Latest / DA CREW Podcast / SEASON 2 DA CREW PODCAST_EPISODE _42 _ HOST PATRICE GRIMBALL

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SEASON 2 DA CREW PODCAST_EPISODE _42 _ HOST PATRICE GRIMBALL · DA CREW Podcast

0:05
Persons. All things ain't what things used to. Where did all the Blue
0:17
Sky's boys in blue from the North South? Things? Whoa person mers?
0:30
All things ain't what they used Dallas, What work? AA, L A
0:40
C. The Chance of Your Dream Book Tour in Expo is coming to your
0:44
area. Mark your calendars May eighteen, eleven a m. To three pm
0:49
Central Standard time. We have some amazing authors, some amazing business owners.
0:55
It's going to be sharing about their brand. We have some workshop facilitator that's
1:00
going to be coming out. They're going to be teaching on Brandon marketing and
1:04
network. I want you to plan to be in the building, to be
1:10
educated and power in and courage come out support. Aspiring Honors Magazine is a
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founding sponsor for doc Crew Podcast. Get featured inside the magazine and allow your
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voice to be heard around the world. Aspiring Authors Magazine is an international magazine
1:29
founded in May of twenty twenty by Queen Angela. Get featured. Hello,
1:34
Hello, Hello, and welcome to The Crew Podcast. I am the visionary
1:42
Queen Angela and welcome to season two. I want to thank you for tuning
1:49
in and for all of your support throughout season one. We're back them devas
1:56
of the Airways. So thank you for joining us tonight. Share this with
2:02
someone in your circle because I'm back. Welcome to the sci Book gall and
2:09
Friends Chat. We're gonna be talking about the latest and book reviews, author
2:14
interviews, and life. Come on and enjoin us. We're ready. Are
2:20
you see there in the club? They're getting wild from me. You muted,
3:10
you're muted. Hey everyone, it's another Saturday night and you are here
3:15
with me sc book out A four to three, and I am bringing you
3:20
another author. So now this author is gonna help us with our relationships.
3:25
Y'all know we all have those little problems with intimacy and unsuccessful marriages and how
3:34
to get deep and satisfying with your partner. So she's gonna give us some
3:39
tips. Our author tonight is miss Alexandria Stockwell. Come on, I'm sweetheart,
3:46
how are you? I'm great, Such an honor to be here with
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you. Thank you for being here tonight. And this is like a total
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refresher for my show because we've really never talked about relationships because yeah, you
4:03
know, I get that a lot. I mean I'm on relationship shows and
4:09
do interviews on podcasts and different things. But there are lots of people who
4:14
therefore step into this territory in their professional context. Is with me, So
4:20
welcome to the club. Okay, Well, since we are welcoming each other,
4:26
tell us a little bit about yourself. All right. Well, let's
4:29
see. I am a physician and I've been practicing medicine for I don't know
4:35
a while, and lots of different things happened, and I ended up transitioning
4:43
to become an intimate marriage expert, a relationship and intimacy coach. I've been
4:47
married for twenty eight years, we have four children, and I love what
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I do. I love helping people really transform their relationships in beautiful ways.
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And so I wrote a book about my method so that anyone who wants to
5:10
read or listen on audible can easily upgrade their relationship. Okay, so you
5:18
are stay the whole title for me, and I would like you to break
5:25
it down because I've never cared. Well, the title I didn't say,
5:30
which I also use, which is here on the screen, is the Intimacy
5:34
Doctor. But what you're asking me about is intimate marriage Expert. And honestly,
5:43
I made up that name because so often if you look for relationship advice.
5:50
There's tons of relationship advice available for people who are dating, for people
5:57
who are looking for someone, and there's also sort of clinical, dry expert
6:08
opinions about how to have a better marriage. And you think they're talking about
6:14
which kind of oil to use when you change the oil in your car,
6:17
Like it's it's not about what we're talking about, you know. And there
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also are I think a lot of religious leaders who have a lot to say
6:30
about relationships. And it's not that I necessarily disagree, but I find it's
6:36
always incomplete. And so I coined the term intimate marriage expert because I want
6:46
people to know that's what we're talking about. Yes, we're talking about communication,
6:53
emotional connection, conflict resolution, how to really be on the same team,
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and we're all talking about the juicy things about intimacy with our bodies as
7:05
well as our minds and our hearts, and it's the whole thing. And
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so often people assume, if you're married, the best you can hope for
7:16
is for the passion to kind of taper off, hopefully slowly, but definitely
7:24
inevitably, and that is not true. Thank you for seeing that, because
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I understand that went through that round one. So I'm totally seeing what you're
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coming from. So I'm compromising intimacy. What made you want to write this
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book? What says this needs to be read by anyone who touches this book?
