Latest / Wedding Pros who are ready to grow - with Becca Pountney / Disappointment, Copycats and Rejection - the darker side of the wedding industry

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Disappointment, Copycats and Rejection - the darker side of the wedding industry · Wedding Pros who are ready to grow - with Becca Pountney

• 0:00
  Becca: In business, it's really easy to talk about the positives, the strategies
• 0:03
  and all the motivational messages, but what about the other side of the coin?
• 0:07
  What about when things are not all so rosy and it's actually quite a struggle?
• 0:12
  In today's episode, I'm going to be diving deep into some really personal
• 0:15
  stuff and I'm going to be talking about some of the darker sides of business
• 0:18
  from overworking to negative clients and even people copying your ideas.
• 0:23
  How do we face those difficult aspects of owning our own wedding businesses?
• 0:28
  That's what I'm going to get into today.
• 0:31
  I'm Becca Pountney, wedding business marketing expert, speaker and blogger,
• 0:35
  and you're listening to the Wedding Pros Who Are Ready To Grow podcast.
• 0:39
  I'm here to share with you actionable tips, strategies and real life
• 0:42
  examples to help you take your wedding business to the next level.
• 0:46
  If you are an ambitious wedding business owner that wants to take your passion
• 0:50
  and use it to build a profitable, sustainable business doing what you
• 0:53
  love, then you're in the right place.
• 0:55
  Let's get going with today's episode.
• 0:58
  As much as we like to pretend that life is Instagram perfect, hopefully we all
• 1:03
  know that that just isn't the reality.
• 1:05
  We're all living very different lives and all sorts of things
• 1:09
  are going on behind the scenes.
• 1:11
  Often in business we talk about all the positives, the wins, the celebrations.
• 1:16
  I know from talking to clients one to one, speaking with my Wedding Pro
• 1:20
  members and even from my own personal experience that over the years in
• 1:23
  business it's not all perfect and often we face difficult situations.
• 1:28
  So today I want to talk about some of those difficult situations that
• 1:31
  you may be facing or may face in the future or perhaps you have
• 1:34
  experience of facing them in the past.
• 1:36
  I'm going to share my thoughts on each of those situations and hopefully
• 1:40
  that's going to be helpful to you.
• 1:43
  So the first one.
• 1:44
  is crickets.
• 1:45
  What do I mean by that?
• 1:47
  Have you ever felt like you've put everything into your
• 1:49
  business and yet no one's biting?
• 1:52
  I see this particularly when people are starting out fresh in the wedding
• 1:55
  industry because you go all in, you get your website ready, you get your
• 1:59
  social media pages ready, you get all of the stuff in order, you get
• 2:02
  your pricing together and you launch out there into the big wide world.
• 2:06
  And crickets, nothing happens.
• 2:09
  And it can feel a little bit deflating because you feel like something's going.
• 2:14
  Or maybe it's that you're more experienced in business and just
• 2:17
  for some reason, things have gone really quiet at the moment.
• 2:20
  It could be the time of year or maybe it's something else.
• 2:23
  And when this happens, when we feel like inquiries are slow or people aren't
• 2:27
  contacting us, we can get really deflated and we can start questioning ourselves.
• 2:31
  We can question our ability and we can question different
• 2:34
  aspects of our business.
• 2:35
  So if this is something you're facing right now, What
• 2:39
  should you be doing about it?
• 2:41
  Okay, the first thing is don't panic.
• 2:43
  I think it's really important to not get in a panic, especially when it could
• 2:48
  just be for a short period of time.
• 2:49
  Often we go through seasons where we have busier seasons and less busier seasons.
• 2:53
  So first of all, don't panic.
• 2:54
  Don't try and change everything.
• 2:56
  The second thing is, is when you feel this way, when you feel like things aren't
• 3:00
  going well, Instead of retreating and feeling negative and feeling like it must
• 3:05
  be a problem with you, this is actually an opportunity to lean into the situation.
• 3:10
  Because actually we need to ask ourselves the question, why am I quiet?
• 3:14
  Why am I not getting these inquiries?
• 3:15
  Is it actually that I haven't been out there?
• 3:18
  I'm not networking.
• 3:19
  I'm not meeting with people.
• 3:20
  I'm not showcasing enough what I'm doing.
• 3:23
  Is it that we're just new to the industry and therefore people
• 3:26
  don't really know who we are yet?
• 3:27
  And.
• 3:28
  Actually, what we need to be doing is leaning into showing up, turning
• 3:32
  up, meeting with venues, meeting with each other, talking to people,
• 3:35
  telling people what you do, showing up regularly on social media.
• 3:39
  If people don't know you exist, then how can they book you in the first place?
• 3:43
  Maybe you need to spend some time working on your search
• 3:45
  rankings, turning up at Google.
• 3:47
  Maybe you need to look at some wedding directories or different places to
• 3:50
  advertise to get in front of people.
• 3:52
  Maybe you need to get along to some wedding shows.
• 3:55
  If you are not getting inquiries into your business, there is an opportunity
• 3:58
  there for you to look and think, okay, maybe just not enough people know
• 4:03
  what I'm doing, or it's not clear how I can help them solve that problem.
• 4:07
  The other thing is that it is a bit of a long game when we start in business.
• 4:11
  It's never going to be an overnight success or very rarely.
• 4:14
  So when you see really successful people on Instagram or online, you
• 4:18
  can think, wow, I want that success.
• 4:20
  But what you haven't seen is the years and years that have led up to that point.
• 4:24
  Now, where I am in business now here in 2024 is very different to
• 4:29
  what it looked like when I first started way back in 2016, you know.
• 4:34
  A lot of people who come across me now will just see what I've achieved right
• 4:38
  here, right now, but they won't have seen all of the work and all of the
• 4:41
  conversations, all of the struggles that have led me to the point where I am now.
