Latest / You Minding Your Own Business / Episode 50- The No Parent and Child Contact Panel Discussion_

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Episode 50- The No Parent and Child Contact Panel Discussion_ · You Minding Your Own Business

0:34
Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hello, everybody. Welcome to with Self Respect leads
0:40
Speaker 1: to self love, the old U versus the new You,
0:44
Speaker 1: and also you minding your own business radio podcast. I'm
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Speaker 1: your host. Y'all know who I am by now. Thank
0:51
Speaker 1: you so much for joining me for this episode. You
0:55
Speaker 1: can also find this episode on my podcast from Dark
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Speaker 1: Night to Light and then also Perfectly Imperfect Radio podcast
1:05
Speaker 1: on YouTube. I appreciate you guys for joining me for
1:09
Speaker 1: this episode. Y'all cannot see me because I'm having camera
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Speaker 1: I'm also doing this on TikTok as well. A little
1:37
Speaker 1: bit about me, I'm a certified recovery, healing and recovery coach.
1:40
Speaker 1: I'll go help people on their paths journeys to a
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Speaker 1: new and bettered you through self discovery. I also help
1:47
Speaker 1: people with addiction. This podcast is also on iHeartRadio, Amazon, Google, Spotify,
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Speaker 1: cash Box, and multiple other streaming companies as well, now,
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Speaker 1: each one of these podcasts have something to do with healing,
2:02
Speaker 1: recovery and different aspects. You minding your own business is
2:07
Speaker 1: exactly that you mind in your own business and focusing
2:11
Speaker 1: on yourself and what you need to do for yourself,
2:16
Speaker 1: being the best version for yourself instead of being Captain
2:19
Speaker 1: saber hose, builder bears, builda dolls, sea fillers, and pupilers.
2:25
Speaker 1: It is also for with self respect leads to self love.
2:30
Speaker 1: It's all about healing your self esteem, self worth, self value,
2:35
Speaker 1: the love of yourself, believing in yourself when no one
2:37
Speaker 1: else does, your confidence, your self respect, and when it comes,
2:48
Speaker 1: it's about healing the old version of you in order
2:52
Speaker 1: to become a new and better version of yourself. Now,
2:56
Speaker 1: this conversation is gonna go a little bit deep. As
2:59
Speaker 1: far as we will be discussing today, we will be
3:03
Speaker 1: discussing no parent and child contact. Okay, Now, this is
3:11
Speaker 1: probably gonna hit people very very hard. Some of y'all
3:16
Speaker 1: gonna be crime, some of y'all is gonna bring back
3:20
Speaker 1: some very bad memories. So I'm gonna do a disclaimer.
3:24
Speaker 1: This is gonna hit below the belt. It's gonna be
3:27
Speaker 1: hard for me to do it. Because as someone that
3:30
Speaker 1: is the invisible child, I am the one that's gonna
3:35
Speaker 1: be very hard for me. So imagine being the person
3:38
Speaker 1: is doing it now. First of all, before we even
3:41
Speaker 1: get into this no parent contact, no child contact, we
3:46
Speaker 1: got to figure out how we got here. How is
3:50
Speaker 1: it that throughout time it is now become a place
3:56
Speaker 1: to where there's no children contact, no parent contact. How
4:01
Speaker 1: did we get here? Now? Mind you, there's many different
4:05
Speaker 1: reasons why this is happening as far as no child
4:10
Speaker 1: and no parent contact. Now, what made me decide to
4:15
Speaker 1: talk about this is Oprah Winfrey when she did her
4:19
Speaker 1: podcast and had a panel of people not only parents
4:24
Speaker 1: but also children that were talking about the no parent contact.
4:29
Speaker 1: They had therapists, they had different people that were talking
4:34
Speaker 1: about this particular subject. And I decided to speak on
4:37
Speaker 1: it because as someone that was the invisible child, I
4:44
Speaker 1: understand why the invisible child does not talk to their family.
4:48
Speaker 1: I believe now the invisible child the reason they don't
4:52
Speaker 1: talk to they family because they family is the reason
4:56
Speaker 1: they screwed up. They don't talk to their family because
5:02
Speaker 1: they were the ones that were trying to do the
5:04
Speaker 1: right thing. They were the ones that were trying to
5:07
Speaker 1: make good grades. The ones that they like to call
5:10
Speaker 1: the responsible one, the one that they always say you
5:15
Speaker 1: don't never need because you're strong and independent, not understanding
5:20
Speaker 1: you were the primarily one that actually did need them
5:23
Speaker 1: more than anybody. Now, the one thing about raising an
5:28
Speaker 1: independent child is there are some disadvantages to that, and
5:35
Speaker 1: that is you don't trust nobody and you're putting the
5:40
Speaker 1: world on your shoulders. And that starts from childhood. Now,
5:45
Speaker 1: as somebody that is a healing coach, this part of it,
5:50
Speaker 1: of that healing part, is the hardest part to heal from.
5:53
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie to you. It's hard. It is difficult,
5:59
Speaker 1: and it is one of the things when I tell
6:02
Speaker 1: you it's gonna hurt, it is absolutely going to hurt. Now,
6:08
Speaker 1: let me say this when it comes to this particular topic,
6:12
Speaker 1: the reason it is so hard for people to talk
6:16
Speaker 1: about is because it's gonna make you cry, because it's
6:22
Speaker 1: gonna take you back to when your parents, when you
6:28
Speaker 1: had that sibling, and that siblings a golden child, the
6:34
Speaker 1: one they act, the one that is the apple of
6:39
Speaker 1: their parents' eye, the one that they will do any
6:44
Speaker 1: and everything for, the one that, no matter what, this
6:50
Speaker 1: child does. They will build this child out, no matter
6:55
Speaker 1: what best birthday parties, best club, best shoes. They'll pay
7:02
Speaker 1: their way through school. They will do everything for these kids.
7:08
Speaker 1: But when it comes to the one that's never gotten
7:11
Speaker 1: in trouble, the one that tried to live up to
7:16
Speaker 1: their expectations, is expected. But your sibling can make a
7:21
Speaker 1: c and they'll celebrate it. Your sibling can go and
7:29
Speaker 1: wreck a car, go to jail, they'll bail them out.
7:33
Speaker 1: These are the parents that no matter what they do,
7:37
Speaker 1: they ain't never gonna have to do a consequence. Now
7:40
Speaker 1: why is this important, Well, these are the people you're
7:43
Speaker 1: now dating. You're now dating these children that are the
7:49
Speaker 1: golden children. Unfortunately you're now actually dating them. Now. When
7:56
Speaker 1: it comes down to this particular subject, and when you
8:02
Speaker 1: talk about no parent contacts, it could be everything from
8:07
Speaker 1: abuse to your mama allowing her boyfriend to do something
8:12
Speaker 1: to you. Essay, it can have everything to do with
8:16
Speaker 1: your mama and then putting stuff in your name. It
8:19
Speaker 1: can have everything to do with the fact that when
8:21
Speaker 1: you were sixteen, they made you work and that you
8:24
Speaker 1: were paying the bills while your sibling didn't have to
8:27
Speaker 1: pay for nothing, and they got to live rent free.
8:31
Speaker 1: It was a fact that you had to constantly hear
8:34
Speaker 1: how your parents wish you were never born and break
8:37
Speaker 1: your self stained, self worth and self value. These are
8:42
Speaker 1: the parents that had you at a young age. These
8:45
Speaker 1: are the ones that as soon as your daddy decides
8:48
Speaker 1: to up and lead, they pretty much don't want you number.
8:53
Speaker 1: These are the ones that are constantly dropping you off
8:55
Speaker 1: at your grandma house and dropping you off at everybody
8:58
Speaker 1: house pretty much. These are those type of parents. These
9:02
Speaker 1: are the parents that when they get a step children
9:06
Speaker 1: or have half siblings, they all of a sudden don't
9:09
Speaker 1: want nothing to do with you. Nimma, you don't exist
9:11
Speaker 1: anymore now. The one thing that I've learned in these
9:17
Speaker 1: particular situations is that most people are messed up because
9:22
Speaker 1: of their parents. Most people are purity and completely messed
9:27
Speaker 1: up because of their parents. There are kids that did
9:31
Speaker 1: nothing wrong. All they wanted was their parents love. All
9:36
Speaker 1: they wanted was their parents' support. Their parents haven't didn't
9:40
Speaker 1: go to any of their events, matter of fact, didn't
9:43
Speaker 1: even go to their wedding, didn't even left them out
9:50
Speaker 1: on Christmas, told them not to even come home for Christmas,
9:53
Speaker 1: told them that basically essentially, we don't want you here.
10:00
Speaker 1: These kids have to deal with the fact that their
10:04
Speaker 1: family wants nothing to do with them, but yet they
10:07
Speaker 1: want you to pay their bills. Yet they want you
10:10
Speaker 1: to basically be the one that's always the one giving
10:15
Speaker 1: all the time. But yet instead when they come to
10:18
Speaker 1: your sibling, they'll always make up excuses why the sibling's
10:22
Speaker 1: not helping. Oh, she's fragile, he's fragile. These are the
10:27
Speaker 1: parents that basically essentially wants you to lower yourself because
10:36
Speaker 1: you're making the other sibling look bad. You're the one
10:41
Speaker 1: that works two or three jobs in college and your
10:45
Speaker 1: parents don't want to pay your way through school. You
10:48
Speaker 1: the one that they said, oh, your grades ain't good
10:51
Speaker 1: enough to go to college, but yet your siblings' grades
10:53
Speaker 1: are a sied, but yet they'll pay their way through school.
10:57
Speaker 1: These are the parents that basically essentially you have to
11:00
Speaker 1: cook and clean while they go to work and take
11:02
Speaker 1: care of the little ones. Yeah, that's you. You are
11:05
Speaker 1: the invisible child. Most of the children that don't have
11:10
Speaker 1: anything to do with their parents are the invisible child.
11:13
Speaker 1: This is a child that basically essentially never had a
11:18
Speaker 1: relationship with their parents, could never come to their parents
11:21
Speaker 1: about nothing. Even when they told them about their sibling
11:27
Speaker 1: and all the stuff they did negatively, they make excuses
11:30
Speaker 1: for it. It can even be a situation where your
11:34
Speaker 1: sibling gets into an accident and they tell you to
11:38
Speaker 1: cover it, telling you to take the fall for something
11:41
Speaker 1: that your sibling did. These are the ones that your
11:45
Speaker 1: siblings can be very violent and they'll just cover it up.
11:51
Speaker 1: There are millions of people, millions and millions of children
11:56
Speaker 1: that have been unalived due to abuse, and some children
12:04
Speaker 1: actually survive it and don't want no contact. It can
12:09
Speaker 1: also be where you have kids that are in the
12:13
Speaker 1: industry that basically essentially made their parents a lot of money,
12:20
Speaker 1: and when they got older, they didn't see none of
12:24
Speaker 1: that money. Gary Coleman, McCauley, Coughland, Jaden Smith, Webster, or
12:32
Speaker 1: just some of the examples of children that emancipated, that
12:37
Speaker 1: emancipated from their hold on a second, Give me a second.
12:44
Speaker 1: Let me tell this person that I'm hold on for
12:46
Speaker 1: their call back, because they're gonna call back in a second.
12:49
Speaker 1: I told you hold on, so give me a second.
12:55
Speaker 1: Let me let this person know I'm alive because I
12:56
Speaker 1: don't have my phone on silent. I need to put
12:59
Speaker 1: my phone on, so I haven't figured I have his
13:01
Speaker 1: iPhone seventeen plus and I haven't quite figured it out yet.
13:04
Speaker 1: But anyway, let's continue. Sorry, y'all, I had to tell
13:08
Speaker 1: somebody I was on the phone. But anyway, let's talk
13:10
Speaker 1: about it. You have a lot of kids that probably
13:14
Speaker 1: would have never went through the things they went through
13:18
Speaker 1: if their parents would have loved them the way they
13:22
Speaker 1: deserve to be loved. If their parents loved them the
13:26
Speaker 1: way they deserve to be loved, I think a lot
13:28
Speaker 1: of these kids would not be getting into no trouble.
