Latest / How Hard Can It Be? with Diana Maria Riva / Lisa Vidal on Surviving Grief, Choosing Joy and Still Being Hot at 60

Transcript

Lisa Vidal on Surviving Grief, Choosing Joy and Still Being Hot at 60 · How Hard Can It Be? with Diana Maria Riva

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Life has a funny and sometimes breathtaking way of being
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: either a magic carpet ride or ripping the carpet right
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: out from under you. And no matter what, we still
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: find ourselves as mothers, partners, bosses, employees, caregivers, still suiting
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: up and showing up, even though our warle is a
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: shit show. Get ready to sit with a guest that
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: means the world to me as we talk about being hot,
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: the foreplay of Pinterest and surviving grief. She's successful, beautiful
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: and bright, yet no stranger to heartache as we talk
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: about life's curveballs and ask how hard can it be?
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: My sole sister, my friend, my partner in philanthropic adventures.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: She's graced the screens and my life. But first from
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: the iconic film I like it, like that Officer Jessica
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Heladilo on high Incident turned things up on the series
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: The Division as Magdharamirees. But maybe we fell most in
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: love with her as Kara Lynch and being married. Jane,
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: please welcome. I'm getting choked up my sister from another
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: mister Lisabida girl. I love that entro. I need to
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: take you everywhere. I'm just gonna record it. So you
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: can play it. Whenever someone's going you shit at home,
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: just be like.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: One hundred percent. I'll be like, this is how she
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: feels about me. Cheer, cheers, my love, Thank you for
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: being here, my pleasure. We're supposed to drink after cheers. Yes,
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: thank you for having me. I'm so happy for you.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: This is amazing, this is exciting, This is exciting. It's
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: exactly what you need to be doing when we ain't acting.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: No, wa ain't acting. This is the one thing about Lisa,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: and this is the kind of woman that you need
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: to have in your life. You have to have that
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: woman that cheer leads you unrelentingly, and that's what she does.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: She cheer leads you no matter what it might mean
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: to her, what it means to you is what is
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: most important to her. And that's why I get emotional
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: that you're here.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: Get me emotional.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Given me a great podcast. Yeah, our lastes are going
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: to be down here by the end.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: They just glew to mom for me. I came lashless.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Because that's what we do.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: That's what we do.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't let you start this without your last Yes
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: you are. I like to break the ice with the
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: oh shit moment? Oh shit? Is this midlife? And I'll
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: tell you because we're in the industry, there's these thing
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: called sides. For all of you who are not in
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: the industry, I'm glad you're not. There's these things called sides,
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: which is like a mini version of your script. So
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: when you're filming that day, you've got your little mini
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: version and they're about this big. Well, there came a
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: point where I couldn't see it. I was only like
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: forty two, and I said, can you guys get me
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: just the full size, the eight and a half by
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: eleven size? And the PA says sure, think like, can
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: we get Diana some senior sides please? That are like,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: who did you have to Did you just call me
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: a senior citizen? It's like a senior side. I'm like yes,
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: And who uses them senior?
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: And I was like, damn child, oh my. And I
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, am I here already? To them?
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Am I there?
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Did you have a no shit moment? Right?
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: You know? It's funny because so my oh shit moment,
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: believe it or not, did not come till much later
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: because I lived in denial. I was like, oh no,
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: I was like, I'm not there yet. But what's funny
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: is that actually, So there was a time, and this
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: was a while ago, where I couldn't hear that well
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: out of my right ear, and I was literally like
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: whenever I was in a scene with every actor I
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: worked with, I.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Was like, can you please stand over here? Can you
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: please stand on this side of me? And everybody was like,
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: uh why. I was like, I don't know, it's just
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: it's like a better thing side And it was a
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: complete lie. It's that I was losing my hearing. Oh wow.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: So it turned out I was like, am I there yet?
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: But I think I was only like I think I
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: was only like in my forties, right, So I was like,
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: I am not there? What's happening? So it turns out
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: that I have something hereditary, thank you all willa etty,
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: where there's this little bone that dries up and they
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: had to replace it with a bionic gear, and so
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: then I have I was like bionic gear. And so
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: I went through that, and then with the whole seeing thing,
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: the glassest thing, I was still in complete DENIALO. I
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: was like, oh no, well this is happening because see
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: my mom and dad, they lost, like they've been wearing
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: glasses since they were younger, so it's like a hereditary
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: So hereditary thing became big for me and by the way, right,
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: So I was still in denial. And then in my
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: early fifties, Yeah, I got was called malasma and woke
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: up one day with some spots on my face. I
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: was like, what is this shat? I was like, what happening?
