Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 22 | A Lindsey, Per Se

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22 | A Lindsey, Per Se · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: So I teach.
• 0:02
  Eric: You know this.
• 0:04
  Eric: I know this.
• 0:04
  Eric: I am a trainer by I am a trainer by trade.
• 0:07
  Matt: Trainer by trade, yes.
• 0:08
  Eric: Uh and I had one of those awkward I I had this terrible thing happen to me, and I it it's happened before, but this is like the most awkward it's ever been.
• 0:20
  Eric: Where I I had I had a class scheduled, um and like nine people were supposed to show up.
• 0:28
  Eric: Not all but one showed up.
• 0:31
  Eric: Um which is frustrating in and of itself because when no one shows up, I can just be like, all right, bye.
• 0:37
  Eric: Um one person showed up, but it's fine, it's a very short class.
• 0:40
  Eric: Uh and and this person was like very respectful during class, had plenty of great questions.
• 0:46
  Eric: Uh, but as as soon as the class was ended, I I made a I the second I said it, I knew I I I had made a mistake.
• 0:56
  Eric: And I I said, so do you have any other questions?
• 0:58
  Eric: Anything else I can talk on, explain?
• 1:01
  Eric: Uh he kept me there for the c to be clear, this class for a certification, this class takes a grand total of 45 minutes.
• 1:11
  Eric: So the word class is generous.
• 1:14
  Eric: Um we ended up talking for an additional hour and a half.
• 1:20
  Eric: Nice, like handily.
• 1:22
  Eric: Uh and it about shit that had like on the surface level had to do with what I was teaching, but really had nothing to do with it.
• 1:32
  Eric: Like, I was giving this person, this person was like an engineer who manages employees, and like by the end of this, I was giving like a seminar on how to manage human beings uh and trying to explain to an engineer that there are some things that are just beyond our control.
• 1:52
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 1:53
  Eric: I I and like, but he just kept like, but like, what how can we fix that?
• 1:59
  Eric: How can I was like, I can't like I'm talking about He's asking life questions, guys.
• 2:04
  Eric: Yes, like he's asking me to solve the human equation.
• 2:08
  Matt: Like you are not equipped to train on that.
• 2:11
  Eric: No, God I don't think I my grip on this reality is tenuous at best.
• 2:17
  Eric: Uh, but that wasn't even the worst part.
• 2:19
  Eric: Like, we got through that, I was like, all right, that took a turn.
• 2:21
  Eric: And then like it was just kind of saying where it was like it was just me and him in the classroom.
• 2:26
  Eric: I was like, all right, uh, so that'll that'll do it for us.
• 2:28
  Eric: I opened the door up, the universal sign of please leave.
• 2:32
  Eric: Please leave.
• 2:33
  Eric: And he just sat there staring at me.
• 2:36
  Eric: And I'm like, Oh my god.
• 2:38
  Eric: And and I'm like, yeah, it was a real pleasure having you in class today.
• 2:41
  Eric: And he's like, Oh yeah, thank you.
• 2:42
  Eric: You're really uh you were really knowledgeable.
• 2:44
  Eric: He answered my question.
• 2:45
  Eric: Like, yeah.
• 2:45
  Eric: Just kept staring at me.
• 2:47
  Matt: And so you guys are doing this stare off of who's gonna leave the room?
• 2:50
  Eric: Yes.
• 2:51
  Eric: Because I feel weird if I leave, if I because like there's no one else in our training facility at this point.
• 2:57
  Eric: It is me and this guy.
• 2:59
  Eric: So like I I'm I'm also trying to.
• 3:01
  Matt: But you don't want to leave him unbi unattended behind.
• 3:04
  Eric: Yes.
• 3:05
  Eric: Like, part of me is always like, will he just sit there in the dark?
• 3:08
  Eric: Like, do I turn off the lights?
• 3:10
  Eric: Or is he there for some nefarious purpose?
• 3:12
  Eric: I know.
• 3:13
  Eric: What could he possibly be engineering?
• 3:18
  Eric: But yeah, it was it was just so like it was the worst game of socially awkward chicken I've ever played.
• 3:25
  Matt: Good lord.
• 3:26
  Matt: Yeah, like he wants to take over the classroom almost, it seems like.
• 3:29
  Matt: No, the student has become the teacher.
• 3:33
  Eric: He and every engineer does this when I teach them, they will ask so many questions about so many things that have nothing to do, and like I already touched on this, but like like they'll why you to death.
• 3:45
  Eric: I'll be like, Oh, yes, this is the positive, this is the anode side of this capacitor, and they'll be like, why?
• 3:51
  Matt: I'm like, well, that's that's the way if they are a a a small child.
• 3:56
  Eric: Yeah, yes, but like the problem is like they mean it in absolute sincerity, and at a it's always sucks because at some point I have to admit, look, I don't get paid enough to know the answer to that question.
• 4:08
  Eric: I'm not an engineer.
• 4:10
  Matt: Wow.
• 4:11
  Matt: Well, Eric, I I think you've set this guy up for success with the secrets of perhaps humanity.
• 4:19
  Eric: Yeah.
• 4:20
  Eric: The the uh pro tip kids, the answer to that question is we just have to accept that people generally, on the whole, suck in many ways.
• 4:29
  Eric: Of course.
• 4:30
  Matt: Now, so did you leave him behind who left the room first?
• 4:33
  Eric: Oh, I did.
• 4:37
  Matt: And he's still there to this day.
• 5:05
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 5:06
  Matt: And joining us today, we have a very special guest.
• 5:10
  Matt: Please welcome it.
• 5:12
  Matt: And I'm looking at my notes here.
• 5:13
  Matt: Uh, it says that this guest wanted to be just introduced as wife of podcaster Lindsay R.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: Barr.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh presenting doctoral candidate and Mr.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Lindsay Barr.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: And Mr.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, right?
• 5:35
  Eric: That I I have wondered about that.
• 5:38
  Eric: When you get it, it's not an if, it's a when.
• 5:41
  Eric: Can I introduce you?
• 5:43
  Eric: Can I just go in the room?
• 5:45
  Eric: Dr.
• 5:45
  Eric: and Mr.
• 5:46
  Eric: Lindsay Barr.
• 5:48
  Eric: Can we reclaim some of it?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Uh that's actually the only way you're allowed to uh introduce me or talk to me ever again.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 5:56
  Matt: Does that also go for me as well?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we've talked about this.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're contractually obligated to only call me doctor.
• 6:03
  Matt: Okay, great.
• 6:04
  Matt: Sounds good.
• 6:05
  Matt: Uh, for everyone else that's not me or Eric, uh, this is Lindsay Arbar, uh, director, dramaturg, educator, doctoral candidate, and wife of podcasting, uh, extraordinaire.
• 6:20
  Matt: Uh Lindsay Arbar, how are you?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: I am doing well, thank you.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: How are you both?
• 6:26
  unknown: Marvelous.
• 6:28
  Matt: Now, Lindsay, um, as as a big fan of the show by contractual obligation, you have probably noticed you've come up quite a bit in this show.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I am uh I have noticed a ghost feminist presence that seems to permeate all things on this podcast.
• 6:46
  Eric: Well, yeah, you'd kick the shit out of us if it didn't.
• 6:49
  Matt: And so so sorry, it sounds like um, so you're coming out against that.
• 6:53
  Matt: You're coming out against uh feminism on the podcast?
• 6:55
  Matt: Is that your first contribution?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm saying that there are mentions of me, and largely they're only following a sentence where Matt says something about the patriarchy, I have to say that, or my wife would kill me.
• 7:10
  Matt: Um follow-up question about that.
• 7:13
  Matt: Um Have I ever been wrong?
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Generally speaking, or in the podcast?
• 7:19
  Matt: Oh, very good.
• 7:20
  Matt: Come back.
• 7:22
  Eric: So happy this episode is happening.
• 7:25
  Matt: Uh I meant, have I ever been wrong in those circumstances?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure the answer is yes.
• 7:31
  Matt: Okay.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: That is the most that is such a good answer.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: This fucking show is off and positive.
• 7:40
  Matt: All right, Eric, I want to say uh right up front, I think we've made a very large mistake.
• 7:46
  Eric: I am I I am euphoric, Matthew.
• 7:50
  Eric: Okay, this is everything I want.
• 7:52
  Matt: So, Lindsay, as as you know, we here answer life's least pressing questions.
• 7:58
  Matt: Um and I believe you have come prepared with a question of your own.
• 8:04
  Matt: Is is that correct?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Just one, but before we get to said question, I would like to offer, as I've mentioned, because Matt and I obviously live together.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: I've said this to him many times.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is new information for you, Poach.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's garbage that your guests have to come up with questions.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Frankly, that's your job.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, okay.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: I just want the record to show I've said this.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Not all of us are as um remarkable as Sarah Feldman.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Who thinks in questions?
• 8:36
  Matt: Very few of us are, including the hosts of this show.
• 8:39
  Eric: Now we get to the crux of it.
• 8:41
  Eric: Follow Sarah Feldman.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that is the real, that's the real pin here.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Who could possibly follow Sarah Feldman who thinks in questions?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's quite remarkable.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um anyway, so I've only come up with one question because I feel that's fair compensation for my time in exchange for being on the podcast.
• 8:58
  Eric: Let the record show.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let the record show.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: I find that to be fair.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh here is my question.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, inspired by directly from the classic 2009 film.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: What do tigers dream of when they take a little tiger snooze?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_02: What fucking thing is that from?
