Latest / How to Faith a Life Podcast with Faith Womack / What to do when your Husband isn't Spiritually Leading with Tasha Calvert

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What to do when your Husband isn't Spiritually Leading with Tasha Calvert · How to Faith a Life Podcast with Faith Womack

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you're listening to the How to Faith a Life podcast, where we wrestle with questions on how to live a life studies, from everything from books to Bible studies, even Bible studies text.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is your place to wrestle with the hard questions and dive deep into what scripture really says for the Christian walk.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure you subscribe to this podcast and your favorite podcast dream services.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Review this podcast so other people can find it and share with other believers who want to ask the hard questions.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now, with all that said, let's begin.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Hi friends, welcome back to the How to Faith the Life podcast, a Ministry of Bible Learn Ministries.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm super excited for this episode because we'll have my friend Tasha Calver on my podcast.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: She's the women's minister at Prestonwood Baptist Church and she has four beautiful daughters, two grandkids on the way, right?
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Two green daughters.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Two granddaughters on the way.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: The second one will be here by the time the episode drops, probably.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's so exciting.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: She's a wonderful friend of mine, and she loves Bible study and loves Jesus even more.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: She's one of those people that just exudes wisdom and a love for the Lord.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm so excited to have her on the podcast today.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Tasha, welcome.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so happy to be here.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: And listen, anybody that will claim I exude wisdom, you are my friend for life.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: And if you just want to go write that somewhere on my social media where everybody can see that maybe doesn't know I'm so wise, that would be fabulous.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: I love my compliments public.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: So now I can tell you I have a few children that would take issue with that.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: They don't think I exude wisdom all the time.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, that's a problem for another day.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, no, seriously, I just feel like you have amazing mic drop one-liners all the time.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: We were getting coffee the other day and we were talking about this very messy problem that we experience in women's ministry.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I was, guys, like just to be honest with you, Bible nerds, I was like, can you come on the podcast?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'll throw in another episode.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: I had already planned out all the episodes, but this is just such an important topic that nobody talks about.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's that we're, you know, we're for the most part teaching a lot of women how to Bible study and go deeper in their Bible studies.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then naturally we get a lot of comments around how do I handle the fact that my husband isn't going deeper in his Bible studies?
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, he doesn't even really love the Lord and he's not leading our family.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to pursue righteousness and I want to disciple my kids in the ways of the Lord, but my husband is not there with me and he's not even leading.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, you know what?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Please can you come on the podcast and just share some of this wisdom because this is one of those things I don't feel equipped to answer that question.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: I've only been married for about 10 years.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: My husband and I have a wonderful marriage, but it's not like we have this kind of wisdom where I feel like it can pour into women who aren't content in their marriage and don't feel led and guided and yeah, served, especially when it comes to discipleship and love of the Lord.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so I really kind of wanted to open this up with, you know, I've been interviewing women all season who do ministry all over the world in many different capacities, but can you share about the ministry that you do and the women that you serve in particular?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I completely agree with you.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: I do think this is a topic that so many women deal with.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, as someone who's been married for 30 years, I would tell you, if there's not a season in your marriage that you've experienced this, then you're probably in the minority because the reality is we're sinners.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: We're two sinners that come into this covenantal relationship with basically a premise that says we are not going to do this perfectly.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: So this is something that I would say a majority of women that I see deal with, and I would assume a majority of women that are following Christ are dealing with within their marriages.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I would first just say to the woman out there who is maybe married to somebody who A is not a Christian.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that that's sometimes the case.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like they are not leading you because they are not even saved and not able to lead you spiritually.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: Or two, to a husband who maybe just does not have the same passion that you do in that area that you feel like does not prioritize the things of God or the principles and the just plan that you feel like God would have for your family.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe, you know, they're even hostile to that.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes that is the case.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: A Christian that really just, you know, is either a prodigal or just has some hostility towards you that he he withholds that because he knows it's important to you.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so you're just in a dysfunctional relationship.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: There's all sorts of scenarios.