Latest / Zen Community of Oregon Dharma Talks / Living Fully In An Impermanent World - Jomon Martin, Zen Teacher

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Living Fully In An Impermanent World - Jomon Martin, Zen Teacher · Zen Community of Oregon Dharma Talks

• 0:00
  Jomon: Hello and welcome. This is the Zen Community of Oregon, making the teachings of the Buddhadharma accessible to support your practice. New episodes air every week.
• 0:25
  Jomon: All right. Well, welcome to February, which kind of seems unbelievable, doesn't it? Maybe? I mean, time is a mysterious thing. But yesterday, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, so six more weeks of winter.
• 0:48
  There was a radio station, I was driving around and there was a radio station that was playing Sunny and Cher, I've Got You Babe, like continuously all day. Like really, it would end that song and then start again. And if you haven't seen the movie Groundhog Day, it's a very Buddhist movie actually. So it's one of my favorite ones. But six more weeks of winter, you know, I kind of hope so.
• 1:16
  I kind of hope we do get some snow. It's not hard to look at these weather patterns and wonder what's in store for the summer. I know that wildland firefighters are starting to talk about this, the wildfire season, which now these days are much longer and more intense than they have been in the past. And at Great Vow, I wasn't here last week because we were doing or was it two weeks ago now? Yeah, two weeks ago now.
• 1:51
  A retreat with wildland firefighters at Great Vow. And that was started by another Zen monastery, Tassahara Zen Monastery, part of the San Francisco Zen Center. And that monastery exists in deep in the Los Padres National Forest in California just inland from Big Sur in that area. My California geography is really terrible but so I kind of don't really know what I'm talking about, but it is a place that burns and is supposed to burn, but now there's people and buildings and so that place has been rescued by firefighters, wildland firefighters several times and so they wanted to offer something back and they also had a few wildland firefighters who were practicing there at Tassahara who became Zen practitioners and there were a couple of people who had been residents for years in the 80s at Tassajara who started offering retreats for veterans and so they were consulted and asked, hey can you consult with us to create a retreat for firefighters? Then finally the San Francisco Zen Center was like, you just do it?
• 3:07
  Will you just conduct this retreat? I had been joining that team and working with veterans for a little while and so I got invited to be part of the Wildland Firefighter Retreats at Tassahara and in the planning of it which we consulted and really worked very closely delivering what the firefighters told us they needed and learning from the beginning what Weiland firefighter culture is and what their lives are like. And I've come to see just, you know, have a lot of appreciation for wildland firefighters just from getting to know them and they do have a front row seat to these changes in climate and their job is extremely dangerous. They haul these 40 pound packs through very rugged terrain to get to a spot and then that's where they then pull out a tool, it's kind of like a hoe and they dig these fire lines to stop the, you know, remove the fuel and try to, and then maybe burn away some of the material on the other side, set these backfires. Some of them jump out of helicopters to do this.
• 4:33
  That's impressive. They sometimes call their job extreme landscaping because they can also, you know, there's a lot of chainsaw work too that some of them carry their chainsaw in. They're very self deprecating. They do not like being called heroes. Don't call them heroes.
• 4:56
  They don't like that. But they do need to be very physically fit. Their days can be very long. They might probably be sleeping on the ground the whole time they're on a fire. And there may not be much time to acknowledge the losses that are inherent in the work.
• 5:16
  There's a lot of family disruption to be gone for the summer or the months on either side of the summer anymore. Not a lot of time to connect with friends that aren't on your crew. And of course most of them, many of them, if not most, have lost friends and colleagues directly or indirectly to fire and there is just little time to grieve, there's little space for that although that's changing, there's a lot of people who really want to change the culture. So we offer this retreat at Great Vow, we started that last year in January. This was the second one and it's not so much a Zen retreat but it's a retreat embedded in the monastic container so there's this sort of circle within the circle that the residents and the Zen monastery kind of holds this retreat within.
• 6:10
  And we share many of the tools of mindfulness and meditation and that includes moving meditation. They do a half a day work day which is kind of their comfort zone. We kind of have them be doing all this grief work and feelings and it's hard. And then, you know, one of the days it's like, okay, now we're gonna go take the chainsaws and you know, create a staircase on the trails in the woods and they're like, yes! Get me out there!
• 6:42
  I want to do that! So, very wholehearted. Please, you know, whenever you stop by the monastery, if you go out into the forest, some pretty impressive stairs made of railroad ties on one of the trails. They also did some kneaded chainsaw work out there helping us keep the forest healthy. And so here they are and they're just deeply embedded in the life and death of what we call and you know, the life and death that is what we call nature or the natural world.
• 7:20
  That life and death is always happening in the natural world. And they're sometimes personally on the edge of life and death. Although we all are really when we let ourselves realize that. We all are. And they have something to learn from Zen just as we have something to learn from them.
• 7:44
  And there's a natural affinity with this group that is so wholehearted and just a 100% in their activity. That's really what we're training to do in our practice, to be wholehearted and not hold back, save for later because it's always just right now and this heart of service which is very similar to other groups, similar to veterans who are trained to move as one body, very similar to healthcare workers you know, who really have this same heart of service, this dedication and willingness to be of use. So it's inspiring. So I thought we could focus on death and impermanence as a theme this month. And it seems like that would be a downer.
