Latest / Pretty In Pink Again / Episode 64: Am I Done Having Kids… Or Just Overstimulated? The Emotional Side of Family Planning Nobody Talks About

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Episode 64: Am I Done Having Kids… Or Just Overstimulated? The Emotional Side of Family Planning Nobody Talks About · Pretty In Pink Again

• 0:00
  I'm Christina.
• 0:00
  And I'm T.
• 0:01
  And this is the Pretty in Pink Again podcast.
• 0:03
  Where motherhood meets rediscovery.
• 0:16
  Hey.
• 0:17
  I think we need to insert the song, I'm still Jenny from the block.
• 0:21
  Used to have a little, now I've got a lot.
• 0:23
  Yay.
• 0:23
  I've got J.Lo by my side today.
• 0:26
  Do you wanna know how- Oh, hey like, how some outfits are inspired?
• 0:30
  And I'm sure people can relate.
• 0:31
  I don't know.
• 0:31
  A- actually, maybe I don't know if people can relate to this, but, like, I will have something- The good people can.
• 0:36
  I look like J.Lo today, says my husband.
• 0:38
  You've even got the gold hoops rocking.
• 0:40
  You know what happens, is that it's like something will spur some inspiration, and then I just go with it.
• 0:47
  Go with it.
• 0:48
  And it's like what happened today- All in, all out was I did not have time to wash and blow-dry and, style my hair before- You didn't have three days?
• 0:57
  coming here.
• 0:57
  Got it.
• 0:57
  Right.
• 0:57
  Exactly.
• 0:58
  It's also, like, 97 degrees in Connecticut.
• 1:01
  We decided to have, an early summer right now.
• 1:03
  I bet you by the time this airs we'll be back where it's 50 degrees, but like- And raining.
• 1:07
  Yeah.
• 1:07
  But right now it's so hot, so I don't like to do the whole blow-dry style all together.
• 1:12
  So I usually I like to space it out a little bit.
• 1:14
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:15
  And I was like,"I'm not doing any of that today.
• 1:16
  It's too hot." So I threw it, my hair up into, I don't know if you've heard this, a s- a a partless slick back.
• 1:25
  That's what the Gen Z's are calling a effing ponytail.
• 1:29
  A pony- I was just gonna say- Guys a ponytail.
• 1:30
  Oh my God, it's a ponytail.
• 1:32
  It's a ponytail.
• 1:33
  It's a ponytail.
• 1:35
  Like, enough with the s- the center part slick back.
• 1:38
  Now it's, like, a ponytail.
• 1:40
  But I threw my hair up into, a regular ponytail, and then I was like,"I can't wear- Not low, not high.
• 1:44
  Yeah.
• 1:45
  And I can't, I can't, Go with, athl- like, athleisure right now because then I feel like I'll just look like I rolled out of bed.
• 1:51
  Okay.
• 1:51
  So I was like,"How could I style this?
• 1:53
  Let me find the most..." I felt like J.Lo.
• 1:54
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:55
  Like, which was actually funny, and then I styled, like, these satin balloon pants.
• 1:58
  I'm obsessed with those.
• 1:59
  And then I put, like, gold- Where are those from?
• 2:00
  hoops in.
• 2:01
  Amazon.
• 2:01
  They're really cute.
• 2:02
  I was, I wanted to try out a trend for once.
• 2:04
  It's a really pretty color.
• 2:05
  Thank you.
• 2:05
  I know.
• 2:05
  But- I do like the color.
• 2:06
  It's like a champagne- But that's a good place to do trendy things It is it's not expensive.
• 2:09
  It is, and as I was walking out, my husband was like,"You look like J.Lo." I was like,"Thank you." Thanks.
• 2:15
  I'm sure that was meant to be snarky, but thanks.
• 2:17
  You look so cute.
• 2:18
  Thank you.
• 2:19
  I love it.
• 2:20
  I'm obsessed.
• 2:20
  There we go.
• 2:21
  So I have a pounding headache today.
• 2:23
  Yeah.
• 2:24
  Tell me why.
• 2:24
  Well- I know why, but- Two reasons.
• 2:26
  One reason is we're doing construction, so you m- you too might have a pounding headache after you've listened to this episode for the next hour'cause there might be some banging in the background.
• 2:34
  And also, I've been up so late the past two nights watching, wait for it, Off Campus.
• 2:42
  Christina, why am I obsessed with- We're back teenagers essentially- Always.
• 2:46
  We love a TV about our show hooking up with each other, like, rooted in hockey.
• 2:49
  It's so good.
• 2:50
  There's, I think, eight episodes.
• 2:52
  I've watched all eight, so I was up until after 1:00 in the morning watching them.
• 2:55
  She keeps, willingly keeping herself up at night, and then she's like,"I'm so tired.
• 2:59
  I have a pounding headache." I'm like,"Go to bed." Nick rolled over and was like,"What are you doing up?
• 3:04
  It is 1:12 AM." Two nights in a row.
• 3:07
  Two nights in a row, and then I got up at 6:00.
• 3:09
  It's not like I slept in.
• 3:10
  I, like, got up, and I was like,"Oh, I have things to do," because the Reset Burnett was on last week, and now I wanna, wake up every morning and charge the day and be all tidy.
• 3:20
  So I've been burning the candles at both ends.
• 3:22
  Oh my God.
• 3:22
  So now I'm toast with a headache.
• 3:24
  Yeah, exhausted.
• 3:25
  But Christina, the show is so good.
• 3:27
  I know.
• 3:27
  I need to get into it.
• 3:28
  I need to find some time to, to watch it.
• 3:30
  Yeah, you're gonna have- I just, I've been so tired between 11:00 PM and 1:00 AM.
• 3:33
  Right.
• 3:33
  Exactly.
• 3:33
  That's the only time, and I'm exhausted.
• 3:35
  I've actually been sleeping, oh, really?
• 3:37
  Yeah.
• 3:38
  Why do you think you're exhausted, because you're sleeping, or you're just, like, toast?
• 3:42
  Good question.
• 3:42
  Good question.
• 3:44
  No, honestly, I think it's because of the, heat.
• 3:47
  The w- the- Yeah it's, like, freezing one day.
• 3:49
  It's 117 degrees the next day.
• 3:51
  I, my, I was soaked yesterday after we went out for lunch- Yes and sat outside- Yes in the shade for an hour.
• 3:56
  I was soaked.
• 3:57
  Yeah.
• 3:58
  I was like,"I need to change my underwear." I will not be the person- same.
• 4:01
  I will not be the person to complain of the heat-'cause remember when we sat down and you were like-"Do not..." She, knew I was gonna start complaining because it was so hot, and we were, like, about to- I was like,"Do not." She was like,"Do not start complaining about it," because that was about to be what came out of my mouth.
• 4:14
  And we complain about the cold the whole time, but, we don't get a- cool 70-degree day.
• 4:19
  We get either freezing temperatures or 117 degrees, and it's- Well, I was texting with Ange on Friday, and it was raining out, and I was like, I sent her a picture of myself, out walking the dog in the rain.
• 4:30
  Yeah.
• 4:31
  And she was like,"Oh, I think it's ni- g- it's nice here though,"'cause she's in Philly.
• 4:34
  She's like,"Oh, it's nice here.
• 4:36
  It's whatever." And I was like,"Nope, that's too hot for me." Yeah.
• 4:38
  It needs to be 75 and partly sunny.
• 4:41
  Goldilocks.
• 4:43
  So we w- we, it's a solo episode today, just- Mm-hmm or duo episode I should say.
• 4:47
  We say solo when there's not a guest.
• 4:49
  We, we- We understand.
• 4:50
  Okay.
• 4:51
  It's, there's no one else in the seats with us.
• 4:53
  It's just Tia and I today.
• 4:55
  And we were kind of like racking our brains about what to talk about, and we were like,"Let's go back to questions that we get all the time." From this podcast and just in life.
• 5:05
  I feel like there's themes of life where like you just hear the same thing all the time, and then we're like,"Ooh, that's a good episode idea." And today's episode, while it could be a little bit sensitive and very subjective to each person answering it, it's how do you know when you're done having kids?
• 5:23
  Hmm.
• 5:23
  Because that question gets asked to me.
• 5:26
  I don't know if it gets asked to you all the time currently, because you have four, so people probably assume- That bitch is done you're done.
• 5:32
  You're done.
• 5:33
  But for me, I still get that question all the time.
• 5:36
  I have two, and my youngest is now over two, so people are kind of like,"Hmm, are you done?
• 5:42
  Are you having more?" What do you say?
• 5:43
  I say,"Yes, we're done right now." With confidence?
• 5:47
  With confidence.
• 5:49
  But- So you and I can answer this question right now with confidence.
• 5:52
  Yes.
• 5:52
  But I think that the reason why we wanted to have this conversation today was because there's not always a confident answer- No associated with that.
• 5:59
  No.
• 6:00
  I think, and we wanna preface this conversation by saying like we realize that this is a sensitive topic.
• 6:05
  Yes, especially for me specifically.
• 6:08
  And sometimes you don't get the choice.
• 6:09
  Yep, yep.
• 6:10
  Sometimes you have infertility, financial issues, age issues, and you don't have a choice- Mm-hmm to expand your family or have one at all.
• 6:16
  Mm-hmm.
• 6:16
  But for the others who do have a choice, you are left with making a really tough decision.
• 6:23
  Mm-hmm.
• 6:23
  Like, do we keep going or do we stop?
• 6:25
  I know.
• 6:25
  And sometimes I think having the power to make that choice is just as hard- is not being able to make the choice.
• 6:32
  Yes.
• 6:32
  You know?
• 6:33
  I can totally see that, and I feel for us we were that couple that went through infertility.
• 6:39
  Mm-hmm.
