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82: The Positive Power of Negative Thinking w/ Carmen Bucci · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  This episode is sponsored by National Technology Management. Visit trustntm.com for more information. I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:21
  Welcome to the Harder in Life podcast, where we uncover the extraordinary tales of individuals who have triumphed over adversity. In today's episode, we're privileged to introduce Carmen Bucci, a former professional baseball player turned stand-up comedian and motivational speaker. Carmen's journey is a testament to the transformative power of the world.
• 0:41
  of resilience and positive thinking. From sharing his story through speaking engagements in social media, Carmen has become a nationally recognized figure renowned for his unique perspective on the positive power of negative thinking. Through his captivating talks, Carmen empowers audiences to embrace gratitude, cultivate self-worth, and navigates life challenges with confidence and acceptance.
• 1:02
  Join us as we delve into Carmen's inspiring narrative, where he demonstrates that true growth lies not in self-improvement, but in embracing the present moment and harnessing the inherent wisdom within. Get ready to be inspired by Carmen Bucci's journey on the Heart of Life podcast. Welcome, my friend. Thank you very much for having me, Kelly. I really appreciate it. And you've had a grueling schedule, huh?
• 1:25
  I am. Yeah, I was in three cities or three states and three cities. And I spent seven hours in an airport and it's just been a man. I slept in it. I'm making the gym. And everybody knows I'm a 5 a.m. guy. And I don't think I went to bed last night till two.
• 1:40
  5 a.m. came. I was like, yeah, that happened. So I'll get there later, but I wanted to, it's been a long time coming. I apologize that the Heart of Life podcast is blowing up. We're top 100, trying to get in the top 10, and actually your area, self-improvement, which is all, it's the hardest one to break into. So welcome, my friend. Sorry for the- Thank you.
• 2:02
  The slow intro, but we're going to have fun today, man. I've been looking forward to this since your name and bio came across my desk. So your journey from professional baseball player to stand-up, comedian, to motivational speaker is truly remarkable. Can you share with us pivotal moments that led to these crazy career transitions? Yeah, thanks. It has been crazy, but I feel like I've lived a bunch of lives already, because
• 2:30
  You know, baseball was always a dream I had since I was a little kid. I can remember growing up in Chicago and before Wrigley Field had lights and driving into Wrigleyville and that part of Lincoln Park. And all of a sudden you get through the buildings and the homes and there was Wrigley Field. And that was just I still get chills right now thinking about it. You know, my dad was big into baseball and a big fan and played his a lot of his life.
• 2:56
  Um, so it was a goal I had since I was a little kid and never realized like maybe how tough it was to get there and to play. I just knew that I wanted to be that guy on television, uh, getting the game winning hit. I used to sit upstairs at my grandparents' house or they're, they're part of our house upstairs and, you know, we're Italian. So the couches were lined with plastic and, um,
• 3:19
  And we'd sit and watch the Cub games. And those are some of my best memories. And I just imagined and envisioned that's going to be me. My dad had been doing mental toughness training, they called it, like even before I was born, a thing called mind dynamics. So even as a young kid, I was raised to, you know, close your eyes and visualize yourself in certain situations.
• 3:47
  So all the things that I kind of talk about now were pretty much passed on to me from my dad. So, you know, went on to obviously play in high school, ended up getting a scholarship to Northwestern University to play in the Big Ten, which my parents were very happy about because it was only an hour away from home. So they can pretty much be at every game. And I think my dad probably went to most practices, which.
• 4:11
  wasn't always the most fun for me. But it was great having the support. He would even be one of the dads in between double headers where he was grilling Italian sausages and food with some of the other parents for them in between double headers. So a lot of involvement. And then, you know, went through the whole thing of talking to scouts and things like that during college and then getting drafted and going off to play. And,
• 4:39
  Always up until that point, I had the utmost, I guess, confidence in myself, or even if I wasn't confident in certain situations in baseball, I still went for it anyway. And a lot of it I know we're going to talk about with the, you know, positive power of negative thinking or positive thinking or knowing versus thinking the way I was raised. But I.
• 5:01
  Feel like I lost that confidence, believe it or not, when I got drafted, because I was so excited to be there. And it was such a journey to get there that I listened to what everyone else thought I should do when it came to baseball. Tried to turn myself into a switch hitter. And if you Google my stats, they are not good at all. So after two years, I was, you know, politely asked not to come back.
• 5:30
  via a phone call, which I thought was a friend of mine joking with me. And the minor league coordinator on the other end probably thought I was nuts because I thought it was a guy messing with me, but ended up getting released. And then for a while was kind of lost, trying to figure out what I wanted to do for a living. I opened up a baseball academy. Like you mentioned, I got into stand-up comedy because –
• 5:55
  That was something I always wanted to do. And I saw that as, hey, this is a challenge. The excitement of people maybe laughing or cheering for you, somewhat like baseball. Obviously in baseball, you want the cheering, not people laughing at you when you go up to the plate. But so I did that for a while, but honestly, that I think was the best training for me to go out and give talks. And I started to share my story with kind of how I got to baseball
• 6:25
  And then also how things changed after that and how I went to the lows of the low and then finally started getting back up. But I think the thing that I loved about your content and watching your videos is just how you seem so genuine in wanting to help people. And that's really where I felt like I connected with you. That's my goal is to leave that mark in the world and to really be able to assist people.
