Latest / The Karen Kenney Show / RELATIONSHIPS ARE COLLABORATIONS
Transcript
- 0:01Hey you guys, welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I'm super
- 0:04duper excited to be here, and thank you so much for listening
- 0:08to the podcast. If you tune in regularly, like, you already
- 0:11know who I am, right? Like, maybe my face is familiar. You
- 0:17know my voice, you know what we talk about here on the show. But
- 0:20if, like, you're wicked new to the show, first of all, welcome.
- 0:23I'm so happy to have you here, and you can find out, like, I'm
- 0:27not going to read you some long ass bio, but you can find out
- 0:30all about me. Karen Kenney, k, e n, n, e, y.com, the work I do,
- 0:36the stuff I offer, whatever. But in a wicked short synopsis,
- 0:39right? A little short synopsis, I'm a certified spiritual
- 0:43mentor. I am a writer, I'm a speaker, I'm a storyteller, I'm
- 0:48a integrative coach, I'm a hypnotist. I I've been a yoga
- 0:52teacher for like, 26 years. I do Thai Yoga massage, like Thai
- 0:57Yoga, bodywork, blah, blah, on and on and on. Mostly I'm like,
- 1:01I'm a child of God, I'm an extension of the universe. I try
- 1:05to spread love. That's what the hot beat of the show is about.
- 1:08Is about spirituality and storytelling. And, you know,
- 1:12kind of just learning all about who we are, why we do what we
- 1:16do, say what we say, think, what we think, etc, etc. And I just
- 1:20really try to share applicable and practical tools and tell
- 1:25stories that like have maybe universal principles in them,
- 1:29but that you can also somehow like put into action in your
- 1:33life. So spreading a little more love in the world is kind of
- 1:37like my my modus operandi. That's why, that's why I like to
- 1:42do this show. Okay, so today, today, what today's episode is
- 1:47brought to you by different inspirations. One was a
- 1:52conversation I was having with my friend who I call Emmeline.
- 1:57Her real name is Emily, a born but I call her Emma line. And so
- 2:02we were talking about collaborations, and that's kind
- 2:05of like the hot beat of what this episode is about. And then
- 2:08also something that I saw online from an actor that I love, Ethan
- 2:14Hawk, and so I'm going to dive into that right now. So Emma
- 2:18line is actually doing Emily a born, right? Her podcast is
- 2:22called content with character and next week. So whenever
- 2:25you're listening to this on, her episode is coming out on like
- 2:28August 19, 2025 and she's talking all about collaboration.
- 2:34So you want to go check that episode out for sure. And she's
- 2:37kind of coming at it more from a professional standpoint, a
- 2:41business standpoint, I'm talking about collaborations on more of
- 2:45a personal level. And I think so often we think about
- 2:50collaborations being for business, right, or school or
- 2:55something that's not as close to the human hat, but I think all
- 3:01relationships are like good collaborations, right? Or, I
- 3:05should say maybe all good relationships are like good
- 3:08collaborations. So relationships are like collaborations. And let
- 3:11me kind of tell you what I mean by that. So a lot of times when
- 3:15we're going to quote, unquote, collaborate with somebody out in
- 3:18the world, you know, we're kind of looking at it from a very
- 3:21strategic point of view. It's like, okay, what are they
- 3:24bringing to the table? What am I bringing to the table? How is
- 3:27this going to benefit me? How is this going to benefit them? Is
- 3:31this going to speak to my audience? Is this going to land
- 3:34with my listeners or my clients? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
- 3:37but for me, and it's not even a but, and for me, the main
- 3:42driving force is, is the math has to be mathing, meaning, when
- 3:47we bring me together with you, right? When we bring these two
- 3:52living, breathing human beings, these human spirits, together,
- 3:57you've got one plus one, and hopefully you are Better
- 4:01Together, meaning that when you come together, that you create a
- 4:05certain kind of magic that benefits not only each of you
- 4:11but the greater world, your community, your family, your
- 4:14environment. And so when I think about relationships this, this
- 4:19goes to personal relationships, like, hopefully within your
- 4:23family, your friends, your sweetie, your partner, who
- 4:27you're married to or sleeping with, or like, whatever, right?