13:32
Speaker 1: They would not be going through the things that you know,
13:35
Speaker 1: in all honesty that they're going through right now. A
13:38
Speaker 1: lot of girls probably would have got pregnant if their
13:42
Speaker 1: fathers would have been more so in the picture. Now,
13:45
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that kids are perfect. I'm not saying
13:48
Speaker 1: that kids ain't gonna sneak out the house. I'm not
13:51
Speaker 1: saying that there are things that kids do that are
13:54
Speaker 1: not gonna be wrong. I ain't never gonna say that.
13:57
Speaker 1: But at the same time, there were kids that actually
14:01
Speaker 1: wanted to do the right thing, but because their parents
14:05
Speaker 1: made it seem like nothing, they did was good enough.
14:09
Speaker 1: It trickles down to your friends, it trinkles down to
14:12
Speaker 1: these romantic relationships, it trinkles down to your job. So
14:17
Speaker 1: now it's like you're doing things to prove that you
14:23
Speaker 1: can be successful, but yet you're paying their bills. The
14:27
Speaker 1: same parents that treated you bad and put the golden
14:32
Speaker 1: child on a pedestal. These are the same parents that
14:37
Speaker 1: I'm talking about in this, but theyar situation now at
14:41
Speaker 1: the end of the day. Is it fair that you
14:47
Speaker 1: know these kids go through this, No, it's not. Everything
14:53
Speaker 1: with an invisible child is expected. Everything with an invisible
14:58
Speaker 1: child you suck it up at like it didn't happen at,
15:03
Speaker 1: like it didn't exist, you know, cover it up. But
15:09
Speaker 1: that golden child, they gonna go and take care of
15:14
Speaker 1: their knee, take care of whatever they need to take
15:16
Speaker 1: care of. But that child that they didn't want, they're
15:20
Speaker 1: not gonna do that now. Even though for some people
15:23
Speaker 1: they may say, well none of what I'm saying is true,
15:27
Speaker 1: Yes it is, and it's something we have to take
15:31
Speaker 1: accountability for. It's just like these kids in the industry
15:35
Speaker 1: that grow up in the industry and they out here
15:39
Speaker 1: taking care of their parents and they turn eighteen, and
15:41
Speaker 1: they don't have not none of the money that their
15:44
Speaker 1: parents made off of them. They don't see none of
15:48
Speaker 1: that money. So when it comes to being that golden child,
15:53
Speaker 1: that golden child will throw in that invisible child's face
15:58
Speaker 1: that they're not the golden child. Let me give you
16:00
Speaker 1: a couple of examples of what I'm talking about. You
16:02
Speaker 1: have a situation where you may have a child that
16:06
Speaker 1: grew up mom and dad didn't pay their way through school.
16:10
Speaker 1: Mom and dad were never at their events. Mom and
16:13
Speaker 1: dad always put expectations on them to be the best
16:17
Speaker 1: of the best, but their other sibling, they didn't have
16:21
Speaker 1: to do that. They could do the bare minimum. So
16:25
Speaker 1: you go to them and say you want to have
16:27
Speaker 1: their party. Oh we can't. I gotta take your sister
16:30
Speaker 1: to a cheerleading practice, But what about me? Oh I
16:33
Speaker 1: gotta take your sister to the studio, But what about me?
16:38
Speaker 1: So it doesn't even matter that this other child has
16:40
Speaker 1: dreams and goals. All you care about is your golden child.
16:46
Speaker 1: So this other child has to go to these events
16:49
Speaker 1: by themselves, or they'll say to you, they don't want
16:53
Speaker 1: you to outshine your sister. You gotta stay in the background.
16:57
Speaker 1: So now you being programmed to be in the background,
17:01
Speaker 1: your program that you have to lower yourself because you're scared.
17:06
Speaker 1: If you do better than your sibling, then it's gonna
17:10
Speaker 1: be a situation where you're gonna be the one that's
17:13
Speaker 1: gonna get in trouble. So when you go to college
17:17
Speaker 1: and you're working three jobs while your sister is a
17:21
Speaker 1: brother is speeding through not even paying for nothing, or
17:26
Speaker 1: they ask you to pay your child, your siblings tuition.
17:30
Speaker 1: So now you got money. So here come your parents
17:32
Speaker 1: asking you to not only pay for their mortgage because
17:37
Speaker 1: they can't pay for their mortgage. Now they want you
17:40
Speaker 1: to pay off your brother's car, your sister's this, do
17:44
Speaker 1: all that. That's not my responsibility, that's your responsibility. Why
17:50
Speaker 1: am I doing your job as a parent? And why
17:54
Speaker 1: is it that my sibling who is your golden child?
17:57
Speaker 1: Why is it that they're not helping out? Oh, because
18:01
Speaker 1: they're sensitive, they don't have them step together. They're still
18:04
Speaker 1: trying to figure it out. Okay, so it's okay for
18:08
Speaker 1: them to figure it out, but I can't figure it out.
18:12
Speaker 1: I can't figure out where my life is going. But
18:14
Speaker 1: yet and still they can sit there and play PlayStation
18:17
Speaker 1: all day. They ain't go shopping, and you bought them
18:20
Speaker 1: one hundred thousand dollar a car, but you buy me
18:23
Speaker 1: a used Hondai Ohl. So these are the things I'm
18:28
Speaker 1: talking about. So now this child that basically is the
18:32
Speaker 1: invisible child grows up, goes to college graduation. You ain't there.
18:40
Speaker 1: You're telling her she can't go to prom because her
18:43
Speaker 1: sister is going through depression because she's going to prom.
18:48
Speaker 1: So now she can't go to Prome because my sister
18:50
Speaker 1: has the brush. So because my sister's going through a breakup,
18:53
Speaker 1: I can't go to prom. I can't do what I
18:55
Speaker 1: want to because I gotta wait for my sibling depending
18:59
Speaker 1: on how they fee you. I can't do this because
19:03
Speaker 1: I gotta worry about this. So it's like when you
19:08
Speaker 1: gonna when you some some kids when they get eighteen,
19:11
Speaker 1: mom and them like, we're kicking you out. You gotta
19:14
Speaker 1: move out. But yet my sibling can stay there, rent
19:19
Speaker 1: for free, go school, while she gets to go to
19:27
Speaker 1: Yale and Harvard because she's a chosen one. She's the
19:32
Speaker 1: one you brag about. He's the one that you think
19:35
Speaker 1: gonna be the next NBA basketball player or the next
19:38
Speaker 1: NFL or NHL player or whatever you want to call it.
19:44
Speaker 1: And so because the other child's not athletic, you don't
19:48
Speaker 1: care nothing about that child, even though that child wants
19:51
Speaker 1: to be an engineer, even though an engineer will probably
19:54
Speaker 1: make more money in the long run than your athlete.
19:59
Speaker 1: But okay, I'll let you tell it now. Why is
20:04
Speaker 1: all of this important? Because when these invisible children start
20:09
Speaker 1: getting in relationships, this is why they go through what
20:14
Speaker 1: they go through. This is why they're lowering themselves. This
20:17
Speaker 1: is why they're bending over backwards, being captain saberh builde bears,
20:22
Speaker 1: builder dolls, seat fillers, and people pleasers. It is the
20:25
Speaker 1: reason why they're constantly being used and taking advantage of
20:30
Speaker 1: because guess what their parents did it when they were younger.
20:35
Speaker 1: That is the reason why a lot of these invisible
20:38
Speaker 1: children will bend over backwards and be with men or
20:42
Speaker 1: women that they know don't want them, but because they
20:46
Speaker 1: want to be loved so bad, Because they have no
20:49
Speaker 1: idea what it's like to be in love, what it's
20:52
Speaker 1: like to have somebody truly care about them, they'll accept anything,
20:58
Speaker 1: so they'll do the three. So they'll do all of
21:00
Speaker 1: these different things to keep this person spend money, do
21:05
Speaker 1: all of these things to make this person happy. Why
21:09
Speaker 1: because they had post dramatic slave disorder. Their parents never
21:15
Speaker 1: wanted them in the first place. So you brought a
21:20
Speaker 1: child into the world that you never wanted because that
21:24
Speaker 1: man is no longer in the picture, or you wanted
21:26
Speaker 1: a boy, so now because you want a boy now
21:31
Speaker 1: it's like okay, now, like okay, well, now I'm just
21:35
Speaker 1: gonna treat this child like trash. Now. Mind you, this
21:39
Speaker 1: ain't always the whole entire scenario. There are other scenarios
21:44
Speaker 1: where a child may decide they're gay and the parents
21:49
Speaker 1: don't accept their lifestyle, and the parents don't want to
21:52
Speaker 1: talk to them. Some of us Cliff and Claire when
21:56
Speaker 1: it came to Elvin, and when they came to Elvin
22:00
Speaker 1: and Sondra, when Elvin said I didn't want to be
22:04
Speaker 1: a doctor and and Sondra said I didn't want to
22:09
Speaker 1: be a lawyer. The look on Cliff and Claire's faces
22:15
Speaker 1: when them two said they did not want to be
22:17
Speaker 1: a doctor or a lawyer. This is another example of
22:23
Speaker 1: the no parent contact. This is when you find out
22:28
Speaker 1: that your child, the one that you said was gonna
22:31
Speaker 1: be a doctor, tells you, I don't want to be
22:34
Speaker 1: a doctor. This is the one where the child ends
22:37
Speaker 1: up being hooked on drugs, alcoholic, end up having promiscuous sex,
22:43
Speaker 1: and you and the church and they're embarrassing you. Now.
22:47
Speaker 1: The no parent contact is a little bit different, Okay, hi, y'all.
22:52
Speaker 1: The no parent contact is when your child is abusive
22:57
Speaker 1: towards you. You have no control over this golden child
23:02
Speaker 1: that you raised, the golden child that you let do
23:05
Speaker 1: whatever you want to, and they come back to bite you.
23:09
Speaker 1: So the no parent contact is when the child who
23:13
Speaker 1: they put on that pedestal decides they don't want to
23:17
Speaker 1: live the lifestyle their parents want them to do. Let's
23:20
Speaker 1: say you have a child that's sixteen that you thought
23:23
Speaker 1: was a virgin, now pregnant, and now you're disappointed because
23:28
Speaker 1: they're pregnant, and you've been telling everybody that your child
23:31
Speaker 1: ain't out here having sex, and now they're pregnant, and
23:34
Speaker 1: you decide to kick them out of sixteen. That's no
23:37
Speaker 1: parent contact. No parent contact is when your parents just
23:42
Speaker 1: can't do nothing with you. This is like what happened
23:46
Speaker 1: to that director and his wife, the one that was
23:49
Speaker 1: in Happy Days when his alleged son end up unliving
23:55
Speaker 1: his mama and his daddy cousin argument. That's what I'm
23:59
Speaker 1: talking about. So when parents cut you off, it's either
24:05
Speaker 1: you ain't living the lifestyle they want you to live,
24:09
Speaker 1: or they just don't they realize they just don't want
24:13
Speaker 1: you and just give you away and put you in
24:16
Speaker 1: false care. Or it can be where you think you've
24:22
Speaker 1: grown and I'm not dealing with it no more, so
24:24
Speaker 1: I'm kicking you out. The house. Is either my rules,
24:27
Speaker 1: my way up the highway, and if you're not gonna
24:29
Speaker 1: buy by my rules, then you gotta leave my house.
24:32
Speaker 1: That part. But see when Oprah and them talked about it,
24:36
Speaker 1: they didn't talk about it from that perspective. They didn't
24:39
Speaker 1: talk about it from the perspective of the parents that
24:42
Speaker 1: are in the church, the one that they think their
24:45
Speaker 1: daughter ain't having sex when in all actuality she is.
24:50
Speaker 1: She run around being the whole ho hold of the church.
24:53
Speaker 1: And then when they find out their daughter's being the
24:56
Speaker 1: whole hold the church, now it's like you're embarrassed. So
25:01
Speaker 1: when it comes to no parent contact, it can be
25:03
Speaker 1: everything from embarrassment to the child not living up to
25:08
Speaker 1: their expectations. The child is no longer useful. It could
25:14
Speaker 1: be many, many different things, but this conversation needs to
25:20
Speaker 1: be had because there is a difference. Most kids that
25:24
Speaker 1: don't want nothing to do with their parents is because
25:28
Speaker 1: their parents are never ever, ever, ever going to acknowledge,
25:34
Speaker 1: ever acknowledge what they did to them. They're gonna make
25:38
Speaker 1: excuses for it. And so when you look back at
25:43
Speaker 1: your life and you look back at everything that you
25:47
Speaker 1: went through, that love, as far as the love you
25:51
Speaker 1: wanted from your friends, the love you wanted from your family,
25:54
Speaker 1: the love that you wanted from your spouse or your
25:58
Speaker 1: significant other, that it all comes from pretty much your parents.
