
• 1:06:15
  Matt: Is effective.
• 1:06:16
  Eric: That does work for free.
• 1:06:18
  Matt: They're doing a great job and I think we've answered the question Good job, sharma.
• 1:06:22
  Eric: I would love to get on that.
• 1:06:23
  Eric: Shaman dime, I would Listen.
• 1:06:27
  Matt: Are you kidding me.
• 1:06:28
  Matt: If anyone is qualified to do regular plugs for shaman, it's me.
• 1:06:34
  Matt: So we will do ad reads for shaman.
• 1:06:37
  Matt: Shaman, Reach out to who are you.
• 1:06:40
  Matt: Are you Johnson and Johnson?
• 1:06:41
  Matt: Whoever?
• 1:06:42
  Eric: you are reach out to us.
• 1:06:43
  Eric: Whatever horrifying subsidiary you are like, whatever godawful, unethical corporation you belong to, please pay us lots of money.
• 1:06:53
  Matt: Please Listen, don't we deserve it.
• 1:06:57
  Eric: Well, don't we deserve it.
• 1:06:58
  Matt: Proctor and gamble.
• 1:06:59
  Matt: It's proctor and gamble that owns a shaman.
• 1:07:02
  Eric: Is that a good one?
• 1:07:03
  Eric: I don't recall reading about that one starting any wars in other continents, so that sounds cool.
• 1:07:13
  Matt: Well, it's incorporated in Ohio, I can tell you that much.
• 1:07:18
  Eric: Oh, ohio, matt.
• 1:07:20
  Eric: Real quick question, if sorry.
• 1:07:21
  Eric: When we get on that shaman dollar, yeah, what's our bear sonas?
• 1:07:26
  Eric: What color are we and what do we represent?
• 1:07:29
  Matt: Well, we both said, we stan blue.
• 1:07:32
  Eric: We stan blue.
• 1:07:32
  Eric: No, no, no, no, no.
• 1:07:33
  Eric: We're new additions to the shaman family.
• 1:07:37
  Eric: Oh, we're new bears.
• 1:07:39
  Matt: Oh we're new bears, baby, okay.
• 1:07:41
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:07:42
  Matt: Now they did a bold thing where the standard bear they just gave us a brown bear.
• 1:07:48
  Matt: They never went with a black bear or say a panda bear or a polar bear or a polar bear.
• 1:07:54
  Matt: Oh, of course.
• 1:07:56
  Matt: Frequently brown bears can appear to be black but are in fact brown bears.
• 1:08:01
  Matt: It's a common misconception.
• 1:08:05
  Eric: Oh, of course.
• 1:08:06
  Matt: Brown bears can be black is what I'm saying, but technically a brown bear, that's a bear fact for you.
• 1:08:12
  Eric: That's a bear fact, you see.
• 1:08:14
  Eric: Yeah, what would your bear sona be?
• 1:08:16
  Matt: Well, I brought all that up to say.
• 1:08:18
  Matt: Are we introducing, do we keep with it and do purple or green or some other non-bear color, as opposed to like a panda bear or what?
• 1:08:29
  Eric: Honestly I'd say either on the table.
• 1:08:30
  Eric: I think either is appropriate, but we should stay logically consistent.
• 1:08:35
  Eric: So, like we want to do, like you know, monochromatic bear, we both got to be a monochromatic bear, but if we both want to go just other bear species, or if we think there's a bear that should be getting represented here, purple speaks to me.
• 1:08:47
  Eric: Purple, very regal, yeah, Very, very, very stately.
• 1:08:53
  Eric: It is regal.
• 1:08:55
  Eric: The FDR of colors.
• 1:08:56
  Eric: We are both the time of colors.
• 1:08:58
  Matt: We are both lords of Sea Land, after all, are we not?
• 1:09:00
  Matt: We are, and the, and once, once I get this wall going behind me, I'll get my thing up on the wall.
• 1:09:06
  Matt: If you would just buy a frame, we could yeah, I just didn't go to the we could post a photograph of our things, but I don't want to leave you behind.
• 1:09:16
  Matt: No, lord left behind hashtag.
• 1:09:18
  Matt: Ooh, that's good.
• 1:09:20
  Matt: So Damn, just get your shit together, is what I'm trying to say.