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: There's also men that are going to be listening to you, Faith, that are going, I'm trying, I'm trying to lead her.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I, first of all, she doesn't want to be led.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: And listen, some of that's true sometimes, you know, like I'm trying to be the leader, she doesn't want to be led, or I'm trying to be the leader, but she never picks up on the ways that I am trying to step into that place of leadership.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: And it does not matter how hard I try, I never get the credit for it.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: She never recognizes it, and I'm just kind of at a loss.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: So there's lots of issues that could be surrounding this, but I think one way to just kind of de-escalate the temperature around it is to say that God cares about marriage and he cares about you and he cares about your spouse.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: And anytime that you come to the table in good faith with a pure heart, seeking to try and honor him in your marriage, you are praying a prayer that is in accordance with his will, with what he has designed for your marriage.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so I can assuredly tell you, God is going to be there to help you navigate this because it's something he cares about and something he's called you to.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think that might be a good place for us to just kind of begin the conversation.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it takes our the pressure off of the husband to be like the savior and more so our eyes on Christ of like God has initiated this, God is the glue to this.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: And when we're running to the Lord to be our satisfaction, like that gives us so much more room to extend grace and compassion with each other when we fail each other.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right, exactly.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Hey friends, quick update.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: I've been interrupting this podcast all season to talk about my book No More Boring Bible Study, but now I finally get to tell you something exciting.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: The book officially launches November 18th, 2025.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: And as a thank you to everyone who has already pre-ordered or plans to order, I want to give you free access to my brand new Bible journaling masterclass.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is the exact system I use when I study scripture, how I take notes, what tools I use, how I add pages and paper into my Bible without ruining it, and how I organize my thoughts so I actually retain what I study.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's practical, it's detailed, and it's honestly like stepping inside of my study process.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: So here's how to claim it.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Order a no more boring Bible study, whether you've already done it or plan to do it, whether it's audiobook or the actual physical book, it doesn't matter, then go to Biblejournalingmasterclass.com.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's Bible Journaling Masterclass All One Word.com and enter your receipt number in an active email.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's how we'll send it to you.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: You'll then get instant access into the Bible Journaling Masterclass.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: This is my thank you for believing in its message.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: This book is basically an intro to hermeneutics and how to read the Bible faithfully in context without twisting it.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so let's just be honest, like that is the most beautiful thing that you guys have back to the book, and y'all want to pre-order it and read it and you're excited for it.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so this little Bible journaling masterclass is just a gift of a thank you for ordering it.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if scripture is true, we should treat it like it is and actually dig deep into it and have it transform our lives.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: So if you haven't pre-ordered it yet or if you're waiting to order it when it comes out, when you do that, head on over to Bible Journaling Masterclass.com to get your free access to the Bible Journaling Masterclass.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: I can't wait to put these tools in your hands.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's get back to the podcast episode.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: So you minister to a lot of women, it's particularly at Preston with Baptist, but I know so many women have been touched by your ministry and your podcast.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Will you share a little bit about just like your the content that you share, the education, what you're passionate about?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: So you and I kind of have a similar passion in that I really feel like the key to most problems and most issues in our life is going deeper in God's word and knowing him better and becoming more sanctified.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's really my passion that our the women that I serve would grow in biblical comprehension.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: I think we have become very consumeristic in the Western church as far as like we may seek God.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: We we want to know his will, but we want to receive it from people who have done the deep dive for us and they'll just download us.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like sometimes, in some ways, I feel like the church becomes like chat GPT, like, okay, here's the information I want to know, and I know where to go get it, but it's not really my responsibility to do that.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so I am just really convictionally passionate about seeing women in particular go deep in God's word.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so my podcast is called Digging In.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's usually an interview style.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I just teach on there, sometimes we do QA episodes, but for the most part, it's an interview style where I just talk to different Christian leaders, different people, women in the church with testimonies, sometimes speakers and authors, and just like what is your rhythm like in God's word?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: Our mantra pressing with women's ministry is that Bible study is not a class you take, it's a rhythm you keep as a believer.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I think just the small ways that I'm trying to shift the mindset of like we are responsible for engaging with scripture.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not someone else's responsibility, it's not the responsibility of the church, it's not your responsibility, faith, as someone who is pointing people and leading out in faith spaces, and it's not mine, but God wants to meet every one of us individually on the pages of his word.