• 9:22
  Matt: Oh my god, Eric.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: What do tigers dream of?
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, yep, so.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Ed Helms?
• 9:38
  Matt: Ed Helms, yeah, come on.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry.
• 9:40
  Matt: Do I saw I want to say, first of all, I want to say on the record, um, uh the Hangover, one of very few, actually, I think only three films that earns the distinction of a film that I saw in theaters three times.
• 9:55
  unknown: Yeah.
• 9:56
  Eric: Uh first off, uh it is worth establishing that we are discussing the the dream state of a snooze, not when a tiger is sleep, when they take a little tiger snooze.
• 10:07
  Eric: Not like uh, not like a deep sneeze, like I'm I'm imagining like when they take a power nap.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: If if my if my uh dramaturgical research skills have fared me well, he does continue to say, do they dream about mauling zebras?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: So that the the the idea of a dream is canon, but I I hear your question and I think it is a good one.
• 10:36
  Eric: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 10:40
  Eric: Uh and then like the that angle of it, the the mauling zebras, it's almost like a question of like are animals bound by the nature of their being, you know what I mean?
• 10:53
  Matt: Like, I don't think so, because the very next lyric is or Halle Berry in her catwoman suit.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Which is tangentially uh related, I will say, to them being of the feline persuasion, but could they not dream about basking in the sun on a rock on a lovely day?
• 11:15
  Eric: Swimming, tigers fucking love swimming.
• 11:18
  Matt: Um they do, uh, I think.
• 11:22
  Matt: I have no direct knowledge.
• 11:23
  Eric: Yeah, like don't if you're ever running from a from a big cat, don't jump into a river if you're running from a tiger.
• 11:31
  Matt: Yeah, I don't think it's the grenade law.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: The grenade law.
• 11:36
  Matt: Yeah, like the it's a myth, but you know, it the it's an action movie thing.
• 11:40
  Matt: Like if something blows up, you jump in water and you'll be protected, but it's not a hundred percent right.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Is that something is that something that you've come up with, or is that like uh no, that's something uh Hollywood.
• 11:53
  Eric: Yeah, it's a trip.
• 11:53
  Eric: I remember it distinctly from Batman uh Batman and Robin.
• 11:57
  Matt: Oh, so you want to take us even further back in the world.
• 12:00
  Eric: Oh, sorry, Batman Forever, in fact.
• 12:02
  Eric: Oh, even further back.
• 12:03
  Eric: Yeah, okay.
• 12:04
  Eric: Yeah, when Robin well, when you know that bomb was gonna go off at the circus where Dick Crayson tragically lost his parents, and Batman rolled the bomb down a roof somehow into a body of water and it exploded harmlessly.
• 12:15
  Eric: Even though it was designed to kill an entire stadium of people, it exploded five feet away from him underwater and he was fine.
• 12:22
  Eric: Like that, Lindsay.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: I um I I was referring to the term grenade law, not the phenomenon of Hollywood making that part of a pivotal moment in action films.
• 12:33
  Matt: Um, yeah, sure.
• 12:36
  Matt: I made it up.
• 12:36
  Matt: Why not?
• 12:38
  unknown: Yeah.
• 12:39
  Matt: If there's one thing I'm good at, I think it's taking credit for things that I didn't necessarily come up with.
• 12:46
  Matt: Or did.
• 12:47
  Matt: Yeah.
• 12:47
  Matt: You know, like just blanket take credit for it and deal with the consequences later.
• 12:53
  Eric: Back to the tigers.
• 12:54
  Eric: What do they dream of?
• 12:55
  Eric: So animalistic nature, Halle Berry in her in her Catwoman suit, uh, sni basking on rocks on a very nice day, swimming.
• 13:05
  Eric: Uh yeah, what do you I guess I guess for me, like, is what is the question, like what we're getting at is what do tigers want to dream of?
• 13:12
  Matt: Do you think that tigers feel as though they need to uh elevate beyond their current station?
• 13:20
  Matt: Like everybody knows that the the lion is the king of the jungle, but do tigers agree?
• 13:26
  Matt: Do they see a coup in their future?
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: To what effect, though?
• 13:33
  Matt: Like Well, who the fuck made the lion the king of the jungle?
• 13:38
  Matt: I'm now portraying the part of a tiger.
• 13:40
  Matt: And why am I objectively much more eye-catching than the than the lion, I feel.
• 13:50
  Matt: Why am I pushed to the sidelines?
• 13:52
  Eric: I would also add, it's kind of fucked up.
• 13:55
  Eric: Lions don't even live in the fucking jungle.
• 13:58
  Eric: They fucking don't, Eric.
• 13:59
  Eric: They live on the plains.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then that is a good question.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Why would the tiger care if it's all semantics, if there's not actually a hierarchical overlap between tigers and lions?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Why would they care what the lions are called?
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Tigers are self-assured enough, is what I'm arguing.
• 14:17
  Eric: That's what I I agree with that so hard.
• 14:19
  Eric: Like, because it's a tiger, A, but B, it's a cat.
• 14:23
  Eric: Like, I can't think of a more self-assured creature on this planet than one of the most powerful big cats.
• 14:30
  Matt: Self-assured, yes, but also self-centered, I would say.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, a little bit of a con vibe.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 14:36
  Matt: Which is, I think, a little bit of a tally in the does care about this artificial title that has been bestowed by humans onto a fellow feline.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, maybe the tigers, much like uh I won't speak for other humans, but I have stressed dreams about my life.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe their dream we assume dreams are positive, right?
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they're dreaming about their slight in life placed upon them by the inferior yet more greedy human race.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_02: That's true.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_02: I I I feel that.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: What what what is yes?
• 15:15
  Eric: I I like I like the idea of tiger stress dream about this, but I also wonder like what is the tiger stress dream equivalent of like showing up to a test not prepared?
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: I can only imagine it's a herd of gazelle.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Do tiger eat gazelle?
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: Am I thinking of lions?
• 15:32
  Matt: Lions eat gazelle for sure.
• 15:34
  Matt: Tigers, I don't know that they care.
• 15:36
  Eric: Eat literally everything else.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: Then a herd of gazelle pointing and laughing at them as they're unable, you don't even have those dreams that like you're trying to get to something, but it's just out of your grasp.
• 15:50
  unknown: Oh my god.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's their stress dream.
• 15:53
  Eric: They're like, I can and want to kill this thing, but have either of you ever had that like that most awful kind of dream where you're being fought by someone, someone is attacking you, and no matter how hard you like swing or flail, it's like your limbs are moving through like peanut butter.
• 16:12
  Eric: It's the most infuriating.
• 16:14
  Matt: I think you might be describing a form of uh not sleep apnea, the other one that I've got from sleep paralysis, paralysis.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: I think you're talking about sleep sleep apnea.
• 16:24
  Matt: Yeah, no, sleep apnea is the one that's very different.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yes.
• 16:28
  Matt: Um all that hardware.
• 16:30
  Matt: But you are talking so because I also get sleep apnea, but most of the time I just fuck it's no, you don't get sleep apnea.
• 16:36
  Matt: I don't get sleep apnea that I know of, but I do get uh sleep paralysis, and it feels like I'm floating towards the ceiling and can't stop.
• 16:44
  Matt: Like I'm like I have had some fizzy lifting drink to go back to our previous episode.
• 16:49
  Matt: You know what I'm talking about?
• 16:50
  Eric: Oh yeah, I feel you.
• 16:52
  Matt: That's what it feels like to me, like I can't be stopped, but occasionally it does feel as though there is a presence in the room staring at me.
• 16:57
  Matt: Occasionally I've had a uh this presence attack Lindsay and I can't do anything about it.
• 17:02
  Matt: I don't know if I've shared that with Lindsay.
• 17:04
  Matt: I didn't want to stress her out, so instead I shared it here in a public forum.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: No, I think we've toyed that before.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 17:10
  Matt: Uh anyway, uh while while we were discussing our dreams, I did find the diet of the tiger from what I would assume is the definitive source of for all things tigers, SeaWorld.
• 17:22
  Eric: Uh they said weird flex, but okay.
• 17:26
  Matt: Uh the their diet of large-bodied prey weighing about 45 pounds or larger, such as I'm gonna skip the first one and come back to it, deer species, which I believe would cover gazelle.
• 17:39
  Matt: Gazelle.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, for sure.
• 17:40
  Matt: Pigs, cows, horses, buffaloes, goats, and the much more intriguing first one listed here, moose.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: They can take down moose.
• 17:52
  Matt: Where are the tigers encountering moose?
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't ask that with buffalo or water buffalo, I guess.
• 18:01
  Matt: I can see a the also cows.
• 18:04
  Matt: Like, I don't know how many cows are going around the Savannah.
• 18:09
  Matt: Well, in India comics.
• 18:11
  Matt: Oh God, I am on fire with misspeaking today.
• 18:15
  Eric: Remember, tigers live in the jungle.
• 18:18
  Matt: The Savannah Desert.
• 18:23
  Eric: Umose, though.
• 18:26
  Eric: Yeah, is there like a pocket of them in Ontario?
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: That there also happens to be a pocket of tigers in Ontario?
• 18:34
  Matt: That's like should that's what you're asking.
• 18:36
  Matt: There's a pocket of tigers in Ontario.