• 4:46
  So if you are new at a business, just because things are quiet now doesn't
• 4:50
  mean it's always going to be quiet, because actually when you put the
• 4:52
  work in now, when you do that hard networking and chatting and being
• 4:56
  visible, it does start to pay off.
• 4:59
  So, if that's you, if you're feeling like it's crickets at the moment, let
• 5:02
  me encourage you don't retreat into yourself, don't panic, don't start
• 5:07
  questioning yourself, but actually lean into it and be proactive.
• 5:12
  Okay, the second category is something that I face myself on
• 5:16
  a reasonably regular occurrence.
• 5:18
  It's something that I'm trying to be better at myself
• 5:21
  and to struggle with less.
• 5:22
  But it's a feeling of disappointment.
• 5:24
  Has anyone ever felt a little bit disappointed in their business?
• 5:28
  Perhaps you've got a great idea for a new product or service and then you're
• 5:32
  disappointed that it doesn't quite get the reaction that you wanted.
• 5:35
  Maybe you're really desperate for a particular opportunity.
• 5:38
  Maybe it's been on your goals list to be recommended by a certain venue
• 5:42
  or appearing at a certain wedding show and you apply to be part of it.
• 5:46
  And then they don't want you or they don't reply to you and it can feel
• 5:50
  really disappointing or perhaps there's a client you've had a meeting with and
• 5:54
  you felt like it's gone really, really well and then they don't pick you.
• 5:59
  They go with someone else and you just can't wrap your head around it.
• 6:02
  And again, it can feel really disappointing.
• 6:05
  And personally, when I struggle with this, it goes round and round in my head.
• 6:08
  I don't know if anyone else resonates with that.
• 6:10
  I think, why was that?
• 6:11
  Like, what have I done wrong?
• 6:12
  And again, I tend to make it all about me.
• 6:15
  I think, why didn't they want me?
• 6:17
  Why did they pick someone else?
• 6:18
  Why did they not like what I did?
• 6:20
  Why did I not get this opportunity?
• 6:24
  Actually, when we look at it more objectively and not quite so taking
• 6:28
  it so personally, it's actually more helpful to realize it's actually
• 6:32
  probably nothing to do with us.
• 6:34
  We're actually making it about us when it's, it's not, it's
• 6:36
  actually about the other person.
• 6:38
  You know, if a venue decides not to work with you at this point,
• 6:42
  That doesn't necessarily mean it's anything to do with you.
• 6:45
  It doesn't mean you're not good at what you do.
• 6:46
  It doesn't mean you're not a good person.
• 6:48
  It just means maybe they are too busy at the moment.
• 6:50
  Maybe they've got other people involved.
• 6:53
  Maybe there's family connections or friend connections within their
• 6:56
  recommended list that they're loyal to.
• 6:58
  You know, there's a million and one reasons why, and actually we don't
• 7:02
  know the answers most of the time.
• 7:04
  And therefore we're wasting energy and time dwelling on it.
• 7:08
  The other thing is maybe it's just not the right time for you right now.
• 7:11
  I've had a situation before where I've wanted to do something and I've applied
• 7:16
  for it and then I was disappointed not to have been chosen and they
• 7:19
  chose someone else and I was gutted.
• 7:22
  And it wasn't something I shared, but internally I was gutted.
• 7:27
  And then about six months later, they came back to me and went, Oh,
• 7:31
  Actually, we want you now, Becca.
• 7:32
  Thank you very much.
• 7:33
  We've got this opportunity and can you be part of it?
• 7:36
  And I realized, okay, it was actually nothing to do with me.
• 7:39
  And it was me building up all these thoughts in my head that,
• 7:43
  you know, I'm not good enough and they want someone better.
• 7:45
  Actually, it just wasn't the suitable time.
• 7:48
  It wasn't the right opportunity.
• 7:49
  And in terms of dates, well, the situation when they wanted me the second
• 7:53
  time was much more convenient for me than it would have been the first time.
• 7:57
  So, you know, sometimes things just happen for a reason.
• 8:00
  What about when a couple goes with a different supplier and not you that can
• 8:03
  also feel like this is an opportunity to look at yourself and panic and
• 8:07
  think, Oh, my prices are wrong, or it must be something to do with me.
• 8:11
  But actually, it might be nothing to do with you at all.
• 8:14
  You know, when we make a decision about going for a coffee, you
• 8:18
  know, one day we might go to Costa, one day we might go to Starbucks.
• 8:21
  That doesn't mean that we hate the other one that we don't choose to go to.
• 8:25
  It's just on that day, that one suited us a little bit better.
• 8:28
  It might not be because of price.
• 8:30
  It might be because of convenience.
• 8:32
  It might be just how we're feeling that day.
• 8:34
  And so when it comes to customers choosing you, I understand it's easy to
• 8:38
  get personally involved because that's what we're like in the wedding industry.
• 8:41
  But actually you've got to start seeing it more like Costa versus Starbucks.
• 8:45
  If they go with someone else.
• 8:47
  That day it just felt like a better fit for them.
• 8:49
  It's not about them not liking you, and it doesn't mean you need
• 8:52
  to change who you are or change everything about your business.
• 8:56
  So I get it, I feel it regularly myself, I get those feelings of disappointment,
• 9:00
  but we need to try and re channel them and stop reflecting and digging so
• 9:04
  deep into ourselves and actually start to see the bigger picture and realize
• 9:08
  Maybe it's not actually all about us.
• 9:12
  Okay, the third difficult situation, and I've had a number of clients
• 9:16
  that I work with one to one and in my members lounge who've struggled
• 9:19
  with this over the last year or so.