26:06
Speaker 1: Your parents. Your parents play a pivotal part of your
26:11
Speaker 1: first relationships. They're the first relationships you ever have. And
26:17
Speaker 1: if you don't know how to be in a relationship
26:22
Speaker 1: because of the way your parents treated you, everybody else
26:28
Speaker 1: gonna treat you the same way because you're going to
26:33
Speaker 1: end up around people just like your parents. You're dating
26:37
Speaker 1: someone just like your parents. So when you got people
26:41
Speaker 1: telling you, well, maybe if you do something like that,
26:44
Speaker 1: that's being a parent. When you got somebody trying to
26:47
Speaker 1: change the way you dress, change the way you do things,
26:51
Speaker 1: that is a parent. When you got somebody influencing you
26:55
Speaker 1: to do drugs and alcohol and making you go against
26:59
Speaker 1: what your past is because you want to hang out.
27:03
Speaker 1: That's the same thing when it comes to your parents. So,
27:07
Speaker 1: like I said, after a while, your kids stop listening
27:11
Speaker 1: to you. But again, you have two different types of
27:14
Speaker 1: children that deal with things, two different types of way.
27:19
Speaker 1: You have that golden child that is gonna turn around
27:24
Speaker 1: and say, oh, okay, well I want a PlayStation. No
27:31
Speaker 1: I'm not giving you a PlayStation. All these years you've
27:34
Speaker 1: been enabling, you've been spoiling and entitling this child, and
27:40
Speaker 1: now that you're finally telling them, no, oh no, they're
27:45
Speaker 1: not having that. So either they're gonna be violent or
27:49
Speaker 1: they gonna end up asking somebody else to get it.
27:53
Speaker 1: So if you ain't gonna give it to them, they're
27:55
Speaker 1: gonna ask somebody else to get it, and they gonna
27:58
Speaker 1: keep asking till they find somebody give it to them. Well,
28:01
Speaker 1: guess what you do that in romantic relationships as well.
28:05
Speaker 1: So if you're not getting what you want in that
28:07
Speaker 1: romantic relationship, it's not gonna be any different than you
28:14
Speaker 1: doing that with your parents. It's like you have two
28:17
Speaker 1: parents that are divorced and one of your parents you
28:21
Speaker 1: asking them for a PlayStation, and they're like, no, I'm
28:24
Speaker 1: not giving you the PlayStation. You go to the other
28:26
Speaker 1: one the go ahead and get it for you because
28:29
Speaker 1: they trying to spite the other person. They didn't give
28:32
Speaker 1: it to you because they want to give it to you.
28:35
Speaker 1: They gave it to you to be in your good graces.
28:38
Speaker 1: And even if neither one of y'all get it for him,
28:41
Speaker 1: Grandma and them gonna get it for him. So if
28:43
Speaker 1: Grandma and them gonna get it, somebody gonna get it
28:45
Speaker 1: for him. At the end of the day, somebody is
28:48
Speaker 1: going to give their child whatever it is that they won't. Well,
28:53
Speaker 1: guess what. These same people turn into adults and they
28:56
Speaker 1: start dating people that are the invisible time. So now
29:00
Speaker 1: they're dealing with the same and the same golden child,
29:04
Speaker 1: except it's not a biological sibling doing the same thing.
29:09
Speaker 1: So now you have a golden child that you're now
29:12
Speaker 1: dating whose sibling went through this, And now you're dating
29:17
Speaker 1: somebody just like your sibling, and you don't even realize it.
29:22
Speaker 1: So you don't even realize you might be dating somebody
29:24
Speaker 1: that's just like your sibling, that same golden child that
29:28
Speaker 1: wants whatever they want and if you ain't gonna give
29:30
Speaker 1: it to them, they're gonna find somebody else to get
29:32
Speaker 1: it from. It's just like if you have somebody that's
29:35
Speaker 1: extremely attractive and they can always get a man, they
29:38
Speaker 1: can always keep a man, and they can always keep
29:40
Speaker 1: a woman, or whatever the case may be, they not
29:43
Speaker 1: gonna be faithful to you because they have options. So
29:46
Speaker 1: if somebody has options as far as getting what they
29:50
Speaker 1: want from somebody else, if you're not gonna get it,
29:53
Speaker 1: that's why there's that old saying, what you won't give,
29:56
Speaker 1: somebody else will, So if somebody else gonna give it
30:00
Speaker 1: to you, why would you not take it. So at
30:05
Speaker 1: the end of the day, you got people out here
30:08
Speaker 1: that are spoiled and entitled because their parents enable them
30:13
Speaker 1: and now you're married to them. That's why their mother
30:18
Speaker 1: and father are so much involved in their lives and
30:21
Speaker 1: that's why they have that attitude. If if I have
30:25
Speaker 1: to call my parents, then I don't need you. But
30:29
Speaker 1: the unliving rates of people that are unliving people because
30:36
Speaker 1: they can't get what they want, that is from that
30:39
Speaker 1: golden child syndrome. And so, like I said, you have
30:44
Speaker 1: a lot of people that are lowering themselves because they've
30:47
Speaker 1: been lowering themselves since they were a kid, and now
30:52
Speaker 1: that's their love language. Their love language is lowering themselves
30:57
Speaker 1: to build everybody else up. And that came from their
31:02
Speaker 1: parents because that's what their parents told them to do.
31:06
Speaker 1: That they have to lower themselves, that they have to
31:08
Speaker 1: suck it up and act like whatever happened to you
31:11
Speaker 1: didn't happen. So even though your sister is a terror
31:16
Speaker 1: or your brother is a terror, and they allow your
31:19
Speaker 1: brother and them to do whatever they want you as
31:21
Speaker 1: far as being abusive, because sometimes it doesn't always have
31:25
Speaker 1: to be the parents it's always being abusive. Sometimes it
31:28
Speaker 1: can be your sibling that is the abusive. So the
31:31
Speaker 1: reason that it's important to have these conversations is because
31:35
Speaker 1: you are dating the same type of people that that
31:40
Speaker 1: sibling had to deal with. So if that sibling was
31:45
Speaker 1: entitled when it came down to that other sibling, what
31:50
Speaker 1: makes you think they won't be that way when it
31:53
Speaker 1: come to you. So I know this is a lot,
31:57
Speaker 1: but when it comes down to that sibling rivalry, that's
32:03
Speaker 1: all it is. The golden child versus the invisible child.
32:07
Speaker 1: And that's why when I am coaching people. That is
32:12
Speaker 1: the first thing we're getting into. The invisible child versus
32:16
Speaker 1: the golden child. We need to have these conversations about
32:20
Speaker 1: these golden child versus the inable child, because there are
32:24
Speaker 1: a lot of people that are day the same type
32:26
Speaker 1: of people you are letting, people that you date, your friends,
32:31
Speaker 1: the people you work for, the people that you don't know,
32:34
Speaker 1: treat you the same way your parents treated you. And
32:40
Speaker 1: so it isn't until you go to and sometimes even
32:46
Speaker 1: in counseling, is not even discussed. It ain't. I have
32:52
Speaker 1: seen so many videos about this particular topic, many different
32:59
Speaker 1: ways that parents have put one child on a pedestal
33:04
Speaker 1: and the other one is like they don't exist. Now,
33:08
Speaker 1: they never wanted that child. Now, in divorces, you may
33:13
Speaker 1: have situations where one child might be upset because y'all separated,
33:21
Speaker 1: and they may not take it well. And now you
33:25
Speaker 1: have a whole nother family that stepchildren. And let's say,
33:29
Speaker 1: for example, a man or woman passes away, and what
33:33
Speaker 1: ends up happening is you get remarried that stepmom does
33:38
Speaker 1: not like your child and they treat your child like
33:42
Speaker 1: they're nothing. And so now you have this situation where
33:47
Speaker 1: you're putting that stepmother's children before your own biological child.
33:54
Speaker 1: So that happens more so than not so at at
34:00
Speaker 1: the end of the day when it comes to having
34:03
Speaker 1: the family conversation, when it comes to healing, there are
34:07
Speaker 1: a lot of layers when it come down to it,
34:10
Speaker 1: and I do mean a lot of layers. But if
34:14
Speaker 1: you are the invisible child, I'm gonna tell you now,
34:19
Speaker 1: relationship's gonna be hard for you because your family is
34:23
Speaker 1: not gonna be your biological your biological family. Your family
34:28
Speaker 1: gonna be people that don't know you. Now that people
34:32
Speaker 1: that are not don't share the same dNaM and sy
34:36
Speaker 1: so if they don't share the same DNA, those are
34:39
Speaker 1: gonna be the people that's gonna be your family. Sometimes
34:43
Speaker 1: your family can be people that can be your best
34:47
Speaker 1: friend because if you look at fast and the theory
34:50
Speaker 1: is that's the biggest example of that when when Vin
34:54
Speaker 1: Diesel said family not always biological. Family can be people
34:59
Speaker 1: that come into your life in some of the most
35:02
Speaker 1: darkest times and support you. You have some people that
35:07
Speaker 1: have godmothers and people that are more closer to you
35:13
Speaker 1: and treat you more like a mother than your own
35:16
Speaker 1: mama does. People that treat you more like a father
35:20
Speaker 1: than your own dad. That's why I said infidelity is
35:24
Speaker 1: more than just romantic, because it isn't just romantic. You know,
35:29
Speaker 1: some of us have tried our best to honor thy
35:32
Speaker 1: mother and thy father. We tried very hard to do that,
35:36
Speaker 1: but then we're not getting the same reciprocation when it
35:41
Speaker 1: comes to the way we were treated. Because kids didn't
35:44
Speaker 1: ask to be here. You made a choice to lay
35:47
Speaker 1: your butt down somewhere and be intimate with somebody and
35:51
Speaker 1: having a baby. That baby has nothing to do with
35:55
Speaker 1: what you're putting them through. No child deserves to be
35:58
Speaker 1: an invisible child where you don't even pay them no attention.
36:03
Speaker 1: You ain't even there for that child. That child is
36:07
Speaker 1: independent because you've been ignoring them. They had to find
36:11
Speaker 1: their own way because you don't want to pay for nothing.
36:14
Speaker 1: You want to give them hand me downs. You want
36:16
Speaker 1: to give your favorite child the best of everything, and
36:19
Speaker 1: this child is left with nothing. I have seen so
36:23
Speaker 1: many young kids get abused because their parents do not
36:27
Speaker 1: want the child. Mama don't want the child, Daddy don't
36:30
Speaker 1: want the child. The child is being abused, the child
36:33
Speaker 1: is being assaulted. The child is now dead. So we
36:38
Speaker 1: have to have these conversations. Why because it's going right
36:43
Speaker 1: back to what I said, y'all laying down and making
36:46
Speaker 1: it seem like there's no consequences and repercussions when it
36:50
Speaker 1: comes to having sex. Yes, there is children, children, and
36:56
Speaker 1: you can't take them back. Millions of children every day
37:00
Speaker 1: sitting in falster care because their parents didn't want them
37:04
Speaker 1: or because they were abusing them. Kids. So say what
37:08
Speaker 1: you want to, and I don't want nobody to sit
37:11
Speaker 1: here and act like some of y'all don't resent your kids,
37:15
Speaker 1: and that if you could go back in time and
37:17
Speaker 1: never slept with that man and never had that child,
37:20
Speaker 1: would you No, there are people that say they wish
37:25
Speaker 1: their kids were never born. They sit there and lower
37:28
Speaker 1: that child self esteem, self worth every single day. You
37:32
Speaker 1: not good enough, You're not worthy. Nobody ain't never gonna
37:34
Speaker 1: love you. Y'all at the end of the day. Oprahing
37:39
Speaker 1: them did not get into this conversation the way they
37:42
Speaker 1: should have, because there are a lot of parents that
37:45
Speaker 1: have physically, mentally, verbally sexually assaulted a child and that
37:53
Speaker 1: child grows up and thinks nobody loves them, kicks them
37:58
Speaker 1: out at eighteen years old, kicks them out at sixteen
38:02
Speaker 1: years old, not because they're hanging around the wrong type
38:05
Speaker 1: of people, but because of the fact that they're not
38:12
Speaker 1: the golden child, and that is who y'all are dating.
