Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why do narcissists always make things WORSE.

Transcript

Why do narcissists always make things WORSE. · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful people.
• 0:01
  Today we're going to be talking about why narcissists don't just
• 0:05
  apologize when they know they're in the wrong, when they know
• 0:08
  they've wronged you in every single way possible.
• 0:11
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:13
  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to the
• 0:15
  another episode of the Narcissist Code.
• 0:35
  So boom, welcome back, folks. Welcome back, welcome back.
• 0:37
  That's the question of the year, isn't it, Lee?
• 0:39
  Why do they always make things worse?
• 0:41
  That's the question I had wrote down by how do you formulate
• 0:43
  this to talk about narcissism, narcissistic people, right?
• 0:45
  Toxic people. Like why do narcissists always
• 0:48
  seem to make things worse? And they when they could just
• 0:50
  apologize and get over it and you think things can possibly
• 0:54
  move forward, why the hell they don't?
• 0:56
  They don't just open their mouths and just release it.
• 0:58
  Release you, right. Why don't they just release you?
• 1:01
  Bet you like not not release you.
• 1:03
  Why don't they just apologize like an adult and try to move
• 1:07
  forward? Why don't they just do that,
• 1:08
  Lee? Why, why?
• 1:09
  Why? Tell us why you talking too
• 1:11
  much? See you, You just it's just
• 1:12
  empty space. Talk, Lee, talk.
• 1:15
  Calm down, goo ghouls. Fraba God, No, but like it
• 1:22
  really. Yeah.
• 1:23
  It really is a phenomenon, isn't it?
• 1:25
  Like narcissistic people know the difference between right and
• 1:29
  wrong. A lot of people don't seem to
• 1:32
  believe that when I say that they know that they are doing
• 1:35
  you wrong. Well, Lee, how do I, how do you
• 1:37
  know that? Because why they hide it?
• 1:40
  Yeah. Why do they hide the stuff that
• 1:41
  they do? Why do they, why they, why they,
• 1:44
  when they apologize to you online, why are they not
• 1:47
  mentioning the mentioning the things that they have done, the
• 1:51
  things that they've, you know, the things that they've gotten
• 1:54
  away with this, that type of stuff right there.
• 1:56
  Why are, are not, why aren't they doing that?
• 2:00
  You know what I mean? Because they know it's wrong.
• 2:02
  They know it will ruin their reputation.
• 2:03
  They know it will make them look bad.
• 2:05
  So no, they're not going to do that type of stuff.
• 2:07
  No, they're not going to give you the benefit of that.
• 2:09
  No, they're not going to do this and do that.
• 2:11
  This is the type of stuff that they will do, right?
• 2:13
  This is the mentality, this is the mindset behind narcissistic
• 2:17
  people, right? This is what they do like, But
• 2:19
  why don't they just apologize? Because the apologies hurt.
• 2:23
  And this is going to sound, this is going to sound unbelievable.
• 2:25
  Let me preface that it's going to sound unbelievable, but
• 2:28
  apologies hurt. They really, if you ever seen a
• 2:32
  narcissist try to apologize to you, they will.
• 2:34
  They can damn. They have a physical reaction to
• 2:37
  apologizing to you. They damn, they can have a
• 2:40
  literally, literally a physical reaction to apologizing to you
• 2:45
  or something like that. They can.
• 2:46
  You've seen a narcissist try to apologize to you and they just
• 2:48
  start sweating and crying and doing everything but
• 2:50
  apologizing. It hurts vulnerability.
• 2:53
  Apologizing require like true authentic apologies require a
• 2:56
  certain level of vulnerability within them, right?
• 2:59
  So if they're trying to apologize to you, if they're
• 3:02
  trying to apologize to you, then it's they're not going to be
• 3:06
  like, it's hard to be vulnerable without being, it's hard to
• 3:08
  apologize without being vulnerable.
• 3:10
  So if I apologize to you, I don't have to be vulnerable.
• 3:13
  And most narcissists lack the ability to be truly vulnerable
• 3:15
  and authentic. So that's why that's one reason
• 3:18
  why they make things worse. They would rather just you try
• 3:19
  to get over it. They would rather try to scare
• 3:21
  you and they would rather try to scare you into being angry and
• 3:25
  afraid of them. They would rather do that type
• 3:27
  of stuff right there. This is what they would rather
• 3:29
  do as opposed to just apologizing to you and giving
• 3:32
  you what you want and meeting you halfway or something along
• 3:35
  those lines, right? This is what they would rather
• 3:37
  do than to just say I'm sorry. They would rather just literally
• 3:42
  just mess with your head and do stuff like this to you.
• 3:44
  This is what they would rather do.
• 3:46
  They would rather get angry at you, give you the silent
• 3:48
  treatment, just become just tell you to get over it.
• 3:50
  You know what I mean? Blame you for it rather than
• 3:52
  just apologize. That's how they make things
• 3:54
  worse. But another reason y'all, guess
• 3:57
  what happens? Guess what happens when they
• 3:58
  have to apologize? It gives you the control.
• 4:02
  It's a power thing. It's a power thing.