7:53
Yeah, you know I have. Well, I really am committed to
8:00
the mission transforming the cultural narrative of long term relationships so that the kinds of
8:07
things I'm saying are understood. And one of the best ways to do that
8:11
is to write a book because people can read it on Kindle, they can
8:16
get the paperback, they can listen on audible really all over the world.
8:20
It's a very small cost with a very big positive impact if people actually use
8:28
what they learn. And I can't talk to everybody. I can't. I
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don't have time in the day, and people aren't really motivated to be able
8:39
to enough people. So one of my motiva. I have two motivatings for
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writing. One of them definitely is to be able to reach more people with
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what I have to say. That's one. Other is that what I have
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to say is not available anywhere else. This is why material. I've done
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a lot of different trainings as well as personal experience and coach probably now thousands
9:07
of couples, and I what I have to say. If I didn't write
9:13
it and put it in my book, it just would not be available.
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I'm not saying something that's been said before. Oh oh see, I love
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the fact that you said that it is a small cost, but the outcome
9:31
is just tremendous. I like that because a lot of people would not think
9:35
of it that way. No mean to me, it is how would people
9:39
think about it? I think what you just said is like, getting this
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book is like an investment into your relationship. Oh, I definitely believe that.
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I don't know. It's like twelve thirteen dollars on Amazon and audible.
9:54
It depends if you pay directly or use a credit But I hear from people
10:00
whose lives have been transformed because they read my book and used what's in there.
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And I've heard that from people who've been married for thirty five forty years.
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I actually have heard from a number of men in the military, and
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I don't actually refer to the military one way or the other in my book.
10:24
It's not about military relationships, but men in the military who yearn to
10:30
have a better relationship with their wives. And I think being a military spouse
10:35
is so challenging for like so many reasons that I think are just obvious if
10:41
you think about it, including the fact that you don't know when someone's going
10:43
to be deployed. When they come home. Yes, it's so great to
10:48
reunite, but they had experiences that are not so easy to integrate it.
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I just have so much gratitude for anyone in the military and any military spouse
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that is so and it's just so interesting to me, Like I'm touched,
11:05
I'm grateful. I wasn't aiming for this, but I'm so glad. You
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know, I've heard from multiple people. You know, I don't know where
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where in the world they are, in the middle of East or wherever they
11:16
are, but they can read my book where they are stationed in Germany or
11:20
station in North Carolina, they can read my book. Spend twelve dollars that
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really fits most people's salaries, and what they get if they actually integrate the
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learning is amazing. In fact, I have a couple that I've coached.
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He read my book three times before reaching it out about private coaching because it
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was so valuable. He read it three times. Like you got a lot
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of nuggets in this book that we're talking about, if we can pick one
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part that's saying the first two three actors, what would be that I like
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to call it that aha moment, that one that sticks out that gives you
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that oh my god. What would be that nugget or moment in your book?
12:15
Uncompromising Intimacy? Okay, I'm going to give one that's super short and
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one that's a little bit longer. I know you asked for one, but
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okay, So what I want to do is actually explain the title. Right.
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So the title is uncompromising intimacy. And that is because throughout the Western
12:37
world, far and away, the most common relationship advice that's given to have
12:41
a successful marriage is you have to be good at compromise. If you want
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to be happy in marriage, you have to be really good at compromise.
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And that is completely wrong. Well hold up, huh. If what you
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want is a kind of and dehydrated, pleasant companionship, then compromise is great.
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But if you want a juicy, passionate connected a live relationship that continues
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to evolve with the years, in the decades, then it's uncompromising intimacy.
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And what I want to say is that when people hear the word uncompromising,
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they sometimes go to, oh, I always get my own way. It's
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like a rigid attitude. And that's not how I mean the word at all.
