Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1229 - Age-Based Consent Conversations (R)

Transcript

#1229 - Age-Based Consent Conversations (R) · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: We're having a conversation about consent for a couple of reasons.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Number one, the Australian Government's campaign Consent Can't Wait is
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: out and about. You can find the website which we
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: will link to in the show notes literally Consent dot Au.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: I'm an ambassador for the Consent Can't Wait campaign and
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: have recorded a whole bunch of commercials that you've seeing
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: around the place, Consent Can't Wait. It's a really important conversation.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Most people agree that consent is key to healthy sexual experiences,
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: but a lot of people struggle to understand what consent means.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: I know, we think we know what's going on, but
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: there's much more to consent than what most people know.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: So today a conversation about the nuances of consent and
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: specifically how we can raise these important issues with our children,
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: with the kids and teenagers in our lives. And we're
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: going to go through a stage by stage, Kylie, so
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: you guide us from stage to stage and I'll add
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: the main ideas, and I'm sure you'll have plenty to
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: say because you've helped me to raise them. In fact,
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: primarily you've raised our six daughters. What do you want
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: to start? I guess at the beginning.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: Well, let's start with zero to five. This is, in
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: my mind, this is a little bit of a gray
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: area when it comes to consent.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: What do you mean by gray area?
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: I think that there is definitely a wide perception that
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: as young children that it's okay to kiss and cuddle
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: and all of those things because they're gorgeous, right, pinch
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: their cheeks.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, not just that, But if you listen to the
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: old folks talk back radio, what you'll often hear is
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: people getting upset when conversations around this come up. They're like,
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: they're my grandkids. I'll kiss them and cudle them if
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: I want. Yeah, So I guess the easiest way that
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: I would talk about this is consent starts at the
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: beginning with conversations around body safety and what consent is
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: and boundaries. The other one that always gets people upset
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: is the whole nappy changing thing, or the tickling kids
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: or rough housing with kids, that sort of thing. So
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: let's go through each of those. First off, I want
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: to start with tickling and rough housing because this one
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: really gets people up in arms. If the kids are
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: saying stop or don't, then just say okay and stop.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: And what happens, of course, is that the children about
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: three seconds later, as long as the tickling and rough
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: housing was appropriate, about half a second latter, to say
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: again again again, like they love it, but sometimes it's
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: just too much. And when we let them know that
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: if they ask us to stop, that we will stop.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: We're literally teaching them that their voice matters, that they
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: have agency, they have power, and they can choose for
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: themselves what activities they're involved in and what activities they're
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: not involved in. That's the whole idea of teaching consents
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: children aged zero to five. It's not that you're the
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: same with changing an happy, right, the idea that you're supposed
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: to ask your child if you can change their happy
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: I don't think that that's useful, especially if your child
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: is pre verbal.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: I was about to say three months, six months.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: That's right. But what you can do is you can
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: describe what you're doing and why you're doing it and
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: help them to understand that. It's the same with bathtime. Right,
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Even before consent became a major issue, you I always
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: said to the kids, because I used to love bath time,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: and I used toll love bathing the kids. I loved scrubbing
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: them with the I was going to say the scourer,
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: that's with the loofer. Sorry, love the loof of their
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: back and all that sort of thing. But when it
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: came to their private parts, I'd always say, do you
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: want to wash the private parts or do you want
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: me to and give them the opportunity to have a
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: voice and have a choice from the age of like
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: two or three or whatever it was. Well, because I'm
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: their dad and I just don't feel like i'm even
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: though it's appropriate that they be washed there, I think
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: I always thought they needed to have a voice. And
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: that's the idea of this.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: You think we can take it to the extreme, Yeah.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: I do. I do, And I think that's why when
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: people do take it to extremes. I think that's why
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: the talk back radio lines light up and all the
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: grandparents get on and say this is ridiculous and what's
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: the world coming to? And back in my day, that's
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: where it becomes unhelpful. But when we have a really
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: sensible approach to it, and that is I'm going to
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: explain to my child what's going on, or to the
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: extent that they can choose, I'm going to give them
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: every opportunity to use their voice, and I'll honor that.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: It's the same with hugging and kissing. This came up
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: with your parents just recently with our youngest who is
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: now ten, and she just said, I love hugs. I
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: love hugging man like she was really she was so
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: enthusiastic about it. She was so excited about it. But
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: your mum, and I'm really impressed by this. Your mum
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: has started saying, is it okay if I give you
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: a hug? Like she started asking, And it's not hard