• 6:51
  you know, people that are going through some of the things I went through. Carmen, who drafted you? Uh, the San Diego Padres. So I got drafted in the 28th round in 1995. Um, and that was an incredible moment at my apartment in college, getting the phone call. I still remember the scout's name, Al Hargishimer. And he said, Hey, just, uh, wanted to call and let you know, you've been drafted by the San Diego Padres. What do you think? I was like, what do I think? This is like the greatest moment, uh,
• 7:22
  you know, that's ever happened to me at that point. Did, so today you're a motivational speaker, correct? So how can people find out more about you? Yeah, I mean, I guess through social media with Instagram, which, you know, I'm getting better at that. It's not something that was a big part of,
• 7:39
  what I did until now, obviously knowing how important all of that is. So there you can reach me at, you know, my email, which is Carmen at CarmenBucci.com. So there'll be a lot more content coming up and more ways to interact. And that's the goal for 2024. I was fortunate enough to work with a friend's company that helps student athletes in the recruiting process. So I used to get to go around and do talks on, on that and talk on,
• 8:07
  you know, the mental part of the game as well. So that's where a lot of the opportunities came from. And then I've just been kind of growing it from there. So people follow CBucci, C-B-U-C-C-I-5-5 on Instagram. And you're going to see why in a minute because I got some great questions where we're going to talk about. This is why I asked you to come on because your father was a savant and he was probably the original manifestor.
• 8:32
  So what you were saying is manifestation, but then taking action and then boom, you get to the big leagues and what happens? Imposter syndrome sits in and you have to start overcoming it, but you took an L on that one. So we're going to talk all about how you overcome that. And this is where we're going to get into that. It was even hard for me to say in the intro, the positive power of negative thinking. It's a unique concept.
• 8:59
  Could you elaborate on what it means and how it influenced your life and career? But I got to tell you, personally, that's like it's like what do they call the opposites? Positive, negative in the same sentence throws me for a loop. So please go. I sometimes I'm literally I catch myself being toxically positive.
• 9:20
  Because I see the world as opportunity everywhere. But what you're about to talk about is exactly why I had you on. Because the world will knock you down. And over and over. And keep giving you humble pie. So you're about to see a whole new round of social media that we kind of, a little bit, we stopped with all the super positivity and started talking real. Even though I'm genuine authentic, I still like to shower people with positivity.
• 9:51
  But some people just insist on being negative. So we went there for a minute. So it's going to be interesting. So I want to hear this. This is a perfect time. So the positive power, I still can't say the positive power of negative thinking. Go. Sure. And that's part of why I came up with the title is so at least it gets people to ask questions. But it is a little bit of a tongue twister. But a lot of that has to do with in the talks I give, it's,
• 10:18
  It's really about knowing versus believing. So one of the examples I'll use when I talk with people is, hey, you know the answer to two plus two, what is it? And they'll answer immediately four. This is whether they're 12, 13, 14, 15 year olds or they're in their 40s, 50s, 60s. Everyone knows the answer to two, two plus two is four.
• 10:41
  It's not believing that that's the answer. It's knowing and then stopping for a second and realizing what that feels like to know something, whether I know I'm good at baseball or I know I'm great at something else or I know I'm good in sales, whatever it might be. It's knowing versus believing. So I talk a lot about this is not about positive thinking, because when you think something is true, it's very easy to be swayed the other way. Like I can tell you a story and
• 11:06
  You could believe me or think this is true. But when you know something's true, that's something that you that never goes away. You know, two plus two, you're never going to unknow it. So what we do, obviously, just as humans is we have tens of thousands of thoughts that go through our head every single day. And it's understanding that while you have thoughts, you're not your thoughts. There's a difference. So that's where the negative thinking comes in.
• 11:36
  and you realize what power negative thinking has in your life. So it's basically saying, yeah, there's positively power in negative thinking that affects us throughout our lives. So I stress that over and over. I don't want you just to maybe believe me. I want you to know that you can accomplish this. Know that you're good at something.
• 12:03
  know that you're going to reach whatever goal you're going to reach, because that's something that you can't shake when somebody knows. And that's where the whole positive power of negative thinking is. It has a lot of power in our lives because we choose to accept those thoughts that come through our head. We don't have to. We're in control of our thoughts. In my research, I,
• 12:26
  I find, well, first of all, that I think what you're referring to is the subconscious most of the time where we where we don't even know what's happening. So I catch myself a lot saying I'm an extremely aware person. And so there's two factions of people, Carmen. This is one I'm going to lead up to the next question is there's the people that are completely unaware. They don't even know that they're sabotaging, self-sabotaging. And then there's the people that know but don't know what to what to do about it.
• 12:55
  It sounds like you're talking to the latter group. Is that correct? Yeah, I think so. I mean, that's definitely part of it. How do you, with the diverse range of audiences, how do you tailor your message to resonate with the different factions? And then there's people like me that understand exactly, and probably our audience is going to understand exactly what you're saying. So how do you tailor it to those different, let's just use those two groups, people that,
• 13:21
  No, I don't have any negative thinking. And then there's people that I do. And they don't really and they realize that, hey, all you do is name it. You take away a lot of the power. Yeah. I think for me, when I go up to do a talk and I do a lot of, you know, sharing personal stories, I think storytelling is, you know, the best way to get through that and share examples and and be open and honest about all of that and.
• 13:45
  I'm hoping it's similar to telling a joke, let's say, in stand-up comedy is you want them to have that aha moment or get it. If I have to sit there and tell a joke and explain the joke over and over, it loses a lot of its value. It doesn't really resonate with somebody and it doesn't make an impact. So I'm trying to share my story so that people see a little bit of themselves in the different examples I give. I don't necessarily...
