Latest / Untraditionally Lala / An Unlikely Affair: September is the Real New Year

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An Unlikely Affair: September is the Real New Year · Untraditionally Lala

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Let those leaves turn and fall. Ugh. Ugh. To trees.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I'm not a person who likes things falling and dying
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and making a mess.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: Like trees?
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: All of it.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: I have the worst brain fog today.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: You have no idea.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: I am very unwell.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Really? You look great. I have the worst.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: I feel like I can't keep my eyes open.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about it. I want to talk about my
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: dreams because I'm a little confused by it.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Your dreams?
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's talk about our dreams. Let's intro.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: You want to do the intro?
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: It'll be good for the fog. You should work the mind. Hi, Amber. Hi, Lola.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Welcome to an unlikely affair.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Okay hello everybody welcome back to another episode of an
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: unlikely affair good morning lala good morning my love is
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: the 801 on your shoulders at the zip code to
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: uh or utah utah yeah the area code because.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I'm lfu you know what that stands for when people
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: are trying to insult me online they acronym my ass
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: they call me lfu lauren from utah and i think
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: oh what a burn Oh, that's strong. Sounds like a really,
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: really prestigious college. I was just going to say.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: LFU. LFU.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: I'm from the University of LFU. How was your weekend?
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Weren't we together all weekend? Most of the weekend? Let's
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: go back.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: How was your birthday?
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: It was fabulous. Yeah. And I really can't describe why
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: it was so fabulous because I didn't do anything extravagant.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: you know, like you see people who have birthdays, they
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: usually don't have children or their children are older and
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: they're like in the South of France. So they take
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: a girl's trip to Paris. Like, I just don't have that. Right.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: I don't have that yet. Like I got a community
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: that I have to focus on, but you knew that
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: I was dreading my birthday. Yes. My mom, I got it.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Your birthday was like on a Wednesday, right? Or Thursday, whatever.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: I got it. I got the text on Monday.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I think I was on a Wednesday. Yeah. You were
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: tripping on a Thursday. Um, Easton and my mom had
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: left town and which was absolutely fantastic that they left
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: town because it actually made me realize how much I
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: fucking love having my family in one household. Cause for
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: a minute I was like, everyone get the fuck out.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: now I'm like, no one can fucking leave. No, I know.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: It's been great. And I also have like a newfound
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: appreciation because although I know they do a lot, you
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: don't realize how like the smallest thing is actually ginormous.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: For example, I thought oceans gymnastics was at three 30.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: It was really at four. So I get her there
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: at three 15. Cause I, you know, As a Virgo,
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: if you're early, you're on time. If you're on time,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: you're late. If you're late, don't bother showing up. It's
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: just how I operate, which is why I'm late every
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: day to the podcast. But it's my fucking podcast. So
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: it's the only thing I have control over. I can't
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: really start without me. And I asked Cynthia, the nanny,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: to stay just a little bit longer so that I
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: didn't have to deal with Sosa. Well, now I fucked
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: up the whole day. So now I have to pack
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Ocean back in the car, go home and grab Sosa
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: and take them both back to the gym. Whereas normally
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: I could just call Easton or my mom and be like, hey,
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Cynthia's going to leave. Can you just like cover for
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: me for a moment? Little things that are like, wow,
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: that's actually a really big fucking deal.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it is a big deal. It's especially I was
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: thinking about it like you just schlepping to the bus
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: stop with two kids. I remember doing that with both
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: London and Riley. It's hard. I mean, we didn't I
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: didn't go to the bus stop with them, but still
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: packing the kids up every morning.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh, God.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: Let's just stay home today.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: I thought about it. Yeah. It's easier.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: But you also, in all fairness, I've been observing. You
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: have terrible time management.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: I do? Yes. I think my time management's pretty on point. No,
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: it's not. Wait, tell me. I've never heard this from anybody. Uh....
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: Well, you know, it's also, I also have a terrible
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: time management. So it's amazing to see it in someone else.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Wait, but tell me, explain.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: I just feel like you're like, for an example, like
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: you thought it was at three or four.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: And you were, you were. Well, because I was worried
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: we were going to be late. So I put in
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: my calendar that it was started at three 30. So
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: then I got there way too early. Whereas like I
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: put it in there so I could arrive at 3.30
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: and have a half hour to get her like adjusted
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: and comfortable with the space. But instead I arrived like
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: an hour. But I also do the same thing.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: I'm also like way too early usually because I have
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: such bad anxiety about being late anywhere.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: But it's still getting used to like the traffic coming
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: up the 405.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Like I cannot conquer the time getting to the podcast,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: by the way. Every time I think that I can
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: leave at a certain time because my map shows that
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: it's fine to leave at that time, I have to
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: tack on an extra 20 minutes to whatever time it
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: tells me because it lies.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: Well, are you using Google Maps or using Waze?
