Latest / Walking Manifestator Podcast- Aligning Mindset with Spirituality / 126: How to Keep Going When Life Falls Apart
Transcript
- Alexa: How do we keep moving when life doesn't actually feel like it's working out for you? I know that this is something that a lot of us experience in different moments of our life where it's easy to be happy when everything is working out. It's easy to show up when you feel good about yourself. It's easy to keep working on your business when you feel like you just closed a deal. But sometimes it can be very challenging to show up when you feel like you're in the midst of adversity, whether it's financial, whether it's spiritual, whether it's emotional. And in this conversation, I just wanted to get very vulnerable with you guys because I'll be honest, I almost didn't want to have this conversation yet. Because About a week ago, today exactly, Friday, I lost my fur baby. And I won't get into many details because I don't want to start crying in this conversation, but to say the least, it was a very emotional and incredibly sad experience to witness one of my babies no longer be here. And In the midst of everything, I didn't want to keep showing up. I didn't want to keep showing up for my real estate business. I didn't want to keep showing up for things that I needed to take care of and clients that I needed to attend to. And I was very extremely emotional to even have a conversation about it last Friday. Still talking about it right now actually still gets me. But the mindset overall that I want to share with you guys is something that's going to help you in whatever challenge you're facing in your life right now. Whether it's you just lost a relationship that meant a lot to you, whether it's something that was very dear to you that you lost, maybe a job opportunity, a degree that you were going for, a job position that you didn't get. And in that moment, You feel like everything is falling apart, right? You feel like there is no way that things are going to get better. There's no way that I'm going to feel whole without this one thing that actually made me feel very happy. So something that I have learned to do in my journey as I've been working on my personal development, on my growth, on my Overall mindset of having a mentality of victimhood, having a mentality of everything is happening to me and life is so unfair, to taking control and saying, you know what? There's something that I can learn from this experience. It has been that we need to get out of the mentality of victimhood. And victimhood is going to look different for every single one of us because. We're all going through different things. But overall, this is something that when we create a belief around and we say, well, if I'm aligned, right? If I'm working on myself, if I'm developing myself, if I'm doing the right things, why are bad things happening right now? Like, matter of fact, it feels like the more good that I'm doing at times, it feels like There's this almost like this energy that is coming back and is making me feel like I gave two steps forward and now I'm five steps back. And then we get into this mindset of if my vibration is high enough, everything should work out. If I'm thinking positively enough, then everything should be great. And what if I'm doing something wrong? And overall, I need you to just understand that. We're human and pain is part of the human experience. I actually think that believing we're somehow supposed to spiritually evolve beyond pain can make suffering worse because now we have the original pain plus shame about experiencing that pain. And you don't need to do that to yourself. Sometimes you're sad because something sad happened. Sometimes you're grieving because you lost something that you love. Sometimes you're afraid because you're walking into uncertainty. That doesn't mean that you have fallen out of alignment. It just means you're alive. And for as long as you're alive, for as long as you live, there's one thing that we know for certain is that there's always going to be challenges. But it's how do we react to those challenges that define Who we the character we're building, the persona that we're actually embracing. And this leads me to my second point. When you're showing up, it doesn't mean that we're pretending to be okay. And this is very important because somebody could listen to me saying, you just need to keep showing up and here, get over it. But that's not the point. What I'm actually saying is that. When I didn't show up on Friday, because showing up for myself actually required me not to show up. Does that make sense? And I need you to understand that because sometimes showing up means getting out of bed and doing the work. Sometimes showing up means canceling something. Sometimes showing up means crying. Sometimes showing up means having therapy. Sometimes showing up means praying or asking someone for help. Sometimes showing up means going for a walk instead of lying in bed in your thoughts all day. There's different ways for you to embrace showing up. And this is really where resilience isn't actually the equivalent to stopping, right? It's learning the difference between resting and quitting. That distinction could become one of the strongest things that could help you. In a situation where you don't feel like showing up. Now, I want to make this a quick episode because I think that the point here is going to be the same one, which is focus on what you can still control. There's so many things that we've talked about in these episodes, and one of the things that I really come back to is Victor Frankel. He talks about logotherapy and circumstances that we can't control. And if I cannot go back and create a different reality, but there's