• 6:39
  and we also started having kids a little bit later in life, and so now we feel like at this point, while I will say that if anything were to change that, right, I would, like gladly welcome another baby, but I'm not actively trying to have a baby.
• 6:56
  And this is the first time that I haven't actively been trying to have a baby since like 2018, which is crazy to think about.
• 7:05
  Right.
• 7:05
  Like, that has been in my mind the whole time, was trying to start our family, and then to ha- we were so blessed to be able to have a second baby after struggling so hard to have the first baby.
• 7:16
  And so it's a crazy mindset shift- Mm-hmm to be like,"Okay, I feel like we're done at this point." That, my mind can change.
• 7:26
  I'm always open to like, if for whatever reason I feel like we're not done la- at a later point, then we will revisit that.
• 7:32
  But right now, I'm very, very content with where we're at, and I don't really want to have to go back to the newborn phase.
• 7:41
  So that, and b- and be pregnant, and go through the trying and all of that.
• 7:44
  I feel like I just wanna breathe in this feeling of contentment- Okay that I haven't felt in a really long time.
• 7:50
  Is it- And I'm like sitting there in the back of your head that you might change your mind?
• 7:54
  I'm, I- Like, do you still have a thought of an- I have never find, I'm like a not, I'm never like a final, like, this is it.
• 8:01
  Oh.
• 8:01
  I feel like I, I don't know, because I feel like I've changed so much and I've evolved but I'm also almost 40, so I don't know, you know?
• 8:11
  So you feel like- I feel- okay, time's a-tickin'.
• 8:13
  If I think I might wanna have another one, I gotta do it now, but- Yeah right now is not a good time.
• 8:18
  But right now I feel content, so I'm- I think this is why f- that's why so many women always like struggle with this topic.
• 8:24
  Yeah.
• 8:24
  But I also don't wanna say, you know, that, that, that would never be an option and all of that.
• 8:30
  B- and because I also feel like you hear the stories where there is a surprise, and then I don't wanna put that out into the universe that that wasn't wanted, you know?
• 8:38
  But I don't think that that's what you are putting out into the universe.
• 8:41
  So I'll speak from experience.
• 8:42
  Yeah.
• 8:43
  My- Because you have a completely different experience.
• 8:44
  So my mom was young when she had me and my sister.
• 8:47
  She was 26 and 28, or 25 and 27.
• 8:51
  She was really young, and she was told af- she tried and tried and tried after she had Nicole.
• 8:56
  She was told like,"You can't have any more kids." She had, multiple surgeries and they said like,"You have too much scar tissue." This isn't gonna happen for you.
• 9:04
  And then she, I don't wanna say, she doesn't like using the word accidental.
• 9:07
  Yeah,'cause I feel like you have to be careful- But- because it's an actual person.
• 9:10
  But you know what?
• 9:11
  She said, like- Yeah this was unexpected.
• 9:13
  It was an oops, right.
• 9:14
  we didn't, we d- we were told we weren't able to have kids.
• 9:17
  Right.
• 9:17
  So I have a sister that's 13 years younger than me- Right that is the best thing that ever happened to my mom, and she will say that too, like Marissa is her favorite.
• 9:25
  She's al- she's all of our favorite.
• 9:27
  But- Right it, it's one of those weird things because her, I think she would've said,"My family is complete." Is, is complete.
• 9:33
  We're complete.
• 9:34
  Exactly.
• 9:34
  We're good.
• 9:34
  Okay.
• 9:34
  I got two girls.
• 9:35
  We're complete.
• 9:36
  Yeah, that's a good, that's a good correlation.
• 9:38
  They had another baby, and w- that family is complete.
• 9:41
  Right.
• 9:41
  Like, nobody can imagine our family without- Without her the, being the three of us.
• 9:45
  Right, right.
• 9:45
  I, that saying, like, we're complete.
• 9:47
  I guess you don't really know- I guess, yeah'cause you always make room for another if that's what- I guess so.
• 9:51
  I guess so.
• 9:52
  I don't know.
• 9:52
  But what about you?
• 9:53
  How do you feel about this?
• 9:54
  Because you have a very interesting story.
• 9:57
  I did so I got pregnant with Joseph, and I don't wanna say, again, accidentally, but, like, my best friend Lizzie will tell you, we were in Providence, and she came up, and we went out a couple nights in a row.
• 10:07
  And then I called her, like, three weeks later, and I was like,"I'm pregnant." Like- You just were- It happened you were trying but not trying.
• 10:14
  Like- yes, but, like, we were just recently married.
• 10:17
  We had just moved.
• 10:18
  We were like,"Oh, well, it'll probably happen, like, this year or next year." Nobody thinks it's gonna happen, like, immediately.
• 10:26
  Mm-hmm.
• 10:26
  Like, right?
• 10:26
  Like, nobody ever thinks that'cause you're always told, like, oh, it's gonna take a long time.
• 10:31
  You spend so much of your life trying not to- Prevention get pregnant.
• 10:35
  Yes.
• 10:35
  And then, right, it's, it's a very, very crazy- Right, so I was one of the lucky ones that got pregnant right away, but that was also a shock to my system.
• 10:43
  For sure.
• 10:43
  And I'm not too, like, proud to say.
• 10:45
  Like, that was, it was shocking.
• 10:47
  I think any pregnant, pregnancy, your first one is- Shocking shocking, right?
• 10:51
  Yes, for sure.
• 10:52
  I got pregnant with Joseph, then I got pregnant with Vincent.
• 10:56
  We kinda, like, decided, like, we're gonna go for another one- Yep too.
• 10:59
  And then after him, we were like,"We gotta take a little break.
• 11:02
  We need to, like, put something into place so this doesn't happen again." We, yeah.
• 11:07
  And then we decided, I think when Vincent was, like, two and a half, Nick was like,"I feel like I'd be good with the, just the two boys." Mm-hmm.
• 11:17
  And I was thinking, like, I'd like to have one more.
• 11:19
  Mm-hmm.
• 11:19
  I feel like I wanna have a third, and then that whole conversation of, like, do we try for a girl?
• 11:25
  So we did what people do and try for a girl, and we got two girls.
• 11:31
  That was a shocker.
• 11:32
  It, I went, I doubled my load.
• 11:33
  I knew you at that point, too.
• 11:34
  Of course you did.
• 11:35
  Yep, yep.
• 11:35
  I doubled- My load.
• 11:37
  Yeah.
• 11:37
  So I think that the decision was made for me after I had- You were- the twins- Okay.
• 11:42
  that we were very much done.
• 11:43
  Yes.
• 11:44
  Because that was like, that was it.
• 11:46
  We were done.
• 11:47
  Did you have a specific number in mind, like when you and Nick got married?
• 11:51
  Were you kind of like,"Okay, we see ourselves having two kids, three kids?" Like, did you have a number?
• 11:57
  We never even had a conversation about kids other than that we wanted to have a family.
• 12:01
  Okay.
• 12:01
  We didn't even use the word, like, kids plural.
• 12:05
  We never said,"One, two, three, four, five." Like, we just said we wanna have a family someday.
• 12:08
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:09
  Like, one day I'll be a mom, one day you'll be a dad.
• 12:11
  And I also feel like that tracks for you- where you're a little less, of a planner, and like, mentally, you know, like you could- also- That fits for you I was 24 when- You were, you were I married Nick.
• 12:20
  Yeah.
• 12:20
  I was a kid.
• 12:21
  Yeah.
• 12:21
  Like- You were young we talked about it, but I think if I got mar- married now- Mm-hmm I would be like,"What's the deal?" Yeah.
• 12:27
  Like- Yeah what are you signing up for?
• 12:29
  One or two, sign here on the dotted line.
• 12:31
  You're a little bit more- Yeah I don't know.
• 12:34
  Yeah.
• 12:34
  For us, so I got married- So tell me about you when I was 29, and Raja was- But you guys had been together.
• 12:39
  We had been together since I was, like, 20, 21.
• 12:42
  So we had been together for a really long time.
• 12:45
  Raja was in his early 30s when we got married, and I've shared this story before, After we got married, it also coincided around the same time as both of us starting our own businesses.
• 12:57
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:57
  And- Which is babies in its own self...And, yes, but then we were"Okay, we're married.
• 13:01
  We have a house.
• 13:02
  We just kinda wanna be for a little while and just be able to kind of do our own thing for a little bit." And as I went into my 30s, so I was like 30, 31, 32, I really felt like the planning was starting, right?
• 13:18
  I was like,"Okay, this is a good time.
• 13:19
  I feel very, very ready." And unfortunately for us, we did not have that moment where it just happened for us.
• 13:26
  So after a few years and a pandemic, we ended up having to go to a fertility center.
• 13:33
  I talked about it in a full episode.
• 13:34
  And- It's a really beautiful episode that you did.
• 13:37
  Thank you.
• 13:37
  It was one of the earlier ones.
• 13:38
  Yeah.
• 13:38
  We can link it in the notes.
• 13:39
  Yeah, because it- It's a really beautiful episode.
• 13:41
  Thank you.
• 13:42
  But I would say before all of that happened I'm a planner.
• 13:46
  And I think we both are.
• 13:47
  Like we both are planners in some- sense.
• 13:51
  And Raja's from a very big family.
• 13:53
  He's one of five siblings, and I'm one of two.
• 13:56
  And so I knew, I don't have the mental capacity for a huge family like that, but I liked the idea of three.
• 14:05
  Oh.
• 14:05
  And we both liked the idea of three.
• 14:07
  And- So this was a conversation that you guys had together- This was a conversation that we- like how many kids would you wanna have?
• 14:12
  Yeah, yeah.
• 14:12
  We had that conversation.
• 14:12
  Where, when did you have it?
• 14:14
  I think it would just come up.
• 14:15
  It wasn't, like, a sit-down conversation, like, but it was just like,"Oh, I think three is really nice.
• 14:20
  Like, I'm from a big family.
