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Fulfillment in Midlife · The Uplifters

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[music]
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SPEAKER_00: Hey, Uplifters, you know how much I love experimenting and trying new things.
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1:13
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SPEAKER_00: Today's episode of the podcast is extra, extra,
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SPEAKER_00: extra special because instead of one guest,
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SPEAKER_00: you're going to meet three remarkable women in conversation together,
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SPEAKER_00: bringing their own lived experience, their own perspective on fulfillment.
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SPEAKER_00: So you're going to start out hearing from Dr. Helen Krug-Vanita.
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SPEAKER_00: She is an executive coach.
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SPEAKER_00: Her new book is coming out called Closing the Fulfillment Gap.
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SPEAKER_00: It releases in September.
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SPEAKER_00: Go pre-order now.
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SPEAKER_00: It helps an author an awful lot.
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SPEAKER_00: And when you hear more about this book, I promise you, you're going to want it.
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SPEAKER_00: You're also going to meet Risa Crandall.
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SPEAKER_00: She spent 38 years as a media and tech sales and marketing leader before founding
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SPEAKER_00: a total passion project called Love Is,
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SPEAKER_00: which is an in-person program that connects people in community over
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SPEAKER_00: a shared home-cooked meal.
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SPEAKER_00: Next, you'll meet Sue Moser.
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SPEAKER_00: She is a totally high voltage keynote speaker and mindset activator.
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SPEAKER_00: She is currently working in business in a corporate role, killing it.
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SPEAKER_00: And she is...
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SPEAKER_00: Through her uniquely high capacity and intensity,
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SPEAKER_00: also founding a purpose-driven brand called The Visceral Edge,
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SPEAKER_00: where she's helping high-capacity leaders stop performing and playing
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SPEAKER_00: and start leading from their most alive selves.
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SPEAKER_00: So...
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SPEAKER_00: These women are in some ways doing a lot of the same things.
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SPEAKER_00: Everybody had a lot of experience in corporate roles.
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SPEAKER_00: Everyone has found more purpose and meaning in this current chapter.
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SPEAKER_00: And yet they're in sort of different places.
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SPEAKER_00: And I think for you as a listener,
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SPEAKER_00: this is really important to understand because Perhaps you're going to relate
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SPEAKER_00: a little more to one or the other,
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SPEAKER_00: but my hope is that you hear in all three of these stories,
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SPEAKER_00: commonalities and insights that you can use to find your greatest fulfillment
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SPEAKER_00: because research shows that Midlife is actually prime time for doing
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SPEAKER_00: the most meaningful work of our lives.
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SPEAKER_00: And research shows that all that rewiring that's happening in our brains,
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SPEAKER_00: it's making everything else sort of like dry and craggy is...
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SPEAKER_00: Making our quest for fulfillment and meaning ripe and ready.
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SPEAKER_00: And so we're going to use the incredible framework from Helen's book,
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SPEAKER_00: which calls it the Move Framework, to guide us through this exploration.
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SPEAKER_00: And I hope that you won't just be a passive participant in this,
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SPEAKER_00: but that really this won't be a conversation between me and three amazing women,
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SPEAKER_00: but between...
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SPEAKER_00: The four of us and all of you.
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SPEAKER_00: So grab a pen and paper, make some notes as you go and consider these questions for yourself.
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SPEAKER_00: And then let's do a book club when the book comes out and talk all about it and see
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SPEAKER_00: where we are.
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SPEAKER_00: All right.
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SPEAKER_00: With that, let's dive in.
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SPEAKER_00: Thank you all so much for being here.
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SPEAKER_00: Helen, we're going to kick things off with you.
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SPEAKER_00: Tell us a little bit about your journey and why you believe
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SPEAKER_00: that this framework really is the path to living with our greatest fulfillment.
4:51
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
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SPEAKER_03: Hi, everyone.
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SPEAKER_03: It is so wonderful to be here.
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SPEAKER_03: I want to start really by just saying that having come from
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SPEAKER_03: an human resources background,
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SPEAKER_03: Which is I started in recruitment,
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SPEAKER_03: which I love because I love interviewing individuals.
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SPEAKER_03: I started in the private sector, then I work for the United Nations and peacekeeping.
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SPEAKER_03: And everyone is so excited to start a job.
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SPEAKER_03: You know, when you get to interview people and see them thrive and they get the job, great.
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SPEAKER_03: And slowly but surely, I was seeing these same people start to wilt along the way.
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SPEAKER_03: So here I am as the HR professional,
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SPEAKER_03: the specialist, I try to keep them motivated and fulfilled.
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SPEAKER_03: And I could just see this decline over time that seemed
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SPEAKER_03: to happen no matter what organization I was working for.
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SPEAKER_03: And in particular, women, because we know all the systemic barriers that exist.
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SPEAKER_03: And so it got me thinking about how can I better support women who are in these spaces?
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SPEAKER_03: And sort of fast forward a couple of years after that,
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SPEAKER_03: when I was studying, I went back to school to get my doctorate in education.
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SPEAKER_03: I really focused on women who In the workplace and how some of them managed
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SPEAKER_03: to either recreate their careers to find more fulfillment or just find methodologies
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SPEAKER_03: that help them find a more fulfilling life.
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SPEAKER_03: And from that came the move framework,
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SPEAKER_03: which I'll explain there were There were four elements that were consistent
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SPEAKER_03: when I spoke to women and through my coaching that seemed to underpin those
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SPEAKER_03: that were able to do that journey successfully.
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SPEAKER_03: And it was the first one was around motivation, the M, right?
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SPEAKER_03: The motivation which encompasses values and skills and And how you relate to recognition.
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SPEAKER_03: The next piece was opportunities,
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SPEAKER_03: having access to opportunities,
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SPEAKER_03: understanding how to do that,
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SPEAKER_03: using your growth mindset to do that,
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SPEAKER_03: and also getting your workspace, your work environment.
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SPEAKER_03: So that's the O, the opportunities.
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SPEAKER_03: The third one was being clear, at least starting to investigate your vision, right?
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SPEAKER_03: Like going from who you are today to what that could look like, right?
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SPEAKER_03: So really the activation in terms of who am I becoming?
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SPEAKER_03: And then the last one, which is the E, is the encouraging community.
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SPEAKER_03: Nothing gets done.
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SPEAKER_03: We can see on this podcast and how you create these beautiful communities
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SPEAKER_03: without you having a community and an encouraging one.
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SPEAKER_03: So I thought the framework move because in addition to that,
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SPEAKER_03: we have gone from what I call what was called the opportunity gap,
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SPEAKER_03: certainly my mother's generation,
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SPEAKER_03: right, where there was just no options, to a fulfillment gap.
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SPEAKER_03: And so that's what I'm hoping to do through this book is really talk
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SPEAKER_03: about how using MOVE as a foundation.
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SPEAKER_03: And by the way, it's made up of obviously many different bits of research.
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SPEAKER_03: I just tried to put them in one framework to make it easier for me to also remember that piece.
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SPEAKER_03: So that's what I wanted to say about the framework and that's how it can be.
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SPEAKER_00: It's such an easy to remember framework.
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SPEAKER_00: And so well aligned with everything I'm finding in my research as well,
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SPEAKER_00: which is part of why I get so excited about it because it's so well distilled and
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SPEAKER_00: so grounded in research.
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SPEAKER_00: So Risa and Sue, before we get into your whole journeys, I thought...
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SPEAKER_00: I love the theme of your book, Helen.
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SPEAKER_00: It's fantastic.
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SPEAKER_00: Can't wait to read it.
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SPEAKER_00: Already pre-ordered.
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SPEAKER_00: So fulfillment,
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SPEAKER_00: you know,
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SPEAKER_00: when I think about it is something that really feels authentic to you,
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SPEAKER_00: that comes naturally.
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SPEAKER_00: Whereas in
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SPEAKER_02: In my former, you know, part of my career, a lot of the elements did come naturally.
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SPEAKER_02: So that gave me a lot of joy in the 38 years that I was in the media and technology industry.
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SPEAKER_02: But now what I'm finding is that when something really comes
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SPEAKER_02: from your personal experience and you can bring along your professional experience,
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SPEAKER_02: it is so much more added authentic, I guess I'd say, with so much integrity.
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SPEAKER_02: And that ability to see the vision when you talked about so much clearer
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SPEAKER_02: And concise than ever before.
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SPEAKER_02: So that gives me fulfillment to know what I'm doing,
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SPEAKER_02: where I'm going, and be open to other avenues and different pockets of interest.
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SPEAKER_02: But it's the marrying of the two that I think for people at our stage of avenue
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SPEAKER_02: to bring together all the different experiences, not one or the other.
