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You Need to Forgive Yourself and Move On · Healing with Purpose

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to another episode of Healing with Purpose, a place where we share our ugly naked truths with the sole intention of ascending into our higher self.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to talk about something that I actually have never really publicly talked about because so much shame was around this topic.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: But before I dive into that, the most important thing that I want you to get out of this is the importance of forgiving yourself.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Before I share with you my ugly naked truth, I want you to take out your journal, or if you're on a walk, I want you to pause me and open up your notes app and answer this question.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Where in your life do you need to forgive yourself?
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you made a mistake in a past relationship and you haven't allowed yourself to forgive yourself.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so you keep attracting more toxic partners.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you weren't the kind of parent that you wanted to be, and now it's impacting the relationship with you that you have with your kids now.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have some form of addiction history or dependency, and you beat yourself up every time you slip.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it might be, literally pause me.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to ask yourself, where do I need to forgive myself?
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: When we talk about healing, it's not just about healing to heal, right?
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about understanding all of our traumas.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked about this a million times because being aware is one thing, but actually moving through the framework, the soul ascension framework, to quantum leap into your next level self, that's a completely different thing.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I grew up as someone that strived to be as perfect as I could be.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: I never spoke back to my parents, my coaches, my teachers.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: I did my best to get the best grades, to do well in soccer.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: I befriended everyone that I met.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: It was really important to me to be good.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you're also a recovering perfectionist who also found their worth by being good.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are, please know that I see you, I hear you.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: I had to go through quite a journey of releasing the idea that perfection was a thing because it's not.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: And as humans, we are going to make mistakes.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really important that we forgive ourselves for the mistakes that we have made.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: When I was in my early mid-20s, I was arrested for a DUI.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I've shared this before, but I never shared what happened next.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: What happened next was beyond something that I ever could have really imagined myself to be.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: I spent the next almost two years beating myself up every single day.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Not only did I have to accept the fact that I did something wrong.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: I drove after drinking, but I also hit somebody.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: And although everyone walked away safe, that truth haunted me for years.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: It haunted me.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: I had essentially convinced myself that I had murdered someone and that I was deserving of being punished forever.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I remember my lawyer was supposed to be meeting with the judge on my behalf.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: And one day I got a call from my lawyer and he said, Hey, I wasn't able to move forward with the case.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna have to come into the courtroom.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: The judge needs to see you.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I was mortified.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Said, why does he need to see me?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: I thought you could you could be there on my behalf.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: He says, He wants you to stand before the courtroom and acknowledge what you've done.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember telling my lawyer, I can do that, no problem, because there's no judge nor parent that can punish me more than I am already punishing myself.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: But still, when I look back, that public acknowledgement of my wrongdoings was important.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: I understand why we did it.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is the thing.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: When we make mistakes, some of us we don't even acknowledge that we've made a mistake.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: And if that's you, this is an invitation to explore where could you have been better?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're still in the denial phase, which means you haven't even become aware of the mistake that you made.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: So you need to scale it back one.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: But today, I specifically want to speak to those of us that do acknowledge our mistakes.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe, like myself, you have continued to beat yourself up for that same mistake.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you are someone who was unfaithful in a past relationship and it costed you this perfect person.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so now, because you haven't moved through that, acknowledged it, taken action towards being someone different, you just continue to attract cheaters or liars or narcissists, or maybe you continue to engage in the same types of behaviors that lost you that last relationship.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're someone who wasn't the kind of parent that you wanted to be.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: And acknowledging that you could have done things differently is actually keeping you from exploring and deepening the relationship that you have with your kids now.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're someone who's been on a celibacy kick and you failed and now you're beating yourself up and feeling like God is punishing you.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know your story because everybody is different.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: But what I will say is that if you actually want to move into ascending into your higher self, you have to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you have made.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: The turning point for me was about two years after my arrest.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: And how that looked, by the way, was continuously binge drinking because I thought I was worthless.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, not actually putting myself in any position to date anybody credible because one of the comments that my ex had made during this time was, well, this is the reason I'm not in love with you.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's because you got to do I.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I used that as validation that, oh, nope, I'll never be loved because I made this mistake.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I was speaking so poorly to myself.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was telling myself that I was worthless.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: I was telling myself that this was the beginning of my downward spiral that was never going to go back up again.