• 18:38
  Eric: Yeah, I'm like, I feel pretty good about moose.
• 18:40
  Eric: Are tigers an invasive species in Canada?
• 18:43
  Eric: Discussion.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: How would Canadian deal with that?
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: If they were invasive, they'd be very polite and ask if they could come in first.
• 18:58
  Eric: They're like vampires.
• 19:00
  Eric: The Canadian tigers, yes.
• 19:01
  Eric: The Canadian tigers.
• 19:02
  Eric: Oh, yes.
• 19:02
  Eric: They're apologizing as they're mauling you.
• 19:05
  Eric: Yes.
• 19:06
  Eric: Oh sorry.
• 19:07
  Eric: Weird other side tangent.
• 19:09
  Eric: You know what another natural predator of the moose is?
• 19:12
  Eric: Tell me.
• 19:12
  Eric: Bull sharks.
• 19:14
  Eric: Well, moose can be.
• 19:15
  Eric: Well, that's because moose can swim.
• 19:16
  Eric: Yep.
• 19:17
  Eric: Yep.
• 19:17
  Eric: They'll uh and and bull sharks are freshwater, brackish water, I can't remember, but they they'll swim in like rivers and shit.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_04: Ooh, brackish.
• 19:25
  unknown: Brackish.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's a Maryland education for you.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's someone who was born and raised in Maryland.
• 19:30
  Eric: Correct.
• 19:31
  Eric: That is what I've held.
• 19:33
  Eric: They hammered that home so fucking hard in Ohio.
• 19:37
  Eric: There are three.
• 19:38
  Eric: Fresh, salt, and neither but kind of both.
• 19:43
  Eric: Brackish.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the Chesapeake, and you will love it.
• 19:46
  Eric: And you will worship at the altar.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: But we will throw garbage in in the meantime.
• 19:51
  Eric: Yes, yes.
• 19:53
  Matt: Hashtag save the bay.
• 19:54
  Matt: Um the so in the meantime, tigers and their dreams.
• 20:01
  Matt: Have we landed on any particular because again, as Eric stated at the beginning, this is during a snooze.
• 20:07
  Matt: So we're not in full rem state, I don't think.
• 20:10
  Matt: Well, I guess you need to be there in order to dream.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: Not necessarily, I don't think.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: You can have like yeah, I think rem is when you're like just in your deepest, most restorative sleep.
• 20:20
  Matt: Not yes, that's true.
• 20:23
  Matt: So okay, so if we're dreaming now, but but could be awoken at any moment, what is the is that a surface level dream of a tiger, do we think?
• 20:35
  Eric: I I I think I I I that it's kind of like I get the one, it's not sleep paralysis, where like I suddenly get the the sudden sensation that I'm falling out of bed, but I didn't, and then I jolt myself awake.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, sleep apnea.
• 20:48
  Eric: Is that sleep apnea?
• 20:50
  Eric: It doesn't happen all the time.
• 20:51
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 20:52
  Matt: No, sleep apnea is the one where you're not.
• 20:53
  Eric: He's making a joke because no one knows what sleep apnea is.
• 20:56
  Matt: I know what it is.
• 20:57
  Matt: It's when you have to have that thing on you.
• 20:59
  Matt: Because don't you you don't stop breathing, right?
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's called a mask.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: The CPAP machine.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: CPAP machine.
• 21:06
  Matt: It's like the Bane mask a little bit.
• 21:09
  Matt: What to bring that into yet another episode, but bring it back to Batman.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, people really stop C Batman.
• 21:14
  Eric: The snap won't be very good.
• 21:16
  Eric: For you for you.
• 21:21
  Eric: For you.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think we're talking like super surface level, because if they're only snoozing, I think we're talking about like top of mind tiger concerns.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I when I'm snoozing, it's always like front of mind dreams.
• 21:39
  Matt: So I think we're talking like what was your last front of mind dream?
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, when I took a nap the other day in the hotel, I didn't tell you this, but um, I took a nap.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: We went to a wedding recently, and I took a nap when he got there because I hadn't slept well the night before.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I my dream was some man, I don't know who it was.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I, you know, you see people in dreams all the time that you like don't recognize, don't know who it was.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: We were in some abandoned town.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: And he but he made me walk around the whole town with his daughters, but I had to wear a VR headset.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: So like I was really walking around, but there was someone who was like, no, no, no, you can't look at this town put on the headset.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I would put on the headset and I'd be in this like digital ready player one situation.
• 22:22
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then I woke up.
• 22:24
  Eric: So what is the tiger equivalent of that?
• 22:29
  Matt: Oh yeah, I I'm interested how this how would you summarize that top of mind dream for you as a top of mind concern?
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm sure some psychotherapists would be like, the unknown, but the infiltration of digital media.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it was just like I was staring at my phone, I fell asleep, I had this dream about a VR headset.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: So what is the equivalent for that for tigers?
• 22:55
  Matt: I mean, if if we could uh elevate the discussion just slightly, it could be the concern of their disappearing ecosystems or worsening ecosystems.
• 23:08
  Eric: What if they dream about like some some lion forcing them to wear a lion mane and then they have to walk around and hang out with lions?
• 23:17
  Eric: Yeah.
• 23:18
  Eric: And like the tiger knows he's gonna get caught.
• 23:21
  Eric: Like it's one of those dreams, like where you know, like, oh my god, this this is gonna end badly for me at any second.
• 23:27
  Eric: What's gonna happen?
• 23:29
  Eric: And like one of the lions is like, why does that lion have stripes?
• 23:32
  Eric: And then he like wakes up in a cold sweat.
• 23:34
  Matt: Maybe we're missing the very, the very simple, um, the very, very simple explanation that it is related to the tiger's best known uh not quality, but characteristic, the stripes.
• 23:50
  Matt: Perhaps they dream of losing their stripes, or even worse, do they dream of mauling zebras or do they dream of uh becoming zebras?
• 23:58
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 23:59
  Matt: A fellow, but but lesser on the food chain striped beast.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Do they have dreams like we do, where you show up somewhere to give a speech and you find out you're naked?
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then you have those dreams.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: They show up to do something and then without their stripes.
• 24:18
  Matt: Without their stripes.
• 24:19
  Matt: Oh no.
• 24:20
  Matt: Yeah, they show up at the at the watering hole, Sans stripes, and everyone's like, uh, Stuart, get out of here.
• 24:28
  Eric: Ugh.
• 24:29
  Eric: Or fucked.
• 24:30
  Eric: Yeah, do they ever dream that they're a zebra?
• 24:32
  Eric: Like, do that, like they're like there's a hunt, and then all of a sudden the the the tiger realizes like, oh no, I'm the zebra, guys.
• 24:38
  Eric: It's me and the S20.
• 24:39
  Matt: I'm being hunted.
• 24:40
  Eric: Yeah.
• 24:41
  Matt: Oh, I gotta do like that.
• 24:42
  Matt: Like they they think they're hunting, but in fact, they are the hunted.
• 24:47
  unknown: Oh my god.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, thanking fuck.
• 24:52
  Matt: Now that we've uh so I think I think that's it.
• 24:54
  Matt: I think we're dream we've got stress dreams, and I I do think they probably think quite a bit about suddenly losing a key diff def defining factor of their selves.
• 25:08
  Matt: Them stripes.
• 25:10
  unknown: Them stripes.
• 25:12
  Matt: Well, Lindsay, thank you for the question.
• 25:14
  Matt: I did we answer it for you?
• 25:16
  Matt: Yes.
• 25:17
  Matt: Oh, good.
• 25:18
  Eric: Thank you for bringing us that question, Lindsay.
• 25:22
  Matt: You are so free will and enthusiasm.
• 25:25
  Matt: Yes.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's the only way I do anything.
• 25:28
  Matt: Now, now, Lindsay, you actually uh were present when this question was asked this next question.
• 25:35
  Matt: It does come to us from my mother, uh, who can be found and bothered on Instagram as at stoicha.
• 25:43
  Eric: Sorry, I'm just gonna read it.
• 25:44
  Eric: She'll love that.
• 25:46
  Eric: I love the theme of this episode so far.
• 25:48
  Eric: It's just the women in Matt's life.
• 25:52
  Matt: Yes, yes, you're I you know, I'm slowly putting that together, Eric, and getting concerned about the rest of this trajectory of the zips.
• 26:01
  Eric: You wouldn't be the amazing human you are without them.
• 26:04
  Matt: Oh, Eric, you're right.
• 26:06
  Matt: It's true.
• 26:07
  Matt: You're absolutely right.
• 26:08
  Matt: I have to say that, or my wife will kill me.
• 26:10
  Matt: What makes a bar a dive bar?
• 26:15
  Matt: That's the question.
• 26:17
  Eric: Mama Shea, I love this question so much.
• 26:20
  Matt: I feel as though most people are um I I think most people have a clear mental picture.
• 26:28
  Matt: When you say dive bar, what comes you know, something comes to mind immediately.
• 26:33
  Matt: Lindsay, what comes to mind for you?
• 26:36
  Matt: Dive bar.
• 26:36
  Matt: What do you see?
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: It has to be a sticky floor.
• 26:40
  Matt: Oh yes, absolutely.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: A dark, sticky floor.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Preferably if this bar could somehow be both above ground and below ground, that's the dive.
• 26:52
  Eric: No matter what, you have to duck when you go through the door.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: Something feels architecturally unsound about it, but yes, the not to say the least with the sticky floor.