• 9:22
  And that is a complaint from a couple.
• 9:26
  You know, it's all of our worst nightmare to receive a complaint.
• 9:29
  We love what we do.
• 9:30
  We work hard at what we do.
• 9:31
  It's our business.
• 9:32
  It's our baby.
• 9:33
  And when someone finds something wrong with us or what we've done,
• 9:36
  or they complain, It can feel really hard, especially when we've
• 9:40
  worked incredibly hard for them.
• 9:42
  And sometimes that complaint can be in the lead up to the wedding day.
• 9:45
  Sometimes that complaint can come after the wedding day and it
• 9:50
  feels really difficult, especially when we're in an industry where
• 9:53
  it doesn't happen very often.
• 9:54
  Most of the time we get these glowing five star reviews.
• 9:57
  Everyone loves what we do.
• 9:58
  When someone complains about something, it can feel really hard.
• 10:02
  I think on this one, again, we need to take a step back from the situation.
• 10:07
  Always, if someone writes you a complaint or someone complains to
• 10:09
  you, always just try and take stock.
• 10:11
  Take a moment.
• 10:12
  Don't respond to it instantly in that moment of emotion.
• 10:16
  And take the emotion out of it.
• 10:18
  We need to get logical about this stuff because, you know, if we're a
• 10:22
  big corporation like McDonald's or Coca Cola or something like that.
• 10:26
  They probably get complaints all of the time and they're not like crying
• 10:29
  into their pillow or going home to their husband like I would and saying,
• 10:33
  Oh, I can't believe they complain.
• 10:34
  They didn't like the taste of the Coke today.
• 10:36
  You know, it's just part of having their business and they look
• 10:39
  at it objectively and they're professional about their response.
• 10:43
  So we need to try and channel that and not again, not take
• 10:46
  it so personally, but I get it.
• 10:48
  It's difficult.
• 10:49
  So when someone does complain, you do need to step back and just think,
• 10:53
  okay, what is this actually about?
• 10:55
  is it something I've done wrong that I need to be sorry for?
• 10:58
  Or is it actually, you know, maybe they've just got a lot of stress on.
• 11:01
  Maybe their expectations were too high.
• 11:03
  Maybe they're just moaning.
• 11:05
  Maybe they've got someone else in their ear telling them that
• 11:07
  they need to make this complaint.
• 11:09
  Maybe they're trying to make some money back from me and kind of trip me up.
• 11:12
  Maybe it's actually nothing to do with me in the first place.
• 11:16
  So if you do get a negative comment on an email or a complaint.
• 11:20
  First of all, sit back, read it logically, give it some time, maybe
• 11:23
  talk it through with someone who's less emotionally attached to the situation.
• 11:27
  That's why I often end up having these conversations with people, and then go
• 11:31
  back with a really measured response.
• 11:33
  I've actually recently recorded a whole episode, very similar to this
• 11:37
  topic, which is going to be coming out with a fabulous lady called Jen
• 11:41
  Trotter, all about conflict resolution.
• 11:43
  So look out for that episode coming in the next couple of weeks,
• 11:46
  because we're going to go into that.
• 11:47
  more deeply.
• 11:49
  The other thing that comes off the back of this is people are
• 11:51
  really afraid of negative reviews.
• 11:53
  I don't know if you've ever had a negative review, but we kind of expect when we
• 11:56
  ask people to leave reviews that it's all going to be five star and rosy.
• 12:00
  But in reality, you know, sometimes we may get a negative review and
• 12:03
  sometimes I think people use that as a threat to try and intimidate us.
• 12:07
  They say, you know, if you don't sort this out, I'll leave you a bad review.
• 12:10
  Well, okay, but.
• 12:13
  That doesn't mean we want to be a pushover and be bullied just because
• 12:15
  we're scared of getting that bad review.
• 12:17
  Let me put this into context.
• 12:20
  I've got loads of great five star reviews on Facebook, but recently for some
• 12:24
  reason the spammers have been attacking my Facebook page and they just keep
• 12:28
  leaving really awful reviews about money, bitcoins, and trading and that kind of
• 12:34
  thing, and it just looks an absolute mess.
• 12:37
  You know, I actually think that's worse than a negative review
• 12:39
  in some ways because it's just muddying the water of my reviews.
• 12:42
  You know what?
• 12:43
  No one's really noticed, which says to me, no one really is
• 12:46
  paying that much attention to my reviews in the first place.
• 12:49
  But people are not stupid.
• 12:50
  If they were to go on my reviews and see that, they would be able to tell it was
• 12:53
  just a scammer doing something stupid.
• 12:56
  People are not unintelligent.
• 12:58
  So if they go to your page and see a negative review, someone's
• 13:01
  left your one star review.
• 13:02
  They're going to look at that more closely.
• 13:04
  They might read what they've said and think, is that reasonable or not?
• 13:07
  We've all been onto websites.
• 13:09
  You haven't been onto a website for a hotel and gone to look at the reviews.
• 13:12
  One of my favorite things to do when I'm looking at a hotel is to look at the
• 13:15
  reviews and then go and look at the ones that are one star because they're often
• 13:19
  quite funny and people can leave one star reviews about the most ridiculous things.
• 13:23
  Which I think.
• 13:25
  Get over it.
• 13:25
  Why are you leaving that as a review?
• 13:27
  Like that's ridiculous.
• 13:28
  So people will think the same for you.
• 13:30
  If people leave you a ridiculous one star review, they can see through that.
• 13:34
  So I wouldn't worry about it.
• 13:35
  The other thing is always reply to your negative reviews.
• 13:38
  Again, you'll see the big corporations doing this.
• 13:41
  They get negative reviews on Twitter or X as it's now known, or on Facebook,
• 13:45
  they'll always reply underneath and just say something very professional.
