Latest / Inchstones with Sarah | Autism Advocacy & Caregiver Stories / Autism Fatherhood: When My Son Brought Me to My Knees | Tommy of Spectrum in Camouflage

Transcript

Autism Fatherhood: When My Son Brought Me to My Knees | Tommy of Spectrum in Camouflage · Inchstones with Sarah | Autism Advocacy & Caregiver Stories

• 0:00
  Speaker A: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the latest episode of the Inch Jones podcast. All of May was focusing and continues to focus on mothers and caregivers around Mother's Day. And June follows wonderfully. And I'm thrilled here to focus on the dads in June. And I have Tommy from Spectrum and Camouflage. Autism dad. Like many of the fellow autism parents that share vulnerably online, Tommy is no different. There is a passion in sharing the reality through being extra vulnerable about what the truth is about being an autism parent. And I'm thrilled to have him here today. Tommy, thanks for being here.
• 0:37
  Speaker B: Yeah, thanks for having me. It's an honor to be here and just. Just excited to be able to share you.
• 0:44
  Speaker A: You describe yourself online first and foremost as a dad. How did becoming the father to an autistic child really change the way you understood what strength, success, like, what really actually matters in life? How did, how did becoming a dad like that.
• 1:02
  Speaker B: Wow. Yeah. So we had worked, we had wanted to have children for a long time, and it was something that we knew we wanted as soon as we were married. And it wasn't something that came right off the rip for us. There was a lot of just question even if we were going to have children for a while. So then when it came, you know, the ultimate win and, you know, for a dad to see that you're having a boy is so your firstborn, you know, you've got your son to carry on the name, you know, all those typical, you know, men things right off the bat, right? And, and when Wyatt came along, he was just an absolute gem. Everybody wanted to. To hold him. He was sweet, he was cute. Eye contact, all, all. Everything that you would expect, he explored. He. He just laughed. He had an infectious little laugh. And so life started out exactly how we had wanted, just in God's time. So we, you know, we went through that portion. And when I say God's time, I think at that point, for me, it was not really realizing what all that actually meant. It was more just like, okay, this, this is happening. What's supposed to happen? For me, fatherhood was just. It was what you naturally do, right? And we run a company as well. It's a construction company. And that was. Was where most of my focus was, was this growth process. I'm a second generation. My dad back in the 80s and I was starting to take over and we were growing, and when Covid hit, everything just went to heck in a hand basket. And along with my mental health and, and, and there was a variety of things, but Wyatt was starting to kind of dip off at that point. And so when you say, you know, what fatherhood really meant to me was strength, well, it. It actually brought me to my knees because I thought I was a relatively strong person. You. You build a company, you're. You're successful, quote, unquote, in the societal way was. I was the guy that didn't really get shook, but through some loss in that time period and then seeing my son start to regress, my wife dealing with all these emotions, all this. You know, we had our second child that we didn't think it was going to happen so fast, but then we've got this second child and she. She worked at work with me. She was. She was a big portion of the company for a while, and she decided to then go home, stay home with the kids, which was a blessing. But for me, it was. My mental health was. Was straining. And that's. Obviously, I'm all. I'm always going to advocate for autism for. For me, a lot of my focus has started to turn more towards the adults because I. I know what darkness looks like. I was. I went. I've gone through several really dark times, and I just know how important that is. And so for me, um, my wife had actually told me to go on a hunting trip. And that went against everything that I had. Felt like I should, as a father, I should be there. I need to just have my stuff together. But I. At that point, I was actually just afraid to be 30 minutes away from home because my anxiety and my stress level was so high. Short story. I went on this trip, got a call from my wife that they thought my son was having seizures at school. We really realized this dip was actually happening. The things that we just kept saying, you know, it's. He'll grow out of it. And I had a really long conversation with God on a mountaintop that day. And not only my. My spirituality, but my fatherhood just changed immediately. And the strength that I. That you think you have is actually just this fictitious thought that I'll get through something. And until you have this, you know, for me again, and I hope it's okay that I'm talking about my faith. I guess I didn't. Okay, for me, it was the. It was where. Where the wave broke on the rocks.