• 27:02
  unknown: Yeah.
• 27:03
  Eric: It was built when humans were shorter.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: Some of us are still short.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: I and and you know, some of my best friends are short.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: So kind of you to even speak to them at your stature.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 27:16
  Matt: Wow, Eric.
• 27:17
  Matt: Really coming out against short people with the uh with just stereotypical tall people.
• 27:23
  Matt: I can comment on the things.
• 27:24
  Matt: I can see these things.
• 27:25
  Eric: Some of my short friends are short people.
• 27:29
  Eric: Jeez.
• 27:29
  Eric: I've got my token shortcuts.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: You said my girlfriend is short.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: How tall is his Sam?
• 27:35
  Eric: Uh she's like fuck uh like five five.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's Amazonian, basically.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm five two.
• 27:45
  Matt: Oh my god, I forget.
• 27:46
  Matt: Are you really?
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: Am I growth your husband?
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm 5'2 and a half, so I tell the DMV that I'm 5'3.
• 27:57
  Eric: Oh, yeah, sure.
• 27:58
  Eric: Yeah.
• 27:58
  Eric: I have to put on my my actor's resume.
• 28:01
  Eric: I'm 6'6.
• 28:02
  Eric: I have to put that I'm 6'4.
• 28:04
  Eric: Uh best piece of advice I ever got from uh from a director from mine is like always put he's like, never write that you're 6'6.
• 28:10
  Eric: Write that you're 6'4 because 6'4 is the imagin is like the common breakoff point for leading man height for a lot of casters.
• 28:17
  Eric: As soon as they see 6'6, they're like, he's way too big to be anything.
• 28:22
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 28:23
  Matt: I mean, well, as long as we're discussing lies on resumes, I'm 5'11, but six foot sounds better, so that's what's on the resume.
• 28:31
  Matt: And I am six foot in any kind of footwear.
• 28:34
  Eric: Yeah.
• 28:35
  Eric: So it evens out.
• 28:37
  Matt: So it evens out.
• 28:38
  Eric: We're not bad people.
• 28:40
  Eric: Dive bars.
• 28:41
  Eric: Sticky.
• 28:41
  Eric: Oh, right.
• 28:42
  Matt: So the sticky floor.
• 28:43
  Matt: Let's talk about the bathrooms.
• 28:45
  Eric: Oh man.
• 28:46
  Eric: There is not there are stalls.
• 28:48
  Eric: There are no doors upon them.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: You also say bathrooms as if there's always more than one.
• 28:56
  Eric: Oh, you're right.
• 28:57
  Eric: You're right.
• 28:57
  Eric: Yeah.
• 28:58
  Eric: In fact, I think dive bars were like the pioneers of the unisex bathroom.
• 29:03
  Eric: In that there is a bathroom, and everyone is welcome to it.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: Should you be so lucky to one, find it, and two, be able to use it.
• 29:12
  Eric: If you have to like duck into the kitchen to get to it.
• 29:16
  Matt: The kitchen?
• 29:17
  Matt: Well, the kitchen at the very least must be visible from the bathroom entrance.
• 29:21
  Eric: Oh yes.
• 29:22
  Matt: Or or the office somehow of the of the you know, somebody at a computer is visible as well.
• 29:29
  Eric: Yeah.
• 29:30
  Eric: Because kitchen is generous for a dive bar.
• 29:33
  Matt: Yes.
• 29:33
  Matt: That's just where they prepare the chicken fingers.
• 29:37
  Matt: Um the the the so yes, I think if you're able to find it, uh anyone is able to use it, of course.
• 29:45
  Matt: Uh anyone is also at at liberty to place their own bumper sticker upon the walls.
• 29:52
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 29:53
  Matt: For their band or podcast, I assume.
• 29:56
  Eric: Yeah, those walls are international waters as far as graffiti is concerned.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: I also think that you have to have a dive bar that has one of those like three like U-shaped bars that somehow is the biggest piece of furniture in the room, yet still not anywhere adequate enough for anyone to actually order a drink.
• 30:19
  Eric: Yes.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's like you are throwing bows with people you've never met before in your life to get a watered-down vodka tonic.
• 30:29
  Eric: What it yes, yes.
• 30:31
  Eric: Also, uh, what I think dive bar, I also think like some of my favorite dive bars have been too, they're all like in terms of the room dimensions, they're super long, but they're so narrow that you have to be sideways the entire time you're moving through them.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's a single bowling alley lane.
• 30:51
  Matt: Yes, yeah, yes.
• 30:52
  Matt: You you ever anyone needs to move horizontally to get around somebody else.
• 30:57
  Matt: Um, and there's no there's no good way to get through a crowd in them.
• 31:02
  Matt: No, no, no, no.
• 31:04
  Matt: Well, let's talk about the bar itself, the physical bar.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, well, I talked about I talked about it being the biggest.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's always a giant wooden thing that's also somehow sticky.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_04: Like you feel like maybe it's definitely sticky.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: But you feel like maybe the but like where it shouldn't be sticky, right?
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like bar top, get it.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: Juice and shit is being used.
• 31:27
  Matt: But like you'll sit at a bar stool and like put your hand on the edge, and it's like it's oh yeah, god forbid if you those fingers curl underneath the lip of the of the bar.
• 31:38
  Eric: And uh uh a thing of the uh this I specifically notice of dive bars in Baltimore.
• 31:43
  Eric: Um the actual structure of that bar will usually be like antique.
• 31:49
  Eric: Like it'll be, but that's merely by virtue of none of this have having been torn down, despite probably should have been condemned years ago.
• 31:58
  Eric: Like this, like there's so much architecture in Baltimore from like the uh from uh like the late 1800s and shit that we still have by mere virtue of we couldn't afford to knock it down.
• 32:10
  Eric: So we made them into dive bars.
• 32:12
  Matt: Yeah, the not only are they like the bars are so antique that they're they are like from Prohibition, but not even from a speakeasy, basically.
• 32:22
  Matt: Like it's the same thing.
• 32:23
  Matt: Now it's legal, but they didn't update the bar.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it also has to be so wide, at least maybe this is Baltimore specific, but the bars are so wide, I feel as though I, again, I'm very short.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: So if I'm allowed to even say this on this podcast, if I'm in knowing I'm in mixed company, um, I feel like I must throw myself over the bar to get what they are handing me, whether it's like a check or a drink.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like I always feel like I have to, if there's no bar rail, it's lights out for me.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: I can't.
• 32:57
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: I have always have to step on the bar rail to reach over to get.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: I know this is a world you've never even considered.
• 33:04
  Matt: No, Eric just kind of casually drapes his arm over and grabs a well drink from underneath some and just reach over and under.
• 33:13
  Eric: No, I'll I've actually done that.
• 33:15
  Eric: Like I've I'll put when I'm in a big group of people.
• 33:17
  Matt: You should not have actually done that.
• 33:18
  Eric: No, no, not that.
• 33:19
  Eric: But uh when when I'm in a mix my own drinks sometimes.
• 33:22
  Eric: When when I'm when I'm in a big group of people, like like friends who were at a bar, I'll beacon of gondor it for them.
• 33:28
  Eric: I'm like, like I see someone, if I see a Lindsay per se, I'll be, I'll just like I'll get my shit and then I'll just wait for like the barkeep to start doing that scan and knowing he's gonna miss the short people.
• 33:38
  Eric: And I'm just like, I just start pointing.
• 33:40
  Eric: I'm like, over there.
• 33:41
  Eric: There's one.
• 33:42
  Eric: There's one.
• 33:43
  Matt: If you see a Lindsay per se.
• 33:45
  unknown: Yeah.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much to unpack there.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: One, if you see a Lindsay per se, appreciate it.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: Two, doing the real work.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: Three, barkeep?
• 33:52
  unknown: Barkeep!
• 33:53
  Eric: Oh, if it's a dive bar, they're barkeep.
• 33:55
  Matt: Yeah, let's uh actually, that was my next prompt.
• 33:57
  Matt: Uh let's focus in on we've already done the bar, let's look behind the bar.
• 34:02
  Matt: Let's talk about that bartender.
• 34:04
  Matt: Yep.
• 34:05
  Matt: I think a defining characteristic of the dive bar bartender in my experience is annoyance.
• 34:15
  Matt: By which I mean he is annoyed by you and everyone else.
• 34:21
  Matt: Constant state of fury.
• 34:22
  Matt: And as I'd almost say, especially if you're a regular.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: It depends on your order.
• 34:30
  Matt: I did mean to say if you are a regular, but I think it sounded like I said, if you're irregular, which I think in either case, annoyed.
• 34:41
  Eric: And agreed 100% with Lindsay.
• 34:44
  Eric: It depends so much on the order.
• 34:46
  Eric: Like, if you ask them to mix anything beyond a liquid and ice, you are a piece of shit asshole to them.
• 34:52
  Matt: And God help you if you put in a food order.
• 34:55
  Eric: Not at the bar.
• 34:57
  Eric: Not not at the bar.
• 34:58
  Eric: There's a window.
• 34:59
  Eric: That's what he said.
• 35:00
  Eric: There is a window.
• 35:01
  Matt: There is a window for you.
• 35:03
  Matt: I don't do I don't do food here.
• 35:05
  Matt: He's fucking looking for a menu.
• 35:06
  Matt: He's like, No, let me get a menu.
