Latest / What's The Juice? / Ep.161 How To Keep "The Spark" in a Relationship?

Transcript

Ep.161 How To Keep "The Spark" in a Relationship? · What's The Juice?

0:11
[SPEAKER_03]: Alright guys so if you listen to last week's episode this is sort of a part two continuation so if you haven't listened to that you definitely should I think I think you should actually you should listen to that one first you should just kind of like jumping around yeah you should definitely listen to a long time and a relationship first which is episode one sixty hopefully that's right
0:32
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not sure.
0:33
[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, I just feel like we've been just recording so many episodes.
0:37
[SPEAKER_04]: I've lost track.
0:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
0:39
[SPEAKER_00]: But we're currently in Copenhagen.
0:41
[SPEAKER_03]: We are currently in Copenhagen.
0:43
[SPEAKER_00]: And this place is beautiful.
0:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me just tell you guys.
0:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, look at my story right now.
0:47
[SPEAKER_00]: This is how beautiful this place is.
0:48
[SPEAKER_00]: You guys.
0:49
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's our last couple days before we come back to New York.
0:54
[SPEAKER_03]: But we wanted to, if you need a little bit of background, if you haven't listened to the last episode where we talked about a loan time, how important it is to have a good balance between a loan time and your relationship, and together time in your relationship.
1:07
[SPEAKER_03]: And yeah, I think it's a really great listen.
1:10
[SPEAKER_03]: And a big kind of connection to this episode is the fact that I really believe, I think you also
1:16
[SPEAKER_03]: think the same that finding a good balance of a long time and togetherness in your relationship is a huge part in keeping things interesting and never getting bored in your relationship.
1:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Because you're still active, your life isn't just about your marriage or your relationship.
1:37
[SPEAKER_03]: You're also interested in so many individual things in your own life and it just makes it that much more rich that you get to share with someone else.
1:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I will say hopefully because I understand that everybody that's not the case.
1:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Not everybody is as ambitious.
1:54
[SPEAKER_00]: But it doesn't even have to do it with work.
2:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I mean, when I say ambitious is not even always work, I mean, she's just like, with life.
2:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I just want to go do things.
2:06
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't want to go.
2:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, exactly.
2:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
2:10
[SPEAKER_03]: So if you're one of these people and you struggle with that a little bit where you feel like you're a little bit aimless like when you're you're a little bit just
2:18
[SPEAKER_03]: When you wake up in the morning and let's say you have no plans with someone that it's like, oh, this is that one thing that I'm doing today.
2:26
[SPEAKER_03]: You kind of wake up and you don't even know like, what should I do today?
2:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Which sometimes I would say is nice.
2:32
[SPEAKER_03]: It's a nice.
2:32
[SPEAKER_03]: It's kind of a refreshing feeling to wake up and have no plan and just being like, damn, I can really do whatever I want, but actually end up doing something though.
2:41
[SPEAKER_03]: Like don't just sit at home scrolling on your phone.
2:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's not spending time alone.
2:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
2:48
[SPEAKER_00]: You are alone.
2:49
[SPEAKER_00]: You're spending time with addiction.
2:51
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, exactly.
2:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Keep in the sparkling relationship.
2:54
[SPEAKER_00]: What would you say is something that we specifically do to keep the spark?
2:59
[SPEAKER_03]: It's kind of similar to last week's episode where I feel like it will be a little bit difficult for us to explain exactly how we do this because we don't do consciously the spark.
3:16
[SPEAKER_03]: I would say the biggest thing, if somebody asked me this, just like an interview on a street, I would say is that we are absolutely best friends first.
3:27
[SPEAKER_00]: When we actually did that any of you one time.
3:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Did we?
3:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Remember that girl in midtown?
3:31
[SPEAKER_00]: She asked us relationship questions.
3:33
[SPEAKER_00]: She was like, excuse me, are you guys a couple?
3:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Where was that?
3:36
[SPEAKER_03]: Is that your park?
3:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but we just never saw that piece of content.
3:39
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, yeah, I don't know where that went.
3:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I don't know either.
3:42
[SPEAKER_03]: But it's so true.
3:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, when I think of you,
3:47
[SPEAKER_03]: I think of you as obviously we're married, you're my husband, I'm your wife, but we're the bestest of friends.
3:56
[SPEAKER_03]: We just want to hang out and we just have a good time together and anytime something happens, anytime I think of something, I have an idea.
4:06
[SPEAKER_03]: You're the first person that I want to tell because you're just my friend.
4:10
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, you're like my top friend, you know?
4:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm the top friend.
4:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Like the top friend.
4:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no, I mean, same for you too.
4:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's sometimes the reason why it's a little bit difficult to explain is because when you do something that's so natural to you, it's so second nature, when someone asks you for advice, you're just thinking, it's almost like explaining how to breathe, right?
4:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Like how do you breathe?
4:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, exactly.
4:32
[SPEAKER_00]: You just... It's nothing I think about.
4:34
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like if I don't do it, I'm dead.
4:36
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
4:38
[SPEAKER_00]: So being best friends is definitely... I mean, I don't know, because some people think that getting into a relationship would a best friend is a no go.
4:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Like people would never do that.
4:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, well, first of all, we weren't friends before we were in a relationship.
4:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we weren't best friends.
4:53
[SPEAKER_00]: We were friends.
4:54
[SPEAKER_00]: We were definitely getting to know each other.
4:55
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, yeah, but we were getting each other with like the intention of being in a relationship.
5:00
[SPEAKER_03]: I would say like we weren't friends in a friend group and then started dating.
5:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
5:04
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, it would be different because I think the way you framed it is saying it's like that idea to be friend to be in a relationship with your best friend.
5:12
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like, yeah, if you've been friends for years, I think that's tricky.
5:17
[SPEAKER_03]: I think that's different.
5:18
[SPEAKER_00]: But what do you think about it?
5:19
[SPEAKER_03]: But I also think that it's very possible because
5:22
[SPEAKER_03]: If you're in a relationship, but you're not friends with your... I can't... Like, what does that even look like?
5:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you don't know how to just be chill.
5:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Because relationships sometimes with some reason, unfortunately, it comes with this, especially if it's serious when you guys got married, it almost feels like a job.
5:42
[SPEAKER_03]: Or like an agreement.
5:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Like an agreement exactly.
5:46
[SPEAKER_03]: Or I don't even know how to explain it, but I'm like...
5:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, how do you, you don't, like, how do you know, how do you get to, you gotta, you have to get to know each other.
5:56
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, you know what's one thing that I've never said.
5:59
[SPEAKER_00]: What's one thing you've never said?
6:00
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like, we're trying to remember if it was like a video or something that I saw that is like, all I'm trying to go like, hang out with my friends, I'm not trying to hang out with my husband or like something like that.
6:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
6:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember that that was a while ago we talked about that but it never made it to the podcast.
6:19
[SPEAKER_03]: Really?
6:19
[SPEAKER_00]: But I remember at some point we wrote it down and I don't know where that list went.
6:22
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, it was something like that.
6:23
[SPEAKER_03]: We're like, I saw a video and someone was saying like, I'm hanging out with my wife.
6:29
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not hanging with my friend.
6:31
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, I don't remember you.
6:32
[SPEAKER_03]: I was just like, it's basically this like the series connotation that around like marriage and being a husband and a wife and it's like, it's a
6:43
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like you see them in a certain way.
6:45
[SPEAKER_03]: You look at them in a certain way in relation to you.
6:49
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like they are my husband, which means that they are a husband.
6:56
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know.
6:56
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't even know how to explain it because it doesn't even make like I don't even know what those people
7:02
[SPEAKER_03]: how would they describe their relationships or that type of like union?
7:06
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
7:07
[SPEAKER_03]: But in my mind is like the way that we are is we're just chill.
7:12
[SPEAKER_03]: We're just so chill.
7:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Like you're just my best friend and we just hang out in time.
7:18
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's not best friend.
7:19
[SPEAKER_00]: It's top friend.