- 4:30So when you're going into this, who you choose, when you're
- 4:34going into a relationship with, right? When you're when you're
- 4:37planning on hooking up with somebody, whether that's for
- 4:41months, years, life, whatever, right who you choose to quote,
- 4:45unquote, collaborate with, matters. So it's not that we
- 4:49want to be picky in this special way, like I'm better than you,
- 4:54but we want to think about this beyond just the pretty surface
- 4:59stuff. Like, like, oh, that person's hot. Like, I want to be
- 5:02with them. It's like, wow. It's like, can we go, like, a little
- 5:05bit of a deeper dive? Because those elements beyond Oh, it's
- 5:09just going to look good together. Right underneath that
- 5:12is, it's like, are we better together? What I'm bringing into
- 5:18the relationship, and what they're bringing into the
- 5:20relationship, is we collaborate together? Are we going to create
- 5:25something that is really strong, that is really powerful, that is
- 5:29really, you know, can, can kind of like last, last, over time.
- 5:36Now, sometimes there are going to be quick collaborations,
- 5:39right? You might meet somebody and you decide to do a project
- 5:42together and like, that's whatever, but if we're doing
- 5:45something for a long period of time together, it's really
- 5:49important, I think, that we start off by choosing somebody
- 5:54who we're going to be in a relationship slash collaboration
- 5:57with, that we respect, that we trust and beyond loving them,
- 6:05that we actually like them, because there are all kinds of
- 6:09people that you, quote, unquote, love, right? Oh, that's my
- 6:13uncle. I love him. He's part of my family. I find it fascinating
- 6:18that we can love people. There's a love there. But we necessarily
- 6:22don't want to, I don't want to, like, maybe hang out with them,
- 6:25or,
- 6:31oh my god, we don't want to see him that often. You know what
- 6:35I'm saying. We don't want to go to lunch. It's like, yeah, I
- 6:38love them and right and find the right distance or whatever. But
- 6:42something that Ethan Hawke said made me really start to think
- 6:45about this idea. He was talking about that he and his wife had
- 6:50started to collaborate. She was getting more into, like
- 6:53producing films, and so they were working on a project. And
- 6:57one of the things he said two things that really jumped out at
- 6:59me, and I want to share them here, because I think they're
- 7:01really applicable to our relationships, to these
- 7:05collaborations that we decide to get into. And he said, number
- 7:09one, one of the things that makes a successful collaboration
- 7:12is you have to be open to other people's ideas. A lot of times
- 7:17we come into relationships and we think like, This is who I am.
- 7:21This is the way, the right way, the only way I'm the one that
- 7:27has the strength in this area. Like we kind of put ourselves in
- 7:32boxes, and sometimes we put ourselves up on pedestals, and
- 7:35we just do don't listen very well to what other people are
- 7:41trying to share with us. And so number one, I think when we go
- 7:45into a relationship or a collaboration, we have to keep
- 7:49our minds, open our ears, open our eyes, open our hearts, open
- 7:54right? We have to be open to what the other person is sharing
- 7:58with us their ideas, right? We can't just say, like, No, I'm
- 8:02the boss here. Like, you suck it in a bucket, right? That. That's
- 8:05not how this works. So number one, we got to be open to other
- 8:08people's ideas, and this applies, right? Because here's
- 8:11the thing, even if everything I'm saying can also pretty much
- 8:15be applied to business collaborations, because all
- 8:18those are relationships as well, they just might not be, as you
- 8:24know, intimate, let's put it that way. But even a really good
- 8:27business collaboration, there is a certain amount of intimacy and
- 8:30vulnerability that that goes on there. Okay? Number two, Ethan
- 8:34Hawke, he said, You have to trust your collaborators. You
- 8:37have to trust your collaborators. And the way that
- 8:39he said, It really made me laugh, and it made me think
- 8:42about long term relationships, because I think that there's
- 8:46this thing that happens in long term relationships, and I've
- 8:49talked about this on other episodes, where people just kind
- 8:53of start to take each other for granted. People like to start to
