Latest / Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50 / WHATEVER HAPPENED TO RESILIENCE? AN OVER 50 HOT TAKE

Transcript

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO RESILIENCE? AN OVER 50 HOT TAKE · Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50

• 1:03
  Welcome to Uncluttered and Unfiltered, the podcast urging
• 1:07
  you to let it go and don't look back.
• 1:10
  We've nationally acclaimed professional organizer Christine
• 1:13
  Stone and self-proclaimed Hot Damn Mess radio and TV
• 1:17
  personality Eden Kendall. Welcome everybody to Uncluttered
• 1:24
  and Unfiltered were the podcast for women over 50.
• 1:27
  We've got opinions. Yes, we do, as usual.
• 1:31
  As usual and but I kind of want to give a little bit of a
• 1:33
  disclaimer before we start this episode.
• 1:35
  And that is, please understand that there is no part of this
• 1:39
  episode that is meant for you to think that therapy when called
• 1:43
  for right isn't needed isn't an excellent.
• 1:48
  Option right? Absolutely.
• 1:50
  When it's really merited, yes. And and it doesn't even have to
• 1:53
  be merited. Everyone could benefit.
• 1:55
  From that I agree. What we're getting AT and, and
• 1:58
  we're not going to explain it to you ourselves, we're going to
• 2:00
  actually play video that I came across and I just spoke to me
• 2:04
  and this gentleman's name is Jayvon Cross.
• 2:08
  He is on TikTok as Jayvon Cross TV and on Instagram as Jayvon
• 2:13
  Cross under score. And I wanted to do that because
• 2:16
  the way I found his video was somebody literally had just
• 2:18
  pirated it and just was using it as their own.
• 2:21
  So I had to really do research to find out who originated it.
• 2:24
  So I have his permission for us to share it with you.
• 2:27
  If you're watching us on video, you'll be able to see it.
• 2:30
  Everyone else, you'll be able to hear it.
• 2:31
  Take a listen. You don't need a therapist.
• 2:33
  You need to stop acting like life is a medical condition.
• 2:36
  Bad days aren't trauma and feeling loss isn't a disorder
• 2:39
  and not getting your way. That's not oppression.
• 2:42
  That's Tuesday. People have started diagnosing
• 2:44
  normal struggles like their psychological crisis when in
• 2:47
  reality life comes with stress, setbacks and uncertainty.
• 2:51
  That's not dysfunction, and that's just being alive.
• 2:53
  Therapy has its place, but so does resilience.
• 2:55
  At some point you have to stop overanalyzing every
• 2:58
  inconvenience and start handling things like a functional adult.
• 3:01
  Because resilience isn't outdated, it's just rebranded as
• 3:04
  toxic positivity. Resilience.
• 3:08
  Everything being a disorder, everything triggering you,
• 3:12
  everything being offensive, It's so rampant.
• 3:17
  Oh, it's it. Well, I think social media has a
• 3:21
  lot to do with that because they feed off each other.
• 3:25
  You know what I mean? It's they feed off each other.
• 3:27
  When we started this podcast, we said we never want it to turn
• 3:30
  into something where we're just bashing the youth of today.
• 3:33
  I mean, we might be grouchy old ladies, but we're certainly not
• 3:36
  here to to say. But I think social media, I
• 3:40
  think that there are people of all ages that have fallen into
• 3:42
  this pattern of you can't say that to me or I'm I'm, you know,
• 3:49
  suffering because I was neglected or a sister or that
• 3:53
  one. When a lot of times it's kind of
• 3:56
  that whole rub your dirt on it for lot, rub some dirt on it and
• 3:59
  just suck it up. Let's be resilient.
• 4:02
  So you know, you say you agree. So.
• 4:05
  You've seen it right? So I like when he says bad days
• 4:09
  are not trauma. I, I honestly think that is part
• 4:13
  of the issue. Bad days are bad days.
• 4:15
  There's always tomorrow, Tomorrow's going to be a good
• 4:18
  day or maybe an OK day. But somewhere along the line,
• 4:22
  every day supposed to be fabulous, every vacation
• 4:26
  supposed to be fabulous, every relationship in your life is
• 4:29
  supposed to be fabulous. You know what I mean?
• 4:32
  I just, it's not reality. It's not reality.
• 4:36
  And I love when he says resiliency is being marketed as,
• 4:43
  you know, toxic positivity. There's nothing wrong with
• 4:47
  brushing yourself off and moving on.
• 4:50
  Should you face up to things in your life that have been
• 4:53
  traumatic? Of course, Should you?