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: I don't use Waze. You have to use Waze. It's
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: the best. Are you kidding me? So if you go...
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: I don't like change. Y'all are skeeving me out. The
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: little car that drives that shows you all of the...
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what's the car? Like, where's my little arrow?
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Don't worry about that. I'm an arrow.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: If you put in Waze, where you're supposed to be
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: at what time, you can do a future thing. It
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: will show you the best time to leave or exactly,
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: you know, like.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: all that's maps too though no.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: It's not ways like does the traffic and people communicate
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: yes correctly yes okay just use with look what happened
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: with you and britney the other day you got you
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: got diverted and you literally an hour out of your
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: way you called me i'm like i'm an hour from
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: home because i did that happen yeah google maps or
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: whatever yeah don't use google maps use ways anyways you
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: got a wrist issue.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: She's rubbing her wrist no listen i have the same
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: listen listen listen That's a real problem. You need PRP
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: or something.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: I don't need PRP. I just need to pop my wrist.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: That's all it is.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I like to crack things. Disgusting.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Imagine during a handjob. He's like, is she breaking
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: my dick off? What the fuck is happening? My wrist
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: is really dirty.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: It's what?
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: I do this. Not, I'm not doing it. You do this.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: Is that the proper stroking?
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah. You don't want him to just feel like
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: he's like being jackhammered.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: But eventually when they're officially hard, it's hard to bend it.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: Like it's not as malleable.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: If I have to get your dick hard with my hands,
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: you should just look at me and get hard, especially
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: right now. You don't get immediately hard. There's a real problem.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: You're gorgeous.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: Stop.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: I will not put a soft dick in my mouth, though.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: You got me fucked up. I'm not getting it hard
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: with my mouth, buddy. We just deferred it so fiercely.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: What were we talking about before? Time management. We're time management.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I'm telling you. Okay. Well, the good
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: news is it's September. And that... Oh, you know what I... Oh,
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: my birthday. Yeah, your birthday. It was fantastic. We ended
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: up just getting a little group together. We went to
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Sportsman's Lodge. It was Amber, Janet, Brittany, the gays, Jared,
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: people who have kids, brought their kids. Everyone ran around.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: It was like... We got Mexican food. We got Mexican food.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: It was... It was just a very, oh yeah, we
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: went to lunch before that with Michelle and Amber and
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: myself who went to Century City Mall. It was just like,
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: I think because I was so stressed out about it.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: And then I had Jenna on the podcast and she said,
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: you need to take this birthday to like focus on
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: all of the things that you have accomplished and what
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: you've built. And then I looked at my babies and
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: even though my mom and Easton were gone, they like
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: sent me this sweet cake, whatever. I think the pressure
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: and the expectation dropped. And it was like, I have
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: such a full cup with all of these people that
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: I have the luxury of having in my life. And
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: it just ended up being the perfect day. But can
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: I tell you, I'm the worst fucking mom ever. Because
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Sosa's birthday is the next day, right? Oh. You're going
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: to tattle on yourself. It's okay. Moms will relate to this.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: She's two. And she's going to have a big old
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: birthday bash in a couple weeks. Yes.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: So....
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: I had cake coming out of my ears for my birthday.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Everyone was sending me a cake except one friend got
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: me a cinnamon roll from this place called It's All
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: About the Cinnamon. It was so good. And when I
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: tell you, you guys, I would dream about it and
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: I'd be lying if I said I didn't wake up
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: at three in the morning and go downstairs and heat
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: it up and eat it half asleep.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: That's why your ass looks so good.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: That's why my belly looking. I'm also a booty do
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: right now. Her belly sticks out more than her booty do.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: I wasted for a while. That is not true. I'm
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: sucking in. It's fine. So my mom sends me this
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: cake and I'm like, I'm just going to use the
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Susie cakes for Sosa's birthday. So Amber and I go
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: to pavilions. We get like all these balloons because Sosa's obsessed.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: The day is just going to be swimming for her birthday.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: It's going to be fucking easy. I opened the Susie
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: cakes day of and my mother and Easton, I wanted
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: to punch them. Happy birthday. La la. I was like,
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I've got to scrape it off. I scraped off my name. Okay.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Tried to make it as pretty as I possibly could.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: We got a bunch of candles and we just like
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: put them where the Lala smear was. Yep. And I
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: gave it to Sosa. That's amazing though. Happy birthday.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: You didn't waste. You didn't waste.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Think about that. You're so right. Like what's the point?