• 35:08
  Matt: Go talk to Gwen.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: No, I will say, I think I you always have to read the room at a dive bar.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the thing.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: If you read the room and the it's a fancy dive bar where they have like a wall of liquor behind it, order your Jack and Coke.
• 35:23
  Eric: Yeah.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_00: Fine.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: If there are six bottles of liquor and you can't read the label, get your beer and move on.
• 35:30
  Matt: Yep.
• 35:31
  Matt: Yep.
• 35:31
  Matt: Oh, I give you pushback because there is on that, because there is an aesthetic.
• 35:36
  Matt: There is an I because of what you said, I don't even want to mention the name now.
• 35:41
  Matt: There is a very good speakeasy in Baltimore that does not label their bottles, but their bottles are all cool looking.
• 35:49
  Matt: They all look like you're having a potion.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I like you can't see the label because they've been using the same bottle since 1982.
• 35:55
  Matt: Yeah, and they've just got to be a little bit more than that.
• 35:56
  Eric: I thought you meant if they were all into the bottles in canters.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, okay.
• 36:00
  Eric: That's another key element of the dive bar.
• 36:03
  Eric: Sure, the bottle says Jack, but they've been refilling that same bottle for decades.
• 36:09
  Matt: Yes, they've been they've been topping that off with water like this was an O'Neill play.
• 36:13
  Matt: Yeah.
• 36:16
  Matt: Married specific reference.
• 36:18
  Matt: You want to be married to a dramaturg or something?
• 36:21
  Matt: That if that isn't narrow casting, I don't know what is.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's that's a very audience.
• 36:26
  Eric: God.
• 36:27
  Eric: And oh, also swinging back to the subject of food.
• 36:31
  Eric: If you go to the bar and try to order food, no matter what time it is, you will be told, make it quick, the kitchen's closing in five minutes.
• 36:41
  Eric: It could be 6 p.m.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: And you and you want to know what?
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_00: They're probably not lying.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_00: The kitchen probably is closing in five minutes.
• 36:49
  Matt: Yes.
• 36:50
  Matt: The kitchen, this one bar is a second away from a from walking out.
• 36:54
  Eric: Yes, yes.
• 36:55
  Eric: Like the the alliance between kitchen and bar is so tenuous at all times.
• 37:00
  Eric: Yes.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: I also have to say, there's so when I think of dive bar, I'm saying this only because I know that we've been there, but the dive bar that I'm thinking of.
• 37:12
  Matt: Oh, I think I already know what you're thinking of, too.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: Is obviously the stable.
• 37:16
  Matt: The stable, yes.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, yeah.
• 37:18
  Eric: The fucking stable.
• 37:20
  Matt: Now, Eric Poach, now that you've brought this to us, Lindsay, I do want to recall, I want to recall or memory that maybe Eric Poach has forgotten about.
• 37:28
  Eric: I guarantee it.
• 37:29
  Eric: Go on.
• 37:29
  Matt: At the stable, we we once met with uh I think only one other friend, actually.
• 37:36
  Matt: Uh no, no, there were two other friends involved.
• 37:39
  Matt: Uh we'll we'll we'll keep their names out for redact their names to protect the innocent.
• 37:45
  Matt: We were discussing the possibility of making a theater company.
• 37:49
  Matt: Uh and you, Eric Poach, were this should be shocking to everyone, late.
• 37:56
  Matt: And when you entered, we had already begun the very serious discussion of starting this theater company.
• 38:02
  Eric: And I do want to set the scene.
• 38:03
  Eric: I come in.
• 38:04
  Matt: Okay, so you do remember it.
• 38:06
  Eric: And these fucking, yeah, but like three of my friends are sitting at the table, hunched like fast whispers, like just like leaning in, just cons but yeah, go on, Matthew.
• 38:19
  Eric: I just want to like paint the it's not like y'all were just chilling, relaxing.
• 38:23
  Eric: Y'all were deep in discussion.
• 38:25
  Eric: So here comes Eric.
• 38:27
  Matt: I would say marching across the stable.
• 38:31
  Matt: Go.
• 38:32
  Matt: I think if in my memory, I'm sure this didn't happen, but in my memory, you put one leg over top of the chair as if you were uh Oh, as if I were Riker?
• 38:42
  Eric: As opposed to Riker sitting in literally any chair.
• 38:44
  Eric: Yes.
• 38:45
  Matt: Yes, you came in, you draped your leg over the chair, sat down, and said, Well, it's not every night we conspire to commit murder.
• 38:56
  Matt: But but at volume.
• 38:59
  Matt: You started speaking like while you were halfway across the room.
• 39:03
  Eric: I spoke at that volume, which made people go, Oh, is this one of those theater things?
• 39:08
  Eric: Like, is this a is this gorilla theater?
• 39:12
  Matt: Is this a is this a um uh a devised piece?
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_00: Is this performance art?
• 39:18
  Matt: Yes.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I will say I say the stay ball for people who haven't been because it makes it's everything a dive bar.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_00: The bar is way too big.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, the bartenders are always annoyed.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_00: They never like someone else comes and take your takes your order.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: There is a window for food.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_00: There's a window for food, and it is half underground, half above ground.
• 39:38
  Matt: Yes, yeah.
• 39:39
  Matt: And the as you walk down those weird steps, which are hard to get down, to get into it, you do almost hit your head if you are of a if you are a person of height.
• 39:50
  Eric: Oh yes, I'm acutely aware.
• 39:52
  Matt: If you're a heightened person, Lindsay.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: You're either you're a heightened friend.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_00: You're either going to crack your head open getting down the stairs, or you're going to trip and fall and impale yourself on the ATM that is precariously placed.
• 40:04
  Matt: Yes.
• 40:04
  Matt: Yes.
• 40:05
  Matt: The first the first one being for a heightened person, and the second one being for a Lindsay per se.
• 40:11
  Eric: Now, I don't want to give the impression that we don't like the stable.
• 40:15
  Eric: Stable fucking.
• 40:17
  Eric: Oh, absolutely not.
• 40:18
  Eric: It's one of my favorite bars because A, food is.
• 40:21
  Matt: Yes.
• 40:22
  Matt: The food is good.
• 40:23
  Matt: B for a dive bar.
• 40:25
  Eric: Fucking pinball machines, man.
• 40:26
  Matt: I was just gonna mention they've got two pinball machines, and I do think pinball machines have to make an appearance at a dive bar.
• 40:33
  Eric: Some kind of or or those like old electronic gambling machines.
• 40:39
  Eric: Like, you know what I mean?
• 40:40
  Eric: Like those digital uh slot machines that that I've seen in both dive bars and in some like in some like really shitty like uh convenience stores.
• 40:53
  Eric: Yeah, I'm gonna be able to do that.
• 40:54
  Matt: I also think No, please, Lindsay.
• 40:57
  Matt: Go ahead.
• 40:57
  Matt: You're the guest.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_00: I also think that a tenant is that the bar will always, but incredibly begrudgingly, change the channel for what you want.
• 41:07
  Eric: Yes.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_00: I have vivid memories.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this this is this bar for people who don't know, is right next to center stage, which like uh is a really big theater in Maryland, but so there's theater people all the time coming in and out of it.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_00: I vividly remember showing up once to the stable on like a Thursday night, and a group of center stage interns come in and just beg the bartender to turn on RuPaul's drag race because the intern apartments don't have cable.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I remember like a bunch of us were just at the stable on like a Tuesday night at 10 o'clock, watching the season finale of drag race.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_00: And the bartenders are like, I don't really want to do it, but fine.
• 41:41
  Matt: Yeah, but they'd be that way either way.
• 41:43
  Matt: It could be a Ravens playoff game, and they'd be like, fine, I guess I'll put it on.
• 41:51
  Matt: Yeah, and also a key uh the stable specifically is bringing up another another another staple of dive bardom that I think is important.
• 42:01
  Matt: Uh it has like a secret section too.
• 42:03
  Matt: It's got like this back row of booths that look as if they are carved out of like carved out of the wall.
• 42:10
  Eric: And you know the second you approach if you're allowed to be there.
• 42:13
  Matt: Yes, it's much cooler, like temperature is cooler in this tube.
• 42:18
  Matt: It's like you're going into you know, this you see the Beatles for the first time in the in this in this back area.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_00: But you will be forgotten.
• 42:27
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_00: You've entered that space at your own risk.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_00: That is the price you pay.
• 42:31
  Matt: The the yeah, your penance is you must then come out to get anything.
• 42:36
  Matt: And then you'll be asked if you started a tab every single time.
• 42:40
  Matt: Because as soon as you go back in there, you are wiped from the bartender's number.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you are you have entered another dimension that they are shocked you return from at any given moment.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's Plato's game.
• 42:52
  Matt: You've had my discover card for four hours.
• 42:54
  Eric: It's Plato's case, it's Plato's dive bar.
• 42:57
  Eric: I would love to start a fucking dive bar named Plato's.
• 43:01
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 43:03
  Matt: Surely it must exist.
• 43:04
  Matt: You know what that is?
• 43:05
  Matt: That's located under Plato's closet.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_00: But it's but it's P-L-A-T-E-O Plato's to play on words.
• 43:14
  Matt: Yes.
• 43:14
  Matt: Plato's.
• 43:15
  Matt: Yes.
• 43:16
  Matt: Yes.
• 43:17
  Matt: Play-to's.