38:17
Speaker 1: All of y'all to talk about, Well, this person always
38:21
Speaker 1: sitting at home, that's the golden child, Honey, I tell
38:26
Speaker 1: women all the time. I tell men all the time.
38:30
Speaker 1: Talk to the sibling. Don't talk to the parents. Talk
38:34
Speaker 1: to the sibling because that sibling is gonna tell you
38:37
Speaker 1: the truth about about their sibling. I don't talk to
38:41
Speaker 1: the parents because I know the difference between a child
38:45
Speaker 1: that is the golden child and a child that is
38:48
Speaker 1: an invisible child. I talk to that sibling because that
38:51
Speaker 1: sibling gonna tell me about how that person is. Because
38:56
Speaker 1: a lot of y'all are dating golden children, a lot
39:01
Speaker 1: of y'all are dating the same spoiled and titled children
39:06
Speaker 1: that that sibling, who was the invisible sibling, had to
39:09
Speaker 1: deal with. Y'all have no idea what that invisible sibling
39:13
Speaker 1: had to go through. The fact that they were abused
39:16
Speaker 1: by that sibling, the fact that they had to lower
39:20
Speaker 1: themselves because that sibling was in their feelings. Let me.
39:25
Speaker 1: Let me. Let me give you an example. There was
39:28
Speaker 1: this story that I heard where and they was today.
39:31
Speaker 1: It blew my mind, and there the girl had the
39:35
Speaker 1: girl was getting married her sister because she had anxiety,
39:41
Speaker 1: because she was having this beautiful wedding and she wasn't
39:43
Speaker 1: gonna be the center of attention, destroyed her whole entire reception.
39:50
Speaker 1: What did the parents do? Don't be so sensitive? You
39:54
Speaker 1: know she has anxiety. Don't don't you give me that, y'all,
40:00
Speaker 1: and saying that for years that this child got insecurity issues.
40:05
Speaker 1: What does that got to do with the fact that
40:07
Speaker 1: she destroyed my wid So she gets so said that
40:13
Speaker 1: she just disappears, just disappears and leaves. They all of
40:19
Speaker 1: a sudden decide they gonna proclaim her dead to take
40:25
Speaker 1: her insurance money to give it to the sibling. Her
40:29
Speaker 1: insurance money. She gets a phone call from the insurance
40:32
Speaker 1: company saying they're saying she's dead. They forged her signature.
40:40
Speaker 1: You got parents that will force your signature to buy
40:44
Speaker 1: your sibling a house. You have parents that will you
40:50
Speaker 1: out of the country working. You got a good job,
40:54
Speaker 1: you're an engineer, and they want you to pay for
40:57
Speaker 1: your siblings car they want you to pay your siblings rent,
41:03
Speaker 1: and you like, say, whatn't I Why am I paying
41:05
Speaker 1: my siblings rent? That ain't my responsibility. They make it
41:11
Speaker 1: so you are now the additional parent, like you're the dad,
41:16
Speaker 1: like you're the other mother, and I'm just sitting there like,
41:20
Speaker 1: uh no, your parents took your inheritance, Like say, for example,
41:26
Speaker 1: your grandmother gave you a house that when you turn eighteen,
41:28
Speaker 1: you was supposed to get that house. They gave that.
41:31
Speaker 1: They gave the house to your sibling. They took your
41:35
Speaker 1: inheritance and lied to you and gave it to your sibling.
41:39
Speaker 1: There was one where the parents said, are you enjoying
41:43
Speaker 1: your eight hundred thousand dollars? She's like, what eight hundred
41:46
Speaker 1: thousand dollars? Well, I gave you eight hundred thousand. I
41:50
Speaker 1: don't know nothing about no eight hundred thousand dollars. Then
41:54
Speaker 1: you find then it came out that the mother didn't
41:56
Speaker 1: even tell her about the money, gave it to the sister.
42:00
Speaker 1: They spent all but one hundred thousand dollars of it.
42:03
Speaker 1: So now the father ends up not only having them
42:07
Speaker 1: locked up, but ends up taking them to jail and
42:12
Speaker 1: going to court. So now they gotta pray restitution plus
42:15
Speaker 1: damage this plus paying for the court costs. So you
42:20
Speaker 1: went through all of that, so now you gotta pay
42:21
Speaker 1: more money. I'm telling y'all that they're being parents that
42:27
Speaker 1: have left their kids, abandoning their kids, and then when
42:32
Speaker 1: the kids get some type of inheritance or they do well,
42:36
Speaker 1: here they come. I heard you doing well and well
42:43
Speaker 1: I just thought maybe you'd want to share. Share? What
42:46
Speaker 1: what am I sharing? Why in the world, after all
42:49
Speaker 1: these years, you're coming walting in my door, after all
42:53
Speaker 1: these years, like I want something to do with you.
42:56
Speaker 1: I've been without you for all these years. Why do
42:58
Speaker 1: I want to deal with you now? What would I even
43:00
Speaker 1: want anything to do with you? And considering you abandoned me,
43:03
Speaker 1: You took my sibling and left me by myself in
43:05
Speaker 1: a house where I'm fourteen, twelve years old, I'm in
43:11
Speaker 1: falseter care. You send me to my grandmother while y'all
43:15
Speaker 1: go out and run the streets somewhere. You always dropping
43:18
Speaker 1: me off somewhere. And now you mad because I ain't
43:22
Speaker 1: got no respect for you. Now you mad because now
43:25
Speaker 1: that I got an inheritance that my grandmother who raised me,
43:28
Speaker 1: now here you come saying I can't manage it. Now
43:32
Speaker 1: you want to come because I'm successful. I'm an engineer,
43:36
Speaker 1: I'm a business owner. I made two point five billion dollars.
43:39
Speaker 1: And here you are. Now you're saying you're proud of me.
43:41
Speaker 1: You're suing me because I bought a house. You let
43:44
Speaker 1: my sister live in my house while I was going
43:47
Speaker 1: overseas contracting you. You can't be serious right now. So
43:54
Speaker 1: I need I need people to understand something. There are parents,
44:00
Speaker 1: There are kids that got every right, every single right
44:05
Speaker 1: to not have no contact with their parents, especially after
44:10
Speaker 1: everything they did to them, everything they have allowed to
44:15
Speaker 1: do to them. Do you know how hard it is
44:19
Speaker 1: to have to relive all of that? And then you
44:22
Speaker 1: start thinking about your romantic relationships, your friendships, and you
44:26
Speaker 1: see it's a still the same revolving door. See opening
44:31
Speaker 1: them didn't go into this the way I went into it,
44:35
Speaker 1: But it's a conversation that we really need to have here.
44:41
Speaker 1: It's not even about the romantic relationships. You got to
44:45
Speaker 1: start back to parent issues because these were the first
44:49
Speaker 1: relationships that you were in and when you went through
44:53
Speaker 1: that abandonment from your parents. Now that is the reason,
45:00
Speaker 1: and you made the choices as far as who you chose,
45:03
Speaker 1: because number one, your parents are the ones that broke
45:06
Speaker 1: your self estem self work, and self value before anybody
45:09
Speaker 1: else did. They disrespected you before anybody else did. So,
45:16
Speaker 1: am I saying any of this to be wrong? No?
45:20
Speaker 1: I just want people to understand that when it comes
45:24
Speaker 1: to healing and recovery, you can't be in any relationship
45:31
Speaker 1: until you deal with your parents first, and your sibling.
45:38
Speaker 1: Until you get boundaries with your family. You ain't gonna
45:42
Speaker 1: have vouies with anybody else until you acknowledge what has
45:48
Speaker 1: been done to you by your parents, by your family.
45:53
Speaker 1: That is when everything will change when it comes to
45:57
Speaker 1: you making better choices when it comes to everything else. Literally,
46:06
Speaker 1: So am I saying all of this to be mean? No?
46:10
Speaker 1: There are some parents that don't even realize the damage
46:14
Speaker 1: they've caused, and there are some of them that do.
46:18
Speaker 1: There are kids that are in the ground right now,
46:23
Speaker 1: and the parents still have not made amends for what
46:29
Speaker 1: they did to those children. See that's why I said,
46:33
Speaker 1: when it comes to making amends, you might want to
46:36
Speaker 1: make amends while the child is still alive, while your
46:38
Speaker 1: parents are still alive. Now, don't get me wrong, thiss
46:41
Speaker 1: go both ways. It really do. Because there are kids
46:44
Speaker 1: out here that do stuff to their parents or because
46:49
Speaker 1: they spoiled them entitled. So let me use doctor Simone
46:52
Speaker 1: for example, because that's the next one I'm gonna do.
46:59
Speaker 1: When it came into Simon, everybody talking about them kids
47:04
Speaker 1: are wrong for the fact of the way they act. No,
47:09
Speaker 1: she made them that way. She made doctor Simone from medicine,
47:15
Speaker 1: Doctor Simone from married to medicine, made her children what
47:19
Speaker 1: they are. She is the one that's spoiled and entitled
47:22
Speaker 1: those kids, and now they're spoiled and entitlement. It's coming
47:26
Speaker 1: back to bite her. Because when you keep giving your
47:30
Speaker 1: kids everything they want and they don't have to pay
47:34
Speaker 1: for it, everything is handed to them on a silver platter.
47:38
Speaker 1: What tends to happen is that's gonna come back to
47:42
Speaker 1: bite you. And what happens is if it don't bite you,
47:48
Speaker 1: it's gonna end up biting the person they're married to.
47:52
Speaker 1: It's gonna bite anybody associated with them. These are people
47:57
Speaker 1: that basically feel like they're entitled. So I'm gonna see
48:04
Speaker 1: if I can play one of these stories right, just
48:08
Speaker 1: to give y'all an example of what I'm talking about.
48:12
Speaker 1: So I have a story and I gotta pull it up.
48:16
Speaker 1: Hopefully I won't get copyright for it. I hope not,
48:21
Speaker 1: but I'm play one of these stories that I've been
48:24
Speaker 1: listening to, just some of it about this particular issue, because,
48:31
Speaker 1: like I said, this stuff happens more so than not.
48:35
Speaker 1: But we gotta break this down in layers because you
48:40
Speaker 1: have some kids that don't have siblings at all, but
48:46
Speaker 1: you have stepkids, you have half you have stepkids, you
48:51
Speaker 1: have half siblings, you have you know, kids that are
49:02
Speaker 1: biologically yours. So there's a lot of different ways you
49:08
Speaker 1: can discuss this, but it's not just one conversation. You
49:16
Speaker 1: really gotta talk about it in multiple layers. You gotta
49:21
Speaker 1: talk about it in multiple different ways of looking at it.
49:26
Speaker 1: So when it comes down to the no parent contact,
49:31
Speaker 1: I understand that too. But primarily the reason there's no
49:36
Speaker 1: contact with parents is because either that child stop paying
49:43
Speaker 1: or really the child got tired of the abuse and
49:48
Speaker 1: they just started pretty much just you know, now they're
49:55
Speaker 1: expressing what they've been through. So let me see if
50:01
Speaker 1: I can find one. Bear with me a second. I'm
50:05
Speaker 1: just trying to find one that I think I want
50:09
Speaker 1: y'all to listen to bear with me just one second.
50:23
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to find one that I think will
50:25
Speaker 1: be good to listen to and that way you guys
50:32
Speaker 1: can see it. So give me a second, because, like
50:39
Speaker 1: I said, the stories I listen to, they go both ways.
50:45
Speaker 1: It can be where it can be where it can
50:50
Speaker 1: be a situation where wait. Because what I'm gonna have
50:59
Speaker 1: to do is I'm gonna have to find one and
51:04
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna let you guys hear it. But I
51:07
Speaker 1: just think it's important that we understand boundaries and standards.
