Latest / Pod Therapy / #347: Co-Grieving, Dating a Therapist, Preventing Alcoholism

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#347: Co-Grieving, Dating a Therapist, Preventing Alcoholism · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: So fresh is such a funny way to drive skis
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: right off the line.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Nothing better. This episode has made possible by our therapy.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: Partners Dirty B and Pickets from Fabulous las mak at.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: Real people, real problems, and real therapists.
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: We could submit your questions anonymously at pot therapy dot
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: net or email us at pot Therapy guys at gmail
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: dot com.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: And now broadcast from the Churn. That's Whitney, that's Jacob
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: on Nick. It's time for some pot therapy.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: I don't like getting interview. I know it makes you
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: very off. I don't like it at all.
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: I like watching Jacob squirm.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: Just a nameless voice over on the side over there.
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Jacob, your beard's getting pretty pretty robust.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: I'm growing it up.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I kind of started to by accident, and now I'm
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: kind of enjoying it.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: I have a nice fluffy beard.
• 1:02
  Speaker 4: It is fluffy.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah. One of the Weieni dogs really likes it.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: She likes to like when I pick her up, she
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: likes to stick her nose into it and stiff around
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: in it. Yeah, working for crumbs exactly. I believe that's
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: exactly what she's doing.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say so Jay. It does not like
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: doing that. She doesn't like to sniff for crumbs.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: No, No, I believe the s J jury is still
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: out on the beard, but it's it's not leaning in
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: a good way.
• 1:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, some people don't like it for their partners.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Some like can I always have a beard, but it's
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: usually like a close trimmed affair.
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's true. It's always there, but it's just been tighter.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: I'm usually like a one or two on the on
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: the trimmers when i'm when I'm keeping it trimmed down.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: I've gone without now for about six months.
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: I've just clean shaven.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I get a lot of questions. When Peter goeses out.
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: People are like, oh, what are you about it?
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Peter goes pretty bushy.
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: His is very thick and full when it grows, even
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: though there's less on the top of it.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: We're talking about his beard, Fox.
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: Maybe you were.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: There's not much on top.
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: But yeah, people will ask me that, They're like, oh,
• 2:11
  Speaker 4: what do you think or do you like it or whatever?
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: And I'm just like what. I'm so caught off guard
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: by that question because just no part of me would
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: like direct and what to do with this age?
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: I don't have any preference either way. Has an answer
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: to that question. She's got she's got an answer that
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: question ready to go.
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: I guess yeah, if there's something that bothers you like,
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: you know or whatever. But they're different but different experience
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: either way.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: Laura doesn't like clean shaven. She doesn't like that look.
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: She likes like a little stubble, like where it's at
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: right now. It's just like, you know, this is like
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: two days two or three days growth, you know, And
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: that's that's kind of how I like it.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Tara likes her to look like they can handle a
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: wood split nax, yeah, which I can't.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't think that.
• 2:56
  Speaker 4: There's not much sexier than a man cutting wood with
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: an X. I'm just saying, for.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Me, a bandsaw if just a different type of cutting implement.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: What about a lathe? How do you feel about working?
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: Alright?
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: Alright? What about router? Can we just rank all the tools?
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: You just let us know sexiest to least sexiest tools.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: I'll bet one of the least.
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: Sexiest would be one of those old fashioned drills, the
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: hand drill.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, the crank.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: I don't know, because you gotta like you gotta have
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: some weight behind that you have some like the arms
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: going there. And yeah, I don't know, I bet, I
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: bet the old hand crank drill is higher than you think.
• 3:40
  Speaker 4: How do you feel about a drible I might I've
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: heard of that one tool, the dribble is.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: It's the little handheld tool. It's just got the little
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: bit at the end that spinds, and so you can
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: replace the bit with different things, so like you can
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: get like one where you can like carved wood, and
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: you can get another one where you can like sand,
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: little things and little stuff like that.
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: The motion I'm seeing.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: That.
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: I answered.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Then, all right, so the top three sexiest tools, Whitney,
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: go nake this questions come to you next.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: I'm ready.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: I guess I'll stick with my ox answer for number one.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's a solid one, right.
• 4:23
  Speaker 4: Uh oh. Hammer.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: We got two swinging tools so far.
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: I'm I'm picking up on your type climbing a ladder,
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: and I'm just specific.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: Hammer.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: I got like a like a big old swinging hammer,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: or like a like a ball.
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: Ped Oh my gosh, I feel embarrassed. Okay, I'm not
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: gonna say that the one I was gonna say, let
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: me think what would be a third one? I don't,
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: I know you have all manner of ratchet tools, which
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: is what Whitney used to be called in high school.
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: Ratch use the ratchet straps, then that is sexy. Ratchet
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: strap look confusing as fun to me, and I can
• 5:11
  Speaker 4: never figure them out, even Peter struggles. Sorry, yes, I
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: don't think.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: If you have it, if you have a truck, if
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: you get better at using ratchet straps.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: Quickly, yeah, it's necessary. Yeah I had because I'm gonna
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: have six ratchet straps in my truck right now.
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: Show me later.
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: How Yeah, a ratchet lesson it's getting hot. I mean
• 5:35
  Speaker 5: ratchet lesson with the parties used to throw in high school.
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna look away. Nick described to me what he's doing.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: Okay, acts, I agree with you. Okay, chainsaws, chainsaw like that.
• 5:51
  Speaker 4: Gonna like a limb cut off with that thing.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: I don't know, no, but I think how you use it? Okay,
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: ice sculptures. No, Yeah, I used.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: To own the least sexiest chainsaw, which was it was
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: only the blade on it was only ten inches long. Yeah,
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: it was like this little bitty chainsaw. So it looked
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: so silly, like using it as a chain It was
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: made me mounted on the end of a pole.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: Oh yes, tree branches.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: And that kind of thing off. But you could take
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: just the chainsaw part off and use it as just
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: a little handheld chainsaw. And it was like baby's first chainsaw,
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: that is what it looked like.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: It was so funny. Kids love it.
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: So what I'm gonna getting from this as far as
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: like tool sexiness, is that size does matter.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: Oh I think so, I think so.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I think it tool sexy ines. Size matters because like,
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: at least that's our taste. No sledgehammer compared to little hammer.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: That's right, That's what I was getting at with the
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: ball peen.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Get the ball peen versus like the big two hand
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: sledge Yeah, Like I've got a small sledgehammer. I've got
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: a little five pound sledgehammer. It's made for like one
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: hand use. But then I've got a big, two hands,
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: slowchhammer that I literally bought to bust up a.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: Slab of concrete.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, so it was for me out out like
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: in the backyard, no shirt on and just like flinging
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: this thing. Yeah, well, I'm sorry, we're gonna get you
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: a new chair before next week.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: But Whitney has made a mess of acts.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: Sexy hatchet not exactly. I think this is a thing,
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: you know, this is definitely regular hatchet if you're if you.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: Are holding the hatchet with one hand and a knife
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: in the other. So I guess another thing is that
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: we have to look at we have to look at.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: The combination of tools together because that factor. So there
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: you go, you know, because one plus one doesn't necessarily
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: mean to one plus one.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: Could be three.
• 8:02
  Speaker 4: So what are you three? Then?
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, I think I'm sticking with I'm sticking with axe, chainsaw.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: I want to say sledgehammer, but it feels it's too
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: close to acts that I gotta go with that one.
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: I think that was now okay, I've got my I
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: got my least sexiest, But go ahead, all.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: Right, what are your top three? Oh?
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: I didn't have an answer prepared? Okay, all right, yeah,
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: go ahead, go ahead, okay. Least sexiest, uh, needle nose pliers.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: I think I think it's hard to look sexy.
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: Where is this going to be?
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: I don't think I think you give a short shrift
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: to the old needlesly.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: I think uh, I think a leaf.