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I think of compromise in the context of a relationship as withholding what you
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want, withholding how you feel, withholding something of significance inside you so that
13:56
your partner is more comfortable. Uncompromising intimacy about sharing the truth of who you
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are, what is real for you, what you desire, but learning to
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do that in a way that your partner can actually hear it and meet you
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there. So uncompromising intimacy and what my book is about is not about like
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trimming off the parts of us that are uncomfortable for our partner. Instead,
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it's about embracing our fullness and what we want and learning how to bring it
14:37
into the marriage. Because both, Wow, I've been down everill twice and
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I've never heard nobody say it like that, but you can you know what
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I'm talking about about, Like having to put yourself in a box that isn't
15:01
who you really are, and you don't feel comfortable in that box, but
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you're you're in that box because you feel that not so many terms. This
15:11
is your police but yes, like you're supposed to. So wow, you
15:16
know what, We're gonna take break real quick. And she just blew my
15:20
mind. I think we need to let that mariny. So we're gonna take
15:22
a break, and we're gonna come back and we're gonna get We're gonna get
15:24
more into this. You guys, stay tuned. Sounds good mind. At
15:33
Wings of Transformation Publishing, we are committed to helping our authors reach their goals
15:37
and pursue their dreams of becoming published authors. We work closely with each author
15:43
to ensure a successful publishing experience, and we are dedicated to helping them tell
15:48
their stories in the most meaningful and impactful ways. We look forward to putting
15:54
you on the path to writing your book. So I've been reading did I
16:06
have your books of nopsis right in front of me? And there's two things
16:10
that really stick out to me that I want you to touch on. Why
16:12
because I've been in one of the situations. And two because yes, y'all,
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I have no problem being transparent. Been there, done yet, okay?
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And two is what I want for my kids. One you said,
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move from a sexless and affectionate start to cherish and adore. What do you
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mean by that? Like, that's a lot, that's a whole statement.
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There it is, and it really connects with what I was saying before,
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because you know how we are in our day to day interactions, compromising,
16:53
holding back, being the way we're supposed to be, even if it's not
16:57
authentically how we feel. There's no magic switch that when we get to the
17:04
bedroom we can flip it to be fully expressed and totally in it in the
17:11
way that's necessary for passionate gratification. So if we are essentially disconnected, like
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little parts of us are divorced from our partner, they will be separate in
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the bedroom too. And so really my book, you know, in Promising
17:33
that You'll go from sexless to cherished and adored, it's not because I teach
17:41
any sex positions. I actually don't even talk about sex that much in the
17:45
book. It's about how to create the authenticity and make room to accept yourself
17:52
and your partner and communicate in a way that creates emotional intimacy because in a
17:59
long term relationship, that's a prerequisite for really great passion. Yes, now
18:06
that emotional intimacy, Yes, you are so right on that so right,
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And then the second one, you have to be a role model for your
18:18
kids so they can know what a great relationship looks like. Now for me,
18:23
I have a twenty one year old and I have a nine year old,
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so there's a big age gap, but I would like for them both
18:33
to see mommy and a happy, like oh my God type relationship. I
18:38
want my little girl to see. I don't want to say mommy being treated
18:44
like a queen, but mommy being like you said, cherishing a door.
18:49
So that part. How does that play in becoming deeply satisfy, impassionate with
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your partner? Okay, I love this question so much, really so much
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so. My parents were divorced when I was young, my husband's parents were
19:11
divorced when he was young, and really when we got married, even though
19:14
our relationship was great, I just assumed we'd get married because I couldn't picture
19:19
really anything else. And the thing that I want to start in responding to
19:26
your question is that having a fantastic relationship is a learnable skill. That was
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the second nugget I was going to say earlier. It's very relevant and so
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we're not doomed to how it's been either with caregivers in childhood or with what
19:45
we've done before. And in terms of your children, I actually have a
19:49
big age range too, I just have kids in between as well. Mine
19:53
range from twelve to twenty seven. And the most important thing for your it's
20:02
a little girl that your nine year old, yes she's a little girl.