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: No, there's no point.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: I'm a little too in the moment. I did get
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: a video though. I put my phone up of me
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: and Sosa and Ocean singing her happy birthday. Cause I
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: just wanted.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: A little memory.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: So her birthday party will be in a couple of weeks.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Dos cumpleaños. But let's talk about this because you sent
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: me this article that the New York Times published that
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: September is like functioning as the new year, which as
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: a September, September, September. But remember, I said this to you, too.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: I was like, it's I was like, it's the new year.
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: This is like a new year for you when it's
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: your birthday. That's the new year for you. Not January 1st.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Amen. Right? Yeah. That's just like the new year is
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: just an excuse for everyone to get fucking wasted. I know.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: I'm exhausted. I'm still recovering from Christmas and I'm usually
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: really depressed. That's for another episode.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Wait, what? Yes. You're still depressed from last Christmas? No,
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: not from last Christmas. I was like.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: From like December 25th to like January.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I have told you what the game plan is.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: This is how you do the holidays, okay? We'll, we'll
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: figure it out for, um, for Thanksgiving. Maybe we can
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: go to Palm Springs or something. We'll come home. We'll
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: have like a really cute, you know, festive, whatever, as
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: we prep for Christmas, Christmas, we spend in LA, but
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Christmas day, the moment that it hits like one, two o'clock,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: we are in the car on the way to Palm Springs. Hmm.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Cause then you feel like, you know, Christmas day is fun,
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: but once the day starts winding down, it's like it's over.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: And then it becomes really depressing. Yeah. And you spend,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: you spend the new year in Palm Springs. It's really cute.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Go out and golf. We play pickleball.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: Oh, that'd be so fun.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: So fun.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: So fun.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: But we don't need to focus on that right now
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: because right now it's September, a.k.a.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: The New Year.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Happy New Year. Happy New Year! So they published, the
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: New York Times published an article. It recommends a few
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: practical ways to use... This feeling of, I actually want
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: to call it September Vagos. September Vagos! Make a to-learn
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: list instead of a to-do list. List a few skills
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: or subjects you genuinely like. Did I have a stroke?
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Ha ha! What the fuck is going on? I'm telling you,
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: I'm fried. Nine days of single mommying is intense as fuck.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: It is very tough. 10 to 4 with the nanny
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: is just not enough. Shall I read? Shall you?
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: Yes. Make a to learn list. List a few skills
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: or subjects you generally like to learn.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: Ooh. Okay. Mine is playing the piano and Spanish. Cause
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: I would like to communicate with.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: My daughter who only speaks Spanish. Mine's definitely to speak Spanish.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: I've always loved Spanish. And it's just nice to be
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: able to communicate with people in California.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: Would you do something like a babble or would you
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: want like an actual per yeah. Or would you want
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: an actual person to come and teach you?
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: It would be nice to have someone come teach me.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: Like that human interaction. Do we do lessons together?
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: I would do. You probably are more like I know.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: Buenos dias. Buenas noches. Hola. Como esta? Muy bien. Yeah.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: Yo quiero Taco Bell. Yep. I learned that. What is that?
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: I want to. Oh, mas. Yeah. Poquito. Yeah. Poquito mas.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: Was that a little bit more? I'm really. Fappy. Fappy.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: Not I do know. Yeah. I want to be able,
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: like when I go to Mexico and I'm with like Michelle,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: who is just ordering in Spanish, communicating. Oh, is she really? Yes.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: I didn't know that.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: She's fluent and it's just so beautiful. And when I
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: listened to Cynthia talk to Sosa in Spanish and Sosa
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: knows exactly what she's saying, I want to speak Spanish. Okay,
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: let's do it. Let's find a teacher. I would so
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: love to do that. Okay, done. Try a new fitness routine.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: We're already doing that. We're already doing it.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: I'm like on a mission.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: You're crushing. Your stamina is wild.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: I'm trying. It's hard. You could run a marathon. No,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: I couldn't. I think you could, Amber. Okay, there's a different... No,
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you something.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: There's a difference between stamina, like lifting weights, and cardiovascular health.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: I have no cardiovascular health.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: That is... What you're saying is complete bullshit because the
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: way you move from one exercise to the next with
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: little to no, you don't even take a break. Like
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: in between weight training, because that's what I prefer, I
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: have to take a moment to like, it's probably the
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: vape too that's slowly killing me.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: You think?