• 14:21
  I think three would be nice." But when we started going through infertility, it changed that completely for both of us, where we were like,"We would just be so thankful for one." And it was because you're very humbled when you're going through that, where you're like,"I'm asking for too much.
• 14:37
  I just, I would want one." And that was, like, a really crazy thing to kind of settle with, and I really was content with just one.
• 14:47
  And when we finally had Leo, we were like,"Okay, could we maybe see ourselves doing this again?" You know, and going through the whole thing, and we knew that we were gonna make that commitment, I wanted another one.
• 15:01
  Raja wanted another one, and we wanted Leo to have a sibling.
• 15:04
  It was of like a choice that we made.
• 15:06
  And i- I went into that with a lot more hesitancy because I was like,"I don't know if I can go through this again." Going through the whole thing.
• 15:15
  And we were so blessed, and one of those stories where we got pregnant with Laila naturally, without all of the- And, like, right away And it was within, Leo was, like, about a year old when I got pregnant with Laila.
• 15:27
  So they're like- 20-ish months apart Oh my gosh, they're so close in age.
• 15:30
  So close in age.
• 15:31
  I always forget sometimes how close in age your kids are.
• 15:34
  Yeah.
• 15:34
  They're, they're close in age, and that was, like, a shock to my system.
• 15:38
  I really don't even feel like I was able to, like, wrap my brain around that I was, like, pregnant again and that I was having another baby.
• 15:45
  And I feel like the entire time I was, like, very numb being pregnant because I was like,"This is happening?" Like, I could not even wrap my mind around it.
• 15:52
  Mm-hmm.
• 15:53
  And- Well, you were always expecting, too, to repeat- Yes what you had gone through years before, which was- I was, like, I was fully expecting really, really tricky which was why we kind of started trying again so soon- Yeah was because we were like,"Okay." Trying to buffer into more years.
• 16:05
  Yeah.
• 16:05
  We just were like,"You know what?
• 16:06
  If w- we gotta start trying now, if this is gonna take, you know, a whole journey again, then we should start trying now." And we were very blessed with how that turned out.
• 16:16
  But my hands are very full right now.
• 16:18
  And I feel like I'm coming up for air, truly.
• 16:21
  I, I feel like I say that on every podcast no matter what our topic is.
• 16:25
  I feel like I'm finally coming up for air.
• 16:28
  And she's a little bit over two, and I still feel very content with where we are.
• 16:34
  I, I'm not feeling that, that kind of itch that I was feeling with Leo.
• 16:39
  Like, I was kind of like,"Okay.
• 16:40
  I wanna have another one.
• 16:41
  Like, I'm in this.
• 16:42
  I'll do what it takes," you know?
• 16:43
  And I'm not really feeling like that.
• 16:45
  You're enjoying bringing- I'm enjoying- a small clutch with you- where we are when you take the kids out.
• 16:49
  Yes.
• 16:50
  That's another thing.
• 16:52
  I'm like,"Can I go back?" You're, you're getting s- sort of comfortable now in this, like, nice, sweet spot- Mm-hmm that you've put in a lot of effort- Yeah to get yourself to this point.
• 16:58
  Yeah.
• 16:59
  So do you and Raj sometime ever say like,"Should we s- should we, like, revisit three?" I mean- Like, if that was your original- We, we've kind of checked in with each other.
• 17:07
  Like,"You good?
• 17:09
  You good?" We're like,"We're good right now." But like I said, the whole experience of this has, was very humbling, and it really causes you to, like, look within a lot and do a lot of, you know, soul-searching.
• 17:25
  So we're really good right now.
• 17:28
  Yeah.
• 17:28
  And I think that that's kind of where we've settled.
• 17:31
  Like, we're good.
• 17:31
  We're not actively trying for another baby.
• 17:34
  Yeah.
• 17:34
  And I really can't see myself going through that whole thing again.
• 17:38
  This conversation comes up sometimes with my girlfriends.
• 17:42
  And maybe it hasn't come up recently'cause I think now everybody's of come to terms with this talk.
• 17:47
  Yeah.
• 17:47
  But it, I remember it coming up years ago when the kids were still, the youngest were, like, one or two.
• 17:53
  Mm-hmm.
• 17:53
  And some of the answers were like,"I just, I don't have the finances- Yeah to have, bring more kids in.
• 17:59
  I don't have childcare.
• 18:01
  I don't have parents.
• 18:02
  I don't have a sitter." Like- You don't have space I would, I would love- Right.
• 18:06
  Yep to have another one.
• 18:07
  Yeah.
• 18:07
  But I just can't.
• 18:09
  Do it.
• 18:09
  I don't have the capacity for it.
• 18:11
  Like, I don't feel like our life can do it, and that's, a hard truth that sometimes, like, you could, like- Your heart could take it want something.
• 18:17
  Your heart...
• 18:18
  Yes.
• 18:18
  Yes.
• 18:19
  Your heart could have more.
• 18:19
  But you're trying to be- Yes.
• 18:21
  Yes.
• 18:21
  You're trying to be responsible- Yes for the kids that you do have- Yes and the life that you wanna give those kids that you do have.
• 18:28
  Yep.
• 18:28
  And you're worried that, if you bring another one in, their lives will change.
• 18:32
  Yes.
• 18:32
  It's so sad to think about how, like, the logistics and all of that, really play into a decision like that.
• 18:39
  I think my heart could have 50 kids, you know?
• 18:42
  I do feel, granted I only have two, but your heart does grow.
• 18:46
  Mm-hmm.
• 18:47
  And they always say, you're like,"How could I ever love another baby as much as I love my first baby?" And you do, and I'm sure you could speak to that.
• 18:54
  Like, with four, you just do.
• 18:56
  Your heart could always have more.
• 18:57
  Well, they're also, like, no one kid is the same, so you don't love all your kids the same.
• 19:03
  You give equal love to all of them.
• 19:04
  Mm-hmm.
• 19:04
  But because they're all so different, you love all these different things and traits.
• 19:09
  Right.
• 19:09
  Right.
• 19:09
  And, you know, you have, like- Right different interests and different hobbies with different- Different bonds kids.
• 19:13
  Different, yes you know, different b- exactly.
• 19:14
  Yes.
• 19:15
  Right.
• 19:15
  Yeah.
• 19:15
  Well said.
• 19:15
  Different bonds.
• 19:16
  Yeah.
• 19:16
  But I'm sure a lot of people come to w- that exact kind of fork in the road where you're like,"My heart could have more," but you really start to look at everything.
• 19:27
  Mm-hmm.
• 19:27
  Even for us with two, we've said okay, so even how our house is laid out, it's like they each have a bedroom.
• 19:35
  Raja has an office, and we have a guest room, and we have all these things.
• 19:38
  And so it's like, well, where would we put another one, you know?
• 19:41
  Like, if we were gonna have another one.
• 19:42
  I would probably need, like, a bigger car with a third row, which we don't have right now.
• 19:47
  When you travel, you definitely need more than one room.
• 19:50
  Like, it's all of these, like, factors where you're like,"Okay, do we feel like that fits into our life, or do you just feel, like, content with where you are, and you feel like you can kind of live life now, and I also feel because my journey was tougher for, obviously, my first pregnancy than the second, I also feel like that stress and anxiety took away from- me really living my life, right?
• 20:18
  Like, when I was going through that, it was so taxing and so hard.
• 20:22
  It was hard on our relationship.
• 20:23
  It was hard on me.
• 20:24
  It was hard for me to balance working and putting on a brave face and not involving everyone in our business and, and all of that.
• 20:31
  And if I have to go through that again I don't want that to take away from my kids and my experiences with them now.
• 20:38
  You feel like you're gonna lose time- And so, yeah again I feel like, yes.
• 20:41
  Again.
• 20:41
  You worry.
• 20:41
  It's a worry.
• 20:42
  Yes.
• 20:42
  It's all of the different worries.
• 20:43
  Yes.
• 20:43
  And I, I think that there's no perfect answer.
• 20:47
  I think that people that are from far less means and smaller homes and smaller cars somehow make it work.
• 20:55
  They make it work, yeah.
• 20:55
  kids can share rooms.
• 20:57
  You have to get a bigger car.
• 20:58
  Like, these are all things that you can do.
• 21:00
  Mm-hmm.
• 21:00
  But again, this is a choice.
• 21:01
  Right.
• 21:02
  So sometimes when you have a choice- Right you play out all the different scenarios.
• 21:05
  Yeah.
• 21:05
  If you're a responsible individual that's trying to be like,"Okay, well, do we do this?"'Cause it's a big, it's a big decision to be made, maybe they're all reasons to talk yourself out of it.
• 21:15
  You know what I mean?
• 21:15
  Mm-hmm.
• 21:15
  Like, maybe all those little- We're talking all the little whispers that you're hearing are it may be your brain's way of being like,"Okay, maybe this is not the best time," because to your point, there are plenty of families that have so, so many kids with big hearts, and they're just like welcome, and they make it work, right?
• 21:33
  But maybe if you are having these sort of little whispers of like,"Oh, well, then we have to do this, and we have to do this," like, maybe it's your body's way of being like,"We're at capacity." Like, pump the brakes.
• 21:43
  Pump the brakes.
• 21:44
  You know?
• 21:44
  'Cause that's definitely how my mind works.
• 21:46
  Like, if I start having doubts about things, the answer's usually no.
• 21:51
  Mm.
• 21:51
  Right?
• 21:51
  Like- Then I guess if you have good intuition- Yeah you can listen to your heart.
• 21:55
  Yeah.
• 21:56
  Yeah, I know it's a tough decision to make, like, how you build a family.
• 22:01
  Mm-hmm.
• 22:02
  And I don't even remember having this conversation with Nick.
• 22:05
  Are we gonna have one?
• 22:06
  Are we gonna have two?
• 22:07
  Mm-hmm.