• 14:13
  try to go up there or when I'm working with groups or anything to try to tailor it necessarily to whether I have the one group of people or the other, because I don't know. I think that's, it's hard for me to be able to tell, but I think having them just get that aha moment or connect with something that I'm talking about is a way for them to see themselves. And there's some people that are never going to admit it,
• 14:39
  And that's just, I think, the way life is. Some people want to continue to self-sabotage or they're not interested in growing or they're not ready yet to accept it. There have been times where I've done talks with people and I might get a message, DM, Instagram, text, whatever it is.
• 14:57
  months and months later and they say, hey, you know what? I just had this happen in my life and I remembered what you talked about that day and now it makes sense. So everybody's light bulb moment I think happens at different times, but I still want to be able to share that just in case
• 15:14
  Someone needs to hear it. I got to tell you, Tim's story was on the Harder Life podcast. And he said, Kelly, I'm going to give you some advice. Watch comedians. They're the best speakers on the planet. And he said, notice the power of the pause.
• 15:30
  They said, when they pause, they're setting you up for something. They're letting it. So you've had tougher than nails baseball where it's harder than heck to get to. Even getting drafted is a big, big accomplishment. And then I'm reading in here, and I didn't put any of these in the questions, but you are doing a speaking tour starting April 1st. You're going to 30 different cities.
• 15:55
  Well, it's now, we had to move it to the fall, so late September, early October, but it's going to be 30, 30,
• 16:03
  30 different cities, 30 different states in 30 days. So before I ask my next question, it also says here that you dealt with anxiety and depression. So before I ask the next question, which is about gratitude, my question is you probably, gratitude seems to be a central theme in your message. How do you, what's the gratitude practice look like and how does it impact your life? But start with the depression, anxiety, because the antidote is probably gratitude.
• 16:33
  I've been doing this for a minute. Yeah, it really is. You're exactly right. You know, when I got released, I didn't understand what was next in my life because all I thought about as that child and sitting on my grandparents' couch and all the training and the time with my dad was I was going to be a professional baseball player. And.
• 16:58
  Getting drafted seemed like, all right, I achieved that goal. But then when it was taken away, you know, just two years later, I'm playing in the minor leagues. You get that call like, hey, you know, thanks, but no thanks. I didn't know what to do with myself because I identified myself as a baseball player. That's all I was. That's all I did. And when that was over, I had no idea what was next. I never had that plan B, so I couldn't picture myself doing anything else.
• 17:26
  And yeah, I mean, I was the guy that would, I was great in public and with family and friends and I would look very happy, but deep down inside, I was struggling. And when I was alone and all that quiet time, that's when things really hit. And whether it was curling up on the floor and sitting there, whether it was being in tears, you know, what am I going to do? My life is over. What driving down the road, thinking if I just veer right off the road, like it can be over in a heartbeat.
• 17:54
  I just was lost. And a lot of it, too, Kelly, was I felt like I was doing a lot of this for my parents or especially my dad and the closeness we had. And wow, did I just let him down? How am I going to tell my dad? I was looking for this beforehand and I couldn't find it. My dad laminated my college diploma and shrunk it down to wallet size and mailed it to me because he was so proud of that.
• 18:23
  And I thought, you know, at the time, I'm like, well, I don't think this is going to get me into the clubs in L.A. if I show that. But that when you have someone that's behind you that much and is that proud of you and your parents, you feel like you let them down. At the time, there was nothing worse than that. And I couldn't find.
• 18:42
  my way. I couldn't find what, what lit me up like baseball did. And for years and I, you know, again, tried different things, opened a baseball school, worked in sales. I couldn't find that. But speaking is what kind of lit the fire like baseball did. So the, the depression. Yeah. And then I went back to things that I learned as a kid and the, I still have the goal sheet that I wrote at 14 years old.
• 19:10
  that was taped to the mirror in my bathroom that I could see every morning. And it was gratitude that got me through everything. Reminders, whether it was from my dad or watching social media podcast, videos or podcasts and a reminder that, you know, there's a lot to be grateful for and recognize the things that are good in your life and that are working, not focusing on the negative, the negative thinking.
• 19:41
  It was a dark time. Who are some of your mentors? Who do you like? You said you just said you watch podcast or listen to podcasts and watch YouTube. Who are some of the people that you look up to in this personal development space? Yeah, it's funny from a storytelling standpoint. And this helped me a lot was Bo Eason, who played in the NFL. I've gotten a chance to meet Bo. Bo has the power of storytelling and he works with with people. I mean, that was helpful to get.
• 20:10
  stuff out. I mean, I know it's not him doing necessarily, um, you know, personal growth work like that, but that helped a lot. Uh, friends of mine actually that, uh, Steve Schembaum has a company called game on nation where he works with athletes and companies on, um, I don't want to explain exactly what he does because he would do that better, but, uh, communicating better and through improv exercises and gaming and, um,
• 20:40
  And then really random people came across your stuff online, random people that I see online. And then going back and reading a lot of writings that, you know, little booklets or things that my dad had laying around that as a kid, I thought, I don't want to hear this stuff. I don't want to look at this. And now it's coming around to where this is important in my life. And I'm reading those books again. And so.
• 21:11
  I'm going to blink on everybody's name. Where are you geographically located? So I'm in Southern California. And I was born and raised in Chicago, but got out of the snow a long time ago. Well, I really appreciate you coming on. It's early there, so I thank you. So this is why I had you on. You had the Fear of the Unknown.