• 13:48
  Like, I'm so sorry to hear about your experience.
• 13:50
  There's not what we expect and we'd like to do something about it.
• 13:53
  Please email us more information.
• 13:55
  And then they put an email address.
• 13:56
  So if you do end up with a negative review, again, don't panic.
• 14:00
  Don't get really upset.
• 14:01
  Just look at it objectively.
• 14:02
  Think, well, at least I haven't got Becca's spam reviews with all
• 14:04
  the Bitcoin trading platforms.
• 14:07
  And actually I can just reply.
• 14:08
  and put something very professional underneath.
• 14:11
  Don't retaliate in any way, shape or form, and people will see through it.
• 14:15
  In fact, especially if you've got positive reviews.
• 14:18
  The other thing you can do is if you get a negative review,
• 14:20
  just ask a bunch of people.
• 14:21
  It will give you that motivation to ask a bunch of people to leave
• 14:24
  you a positive one, to try and counteract that negative one.
• 14:29
  Okay.
• 14:30
  The next thing I want to talk about in terms of negative
• 14:33
  difficult situations is Copycats.
• 14:37
  Now, this one, I think, again, is a bit of a difficult situation because often people
• 14:43
  can become a copycat without realizing.
• 14:45
  Let me explain.
• 14:47
  Have you ever put out a Facebook post or come up with an offer or even come
• 14:50
  up with a new business idea only for one of your competitors or someone
• 14:54
  else to do something very similar in a very short time frame afterwards?
• 14:59
  Now, often we will jump to the conclusion and we'll go, That person's copied me.
• 15:03
  I can't believe it.
• 15:04
  They've looked at what I've done and they've copied me.
• 15:07
  Actually, they might not have done.
• 15:09
  It could be a very innocent explanation.
• 15:11
  I mean that's happened to me before where I've planned
• 15:13
  something for a couple of months.
• 15:14
  Maybe I've planned a boot camp or a week long training.
• 15:17
  about a certain topic that I think is important and I go to put it out there and
• 15:21
  I realize someone else is doing something very similar at the same kind of time.
• 15:25
  Now that's a completely innocent thing.
• 15:27
  I've not planned that.
• 15:28
  I've not looked at what they're doing.
• 15:30
  I'm not that interested in what they're doing particularly.
• 15:32
  It's just happened to fall on the same time at the same week.
• 15:35
  You know, trends are similar.
• 15:37
  People are talking about similar stuff.
• 15:38
  It's bound to happen.
• 15:40
  So if this does happen to you, if you host something or come up with a new
• 15:43
  product offer and someone else does go ahead and put something out at a similar
• 15:48
  time, do not jump to the conclusion and think, they're copying me, it's awful.
• 15:52
  Because actually the chance are is an innocent situation.
• 15:55
  Unless it's happening regularly, you know, every post that you're
• 15:57
  putting out is being copied.
• 15:59
  Well, then maybe we've got more of a problem.
• 16:01
  The other thing to remember is that this will happen.
• 16:04
  Copycats will happen.
• 16:06
  However, a copy is never as good as the original, right?
• 16:08
  Again, let's look at the big brands.
• 16:10
  You can go and spend 800 on a Mulberry handbag.
• 16:13
  It will be great quality.
• 16:14
  It's a beautiful bag.
• 16:15
  You get a great customer experience.
• 16:17
  Not that I've done it, but maybe one day.
• 16:19
  You can also go to the market in Tenerife and probably pick up a counterfeit
• 16:24
  Mulberry handbag fairly easily.
• 16:26
  It's not the same thing.
• 16:28
  Okay.
• 16:28
  It's not even slightly the same thing.
• 16:29
  It might look kind of the same, but you know, deep down, it's not the same.
• 16:33
  It's not as good quality.
• 16:34
  It's not got the same experience.
• 16:36
  You know, it's not the same, although it may look the same from the outside.
• 16:40
  It is not the same.
• 16:41
  It's the same when someone copies you.
• 16:43
  People copy my ideas and thoughts and do what I'm trying to do all of the
• 16:46
  time, but they're never going to be me.
• 16:48
  And actually, you know, I can be one step ahead of the crowd.
• 16:53
  You can be one step ahead of the crowd.
• 16:54
  A copycat is always in your midst.
• 16:56
  They're always trailing behind you.
• 16:58
  So they're never going to have that competitive advantage.
• 17:01
  So, you know, as I always say, stay in your own lane.
• 17:04
  Don't look left and right.
• 17:04
  If there are people that you're worried about copying you, just don't engage.
• 17:08
  Or if you're worried about being accused of copying
• 17:10
  someone else, don't follow them.
• 17:12
  Don't look at their stuff.
• 17:13
  Because then it can be completely innocent.
• 17:15
  If you do end up accidentally, you know, doing something at a similar time, you
• 17:19
  can be like, I actually didn't know.
• 17:20
  And you genuinely didn't know because you're not looking at what they're up to.
• 17:25
  Stay in your own lane, have your own plan.
• 17:27
  And if people copy you, I know it sounds cliche, but try and see it as a positive
• 17:31
  thing, because it means they think that what you're doing is a good idea.
• 17:34
  Over the years I've had a couple of different people copying me and in various
• 17:38
  different guises and actually none of them are anywhere now because, you know,
• 17:43
  a copycat can only get so far for so long working off other people's ideas.
• 17:48
  You're much better to have your own creativity and take
• 17:51
  things in your own direction.
• 17:54
  Now going a little bit deeper again in this situation, you know,
• 17:57
  sometimes it is the case when it isn't an innocent explanation and
• 18:01
  there's been probably two times I can particularly think of in my own.
• 18:05
  business journey where I feel like I've been betrayed.