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: Blower I was gonna get specifically electric, actually, the battery electric.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: Battery.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we have a yard service that comes by and
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: they and they bring the real leaf blowers. We have
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: a little one that gets used every.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: So often when they come.
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's where I was getting.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: The electric leaf blower.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Actually, no, the battery powered leaf blower is not the
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: least sexy leaf blower. The electric leaf blower that requires
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: an extension cords definitely the least sexy leaf Yeah, because yeah,
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: it's hard to look. That's like when you're juggling with.
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: It.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: I was thinking juggling too, it's hard to look. Yeah, okay, it's.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Hard to look like you're in control of your own
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: destiny while you're fighting an extension cord.
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: Yes, those are my Those are my two. I may
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: have a third later, but I don't know. Okay, something
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: about pliers just really kind of fair.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Let's see sexy ones. I mean, you guys took some
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: of the good ones. Yeah, that's why that's why I
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: can't help with jacket in IKEA.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: I can't imagine that would be the case. Go, are
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: you confused about rich being sexy? Like?
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Least it around for comedics? Okay, I thought you were
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: serious about it. I was like, gosh, I just don't
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: see like I was being the funny person on the show.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: That's what I was was.
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: I was like, Nick, come on, all.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: Right, I'm on board. I get her. I see what
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: we're doing. I think some like big tools, like like
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: a big wood lathe that you can put like a
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: like a big a big piece of a big piece
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: of wooden there.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: Uh, like a nice big table saw, so you're pushing
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: a big piece of over over table saw, like you
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: got to control that big piece of hardwood.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: And let's see, let's see maybe one one last one.
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I know, I see what that is.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: Well, maybe maybe something pneumatic, maybe something with with air power. Oh,
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: an air gun. I'm thinking a nail gun. I'm thinking jackhammer,
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: all right. I'm thinking I'm thinking like the big jackhammer.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: You're there, like big and manly, and I got my
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: jackcamera rocket here.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: I kind of want to add a nail gun up there.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: Gun buddy, you can, you can, you can say whatever
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: you want. Yeah, the gun's definitely up there.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: I think one of those like you see that where
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: they cut like huge where they basically they take the
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: log and they turn it into like they start cutting
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: out too by fon.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, like the starts cutting. Yeah, you got like
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: the log will go yeah. Yeah.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: I don't think anything at a log mills. Definitely, anything
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: in a log mill is up there. It's also much
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: more likely that there are people around that have lost
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: limbs to that tool.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Oh for sure, any tool that is a little bit dangerous.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: I mean that's why a chainsaw gets up there. Yeah,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: I mean you got some danger factor happening there.
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Where would you put a lawnmower?
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like push more riding more like big tractor more
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: what what are we talking? Okay, I'm thinking or want
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: of like just the push when that just has the
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: spinny blades, like the cylinder blades that you just like
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: that one's pretty low a reel mower, yeah yeah because
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: there's no gas. Yeah yeah, I had one of those.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: We had one of yeah.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it was a lot of people in Vegas. Yeah,
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: because we had a patch of grass that was like
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: twelve by ten.
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so we just need to.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: Get Vegas is the only place I've ever lived that
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: has those for sale regularly in the hardware store.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: Wow, that makes sense though, you aren't gonna have very
• 12:35
  Speaker 4: much grass.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we had a uh, we had a lawnmower at
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: my dad's old lawnmower. We called it Doctor Death okay,
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: because so it was a push mower and it was
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: uh at one point it was probably self propelled, okay,
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: but it was no longer self propelled, so you had
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: to push it. The wheels were pretty much trusted, so
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: they didn't turn much. And keep in mind, my dad
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: had zero motivation to get this fixed or to get
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: a new one mine.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Because exactly because it was my job I was mowing.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: Okay, fine, So it had a it had a bag
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: in the back that would collect all the grass clippings,
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: except that no longer that broke.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: It no longer clipped on.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, so there was when you don't have Nick
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: Sard referring to his sister as the old bag.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you just have to come behind him and just
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: pick up the grass slipping. So when when when the bag.
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: Isn't on, it's got that little flap okay, Okay, Well
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: the flap wasn't really working very well, and and what
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: what happened is all the grass would get stuck behind.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: It and it would just clump up. Okay.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: So my Dad's like, wow, I'm going to fix that.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: So he basically took some wire and he wired it
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: so that the flap was wide open. Smart okay, because
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: again he doesn't give a shit because because he was
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: not walking behind it exactly. So I'm mowing and I
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: can literally see the blade. Yeah, like I can see.
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: I watched the grass there it is, and ship would
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: fly up constantly right and like at eye level.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: So I shouldn't be looking at it. This was a
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: life lesson, it was. I mowed with that thing for
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: probably four years. We had a very similar mower growing up.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: There was no bag. There had never been a bag.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: It was just it was just the side the side
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: at the side had to shoot on the side of it,
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: and everything would just go out the side over there
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: or most everything. Some stuff would definitely fling back and
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: hit you in the legs, but not to the degree
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: that you're talking about.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: But it was like a walk behind push almost bush hog.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: This thing was big because we lived out in the
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: woods and so we didn't have a whole We didn't
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: have like a lot of lawns of cut we had
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: kind of we had we had an area by the
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: street that that had a lot of grass, but other
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: that it was like, yeah, cutting through underbrush and yeah.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: So it had two big wheels on the back.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: There were like two foot diameter wheels on the back
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: and then the smaller wheels on the front. But it
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: was self propelled, and it was self propelled in a
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: way that now that I'm thinking about it for the
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: first time in a very long time, it was very dangerous.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: Boy.
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: As a kid, you just do not see shit, h Like,
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: I mean, it.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: Didn't occur to me until about fifteen seconds ago. Oh
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: how dangerous I'm realizing it right now.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Because to turn on the self propulsion, there was just
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: the lever, and when you'd pull that lever, there were
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: these two spinny kind of like I don't even know
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: what you'd call them, because they weren't wheels. They had
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: they had grooves in the back wheels. The drive wheels
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: on the mower also had grooves, and so when you'd
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: pull this lever, these spinny things would match up, and
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: the two grooves from the spinny thing and the wheel
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: would match up and that would propel them were forward.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: There was no way to turn that off though, if
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: you were out of control of the mower, which happened
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: multiple times, like I would trip and fall down or something,
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: and the mower would just keep on going because it
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: was go like it was because I didn't I didn't
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: flip the lever back down.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: It's got long to cut. It can't wait for you.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: It's going so like if I had fallen and it
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: hit something at the same time, it would have just
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: mowed me, like it would have been bad.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: I think that that's what mine had too. Ours had
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: like a little lever on the side, okay, and yeah,
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: and it was a big metal lever right in the
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: right in the front middle, but it broke off.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: Lat oh and I was also I have no idea
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: what color it was when it was new, because the
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: entire body of the mower was rusted.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: The only things that weren't rust colored on this thing,
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: including the motor, were the tires.
• 17:04
  Speaker 4: I just new picture of what you're describing now.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: That you m big old rust bucket.
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: Of a machine, bucket and death. Would you call it
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: dust star?
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: Doctor deak doctor does?
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: And like the first mo of the year, I'd have
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: to spray like an alcohol or something like that into
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: the motor to get the motor to turn over.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a whole thing. I figured out if
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: I just sprayed a fuck ton of it in there,
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: it would just light up, so it would make a
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: small fire in the in the lawnmower motor, and but
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: that would it would get to start up and it
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: would just burn off after after a minute or two.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah, And we're just so problems at all.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: So if any of you listeners ever wonder what the
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: Patreon part of the episodes are like, this is pretty much.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: That's Yeah, we talk about stuff like that. Hey, I
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: do have a quick announcement. Fantasy football is act, so
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: settle down.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: Last time.
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah what Yeah? And I saw to pay for sushi
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: in March.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: It's different thing.