• 21:34
  your parents, how, how you identified yourself was through your parents. Are your parents still alive? My dad is, yeah. Lives about two minutes down the street from me. Mom passed away a few years back. Yeah. Your dad. We still, you know, we still get together and have these conversations and talks still to this day. I mean, he still reads on things and he still writes about stuff and,
• 22:02
  So we have these conversations all the time. I know it gets him fired up to be able to have those conversations. And so, yeah. Nice. In your bio, you mentioned that self-improvement is a trap. This is why I love having you up because there's everything you had a little, a unique perspective on. So self-improvement is a trap. Can you expand on this idea and explain how,
• 22:29
  what you believe is more of an effective approach to personal growth? Yeah, I think it's, I think I know, it is knowing who you are. Self-improvement is always chasing something in the future, in the future. Tomorrow I'm going to be better. A week from now I'm going to be better. A year from now I'm going to be better. And a lot of times when you think of that, it's such a daunting thought. Like I've got all this work to do to get to here and really,
• 22:58
  It's about realizing I am a great person already. I am a successful person. I am a healthy person. Whatever it might be, you are because you can only be what you already are. And you can be many things, but you can only be who you are at this moment. And that's a lot about, you know, living in the now and rather than trying to, you know,
• 23:22
  Think about the future where you get all anxious or you're depressed because you're thinking about the past, but living in the moment, living in the now. So self-improvement, it's always chasing that carrot, like in front of the donkey that's riding or the horse riding down the street. You never catch it. But when you realize that I am a great person, I am now, then you start to do the things necessary to let that emerge and come out of you. There's a section that I do in the talk called Be, Do, Have.
• 23:52
  So what do you picture yourself as? What are you going to do about it? And what results will you have in the end? So it's really about staying in the moment, knowing. So self-improvement is
• 24:05
  You're then negative thinking about yourself as not this good person, not this. Everything that you're lacking, there's the negative thinking again. So that's a lot about why I say it's a trap. You are all the things you want to be. Just do the little things to let it emerge. And it could be, like I use a silly example, even with athletes or student athletes, is think about digging for a treasure, right? You're given a map.
• 24:32
  You're going to walk the beach and follow the map, whatever, and then you start digging. And guess what? The treasure's been there the whole time. You're just doing the little things to let it emerge. And that's really about why I say it's a trap.
• 24:44
  Yeah, I like that. But I have many mind hacks of my own and you got to use whatever you have to use to be successful. And I put in here, marry the process and divorce the outcome. And that literally the process is what can I do today to win? And I'm always chasing a better me. So but I've I've done a lot of work to get to the point where I know I just do today.
• 25:11
  Win today, win tomorrow. I won yesterday. When you string those along many, many, many days in a row, you end up winning the year and winning your life. And so the thing that I chuckle about in personal development, I don't know where I fit in all this stuff, but this is what I know. I know that I'm a happy dude. I know that I'm winning and I know that I'm inspiring and modeling. So I'm going to keep doing it and I'm going to keep and I'm going to push the envelope.
• 25:41
  Spirrow from everybody, you know, leave the mess and take the message from everybody. See what works for you. And, you know, because I'll use happiness.
• 25:52
  The cool thing right now for every social – all the way through to Ed Milet, they'll say, don't chase happiness. Chase presence. Chase – and it's like, no, I'm going to chase happiness because I know what happiness is. And I'm happy – and I get it. If you're just starting off in your personal moment journey, if you're in that space where –
• 26:13
  You know something's off, but you can't quite figure it. Your subconscious is way down below, and you grew up in a family where everything was perfect, like yours. You grew up in a fair valley, but they set the bar so high. Dad loved you so much. You were Italian. It's close-knit. We're going to get into that.
• 26:33
  And yet you still came out with a little bit of imposter syndrome. You achieved your dreams, but you were all in your head. I was the exact opposite. I grew up with nothing and I was all in my head. So we end up at the same place.
• 26:49
  I think you're out. What works for you? What worked for you may not have worked for me, but there are, I can already tell this is why I have you on. There's only 52 spots a year. And I said, I got to have this guy on because we got to share. This is, this is a manly man from the South side of Chicago. No, no North side of Chicago, right? No, no South side. I should have been a white socks fan, but I, but I grew up a Cubs fan.
• 27:09
  Okay. So that's what I was going to say. It didn't sound right. Grew up in the South side of Chicago, Italian, supposed to be tough as nails, probably was. And we're just all, now we're lovers and relaxers and sharing the things. I got to tell you, I want to join, the next time you get the chance to do that improv, I'd like to join that with you just to do it once. I've never done it. And I want to improve. You talk about trying to get better. I want to improve my storytelling.
• 27:36
  Um, I, it's my mind thinks so fast that I change lanes without signals. And I, and I, cause I listened to all my podcasts and I critique them and I tell stories. I go, why didn't I keep going with the story? I know the answer and the, and the audience gets the message, but.
• 27:54
  And that's just proof positive that I always want to get better. So if one comes along and you know about it, shoot me a message. Kelly, there's a day. Come on in. And I'll fly in. I got some business I need to do in L.A. anyways. Being in this business, a lot of the bodybuilders are out there and they want to connect. And I'm always wanting to get better. I am a learn-it-all. I am a sponge. But this is after doing things.
• 28:18
  Years of violent therapy and getting to the point where I'm good with myself. I love myself. You can feel my energy when I walk in a room because I did so much work. I did tremendous amounts of things that people...
• 28:33
  This is why I'm on this on these airwaves to inspire people that, man, this is the life you can live. Now, I'm not. But you do. And that comes across in your on your recordings, your podcast, your videos. Absolutely. It does. I mean, it's it's infectious. Thank you. Because I got to tell you, it was.
