Latest / Rock My Finances / Selling Without Selling Your Soul – Can You Lead With Your Heart and Still Close the Deal?

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Selling Without Selling Your Soul – Can You Lead With Your Heart and Still Close the Deal? · Rock My Finances

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  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Rock My Finances show on K4HD Radio
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  Speaker 2: and Talk4TV, where we put the fun in finance. Join
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  Speaker 2: powerhouse Jennifer Jost, CDFA, CMC, and private wealth advisor, as
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  Speaker 2: she collaborates with you to create clarity, control, and confidence
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  Speaker 2: with your money, your way. It's not about the zeros.
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  Speaker 2: So what is it all about? Let's find out. Now
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  Speaker 2: here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jost.
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  Speaker 1: Welcome back to Rock My Finances. Okay, ladies, this is
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  Speaker 1: such a good one. If you are in business and
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  Speaker 1: in sales, this is if you are in sales. Here
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  Speaker 1: we go. Can you sell without selling your soul? Can
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  Speaker 1: you lead with your heart and still close the deal?
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  Speaker 1: This is a good one. For many women, the word
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  Speaker 1: sales can make us feel very uncomfortable, pushy, manipulative, and
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  Speaker 1: just basically simply not who we are. But what if
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  Speaker 1: selling did not require becoming someone that you're not. We're
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  Speaker 1: going to explore today how to sell with honesty, empathy,
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  Speaker 1: and integrity while still confidently asking for that business. Learn
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  Speaker 1: why listening and understanding what they truly need and believing
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  Speaker 1: that you can add value will be beyond valuable for
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  Speaker 1: your sales business and whatever you're trying to do. This
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  Speaker 1: is a huge, powerful technique. You don't have to choose
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  Speaker 1: between having a heart or making a sale even though
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  Speaker 1: a lot of the selling world out there, like I've
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  Speaker 1: been in it for decades and I've been taught very
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  Speaker 1: masculine techniques that just do not work with me. And
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  Speaker 1: I think I just said this in another podcast as
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  Speaker 1: well about identity and fails and everything was about commissions
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  Speaker 1: and money and that's how your success was rated. Well,
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  Speaker 1: I got out of that real soon. As soon as
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  Speaker 1: I started realizing all of this, I got out of
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  Speaker 1: the dollars making the success. It wasn't about the dollars anymore.
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  Speaker 1: I literally would not go to the commission meetings. I
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  Speaker 1: never tracked my commission. I still don't. It's just not part.
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  Speaker 1: It's the person. How many hearts did I touch today?
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  Speaker 1: How many people did I talk to today? How many changes,
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  Speaker 1: lives did I actually change? It has nothing to do
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  Speaker 1: with the actual dollars and cents. There's a lot of
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  Speaker 1: way that we can do this. So this is going
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  Speaker 1: to be so good for you. Women have been selling
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  Speaker 1: our whole lives. Think about it. Let's think about this differently.
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  Speaker 1: We sell ideas all day long without actually calling it sales.
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  Speaker 1: We get our family excited about going on a vacation.
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  Speaker 1: We got our little toddlers excited about eating carrots and
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  Speaker 1: peas and meat, right? We convince our friends to try
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  Speaker 1: a different restaurant. We convince our spouses to get this
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  Speaker 1: car or to wear this outfit or you really need
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  Speaker 1: this to cover, this duvet cover on our bed, right?
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  Speaker 1: We tell other women about products that we absolutely love.
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  Speaker 1: We want to share that. Like, hey, try this, try that.
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  Speaker 1: Like I just went to this place called The Serve
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  Speaker 1: here and I love it. And we play pickleball and
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  Speaker 1: we just ran into it on a Sunday morning. It
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  Speaker 1: has a brunch, $ 15. 95 for a brunch after you have
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  Speaker 1: a couple hours of pickleball. It was amazing. And so,
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  Speaker 1: of course, we want to tell everyone how great it is.
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  Speaker 1: We tell other women about a doctor or a hairdresser.
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  Speaker 1: or a hairstylist, or a book that we read, maybe
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  Speaker 1: even a good workout. We've been doing the workout stuff forever, right?
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  Speaker 1: I remember way back in the day, Jane Fonda, and
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  Speaker 1: I even did Cher's step class forever, which I totally loved.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe even a recipe. We still do that now. I
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  Speaker 1: just got one from my friend, Colleen. She just sent
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  Speaker 1: me a really great recipe. This is so fun. And
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  Speaker 1: when we actually genuinely believe in something and it's interesting
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  Speaker 1: to us, we want to share it. It doesn't feel salesy.