• 43:17
  Matt: And they they have a signature dish from the kitchen called Play-Doh's, which are just hot pockets that they don't they also still are annoyed if you order them.
• 43:27
  Matt: Yeah.
• 43:27
  Eric: Yep.
• 43:30
  Matt: Anyway, I think we've answered that question.
• 43:32
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 43:33
  Matt: Pretty thoroughly.
• 43:34
  Matt: Now I really want to go to a dive bar.
• 43:36
  Matt: So that's the that's the sticky, messy, dark shit that makes a dive bar a dive bar, mom.
• 43:44
  Matt: Uh all right.
• 43:47
  Matt: Well, you know what?
• 43:48
  Matt: Uh you know what?
• 43:48
  Matt: I've asked enough questions.
• 43:50
  Matt: Eric, do you have a question for this renegade guest that we have on this show today?
• 43:56
  Eric: Oh my god, yes.
• 43:57
  Eric: Uh this is going back to your your future.
• 44:00
  Eric: Future doctorship.
• 44:01
  Eric: You dottore.
• 44:02
  Eric: Dotore ba.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um you know that the dottor is is like a fool who doesn't know anything.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but like they're yes.
• 44:13
  Eric: But I say it ironically, Lindsay.
• 44:16
  Eric: Lindsay.
• 44:17
  Eric: Don't worry.
• 44:17
  Eric: I will I will never do you dirty like that on this podcast.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, well, one, you did.
• 44:23
  Matt: And two, um, I Yeah, you're a Lindsay per se, not a Lindsay.
• 44:27
  Matt: Yeah.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_00: I I just want I just wanted the record to be clear for all of our theater history buffs I know who are listening in earnestly to catch up on your most recent theater history mistake.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's all.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's all I'm trying to say.
• 44:40
  Eric: Um, my question is so you're in you are a doctoral candidate.
• 44:45
  Eric: Um what is the wildest shit you've ever come heard come out of another doctoral candidate's mouth, like when asking a question or like making an argument uh just like in the academic setting.
• 45:02
  Eric: Not yeah.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good question.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good question.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_00: I just want you to feel good about yourself first off before we launch into this, Eric.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, that was very tea-tree.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_00: Excellent question.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_02: Very good question.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's a little hard to answer because sometimes I just find myself like this is sort of a stereotype, but I find us talking about things that are like so abstract that it it's like sort of intense to think about the fact that we're even thinking about it.
• 45:39
  Eric: Can we get an example?
• 45:40
  Eric: I I know like this is like quantum physics of theater.
• 45:43
  Eric: Give it to me.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we well, in my performance studies class once we um learned about this German performance artist whose name is Joseph Boys, B-E-U-Y-S, I think is how it's spelled.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_00: And he does like weird, I mean like a lot of performance artists do like weird shit, but he would do like dangerous and like kind of unethical weird shit.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so he once like locked himself into a room, covered his head in gold, and spoke to a dead rabbit for 10 hours.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: And like people would come watch that.
• 46:13
  Matt: But the way I'm buying tickets right now.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think I think this is the one where I'm on Stub Hub right now.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_00: He like got flown to America from Germany, got pulled out of the um like gets transported to the museum in a um ambulance.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_00: So like on a stretcher, his feet never touch American soil, which is like what I thought.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_00: I thought this was like so brilliant.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh my god, he becomes to America and his feet don't touch the soil, have like the symbolism.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's art.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_00: And um then he he locks himself into a room for like four days or something with a coyote, and all he has is a cane and a wool blanket.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_00: I remember someone, someone saying, like, but the wool is like such a symbol of like safety and and I just remember thinking to myself, like I think this is really interesting, but like I can't believe I'm in a room with some of the smartest people you could probably be in a room with, and we're talking about the genealogical American qualities of wool, as if America invented wool.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was just like so surreal.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure there are there are like a ton of other situations.
• 47:27
  Matt: Also, I love that the the question is oh yes, the wool is symbolic of safety and comfort.
• 47:33
  Matt: When at the first off, the first audience member for this wool of comfort was the coyote.
• 47:42
  Matt: I don't think the coyote gave a shit about the symbolism of the uh so what happened?
• 47:48
  Matt: Did the coyote eat this dude?
• 47:49
  Matt: The boys?
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't eat him, but there are pictures of like after many hours the coyote gets restless and angry, like all of these things.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_00: Then the coyote does like there are pictures of him like sort of fending the coyote away with like a cane.
• 48:01
  Matt: Yeah, he was smart to bring the cane too, which I assume is symbolic of men's man's deterioration uh over time.
• 48:09
  Matt: Or I should say a person's deterioration over time.
• 48:12
  Matt: I don't want to be able to do that.
• 48:12
  Eric: Well, this was the 70s, so I feel like if you've been like, hey, what is the symbolism of the blanket?
• 48:20
  Eric: He was like, Oh, I I didn't want to be cold.
• 48:22
  Eric: And they're like, Well, what about the stick?
• 48:24
  Eric: He's like, I didn't want that fucking coyote touching me.
• 48:26
  Eric: Coyotes are gross.
• 48:28
  Matt: And I assume the name of this, uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but uh, the name of this piece was Coyote Boys B-O-I-S.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, B O I B-O-I-Z.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um I the only other time, like so there are lots of moments like that, right?
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_00: Where it's like, but but a lot of it's with like high theory, right?
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like we you study a lot of theory that like makes you think differently about the world.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's a whole set of theory.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's like a whole set of theories about like words can be performative utterances.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like there are certain words in the human language that are performative, like ta-da.
• 49:10
  Eric: Well, like the words at the name and mockery of Lindsay's field in two syllables.
• 49:20
  Eric: That's the title of her dissertation, actually.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, actually, that's it.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: Ta-da, I'm done.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's the title of her dissertation.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_00: No, but like words like the the uh the the the theory, right, is like words like I do, right?
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like when you say I do in a wedding ceremony, those you because the word is perf is symbolic of a performative action and it thus itself is performative, like when you say I do, there's a consequence to that, right?
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because you could not say I do, and then nothing happens.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't say I do, you don't get married.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_00: Therefore, by saying the words I do and acknowledging that they're performative utterances, you give them like performative power.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, this is these are the things I study.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it feels wild, but I will say that the craziest piece of performance art, I shouldn't say crazy, that's like not a great descriptive word.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_00: But we give it away.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_00: Esoteric.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, performance piece I saw was by um a performance artist who I really like, whose name is Nail Bustamante, N-I-O Bustamante.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_00: And um she, oh, what is the name of it?
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um I think I've got Bustamante in my thermos.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus Christ.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_00: But she did a piece called Indign Indignorito, maybe Indignorito.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a piece where she has a strap on that she I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about that.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a podcast.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_00: She has a strap on.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_04: That she's like, how dare you make a reference to a false penis?
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_00: She she well, wait, she so she has a strap on, but this the what was a penis is a burrito.
• 50:53
  Eric: Hell yes.
• 50:54
  Eric: Hell yeah.
• 50:55
  Matt: Taco Bell, sponsored.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_00: She I forgot what she oh god.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_00: So then she that will not be funny once you know the rest of the performance.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um they so she it's like a larger commentary on like indigeneity and and whiteness in America.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_00: So she invites what is the she invites men to the stage who bel who they believe have like privileged from being white and being male and makes them eat the burrito strap on while it's I was right.
• 51:26
  Eric: Hashtag fourth male.
• 51:27
  Eric: Yeah, fuck yes, queen.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_00: But then you get this like super awkward moment of like men who aren't sure, like they're in a very submissive position, which is not how society places them.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_00: So like they they it's a really fascinating negotiation that happens almost wordlessly.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um talking extensively about burrito dicks is not something I would have thought the PhD program would have brought me.
• 51:51
  Matt: This is my I'm sure since you did talk extensively about them, I I I think you'll hopefully know the answer to my question, my follow-up question.
• 51:59
  Matt: And I don't want to this does sound like a very interesting and socially relevant uh piece of performance art.
• 52:07
  Matt: Um my first question, and uh it's only because we already covered all of the very artistic and intelligent academic questions raised by this piece of performance.
• 52:19
  Matt: Um those obviously came first before I wondered what kind of burrito are we talking about?
• 52:26
  Matt: Is this like a Chipotle burrito?
• 52:28
  Matt: Is this like a or is this like a they took it out of the freezer burrito?
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good question.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm pretty sure that this uh you can watch a video on YouTube, first off, um, which I encourage everyone to do.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's very fascinating.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_00: Great piece of theater, or performance art, I should say.
• 52:44
  SPEAKER_00: But um, it was presented at a nonprofit.
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't think we're working with Chipotle here.
• 52:51
  Eric: No, Baja Fresh.
• 52:53
  Eric: Baja Fresh.
• 52:54
  Eric: Baja Fresh.
• 52:55
  Eric: And no, but for real, like Baja Fresh has like Chipotle is gonna give you a very chotish burrito dick.
• 53:02
  Eric: Like Baja Fresh has like the more phallic, I think, burritos.
• 53:06
  Matt: Well, yeah, I mean if it was if it was Chipotle, you'd have this like the I mean the girth is too much to have.
• 53:14
  Matt: That's what I mean.
• 53:14
  Matt: Like it's it's just gonna fall apart.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_00: It depends on what you get in your Chipotle burrito.
• 53:18
  Matt: Yeah.
• 53:19
  Matt: No, it doesn't.