• 28:51
  There were times where I was curling up in a ball crying like, and I'm 220 pounds, five foot nothing. I look like a tree trunk and I'm curling up in a ball crying going just letting out years of childhood trauma.
• 29:04
  And, you know, I want to be a big, burly badass like me and still have a soft, vulnerable side and then connect with cool people like you out of out of Chicago. So this is perfect for the next question. We both emphasize the importance of living in the present moment. What techniques you just heard me say these? What techniques do you recommend for individuals looking to cultivate mindfulness and presence in their daily lives?
• 29:32
  One of the things I try to do every day, and I don't by any means think I'm perfect at this. I don't think anyone has. I think we all have those moments of doubt and we get anxious about the future and stuff. I think what has helped me over time is stopping for a second and recognizing that that's happening, number one.
• 29:52
  taking a pause, a deep breath, meditation, whatever it might be for somebody and recognizing that it's happening and acknowledging it and allowing it to be OK and then deciding to make a choice, a decision and do something different. You know, it's important to understand that thoughts alone don't cure anything. You have to put in the action and do something about it to make the change.
• 30:19
  Thoughts are great to have, but that doesn't change anything. So taking a second and pausing and realizing, okay, this is happening. I'm doing this to myself, whatever it is. I'm doing this to myself. It's okay that it's happening, but now what am I going to do to make that change so that I think about something differently? I act differently. The results are different. So that's, for me, mindfulness.
• 30:44
  accepting that it's happening, recognizing it, and then deciding what that change is going to be and then doing it. You've got you have to do like I mentioned, we do have a lot of society is backwards. They won't see you as a success, let's say, or, you know, whatever. I'm not a professional baseball player because I don't have a certain contract or certain shoes or certain gloves.
• 31:06
  And so I'm not recognized as that until I have all those things. That's the opposite. You have to be that. Do is the most important part. The things that those people do and then you will have what they have. So that's mindfulness for me and mindfulness.
• 31:21
  Something I try to practice every day when I wake up in the morning. This is fantastic. Every day, Joe, Carmen, CB just dropping bombs on you guys. I hope everybody's taking notes. That last little bit. And it's almost as if you have my questions ahead of time because I wrote, you just said this. Thoughts alone accomplish nothing.
• 31:42
  can you share some strategies in turning thoughts into action and tangible results? So let me rephrase that question. You took it all the way up to the actions. How do we then do the actions? And I just hold that question because I wrote myself down here.
• 32:00
  What I do in those moments of doubt, and I will tell you, I will share something and you blow your mind. I had a little bit of downtime this last weekend. And when I'm down, when I'm alone in my thoughts, I'm doing creative. I have my phone out and I'm taking notes and I'm writing and I'm reading.
• 32:17
  And this weekend I started thinking, is all this worth it? Is putting myself out there because I'm getting brutalized on social media. It's you smoke cigars, you take steroids. And it's like, dude, you guys are missing the, this is all for charity. I don't need to do this. I have a successful IT company that I love doing. This is just to share awareness and go, man, poor kid from eight mile.
• 32:43
  Happy as can be made something was life going to give it all the way to charity and you're brutalizing. So I'm like thinking, is this worth it? Maybe I should just take all this stuff and just pack it in and just go be quiet. And we're going to, and I had myself convinced that that's what I was going to do. Even though we have a top podcast, even though we have millions of followers, even though there's millions of people watching videos, I was like, and then this is what I did. Cause I'm sharing this story.
• 33:14
  This is what I did. I looked at the facts. I looked at my DMs and I saw the hundreds of people reaching out to me saying, thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for your morning videos. Will you work with me one on one? When are you going to launch a training program? And then I started thinking, oh, my God, it is helpful. So so when you get into those things, thoughts are magical lies. This is the the Siegel says approach. Thoughts are magical lies.
• 33:40
  Look at the facts. And all I did is look and go and hope. We're in the top 100 consistently. We made it to the top 30. We're going to number one. The videos, we have multi-million. It's working. And then the biggest one, this is Carver, you'll die lab when I tell you this one. I've been doing this for just a little over a year. My daughter, my 15-year-old daughter goes, Dad.
• 34:04
  how long do you think it took Ed Milet to take off? And I said, it was about five years. She goes, yeah, you've been doing it for 14 months. Give yourself a little break. 15-year-old daughter, give me a freaking dose of Hubble pie. So needless to say, we've doubled down. I called all the freaking team together and we shot a...
• 34:21
  bunch of freaking content and we punch these freaking uh critics critics in the mouth so you're going to see a little bit edgier content where i didn't kill him with the toxic positivity and i went back so back to my question was now we're at we've manifested how do we turn those manifestation into actions and i'll here but just to get it started how i do it
• 34:44
  Is how do I do that? I just, this is why I struggled with wanting to coach because you know how I do it, Carmen? I just do it. There's no excuses. I do not negotiate with myself. It is just, and part of it is I don't want to be that poor person.
• 35:02
  sorry kid that was beat by his mom and dad. So if I go out and do, I can protect people from, there's a kid out there listening to this that has the same thing going on. He's like, that's my inspiration. I'm gonna do because Kelly did. So my why is big. So I think of my why, I get my fricking lazy butt up, which I didn't do today, by the way. But you know, 99.99% But you'll get there.
• 35:30
  yeah well I'll tell you this much my assistant who keeps me straight and I love her dearly she goes I don't know how you keep this together I don't know how I mean I go 10, 12, 14 hour days every single day because we're launching this but I won't do this forever and I take care of my body so again I just do because I remember my why my why is gigantic so what do you recommend if somebody's at a different place that's not
• 35:59
  Harder than life yet. What do you do to get to turn manifestation into actions? So, wow, a lot of things go through my head when you were just talking there and you have to keep doing what you're doing, not just for the numbers on the podcast and that. But like you said, if one person.