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: I know Jim didn't do the thing. Maybe you need
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: I need to call in my when was it for winning?
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: Jim had to like, I don't know, put something on
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: his car or something. I thought, Yeah, if you win
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: fantasy football, I think you.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: Need to punch Jim in the mouth.
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: No, not here tonight, So I think we well, we
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: need to decide tonight. And since tonight's the night he's
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: not here, that's not our problem. So Fantasy football is
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: coming up. So this is not gonna I'm not gonna
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: take a whole lot of time. Just a quick announcement.
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: Fantasy football is back for Patreons. We have fourteen teams
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: ready to square off this season, including Jim's Seafood, Sugar Cookie,
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: Whitney's Pew Pew Texans, and nixt sil Shockers. Yes uh
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: this year. Due to the scheduling chaos, we've set the
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: draft Saturday, August thirty first, okay, at ten am, Las Vegas.
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: Time Commissioner's Mini Scoop will be sending a zoom link
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: through ESPN through the ESPN portal. If you can't draft live,
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: your team will be auto picked, as mine will be
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: because I won't be able to make that draft. Be
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: sure to adjust your auto selection settings. I don't know
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: what any of that means, but if you are interested
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: in participating, please let us know. Let us know quickly,
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: either through discord or you can email us. You do
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: have to be a Patrion. You have to be a
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: Patreon to participate. You don't have to be at the
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: top level, but top level level gets first picks.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: Hey, yeah, so that's kind of how that goes. So
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: there you go. All right, let's do some questions. Yeah,
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: we got a question here. It is co grieving with
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: my boyfriend.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, I've been listening to this podcast for about
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: a year and a half and it has been a
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: real comfort during a tough time in my life. I
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: work as a I have technician at a university, and
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: your show keeps me saying while I'm working. Just wanted
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: to send hugs in a big thank you for what
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: you do. Seriously, I look forward to new episodes every week.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: You've even managed to make golf funny and interesting.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: WO disagree a bit about me.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: I'm a twenty three year old biology undergrad at UT Austin,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: graduating this fall. My boyfriend, also UT student, and I
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: have both had a very difficult gear. I'm a big
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: advocate for therapies, having started in twenty eighteen after a
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: traumatic car accident and losing my grandfather to suicide. I'm
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: now in grief therapy as we both navigate significant losses.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: My boyfriend lost his dad suddenly in May twenty twenty three,
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: and I lost my brother, Aaron, to an overdose in
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: December of twenty three.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: My question for y'all is how do we co grieve?
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: We've been empathetic towards each other, but sometimes our losses
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: feel too different and it leads to frustration or comparison.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: For example, my boyfriend's sister had a baby shortly after
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: his dad passed, which makes me envious because he still
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: has family ties while I fear being alone after my
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: parents are gone. He, on the other hand, is jealous
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: that I still have both parents. How can we better
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: support each other without falling into the trap of comparing
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: our grief ps My brother was grass as hell and
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: would have loved this show. And that was from anonymous.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much. I'm very First off, I'm sorry
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: for your loss. Yeah, it's a lot.
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: It's a lot of loss on both sides.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: There any thoughts, Whitney, take it away.
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: I'll fix it real quick. Just give me a minute,
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: five minutes next. Man, that is a lot of loss,
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: and when you're both going through it, I imagine it
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: would be hard to have a lot of space to
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: empathize for your partner in that moment. And it's like,
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: maybe you can in bits, but overall, grief comes in waves,
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: as we know, and it can be unexpected. How we
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: feel it how we deal with it, how we manage
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: that whenever it does come up or bubble to the surface.
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: So that can make it challenging too, because you think,
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: all right, I'm doing well and maybe your boyfriend sharing
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: things going on with him, but you feel the paying
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: of jealousy pop up when he says something, and that's surprising.
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: In the moment, it feels surprising, but really that is
• 22:26
  Speaker 4: kind of how grief tends to work. Things trigger it
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: that you aren't prepared for. Yeah, and it's hard to manage.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: And I'm really kind of wondering too, Like you know,
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: in those situations that's really tough, like you're dealing with
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: grief and then when it gets to you know, you
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: start comparing grief and like, oh, well, you're lucky in
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: this sense and at least you have this, and then
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: it kind of becomes contentious in that sense. I'm wondering
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: if part of that is just like kind of your
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: your your brain's weigh of trying to sort out any
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: emotion that it doesn't like there's no good way to
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: deal with it, Like you're just you're hit with it,
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: and it's really hard to find a healthy way to
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: cope with it. And sometimes it's displaced emotion, I guess
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: is kind of what I'm thinking I was.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: Gonna say, Like, and people talk about the stages of grief,
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: which are in some ways bullshit and everything, but I mean,
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: always on that list is always anger. And I mean
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: this sounds like a channeling of some anger that both
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: of you I'm sure have just kind of at the
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: world and at life and everything else.
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: Just something to be angry about.
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And I guess my question would be that something
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: to think about when you guys are maybe in a
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: moment where there is that anger felt towards the other,
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: like the unfairness, the jealousy, all of that. Is there
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: space enough for y'all to just be that way and
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: then let it go? Or is that like simmering?
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Know what I mean?
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: Because some relationships you.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: Can just be angry different ways.
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Like ah, and you're short with your partner and
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: all that, and they're like whoa, and you're like, I'm
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: just I'm jealous right now because of something you said,
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: and it's like, but you know, I'll be okay, I
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: just have to go over here, and your partner can
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: be like okay, great, okay, and everything's okay, But is
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: this something that when there is those reactions, or where
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: there are those reactions between each of you, does it
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: sit and simmer or are you able to kind of
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: get through it. I'm guessing maybe there's some simmering going on.
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: Otherwise you may not have written in, but I guess might.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: And it sounds like it's problematic, right.
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: I guess my advice there would be to try and
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: view it from a place of nothing's personal in those moments.
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: And that's whether you're receiving something from your boyfriend, like
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: maybe he's lashing out at you or saying this is
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: unfair that you still have your your parent, and you're saying, well,
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: it's unfair you still have your sibling. But when you
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: feel h coming to the surface or on the receiving
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: end of it, maybe just trying to take a step
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: back and see it a little more neutrally rather than
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: he's really upset with me for having a living parent
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: or whatnot, but it's not personal.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: I was kind of thinking the same thing too, in
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: the sense that, like, the best case scenario I think
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: is if you're both understanding the situation and you're kind
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: of like on the same page and understanding that like, Okay,
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: you know she said this to me. I know this
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: is her grief talking, this is this is her emotion,
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: this is this isn't she doesn't actually feel that way.
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: This is just how she's displaced emotion that is kind
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: of being directed at me. So I definitely get that
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: in that sense. And I think if you are working
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: together and you have that open communication and you can
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: kind of understand that like, hey, you know, I don't
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: really mean all of this. This is just I'm struggling
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: and sometimes this needs to come out, and you're here
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: and it's going to land on you unfortunately, and you
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: both kind of understand that. I think that would be ideal.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: The challenging part to that, I think is if I
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: lost my sibling, even if my partner is saying something
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: that I recognize, is like, oh, they're just unloading some grief,
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: that doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt absolutely, you know,
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: And I think that I think that's going to be
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: the challenging piece is you finding some way of both
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: of you finding some way of dealing with that hurt
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: that is going to happen, and it's really hard to
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: just kind of excuse sometimes as like, well, that's just
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: what they're going through. I think you can definitely mitigate
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: this or minimize it a little bit with just understanding
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: that hurt people hurt people, and so there's going to
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: be things that are going to be said that are
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: going to be hurtful, and it's it's.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: Really case you're wondering. Nick just now came up with
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: that phrase. Yes I did, n Yeah, thank you.
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: Feel free to use it, but pay Nick when you do. Please,
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: it's well, it's the right thing to do, Do the
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: right thing.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: Writer, Well a.