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm touching my Bible, it's off to the side, you can't see it there.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: But, you know, so the Bible is for everyone.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, one thing I can tell you as a personal testimony to my marriage is that for years my husband and I like struggled.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, I've shared many times publicly and don't mind sharing at all, that we kind of have a superpower, which is that we can fight about literally everything.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: We've not ever had, I want to be just upfront.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: We've never had issues of infidelity or or anything like that.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: We've not had some of the things, the major things that take people out.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: But we have not also had just that easy road of like, oh yeah, we see everything eye to eye.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, that's that's not been our story.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: I wish it was, but it's not.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I am very outgoing, I am very ministry and people oriented.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: My husband is an engineer, a computer engineer.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: He is very in his head, very smart, very logical, very introverted.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: He tends to trend into low spaces emotionally.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: I tend to ramp things up.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: My fa I always tease my favorite emotion is anger because like it's it's so motivating.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like I can get so much done when I'm mad about something, right?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so, and my husband, on the other hand, just shuts down.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so, really, one of the transformational things that happened in our marriage, and I'm being completely honest with you, is when we started reading the Bible together and praying together.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: And that was, I mean, we've my husband's a believer, I'm a believer.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: We always have raised our kids in church, but we were very disconnected spiritually.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: And it was not until we really brought that seriousness into our relationship, that prioritization of we need to spiritually, if we are one, that's how God sees us in this covenant relationship, then we've got to be one in all senses spiritually.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, I think one of the things that we see in, you know, one of my good friends, Dr.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: Connor Bales, who used to be the pastor at the North Campus of Prestonwood, used to say is that we often approach marriage like a contract versus a covenant.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: And a contract is is really something we're very familiar with, but it is not God's design for marriage.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: And a contract is going to be like when you're fulfilling your end, then I fulfill my end.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I think women in particular, and I'll speak to the women mostly because that's that's usually my perspective and the people that I speak to, we tend to be reactive to how our husbands are acting.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: So when they are not stepping up in the way that we think they are going to step up, then we respond accordingly.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: And often that means that we withhold affection, we withhold sex, we give them the silent treatment, we make it very clear to them that we are not pleased with their behavior.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes we do that like very pointedly and aggressively, but sometimes we do it really passively and just kind of wait, wait around for them to figure out what they've done to get in the doghouse.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I just don't see that in scripture.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I what I see in scripture is a God who lives outside of space and time and has always seen who we're going to be, not necessarily who we are now.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, Romans 5.8 says, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: I just think about the woman at the well in John 4, who he comes, and she is not somebody that you would choose to be a missionary to her city.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: She is someone living in sin.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: She's someone who's really just a hot mess by the world standards, not at all your typical candidate to hold up as somebody to be integral to the kingdom plan.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: And yet he goes out of his way to go to Samaria, meets her there, and then she goes and basically tells the entire town about Jesus.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it's it's changed and transformed.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: I think about even Peter, we see that before Jesus dies on the cross, sacrifices himself for mankind, he calls Peter the rock upon which he's going to build his church.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: He knows Peter is gonna go and deny him three times, right on the heels of his crucifixion.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I think sometimes we receive that grace, we receive that person of Christ and how he has treated people and see that example, and then we hold our husbands and our well, and husbands do this too.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: So we hold our spouses to a completely different standard, and we do not allow them to have space to change, and we don't sometimes allow them to have space to mess up.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I think we've got to get better about that if we're gonna have godly marriages, and I think we've got to be at least aware of the fact that we too sometimes mess up and really look to solve the problem from a united point of view.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: What would you say to the woman?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm thinking about specifically that I have a Patreon where women, you know, I get to know them and their lifestyles and you know, their heart cries.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I've talked to women who are single moms, but a lot of them are women who are married to an either an unbeliever or a baby Christian that doesn't really want to grow in their faith, is very apathetic.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: What would you say to those women who just feel like basically, like when it comes spiritually, like they've got they're either like spiritually a single mom or treading the road by themselves, and they continue maybe even praying for their partner to lead them, but he for whatever reason doesn't.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: What would you say to them for endurance or encouragement?