51:15
Speaker 1: But you'll be amazed how much damage your parents have
51:18
Speaker 1: done to you. That is the cause of why you're antisocial,
51:25
Speaker 1: why things self worth is what it is because the
51:29
Speaker 1: one thing that we do not talk about when it
51:32
Speaker 1: comes to healing and recovery is how do we really
51:36
Speaker 1: recover from the damage that we've done. Because in the
51:38
Speaker 1: Bible it does say love thy mother and thy father,
51:43
Speaker 1: but there's also a little bit more to that. So, yes,
51:48
Speaker 1: you do want to respect and love your mother and
51:51
Speaker 1: thy father, but at the same time, do you deserve
51:57
Speaker 1: to be disrespected by them? You deserve to have your
52:02
Speaker 1: self esteem, self worth, self value, your self respect, all
52:06
Speaker 1: of that broken because of that particular you know ten command. So,
52:17
Speaker 1: like I said, we have this tendency of trying to
52:23
Speaker 1: justify certain things even though they really are what they are.
52:28
Speaker 1: We try to make extenuating circumstances. Really there is no
52:32
Speaker 1: extenuating circumstances. But in the end, a lot of this
52:37
Speaker 1: wouldn't be happening if people weren't having kids at such
52:40
Speaker 1: a young age other the age twenty two, matter of
52:43
Speaker 1: fact of the day twenty five. I just think that
52:48
Speaker 1: we're rushing things. I think that we're basing our lives
52:54
Speaker 1: the on things and not being realistic. But at the
52:59
Speaker 1: end of the day, not every child is going to
53:04
Speaker 1: be the same, and you shouldn't have the same expectations
53:10
Speaker 1: for each child. Each child is different. Each child is
53:17
Speaker 1: going to be good at certain things and bad at others.
53:21
Speaker 1: And that is the thing that you have to understand.
53:25
Speaker 1: If I had two kids and my son was autistic
53:29
Speaker 1: and my other child is normal, I know I have
53:34
Speaker 1: to treat them differently when it comes to certain things,
53:40
Speaker 1: but behavior is the same across board. I don't care.
53:44
Speaker 1: I'm not going to make excuses for one because they
53:50
Speaker 1: have a disability because I'm not gonna let their disability
53:53
Speaker 1: define who they are as far as their character. So
53:58
Speaker 1: even though yes, one may have a day and it
54:01
Speaker 1: may require a lot more, that doesn't mean that I'm
54:06
Speaker 1: not going to love my other child any less or
54:11
Speaker 1: be there for them any less, because I'm not not
54:18
Speaker 1: in any shape, form or fashion am I going to
54:20
Speaker 1: do that. But if you're not ready to have kids
54:29
Speaker 1: and you still want to be young, wild and free,
54:32
Speaker 1: and you still want to, you know, live your life.
54:36
Speaker 1: I don't recommend having sex either. I don't recommend getting
54:41
Speaker 1: married until you are solid, until you can afford to
54:48
Speaker 1: take care of one child. Don't have what you can't afford. So,
54:55
Speaker 1: like I said, don't get me wrong, sex feels good
54:57
Speaker 1: and it's great, but having children is not worth it
55:03
Speaker 1: having STDs and full blown AIDS. You're not mentally ready
55:15
Speaker 1: to have kids. If this isn't the person you want
55:19
Speaker 1: to have kids with, then you shouldn't be having sex
55:21
Speaker 1: in the first place. Unless you can't have kids, then
55:26
Speaker 1: that is when you can go down. But if you
55:31
Speaker 1: know you can have kids, ain't no matter birth control, condoms,
55:35
Speaker 1: nothing gonna stand in the way of you having kids.
55:38
Speaker 1: So unfortunately, we gotta start being a little bit honest here.
55:42
Speaker 1: Most women have had a firstborn kid before they turn
55:46
Speaker 1: twenty two, and some of them before twenty five. You
55:52
Speaker 1: haven't even been out in the world yet, had any
55:54
Speaker 1: experienced nothing in the world to Yet y'all running around
55:56
Speaker 1: here haveing kids. Y'all running around here having kids like
56:01
Speaker 1: there's no consequences when it comes to having sex children children.
56:08
Speaker 1: And yet y'all get these kids and you ain't ready
56:11
Speaker 1: for them, and you're not financially ready for them, you're
56:13
Speaker 1: not emotionally ready for them, and you're not ready to
56:17
Speaker 1: sacrifice at all for them. And are we really teaching
56:22
Speaker 1: our kids life skills? No, the school systems certainly are not.
56:27
Speaker 1: You're not teaching them. You're at work eight hours a day.
56:30
Speaker 1: You're at work eight hours a day, so you only
56:33
Speaker 1: see your kid from when you get off maybe at
56:36
Speaker 1: five o'clock, from five to nine, so you're really around
56:40
Speaker 1: your kids where you're really actually spending time with them
56:44
Speaker 1: during the week four hours a day because when they
56:48
Speaker 1: get up in the morning, they're getting ready for school,
56:51
Speaker 1: you're dropping them off at daycare, then you're going to work,
56:54
Speaker 1: you're picking them up at six o'clock. You're doing homework
56:57
Speaker 1: with them, fixing them dinner, then they're going to bed.
57:00
Speaker 1: The only time you really spend time is on the weekends,
57:04
Speaker 1: and that's when you take them out, maybe take them
57:05
Speaker 1: to a movie, do something like that. Other than that,
57:08
Speaker 1: you are not around your kids enough to raise them.
57:14
Speaker 1: The reality of it is you cannot as a woman
57:18
Speaker 1: work and raise kids. We got to be honest here.
57:25
Speaker 1: We got to start being honest. You cannot raise kids
57:30
Speaker 1: without the other person. You gonna need that secondary person.
57:38
Speaker 1: You can't do it all by yourself. Now. Dog get
57:42
Speaker 1: me wrong, I raised the phenomenal child with autism. But
57:47
Speaker 1: was it easy. No. We have to stop lying to
57:51
Speaker 1: these girls and making it seem like raising kids easy.
57:54
Speaker 1: And then I see people that have three or four kids,
57:57
Speaker 1: five or cents kids and not with any of the
57:59
Speaker 1: baby decks. So we got to have these uncomfortable conversations.
58:03
Speaker 1: We can't keep glorifying this. It is not okay for
58:08
Speaker 1: young girls under the age of twenty five to be
58:10
Speaker 1: having kids. It's not okay at all. It ain't not
58:17
Speaker 1: at all. But it's a conversation we need to be
58:21
Speaker 1: honest about. We may have to go back to the
58:27
Speaker 1: days of girls and boys being abstinate, not having sex
58:32
Speaker 1: at all. We may have to because if you lay
58:36
Speaker 1: down with somebody, you get pregnant, that person decides to
58:42
Speaker 1: up and leave. You are now raising a child by yourself.
58:47
Speaker 1: You and now taking care of a kid by yourself,
58:52
Speaker 1: you barely graduated. Some of these kids are eight or
58:57
Speaker 1: nine years old having babies and don't know nothing about
59:02
Speaker 1: raising a child. And then you got kids that are
59:06
Speaker 1: in the Falster system that never get adopted, that go
59:10
Speaker 1: through so much trauma it's not even funny. Like I said,
59:14
Speaker 1: there's so many different directions you can go with this
59:18
Speaker 1: when it comes to that no child, no parent contact,
59:22
Speaker 1: there's many different ways. What about the women that just
59:26
Speaker 1: gave up their kids and abandoned their kids, left their kids.
59:29
Speaker 1: What about them the ones that basically essentially never met
59:33
Speaker 1: their parents. What about the ones that are now in
59:36
Speaker 1: cps because their parents are abusive or their parents say
59:40
Speaker 1: I no longer want to be a parent the moment.
59:43
Speaker 1: So again, there are a lot of different ways you
59:47
Speaker 1: can look at these situations, many many, many different ways.
59:53
Speaker 1: So this conversation isn't just a one sided conversation. But
1:00:00
Speaker 1: but for the parents, it's more than likely the reason
1:00:05
Speaker 1: there's no parent contact is because they never wanted the
1:00:09
Speaker 1: child in the first place, or they don't want to
1:00:14
Speaker 1: acknowledge what they did to that child, or that child
1:00:19
Speaker 1: was spoiled and entitled and turned around and pretty much
1:00:24
Speaker 1: made them regret it, meaning that they turned on them
1:00:28
Speaker 1: and now they are being violent and being disrespectful that
1:00:36
Speaker 1: or the child just don't want nothing to do with them.
1:00:41
Speaker 1: So again, I mean, it's a very touchy subject, but
1:00:48
Speaker 1: it's time that we start being real here. It's about
1:00:51
Speaker 1: time we start being honest about raising children and stop
1:00:56
Speaker 1: the lie making it seem like having children is he
1:01:01
Speaker 1: that having children at a young age is what we
1:01:04
Speaker 1: should be doing. At the end of the day, when
1:01:07
Speaker 1: it comes to no child contact and no parent contact,
1:01:13
Speaker 1: there are multiple different reasons why this has happened, but
1:01:17
Speaker 1: the main number one reason why it's happening is because
1:01:23
Speaker 1: you have a golden child and an invisible child, and
1:01:27
Speaker 1: that golden child is the one they actually wanted, and
1:01:30
Speaker 1: the invisible child is the one they didn't, or the
1:01:33
Speaker 1: invisible child they'll always say they're still trying to find themselves,
1:01:36
Speaker 1: when that's not even nowhere near. You have no idea.
1:01:40
Speaker 1: How many parents don't know nothing about their child's life.
1:01:44
Speaker 1: If something was to happen to their child. They've never
1:01:47
Speaker 1: met their friends, they never met their family, they've never
1:01:49
Speaker 1: met nobody in this person's life. They wouldn't even know
1:01:52
Speaker 1: who to contact to come to your funeral. When they
1:01:59
Speaker 1: come to know old child contact ninety nine point nine,
1:02:04
Speaker 1: it is that invisible child more than likely. So this
1:02:11
Speaker 1: conversation goes very very very very deep. It go deep.
1:02:18
Speaker 1: And like I said, the one thing that I have
1:02:21
Speaker 1: learned about social media, and that is this when it
1:02:28
Speaker 1: comes to these hard conversations and these hard truths, a
1:02:34
Speaker 1: lot of y'all don't want to hear it. You want
1:02:36
Speaker 1: to argue to the ground. Oh, I can pull up
1:02:38
Speaker 1: some receipts. So, like I said that no child contact
1:02:45
Speaker 1: can be for many different reasons, no parent concept. I
1:02:48
Speaker 1: see it from both sides, from a parent to also
1:02:54
Speaker 1: from being a child. But this conversation needs to take place,
1:03:02
Speaker 1: it does, It needs to be broken down. That's why
1:03:04
Speaker 1: this season on my podcast it is about the no parent,
1:03:09
Speaker 1: no child contact. I do want to do a panel
1:03:13
Speaker 1: on this. I do want to have a you know,
1:03:18
Speaker 1: a panel of people that are therapists, that are coaches,
1:03:24
Speaker 1: that are mentors, counselors. I would love to have people
1:03:29
Speaker 1: that would like to tell their story about the no child,
1:03:36
Speaker 1: no parent contact because this is a safe space. And
1:03:44
Speaker 1: the one thing I'm not gonna do is ever say
1:03:49
Speaker 1: that somebody's story is not valid. Every story, when it
1:03:54
Speaker 1: comes to anything you've gone through, is valid. It is
1:03:58
Speaker 1: a no judgment base platform here. I only hold you
1:04:05
Speaker 1: accountable for your actions, your behavior, your choices and decisions.
1:04:11
Speaker 1: But as far as the things you've been through, I'm
1:04:16
Speaker 1: very empathetic and sympathetic as long as it is something
1:04:20
Speaker 1: because you know you are being a good person. But
1:04:27
Speaker 1: everybody needs to understand that you're either dating an invisible
1:04:33
Speaker 1: child or you're dating a golden child. And that's why
1:04:37
Speaker 1: I said dating is a little bit more complicated. You
1:04:41
Speaker 1: cannot look at the external of a person that is
1:04:45
Speaker 1: not gonna tell you who they are. It's not gonna
1:04:48
Speaker 1: tell you what they've been through, it's not gonna tell
1:04:51
Speaker 1: you how they think and how they're gonna impact and
1:04:54
Speaker 1: affect you based on their action, behavior, choice and decisions.