• 4:39
  Speaker A: That's right.
• 4:40
  Speaker B: This moment that I had absolutely no control. I had no idea where I even was. And so it was. I. It was the first moment I realized that I wasn't just living for myself, and then I had to live forever. For my son. And when I think that realization hits you, especially as a man, and you're, you know, you're obviously like naturally, like, you know, moms are naturally nurturers and caregivers, men are fixers and providers. And when you realize that you can't fix something like that is a breaking point. And, and so what my son and this diagnosis and he's a, he'll be 11 this month. He lost all his words from two and a half to his last word. We finally lost around four was when the last time he said anything. And you know, I'm trying to find the right words. When you talk about like parenthood and strength, it is just, it's this thing that then you just decide that this is my cup. And I'm thankful for it. I'm grateful for everything that he is and everything that, that, that we're gonna be, but it's just constantly trying to figure out how to pivot and, and not, you know, there's no turnaround, there's no startover. So that for me, I guess, if that makes any sense, is a nutshell of what this has done for Milly,
• 5:54
  Speaker A: yeah, I mean, there's so much in there that we can jump off of. The, the reor. I, what I term I use is like reorientation, like having children. And I have an 11 year old Milly and then my son Mac is 8. Same diagnoses, wildly different presentation. And I always talk about, you have a girl with autism, non speaking autism and full body apraxia, and you got a son, non speaking autism, full body apraxia. You learn really quickly how much primal behavior is, is. Is in there because they are literally the same. They have the same exact diagnosis. And the presentation of that, you can't help but see the illumination of men and women like boys and girls.
• 6:32
  Speaker B: Yeah. Okay.
• 6:33
  Speaker A: It's because there's so many typical boy things that he does that is not autism. Right? Yeah, there's so many things. I mean, my daughter is, yes, she needs full time care, but she is so much more manageable and so much more docile and so much more able to like kind of move through the world with her mom by her side. As a, as a feminine example. My son does not follow suit like that. And I don't believe that that's his autism. I think that's. That is him just being a boy. And what else I wanted to talk about is that that reorientation piece is that the constant reframing and reorienting to reality is one of the Greatest gifts. And I always said that these kids did not happen to me. They happened for me. And it broke me to a point where I was getting, and I continued to get to reorient to the truth and reality of life, even in the trenches of what I consider the frontline combat of humanhood and motherhood. The way in which you speak about that, like you said, wave and the crash of the shoreline is what I don't think that people realize happens to you and for you and can become the way in which you're planted to become the best version of who you were meant to be. Tommy. And who I was meant to be.
• 7:47
  Speaker B: Sarah, I've. It's so. It's so nice to hear someone, like, pretty much explain, you know, your feelings and your story because. And that shows how many people are in the same boat, right? And that's where you know my podcast and I know your podcast. It's. It's. It's just to get to the people that feel this and don't know how to explain it and like they're crazy and, and they just don't know how to articulate these feelings because like you said, it's not happening to me. It happened for me. And I've said so many times that my son saved my life.
• 8:13
  Speaker A: Yes, yes.
• 8:14
  Speaker B: With. Without this diagnosis, the success that I have found, the people that I have met, the opportunities that have been provided for me, I. I'm confident had this not showed up in my life, I would probably be a dirtbag. Just because it's so worldly. Felt right.
• 8:34
  Speaker A: Things. The, the, the. The things. Things that we have created like altars of. In typical, let's say America, we have built altars on things. And when you are stripped down to this and you realize that humans and other in relationships and being a mother or being a father is literally the most. I'm getting choked up here. I don't get choked up on my own podcast. Tommy is the most luxurious gift. And to be able to have the capacity to speak to it is why I believe this community and why the goodness of social media ends up bringing these stories together. Because foundationally, being broken to this capacity, the stories that the world tells is that you are now obsolete. You are erased and you are so pushed to the, to the, to the ends of normalcy that oftentimes it becomes an erasure of that reality because the reality is so powerful and is so truthful, the rest of the world can't handle it because their things, the things that have built up can't hold that. They can't hold that truth.
