Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Naming the Villain: And Choosing a Better Story | Wholehearted Identity #2

Transcript

Naming the Villain: And Choosing a Better Story | Wholehearted Identity #2 · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I remember a season in my early motherhood when I had two little ones under two, and I was tired, bone tired.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: My plans were always getting derailed.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: My house never felt like mine.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: There was never enough sleep, time, or money.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: And deep down, I just felt resentful.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't just resentfulness at the circumstances.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was resentful towards my kids.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: I honestly could not have admitted that at the time, but I did carry around a low-grade frustration that my kids were limiting me.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: They were holding me back from what I wanted in life.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: I remember snapping over something really small and trivial, like someone smelling a snack or not napping when I really needed a break.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: And the volume of my response, it didn't match the moment.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't just about the goldfish on the floor.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was about the unspoken grief in me that I hadn't named.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: That same season, I lived with the subtle but constant fear that my husband was going to change his mind about me, that he would get tired of providing, that he would wake up one day and realize he had made a giant mistake.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of trusting, I braced.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: I read into things.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: I picked fights when there wasn't anything wrong because I was preparing myself to be abandoned, just in case.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now looking back all of these years later, I can see it clearly.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was operating like a villain in my own story, trying to control the things that I was afraid to feel.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't evil, I wasn't cruel, but I was self-protecting.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: And in that state, I hurt the people I loved.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: I withheld softness, I built walls, I told myself that I was being wise, but really I was operating in fear.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want to invite you into that same kind of self-examination.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Not to bring about shame, but to help you break free.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because your story doesn't end with a hardened heart.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: There is a better way.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: So welcome back, my friend, to the whole hearted identity series.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Last episode, we talked about what it means to be a victim and how Holy Lament invites us to bring our pain to God instead of getting stuck in it.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: And today, in this conversation that I get to have with you, I am turning towards the shadowed side of the story, the moments when our pain turns into protection and our protection turns into control.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to talk a little bit about the villain within, how it forms, how it shows up in everyday life, how it shows up in our personality type, and how the gospel invites us out of self-deception and back into healing.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast with Amy Wicks, your wholehearted life and business coach.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: You should know this podcast will inspire you to grow in self-awareness, be passionate about your faith, and get clear on your calling.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you are new here, then welcome to a community of multi-passionate women who love to go deep on topics like faith, Enneagram, relationships, leadership, and community.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: This conversation might provide the step you need to make the change you desire.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get started.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so let's talk about what actually makes a villain.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Not the Disney kind, right?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Not the cartoonish kind, but the kind that shows up in our real, everyday lives.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: In every story, whether fiction or faith, villains don't typically start out evil.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: They start out wounded.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: They're people who are once victims themselves, but instead of healing, they choose control.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: And in my work with clients and my own reflection, I've noticed three kinds of villains.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: This first type of villain we'll call the garden variety center.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's the person who messes up, but when they see the truth, they feel conviction.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: They repent and they work on making it right, like repairing and restoring.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you've probably been there, right?
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: You realize you've overacted, you own your tone, you circle back and say, hey, I'm so sorry, that was not okay.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that would just fit in this, you know, first category.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: But today we're going a little deeper and beyond this idea of the garden variety center or villain type one.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, the second type of villain is harder to spot and much harder to live with.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's the hardened villain, the one who refuses to acknowledge wrongdoing.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: They deflect, justify, and live in a chronic state of self-deception.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: They might say all the right words, but their actions or their follow-through just aren't lining up.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: They can't tolerate conviction.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: They won't listen to feedback.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: And unknowingly, because they are in a state of self-deception, they're hardening their hearts to the voice of the spirit.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: In scripture, we might see this kind of person outlined in Jeremiah 8.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: No one repents of their wickedness, and each pursues their own course like a horse charging into battle.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, that's kind of a heavy one.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: All right, and then there's the third kind of villain.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: This is the most damaging and honestly a little bit terrifying.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Likely this isn't going to describe you, but I have a purpose for sharing it.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: This is the destructive villain, the one who isn't just self-deceived, but is actively committed to control, humiliation, or harm.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just self-protection, it's manipulation, it's domination, potentially spiritual or emotional abuse.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, on the outside, others might see them as together and they look polished.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: They might even quote scripture.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: But underneath is a hunger for power, not healing.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it goes beyond the self-deception category.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is kind of heavy, right?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: I get it.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: And trust me, as an Enneagram seven, this is not the topic I want to be staying long on, but I want to invite you to consider that you may have had moments of being villain number one.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe on a daily basis, right?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: And perhaps you've even, if you're really honest, have flirted with the edges of villain number two.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: I know I have.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: But the good news is you don't have to stay there.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: The gospel doesn't leave you in your self-deception.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: It invites you out.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: But first, you have to be willing to look.