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  Speaker 1: It doesn't feel manipulative. It's just excitement. And we went,
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  Speaker 1: oh gosh, I want to share this. And you're just
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  Speaker 1: going to have to try this. You're going to love it.
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  Speaker 1: That does not make us feel uncomfortable because there's no
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  Speaker 1: internal conflict. We believe what we are saying. We are
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  Speaker 1: not performing. We're not doing it for dollars and cents.
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  Speaker 1: We're sharing something that we think is going to help
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  Speaker 1: someone else. Maybe our problem isn't with sales at all,
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  Speaker 1: but maybe it's about the relationship between sales and money
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  Speaker 1: What is the relationship? So if you are relationship driven,
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  Speaker 1: we don't treat the connections with the warmup that we
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  Speaker 1: go through as a real sales conversation. It's just part
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  Speaker 1: of who we are, right? Getting to know somebody. The
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  Speaker 1: real conversation, she might tell you about her divorce, her daughter,
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  Speaker 1: her mom, what she's afraid of, what her last advisor did,
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  Speaker 1: or when they're buying a car, what their last car
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  Speaker 1: did or didn't do that they liked. You're just getting
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  Speaker 1: to know someone. And you laugh, you tell stories, one
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  Speaker 1: story leads to another, and you're just getting to know someone.
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  Speaker 1: The traditional sales trainer might be looking for a clock, thinking, oh,
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  Speaker 1: get back on track. They might be thinking, is this
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  Speaker 1: the right track? We're wasting time because she's discovering something
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  Speaker 1: much more important, whether she likes your service or not.
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  Speaker 1: When you're building a relationship with another woman, she is
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  Speaker 1: thinking all these things. Do I feel safe with this woman?
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  Speaker 1: Does she understand me? Can I tell her the truth?
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  Speaker 1: Is she judging me? This is a big one. Will
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  Speaker 1: she listen to me even when I don't agree with
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  Speaker 1: what she's saying? And can she explain answers to me
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  Speaker 1: that I can understand? Trust isn't manufactured with a closing technique.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, I used to be told one who speaks
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  Speaker 1: first loses. Like that is so crazy. It's experience, not
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  Speaker 1: just closed. But there are two women in this room
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  Speaker 1: There's two sets of wounds. The woman sitting across from
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  Speaker 1: you may be carrying scarcity, shame, worthiness issues, control issues,
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  Speaker 1: the trust, the security, the identity. My seven money wounds,
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  Speaker 1: I just did a whole series of that. It is scarcity, shame, worthiness, control, trust, security,
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  Speaker 1: and identity. These are all seven money wounds that could
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  Speaker 1: be holding you back. So she could have those and
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  Speaker 1: you can have them. Maybe she's embarrassed about something she
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  Speaker 1: did financially. Or maybe she's embarrassed about not knowing a
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  Speaker 1: lot about whatever product she's purchasing from you. She might
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  Speaker 1: think that she should know and she might not know.
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  Speaker 1: So there's some embarrassment there. Maybe someone controlled her previously
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  Speaker 1: through money. So she doesn't want to spend money right
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  Speaker 1: now because she's apprehensive about making a decision. Maybe her
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  Speaker 1: husband always handled the finances or bought the products that
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  Speaker 1: she's looking to buy from you. And now maybe she's
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  Speaker 1: divorced or widowed. Maybe somebody else sold her something that
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  Speaker 1: she just really didn't understand. And she regrets that. She
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  Speaker 1: regrets buying that, whatever it was in her past. Maybe
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  Speaker 1: she has millions of dollars, but she secretly feels so
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  Speaker 1: stupid about her money that she's afraid to purchase something.
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  Speaker 1: If you're focused on just closing the sale, you could
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  Speaker 1: actually miss what she's all about. If you're focused on
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  Speaker 1: knowing her, you're going to hear these things. And they're
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  Speaker 1: just not only the questions on your fact finder or
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  Speaker 1: whatever your information sheet might be. If you're focused on
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  Speaker 1: knowing her, it goes so much further in helping both
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  Speaker 1: of you get what you want. Sometimes they're not the
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  Speaker 1: right person for you and you have to be okay
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  Speaker 1: with that too. Sometimes she doesn't need another presentation. She
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  Speaker 1: just needs to know, is this woman telling me the truth?
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  Speaker 1: But here's the part we can't forget. You have money
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  Speaker 1: wounds too. Yes, you do. Just like I do. You're
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  Speaker 1: bringing your own scarcity, shame, worthiness, control, security, and identity
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  Speaker 1: wounds to the table. And I believe that if we
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  Speaker 1: want to become an absolute best version of ourselves in sales,
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  Speaker 1: in relationships, in business, and in life, we have to
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  Speaker 1: do the work to heal these money wounds. Because an
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  Speaker 1: unhealed money wound doesn't just stay at home when you
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  Speaker 1: go to work, y'all. It comes to the meeting with you.