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: But you move quick and that is like a sense
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: of cardio. Yeah. Maybe. I don't know.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: I don't want to find out either. I'm not into marathons.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: I would do half a marathon, but not a full marathon.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Oh, only a half, guys.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: Ask yourself five questions. What do I want more of?
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Cake. The Susie cake my mom sent to me. Less of.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: What do you want less of? Bullshit. I want less duds. Duds. Yes.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: What do I want more of? Self-aware people. What do
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I want to stop? I would say the vape, but
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: I'm just not ready, guys. There are days where I
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: wake up and it's like the one thing that I
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: think of that keeps me going. The vape? Yeah.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: Do you look forward to the vape when you wake up?
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: I just, like last night, I went downstairs. I made
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: myself some cheese, gluten-free pretzels, a Perrier, and my vape.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: My kids were asleep and I watched season two of
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Real Housewives of Atlanta. I was so happy. I was like,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: this is the greatest night of my life.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: Why don't you do like popcorn or something? Popcorn is
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: like healthier.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: Instead of the vape? Yeah. It's something you can put
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: in your mouth. Well, what were the cheese and the
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: gluten-free pretzels? Yeah, but you don't want to eat cheese
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: before you go to bed. Oh, you eat cheese any
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: time of day.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: Especially if it's settling in my ass.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: That is true.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: That's the hope. Yeah. Janet's bringing me McDonald's after this.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: Amazing.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: Um, okay. And what is already working that I want
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: to continue vaping? Just kidding. Just kidding. I actually love this.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: What is working? Cause I feel like sometimes we all
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: get so fixated on all the changes we want to
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: make and what we want to start doing. What's working
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: in your life that you're like, you know what? I'm
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: going to take advantage of the fact that I like
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: this and it's working out. Let's celebrate that.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: You know, it's funny. When I think about what's working
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: in my life, my brain automatically goes to what's consistent, right?
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: And I think my sobriety.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: Love it.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: My sobriety is working. Even though some days I'm like, oh,
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: a drink would be so nice right now or whatever.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: Just want to check out. But it is working, right?
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: It's keeping me sober. And I love that. Coming to
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: podcast on Mondays. Like I like having a schedule.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: Somewhere to be. Yes, somewhere to be.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: If I know that I'm working out three days a
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: week at 12 o'clock, that gives me peace. Because then
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: I know I could schedule everything else around that.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: So the things that are working are the things that
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: are consistent in my life.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah. I think sobriety for me, I love, um,
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: the workout routine that I've been on because when we haven't,
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: like when I say we haven't skipped a day, I
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: mean days that I'm supposed to be working out that
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: I just don't like we've, we've been on such a
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: great path with it in my nighttime routine.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: I'm terrible at that. I need to be better.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: I would say if anybody feels like they're floundering, if
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: you can conquer having your go-to nighttime routine, I promise
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: once I wrap this episode, I'm going to learn how
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: to talk. Is my tongue too big? Maybe I'm having
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: an allergic reaction. Don't you dare try to blame this
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: on the vape. The vape is swelling your tongue. Not
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: at all. Cardiovascular tongue. cardiovascular tongue maybe that is a
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: thing maybe who knows nighttime routine yes the end-all be-all
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: of your day see my morning routine is way more
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: important to me than my nighttime routine I just want
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: to get in bed I don't even want to take
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: off my makeup I don't want to brush my teeth
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: I don't want to do I literally would sleep in
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: my clothes oh no but I don't oh no because
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: I have.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: Kids But I'm just, I'm so tired at the end
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: of the day. I just want it to just, I
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: just want to shut everything off, including my brain.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: I can't turn my brain off unless my face is clean.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: I've got my lotions on. I crawl in my bed
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: with my Barefoot Dream socks and my go-to Amazon PJs.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: And I turn my fake fire on, dim the lights perfectly.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you have a beautiful nighttime routine.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: And friends. And friends. oh yeah that's so good oh
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: it's so good vape is put.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Away what i always sleep really good when i sleep
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: at your house and i bet it's because of the
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: nighttime routine i'm telling you i kind.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Of like because how can your how can your morning
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: routine be on point if you didn't tee yourself up
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: to go into like a restful night of reset i
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: know you're right okay so i'm gonna work on it's
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: important but i would recommend like you now have a
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: bath you should take advantage of that i.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: Know that i have a bath so this is i
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: was in the bath last night just really trying to
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: figure out how i'm going to change my social media
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: and how i'm going to be better at posting because
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: i have not been posting i.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: I I know.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: So I was in the bath and it was the,
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: it was nice and warm and hot. And Riley was