• 22:08
  And sometimes we look at the kids, and we're like,"How did we get four kids?" I know.
• 22:12
  Like- Well, you really blinked and had four kids like, we have, we have a s- You doubled family of six.
• 22:17
  We have a family of six.
• 22:18
  Like, that wasn't anything, like, it just all happened so fast.
• 22:21
  It all just happened.
• 22:22
  Like- I really think that your example- was like you went for a third and got four.
• 22:28
  Yeah.
• 22:28
  And so it's like, it, you went from two, which is a lot, obviously- Yeah to blinking to, you went from, like, a kind of a standard sized family to having a big family in one blink.
• 22:39
  Yeah.
• 22:39
  You know what I mean?
• 22:40
  My oldest is so funny.
• 22:41
  He's like,"Ma, remember those good old days when it was just me, you, and Dad?" I'm like,"For 18 months?" Yeah.
• 22:47
  Like, what?
• 22:47
  The good old days.
• 22:49
  Like, do you even remember that?
• 22:52
  The good old days when it was just the three of us, yeah, that was short-lived.
• 22:56
  But, I wonder, I, I often wonder what my kids think of- Like being a part of a big family.
• 23:02
  Yeah.
• 23:03
  You know?
• 23:03
  Like, I wonder, I don't really think I've ever asked them, like,"What do you think of this?" Like,"What do you think of the chaos?" Like,'cause they don't know any different.
• 23:09
  They don't know any different.
• 23:10
  Especially the girls.
• 23:11
  They definitely don't know.
• 23:12
  Well, they were born into it.
• 23:13
  They don't know- They were born into the big family they don't know what it's like to be a single- Right because they came out as a pair.
• 23:18
  Two, right.
• 23:18
  You know?
• 23:19
  For sure.
• 23:19
  So they don't know any different, and I'm sure for them they think it's, great some days.
• 23:23
  I'm sure other days they think it's- mayhem, right?
• 23:25
  I always think it must have been nice coming from two and then now having two, having a big family.
• 23:32
  Yeah.
• 23:32
  You know?
• 23:33
  Like I, that's something I'm sure a lot of people think that.
• 23:36
  It's like when you just see a bunch of siblings, and there's just so much bond and closeness.
• 23:41
  And I'm lucky enough that I kind of ended up with that because I married into a big family, so I kind of have that, you know?
• 23:48
  And there's- He's one of five?
• 23:49
  He's one of five.
• 23:50
  Wow.
• 23:50
  And now everybody's married and having kids, and so- Oh my gosh, so the holidays are- there's a ton of grandkids on that side busy ton of siblings and sister-in-laws and, you know, so it's, it I ended up with that even though that wasn't what I was born into, so that's a good tip.
• 24:04
  Yeah.
• 24:06
  Yeah, there's no m- not, not one of my kids ever has to perform in front of us.
• 24:10
  Mm-hmm.
• 24:10
  B- they can hide very easily- Mm-hmm if they want to because- Mm-hmm there's not a spotlight on- Right anybody.
• 24:15
  They're like an ensemble.
• 24:17
  Yeah.
• 24:18
  They are an ensemble, so, but again, I, as a mother, I never thought, like, oh, I could have four kids.
• 24:24
  That thought literally never crossed my mind.
• 24:26
  Well, then that's how you ended up with four kids.
• 24:28
  But- Like, it's just like that- It happened, and this sounds so corny, but like I can't imagine my life- Yeah.
• 24:33
  I know any other way at this point.
• 24:35
  Yeah.
• 24:35
  Like, I can't imagine my life- Mm-hmm not spinning and doing laundry and driving and doing, I don't know- Yeah like I wanna go back to what we were talking about before where we were kind of saying that sometimes you make the choice, right, based on finances or maybe, like, overstimulation or, the mental load or maybe, the fear of the postpartum experience because that is so hard and how I kind of raised my hand and said,"I don't really wanna go through, like, the newborn phase and trying again," all of that.
• 25:06
  If, I probably know your answer, but, so maybe you should ask me- Yeah if that wasn't the case, if maybe I had more of a capacity would I have more?
• 25:15
  I don't know.
• 25:16
  Would you?
• 25:17
  I think I would.
• 25:18
  Really?
• 25:19
  Yes.
• 25:19
  I think if I wasn't so fearful of- the whole experience, maybe the whole journey is the right word, then maybe I would, you know?
• 25:28
  Yeah.
• 25:28
  Like, but I think it's the unknown that is causing me to say no, you know?
• 25:35
  Yeah.
• 25:35
  And just, like, what I know I'm capable of.
• 25:37
  And you also used the word responsible, and I've actually found myself answering that question especially because I talked about with my second postpartum experience, it was so different than my first, and it was probably the closeness of ages of the kids and just how I had a lot going on at that point.
• 25:56
  It was, like, a completely different experience.
• 25:59
  My daughter had colic.
• 26:00
  Like, it was just a very, very different experience.
• 26:03
  And I ended up with postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety, which I have worked so hard to kind of work through.
• 26:10
  Actively, yeah.
• 26:12
  And it's taken me a long time to kind of, I always use the word come back up for air, and that's kind of where I feel like I am now.
• 26:18
  And I have said, especially early on, I- it wouldn't feel responsible for me to have more.
• 26:26
  Mm-hmm.
• 26:26
  Because I didn't wanna have to go through that again.
• 26:29
  Mm-hmm.
• 26:29
  You know?
• 26:30
  So I do think that some of these experiences shaped my answer now, you know?
• 26:34
  Mm-hmm.
• 26:34
  Well, that's a very honest answer.
• 26:36
  Mm-hmm.
• 26:36
  I don't think it's as easy for people to say.
• 26:38
  Like, sometimes I think that the blame, and I don't wanna say blame gets put on the kid, but you, you place blame on the situation.
• 26:46
  Mm-hmm.
• 26:46
  And you don't wanna place blame on your kids,'cause it's not- No your kids' fault.
• 26:50
  No.
• 26:50
  'Cause they're not- Right the only thing actively stimulating you.
• 26:53
  Yep.
• 26:54
  It's a- It's everything it's, it's- It's all of it everything that's happened- Yep at once.
• 26:58
  It's like the perfect storm.
• 27:00
  Yep.
• 27:00
  It's like the postpartum hormones, the newness of it all, the adding to your plate, okay, time's a-ticking.
• 27:07
  There's a lot crammed into those first five years of their lives.
• 27:10
  Yes.
• 27:10
  You know?
• 27:11
  Yes.
• 27:12
  And so once you do kinda come up for air, you're like,"Oh, shoot, like, I would love to have another baby'cause I love kids, but, like, I, I don't think I'm equipped for all of that." Yes.
• 27:22
  Right?
• 27:22
  I agree, and I think that's such an honest thing to not only, like, think in your head, but to, say out loud and almost reason with yourself about.
• 27:30
  Mm-hmm.
• 27:30
  I think that this decision definitely takes a lot of, looking within and looking obviously at your partner or your situation and being very honest with yourself, you know?
• 27:42
  I also do think that everyone always says, though, that you're always blessed with another baby, you know?
• 27:48
  Of course, of course.
• 27:49
  It is one of those things, but if you- Like, you never regret having the other baby, you know?
• 27:55
  I, I don't think that would be a regret.
• 27:56
  I think that using the word regret is, like, should you- Well, that's, but that's a phrase you take a...
• 28:00
  Yeah people will say, you know,"You'll never regret having the third," right?
• 28:04
  Like, and this always happens to me, and I'm sure, I'm sure Pippa's can relate to this.
• 28:07
  It's like when you have a thought in your brain, you're inundated with content, and so there was a point I probably thought to myself, like,"Hmm, how am I feeling about having, you know, the third baby?" And I started getting all this content.
• 28:20
  My fricking phone is probably listening to me, and it's gonna do it again.
• 28:23
  Mm-hmm.
• 28:23
  But, like, I started getting all this content that was like,"Have the third, you'll never regret it," you know what I mean?
• 28:29
  Or, like,"Have the other baby, you'll never regret it." And that sat heavy with me for a little while because I'm sure you never regret having another baby, and that's a really, like, kinda shitty mind frame to be in, you know, to think about that.
• 28:44
  Well, doesn't, does it make you feel- But- selfish in a way, that you're trying to finally prioritize- I think that's, yes you feeling well?
• 28:51
  Yes.
• 28:51
  And also, it's not just for you.
• 28:53
  Like, you know that you're showing up as a good version and, like, the best mother to your living children and to your husband- That's such an good word who you so desperately wanna finally hang out with and be around again.
• 29:03
  There's guilt.
• 29:04
  You know?
• 29:04
  There's, like, guilt in feeling like you're being selfish because If you do have the, the choice, right?
• 29:10
  And you're closing that chapter, and you're closing the door on potentially adding siblings- Mm-hmm it's such a guilty feeling.
• 29:19
  Leo's in this stage right now where he's, like, obsessed with babies, you know?
• 29:23
  Oh, my gosh, he's so cute.
• 29:24
  He's four.
• 29:24
  With the little baby dolls.
• 29:25
  He loves babies.
• 29:27
  Well, he has a little sister.
• 29:28
  He, like, helps Layla care.
• 29:28
  Yes.
• 29:29
  He- He, like, helps Layla care for the babies that they have.
• 29:31
  Yeah, your best friends, they have a baby.
• 29:33
  Yeah.
• 29:33
  They're obsessed with that baby.
• 29:34
  Yes, they love babies.
• 29:36
  Layla's kinda just coming around to it, but, like, Leo's kind of always been baby obsessed.
• 29:39
  That's really sweet.
• 29:40
  So there's sometimes, like, a part of me that's like,"Oh, wouldn't it be nice for, like, him to experience having a baby?" Because he was so little- Mm-hmm when he had his little sister born, he doesn't even remember that, you know?