7:20
[SPEAKER_03]: You're my top friend.
7:21
[SPEAKER_00]: We should call this episode top friend.
7:23
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like what is that?
7:25
[SPEAKER_03]: And we just hang out all the time and we talk all the time and it's gonna be what it is.
7:30
[SPEAKER_03]: What is love?
7:31
[SPEAKER_00]: What is love?
7:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Baby don't hurt me.
7:35
[SPEAKER_03]: No, it's even shit like that.
7:36
[SPEAKER_03]: It's also the fact that I would say going back to individuality and spending time alone is like we each are so strong in our identity that it's entertaining to be with each other.
7:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know why I think this podcast works and we can sometimes just have an episode with no notes is because of that specific thing that you just said, you bring your individuality and I bring my individuality to this episode to this podcast.
8:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
8:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And we're lucky that we both have somewhat of a personality I would say because if one didn't, it would fall flat because then one person would just
8:16
[SPEAKER_00]: almost talk to a wall, but you can say something and if I disagree, that's another thing too.
8:20
[SPEAKER_00]: If I disagree, what you say, I'm gonna tell you, I disagree, like, what are you talking about?
8:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
8:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't even care if it's on the podcast.
8:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you, I know you would do the same.
8:27
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, see that we don't have that thing where it's like, oh, but I'm your wife, so like, you can't do that.
8:32
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't do that or like, why would you, or like, you're never just gonna
8:36
[SPEAKER_00]: go along with with the only with what he says you're gonna challenge me and you're gonna be like wait why do you think we should do this and then I explain to you and you're like no I think we should and it goes the same way do you remember that somebody I don't know if it was a DM or a comment where somebody said
8:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, I had my friend listen or watch the podcast and she thought that nothing about your body language or nothing about your podcast showed that you were married.
9:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, remember?
9:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember that.
9:12
[SPEAKER_03]: And then they were like, it's by the way that you were sitting and I don't know.
9:16
[SPEAKER_03]: It was weird.
9:17
[SPEAKER_03]: I can't remember exactly what they said.
9:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for bringing that up because I never brought that up and you and I thought about that and I was just trying to understand
9:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Was that what the comment was?
9:26
[SPEAKER_00]: No, it was exactly like the look like you guys are together.
9:29
[SPEAKER_00]: You guys is body language on the podcast on the video version.
9:32
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't seem like you guys married.
9:34
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so I was just like, I don't know if it's more friends.
9:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't remember.
9:37
[SPEAKER_00]: It was on YouTube.
9:38
[SPEAKER_00]: It was a comment on you, too.
9:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember.
9:40
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
9:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember I responded.
9:43
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know exactly what I said, but basically said like, like, you want to say to my lap during the podcast.
9:51
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, what do you want us to do?
9:52
[SPEAKER_03]: How would someone that is married and has a podcast?
9:55
[SPEAKER_03]: How would they sit?
9:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I think maybe she's things like we're supposed to hold hands.
10:01
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know.
10:01
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, no, of course not.
10:04
[SPEAKER_00]: But that comment actually like that comment because it shows the exact thing that we think that relationships shouldn't always be so like
10:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm always having my arm around you.
10:16
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not what it is about.
10:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I'm always holding your kissing you.
10:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Like what do you want us to do?
10:21
[SPEAKER_00]: This is work at the end of the day too.
10:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Like yes, it's a podcast.
10:23
[SPEAKER_00]: It's fun and shit.
10:24
[SPEAKER_00]: But like we want to give people a fun.
10:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And also we're here to talk.
10:28
[SPEAKER_04]: We're not here to like display our relationships.
10:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
10:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Like what kind of video you want to watch?
10:33
[SPEAKER_04]: Wrong.
10:34
[SPEAKER_04]: Wrong app.
10:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
10:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Like there's many things you can go just type and you'll see people in whatever.
10:39
[SPEAKER_04]: You'll see people in relationships.
10:41
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
10:44
[SPEAKER_04]: That's so funny.