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: like cackling in the next room with her. Oh, which
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: is the next boyfriend and whoever else, her friend. And
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: next thing you know, she's like, mom, I'm cooking pasta
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: and the water's going everywhere. And like, I have no mittens.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: I have, I literally have one pot, one.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: Pot in my kitchen. Yeah. You got to go to
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: home goods. She goes, can you please get out and
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: help me? And I'm like, Oh, what a buzzkill.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: So I was like, fuck.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: I'm out.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: Might as well just stay out. So I literally was
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: in the bath for five minutes last night. I know. Whatever. Sucks,
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: but it was fine.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: That's kids for you.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know. I know, but the fact that she
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: asked me to help. I mean, she can't burn the
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: house down, so I didn't have a choice.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Well, at least it's the baby daddy's weekend coming up.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: I need a break.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: I'm going to shutters with my girlfriends for my birthday.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: That is beautiful. I'm going to Laguna with a man.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: Good for you. Yes. Answer these. Oh, yeah, that is
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: this weekend.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: You're going to have a heyday. Beautiful hotel that you
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: guys are staying at. OK, let's talk about these. A
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: habit you're ready to start or finally break.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: OK, so I did my homework because I was a
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: good girl this morning. When I was journaling, I actually
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: just used this, by the way, Kendall, as my journaling prompt.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: Isn't that amazing? Okay, so a habit I want to
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: break is making decisions from urgency.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: You want to be able to take a beat?
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: Yes, I got to pause.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: I have to pause.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: That's a great one. Yeah, what about you? That would...
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I'm very... I'm very reactive as well. And I... I
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: think that that's one of my toxic traits is like,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: if something doesn't happen immediately or go the way that
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: I want it to, I make a very quick decision
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: that isn't good for the longterm. So I would like
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: to pause as well. That would be great for me. Yeah.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: The type of person you're done entertaining. Anyone that creates confusion.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: The question mark people. Yeah.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: People it's like, I need black and white when it
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: comes to a relationship.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: With men or friendships as well. Both. Yeah.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I, especially with like female friendships, like I don't
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: like tiptoeing around. Like, are we vibing? Are we not like,
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: are you either my girl or you're not totally same
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: thing with romantic. I'm like, don't, I'm not, it has
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: to be very black and white and don't, call like
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: inconsistency chemistry. I don't even have to second guess. You're
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: either there or you're not. You're showing up or you're not.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: You're calling or you're not. You're texting or you're not.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: You're fucking making love to me or you're not. You're
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: telling me that I'm beautiful and holding me and making
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: me feel cherished.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Right? Or they're love bombing you.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: Well, I'll take that until I realize that I'm being
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: love bombed.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: Love a good love bomb. Like, how soon.
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, love bomb, that's, like, a really confusing thing for me,
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: I feel like, lately.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: I think you know when it's a... I think the
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: way to know that it's a love bomb is when
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: they're two up in your grill from the jump. Like,
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: that should be a slow burn. Right off the bat,
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: it shouldn't be like, baby, I want to be with
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: you all the time. I want, like, because that... that's
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: all of the things that we want to hear.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: But they say when you find your person, you're like, yeah,
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: I could totally be with you all the time. It's
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: like fun and easy. You hear people talk about that
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: all the time on social media. At least I'm just
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: maybe listening to the wrong accounts. I think that's the difference.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: I'm so gullible. Yeah, but the type of guys that
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: you mess with and I mess with are going to
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: have different approaches, I think. You know, I don't know
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: what that means. It means that you, you like an
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: older guy who has like older children and he has
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: an established life, right? Yes. So there's not much to,
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: if he says like, I want to spend a lot
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: of time with you. He's probably very much meaning that
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: because what is he going to gain from you besides
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: you adding to his life? Right, right, right. Like they've
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: seen some shit. They're experienced. The guys that I go
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: for are like just out here for the quick highs. Yeah. Well,
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: we got to change that. Well, we are changing that,
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: which is why I've like pulled back. I've told the
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: universe again, Hey, I want to find my person, but
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: I can't be out here like just fucking whoever, because
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: then you're stealing my energy, right? Like you can't just
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: plug quite literally plug into me. And and then I
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: like go about my business wanting to find my person.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: The universe is going to get confused. I'm going to
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: get confused. I think you need.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: Someone around like 45 years old.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: I really do. Nine years is a lot. I don't
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: love that. Forty two. Forty two. See, I think 42
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: is still young. They're still out there. Young. Oh, no. OK.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Twenty five. Young. 42? Young?