• 29:51
  I'm like,"Oh, well, wouldn't this be so special?" You know?
• 29:54
  'Cause if he were...
• 29:54
  You're thinking if he were five, he would be like- Yes.
• 29:57
  Like he would be s- a true big brother.
• 29:58
  Yes, and he would be so helpful, and that's just part of his personality.
• 30:02
  But I have to stop myself and, you know, like, remind myself- I didn't realize you were ha- you still have these thoughts.
• 30:08
  I think I have whispers, but I'm...
• 30:12
  I think I'm strong enough, and I'm in a head space enough where I quiet them.
• 30:16
  You know?
• 30:16
  When I, like, come back to reality where I'm like,"Okay, what would that look like?" You know what I mean?
• 30:22
  It's not a gamble I'm willing to take right now.
• 30:25
  And I think also because we planted that three in our brains, it's there, you know?
• 30:29
  It's there.
• 30:30
  It's there.
• 30:30
  It's always whispering, but I feel like I have to quiet it, and- Mm-hmm I'm comfortable quieting it.
• 30:37
  I'm trying to, like, push the guilt and the shame aside fr- Yeah from it, but- I know I really know myself now, and I'm not willing to put that gamble on the getting pregnant journey, the postpartum journey.
• 30:53
  Mm-hmm.
• 30:54
  I'm just not willing to gamble on that.
• 30:55
  Yeah.
• 30:55
  You said that you were talking with your girlfriends about this.
• 30:59
  Like, people do- Of course have babies- Of- in their early 40s.
• 31:02
  Plenty.
• 31:02
  Like, we're s- And I know plenty we're seeing it, you know?
• 31:04
  I know plenty, but- It's more and more common I think everybody's just at that point where a majority of my friends are, like we're just done, and it's for a variety of different reasons.
• 31:15
  I think we listed them off.
• 31:17
  Yeah.
• 31:17
  Like, some of it is the logistics and the finances and the I'm going back to work now, and I feel like I'm just getting my footing back at work, and I don't...
• 31:27
  I think that every family really makes those decisions.
• 31:30
  Also, not every company offers, like, the best maternity leave.
• 31:35
  Like, if you own your own business, there's no paid time off.
• 31:38
  So you have to juggle- do I want to work and have an infant, or I've become so accustomed to this time where my kids are in school to invest back into myself or play mahjong or play tennis or to work more, Right.
• 31:52
  Like my time, and now all that time will go towards another human being, and I know it will eventually work out.
• 31:58
  You know eventually it works out.
• 32:00
  Of course.
• 32:00
  But for that meantime where you feel like, oh, this is not gonna...
• 32:04
  Th- this is really going to- Yeah I wish the w- sometimes I always wish that we could have, more live opinions coming at us, when we're filming these because I just think it's, a very interesting topic, I feel like when people, ask the question, they're like,"Oh, are you done?
• 32:18
  Are you gonna have one more?" They expect, like, a very short, quick response of, like,"Oh, you know, no." No, But it's so much more complicated than, like, a few word answer.
• 32:29
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• 33:37
  I'm thinking about, people that I'm very close to in my life that have, two kids.
• 33:41
  Mm-hmm.
• 33:41
  I know.
• 33:43
  Some of the reasons because we're close There was medical issues.
• 33:45
  There was infertility issues.
• 33:47
  There was, a myriad of reasons.
• 33:49
  But maybe, if they just were to meet them for the first time and see two kids- Yeah the youngest being two or three- Yeah a normal question is like-"Oh, you done?""Do you guys think you're gonna have more?" Yes.
• 33:58
  You know?
• 33:58
  And it's a very c- it's a very common question.
• 34:01
  And then what's funny is talked about in other episodes, you never really wanna ask anybody, like, when they're gonna have kids, because you never know when anybody, what anybody is going through behind closed doors.
• 34:11
  But the, you know, when you have kids, those questions are relentless, you know?
• 34:16
  Mm-hmm.
• 34:16
  Like, everybody always asks them.
• 34:18
  And for us, when we say, right, like, we're like, right now we're like,"No, we're good.
• 34:22
  I think we're a- we're all set." And they'll go,"'Cause you have a boy and a girl." Oh.
• 34:27
  And I'm like,"Not really," but you know?
• 34:30
  Like, that, so that it almost, like, makes it, like,"Okay, yeah, you got one of each, right?
• 34:35
  You're good.
• 34:35
  You're good." Right.
• 34:37
  But I think that when you have two of the same, three of the same, like, those questions are even more relentless, because people are just like- I'm sure.
• 34:43
  Yeah, I'm sure they are"You gonna try for a boy?
• 34:46
  You gonna try for a girl?" Like- Well, I also think it's- Did you get that?
• 34:50
  I also think it's common to maybe want that.
• 34:52
  Yes.
• 34:53
  Like, I think it's- Yep cool to have different genders.
• 34:56
  You know, for m- for many reasons.
• 34:57
  I think it's cool for a boy to have a brother.
• 34:59
  I think it's cool for a girl to have a sister.
• 35:01
  Growing up with sisters, like, there's nothing better than having- I know...a sister.
• 35:04
  But if I had a brother, I'm sure I would think the same.
• 35:06
  So I guess my point is that you won't know any different.
• 35:10
  But if you're an adult, and you have your own situation that you grew up with that you like, maybe you might impose that on somebody else.
• 35:18
  Like,"Oh, you have a boy and a girl.
• 35:20
  That looks perfect to me." So everybody's gonna have their own opinion,'cause everybody had a different thing handed to them.
• 35:27
  My oldest's be- one of his best friends is an only child.
• 35:30
  I've talked about this on here.
• 35:32
  Joseph is obsessed with that lifestyle.
• 35:33
  Mm-hmm.
• 35:33
  He thinks it's amazing.
• 35:34
  He thinks- Well, Joseph tries to go out and get a little bit of alone time.
• 35:37
  Yeah.
• 35:38
  So you had said,"I wonder what my kids think." He's from a big family, and he needs a little space sometimes.
• 35:43
  So to your point- Normal it's like, yeah.
• 35:45
  But he's like,"Oh, he's so lucky.
• 35:46
  He just gets all his parents all to himself." I'm like,"Sweetie, he's bored.
• 35:51
  That's why he's here like- Yeah he loves it here.
• 35:53
  Yeah.
• 35:53
  But you a- the grass is always greener.
• 35:55
  You kind of, the grass is always greener.
• 35:56
  Like, you always want or wonder what you don't have, right?
• 35:59
  Maybe it's not even want, but it's always, like- Wonder curious, right?
• 36:02
  You're always, like, curious.
• 36:03
  Like, I never had a sister.
• 36:05
  I have a brother.
• 36:05
  I always would have loved a sister, and now I'm making that decision that Layla will never get a sister, you know?
• 36:11
  Oh, geez.
• 36:12
  So again, it's back to the- That's so deep it's back to the guilt.
• 36:15
  Oh, that's so deep.
• 36:16
  That's so deep.
• 36:17
  It's,, It's back to the guilt, you know?
• 36:19
  But...
• 36:21
  I know.
• 36:21
  Yeah.
• 36:21
  But that's the life she has, and she's never gonna know any different.
• 36:23
  And she's never gonna know, and I will never know, no.
• 36:25
  She'll be- hopefully she'll be lucky like you and have a good sister-in-law.
• 36:27
  Exactly.
• 36:28
  Or multiple.
• 36:29
  Multiple sisters-in-laws.
• 36:30
  Multiple sister-in-laws.
• 36:30
  Sister-in-laws, yeah.
• 36:32
  One of our good friends had two kids, and then a big age gap.
• 36:36
  Mm-hmm.
• 36:36
  And then had a third.
• 36:38
  Mm-hmm.
• 36:38
  So now she has, like, you know, like teenagers- Yeah and then a baby, and my mother is so funny'cause she's like,"I'm responsible for her having another baby.
• 36:47
  It was because of me." I'm like,"What did you tell her?" The, she's clearly wanted another child, and she was kind of always toying around with it, going back and forth, having a third, having a third.
• 36:57
  And my mom, when she tells her story of, like, having Marissa- Yeah I think people that are truly on the fence about having a third, Yeah, you, like, eat that up.
• 37:06
  Like, you're like- Like, they love-"Sure" they love her story.
• 37:08
  Give me all the stories.
• 37:09
  Right.
• 37:09
  But that's, they're looking for it.
• 37:10
  Yes.
• 37:11
  You're looking for, like- They're looking for that story.
• 37:12
  You are.
• 37:13
  You know?
• 37:13
  I think, like, you'll always get what you're looking for in terms- Sure of, like, the validation, how about when you know you're done having a kid?
• 37:21
  You know what?
• 37:21
  I think that's a- That's like a whole other thing.
• 37:23
  That's, I'm sure that me and you had very different experiences with that because I'm sure when you were in twin land, right, like, you knew you were done.
• 37:32
  I, I would assume.
• 37:33
  I was when the twins were- But did you soak that up?
• 37:38
  What do you mean?
• 37:38
  Did I soak what up?
• 37:39
  You went to try for a third.
• 37:41
  You were blessed with two twin girls after having two boys.
• 37:45
  It's like, quote-unquote,"the perfect situation," right?
• 37:47
  No, I didn't soak anything up.
• 37:49
  I was so scared.
• 37:50
  You were.
• 37:50
  Do you feel like when you had them, though, were you like,"Okay, so this is the last time they're gonna be in a crib"?
• 37:57
  You go through those milestones kind of, like, soaking them up?
• 38:01
  Because did you...
• 38:02
  I'm assuming you knew.
• 38:04
  I was too overwhelmed.
• 38:04
  You're like,"We're done." I was too overwhelmed- Ugh to soak it up, Christina.
• 38:07
  And that's another thing.
• 38:11
  I, I don't regret anything.