1:04:59
Speaker 1: So again, we need to have some very uncomfortable conversations
1:05:02
Speaker 1: because this is not about romantic relationships because we can't
1:05:08
Speaker 1: even have that conversation until we heal the damage that
1:05:13
Speaker 1: we have been through. Even as black women, we were
1:05:17
Speaker 1: single mothers long before now. We were single mothers when
1:05:22
Speaker 1: we got here. We were single mothers when we were
1:05:24
Speaker 1: in slavery and we were strict from my husbands and
1:05:26
Speaker 1: our kids. We've been through that. There are a lot
1:05:32
Speaker 1: of women that had babies. As soon as they had babies,
1:05:34
Speaker 1: they were putting the slavery. So, you know, it's a
1:05:37
Speaker 1: lot of different things that we you know, different ways
1:05:40
Speaker 1: to look at this, different ways to skin a cat.
1:05:43
Speaker 1: But the reality of it is there are women across
1:05:47
Speaker 1: the board around the world that have been through human trafficking,
1:05:52
Speaker 1: different things like that and lost their child. There are
1:05:56
Speaker 1: millions of women that have put their children up for
1:05:59
Speaker 1: foster care and false care was worse than you keeping
1:06:02
Speaker 1: the child. So again, we need to have this conversation
1:06:08
Speaker 1: about mommy, daddy, child dynamics. It should be the first
1:06:13
Speaker 1: conversation we have before we even dip into romantic relationships, friendships,
1:06:21
Speaker 1: or anything else. We need to deal with family first
1:06:25
Speaker 1: because all of that trinkles down because once you deal
1:06:29
Speaker 1: with your family issues, mentally and psychological and emotionally and spiritually.
1:06:34
Speaker 1: When I tell you that the way the way you're
1:06:37
Speaker 1: gonna deal with other people gonna be the same way, because,
1:06:41
Speaker 1: like I said, once you once you deal with your
1:06:45
Speaker 1: family as far as how they see you, once you
1:06:48
Speaker 1: accept the fact your family ain't never gonna see you
1:06:50
Speaker 1: a certain way, it's gonna be really easy for you
1:06:53
Speaker 1: to accept rejection when it comes to everybody else. When
1:06:57
Speaker 1: you realize that these people never care about you in
1:06:59
Speaker 1: the first. When you realize that, once you walk away
1:07:03
Speaker 1: from your parents and that's what you choose to do,
1:07:07
Speaker 1: then understand, it's gonna be real easy for you to
1:07:09
Speaker 1: let go everybody else right along with it. So, like
1:07:13
Speaker 1: I said, are these journeys easy? No? Do I think
1:07:18
Speaker 1: that you know? Do I say that you completely cut
1:07:27
Speaker 1: your family off? Depends on what they did? Now? Should
1:07:30
Speaker 1: you forgive your family, Yes, you relinquish all the emotions
1:07:34
Speaker 1: when it comes to what they did. Yes. Should you
1:07:37
Speaker 1: bring them into your world if you feel like they're
1:07:41
Speaker 1: still gonna cause chaos? No, you can deal with them
1:07:45
Speaker 1: from a distance. But some some relationships just cannot be repaired.
1:07:52
Speaker 1: So you can forgive somebody and not have nothing to
1:07:55
Speaker 1: do with them at all. So when it come to
1:07:57
Speaker 1: your parents, it's the same thing. Can you make them
1:08:00
Speaker 1: apologize no? Can you make them acknowledge that what they
1:08:04
Speaker 1: did to you was wrong? No? Do people got to
1:08:08
Speaker 1: care about your feelings. No. See that's what I'm saying.
1:08:12
Speaker 1: When you go through this healing and recovery stage of
1:08:16
Speaker 1: your life, it go right back to your parents. All
1:08:20
Speaker 1: of it. Everything happened because your parents were the first
1:08:24
Speaker 1: relationship you ever had, and if you are damaged by that,
1:08:30
Speaker 1: every person you did was gonna be just like. That's
1:08:34
Speaker 1: why you've been lowering yourself for these people. That's why
1:08:37
Speaker 1: your romantic relationships ain't working because your parents where your
1:08:41
Speaker 1: first relationship as a whole. See, we got to talk
1:08:46
Speaker 1: about the platonic side of it. We always talk about
1:08:52
Speaker 1: the romantic part of it. That person didn't buy me this,
1:08:55
Speaker 1: This person didn't give me this, this person didn't do that.
1:08:58
Speaker 1: But not once do you talk about the emotional, the mental,
1:09:04
Speaker 1: the psychological, the spiritual abuse. You don't never talk about
1:09:08
Speaker 1: how this person is sitting at home all day playing
1:09:11
Speaker 1: the plane station while you're out there working. This person
1:09:15
Speaker 1: out here is spending your money, And not once are
1:09:18
Speaker 1: we having these conversations for what it is. You are
1:09:21
Speaker 1: dating a golden, spoilt, entitled child that mom and them
1:09:26
Speaker 1: don't want to deal with, and the most of them
1:09:28
Speaker 1: passing down to you, just handing them over to you.
1:09:32
Speaker 1: Some of y'all are dating them same golden children that
1:09:37
Speaker 1: YO said you had to deal with when it came
1:09:39
Speaker 1: to your sibling, you're dating another one of your siblings.
1:09:46
Speaker 1: For those of y'all that are the invisible child, like
1:09:52
Speaker 1: I said, you want to be loved so bad because
1:09:55
Speaker 1: your parents didn't give it to you, and now you
1:09:58
Speaker 1: just want to be accepted. You want to be loved.
1:10:00
Speaker 1: You wanna be liked, You want to be appreciated. You
1:10:02
Speaker 1: want to be valid. You want to be wanted. You
1:10:04
Speaker 1: want to be needed. You wanna be a part of
1:10:06
Speaker 1: some validate, approved of and proven something. Then you want
1:10:10
Speaker 1: to be captain saber Hoe, build bears, build dolls, sea
1:10:13
Speaker 1: fillers and people. Is all because that is what your
1:10:17
Speaker 1: parents groomed you to be. Post traumatic slave disorder. You
1:10:23
Speaker 1: have been a slave since you were a kid, and
1:10:27
Speaker 1: because your mom and them didn't want you, because they
1:10:29
Speaker 1: had you at a young age. They didn't want you
1:10:33
Speaker 1: because they struggled. They don't want you because the baby
1:10:36
Speaker 1: daddy is no longer the pertual. They don't want you
1:10:38
Speaker 1: because they never wanted your mama to have you in
1:10:40
Speaker 1: the first place. Can we please start being honest with
1:10:43
Speaker 1: this print? The one thing about healing and recovery, it's
1:10:46
Speaker 1: about honesty. We're gonna have to start being honest here.
1:10:49
Speaker 1: I don't care how uncomfortable it is for y'all. If
1:10:53
Speaker 1: you want here, if you want to heal and recovery anyway,
1:10:57
Speaker 1: you want to accept things for what they are. That
1:10:59
Speaker 1: is a primary thing, is not the way you want
1:11:02
Speaker 1: to be, but exactly for what it is. And you
1:11:06
Speaker 1: have to decide whether you're gonna deal with or nothing.
1:11:10
Speaker 1: But see, the only difference is now you can't pick
1:11:13
Speaker 1: your parents. You can't pick them, but you can pick
1:11:16
Speaker 1: your spouse, you can pick your friends. But the one
1:11:20
Speaker 1: thing that you don't need to do is lower yourself
1:11:23
Speaker 1: like they're your parents. Y'all are dating your parents, you're
1:11:28
Speaker 1: dating your siblings, you're dating your family members and the
1:11:32
Speaker 1: people your friends and dating. So you need to understand.
1:11:39
Speaker 1: If you don't heal from your family dynamic, then your
1:11:46
Speaker 1: romantic relationships is gonna be the same situation. You're gonna
1:11:51
Speaker 1: have somebody that's gonna treat you like a child, or
1:11:55
Speaker 1: you gonna be the parent. Why because they were spoiled
1:12:00
Speaker 1: and entitled, and now that their parents then spoiled and
1:12:04
Speaker 1: entitled them, they done handed them over to you, so
1:12:07
Speaker 1: now you're taking care of them. Why do you think
1:12:10
Speaker 1: that most women want their golden child today the rich
1:12:13
Speaker 1: man man. See see, I'm gonna go com and sense here.
1:12:17
Speaker 1: Why do you think, fellas that a mother wants her
1:12:24
Speaker 1: daughter to date a rich man? And why do you
1:12:28
Speaker 1: think for the one that's unattractive, the one that is
1:12:31
Speaker 1: the invisible child, they don't want them to be seen?
1:12:35
Speaker 1: Why do you think that is? Why do you not
1:12:39
Speaker 1: understand why most people are independent, male and female, Because
1:12:43
Speaker 1: there's always gonna be the halves and the have nots,
1:12:47
Speaker 1: the one they got the work the hardest. And that
1:12:49
Speaker 1: is also when it comes to siblings. That's also when
1:12:54
Speaker 1: it comes to step kids, half kids, it don't matter.
1:12:57
Speaker 1: As soon as the mama had as a child, they
1:13:01
Speaker 1: won't They ignore you and act like you don't exist. Yo,
1:13:06
Speaker 1: mama is taking ou on you. The fact that she
1:13:10
Speaker 1: messed up her life because she got pregnant at a
1:13:13
Speaker 1: young age by a man that didn't want her. Good
1:13:16
Speaker 1: example of this, there was a story that I was
1:13:19
Speaker 1: listening to about a young girl that had a baby
1:13:22
Speaker 1: and the father left her for another woman and basically
1:13:27
Speaker 1: left his child. Okay, she ends up, daughter ends up
1:13:33
Speaker 1: in the hospital. Father's nowhere to be found, and this
1:13:36
Speaker 1: rich man decides to help her. Right billionaire decides to
1:13:40
Speaker 1: help helps her with taking care of the medical bills,
1:13:45
Speaker 1: gives them a really nice apartment place to stay, and
1:13:51
Speaker 1: she has a birthmark on the side of her back
1:13:55
Speaker 1: where there's another woman that has another daughter that's trying
1:13:58
Speaker 1: to get him to marry her. Kind of find out
1:14:02
Speaker 1: the sisters, but they don't know yet. He ends up
1:14:05
Speaker 1: falling in love with the girl. The woman that basically
1:14:09
Speaker 1: essentially is not exactly rich, she's not exactly got money,
1:14:14
Speaker 1: but she has a good heart and she treats him well.
1:14:19
Speaker 1: So it comes out that she ends up meeting the
1:14:22
Speaker 1: woman that disrespected her, so actually her mother. So the
1:14:26
Speaker 1: one that's trying to get her daughter to marry him,
1:14:29
Speaker 1: that is her mother. So she finds out. She's devastated,
1:14:34
Speaker 1: she's upset. Ask the woman, why did you give me away,
1:14:37
Speaker 1: she said, because your dad ended up doing a heist
1:14:42
Speaker 1: and there's nowhere to be found. I was poor, I
1:14:45
Speaker 1: couldn't afford to keep you, so I gave you to
1:14:47
Speaker 1: your grandmother and I ended up leaving trying to get
1:14:51
Speaker 1: myself together. When I came back, you were gone. So
1:14:55
Speaker 1: she ended up meeting another man that got money, got married.
1:14:59
Speaker 1: She was afraid of what he was gonna say if
1:15:01
Speaker 1: he found out that she had a child that was
1:15:03
Speaker 1: out there. Blah blah blah. She had a sister. Now,
1:15:07
Speaker 1: mind you, the girl was devastated because she could not
1:15:11
Speaker 1: understand why her mother abandoned her. So no, she did
1:15:14
Speaker 1: not talk to her mother like that, and it took
1:15:16
Speaker 1: a while, but they did build a relationship, but it
1:15:22
Speaker 1: wasn't one where it was gonna be. She completely trusted her.
1:15:30
Speaker 1: She was never gonna trust it completely because of what happened,
1:15:33
Speaker 1: but there was a mutual respect there. So, like I said,
1:15:38
Speaker 1: you have movies where you see kids that find their
1:15:40
Speaker 1: adopted parents and decide they want to get paid back
1:15:44
Speaker 1: to their adopted parent because their parents left them, But
1:15:46
Speaker 1: sleeping with their husbands their wife happens all the time.