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: Well, it depends on like where they're from and like
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: if they're emotionally mature. I feel like 42, think about it.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: Like I met my baby daddy when he was 37.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Young. That's young. That was young. But to me, that
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: was old because I was young. For me, it's perfect.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: You give me a 37-year-old, great. Okay, fine. I think
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: 47 to 44. No, no, no, no, no. Okay, 43.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Because that acts as out the person who I'm pretty
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: sure is going to be my husband. Is it raining again?
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: Is that rain?
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: Do we live in Florida?
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: Is this Florida? Oh, I love the rain.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: I love it too.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: We should all go home. That's it.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: That's a wrap.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: And stay inside the rest of the day. What do
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: you want to rebrand? Parts of myself. My whole life. No,
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: don't say that.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: That's not nice.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: What do I want to rebrand my, my dating life
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: and my intimate life? I need, I need to stop.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: It's very, it's hard to explain, but I feel like
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: when I am not, even when I say like I
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: need a break from my kids, it is very specific
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: what I actually feel comfortable going out and doing. I
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: have to be with my girlfriends or I need to
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: like go work out. Like it's really hard for me
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: to say, I'm going to leave you guys to go
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: interact and maybe, you know, meet a guy. I have
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: this overwhelming amount of guilt that night that you invited
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: me to that party. Yeah. And I was like, that
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: sounds like so much fun. I teed up my babysitter.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: It was like a fabulous party. event at tower. Yeah.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: Sunset tower, sunset tower.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: And I had like a lump in my throat and
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: a pit in my stomach. And I was like, I can't,
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: I canceled the sitter. I stayed home with my kids. I,
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: I have to find balance. Yeah.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: You have to find balance.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: And I don't know how I'm supposed to do that. Okay.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: Well, I think we should do therapy.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: You do.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: Yes, I do.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: I think, I think you and I, I have.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: Not done therapy in a very, very long time.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: I think I could benefit from a little therapy. And
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: I think you sitting down with someone and having like
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: a sounding board, someone who's like a professional and that
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: could help you get through this, I think would be
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: really good for you.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because I talked to Easton and I talked to
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: my mom and my mom's like, you know, that's fine.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: Your priorities are your kids right now. And I'm like, yes.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: But we also have to understand that like, if I
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: keep on this track, you know, my kids are going
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: to be grown and off to the races. And I'm
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: going to be by myself with, you know, not really
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: knowing who I am or what I want because my
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: whole life was my children. And that's great. But there
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: has to be another piece that fuels me. And it
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: can't just be going out and working.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: And you will show up differently in all those other
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: areas of your life for your family, for your kids,
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: for your career. If you have a balanced life.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: You just have to peel back the onions and figure
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: out what is making you feel guilty.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: And I think I know what it is, but I'll
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: tell you later.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: Well, I'd love for you to share what you think
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: of my mom. Like right now? Yeah.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: You want me to share right now on the podcast? Yeah.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: Okay. It's not your mom....
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: I think there's a sense of guilt knowing that maybe
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: the other co-parent is not around as much. So there
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: are times when I feel like because he's not there
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: as much as I would like him to be there,
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: I get this really bad guilt feeling like I have
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: to be mom and dad.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: Monday through Friday, like nonstop. And I have to be
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: that one parent that both of the kids can completely
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: rely on.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: You think it's that?