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  Speaker 1: It comes to the sales presentation with you. It comes
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  Speaker 1: to work. It comes to the meeting you're negotiating with
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  Speaker 1: your boss for a bigger raise or a better position.
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  Speaker 1: Your money wounds may be selling for you without you
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  Speaker 1: even knowing it. So this is part of the sales
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  Speaker 1: training that everyone misses. Maybe your scarcity wound says, I
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  Speaker 1: really need this sale. Suddenly you're approaching the relationship from
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  Speaker 1: need instead of service. Maybe your worthiness wound is saying,
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  Speaker 1: I have to prove myself and I have to prove
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  Speaker 1: my fee. So you over explain and you just over deliver,
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  Speaker 1: or you might even discount your products before you even
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  Speaker 1: need to. Maybe your shame wound is saying, don't let
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  Speaker 1: her see that you've ever struggled in your life as well.
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  Speaker 1: So you hide every human story that you could actually
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  Speaker 1: create a connection with I have to say that I
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  Speaker 1: definitely share, I don't know if this is right or not,
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  Speaker 1: but I definitely share my mistakes that I've made in
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  Speaker 1: my past. And you've heard them here on the podcast
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  Speaker 1: as well. I believe for me, I'm going to attract
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  Speaker 1: my tribe and I'm going to attract the women that
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  Speaker 1: want to do business with me and the men that
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  Speaker 1: want to do. business with me and the couples that
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  Speaker 1: want to do business with me. So I am as
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  Speaker 1: honest as I possibly can be. That's not for everyone, right?
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  Speaker 1: That's not going to be for everyone. So not everyone
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  Speaker 1: that you sit across the table from is going to
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  Speaker 1: be the right fit for you as a client. However,
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  Speaker 1: I believe that I want honesty always. I want to
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  Speaker 1: know what is happening. I might need it in bite-sized pieces,
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  Speaker 1: but I want the honesty. And so I give them
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  Speaker 1: my honesty. And how else can I learn to be
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  Speaker 1: who I am without falling? So if anybody comes to
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  Speaker 1: you and says that they've never made mistakes, they've never fallen,
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  Speaker 1: they've never picked themselves back up again, that's not my
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  Speaker 1: tribe because that's what I'm proud of myself for is
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  Speaker 1: because I have fallen flat on my ass several times.
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  Speaker 1: And I've picked myself back up and I find joy
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  Speaker 1: every day. I'm a good, honest, person full of integrity.
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  Speaker 1: And I have to say, I do get so much
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  Speaker 1: pride when I help my clients. It really does fulfill me. Now,
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  Speaker 1: does it all of me? Of course not. I have
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  Speaker 1: other things that I do as well that make me
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  Speaker 1: so happy. I mean, just sitting now, I can just
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  Speaker 1: sit and pet my cat. I can just sit and
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  Speaker 1: let the sun rest on my face. And I really,
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  Speaker 1: really enjoy it. But it took me time to get there.
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  Speaker 1: It takes me time and practice. And I still am
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  Speaker 1: practicing every day. So I love the honesty. And so
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  Speaker 1: I love when people share their stories or part of
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  Speaker 1: their wounds. You don't have to share everything. I do,
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  Speaker 1: but you don't have to share everything with everyone, right?
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  Speaker 1: We all keep certain secrets to ourselves, but we want
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  Speaker 1: to make sure that our scarcity wound is not making
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  Speaker 1: us lose perspective and threatening us financially. Maybe your identity
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  Speaker 1: wound says, if she doesn't choose me, maybe I'm not
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  Speaker 1: as successful as I thought. And I do, I have
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  Speaker 1: to say, I just had a gal that I really
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  Speaker 1: liked and she paused and then she said that she
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  Speaker 1: kind of changed her mind. She never said goodbye forever,
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  Speaker 1: but I really, that was a hit to me because
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  Speaker 1: I liked her so much and I wanted to work
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  Speaker 1: with her. And I know that I could do a
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  Speaker 1: great job, especially when you know that they need your
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  Speaker 1: help and that you could do something better than they're
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  Speaker 1: currently doing now. And then they choose to pass. That's
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  Speaker 1: like a total gut punch, right? And I did go
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  Speaker 1: through my grieving period around it. I know that sounds crazy,
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  Speaker 1: but I really wanted her as a client. And so
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  Speaker 1: I did go through my grief period and I had
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  Speaker 1: to put everything where it was. Now, do you also
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  Speaker 1: get a chance to look at the way you performed
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  Speaker 1: and the way you showed up in front of someone? Absolutely.