• 1:09:24
  Matt: So there's that purple, but often when I am in the bathroom, I do feel like I've left part of myself behind.
• 1:09:32
  Matt: I'm saying, I do feel as though I've been wounded in combat, and that way the purple also speaks to me as a purple heart.
• 1:09:41
  Eric: Ah, yes, so it is, it is, it is the warrior Kings toilet paper.
• 1:09:47
  Matt: It's the warrior Kings toilet paper.
• 1:09:49
  Matt: It's the you have irritable bowel syndrome toilet paper.
• 1:09:55
  Eric: The toilet paper is strong enough for you to write your declarations and decrees upon.
• 1:10:00
  Eric: Yes, Soft enough to lovingly you know, cradle my tender spots yes, yes, yes.
• 1:10:08
  Matt: Absolutely Very good.
• 1:10:09
  Matt: And what about you Monochromatic?
• 1:10:11
  Eric: for myself, I am going to go with green, and I think mine would be marketed primarily to the sinus infection audience.
• 1:10:22
  Eric: Oh I, because here's my thing when I I am historically terrible about actually using tissues when I'm sick not that I don't blow my nose and things I just like I never have tissues on hand.
• 1:10:39
  Eric: I use toilet paper.
• 1:10:40
  Eric: I use paper towels.
• 1:10:42
  Matt: I frequently do, I savage, I frequently do too.
• 1:10:44
  Eric: Every time I regret it.
• 1:10:45
  Eric: I, I want something marketed to the chronically sinus infected much like myself.
• 1:10:52
  Eric: Every time the seasons change, my sinuses go.
• 1:10:54
  Eric: Oh, hey, poach, go fuck yourself.
• 1:10:56
  Eric: Yeah, so I would like something that is that I because I usually just walk around with like a balled up fists of this stuff and I just like crawled a different part to the house and I have my little, my little nests of toilet paper that I just reach and just absolutely Disgusting.
• 1:11:14
  Eric: I want something, very something that I can easily.
• 1:11:18
  Eric: This is such a specific ask.
• 1:11:20
  Eric: I I have a bad tendency.
• 1:11:21
  Eric: I'll I'll tear off a strip, I'll get like a like two foot long strip of toilet paper, and every time I'll think the same thing.
• 1:11:29
  Eric: This way, I can just work down the line below my nose on this end and then come on, eric, keep going.
• 1:11:35
  Matt: Who are you kidding?
• 1:11:35
  Matt: You ball that shit up right away.
• 1:11:39
  Eric: I ball it up right away to every time you got to what do you like it's floss.
• 1:11:46
  Matt: You're going to work your way down the line.
• 1:11:48
  Eric: No, I, I convince myself every single time that I'm going to, you know, be economic about this, that I'm going to ration out.
• 1:11:55
  Eric: Nope, every time I just balling it up.
• 1:11:57
  Eric: So, my, for my green Charmin bear, I just really like to represent a toilet paper that can be very easily unballed.
• 1:12:04
  Eric: That's my, that's my thing, it doesn't matter, it's not good, compressible.
• 1:12:09
  Eric: Like, like fucking, like like nerf, like the nerf equivalent of toilet paper, where I can just like and then, as soon as I go, it just goes right back to its long shape.
• 1:12:20
  Eric: One hundo that you probably can never be used in your plumbing.
• 1:12:25
  Matt: Never be flushed down the toilet.
• 1:12:26
  Matt: You shouldn't put it down there.
• 1:12:27
  Eric: No, no, no, no, God no All right, I don't know what.
• 1:12:31
  Matt: do you think we've answered the question.
• 1:12:33
  Eric: I think we've answered the question.
• 1:12:34
  Matt: I think so and amazingly, eric, I you know we were going to do some chat GBTs as our closing segment today, but I don't.
• 1:12:42
  Eric: I don't think we have time to the shock of absolutely fucking no one.
• 1:12:45
  Eric: We do not have time, baby.
• 1:12:48
  Matt: No, we just rambled about toilet paper and bidets for the longest time.
• 1:12:53
  Eric: We like to get intimate with our listeners.
• 1:12:54
  Eric: We like to give them the like to let them see all the rough edges.
• 1:12:57
  Matt: We like to let them know that we are authentic humans.
• 1:13:02
  Eric: We want them to know they're on our dime.