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: to do it. When you look at your grandkids and
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: you say would you like a hug and they come
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: running into your arms, you get a pretty clear signal
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: that they're okay with a hug. And that's the idea
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: of consent. It's about letting kids know that they have
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: a voice and that their preferences matter, they should be considered.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: I actually think that it's the height, the height of arrogance,
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: the height of rudeness, and the height of entitlement when
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: a grandparent says, I don't care if you want a
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: hug or not. You're giving me a hug, like that's
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: inappropriate and I'm not trying to sound like a wowsy here.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: Just by every measure of what consent is about, that's
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: simply inappropriate. And so the people who are doing this
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: on the talkback radio stations and getting upset about it,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: if they just pause and consider how they feel if
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: someone puts their arms around them without consent. It feels
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: pretty icky, it feels pretty gross.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I know growing up it wasn't just me and my family,
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: but I was raised in a be respectful of adults,
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: and everyone in our circles was deemed family. If they
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: were close friends, they were an auntie or an uncle
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: because that was a respectful way to talk to them
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: and acknowledge them.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: A lot of that comes from that kin based traditional
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: New Zealand Maori heritage, right, I mean, that's the way
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: family is. Everyone is an auntie or an uncle or
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: a cousin, and let's face it, they probably are, and
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: when you see them, you're supposed to embrace them and
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: kiss them and do all of those traditional things. That's
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: how it always has been.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: But the challenge for me as a young child was
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: most of those people I'd never seen before or I
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: see once a year, And so the idea of bringing
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: them into my personal space. Even as a five year old,
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: it felt wrong, like it didn't really confront h. I
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: didn't feel comfortable. I didn't. You're not my mom, you're
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: not my dad, You're not someone I trust. This is
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: a really tricky space. So for us, as we've raised
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: our children, it has always been an acknowledgement no one
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: is an auntie and uncle unless they're an auntie or
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: uncle for starters. But they've never been forced in any way,
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: shape or form to acknowledge them with a hugener kiss
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: if it's not what they want to do. So if
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: we move forward from our zero to five, we're looking
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: at six to maybe thirteen to our early teens.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, primary school, primary school age kids, So this is
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: where the consent. I mean, you'll know that with young kids,
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: we're not having conversations about consent and intimacy. Yeah, we're
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: simply teaching respect and body bound reason. If someone says no,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: it means no, and that kind of thing. It's really
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: basic stuff. I don't think there's anything controversial or provocative
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: about this. Again, I don't understand why people get that
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: upset about it. In terms of primary school, the conversation
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: shifts a little bit, primarily because social networks expand, our
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: kids are they're going to know more people. But there's
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: also the possibility that's going to be conflict. But I
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: want to do this, my friend wants to do that,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: and we've got this conflict here, and consent becomes more
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: about social relationships and activity based conversations and that kind
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: of thing, healthy friendships and how to just engage respectfully
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: with other people. I think at this point we can
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: start to teach our kids about verbal and nonverbal communication.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: This is a really powerful way to help kids to
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: communicate consent. I like this, I don't like this. Body
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: language gives us that insight into how someone's feeling, and
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: if we can help kids to tune into what other
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: people are showing, that can be really profoundly useful. I
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: remember speaking with a colleague of mine some years ago
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: who said that when she was about fifteen or sixteen,
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: she was on a bus. She was the only person
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: on the bus, and a guy got on who was
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: probably a young adult, and saw her sitting there, just
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: a girl on her own on the bus, and literally
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: went and sat on the seat beside her, which is
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: such a such a power.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: I was about to say that, big power play.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Big power play. But if we have the capacity to
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: read other people's body language, like she shrank, she moved
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: as close to the window as she could. I mean,
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: and he sort of what is it when a man.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: Spread He clearly he clearly didn't care.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: What she totally totally. But the idea is if we
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: can teach people to read one another better and have
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: some empathy around that, not just the skill of reading
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: other people, but the empathy that accompanies that, then we
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: can help them to understand the nonverbal elements of consent
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: as well. Oh, this person's stiffening up, this person's moving away,
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: this person's not making eye contact, this person's looking worried.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: This person and voice is saying yes, but everything about
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: their body is screaming no.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Right, And I think that's really what we're looking at here.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: How can we communicate boundaries effectively? Teaching kids to develop
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: their identity, to develop a voice, to be willing to
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: say no, to think critically about what they see online,
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: to think about who they're talking to, and to engage respectfully.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: That that's for me, the primary school age sort of stuff.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: So this is a really tricky space. This idea of