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  Speaker 1: And will you do better next time? Absolutely. Like we
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  Speaker 1: can always do that as well. Here's our coaching tool.
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  Speaker 1: Number one, who walks into the room with you? Before
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  Speaker 1: your next sales conversation, don't ask only what is my objective.
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  Speaker 1: Ask which version of me is walking into this room.
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  Speaker 1: Is this a woman who knows her value? Is this
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  Speaker 1: a little girl who wants everyone to like her? Is
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  Speaker 1: this a woman who needs this sale because she's scared
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  Speaker 1: about money? Or is this a woman who thinks that
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  Speaker 1: she has to prove that she's smarter than everyone else?
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  Speaker 1: drives me crazy. Like I get people like that all
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  Speaker 1: the time. They just spew all their stuff like half
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  Speaker 1: an hour. They have no idea what I want or
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  Speaker 1: what I need, but they're just, they just keep going
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  Speaker 1: and keep going. We want to watch that as well.
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  Speaker 1: Are you a woman who thinks that she's going to
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  Speaker 1: feel guilty if she charges what she's actually worth? Can
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  Speaker 1: you say your dollar amount and stand proud and stand
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  Speaker 1: firm in it? Or are you the rescuer that wants
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  Speaker 1: to solve everything I think I did a little bit
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  Speaker 1: of that in my last conversations with this last gal
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  Speaker 1: that wasn't a client. I gave way too much because
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  Speaker 1: I wanted to show her how much that she could
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  Speaker 1: be doing things differently. And I think I was trying
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  Speaker 1: to rescue a little bit too much there. Or are
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  Speaker 1: you another woman who knows exactly what she brings to
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  Speaker 1: the table? You don't have shame around those wounds or
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  Speaker 1: those parts about you. You recognize them, you work on
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  Speaker 1: them and you heal them. Are you 100% perfect? Of
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  Speaker 1: course not. No one is, and that's okay. Because the
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  Speaker 1: goal isn't to become someone else before the sales meeting.
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  Speaker 1: The goal is to remove the old wounds so that
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  Speaker 1: you can keep showing up that you are your fully
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  Speaker 1: person yourself. I love that. I love that. We want
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  Speaker 1: to be who we are, more of who we are, right?
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  Speaker 1: Connection is not approval. So a yes is not an
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  Speaker 1: approval of who you are. I know, I got to
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  Speaker 1: get that in my head. Relationship building is one of
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  Speaker 1: our greatest strengths. We just do it. It's automatic. It's
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  Speaker 1: part of who we are. But if we haven't worked
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  Speaker 1: on our wounds, connection can quietly become needing approval. Connection says,
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  Speaker 1: I see you. Approval seeking says, please see me positively.
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  Speaker 1: Connection says, I just want to understand you. Approval seeking says,
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  Speaker 1: I need you to like me. You all know those
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  Speaker 1: ladies who, and you might be one yourself, you need
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  Speaker 1: everyone to like you. If not, that is an attack
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  Speaker 1: on one of your wounds. That's what you have to heal,
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  Speaker 1: especially before you get into a love relationship. Connection allows
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  Speaker 1: you to tell someone else, I don't think that's the
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  Speaker 1: right decision for you. Approval seeking makes you afraid she's
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  Speaker 1: going to be upset with you. The more we heal
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  Speaker 1: our wounds, the less we need something else from someone
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  Speaker 1: else sitting across the table from us. And that allows
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  Speaker 1: us to be very genuine with her. And that's what
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  Speaker 1: people really want, deserve, and should receive this day and
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: age for sure. Stop trying to prove you're the smartest
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: woman in the room. This is exactly and especially important
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: for professional women. Credentials matter. Knowledge matters. Expertise matters. But
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  Speaker 1: sometimes we use this expertise as armor and kind of
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: like even putting someone else down. Like we explain too much.
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  Speaker 1: We use industry jargon. We demonstrate everything we know. And
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  Speaker 1: underneath it, it may just be our worthiness willing saying,
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  Speaker 1: prove you belong here. Like to yourself, you're saying this.
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  Speaker 1: I need to prove that I belong here. The woman
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  Speaker 1: across from you may not even need to know how
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  Speaker 1: much you know. She doesn't need to know that. She
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  Speaker 1: needs to know how much you understand her and what
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  Speaker 1: she needs to know. There's a beautiful shift when you
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  Speaker 1: stop thinking, how do I show her how I'm good enough?
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  Speaker 1: And start thinking, what does she need from me right now?