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SPEAKER_00: I love that.
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SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that reintegration, we keep calling it.
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SPEAKER_00: So you were born with a rare cancer and being treated for that cancer has,
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SPEAKER_00: I imagine, shaped every aspect of your life.
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SPEAKER_00: So tell us a little bit about how that's influenced your feelings about fulfillment.
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SPEAKER_01: My situation is actually an end of one.
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SPEAKER_01: I am the only documented case of the type and severity of cancer at birth.
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SPEAKER_01: And truth be told, until I was 26, you wouldn't hear me talk about it.
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SPEAKER_01: You wouldn't hear me engage with it,
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SPEAKER_01: despite having to live with the realities of its impact on my life every single day.
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SPEAKER_01: So very quickly, I wore diapers until my 30s when I ultimately got a permanent ostomy.
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SPEAKER_01: I did enemas every morning before school, which is super fun as a kid.
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SPEAKER_01: And there were any number of other dynamics that were prevalent in my everyday life
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SPEAKER_01: and then sprinkled in doctor's visits and fun conversations
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SPEAKER_01: that children really don't have on a normal basis.
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SPEAKER_01: But I was so fervent and so adamant that cancer did not define me
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SPEAKER_01: that I simply just ignored the realities for a really long time.
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SPEAKER_01: And I will say this forever.
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SPEAKER_01: My parents did not.
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SPEAKER_01: They did make the right choice.
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SPEAKER_01: They basically were like, this does not define you.
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SPEAKER_01: This does not stop you.
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SPEAKER_01: You can do anything.
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SPEAKER_01: And they basically told my doctors every day, she's going to live.
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SPEAKER_01: She's going to live.
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SPEAKER_01: Back off.
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SPEAKER_01: The mentality of this is not who you are.
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SPEAKER_01: It is something that you manage has just always been there.
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SPEAKER_01: But when you become an adult, it's time to start navigating the dynamic for yourself.
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SPEAKER_01: And I have been on a journey since the past almost 15 years now
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SPEAKER_01: of figuring out what it means to recognize that my health realities shape
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SPEAKER_01: but don't define who I am.
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SPEAKER_01: And the willingness to engage in that dialogue
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SPEAKER_01: on my terms has revolutionized my capacity to understand fulfillment for myself.
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SPEAKER_01: Because when you're spending so much energy pushing against something,
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SPEAKER_01: you are not giving yourself the space to understand what actually draws you
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SPEAKER_01: towards something else, right?
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SPEAKER_01: Because all of your energy is saying, box this thing out as opposed to let these things in.
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SPEAKER_01: So my ability to navigate dialogue
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SPEAKER_01: and understand how my health realities make me strong
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SPEAKER_01: and actually give myself credit For the strength that I have to possess
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SPEAKER_01: to actually live under that, right?
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SPEAKER_01: Has actually allowed me to start accepting that I'm deserving of some level of fulfillment.
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SPEAKER_01: And that,
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SPEAKER_01: those conversations ultimately have allowed me to understand that fulfillment
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SPEAKER_01: for me is about the ability,
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SPEAKER_01: as Risa was talking about,
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SPEAKER_01: to understand what my authentic self is and bring that to the table for
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SPEAKER_01: Without apology or without suggesting that it's my responsibility to diminish that
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SPEAKER_01: to somebody else.
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SPEAKER_01: Because the realities that I've learned is that my natural intensity is the thing
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SPEAKER_01: that allows me to positively impact others.
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SPEAKER_01: And what a gift that is to be able to impact others.
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SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
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SPEAKER_00: And what strikes me about all of your experiences is that there really was
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SPEAKER_00: a catalyst that shifted the trajectory for each of you.
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SPEAKER_00: Yours came extremely early, but it also wasn't.
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SPEAKER_00: Was this catalyst of becoming an adult and saying,
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SPEAKER_00: okay, now that I'm in the driver's seat, what am I going to do with my leadership?
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SPEAKER_00: For Risa and Helen and I,
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SPEAKER_00: that moment of change because I'm also someone who left a 20-year corporate career
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SPEAKER_00: to pursue a career just doing the things that I felt really called to do and
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SPEAKER_00: the impact that I felt called to make.
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SPEAKER_00: And...
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SPEAKER_00: I think for each of us,
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SPEAKER_00: we had this moment of this catalytic moment that said,
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SPEAKER_00: okay, what are you going to choose?
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SPEAKER_00: And to me, that links very closely, Helen, to your first pillar of motivation.
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SPEAKER_00: And so in the book,
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SPEAKER_00: you talk about pinpointing core motivation,
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SPEAKER_00: the thing that energizes you and is not just the thing you think you should want.
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SPEAKER_00: What got you asking that question for yourself?
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SPEAKER_03: That's a great question.
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SPEAKER_03: I think what got me asking that question is,
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SPEAKER_03: even for myself,
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SPEAKER_03: when you're like,
14:12
SPEAKER_03: you're doing this job and people are like,
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SPEAKER_03: you're so good at it, or this is where you shine and da-da-da.
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SPEAKER_03: And so there was this obligation that started creeping in for me in HR because more
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SPEAKER_03: than expecting that I would forever solve the same thing.
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SPEAKER_03: And it was so draining myself.
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SPEAKER_03: I really had to recalibrate and think about what is the piece that I actually want
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SPEAKER_03: to do that energizes me in a way that is healthy and sustainable?
14:51
SPEAKER_03: And so that had me kind of step away and decide to start my own practice
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SPEAKER_03: that I could have the possibility that I wanted,
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SPEAKER_03: that I could be in conversations with individuals that I felt were interesting
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SPEAKER_03: and important for what I wanted to do.
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SPEAKER_03: So that was a real shift for me as I saw that happening around me.
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SPEAKER_00: It's such a great example, too, of what you talk about as being values-led.
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SPEAKER_00: And so, right, that healthy and sustainable sustainability, right, that is values in action.
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SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it was the absolute core value of mine was flexibility,
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SPEAKER_03: freedom, being able to be a choice.
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SPEAKER_00: One of the questions I've asked now at this point,
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SPEAKER_00: hundreds and hundreds of women is how their values have shifted with time.
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SPEAKER_00: And I do believe like many people that our core values stay the same throughout our lives.
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SPEAKER_00: And yet they do shift in terms of intensity and focus.
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SPEAKER_00: And that desire for flexibility is one that Peaks actually,
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SPEAKER_00: I believe later in life than we would,
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SPEAKER_00: most of us expect it to because we have that,
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SPEAKER_00: we talk about the rebellious teen,
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SPEAKER_00: but nobody's talking about the rebellious 50 year old.
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SPEAKER_00: Here we are, like we, and it is, it's full self-expression.
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SPEAKER_00: It's not,
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SPEAKER_00: nor is it with teens,
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SPEAKER_00: I don't believe most of the time,
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SPEAKER_00: you know, rage against the machine as much as it is like, I just want to be me.
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SPEAKER_00: Risa, your catalytic moment was quite different.
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SPEAKER_00: If we go back to that context,
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SPEAKER_00: you've shared in your work that losing your dad really put you on a path
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SPEAKER_00: to re-evaluate what mattered to you, how you were spending your time.
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SPEAKER_00: And you've shared that your dad's last text to you was,
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SPEAKER_00: What that meant to him and to you.
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SPEAKER_00: So how has that motivated you in this next chapter as you've created these communities at first?
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SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
16:47
SPEAKER_02: So yes, my father was and is still my greatest supporter,
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SPEAKER_02: just always that champion in my career.
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SPEAKER_02: And early on when companies came and went...
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SPEAKER_02: He just knew that I'd be resilient.
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SPEAKER_02: And I was.
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SPEAKER_02: And he was just always just that supporter.
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SPEAKER_02: Never anything but positive.
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SPEAKER_02: And when he passed and his last little text and words to me were love is,
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SPEAKER_02: it did take me a year of thinking and walking and thinking and noodling.
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SPEAKER_02: What does that mean?
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SPEAKER_02: While I had many years of this love, but I'm like, love is, did he really mean to type that?
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SPEAKER_02: Like, or is he putting like a little puzzle out there to me?
17:24
SPEAKER_02: It was kind of like an interesting challenge.
17:27
SPEAKER_02: And when I got to take a step into this like thinking mode,
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SPEAKER_02: I thought to myself,
17:31
SPEAKER_02: you know what, Risa,
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SPEAKER_02: you have achieved and more in your corporate life, anything than you ever expected.
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SPEAKER_02: You really have.
17:38
SPEAKER_02: It was glorious.
17:38
SPEAKER_02: It was 38 years and I'll say 34 of it was fantastic.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: That's the off-boarding period.