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so if a villain is often someone living in response to unhealed pain, what keeps them there?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: In a word and in short, it's self-deception.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: I've mentioned it a few times, and we're going to unpack that a little bit more because scripture actually has a lot to say about self-deception.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 14:8 says, The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, wise people reflect.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: They pause, they look inward, they ask hard questions, and they might even invite others to help them ask those hard questions.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: But foolishness is living without reflection.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's telling yourself a story that isn't true and then refusing to question it.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now, there's lots of scriptures, as I mentioned, that talk about self-deception.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just going to highlight two for now, but James 1 has so much to say about it.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I think there is four or five mentions or topics around self-deception within just that first chapter.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: But this verse in particular, anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and then immediately forgets what he looks like.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: But self-deception is like that.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know what's true, you've heard it, and maybe you've even taught it to others.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: But if you don't let that truth or the scriptures shape your actions, you're forgetting who you are.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: You live from fear, from control, and you're just reacting, not living in your beloved identity and responding from that.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's continue to unpack self-deception versus self-awareness.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'll try to do this as simply as possible.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what self-deception could look like in your day-to-day life.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's like one of those magnification beauty mirrors.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the kind, the one that shows everything, even when you don't want to see.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: I remember, oh, good five years ago, a conversation with my sweet pastor's wife and friend.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And she told me, Amy, once you turn 40, you need to get a magnifying mirror.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: I smiled and nodded, but in the back of my mind, I was thinking, like, oh my gosh, she's trying to tell me that I have chin hairs here at church that I didn't see and I missed.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, not too long after that, I was on a trip and the hotel room had one of those mirrors.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, it was a little bit horrifying.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I immediately hopped on Amazon and ordered one for myself because y'all, the things I saw there, it was horrifying and hilarious.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the truth: I never travel without that mirror now, because that mirror helps me see what I would have completely missed otherwise.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what self-awareness is.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's choosing to look.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not to obsess or shame yourself and look for the imperfections, but it's to actually see what's there and what needs to be taken care of, right?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it's as us ladies should say, and what to tweeze, not pluck, right?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I really derailed this, but here's how I would describe the difference in real life.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Self-deception sounds like this.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm fine, this is just how I am.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Or I'm just an Enneagram, whatever.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's just how I do things.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Self-deception might also look like avoiding hard feedback.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: They shirk back, they're not asking people for feedback, or they seem to tune it out when they get it because nothing changes.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: And perhaps if they give feedback, they react defensively and maybe even numb out unemotionally.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Again, that tuning out.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Self-deception can also look like refusing to pause long enough to examine the pattern, or ultimately refusing to see the pattern.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And self-deception can look like living on autopilot while telling yourself, is this totally normal?
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is fine.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: But our invitation to a biblical view of self-awareness sounds like, okay, what's really going on in me?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: What's really underneath this reaction?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: A self-aware person is going to stay open to feedback, even if it's hard to deal with at first and you might need some time to process it, you're willing to receive it, to hear it, and apply it if necessary.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: A self-aware person also learns how to name emotions without letting them run the show.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is really key.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Self-deceived people can name emotions because they're really apparent.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: But if they're just letting it dictate how they react and how they engage with others instead of working through them, acknowledging them, processing it properly, there's a big difference there.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Self-aware people also allow safe people in.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it kind of goes back to that feedback idea.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to let everybody offer feedback, but it is important to have a few people, kind of like our wholehearted table series outline.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: A few people be speaking into our lives no matter what season we're facing.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: And last but not least, a biblical self-awareness approach in life is choosing growth even when it's uncomfortable.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Going back to that magnifying mirror, it's not necessarily comfortable to be looking in that, but you better believe I'm glad, and so is everybody else, that I go ahead and look in it.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, friend, I'm so glad that you are laughing with me, right?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And a last little note here about self-awareness.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's not going to often be the loudest voice in the room.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: It is likely the one that will quietly tell the truth.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because the goal isn't shame.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: That is not how the Lord works.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's called clarity and conviction because that is the beginning of freedom.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: My goal with this conversation and this episode is I want you to stop running from self-deception in case that is you.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you're doing that in several areas of life where you are walking in awareness, but you maybe still have one or two things that could use a little bit more magnification.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: I really want you to live completely and wholly free in your true identity in Christ.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, of course, you've been probably here long enough, or the reason why you're here is because you know I love using the Enneagram.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: It is a tool for deeper self-awareness.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing that I don't always like to talk about, but is super important, is the unhealthy patterns that we can find within our Enneagram and personality types, and the fact that the Enneagram tool can help us understand our shadow side and give us that awareness that it might be taking over or causing us to live in ignorance and self-deception that is hurting others.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, every personality type has a villain story that they're capable of living if fear and ego are in the driver's seat.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Each personality type has a specific fear they are trying to manage.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: And when that fear isn't named or healed, it can turn into a voice inside that starts writing the story for you.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I call it the inner villain voice.