• 18:09
  And sometimes it can be that a copycat is genuinely a copycat or someone that
• 18:14
  you trusted can go ahead and betray you.
• 18:17
  Perhaps you've got someone on your team and they then go up and set a
• 18:21
  business up in competition with you.
• 18:23
  Maybe they take your ideas.
• 18:24
  Maybe someone takes some of your contacts away from you or, you know,
• 18:29
  does something sly behind the scenes.
• 18:31
  Unfortunately, the dark side of business is.
• 18:33
  This stuff does happen.
• 18:34
  And some people are cutthroat and they will do anything to be successful.
• 18:39
  No, these things unfortunately do happen and we do have to keep
• 18:44
  our eyes open to it, but we only learn from it after it happens.
• 18:48
  You know, I.
• 18:49
  I like to think that I am the person I am online.
• 18:53
  If you meet me in real life, in my day life, in my work life, like I
• 18:56
  am just Becca, this is who I am.
• 18:58
  I am an open book.
• 18:59
  And I think sometimes I can be a little bit naive in that I
• 19:03
  always see the good in people.
• 19:05
  Absolutely love people.
• 19:06
  I just want to see people succeed.
• 19:08
  And I always think everyone has the same intentions as
• 19:11
  me and the same morals as me.
• 19:13
  I think this is something that a lot of us kind of fall into the trap of
• 19:15
  thinking, well, I wouldn't do that.
• 19:17
  So why would anyone else?
• 19:19
  So when someone does let you down.
• 19:21
  it can trip you up and it can make you feel a little bit icky, quite frankly.
• 19:26
  And I've had some really difficult situations like that
• 19:30
  over the course of my business.
• 19:31
  And I think it's important that we do talk about these things, not in a way
• 19:34
  to, you know, I'm not going to talk about who it was with or any of the details.
• 19:38
  That's not helpful.
• 19:40
  But just to understand that, okay, sometimes this stuff happens and
• 19:43
  we need to keep our eyes open.
• 19:44
  So how can we protect ourselves?
• 19:46
  Well, the first thing is sometimes we can't.
• 19:48
  Now we could put up boundaries and not see the good in people
• 19:51
  and assume everyone is bad.
• 19:53
  I don't know about you.
• 19:54
  I'm loving the TV show on BBC at the moment.
• 19:57
  They also have it in the U.
• 19:58
  S.
• 19:58
  called The Traitors where half of the people in the TV show are faithful
• 20:02
  and some of them are traitors.
• 20:03
  And what happens is they all turn against you.
• 20:05
  each other.
• 20:06
  And no one trusts anyone.
• 20:08
  And actually, that's a really negative environment to be in.
• 20:10
  It's not comfortable for anyone because everyone feels like they're
• 20:13
  being second guessed all of the time.
• 20:15
  We don't want to be feeling that about all of the other people in our industry.
• 20:20
  We want to be able to be vulnerable.
• 20:21
  We want to open up to people.
• 20:22
  We want to be able to trust people.
• 20:24
  And on the whole, you know, out of all the hundreds and thousands of
• 20:27
  people I've worked with since 2016, There's only been a couple of bad eggs.
• 20:32
  Almost everyone else has been wonderful, brilliant, and so we shouldn't let
• 20:37
  those couple of negative people influence how we view everyone else.
• 20:42
  Having said that, I do think there are things that we
• 20:44
  can do to protect ourselves.
• 20:45
  So, for example, now, if you have someone working for you or coming into
• 20:49
  your team, make sure you write up an agreement between the two of you that
• 20:52
  says You know, once you finish, you can't do something for six months in the same
• 20:58
  field as me, or you can't use what you've learned from me to profit for yourself,
• 21:02
  or you can't be in conflict with my business whilst working for my business.
• 21:06
  All of these things can just help protect you.
• 21:09
  The other thing is, I think if you I think we know in our gut, if you get a gut
• 21:13
  feeling about something not feeling quite right, often that's a sign to us that
• 21:19
  yeah, okay, maybe we just need to take a little step back from this situation.
• 21:23
  It's our business, we don't have to do anything we don't want to.
• 21:26
  And the final learning I've had from this is actually, I think often the reason that
• 21:31
  this stuff happens to us is when we don't have the confidence to do stuff ourselves.
• 21:37
  So when we are feeling a little bit unconfident, we might think, Oh, I
• 21:40
  need to do this with someone else.
• 21:41
  Let's work together on this.
• 21:43
  And if they're a much more stronger character than you, sometimes
• 21:46
  they can end up taking over.
• 21:48
  And again, I think sometimes it's unconfidence.
• 21:52
  It's, it's, it's not feeling like you really know what you want to do
• 21:56
  yourself and you feel like you need someone else to help you with it.
• 21:59
  You don't.
• 22:00
  And very early on in my business, I realized.
• 22:03
  Okay, I don't actually need other people.
• 22:05
  I don't need to rely heavily on other people.
• 22:08
  I can do this stuff on my own and that's one way I protect myself.
• 22:11
  It's not, I've got better again, but once you're burnt, it is hard to be vulnerable.
• 22:17
  And so I'm very careful now about people I choose to work with, people
• 22:21
  that I choose to run projects with, people that I choose to run events with.
• 22:27
  That's taken me a long time and I need to really know and trust those people.
• 22:29
  And that's why I've loved working with Kelly Mortimer on our wedding
• 22:34
  business retreat because we were very open and transparent early on.
• 22:38
  We're very we'll talk to each other.
• 22:40
  We both have our own businesses, but I trust her and we've
• 22:43
  had a great experience.
• 22:44
  So don't let one negative experience in this situation rule the rest
• 22:49
  of your life and your business.