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: Minute making sure you're in check with your own emotions,
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: because grief can feel so overwhelming, and I think it's
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: kind of too generalizing to say, oh, this is grief,
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: Like what are you feeling hurt? Are you feeling jealous?
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: Are you feeling like right? What are the more specific emotions?
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: I mean the jealousy one.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: So my my grandparents, my last living grandparent died when
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: I was fifteen. The first grandparent that I had that
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: died he died shortly before I was born, never never
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: knew him, and then the other three died while I was,
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: you know, still a child. And two things happen when
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: adults tell me about their grandparents. Now, one is a
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: surprise that an adult has grandparents. It takes me by
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: surprise every single time. Yeah, And I mean, like, you know,
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: somebody in their mid twenties, you know, somebody that makes
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: perfect sense for them to have your living grandparents.
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: Isn't your grandparents? Grandma?
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, grandma? People my age living grandparents.
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: Jesus makes walder than twenty five subtle.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: But the two things that happen every time I hear
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: about somebody's living grandparents are surprise and instant jealousy because
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: like the grandparents I had, I you know, the three
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: that I knew, I loved very much. You know, I
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: was very close with all three of them, and uh,
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: you know, thinking about the times I could have had
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: with them if I had had another thirty years on
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: the on the planet with them, it's a whole different thing.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: And So I mean it's I don't think it is
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: unnatural or uncommon. I don't guess I should say it's
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: not uncommon. Uh, it's it's common, which I mean you
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: and me writer at the very least. But I bet
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: it's I bet more people share in that. But I
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: don't think it is a bad thing to have that feeling,
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: to have that emotion.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: And and in time you will learn to mitigate the
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: negative sides of that and and that that will that
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: will come in time.
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: I yeah, I do kind of feel like, you know,
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: as you progress through these stages of grief, for lack
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: of a better word, I think you know, as you
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: continue to deal with stages of grief, Yes one hurting people,
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: hurt people. As you continue to process this, I think
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: one thing that will change, hopefully is that it you'll
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: feel hopefully maybe less of a desire to want to
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: kind of I don't have the right word to say
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: this other than like fight back lash out lash out.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: Like yeah, so, like you know, if if he says
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: something kind of ridiculous that you kind of feel hurt
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: by too, instead of saying something back to just kind
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: of ignore it, let it kind of go away, or
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: just kind of be able to say, Okay, well, I
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: know he's hurting, he doesn't really mean that.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: It's also still raw.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's also I mean your boyfriend's dad died in
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: May of twenty twenty three, and the writer's brother passed
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: away in December of twenty twenty three, so I had
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: even a year for the writer, yeah, and I mean
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: it's been just over a year for the for the boyfriend. Yeah,
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: So I mean everybody is still feeling this very acutely.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: I mean I would definitely encourage acutely. By the way,
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: it's a professional term that I learned.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: Just for this show, Yes, which you have now coined. Acutely. Yes,
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: they're both in therapy right or today. Writer is definitely
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: in therapy, grief therapy.
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: Now writer about the boyfriend, yeah, know about the boys Okay, okay,
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: So here would be one thing to maybe, you know,
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: if your therapist is willing to just kind of have
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: a couple's session with both of you, yeah, just to
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: kind of talk about this and maybe even set some rules,
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: some ground rules for how we're going to communicate and
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: just like understand that, yeah, some of these thoughts that
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: you know, if I feel like I'm really jealous about
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: you know, this person still has this to be able
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: to express that. I don't want you to just not
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: be able to express your emotions, but to find a
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: way that you can express it that isn't going to
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: trigger some sort of a response from the other individual, Right, Yeah,
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: I think maybe a therapist could help in that sense.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: I bet so.
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean being able to co grieve, That's that's
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: asking a lot. You're both are still, like Jacob said,
• 31:55
  Speaker 4: really open and raw at the moment. So definitely, maybe
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: I would say evaluate your expectations on where you should be.
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: I think sometimes we push through things, especially if you
• 32:07
  Speaker 4: have a lot going on, like you're in school, and
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: a lot of these significant life changes are happening or
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: milestones whatever you want to call them, which can also
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: have a big impact on how we're grieving when we've
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: lost someone significant to us. So, yeah, there's going to
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: be a lot of changes coming up in your early twenties, Like,
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: so many things are happening then, so I wonder if
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: maybe you're kind of pushing through and not taking time
• 32:34
  Speaker 4: as much time as could be taken to check in
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: with yourself.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: And also, yeah, it's like Whitneys saying, the two of
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: you together grieving for two different things. When I saw
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: the title of this email, I thought it was going
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: to be you're both grieving for the same event. Yeah, yeah,
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: not two different yet similar events. Yeah, I mean that's time.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: I'm twenty years older than you are, writer and like,
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: I don't know that my wife and I would be
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: great at this doing doing this. I'm sure, I'm sure
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: that we have done this, and no examples are popping
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: into my head immediately, but I mean, I don't know
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: that we would be great. We have not in our
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: own personal lives. We have not always been great grieving
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: the same event, yeah, you know, like death of a
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: friend or death of a family member or something like that.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: We have not always been great at that. Uh, And
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: so not being really good at this, Uh, don't don't
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: feel bad about that that this is this is a
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: an atypical thing that not many people are going to
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: be naturally good at doing.
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: Anyway, I think the thing that I would probably focus
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: if I'm trying to imagine myself being in this situation,
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: the thing that I think I would do is, you know,
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: being able to recognize, like when I'm about to say
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: something any one of these things, you know that addresses
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: what you've written in about when I'm about to say that,
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: just kind of taking a pause and thinking for a
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: second and just kind of under standing like what am
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: I really dealing with? Because what I'm saying isn't actually
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: what I'm really dealing with I'm dealing with with grief.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: I'm dealing with you know, as Whitney said, it could
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: be a number of different emotions. It's just coming out
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: this way. So if I can figure out what's driving
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: this internally, then maybe I don't actually have to say
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: the thing that I'm about to say. Yeah, I'm jealous
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: that he has this. Okay, well what is this about me?
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: What is this jealousy actually about? Well, the jealousy is
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: I'm I'm hurt and I'm missing Yeah, I'm missing so
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: and so, and it's and this isn't fair and why
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: do other people get to have a brother still and
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: I don't? And why do other people get to have
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: a grandparent and I don't?
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: You know, And it's it. And I think if you
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: were able to just deal with that emotion, then we
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: don't actually have to express the other part of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: Did you ever see Whinney The There's a cartoon that
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: was kind of like talking explaining grief. And it was
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: like this empty room and.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: On on one wall a big like tunnel had been
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: painted and then a road rudder came through.
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: Yes sometimes yeah, On one side of the wall there
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: is a never saw never saw. There's a button and
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: it's just it's grief. So it's like a grief button,
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: and so like when that gets pushed, that's when you
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: feel the emotion. And so it starts off with this
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: room being filled with this giant ball. And so since
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: the room, since the ball fills the room, it's just
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: pressing up against that button. And then as time goes
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: the ball gets smaller and smaller, but it's still flying
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: around the room every time, and then it's going to.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: Hit that ball.
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: Every once in a while, it's going to hit the button.
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: It's just as time goes on, it happens less and
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: less frequency frequently.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: But and sometimes you don't see that ball coming either. Yeah,
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: sometimes something just happens. You got ship, Yeah, like, oh
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: I just got hit, Like I got to think about
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: this now. It's completely unpredictable. And sometimes it doesn't even
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: have it feels like it doesn't even have a trigger.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: Like it's not like, oh, I listened to this one song.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: We used to listen to the song all the time,
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: just randomly. Sometimes I will literally be watching a movie
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: that is happy, like everything in the movie is happy,
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: and I will think, oh, me and that friend that
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: died used to be happy, and it's just like being
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: happy triggered sadness.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: That's not great, that's.