• 38:12
  Mm-hmm.
• 38:12
  But I was not"This is the last time I'll have a high chair." Right.
• 38:16
  "This is the last time I'll use a car seat,"'cause I was so overwhelmed.
• 38:20
  I didn't know what the hell was going on.
• 38:21
  I didn't know which end was my, like, like- Yeah...I didn't know which end was what.
• 38:25
  Yeah.
• 38:25
  Yeah.
• 38:25
  It's a good point.
• 38:26
  I just knew that I could not do it.
• 38:30
  Again But you weren't- I mean, if I had to I would, but like, I, I- But you, you think that you were just, because of the twin situation and it being basically double everything, you were just so in it that you couldn't even, get your mind to, like, appreciate those milestones- No and like soak them in.
• 38:47
  No.
• 38:47
  Yeah.
• 38:47
  Not even a little bit.
• 38:48
  I do think that maybe if my situation were different and maybe if I had Joseph and then Vincent, and while having Vincent, I was like,"All right, we're gonna have two kids and this is what we're gonna do because- for whatever reason, this is the decision we are coming to- Right right now at this point.
• 39:04
  Right.
• 39:05
  I think if that were a seed planted in my mind, I might be like,"This is the last time he'll be in a crib." Right.
• 39:10
  "This is the last time I'm buying diapers." Right.
• 39:12
  Maybe more similar to where you are.
• 39:14
  Yeah.
• 39:15
  But because I think I was just, my head was just spinning with the twins- Yeah that I was just trying to- Oh take care of them.
• 39:23
  I was hoping that your answer would be that you got to soak it in because- No I do think that when you make the choice really without knowing that you're making a choice, so my experience of everything the second time around is making me making my choice, right?
• 39:42
  Mm-hmm.
• 39:42
  Is making my choice.
• 39:44
  But I didn't really know that while I was going through it.
• 39:47
  Mm-hmm.
• 39:47
  So I feel like I was just trying to get to the next step of oh, okay, I can't wait until the baby sleeps through the night, and I can't wait until this, and so I was definitely not appreciating or soaking in any of those moments.
• 40:01
  I've since tried to reframe my mind a little bit to enjoy the present.
• 40:07
  And again, I think that that factors into why I don't really wanna go back to the drawing board because I wanna be here and I wanna be, like, enjoying and soaking in the moments.
• 40:16
  My daughter just, like, potty-trained herself.
• 40:19
  And while that's great, you know, and how many of us are sitting there like,"I can't wait to, until I never change a diaper again." And then all of a sudden you blink and you're like, oh, like, this is no longer something that I'm doing and now I have this small tote, you know?
• 40:32
  And I don't have to lug a diaper bag around.
• 40:35
  But I'm trying to be like, wow, some of these moments are done.
• 40:41
  We're n- I am never gonna have to buy diapers again.
• 40:43
  You know, I'm, I- I remember- Yeah like making the last bottle, you know, and being like, whoa.
• 40:48
  Like, at that point I think I was kind of like, okay, I think we're good with two, you know?
• 40:53
  And I was like, wow, like some of those moments hit so much harder because I was like, wow, I don't think I'm gonna be here again.
• 41:00
  Like- Wow.
• 41:01
  And I- I'm kind of going through now like that, you know?
• 41:05
  Where I'm like, I don't think I'm gonna be back in this.
• 41:08
  Yeah.
• 41:09
  In this section again, you know, of life, and- Ooh, that's heavy It's heavy.
• 41:14
  I did- I, I didn't start to appreciate- that things would be my last- Mm-hmm until the twins were in preschool, and they graduated from preschool.
• 41:26
  Yeah.
• 41:26
  And my kids all went to that preschool.
• 41:28
  Yeah.
• 41:28
  At that, your son goes to.
• 41:29
  Yeah.
• 41:29
  And at the twins' graduation from preschool, I remember being very weepy and Nick being very weepy too because we were like,"Oh my God, this is our last time that we're gonna be doing- Yeah a graduation here." Yeah, yeah.
• 41:40
  And I'm sure when the twins graduate from the elementary school- It'll be the same it'll be my last time pulling in- And then high school to that school- Yeah, yep when the twins gradu- May- well, maybe by that point I'll be, like, senile.
• 41:50
  And they'll be rolling me in in a wheelchair.
• 41:52
  Who knows what condition I'll, I'll be in?
• 41:54
  But my mom was never really, like, sentimental with me and Nicole.
• 41:59
  Always, like, our biggest cheerleader, but, like, we're in this- Yeah we're good.
• 42:03
  Yeah.
• 42:03
  Not, like, dwelling on, like- Yeah it's our last.
• 42:05
  Like, I remember even at our wedding, like, sh- my mom and dad were just, like, so happy for us.
• 42:10
  Like, when I had a kid, like, so happy for us.
• 42:13
  My mom is so much more weepier with Marissa- Because it's her last because it's her last.
• 42:18
  And I do think that there is something to be said about that.
• 42:20
  Right.
• 42:21
  When it is your last- Right, and you know it whether you made that decision or it was made for you it, it feel, y- you feel it.
• 42:27
  it feels heavier.
• 42:28
  It feels heavier.
• 42:29
  Yep.
• 42:29
  But- Like, the last one to leave, the last one to graduate, the last one to get married, the last one to have a ba- you know?
• 42:36
  Yeah.
• 42:36
  And I'm sure that you carry that so much heavier.
• 42:39
  Yeah.
• 42:39
  For sure.
• 42:39
  And I'm feeling that, you know, even now.
• 42:42
  Oh.
• 42:43
  So I get it.
• 42:43
  So many feelings.
• 42:44
  Yeah.
• 42:44
  So many feelings.
• 42:46
  Many feelings.
• 42:47
  Always.
• 42:48
  Can I ask you a question?
• 42:49
  Oh, yeah, of course.
• 42:50
  Have you, because your daughters are seven.
• 42:52
  Mm-hmm.
• 42:52
  Seven and a half almost, right?
• 42:54
  Mm-hmm, yeah.
• 42:54
  Do you still pick them up?
• 42:56
  Do I, like, hold them?
• 42:57
  Do you, like, pick them up like a baby?
• 42:59
  Oh, yeah.
• 42:59
  You do?
• 42:59
  Sometimes.
• 43:00
  Yeah.
• 43:00
  They, sometimes they like to be carried.
• 43:02
  Yeah.
• 43:02
  I, still cuddle with the boys.
• 43:04
  Yeah.
• 43:05
  Like, Vincent can pick me up now.
• 43:06
  Yeah.
• 43:06
  But I still hold them- Yeah and hug them and kiss them- Yeah and love them.
• 43:11
  I try to be respectful of them, like, not being annoying.
• 43:14
  Yeah.
• 43:14
  Like, love you bug.
• 43:15
  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 43:15
  Love you bug in front of their friends.
• 43:16
  Yeah.
• 43:16
  But they, I follow their lead.
• 43:17
  They still will hug and kiss me back.
• 43:19
  Mm-hmm.
• 43:19
  But I know there is going to be a time in the very near future that my almost 13-year-old is going to want to hug and kiss another girl, and- it's not gonna be me.
• 43:29
  Right, right.
• 43:30
  I know, like- But have you seen that, like, trend on Instagram- Ugh where it's like you put your kid down for the last time.
• 43:37
  Oh my God.
• 43:38
  Stop.
• 43:38
  I can't.
• 43:38
  You know?
• 43:39
  Because you never pick them back up.
• 43:40
  I can't.
• 43:40
  And you don't ever know when that moment is, you know?
• 43:43
  And so there's, like, a trend I've seen, especially with, like, little boys, you know, where it's like,"I'm gonna try before you're too big and I can't even pick you up anymore." Well, that is definitely on your algorithm.
• 43:53
  You still hold your kids.
• 43:54
  Of course.
• 43:54
  And you still snuggle them.
• 43:55
  Yes.
• 43:55
  And you read to them.
• 43:56
  Yes.
• 43:57
  And you still, like, really love your little nighttime routine.
• 44:00
  I do.
• 44:00
  As hard as it is, you, like, really soak that in.
• 44:03
  I do.
• 44:03
  You don't like to miss bedtime- I don't, no because it's like you know that it's not gonna be like this forever.
• 44:09
  Like, one day the kids are just gonna go in their rooms and be like,"Night," and you're like,"Bye, I guess." That actually does happen.
• 44:15
  But, like, it happens.
• 44:16
  Christina, it happens.
• 44:17
  And f- again, because I have multiples, I was so grateful that it happened because I'm, I...
• 44:23
  It hasn't happened for the other two yet.
• 44:25
  It's only happened for one of my kids.
• 44:27
  So I'm still doing- You're still doing bedtime bedtime.
• 44:29
  Yep.
• 44:29
  But, yeah, it happens one day when they just go in their room- Yep and they put themselves to sleep.
• 44:34
  Yeah, and how hard- They don't need you.
• 44:36
  Yeah, and the bedtime routine can be grueling for parents.
• 44:40
  You're just like...
• 44:40
  Sometimes I'm like,"I just want the day to end so I can just go relax.
• 44:45
  I'm so exhausted." And you're like,"Oh, this bedtime routine is so long," you know?
• 44:51
  But then you're like,"One day it's not gonna be there." So I really, I try so hard.
• 44:57
  I'm not perfect at it by any means, but I try so hard to, like, think like that.
• 45:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 45:02
  My husband is so great, Raja, because he is really great about reminding me,'cause that's how he is.
• 45:08
  He's very, very sentimental, and he's very in this, and he thinks like that all the time.
• 45:15
  Like, we're gonna miss so much when they're not calling for us overnight, or we're gonna miss so much when, when they're out and about with their friends at night and we go to bed and they're out, you know?
• 45:25
  Like, we have to appreciate where we're at right now, you know?