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, first I would say, I'm so sorry.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, that's hard.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to minimize at all the difficulty that that is for someone who loves Jesus and desires that, who wants God's plan for their marriage, who wants to raise their children alongside someone who loves them, loves their kids, and first and foremost loves Jesus.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: That's a hard reality.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: That's a tension that that is just daily.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost minute by minute.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, I'm sorry.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's hard.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: That is not how it's supposed to be.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: But I would also say that God is not unaware of your predicament.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I think part of the reason he has called us to be in community and fellowship one another is because that's one of his provisions for you.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so I would say plug in with the people of God in whatever capacity you have time and bandwidth to do.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I would say too, understand that God is gonna be with you.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: It is gonna be his enabling that will compensate for what you were lacking in your marriage, what your kids might be lacking in a spiritual father.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it is scripture is very clear that it his strength is made perfect in our weakness.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so, whereas the world might look at our weakness and say, man, you've got a deficit, you're really behind the eight-ball on this.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: What scripture affirms is that your weakness is the perfect opportunity for God to show up and to be big.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so I would say trust him.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: Understand that he cares about your kids and he cares about you and he cares about your husband.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to carry the weight of everything on you.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: God is going to be there.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I would say then you step up, you lead.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: In the absence of having someone who is leading you spiritually, that does not mean that you stall your spiritual growth.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: I would say you spend every waking moment that you can in God's word, in prayer, in fellowship with him, and allow his spirit to shine through you and to just pour down over your kids and your family and to exude the joy of the Lord.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because just like us, it's God's loving kindness that's going to lead us to repentance.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so often I think we think we are going to strong arm or persuade or do something to a spouse that will make them see it our way and do what we want them to do.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: And in reality, most often, what leads a spouse into more loving relationship with us and more loving relationship with the Lord is our kindness.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: I I've shared this on my podcast before, and my husband is okay that I do this, but he went through a significant season of depression.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: And as I've already told you, I tend to go strong emotions, anger.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: I was just so frustrated at him that he could not get things together, that he was just drowning in this depression, and we were just at each other's throats constantly.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: And one night we were sitting in bed, I don't even remember, it was not something big.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: I can tell you our arguments are never about anything super significant.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's just literally nitpicking.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I was about to go in on him and I felt the Holy Spirit say, Shut up.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: Now, when you read this in my book that's coming out, Faith, it will say be quiet because the editors didn't know for sure if the Holy Spirit says shut up.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: But what I want to tell you is I know for sure the Holy Spirit said shut up.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it was the only thing to get my attention, but he said shut up.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to tell you to I don't want to belabor a point, but for three years, Faith, every time I was ready to go in and try and shake my husband back awake, like snap him out of this, every time for three years, it was shut up.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to tell you, I'm so thankful the Lord did probably more in me during those three years that I just had to listen and learn to rely on him than he did in my husband, but he changed our marriage.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so I I want to tell you, listen, listen for what God might be telling you in your marriage.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: He has wisdom for your specific marriage.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously, there's general wisdom that we all have as believers, but God sees our particular marriages, he sees our spouses, he sees us, and he knew that I needed to really flex those muscles of trust on him because I was very reliant on my own words, my own anger, the way I saw it.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I knew what my husband needed to be fixed.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: And in reality, my husband was way more depressed than I realized.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: And what the the little I was getting from him was about to kill him.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: And if I had not listened and heeded the warning that the spirit was so, so strong about in my in my spirit, I could have possibly lost my husband.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so I it not to be dramatic, but I'm but to be to be boastful of a good God who saw that and wanted something different for me.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I couldn't see it at the time.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I can tell you, I I felt like that was absolutely counterproductive to what I wanted for my marriage, but it is what saved it and what drew us ultimately closer, closer together.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think what you touched on is really important because I love how you validated that, you know, it's not that we don't continue growing in the Lord if our spouse isn't, you know, doing that or whatever, which is a question I get a lot again.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: But we also need to know when to shut up.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that is a level of leadership.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: That is a level of submission.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's whatever terms you want to use on it.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I think we have very convoluted pictures in our churches today, whether we're egalitarian or complementary and or we're submission circles or not, you know, like we have very weird views of what it looks like to be leaders.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: And there's an aspect to which when Christ has got a hold of your heart and when you are in the word and he is working through in through and despite you, like there is a level to which I at least I personally feel like when I was growing my relationship with the Lord, I stepped into a level of confidence in Jesus.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: I stepped into a level of, you know, I do feel called to do these certain things, and it does take you into a level of leadership, whether you're just starting a small group or praying over this person or meeting with a mentor or whatever.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of women ask me those questions of like, is it wrong if I'm a leader?