10:44
[SPEAKER_00]: So what keeps the spark?
10:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I think just us having like, even just the way we communicate and the way we have these discussions.
10:51
[SPEAKER_03]: The way that we joke with each other.
10:54
[SPEAKER_00]: The spark as we speak right now.
10:56
[SPEAKER_03]: How do you feel?
10:57
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, if I could, it feels like like stars, right?
11:01
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh my.
11:02
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, so it's like, and I'm sure people even listen and they can also just feel it.
11:06
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
11:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, it's not... It's chemistry.
11:09
[SPEAKER_03]: We talked about chemistry in friendships.
11:13
[SPEAKER_03]: Obviously, we know chemistry in relationships is just, is what people mostly talk about.
11:18
[SPEAKER_03]: But chemistry in friendships is not that different.
11:20
[SPEAKER_03]: It's something that you just feel.
11:22
[SPEAKER_03]: It's an energy exchange.
11:25
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's something that in a relationship, you have to have a certain level of for it to be continuous.
11:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and that's not something you can teach.
11:33
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not something you can take a class and be like, how do I have chemistry with?
11:37
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know.
11:37
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not something that you can work on.
11:39
[SPEAKER_03]: Let's say you've been in a relationship.
11:40
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know.
11:41
[SPEAKER_03]: You feel like the spark is going away.
11:44
[SPEAKER_03]: What are some things that you can do to bring it back?
11:46
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, for one, I would say like, how was it when there was a spark?
11:51
[SPEAKER_03]: Was this person different?
11:52
[SPEAKER_03]: What did you guys do?
11:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Was it just like a lust phase and then you got bored and realized them like I'm actually not into this person because a lot of people get into relationship Because they look the other person looks good Cool, we had a couple of fun lines.
12:06
[SPEAKER_03]: What did they were just there?
12:07
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, it's like, oh, this person like I just met them and we liked each other and we let it hanging out and then we just let it be more than we liked each other Yeah, I can like someone But also just recognize that this is
12:22
[SPEAKER_00]: The chemistry is not there.
12:24
[SPEAKER_00]: See chemistry is, I don't think you can gain chemistry.
12:28
[SPEAKER_00]: You have it from the very beginning.
12:29
[SPEAKER_00]: It's kind of like meeting a person at a bar one day.
12:31
[SPEAKER_00]: You just talked to them for like two hours in girls chemistry there.
12:35
[SPEAKER_00]: You need to know him.
12:36
[SPEAKER_00]: You never see them.
12:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but just find out about them.
12:38
[SPEAKER_00]: But the chemistry was there.
12:40
[SPEAKER_03]: I feel like it is possible that that I think chemistry can be mistaken for other things.
12:47
[SPEAKER_03]: And also, no, like chemistry can be mistaken for like being attracted to someone.
12:53
[SPEAKER_00]: chemistry for me is like if we talk and the conversation is just almost talking by itself like you don't have like you don't have to think it just goes like the guy that I met at the party we had chemistry from the beginning I never met him but we just talk he says something I said something else and would you see we're like on the same wavelength that's not something you can meet and then you see that's not really clicking and all of a sudden we're on the same wavelength that means that's someone
13:22
[SPEAKER_00]: got there to match your vibe.
13:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah.
13:26
[SPEAKER_03]: But that's not chemistry from the beginning because eventually forced your level to get on this.
13:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And that happens a lot in relationship.
13:32
[SPEAKER_00]: You get with someone that really into this thing, but you're not.
13:34
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you're not, I don't want to say, faking where you're faking.
13:37
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
13:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And now you're all of something you into that thing as well.
13:40
[SPEAKER_00]: You can only do that for so long.
13:42
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, because like if you want to begin it is so if you don't have it also like it should get better with age because you know each other more you learn about each other you go through life together is like our chemistry now Is just as good if now better than it was maybe like just a few years ago?
14:02
[SPEAKER_00]: No, it was and I think it always just gets better because we and I know from the beginning
14:08
[SPEAKER_00]: that you are something, even though we said on the podcast, that we didn't really, we weren't really sure if we were, we were the first couple together.
14:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, exactly.
14:18
[SPEAKER_00]: But, you know, he tried to like, start a fire and you kind of like, given like, you got to give it like a few sparks.
14:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
14:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Once they caught fire, I feel like that was like the first dates that we had.
14:30
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like he was too windy.
14:31
[SPEAKER_00]: The fire wasn't.
14:32
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh my God, I didn't matter.
14:34
[SPEAKER_00]: It was too windy.
14:35
[SPEAKER_00]: We couldn't get the fire going.
14:36
[SPEAKER_00]: But once we got it going, it was over.
14:38
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, yeah, I think like to go back to what you said before.
14:41
[SPEAKER_00]: It was a good metaphor.
14:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, it was good, yeah.
14:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Is that like, because let's be honest, there are boring people out there.
14:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, depending on what you just find as boring.
14:56
[SPEAKER_03]: Like someone who doesn't have any personality, they don't have a lot to say.
14:59
[SPEAKER_03]: They don't have like stuff to they want to do.
15:01
[SPEAKER_00]: You have a home out with someone and they just don't have anything to say.
15:03
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, which I mean, like sometimes it's fine to sit in silence, but like do they always have?
15:08
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, exactly.
15:09
[SPEAKER_03]: They always have just nothing to say.
15:10
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
15:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
15:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, like anything.
15:16
[SPEAKER_03]: Um, but at the same time, it's like I can't imagine someone being a relationship with that there was something and then like the spark goes away.
15:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Like what happened?
15:28
[SPEAKER_03]: Like are you different?
15:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Are they different?
15:30
[SPEAKER_00]: There was something, I think for me, if you think there was something a wheelie wasn't there, because if there is something it sticks, like how can there be something and all of a sudden it's not there?
15:40
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, there is something to say about, you know, if we talk from when we met or when we got married, like, twenty years down the line, people get divorces, like, even so far into their marriage.
15:50
[SPEAKER_03]: And most of the time, I mean, I can't say most of the time, it's like, someone either like cheated or was unfaithful or like people,
15:58
[SPEAKER_00]: financially.
15:59
[SPEAKER_03]: All that I love.
16:00
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, yes, that's like that, too.
16:02
[SPEAKER_03]: But for more, like a, like a, a connection point of view, you know, people grow, people change.
16:14
[SPEAKER_03]: People grow part.
16:15
[SPEAKER_03]: Think about even like friends.
16:16
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like you have a friend that you've known since you were a certain age.
16:19
[SPEAKER_03]: And then it's different years later, like you can grow part.
16:23
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know.
16:23
[SPEAKER_03]: I do think though that
16:28
[SPEAKER_03]: Keeping the spark is also something that you shouldn't have to work on really, really hard.
16:34
[SPEAKER_03]: Keeping the actual romantic affectionate, loving, yearning for the other person shouldn't feel like you have to think to do it.
16:46
[SPEAKER_03]: You should just want to do it.
16:47
[SPEAKER_03]: You should want to be affectionate.
16:49
[SPEAKER_03]: You should want to give this person a random kiss.
16:51
[SPEAKER_03]: Or you should want to just randomly tell your person that you love them and they mean so much to you.
16:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
16:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And just because to us, it comes so naturally, I do think that everybody, it takes work from both parties.
17:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
17:08
[SPEAKER_00]: But you, you need to want to do it.
17:10
[SPEAKER_00]: See, if you're in a relationship and you find yourself like, I don't even want to.
17:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to do these extra things to show them whatever that you're trying to communicate with.
17:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Why do they feel extra?
17:21
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you mean?
17:23
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're a person, you just don't want to define yourself in a relationship where you don't want to do things with them.
17:31
[SPEAKER_00]: That means you're in a wrong relationship.
17:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah.
17:33
[SPEAKER_03]: So that doesn't mean that there's no spark.
17:41
[SPEAKER_00]: That doesn't mean that this person, this might not be the relationship for you if you just absolutely just bored.
17:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Listen, life is short.