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I was harming myself in many ways, physically, mentally, emotionally.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what my two years looked like.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: But the turning point for me was actually through a conversation that I had with pretty much a stranger at that time.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: I was at this party in San Diego, and there was a guy there that was pretty much sitting in the corner and just visibly upset.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: He wasn't drinking, he wasn't really engaging with anybody, he was just in the corner, upset.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I asked my friend, why is this guy here?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: And like, why is he just so upset?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: She said, Oh, you didn't hear?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: She says, He just got arrested for DUI.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: And the girl that he was with, she's now in the ICU.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it was in that moment that I felt so called to have a conversation with him.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so I asked him if he wanted to chat outside.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And we ended up talking for 20, 30 minutes, and I shared with him my story that had happened two years prior.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: I said, listen, the reality is you're going to have to face whatever punishment is coming your way.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And you need to accept that.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: We did something wrong, and there are consequences to doing things that are wrong.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: I told him that it was gonna cost him a lot of money.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: It was going to cost him a lot of his time, potentially, and that a lot of people around him may have strong opinions about what happened.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: He looked at me and he said, I know.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: I know all this is happening.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: At this point in time, he didn't know the status of this woman's health.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that was something that I could relate to.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Although my circumstance wasn't this extreme, I had convinced myself, a story that I had quite literally off someone.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: I had convinced myself that I literally was a murderer.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I was beating myself up for that every single day.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: So what he was expressing to me, I could deeply resonate with.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Well, all we can do is pray over her.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: All we can do is pray over her.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: But one thing that you should hear is that the longer that you punish yourself, the longer that you wait to forgive the mistakes that you made, the harder your life will be.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And he just started crying and he gave me a hug.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And as far as I know, he's actually sober today.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: And helping other men move through their addiction.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: But it was in that conversation that I realized me telling him these things was really me telling myself the things that I needed to hear.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't about ignoring the problem that we had made.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: It was about acknowledging that we created a problem, acknowledging where we messed up, but not staying there.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: What we actually needed to do, and what I ultimately ended up doing just in that conversation, was take action towards being someone different.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Take action towards doing things that were different.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Take action towards having conversations with other people saying, hey, don't do this.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Learn from my mistakes.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Or hey, if you already did this, this is what you can prepare for.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is how you can move through it.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: These are the resources that you can, you know, look into.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Take action towards like obviously not making the same mistake again.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: You'll never find me drinking and driving ever again.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, when I go out, even if I have no intention of having a drink, I still will call a car.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because I anchored in a new identity.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: I anchored in the identity of someone who doesn't put my life or others' lives in danger.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: But that only was able to come after I took action towards releasing the shame, releasing the guilt.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Some of us don't acknowledge our problems at all.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: And some of us, we overanalyze it.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: We over-acknowledge it so much so that we end up being in a state of fear or shame or guilt forever.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: And my invitation to you is to not do either.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's to acknowledge where you have made your mistakes and then take action towards doing and being someone different.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you continue to take action towards being someone different, eventually you've anchored in a completely new identity.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: You're no longer someone who inserts that same mistake.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that's how you know you've actually ascended into a higher being.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to ask you where in your life have you been holding on to guilt, to shame?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Where are you still beating yourself up for the same mistake?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: You are deserving a forgiveness.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: And if you actually want to enjoy this game of life, then you need to learn how to forgive yourself because it's important.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's not bypassing the mistakes that you've made.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's not ignoring the problems that you've created, it's facing it head on and then taking action towards being someone different.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to go back to that journal that question that I asked you at the beginning.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Where in your life are you still beating yourself up?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Where in your life can you forgive yourself?
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: What mistakes do you make from the past can you actually release?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because you cannot step into a new identity while still holding on to past pains, past grief, past shame.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because all you're doing is reliving a story that's already ended.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: And no one benefits from that.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to continue to be a part of conversations like this, then I invite you to hit the subscribe button or drop a comment if this resonates.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to remember that forgiveness is your birthright.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: And some of us, we can forgive others quite easily, but we don't often forgive ourselves.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: And both can be very damaging.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: So do the journal prompt, answer the question, and I'll see you on the next one.