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, a lot of women that I speak to are in from, you know, the southern or very submission circles or complementarian circles.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: What would you talk about when it comes to like a biblical understanding of leadership?
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, I think it's not necessarily what our culture tells us, you know, it looks like to be a badly woman, but what does scripture tell us at that moment?
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's so good.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm so glad you asked that question because I do think we have a skewed understanding of what leaders.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Looks like.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: If Jesus is our example, and spoiler alert, he is, then the way he described himself, gentle and lowly.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: He was servant-hearted.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: He was washing each other's feet.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: My girls always say of me, because I've already told you, my husband, I mean, if he were the one being interviewed on this podcast, you would have ended 10 minutes ago.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: He's just not going to have a whole ton to say.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, he's just not a he's not like me.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: He's, you know, he's different and he's wonderful.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I adore him.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: But my kids always say, Dad's the dad's the leader, mom's the spokesperson.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so I would say that most people looking into my marriage from the outside in probably make comments.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm very well aware, probably make comments, oh, she's the one that wears the pants in the family.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: She's the one.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you know, I listen, I hear all the little quippy things from our Christian circles.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: We've got one idea of what leadership is.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I just think that is so anemic, even from a scriptural standpoint.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when you look at the spiritual gifts, there are some spiritual gifts that are going to tend more public, they're going to tend more leader-like, that are going to tend more outward, and there's some spiritual gifts that will tend more behind the scenes.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you even look at the early church, and I think of Stephen.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: Stephen was actually brought into the early church model because the apostles were spending time doing things that were outside of their giftings.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: They had been given the gifts of prophecy and of evangelism, and they were spending their time doing things that were really not within their giftings.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they didn't go find the girls to do that.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: They found Stephen and some other male deacons that stepped into those roles.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think we've got to get this idea that like the blue jobs are all really strong.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: And my my girls do the blue and pink.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: Do y'all do that?
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that's a blue job.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's what my girls, I mean, they're kind of being tongue in cheek, but like taking out the trash.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: Apparently, all of my girls assume that is a blue job.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: So, I mean, I think, you know, that's obviously not scriptural.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's just just kind of funny.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: But I think we we do that in Christian circles too.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's like we have one idea of what it means to lead your family, and it's gonna be strong and it's gonna be outward.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I will tell you just personally, sometimes my husband, because I am the one that is a little more traditionally ministry-oriented, he sometimes looks at the male role models that we have set up in the church and and he doesn't really find himself in those people a ton.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_01: They they don't look a lot like the way that God has gifted him.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: But let me tell you something.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: I may be the minister.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: I have never pulled over on the side of the road and helped somebody change a tire and ask if I can pray for them and Venmo them$200 because they were in dire straits.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: My husband has done that many times.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: I have never come home from the gas station saying that I bought somebody a tank of gas because I I saw that they were short and asked what their story was and asked if I could pray for them.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't done that.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: My husband, I mean, out in quiet ways within the world all the time.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, he came home several months ago telling me that he had spent half his day helping a little elderly couple who the husband had dementia and the wife was trying to, you know, fix something on her car and helping, and then following back up, you know, had their address from the insurance card that he helped and followed back up with them.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_01: We have to get a more robust understanding of what God designed for people and for marriage, and not try and fit all of our marriages into a narrow understanding that perhaps has been more widely defined by people than it has by scripture.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: Totally.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: We I think we also set up, you know, husbands and wives to fail in their respective circles because we're like, well, you don't look like the Proverbs 31 woman, or you don't look like the classic youth pastor or whatever.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like people always assume I things of my husband and of his personal life because he's a pastor.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, well, no, he also comes home and turns on the football and you know needs to rest as well.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: He's not always like, come on, kids, let's do another Bible study.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he needs a Sabbath as well.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so we're setting up our spouses to fail when we set up these very culturized stereotypes and checklists for them, but again, aren't found in scripture or even found in their giftings.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: Hey friends, I'm gonna interrupt this podcast real quick because what if I told you your Bible study could actually change someone's life half a world away?