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: I've been feeling that a lot lately, a lot. And
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: it's not fair, but it's also like, if not us,
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: then who else, you know, our girls need us.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And also just the time that goes by really
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: fast where I'm like, you know, I feel like, thank you, love.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: I feel like men are always going to be there.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: You know, my baby's not going to be two forever.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Ocean's not going to be a little kindergartner forever. She's
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: one day going to want to have her own life.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: And so I always... So my mind is when they're
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: good and they want to go and be free and
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: not meaning that they're out of the house, but like
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: Riley going to the mall, you know, doing things like that.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: Then I can go and, you know, live... live my
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: life because I do feel like I'm, I'm living my life.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: And I chose to have children, you know, ocean was
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: not an oopsie. Sosa most certainly wasn't an oopsie. Like
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: when I made a decision to have kids, it was
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: me saying, I am choosing to like be here for
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: these these babies and raise them to the best of
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: my ability. And when they're struggling, I'm going to be there.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: When they come home from school, I'm going to be there. Nighttime,
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: I want to be the first thing they see in
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: the morning and the last thing they see before they
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: go to bed. So when I think about like, oh,
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go out to this party and that
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: means like, I'm going to have a nanny put them
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: to bed. I start panicking and I'm like, no, because
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: I know, I know that I only have a few
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: of these, not a few, there's a lot, but when
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: you think about it, it's going to go by very quickly.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: I don't want to miss any of it. Yeah. You know,
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: especially to go like meet some random human.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: Well, they have to be special enough.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: Listen, like, how do I know if they're special?
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: That's the hard part. That's what makes dating really hard
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: right now. Like you just don't want to waste your
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: time with, these duds right these people that have like
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: like not the right intentions or the same values as
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: you the girls are with their dad every other weekend
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: most of the time right and you have to take
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: that time for yourself right and i know i know
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: you have sosa at.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: Home right no i don't feel guilty with sosa Okay.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: Well then you know what? No one's going to take
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: her from me. Like that's my, that's, that's my baby.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: And that's, that's gotta be such an amazing feeling.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: It is.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: But you have to take that time when he comes
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: into town to see the girls on the weekend, every
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: other weekend, you have to take that time to just date.
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: You have to go on dates. Like, even if it's
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: just like, okay, I'm going to go start going on
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: one day every other weekend that I have. And then
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: the other day is like a day to relax and
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: be with your girlfriends or work or whatever you want
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: to do. You have to start doing that because you
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: know what? One day you're going to go on, like
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: they always say you go on a hundred auditions to
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: get one callback or you book one job, right? You
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: have to look at dating the same way.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, Jesus.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: I know. It's like, I'll never forget. I had a
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: girlfriend who said to me, Amber, she's like, if you
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: want to If you want to find your person, you
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: have to take this like a part-time job. Dating is
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: like you just have to go out there and date people.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: Fuck that. But you're never going to find someone if
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: you don't. This is my comfort zone. And there's very,
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: very few people who understand this. Most people look at
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: the DMs as like, oh, that's a booty call. For me...
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: It's like, let me see if I connect with you
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: via phone. Then we'll FaceTime. If we connect here, then
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: we'll take a moment to see if you deserve my
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: actual physical presence where I am leaving behind physically my routine,
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: my safe space, my family to be with you, right?
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: So to go out and give someone my physical presence
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: to see if I like you or that you like
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: me is amazing. really the thought suffocates me.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: Okay i you have to this goes back to finding
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: balance because i know you don't like sweating over it
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: i know you don't like to do this but lala
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: you can't just keep having relationships with guys via phone
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: or facetime you can't do that because the.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: Chemistry that you're gonna have in person versus over the
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: phone call it relationships okay well But that's my point, Amber,
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: because I then learn, oh, you never deserved my physical time.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: Thank God I didn't leave my children behind to come
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: hang out with you. Thank God I didn't fuck up
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: my nighttime routine to come hang out with you. Thank
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: God I didn't bail on a girl's night to come
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: kick it with you because you never deserved it. But
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: that's how you're going to grow as a person. And
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: that's how you're going to learn what you want and
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: what you don't want.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: It's a process of elimination.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: I know. I know.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying you have to go 100 miles an hour.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying you're wrong.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying you have to go 100 miles an hour,
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: but you have to find some sort of balance.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: Balance. Absolutely.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: That's it.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Which is very hard for me because I am a
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: black or white person. I know. So we're in it
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: or we're not. I'm giving you my all or I'm
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: preaching to the choir.
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: I know. It's like, are we fucking doing this? Yeah. Like,
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: are we getting married tomorrow and having babies and only
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: fucking each other for the rest of our lives? Or
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: are we not?
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: By the way, that's how people used to be in
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: the fifties.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: I would kill it in the fifties.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: You would be celebrating your, like, 80th wedding anniversary if
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: you got married in the 50s.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: I would. I love being locked down. I don't need
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: to be out in these streets. Do I enjoy the
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: occasional random fucking of somebody? Sure, but do I need
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: that forever? I'm too tired. Like, when I get locked down,
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to think, like, oh, that dick I'm
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: going to be missing out on. No, I'm going to
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: be thinking, thank God, I don't have to go hunt
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: for dick.
