Latest / Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano / The Door You're Scared to Walk Through with Dr. Lisha Antiqua

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The Door You're Scared to Walk Through with Dr. Lisha Antiqua · Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano

• Lyndsay Soprano (00:00) Hey guys and dolls. Before we jump into this episode, a note about our content today. This is created for adult audiences only. We advise listener discretion. So if you need a breather, take a break and come back later. This is Giving Pain Purpose, where we talk about the game of living in and with chronic pain and trauma. I'm your host, Lindsay Soprano. On this show, I sit with the warriors, loved ones, doctors, holistic practitioners, and those who walked through hell and want their voices heard. You don't have to heal quietly and you don't have to fight alone. I just want to start today's episode with letting you know that you are worth it. You're gorgeous, you are love, you are wide, you are deep, you are all of it. You are wise, you are unstoppable. In fact, every episode before I record, I get on and to myself and in my studio and I sing Sia Unstoppable before I do every episode because it just gets me all charged up and ready to do this thing. And you are a rock star no matter what you are facing today and every day. And I just don't want you guys to forget about that. And just as a quick edu here, we are launching a new online community for women, built by women who are ready to transform their pain into power, where stories are shared, support is real, and pain is given purpose. This is a community for women who have survived what changed them and live with the aftermath every day. And it's called the Pain Hub. So if you haven't yet headed over to thepainhub.com, please do so. An RSVP yes to your new life. As someone who comes from a performing arts background, I have been professionally trained to perform, act, show off, be someone that I wasn't. Those skills were wonderful on stage, but I also managed to leverage them offstage to hide the truths that were inside of me. Some of which I never truly knew the full story of, or I knew and simply didn't want anyone to see the broken soul that I was. And I was never really quite clear as to why I was losing myself one piece at a time until this show, and because of you. My rebellious behavior was chalked up to being a teenager, being new to college. Of course, some of that was true, but most of it was not. I was hiding behind many masks, many masks and personas. And I was hiding who I was. And by doing so, I truly believe it's how I got sick. It wasn't until I opened this one door that I was always scared to walk through that change and love for myself finally began to present itself. And my guest today is no stranger to abuse and disconnection from herself and her identity, but man man, has she made it through pain? And is now helping to transform lives one by one all over the world. So don't know if you guys are ready for it, but I am to reclaim our power instead of giving it away because I'm exhausted of giving me away. So without further ado, I'd like to introduce you today to my sparklingly beautiful, blue-eyed beautiful guest Doctor Antiqua. Hello, my darling. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (03:29) Wow, thank you so much. Hello, everybody. It is wonderful to be here. Thank you for having me. Lyndsay Soprano (03:35) I mean, my God, her eyes, you guys are not even gonna believe it. It's just like looking at the ocean. Doctor, I'm gonna call her Delicia, is a transformational healer, author, speaker, identity architect, and founder of your own university. Named one of America's premier experts. She has written five books, and her new book, Into Me See, I love the play on words. And developed award-winning therapeutic methods that help survivors of abuse reclaim confidence, heal intimacy, and rebuild their sense of self. Not to mention, she has a pod called More Than Sex and Secrets, and that is definitely what it is. I'd like to start, my darling, with your early childhood abuse that you experienced. And I know it's a tough one to start with, but I feel like since both of us started there, we should start there. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (04:29) Okay, we'll dive straight in. It is so interesting because writing Into Me See this book has had me tell my story. And it had been a a decade since I'd really been an advocate telling my story. So it's interesting to be back here from this new space. But little me, little Lisha, grew up Midwest. My mom met the stepdad. The stepdad adopted me. And that really began the everyday in-house abuse. Before that, I had some sexual abuse when I was very young, like 18 months old, four years old, and seven. But that was in family but outside of everyday reality. And Other than that, like I was a normal little girl who liked to play with mud pies and you know twirl around on my skirt, and my mom taught dance and yoga. So I was in in that world, and we were very healthy, you know, kind of hippie, hippie-ish, but no, no substances. My mom was a green hippie, she was all about organic everything. Green Lyndsay Soprano (05:43) No grain substance is scream. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (05:44) hippie, no substances. But that said, when I was eight, I was adopted and that evening was when I really learned that I was owned. And that was not the first beating that I had by him. My mom gave me regular pretty intense spankings too. It was kind of a normal thing. But that was definitely the first time that I was beat to the amount that I would continue to be beat for the next teen years. And mainly it was different reasons. Sometimes it was for speaking. Sometimes it was because I did something because I was a kid, right? So if there was a legitimate reason, like they beat me for that. sometimes it was because my mom ate the ice cream or my mom did something and wouldn't take responsibility and I would get beat and have to go downstairs and assume the position is what he'd say, pants down. And then it would be like beating and touching and and It just turned into grooming and and ownership and I was his princess and the closer I got to being sexually abused, the safer and the less physical abuse happened. And I felt chosen. So now I call that kind of abuse