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: Less than ideal. Yep, it happens. Well, thank you for
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: writing in writer. Hopefully that helped a little.
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: Good luck.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think, uh, hopefully your therapist can can take
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: on you and your boyfriend a little bit and and
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: maybe do a little bit of co counseling sessions there.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: I think I think that'd be really nice.
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: Oh, we're gonna there a quick a little break here,
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: and when we get back, we are going to talk
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: about finding those elbow pants. It's on a tweed jacket,
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: very sexy. You're listening to pot Therapy so that.
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Robert Brownie Junior
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: Men's Kayla Lansberry, Kevin Chamberlain, Ben Stanley, Adam Hathaway, Dan
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: Martin Live Hey Yo, and Andrew lang mee. And if
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: you would like to sponsor the show, become a therap
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: producer a Patreon dot com slash They.
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, I like my teases. For the next question. When
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: I do the teases, I like the little riddles.
• 37:28
  Speaker 4: I like that.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: A little easter egg. How many events are there in
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: the decathlon?
• 37:38
  Speaker 4: Oh we didn't. We just have, isn't it that's what
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: she does?
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 37:43
  Speaker 4: No?
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: Isn't it ten?
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: Biathlon? You don't listen, I don't biathlon.
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: That's right, because we champion we championed by athletes. Yes,
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: that's right. I mean I want to say ten too, because.
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't have a great other answer than that. Okay,
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: then I'm just assuming ten. I'm gonna say ten as well. Hey,
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: ten events, we'll use that thing to one to zero? Okay,
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: Whitney gets two?
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: She did? Okay, I thought that question was going to
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: be too easy. Uh follow up? What are the events running?
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: Do we have the name?
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: All?
• 38:34
  Speaker 4: Or?
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: Okay? All right? This one is?
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: This one's Whitney versus Jacob. Okay, who wants to go first?
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: We go until we get one wrong. Okay, Jacob is
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: going to go first?
• 38:50
  Speaker 4: Was that on there? Or are you looking at it?
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: It's not? No, No, I'm I thought there was no Okay,
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: so you got to come up with one for the win?
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, buffalo skinning.
• 39:08
  Speaker 4: I know. I mean now I feel like I would
• 39:11
  Speaker 4: have guessed like and swimming, running whatever, So it's running.
• 39:14
  Speaker 4: But now I don't think it's going to be like
• 39:17
  Speaker 4: shooting and ship I don't know running, because that's what
• 39:19
  Speaker 4: I was going to say.
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, you're gonna have to be more specific.
• 39:23
  Speaker 4: Okay, Oh sprinting.
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: So you mean I think it means like a type
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: of a type of events. I'm gonna give you.
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: No, I'm going to give you that like one hundred
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: meters dash or something like that. Okay, so it's one
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: hundred meters and in parentheses sprint. Oh there, that's so
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: I'll give you that one. Okay, thank you, Jacob for
• 39:44
  Speaker 3: you're gonna come back. Oh you have nine more?
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: Let's see. Uh d probably isn't on there?
• 39:52
  Speaker 5: Oh?
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: Is it like all truck and field stuff?
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: Is it going to be like like javeler?
• 39:58
  Speaker 4: Welcome?
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: Javelin throw? Okay? Shot put? Uh throw? Oh wait? Shot
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: put throw? Yeah? No, I'm sorry, there it is? It is?
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: It is?
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: Okay, I missed it. What about hammer throw?
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: No?
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: No, no, hammer? But there's one more throw. Don't hurt them.
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: There's one more throwing vault?
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: Uh?
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: Yes, okay, javelin, shot put? There's another throwing discus? Yes, discus?
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: Nice long jump?
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: Long jump, triple jump? Okay, why discuss sad.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: By that one person could jump once. I get that
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: they could jump twice.
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: I feel ridiculous. That is against God.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: Her of.
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: Three jumps is laughing at the face of the Lord.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: Triple jump is not in here. You know, I don't
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: think you guys are gonna get the rest of the hurdles. Yes,
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: one hundred people hurdle people hurdle people, one hundred and
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: ten meter hurdles.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, that's all.
• 41:25
  Speaker 4: I don't think I have any more guesses.
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: Four hundred meter run.
• 41:29
  Speaker 4: Okay, fifteen run, I would have.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: Maybe significantly more running. So there were those are a
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: marathon run breaking up into two days.
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: Okay, we did pretty good.
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: I had no idea that.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: I had no idea the kathlon a took so long.
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: I would not have guessed more than like an afternoon.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: I thought they just do it like until they're done. Yeah,
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: like they go from one thing. But no, it's like
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: a combination.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: I think of all you.
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess two days, a couple of days. Yeah,
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: all right, last one. How many times has the US
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: hosted the Summer Olympics.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: Well, I can think of two off the top of
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: my head. Two is all I got summer.
• 42:15
  Speaker 4: I don't know way back when if we hosted it
• 42:17
  Speaker 4: like forever ago. Right.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: So the two that Whitney and I think are both
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: thinking of is Atlanta and La.
• 42:24
  Speaker 4: Yes, Atlanta in La.
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: Yep. Know the years on those ninety six ye ninety six,
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: LA would have been eighty Shit was it eighty six.
• 42:38
  Speaker 4: Eighty four or something?
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: I'm eighty four eighty eighty four? Okay, oh right because
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: four years.
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 42:44
  Speaker 4: I was like, I need you'd catch that down. Yeah
• 42:50
  Speaker 4: it is. So I'm guessing it's more than two. I
• 42:53
  Speaker 4: don't know if it is, but I wouldn't know the
• 42:55
  Speaker 4: other one. I mean summer. It's gotta be like northeast somewhere.
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: I better I could think of Olympic hostings. I can't read.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: I'm not thinking of the other summer Olympic. Oh, yes, Lake,
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: that was one. Three.
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: Well, i'll say four for Fraziason.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: Four it's four.
• 43:14
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: The other two were nineteen oh four and nineteen thirty two.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: Oh my, oh, I do not remember those.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we were not alive. Oh where it turns out
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: I don't have that information out? No, all right, back
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: to some questions. I don't see Nope, nope, I won't
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: read the same question again. I'm good at this dating
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: a therapist from anonymous. Yeah, I'm going on a first
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: date with a therapist today, not mine.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: That's good, good information right off the bath start, all right.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: I'm feeling a bit unsure about how to navigate the conversation.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: On one hand, I want to be myself and have
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: a genuine conversation, but on the other I'm aware that
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: certain topics might off limits or uncomfortable for someone in
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: her profession. I definitely don't want to come across as
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: someone who doesn't understand the boundaries or sensitivities that might
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: come along with dating a Therapist's important to me that
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: I avoid any pitfalls that could make her uncomfortable, especially
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: since this is our first time meeting in a more
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: personal setting. One thing I am particularly concerned about is
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: how much to ask her about her job. I know
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: people often find themselves curious about what it's like to
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: be a therapist, but I also don't want her to
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: feel like she is being interviewed or that I am
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: prying too much into her professional life. At the same time,
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: I want to show a genuine interest in her as
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: a person and her career is likely a big part
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: of who she is. Is it okay to ask about
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: her experiences or challenges in the field, or should I
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: steer clear of the topic altogether. How can I strike
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: the right balance between being interested and respectful. I'm also
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: wondering if there are specific things I should avoid saying
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: or doing during the date. Are there any common mistakes
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: that people make when dating someone in a profession like
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: hers that I should be aware of? Should I be
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: mindful of certain conversational topics or behaviors that could be
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: seen as red flags? I'd really appreciate any advice on
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: how to approach this date thoughtfully, ensuring that we both
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: feel comfortable.
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: And have a good time.
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: And that is from Laura Anonymous Anonymous.
