Latest / The Nadia Chapman Show / Excuses Don’t Look Good on You...

Transcript

Excuses Don’t Look Good on You... · The Nadia Chapman Show

• 0:01
  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the Nadia Chapman Show.
• 0:05
  Thank you for tuning in, if I can say, and sorry for taking a few days off,
• 0:12
  much needed few days off.
• 0:14
  The last couple of weeks have been a little bit overwhelming for me,
• 0:19
  but I'm back now. Happy to press the record button.
• 0:23
  And apparently I've got some weird allergies this evening.
• 0:26
  That's one of the downfall of living on a farm.
• 0:30
  Sometimes things are blooming and things just kind of pop out of nowhere and
• 0:34
  my nose gets all clogged.
• 0:36
  But I'm happy to be here and I'm going to be real with you for a second.
• 0:41
  This episode was not even supposed to be what I released this week.
• 0:46
  I actually have a couple more topics coming out. But guess what happened?
• 0:51
  I caught myself making excuses.
• 0:54
  Yes, me, mindset coach, Nadia,
• 0:58
  the one who literally teaches people how to stop making excuses and stop holding
• 1:04
  themselves back, I was doing the exact thing I coach others not to do. And then it hit me.
• 1:11
  This is exactly what I need to talk about. Because if I'm making excuses and
• 1:16
  I do this work for a living, then I bet that a lot of you people out there are doing the same thing.
• 1:23
  And it's okay. We're all humans, but we cannot keep blaming everything else
• 1:28
  and keep making excuses.
• 1:29
  We've got to hold ourselves accountable.
• 1:33
  Excuses are kind of sneaky. They sound really logical. They sound protective.
• 1:37
  They actually sound smart, but really they're just fear in disguise.
• 1:45
  So today, we're going to rip the mask off and we're going to be talking about
• 1:49
  why we make excuses, how they show up in our lives, and what it takes to finally
• 1:55
  stop letting them run the show.
• 1:58
  Because the truth is, your next level of life and confidence and love and success
• 2:04
  and freedom is hiding right behind your latest excuse.
• 2:09
  Let's start with the truth always.
• 2:13
  Excuses are not necessarily laziness. They're actually fear wearing a logical disguise.
• 2:19
  So every excuse has a heartbeat underneath it. And that heartbeat is fear.
• 2:26
  Fear of failure, fear of success.
• 2:29
  And yes, that's a real thing. Fear of being judged, fear of change,
• 2:33
  fear of disappointment.
• 2:35
  I don't know if you know Wayne Dyer. I'm a huge Wayne Dyer fan.
• 2:38
  He once said, when you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them.
• 2:44
  And I'm going to be honest with you. That line hit me like a ton of brick the
• 2:47
  first time I heard it because that's exactly what excuses are.
• 2:51
  They're arguments for staying the same. And sometimes they even sound noble.
• 2:57
  Yes, I just want to wait until things calm down.
• 3:02
  I'm being realistic, right? Do you say things like that too?
• 3:06
  I'll start when the kids go back to school. Yes.
• 3:09
  But what it's really saying is that I don't trust myself to handle discomfort yet.
• 3:16
  You see, our brains are built to protect us, not to grow us.
• 3:20
  And once you understand that, it's a huge game changer.
• 3:25
  Growth is uncomfortable. It threatens the ego. Oh, maybe that's the writer downer for today.
• 3:32
  Growth is uncomfortable. It threatens the ego.
• 3:35
  So when your subconscious detect risk, it throws you a believable escape hatch.
• 3:41
  Oh, I'll do it later. I'll do it tomorrow. I'll do it next week.
• 3:45
  And then boom, you've just delayed your own evolution.
• 3:50
  Here's what's wrong with making excuses.
• 3:54
  Excuses rob you of your momentum and momentum in life is everything.
• 4:00
  Every time you make an excuse, you're essentially saying, I'm okay standing still.
• 4:07
  And standing still in life is the same as going backward because the world keeps
• 4:11
  moving forward and opportunities shift and people evolve and your window to grow quietly closes.
• 4:20
  And I'm going to be real with you for a second. I used to make amazing excuses,
• 4:25
  if I can say, like Oscar-worthy level excuses.
• 4:30
  Like I'm too busy to start my coaching business. I don't have time to start a podcast.
• 4:35
  Or I'll build that program when things slow down. And you know what?