17:49
[SPEAKER_00]: You guys are not married, boyfriend girlfriend is cute, you know, but if you're just not happy and you feel bored or you feel like if you wish he did more than he's doing first of all, you got to communicate that.
18:01
[SPEAKER_00]: That's probably number one.
18:02
[SPEAKER_00]: If you don't communicate that, there's no way that he can fix it and then you're just going to be cranky and then he's not going to understand what's going on.
18:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
18:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Or the other way.
18:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
18:13
[SPEAKER_03]: In general, I think, I think for us is like, we are such big communicators.
18:20
[SPEAKER_03]: And we tell each other all the time, like how we feel, that we love each other, like how grateful we are for one another.
18:29
[SPEAKER_03]: But you've been saying that not good.
18:31
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, even when, what do you mean?
18:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, even we did a episode called overcommunicating, right?
18:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah.
18:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And let's say you did something that adding like, and I think it kind of messed us up a little bit, right?
18:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I will say, in normal relationship, I don't know, not normal relationship, but in the past, I would be like, hey, so like, why did you do this because of that this happened?
18:53
[SPEAKER_00]: It comes very like a accusatory I'm coming at you even though she did do the thing but in a relationship there's a way that you can communicate these things that your partner did and you didn't really like don't just point the finger be like it's your fault you fucked up right be like hey I noticed this happened and I'm not even I'm not mad I'm not angry or or what's the example what I was just like
19:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I tell you and I'm like, hey, you give me extra content.
19:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's like, I'm not saying that you did this.
19:24
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not saying that it's your fault.
19:27
[SPEAKER_00]: But next time, we should pay attention to this because this could happen.
19:33
[SPEAKER_03]: I feel like you guys need to listen to that episode because when what we said on that episode was so good, I don't know if that was season two or season three.
19:40
[SPEAKER_02]: It was really, really good.
19:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Over communicating.
19:43
[SPEAKER_03]: I would say now I think I've matured a little bit since then because I don't know if you over communicate as much as you did then.
19:53
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think it was a lot more on your part where you just
19:59
[SPEAKER_03]: before like there are certain things that you know would automatically trigger me into defense mode.
20:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Gloria, that defends all goes fast.
20:08
[SPEAKER_03]: And sometimes like the way you would say things would make me just react in that way.
20:16
[SPEAKER_03]: So then you've learned how to say the same thing but with extra context and extra kind of added padding so that when you hate me with it, I don't get hurt.
20:29
[SPEAKER_03]: No, but it's kind of like that a little bit and that's true and I had to figure out how to communicate Yeah, but hey, we're like almost seven years in, you know, this is not something that just like this this is stuff that comes with time with being with someone with learning about how to but I'm saying that me I was willing to do that
20:52
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of people out there in relationships.
20:54
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't want to like, why should I just... It's not even sugar coating.
20:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Why should I just add extra padding to... Why is this?
21:02
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to know your partner and you have to... You just... You can't be selfish.
21:07
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so selfish like, yo, this is what she did or this is what he did and I'm gonna just tell him straight up.
21:11
[SPEAKER_03]: Especially if you know, like, cool, the way that they're gonna react to shit.
21:15
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not... It's also, you're seeing the same thing.
21:17
[SPEAKER_03]: It's accomplishing the same thing.
21:19
[SPEAKER_03]: It's just like...
21:20
[SPEAKER_03]: It's it's also about like at the end of the day we're all complex and how you have your own sensitivities to certain things.
21:29
[SPEAKER_03]: I have my own sensitivities.
21:30
[SPEAKER_03]: These are things that like as time goes and as you go through shit like you learn about each other.
21:37
[SPEAKER_03]: And you simply just like have to know how to navigate the person that you're with.
21:44
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not that you're lying.
21:46
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not that you're fake.
21:47
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not bad.
21:47
[SPEAKER_03]: I should like I just want to be myself and I shouldn't have to change who I am.
21:52
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like okay well then you have to you can't be in a relationship.
21:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I could be in a relationship with yourself there.