1:15:50
Speaker 1: You have the step mom that sleeps with the son,
1:15:52
Speaker 1: and the stepdadd to sleep with a daughter. I mean,
1:15:54
Speaker 1: we see this stuff all the time. So sometimes there
1:15:59
Speaker 1: is resentment. And there are some kids that come back
1:16:03
Speaker 1: and they gonna call have it to their parents. There
1:16:06
Speaker 1: are kids that unallow their parents, and their parents that
1:16:09
Speaker 1: unallow their kids. And all of this is happening because
1:16:14
Speaker 1: nine times out of ten, you either entitled your child,
1:16:19
Speaker 1: you spoilt your child, and the one time you tell
1:16:23
Speaker 1: them no, that's it, they're violent. Then you have the
1:16:28
Speaker 1: child that basically essentially mom and them don't want them
1:16:31
Speaker 1: becau daddy's not in the picture. She every time that child,
1:16:34
Speaker 1: every time you look at you, she sees your sees
1:16:37
Speaker 1: your daddy. And now you're being abused and now you're
1:16:40
Speaker 1: being essayed. Look do I need to go down the
1:16:44
Speaker 1: line with children when they're come to be in human trafficking?
1:16:48
Speaker 1: How many kids are being kidnapped when they're on their
1:16:51
Speaker 1: way home from school. You can't even let your child
1:16:55
Speaker 1: go to the bus by themselves without worrying about somebody
1:16:58
Speaker 1: trying to take your child. You got young girls that
1:17:01
Speaker 1: are being prostituted every single day because they mamas kicked
1:17:04
Speaker 1: them out at sixteen years old. So, like I said,
1:17:09
Speaker 1: I see both sides of it. Do I think that
1:17:12
Speaker 1: some kids do need to get kicked out because they
1:17:14
Speaker 1: don't abide by the rules and they need to get
1:17:16
Speaker 1: out there and have a hard knock life. Yeah, But
1:17:18
Speaker 1: I ain't saying leave them out there for two or
1:17:20
Speaker 1: three years either. But at the end of the day,
1:17:23
Speaker 1: sometimes you might want to leave them out there for
1:17:25
Speaker 1: twenty four hours just to see how they gonna make
1:17:27
Speaker 1: it out there. But that don't mean leave them out
1:17:29
Speaker 1: there forever, but just leave them out there long enough
1:17:32
Speaker 1: the way you got eyes on them that you know
1:17:34
Speaker 1: where they're at and you know that they safe. Now,
1:17:36
Speaker 1: mind you, if a child is stealing because they hooked
1:17:39
Speaker 1: on drugs, then I understand why you're kicking them out.
1:17:43
Speaker 1: But instead of kicking them out, just taking the rehab problems.
1:17:46
Speaker 1: They ain't gonna stay in rehab. If you got a
1:17:49
Speaker 1: child that constantly keep going back and forth to jail,
1:17:51
Speaker 1: I understand why you don't have contact with your child.
1:17:54
Speaker 1: I get it, But majority of that is because you
1:17:58
Speaker 1: spoiled and entitled child, or you did something to that
1:18:03
Speaker 1: child to make that child at it. So in the end,
1:18:07
Speaker 1: you always gonna have the golden child and the invisible child,
1:18:12
Speaker 1: and the invisible child is gonna be the one that's
1:18:14
Speaker 1: not gonna have no concept with their parents because of
1:18:17
Speaker 1: the abuse and how their lives have been ruined mentally, psychologically,
1:18:23
Speaker 1: Because the reason why you have a lot of overthinkers,
1:18:29
Speaker 1: those are the ones that went through the most abuse
1:18:31
Speaker 1: because their emotions didn't mean nothing. So you have people
1:18:36
Speaker 1: that when they go through something, they're immune to it,
1:18:40
Speaker 1: and even though they should cry about it, they should
1:18:43
Speaker 1: be heard about it. They're so they're so immune because
1:18:47
Speaker 1: I'm a living testament of that. I am somebody I
1:18:50
Speaker 1: could go through something and I won't cry. I brush
1:18:53
Speaker 1: it off in that like it didn't exist until the
1:18:56
Speaker 1: point I have to face it. And the one thing
1:18:59
Speaker 1: about people but myself who have been told since they
1:19:02
Speaker 1: were a kid to suck it up that your feelings
1:19:05
Speaker 1: don't matter, your ones don't matter, your knees don't matter.
1:19:08
Speaker 1: Trust me when I say this to you. When we break,
1:19:14
Speaker 1: we're the ones that will seriously hurt you because the
1:19:17
Speaker 1: aggression and all the pain and hurt that we got
1:19:22
Speaker 1: that we have not cried having dealt with, is gonna
1:19:25
Speaker 1: be taken out on, and that's why there's so many
1:19:29
Speaker 1: abused abuses out here. Most of them are most of
1:19:35
Speaker 1: them have been abused. So again, you know it's it's
1:19:39
Speaker 1: it's technical. Does it make it right. No, But when
1:19:46
Speaker 1: somebody tell you they don't been through a whole bunch
1:19:48
Speaker 1: of stuff and they trying to relinquish it, let them
1:19:52
Speaker 1: relinquish it. Let that person relinquish what they've been through,
1:19:58
Speaker 1: because sometimes that's what they need. They need somebody that's
1:20:03
Speaker 1: gonna help them to relinquish all their pain. Cause there
1:20:06
Speaker 1: are some people that have a lot of pain, and
1:20:10
Speaker 1: there are people that just keep poking at that sleeping
1:20:12
Speaker 1: bear and then next thing they know, that bear ends
1:20:16
Speaker 1: up attacking and you can't understand why that bear attacking,
1:20:19
Speaker 1: and being that that bearers attacking, that bear is not
1:20:23
Speaker 1: gonna stop attacking until you stop moving. So again, don't
1:20:28
Speaker 1: look at somebody because they look like they're a nice
1:20:31
Speaker 1: person and it seems like they don't have nothing going on,
1:20:35
Speaker 1: or make it seem like they're fine because they're smiling.
1:20:38
Speaker 1: That does not mean they're fine. Some people can smile
1:20:41
Speaker 1: and make people believe it everything is fine, and it's not.
1:20:46
Speaker 1: It's not fine at all. Not in any capacity, is
1:20:50
Speaker 1: it okay? Not at all. So I just want people
1:20:56
Speaker 1: to understand that there's no parent contact goes very deep
1:21:05
Speaker 1: for some people. For some people it is justified why
1:21:09
Speaker 1: they don't talk to their parents. It is absolutely justified,
1:21:14
Speaker 1: and for others it's not. Now for some Now, one
1:21:20
Speaker 1: thing I will say is if you're gonna not gonna
1:21:26
Speaker 1: talk to your parents, that's fine, you ain't got to,
1:21:31
Speaker 1: but you do want to make sure they're still living.
1:21:34
Speaker 1: You do want to make sure they're still breathing. Now,
1:21:39
Speaker 1: if they on their deathbed or they got cancer and
1:21:43
Speaker 1: are they going through something, do you want to go
1:21:49
Speaker 1: and be there for them, Yes you should. But when
1:21:54
Speaker 1: it comes down to them asking you for money or
1:21:58
Speaker 1: asking to use you or take advantage of you, the
1:22:00
Speaker 1: answer is no. But should you forgive them for yourself? Absolutely?
1:22:07
Speaker 1: I tell people, don't forgive people for them, forgive them
1:22:11
Speaker 1: for you. Now they continue the nonsense after that, then
1:22:16
Speaker 1: you don't the first time. Yeah, go ahead on and
1:22:20
Speaker 1: forgive them. But if they continue to do the same nonsense,
1:22:24
Speaker 1: then yes, walk away from them and never speak to
1:22:26
Speaker 1: them again. But still you still want to make sure
1:22:32
Speaker 1: your parents are Okay, I'm not saying get involved. I'm
1:22:39
Speaker 1: not saying that if you've been taking advantage of by
1:22:43
Speaker 1: anybody that you continue to give them money. I would
1:22:47
Speaker 1: never say that. But if that person has cancer and
1:22:51
Speaker 1: they're fighting for cancer, do you go over there and
1:22:55
Speaker 1: you take care of them as far as you know,
1:23:00
Speaker 1: taking them to doctor's appointments, stuff like that, making sure
1:23:04
Speaker 1: all their affairs in order. Yes, but don't make it
1:23:09
Speaker 1: where you're paying somebody's rents and there's no contracts in place.
1:23:14
Speaker 1: Now you don't pay nobody. You don't give nobody no
1:23:17
Speaker 1: money if there's not no contracts in place, and do
1:23:19
Speaker 1: not give if it's over fifty dollars, make them sign
1:23:22
Speaker 1: a contract. Twenty and fifty dollars. You ain't gonna you're
1:23:25
Speaker 1: not gonna lose nothing over it. But anything over fifty
1:23:28
Speaker 1: dollars you need to get a contract in place. So again,
1:23:33
Speaker 1: if it ain't your responsibility, don't get involved. So again,
1:23:38
Speaker 1: to parents use their kids. Absolutely, do parents take advantage
1:23:42
Speaker 1: of their kids the same way a man and a
1:23:43
Speaker 1: woman take advantage of you in a romantic relationship and friendship.
1:23:46
Speaker 1: Same thing we're talking about the platonic side of all
1:23:50
Speaker 1: relationships are the same. It does not matter. If it's
1:23:53
Speaker 1: your parents, it does not matter. If it's your friends,
1:23:56
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. If it's your employees, your managers, your friends,
1:24:00
Speaker 1: it don't matter. The platonic side of every relationship is
1:24:04
Speaker 1: the same. It does not matter. So the way your
1:24:09
Speaker 1: parents treat you will be the way you allow everybody
1:24:13
Speaker 1: else to treat you. So if you're spoiled and entitled,
1:24:18
Speaker 1: you don't want everybody else to take care of you
1:24:20
Speaker 1: like your parents did. So if you're dealing with somebody
1:24:23
Speaker 1: don't want to work, that's because their parents made them
1:24:26
Speaker 1: that way. Their parents made them lazy. See a lot
1:24:29
Speaker 1: of times women talk about it all the time, how
1:24:32
Speaker 1: they'll meet a man that don't want to work and
1:24:34
Speaker 1: they talk about why, And then you have men asking
1:24:38
Speaker 1: why do women end up with bums? Will guess what,
1:24:40
Speaker 1: there's a female version of bums as well. So I
1:24:45
Speaker 1: just wanted to come on here and have this conversation.
1:24:48
Speaker 1: I was gonna do a panel, but they didn't show up,
1:24:51
Speaker 1: so I'm not gonna worry about it. But the next
1:24:54
Speaker 1: time I do this, it will be a panel of
1:24:56
Speaker 1: professionals up him. But I just want people to understand
1:25:00
Speaker 1: that there are many different reasons why this happens, And
1:25:06
Speaker 1: like I said, you know, sometimes it is justified why
1:25:09
Speaker 1: the parents don't have nothing to do with the child,
1:25:12
Speaker 1: and it is just fire while the child don't have
1:25:14
Speaker 1: nothing to do to parents. But in the end, like
1:25:18
Speaker 1: I said, in most cases, it's the invisible child that
1:25:21
Speaker 1: don't have nothing to do with their parents. The golden
1:25:24
Speaker 1: child don't want nothing to do with them because the
1:25:26
Speaker 1: parents stop giving and stop doing for them and finally
1:25:31
Speaker 1: stand up to them. That's why they don't have nothing
1:25:33
Speaker 1: to do with them. For the parents, it can be
1:25:36
Speaker 1: because the fact that that child is not listening, the
1:25:39
Speaker 1: child wants to do what they want to do. But
1:25:41
Speaker 1: then again that's entitlement. You go right back to that
1:25:46
Speaker 1: that soft parenting. It doesn't work. I don't know why
1:25:49
Speaker 1: people think soft parentsing work, because it doesn't. So I
1:25:52
Speaker 1: just wanted to come on here and just have this
1:25:54
Speaker 1: conversation about this. But like I said, you know, the
1:25:58
Speaker 1: one thing that I have have absolutely learned that I
1:26:02
Speaker 1: take with me about social media is I really am
1:26:08
Speaker 1: starting to think that people really don't want to heal.
1:26:14
Speaker 1: I think people like I think some people like chaos,
1:26:16
Speaker 1: I really do. I think some people like chaos. But
1:26:20
Speaker 1: then again, like in the Bible says, you put something
1:26:23
Speaker 1: out there, those who are meant to come will come.