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: Not just your life, but their life too.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: In Kalungwar, Kenya, families wake up every day with zero access to clean water.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: But for$50, we can step in not only with a water filter that lasts 20 years, but with three discipleship visits, gospel conversations by local missionaries, and a connection to a solid local church.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't charity that replaces the church, it strengthens it.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: And the best part, it's not Americans flying in to save the day, it's local Kenyans, neighbors discipling neighbors in their own community.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: I went myself to check it all out.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: I paid my own way, it's not like they asked me to come out, but I can tell you, this ministry is the real deal.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: And they're doing kingdom work, and that's why I want us Bible nerds to be a part of it.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: Joe and I already gave$5,000, which is 100 water filters with the discipleship and the missionaries coming to the homes and all of that.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm asking the Bible nerd community to join me to do something bigger.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let's fund 2,000 filters together.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's 2,000 families with clean water and the living water.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: Please don't assume someone else will cover it.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you're hearing this, the need is still real.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: There's something so valuable in the worshipful response of saying, yes, Lord, use me, even with my couple of bucks.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: So before you keep listening to this awesome podcast, pull up the show notes.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: You'll see there a link to give as a Bible nerd, and even the map of where you can track the impact of our Bible nerd community in Kawanguari.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: You can see their faces, their names, some of the families I even got to meet who now have water because of you guys.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: Let's stop just reading the word and start living it out in our lives, even where it hurts, even in our wallets.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: Will you join me?
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: Open the show notes now as we get back to this podcast.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: What would you tell the wife or even the husband who is in a season of praying for their spouse, praying for a spiritual growth for their spouse, and then also praying through, you know, how do I continue seeking the Lord and discipling our kids, but is just burnt out and feels so alone.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: What would be your closing remarks to them or even a passage of scripture you'd send them to just read over and over again and pray through?
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_01: I would say the Psalms are such a great place to go because you're likely gonna feel all over the map.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, the reality is if you are seeking the Lord consistently for your spouse, then you are going to be growing.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna be growing in your spiritual walk because you are fellowshipping with the Lord.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: And the more approximate, approximate we are to Christ, the more we are going to grow to look like him.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so I would say, first of all, keep it up.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: Even when you don't feel like praying, even when it feels like you are not making any progress, keep it up.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: I cannot tell you how many times during that three-year period where I was like thinking, like, hey, I was really quiet last night.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_01: So are we about ready to, you know, get this thing on the road?
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, the Lord did something so big in me during that time.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so my second piece of advice would be not only keep going and stay the course and praying for your spouse, pray for yourself.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: Ask God for the things that you need.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: If you are struggling, if you are like, I don't have anything left, God knows that.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: Pray for, pray for you to recognize the new mercies he's gonna give you every morning.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: You know, one thing I was listening to a podcast recently, and I thought this was so important.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: And they were talking about the fact that as like we all pray for change.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: We want people to change, we want growth within ourselves, we want our situations to change.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_01: And often we are our biggest hindrance to that change because we aren't actually looking for that.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: We wake up every morning in the same mindset and viewing people and viewing our marriage and viewing ourselves through the same lens as if we are that same person.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes we need to just ask God, would you give me fresh eyes to see what you are up to?
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_01: Would you give me a new mercy that allows me a different attitude?
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and that the way that manifests, just to get really practical in marriages, I can tell you as somebody who's been married almost 30 years at this point, like after the Lord had really started to do our work in our marriage, we had to really be careful because we would start to get in our same cycle of fighting that we had always been in.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I would say to him, Well, I would just cut him off.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I know, I know exactly what you're gonna say.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: Of course you think this.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_01: And he would do the same thing to me.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: Well, there it is, you're gonna get defensive again.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: And like we weren't giving space to have changed and to have grown.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_01: And and so, you know, I would say, be open, keep a short, short record of right and wrong.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: And every morning start over with the Lord and say, okay, today I'm gonna look for it.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna look for just a little bit of growth.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna look for something you're doing in me.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna look for a little more energy to make it through.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know, God could today be a tiny bit easier, or could I trust you a little bit more and look for it?
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes, listen, if we don't think God's at work, that's on us because scripture is very clear that he is always working and that he is working everything for the good of those who love him.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: And that doesn't always look like what we think it's gonna look like, but what we can do is trust that it is going to look like what he wants it to.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: That was so good.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, so wise.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that applies to so many different areas of life, like whether you're dealing with this issue or with kids or discipling somebody to the Lord, like all the things.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I always ask everybody this question.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: What are your favorite Bible study resources and tools to go deeper in Bible study?