20:06
Yeah, is that you treat yourself like a queen. Ooh. That is
20:15
the best way to show her how she should treat herself and expect any future
20:25
partner to treat her. And I just want to tell you when my daughter
20:29
was nine, that really woke me up and was a very important part of
20:36
my growth too, because I just thought, if she spends another nine years
20:41
living with me and I'm compromising and sacrificing myself in all kinds of ways,
20:51
there's no way that she's gonna leave home her radiant, joyful, amazing self
21:00
off the way she was at the age of nine. And that is what
21:03
lit a fire under my ass because I wasn't actually motivated to do this for
21:07
myself initially. Now now I'm into it. Yeah. Wow, I'm proud
21:18
of me. I'm so proud of me. I stopped compromising, I am
21:22
so proud of me. You know what. I had to get myself a
21:26
little pat on the back because I actually got us some because I was compromising
21:30
and and now you know what, you hold it out on us. This
21:41
book is so the book was published in twenty twenty, but it really like
21:45
it was published like a couple of months ago. It's so relevant to this
21:52
time that we're since we were talking about publishing, I have to tell you
21:56
it actually was published. It was released on Amazon in December twenty nineteen,
22:03
and then on Audible in either February or March of twenty twenty. And I've
22:11
never run ads to it. I mean, on my own website, you
22:15
can sign up for the first chapter for free, and then subsequent emails invite
22:22
someone to buy the rest. So really anyone who wants just the first chapter
22:26
can easily do that. But I sell books most days, not that many,
22:33
you know, maybe it's five to one week, seven or eight another
22:38
week. But I have a steady sale of my books without really doing much
22:47
to make that happen. And I think it's because of what you just said.
22:51
I mean, it is in the show notes of my podcast, and
22:55
as I say, it's on my website, but I don't have like massive
22:59
traffic to my website. That's not why those sales are happening. And I
23:06
can see that. In just for the little bit that I saw, it
23:11
was like, whoa, this is? This is this is very, very
23:18
what everybody should read because I think that we could take nuggets from it being
23:23
about relationships, but actually, can you know, take some of them of
23:29
the notes and add it to everyday life. I can see parts of that,
23:33
So I have to say that I really love the people, like I
23:37
have a special fondness for the people who've read my book and applied the principles
23:41
in other relationships with step children one with a PhD advisor, like just because
23:48
you know, it's not about sex positions. It's about how to honor yourself
23:52
while in relationship with someone else, and how to make room for the other
23:57
person to also feel respected and honored. So it's like me bringing my best
24:03
foot forward, them bring in their best foot forward, but us respecting each
24:08
other best foot absolutely. And sometimes people like to think, well, you
24:17
know, I'll put my best foot forward if he then puts his best foot
24:21
forward, you know, in a heteronormative context. But it doesn't work that
24:23
way. Someone has to go first, someone, someone has to upgrade the
24:32
culture of the marriage, and if it's transactional, it's just not as effective.
24:37
If it's like, well, if I do this, then you do
24:38
that. No, you just do it because that's the kind of woman you
24:42
want to be, such that it becomes irresistible for him to show up differently
24:49
as well. But it's not like, Okay, I'll do this, and
24:55
once you do that, then I'll do this. No, no, no,
24:56
that is not uncomprom intimacy. That is transactional intimacy, which has a
25:03
place, but it's not what I'm teaching. You have dropped all kinds of
25:10
nuggets in this thirty minutes that we've been on and I'm sitting up here like,
25:18
yo, put that in the back of the head, No, tree,
25:22
what you gotta put in the back of the head for you can go
25:23
back and listen to this again and get her book. So for those who
25:27
are thinking like me, tell us how we can get your book. And
25:33
then I heard that there's another book that you have, Yes, but I
25:40
really think if you're gonna buy one of my books, this is the book
25:44
to get uncompromising intimacy. It's available on Amazon, It's available on Audible.
25:52
It's very easy to find uncompromising intimacy. And yeah, if you either have
26:00
or want to have a really successful, passionate, long lasting relationship, this
26:08
is relevant. This is like oxygen for that situation. So oxygen. Yes,
26:17
I definitely there's somebody who posted I really loved it. I forget exactly
26:22
what the comment was, but something about, you know, blowing her mind
26:26
too. I hope you read it like for me, this is so straightforward
26:30
now because I see it work again and again and again. I will also
26:34
mention this book, The Invitation Vital Conversations about Menopause, which I co wrote
26:45
with a friend of mine. And while I'm a physician and she's not,
26:51
neither of us are menopause experts. It really is a conversation about each of
26:57
our experiences. I'm fifty five. We had our conversations. I can't remember
27:06
right now. I guess come a year and a half ago, and she's
27:11
a few years younger. But we talk about our own experience and also about
27:17
what it is to you know, how menopause affects relationships and career and friendships
27:23
with other women and parenting and sex and just like our relationship with our partners,
27:32
we interviewed a number of women who've had really challenging times and described our
27:37
own the two of us, menopause actually has not been complicated, it's been
27:41
more empowering and really the main purpose of this book, the invitation vital conversations
27:48
about menopause, is to have these conversations, like any woman listening or man
27:56
for that matter, have you had a conversation with your mother about menopause?