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: I was wondering, like, Nick is gonna have Maybe I
• 45:26
  Speaker 4: have thoughts, but I won't pay your nicks in sight first.
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: Okay, all right, all right, so here's my my my
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: initial thought.
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's been so long, I wouldn't I wouldn't overthink
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: this because my my first.
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: Thought was anything that my initial thought as well.
• 45:47
  Speaker 4: I'll always have such different thoughts.
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: I love that go on any anything that is gonna
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: be a red flag?
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: Or kind of out of bounds or inappropriate or just
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: bed in. A date with a therapist is going to
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: be all of those things with any other person as well.
• 46:06
  Speaker 4: So this is just general dating advice.
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is just like, like, I mean, pretty.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: Like on a first date. So when did you lose
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: your virginity? It's inappropriate with a therapist, it's also probably
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: inappropriate with everybody. Right, So I I think I don't
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: kill a man you want to. I don't think I
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: wouldn't say that therapists you got.
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: Any Dutch in you you want some and that scenario
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: the writer is Dutch, by the way, I don't know
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: if that was all right.
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I wouldn't say therapists are all that different from
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: the average person. I wouldn't say that there's any particular
• 46:53
  Speaker 3: hot topics, hard disagree anything that you would necessarily need
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: to steer clear of. I've got thoughts on the rest
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: of this, but uh oh, what do you mean the
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: rest of it? So no, go ahead, do whatever. I
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: was just kind of thinking, like, you know, are there, Well,
• 47:11
  Speaker 3: I'll just jump right in and I'll keep going. Do
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: you ask are there things that you can't ask about?
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: Are things that you don't want to dive too deep
• 47:20
  Speaker 3: into My thought on this again, is is that the
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: therapist isn't all that special or different than any other job.
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: Like when I was dating, I intentionally tried not to
• 47:34
  Speaker 3: ask people about their jobs.
• 47:36
  Speaker 4: Okay, I like this advice.
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: Because get to know them outside the job.
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: I want to know more about the person because like,
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: here's the thing, Like she's been on other dates and
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: she probably gets asked these questions. Maybe she was a
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: nun before today, She's probably gotten asked all of these
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: questions about what it's it like to be a therapist
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: and do you like your clients? Or do you ever
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: work with people you don't like? Or or yeah, what's
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: the craziest thing you've ever Yeah, like she's been asked
• 48:08
  Speaker 3: all of those questions add nauseum. I think your best
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: my advice.
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: So you're going to get a better answer on what's
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: the craziest thing after like four dates?
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're not going to get.
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: A good answer on the first date anyway. Yeah yeah,
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: on the fourth date, you're gonna get a fucking good.
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: But I think, you know, try to focus on what
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: are her hobbies, what are her interests, and get to
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: know more about that because I think people, especially on
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: a first date, like it just kind of becomes boring
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: and you just end up talking about work. So you
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: spend all day at work, and then you go on
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: a date and you just end up talking about work. Yeah,
• 48:50
  Speaker 3: that's good advice, I think in general. Yeeah, yeah, I
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: think so in that sense. Again, I don't think a
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: therapist is anything special. I don't think therapists or anything
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: special anyway.
• 48:59
  Speaker 4: I'll say nick Ni a therapist.
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: I have a love hate relationship with it.
• 49:07
  Speaker 4: That's fair fight jingle.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: That's a new jingle.
• 49:13
  Speaker 4: Spin off, ye spin off.
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: It could be your your Patreon bonus episodes from now on,
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: just dating advice, ask doctor Nicky.
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: I would love to.
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then and then have it like a call
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: in show, like a yea love line, like a midnight
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: type thing where I'm just sitting with my cup of
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: coffee and.
• 49:38
  Speaker 4: That's so great.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: Well, you know, maybe maybe back it off a little bit.
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: Maybe we go every two weeks before we talk and
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: go on the next date. Give her some space and
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: let's see how this plays out. All right, thanks for
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: calling in. Next caller, Next caller, please you can take
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: her to a cigar bar and ask her what the
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: cigars mean to her. Oh, I got a whole bunch
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: of advice for whatnot to do.
• 50:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah, like how much time do you? Oh?
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: My god.
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: So when I was when I was a psych student,
• 50:09
  Speaker 3: you know, get my my bachelor's my girlfriend at the time,
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: her mom was just.
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: So really.
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: In addition to it, just really fixated on the idea
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: of me getting a degree in psychology okay, and she
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: would constantly be asking this like, oh, you're probably analyzing me. Oh,
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: you're probably analyzing my thoughts. You're analyzing thinking, don't. I
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: got so tired of it. I remember I was talking
• 50:35
  Speaker 3: to That's.
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: Good advice, That's really good advice. Yeah.
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: I was talking to one of my professors and I
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: was telling him about this, and he's like, oh, well,
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: you know what you say to her next time? I
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: was like, all right, what He's like, He's like, tell
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: her next time. She says that, say, well, actually, in psychology,
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: we're not really interested in your thoughts. We're more interested
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: in manipulating your behaviors.
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: Just staring down in the eye, and then he's.
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: Like, she'll never say that again. I did it, and
• 51:06
  Speaker 3: she never did say it. Again, it actually worked because
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: that's just a creepy thing.
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, creepy. First, that's not because that's super clever. It's
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: just creepy. It was cleverly creepy.
• 51:22
  Speaker 4: How much.
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: I also had a long, like eight inch.
• 51:26
  Speaker 3: Knife that I was picking my teeth with at the
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: time when I said it, Yeah, then I had a
• 51:33
  Speaker 3: long eight inch night.
• 51:35
  Speaker 4: Well, I looked her dead in her eyes. Oh my gosh.
• 51:40
  Speaker 4: How much to ask about the job? Yeah, because you
• 51:43
  Speaker 4: had mentioned writer that, he said, I don't want her
• 51:46
  Speaker 4: to feel like she's being interviewed or you're prying too much,
• 51:49
  Speaker 4: but you want to show genuine interest in her as
• 51:52
  Speaker 4: a person, and her career is likely a big part
• 51:54
  Speaker 4: of who she is. That is true. So I feel
• 51:57
  Speaker 4: like you are right, Writer, And that's what makes it
• 52:00
  Speaker 4: tricky because as a therapist, it kind of is who
• 52:03
  Speaker 4: you are in a lot of ways. It's not like,
• 52:07
  Speaker 4: you know, going on a date and someone's like, I
• 52:09
  Speaker 4: work at a lumber mill or like the factory down
• 52:14
  Speaker 4: the road or whatever. The Amazon center distribution center, distribution
• 52:24
  Speaker 4: You're welcome, parfet Is that the breakfast perfect?
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: Perfect? Oh?
• 52:30
  Speaker 4: Okay, I was like, is that the breakfast perfect? But
• 52:34
  Speaker 4: it's not in that sense. You know, we think don't
• 52:37
  Speaker 4: ask people about their jobs, in my opinion, because that's
• 52:40
  Speaker 4: what they're doing and it's like who cares. But as
• 52:43
  Speaker 4: a therapist, it kind of tends to say a lot
• 52:46
  Speaker 4: about who you are as a person.
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: What about this?
• 52:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, what if you're on a date and your date
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: instead of asking you about, oh, what's your job?
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: What's that?
• 52:58
  Speaker 4: What is that?
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: Like? If the date is asking more questions about like, Wow,
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: what kind of skills did you kind of have to
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: develop to be a good therapist? So now I'm not
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: really talking about the job. I'm talking I want to
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: learn more about you and your qualities that you bring
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: into that job. I think that's a different twist and
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: probably questions that she hasn't been asked. That's exactly what
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: I was going to say.
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: I was gonna I was going to say, like, ask
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: things like what is your favorite part of the job.
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: You'll ask her things about her.
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: You know, you're getting to know someone, you can ask
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: things about the job, but ask it through the lens
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: of the of the person you're getting to know.