• 4:56
  If you are suffering from anxiety or depression, seek help
• 5:01
  from your doctor. Find out if you should be on a
• 5:03
  medication 100% behind you there.
• 5:06
  But what we're really talking about is these moments where
• 5:10
  people are are on the Internet and self diagnosing.
• 5:15
  Self diagnose everything. Everything.
• 5:18
  And someone is either they're obsessed with it or they are
• 5:24
  compulsive, when maybe what they really are is driven and
• 5:26
  ambitious. Let's just put it this way.
• 5:29
  I got on the three ingredient bagel TikTok trend and made the
• 5:35
  bagels. The reason why I'm saying this
• 5:36
  it it's like toxic. It's like they they get you into
• 5:41
  things you're. Suggestible.
• 5:42
  You're suggestible. Like I'm like, after about
• 5:45
  seeing 30 women make 3 ingredient bagels, I had to make
• 5:48
  them. Yeah, I'm like, I had to.
• 5:50
  So whether it's skin care or medical advice or you're
• 5:55
  depressed or Boomers hate Gen. Xers or Gen.
• 5:59
  Xers think Boomers or psycho, whatever it it is.
• 6:03
  Everybody has some sort of issue with something now.
• 6:07
  OK, I want to put a pin in the bagel thing because I want to
• 6:09
  try to guess the ingredients, so just hold on to that.
• 6:12
  But I see what you're saying. You're saying if everyone's
• 6:14
  making three ingredient bagels now you feel driven to do that?
• 6:18
  Wouldn't it be the same if everybody has some kind of
• 6:21
  disorder? Wouldn't you then feel like you
• 6:24
  also should have a disorder? Oh, the minute I see somebody
• 6:28
  say my hair's thinning, I, you know, I'm breaking out and this
• 6:33
  is what's causing, I'm like, maybe I have that, like maybe I
• 6:36
  have that disorder. Like, yes, it's suggestive.
• 6:40
  And then the people that probably really have something
• 6:42
  wrong with them are ignoring some of it.
• 6:45
  And they're the ones that really should go to the doctor.
• 6:48
  But there's so many hypochondriacs going on right
• 6:51
  now because I, I can say you get, you have to limit yourself
• 6:55
  like a timer on that kind of stuff because the rabbit holes
• 6:59
  you can go down on some social media will drive you crazy.
• 7:03
  And there's really no winning in some of these situations because
• 7:08
  I saw a video where the young lady is complaining because
• 7:12
  every time she turned around, her mother was there.
• 7:15
  She looks into the audience when she's doing a recital, there's
• 7:18
  her mother in the front row. So basically this mother's
• 7:21
  showing up for her, right? But now she's a helicopter mom,
• 7:24
  and she's overbearing because she's showing up for her
• 7:26
  daughter, right? And then there's the whole
• 7:28
  narcissistic parents. Yes, it's a thing.
• 7:31
  It's 100 percent of thing, but it's not everybody's.
• 7:34
  But everybody, everybody's story now is they have a narcissistic
• 7:39
  parent. Everybody.
• 7:40
  I'm like how could that be I? Mean.
• 7:43
  I'm pretty sure the statistics are like one out of 20 people
• 7:47
  maybe. Right.
• 7:48
  And then everybody's being gaslit, everybody.
• 7:52
  I mean, there's all these trigger words that everyone's
• 7:55
  saying now and you're like, am I being gaslit?
• 7:59
  Like you start to like, go what? Wait, what?
• 8:02
  So it's just to me, it's suggestive in your brain, some
• 8:07
  of these things that if you didn't have social media, you
• 8:11
  wouldn't even be think. You wouldn't even know what half
• 8:13
  the stuff means even, you know what I mean?
• 8:16
  So I think there's no way to go backwards.
• 8:19
  This is my philosophy. So how could there be some
• 8:23
  policing going forward? And it can't be by the companies
• 8:26
  because they're making too much money off of you.
• 8:29
  So you have to police yourself. You have to limit it to 5
• 8:34
  minutes a day or stay off of it for a few weeks and see how much
• 8:38
  better you feel. Because I do believe that.
• 8:40
  You're talking about social media, staying off of that.
• 8:42
  Yeah, absolutely. Because as he was saying, you
• 8:45
  know, OK, today was bad. And he also said life comes with
• 8:49
  stress, setbacks and uncertainty.
• 8:52
  Not not for the younger generation.
• 8:54
  You have a set back, an uncertainty.
• 8:57
  I mean, it's it's the end of the world, right?
• 9:00
  I mean, you know, but we had them all the time.
• 9:03
  And you just like you said, picked yourself up and said, I
• 9:06
  have to move on. Whether you got fired from a job
• 9:09
  or not in the sorority you wanted to get into or whatever,
• 9:14
  it was you, you cried right about it.