1:26:26
Speaker 1: But there are a lot of people that like chaos,
1:26:29
Speaker 1: they like destruction, They want to see somebody else's destruction.
1:26:35
Speaker 1: We are in a crazy world. We really are a crazy,
1:26:39
Speaker 1: crazy world.
1:26:40
Speaker 2: And yet they want people to keep having cues, but
1:26:43
Speaker 2: yet can't afford them. So, like I said, welcome to
1:26:46
Speaker 2: the wonderful world of walking contradictions. Our whole entire world
1:26:50
Speaker 2: is a walking contradiction. I learned that alone time ago.
1:26:54
Speaker 2: And when you deal with a world, there's a walking
1:26:56
Speaker 2: contradiction that pretty much means that everything is not real.
1:27:01
Speaker 2: It's siren, it ain't real. So, like I said, until
1:27:06
Speaker 2: things stop contradicting itself, until people start, until people stop
1:27:11
Speaker 2: making excuses and seeing things for what they truly are,
1:27:15
Speaker 2: not what they really wanted to be, and people will
1:27:18
Speaker 2: stop trying to disrespect other people and stop trying because
1:27:23
Speaker 2: you're on some James Scott Fair and I want what
1:27:25
Speaker 2: I want, and I want it.
1:27:26
Speaker 1: Now, the world will be a very different place. But
1:27:29
Speaker 1: being that people want what they want, they don't care
1:27:31
Speaker 1: who they hurt, They don't care who they destroy. They
1:27:33
Speaker 1: don't care what chaos or destruction they bring somebody else
1:27:37
Speaker 1: or life. They don't care nothing about what they steal
1:27:40
Speaker 1: or what they take. All it is is I want
1:27:43
Speaker 1: what I want and I want it now, and that's
1:27:45
Speaker 1: just it. And if anybody stays in a way, I'm
1:27:47
Speaker 1: gonna get rid of you and I'm gonna do everything
1:27:49
Speaker 1: I can to destroy you. It's sad, but that's people's
1:27:53
Speaker 1: mentality nowadays. Nowadays, I'm gonna take what somebody else has.
1:27:57
Speaker 1: Now it's I'm gonna live off somebody else and lead
1:27:59
Speaker 1: you somebody else, a life out of somebody else. So,
1:28:03
Speaker 1: like I said, this stuff just trickles down to everybody
1:28:06
Speaker 1: else in your life. So when it comes to platonic relationships,
1:28:10
Speaker 1: and conclusion to this conversation, when it comes down to
1:28:16
Speaker 1: platonic relationships, they're the same across the board. It doesn't
1:28:20
Speaker 1: matter who it is, parents, siblings, friends, romantic relationships, jobs,
1:28:28
Speaker 1: you don't know, celebrities, don't matter. It's all the same.
1:28:32
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. And like I said, when you stop
1:28:34
Speaker 1: thinking there's a difference between your family and your spouse,
1:28:38
Speaker 1: because it ain't not. When it comes to platonical the
1:28:41
Speaker 1: problem is we don't talk about the platonic relationships. We
1:28:44
Speaker 1: only talk about the romantic. We don't talk about how
1:28:48
Speaker 1: friendships and family and romantic relationships are pretty much one
1:28:53
Speaker 1: of the same, and the people you work with and
1:28:55
Speaker 1: work for it's pretty much the same. So no relationship
1:29:00
Speaker 1: is really different except sexual. That is on the difference
1:29:04
Speaker 1: and how much you love everybody in your life, that's
1:29:11
Speaker 1: the point to all of this. So you're committing infidelity
1:29:15
Speaker 1: every time you are with someone else that ain't the
1:29:19
Speaker 1: person that you're supposed to be with. I spend a
1:29:22
Speaker 1: lot of time with my mom and my man asking
1:29:24
Speaker 1: me why do you always spend some time with your mom?
1:29:27
Speaker 1: Why you always with your family all the time? Your
1:29:29
Speaker 1: friend always asking you why you always were the other
1:29:32
Speaker 1: friend all the time? Your man asking you why you
1:29:35
Speaker 1: always with your friends all the time you always want
1:29:37
Speaker 1: to hang out with them all the time, or a
1:29:39
Speaker 1: vice versa. So anytime you're with other people, you're committing
1:29:43
Speaker 1: in fidelity. Anytime that you're you're not with the person
1:29:49
Speaker 1: that is your spouse, then yeah, it will always be
1:29:53
Speaker 1: that issue where you're spending time with somebody else and
1:29:57
Speaker 1: the other person is mad because you're spending time that
1:30:00
Speaker 1: is not a man woman romantic relationship thing that isn't
1:30:04
Speaker 1: everybody thing. Because you can have a woman that you
1:30:07
Speaker 1: think of more like a mother than your own mom.
1:30:11
Speaker 1: You can have somebody you think of more like a
1:30:12
Speaker 1: father than your own dad, somebody you think of more
1:30:15
Speaker 1: like a sister than your own sister. So, like I said,
1:30:18
Speaker 1: you could have people that you think that are that
1:30:21
Speaker 1: are way more closer to you than your own biological family.
1:30:26
Speaker 1: You can have somebody like y'all say, and he's romantic
1:30:28
Speaker 1: when y'all be cheating on your wives and your husband,
1:30:30
Speaker 1: your girlfriend and your boyfriend, and y'all say, well, this
1:30:33
Speaker 1: person makes me feel things that you don't feel. Well,
1:30:36
Speaker 1: guess what. That's the same thing when it comes to
1:30:38
Speaker 1: everybody else in your life. So if you have a
1:30:40
Speaker 1: friend and y'all been friends for years, and all of
1:30:43
Speaker 1: a sudden that person starts, stops hanging out with you,
1:30:46
Speaker 1: don't hang out no more. Guess what. The same way
1:30:48
Speaker 1: you feel in that situation the same way you feel
1:30:50
Speaker 1: when it comes to your romantic relationship. The only difference
1:30:54
Speaker 1: is you're having sex with that person. That's it. Other
1:30:57
Speaker 1: than that, the botonic side of the relationship as a
1:30:59
Speaker 1: whole are the same. So anytime that your mama is,
1:31:03
Speaker 1: you know, hanging out with other kids and considering them
1:31:06
Speaker 1: more like children than you, then you'll say the same thing,
1:31:09
Speaker 1: how is it that you think of these people more
1:31:14
Speaker 1: so than you think about me as your daughter or
1:31:17
Speaker 1: your son. It happens all the time, So, like I said,
1:31:22
Speaker 1: I get it. I understand, But I just wanted to
1:31:26
Speaker 1: come on here because I was supposed to do a
1:31:28
Speaker 1: panel but they didn't show up. But it's fine. I'm
1:31:32
Speaker 1: not even mad about it. I don't even get mad
1:31:34
Speaker 1: when stuff like this happened. But I knew the show
1:31:37
Speaker 1: had to go on, so I wanted to go ahead
1:31:39
Speaker 1: and do it because I'm gonna post this on my podcast.
1:31:42
Speaker 1: So I just want to thank y'all for joining me
1:31:44
Speaker 1: for this episode. I hope this episode helped out for
1:31:50
Speaker 1: those of y'all that came in, even though some of
1:31:53
Speaker 1: y'all on TikTok didn't stay that longe. Like I said,
1:31:56
Speaker 1: I pay attention to everything. If I was to up
1:31:59
Speaker 1: and disappear, I will have people text to me telling
1:32:01
Speaker 1: about where are you? We ain't seeing you in a minute.
1:32:06
Speaker 1: Why am I gonna sit up here and keep doing
1:32:08
Speaker 1: social media and I'm sitting up here talking to myself.
1:32:11
Speaker 1: Luckily this is going on my you know, my vocal podcast,
1:32:16
Speaker 1: so you know, and I'm building my new channels anyway.
1:32:22
Speaker 1: So at the end of the day, like I said,
1:32:25
Speaker 1: you know, people claim they want solutions, they want to
1:32:31
Speaker 1: fix problems, but they still keep going back to the
1:32:35
Speaker 1: same behavior. So I'm starting to wonder if that's really
1:32:38
Speaker 1: the case. Is it really about temporary solutions for a
1:32:40
Speaker 1: temporary period or is it about permanent solutions. That seems
1:32:44
Speaker 1: to be the question. So with that being said, I
1:32:47
Speaker 1: love y'all. I appreciate y'all. If y'all want one on
1:32:51
Speaker 1: one coaching, we want to be a guest in my podcast,
1:32:54
Speaker 1: or be on one of my panels, webinar seminars, or
1:32:57
Speaker 1: if you just want to tell me how this podcast
1:33:00
Speaker 1: as helps you. With all three of the podcasts, you
1:33:03
Speaker 1: minding your own business from darkness to light, No, yeah,
1:33:09
Speaker 1: from darkness to light, my YouTube channel being led to
1:33:12
Speaker 1: the slaughter and then also the old universe knew you
1:33:18
Speaker 1: with self respect leads to self love and you minding
1:33:22
Speaker 1: your own business. So that's where all that's where you'll
1:33:25
Speaker 1: be able to find all of these these videos and
1:33:28
Speaker 1: so if it resonates on any of the podcast, please
1:33:32
Speaker 1: email me at a s H A dot M A
1:33:35
Speaker 1: r I A M A zero one at gmail dot com.
1:33:38
Speaker 1: That's a s H A dot M A r I
1:33:42
Speaker 1: A M A zero one at gmail dot com. Also,
1:33:46
Speaker 1: if you want to sponsor my channel or you will
1:33:49
Speaker 1: need to promote products, you can email me there as well.
1:33:53
Speaker 1: And with that being said, I love y'all. I appreciate y'all.
1:33:57
Speaker 1: Without y'all, there is no me. I'd mean nothing else
1:34:00
Speaker 1: nothing without y'all. Friday, I have a conversation with someone
1:34:04
Speaker 1: about being gay and being a pastor. That's gonna be interesting.
1:34:09
Speaker 1: So yeah, we're gonna ask you to the podcast where
1:34:12
Speaker 1: we'll be discussing being your true self and being who
1:34:16
Speaker 1: you truly are and accepting who you truly are. So
1:34:20
Speaker 1: for all of you out here who are gay and
1:34:23
Speaker 1: lesbians and you don't feel that you are accepted and
1:34:28
Speaker 1: you feel like that no one understands you, this conversation
1:34:32
Speaker 1: applies to y'all as well, because the gay community is
1:34:36
Speaker 1: the number one community that goes through with the worst
1:34:39
Speaker 1: when it comes to not being accepted for who they
1:34:41
Speaker 1: truly are, and I think this conversation that we're gonna
1:34:44
Speaker 1: do on Friday, that I am going to post sometime
1:34:50
Speaker 1: this week, probably Sunday, I definitely want you guys to
1:34:54
Speaker 1: hear it because, like I said, you know, a lot
1:34:57
Speaker 1: of people are hiding the real versions of themselves and
1:35:01
Speaker 1: hiding who they truly are. So I definitely feel like,
1:35:07
Speaker 1: you know, it's a conversation that needs to be had
1:35:12
Speaker 1: because there's too many people that are not being who
1:35:15
Speaker 1: they truly are. So with that being said, I love y'all.
1:35:18
Speaker 1: I appreciate y'all. Without y'all, if there is no me,
1:35:21
Speaker 1: I'll be nothing without y'all. I just wanted to have
1:35:24
Speaker 1: this conversation because I feel like it needed to be had.
1:35:28
Speaker 1: I will be doing the season about the Golden Child
1:35:32
Speaker 1: versus the Invisible Child, and the difference is between the
1:35:35
Speaker 1: way that both of them are treated the no child,
1:35:38
Speaker 1: no parent contexts, So I'm really excited about that. But
1:35:42
Speaker 1: please don't think I'm being mean, because I'm not. I'm
1:35:44
Speaker 1: just being honest. I'm just being real. I can't be
1:35:47
Speaker 1: any other way. But that being said, I will see
1:35:50
Speaker 1: you guys later. Have a very good day until tomorrow,
1:35:54
Speaker 1: because I gotta do my from darkness to light and
1:35:57
Speaker 1: this weekend. I love y'all. I'll see y'a later. Bye guys.
1:36:38
Speaker 2: H