• 45:28
  And so it's nice to have a partner or a husband that, like, reminds me of that.
• 45:32
  Don't you love it when your spouse says something like that to you and you're like,"Oh, God.
• 45:37
  Why are you, like, so good?" Well, I'm like, thank you for at least- thank you for reminding me of that.
• 45:41
  Yes, thank you for reminding me of that.
• 45:43
  And not, because the opposite is you could both be in a- I guess, technically hard time when you have two young kids crying and you're tired, and then you could be like,"Oh, this is annoying," and then your partner could be like,"I know, I just wanna go to bed." And then the whole mood- can just, like, spiral down.
• 45:58
  Some balance.
• 45:58
  So sometimes it's nice when- one is able to, like, give perspective.
• 46:02
  I do try to think like that because I'm sure that you, I don't know if this is, like, the right word, but you can, like, grieve those chapters ending and, like, knowing that they're ending.
• 46:12
  And, you had said, your mom was, like, such a good example of that.
• 46:15
  But, when you know it's your last, you almost do grieve where- Mm-hmm you're at, you know?
• 46:19
  Like, I'm never gonna get to do this again, and it's sad, and it's heavy.
• 46:24
  Mm-hmm.
• 46:24
  Yeah.
• 46:24
  I guess when you, like, really pay close attention to every stage that you're in, there is an ending to it.
• 46:30
  Mm-hmm.
• 46:30
  And then there's a new beginning.
• 46:33
  You know?
• 46:33
  And it goes fast, but we've also talked about just being, like, so grateful and excited for, chapters ahead, and I think that's also an okay mindset to be in.
• 46:44
  Yes, that other chapter will close of them being little, and maybe you don't pick them up, but then you get to go through another experience with them.
• 46:53
  Mm-hmm.
• 46:53
  And so looking ahead, I also don't think has to be so sad.
• 46:58
  Mm-hmm.
• 46:58
  Right?
• 46:58
  Because it's exciting.
• 46:59
  It's new.
• 47:00
  There's new chapters ahead.
• 47:01
  Right.
• 47:02
  And- When your kids were here a couple weeks ago- Mm-hmm playing and swimming- Mm-hmm Joseph said,"Mom, I just, like, miss those good old days when we were little like Leo and Layla.
• 47:12
  I wish we had a baby around here." Like, I wish there was a you- like, a little young one around here.
• 47:17
  Like, they're just so cute." And I'm thinking to myself, like, we have, like, a family of bigger kids now in this house.
• 47:23
  If you go in our shoe room, there's like- I know big shoes in the shoe room.
• 47:26
  I know.
• 47:26
  I feel like Joseph's as tall as me, like, it's wild.
• 47:28
  He is.
• 47:28
  Yeah.
• 47:28
  He's as tall as I am.
• 47:29
  He and Vincent have the same size shoe- Yeah if not bigger than me.
• 47:32
  Yep.
• 47:32
  So, like, if you go in my shoe room- Yeah there's not, like, little shoes in there anymore.
• 47:36
  Yeah.
• 47:36
  There's not, like, little feet.
• 47:37
  Yeah.
• 47:38
  It's like big people live here.
• 47:39
  That's wild.
• 47:40
  But it, but this is a fun phase too, but I do miss the little ph- I go back and forth.
• 47:45
  Mm-hmm.
• 47:45
  I do miss the little phase, but then I'm like, oh, along with the little phase is a 12 o'clock preschool drop off- Yep or pick up.
• 47:51
  Yep.
• 47:51
  And- Yep Not being able to do all the other things that I do during my time- Yeah, not having as much freedom you know, like, it's- And, yep it's just so hard to- It is.
• 47:59
  I know.
• 48:00
  Little kids, it's park and rec sports where they all run after the ball, and it's so cute, and that was such a fun time.
• 48:06
  Yeah.
• 48:06
  But then, like, older kids is, like, you know- Yeah competitive- Like, really exciting sports hockey, sport- Right where you're, like- Right a fan of the kid.
• 48:13
  Right.
• 48:13
  Like, there- I know I don't know.
• 48:14
  There's all these different phases.
• 48:15
  But I guess we're sitting in these seats because we're lucky enough that we get to go through- Yes this and experience this- Yes as mothers now.
• 48:22
  And- For sure.
• 48:23
  I do think that you're always just pulled.
• 48:25
  And two things can be true at the same time.
• 48:28
  Yeah.
• 48:28
  You can, like, miss and yearn for those previous seasons, and I think that what Joseph said about, like,"Oh, we miss the good old days"- The good old days you always miss the good old days, right?
• 48:37
  Yeah.
• 48:37
  And, like, the good old days are always behind you, yeah.
• 48:40
  But it's also, like, exciting to think about what's ahead, you know?
• 48:44
  Right.
• 48:44
  And it's, I think it's okay to have those things at the same exact time.
• 48:48
  I agree.
• 48:48
  Yep.
• 48:48
  Yeah.
• 48:49
  So my middle sister, Nicole, her daughter and Joseph are just a few months apart, so they're gonna be 13- Mm-hmm very soon.
• 48:56
  And I was on the phone with my mom the other day, and she was like,"I can't believe we're having teenagers.
• 49:00
  I cannot believe our family is having teenagers." Wow.
• 49:03
  Like, isn't that crazy?
• 49:04
  Yes.
• 49:04
  I go,"Yes, considering I'm a teenager." I, right.
• 49:07
  You know?
• 49:08
  Aren't, aren't we?
• 49:08
  Like I am not- What, what, what age are you, like, in your mind?
• 49:11
  I don't know, because my heating pad and- humbles you real quick and my acid reflux- Yeah have me in line with 40.
• 49:19
  But mentally, like, I'm still 21.
• 49:22
  I feel, so I feel like I'm, like, 27.
• 49:25
  27.
• 49:25
  Like, I feel, like, a little bit older.
• 49:27
  Not, I don't feel, like, so super young and free, but I feel like 27, 28, like- will be, like, forever how I am.
• 49:34
  But- Good.
• 49:34
  I love that for us.
• 49:35
  Yeah.
• 49:35
  I love that for us.
• 49:36
  But I will say, my little trick, because when we were thinking about this episode, and obviously this question has come up a million times, you know, in my everyday life.
• 49:45
  And one trick if you're, like, a mom that's like,"Okay, I know this chapter has closed," right?
• 49:51
  Like,,"I'm not gonna have another baby again," the best thing to do is to get a cat.
• 49:57
  Because I'm not joking.
• 50:00
  My cats are, like, seven, eight pounds, and when you hold them, you're like,"This feels like a baby." So anyone who's like,"Oh, but don't you, like, miss holding a baby?" I'm like,"I really don't." If you're not into cats, maybe just have a friend have a baby.
• 50:17
  have a baby.
• 50:18
  Then you get to have the baby, and then you get to give the baby back.
• 50:22
  I feel like I'm gonna end up scrolling through my phone and looking at baby pictures of them now.
• 50:25
  Also, yeah, and you're also gonna be inundated with baby content now on your feed,'cause that's just what happens.
• 50:29
  All right, if you just had to think of, like, your favorite age right now of your kids do you have, like, a favorite age from- I will say- from, like, zero to four?
• 50:36
  Well, I think that the older they get, the better I like it.
• 50:40
  Uh-huh.
• 50:40
  So I really feel like both of our, my kids now are talking.
• 50:44
  They're a little bit more independent.
• 50:47
  You know, like the, like- They speak very well.
• 50:49
  Yeah, they both speak very well.
• 50:50
  I love both of them talking.
• 50:53
  Like, I can't explain how much I like both of them talking.
• 50:58
  I, to me, it removes so much anxiety from the day-to-day because there's, like, actual communication happening, Like, Leo's at this age now where he's asking me questions about- Mm-hmm.
• 51:09
  He told me last night when we were doing bedtime, you spoke for me and said it's my favorite time.
• 51:14
  It really is.
• 51:14
  It's, like, sacred to me.
• 51:16
  It's because I feel like it's when both of them, like, open up so much and talk.
• 51:19
  And he said to me last night, he goes,"I just, I love asking how things are made." And he's like, asks me like how are, like, strawberries made?" And I'm like,"Well, they grow," you know?
• 51:30
  And like, we're just having all these, like, s- kind of like silly conversations where he's just, like, seeing the world for the first time, and, like, that to me is, like, a beautiful phase to be in.
• 51:41
  And my daughter is two and, five months, and she just talks so much and kinda keeps up with him.
• 51:48
  The more they talk, the more I feel like I know them, you know?
• 51:52
  And, what they love and their interests, and it's just, it's bonding on another level- Mm-hmm you know?
• 51:57
  And I love that.
• 51:58
  So I, I'm loving where we are right now, and I think that the more we go with that, like, the more I'm gonna love this next phase, you know?
• 52:05
  Yeah.
• 52:05
  Yes, I love, they're cute little cuddly babies, and it's cute to look back at pictures of both of them, like, so small and relish that time where they were babies, but I really love them older.
• 52:16
  Mm-hmm.
• 52:16
  You know?
• 52:17
  Yeah.
• 52:17
  So as old as they get, that's where, that's what I love.
• 52:19
  Aw, I love that.
• 52:20
  What about you?
• 52:23
  So I guess I can give you multip- Yeah I loved it when the girls were like two.
• 52:26
  Mm-hmm.
• 52:27
  I thought that they were the cutest- Yes at two.
• 52:29
  They are so cute.
• 52:30
  Yes, I would agree.
• 52:30
  They were, like, right around Layla's age.
• 52:31
  Yeah, so cute.
• 52:32
  Like, when they were potty-trained, they were starting to talk, they weren't in school yet, they were home with me.
• 52:37
  They were like the li- little squirrelies we would call them.
• 52:39
  Yeah.
• 52:39
  Because they would just like go around the house together.
• 52:41
  Yeah.