• 4:03
  It's a power. It's a it's both a power and
• 4:06
  control thing. Because if I apologize to you,
• 4:10
  then you have the power. You see what I'm saying?
• 4:13
  If I apologize to you, that means the power is in your
• 4:16
  hands. Sorry, I know y'all hear that
• 4:17
  They go off. That's my support group.
• 4:18
  I'll get emails from my support group like literally every
• 4:20
  single day. But then it's like little app we
• 4:23
  have have going on. We have so many, there's so
• 4:27
  many, so many things going on. But narcissistic people, y'all,
• 4:30
  this is what we do. This is what we have going on.
• 4:32
  This is the the crux of it all. They do this type of stuff, you
• 4:38
  know, it's part of the, it's part of the mentality that they
• 4:41
  would rather just ruin their lives than apologize because
• 4:44
  they would rather ruin their life than give up control to
• 4:47
  you. They would rather blow their
• 4:48
  whole lives to smithereens. Yes, I said smithereens.
• 4:52
  They would rather blow their entire lives to smithereens
• 4:55
  rather than rather than just looking at you and saying I'm
• 4:57
  sorry. That's crazy.
• 4:59
  Is it? I know.
• 4:59
  Y'all was like, well, Lee, that's that.
• 5:00
  Lee, that is absolutely insane that they would rather do that
• 5:04
  than to just apologize. Like that's that's childish as
• 5:06
  hell. Yeah.
• 5:07
  You think I realize that? That's childish.
• 5:09
  You know what I'm saying? You don't think I understand
• 5:11
  that? That's childish as hell.
• 5:12
  Yeah, I understand it because I'm like that y'all, it's hard
• 5:14
  for me to even right now, Y'all, even right now, if I do
• 5:16
  something wrong, it's still hard for me to apologize.
• 5:19
  It really is. Even right now, if I do
• 5:21
  something wrong, it's still hard for me to apologize.
• 5:22
  But I push through that, you know what I mean?
• 5:25
  I pushed through that type of stuff right there.
• 5:27
  I get through it, you know what I mean?
• 5:30
  I I get through it, but I have to deal with it.
• 5:32
  I have to just fight through my natural reactions.
• 5:36
  I have to fight through my natural reactions and get
• 5:39
  through that type of stuff. So it's just like dealing which
• 5:42
  shame I'm starting, I'm starting a new podcast, y'all.
• 5:44
  It's about mental health stuff. I had to right that idea.
• 5:47
  Now dealing with shame is going to be one of my big ones.
• 5:50
  But I pushed through it because I know that it gives me more
• 5:54
  power and more control over myself to apologize.
• 5:57
  Most narcissists don't get that they want power and control over
• 5:59
  you, not themselves. But I would say this as well,
• 6:01
  y'all, they don't want to give up power and control.
• 6:04
  But also they know that a lot of times if they will, if they were
• 6:09
  honest with you and apologize to you, they think that you will
• 6:13
  leave them, especially if they cheated on you.
• 6:15
  Lee, I just just, Lee, just be honest with me.
• 6:16
  I know you cheated on me. Just tell me we can work things
• 6:19
  out. They don't believe that.
• 6:21
  You know why? Well, why don't they believe it?
• 6:23
  We're crying. We're in front of them.
• 6:24
  We're being vulnerable to them. Why don't, why don't they
• 6:26
  believe it? Because they wouldn't accept
• 6:28
  your apology. They would leave you if you
• 6:30
  cheated on them. Most times they would.
• 6:32
  They would leave. Most times they will leave you
• 6:34
  if you cheated on them, right? So in that space right there,
• 6:38
  like most of them would leave you if you cheated on them.
• 6:41
  So they assume that you would do the same thing.
• 6:44
  They assume that your mind works the exact same way that their
• 6:46
  mind works. So they go about it like that.
• 6:48
  They go about doing stuff exactly like that.
• 6:50
  They think that your mind works the exact same way that their
• 6:52
  mind does. So they think that you're lying
• 6:54
  to them. So they'll go out here and they
• 6:56
  don't believe you. So they won't, they won't do it.
• 6:59
  They don't believe you, so they they don't trust you.
• 7:03
  So they feel like if I tell you the truth, then you'll leave me
• 7:06
  so I can take this to my grave. I don't care.
• 7:08
  I don't care how much proof you have.
• 7:10
  I don't care how much evidence you have.
• 7:11
  I don't care if you have, you know, I mean how many sworn
• 7:14
  affidavits. I don't care if you've got me on
• 7:16
  wiretap or camera. You're going to have to, you're
• 7:19
  going to have to convict me without a confession.
• 7:22
  You know what I mean? You go, I'm taking this to
• 7:24
  trial. I don't care.
• 7:25
  Look, I'll you can offer me a plea bargain.
• 7:28
  Just a, you can offer me a plea bargain.
• 7:30
  Just a please just apologize so we can make things better.
• 7:32
  I don't want your plea bargain. I don't want that.
• 7:34
  You know what I mean? I don't want your damn plea
• 7:38
  bargain. Get it out of here.