• 9:16
  And then you picked yourself up and you moved on.
• 9:18
  A boyfriend you broke up with or broke up with you.
• 9:21
  Now everything is I need to like stop and like go into a hole and
• 9:29
  think about it. It's like we don't have time for
• 9:31
  that. Life is so short.
• 9:33
  It is so short. It's so short.
• 9:35
  And again, you know, and I, I think I'm, let's look at how,
• 9:39
  how I am right now, so concerned that people are going to listen
• 9:43
  to this the wrong way and, and think I'm not, you know, I know
• 9:46
  you're not. But that's the thing.
• 9:48
  I mean, I saw something the other day that, you know,
• 9:50
  sometimes the things that I see on social media that have to do
• 9:54
  with resiliency, with dealing with things are actually spot
• 9:57
  on. And the girl was saying that the
• 9:59
  phrase was don't let that mean to, if something to the effect
• 10:05
  of don't let it mean so much, don't give it as much meaning.
• 10:09
  And it was things like, which boots should I wear today?
• 10:12
  And then you're thinking about it and thinking about it.
• 10:15
  Don't give it as much meaning because it doesn't mean
• 10:17
  anything. It's literally not a big deal.
• 10:19
  Stop belaboring every decision. Stop second guessing.
• 10:23
  Every step you take. Stop.
• 10:26
  And stop getting offended over. Stop reading into what other
• 10:30
  people say. Be offended because I somehow
• 10:33
  don't know how got on the algorithm of where the younger
• 10:39
  generation is complaining about their parents not wanting to be
• 10:44
  with their grandkids 24/7 and babysit them and do it.
• 10:49
  And it's like become a battle right between.
• 10:53
  And it's so sad because I think what the younger generation
• 10:57
  doesn't understand is the older generation is still working.
• 11:01
  They're a lot of people are not all retired.
• 11:05
  They're still working. They and also I saw someone say,
• 11:09
  you know, I raised my kids. I stayed up nights late, you
• 11:13
  know, when everyone was sick. I did my job.
• 11:16
  Yes, I love grandchildren. I love my grandchildren, but
• 11:20
  you're tired. You're tired from raising your
• 11:23
  own family. And so to have these two
• 11:25
  generations fighting like this, I just, I, I had to.
• 11:30
  Are you sure you weren't just being a narcissist?
• 11:32
  To put yourself first. A narcissist putting myself
• 11:35
  first. Exactly.
• 11:36
  And so I just think it's silly that younger generations want
• 11:44
  the older generations to be something that when they're our
• 11:48
  age, they're not gonna be either.
• 11:49
  But they don't know that until they're our age.
• 11:53
  So until you have the experience and knowledge of what it takes
• 11:58
  to get through, I mean, their kids are little, get through the
• 12:02
  teenagers and then get back to me, you know what I'm saying?
• 12:04
  You know, talk about timing. It's funny because when my
• 14:03
  daughter has had two breakups that were devastating to her,
• 14:07
  devastating to me on her behalf. And The thing is, I remember
• 14:12
  going through breakups and they are terrible, but I never
• 14:15
  thought they were more than just heartbreak.
• 14:16
  I mean, I didn't think they were more than they were.
• 14:19
  Because you couldn't track them. Yeah, you now you can track your
• 14:24
  ex-boyfriend. You could track his friends.
• 14:26
  You could. I've never seen anything like
• 14:28
  this in my life. You can see what they're doing
• 14:31
  yourself, right? You can see what they're doing
• 14:33
  on social media, right. If they don't block you.
• 14:36
  I mean, it's it's. Really.
• 14:37
  They block you. That's.
• 14:39
  Disturbing. That's disturbing in itself
• 14:40
  right there too. And then you go down the rabbit
• 14:43
  hole of why did they block me? I wasn't, was I stalking him is
• 14:46
  his friend thing, you know, and it just is so unhealthy.
• 14:50
  And you used to be able to get a good dig in now, but now
• 14:53
  everybody is labeling it passive aggressive.
• 14:55
  It used to be you could lay a little, you know, OK, it must be
• 14:59
  nice, right? Your point was made.
• 15:02
  Everyone knew where you stood. You weren't really being passive
• 15:04
  aggressive. You knew 100% that that person
• 15:06
  got your meaning right. But now it's like, say what
• 15:09
  you're going to say. Right or which you?
• 15:11
  Do anyway you say what you're going to say?
• 15:13
  I can't help but I'm a Leo. There you go.
• 15:19
  But I I thought he was spot on and I see a lot of what he's
• 15:23
  saying on other people saying the same thing.