• 36:15
  is positively affected by what you're doing, that's worth everything in the world because they're going to spread that to someone else that's going to keep growing. I remember a saying I heard before that a job is what I'm paid for, a calling is what I'm made for. And I loved that. And I keep thinking of that all the time. And that's how I feel about like you going out and talking and expressing yourself. But as far as a job is what I'm paid for,
• 36:41
  A job is what I'm paid for. A calling is what I'm made for. You just explained the heart of the life, that's it. I get lit up when I get to meet people like you and I get to do this. You put a microphone and a camera in front of me and it's go time. So this is,
• 36:57
  IT, I get paid and I love it. And we're the best in the world at it. No doubt. We make cybersecurity simple. We have figured that out to a T. Want to know why? Because I'm not an IT guy. I'm a businessman. I'm an end user. We make it simple and easy to do business with us. I don't tell you bits and bytes. It just works. So that, I love it. I love my team. It's my family.
• 37:23
  But holy smokes, you put a microphone and a camera in my hand and I know I'm going to help one person every day. And it's on. It's on. So, yes. Because that's going to live on for years. That's something the metrics can't show. You might have, you know, a million views on something, which is wonderful. But you can have three people say to you, like you said in the DM, like, hey, this helped me in my life.
• 37:49
  That's more than those millions of views. The satisfaction you get from that and knowing that there's a reason for what you're doing in a place on earth is beyond measurable. But to answer the question,
• 38:03
  I was going to share a story with you that I just, I've been coaching a gentleman that I met, I met a gentleman on a plane on the way to a speaking event and his son was going through tough times. And he said, my son would really love you. And he and I have really connected and I have taken on my wing. And it's funny how the universe pays you back. And we probably should get into, you know, your, your,
• 38:28
  faith and whatnot. Being Italian is probably a really good story. But yeah, I ended up coaching this kid and he's doing really, really well. And I said, Hey, I didn't get your dad's name and number. And he was a, he was an alcohol distributor and I'm trying to bring a non-alcoholic drink to town. So I reached out to him and I said, what's your dad's number? I want to work on this NA stuff. And he's like, boom, right back. And it comes full circle. So helping somebody is not that
• 38:57
  But God is a funny way of rewarding you. And there's always a reward. And that's the crazy thing. Absolutely, you put it out there, something comes back to you. I mean, it's just the nature of the way it is. Which is negativity too. Negativity works for work. It's stronger. Very, very true. We give too much power to it and we have that, you know, the control of our thoughts to accept things or not accept things. We're gonna have
• 39:25
  Well, I think they say it's like 60 to 80,000 thoughts a day. So that's a lot. Imagine if you identified yourself as every thought you're having. No, it's, you know, you have those thoughts. Like I mentioned early on, I'm not of my thoughts. So, but, and I wanted to, you know, you mentioned about how to put that action in and make those changes. Something that I learned a long time ago was called completing cycles of activity.
• 39:50
  Everything we do in life has a cycle and there are emotions that are attached to those cycles. So everything has a beginning, a middle and an end. And something as simple as brushing your teeth. You wet the toothbrush, you put toothpaste on it, you brush, you rinse. Everything. Now, some cycles are longer than others. Careers could be really long, you know, but also things that we're experiencing in life have a cycle. There's a beginning, a middle and an end.
• 40:16
  So that's a big way to put what you're thinking and your changes you want to make into practice. So it's figuring out, you know, what the start is, the continuation, and then it has a conclusion. You can think of it like a to-do list or anything else, but the more incomplete activities we have, the more anxiety we get, the more stress we get.
• 40:45
  Begin it the middle of the end and then you move on to the next one. And like you mentioned, get what if it's getting up at 5am and going to the gym every day and you're lifting by the end of that week, there's progress by the end of the month, there's progress by the end of the year. And it's no different with making those changes in your life. It's,
• 41:03
  the beginning, the middle, and the conclusion of that cycle of activity. Carmen, in the last six months, the Harder Than Life podcast, specifically myself, have really surrendered to God as being on my side, literally. I joke around, but I'm not really joking. I'm Jewish, and I believe that I'm the chosen one. I am here for a reason. There's been many near-death experiences, and the only thing I could look back on and say there was a guardian angel
• 41:31
  And that's also what inspires me. What does faith being an Italian man in, out of Chicago, what, how does faith play a role in this, in your life? It's okay if it doesn't. That's always, it's always been a hard question. You know, I grew up, you know, being an altar boy, going to church during the week with the school. Um,
• 41:57
  But my dad also liked to have a little bit of fun with me in church and make me laugh because I had an uncle by the name of Al DeLuia. So when they would sing Alleluia in class or in church, he would stand next to me and sing Al DeLuia. And I would laugh and then I'd get in trouble from everyone around me. He was a joker like that. But one thing we talk about, too, still to this day is. Knowing that there is a again, not just believing, but knowing that there's a higher power, whether someone, you know,
• 42:26
  in whatever religion believes in whatever their God is. It's just having that confidence and knowing that there is a higher power out there. And that's really as far as I go. It's, it's definitely more it's not so much about a physical person as it is knowing that a being, there is one being and we're all part of that one being.