- 8:57like, pigeonhole people and label them and think of them as
- 9:01like, well, I'm the one who cooks, they're the one who
- 9:04cleans. I'm the one that has the mechanical skill set. They're
- 9:07more analytical, or they're more feely, or they're like,
- 9:11whatever. And so we label people, we stop seeing them, we
- 9:16stop trying to understand them, because we think we know
- 9:19everything already. We know everything about them. We know
- 9:21how they are. We think we can predict what story they're going
- 9:24to tell, what their moods going to be, how they're going to
- 9:27respond. We don't even allow them to have a present moment
- 9:30experience, because we've already like labeled them or
- 9:33whatever. And when we start to do this, we start to take them
- 9:36for granted, and we don't trust them anymore. We're not as
- 9:40curious about them. We show up with all of our judgments, so we
- 9:44have to trust our collaborators. And he said it like this. He
- 9:47says, You have to keep in mind, right? I'm paraphrasing a little
- 9:51bit. He says there was a time instead of instead of project,
- 9:56right, instead of the word project, just think
- 9:58relationship. Okay, you. He says, There was a time when you
- 10:02really wanted them to join this project, and it's because you
- 10:07thought they were smart, and I love this so much. There was a
- 10:13time when you were starting to get into a relationship with
- 10:15somebody, and you were like, Yeah, I want to do life with
- 10:19this person. I want to spend time with this person. I want to
- 10:22exchange time, energy, resources, money, sex, bodies,
- 10:27whatever, with this person because you trusted them,
- 10:30because you thought that they were bringing something
- 10:33worthwhile to the table, right? You thought they were smart. And
- 10:37this is kind of really low grade secret kind of, like internal
- 10:44contempt that I see that builds over time in relationships where
- 10:50the couple stops collaborating and they're more like competing
- 10:55or withholding, and I've seen this, especially In older
- 10:59couples, like talking about, like, grandparent level couples,
- 11:03right? And I know some grandparents are much younger
- 11:06these days, but I'm talking like old school, like old school, and
- 11:12one of my set of grandparents, oh, my God, I couldn't tell
- 11:15like, I'm like, they stayed married, like, up until their
- 11:18deaths. But I'm like, there was so much contempt, there was so
- 11:21much anger, and I think just disappointment and eye rolling,
- 11:25you know, like one would start to talk, and the other one
- 11:27would, like, roll their eyes so hard and far and back in their
- 11:31head that I'd be like, I don't know, I don't know if she's
- 11:34going to be able to Get those down, you know, and I'm like,
- 11:42whatever this relationship slash collaboration was at the get go,
- 11:46I think, I think at this point now, they just pretty much can't
- 11:49stand each other, but they stayed together because that's
- 11:52what you did back then. You know what I mean. So one of the
- 11:55things when we're going into these relationships, into these
- 11:59especially these longer term collaborations, is we want to
- 12:03understand like, what is this other person's values? Like?
- 12:08What are their core values? Like, what really matters to
- 12:11them, right? And what do they consider valuable like, what
- 12:15what matters to them? Like, who are they? You know what I mean?
- 12:18Because, again, who you are choosing to collaborate with,
- 12:21matters, and we're going to go into how it doesn't always work
- 12:24out in a minute. We want to understand how they communicate.
- 12:29Like, if I'm trying to do a project with somebody, I need to
- 12:33know like, who they are, what's their style like, what's their
- 12:38style of communication? Are they going to be like timely and
- 12:42getting back to me, are they able to do they have emotional
- 12:46intelligence? Can they tell me what they're thinking, what they
- 12:49they feel? Do they communicate in a very gruff or abrupt or
- 12:55harsh way? Do they tend to need an invitation to communicate, or
- 13:02are they afraid of being a bother? Like, there's so many
- 13:05layers to it, right? We want to understand their commitment
- 13:08level. Like, how serious are they about this thing? How
- 13:10serious are they about this project or this relationship?