17:46
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
17:47
SPEAKER_02: That's when you're like, okay.
17:48
SPEAKER_02: So I could reflect back and someone said to me who didn't even know me that well
17:52
SPEAKER_02: when I described it, you've had a beautiful corporate career.
17:55
SPEAKER_02: And that kind of gave me that great ability to close that door, but keep those skills.
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SPEAKER_02: But when dad said love is, and after thinking for a year, I said, well, he was a butcher.
18:06
SPEAKER_02: He loved to cook.
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SPEAKER_02: He loved to tell stories.
18:08
SPEAKER_02: He loved to get people together.
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SPEAKER_02: I love to cook and bake and tell stories and get people together and Having love
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SPEAKER_02: as community suppers is an opportunity to do that with new people
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SPEAKER_02: and expand my community.
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SPEAKER_02: And now,
18:20
SPEAKER_02: rather than being in corporate world,
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SPEAKER_02: I like to call this the human world where I am engaging
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SPEAKER_02: with new people every single day.
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SPEAKER_02: And the positive outcome of that makes it very evident that he's with me every day
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SPEAKER_02: when I'm in the kitchen,
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SPEAKER_02: when I'm at these events,
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SPEAKER_02: when I'm doing all the things I do to take next steps and where I want
18:39
SPEAKER_02: to bring love is.
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SPEAKER_02: So he is literally with me saying love.
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SPEAKER_02: You got it.
18:43
SPEAKER_02: You got it.
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SPEAKER_02: You figured out what it meant for you and for us,
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SPEAKER_02: but you also are taking in all that input from other people to make it
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SPEAKER_02: a collaboration.
18:53
SPEAKER_02: So when talking about that supportive community, the community.
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SPEAKER_02: My community has been so supportive of what I'm doing,
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SPEAKER_02: but also is very clear and helpful in saying, have you thought of this?
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SPEAKER_02: What about that?
19:05
SPEAKER_02: How about an ambassador program?
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SPEAKER_02: And so that is my supportive community that builds on the vision I had and
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SPEAKER_02: the motivation from my dad.
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SPEAKER_02: So your book is...
19:14
SPEAKER_02: Right there.
19:15
SPEAKER_02: I'm already on my bedside table, even though it's all now.
19:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
19:17
SPEAKER_02: So it's there.
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SPEAKER_02: And that's what fills me up.
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SPEAKER_02: That's what fulfills me is knowing that all those components come together
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SPEAKER_02: and not saying that the corporate career didn't have all those pluses again,
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SPEAKER_02: but now I can bring those skills to what I'm doing now.
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SPEAKER_02: So again, the combination is not feeling like I had to like, you know, say goodbye to it.
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SPEAKER_02: I just said,
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SPEAKER_02: let's segue it into something that really is in my heart and soul and is so needed
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SPEAKER_02: by the world.
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SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I hear in your answer,
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SPEAKER_00: this image of puzzle pieces coming together and saying,
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SPEAKER_00: hey, Risa, here's the picture.
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SPEAKER_00: Can you see it?
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SPEAKER_00: And it was this journey really towards what's the most authentic.
19:56
SPEAKER_00: She started to realize in adulthood that like she had this story
19:59
SPEAKER_00: and she had this purpose to guide others who were experiencing illness,
20:02
SPEAKER_00: who were on their sort of path to purpose and full active engagement and
20:22
SPEAKER_00: And the world was saying, hey, Sue, fulfillment is soft and sweet and tender.
20:29
SPEAKER_00: It is in whispered tones.
20:32
SPEAKER_00: And Sue, you've kind of said, I'm going to paraphrase for our audience.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: F that.
20:38
SPEAKER_00: That sounds boring.
20:39
SPEAKER_00: That does not sound true to me.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: I am intense.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: I am high achieving.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: I am ambitious.
20:48
SPEAKER_00: And I think probably,
20:49
SPEAKER_00: you know, if we like that assumption could have left you out of the story.
20:53
SPEAKER_00: But what was it like for you to say,
20:55
SPEAKER_00: wait, what if I brought the truest version of me into the story?
21:01
SPEAKER_00: What might be possible then?
21:03
SPEAKER_01: So the shift for me was when I stopped focusing on what I wanted to do
21:08
SPEAKER_01: and started focusing on who I wanted to be.
21:11
SPEAKER_01: I ask myself the same three questions every morning for the past decade.
21:16
SPEAKER_01: And these questions are what ground me in not being succumbed to the shoulds.
21:23
SPEAKER_01: And those are, who do I want to be?
21:24
SPEAKER_01: How do I want to show up?
21:25
SPEAKER_01: And how do I want to impact?
21:27
SPEAKER_01: If I can be constantly living through a lens,
21:30
SPEAKER_01: not of what I can offer in terms of tasks to be ticked off,
21:37
SPEAKER_01: But what I can offer in terms of how somebody feels about how I show up to them,
21:44
SPEAKER_01: for them, with them, that nothing else matters.
21:48
SPEAKER_01: You could tell me to quiet down, you're too much, you're too loud, you're too this, fine.
21:53
SPEAKER_01: That's not my problem.
21:55
SPEAKER_01: Because I know when I'm in that high energy space,
21:58
SPEAKER_01: what I bring to others is much more impactful, as I said before.
22:02
SPEAKER_01: And Helen and Raisa,
22:03
SPEAKER_01: both of you talked about these skills that you developed In the corporate space
22:07
SPEAKER_01: and this idea that Helen,
22:09
SPEAKER_01: you were saying at one point, they started to drain, right?
22:12
SPEAKER_01: Just your natural amazingness, your natural talent became the thing that drained you.
22:19
SPEAKER_01: For me, my natural talent became the thing that bored me.
22:23
SPEAKER_01: So I'm a lawyer by trade.
22:25
SPEAKER_01: I am born and bred to be a lawyer.
22:27
SPEAKER_01: Like this is what I was supposed to be doing with my life, right?
22:30
SPEAKER_01: That's what I should be doing.
22:31
SPEAKER_01: And yet I find myself now having migrated to this broad,
22:37
SPEAKER_01: expansive role in my corporate job across everything still in the legal space,
22:43
SPEAKER_01: but more I'm working on actuarial models and investment strategies.
22:47
SPEAKER_01: What's that?
22:47
SPEAKER_01: No, I don't do numbers.
22:48
SPEAKER_01: Are you kidding me?
22:49
SPEAKER_01: Are you out of your mind?
22:50
SPEAKER_01: No.
22:51
SPEAKER_01: The second I stopped focusing on what am I doing and shifted to who I'm being,
22:56
SPEAKER_01: the opportunity set expanded, right?
22:59
SPEAKER_01: So you're, oh,
23:00
SPEAKER_01: the seeking of and the offering of opportunities,
23:02
SPEAKER_01: I truly believe expands infinitely when we are showing up authentically.
23:09
SPEAKER_01: Because when I stopped caring, I say stopped caring.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I stopped caring.
23:15
SPEAKER_01: I stopped caring if people thought that I was aggressive or intensive.
23:20
SPEAKER_01: Because intensity for me can be aggressive.
23:22
SPEAKER_01: It can also be passionate.
23:25
SPEAKER_01: And I know that my value system derives from it being passionate.
23:30
SPEAKER_01: And that opened up so many opportunities.
23:33
SPEAKER_01: And all of those tasks that I was able to do so well,
23:36
SPEAKER_01: which I can do with my eyes closed and I'm really good at getting shit done.
23:40
SPEAKER_01: Congratulations to me.
23:42
SPEAKER_01: You can get shit done.
23:43
SPEAKER_01: Woohoo.
23:44
SPEAKER_01: Great skillset.
23:46
SPEAKER_01: It is, let's not dismiss it.
23:50
SPEAKER_01: But what my skill set was,
23:51
SPEAKER_01: was actually the capacity to assess things over various areas and synthesize
23:58
SPEAKER_01: and engage with people in dialogue about how things connect to one another.
24:02
SPEAKER_01: Guess what?
24:02
SPEAKER_01: That's not just a skill set I can do in M&A.
24:05
SPEAKER_01: That's how you connect with people.
24:08
SPEAKER_01: And so for me,
24:08
SPEAKER_01: the shift from what am I doing to who I'm being really,
24:14
SPEAKER_01: Was the impetus for a lot of that expansion and the willingness to step into more.
24:19
SPEAKER_00: Love that.
24:20
SPEAKER_00: But it's such a perfect segue to the second step in Helen's framework, which is opportunities.
24:26
SPEAKER_00: And I talk about this in my book as what is this moment perfect for?
24:32
SPEAKER_00: What resources do we have available to us?