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: Somebody cursed my face, That's what it is. Some bitch
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: cursed my face. She's angry with me and she did this.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: So of course I went through the whole ritual of
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: like trying to and cleanse, right, but I went to
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: see I went to see my dermatology. She was like no, Mama.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: She was like, no, honey, that's it's hereditary and it's
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: here to stay. And I just was furious. So that
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: was in my early fifties. Again, still in denial, Still
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: in denial.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Girl.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: I was like, shit, I'm still hot. I was like,
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: I still got body movement, I still have sex drive.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: I'm good. But I tell you, my oh shit moment
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: came about five years ago. Okay, and I am now sixty,
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: so I was fifty five, right, All of a sudden,
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: I'd had hangingness happening on my own. I was like,
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: what the hell is that? What are these wings that
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: are coming out of my arm?
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Wings?
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: Yes, I was like, I'm sorry, and I was like
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: doing something on stage, and when I watched it back,
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: the shit was going like this. I was like, I
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: have always had muscular arms.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: So there goes the.
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: Downfall people, because from there on my skin started to change.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: I was losing a little hair on this side, like
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: the gray hair is everywhere. Let's not discuss the bottom
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: half of my body. We're not going there. But anyway,
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: it's all kinds of fun things that I'm discussings is.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Taking out her loreal roots concealers. You're like, works to
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: go down here too.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: I'm spraying away. I don't care. I'm like, whatever works well.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Everyone's looking up like loreal roots concealer. That's right, it
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: works really well, you guys, really multiple places. I am
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: always marveling at the fact that you lose hair, Like
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I'm losing hair. I'm losing eyebrows, but I got chin
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: hairs coming in hot what I don't even understand what this.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: I wake up and I have four and I'm like
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I'm a billy dog.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: Why would God do that to us?
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Look at I don't understand.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: What is it? Like what? I have major conversations with
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: him about these things. I'm not even joking. I have
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: this one hair that comes out every once in a while,
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: and I only see it when I'm in my ten
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: times because that shit is on every morning. I'd be like,
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: let me see what's going on in the face. And
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: there's one hair that always comes out. And don't you
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: know that that's rusty tweezer, bitch. Get out.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Did I tell you this story about my conversation with
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: Nathan Fillion.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: No.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: I was guest starring on Castle. Oh, and he's such
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: a handsome, gorgeous man, so kind, and so we were
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: in this great conversation and I'm talking to him. I'm like, yeah, whatever,
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: and he's like, oh, you have an eyelash on your chest.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Oh it's connected. Oh my god, that's mortify Oh my god,
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: excuse me, Oh my god.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: He should have said I included on this morning. I
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: wanted to be interesting.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's a character choice sticking out just like this.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, my god. I wanted to die, devastate
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: it and I'm not sure if I was that that
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: might have been a subconscious Oh it is this been
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: life moment?
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: I mean, at this point you have several old shits.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: The worst is when you see it on somebody else
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  Speaker 2: and you so desperately want to take the tweezer out
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: of your bag and take it out for them, but
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: you're mortified to say anything. You notice.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: I was in line for TSA the other day and
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: we were going through, and you know how, you take
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: your jacket off and I have a tank top on.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: I don't like feeling I feel naked. And this woman
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: comes from behind in line says, sweetheart, let's fix this
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: and starts touching me, and let's tuck your bra in,
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: let's pull it down a little bit. You got a
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: little backwirll coming out, and I'm.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: Like, oh, it's a good thing.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: I'm nadena because I'm clearly good with people invading my
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: space and touching me. And I was like, yeah, but
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: I don't want that backfat shoy, so go ahead and
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: pull that.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: Bread just right. I have to admit I'm kind of
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: one of those girls, but I do it for a
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: different reason.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: What is that?