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: This, Oh my god, I just remembered this. This happened
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: to me, So I was on a date once and
• 53:45
  Speaker 3: it was not going well. She just wasn't really interested
• 53:51
  Speaker 3: like she's It was just exactly so where I was
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: on this date and she just didn't really seem like
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: she was very interested. And I was kind of interested
• 54:12
  Speaker 3: in her, but I wasn't reciprocal. And then she found
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: out what I do for work, and then all of
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: a sudden, she's like started asking me all these questions,
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: but more like questions like oh, what's that like, and what's.
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: The pay like?
• 54:25
  Speaker 3: And are you hiring and like and it it really
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: honestly kind of turned into like this job interview type thing,
• 54:33
  Speaker 3: and then I was like, I.
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: Was really receptionist, you need one? Yeah? It was yeah,
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: it was very like And then at that point I
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: was just kind of like, all right, this is done.
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah I'm done.
• 54:45
  Speaker 4: That's really uncomfortable.
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah I like it. So yeah, avoid that writer, I
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: like it. Yeah, get that job.
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 54:54
  Speaker 4: I think asking too much about her job could be seen.
• 54:58
  Speaker 4: I was a little bit of prying all so my
• 55:01
  Speaker 4: opinion personally, Once I dove into private practice like full
• 55:05
  Speaker 4: time and was doing that all week, you know, full
• 55:09
  Speaker 4: time hours, I was a little bit more exhausted with
• 55:13
  Speaker 4: you know my social group, so before when I'd always
• 55:17
  Speaker 4: be that person who's like, yeah, come of me and
• 55:19
  Speaker 4: we can talk about stuff and I'm not therapizing them,
• 55:21
  Speaker 4: but it's like the good listener or whatever else. I
• 55:24
  Speaker 4: found like a shorter fuse for those situations. So it's like,
• 55:28
  Speaker 4: I need that recovery time now. And so I'm imagining
• 55:31
  Speaker 4: if this person you're going on a date with is
• 55:35
  Speaker 4: a therapist full time at the moment, they are not
• 55:39
  Speaker 4: gonna want to like rehash what they kind of love
• 55:41
  Speaker 4: stuff in session and they can't talk about it anyway,
• 55:44
  Speaker 4: even the good juicy stuff, like so it gets complicated
• 55:47
  Speaker 4: on people out they.
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: Have a podcast, Yeah, that's where I let it all out.
• 55:52
  Speaker 4: But I think kind of it just goes back to
• 55:54
  Speaker 4: what you both touched on, Like can I ask about
• 55:57
  Speaker 4: skills surrounding that, sure? Or I mean, I don't know,
• 56:01
  Speaker 4: what are your thoughts about, Like what made you interested
• 56:04
  Speaker 4: in the like, because I feel like we have an
• 56:07
  Speaker 4: origin story.
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know, you must have gone to school for
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: a few years to do this, What what got you
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: interested in this in the first place? You'll kind of
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: put you on this path interesting school stories.
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because I like that because again that goes back
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: to I'm interested in you, not like I'm interested in
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: your job.
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: I'm because at the at the end of the day,
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: how many of us really give that big of a
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: ship about other people's professions anyway. I think we're just
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: trying to find out about that person anyway, and we're
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: and oftentimes we're not very good at at distinguishing those two.
• 56:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it sounds like the writer might be a little
• 56:44
  Speaker 4: nervous that they are going to be like evaluating. You know,
• 56:49
  Speaker 4: I hear nervousness in this.
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: If they show up in a full tweed jacket with
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: the elbow pads and a pipe and like the whole deal.
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: You have my full permission to laugh directly at for
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: just being two on the nose. Yeah, you don't see
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: many women smoking pipes.
• 57:06
  Speaker 2: Not a memore, not since the good old days. I did, though.
• 57:10
  Speaker 3: Last time I went to a cigar bar, there was
• 57:12
  Speaker 3: a woman in there and she was smoking a pipe,
• 57:14
  Speaker 3: and I was like, I was like, wow, Like I'm
• 57:16
  Speaker 3: genuinely impressed.
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: I saw a big, like a big fucking Gandolf pipe
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: for sale the other day and I almost bought it
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: just to have it. You should, I don't know the
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: last time I smoked a pipe at all. I've never, Yeah,
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: I've never. I was like, this was like a thing
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: where if I were holding the pipe while smoking it,
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: my hand would be eighteen inches away from my mouth.
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: It was curved. Yeah, it was great. You need I
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: could see you with a corn cob pipe.
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: Oh, I was spoked to corn cob pipeie, Yeah, I
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: was spoke like a real corn cob pipe before somebody
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: took a corn cob and hollowed it out and jammed
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: a hollow stick in to.
• 57:56
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, wow, what were we talking about. Oh,
• 58:00
  Speaker 4: definitely don't one of my big don'ts. Don't lay your
• 58:03
  Speaker 4: own ship out there on Yeah, oh.
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, don't think it's a therapy session.
• 58:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it could be easy to fall into that because
• 58:10
  Speaker 4: therapists can be good listeners and ask questions. But keep
• 58:14
  Speaker 4: it short, be very aware, especially if this is like
• 58:16
  Speaker 4: a first or second Like real date.
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: Sounds like a first date, Yeah, it kind of does,
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: they said, like first time getting to know them in
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: like a personal circumstance and everything.
• 58:24
  Speaker 4: Maybe they've been messaging for a while and they're going
• 58:26
  Speaker 4: to meet up, Like, please do not just be like, oh, yeah,
• 58:31
  Speaker 4: I see that happening a lot with people I meet
• 58:33
  Speaker 4: right away, not for date, not too many dates, not
• 58:37
  Speaker 4: for dates, but it's been a while, but yeah, just
• 58:43
  Speaker 4: people you meet. I mean that literally happened on a
• 58:45
  Speaker 4: phone call today I had with somebody I'd never talked
• 58:47
  Speaker 4: to you before, but when they found out a therapist,
• 58:52
  Speaker 4: it's like that's.
• 58:53
  Speaker 3: I used to give that all time when golfing, Oh,
• 58:56
  Speaker 3: because I would. I would get paired up with people,
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: you know, like tourists from out of town.
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, and they're like, what do you do?
• 59:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, then I tell them and then so I just
• 59:06
  Speaker 3: I would stop, I would make something up. I just
• 59:08
  Speaker 3: i'd tell people I'm an account because no one, no
• 59:11
  Speaker 3: one has followed up questions. Yeah, but like I agree,
• 59:16
  Speaker 3: I agree one hundred percent with that. Any anything that
• 59:18
  Speaker 3: you do that makes her feel like she's at work
• 59:22
  Speaker 3: is not going to be a good date. And for
• 59:25
  Speaker 3: that reason you should not be worried. Yeah, because she
• 59:30
  Speaker 3: doesn't want to work.
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: That's yeah.
• 59:33
  Speaker 3: That's the thing that I think a lot of people
• 59:36
  Speaker 3: have this misconception about therapist is that like they're always
• 59:40
  Speaker 3: analyzing other people, Like no, like that's digging into someone's
• 59:45
  Speaker 3: thoughts and understanding their deep rooted issues is the last
• 59:50
  Speaker 3: thing I want to do if I'm not working. No, Like,
• 59:53
  Speaker 3: I just want to have a normal human conversation at.
• 59:55
  Speaker 4: The very most surface level of that. What might happen
• 59:59
  Speaker 4: is then the therapist might pick up on things that
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 4: maybe other people wouldn't. But I think that's okay. Yeah,
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 4: that's just the skill that you have from the years
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 4: of doing it, and they're going to know what they
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 4: want or don't want, and.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: That's just what it is. It's just no changing, it's
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: just being insightful.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when she orders your dinner for you and she
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: knows exactly what you were going to order, don't be
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: freaked out by that.