• 42:53
  Good answer. Good answer. This one's going to get tough. We talked, we alluded to it a little bit earlier, and I want you to dig deep and give me your vulnerable truth answer. Are you happy? Absolutely. I am. Are there days that I'm not? Yes. Today, right this moment, I'm extremely happy. But yeah, I am overall. I'm a happy, positive person because I'm,
• 43:16
  I know that things always work out. Maybe not the way you expect them to, but they always work out some way. That's the exciting part of life. That's how I look at it every day. So, yeah, I'm a happy person. I love being alive. I love even when things maybe don't go perfectly as I had envisioned in my head, just like baseball didn't go or other things. I'm excited to see what happens from that. I know.
• 43:45
  I was brought up learning that there was no failure. You succeed to a point, but that's still success. And then you learn from that and you grow and you get better and you make changes. So I'm very, I'm a very happy person. So define happiness for the listeners. I'm happy with who I am, you know, deep down inside. I'm happy that, you know, I show gratitude for things. I have integrity.
• 44:15
  Um, I, I just, I like to make people smile and laugh. Um, but I'm happy inside. I'm happy with who I am. I embrace all of the things that I don't want to say happened to me because I experienced them. There, there, there were my, based on whatever choices I made at the time. Um, but I am happy with where I'm at in life. I'm happy with, with who I am and it has nothing to do with material things.
• 44:41
  It's looking at myself in the mirror and going, have I been a good person today? I love that. How about you? Are you? I'm so happy that literally it should be illegal. I don't mean that to be...
• 44:59
  I don't mean that to sound arrogant. It's stupid. I had a god-awful day yesterday. I spent seven hours on a plane delay, canceled my whole day that I was looking forward to meeting some IT people, doing some IT business. It got canceled. And you know what I said? Everything happens for you and it works out better.
• 45:20
  there's something that God wanted me to do. So I sat in the, in the tunnel and it was, it was weird because every hour they kept just delaying at an hour. So you couldn't, you know, they didn't say it's delayed five hours. And they, and, and the worst part about it is they didn't tell you the delay until we were about to board because they were doing an inspection. And, you know, to me, I looked at it this way. I said, we didn't get on a bunk plane. So I'm a lot talking about God looking out for me now. It's just a generator. So it would have been just hot.
• 45:49
  because the generator power, and there's two generators, so, and we were going 40 minutes, so it wasn't that big of a deal, but anyways, I spent seven hours in an airport, and used it wisely, and I was frustrated, but I went, you know what, I'm alive, and so, yes, it's ridiculous how happy I am, and
• 46:07
  This is going to sound terrible, but please, everybody believe me who's listening to this. I keep getting happier. It's silly because I keep doing the work. And I add to my daily routine habits and nothing falls off. I do not negotiate with myself. I say no to things that are not for me. And I just keep rinsing and repeating and things get better and better and better. And I also believe that when, like you just said, when things...
• 46:33
  appear that they're not happening for me, I know that they actually are. So maybe that that seven hour delay saved my life. I don't know, but I don't care. I made it home safe. I had dinner with my 15 year old daughter and life is good. I want to touch on failure for a second because that's one of those words like happiness, like failure is feedback, fail forward, fail fast. And
• 46:58
  You know, it really only is failure if you give up. And who in the heck truthfully gives up? Gives up is somebody who takes their own lives. That's giving up. Or drinks themselves to death. Or takes all kinds of drugs. And I'm not knocking that. They think that that's the only option. And I'm going to tell you right now.
• 47:18
  I've failed more times. And you use a baseball analogy. I mean, like Babe Ruth struck out more times than anybody's ever struck out in his whole life. Is that failure? Also hit the most home runs before Barry Bonds. He's in the Hall of Fame. So,
• 47:33
  Man, keep failing because if you're freaking failing, you're trying, you're in the arena. So I just say that that's, you know, I've done all kinds of things where it hasn't worked, but it's it's moved me forward. And then I pivot and keep moving forward. You know how many times when I started my IT company, I didn't know what that I was like, oh, this is not good.
• 47:55
  You know, that's kind of what I'm dealing with. So again, guys, CarmenBucci.com, CBucci55 on Instagram. This guy is amazing. I got two more, three more questions. We'll get you out of here. We're 48 minutes in. It's been delightful. I didn't know where any of this was going to go, but two old school bros chatting it up. And hopefully everybody enjoys it because there's been some real good gold in here. So looking ahead.
• 48:23
  What are your goals and aspirations for the future, both personally and professionally? I'm looking forward to the tour in the fall and going around and getting a chance to talk with as many student athletes as possible, maybe mix in some businesses there. But it's really to grow as a person, to be able to experience a lot more in life and be able to get out and talk and share my story and message with as many people as possible and hope that it resonates with them.
• 48:51
  you know, get up on some stages, some bigger stages, maybe even down the line as well. But also hopefully have more conversations like this that we're having with people. This is the stuff that really lights me up and fires me up. And this is what makes me feel like my life is going well and exciting. And I guess we keep saying it just fires me up and lights me up. I love having these kind of conversations with people.
• 49:19
  And so that's a lot of what I want to do for the rest of my life. It's something that I can relate to. It's something that's important to me. And if I can surround myself with more and more people like that, yes. But professionally, getting up on stage more, being better and improving at my social media presence, which was not something I've been good at at all, but I'm learning. So doing a lot more of that as well. And you mentioned something earlier that it just stands out with me, too, that
• 49:49
  Whether you're talking about the flight delays and things like that, there are a few things that stood out. One, we want to control so much of every action in our lives. There are certain things we can control and certain things we can't. You know, you hear about attitude and effort. But you have to accept that things are happening and not have to constantly put an adjective to it or a description, whether you call it failure, whether you call it something else.