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: Because I want my girls to look great and feel
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: great and present great and never ever be like what
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: the hell Nobody told me I had that in my tooth,
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: or that my lash was coming out, or that my
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: bra was sticking out. I'm am, I not always fixing
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: certain things on you.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: You ever, like the gorilla that comes and picks things
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: out of it.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: You're not joking.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: I guess that when I said she uplifts you, it's always.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: I ain't gonna let you go out looking bad. I
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: ain't gonna let you go down that way.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: I refuse to have a career as long as you
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: have and still be this good of a person. Just
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: says everything about your soul. That's who you are. That's
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: why thank you, my sister. I love you saying that much.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: I love you, and I don't know how you know.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: You've been through life, You've been through this career that
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: started you. Did I like it like that? How old
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: were you?
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: I was twenty seven when I did I like it
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: like that? I had just had Scott, my first son.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: He was five months old. Oh my god, I mean
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: you know us right twenty seven? I mean I looked
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: like energy. We don't ever look our age that we
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: are and we were all playing way younger. Yeah, you know,
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: for I like it like that. So but yeah, I
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: was twenty seven when I did that, but I was
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: actually I started acting. I did my first TV series
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: PBS when I was fourteen years old in New York
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: City in Spanish Harlem. That was my first job. Sag
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: after remember for forty six years. This is the forty six.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: That is a successful career.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: It's crazy.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: It's you know. We had a guest, Kim Fields, who
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: said it's not about you can be seen but not chosen,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: and I really that really resonated me, Like you can
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: be seen this in this but have you been chosen?
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: You have been chosen over and over and over and
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: over again in this industry, and that is that says
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: a lot. It says a lot about your tenacity. But
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: you also went on to get married. You got married
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: at what age?
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: I got married at twenty four?
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you were younger.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: I was younger. I met my husband at nineteen because
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: we were in college when we met. We were dating
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: for five years and then we got married at twenty four.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you have now thirty five years together.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: We just celebrated thirty six years married forty one years
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: together together.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: That is a that's biblical. God help me every day,
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: every day.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: Every choice, and it is a choice.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: Someone said that in a marriage, at least one person
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: has to be both feed in at the same time.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: The other one may have one foot in one foot out,
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: but as long as one of them still has both
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: feet in, like you're getting.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: One hundred percent. I mean, but that's marriage, you know.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: I mean I I love and adore my husband. He
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: has you know, I always tell young couples because I'm
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: asked this all the time because we've been married for
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: so long. I'm like, don't expect the princess bride on
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: a white horse. It's it's it's moments of that. But
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: it's a lot of tough moments where you choose to
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: work things out, where you choose to be friends, where
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: you choose to forgive, where you choose to compromise, where
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: you choose to like let it go, and the end
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: you choose to love because you have those.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: I hate to you pissed me off.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna throw you off a balcony. I'm gonna this
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: and and by the way, him with me too, right,
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: we all have our stuff, but it's a choice. It
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: really is a choice. And when you have that that
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: major I don't know, I mean, judge me, I don't
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: care when you have that just major moral commitment of
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: this is my person for how long? This is the
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: father of my children. This is my friend. This is
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: the guy I go to bed with every night. And
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: if I'm thirsty, You'll get up at three in the
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: morning and get me something. If I need to cuddle,
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: if I have a bad dream, he's there. If you know,
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: they're all these like all the big stuff. Yeah, that's important.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: It really is, especially moments when you know the finance
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: is a low but those simple things is what gets
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: you through.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: They do it.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: It's a humor, the simple things. And you know, clobbering
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: over the head every once in a while works wonders.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: That means everybody needs a little shake up. Yeah, I
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: mean it. That's one of the things that I feel
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: resonates with me. You know, I was single forever and
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: ever ever. I was a single parent for a long time.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: But it was because the partnership that I was in,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: I wasn't being chosen, that's right. So there's a difference
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: when you're in this marriage relationship, and then the father
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: of your children. But the father, you know, you don't
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: feel that you're being chosen and you're making You're choosing.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: For everybody, and that needs to be there. Yeah, that
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: needs it. That's integral, because then what's holding you there? Right?
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Right? There's no anger in that marriage. And then you
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: have this marriage of all these years, you go on
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: to have two more children, all of which are beautiful souls.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: How did you balance? What are you better at now
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: than you were back then?
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Oh that's a good question. What am I better at now?