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  Speaker 1: That's great. What does she need from me right now? Right?
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  Speaker 1: Because she has her own rules. She needs to feel
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  Speaker 1: safe as well. Your knowledge doesn't disappear. It becomes quieter
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  Speaker 1: and much more confident. You don't need to put it
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  Speaker 1: all out on the table, all out there at once.
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  Speaker 1: Because the slower you build the relationship, the more intricate
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  Speaker 1: it's going to get. And the more she can get
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  Speaker 1: to know you and you can get to know her. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: your story is part of the power. I don't know
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  Speaker 1: about you, but I've been hearing this now. I've been
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  Speaker 1: doing it for years and years and years. And all
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  Speaker 1: of a sudden they think that this big old thing
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  Speaker 1: now is your story. It's like, no, duh. Like women
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  Speaker 1: have been doing this forever. The women connect through stories.
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  Speaker 1: People connect through stories, not by hijacking her story, but
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  Speaker 1: by turning everything back to yourself either. But by letting
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  Speaker 1: her know and appreciate that you're human. I've been there.
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  Speaker 1: I understand that feeling. I've struggled with that too. Here's
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  Speaker 1: what I've learned. Like you can connect with someone through stories.
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  Speaker 1: There's an old idea about being professional that creates distance.
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  Speaker 1: Being appropriate of vulnerability can create enormous trust. She no
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  Speaker 1: longer is just sitting across from a perfect stranger who
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  Speaker 1: she's never really met. She's actually standing across from a
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  Speaker 1: woman who's been there and understands. I literally was taught
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  Speaker 1: back in the day to have your office in a
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  Speaker 1: different place than your town because you don't want to
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  Speaker 1: run into people when you're just being your true self.
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  Speaker 1: That was the biggest joke I'd ever heard in my life.
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  Speaker 1: So anyways, obviously I'm way too mouthy to be doing
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  Speaker 1: things like that. Okay, here's a coaching tool for you.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Find your personal stories. Write down three experiences from your
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: life that shaped you for the person you are today.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: Not your resume, but your life. Maybe you rebuilt after divorce.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Maybe you restarted financially somehow. Maybe you changed careers, raising children.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: Maybe you were a single mom. Maybe you went to
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: school like I did. I went to school. I was
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: raising my kids as a single mom. I owned my
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: own business and I went back to school to get
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: my psychology degree. That's a lot. That's a story. That's
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: a great story, right? Maybe you've built something no one
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: else thought you could. What experiences have healed enough that
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: you can actually talk about them? Which part? of your
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: story can help someone else feel less alone, or maybe
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: get to know you just a little bit more so
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: that they can have that trust. That is, it's wonderful.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: The wound isn't the power. What we learn around the
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: wound and how we heal of it becomes the power.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: And your intuition is strength. So use that intuition. How
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: many times have you thought, well, I don't know why,
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: but something doesn't feel right. Trust that and help the
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: person sitting across the table from you trust that as well.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: I hope you've enjoyed this about sales and not selling
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: your soul. Just show up who you are. Walk in
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: the room with the woman who you've become today. Not
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: the insecure 17, 19, 22-year-old or my wounded 27, 29-year-old.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: We're going to walk into the room, the person that
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: we are today, knowing everything that we know, gone through
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: everything that we've gone through and just be ourselves so
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: that that person can actually trust us, have the honesty
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: and And have a great conversation because then you can
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: really get underneath everything to see. is this really the
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: client for you? Like, is this right for you? Is
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: this sale right for this person? Does it work for
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: both of you? Then it's magic. Then it's absolutely magic.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: Then you have the client that you deserve. She has
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: the person to help her that she deserves. And it's,
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: and it's just magic. My clients have been my friends
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: for years and years and years and years and years.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: And I love, love, love it. I get to know them.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: They know everything about me. Like it's wonderful. It's a beautiful,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: magical relationship when you can show up being who you are.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to this. I have
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: one more episode on sales. So go find it because
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: you're going to love it. And I want you to
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: know that you don't have to sell your soul to
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: be a great salesperson. I've been number one a lot
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: of times in all my different companies. I hope you
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: enjoyed this. I want you to be able to Heal
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: these wounds to walk away and be able to say,
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: I rock my finances.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: We appreciate you joining us today. And don't forget to
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: subscribe to the Rock My Finances YouTube channel for more
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: engagement and bonus content. Tell me, what is your money story?
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: Let's find out with Jennifer right here on K4HD Radio
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: and Talk4TV. It's not about the zero. It's about the
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: F word, feelings. Feelings Jennifer can't wait to explore with
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: you next week. Until then, let's all say, I rock
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: my finances.