• 53:20
  Matt: Whatever you put in that burrito is not like, you know, mouth, you know, it will not fit in the mouth hole by itself.
• 53:30
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 53:31
  Matt: You gotta you gotta work your way down it.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_00: I've never gotten a burrito at Chipotle, I always get burrito bowl.
• 53:36
  Eric: Uh yeah, also fun kudos to you.
• 53:39
  Eric: Like, I think about your program, like I think about what your what your path, and I get stress sweats.
• 53:46
  Eric: Like, I don't know how you do it.
• 53:47
  Matt: Yeah, he he immediately enters uh sleep apnea, I believe is what the correct term is.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_00: Well, funny because uh this this whole process just makes me not sleep.
• 53:56
  Matt: No, no, that is true.
• 53:58
  Matt: I do wake up in the middle of the night and see Lindsay on, and I think uh most doctors recommend this activity to get back to sleep on Reddit.
• 54:06
  Eric: Oh my god, Lindsay.
• 54:09
  Eric: I are are you also on Reddit at 2 a.m.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_00: Between the hours of 2 and 5 a.m., I'm probably on Reddit.
• 54:17
  Eric: Yep.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_00: Scrolling on my phone.
• 54:19
  Eric: Yep, trying to make sure that Matt's.
• 54:20
  Eric: I'm looking for something to be angry about.
• 54:23
  Matt: Me, I'm over there floating towards the ceiling.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_00: Matt, Matt is having a little tiger snooze, and I'm on Reddit.
• 54:31
  Matt: Well, Lindsay, as all our previous guests have, I do believe you have elevated the level of intelligence and professionalism of this podcast.
• 54:42
  Eric: At least for this episode.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what happens when I leave?
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_00: You all go back to being a bringing the right.
• 54:48
  Matt: We're bringing it right back down to the level.
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_00: Get it, get it.
• 54:57
  SPEAKER_00: When you did ask the question of what makes a good dive bar, I thought I could have made a bar joke, but I missed out on it.
• 55:04
  Eric: But you have dignity, yeah.
• 55:05
  Matt: But you don't have to have dignity.
• 55:06
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't go for the low-hanging fruit, yeah.
• 55:08
  Matt: You'd have to refer to yourself as a dive then, and no one wants that.
• 55:11
  Matt: No.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you are in trouble.
• 55:15
  Matt: I sense I'm gonna be in trouble for that joke.
• 55:16
  Matt: Anyway, thank you, Lindsay.
• 55:18
  Matt: Thank you, Lindsay.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.
• 55:21
  Matt: Okay, bye.
• 55:28
  Matt: Okay, Eric.
• 55:29
  Matt: Well, now that we have once again talked to someone much more intelligent than either of us, how do you how do you feel about reporting on some weird news?
• 55:39
  Eric: Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 55:42
  Matt: Uh, am I going first?
• 55:43
  Matt: Are you going first?
• 55:44
  Matt: Who's going first, Eric?
• 55:45
  Eric: Oh, go on first, Matthew.
• 55:46
  Eric: I went first last episode.
• 55:48
  Matt: Okay, okay.
• 55:49
  Matt: I see you.
• 55:50
  Matt: So this is a story from NPR.
• 55:55
  Matt: So you know it's legit.
• 55:57
  Matt: Oversized goldfish are taking over one Minnesota lake, causing issues for local fish.
• 56:05
  Matt: Pesky, oversized goldfish are causing problems in Minnesota.
• 56:10
  Matt: Authorities in Barnesville, Minnesota, have urged residents and owners of pet goldfish not to dispose of the family pet in lakes and ponds.
• 56:19
  Matt: The city tweeted a warning that doing so has resulted in the takeover of one local lake by overgrown goldfish.
• 56:27
  Matt: Quote, they grow bigger than you think and contribute to poor water quality by mucking up the bottom sediments and uprooting plants, authorities wrote on Twitter.
• 56:37
  Matt: Groups of these large goldfish were recently found in Keller Lake.
• 56:43
  Matt: This isn't the first time Minnesota lakes have become overrun with these oversized goldfish.
• 56:50
  Matt: This is an ongoing issue, Eric.
• 56:53
  Matt: Last November, wildlife officials found thousands of goldfish swimming in Big Woods Lake in Chaska, a suburb of Minneapolis.
• 57:01
  Matt: I'm sure I said that perfectly correct.
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 57:03
  Matt: A team had to remove a truckload of 500,000 goldfish due to environmental issues caused by the fish.
• 57:12
  Matt: The problem has also cropped up in Boulder, Colorado, and Lake Tahoe, Nevada, where researchers found thousands of goldfish in local lakes in both areas years ago.
• 57:24
  Matt: So, now we get to the crux of this.
• 57:27
  Matt: The act of dumping unwanted goldfish into local ponds is actually illegal in most states, including Minnesota, where the problem has recently cropped up because it is considered illegal fish stocking.
• 57:40
  Matt: And it is turned up in every corner of Minnesota, as laid out in a piece by the Minnesota Conservation Volunteer, a magazine from the States Department of Natural Resources.
• 57:51
  Matt: Uh, goldfish are considered an invasive species.
• 57:54
  Matt: To bring this to bring that right back around from earlier in the episode, that uproot underwater plants and compete with native fish for food and shelter.
• 58:05
  Matt: Speedy reproducers, the fish can live up to 25 years and are a real pain to remove.
• 58:12
  Matt: And Eric, you gotta see the the size of these fish.
• 58:17
  Matt: I'm gonna drop uh a photograph or I'll drop the article in the chat here real quick.
• 58:21
  Matt: Yeah.
• 58:22
  Matt: And of course, folks, we will put this um, we will put this on Instagram.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_01: Holy shit!
• 58:27
  Matt: Look at the size of this fucking fish.
• 58:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 58:30
  Matt: So uh you'll see it on Instagram, folks, but this fish is like a two-hander that they've got.
• 58:37
  Eric: Yeah, it's a size of a football.
• 58:39
  Matt: Yes, yes, it is it is football size, this goldfish.
• 58:43
  Eric: God, even the goldfish doesn't look like looks like he's like, I was not meant to be this size.
• 58:48
  Matt: No, its head is like so much smaller than the muscles of its body.
• 58:51
  Matt: Now, I don't know about you, Eric, but I I have had experience with a long-living goldfish when I was a kid.
• 59:00
  Matt: Uh, you know what, like, I don't know if your school did this, but we'd have like a like a like a fair outside.
• 59:07
  Matt: It was like an evening activity.
• 59:08
  Matt: You went with your parents, there's like cakewalks and stuff.
• 59:11
  Matt: And I won a fish in a bag as a as a gift.
• 59:16
  Eric: In a little fucking living thing to this second grader.
• 59:21
  Matt: Yes.
• 59:22
  Matt: And I and turns out that this has happened to me a couple of times in my life, and it turns out I'm pretty good with these types of living things because this fish lived for years, literally years, probably like three, four years.
• 59:35
  Matt: Holy shit.
• 59:36
  Matt: When normally goldfish like die within a week.
• 59:38
  Eric: They're like the hermit crabs of fish.
• 59:40
  Matt: Yes.
• 59:41
  Matt: Well, so uh and uh my fish's name was Poseidon.
• 59:47
  Matt: So he lived up to his name, this tiny little bit.
• 59:50
  Eric: I like to think that he was in his little bowl, just going, Matthew, release me into the lake, unleash my power, and I will make thee king.
• 1:00:00
  Eric: Take me to Lake Town.
• 1:00:02
  Matt: So I can be with my father.
• 1:00:05
  Matt: No, the so yes, that, and did you, when you were a kid, did you have like a for like uh for like Earth Day, did you get like a little tree by any chance?
• 1:00:16
  SPEAKER_02: No, goodness, no.
• 1:00:18
  Matt: Okay, so we received little evergreen trees in like the I mean they were real little, like sapling, you know.
• 1:00:26
  Matt: Not that's even that's generous.
• 1:00:28
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:00:28
  Matt: It's like the size of your hand, the bottom, but the bottom has like a little pack of soil in a bag.
• 1:00:34
  Matt: Okay?
• 1:00:35
  Matt: And they were like, take home these trees and plant them, okay?
• 1:00:38
  Matt: So I did.
• 1:00:40
  Matt: And the tree not only grew, it grew so large, we had put it next to the deck, and we needed to move it because it was becoming too big.
• 1:00:50
  Matt: And my dad was concerned that the roots were gonna start affecting the deck.
• 1:00:55
  Matt: So we moved it out in the middle of the yard where it is now still living, and probably I'm gonna estimate 12 feet tall.
• 1:01:06
  Eric: Holy shit.
• 1:01:07
  Matt: Uh, and like I if I actually don't think that's an uh exaggeration.
• 1:01:13
  Matt: That might be undercutting the height of the tree.
• 1:01:17
  Matt: Uh it is very big, but it doesn't get sun on one side, so it's very lush on one side of it, and the the other side is like brown and barren.
• 1:01:27
  Matt: But it's still there.
• 1:01:28
  Matt: It's still I so what I'm saying is I breathe life into things.
• 1:01:34
  Eric: God damn, yeah, you do.
• 1:01:36
  Matt: Anyway, that's my story of goldfish in Minnesota for you.
• 1:01:39
  Eric: All right.
• 1:01:40
  Eric: Well, Matt, I'd like to like to take you back.