• 22:51
  So, all of that to say really, is that these things do happen, sometimes
• 22:56
  someone might betray you and there are some measures you can put in place to
• 22:59
  protect yourself, but ultimately you can't protect yourself from everything.
• 23:03
  So still go out there and be a good person.
• 23:05
  And I think what's got me through all of the situations I've been through,
• 23:09
  and there's not a lot, it makes it sound like there's been a lot.
• 23:11
  There really hasn't.
• 23:12
  And they're not big.
• 23:13
  I know people have been through much bigger things like other
• 23:16
  people completely taking their businesses over and things like that.
• 23:19
  But I think it's to keep your eyes peeled to.
• 23:22
  Keep your wits about you, about what's going on, and ultimately
• 23:27
  to do things right yourself.
• 23:28
  Because you can't control other people and their sneaky behavior.
• 23:31
  But you can know that you've done everything right in a situation.
• 23:34
  If you feel like you're accountable and you can say, yeah, you know what?
• 23:38
  They did screw me over, but actually I was a good person.
• 23:41
  I haven't done anything awful.
• 23:43
  I'm not going to now bring them down online even though
• 23:45
  it will feel very tempting.
• 23:47
  Actually, you know what?
• 23:48
  Let them get on with it.
• 23:50
  I'll move on with my own life.
• 23:51
  And, you know, people don't get very far in life by not being a nice person.
• 23:57
  So be a good person, keep your wits about you, and hopefully you won't have
• 24:01
  to deal with any of these difficult things that I'm talking about now.
• 24:06
  Okay, let's take a little different The next thing I want to talk
• 24:11
  about is, what do we do when a personal situation takes over?
• 24:16
  It's very easy for us, especially at the beginning of a year
• 24:18
  to set out goals, isn't it?
• 24:20
  It's natural and I think it's a helpful thing for us to do to say,
• 24:23
  I want to achieve this this year.
• 24:24
  I want to make this much money and I want to.
• 24:27
  So I've set myself these targets and I want to go here and do that.
• 24:31
  But what do we do when that starts to unravel through no fault of our own?
• 24:36
  What happens if we have a problem with our health which slows us down
• 24:39
  or takes us on an unexpected turn?
• 24:42
  What happens if we lose someone close to us that was unexpected or maybe it
• 24:46
  was expected but is still difficult?
• 24:49
  What happens if we have a difficult situation with our
• 24:51
  children or with some friends?
• 24:54
  What happens if we go through a relationship breakup?
• 24:57
  You know, there's all sorts of different things that we have going on
• 25:00
  in our lives when personal situations take over in an unexpected fashion.
• 25:06
  You know, that's a fact of life and we can't do a whole lot about that.
• 25:11
  So what do we do when we've planned out a year and all of
• 25:15
  a sudden something like that?
• 25:16
  hits us.
• 25:18
  I think the first thing is to give yourself a break because you know
• 25:22
  we do go through these situations and the worst thing you can do
• 25:25
  is beat yourself up about it.
• 25:26
  Like it's no fault of your own if one of these things happens and actually
• 25:30
  it is again a bit of a fact of life.
• 25:32
  There is ups and downs.
• 25:33
  I always talk about the business roller coaster.
• 25:35
  There's peaks and troughs.
• 25:36
  We go up and down.
• 25:37
  We can fly and then the next minute something happens and takes us off
• 25:40
  guard and we feel like we're down at the bottom of the dip and then a minute later
• 25:45
  we're whizzing back up to the top again.
• 25:47
  If these things happen to you, just remember it probably is just a period
• 25:51
  of time and for that period of time, you may have to do things differently.
• 25:55
  You may have to take your foot off the gas.
• 25:57
  You may have to ask for additional support.
• 26:00
  Sometimes it's about being vulnerable.
• 26:02
  You may have to limit what you do.
• 26:04
  Maybe you can't be as visible on social media.
• 26:06
  Maybe you don't have the time to do that for this period of time.
• 26:09
  You know, it's similar when people have a baby, obviously that's a very positive
• 26:13
  life situation, but it does take over.
• 26:15
  So when you have a baby.
• 26:17
  In the middle of owning a business, you know, the reality is you cannot keep going
• 26:21
  in exactly the same way as you did before.
• 26:23
  You have to adapt, you have to change, and sometimes you have to
• 26:25
  take things easy for a little while.
• 26:28
  But it is often only for that short period of time, and we need to
• 26:31
  give ourselves that time because we don't get that time back.
• 26:35
  again.
• 26:36
  So when a personal situation takes over, take a step back, give yourself breathing
• 26:41
  space, give yourself a break, maybe change some of your goals and look at
• 26:46
  what are the things that I absolutely have to do, what are the things that
• 26:50
  I would like to be able to do and what are the things actually I can put off
• 26:53
  for six months or a year or get someone else to do and look at it logically and
• 26:59
  think, okay, I can't achieve everything, but what can I do to keep going?
• 27:04
  Now, a couple of years ago, again, I went through a really difficult
• 27:07
  personal family situation.
• 27:09
  And it's not something that anyone particularly knows a lot about other than
• 27:12
  in very close circles of mine, but it definitely has an impact on my business.
• 27:17
  I was actually looking through my financial accounts because
• 27:20
  obviously we got to the end of the tax year in, at the end of January.
• 27:24
  Well, not the end of the tax year, but when our accounts have to be
• 27:27
  submitted, we have to have paid our tax for in the UK for the 22, 23 tax year.
• 27:32
  So I was looking through my accounts for the last five years to see
• 27:36
  what's been going on in my business.
• 27:38
  And the year when I had that really difficult personal situation going on.
• 27:42
  My income is lower than all of the other years.
• 27:46
  And there is no doubt in my mind that that is a direct correlation to
• 27:49
  the situation I was going through.