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 2: No, No, it's just a natural skill.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 4: That she hasned in on it.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 2: Really.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just like, how do you even know I wanted
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: the bone marrow? Oh that's a weird thing for her
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: to just know the bone marrow. That makes me feel like,
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: maybe there's some issues with your mother.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: Sometimes the bone marrow is just bone marrow.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 4: So yeah, hopefully, Like what to do dating a therapist, Oh.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would, I would, I would say, compared to
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: what you would do if you were dating an.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 4: Accountant, just don't ask too much about that.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just get to know the person, don't think too
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: much about it. That's that's bad.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 2: Vice agreed.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: Oh, we're gonna take another break and when we come back,
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: we are gonna we're going to discuss how to stop
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: my boyfriend from having more fun than I am.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: You're listening to pot therapy, hard one to guess.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: Today's episode is brought to you by Robert Brownie Junior
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: Men's Kayla Lansbury and Kevin Chamberlain, Ben Stanley, Adam Hathaway,
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 1: Dan Martin, Live Heyo, and Andrew Langmead. Would you like
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: to sponsor the show? Become a stair producer in patre
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: dot com slash therapy. See, I had my little Easter
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: egg thing going and now I've set it out loud,
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: and now you're gonna start.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: Listening for I know now. Yeah, now you're gonna pay attention. Okay.
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: How many new sports were introduced in the Tokyo twenty
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: twenty Olympics. Oh well, we discovered last week that I
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: couldn't distinguish Tokyo from Paris.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 4: So many new ones.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: None close, it's without going over one.
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm sticking with none.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 2: Four yeah, skateboarding, surfing, sport climbing, and karate.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 4: Climbing.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think climbing a football.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 4: I was like to explain to this to me.
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 3: Because they can't say rock climbing because they're not actually
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 3: rock climbing. It's the I think with the handholds and stuff.
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 3: I think that's what they're referring to. Yeah, oh yeah,
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 3: I did watch some of that. This this last go
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 3: around and fast. They are shockingly fast.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, they are so fast because they have a safety
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: line on them, and it looks they're going so fast
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: up the rock, the sport rock wall. It looks like
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: that safety line is physically pulling them up.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah. One of them got like a world record like
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: four point two seconds or something. Believe it.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 3: Honestly, it looked like spider Man depier Man.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: Just there was so crazy. It was it was nuts.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: I liked I like the right climbing there a sport climbing. Yeah,
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 2: I didn't know it was that new. What percentage of
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: Olympic athletes have a college degree? Oh, closest without going.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 4: Over all Olympic all over the world. Olympians, are you, yes,
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 4: it says all.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: I'm not a percentage of Olympic All okay, you're going
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: to say they all have a college degree?
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, the question olympians. Yes, that's how I
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 2: interpreted as well. I'll say sixty five percent.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 4: I was thinking sixty, so I'm going to say fifty oh.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: Eighty five percent. Oh nice, good job, Olympians. Job Olympians.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: We thought you were dumb, but good job. We didn't
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: think that.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 3: What percentage of athletes who trained for the Olympics actually
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 3: make make it to the games?
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 4: What percentage of athletes that train make it to the games?
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 2: Hm?
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 4: Hm hmmm uh seventy five percent?
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: Oh, I think it's one percent. Okay, closest without going
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: over you're both wrong? Is you're blessed? Fuck? Yes?
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 3: This approximately point zero zero one to point zero one percent.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: Wow, wows. Oh that's pretty crazy.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 4: I think I was thinking of that and reverse.
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 2: To be honestly, like, what percentage of people fail out? Yes?
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 4: Yes, that's okay, Okay, still.
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: That it was, but I was like, I didn't wrong anyway.
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm still still would have been.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: All right, last one, which continent has never hosted the
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: Olympic Games?
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 2: An article? Yeah, that's gotta be right.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 4: I mean yeah there, Yeah, Antarctica.
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Okay, let's assume Antarctica is not one, because that's
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 3: not the right answer.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: Oh so I think that obviously Antarctica is is. We're
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: not even going to county. Okay, Antarctica.
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 2: So what so repeat the question?
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: Which continent has never hosted the Olympic Games, any Olympic
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: Games at all? Okay, I mean, so that happened.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 4: I was playing Africa.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 2: I mean, how I feel like South America has well,
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 2: they've hosted the World Cup. They never hosted the World Cup?
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: Is Africa is an African country hosted?
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know if Africa, if an African country is
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: hosted the Olympic continent, which is a continent?
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 4: Well, yeah, but I was just trying to think, yeah, there,
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 4: choose from now I'm going to guess Africa.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think. I mean you got North and South America,
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 2: you got Europe, you.
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: Got Asia, you got Africa, Australia, you got Australia. I mean,
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: Antarctica is definitely right, we have you know, I both
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 1: definitely already have points. We're just playing around for fun now,
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: as Australia.
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 2: Hosted the Olympics. Surely Sydney, right, I always see the
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 2: Sydney Olympics. Yeah, Sydney had, Sydney had summer games. I
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 2: guess we'll go Africa. It is Africa, all right, good
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 2: job team Yeah.
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: And Antarctica and two continents have not hosted the Olympic Games.
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: Settle the fuck down. Let's see how to stop my
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: boyfriend from becoming an alcoholic.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: See it's darker than you thought it was. Yeah, it's
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: a lot darker than what I was saying. My twenty
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: six See, it's just ruined. Now I have to come
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: out something else, My twenty six female boyf Wait? My uh,
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: the writer is twenty six female. My boyfriend, who is
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: a twenty seven year old male, and I have been
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: together for a year and a half, and I've recently
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: become worried that he may be developing an alcohol problem.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 2: We both enjoy drinking, but.
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: His consumption has noticeably increased over time, especially since he
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: started living on his own. I've tried talking to him
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: about it, but he insists that he can manage it
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: on his own and feels like I'm imposing my fears
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: on to him when I ask him to cut back.
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: I've noticed that even when he agrees to have sober days,
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: he often complains and finds excuses to drink. He comes
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: from a culture where daily drinking is common and his
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: father struggles with alcoholism, which only adds to my concerns.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: Although we're seeing a couple therapists, I feel like my
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: worries about his drinking aren't being fully addressed, and it's
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: starting to affect my mental health. I'm struggling with the
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: idea that I might not be able to help him,
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: especially since he doesn't see it as a problem. I
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: love him deeply and don't want to lose him to alcohol,
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: but it started feeling like our relationship is a three
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: way struggle between me, him and his drinking. How can
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: I support him without losing myself? Is there anything more
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: I can do? Or do I need to accept that
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: this is something that he has to decide to change
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: on his own.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 4: Hmm, Okay, that's interesting. I would ask what what makes
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 4: drinking a problem? Like the boyfriend is drinking daily. They
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 4: said it's there's been an increase. The writer doesn't like it.
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't say if it is if they're like
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: drinking notably to excess, you know, are they vomiting?
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 2: Every day or they bracking out every day. What are
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 2: the symptoms of this?
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 4: Why don't you like it?
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 2: Basically?
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 4: What is the problem, which I'm not saying drinking.
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: Is your boyfriend just too awesome every day and you're
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: just just bothered by their awesomeness.
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 2: That's problem.
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 4: I don't want to lose some tacolate Okay, maybe that's it.
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 2: Like they don't wan, they don't want they don't want
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: somebody to health to.
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 4: Suffer absolutely, and that can that can be I don't know,
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 4: maybe that can be reason enough because it's like you
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 4: can want what you want from somebody as a partner.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 1: Well, if someone is drinking, say ten alcoholic beverages a night,
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: and they are of a of a constitution that that
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: doesn't seem to really affect them that much, they can
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 1: they can still carry on with life. They're sti getting
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: up and going to work, they're doing all these things.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: But they're drinking ten alcoholic beverages a night, and at
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: some point that