• 1:01:44
  Matt: Oh, yes.
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_02: Take just take a lovely stroll down memory lane.
• 1:01:49
  Eric: How do I know what what lane we're going down?
• 1:01:52
  Eric: We're walking down the lane to March 12th, 1964.
• 1:01:56
  Eric: Oh, 64.
• 1:01:57
  Eric: Canistota, South Dakota.
• 1:01:59
  Eric: It's the Canistoda Clipper.
• 1:02:01
  Eric: So uh I will again be reading from the tail light.
• 1:02:05
  Eric: So this is the news coming from the grade school kids.
• 1:02:11
  Eric: Uh we're gonna we're gonna hit we're gonna hear some uh I'm actually gonna give you two.
• 1:02:15
  Eric: Normally I do one, I'm gonna give you two just so we uh just so I can demonstrate the uh the difference in d and writing styles between the classes.
• 1:02:23
  Eric: We're gonna start with uh some second grade news.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, good, good, good, good.
• 1:02:30
  SPEAKER_02: We have a new bunch of library books from the Bookmobile.
• 1:02:35
  SPEAKER_02: Some are new books.
• 1:02:37
  SPEAKER_02: One is about George Washington.
• 1:02:41
  SPEAKER_02: Colleen Lamberts had the misfortune of breaking her collarbone a few days ago.
• 1:02:48
  SPEAKER_02: She accidentally tripped while playing.
• 1:02:52
  Eric: This was very painful.
• 1:02:54
  Eric: A shot in her left arm made it more painful.
• 1:02:58
  Eric: Oh my god, she missed school for three days because of the accident.
• 1:03:04
  Eric: We have changed our winter scene to an Easter scene, but we did not change the snow.
• 1:03:12
  Eric: We hope to do this sometime soon.
• 1:03:16
  Eric: We have review words and phonics using long and short vowel sounds.
• 1:03:22
  Eric: We have also reviewed many blends and diagraphs.
• 1:03:30
  Eric: And Dean Whitcopp has been absent due to a bad cold.
• 1:03:38
  Eric: We are reading Old Yeller by Gibson for our opening exercises.
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_02: We are also reading Adventures of Robin Hood when we find time.
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_02: We enjoy our weekly readers every week.
• 1:03:55
  SPEAKER_02: We learn about many new places and things.
• 1:04:00
  Eric: So that's second grade.
• 1:04:03
  Matt: I want to say a couple of things.
• 1:04:05
  Matt: One, I love that your treatment of 1964 hasn't changed from like 19 1870 or whatever we began.
• 1:04:14
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:04:14
  Matt: Um I I do love that.
• 1:04:16
  Matt: I also want to say I relate to the second graders' excitement because it is the best day of the school year, not the Scholastic Book Fair.
• 1:04:25
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 1:04:26
  Matt: Oh my god, I lose.
• 1:04:28
  Eric: I miss the Scholastic Book Fair so much.
• 1:04:31
  Matt: I would go to they should bring it back for adults, but uh and and have it have it be a bookmobile for adults.
• 1:04:38
  Matt: Yes, have the bookmobile come by.
• 1:04:40
  Matt: You know, you thought I got excited about an ice cream truck.
• 1:04:43
  Matt: Holy shit.
• 1:04:43
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 1:04:44
  Matt: But yeah, like have the book fair maybe with some wine, you know, or brewer do a copro with a brewery, you know.
• 1:04:52
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:04:53
  Matt: Get some gets get have it have it at a brewery.
• 1:04:56
  Matt: Have them sponsor it.
• 1:04:57
  Matt: Oh yes.
• 1:04:58
  Matt: Get those fucking big metal bins, you know, those the those the foldable lockers of books that came.
• 1:05:05
  Matt: Yep.
• 1:05:06
  Eric: Yeah, I I uh I can only describe these second graders, these these canistotus second graders as haunted.
• 1:05:14
  Eric: Um I it's yes.
• 1:05:16
  Eric: Whereas the third graders, Matthew.
• 1:05:19
  Eric: Ah, yes, I'm just gonna hit them very quick.
• 1:05:21
  Eric: Their theirs is not as long.
• 1:05:23
  Eric: Um not as verbose, the third graders.
• 1:05:26
  Eric: I've noticed that while the second graders are hunted, or sorry, I've noticed that while the second graders are like haunted.
• 1:05:32
  Eric: Yeah, there you go.
• 1:05:33
  Eric: They're haunted.
• 1:05:34
  Eric: No, it is the third graders who I feel like they're being hunted.
• 1:05:38
  Eric: Like there is, there is, I can hear the the knife in the back of these children.
• 1:05:44
  Eric: You ready for this?
• 1:05:45
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 1:05:45
  Eric: Oh my god, okay.
• 1:05:47
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:05:48
  Eric: We wish to thank Dr.
• 1:05:50
  Eric: and Mrs.
• 1:05:50
  Eric: Irvin Ottoman for showing us the pictures of Hawaii.
• 1:05:53
  Eric: We all enjoyed seeing the pictures, and it was very profitable to us in getting to know more about one of the more recent stuff.
• 1:06:00
  Eric: Dates.
• 1:06:00
  Eric: Thank you.
• 1:06:02
  Eric: Patty Bergen has a birthday party February 27th, and her treat to us was homemade cookies.
• 1:06:07
  Eric: We are grateful.
• 1:06:08
  Eric: Our work in social studies finds us busy studying about banks.
• 1:06:12
  Eric: In arithmetic, we are working division problems at the present time.
• 1:06:16
  Eric: Some find this work rather difficult, so we will spend more time with division problems.
• 1:06:21
  Eric: Language work finds us working with sentences.
• 1:06:24
  Matt: Like they are just giving you sound they do sound like they are hostages.
• 1:06:30
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:06:33
  Eric: God, no, we are we are towing the party line.
• 1:06:36
  Eric: Please.
• 1:06:37
  Eric: Yeah, really?
• 1:06:38
  Matt: Wow.
• 1:06:39
  Matt: Well, I I am only more and more curious as we progress in the because clearly you're you're slowly bringing us up to speed on the comings and goings of Canistot to South Dakota.
• 1:06:52
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:06:53
  Matt: Uh and I, you know, I I have yet to see a listener uh from there, but when we finally get some uh locals to be listening to this show, ooh man, we are are they in for episode upon episode of of treats?
• 1:07:09
  Eric: I cannot wait for the day.
• 1:07:10
  Eric: We get like a we get a letter, not a call, not a tweet, not an email, a letter hastily written saying forget about Canistoda, South Dakota.
• 1:07:21
  Matt: Yeah, it might be a um cease and desist.
• 1:07:24
  Eric: Yep.
• 1:07:24
  Matt: Uh well, on that note, uh folks, you have just spent another wonderful hour with Eric and I here on You Didn't Ask For This.
• 1:07:32
  Matt: Uh, as always, we do need your questions, so please submit them to us wherever you would like.
• 1:07:37
  Matt: You can email them to us at you didn't ask for this gmail.com.
• 1:07:42
  Matt: You can also just ask it on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram.
• 1:07:47
  Matt: The handle is you didn't ask pod.
• 1:07:50
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:07:53
  Matt: If you haven't already, please drop us a review on whatever app that you are using uh to listen to this show.
• 1:08:00
  Matt: Just just say something nice.
• 1:08:03
  Matt: If you got something bad to say, just shut the fuck up.
• 1:08:06
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:08:07
  Matt: Uh Eric, yes, do you uh have any notes for the audience members?
• 1:08:12
  Matt: Any feedback?
• 1:08:13
  Eric: Um you could have listened a little more intently.
• 1:08:16
  Eric: Uh especially like we had some particularly funny bits.
• 1:08:20
  Eric: Uh I think my my bar pun was particularly good.
• 1:08:24
  Eric: I don't think that's I don't think that got as I don't think you laughed at as hard at that as you could have audience member.
• 1:08:31
  Matt: No, you were busy trying to make that hard right turn off of the interstate.
• 1:08:35
  Matt: And uh, you know, we don't blame you for that, but just try to, if you're gonna pull focus, uh or you know, focus on multiple things, then focus on everything, okay?
• 1:08:44
  Matt: Also find your light.
• 1:08:46
  Matt: Yeah, please.
• 1:08:47
  Matt: Find your light.
• 1:08:47
  Matt: Find your space and take it up.
• 1:08:50
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:08:50
  Eric: I say that with love.
• 1:08:52
  Eric: But yeah, that's all I've got.
• 1:08:53
  Matt: Great.
• 1:08:54
  Matt: Well, on that note, friends, we will see you next time.
• 1:08:57
  Matt: My name is Matt Shay.
• 1:08:58
  Matt: My name is Eric Poach.
• 1:09:00
  Matt: You didn't ask.
• 1:09:01
  SPEAKER_02: But may the wool gather around your shoulders and keep you warm, and may the stick keep the coyotes at bay.
• 1:09:10
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know how to play.
• 1:09:11
  Eric: Well, that's good life advice.
• 1:09:13
  Eric: Like, what do you want the fuck you want from me?
• 1:09:16
  Eric: I don't know how to play off of that.
• 1:09:17
  Eric: I there ain't no playing when there's a coyote in the room, Matthew.
• 1:09:23
  Eric: That's right.
• 1:09:24
  Matt: It's all fun and games until the coyote gets out.
• 1:09:27
  Matt: Yeah.