• 9:38
  Speaker B: No, it can't. And, and that's, that's a hard breaking point and you know, still a struggle because then you turn, you turn to. I need to provide enough to make sure that this goes on long enough for, you know, the ultimate thing that every parent deals with is, you know, what happens when I'm gone. But you know, when it comes to the statement, this hasn't happened to me, this has happened for me. That's been something that I want to just real quick dive into one specific verse that has allowed me a lot of peace inside of this. And it is. And I can't, I can't do it perfectly. So. But it's where the disciples asked Jesus about the blind man, what, who sent the Father or the Son. And he said neither, for this happened to bring glory to the Father. So when we, when we start questioning why, well, it just happened so that we could find ways to glorify God. And, and that's something that has brought me peace inside of this because I would give anything, I would give, I've said, you know my last podcast with Tyler, I know that I said I'd give my legs, I'd give my life to hear my son say I love you again.
• 10:36
  Speaker A: That's right.
• 10:38
  Speaker B: But in reality's sake, you know, we do live in the now. And, and I was just reading this morning in John and it was kind of a moment of just another realization where Christ is talking about, you know, may the Lord protect you not from the world. He doesn't say, you know, protect you from death, protect you from persecution. He, he protects you, protects you from the evil one.
• 10:58
  Speaker A: That's right.
• 10:59
  Speaker B: And it is just in all of this stuff is like this, this the protection that I needed in my life to actually bring me to my knees because for me I couldn't do anything. I, I mean in this world I've proven that I can do what I need to do, but to my, my salvation and my family's salvation was, was this. I don't know. I just know that I can bring glory to God through this. And that one verse that didn't happen to me, it happened for me is what's brought me peace.
• 11:26
  Speaker A: That, that illuminates that verse. I too, I'm a Christian, I'm a devout Catholic. Toby Bryant is a very much a powerful person in my life when it comes to that kind of faith based practitioner in life. You know, he famously said some interview, someone asked him about this and this talks to what you're saying about, this is about, this is about giving, giving it to God. Why do you play? And he, you know, do you play to loved because you love to win or that you hate to lose? And he said he always played to figure out things and learn who he is. And I think that that is a, that is a hairline truth that the majority of this world cannot understand and place that as the reason that we are here. You can take the greatest leader in this world and if they are constantly orienting to try to hate, to lose or to not lose or to only win, that is going to become detrimental to them becoming the best version of themselves. And I think what you're doing, what I hear you saying, is that, you know, your child and my children, it actually stripped those away because you realize this is not about winning or losing. It's literally about staying in the game long enough to learn who you are, to get to the root cause of what it means to be a human and woman. I've, I don't think I've ever or would ever. And I'd love to hear your wife's take. I'm sure she'd agree. I have never sat more deeply in my feminine than when I became a mother to two children with profound autism. And I think there's a divinity in that because the nurturing and the caregiving aspect with a. I have a typical 13 year old daughter as well. There's no way that I was at all doing the intense level of my most divine feminine mothering with her. I thought I was, I thought I was, I thought I was really present. I thought I was loving those little classes in New York City and I was the attentive mom to music classes. Boy, was I wrong. Boy was I wrong.