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: giving our children a voice. For a lot of parents,
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: we just want compliance, right, We want them to do
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: what we ask when we ask them to do it,
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: because that makes our life easy. And I know that
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: that was the kind of home I was raised in. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: So when our children reach school age and they started
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: having opinions about things, my parents really were taken back
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: by that. Are you going to stamp that as because
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: that's not how I was raised? And yes, it causes
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: some conflict and contention in your home as you try
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: to navigate the challenge of your children having a voice
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: and telling you they don't want to do something you
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: clearly know number one is good for them and number
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: two needs to be done in order for the family
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: to function whatever it is. But I think there is
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: so much power. Think about just that friend of yours
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: and being on the bus. What a difference it would
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: have made to her if she knew that she was
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: well within her rights to either ask him to move
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: or to stand up.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: Stand up away, Yeah, go sit right next to the
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: bus driver, that kind of thing.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: And so for me, as a mum of girls, that's
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: what I'm trying to achieve. I'm trying to help my
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: girls recognize and know that their voice matters number one
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: and number two. If they have absolute clarity on who
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: they are and who they want to be, then they
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: will have confidence in their ability to speak that when
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: the time comes.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: So that's a pretty good segue to move into the
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: adolescence and secondary school age group. Let's talk about teenagers.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: I've spoken just too many girls. I've spoken to too
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: many girls who have told me that they've acquiesced that
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: they've gone long when a boy that they've been with
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: has put pressure on them to engage in any kind
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: of intimacy because they felt like they had to. They
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: felt like they couldn't say no. They felt like this
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: was how they proved that they loved him.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: The devastation in this though, is the girls walk away
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: feeling guilty.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: Yeahs, the girls are the ones that walk away and
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: they feel like they're dirty or unworthy or that.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: Or I said yes, so therefore I deserved what I
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: got right right. It's a devastating place to be.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: So if we transition into these adolescent years, we start
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: to talk about romantic relationships. This is I think this
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: is the most important zone. But it works best if
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: we've built a foundation where kids already know that their
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: voice matters and that they're allowed to say no critical
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: things here around consent number one, you can say yes
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: and then change your mind. If you withdraw consent, then
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: there is no consent. Consent is gone. And these are
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: the things that we've got to talk about kids about.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: We've got to talk to them about how if there's
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: any alcohol or other drugs involved and therefore or that
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: any kind of impairment, or a person doesn't have the capacity,
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: then they can't and sand if they don't have the maturity,
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: if they're not old enough, they can't consent. Navigating consent
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: is sometimes just so much more complicated than do I
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: have permission? In fact permission. The example that I use
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: here when I'm talking to parents about this stuff is
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: the kids now and then we'll come to me and say, hey, Dad,
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: can I have fifty dollars so that I can go
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: and watch a movie and get some grilled at burger
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: and some chips. And I don't want to give the
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: kids fifty bucks, like that's a really expensive night out,
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: but that's how much it costs for a burger and
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: chips and a movie at the local cinema. But eventually
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: I roll my eyes and say, sure, take the fifty bucks. Now.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Is that consent? Really? Like, it's a pretty low bar.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: And so when I and we probably need to talk
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: about kids again about this becau's been a while. These
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: are not one and done conversations. But if the person
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: that you're with is not going to be excited about
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: what happened tomorrow, then I think that's not consent. I
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: like drawing two circles of end diagram, you know where
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: they're two overlapping circles, yep, And in one circle you've
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: got the words what I want, and in another circle you've
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: got the words what they want. And the bit where
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: they overlap is what we want, and that's consent. And
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: if you start to push into another zone, then that
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: ceases to be consent. I just think this is such
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: an important conversation, especially when teenagers are engaged in sending
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: images to one another or going to parties and there's
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: all those sorts of pressure. So I just I mean,
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: there's so much more we could talk about. This is
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: not a paid advertisement, but I want to refer people
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: to consent dot gov dot au. Like I said, I
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: am an ambassador for it, and the work that they're
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: doing is really good. It's really smart work. Myself. Chanel
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Kontos is also an ambassador. Dan Prince Pay who speaks
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: about pornography in schools all around the country, he's also
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: an ambassador, and Chantel Otten is also an ambassador. So
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: it's a pretty power patch forsome who are really trying
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: to push this consent conversation and it matters consent dot
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: gov dot AU.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: So what about families in my minority situations?