• 4:39
  Things never slow down because life doesn't wait for perfect conditions.
• 4:43
  It tests your commitment through imperfection. So one day, I realized that my
• 4:49
  busy was just a fancy word for afraid.
• 4:53
  I was afraid of failing. I was afraid of looking stupid. I was afraid of,
• 4:58
  I don't know, things just not working out.
• 5:01
  Afraid that if I put myself out there, I'd fail publicly.
• 5:06
  I was afraid I wasn't ready. I was afraid of being judged by people who might
• 5:11
  not get it. And then I thought, what if the people who would be helped by the
• 5:15
  work I'm trying to do out there, this coaching, never get to hear it because of my fear?
• 5:21
  What if I miss on other opportunities because I just want to be on the sideline?
• 5:26
  That thought hit me like a punch. That's when I stopped asking,
• 5:30
  oh, what if I fail? What if it doesn't work? And I start saying, you know what?
• 5:34
  Go for it. I asked myself instead, what if I don't? What if I don't fail?
• 5:39
  What if it works out? and boy, am I glad that I follow that path, right?
• 5:46
  I wouldn't be here right now. Now I'm gonna explain to you how your excuses
• 5:50
  are actually tricking you and I'm gonna break down how sneaky excuses can be
• 5:56
  because they sound very logical but they're actually limiting beliefs in disguise
• 6:02
  and I don't know if you're familiar with limiting beliefs but in my coaching,
• 6:06
  we talk about this all the time.
• 6:08
  I'm gonna give you some examples. I can afford it.
• 6:12
  Well, sometime true, but often means I don't value it enough yet.
• 6:18
  Another excuse, I don't have time. That often means I haven't made this my priority.
• 6:25
  Like you need to go to the gym or you should go on a walk. Oh, I don't have time.
• 6:30
  Well, it's probably because you haven't made that. You haven't made exercise
• 6:33
  or self-care a priority in your life yet. What about I'm not ready?
• 6:39
  Oh my God. I hear that one all the time. I think that's the most common excuse. Oh, I'm not ready.
• 6:46
  But that actually means I'm waiting to feel comfortable before I act.
• 6:52
  And I'm going to tell you again, you will not feel comfortable and suddenly act.
• 6:58
  You've got to act in order to feel confident and comfortable.
• 7:02
  That's how it works. Another one is I don't know how. I just don't know.
• 7:07
  And that means I don't want to look like a fool. And I don't want to look like a beginner.
• 7:12
  Notice how every excuse is designed to protect, drum roll, your ego. Oof.
• 7:19
  But your ego's job is safety. Your soul's job, though, is expansion.
• 7:25
  Are you a Tony Robbins fan? Because I am. And one thing he said was,
• 7:30
  change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.
• 7:36
  And that's what it takes sometimes. a little internal breaking point when you're
• 7:41
  so done with your own damn story that you finally decide to write a new one.
• 7:47
  Isn't that beautiful? Let's add some brain science in there because as a mindset
• 7:52
  coach, I love when things get a little bit more scientific.
• 7:56
  Your brain loves certainty, so it's wired to avoid risk.
• 8:00
  Every time you face something uncomfortable, it's starting a new project,
• 8:04
  like asking for help, changing your habits, your brain's danger alarm goes off.
• 8:09
  And it tries to pull you back into the familiar.
• 8:11
  Because familiar, it means safe. So it gives you an excuse.
• 8:16
  Excuses are literally the brain's self-soothing mechanism to avoid discomfort.
• 8:21
  Comfort and growth cannot coexist. So if you're someone who's been telling yourself,
• 8:27
  I'll start when I feel ready, I've got news for you.
• 8:31
  You'll be waiting forever. Have you heard about the five second rule by Mel Robbins?
• 8:36
  It's a great book, by the way. The five second rule exists for a reason.
• 8:41
  If you don't act on your instinct in the moment to move within five seconds,
• 8:47
  your brain will tuck you out of it. Five seconds.
• 8:50
  That's how powerful excuses are. They show up within seconds to keep you safe and to keep you small.
• 8:57
  Okay, so now you know about excuses, but I wouldn't be the coach I am without
• 9:02
  giving you actual solutions because I'm not here to shame you. I'm here to free you.
• 9:08
  Here's how to start breaking the pattern. Number one, I want you to catch the excuse in real time.
• 9:14
  So the moment you hear yourself saying, oh, I can't, it's too expensive,
• 9:19
  I'm too old, I'm too young, maybe I'll try later, I want you to pause.