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: I'm exhausted listen with that ass you're growing you're gonna
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: lock someone down real quick very soon baby.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: Girl until i give them la la at from a
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: one to ten a four and they scare easily these
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: motherfuckers scare easily i know.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: But we're gonna work on that in therapy too.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: No no no they need to work on that in
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: therapy that sounds like a you issue okay If I'm
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: not insulting your mother, which is what I want to
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: be doing because she fucked up, then calm down.
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: I love you.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: Anyway.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: This is going to be a fun road. Okay. It's
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: important to know that I am on my period. I'm
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: so very emotional.
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: You know, I think I'm on my period too because
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: my boobs are very big.
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: Your placement of implant is higher than mine. I got teardrop.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: I don't know what I got, but like... Your boobs
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: look good though. Yeah, they're great.
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: But I don't like being top heavy because then it
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: makes my face look fat.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: What? I've never heard that before. That's a new one. Really? Yeah.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: My tits are so big that it makes my face
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: look fat. Okay. It's true. It is true. I'm not
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: seeing it, but I hear you. You're heard and seen.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: Thank you. You look great. I just want to be seen.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: You're seen by me, baby. I do like this one.
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: A boundary you need to stop feeling guilty about. Do
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: you have one? Before we wrap it up? Um... Oh,
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: because you journaled about all of this, huh? I did.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: Find it in your journal. Okay.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: Here we go. You know, protecting my time and peace.
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: You know, I think just saying no to the things
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: I really don't. When I say no, I mean no.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: And when I say yes, I mean yes.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: Oh, I love it. I really hate doing shit I
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: don't fucking want to do. Yes.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: And every time I commit to something that I don't
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: want to do, I say, this is the last time
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: I'm doing this. I'm not going to do things I
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: don't want to be doing. Yeah. Because there are times,
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: for example, I'll get asked to speak at a meeting.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: Do I want to do it?
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: No.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: Because I get nervous, right? Out of my comfort zone.
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: But I do it because That's part of the program, right?
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: We all, we share our experiences and we attempt to
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: help somebody stay sober another day and we get to
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: stay sober another day. Those things are fine. If there,
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: if there's not one thing that I'm going to get
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: out of it or someone else is going to get
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: out of it, I don't fucking want to do it.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: I ain't doing it. Yeah. Yes. Yes.
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: No, really?
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: No. Yes. No means no. I'm teaching that to Ocean
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: right now. Right. Cause you know, she's a verbal water border.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: She's got stamina.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: Oh, well look at her mother.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Today it took form of brushing her own hair.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: And finally I was like, I don't care here. And
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: I was like, you know, this is probably why your
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: teacher is tough on you. Cause you don't listen. Yeah.
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: You don't listen.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: She goes, mom, that is the right word. He's tough.
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: I said, good. You need tough.
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she does.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: And I said, and so does Riley. Yes. And I said,
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: these are rules. These are rules. And you have to
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: listen to people. And she's very into, well, it's my body.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: And if I don't want to do something with my
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: body and I'm like, when you get a toy out,
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: you must put it away. When you do things at
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: school and pickup time, you must, well, my body doesn't
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: want to do that. I'm like, all right, we're taking
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: this a little too literal. Okay. Too far. I will
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: say one thing before we sign off. So you know
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: how Ocean keeps saying, I want to be older. I
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: want to be older. Today, I'm putting her hair in
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: her pigtails. And she was like talking about school and
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: she has to do stuff. And I was like, well,
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: you better get used to it, Ocean, because you've got
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: this for the next 12 years of your life school.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: And it's only going to get harder. And then when
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: you graduate, you're going to have to get a job
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: that you have to go to every day to pay
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: for things. So you know how you kept saying, I
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: want to be older. I want to be older. This
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: is getting older. And she goes, all I want to
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: do is be four and be in preschool again. And
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: I was like, how quickly it all changes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Remember?
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: Billy Martian. Okay, as long as you can.
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: That's the best movie ever.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: It is. And when I watched it as a kid,
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: I'm like, fuck this. I'm trying to be grown. Put
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: me in a car. Give me a cocktail. And I'm like,
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: someone take me back to fucking Miss Denise for the
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: love of God. Oh my God. Anyway. All right, guys.
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: Thank you guys for listening to another episode of An
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: Unlikely Affair. We love you. We're going to catch you
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: next week. Love you.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: Bye.