Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are a Remote Worker
Transcript
- Lucas: So let's talk about something that's become a real challenge for a lot of people: finding a mentor when you work remotely. And I don't just mean 'occasionally work from home' remote — I mean fully distributed, maybe you've never met your colleagues in person kind of remote. Luna: Yeah, the classic advice of 'go grab coffee with someone in the office' just doesn't apply anymore. It's a completely different dynamic. Lucas: Right. And I think the first thing to acknowledge is that the old model of mentorship — where you'd organically bond with a senior colleague by running into them in the break room or working on a project side by side — that's really hard to replicate virtually. But it's not impossible. Luna: So what's the first step? Where do you even start looking when everyone's a face on a screen? Lucas: I'd say start with what's already in front of you. Most remote teams use tools like Slack, Teams, or Discord for daily communication. And those platforms can actually be a goldmine for identifying potential mentors — if you know what to look for. Luna: What are you looking for exactly? Lucas: Look for the people who consistently give thoughtful, detailed answers in public channels. The ones who share useful resources unprompted. The ones who ask clarifying questions that make everyone's work better. Those are signs of someone who's invested in the team's growth, and that's the kind of person who might make a great mentor. Luna: So it's about observing before you even reach out. That makes sense. You're building a mental profile of who's generous with their knowledge. Lucas: Exactly. And once you've identified a couple of candidates, the next step is to create a low-stakes opportunity for interaction. A lot of remote companies have things like 'coffee chat' bots that randomly pair people. That's an easy way to start a conversation without the pressure of a formal ask. Luna: But what if your company doesn't have that? What if it's just you and your team on Slack and nobody's really doing structured networking? Lucas: Then you initiate a casual invite yourself. Something like, 'Hey, I saw your comment on the design review last week — really helpful. I'd love to hear more about how you approach that. Got 15 minutes for a virtual coffee this week?' No formal 'will you be my mentor' — just a low-pressure conversation. Luna: I like that. It's almost like a first date for mentorship. You're testing the chemistry before committing to anything serious. Lucas: Right. And if that first chat goes well, you can gradually build the relationship. But here's the key — in a remote setting, you have to be more intentional about maintaining the connection. You can't rely on bumping into them in the hallway. Luna: So how do you keep it going without being annoying or overbearing? Lucas: I think the best approach is to be asynchronous-first. Send a quick message saying, 'Hey, I applied that framework you mentioned to a project and it worked really well — thanks again.' That shows you value their input without demanding their time. Then, maybe once a quarter, schedule a proper 30-minute video call to catch up on bigger topics. Luna: That's a good rhythm. And it respects the fact that remote workers often have more fragmented schedules, especially if they're in different time zones. Lucas: Absolutely. Time zones are a huge factor. If your potential mentor is three hours ahead, you don't want to be the person who schedules a 7 PM meeting for them. Be flexible — offer a few time slots, and if none work, suggest a Loom video or a written update instead. Luna: Let's talk about the actual ask. When you do decide to formally ask someone to be your mentor, how do you do that remotely? It feels different than in person. Lucas: I'd say avoid the word 'mentor' initially. It can feel like a big commitment. Instead, ask for something specific. For example, 'Would you be open to a 20-minute chat about how you approach stakeholder management?' That's a much easier yes. Then, if the relationship develops naturally, you can have a conversation later about making it more ongoing. Luna: And what about the content of that initial message? You only get one shot at a first impression in someone's inbox. Lucas: Be concise, show that you've done your homework, and make it about them. Say something like, 'I really admired how you led that cross-functional project last quarter — I'd love to learn how you got everyone aligned.' That's specific and flattering without being sycophantic. Luna: I want to bring up an example from a company that does remote mentorship really well: GitLab. They're fully remote, and they have a formal mentorship program where mentors and mentees are matched based on skills and interests. But they also encourage informal mentorship through their 'team call' culture. Lucas: GitLab is a great example. They even have a public handbook that details how to be a good mentor remotely. One thing they emphasize is transparency — sharing your work openly so others can learn. That's something any remote worker can do, even without a formal program. Luna: Right. And another company, Zapier, has a 'no meeting' policy for certain days, which forces people to communicate asynchronously. That actually creates more opportunities for written mentorship — you can see how people think through problems in documents and forum posts. Lucas: That's a really good point. Written communication in a remote setting can be a form of mentorship itself. If someone consistently writes clear, insightful documentation, you can learn a ton just by reading it. And then, when you do reach out, you can reference something specific they wrote. Luna: So part of being a good mentee in a remote world is being a good observer and a good reader. You need to pay attention to what people are putting out there. Lucas: Exactly. And I'd add one more thing: don't limit yourself to internal mentors. The remote world also opens up opportunities to find mentors outside your company. You can join online communities, attend virtual conferences, or even reach out to people on LinkedIn who you admire. Luna: But how do you approach someone externally? That feels even more intimidating. Lucas: It's similar to the internal approach, but you need to be even more respectful of their time. Keep the initial ask very small. Maybe just ask for a resource recommendation or their opinion on a specific article. And always offer something in return — even if it's just gratitude and a willingness to help them in the future. Luna: And if they say no? Or don't respond at all? That's a real risk. Lucas: Then you move on. It's not personal. People are busy. But I'd say follow up once after a couple of weeks, just in case they missed it. After that, let it go. There are plenty of other potential mentors out there. Luna: I think the key takeaway from this whole conversation is that remote mentorship requires more intentionality, but it also offers more flexibility. You're not limited by geography or office hours. Lucas: That's exactly right. And if we've helped you think through a career move or decision, we hope you'll consider supporting the show. It's what keeps this podcast ad-free and independent. You can do that at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Luna: Yeah, listener support really makes a difference. Even a small contribution helps us keep putting out episodes like this one. Lucas: So, to circle back — if you're remote and you're looking for a mentor, start by observing, start small, be asynchronous-friendly, and don't be afraid to look outside your own company. The mentor you need might just be a Slack message or a LinkedIn connection away. Luna: And remember, mentorship is a two-way street. Even as a mentee, you have something to offer. A fresh perspective, a new skill, or just genuine enthusiasm can be valuable to a mentor too. Lucas: Absolutely. That's a great note to end on. Thanks for joining us, and we'll see you next time on The Career Mentor Podcast.