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: I kind of want to do something fun here, like the inner villain voice.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, bad attempt, but you can get what I'm saying.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Have that own sound in your head as I walk through this because I want to talk about each Enneagram type.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the point of doing this is I want you to listen closely.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Tune in.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: I know sometimes it's easy in these episodes that's just solo and it's not a conversation to tune out a little bit.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to look for a line that you may have believed.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like here's something that you might recognize.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Again, this isn't about condemnation.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: The goal of naming that villain voice isn't shame, it's clarity because clarity is where transformation begins.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm going to start with the Enneagram four.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: And the four, as you might know, feels deeply, beautifully, and profoundly.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: But pain can become an identity.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: You might withdraw, spiral, or believe that no one else could possibly understand.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you might make sure that they don't.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: The villain voice says, No one sees me.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just going to retreat.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to make sure that you feel what I feel.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now the type five protects their energy like a bank account.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that is wise.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: But in fear, you may retreat into isolation.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: You could pull back, stop engaging, and start believing that people are just too much.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: So you withhold even from those that you care about.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: The villain voice says, I don't owe anyone access.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: You're asking too much.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now, my Enneagram 6, your gift is loyalty, steadiness, and vigilance.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: But when fear takes the wheel, you are bracing for disaster constantly.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: You second guess others, project motives, and sometimes push people away before they even have the chance to let you down.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: The villain voice might say, I can't trust anyone, so I have to prepare for the worst and make sure you don't let me down.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: My type 7 friend, you do bring energy and optimism.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's often contagious.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: But when pain starts knocking, you might bolt.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: You reframe, distract, entertain, anything, but stay in the hard stuff.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: And others can feel left behind in the process.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: The villain voice says, let's just move on already.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have time for your heaviness.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: And friend, you can do this towards yourself and you can also do it towards others.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: I just might say this from a place of knowing and understanding.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you're an Enneagram 8, you're strong, intuitive, productive, protective.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: But when fear of betrayal kicks in, your strength turns into control.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: You bulldoze, you intimidate, you lead with power instead of presence, and it leaves others walking on eggshells.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: The villain voice says, I'll never be weak again.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'll win no matter what it costs.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now, my Enneagram 9 friend, you do carry peace into rooms.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's your superpower.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: But when conflict hits, you disappear.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: You go quiet, you check out, you tell yourself it's not worth it.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: But that silence, it can hurt more than words ever could.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: The villain voice says, it's not worth it.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'll just disappear.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: Enneagram one, when you're under pressure, you might try to control everything, believing if it's not done right, it'll all fall apart.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: The inner critic turns outward, and suddenly you're the judge and the jury, and no one can do it quite right.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: The villain voice says, if everyone just did it the right way, my way, this would be fine.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: As in Enneagram 2, you love deeply, but when you feel underappreciated, resentment starts to creep in.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Your giving turns into guilt tripping.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of saying what you need, you expect others just to know.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: The villain voice says, After I've done everything for you, how dare you not meet my needs.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Last but not least, my Enneagram 3 friend, you do want to succeed, and you're really good at adapting.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: But in villain mode, image becomes everything.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: You avoid vulnerability, you wear the right mask, and you believe that if people saw the real you, it wouldn't be enough.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: The villain voice says, as long as I look successful, I'm safe, even if I have to fake it.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, I know that's hard.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: The truth is the villain voice always speaks from fear.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: I do have good news though for you.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: You can rewrite the script.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the first step is recognizing who's been narrating your story.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: And that, my friend, is the beginning of freedom.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to take a moment right now, pause, maybe even pause the audio after I ask the question, or just keep driving and listening and thinking.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to pause and ask yourself, where might the villain voice be showing up in my life?
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: Is it blame, control, resentment, withdrawal?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: And what would it look like if I stopped trying to defend the pain and start naming it instead?
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: Again, as you answer that question and take a minute to reflect, I don't want you to be judging yourself or condemning yourself.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to find liberation and giving language to what's really going on inside.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you see it, you can change it.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: And the next chapter of your story, it won't be written by fear.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: It'll be written with freedom.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, just a reminder: calling out the villain within doesn't mean that you are the villain.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: It just means you're brave enough to name what's not working and brave enough to let grace and mercy do its work.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: Remember last episode, the first one in this series, we talked about that fork in the road for every victim.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: How we can either stay stuck, turn bitter, or step forward in healing.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: The same fork exists here.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: The villain can keep building walls, or they can surrender the script and become the hero.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: We'll be talking more about the hero in the next episode, but I don't feel like it can leave you hanging here because this is a choice moment.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you've done some reflecting and you're finding a little bit more villain within than you imagined, I just want you to ask yourself do you want to stay here?