• 1:13:04
  Matt: Absolutely so that all about to it from all of us here at you didn't ask for this again.
• 1:13:12
  Matt: I think the last couple of episodes have shown that we need your questions, folks.
• 1:13:18
  Matt: We need them very desperately.
• 1:13:20
  Matt: Please send them to us.
• 1:13:22
  Matt: You didn't ask for this Gmailcom, that's all spelled out.
• 1:13:25
  Matt: But on Instagram, twitter, facebook et cetera, it's you didn't ask pod.
• 1:13:29
  Matt: That's the letter.
• 1:13:30
  Matt: You didn't ask pod.
• 1:13:32
  Matt: Get us up with those questions.
• 1:13:35
  Matt: They can be about anything, eric.
• 1:13:36
  Matt: What could they be about?
• 1:13:38
  Eric: It could be.
• 1:13:38
  Eric: It could be answering.
• 1:13:39
  Eric: The prompt is water soft gives you thoughts.
• 1:13:41
  Eric: It could be like again.
• 1:13:45
  Eric: Doesn't even have to be a question.
• 1:13:47
  Eric: You can talk to us about anything.
• 1:13:50
  Eric: You could get us to lie on a job application for you.
• 1:13:52
  Eric: We'll we'll be put us down as a reference.
• 1:13:55
  Eric: Unironic, we will lie for you to become gainfully employed.
• 1:14:01
  Matt: We'll record it and everything We'll give it to you.
• 1:14:03
  Matt: We need your neighborhood scuffles, your neighborhood drama for our neighborhood watch segment.
• 1:14:09
  Matt: Give that to us.
• 1:14:11
  Eric: If you come upon a crazy local legend, send it our way.
• 1:14:15
  Matt: We're always happy to hear about your local legends, be them cryptids or just a famous guy at a bar.
• 1:14:22
  Matt: We'll take whatever you want to give us.
• 1:14:24
  Matt: Don't forget about the thought line that is 4109295329.
• 1:14:30
  Matt: It's a voicemail.
• 1:14:31
  Matt: You leave your voicemail for us and we'll play it on the show, probably unless you say something crazy offensive yeah.
• 1:14:39
  Eric: The bar could not be lower, the gates couldn't be lower wide open babies Come on in, come on in.
• 1:14:46
  Matt: The water is fine, but we are already cruising on our yadaft bingo.
• 1:14:52
  Matt: We've got.
• 1:14:53
  Matt: The year is off and running.
• 1:14:54
  Matt: We've got some very quick succession of things getting checked off.
• 1:15:00
  Matt: Barbie indeed nominated for best picture, so everyone who had that, make sure you check that off.
• 1:15:06
  Matt: I certainly did.
• 1:15:07
  Matt: Have we found Amelia Earhart?
• 1:15:09
  Matt: Only time will tell, but we are truly off and running.
• 1:15:14
  Matt: So I would say, florida, watch out, you could indeed be floating away.
• 1:15:19
  Matt: Eric, did I miss anything?
• 1:15:21
  Matt: No baby, as always nailed it Consummit professional at the business.
• 1:15:25
  Matt: Somebody has to be so for all of us here.
• 1:15:28
  Matt: You didn't ask for this.
• 1:15:29
  Matt: My name's Matt Shea, my name's Eric Poach, and listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:15:34
  Eric: Hey, Alyssa, did you give that dog a treat?
• 1:15:35
  Eric: Did you give the dog a treat, Alyssa?
• 1:15:37
  Eric: Did you?
• 1:15:38
  Eric: If you did, guess what Time for another treat Time for another treat Because they waited so patiently.
• 1:15:44
  Matt: They waited so patiently, they had to wait so long.
• 1:15:47
  Eric: Could you please make sure this is playing out loud for the dog so she can hear me Knee-zoo-me, my little legoo-me.
• 1:15:56
  Matt: Legoo.
• 1:15:57
  Matt: Oh, I like that oh yeah, I'm a master at this Knee-zoo-me, my legoo-me.
• 1:16:01
  Matt: What else do you say?
• 1:16:03
  Eric: Knee-zoo-me, my legoo-me.
• 1:16:04
  Eric: Why don't you go ahead and sue me?
• 1:16:06
  Eric: Knee-zoo-me, my legoo-me.