• 13:31
  Speaker B: And it's such an innocent wrong. And I think it does show, like you said that hairline, you know, these things that we, we dance with because like me and my wife will talk about, like, because we never want to be the people that doesn't want to hear your normal problem, right? And like we've literally had people say, well, we don't want to tell you, like, we're not trying to complain. I know you have so much. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. But when we have to catch ourselves saying, you know, like, if we could just complain about going to basketball practice, if we could just complain about. If those were our complaints. But the thing is, is if those were our complaints, we wouldn't know. And so when your eyes are open to this thing. And it's. And. And I think people can misconstrue that. Like, especially. I think there has been a very large awakening in the awareness, which is fantastic. And obviously there's sides to this. There's some sides I don't agree with. I'm always going to, but it's like, you know, if we can all just agree that we want our kids to live optimal, then I think that we can put all the other stuff aside for the most part. But like, your. Your podcast and I like the name the. The Inches. I love that because you go from this. Your societal way of, like you said, just the mom that's present clapping for the music. Like these things, these achievements that naturally come for so many people. But like, for us, when my son first writed got on a scooter at 7, 8 years old, like, that was such a monumental achievement, you know, and
• 14:48
  Speaker A: people don't scooter even contemplating being on the scooter. Right?
• 14:52
  Speaker B: Yeah. Yes. Yes. And the thing is, the amount of grace and mercy that you have to develop inside of this, or it turns to hate and dismay and disgust and disdain. And that's not who I was built to be. The mercy and grace that you have to find inside of this, because people don't know what they don't know. And so I try to speak as loudly and respectful for the outside community as much as for the inside and speak for, like, listen. Yeah, we. Because we've had a lot of struggles, you know, f. You know, family members trying to understand and what are they walking along or are they not? And like friends, you know, it's. It's. There's so many layers to this. And I love the name. Like I said, I wanted to take a second to just, you know, encourage you on that because it is just like the inches that just matter more than the football fields.
• 15:40
  Speaker A: It does.
• 15:42
  Speaker B: So anyways, no, thank you.
• 15:43
  Speaker A: I appreciate that. There's. You know, I think I talk a lot about on Inches here, that there is an unconscious societal conditioning in modern. The modern world, modern America. Right. The global village of online social media. And I'm a geriatric millennial. I turned 43 this month. And so I grew up in the 90s. And, you know, you. What we thought was just going to happen because we were just, you know, got a college degree and moved to New York City. And, you know, all these things that you just think are going to naturally happen. The story that we had been sold and we didn't even realize we were so. That we were Integrating so deeply into our identity was that all these things had to happen or I would fail, right? Or I was a failure. And I think that the realizing that for me and realizing that I was so hell bent and had such a chokehold on what I had to have my life and motherhood look like was scary to me in a, in a stripped down way. Because who was I if I wasn't the mom who lived on 72nd in Columbus and was taking, was going to Central Park Zoo and was dining out because of my full time? Like all these things that I had just assumed were absolutely had to happen, that when they didn't, my identity was completely stripped. And again, what a gift. Like, what a gift that was. But that conditioning, I think that the majority or typical fellow parents don't even realize how much of a chokehold they have on that identity. That that wasn't even there. They didn't even choose it. They didn't, they just happened to just, it just happened to them because we are so unaware of what's around us and how it's programming us to believe what is. Why do we think it's supposed to happen? And then having children that don't develop typically Inchstones for me came. I knew my children were developing. I watched it like I, they were not, not developing, they just weren't developing on any sort of normal trajectory or X, Y axis that the, that the world was telling me they should. And I thought, should what?
• 17:52
  Speaker B: Hmm?
• 17:53
  Speaker A: Yeah, should. Does the world say that my 11 year old should be fully potty trained and going off to camp with her sister this summer? Absolutely. But are we getting there? Are we making strides? Yeah, like, like massive ones. But they're not on, they're not on a trajectory or a line that anyone in this world, in my community and outside of it would, would think is successful.
• 18:13
  Speaker B: And that's what's hard because we, you know, from the beginning of time people have wanted to set the boundaries, people have wanted to set the expectations. And listen, I still hold, and I guarantee you still hold your children to expectations. It's then just being able understand what the, what the reality is. And a book that I just, my wife just picked up and I was recommended last year and I don't necessarily align with everything, but one of my mentors here the other day, I had said, said something similar to him, like, so I don't, I don't align with everything. And he said this and I've never heard this and I just, I want, I'm gonna share it as much as possible. But he said, eat the fish, spit out the bone. Eat the fish, spit out the bone. And I'm just like, I love that because you don't have to align with every little piece of it. And anyway, it's a book called Loving what is by Byron Katie. And it has just helped me be able to understand a little bit more of just stripped down reality. Right. It is just, you know, you think that I should agree with you. Why would you think that? You don't know me. You don't know my thoughts. So why would you think that I should agree? And it's like a lot of just. It's four questions and it's just a really interesting book. My wife just picked it up and I've recommended it to her for a while because we were just constantly trying to work through these and separate what societal.