• 8:44
  It seems sometimes like, oh, that's so depressing or sad or something. But I've found that, especially just in Zen practice and in the opportunities I've had through practice to really stop and turn toward and look at death and probably all of us in here have had that opportunity and we may or may not have felt ready for it or with loved ones or in other situations, some of us more than others. When we are really allowing ourselves to turn toward this simple fact of life, reality here, it can be quite freeing, I find. It can also be even enlivening. So it also is a theme of this upcoming sashin at the monastery in a couple of weeks.
• 9:48
  It's called Pari Nirvana Sashin. And so the month of February at the monastery in Clatskinai and at Heart of Wisdom Zen Temple in Portland, this tends to be our theme, our focus, this death and impermanence in the month of February quite often. Sometimes, so Parnirvana refers to the physical death of someone who has attained enlightenment or nirvana. So it is typically observed the time of the Buddha's death, typically observed around February, in February, and so we have the Parinirvana Sashin where we really do get to focus on this. We really do get to stop and look at it because often we're just running in the other direction or I like to say living in our bubble of denial, myself included.
• 10:42
  So it's nice to just stop and look at this for a moment. So the parinirvana of the historical Buddha, Shakyamuni Buddha, is observed in February in many Buddhist traditions and for some it's an opportunity to just reflect on our own inevitable death, To acknowledge also the grief or losses that we ourselves have sustained and to see the truth of impermanence, that this is a law just like gravity. Not really different from that, just as impersonal. But when we can align ourselves, you know, if we're not aligned with the truth of gravity, you know, we could put on a cape and jump off a roof. It's not going to end well.
• 11:36
  It doesn't work just because you don't agree with it. Impermanence is like that too. We can align with it and things go a little more smoothly, don't they? So I noticed myself this bubble of denial that is pesky, that keeps reconstituting itself, that I get up in the morning and I look at my daily planner or if I'm driving somewhere, I assume I'm going to do these things today and then there's no question about it. I assume I'm going to actually arrive at my destination.
• 12:20
  Oh yes, let me type it into the phone and yes, I'm going to get there. I'm going to live to see this task through. That is not a given, is it? Really, we never know. And yeah, we might acknowledge in our mind like, yes, yes, everything's changing.
• 12:43
  But more often than not, we we we kind of move. I certainly do in this world as a solid person in the world of change. Like here I am, this little jelly bean in a bubble and everything, you know, is changing around me, but I'm right here solid or I'm moving through this changing world. But it's, everything is flowing into and out of each other all the time. And not just that, not just kind of how we as individuals tend to grip onto these ideas of solidity or assumptions about how it is and how it's going to be, but our society, our culture is set up in opposition to the realities of old age sickness and death and loss.
• 13:40
  These things are often hidden away, secret or shameful, we just don't talk about them. And unless you're a healthcare worker, you might not see it very much. Sometimes healthcare workers see more than their share of this. So that can be an interesting exploration is what is my direct experience with old age sickness and death? What have I learned from family or culture or my own experience about these things?
• 14:18
  And with practice, we can learn how to utilize our practice to turn towards the truth of our experience, to really inhabit the truth of this life and the parts that are painful, the parts that are difficult, the losses, the observing of suffering or experiencing pain. Why would we do this? Would we focus on death or our own death? I think death has a way of clarifying things. And what's really important when we realize we don't actually know how much time we really have.
• 15:16
  Or if we know someone who has suddenly received the news that they don't have much time, how does that change? How does that change everything? And so, I mean, just trying on as a thought experiment is very powerful. What if this is our last time in this endo? What if we knew somehow that this was our last time?
• 15:46
  How would that change our experience of it? It would just be this wistful, it's this oh, this is lovely, it's just so lovely to be in here together with all of you. Let's appreciate this right now. And nothing's changed. It's just that possibility that we let in that's always here.
• 16:09
  It's always present and we see it actually more clearly as a result. This is a beautiful moment that we might have missed otherwise. We don't know this is the last time we'll hear the bell. When we practice this way, we stop taking things for granted a little bit, which is nice. We can maybe begin to value our life for the time that we have, each moment that we have, to appreciate our life, Appreciate our life, which is, you know, what what Maizumi Roshi always encouraged.
• 17:08
  Reflecting on death can be a very powerful means of appreciating our life. But as well, it's not just a means, but it's also the end in and of itself to see the truth of how things are right now, that this is not forever. Everything is just falling away. There's nothing really to hold onto. And I, you know, I say this to remind myself just as much as anything.
• 17:48
  It's easy to forget. So when we show up to practice, maybe also it's to turn towards the tenderness of a human life. The tenderness, which is not easy to allow either. It can be excruciating sometimes Having an open heart, emotional capacity or tenderness towards ourselves, towards others. And it's inevitable that we'll lose things, everything really.
