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Imposter Feelings: When You’re Qualified but Still Questioning Whether You Belong · The Executive Reset

• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things that I see in my office the most often from women who lead is imposter syndrome.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I've done a little bit of digging into it in recent years because it just fascinates me that women who are so powerful and so smart and so capable come in feeling like they're gonna be found out.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: I learned that the term imposter phenomenon was coined in the 1970s to describe high-achieving women who felt like frauds despite clear evidence of their competence.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I see this person all the time.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, most recent thinking pushes back on this idea that it's simply a confidence problem inside of an individual.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: But when the environment keeps signaling that you don't quite belong, doubt is a really reasonable response to the data you're receiving.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a malfunction in yourself if you struggle with imposter syndrome.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's a function of the environment that you are working in.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: I was given a lot of space to figure things out.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: I was encouraged to use critical thinking, and I was allowed to make mistakes and piece things together at a really young age.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that has benefited me so significantly in my adulthood because I often really do feel like I can start something new or I can speak up and not have it perfect, but feel good enough.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: It gives me a sense that I can be in process, that I don't have to be the smartest person in the room to have something important to say.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: That is such a gift to me.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing is, it's something we can learn well into our adulthood.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, it's more vulnerable to learn that as an adult than it is as a child.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's a it's a huge privilege that I had that, I had learned that skill as a child.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: But it's something that you can learn as an adult if you do struggle with imposter syndrome.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: If you are someone who is constantly discounting your success, if you attribute your wins to luck, timing, or even a great team, while treating your setbacks as an exposing truth about who you are, this episode is definitely for you.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's for women who are feeling like they're waiting to be found out, who feel like there's a background expectation that the next high-stakes moment will be the one that exposes you, no matter how many times it hasn't in the past.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you're over qualifying yourself, you feel like you need to meet every criteria before applying for that job, before speaking up, or asking for the raise.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: This is for you.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Many women in this position find it difficult to own their expertise.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: They hedge their ideas with, I might be wrong, but XYZ.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: You deflect compliments, you downplay your credentials.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: We all know that men do the opposite, they overplay their credentials.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: So this is an opportunity to really fill that gap and to learn to trust in yourself.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: To know that the fear of being the only one who doesn't get it in a room is just a fear.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because the truth is, whether people are saying it or not, you're not the only one that feels or admits to feeling uncertainty.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: I also want to talk briefly about where the environment comes into this.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because we have few role models who sit in senior seats in business.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: So the picture of what a leader looks like often doesn't include us, or at least it didn't when we were growing up.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: So your competence is questioned more often, and credibility has to be re-earned with each new audience because it's not visually represented in the same way that men are.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: You might hear subtle cues through being interrupted repeatedly, being overlooked for stretch assignments, or being praised for being quote unquote surprisingly capable.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: That one's so funny to me.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: It kind of feels good at first, but then when you think about it, it's so offensive.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Company cultures that reward certainty and bravado make ordinary uncertainty feel like a personal deficit.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: So if you identify with any of those things, I just want you to remember it might be more about your environment that you're working in than the thoughts that are going on in your head.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And when those signals pile up, then the thoughts of I don't belong, or I'm not smart enough, or I don't know enough start to feel really overwhelming.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And those can become really quickly embedded into a belief about ourselves.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: I also want to talk about the emotional cost of imposter syndrome.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Chronic anxiety and the pressure to prove yourself again and again and again is exhausting.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: It also feeds the perfectionism and overfunctioning that we talked about last week.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because overwork becomes the way to keep your secret safe.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like if you can just work hard enough, then nobody will find out that maybe you don't know something.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you're in process.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Not raising your hand, not sharing a good idea, not negotiating.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the cruel part is that no amount of success fixes that.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Each promotion that you get raises the stakes.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it shrinks the pool of people who you feel like you can be really honest with, especially when you feel uncertain.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: So, given all of that, what actually helps with imposter syndrome?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to ask whether it's you or it's your environment when you start to feel uncertain about yourself.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Some of what you're feeling is accurate information about a context that excludes you.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's your environment.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: And separating the two helps to reduce self-blame.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Next, I want you to keep an evidence file.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: We're always going to come back to the data.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Concrete records of results, positive feedback that you've gotten from previous bosses, and decisions that worked give you something to check your story against.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: Then you're going to normalize your feelings out loud.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Hearing other leaders admit doubt takes away the shame and the sense that you're alone or that you're faking it.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And you can practice this for your own team or even just yourself by offering that vulnerability when you feel uncertain.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay to say, I don't know, but I'll find out.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: That actually looks like good, strong leadership as opposed to incompetence.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Then you're going to reframe the goal.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of eliminating doubt completely, you want to learn to work alongside of it.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Competent people usually feel uncertain, especially when they're doing new things.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not actually uncertainty that makes us incompetent or makes us feel incompetent.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's when we're not able to move past it.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Next, I want you to set feedback that is specific.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: So vague reassurance does not stick.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: We all know this.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: People who are constantly seeking external validation never feel satisfied.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: But clear behavior-based input about what you're doing well is very helpful.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're in a performance review and you ask your boss, can you give me an example, a tactical, practical example of where I did something that worked really well or that felt really helpful, that's going to give you a much better frame for what is going well and where you've seen growth in the past and what to keep moving into in your future.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: We can all help with this by diversifying who gets visibility in roles, giving really clear criteria for advancements, and making it normal to say, I don't know.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I'd love to find out.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: The point here is that imposter feelings are often less a verdict on your ability than a response to being told in a hundred tiny little ways that you're an exception, just for existing in the room.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: So fixing the environment matters just as much as rewriting the narrative in your head or undoing the feelings of incompetence.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: So the next time you start feeling imposter syndrome, creeping up, remind yourself that it's okay not to know.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's normal to learn and process, and go back to the evidence that disproves incompetence.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: This is a topic that comes up all the time in the mindful reset intensives that I do with women in leadership.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want a proven framework for quelling self doubt and strengthening self confidence, I'd love to explore this offering with you.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Spaces are limited each quarter, so reach out and I'll get you on the wait list and let you know when the next opening is.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Until next week, I'm wishing you more peace, more power, and more purpose.