24:35
SPEAKER_00: And we've heard so much from each of you about how this is not just this moment,
24:39
SPEAKER_00: but it is the sum total of all of our lived experiences played out in new
24:44
SPEAKER_00: and vibrant ways.
24:45
SPEAKER_00: What are you hearing on the opportunities at front,
24:48
SPEAKER_00: Helen, as you hear Susan and Risa's stories for the first time?
24:53
SPEAKER_03: So it's funny,
24:54
SPEAKER_03: as Sue and Narice were talking,
24:56
SPEAKER_03: I was thinking, ooh, like the growth mindset in full effect.
24:59
SPEAKER_03: You know, I feel that it's something that we've heard about, I guess, in this maybe last decade.
25:06
SPEAKER_03: And like, that's the piece to lean into.
25:09
SPEAKER_03: My mom didn't have that.
25:10
SPEAKER_03: It was like, go to work, come home and hope for tomorrow.
25:14
SPEAKER_03: And the opportunity for me is like,
25:15
SPEAKER_03: let's really lean into that because it doesn't cost anything.
25:19
SPEAKER_03: We could all apply it.
25:21
SPEAKER_03: And I found when I've been in either coaching workshops or running retreats
25:25
SPEAKER_03: that you can share the frameworks and the research behind why it matters.
25:30
SPEAKER_03: It really does make a difference.
25:32
SPEAKER_03: And I think through that, and Sue, you were talking about being in the
25:37
SPEAKER_03: Not doing, but like kind of being.
25:39
SPEAKER_03: And one question that I often ask individuals who are kind of like,
25:43
SPEAKER_03: well, I want to look after this opportunity, but how do I go about it?
25:47
SPEAKER_03: And I ask them to think about what is it that they want to experience for themselves.
25:52
SPEAKER_03: Right.
25:52
SPEAKER_03: Something that I've also asked myself, like, what is it?
25:55
SPEAKER_03: Like, do I want to be a leader?
25:57
SPEAKER_03: Do I want to be the CEO of something or not?
25:59
SPEAKER_03: And I think sometimes people that helps to also look at it through that lens as
26:03
SPEAKER_03: an experience rather than like, I need to do X or finish this task list.
26:09
SPEAKER_03: And yeah,
26:09
SPEAKER_03: so I think opportunities,
26:11
SPEAKER_03: the biggest one I see is definitely through the mindset window.
26:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
26:16
SPEAKER_00: And it's so interesting too how we, like many of us know the idea of growth mindset, right?
26:22
SPEAKER_00: And we might even say to ourselves, oh,
26:24
SPEAKER_00: I have a growth mindset because we're seeing the parts of our lives in which we have
26:28
SPEAKER_00: a growth mindset.
26:30
SPEAKER_00: And growth mindset is a tendency.
26:32
SPEAKER_00: We are more likely to have a growth mindset in all areas.
26:35
SPEAKER_00: If we have it in one, we can build that muscle.
26:38
SPEAKER_00: And we also almost always have blind spots in our growth mindsets.
26:43
SPEAKER_00: And so I think what you're saying is you explicitly apply that here is look
26:49
SPEAKER_00: at how you're thinking about what's possible for you in terms of your own growth
26:55
SPEAKER_00: and your opportunities.
26:56
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
26:57
SPEAKER_03: Because we default to negative patterns, right?
26:59
SPEAKER_03: Like it's so much easier to like wallow in what we know.
27:02
SPEAKER_03: Well,
27:03
SPEAKER_03: you have to also like take agency and then take a stance on what you want to expand
27:08
SPEAKER_03: and bring out into the world.
27:10
SPEAKER_03: You have to do that.
27:11
SPEAKER_03: It can't be done for you all the time.
27:13
SPEAKER_00: I love that so much.
27:15
SPEAKER_00: Risa, you,
27:17
SPEAKER_00: as you said,
27:17
SPEAKER_00: spent 38 years in a corporate career, did all sorts of extraordinary things.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: What made this opportunity right now possible in
27:27
SPEAKER_00: a way it might not have been possible five years ago?
27:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, for me,
27:31
SPEAKER_02: it was the thinking about how to bring together my love of these other passions
27:38
SPEAKER_02: of cooking and baking and community And it was,
27:41
SPEAKER_02: there was a dinner that my,
27:43
SPEAKER_02: I had three children and my middle daughter said,
27:45
SPEAKER_02: you know, I'd like to invite this group of people over.
27:47
SPEAKER_02: And then my son said, oh, can I bring so-and-so?
27:50
SPEAKER_02: And then my youngest daughter said, can I bring so-and-so?
27:52
SPEAKER_02: And my husband said, sure, everybody come along.
27:54
SPEAKER_02: And it was like, almost like stone soup.
27:56
SPEAKER_02: Everybody comes a little bit, right?
27:58
SPEAKER_02: And it was on a weeknight when I was working corporately, 17 people were coming over for dinner.
28:04
SPEAKER_02: So that's a big group on a weeknight.
28:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm like already worried about your dishes.
28:09
SPEAKER_02: Is that you stressed out?
28:10
SPEAKER_02: And I thought, okay,
28:12
SPEAKER_02: I know I can get the food part because I love to cook and bake and I'll start
28:15
SPEAKER_02: a little bit on the weekend.
28:16
SPEAKER_02: It was a Tuesday evening and I'll do some in the morning and I'll wrap up work at
28:20
SPEAKER_02: a tidy time and get going.
28:22
SPEAKER_02: But I wondered about the conversation part.
28:24
SPEAKER_02: I wondered about, will a conversation flow between these folks that don't know each other?
28:29
SPEAKER_02: Will it be very, you know, flowy?
28:32
SPEAKER_02: And then I thought to myself, you know what?
28:33
SPEAKER_02: Food always is that equalizer.
28:35
SPEAKER_02: So even when a conversation dips or just kind of gets a little quiet...
28:39
SPEAKER_02: People can always and will talk about the food.
28:41
SPEAKER_02: What was in this?
28:42
SPEAKER_02: Where did you find this recipe?
28:43
SPEAKER_02: How often do you cook?
28:44
SPEAKER_02: It's like the weather.
28:45
SPEAKER_02: It's an easy question to talk about, right?
28:47
SPEAKER_02: It's safe and it's interesting.
28:49
SPEAKER_02: So when I hosted that meal and we finished it and everything went beautifully from
28:54
SPEAKER_02: a food and dessert standpoint,
28:55
SPEAKER_02: but then from the conversation,
28:57
SPEAKER_02: again, just sun, moon and stars, I said to myself, this is what I need to do.
29:02
SPEAKER_02: And when we were talking about opportunities,
29:04
SPEAKER_02: I think one of the Roads that folks can take is seeing an opportunity and action.
29:10
SPEAKER_02: And I just did it.
29:11
SPEAKER_02: I just said, I'm going to find a place and I'm going to do it in July of last year.
29:15
SPEAKER_02: And I assume people who say they want to come will come to this supper.
29:19
SPEAKER_02: They don't know me.
29:19
SPEAKER_02: I don't know them.
29:21
SPEAKER_02: And so I just let it rip.
29:22
SPEAKER_02: You know, I just said, I'm going to do it.
29:24
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's what holds some people back is the act of doing it
29:27
SPEAKER_02: because there's fear, right?
29:28
SPEAKER_02: There's fear.
29:29
SPEAKER_02: I was nervous.
29:29
SPEAKER_02: Will people really show up?
29:31
SPEAKER_02: Will the conversation flow?
29:32
SPEAKER_02: How will the whole logistics work?
29:34
SPEAKER_02: I had never done that before.
29:35
SPEAKER_02: I'd only cooked in my home.
29:37
SPEAKER_02: So I thought to myself, but you just got to do it.
29:39
SPEAKER_02: And then you can massage it and make it a little bit different or you can take some feedback in.
29:44
SPEAKER_02: So just doing it.
29:45
SPEAKER_02: It's like the opportunity in doing it,
29:47
SPEAKER_02: but an opportunity presented itself with this collaborative dinner that I said,
29:52
SPEAKER_02: that's step one.
29:53
SPEAKER_02: Then we'll get to step two.
29:55
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
29:55
SPEAKER_00: I'm writing in the book right now, this chapter on...
29:58
SPEAKER_00: Minimum viable vision.
30:00
SPEAKER_00: I think so often we get locked in these little rules about what's okay
30:04
SPEAKER_00: and what's acceptable and then we lock ourselves out.
30:08
SPEAKER_00: And Sue actually has a really cool story about this that I think aligns with
30:12
SPEAKER_00: so many people and that for so many of us, we think we have to choose.
30:16
SPEAKER_00: Do I get to keep my corporate career and stay ambitious and climb
30:22
SPEAKER_00: that corporate ladder and do stay on the path I've built?