- 13:13Like, are we on the same level of commitment? Are they doing
- 13:17like, Hey, this is a one off thing, right? Or are they
- 13:20looking to go a little deeper and to establish, you know, a
- 13:23connection, and to establish some history and some some time,
- 13:27and, like, whatever, you know, what's their skill set? What?
- 13:31Again, not so much like, what do you bring into the table? But
- 13:34like, yeah, what's your contribution to this
- 13:37relationship? Like, what? What like Do you have the capacity
- 13:43right to communicate, to care? Are you a total raging
- 13:47narcissist? Are you like, are you so traumatized that you're
- 13:51not able to access parts of you like, you know, like, who am I
- 13:55dealing with? You know that again, what's their style of how
- 13:59they're showing up in the world, because I think in a really good
- 14:03relationship and in a really good collaboration, there is
- 14:09enough room for everybody to shine, so even if your styles
- 14:13are totally different, one of the beautiful things like I
- 14:17think about my sweetie and I right, like My sweetie and I, we
- 14:21share a lot of the same core values, like we care about, you
- 14:26know, certain that we both we both love animals. We both are
- 14:31like a little introverted, and we do extroverted things, right?
- 14:34Even though we're both very introverted, we do very
- 14:37extroverted things in our life.
- 14:40We both artists, right? He's a musician and I'm a writer. We're
- 14:44both creatives. We both value, like, time to get etc, etc, etc,
- 14:49right? So, but he is, like, he has a skill set. Like, I marvel
- 14:56at his skill set. He is so ridiculously talented. Like, he
- 14:59just makes me. To punch myself in the face. Sometimes he's so
- 15:02talented and he can shine in he shines in very particular ways.
- 15:08And then there's me and what I do, and then there's whatever my
- 15:11skill set and whatever I do in the world, right? So we
- 15:15compliment each other, and there's room for both of us to
- 15:18shine. You know, there was a period of time in my life where
- 15:22I kept choosing partners, I kept choosing people who were like
- 15:29always really talented, but there was no real room in the
- 15:33relationship for me to shine, because it was always about
- 15:37them. It was always about my contribution was in upholding
- 15:43them, supporting them, being their greatest cheerleader, you
- 15:46know what I mean? And slowly over time, right? I finally, you
- 15:51know, chose a guy who and there was another relationship. In
- 15:56fairness, there's another relationship before that that
- 15:59started to give me a taste of that, of like, putting the
- 16:02spotlight a little bit more on myself, my sweetie just really,
- 16:06really supports me, and he's my biggest number one fan, right?
- 16:10And that's another thing. Like, you want to be a fan of the
- 16:13other person that you're collaborating with, that you're
- 16:16in relationship with. You don't want this weird fucking
- 16:19competition. Like, I just cannot hit I can't stand that. Like, I
- 16:24know people believe in healthy competition. They're like, Oh
- 16:28yeah, when I see them doing well, it makes me want to
- 16:31ratchet it up a gear, like, whatever. That's fine. I'm
- 16:35talking about the kind of competition where it gets weird.