21:57
[SPEAKER_03]: Exactly.
21:58
[SPEAKER_03]: Because this is a form of compromise.
22:01
[SPEAKER_03]: Compromising how you would instinctively maybe say something or react to something.
22:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Now that you know that your partner has this sensitivity or that they tend to be reactive to this or they tend to usually take things as defensively.
22:21
[SPEAKER_03]: you learn about your your person this way and then instead of being like, well, this is just like how I communicate and I'm not going to change myself, then it's going to be an issue every time we all have to adjust.
22:33
[SPEAKER_03]: We all have to adjust.
22:34
[SPEAKER_03]: We all have to learn how to navigate when you have a kid your kid is going to have
22:39
[SPEAKER_03]: If you have a kid, like our parents have to do this.
22:42
[SPEAKER_03]: We all had our own personalities and you think that our parents just like, oh, I'm not going to change myself.
22:47
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm just like, say shit to my kid the same way, even though they've been throwing tantrums every time I say, clean your room instead of being like, let's organize or I don't know, say something else, say it in a different way that doesn't trigger them, whether it's a kid, whether it's your spouse, whether it's your, even your friends, you do this with your friends, even on my level.
23:08
[SPEAKER_03]: you know these people's lives you've maybe been friends for years you know what they've been through you don't always say shit how you would say it in first thought you kind of you kind of pat it up a little bit to deliver it in the best way for that person because you care about them yeah it's just yeah exactly what I was going to say it just shows that you care about them because if you don't do that it just
23:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, the only thing that I can think of is just like selfish.
23:33
[SPEAKER_00]: You just think that the world is just like, whatever you think is right, however you want to communicate, talk to anybody.
23:42
[SPEAKER_00]: You always have to think about, this was something that I always think about.
23:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Every single day, I treat people how I would want to be treated.
23:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I communicate with them, how they, I would like them to communicate with me.
23:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's just how I live my life and any works.
23:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I like to be treated nicely.
24:01
[SPEAKER_03]: That's true.
24:02
[SPEAKER_03]: And that means considering that person's feelings, their habits, their way of thinking, if you're married, I assume you've been together for a while, but even if you're in relationship and you've been together for a while, I assume you know this person.
24:19
[SPEAKER_03]: well enough that you can identify what things will set them off.
24:23
[SPEAKER_03]: You can identify what things will make them happy, which is why you probably do them.
24:27
[SPEAKER_03]: It goes the same way with everything.
24:32
[SPEAKER_03]: So at the end of the day, how to not get bored, how to keep the spark going, how to keep being happy in your relationship is not a singular thing.
24:40
[SPEAKER_03]: It's so many things.
24:41
[SPEAKER_03]: But I think at the end of the day is like, if you're in a relationship that you've been in for, let's say like two, three years and you're feeling bored,
24:49
[SPEAKER_03]: You're feeling bored for a reason.
24:52
[SPEAKER_00]: But let's not act like if you feel in bored, it's over and it's not the right relationship for you.
24:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like there is, there's a work that you can do and it, it all starts with communication because a lot of people who are bored in relationships, the other person doesn't know their bored.
25:06
[SPEAKER_00]: It's never communicated.
25:08
[SPEAKER_00]: It's never been, I haven't been bored in this relationship.
25:11
[SPEAKER_00]: It's never communicated.
25:12
[SPEAKER_00]: People just hold at it themselves, right?
25:14
[SPEAKER_00]: So step number one, I would say,
25:18
[SPEAKER_00]: like say something or or say hey we should go.
25:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Take a trip or if you don't have money to to go on a trip or if you can't do that right now.
25:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go out to eat.
25:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's grab lunch or let's play tennis like do something that's different than coming home from work watching TV.
25:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, I'm everything.
25:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Good night.
25:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Next day.
25:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Same thing.
25:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Good night.
25:42
[SPEAKER_00]: But the thing is very true that it's not communicated to the other person because no two people are in relationships.
25:47
[SPEAKER_00]: and they know they're bored and it's communicated as if it's like some good thing that's happening.