• 19:25
  Speaker A: Yes.
• 19:25
  Speaker B: Thoughts and expectations are and what reality is. And as long and even so, like, if Wyatt hits a spot, that. That is. That is it. That is the point that he is. That is his pinnacle. Well, then we got him there.
• 19:38
  Speaker A: Yes, we got him there, and we got to witness him getting there. Yeah, that's one of my things. It's interesting. I, you know, I. I have this wonderful class. My favorite classes in college, you know, years before I became a mom, was on nonverbal communication. I was obsessed with class. I thought I was like, I know things like this. There's some sort of intuitive nature. I love people watching and without even speaking to people. And now getting to have children who literally do not use their voice box, cannot use their voice box, do not have the oral motor planning to use their voice. I get to literally live inside the subject. That I think is fascinating because I see the love. I see their development. I see how they connect with. Without saying a word. And that, to me, speaks to. What you're saying is like, this is not about meeting someone else's expectations on it. Cause I know that I actually. Whose expectations am I meeting? God's expectations. I am so aligned with seeing things from a different perspective and to. And to realize that communication is not just words. It is an embodiment of the spirit. And as a mother, there is no greater joy than being able to harness that and being the one to receive it.
• 20:51
  Speaker B: Yes.
• 20:51
  Speaker A: And it doesn't take away the heart. To your point. There's. There's a. There's a real polarity in that.
• 20:57
  Speaker B: There is. And. And that is just trying to. A constant, not. I don't even want to say struggle. It's just. It's just a duty to separate the struggle and the joy. Because I've spent a lot of time talking about what's autism and what's a, you know, a 10 year old boy.
• 21:10
  Speaker A: Yes.
• 21:10
  Speaker B: So you're like original. Something you'd said. But I just had something I wanted to throw. It'll come back to me. But just being able to separate. Yeah. Those realities and the society. Oh well, it was about society and their expectation. And this is something else that I was just at a spoke in Puerto Rico at a conference and one of the speakers after me, he went on about your own perception about yourself. And it was when he really realized that people weren't thinking about him. He, Tony Robbins. So he goes around, speaks with Tony Robbins and Tony Robbins was talking to him and he was just like out of everyone in the world who do you know is thinking about you right now and he starts going through these and he's just like. And he's like, no, probably not. No, probably not. And he's like your mother. And he's like. I sat there and just melded realizing that I don't think my mom's probably thinking about me right now. So when we, when we look at ourselves and the expectations that society who has this expectation, they're not, they wouldn't think about my son if he was. They honestly, if he was doing better than their kids, he, they'd like him even less because there's such, this, this, this thing, this growth. So it's like they're not thinking about him if he's doing well, they're not thinking about if he, if he's doing poorly. So why are we thinking about the things that they should be thinking about? It's about what we are doing as parents to the best of our abilities. And what our children know is love. And so if we're showing them love and walking through them with this progression, even if it is a game of inches, then we're doing our job.
• 22:41
  Speaker A: So.
• 22:41
  Speaker B: So if we can separate the fact that they're not thinking about us anyway, so why are we thinking about them? It, it, it can really settle down the world around us quite quickly.