- 16:38You know, when, like, the vibe starts to get weird, and you're
- 16:41like, oh, this doesn't feel like it's a supportive, mutual fan
- 16:47club thing. This starts to feel like either there's envy or
- 16:51jealousy or them actually frenemy, right? They really,
- 16:56actually don't want me to do well. They don't want me to
- 16:58shine too bright, like they think that my brightness casts a
- 17:02shadow, rather than seeing that. You know, we're kind of that
- 17:06sunlight that we're both bringing is nurturing all the
- 17:09way around. Yeah, we want to be in relationship, aka
- 17:14collaboration, with people, where we actually support one
- 17:16another. You know, because I'll tell you this, I can think off
- 17:21the top of my head, and I'm sure that look at if I'm leaving
- 17:25anybody, nobody take this personally, anybody who, who
- 17:28I've worked with in the past, but just off the top of my head,
- 17:31I can think of, like, three really fantastic collaborations
- 17:33that I had. My first one was when I was in college in BU, my
- 17:38friends, I was lucky enough to actually be in school, in the
- 17:42same classes with just friends who I adored like I adored. And
- 17:48my sophomore year, we had to do what was called a capstone
- 17:51project. And basically we had to get together, and we had to,
- 17:55like research. I think we actually did a paper on the on
- 17:58the Hare Krishna movement. But it was like myself, my friend
- 18:03Christy, I think my friend Grover, there was a there was
- 18:07like four or five of us. I think there was four of us, and we
- 18:11each brought our own particular skill set. And the thing, other
- 18:16thing, is that we all trusted each other, and we were all
- 18:19reliable. Not nobody was dragging ass. Nobody was
- 18:22slacking. Nobody was not doing their part. No, at least in my
- 18:26memory, right? That's how I remember it is that everybody
- 18:29was doing their job, like do your job. That's another part of
- 18:33a powerful, you know, collaboration slash relationship
- 18:37is, you know, don't be slacking. Don't be slacking, don't be
- 18:40withholding like everybody, do your damn job, and it just makes
- 18:44it easier for everybody else. You know what I mean? I'm not
- 18:47saying you can't have a tough time or go through a period
- 18:50where you need more support or attention or love or whatever,
- 18:54but if you pull your own weight and you really do your best,
- 18:58that goes a long way. Another time is the New Hampshire yoga
- 19:02retreat. So for five years, I patented up with three other
- 19:05yoga teachers who are my friends, and we put on these
- 19:10fantastic yoga retreats, and like 120 people would come, and
- 19:15it would be so much fun, and we would do it over a three day
- 19:18weekend, and we all came from different studios. We all
- 19:21brought different points of view and strengths and whatever, and
- 19:26we all believed in each other and supported each other. And
- 19:29there was no weirdness, right? There was no like jealousy,
- 19:32there was no it was a true collaboration. It was such a
- 19:35blast. And then my friend Emmeline, Emily and I did a
- 19:40collaboration called the content compass, when we talked all
- 19:44about, like, creating content and storytelling and whatever.
- 19:47And it was one of the easiest and funnest and just like, no
- 19:52drama, like it was like, Okay, we would hop on a zoom. We'd
- 19:56talk about it. We're like, let's do it over this many days, the.
- 20:00Sounds great. What time do you think? Yeah, sure, it was so
- 20:05easy, which in and it was easy, it was fun. It gave me more
- 20:13energy. I did not feel drained. Because, let's be honest, I've
- 20:18had some bad collaborations, like things where I thought, Oh,
- 20:23this is a good idea. This person is x, y and z, so this is going
- 20:28to be like, a good fit, right? We're all bringing different
- 20:32POVs to the table, like, let's do this thing. There's one in
- 20:37particular that I think about now. I cannot tell you, it never
- 20:42got off the ground. I was planning an event with some
- 20:45people, and there was one person in particular who made it so
- 20:53fucking hard, just like everything was like, you know,
- 20:57we talk about, like pulling teeth. It was like an energetic
- 21:01suck of the biggest and deepest level. And I would get off those
- 21:06calls and those Voxer thing, those threads, and I would just
- 21:09be like, I can't do this. It was like, it was like pushing a rock
- 21:15uphill again and again, like a massive boulder, and I would be
- 21:21like, This is so exhausting. This per and it was because I'm
- 21:25not saying, Look, we all bring our own stuff, right? We all