28:02
Like have you talked with girlfriends other than rolling your eyes? Like this is
28:07
such an important topic and no one's really talking about it, including a lot
28:14
of physicians. So this this is a book that you know, it's different
28:22
than what we've been talking about, but it's similar in that we just share
28:26
a lot of ideas. There's no way that there isn't something in there that's
28:32
unfamiliar that is worth considering. And like our dream with my co author,
28:38
that's what I'm saying. Our our dream really is that mothers and daughters and
28:45
friends are talking about this because this is like the second half of life for
28:52
some people, it starts much earlier, and it really should not just be
28:56
some blind spot in our aware or this, this, or how I've heard
29:03
people describe it. The train is on the track that's going to hit you.
29:08
They make it sound so bad, So, you guys, sometimes it
29:14
is terrible. Sometimes it's pretty straightforward, and sometimes it's delightful, and sometimes
29:25
it's hard, and sometimes it's variable. Like I'm not actually I haven't really
29:30
thought about it until this moment, but like, I can't think of any
29:33
particular condition. Well, maybe birth is this way, quite frankly, but
29:37
other than birth, where there's such a variety of experiences and they're all essentially
29:44
normal. I mean, some benefit from treatment, some benefit from better bedside
29:52
man or from caregivers, some benefit from more education. But you know that
29:56
it's all within the realm of what happened in our society. You know what.
30:04
Thank you for writing both of them all. Thank you, miss Stockwell
30:11
for being with us tonight dropping all type of nuggets and knowledge for us.
30:18
You guys, you know you can always go back and catch the replay she
30:22
if you look at the bottom, we have all her links that are available,
30:25
and she was even nice to say, we can read chapter one.
30:27
So let's go ahead and not read chapter one and just go ahead and buy
30:32
the whole book, and it's all audible, So if you're doing any little
30:36
walking in the morning or your moments of meditation, you got something else you
30:40
can listen to the Miss stock Well, we thank you for joining as sea
30:44
book calling friends tonight. I'm gonna let you end this out. Is there
30:48
anything you would like to say to your new readers, your old readers,
30:52
and your future readers. Keep learning because there's always something worth while so you
31:00
can have more pleasure in your life. You know what? That is beautiful?
31:07
That needs to be a homemk card, a statement, a mean something,
31:11
because every day you can learn something new. So hey, thank you,
31:15
thank you, thank you you guys, it's another Saturday night in the
31:19
book another. Oh hold up, we got a question. Would you recommend
31:25
your book in a book club? Yes, although I will say that like
31:34
absolutely yes, and some people are comfortable with being more explicit and some people
31:40
are comfortable being less explicit. And I just think you want to be clear
31:45
what's going to work for the members in the conversation. It's it's not necessary
31:51
to actually talk about sex. It really is about how to show up for
31:55
one another in the relationship. But yeah, I think that would be amazing.
32:00
I have one more caveat. So the subtitle is turn your unfulfilling marriage
32:06
into a deeply satisfying, passionate partnership. And I have to say I kind
32:12
of I wouldn't do this again, but I succumb to the marketing people who
32:15
said, you have to talk about like how terrible it is, you have
32:19
to emphasize the pain point. So the subtitle is turn your unfulfilling marriage into
32:24
a deeply satisfying, passionate partnership. And I've had people read this book who
32:29
have great marriages and want them to be better. There's always better, and
32:35
their husbands see the book and they're like, do you think our marriage is
32:38
unfulfilling? So just to caveat that, you know, people can draw conclusions,
32:45
but I'm just giving you ways to really win because in terms of the
32:49
actual book club, I think it would be superb. Well there you go.
32:54
You have your answer again. Thank you for joining us tonight. We
33:00
are going to share this with everyone with me know, and you have a
33:04
beautiful evening, my sweetheart. Thank you for such a delicious conversation. I
33:08
appreciate it. Thank you so again, you guys. Another Saturday night,
33:15
Another author another book added to you be readless and I will catch you back
33:21
next week's Saturday. See you guys later. Bye, oh oh things ain't
33:31
what? Thanks you stupid. We're having all the blue from Skys but boys
33:42
bumped the lad from something