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so my first one would be exactly what we're doing right now.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: There's podcasts.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I I think everybody should be listening to Christian Living Podcasts.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's just such a good redemptive use of your time in the car or when you've got something, when you're cooking dinner and you can put a podcast on.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I think redeeming some of our time towards things that are uplifting and encouraging and challenging to us rather than things that just help us escape from things is always a good thing.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_01: My second thing is I know you're a comment, like you love commentaries and things like that.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: My favorite series, oh, I wonder if I have one.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_01: No, I don't have one in this in this office.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_01: This is my husband's office.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_01: But the Christ-centered exposition commentary series, Danny Aiken does many of them, but Francis Chan, David Platt, all sorts of different people that kind of speak into those.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_01: Those are my favorite because let me tell you why.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate you saying that I'm wise.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_01: I am not super academic, and so sometimes some of these Bible commentaries are really heady, and they honestly, speaking of heady, make my head hurt, head hurty.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_01: Because they're so like you have to read things five times, and you're like, okay, what?
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_01: What is he saying?
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_01: And these are just so easy to understand because I'm always trying to get our women to go deeper in God's word and to get more confidence and to know scripture more.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_01: I play Vercil every day.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever played Versal?
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: No, okay, this is so fun.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, I'm a word gained person, so versal, it's like you get it on your phone and it's versal.com or something.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_01: And basically, every day it gives you a scripture and you have five chances to guess the reference.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so I love that it keeps me like engaged in like I'll have to be like, okay, well, this one's talking about Jesus, so it's it's gonna be New Testament.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_01: And does this sound like Paul?
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_01: Does it sound like Peter?
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's a really good way for the average Christian who maybe does not want to go by commentaries, does not, is not ever gonna go as deep theologically as maybe some of us nerds might do.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_01: But like to just engage anything that helps us engage with scripture, I think is win.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_01: So that's a fun one.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: I do, or I've been on a season of where I'm doing my wordle every evening, and it's like my favorite part of the day.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: We turn on this, I don't even know what it's called.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's a cut above.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a chainsaw competition show.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's so and they like cut trees.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: We like very boring TV to fall asleep to, which is also not a healthy habit.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll pull out my wordle and I'll do that.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: But then every single time that I do my wordle, I'm always sad.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, well, now what do I do?
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta plug up my phone and just go to bed.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, text me when you do it and tell me if you like this.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: I will probably be texting you tonight.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now where can people find you and follow you and learn from you?
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, so kind.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm obviously at Prestonwood Women, and so anytime you're looking for any of our studies, we've got those on RightNow Media, YouTube, Prestonwoodwomen.org.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's great.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_01: I've got my own website, TashaCalvert.com, and I'll have a book that's coming out in spring of 26 called Set Apart for More Unholiness.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm excited about that.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then on Instagram, I think I'm Tiz Tasha or Tiztosh something.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_01: Tiz Tasha, you can you can link it in the show notes.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm mostly on Instagram.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I check Facebook, but we kind of mostly an Instagram girly.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: And then I just want to, if you have any local listeners, I want to let you know we're having a women's conference coming up on November 15th.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if this airs before then or not, but November 15th at Prestonwood, we would love to have any of your listeners come.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_01: And if you come, come find me.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'll be down front and on stage, and I'd love to meet you guys.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_00: Do they need a register or can you reach up?
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_01: They do.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_01: They do need to register.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's 20 bucks, lots of lots of great speakers and everything.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_01: And you can go find registration at Prestonwood.org.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_01: Prestonwoodwomen.org.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a hot mess.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_01: Prestonwoodwomen.org.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: No, that is wonderful.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: I know I have a lot of local listeners, so I'm sure they'll love to check it out.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you so much for being on the podcast.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I know you shared so much wisdom and insight that this was encouraging to men, women, anybody, like whether or not you struggle with this particular situation.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many applicable nuggets that you shared.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_01: It was my pleasure, and I am cheering you on, sister.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_01: You're doing a great job.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: If you're listening to the How to Faith a Life podcast, where we wrestle with questions on how to live a life of faith, from everything from books to Bible studies, even Bible study tips.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: This is your place to wrestle with the hard questions and dive deep into what scripture really says for the Christian walk.
• 36:48
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• 36:52
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