- 21:28bring our own stuff to a collaboration. But one of the
- 21:31things that I saw is that this person had a different style of
- 21:36communication. This person was not willing to be open, really,
- 21:41to other people's ideas. They did not trust their
- 21:44collaborators. And how do you know that? Is because they were
- 21:47trying to control every little thing, and they kind of kept
- 21:52making themselves be the centerpiece they wanted. They
- 21:55had to be like, Oh, I do. I and I'd be like, hey, there's like,
- 22:02two other two other people here. You know what I mean? Because
- 22:06you'll just know you I mean double A men hands you guys. If
- 22:10you've ever had to work on a project, or you got paired up
- 22:12with somebody or whatever, we know what a shitty collaboration
- 22:16a partner feels for like, right? So I don't have to, like, hop on
- 22:20it and drag people through the mud, or blah, blah, blah, blah,
- 22:22because I'm sure there's somebody out there at some point
- 22:25they could say, Oh yeah, and they were not the strongest
- 22:27collaboration partner, you know, back in the day, whatever. But
- 22:32here's the thing, if you are going to engage, right and,
- 22:37quote, unquote, collaborate, I think all relationships are like
- 22:42collaborations, and we want them to be good, right? We want to,
- 22:48at the very least, own what we're bringing to the
- 22:52relationship, showing up with honesty, showing up and saying,
- 22:56This is what I'm capable of. This is what I'm not capable of,
- 22:59at least right now. This is what I'm working on. This is what I'm
- 23:02willing to do. These are my values. This is who I am. And
- 23:06what that means is part of it means you have to know yourself
- 23:12now sometimes we might, quote, unquote, surprise ourselves
- 23:16about how we're showing up or not showing up, how we're
- 23:20reacting, responding, communicating, whatever. But if
- 23:23you don't know yourself, if you don't know what you're good at,
- 23:26if you don't know where your strengths lie, where your
- 23:29weaknesses are, where you struggle, where you get
- 23:31triggered. But you have to know yourself if you're going to be
- 23:35getting into a quote, unquote, collaboration with somebody
- 23:38especially long term, you know, and it requires a lot of
- 23:42honesty, first and foremost, with yourself, because nobody
- 23:48wants to be bamboozled. Nobody wants to put in the time, the
- 23:52energy and the effort to plan a life with you. Never mind just a
- 23:56project with you, if the if you're not like if you're not
- 24:00going to be who you say you are who you are, you know what I
- 24:04mean? If you're not going to do what you if there's an if
- 24:06there's a lack of congruency, remember, I always say the
- 24:10assignment is alignment. If you're out of alignment, there
- 24:14will be that cognitive dissonance. They're going to be
- 24:16like, Well, wait. They say that. They always show up on time, but
- 24:21this they're always late. They say they care about X, Y and Z,
- 24:26but their actions are in complete opposition to what the
- 24:31crap that came out of their mouth was, you know,
- 24:34and that that will break down trust and sometimes it all looks
- 24:40good on paper. It all looks good on paper. And then you actually
- 24:45start to get into each other's kind of energetic field. You
- 24:49start to spend a little bit of time together. You have to be
- 24:52able to, kind of, like, read the vibe and read the room. And
- 24:56there are times when, yeah, you know, not all collaborations,
- 24:59like. To be wicked smooth all the time. There'll be speed
- 25:02bumps. That's just life. But we have to know when to say no. We
- 25:06have to know when we have to pull the plug. Because this
- 25:10isn't just a This isn't like a temporary thing, right? Like
- 25:16this is how that person operates in the world, and there's just
- 25:20going to be no, this isn't going to work. And the thing is, is
- 25:23you don't have to hate somebody because of it. You don't have to
- 25:27cast them out of your hat. You can simply just say, like, yeah,
- 25:31I don't think this is going to be a good fit. You know what I
- 25:33mean? And again, I think everything I'm saying also
- 25:36applies to business. I think whenever you're going because
- 25:39it's all relationships, even if you bump into somebody at the
- 25:44grocery store, a stranger for like 10 seconds, and you share a
- 25:49glance, you share a moment, you get somebody some cereal done
- 25:53off the top shelf because they're shorter than you that
- 25:56that is a moment, momentary like relationship, you know. And of
- 26:00course, in miracles, we call it like a level of teaching,