still things that belong to me in this reality, then that means that my response still belongs to me. And I still have the ability to choose how I'm going to react. Am I going to stay in bed and continue to feel bad about the experience? Or am I going to focus on the fact that I gave my fur baby an amazing year? I gave him the most that I could for the time that I had him. And I think this is really where we need to redefine what we're experiencing. Because a lot of the times we give negative meanings to every single experience that we're going through and we forget that realistically it's up to us how we're going to actually see that outcome. Are we going to see that struggle that we're going through, not getting the job as a rejection or maybe as God's redirection for where we're supposed to actually be? Are you going to see that relationship ending as the end of your love life? Or are you going to see it as God's protection and saying, you know what? You have a little bit more that you need to work on yourself. Or that person has a little bit more that they need to work on themselves for. And this is really where hard seasons reveal who we're becoming. Anybody can believe in themselves when everything is working out. Anybody can practice gratitude when everything feels good. Anybody can talk about faith when they know what's going to happen next. But what happens when you don't? That is where your character actually gets tested. Can I still be the woman I'm becoming while going through this challenge? Maybe she isn't operating 100%, but maybe today she's putting out the best 30% that she can do. And that is such A milestone that is such a beautiful mindset shift. Because if that is the mindset that you have with everything you're going through in life, no matter how difficult things get, that means that you're creating new neuroneth neur neurons that are actually new neuropathways that are helping with your neurons that are allowing you to actually understand, like, I can rely on myself, I can trust myself. And no matter how hard things get. I will be there for me. And however that may be, because sometimes you need to tap into certain people. Sometimes you need to tap into certain help. Sometimes you need for you to connect with yourself again and see where did you lose yourself? And there's a a scripture that for me I've been like really piecing together, which is like God will never give you more than you can handle. And this is really true because God is never going to give you more than you can handle. So I'm just gonna give you this quick framework that is going to help you the next time that you're feeling stuck. And it doesn't need a twelve step routine in the morning. Just a quick framework here. Number one, what am I feeling? Don't, you know, spiritualize it, just name it. Are you feeling sad? Are you feeling angry, scared, confused, lonely, overwhelmed? Number two, what is actually within my control today? Not next month, not next year, not how is everything going to get resolved, but today? What is in my control? Number three, what is the one thing the woman I'm becoming would do with the capacity that she has right now? And maybe that means take a walk, maybe that means make the phone call, maybe that means eat something nourishing, maybe that's praying, go to work, work on your business, whatever it is for you. I don't know exactly when the hurt stops. I think that sometimes we just kind of learn how to embrace the journey that we're going through. I loved my fur baby so much. I'm going to miss him. And I know that overall I'm going to allow myself to experience my feelings that I'm going through right now. And that's something that you should do too. Feel your emotions, experience your emotions, work through your emotions, but don't get stuck in your emotions. You don't have to be strong. all the time by yourself. And that's something that I've had to learn the hard way. I used to believe that it's just me and I don't have to tap into anybody and my grandparents, they saw that I've been emotional and they bought me a bonsai treat because when I had my second child, for those of you that don't know, I have two baby boys. One is 10, one is five, and when I had my second year old, my second year old had my second one, He destroyed my bonsai tree. He was playing in the living room and he went up to my bonsai tree while I was in the restroom and completely destroyed it. I was really sad because I really do think that plants have feelings. And that was it. That was maybe like five years ago. Four year yeah, like four and a half years ago. And after I lost my fur baby, my grandparents came up. yesterday and they showed me this little bonsai tree that they bought for me. And that's just a reminder of like the people that you have in your corner that love you and care for you and want the best for you. And I know some of you might be feeling like I don't have that Alexa. Like I don't have a grandparent like that. I don't have a mom or a dad like that. I don't have a anything like that. But I promise you, you can find it in a community of people online. Like I when I wasn't good with my grandparents, like that's one of the things that really started helping me, like getting around other people that were doing things, that were doing things that were inspiring, that were sharing things that were healing. So don't get in your head about that. Cause once you get in your head about that, when you isolate yourself, that's one of the worst things you can do. And there's many people that are dying to get to know you and you just give them the opportunity to. So Remember that you are worthy, you are loved, and you can absolutely manifest anything you want. I'll talk to you guys on the next one.