• 27:51
  Because while I kept my head above water and on the outside, none of you
• 27:55
  would have known that was going on for me because it wasn't something I
• 27:58
  felt like I needed to share, of course it had an impact on my business.
• 28:02
  Of course, I wasn't doing new things and exciting things because.
• 28:07
  Actually, there wasn't the headspace and the time to be able to do that
• 28:11
  with the other stuff going on.
• 28:12
  So what did I do?
• 28:13
  Well, on the whole I survived.
• 28:15
  I kept going.
• 28:16
  I did all the things that I needed to do.
• 28:18
  I did the priorities, but there were other things that I let slip
• 28:21
  and that's okay because now after that situation concluded, I've got
• 28:26
  myself back to where I wanted to be.
• 28:27
  I'm back on track with my goals and now I can look back at that as a period
• 28:32
  of time, which yeah, it was awful.
• 28:33
  It wasn't great at all and it did impact my business.
• 28:37
  But it didn't mean I had to quit.
• 28:39
  It didn't mean I have to give up.
• 28:40
  It doesn't mean that I can't do anything again.
• 28:42
  And it was just a period of time.
• 28:45
  So if you've got this going on right now, if you've got a personal situation
• 28:49
  that feels like it's taken over, then give yourself a break, ask for help.
• 28:55
  Be honest with people if, if it's, if it's helpful and look at what you
• 29:00
  absolutely need to be doing, what you'd like to be doing and what you
• 29:03
  can actually leave and not do until things are looking a bit better.
• 29:09
  Okay, there's two final different things I want to talk about.
• 29:12
  I know this isn't the most Positive, rosy episode, but I do think we need
• 29:15
  to have these difficult conversations.
• 29:17
  And if there are things that I'm talking about today that you identify
• 29:21
  with, or you find yourself struggling with, and you want to chat further
• 29:24
  about it, please do reach out to me on Instagram at Becca Pountney
• 29:28
  or by email Becca at beccapountney.
• 29:30
  com.
• 29:31
  And let's chat a little bit more.
• 29:32
  Don't struggle with these things alone.
• 29:35
  Okay, the next thing I want to talk about is making a poor financial decision.
• 29:40
  You know, when we own our own business, we have to make decisions all of the time
• 29:43
  about what we invest in, what we spend our money on, what we don't spend our money
• 29:48
  on, because we can't never spend money on anything because otherwise we can't grow
• 29:52
  our business, but equally we don't want to just spend loads of money and not.
• 29:55
  Okay.
• 29:55
  Anything back for it.
• 29:57
  And I think the reality is in business and the longer in business, the
• 30:00
  more you'll see this is at times you will make poor financial decisions.
• 30:05
  We don't always know what the best things are for our business.
• 30:09
  We can try, we can try and make wise decisions, but occasionally
• 30:12
  we'll make poor decisions.
• 30:14
  You know, I've definitely had a couple over my time where I've invested in
• 30:17
  something that I thought was going to be really beneficial and then turned out
• 30:20
  not to be, or perhaps a course that I've paid for and haven't had time to finish.
• 30:25
  But yeah, at other times I've invested in things that have been one of the
• 30:28
  best things ever for my business.
• 30:30
  I've invested in courses or programs that have been incredible or software
• 30:33
  that's helped me or I've outsourced work and it's given me time back.
• 30:38
  Not all investing is bad investing, but what happens if we do make
• 30:42
  a poor financial decision?
• 30:44
  Well, the first thing is don't, again, don't look into yourself.
• 30:47
  Don't feel guilty.
• 30:48
  Don't beat yourself up.
• 30:49
  None of those things are actually positive.
• 30:51
  Just learn from it.
• 30:53
  When it comes to making financial decisions in your business, you
• 30:56
  need to look at it with wisdom.
• 30:58
  And again, objectively, are you budgeting at the beginning of the year?
• 31:01
  How are you putting certain amount of money towards marketing or sales or
• 31:05
  travel or Facebook ads or whatever it is that you want to do in your business?
• 31:10
  Are you putting money against those things?
• 31:12
  Because if you are making a budget, putting money against those things
• 31:15
  and then spending that money on those different allocated things, even if
• 31:18
  they don't work, I wouldn't class it as a poor financial decision because you
• 31:22
  haven't gone above and beyond your budget.
• 31:24
  You just maybe could try doing it in a different place.
• 31:27
  The other thing is we need to test things.
• 31:29
  And so sometimes you will have to invest in something and
• 31:32
  see whether it works for you.
• 31:34
  It, what works for one person might not work for someone else.
• 31:37
  So, for example, wedding directories, you may pay for a year on a wedding directory.
• 31:40
  For some people, they work incredibly well, they get a lot of business.
• 31:43
  For others, they don't.
• 31:44
  But you won't know that until you try it.
• 31:47
  Also, when you do make a financial investment like that, make sure
• 31:49
  you're making the most of it.
• 31:51
  Make the most of the resources they have to offer you.
• 31:54
  Make the most of that decision, because in order to see if it's going to
• 31:57
  give you a good return on investment, you need to put your all into it.
• 32:01
  into it.
• 32:01
  Don't just do something and then give up on it a month later.
• 32:04
  If you're going to invest in something, do it for a sustained amount of time.
• 32:09
  The biggest thing is don't beat yourself up.
• 32:11
  Don't feel guilty because occasionally we'll invest in something and
• 32:13
  it didn't quite work out for us.
• 32:16
  Don't do crazy risky investments easily.
• 32:18
  either.
• 32:18
  You need to be financially savvy.
• 32:20
  You need to have a strategy.
• 32:21
  That's why budgeting at the start of the year is helpful.
• 32:24
  If you're struggling with the financial side of your business,
• 32:27
  then get some help with it.