• 22:49
  Speaker A: Yeah, I mean we, the. I love. I'm not sure if you know this, this man is. And I studied PR in college. But Marshall McLuhan, he's known as like the grandfather of PR. Okay. And, and like how the world sort of takes in information and, and his biggest, I guess like theory is called the medium is the message. Right. So the medium, the global medium, we are in we take in so much. We are holding so much stories and so many lives and so many narratives, more than any other chunk of humans in history. Right? And our bodies are not meant to carry all that weight and all the stories and have those constantly come into us. We are meant to. To learn from others, like, primally wired, like we. Our. Our communities, you know, throughout history, years and hundreds and hundreds and thousands of years ago were like these small communities, right? 7,500 people. Everyone's sort of supporting each other. Now we have all this, what could be considered testimony and witness in some ways, but it's such. It's on such a scale that it can be disorienting to those of us that need to stay so present in the moment. And I think that that's. That speaks to your. To your point. So, so. Well, is that we get to silence the heaviness and what we're carrying. And I think it's dutiful, as you said, is both deeply, like, I guess, heavy, but also deeply reprioritizes the signal from the noise. And I think that what you're saying, you know, illuminates that because we have to be able to realize that no one is thinking about us also. No one's coming to save us either. And that becomes this most powerful, like, invisible thread that weaves in my life, and it keeps me so present to my children. And isn't that what every theology and religion in this world preaches? The power of now and the power of the present moment and not having fear over the future or. Or. Or. Or fear that the past or. Or. Or worry or regret my. My children. I mean, there is no. I cannot think of another way or a human that has pulled me more into the power of now than my children have.
• 25:03
  Speaker B: And I would have to agree with that because even with my daughter or my nieces and nephews. Yeah, because, you know, Wyatt needs a lot of care and supervision, and he wants us to be there with him a lot of times. What has happened over the years is me and my wife have spent a lot of time in the basement playing with kids or out in the yard playing with kids. So I know that I can look back now. My daughter, she is starting to grow some wings here, and she. There. She just. So I'm saying, me and my wife are saying Jesus love you to the kids, right? Every night since they were born while I'm, you know, when I'm. Whenever I'm around. And she just recently said, you know, Dad, I think I'm good on that it's like, no. Yeah, it's like, oh my goodness. But you know, even so I can look back and I can say, even when I feel like I've fallen short, I can look back and say, no, you, you were there more than many. Just, just almost, I hate to say default, but it was just. You just knew you had to be there. And by default you got to hang out with all these other kids and make memories with all the other kids and essentially be the fun uncle, fun aunt, because, you know, Wyatt needed you there. So it's like, well, let's, you know, the same. If you can't beat him, join them.
• 26:08
  Speaker A: Exactly.
• 26:10
  Speaker B: So there's a lot of blessings inside of, inside of it and again, hardship. There's still straight up like the podcast that came out today with me and my wife, you know, we talk about some of those deep fears and some of the future thoughts and some, some, you know, some of the things you see that then bring you back into that and just how to get out of it, how to live in the now. Because one of my good friends, he runs a non profit down in Louisiana and his main statement is live where your boots are. And it is just like you said, everyone talks about the moment and, and then unfortunately in America's society, what we see a lot of are these old timers that say what, what I wouldn't have done to do this or I'd go back to the glory days or you know, the songs, the boys are back in town, all these things that, and I saw this one guy talking about it and he's like, who is here to tell you that the good old days might be the days you're living right now, Totally without a doubt. And this is what's made me really try to slow down, not stop life. You know, we still, we still try to live and, and make sure that we're, we're doing. But this could be the best time of my life. At my son, you know, maybe 11 years old. This could be the absolute best time of my life. And so my encouragement, yeah as to adults is to breathe and, and, and look for the little joys, look for the inches of, of progression and be grateful and thankful for those things.