• 9:24
  I want you to ask yourself, is that really true or just comfortable?
• 9:31
  And that question alone will wake you up.
• 9:34
  Number two, I want you to reframe the fear. So instead of saying,
• 9:39
  oh, I'm scared, say, I'm expending, I'm learning.
• 9:44
  Fear and excitement feel the
• 9:46
  same in your body. The only difference is the story that you attach to it.
• 9:51
  Number three, make micro commitments, guys.
• 9:54
  The moment you make a committed decision, the universe reorganizes itself to
• 9:59
  support it. Isn't that a beautiful thing?
• 10:01
  Don't wait for the whole red carpet and staircase. Just take the first step forward.
• 10:08
  Send the email, record that video, make the phone call, book the class, go to the gym once.
• 10:16
  Small steps. Number four, embrace being a beginner.
• 10:21
  You figure skaters out there listening know exactly what I'm talking about.
• 10:25
  One of the biggest hidden excuses is perfectionism.
• 10:29
  We tell ourselves, oh, we can't start until we're ready, until things look perfect.
• 10:33
  But wanting things to be perfect is just fear in fancy shoes.
• 10:38
  You don't need to be perfect to get started. You just need to start to be great.
• 10:43
  I mean, seriously, English is not even my first language and I'm recording podcast
• 10:48
  and I make mistakes in English. Do I care? Hell no.
• 10:53
  Just embrace being a beginner. Just go do things imperfectly.
• 10:58
  Number five and the last one, anchor into your why.
• 11:03
  So that means excuse Excuses lose power when your purpose gets louder.
• 11:09
  And it's interesting because this week, I'm also releasing another podcast about
• 11:14
  your why and what does it mean to have a why.
• 11:18
  What do you want and why?
• 11:20
  Excuses lose power when your purpose gets louder. So when you're deeply connected
• 11:25
  to your why, why you need to do something and why it means so much to you,
• 11:29
  you'll find the courage to do it, even if it's scary.
• 11:34
  Okay. Every time that you say, I can't, dot, dot, dot, you're hypnotizing your
• 11:40
  own self into believing that you're powerless.
• 11:44
  And that's not true. You have everything you need to take the small step,
• 11:48
  even if it's messy, even if it's awkward.
• 11:51
  You just need to stop negotiating with your potential.
• 11:55
  So you either have reasons or you have results. Never both.
• 12:00
  So ask yourself right now, where in my life am I making excuses that sounds like it's logical?
• 12:07
  And what would happen if I replaced that excuse with one bold and perfect action?
• 12:13
  Your excuses don't just come from habits.
• 12:16
  They come from your identity, from how you see yourself. If you see yourself
• 12:21
  as the one who never follows through, you'll act in alignment with that story.
• 12:26
  And if you see yourself as the kind of person who gets it done,
• 12:30
  well, your brain will start filtering the evidence of that instead.
• 12:34
  So instead of focusing on doing more, start focusing on being different.
• 12:39
  Decide, I'm someone who honors my word. I take action even if it's uncomfortable.
• 12:45
  That's what I decided to do. That's how you rewire your self-concept.
• 12:50
  All right. So here's your challenge this week.
• 12:52
  Notice one excuse that you keep telling yourself.
• 12:56
  Maybe it's, oh, I'm too tired. I'll start tomorrow. I'm too busy.
• 13:01
  And I want you to interrupt it immediately and do the thing anyway.
• 13:06
  Prove to your brain that you're the one in charge, not your fears,
• 13:09
  because your dreams don't need more time.
• 13:12
  Your goals don't need more time. They need more truth.
• 13:16
  So excuses keep you safe, but purpose sets you free.
• 13:20
  You have one life, guys, one shot, and it's happening right now,
• 13:25
  today, not later, not when the timing is right.
• 13:29
  So get out there, do the thing, and stop telling yourself the story that you can't. You can.
• 13:36
  You just haven't decided to yet.
• 13:40
  All right? If this hit home, please share. Share with someone who's been stuck in excuse mode.
• 13:47
  Download the podcast, follow me for more. And if you're ready to take that to the next level,
• 13:53
  I'd love to help you, whether it's through coaching or workbooks that I publish
• 13:57
  or just these weekly episodes that kind of keep you accountable to your potential.
• 14:04
  Now, go make it happen, guys. I'll see you next week.