• 7:40
  Get it. Get the get the plea bargain
• 7:42
  away from me. I'm taking this to trial and I'm
• 7:44
  going to beat it. That's I'm sorry.
• 7:49
  Yeah, it's it's stupid. I know it sounds stupid.
• 7:51
  It's all laughing, but that's the mindset there's so many
• 7:54
  narcissistic people have. They think that like, you will
• 7:58
  just leave them if they tell the truth.
• 8:00
  So they don't believe you because they will leave you out.
• 8:02
  This is this is like so this is something you have to ask
• 8:04
  yourself right here when you're dealing with the narcissist,
• 8:07
  before you forgive them or reconcile with them, ask
• 8:10
  yourself to quit. Ask yourself this question and
• 8:13
  make sure that you're OK with the answer.
• 8:15
  This is one question that you have to ask yourself.
• 8:18
  Would they forgive you for doing for doing to them the exact same
• 8:23
  thing that they did to you? Most times the answer to that
• 8:26
  question is going to be no. So that's something that you,
• 8:30
  you, you, you have to reconcile with.
• 8:32
  That's something that you, you, you have to deal with.
• 8:35
  There's something that you, you, you have to be OK with because
• 8:37
  the narcissist is the person they're going to be OK with it.
• 8:39
  They're going to some of them will if you ask them to quit, if
• 8:42
  you ask them, it's just, hey, look, would you forgive me for
• 8:44
  doing the same thing to you that I did be?
• 8:46
  Would you forgive me for doing the same thing to you that you
• 8:48
  did to me? Some of them will just flat out
• 8:52
  tell you no, no, I wouldn't. But you're a lot nicer than I
• 8:54
  am. You're you're, you have a better
• 8:56
  heart than I do. Your soul is way soulier than
• 9:00
  mine, right? You're just a better person than
• 9:03
  I am. Or that somebody then would just
• 9:04
  say hell no. And some of them might lie and
• 9:07
  say yes, but you know, a lot of times they wouldn't.
• 9:09
  Yeah, they can't. They they still, they're still
• 9:11
  holding a grudge against you for not talking to them in high
• 9:14
  school or rejecting them the first time they they came on to
• 9:17
  you putting them in a friend zone or something like that,
• 9:19
  right? They're still holding a grudge
• 9:21
  because you like one of your ex's pictures from six years
• 9:23
  ago, like 17 years ago. You like the one of your ex's
• 9:26
  pictures on Instagram. They're still mad at that.
• 9:28
  But do you expect them to forgive you for cheating?
• 9:30
  You expect them to forgive you forget you expect them to
• 9:34
  forgive you for doing the exact same thing to them that they
• 9:36
  needed you? No, of course not.
• 9:38
  They're lying to you because they know it's not true.
• 9:40
  So one of the main reasons why they won't, they tend to make
• 9:43
  things worse and they implode, is because they don't believe
• 9:46
  you. They think they're going to lose
• 9:48
  you, but they admit to it, so they make things worse.
• 9:50
  Solid treatment. Return to your friends and
• 9:54
  family. Everything but just an honest,
• 9:58
  open, vulnerable discussion with you.
• 10:01
  Everything but that. They don't want that, Lee.
• 10:04
  Why don't they want it? I want it.
• 10:05
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 10:05
  I know you want it. That's why you're here.
• 10:07
  I know you want it. I get it.
• 10:10
  You want we. We know you want it, right?
• 10:13
  But that's part of what goes on, y'all?
• 10:14
  It really is. It is part of what goes on.
• 10:18
  Well, you're dealing with an abusive narcissistic person.
• 10:21
  It's really is part of the process.
• 10:22
  It really is part of the journey of you having to deal with this
• 10:25
  person. So it's just like as you
• 10:27
  continue to heal, as you continue to grow, just
• 10:29
  understand it, like a lot of them are going to make things
• 10:32
  worse and they will never apologize what they've done.
• 10:35
  And if they do apologize, it will very rarely be a it will
• 10:39
  very rarely be a genuine, authentic apology that makes you
• 10:43
  just like, I accept that. No, I'm sorry for everything.
• 10:48
  I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry you took it that way.
• 10:52
  I'm sorry you feel that way. Those are not apologies, y'all.
• 10:54
  Just just because something has the word sorry in it does not
• 10:57
  mean that it's an apology. Authentic apologies require
• 11:00
  specificity, genuine remorse, and a plan of action that ensure
• 11:03
  that it won't ever happen again. Being with y'all and I like to
• 11:07
  keep episodes around this time limit right here.
• 11:09
  I appreciate y'all tuning in to another episode.
• 11:11
  I'm truly thankful for every single one of y'all.
• 11:14
  Like and subscribe for more than it's always y'all and to whom
• 11:16
  this is out. Peace.
• 11:18
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 11:20
  I'm extremely grateful for you. Have no idea.
• 11:23
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 11:25
  to the channel, help us reach more people and click on the
• 11:27
  screen to watch another video or to browse to another playlist.
• 11:30
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 11:32
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
• 11:35
  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 11:36
  I will see you in the next video.
• 11:38
  Peace.