• 27:28
  Speaker A: Yeah, it's again there. I never in a million years had profound autism on my bingo card, let alone twice. And I think that you know, having a typical developing child and who's 13 and probably similar what your daughter's trajectory is is, you know, I, she's, she's completely self sufficient, you know, if I told her to get to the Philippines by this afternoon. She probably could do it. I mean, I'm not kidding. Like, she probably could, right? Like, I actually bet my bottom dollar on that. But because of that and I think getting to experience parenthood on two different ends again is such a gift. Get to, I get to see what it's like and you get, you and your wife get to experience what it's like to parent a typically developing child. And anytime something typical happens, you know, a 13 year old girl on a, as a stud athlete on a basketball team and living in central Jersey and starts to realize that she's testing the nest a little bit, right. She's pushing the boundaries and everyone around me is, you know, moms are freaking out and going, you know, this is really stressful. And like these girls and whatever, I think, yeah, they're supposed to do that, they're supposed to do that. There's what are. We knew this was happening. We knew this was coming.
• 28:40
  Speaker B: Right, what you're looking for.
• 28:42
  Speaker A: So it's like, yeah, how great is it that we get to watch these girls start to grow some wings and to realize that they have a voice and they have agency. Something you were talking about, about with your episode with your wife that I wanted to touch base on. I had, I interviewed a woman, fellow autism mom, talks a lot about regulation, like the nervous system, regulation for herself as parents and caregivers. And I think what we're doing actually in this episode as a byproduct is this. She talks about naming it to tame it. Like you name them and what's going on and just by naming it, you sort of contain that emotion and then you move through it. And I think that's such a powerful thing amongst this community is just by saying it's a struggle, sort of dissipates the struggle, right? Yeah. This is really hard just saying that. There's something psychological in that. You then go, yeah, it is. Let's keep moving. Right? You know?
• 29:32
  Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Because there's nothing else to do. When you sit in it, when you sit in it in silence, something, you know, it'll grow and what you focus on grows. And so like if you can get it out, you know, the power of the pen, writing things down, having these conversations, the release of just acknowledgement. And it doesn't. Like I tell people all the time, I don't, I'm not asking for a hug, I'm not asking for your sympathy. I'm just trying to create awareness and speak for those who don't Have a voice. My son is quite capable of many things and there I see a lot of progression. Since we've been dealing with chiropractic stuff that we've been dealing, have you ever looked into Dr. Tony stuff?
• 30:08
  Speaker A: I have not, no, not specifically.
• 30:10
  Speaker B: Yeah, look, just follow. Check his podcast out one time. It just might be something you'd be interested in. The Experience Miracles podcast. We found him when he had like four episodes. And it's like from where we started with their program to where Wyatt is now, there's lots and so much, so much growth still to come. And it's nervous system stuff and it, it all revolves around the vagus nerve and the regulation. Like you were just talking about the nervous system stuff, so. And me and my wife have been using them as well. And just the alignment that we have been able to find as parents and keeping our nervous system regulated inside of these things have helped a lot. So anyways, yes, no. So many different layers to this and trying to figure out where to go can be overwhelming. But once you speak it out, what is the immediate threat? That's something that I've really focused on, you know, right now. What is the immediate threat? And if there is not an immediate threat, again, let's settle down. So we spoke it out, we talked about the potential. Now we're going to settle back into now. The reality is still everybody is in place. We have everybody accounted for. They're fed, they're clothed, they're in bed, they might sleep some and. And then we go from there.
• 31:10
  Speaker A: We could have a three hour Joe Rogan length conversation here, but I am going to just wrap this up here and just, I am so grateful for this type of communication and you know, what I appreciate most is like you said at the beginning, you know, honesty without losing hope. Speaking about autism and your fatherhood, your marriage and really mental health especially, this is May is mental health aware month too. And caregiving and alignment with mental health that feels grounded in what this real life unpolished and deeply non performative way, I feel is the most radical way to be human. Thank you for the work that you are doing and your wife is doing. And I think so many parents, especially dads, are going to feel less alone because of how you show up in this community. So, Tommy from Stretchback Camouflage, thank you so much for being here on the Inch Zones podcast.
• 31:58
  Speaker B: Yeah, thank you so much for having me. It's an honor. And please keep up the work that you're doing as an honor to be here and I just hope everybody well.
• 32:04
  Speaker A: Awesome. All right, everyone. Well, until next time here on the Inchstones podcast.