30:26
SPEAKER_00: Or do I have to pivot completely and go down the other path
30:31
SPEAKER_00: of this service-oriented vision that I have for my community purpose?
30:39
SPEAKER_00: And Sue,
30:40
SPEAKER_00: you have an opportunity here where you've said,
30:42
SPEAKER_00: look, I work for really nice, supportive people.
30:45
SPEAKER_00: And I want to do both.
30:48
SPEAKER_00: And so I'm going to go really big in both of these without compromise.
30:53
SPEAKER_00: So talk a little about like how you're reconciling that.
30:56
SPEAKER_00: Did you have that fear or worry that so many of us carry?
31:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, constantly.
31:01
SPEAKER_00: You'll get fired if you do visceral edge?
31:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:05
SPEAKER_01: So it's the reason the first iteration of visceral edge never went anywhere.
31:10
SPEAKER_01: So several years ago,
31:12
SPEAKER_01: I stepped into the world of,
31:15
SPEAKER_01: you know,
31:16
SPEAKER_01: Mysic coaching and impairment and workshops and all of that in a very anti-Sue way,
31:22
SPEAKER_01: a very timid way.
31:24
SPEAKER_01: It was not,
31:24
SPEAKER_01: although the verbiage was intense,
31:28
SPEAKER_01: the actions were very hidden and small, very small.
31:33
SPEAKER_01: And when I went to business school,
31:36
SPEAKER_01: I did the exact program at Columbia and there's something called CBS Stories and
31:41
SPEAKER_01: And my classmates encouraged me to do a CBS story, CBS Matters, about my life.
31:47
SPEAKER_01: Wait, what is CBS stories?
31:49
SPEAKER_01: So it's opportunities for the students to share about themselves to our peers.
31:55
Okay.
31:56
SPEAKER_01: And I was very hesitant to do it, but somebody was like, please do it.
32:01
SPEAKER_01: Please share.
32:03
SPEAKER_01: Like, just open your fucking mouth and talk for an hour.
32:07
SPEAKER_01: I was like, okay, fine.
32:09
SPEAKER_01: And the reaction.
32:11
SPEAKER_01: To this day,
32:12
SPEAKER_01: years later,
32:13
SPEAKER_01: was so undeniably powerful that I sat back and I was like, I have to do something.
32:21
SPEAKER_01: I've spent my whole life thinking I have potential but not being willing
32:26
SPEAKER_01: to believe it because I felt it was selfish or narcissistic
32:30
SPEAKER_01: or that's not what you should be focused on, right?
32:33
SPEAKER_01: I was the intelligent one.
32:34
SPEAKER_01: I wasn't the kind one, right?
32:36
SPEAKER_01: That's the mentality.
32:38
SPEAKER_01: But I showed it for a little while because I had to get through business school
32:40
SPEAKER_01: and I had to climb that corporate ladder.
32:43
SPEAKER_01: But I brought that mentality to my corporate job.
32:47
SPEAKER_01: And over the last few years,
32:50
SPEAKER_01: the willingness for my company to just accept me as me because I refused
32:56
SPEAKER_01: to show anybody else...
32:58
SPEAKER_01: Right.
32:59
SPEAKER_01: Has allowed me the chance when I had another opportunity,
33:03
SPEAKER_01: somebody, I actually was at a dinner, a women's networking events, totally randomly.
33:09
SPEAKER_01: And one of the women's where there was like,
33:10
SPEAKER_01: I know you do this thing in your day job,
33:12
SPEAKER_01: but that's not what you're supposed to be doing.
33:14
SPEAKER_01: You're supposed to be doing this other thing.
33:17
SPEAKER_01: And so it's that, it's that, it's those links over time, right?
33:21
SPEAKER_01: For me, it wasn't a moment,
33:23
SPEAKER_01: but over this past nine months to a year,
33:26
SPEAKER_01: my mentality has been, I am impactful in my job as a person.
33:33
SPEAKER_01: Yes, I get shit done for the company and I'm really,
33:35
SPEAKER_01: really good at what they need for the bottom line,
33:38
SPEAKER_01: but I'm also impactful as a person.
33:40
SPEAKER_01: And guess what?
33:42
SPEAKER_01: This other thing that brings me so much joy and lights me the fuck up,
33:46
SPEAKER_01: I'm really good at that too.
33:48
SPEAKER_01: And why am I sitting here saying I have to choose?
33:52
SPEAKER_01: You create time, you don't have it.
33:55
SPEAKER_01: The ability to stop my mind from wasting time and energy on things that don't serve
34:02
SPEAKER_01: who I want to be and how I want to show up creates so much time that I have
34:07
SPEAKER_01: the capacity to do both, number one.
34:09
SPEAKER_01: Number two, I am a better human being.
34:12
SPEAKER_01: I am a better human being when I get to do Visceral Edge.
34:16
SPEAKER_01: I'm also enhanced as a human being in my corporate job.
34:20
SPEAKER_01: That is not by accident.
34:22
SPEAKER_01: Like I didn't just stumble into an environment that was supportive.
34:25
SPEAKER_01: I helped create that for myself.
34:27
SPEAKER_01: I would not settle for anything less.
34:29
SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
34:30
SPEAKER_01: A lot of people will be like, oh, that's really hard to create.
34:34
SPEAKER_01: It's about you're lucky that you had these sort of people.
34:37
SPEAKER_01: Yes, I am lucky.
34:39
SPEAKER_01: I am lucky.
34:39
SPEAKER_01: But also I made certain decisions about who I was surrounding myself with,
34:43
SPEAKER_01: what pivots I made in my career.
34:45
SPEAKER_01: I also made it very clear very early on that I wasn't going to conform
34:50
SPEAKER_01: to other people's dynamics.
34:52
SPEAKER_01: And if they had a problem with that, it's okay to fire me.
34:55
SPEAKER_01: It's okay.
34:57
SPEAKER_01: Because I can't do my best work for you unless you let me be this person.
35:03
SPEAKER_01: I am so fortunate that they were responsive to that.
35:06
SPEAKER_01: And I have incredible mentors and guides and leaders who say,
35:11
SPEAKER_01: You can do both because we know this other thing serves how you show up.
35:18
SPEAKER_01: If I were to hide it from them, that's wasted energy.
35:22
SPEAKER_01: It's wasted energy.
35:24
SPEAKER_01: And it depletes my capacity in both spaces.
35:27
SPEAKER_01: So if my drive is grounded in how I can show up and impact,
35:32
SPEAKER_01: why would I do anything to undermine that in both places,
35:36
SPEAKER_01: let alone just one of them?
35:38
SPEAKER_00: So well and powerfully said.
35:40
SPEAKER_00: And yet we get the lesson all the time that we should compartmentalize and hide and shrink.
35:47
SPEAKER_00: And I think every one of you is saying, no,
35:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to bring the biggest, most complete version of myself because yeah, why?
35:57
SPEAKER_00: We're cheating everyone and everything when we're editing ourselves in that way.
36:02
SPEAKER_01: And it will be offensive to some people, right?
36:06
SPEAKER_01: Like, That's the bottom line.
36:08
SPEAKER_01: You have to be comfortable being offensive to some people.
36:12
SPEAKER_01: And that's where confidence in values for me comes in.
36:16
SPEAKER_01: If I can look at myself at the end of the day and say that my actions were derived
36:22
SPEAKER_01: from a place of desired positive impact,
36:25
SPEAKER_01: how somebody took how I showed up Of course,
36:29
SPEAKER_01: I need to understand that and make changes to support the ability to maybe do it in
36:35
SPEAKER_01: a way that might feel less abrasive to them.
36:37
SPEAKER_01: But I don't need to overhaul.
36:40
SPEAKER_01: And that's freed up so much energy and time to be able to realize that.
36:45
SPEAKER_01: I wish I knew it, you know, 30
36:48
SPEAKER_00: years ago.
36:48
SPEAKER_00: But you're sharing it now so that we can all be a little bolder.
36:51
SPEAKER_00: Helen, are you listening to this going like, that's what I mean.
36:55
SPEAKER_00: That.
36:59
SPEAKER_03: Ticked all the boxes.
37:00
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
37:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
37:02
SPEAKER_00: You talk about vision and crafting a clear sense of who you're becoming,
37:06
SPEAKER_00: not just what you're doing, which of course, Sue jumped right into.
37:11
SPEAKER_00: So what has shifted for you in this chapter in terms of how you are being in order
37:17
SPEAKER_00: to live with the greatest fulfillment in your vision of yourself?
37:22
SPEAKER_03: Sure.
37:22
SPEAKER_03: Well, it's funny because going back to the vision piece,
37:25
SPEAKER_03: and I will say that for some people, it's not They don't have it.