• 15:27
  I think people are just tired of it.
• 15:29
  I mean, they're just worn. Out because you can't help
• 15:32
  someone who is beyond consoling. Because the world is against
• 15:38
  them. Because.
• 15:39
  Or the world's telling them it's OK to sit in your house.
• 15:43
  And wallow in your grief. Wallow in a breakup or wallow in
• 15:47
  whatever, you know, you didn't get the job back in our day.
• 15:51
  And I know people hate older people saying that, but I don't
• 15:55
  even remember. Yeah, OK, I might have said to
• 15:58
  my mom or dad, oh, we broke up, but I would have never expected
• 16:03
  them to care, right, do anything about it to, you know what I
• 16:08
  mean? It just you had to move on
• 16:11
  yourself. There was not a lot in the 70s,
• 16:14
  at least of my generation, where they were.
• 16:17
  Going to my mom certainly didn't lose sleep over the way I have,
• 16:21
  right? I mean, I've literally have lost
• 16:23
  sleep, right? Every time just because I'm
• 16:26
  feeling her feels. And why am I feeling her feels?
• 16:28
  Because I get the phone calls all day long in the text.
• 16:31
  And I finally had to say, you got to stop texting.
• 16:34
  Me, but that's where I. I think we.
• 16:36
  Have done a disservice. We I'm saying me and you, yes,
• 16:39
  correct, because I feel like we were way too involved in in the
• 16:45
  good parts, but also every part. Trying to fix things.
• 16:49
  Trying to fix things and not have them hurt and feel hurt or
• 16:54
  pain. And I think that's a disservice.
• 16:56
  I blame myself, you know? I think there's and there's so
• 17:00
  much language in the workplace and in the in the family
• 17:07
  scenario and just amongst your friends.
• 17:09
  There's so much language there that we just didn't have right
• 17:13
  to label every emotion, to label everything that somebody goes
• 17:18
  through. All right.
• 17:19
  And the most important thing we want you to take away from this
• 17:22
  episode is, is it flour, water and eggs?
• 17:26
  What's in the bagels? Oh, OK.
• 17:28
  So no eggs by the way. OK, One Cup flour, 2 teaspoons
• 17:35
  or tablespoons of baking soda, no baking powder, and then One
• 17:42
  Cup cottage cheese. Or you can get a little crazy
• 17:46
  and do 1/2 cup cottage cheese, 1/2 cup yogurt.
• 17:48
  I have not done the yogurt. I've only done.
• 17:50
  That because you're not that crazy.
• 17:52
  Crazy. So I have to say, best bagels
• 17:56
  I've ever had. Stop it.
• 17:57
  Really. Because I think I made these
• 17:59
  beans in the air fryer. Did you make them in the oven?
• 18:02
  Or in the oven, 375 for 28 minutes.
• 18:05
  Oh my gosh. Look what you get from this
• 18:07
  podcast. It's incredible.
• 18:09
  I go do it again. Baking powder, Baking soda?
• 18:13
  No. Baking powder 2 teaspoons OK
• 18:17
  baking, which is the one that you don't use to disinfect
• 18:20
  things like pour down the drain powder.
• 18:23
  So baking soda is the one that goes down the drain.
• 18:26
  OK, so it's baking powder. Powder.
• 18:28
  OK, One Cup flour. OK, One Cup cottage cheese.
• 18:33
  Now it'll be like gummy and you'll be like, this isn't
• 18:36
  right. You just have to mix, put it in
• 18:38
  a ball. You get it in a big ball and you
• 18:40
  cut it into fourths, like in half and half again, roll it in
• 18:44
  a ball. And then you stick your little
• 18:46
  finger in the middle and you make the bagel.
• 18:47
  Oh my gosh, that sounds like something you one day do with a
• 18:52
  grandchild. I am.
• 18:54
  I'm going to put chocolate chips in it though.
• 18:56
  Oh. My gosh, look at you.
• 18:59
  So that sounds like something good.
• 19:01
  As long as we're listen, it's a podcast, so we can go wherever
• 19:03
  we want. So I want to talk about cottage
• 19:05
  cheese as the new. Ingredient.
• 19:07
  Oh, I'm obsessed, I mean. Do we're going to help you right
• 19:10
  now because we're going to talk about this so that your phone
• 19:13
  takes you off of the disorders algorithm and puts you onto the
• 19:16
  cottage cheese. Algorithm.
• 19:18
  Because you will love it. People are using the emulsifiers
• 19:22
  and adding flavors and freezing it like ice cream and it's good.
• 19:25
  This morning I had eggs and cottage cheese mixed together
• 19:28
  all together. Oh, like scrambled.