• 18:40
  Our belongings, our physical abilities, status, jobs, relationships, pets, people. The monastic life, the life of renunciation is really about just kind of practicing for that inevitability where you actually just let it go in advance and just kind of get used to it. One of our members, I don't think she's on tonight, but she recently had a stroke, a pretty severe one and has been in some rehab facilities and got placed into another spot here recently and I was just talking to Koto today who went over there and was helping her and she doesn't have she said there's not much more room than in the dorms in the monastery, you know, where you go and do a retreat. If you haven't been there, it's like, you know, curtains and there's maybe a curtain between your bed and dresser and the other person. That's kind of her situation.
• 19:54
  And so it made me think, Wow, the monastics are already of ready for that. If they encounter a situation like that, it'll be kind of like, well, I did this already. I know I can be well. I know that I actually don't need all that much. But one way or another we're going to lose all the things.
• 20:19
  So I just want to share a little bit about a wonderful book that I like about death and impermanence by Frank Ostasewski. He's one of the founders of the Zen Hospice Project through the San Francisco Zen Center. And he's someone who has helped thousands of people in the process of dying and thousands of people grieving loss. And he says that death is messy, but grief is even messier. And it's amazing too.
• 20:58
  Grief can look like anything, not just sadness or anger or self judgment but also you know there can be regret, guilt, loneliness, there can also be relief, blame, shame, numbness, awe, wonder. Relationships are complicated and grief can be just as complicated. Frank Ostasevskiy has identified, he calls them five invitations, five discoveries that five invitations from people going through the process of dying, things that he's learned from the Zen Hospice project and I'll just list them now. Number one, don't wait. Number two, welcome everything, push away nothing.
• 21:50
  Number three, bring your whole self to the experience. Number four, find a place in I'm sorry, find a place of rest in the middle of things. And number five, cultivate don't know mind. Those are some very powerful invitations, powerful teachings, each one in and of themselves. So I might open up one of these each week this month or some combination of them.
• 22:21
  It's going to be the focus for the most part. And what he means by don't wait, don't wait to align with this moment, don't wait to appreciate impermanence of this life and allow that to inform what your next action will be. Allow the wisdom of impermanence and mortality to bring life to this life. There's a story that John Cabot Zinn, who's the originator of mindfulness based stress reduction and the early founder of basically secular mindfulness. So he's been interviewed dozens, millions of times about this In one interview in the early days of mindfulness, which was, you know, wow, what is this?
• 23:26
  A reporter said, Oh, so he's describing mindfulness and the reporter says, Oh, so it's like live for the moment? And he says, No, not quite. Not quite live for the moment. That has kind of an indulgent feeling. It really is just live in the moment.
• 23:45
  Live in the moment, which is the only place we're ever truly alive. That it's not just to throw your cares to the wind or whatever, but just to be alive, to be fully alive, even if you're dying because we are, we actually are all on our way. When we do the Parnirvana Sashin, there are often some visualizations of death or, you know, just kind of imagining into what that might be like. And there was one meditation that we did, or it occurred to me, I think, in the course of the retreat. It might have been just an ordinary sitting period in one of the days where I sort of looked around and was like, Oh my gosh, it's like this whole room is a hospice.
• 24:43
  Everybody in here is dying. And then a few beats later, I was like, Oh, wait a minute. I'm in the hospice too, you dummy, you're also in the hospice. But if we really, everyone we saw, if we knew they were dying, how would we treat them? How would we treat them?
• 25:07
  How would we want to support them? And what if you two were in the hospice, which we all are in the hospice. So that's a practice that you can do this week. Also, it's one of Chosin Roshi's informal practices from her book How to Train a Wild Elephant, 52, maybe I think there's actually 53 practices that you can do just in your daily life, you don't need to be sitting on a cushion. And one of them is called This Person Could Die Tonight.
• 25:46
  This Person Could Die Tonight. And it really is just maybe you kind of just pick one person to interact with or just allow that thought to settle into your experience, how does that change the interaction? How does that impact how you are with that person? This person could die tonight, so I encourage you to take up that practice maybe this week. And then she offers this other practice of impermanence, which I'd like to practice with you right now.
• 26:27
  So go ahead and find your way into a comfortable spot. No need to shift too much, but just, you know, we've been sitting for a minute. We'll just kind of settle into something here. A little meditation. Just notice what it is your body is asking for and reconnect to the physical sensations of being present, being supported by what it is you're seated on.
• 26:56
  And as we sit here, just taking a moment to notice impermanence and change. What is it that is changing right now? What is it that's arising, existing and ending? What are the elements that let you know that things are changing, that things are impermanent? What else is impermanent?
• 27:52
  What else can you find? And now see if you can maybe fight against it. Try to struggle against it or stop it. Whatever it was or one of the things maybe that you you noticed, see if you can try to stop it right now. What's that like?
• 28:45
  Notice what that effort or struggle feels like. What's it made of? And now just returning to again that open awareness of noticing the flow of impermanence everywhere. Where do you notice it just happening? And how is it to not struggle against that?
• 29:20
  Jomon: Thank you for listening to the Zen Community of Oregon podcast and thank you for your practice. New episodes air every week. Please consider making a donation at zendust.org. Your support supports us.