37:29
SPEAKER_03: They don't have it yet.
37:30
SPEAKER_03: Like there's a pull, there's a yearning, there's something.
37:34
SPEAKER_03: I'm like, just follow that curiosity.
37:36
SPEAKER_03: You don't need to have the full, perfectly built house.
37:39
SPEAKER_03: You just need to be like, something is like tugging at me.
37:43
SPEAKER_03: What is that?
37:43
SPEAKER_03: Let's scratch the surface.
37:45
SPEAKER_03: So way back a few years ago,
37:48
SPEAKER_03: when I was living in Switzerland,
37:50
SPEAKER_03: I'd come,
37:50
SPEAKER_03: I did my undergraduate in the U.S. and I knew I wanted to live in New York.
37:54
SPEAKER_03: I just knew.
37:55
SPEAKER_03: But I grew up in the beautiful Geneva, gorgeous, you know, no complaints, 10 out of 10.
38:00
SPEAKER_03: And so I had this vision of moving to New York and being there.
38:05
SPEAKER_03: And a bit to Sue's point,
38:07
SPEAKER_03: so when I said it and let it out there, everybody was like, Can't do it.
38:12
SPEAKER_03: Too expensive.
38:13
SPEAKER_03: You're not American.
38:14
SPEAKER_03: The list was, the laundry list was so long that I just felt like I was being crushed.
38:21
SPEAKER_03: It was just being literally like,
38:23
SPEAKER_03: you know, eaten away, crushed all of it, you know, ground meat, whatever you want.
38:27
SPEAKER_03: But I persevered.
38:29
SPEAKER_03: And so for me,
38:30
SPEAKER_03: knowing that my vision was something was more about location
38:33
SPEAKER_03: than actually what I would be doing.
38:35
SPEAKER_03: I wanted the experience of living in New York City.
38:39
SPEAKER_03: And so I, you know, went ahead and did that in a couple of ways.
38:43
SPEAKER_03: I did get like a coach to help me with the transition.
38:46
SPEAKER_03: I was obsessive about playing like Frank Sinatra every morning, New York, New York.
38:51
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
38:53
SPEAKER_03: And on my little Nokia phone,
38:54
SPEAKER_03: if you remember the Nokia,
38:56
SPEAKER_03: I had a poor pixelated photo of the Empire State Building.
39:00
SPEAKER_03: So I had this whole like New York vibe going.
39:03
SPEAKER_03: And it took me about a year,
39:05
SPEAKER_03: about 14 months to move to New York,
39:07
SPEAKER_03: which is when I started working for the United Nations.
39:10
SPEAKER_03: My point is, you know, vision is so different for every individual, right?
39:14
SPEAKER_03: Like that experience for me was like, I want to live in America, live in New York.
39:18
SPEAKER_03: I didn't care what I was doing.
39:19
SPEAKER_03: Now I can say that my vision has shifted in the sense that I am here just over the moon.
39:25
SPEAKER_03: I'm here with my husband and we're just over the moon.
39:28
SPEAKER_03: And the vision has shifted, I guess, back to sort of what is the work?
39:33
SPEAKER_03: How can I be of service through my voice?
39:36
SPEAKER_03: Like I want to use my voice as a vessel to support communities
39:40
SPEAKER_03: that maybe look like me, don't look like me.
39:42
SPEAKER_03: But I really am now finding that I can hone more of that as opposed to
39:47
SPEAKER_03: the earlier version, which was just about like, I want to be in New York, right?
39:49
SPEAKER_03: This is now like, how can I also, in addition to that, be of service?
39:55
SPEAKER_03: That's where you get so much joy.
39:57
SPEAKER_03: It's like, how can this be used as a tool for others coming behind me as well?
40:01
SPEAKER_03: Because you have to lift as you climb, right?
40:03
SPEAKER_03: As we know.
40:04
SPEAKER_03: And so that's something that I'm working on.
40:06
SPEAKER_03: So I feel like that's where my vision has shifted.
40:08
SPEAKER_03: And yeah, and the more I am seeing that vision open up, the more opportunities are coming.
40:14
SPEAKER_03: On your podcast, meeting Risa and Sue, I'm like, oh, we have to do something.
40:19
SPEAKER_03: Like there's going to be more of it.
40:21
SPEAKER_03: It just amplifies.
40:23
SPEAKER_03: So it's very exciting.
40:24
SPEAKER_00: It is very exciting.
40:26
SPEAKER_00: And I love the way you layer the vision because I think there's a part of us
40:32
SPEAKER_00: that kind of like we feel virtuous about the service vision,
40:36
SPEAKER_00: but we feel like a little bit embarrassed about the like,
40:41
SPEAKER_00: I just want to live in New York.
40:43
SPEAKER_00: Like these things that just matter to us that maybe aren't in service of
40:48
SPEAKER_00: the grander purpose of the world, but because we just want them.
40:52
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, yes, yes, you get to have both.
40:57
SPEAKER_00: So Risa, you really started here with the minimum viable vision.
41:02
SPEAKER_00: You were like, what is the thing I already know how to do?
41:04
SPEAKER_00: I know how to do it well.
41:06
SPEAKER_00: I don't feel like I'm taking a ton of risk to do it.
41:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to do it.
41:09
SPEAKER_00: What's like,
41:10
SPEAKER_00: When you allow yourself to go, okay,
41:15
SPEAKER_00: there is this quiet,
41:16
SPEAKER_00: giant vision for the future that's hanging out in the back of my head,
41:21
SPEAKER_00: that's exciting me every day.
41:24
SPEAKER_00: What does it look like?
41:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
41:26
SPEAKER_02: And I think one of the things too is that in corporate America,
41:30
SPEAKER_02: I led and went with their vision as the corporate person, right?
41:35
SPEAKER_02: And I believed in it in my heart and soul, but it was still not my vision, right?
41:39
SPEAKER_02: Nope.
41:39
SPEAKER_02: Now it got to be my vision for the first time.
41:42
SPEAKER_02: And Sue,
41:43
SPEAKER_02: also when you were saying too about being yourself,
41:45
SPEAKER_02: one of my very first mentors who still also travels with me
41:49
SPEAKER_02: in spirit every day would just say, Risa, keep being Risa.
41:53
SPEAKER_02: And when you're in the corporate world,
41:55
SPEAKER_02: you can't always be Risa or Sue or Helen or you can't always.
42:00
SPEAKER_02: You have to be a little bit more moldable, right?
42:02
SPEAKER_02: And you have to be a little bit more flexible.
42:03
SPEAKER_02: Now I can just keep being Risa with this vision of I want
42:07
SPEAKER_02: to have these community suppers after I started to do it.
42:10
SPEAKER_02: I could see the response.
42:11
SPEAKER_02: The world needs more of this.
42:13
SPEAKER_02: This was exactly what I was looking for, but I didn't know I was looking for it.
42:16
SPEAKER_02: How simple this is to get people over a shared table and have a meal
42:20
SPEAKER_02: and look each other in the eye and not have our phones out and be connected.
42:25
SPEAKER_02: So the feedback I got was so positive.
42:28
SPEAKER_02: And then the bigger vision,
42:29
SPEAKER_02: as you were saying,
42:30
SPEAKER_02: came from hearing other people,
42:32
SPEAKER_02: which again,
42:33
SPEAKER_02: builds on my vision,
42:35
SPEAKER_02: but is this kind of collaborative spirit where people said to me,
42:38
SPEAKER_02: I'd like to host a Love Is Dinner in my community,
42:40
SPEAKER_02: but one, I don't know how, so you'd need to give me like a framework, an agenda.
42:45
SPEAKER_02: And two, I don't know where the funds are gonna come from.
42:48
SPEAKER_02: So if you went out there and made sure that you are now a nonprofit,
42:51
SPEAKER_02: which I'm in those steps now, And you had a fund.
42:54
SPEAKER_02: I could tap into that.
42:55
SPEAKER_02: And then the love is dinner can happen in any community with anybody.
42:59
SPEAKER_02: And I even had a woman come to my June supper here in town from New Zealand.
43:05
SPEAKER_02: And she said, a young woman, 24 years old.
43:07
SPEAKER_02: And she said to me, I want to be the first global love is supper ambassador.
43:13
SPEAKER_02: And I said, you got it.
43:15
SPEAKER_02: So she Feedback, when I hear that, helps build on what the core vision is.
43:19
SPEAKER_02: But again, it has this, it's me.
43:22
SPEAKER_02: So it's got to pass my test that it fits right and authentic to what I'm doing
43:26
SPEAKER_02: and what feedback I'm getting.