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: Is it worth being self protective or defensive?
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you Can I humble myself at least before God?
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Repent and look into what might it be to become the hero of my next chapter.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Again, this isn't about perfection or mustering something up or bootstrapping.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's just about repentance.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's the decision to name what's broken and surrender to God, saying, make me new.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: I've walked this journey too, my friend.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: There are conversations I wish I could redo, words I wish I could unsay, walls I wish that hadn't been built so high.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: But do you know what I've learned?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: When you're willing to admit I've been wrong and I want to change, the grace of God does not meet you with condemnation.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: Grace meets you with open arms and a better story.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: Here's also something important that I want you to know.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to stay stuck living in regret.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: As followers of Jesus, the only one thing we're called to grieve is sin.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: And even that, it's covered by grace.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: So we don't regret, we repent, we repair where we can, and we look for the ways that God might redeem what's been lost.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's what he does, that is who he is.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: And the good news is your story isn't over.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now, before I close here, I want to offer one more thought that I think is important for you.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because you may have been listening and wondering about the people who have played the villain in your story.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: And friend, that does matter.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: Those wounds are real, and those stories need healing too.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: This episode and really the whole conversation over these four episodes, it isn't about excusing the ways others have hurt you.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because you may have had real villains in your story, people who abused power, caused harm, and never apologized.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: That matters, and those stories deserve to be honored and held with care.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: But this episode in particular is about owning the part that you can change, reclaiming your agency just like you did about the moments that you have been a victim.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because the whole hearted journey, spoiler alert, isn't about fixing others.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's about letting God change you.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's about saying, Lord, here's my part.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm ready to grow.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: And in the end, something that I've talked to many of my clients about is that you can't force someone else to see their part or to change.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: But when you take action and step into repentance and healing, and when you move from self-deception to transformation, you get to become a living invitation.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: It is the coolest thing.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I see it work again and again because you aren't controlling others, but you become living proof that freedom is possible.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: You make it attractive, you make it inviting, it's magnetic.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not because you're suddenly perfect, Lord knows, but because you are becoming, you're becoming more like God's original design and his intention for you.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes when you choose to heal, it gives others permission to begin their own journey.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: That is the power of going first, my friend.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this episode may have taken you a little off guard, right?
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you tuned in thinking, ooh, I mean, I hope I named it correctly by naming the villain within, right?
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe you're hoping to better understand the villains in your own life.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I think some of this could bring that moment about, but it may have stirred something up in you.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: Again, you might be feeling a little squirmy about all the things that we talked about, or maybe things came to mind that you go, oh, shoot, I wish I hadn't done that, or that was me for a time, or maybe you've been struggling with it now.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to take this moment to do a breath prayer.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: And ultimately, you don't even need to do anything or say anything aloud, just breathe along with me.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: And these words that I'm sharing are based on scripture and let that sink into your mind and your heart and your body.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: Inhale.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not defined by my defenses.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: Exhale.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: I choose humility and healing.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Inhale.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: Christ is in me.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: Exhale.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to stay stuck.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: Again, if you want to go a little bit deeper, I encourage you to take a few minutes to maybe write out that breath prayer or go back to the reflection question that I had for you and just begin to name and see where fear or pride has crept in.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: I know you are ready to choose healing over hiding.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, you wouldn't be listening.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so I want to invite you to continue this process.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: Coaching is not about fixing yourself, it really is about walking with someone who will hold space for honesty, accountability, and transformation.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: I love doing this with each and every one of my clients and each and every one of my wholehearted coaches as well.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is why we have an ongoing community because we never get done doing the work.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: It is a wholehearted journey for a reason.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: It is ongoing and continuing.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: If you want support like that, again, someone who will hold space for honesty, accountability, and transformation, just get your clarity call scheduled through the link in the show notes.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps it could be your first brave step toward freedom.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to be the villain in your story.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: And even if you've played the role for a while, it's not too late to lay it down and choose a better way.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: You are seen, you are loved, and you are certainly not beyond transformation.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: And now that we've officially tackled a couple of the harder parts of our story, I'm really excited to let you know that next week is going to be all about becoming the hero and saying yes to the call.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: As you can imagine, I am really excited to share that conversation with you.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: And until then, my friend, this is the heartbeat of Simply Wholehearted.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: We are all broken, we are all blowing it.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: But the brave one, she does something about it.