• 50:14
  It just is what it is. It's happening and that's that. And you mentioned about just doing things. In the talk, I talk, one of my favorite slogans of all time is Nike, which is just do it. But they didn't say do it perfectly. They didn't say just try and dip your toes in it. Just do it. And then you see what happens and then you go with it. So it's everything you're talking about today. I'm fired up and I get so amped about it because that's the same thing
• 50:44
  mindset I have in the same way I think about life. So hopefully more of these conversations in the future.
• 50:51
  What do they say? Perfection has killed more dreams than progress ever. I always say progress over perfection, but it's stopped more dreams than anything else. Either way, when you go on this, do you know the cities you're going on? Are you coming to Detroit or Florida? I'm sure you're going to be somewhere in Michigan, somewhere in Florida, because that's where I'm at. Yeah, so it'll start. I mean, I have them all listed out, but it'll start in Arizona, you know, over through like,
• 51:21
  you know, going through New Mexico and Texas. And yeah, Florida will definitely be one up in the East Coast. Yeah, Michigan will be one, Indiana, Midwest. So I have the route planned. It's a total of around 8,600 miles.
• 51:36
  Um, so yeah, it's, it's do me the honor of letting me introduce you in Michigan or Florida. Uh, I'll, and if you need anything from me, let, let me know. And then the other thing is I'm going to introduce you to Sean French, dear friend of mine that coaches student athletes down in Florida, all over the country.
• 51:53
  Real good guy. Introduce you to him. And then I have a social media guy for you. I'll send you. Made things pretty simple, pretty easy. And one more is make sure that when this tour launches that you send me the dates when you know them. And anything I can do if we overlap.
• 52:10
  I'll come in and get, I'll be your opener and I'll get people fired up, as you can imagine. And I would love to share the message. It aligns with the heart of the life message. And the funny thing about it is when you do what we just talked about over and over, it becomes easier than life. It literally is. And the weirdest thing about it is surrender to God so that even if I tried to make the wrong decision, he fixes it for me.
• 52:38
  It's weird, but it's it becomes like just no, I don't even have to make a decision because most of the times I go into a party that doesn't align with me. I don't even get invited anymore because nobody wants to be around Mr. Positivity. Well, not nobody. Yeah, I know. Do you ever feel guilty sometimes when you're because you're so positive?
• 52:59
  Never. It's none of my business what people think about me. I did when I first started off. Now, I just, it's very, very simple to be my friend. If you're kind,
• 53:12
  I'm going to be around you. If you're negative, it's a no for me. And it's almost instant. As soon as you start going into victim mentality and start criticizing and being negative and talking bad about people, I'm like, you'll hear me say. So, Carmen, I'll give you a first thing. If we're talking and I say I got to go to the bathroom and I disappear, you probably need to look at what you just said to me.
• 53:37
  It used to be the first thing. I'm going to write that down. Before I did all of this, I used to say I got to go get a drink because I don't drink anymore. So my thing to get out of a negative conversation was always, I got to go get a drink. I'll be right back. I'll be gone. I would run from that person. But I am allergic to negativity. I can't handle it because life is so good and we're not here forever. You know, I'm pushing 50 years old, man. If I'm God's willing, I got another 50 years.
• 54:07
  I'm not going to waste him sitting here saying, oh, my God, I did worst day ever because I sat in an airport. I was alive. I read a book. I had food to eat. I went and bought my daughter a nice hoodie. What am I complaining about? Right. How bad is that?
• 54:22
  Oh, I know. Terrible. And the, the IT wheels of national technology management, we're still grinding. I was putting out freaking small little innuendos and moving the ball for dude. Life's great. So we're going to end the podcast with this. If Carmen, if you could offer one piece of advice or insight to the listeners who may be grappling with their own doubts or insecurities, what would it be? To remember that you have thoughts, but you are not your thoughts.
• 54:53
  That's number one. And just that whole concept I keep mentioning of be, do, have. What do you choose? What are you going to do about it? And then what reality will you have because you make those choices? And that's really the simplest part of it. That's fire. I got to tell you, just realize how like that is. I go look good, feel good, do good.
• 55:21
  similar stuff and look good is just is just working out you know then doing good and then and you feel good it's it's the circle of life and and uh
• 55:32
  Man, I got to tell you, I really enjoyed this conversation. And like I said, I believe you have my cell phone number. If you do not, just send me an email. I'll get it to you. And anything I can do to support you at any time. And just, you know, once I am one of those people that I will tell you, my schedule is full. I won't blow you off. I'll just say, I can't squeeze it. But if there's ever any opportunity, for sure, I will. Especially if it's a, hey, jump on stage, get the crowd warmed up and just be in your energy. I think the two of us together would have a little fun with it.
• 56:02
  Oh, it'd be amazing. And I can't thank you enough for having me on, Kelly. I know you asked me if I'm a happy person. I'm very happy. But once we disconnect from this, I'm going to be sad for a little while because I'm going to be having withdrawals, going through withdrawals after this great conversation. So I can't thank you enough. It's been incredible. And I look forward to more, just more conversations, even offline text, whatever about all of this. And anything I can do to help or people, you know, absolutely.
• 56:31
  We're just getting warmed up, man. After having that imposter, it wasn't an imposter. It was just, am I going the right, am I moving the needle? After having that, I decided to go the opposite way. We're going to raise the bar tremendously. So look for Heart of the Life, Kelly Siegel, everywhere and anywhere. And I'm looking forward to what's next. But again, just winning today. So this is an absolute classic, guys. Please rate it. Please share it. And I love you all. Thank you so much for coming on.
• 57:04
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.