43:27
SPEAKER_02: But the bigger piece of having this ambassador program and having it be a movement
43:31
SPEAKER_02: across the globe,
43:33
SPEAKER_02: that's coming from so many people saying where it fits and how they want
43:37
SPEAKER_02: to be involved.
43:38
SPEAKER_02: And I have a waiting list of people that want to be ambassadors and a waiting list
43:41
SPEAKER_02: of people that want to volunteer and help.
43:43
SPEAKER_02: And I'm only one year in.
43:45
SPEAKER_02: So that's pretty remarkable.
43:49
SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
43:50
SPEAKER_00: It's incredible.
43:51
SPEAKER_00: It's incredible.
43:53
SPEAKER_02: It feels good.
43:53
SPEAKER_02: Like, so I know the vision is mine, but it's a shared vision now.
43:57
SPEAKER_02: And that, you know, that's what I want.
43:59
SPEAKER_02: That's what I really want.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: Such a great example too of encouraging community that last pillow we're going to talk about.
44:05
SPEAKER_00: Sue, what's your 10X vision for what you're doing now?
44:08
SPEAKER_00: We ask the intensity girl.
44:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
44:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
44:13
SPEAKER_01: 10x, 1,000x.
44:14
SPEAKER_01: How about 1,000x?
44:15
SPEAKER_01: I know.
44:17
SPEAKER_00: Sorry for the limits.
44:18
SPEAKER_01: Listen, I think for me,
44:20
SPEAKER_01: I'm still in the stage of the wholehearted belief of the confidence, right?
44:27
SPEAKER_01: Confidence comes in layers in my experience, right?
44:32
SPEAKER_01: And I have confidence in my voice,
44:35
SPEAKER_01: but do I have confidence that my message can reach others and actually impact them?
44:40
SPEAKER_01: And so the thing for me over the years has been just the day-to-day conversations
44:45
SPEAKER_01: that I've had,
44:46
SPEAKER_01: whether it's with my team at work,
44:47
SPEAKER_01: whether it's with my friends,
44:49
SPEAKER_01: whether it's honestly through the CBS Matters experience,
44:53
SPEAKER_01: and just believing people when they tell me that
44:57
SPEAKER_01: the words I've shared have made them become curious.
45:01
SPEAKER_01: Right, Helen, to your point earlier.
45:03
SPEAKER_01: To me, the greatest skill set you can have is curiosity.
45:06
SPEAKER_01: And for somebody to say, I want to be thinking about these things, right?
45:11
SPEAKER_01: I want to be grappling with this.
45:14
SPEAKER_01: My framework is not a 30-day guide to joy and love and calm, right?
45:19
SPEAKER_01: It is hard work and it's iterative and it's over long periods of time.
45:25
SPEAKER_01: And my vision that I'm starting to allow myself to accept as to be and
45:32
SPEAKER_01: to come Is bringing this acceptance of intensity and boldness as also a form
45:41
SPEAKER_01: of kindness and compassion and that it can show up
45:45
SPEAKER_01: in these historically soft described tenets to younger generations also.
45:52
SPEAKER_01: Because if eight-year-old,
45:53
SPEAKER_01: nine-year-old, 14-year-old, 25-year-old, 33-year-old me could have understood that
46:02
SPEAKER_01: That my intensity was not antithetical to kindness.
46:08
SPEAKER_01: I would have hated myself so much less.
46:11
SPEAKER_01: I would have not lived in so much darkness for that long.
46:15
SPEAKER_01: I would have believed in my capacity so much earlier.
46:20
SPEAKER_01: So my grand vision ultimately is to do exactly what I'm doing
46:25
SPEAKER_01: on what I see right now as an individual scale.
46:28
SPEAKER_01: And be able to bring that across intergenerational groups, right?
46:34
SPEAKER_01: Because it's not just about teaching ourselves, right?
46:39
SPEAKER_01: This generation,
46:40
SPEAKER_01: we have to make sure that what we're bringing to the world,
46:43
SPEAKER_01: everybody, there's so much uniqueness, right?
46:46
SPEAKER_01: Right.
46:47
SPEAKER_01: There are those people who want to be calm and who strive and that where meditation,
46:51
SPEAKER_01: yoga, breath work, journaling, all of that works for them, right?
46:55
SPEAKER_01: And that gives them a lot of comfort.
46:58
SPEAKER_01: None of that worked for me.
46:59
SPEAKER_01: And there are people like me out there who are looking out into the world
47:03
SPEAKER_01: and being told that unless those tools align with them,
47:09
SPEAKER_01: that they don't deserve this.
47:12
SPEAKER_01: To be able to manage their mindset.
47:14
SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
47:15
SPEAKER_01: Everybody deserves to manage their mindset.
47:18
SPEAKER_01: And so my thousand X vision, right, is for,
47:23
SPEAKER_01: honestly,
47:23
SPEAKER_01: like I want to find every single person who thrives on intensity and I want
47:28
SPEAKER_01: to support their capacity to convert that to impact for themselves and others.
47:33
SPEAKER_00: Hell yes.
47:34
SPEAKER_00: We want that too.
47:36
SPEAKER_00: Right.
47:37
SPEAKER_00: Final pillar here is an encouraging community.
47:40
SPEAKER_00: Of course,
47:40
SPEAKER_00: that modifier is super important because we are the subtotal of
47:43
SPEAKER_00: the people we spend our time with.
47:45
SPEAKER_00: Each of you has talked about the role of community,
47:48
SPEAKER_00: the people who have encouraged you and supported you along the way.
47:52
SPEAKER_00: As we wrap up, Helen,
47:54
SPEAKER_00: why was it so important to you to include community in this framework as
48:00
SPEAKER_00: a core piece of the process?
48:03
SPEAKER_03: It jumped out.
48:04
SPEAKER_03: It just jumped out off the page.
48:07
SPEAKER_03: You know,
48:07
SPEAKER_03: when I was interviewing these women for my thesis,
48:11
SPEAKER_03: that was the underpinning of everything.
48:14
SPEAKER_03: Each time.
48:15
SPEAKER_03: And community can be,
48:16
SPEAKER_03: you know,
48:17
SPEAKER_03: your cat,
48:17
SPEAKER_03: your dog,
48:17
SPEAKER_03: your friends,
48:18
SPEAKER_03: your dentist,
48:19
SPEAKER_03: your barista, but nothing was possible without the encouraging community.
48:26
SPEAKER_03: And so it struck me every time they would use that word,
48:28
SPEAKER_03: like I was encouraged, I was this, I was surrounded.
48:31
SPEAKER_03: So I That was like a no-brainer.
48:33
SPEAKER_03: And I see it in my work,
48:35
SPEAKER_03: in my transition,
48:36
SPEAKER_03: having moved from Europe to the States and New York in particular,
48:40
SPEAKER_03: how insanely generous some women's communities have been and continue to be.
48:47
SPEAKER_03: And I include obviously The Uplift.
48:48
SPEAKER_03: It's just the name of the community.
48:51
SPEAKER_03: And that's where the game-changing happens.
48:54
SPEAKER_03: That's where permission happens.
48:55
SPEAKER_03: That's where we get to invest in each other and share our stories and learn
48:59
SPEAKER_03: from each other and uplift each other.
49:01
SPEAKER_03: And so that to me is why I chose that.
49:04
SPEAKER_03: And there is just one anonymous line that I love,
49:08
SPEAKER_03: which is surround yourself with people who hand you back your dreams
49:11
SPEAKER_03: with encouragement.
49:13
SPEAKER_03: That to me is really the underpinning of most of it, of all.
49:17
SPEAKER_00: I love that so much.
49:18
SPEAKER_00: And last week I interviewed the extraordinary Karen Solmanson,
49:23
SPEAKER_00: author of Be Happy Dammit and 24 other bestsellers.
49:27
SPEAKER_00: And she said her line now is, I want to be around people who say, I get you.
49:35
SPEAKER_00: And I got you.
49:38
SPEAKER_00: And I've repeated that in my mind over and over because nobody can do more
49:42
SPEAKER_00: with few words than she can.
49:44
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's really it.
49:46
SPEAKER_00: And as Uplifters,
49:48
SPEAKER_00: that really is our alignment and our agreement as a community to say,
49:52
SPEAKER_00: hey, you're not in this alone.
49:54
SPEAKER_00: Like I see you woman out there doing big, brave things.
49:58
SPEAKER_00: Let's like do it together.
50:00
SPEAKER_00: And the question really was like,
50:04
SPEAKER_00: what would happen if all the women who were wired to say,
50:07
SPEAKER_00: like, I get off on helping other people or to help each other?
50:12
SPEAKER_00: Because not everybody, right, is wired that way, but there are a lot of us.