• 32:29
  Take my Wedding Pro Business Builder course, for example.
• 32:31
  In module four, I've created a bunch of spreadsheets to help you work out
• 32:35
  the finances in your business, to stop you having your head in the sand, and
• 32:39
  to start looking at, okay, how much does this business cost me to run?
• 32:42
  How much can I spend on different areas of my business?
• 32:44
  And how can I ensure I'm profitable by the end of the year?
• 32:50
  Okay, that brings me to my final thing I want to talk about the final difficulty
• 32:54
  that we see sometimes in our businesses and that is exhaustion and burnout.
• 33:00
  I see this far too often and I've seen it in my own life as well.
• 33:05
  You know, we talk about owning your own business and having Financial freedom
• 33:08
  and time freedom and how great it is that when others are having to go to work and
• 33:12
  not get that much holiday, we can have flexible lives and do whatever we want.
• 33:16
  And in some aspects that is true.
• 33:19
  And I love being self employed.
• 33:20
  I think I'm probably the least employable person ever now.
• 33:23
  Cause I love the freedom to make my own decisions.
• 33:26
  However, the other side of that coin is there's been a lot of times when
• 33:29
  I work late into the evening, there's been a lot of times when I do a whole
• 33:33
  lot of hours that I'm not paid anywhere near amount enough for, there's times
• 33:38
  when things get really busy and you burn the candle at both ends to get
• 33:43
  things done and sorted and it can be exhausting and it can lead to burnout.
• 33:48
  And I think.
• 33:49
  When we hit that stage, it's easy to forget why you started
• 33:55
  the business in the first place.
• 33:57
  Because often we started it because we wanted that flexibility, that freedom.
• 34:00
  And now all of a sudden we're working 100 hour weeks and not getting paid enough.
• 34:04
  So if that's you, what do we do about it?
• 34:07
  Well, I think The first thing is to look at your own calendar and
• 34:11
  to look at your own boundaries.
• 34:12
  Are there things you need to put in place to make sure you have time off?
• 34:16
  Are you making sure you're giving yourself holiday breaks through the year and
• 34:19
  not answering your phone all the time?
• 34:22
  Are you making sure that you're not checking your emails at one o'clock in the
• 34:25
  morning and you've got personal boundaries on when you're responding to things?
• 34:30
  Are you looking at whether there's things in your business you can outsource?
• 34:33
  Because if you're so busy, because you've got so many customers, then
• 34:38
  financially you should have a little bit of money available there in order
• 34:41
  to help someone, pay someone to come in and help you take some of that load off.
• 34:47
  Is it that you need to put your prices up, so you're doing less things, less events,
• 34:51
  but earning more money from it, so you're not You know, going out really cheap and
• 34:55
  doing 100 events a year, but just being completely exhausted by the end of it.
• 34:59
  Are you better to double your prices and do half the amount of events?
• 35:03
  It's the same amount of money, but a whole lot less time.
• 35:07
  You know, living in a state of exhaustion and burnout is no fun for anyone.
• 35:11
  And actually, when we are feeling like that The thing we need to do, number
• 35:15
  one is rest and not feel guilty.
• 35:17
  There's a lot of guilt and self reflection coming out of today's episode.
• 35:20
  But also it means we need to take a little bit of time for ourselves,
• 35:24
  and then we need to reflect and look at our own situation and whether
• 35:28
  we're making it worse for ourselves.
• 35:30
  What could we change to make our lives less?
• 35:34
  Stressful and busy.
• 35:36
  Because if it was a boss that was telling you had to work 100 hours a
• 35:39
  week with no holiday, no sick pay, no nothing, and you had to answer emails
• 35:44
  at one o'clock in the morning, I promise you, you would have something
• 35:46
  to say to them in your next appraisal.
• 35:49
  However, when we're doing it to ourselves, somehow it feels acceptable.
• 35:53
  Well, guess what?
• 35:53
  is not overly acceptable and you need to start putting some boundaries in place.
• 36:00
  I hope today's episode has been helpful for you.
• 36:03
  As I said, it's not the most positive of things to talk about, but I think
• 36:06
  it's important that we don't just talk about the glossy, rosy, perfect side
• 36:10
  of things, and actually sometimes get into the nitty gritty of things like
• 36:14
  crickets, people not replying to us, disappointment about not being picked,
• 36:19
  complaints, negative reviews, copycats.
• 36:21
  All of those things that happen to us when we own our own business.
• 36:26
  We need to be talking about them more.
• 36:27
  We need to be sharing about it more.
• 36:29
  So I hope you found today's episode helpful.
• 36:31
  As I said, if you want to chat more, if there's something that really resonated
• 36:34
  with you, or if you enjoyed this episode, please do reach out and let
• 36:37
  me know at Becca Poutney on Instagram.
• 36:40
  I reply to all my messages.
• 36:42
  Or drop me a message, becker at beckerpatley.
• 36:44
  com.
• 36:45
  And if you just feel like you need a bit more of a supportive community
• 36:48
  around you, if you feel a little bit isolated in business, or like you
• 36:51
  don't have people that you can talk to about this stuff, then let me urge you
• 36:55
  to check out the wedding pro members lounge, because you will find in there
• 36:58
  the most supportive, lovely, kind, encouraging wedding pros on the internet
• 37:03
  who inside that private community.
• 37:06
  are vulnerable with each other and are honest about what's going on in
• 37:09
  life and we don't pretend life's rosy.
• 37:10
  So if you feel like you need an encouraging arm around you and
• 37:13
  a community to support you, then get in touch, let me know and I
• 37:17
  can point you in that direction.
• 37:19
  I'll be back next week.
• 37:20
  Have a fabulous one and I'll see you then.