- 26:02there's that moment, there's that opportunity. And every time
- 26:05you interact with another person, it's an opportunity for
- 26:09a holy moment, you know. And again, it makes me think, what
- 26:12about what Ethan said, you know, you have to trust your
- 26:15collaborators, which means you have to remember that you
- 26:18started to go into this thing because you thought the other
- 26:21person was smart or they had some value, that they were
- 26:25bringing something to the relationship. So when you find
- 26:29yourself starting to slip into that kind of like agitation or
- 26:34contempt or judgment or eye rolling or taking people for
- 26:39granted, or whatever. That's when you want to really just
- 26:43slow down and start to take a look at what's going on inside
- 26:47of you. And I think to know, again, we're going back to like,
- 26:51you got to know yourself. You got to know why you're feeling,
- 26:54what you're feeling, why you think, what you think, why you
- 26:56say, what you say, why you do what you do, and what kind of
- 26:59shit that you're bringing to the collaboration, because it's
- 27:02really easy to be focusing on well, they're not doing this,
- 27:06and they're not doing that, and they're not saying this, and
- 27:08they're not holding up their end, and they're not Murmur,
- 27:11murmur, them, them, them, them, them, them. It's all their
- 27:14fault. It's all what you we have to be willing to take a look at
- 27:18ourselves too and say, Do I trust, do I trust this other
- 27:23person in the collaboration, meaning myself, like, am I
- 27:26actually showing up at my highest level? Am I showing up
- 27:30from a place of love, or am I showing up from a place of my
- 27:33fear and my neuroses and all my bullshit, all my undealt with
- 27:36trauma, all my emotional baggage, you know? And I always
- 27:40talk about it like this, you know, I think about
- 27:42relationships like when, when you're dating, I'm like, when
- 27:45people first start dating, they love to show up and put on their
- 27:50best act, right? Their best self steps forward and goes on the
- 27:55date for the first however long, right? Because if people were to
- 27:58just show up with their big bag of emotional stuff, all their
- 28:02undealt with stuff, all their habits and patterns and
- 28:05conditions and insecurity and bullshit, and they just imagine
- 28:10just walking up like you're meeting at a restaurant. It's
- 28:12like the first time you're meeting each other, and you both
- 28:16like walk up to the table, or one of you is already sitting at
- 28:19the table, and the other person just walks up with this big
- 28:21Santa size sack full of stuff, full of shit. They just set it
- 28:26down, and they're like, hi, like, this is me, and big
- 28:29gesture, this is me and like, my stuff, right? The other person
- 28:33would be like, yeah, check, please, check, please. I'm out
- 28:36of here. So we have a responsibility, too, in our
- 28:40relationships and in our collaborations, to know what
- 28:43we're bringing to the table. And literally imagine that, like two
- 28:47people about to sit down at this table, and they're looking at
- 28:50each other and they're like, so why you want to do this thing?
- 28:53Like, how you doing? Like, what's going on? Like, we think
- 28:56we can make this thing work. Like, who are you, what are you
- 28:59doing? What are you up to? What are you carrying around? What's
- 29:01your attitude, what's your values, how do you communicate?
- 29:04Is there room for me in this relationship, or is it going to
- 29:07be the you show like all the time, right? Is there mutual
- 29:11respect and support, right? Do we love each other double A men
- 29:15hands, if you get that. But do we like each other like would we
- 29:19choose each other? Would we choose each other? And that's a
- 29:27really important thing. Because remember who you choose to
- 29:30collaborate with, who you choose to do relationship with. It
- 29:34matters. And then one other point, like, because beyond
- 29:37that, you know, they become like an extension of you, you know.
- 29:43And so I often talk about how, like, you know,
- 29:48I don't like to be associated with people who are doing shady
- 29:52shit. I want to, I want to surround myself with people who
- 29:57look and we're all flawed. We're all flawed, we're. All a work in
- 30:00progress, but there's a difference between, they made a
- 30:04mistake, they screwed up, they're learning, and that is
- 30:07some shady shit. That is a person who is, like, up to no
- 30:12good. I'm all for fun shenanigans, right? I'm all for
- 30:16like, we're gonna stumble, we're gonna be clumsy. That's life.