sweet abuse. Right? It's not hold you down and hurt you. It's groom you, tell you that you're special, sweet and kind. And it has happened to so many women that I speak to. And it gets really confusing. And sometimes it's with dad, sometimes it's stepdad. But it's always somebody really, really close. Sometimes it's with coach, sometimes it's with the pastor. but you're special. Like you're really special. And there was an evening. I don't know how deep you want me to go, but there there was an evening. I was eleven and this had been happening for for a number of years and it was time to take it to the next level from molestation and touching and grooming to actual sex and I didn't know what a hard-on was. And that's where things for me shifted because instead of just showing and and telling me like what he was asking me to do, he decided to invite a group of friends over. And those friends showed me what what a hard on was. And I remember like screaming in the horse stall. I remember it being really, really cold. I remember screaming for my mom. I remember hearing them distinctly talking. I don't remember too much about the trauma inside the stall, but I remember them talking and I remember I either remember it or I made it up. Who knows? But somehow in my head, it's like My dad was like, Nope, like I get to take her virginity or that's that's mine, basically. And I don't know if it was the next day or the next week or whenever it was. I was at the horse stables, my dad's friends came back. I tried to fight them off with a hunting knife, and that knife was used against me. And that's how I officially lost my virginity was to a knife. And I was taken, my friends found me. maybe my dad was there. To this day, we don't know, but we know that he found the knife and we know a couple other things. And they put me in a friend's basement and I sat there bleeding for 10 days. But I came back from that and the abuse stopped. The beatings got less. And that was for about two years. And then a man named Al at the horse stables tried to make me his girlfriend again. He was in his thirties. I was about 13 at this time. And I don't remember how, but I got out of the horse stables and I ran into what was called Dry Lake at the time. It's in North Glenn, Colorado. And I just remember hunkering down. I'm very vividly remember like hunkering down. I remember crying. I was like, no, no more. No more. And this big ball of light that I called Jesus at the time, still called Jesus, but it was a big ball of light. I remember that. Said, go home and tell. And that's when my career began, or at least that's what I've been making meaning of my career begin. I'm like holding on to dear life sometimes. but it's I I floated home, which was about a mile home, and and I told my stepdad who had been my abuser, and he took off in truck in a rage. And I don't know what happened to Al. We never saw Al again. And that week He's like, Well, did anything else happen to you? Is anybody else touching you being all like protected? Lyndsay Soprano (10:32) Right. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (10:32) So we called my friends' dads, my girlfriend's dads, not not the boys, but the girlfriend's dads. And he was like, Is are they doing this to your kids? You know? And it was quite humiliating, quite humiliating for me. Cause he was talking about my boobs to my friends' dads. And, you know, I was just like, So I took him back into our office, my parents' office. And I said, How would you like it if I went to your work and I told everybody what what you did to me? And he said, Well, I wouldn't like it at all. And I said, Well, that's how I feel like you're doing to me. he said something else. My mom happened to be standing outside the office and we walked out and she's just standing there. She's like, What happened? So I told her and she said, I've heard this before and I was like, Yeah, I told you when it was happening. And, you know, we left that that week. And that was kind of the beginning of the journey. I think that things would have been a lot of different. A couple weeks later was Mother's Day and my parents were getting back together as so many do, right? He was gonna change and I don't know what their conversation was, but I know that they were going out to dinner and I know that that she was missing him and I I I didn't want to go back. So I I took matters into my own hands and I ended up in the hospital getting my stomach pumped and so forth and so on. And that's where I got to turn my dad into the cops and tell the cops and stay in the hospital for a week there. And my mom got to choose like, do I take my daughter? Do I take my husband and that's how they got a divorce. And that's where I got into the system and got help. So that was really the beginning of of this entire journey was to go home and tell. And as my life has continued, I've been helping people come home to themselves and tell their stories. Lyndsay Soprano (12:45) My love. For someone that is rarely at a loss for words, for starters, I am so sorry that any and all of that happened. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (12:59) To you. Me too. I'm still connecting to her. Like this this time around, telling the story after so many years of really being like, I'm not going to, I don't need to. It's not about me. And also working with so many survivors of sexual abuse that just, you know, we're raped every day. We're hurt all the time. Right. I look at my life and I'm like, well, it wasn't that bad. I had a really horrific life-threatening, life-altering experience that affected my health. But I it it shaped me in such a massive way. I didn't get rid of the knife until I was 40. I'm 50 now, so it's been like 10 years. But it took a long time for me to let go of that. And I had to go through a lot of support, moving it from like my dresser to another place in the car to into the car and like Lyndsay Soprano (14:00) You like physically had this knife that you carried with you. Holy shit. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (14:05) And it was like I had such a weird relationship with this knife. Like I didn't want anybody else to touch it. Nobody could get to it. I couldn't nobody could sharpen it. Nobody like like it was it was like, my precious. It was kinda like that. Weird. It was weird. And get getting rid of it was really freeing, but it was proof. Lyndsay Soprano (14:30) Yeah. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (14:30) It was proof that it happened. And after I had children. the scar tissue shifted and changed. So I didn't have any physical proof where I kind of could look down for a for a minute there and go, okay, I'm not crazy. Yeah. Right. Cause you don't remember a lot of people don't remember. I don't remember what happened to that day. And even through EMDR and stuff, I it did lay me out. And I had like flashbacks and I had physical b flashbacks, but I'll never know exactly what happened. I'll never know exactly how many people were there. I'll never know exactly w how I was taken back. But I wasn't getting hurt. I wasn't getting abused while I was abducted or healing. And I know some people who were, right? So I look at my story and it's just like, wow, like it could have been so much worse. And at the same time, it gives me enough compassion and understanding for different aspects of other people's stories that it's made it so I could really do what I do best, which is help people put their pieces back together and claim those fragmented parts and not have to remember everything. Lyndsay Soprano (15:48) Yeah, and I'm I'm glad that you brought up the whole point of that you don't necessarily remember everything. And I think that is a trauma response, to say the least. I I I within this show, I've I've come to a speak about the things that have happened to me, also come with from from some ketamine therapy therapy, figure out who did what, when and where, and kind of filled in some missing pieces. But I just did an episode with a polygraph guy so a couple episodes ago and talked about with him about how we doubt our stories. We doubt things that happen to us because we're not trusted, we're not listened to. We are told that that that's not true, or we're told you don't talk about those things. And when you're growing up, you and I are in similar in age and we're were raised that you don't talk about the stuff that happens to you. You don't do that. You stuff it down, you push it down because that's shame on the family. That's shame on our religion. That's shame, shame, shame, shame, shame. And that game is one that I learned how to play. It was one of the masks that I put on. It was one of those, like I said in the beginning, it was I was taught to be a performer. I perform every single day of my life. I perform that I am not in excruciating pain every second of my life. You would never guess it looking at me right now, but I want to chop my legs off. I want to chop my arms off. Like I also want my tongue to be removed because it feels like I'm being stung by a bunch of bees. So it's like these things that we do to survive make me so sad, clearly. And the fact that you went through what you went through, the way that you did and came out of it and still kept this weapon with you as a reminder of it. Can be looked at in so many different ways. I mean, it can be looked at as like, don't you ever fuck with me again. You know, like, I will stab you. Like, I will take my life back. And this is what you have done. You have taken your life back. And you're at such a young age. I mean, holy moly. I mean, we I mean, we could talk for fucking seven hours right now about how you took your life back. But how you also have given your pain purpose. and on the show we talk about a lot of sexual assault, guys. And we talk a lot about abuse that happens to us. And you've said it multiple times already on this episode. And I say it as well, where don't compare your stories to others because we always say, Well, somebody's always got it worse than us. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. That does not take away one fucking thing from your story and how important you are on this planet. Because all of us are doing the best that we can with what's happened to us and how we face it and how we move forward from it. So please do not compare your stories to somebody else because you are, like I said in the beginning, you are beautiful, you are wide, you are all of these things. You are a rock star no matter what's happened to you yesterday, today, or tomorrow. So I just want to throw that in because I know a lot of people are like, gosh, well, I don't have it nearly as bad as she does. Well, you know what? Don't do that. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (19:08) Yeah, can I share something about that that I've learned over the years? Lyndsay Soprano (19:11) Absolutely. That's what we're here for. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (19:13) Yeah. There are some people that I've worked with that have had like in cages, right? In cages, watch people get killed, like really horrific cases. helping them come back to themselves and then helping them reclaim their intimacy and their right to themselves. And sometimes those people are more resilient and more figured out than the woman that it happened one time. Mm-hmm. Losing her virginity, coming out of college or going into college, she's fucked up. Lyndsay Soprano (19:47) Mm interesting. Probably. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (19:49) From the entire thing. And it sounds really odd, but it you know, it's Lyndsay Soprano (19:54) Do you build these oranges? Dr. Lisha Antiqua (19:55) Apples and oil Lyndsay Soprano (19:57) Yeah. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (19:57) need different. So respect where your nervous system is. The other thing I want to say about this particular thing is when it comes to rape, it is physical, it is mental, it is emotional, it is energetic. It's an energetic exchange. It is about relationship, okay, and trust in relationship. And it affects your value and your purpose, especially as women, you know. Do we want it to? Do we know it rationally doesn't? Of course not. We're fighting that, right? But does it yeah. Because the the whole world for millennia have been trading virgins for land, family, thingy, right? And that's been the value. Once that was ruined, then there was no value. Lyndsay Soprano (20:50) No, we have no value anymore. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (20:52) And we've been taught this. And so it's a subconscious underlying thing that it affects our value, our worth. And right. What do we do if it was taken from us? What do we do if we I've never known virginity that I know of is something that I just will never experience. So reconciling that is really important. And reconciling that you're gonna heal in all those levels, where if you're say that you get beat. Physically, or you get in a car accident physically. It's physical. Can it change the way you think about yourself? Yes. Right. Will you have feelings around it? Absolutely. But it's not necessarily emotional abuse, right? Mental abuse is the same thing. It's mental. Can it affect you physically? Yeah. Because what you think you become, right? So there is we're all connected, but is it? Going to necessarily, definitely? No. Is it gonna affect you emotionally? Maybe, maybe not. Emotionally you might be like, I don't care. Whatever. You're you're a jerk, but you're still hearing them say bad things about you all day. The next piece is emotional abuse, which is so not recognized. I know. But it's untangible. It's not not physical. You can't write it down, right? It's It's emotional, but that emotional abuse, it it gets you, it grips you. Does it affect you physically? It can. Can it affect the way that you think about yourself in life? Absolutely. Is it mandatory for it to? No. You could just be depressed. You could just be anxious, right? Without knowing why you're anxious. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And and then the etheric realm, our Wi Fi system, okay, which a lot of science doesn't even talk about, but it's Very real. And if you're hooked up in a hospital, you you have that. And that's running a lot of the show. It really is your authority and where you give your authority. And so sometimes we're raised as objects. I call it object identity. And our authority is outside us and we just give it away. And sexual abuse is always that way, right? But can you give away your authority to the outside of the world and not be physically abused, still be physically taken care of, still be thought of as a great person and and still have decent feelings? Absolutely. Right? People do it with money and and wealth and good parents that they're just like, no, they're the best, right? In their communities. they're the best. I see them. I'm just like, you have no physical authority, but you're like so happy because everyone's taking care of you. S sex and sexual abuse is Only one that is across the board one swoop, one time, dysregulates and disturbs every single element of identity. And that's what I've studied. I studied what is identity, what is coming, what am I coming home to? What's screwed up and how did it get screwed up? Lyndsay Soprano (24:01) Well, all of these people told me that they loved me and that I was beautiful and that I was all of these wonderful things. And then they did these things to me back to back to back over and over and over again. And you're like, Well, that's supposed to be love then. So then it's okay. I mean, it it it's so tricky, and I know that that's such a vague word for it, but it is the I use it all the time. It's tricky because you like you doubt yourself all of the time. You doubt who the trust issues that I've had, the trusting myself for starters, like, my God. Got like, but I'm starting to just finally find and starting to finally listen to my own wisdom that I've learned through the things that have happened to me and that I've learned through speaking with people like you, my love. because I don't think that I would be where I am right now today had I not started this show. Because of people like you. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (24:59) Love that. And I feel the same I feel the same way about more than sex and secret. Lyndsay Soprano (25:04) Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (25:06) When when I began the Amazing You journey, it was it was nutrition and mindset and yoga. Right. Right. And it it was very much, very much that. And then I realized through the mindset that it was really about can we think kindly to ourselves? Can we look in the mirror and say, I love you. Lyndsay Soprano (25:31) So here I am. I'm Lindsay Soprano, and I have had all this sexual abuse in my life. And I am trying to take my power back. I am trying to change patterns. I'm trying to save relationships. I'm trying to get out of relationships. I'm trying to change the expectations that I have of myself because I'm a perfectionist and I'm a people pleaser. And I want to make sure everybody's taken care of before I take care of myself. And I'm not really sure who I am in this new body that I have because I was diagnosed almost 10 years ago. I keep saying almost 10 years. I think it's now 10 years. And you know, I'm I'm mourning a body that I used to have. I'm also mourning the things that I'm finally speaking about that I never have. And so when you're working with a Lindsay, and I always like to use me as an example because I'm a And I always have been, but I'm a beautiful hot mess. I I'd like to talk with you about how you work with Lindsay, because I think that that's the best way for us to talk about it right now. Because I'm a good candidate for coming to you. I'm like one of the ones on your forum that would be like, Yep, she's in. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (26:50) Perfect, perfect. Lyndsay Soprano (26:52) Because you do a lot. And so and we don't have eight hours to talk about it all. So I wanna make sure that we touch on what you do, including your the identity shift blueprint and your SSS. I mean, there's a lot of things that we wanna cover. So I wanna make sure that we we do touch on them that cause that is part of the entire transformational experience here. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (27:12) Yeah. Well, it all goes together. So there's a couple of things. First, we cannot let it go usually until we can admit that it happened. It doesn't matter what happened, you don't need to know what happened. You don't need to remember it. You just need to go, something happened and I'm open, whatever that is. And once a person's there, if you can say yes, I'm there, whoever's listening to, like, cool, we're in. That's it. That's the only qualification. Then it's a willingness to flip the script. So instead of my body is safe, you begin to notice, and this is SSS. This is what you practice if you choose to get my little bundle SSS. It's a most transformational gift, and I give it for 27 bucks. And you do it a hundred times if you want to, but it is. Coming into your body. And most practices say, well, my body is safe. My body is safe. Right. I'm I'm in a safe environment. I love my body. it's safe. And we're doing this like brain body talk thing, right? And it's cool. It's cool. But doesn't really work. So what I practice is recognizing that you have a body, you're not your body. And once we get to that place of you were gifted. That consciousness that you are gifted a body. Now the body has been through horrible things. The body's been through rapes. The body's living with disease. The body has the pain. The body is expressing these things. Like once you see that you are not it, then you can start taking care of it, talking to it, seeing its own intelligence, and promising it, you're safe with me. You're secure with me. Our egos edge got out our. kick us out, kick out the spark of life when we go through a trauma. So we're not so intensely feeling it. That's its job. But then after the trauma, we're supposed to shake it off like an animal and come back home. Yeah. And come back home to ourselves. But for so many survivors, especially of in-house sexual abuse or in closed quarter sexual abuse, that's continuous and perpetual or physical abuse or neglect or all of the above, right? Our bodies never really get safe. Yeah. Until we're adults, until later. So it's not used to that. And then the consciousness isn't there. We're trying to do all these things like you were saying, right? You're trying to do this and you're trying to do that and you're trying to do this and you're trying to do that. But all these things you're trying to do from from the problem, as Einstein said, like from the vessel. Lyndsay Soprano (30:05) Yeah. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (30:06) not from the consciousness. So the first thing that we do is we've switched that and we flip it in the four primary levels of consciousness. There's five really, there's five sheets, but one is your soul. So we're gonna put that back in. But one is your physical body. So my physical body is safe with me. For some people, that means, well that fourth glass of wine that I'm drinking every night isn't isn't the best for my body, right? Or Me never working out and only being on the couch isn't the best for my body, or me eating McDonald's every day isn't the best for my body, or me on all the drugs aren't pr if we all have different Lyndsay Soprano (30:47) We all have our shit, yes. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (30:49) levels. But we know we know what's best for our bodies. Everybody knows. Lyndsay Soprano (30:56) Absolutely we know. We're like, I'll just have one more French fry. I'll have one more drink. We all know and we all know that we're doing it. And we and we're like, Come on, you can just not do it and then we do it. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (31:08) Yep. So that's when you go, the part of you that just wants one more French fry, that's actually your body. That's the craving, right? That's the addiction. That's that's the the physical err, right? The part of you that knows that that French fry is not gonna be good for the body or aka your inner child, your your outer child, that's your consciousness. So you start l leading with your consciousness. And then we do the same for your mind, right? A lot of people's brains just aren't nice to them. And a lot of people don't know that they have three brains. We might know that you have a conscious, subconscious, and unconscious, but you don't know that you have a brain inside of your head, a brain inside of your heart, and a brain inside of your gut. That's connected to what we call now the big brain, which is your nervous system, that has is a brain. It's just period. It's not some separate thing. Like it's it's the connector of those three brains that are all neuropathways that That do the show. So when you're reprogramming your your brain, that's what you're doing. Now the vagus nerve and the nerves, we're getting into the feeling. That's really the fascia. Okay, in your body. So then we get into the feeling body and we do the same thing. My feeling body was totally in charge. My brain would cut off when I couldn't remember things. I'd kind of go blank. I would be like, whatever. My physical body would work out and like it was cool. I had it under control. My emotional body though, my gosh. She would just flip out. And I say would as if it's something a past tense, because it it is still the one that to this day, if I feel like I'm being misunderstood or taken the wrong way or punished for something or not listened to and my feelings are hurt, right? That's the part we'll be like, she'll blow up. it doesn't happen. It doesn't happen very often anymore because I now have words. Now my brain and my physical body work with my emotions so I can express that. So I can go take care of whatever I'm feeling sad or mad or whatever it is. And I can set those boundaries for myself. But it comes for that place of consciousness, right? Is are my emotions safe with me? And am I safe with my emotions? As we ask, ask that. And then The authority is the etheric field, which is now deemed as our plasma in our body. So our plasma actually creates the vibrational field, our vibrational field, which goes three to ten feet away from us. So if you've ever gotten Reiki work done or prayer warrior work done or anything like that, this is all in that field, that energy field. It's dictated by authority, right? So it can be spiritual authority, religious authority, money authority, time authority, mommy daddy authority. That's where all these unseen things come in. And it also acts like a vibrational plate that is like pushing away things and calling things in. So people call it like where you manifest, right? Right, yeah. And yeah. So all these really fun things happen in this zone, but it if it's being controlled by your physical body, your mental body, your emotional body, then you're out of control. And then if it's being controlled by mom, dad, the past, right? So if you're living in the past, Lindsay, I'd say, okay, your past keeps coming up. You're trying to heal it and you're trying to heal it and you're trying to deal with it and you're trying to deal with it. It's great. Do you know that it was there? Yeah. Do you know that it happened? Yeah. Okay. Do you know that it's over? Yeah. Are you okay reprogramming your body to know that it's over because your body's still trying to relive it? Yeah. That's where we'd start. Lyndsay Soprano (35:05) Okay. Yeah, because I'm there. I'm at that. Let's let's I'm at the reprogram stage because all that other stuff I've like check, check, check. I mean I'm definitely a list maker. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (35:18) And some of those things like we like, right? Then it's that choice. Like I get to choose what character I play, I get to choose what I mark off my list. I get to choose where I give my time. I get to choose how I speak to myself. And it doesn't mean life is perfect. A lot of people think, I'm healed when life is perfect. No, you're healed when you get actually live what's right in front of you. Lyndsay Soprano (35:44) Like that. That's beautiful. For me, I know that I've like, okay, I'm ready for all of this kind of work. I'm not quite ready in this part for this part yet. And you know, and so I've been able to start to identify that through a lot of it through journaling and writing and all of that, but also through having conversations like what we're having. Like some of the times I'm writing down notes while I'm talking to guests about like what we're talking about. And sometimes it's like, Lindsay, you need to work on this, right? Like. I it because I do want to shift a lot of what I I feel and I think and I experience because I really don't want to live in this physical pain anymore. But I know that the in my heart and all of my soul and the depth of who I am, I know that so much of my physical pain is what we're talking about is getting now that I'm finally here, I'm at this spot where I'm not afraid to talk about it anymore. I'm not afraid to share. I'm not afraid to just say it as it is. That also just comes with age, because you're kind of like, I don't give a shit anymore, you know? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. where we're at this, I'm I feel like I'm at this really interesting transition point in my life where I'm not only trying to transcend above and beyond the things that have happened to me and for me. but that I also want to be someone like yourself where I can help other people. do the same thing. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (37:14) Lindsay, you are right now. Let's own that. Let's own that. And you are. Lyndsay Soprano (37:21) I am. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (37:23) Yeah, you are. I have a question though for for you personally here. I'm hearing you say like that y you have all this stuff, but it's still like outside. It feels like it's still kind of, you know, you you know this stuff and you know this stuff and you know this stuff. How much of it have you gone in and been like, Okay, pain, hi, tell me. Tell me your story. Lyndsay Soprano (37:49) Like fifty like from a physical pain perspective. I live in it so intensely all day long that I live with it to Dr. Lisha Antiqua (38:00) Yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (38:01) the extent that I talk to it every day. I have conversations with my legs. I've I I don't remember if I told you, but my listeners that have been listening forever know at this point that my legs are Thelma and Louise. And so I legitimately have conversations with them all day. And I'm like, like yesterday, I was like, Louise was a total cunt yesterday. Like nothing I did was going to make her feel better. And I did everything that was like in my toolbox yesterday to try to make that happen. I know what flared me. I know what triggered me. I am trying to deal with that. It's a certain person in my life who I love with all that I've got, but I have to talk to her about it. And I can't do it yet because I was working on my episode with you. And like, you know what I mean? So, like, you know what I mean? It's like there's all these things that I've got to like do that. So Dr. Lisha Antiqua (38:48) So you know that it's emotional. That it's emotional. Lyndsay Soprano (38:49) Yes, yes. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (38:54) You're still separate from them. Yes. Lyndsay Soprano (38:56) Yes. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (38:57) Like they can have a name and that that's cool. But what I heard is like she was being a right. Lyndsay Soprano (39:02) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (39:03) So it was still it's there's still a kind of war, right? Yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (39:11) Auto mute. Yeah. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (39:16) And then and then the emotional thing, like what do you need that you're not getting? Like, yeah. So what I would do if if we had time we were working together is we'd like go, okay, how can you and Louise be best friends and Thelma too, of course, right? How can you have them trust you? Right? How can you say, don't go around that person? I'm listening to you. What do you need me to tell that person? Lyndsay Soprano (39:45) You know, it's funny is I asked them for the advice versus the opposite. My legs, like what the heck do they know? Dr. Lisha Antiqua (39:53) I know a lot. Lyndsay Soprano (39:56) They know a lot. my god. They know so much. They know so much. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (40:00) That's the wisdom of the body, right? That's where the body keeps the score. But if it's radiating pain too, like f it's not twenty-four Lyndsay Soprano (40:10) Two four hours a day, baby. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (40:11) hours radiating pain, that's usually emotional. Yeah. Right. So it has nothing to do with your physical body. It's emotional body. So then I would talk to your emotional body specifically, not just the muscles and the pain that Lyndsay Soprano (40:23) yeah, no, I'm 100% on I'm 100% know that it is the emotional body for sure. I'm in I'm an empath. So everything that happens around me, I take all of it in and I take responsibility for all of it too. But for me, the emotional stuff is like I'm finally feeling like I'm just there where I can start to truly release it, release it like from my fascia, from like my just like from like you know what I mean? Like it's just it's I feel like it's all stuck in there and slowly but surely it's trying to like ooze its way out. And I'm I'm a I'm starting to feel more not comfortable within it, but comfortable with within it. You know what I mean? Yeah. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (41:04) I do. I love that. When you notice that empathicness though, you notice you take on something of somebody else's. If you immediately go, thank you so much for sharing yourself with me. And I'm gonna pray over you, right? I'm gonna ask God source whatever to like love on this. I'm gonna be the witness of your pain. Cause I think I really think we need witnesses, right? That's why we're sharing our stories. That's why we're creating purpose out of our pain. That's where we're doing all that. Yep. to witness it for them and then literally send it back to them. Because if this is what I learned being a toxic empath, one that took on everybody's stuff and was gonna heal it, right? And I was constantly sick. And it was one sickness after another sickness after another sickness after another sickness for years. I learned that when I did that, I couldn't heal their stuff because it's not mine. So I couldn't get to the root. It was just me renting a room in their house or them renting a room in my house. I can't go in and change the doors and and change the locks and do everything in the house if they're renting it, right? So I'm renting it out to them and it's it's painful. And same if I put my stuff on somebody else, knowingly or unknowingly, right? Yeah. Solve my problem, doctor. Solve my problem, best friend, solve my thing that like give my authority away, right? habit. Then what happens is they can't do anything about. So unless they bless it, witness it, validate me and send it back to me and I take my own crap back on from all lifetimes, I'm at that moment, then I can go in and I can rip down the walls and I can repaint and I can redecorate and you know, it's it's mine. I own it. And so it's about sifting through that stuff for an empath. And it really shifts things physically for a lot of people too. Lyndsay Soprano (43:01) Yeah, I mean, the how much help do I want to give them was the one that was like ding ding ding for me. Because I always I I always gave myself away. That I mean, just that was it. It was like, sure, just take me, like just bite me, take that part of my body from me. Like that's how I've always lived my life. I didn't know that that's what I was doing until fairly recently. And then it's like. like over the past three years or so and then seriously with each episode I'm like, son of a bitch. God damn it! I have been doing this for so long. No wonder. And so what I really want us to get down to is we're all here for a reason, at least from my belief system. And I truly believe your belief system, we are all here for a reason, whatever that might be. And I do believe that we meet people in certain times of our lives when we need them. So How do we get ourselves out of like survival mode and move into a little bit healthier place? Dr. Lisha Antiqua (44:11) One, it's never too late. Right. And the best way to really begin is through safe, secure, and successful. And I used to lead it live on the regular, actually. And I just watched people go through so many transformations. And I realized that when we work through these what I call power zones, your physical, mental, emotional, etheric body, your relationships and your purpose, right? Your relationship with money, your your purpose. Lyndsay Soprano (44:42) Yeah. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (44:44) When we heal those things, when we reclaim those aspects of self, then life just gets better. Miracles just happen. Some people healed from autoimmune stuff. Some people got out of relationships. Some people healed relationships. People got off of homelessness. People made a million dollars, like so many different wherever the person is, that's where they have the breakthrough. And that's what I love about Safe, Secure, and Successful. So it's a bundle on my personal website, Lishaantica.com. There's also the way to kind of get a blueprint on how to use it. And that's our identity ship blueprint. So at the end of that identity ship blueprint, you're gonna get invited to get SSS. But the blueprint itself will give you some of those that mirror back. So you'll hear yourself because the wisdom's inside of you. You'll hear yourself say, this is where I need to focus. You'll tell on yourself. Sometimes we don't listen, but it helps us tell on ourselves. And all of that goes perfectly with my book. So the book is called Into Me See. It is the Amazing You method. So the Amazing You Method came out officially in twenty ten. And I worked with a thousand people. It's won awards. We've been on TV for it. It's quite amazing. around really helping people heal from the effects of trauma. It's a workbook. It's it's you. I do share my story like I did at the beginning of this show in it. But other than that, like it's really about each zone and you finding yourself. And there's six layers to each zone and that I've found and it's all science based and and I spent years and decades writing it and rewriting it and working with it through people and everything. And this last year, even though in if you looked at my life, you were like, This is not the year to do the book. There was something inside of me that said, I cannot wait. I can't wait. Lyndsay Soprano (46:48) Like you ru you reread it, you reread it, you got it back from your editor and you're like, Nope, this isn't it. I've got to rewrite it all over again. I re I listened to that episode of you, my love. And I was like, there was like Dr. Lisha Antiqua (47:02) I knew more. I knew more. So but yeah, that was after I decided, but I did decide. It was like even it's been out with the clients. I've been working through it. I put all together, I sent it out to the publishers. Yeah. And then they sent it back and I reread it. And I was like, my gosh. Like I know so much more than I did. Yeah. Yeah, when I I think the last rewrite was twenty eighteen. So it was like, yeah, we're we're upgrading it one more time before we push play, but but it's still the same thing. It's beautiful, right? But to get that program, people used to have to spend f at least five thousand dollars to work with me personally and or one of our coaches at your own university that's certified in the Amazing You method. But now they can get it for twenty nine ninety nine. Lyndsay Soprano (47:49) Well and and and A, thank you for making it a affordable because if there's anything that we all know in the chronic illness and chronic pain world here on this show, and I know not all of us live in chronic pain, not all of us have chronic illness, some of us have but that, some of them are some of us aren't even in pain, and some of us aren't even sick. We're just broken in all of these different ways that we've talked about today. I mean, there's no there's no right or wrong here in regard to where you are in your journey. but I did your identity shift blueprint, you know, the quiz thing and I was the guarded protector. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (48:25) That makes so much sense though, right? Lyndsay Soprano (48:27) I mean, I don't know. You tell me limiting identity beliefs. It says that I have to earn love, that it is safer to stay quiet, that if I say no, that I will be rejected. And I identify with ding, ding, ding. I'm like, holy crap, I have to do all of these things for people to love me. It is way better for me to stay quiet from all of these stories that I've withheld within myself because I wanted to protect. The other people in my life from what had happened to me, specifically my parents. And then if I say no, of course I'm going to be rejected. So I'm a people pleaser. And so it just nailed me. And I was like, son of a bitch. And then it tells you exactly like my patterns. It says anxious, res anxious, resentful, overwhelmed, silenced, disconnected, stuck, invisible, exhausted. Boy, am I exhausted and afraid. And so it immediately. I mean, it just dialed me in quickly on doing the and doing the quiz or the blueprint. I don't like calling it a quiz because it sounds like it's a quiz show, but it's not. and then there's an there's an embodied identify identity statement at the end. It's set for me to say to myself too that says, I am becoming the woman who trusts her truth, honors her body, speaks with love, and no longer abandons herself to be accepted. And so I've had this and I've had this for weeks, you know, because I did this before this morning. but also that I'm safe to release the old pattern and embody the truth of who I am becoming. And I just love so Dr. Lisha Antiqua (50:04) You were just saying that. Lyndsay Soprano (50:06) I know Dr. Lisha Antiqua (50:08) What were the two two zones that it said to focus on? Lyndsay Soprano (50:13) My pathways are Dr. Lisha Antiqua (50:14) Yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (50:15) reclaiming security in my mental body and reclaiming my freedom in my emotional body. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (50:21) That'd be the stories and and the emotional body. And I knew the emotional body. Yeah. Well But you would think Lyndsay Soprano (50:27) I think everybody knows the emotional body of me. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (50:30) Maybe not, because they would look at your physical body, right? If you go into a doctor or whatever, they're gonna be like, well, you have physical pain here and you have pain here and you have that pain there, right? When when really it's it's the emotional body. A hundred percent. Lyndsay Soprano (50:43) 100%. And I've always said we're missing something. Cause I don't believe that even though I've been diagnosed with CRPS and I definitely have all the things that CRPS like presents itself as, I believe that the emotional shit that I am still storing here is what turned it into CRPS. Right. As far as but I am not CRPS. I always say that. I just have it. and And I have all of this other stuff that we've got to work through, but I've y you have to come to the table willing to do it. And that's something that I it wasn't that I wasn't willing. I just didn't know that I needed to. Yeah. And that was the biggest lesson that I have learned that I didn't know that I needed to. It was like, all right, well, I gotta put a sp spinal cord stimulator in my spine to get rid of this. that worked out really well. It almost paralyzed me. You know? All the things that we do and all the tools that they throw into your box and they put it in your backpack and you're carrying around more rocks and more rocks and more rocks instead of taking them out and throwing them and being out in nature and loving yourself and being more grateful and being more appreciative no matter how much shit you've been through. And you are a walking, living, breathing, incredibly beautiful woman who has shared her story with us today. And I thank you again, Jesus Christ, here it comes for getting through what you've done. Or what has happened to you and making it through the way that you have and being here for other people in the way that you have. So thank you for that. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (52:16) You are so welcome and thank you for thanking me and thank you for seeing me. Lyndsay Soprano (52:20) I love it. We can find her all over the place. I'll put her in show notes. She's gonna be tagged on everything. Of course, she is an incredibly amazing woman. I know that you know that now by listening. I mean, you knew it within the first fucking five minutes of this episode. she's got her pod More Than Sex and Secrets, her book that is out into me. See, she's all over the place on social. And I am just absolutely incredibly grateful and blessed to have met you. And I don't say that lightly, my love. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (52:47) Huh. Lyndsay Soprano (52:48) Everybody, I hope you've pulled over during this one and are sitting in the parking lot sobbing your in in your coffee or whatever you're doing because you may have needed it today. And I hope that we touched you at in some point today with our messages and our love for you and our belief and your healing. Thank you again, my love. It has been nothing but wonderful to be with you and being part of your life. Dr. Lisha Antiqua (53:10) And thank you everyone for listening. Lyndsay Soprano (53:14) You are exclusively invited to share this safe, secure, successful. Reclaim yourselves, love yourself. VIP pain journey together. Let's get to the heart of how to heal with you by my side. Please follow Giving Pain Purpose wherever you digest your podcast content. We will be there. Visit us at givingpainpurpose.com and follow us on all the socials. Thanks for listening, my little VIPs. Catch you on the other side.