50:17
SPEAKER_00: And like, what if we got each other?
50:19
SPEAKER_00: And so as we close out,
50:21
SPEAKER_00: I want to ask each of you to share with
50:23
SPEAKER_00: The Uplifters community how we can lift you up in this journey that you're on.
50:30
SPEAKER_00: And Helen, I'll start with you.
50:32
SPEAKER_03: In my own journey, in terms of where I'm headed.
50:34
SPEAKER_00: In terms of your book, I imagine.
50:38
SPEAKER_03: I am looking to speak and use my voice in as many spaces as possible.
50:43
SPEAKER_03: So this is of interest, you know, move and then all of the work around fulfillment is important.
50:48
SPEAKER_03: I would love a shout out, a link up, anything really to do with that and collaborations.
50:54
SPEAKER_03: I love collaborations.
50:55
SPEAKER_03: So I'm excited to collaborate with each of you.
50:59
SPEAKER_03: And that's where I'll leave it at that.
51:01
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
51:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
51:02
SPEAKER_00: We need a postscript after this conversation to figure out what we're all going to do together.
51:06
SPEAKER_00: I have a beach house.
51:08
SPEAKER_00: I'm like picturing a Love is Beach Dinner right now as we speak.
51:12
SPEAKER_00: It's fully happening in my brain at this moment.
51:15
SPEAKER_00: And okay.
51:16
SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
51:16
SPEAKER_00: Cool.
51:17
SPEAKER_00: Great.
51:18
SPEAKER_00: You're all invited.
51:19
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.
51:20
SPEAKER_00: We'll see you there.
51:21
SPEAKER_00: Risa, how can we support you in Love is?
51:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
51:25
SPEAKER_02: So I would say the easiest way is to go to my website,
51:28
SPEAKER_02: love-is.com and come check out what I'm doing and follow me on Instagram,
51:33
SPEAKER_02: loveiscommunitysuppers.
51:34
SPEAKER_02: So you can see The community that I have built be part of this community,
51:39
SPEAKER_02: but then also give me your thoughts.
51:41
SPEAKER_02: As I go into year two and I want to expand and I'm getting my nonprofit status
51:46
SPEAKER_02: and going to be going after funds,
51:48
SPEAKER_02: I am going to lean to people and ask people, this is new for me.
51:51
SPEAKER_02: I went after the funds when I was on corporate America and I was very good at that,
51:55
SPEAKER_02: but this is different.
51:56
SPEAKER_02: This is very different.
51:57
SPEAKER_02: So I need to know where to go.
51:59
SPEAKER_02: Where can I keep that prospect list really tight that aligns with my mission?
52:04
SPEAKER_02: So I just encourage everybody to give me that thought about there.
52:07
SPEAKER_02: I've heard about a foundation that would align very well with you.
52:10
SPEAKER_02: And the application process is a little bit more straightforward,
52:12
SPEAKER_02: let's say, for a newer organization.
52:15
SPEAKER_02: Any way that people can support me to get to that next step,
52:18
SPEAKER_02: to have that Love Is Ambassador program sooner than later so that
52:22
SPEAKER_02: the world can have this community and connection and can have more love,
52:26
SPEAKER_02: the better we all will be.
52:27
SPEAKER_00: Hear, hear.
52:29
SPEAKER_00: And Sue, how can we support you in Visceral Edge?
52:32
SPEAKER_01: Well, we're just getting off the ground.
52:34
SPEAKER_01: So just checking out thevisceraledge.com just to see what it's all about.
52:39
SPEAKER_01: And I'm really looking for any and all opportunities to help impact from...
52:47
SPEAKER_01: Keynote stages to workshops.
52:50
SPEAKER_01: I'll be launching a sort of video program in just a few months.
52:54
SPEAKER_01: So stay tuned and watch the site for that to come.
52:59
SPEAKER_01: But for me, at the end of the day, I want to talk with people.
53:03
SPEAKER_01: So if anything that I've mentioned hits with curiosity or just that gut punch,
53:09
SPEAKER_01: I just would love to engage with those who want to engage in these kinds
53:13
SPEAKER_01: of dialogues.
53:14
SPEAKER_00: I am so in.
53:16
SPEAKER_00: I call myself a high capacity girl because
53:20
SPEAKER_00: I like to hold a lot and get bored easily.
53:24
SPEAKER_00: So I feel you.
53:25
SPEAKER_00: I am so filled up from the three of you.
53:30
SPEAKER_00: And for those of you out there listening,
53:32
SPEAKER_00: please do follow these folks,
53:34
SPEAKER_00: get connected, lift them up and let them know what you need.
53:39
SPEAKER_00: Because that's the point of all this.
53:41
SPEAKER_00: We are all so freaking well-resourced as midlife women.
53:46
SPEAKER_00: We know some things.
53:47
SPEAKER_00: We've seen some things.
53:48
SPEAKER_00: We've done the things.
53:50
SPEAKER_00: We know how to get the things done.
53:52
SPEAKER_00: We know the people who get them done.
53:55
SPEAKER_00: Like, let's share all these resources and get it done bigger and better and faster
54:01
SPEAKER_00: and impact more people because we've shared what we have in abundance.
54:07
SPEAKER_00: And if you're a paid subscriber, join us for our next Lift and Be Lifted Zoom.
54:11
SPEAKER_00: We're meeting every month.
54:13
SPEAKER_00: And like we just had our first one.
54:14
SPEAKER_00: It was honestly one of my favorite nights of my life because everyone shared
54:18
SPEAKER_00: so honestly and openly.
54:19
SPEAKER_00: And I laugh because the scariest part for everyone is the part where I say,
54:23
SPEAKER_00: but what do you need?
54:24
SPEAKER_00: And everybody's like, no, no, no,
54:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm really comfortable helping other people,
54:27
SPEAKER_00: but I'm not so comfortable saying what I need.
54:30
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just freaking done with that part of it.
54:32
SPEAKER_00: And we are going to get so good at saying I need help because like,
54:37
SPEAKER_00: We're not going to do it all alone.
54:38
SPEAKER_00: We need those communities that Helen talks about in her work.
54:43
SPEAKER_00: These encouraging communities who help us get it done and help us have the impact
54:47
SPEAKER_00: that we were born to have.
54:49
SPEAKER_00: So Helen, Sue, Risa,
54:51
SPEAKER_00: thank you for so bravely stepping into your fulfillment and sharing your ways
54:58
SPEAKER_00: and your journeys with us.
55:00
SPEAKER_00: I truly believe this is just the beginning of a conversation and I can't wait to continue it.
55:05
SPEAKER_00: For those of you listening,
55:06
SPEAKER_00: we'll see you next week with another story of amazing,
55:09
SPEAKER_00: inspiring women who are doing big,
55:11
SPEAKER_00: brave things and hopefully showing you that you can too.
55:15
SPEAKER_00: I'll see you over at theuplifterspodcast.com.
55:20
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to The Uplifters Podcast.
55:24
SPEAKER_00: If you're getting a boost from these episodes,
55:27
SPEAKER_00: please share them with The Uplifters in your life and then join us in conversation
55:33
SPEAKER_00: over at theuplifterspodcast.com.
55:36
SPEAKER_00: Head over to Spotify,
55:38
SPEAKER_00: Apple Podcasts,
55:39
SPEAKER_00: or wherever you get your podcasts and like, follow, and rate our show.
55:44
SPEAKER_00: It'll really help us connect with more uplifters and it'll ensure you never miss one
55:50
SPEAKER_00: of these beautiful stories.
55:54
SPEAKER_00: Big love.
55:56
SPEAKER_00: Painted water sunshine,
55:59
SPEAKER_00: With rosemary and ton, Dwelling not perplexing, Though you find it vexing.
56:06
SPEAKER_00: Toss a star and hover,
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SPEAKER_00: Be your own best lover,
56:10
SPEAKER_00: Relish in a new prime,
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SPEAKER_00: Plant a tree in springtime, Dance with idle hindsight, Bring the sun to twilight.
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SPEAKER_00: Lift you up.
56:23
SPEAKER_01: Lift you up.
56:24
SPEAKER_01: Lift you up.
56:25
SPEAKER_01: Lift you up.
56:48
SPEAKER_00: Lift you up.
56:53
SPEAKER_00: Lift you up.
56:54
SPEAKER_00: Beautiful.
56:56
SPEAKER_00: I cried.
56:58
SPEAKER_00: It's that little
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SPEAKER_00: thing you did with your voice.
57:07
SPEAKER_00: Right?
57:07
SPEAKER_00: In the pre-chorus, right?
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SPEAKER_00: I was like... Mommy, stop crying.
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SPEAKER_00: You're disturbing the peace.