- 30:19We're doing our best, and we're going to get better, and we
- 30:21apologize and we own it, and then there's people who are up
- 30:24to some stuff that I want nothing to do with, and I don't
- 30:28want to be associated, right? So it can be really easy to be
- 30:33charmed by people. So one of the other things I'll say is before
- 30:40you jump into a collaboration, a relationship, a friendship. Pump
- 30:45the brakes a little bit. Have a little patience. Feel things
- 30:49out, get a real sense of people, because we are training our
- 30:54brains these days for everything to be fast, immediate. Want
- 30:58instant gratification. Let's just do everything right? And
- 31:02like, we need to be able to pump the brakes. Kind of take a look
- 31:06at the larger landscape. Kind of float above the timeline, go
- 31:10above everything. Take a look, see, take a little look, see
- 31:13around, and be like, Who is this person really? What am I getting
- 31:18into? And you know, some people, you get involved too fast, too
- 31:24furious, right? The Fast and the Furious. And it doesn't always
- 31:27end well. I feel like I could talk about this for a really
- 31:31long time, that this metaphor, right of relationships are like
- 31:35good collaborations, but I think I'm going to pause it there for
- 31:39now, and it's just an invitation, too, to take a look
- 31:41around and see who are you collaborating with these days.
- 31:46Maybe you haven't collaborated with somebody in a long time.
- 31:50Maybe your collaboration partner recently passed away, or you
- 31:54broke up, or they left, or there's been a rift, or some
- 31:57kind, you know, maybe it's time to stop looking, you know, to
- 32:01collaborate, or maybe the greatest collaboration you want
- 32:04to have is between you and yourself, or you and your book,
- 32:07your artistry, your writing, you and your music, you and whatever
- 32:11you're creating, you and your clients. I don't know you and
- 32:14your pets, like whatever. It's not for me to say what your next
- 32:17collaboration should be, but maybe you've been not really
- 32:21pouring into any kind of collaboration lately, and maybe
- 32:25you've just been kind of like dog paddling, trying to keep
- 32:29your head above water. But you know, there are, there are some
- 32:33great collaborators out there, and they're also looking for you
- 32:38and for the beauty and the the wisdom and the joy and the fun
- 32:41and the love. And let me just say that too, great great
- 32:45collaborations, great relationships. They have fun.
- 32:49You have more fun together. And so if you're starting to feel
- 32:53like, Oh, these things, this doesn't really feel that fun
- 32:58anymore. And I'm not talking about, like, hard patches,
- 33:01because all relationships go through those kind of tough
- 33:03patches, right? I shouldn't say most, let's, let's normalize
- 33:07that most relationships, they go through a thing when you feel a
- 33:09little out of sync, whatever. I'm not talking about that. But
- 33:12sometimes there comes a point where you're just like, Yeah,
- 33:15this is just a grind, and I don't see a way out, like, and
- 33:18I'm not saying give up, right? That's what therapy and coaching
- 33:21and mentoring. There's 1000 things you can do, but sometimes
- 33:24we just when we start to realize, yeah, this doesn't feel
- 33:27that fun anymore. That's like a flare being sent up into the
- 33:32consciousness to take a look at that. But hopefully, whoever you
- 33:36are collaborating with right now, you're having a lot of fun,
- 33:39and I'm so grateful to all the people that have been great
- 33:43collaborators with me throughout my lifetime, and I've had some
- 33:47great collaborations, and I super duper appreciate you. And
- 33:51right now I feel like I'm having a collaboration with my
- 33:53listeners. So thank you so much again for being here. I hope
- 33:57this has been helpful in some way, or got you just thinking a
- 34:00little differently. I always say, I'm not here to tell you
- 34:02what to think, but it's an invitation to think, and
- 34:05sometimes it might be a new way of thinking, which is always
- 34:08fantastic and fun. So I appreciate you so much. Don't
- 34:12forget, my friend Emmeline has her content with character
- 34:15podcast. It's coming out on August 19, and she's kind of
- 34:19taking a collaboration angle more from the business side, and
- 34:21I'm really excited to listen to that. Maybe you'll check it out
- 34:24too, and just thank you for being here and wherever you go,
- 34:28wherever you go, may you leave yourself and the place and the
- 34:32animals and the planet and the other people, your other
- 34:35collaborators, better than how you first found them, wherever
- 34:39you go. May you and your energy and your presence and your love,
- 34:45you know, be a blessing. Bye. You.