• 52:41
  And they would like do cute things and dance and be silly and kinda like- Yep laugh at everybody.
• 52:46
  Yep.
• 52:46
  They didn't have an attitude yet.
• 52:47
  Yep, yep.
• 52:48
  But I also like this age because they ask me questions now- Mm-hmm about myself, and they talk about me.
• 52:55
  So now they're not just like,"Oh, Mom's favorite food is salad." M- Mm they know, no, Mom eats salad sometimes to stay trim.
• 53:03
  Right.
• 53:03
  Like, really what Mom likes is this.
• 53:05
  Right.
• 53:05
  Right.
• 53:05
  I feel like they're starting to, like, see me- They, like, know you as a human being- Right and not just as the lady that takes care of them, which that's a cool thing too, when you start to be seen back by- Your kids the kids that you're raising.
• 53:17
  Yeah.
• 53:17
  And I'm just starting to slowly- That's really nice enter that with them.
• 53:21
  Yeah.
• 53:21
  Which is fun.
• 53:22
  Yeah, that's really nice.
• 53:24
  What age do you feel like that started to happen, like recently?
• 53:26
  Yeah, I would say recently.
• 53:27
  Yeah.
• 53:27
  That's really nice.
• 53:28
  Very recently.
• 53:29
  And I also, because I feel like the youngest always rises to the oldest.
• 53:33
  Always, yep.
• 53:34
  You know?
• 53:34
  Yep.
• 53:34
  So I think if Joseph had, like, an 18-year-old sibling, at 13 he would he, you know, he would probably be doing this at eight.
• 53:40
  Right.
• 53:40
  You know?
• 53:40
  Right.
• 53:40
  But whereas, like, the twins- Right are doing what he's doing- Right at 13.
• 53:44
  Right.
• 53:45
  So.
• 53:45
  Oh, I love that.
• 53:46
  Oh, kids.
• 53:47
  Good question.
• 53:48
  Good question.
• 53:49
  All right.
• 53:49
  Oh.
• 53:50
  we're gonna close with our pink spotlight, which is our person, place, thing, tip, mantra, anything that's making our life a little bit better this week.
• 53:58
  What do you got for me?
• 54:00
  So I said on our podcast, I don't know if it was last week or the week before- Mm like, ugh, life is so busy and I cannot find time to sneak away with my husband.
• 54:10
  Mm.
• 54:10
  The kids always, like- Yeah want me, they need me, we have to be at the games, we have to be at this.
• 54:14
  Yeah.
• 54:14
  We have to help, we have to be the ones helping with the homework.
• 54:17
  And I finally snuck away with my husband- Yeah for 24 hours.
• 54:22
  Yep.
• 54:23
  So nice.
• 54:24
  And what I've learned is that we don't need to do, like, a four-day trip to, like, reconnect.
• 54:29
  It could be, like, a very small, little snippet of time away.
• 54:32
  Yep.
• 54:33
  And we didn't even make it a thing with the kids.
• 54:35
  We didn't tell them we were going on an airplane.
• 54:37
  We didn't make it a big thing, like,"Mom and Dad are leaving you." We said, like,"Mom and Dad are gonna go away for the night.
• 54:43
  We'll be back tomorrow." And they were like,"All right, cool.
• 54:46
  All right, this is, you're going to this friend, this," y- like, threw a whole bunch of stuff at them.
• 54:51
  I filled up their day.
• 54:52
  Kept them busy, yep.
• 54:52
  I kept them very busy.
• 54:54
  I didn't get one call from my daughter, who usually calls me 1 million times.
• 54:59
  Yep, yep.
• 54:59
  And Nick and I flew, we went to Charleston.
• 55:01
  Mm-hmm.
• 55:02
  We flew down to Char- it was like a very short flight.
• 55:03
  Mm-hmm.
• 55:04
  We were there, we had all day Saturday, we had most of the day Sunday, and then we came back, we were home for dinner on Sunday.
• 55:10
  So nice.
• 55:11
  So I mean, this, you don't even need to be on a flight.
• 55:13
  Right.
• 55:13
  Oh, yeah.
• 55:13
  But we were gone for- Yep one night.
• 55:16
  Two days Yep And it was the perfect amount of time.
• 55:19
  I know.
• 55:20
  We've said in, other podcasts, not complicating it.
• 55:22
  Yeah.
• 55:22
  Sometimes you just need- It was not complicated like, the shortest time t- for a reset.
• 55:26
  Mm-hmm.
• 55:26
  You know, like, you just need a little bit of time, and it's amazing what you can fit in in that time, you know?
• 55:32
  Yeah.
• 55:32
  And kind of just, like, how you can reconnect in that time.
• 55:35
  Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
• 55:36
  Yep.
• 55:36
  Sleeping in, and then we came home.
• 55:38
  And then it's not as, like, taxing on anybody else, and you don't need to set up you know, a million different babysitters and in and out and, and all that.
• 55:46
  It's just- I, I mean, I still sort of did have to feel like I set up a million different babysitters- Well, you had to'cause you're,'cause you have so many activities'cause there were so many activities, but it was okay.
• 55:54
  Right.
• 55:54
  It wasn't, like, multiple days- cause Nick and I have been gone before for, like, four days, where I wasn't even present- That's very complicated for all of it- Right because I was constantly checking in,"Oh, is this one there?" And then the kids were calling me, and nobody was happy.
• 56:05
  Like- Mm-hmm we kind of condensed it.
• 56:08
  It was great.
• 56:09
  Yep.
• 56:09
  And- Yep.
• 56:10
  Yep.
• 56:11
  I did it.
• 56:12
  Good for you.
• 56:12
  I did it.
• 56:13
  Yeah, good for you.
• 56:15
  Okay, so mine is gonna be a product this week.
• 56:18
  I started taking my liquid collagen again.
• 56:21
  It was, like, a supplement that I had taken forever, and I'm back on it, like, consistently again.
• 56:28
  I have, like, a very, very consistent full supplement routine now since I was, like, getting my hormones checked and all of that.
• 56:34
  The liquid collagen helps so much with hair growth, with, nail growth and health and bones and joints, and I've been on it for over a month, and I can already feel my joints so much less achy.
• 56:49
  Ooh.
• 56:50
  I don't know if anybody else experiences that.
• 56:51
  Like, I feel like with the change of the weather especially, like, my joints get so achy, and I feel so stiff, and, like, liquid collagen helps with that so much.
• 57:01
  And then I also started taking, which I haven't taken since when I was in between Leo and Laila, I started taking, like, a, the trim version of the collagen, which also helps with cellulite and- Mm-hmm helps t- like, fat around your hips and your thighs and- Mm-hmm like, anywhere where you kind of carry weight, kind of helps that, and it also helps to curb sweet cravings, like, which is huge for me right now.
• 57:23
  I feel like I'm always, like, craving sweets, and, like, that helps to, like, curb that.
• 57:27
  So I'm taking, one teaspoon of each of those every single day.
• 57:31
  Mm-hmm.
• 57:31
  And I'm, like, already feeling.
• 57:33
  It takes a while for you to feel, like, your nail health and your hair and all of that.
• 57:37
  Oh, I'd be curious.
• 57:38
  But I feel like with your joints and, like, with kind of just feeling a little bit like, like your muscles feel like- Lubricated Your muscles feel a little bit more loose.
• 57:46
  I've been taking it consistently again, and I'm, like, already feeling with the joints.
• 57:49
  I'm like,"Oh, my God.
• 57:50
  This makes such a difference in my body." And then hopefully with, like, hair growth and all of that, I'll start feeling that after a little bit of time.
• 57:57
  Ooh.
• 57:57
  It also felt, it almost felt like you, like, moisturize from within.
• 58:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 58:02
  Like, you know when you just feel like your skin is just so dry and it doesn't matter what you put on?
• 58:06
  Mm-hmm.
• 58:06
  It, like, helps with that.
• 58:08
  Like, with the hydra- like, internal hydration.
• 58:10
  Mm-hmm.
• 58:10
  And then you just feel like your skin feels plump and moisturized, and so hopefully those results will start coming.
• 58:16
  Oh.
• 58:16
  'Cause it was full on there when I was taking it consistently before.
• 58:18
  Ooh, I love it.
• 58:19
  Do you have a code?
• 58:19
  Yes.
• 58:20
  I, I'll, I'll, I'll make sure to share my code with you guys- I wanna try it in the show notes because it is great.
• 58:25
  Okay.
• 58:26
  But- Good tip.
• 58:26
  I like it.
• 58:27
  Yep.
• 58:27
  Back at it.
• 58:27
  Give me some liquid col- listen Sometimes going back is where it's at.
• 58:31
  Yep.
• 58:32
  I'm like- You know where was I going with that?
• 58:33
  Why did I stop doing this?
• 58:34
  Well,'cause I got pregnant.
• 58:35
  Like, why did I stop?
• 58:36
  And I couldn't take some of it, and sometimes, like, I always just felt like with pregnancy, I would always be like, I gotta, like, you know, minimize what I'm taking and- Well, now you can add a few things and now I'm back back in.
• 58:45
  Now I'm back.
• 58:46
  Another reason.
• 58:46
  She's back, baby.
• 58:47
  Another reason.
• 58:48
  Yep.
• 58:49
  But all right, guys.
• 58:50
  This was a really, really great episode.
• 58:52
  If you loved this episode, share it with a friend.
• 58:55
  You can leave us a review.
• 58:57
  We always appreciate any reviews, any comments, any follows on Instagram.
• 59:02
  We'll leave all that in the show notes for you guys, and we will be back.
• 59:06
  We have a very packed schedule the next couple of weeks as we head into summer.
• 59:11
  Some great guests- Some interesting experts.
• 59:13
  Yeah, some very interesting experts- lined up, and so we will talk to you soon.
• 59:18
  All right, we'll see you next week.
• 59:19
  Bye.