25:53
[SPEAKER_03]: I would say the reason why we're also never bored is because we always do and shit.
25:56
[SPEAKER_03]: Like we're always doing something.
25:58
[SPEAKER_03]: We are very active in our lives, individual and together.
26:04
[SPEAKER_03]: So we just have a really good handle on that because we're actively participating in our lives and we're trying to be bored.
26:12
[SPEAKER_03]: No, like we're always doing shit.
26:13
[SPEAKER_00]: But also, not because we were like, act there.
26:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, this is something that I think about is, and I tell you this all the time is that I want us to live this life to the fullest.
26:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Thirty's, forty's, fifty's, they need to be packed with just happiness and action and just doing things.
26:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
26:34
[SPEAKER_00]: And also, and what I mean, like, you don't have free time ever.
26:39
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm just saying like, enjoy the show while you have it here now.
26:43
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, so what if it's alone, which a partner just don't, there's no, I just don't think there's a reason for anybody to be bored if you know relationship.
26:53
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like,
26:54
[SPEAKER_00]: If I'm bored in relationship, I might as well be single.
26:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I know I ain't gonna be bored single.
26:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
27:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
27:00
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'm not gonna be bored single.
27:02
[SPEAKER_03]: So... Well, on that note, you guys, we gotta go.
27:07
[SPEAKER_03]: We gotta go catch a flight.
27:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Right after this, we're heading safe and we are getting to the airport.
27:12
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, we're going to go grab our bags.
27:15
[SPEAKER_03]: Everything is packed.
27:16
[SPEAKER_03]: I just have to put my shoes on, I have to put my coat on, my bag, and we out.
27:20
[SPEAKER_03]: So we love you very much.
27:23
[SPEAKER_03]: We hope you enjoyed today's episode.
27:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Please leave a comment in the Spotify, if you're listening on Spotify.
27:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Just watch that about the episode.
27:32
[SPEAKER_03]: How do you, how do you, if you're in a relationship,
27:35
[SPEAKER_03]: How do you keep the spark?
27:36
[SPEAKER_03]: How would you identify your active participation in the relationship that keeps the fire alive?
27:43
[SPEAKER_03]: What do you do?
27:43
[SPEAKER_03]: What do you, what does your partner do?
27:46
[SPEAKER_03]: Or maybe like, you can't even figure it out, but the spark is there.
27:49
[SPEAKER_03]: Because that's the thing.
27:50
[SPEAKER_03]: Sometimes it's hard to put into words.
27:52
[SPEAKER_03]: What it is.
27:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
27:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And the spark is not always just in a relationship.
27:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Even if you single, you can have that spark in your life.
27:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, hell yeah.
27:58
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, because you can be single and it's just like there's no sparking and doing nothing.
28:02
[SPEAKER_00]: You just I home on day like you could be single and be sparked up.
28:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, sparked up by your own self.
28:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
28:09
[SPEAKER_03]: It's amazing.
28:10
[SPEAKER_03]: It's beautiful.
28:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so let us know what you think and we love you.
28:15
[SPEAKER_03]: And now we can even linger because we really gotta go or be late.
28:18
[SPEAKER_00]: So we gotta go.
28:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Usually we like to a little longer outro, but we gotta go guys.
28:22
[SPEAKER_00]: We're like we're almost late.
28:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so have a great rest of your day whenever you're listening to this.
28:27
[SPEAKER_03]: And see you guys next week when we will, when we will be back in New York.
28:34
[SPEAKER_00]: It's crazy to record in the future like that because from now until then there's so much that's gonna happen.
28:39
[SPEAKER_03]: I know it's like we're gonna be in two different countries, you three different countries.
28:45
[SPEAKER_03]: But yeah, I can't wait to tell you guys all about it because that's what we're going to talk about when we come back.
28:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, next week's episodes going to be Lisbon Portugal.
28:53
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, it's very, very fun.
28:54
[SPEAKER_03]: So see you guys then.
28:56
[SPEAKER_03]: Bye.
29:14
[UNKNOWN]: you.