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Actually, there's a bunch of resources that they've got
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: there as well, and I think it's really great. There's
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: some stuff First Nations families, which is brilliant if English
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: is not your first language. There's some really good resources
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: for people who just need stuff super simple, and they've
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: done a really smart job of that. And there's also
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: some resources for lgbt Q plus populations as well. Interestingly,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: consent is in some circumstances that's navigated brilliantly, and other
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: circumstances it's absolutely atrocious, and so there's really great resources
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: for all of those as well. Let's wrap this up
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: with some final tips. Kylie, have the conversations from the
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: start folks on ethics and empathy and rights and bodily autonomy.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's the very crux of it. And if
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: we start those conversations at the very beginning, our kids
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: at least know and understand what we're talking about here.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: Give your kids a voice, Give them a voice. Yeah,
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: from the beginning.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: And I think if you've got daughters, given that we've
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: got six of them, teaching them that they do not
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: owe anything to anybody, especially once they get into adolescents
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: and start to have an interest in boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, whatever,
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: they need to know you just you don't owe them anything.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: You don't have to say yes to anything. There's no obligation.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: Just because they bought you dinner, or just because they
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: bought your milkshake, or just because they bought you a
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: two dollars slurpy from seven to eleven doesn't mean that
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: you owe them anything at all. You're welcome to say
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: no every single day until you're ready to start say yes.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: And their whole just because they're them, like they're not
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: waiting for Prince Charming to come and sweep them off
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: their feet. They are whole and worthy right now.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, as themselves And the last thing I'd say is
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: this education and conversations about consent are not going to
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: stop the sexual violence challenges that we have in Australia
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: all on its own. We do need more than that,
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: So we need to have these conversations around are the
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: areas like our a whole and other drugs and if
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: you're raising boys, it really I mean, girls are the
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: break boys are the accelerator, and we've got to teach
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: them that that's the way it's always been and it
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: shouldn't always be that way. That they're not to be
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: the accelerator. And if they are going to be the accelerator,
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: they're not allowed to. The whole idea is you don't
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: just put the pedal to the metal. It's not about
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: flooring it. It's about having a really, really healthy kind
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: of control and sticking to the speed limit metaphorically speaking,
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: letting them know as well that the pain of regret
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: as a perpetrator will probably be pretty substantial. Imagine what
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: it's going to be like when you've got daughters, how
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: you're going to feel, how protective you'll feel, and how
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: would you feel if your daughter was dating a guy
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: like you? Would you be excited because you know they're
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: going to be safe, or would you be terrified because
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: you know what you're like. So I think those kinds
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: of conversations matter. I'm not calling boys perpetrators, by the way,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: I'm not calling girls victims. But I think that if
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: we can have these conversations, we're going to have fewer
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: perpetrators and for your vicoy and that's a good thing
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: all around. So that's a conversation, A bit of a
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: long one, bit of a heavy one. More details at
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: consent dot gov dot a you. The Happy Families podcast
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: is produced by Justin Rowland from Bridge Media All the
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: details that you need for more on this topic or
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: at consent dot gov dot au. And if you'd like
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: more information about making your family happier, visit us at
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: happy families dot com dot au.