• 19:30
  Yeah, all, but it mixed it all together like it didn't keep it
• 19:34
  separate. I eat cottage cheese with fruit
• 19:37
  with a little honey on top. I eat it all the time.
• 19:39
  My. Grandmother used to eat to eat
• 19:42
  it every single day. For lunch, be a grandma thing,
• 19:46
  remember? Yeah.
• 19:47
  And the only grandmas would serve you cottage cheese.
• 19:49
  Cottage cheese was for your grandma's who wanted to be on a
• 19:52
  on a diet. If you're on a diet, it's a diet
• 19:55
  food. It was a diet food.
• 19:56
  Now it's a protein food. Right.
• 19:59
  And there are so many ways to use it.
• 20:01
  Yeah. So that's a plus.
• 20:03
  See, we're not just going to complain.
• 20:05
  We're going to actually educate. On Bagels.
• 20:09
  All right, so, so really the, the thing that I know is going
• 20:14
  to happen because we've had this conversation, because my phone
• 20:16
  is sitting across the room listening to this conversation
• 20:19
  is now I'm going to be met with all kinds of videos about people
• 20:22
  who are telling me that if you're eating cottage cheese,
• 20:26
  you're falling prey to big cottage cheese because it's a
• 20:30
  disorder and blah, blah, blah. This is what we're talking
• 20:32
  about. Not everything is a problem you
• 20:35
  can have. You can.
• 20:36
  Is that good culture? Yeah.
• 20:38
  Cheese. That's the one I use.
• 20:39
  It has probiotics or prebiotics or so It's really, I don't think
• 20:45
  it's, I don't think it's a fad. I think it's here to stay.
• 20:48
  But there are all of these influencers out there that are
• 20:51
  like, if you're thinking too hard about what you're eating,
• 20:54
  that's because you have a disorder and it's.
• 20:56
  Not Oh, I think it's a good thing to think.
• 20:59
  I mean, yeah, it's quick and easy.
• 21:01
  I'm all about the quick and easy.
• 21:03
  You can just scoop it out, put a few berries on it and call it a
• 21:07
  day. I think it's more about
• 21:08
  convenience for me. I agree.
• 21:10
  I agree because, and you know what?
• 21:12
  I just read an article about how a a snack with protein, yeah,
• 21:16
  before bed will help you sleep better.
• 21:19
  So cottage cheese was number one on the list of things to eat
• 21:23
  right before you go to sleep at night.
• 21:25
  Wow. Yeah.
• 21:26
  So try it. Let us know.
• 21:29
  I don't know. Anyway, so, so there it is Once
• 21:31
  again, his name is Jayvon Cross. We really enjoyed that clip.
• 21:36
  And hey Ryan, could we hear that again?
• 21:39
  Could we see and hear that again one more time?
• 21:41
  Our our director here, Ryan is going to replay it for us.
• 21:44
  Let's listen. You don't need a therapist.
• 21:46
  You need to stop acting like life is a medical condition.
• 21:49
  Bad days aren't trauma and feeling loss isn't a disorder
• 21:53
  and not getting your way. That's not oppression, that's
• 21:55
  Tuesday. People have started diagnosing
• 21:57
  normal struggles like their psychological crisis, when in
• 22:00
  reality life comes with stress, setbacks, and uncertainty.
• 22:04
  That's not dysfunction, that's just being alive.
• 22:06
  Therapy has its place, but so does resilience.
• 22:09
  At some point you have to stop overanalyzing every
• 22:11
  inconvenience and start handling things like a functional adult.
• 22:15
  Because resilience isn't outdated, it's just rebranded as
• 22:18
  toxic positivity. I love it so much when he goes
• 22:21
  not getting your way as an oppression.
• 22:23
  It's a Tuesday. Right, exactly.
• 22:25
  It's a Tuesday, I mean. My goodness.
• 22:29
  Well, well, if if you see a clip like that on social media or
• 22:32
  something that just makes you feel like it, it's worthy of
• 22:35
  discussion, let us know. Be sure to reach out to us on
• 22:38
  all of our social pages. We're everywhere on uncluttered
• 22:41
  and unfiltered. And of course, we have our
• 22:43
  ladies Only Facebook group that you can join and that's on
• 22:46
  Facebook under Uncluttered and unfiltered Ladies Only.
• 22:50
  Please share us with at least one friend today.
• 22:52
  We would greatly appreciate that.
• 22:54
  And and until we meet again, remember, if you know life is
• 23:00
  getting you down and things haven't gone exactly the way you
• 23:03
  wanted it to, you can let it go. And don't look back.