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: I think you know, when we're young, I had so
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: many balls in the air. I was carrying so much
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: on my shoulders. But I don't think that. I don't
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: think I could be any other way. It's kind of
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: in my character to always be doing and busy and
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: and and doing that because I always felt like, Okay,
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: my dream was always always to have a family. I
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: always wanted to be a mom. I was that. I
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: was that. Sometimes we would say, that's that's weird because
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: I wanted to drive a mini van. I won a minivan.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Wait, I never got one.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: I never got one. My high was like, we're not
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: getting a minivan that's it's for like weird olds.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: I was like, no, it's not never got the minivan,
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: but I did have a lan cruise there. Yeah, soccer family, no,
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: but you know, I had a lot of balls in
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: the air, and so it was hard as hell. I
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: had to sorry, I had to like kind of put
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: everything on the exterior a side. It was family and work.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: That was my world. I couldn't socialize the way I
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: do now. I couldn't show up for everybody the way
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: I do now. I couldn't like, I couldn't pour into
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: others as much as I do now because I had
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: to pour into them, and then I had to have
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: left over for work and my husband and all that. So,
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: So what am I better at now? I am better
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: at thinking of how I can serve somebody else a
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: lot better. But also I love to be of service.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: I love to help somebody. I love to encourage people.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: I love to teach wisdom. Whatever I've learned, here's what
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: I've learned, take it or leave it. Yeah, but I'm
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: also better at listening to what I need.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Are you That's a great question because all of these
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: things I'm hearing you talk about, how you poured into
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: your your family, poured into your work, and what was
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: left over you poured into your husband. And what about you?
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: Correct?
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: When did you pour into you? And how did you
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: pour into you?
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: Correct? But that's a question back then, right now now,
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: So now.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: Okay, wait, that's a great thing. Let's start back then. Okay,
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: how did you pour it back into you? Did you?
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: I did it in very exterior ways, Okay. If I
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: got my hair done, if I got my nails done,
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: if I had lunch every once in a while, if
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: I went shopping, that's care. I love shopping. I loved too.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: I love I've always loved fashion, but always so a
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: fun day of shopping with girlfriends or something like that,
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: that was sort of at that time enough because honestly,
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: a lot of my self care came from being with
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: the ones I loved. So when I got to do
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: things with my kids, take them to the water park,
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: do art with them, paint their faces, go to like
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: you know, a clay place, play with clay, or bake
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: or you know, color me mine or like just you know,
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: bowling anything, or be able to show up at school
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: right because I was going, I was I was going
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: from series to series, and honestly, I was usually one
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: of the leads, one of the regulars. So that's very
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: taxing on your life. But I have to say that
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: my family was very helpful. My husband was amazing because
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: he would bring my children to come and visit me
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: and be there when he could, and he would, you know,
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: pick the kids up from school. He would like there
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: was a lot he did, and he was very much
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: my partner and he absolutely supported me.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: That way and that and that is part of the
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: marriage building and the family building, you know, having that
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: that partnership and the and changing, you know, passing the
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: torch who's got it. I always used to say that
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: I told my kids, look, I kept our living small.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I kept us in a smaller home with an old
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: mini van. I drove them in a van until it
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: was dead, and that just so that I could.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: It's home, and it's beautiful.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: It's it's our little home, but it's our peaceful home.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: But I'll tell you that keeping our living small allowed
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: me when a show was over, to go when I
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: had the next six months off till season two or whatever,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: allow me to go choreograph the school play, allow me
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: to go take care of all the parent drinks and
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: stuff for the games, and get to all the birthday parties.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: And now here we are with my children, they've flown
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: the nest. We have a very tight relationship. I didn't
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: miss out on their lives, which a lot of women
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: in any career that could happen to. So how would
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: you say, was there a pivotal moment where you said,
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: I need to give to myself more than the external.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Those things are all examples of good self care. Going
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: to get my nails done, going to get my like
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: that's somebody come take care of me. I need to
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: feel and look good, you know whatever. That's self care
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: in that counts. What would you say you did for
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: yourself internally?
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: You know, I have strong faith. Yeah, I am a
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: very faith based person in the sense of my belief system,
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: my higher power, my hope in God is taking care
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: of me. I am gonna be okay, I am lovable,
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: I am this all these things and that to me.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: Having my whether you want to call it a meditation time,
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: quiet time, self reflective time, that's part of self care.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: It's soul care, you know. And so I did a
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: lot of that and I do even more of that now.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: It's part of how I my very one day at
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: a time mantra. And it's part of how I choose
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: healing each day. Whatever that looks like. Oh, I like.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: That you choose healing each day.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: Correct.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: I give me goosebumps. I get a little teary eyed
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: at the craziest of times. But I'm sure that's hormonal too,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: but it's but it's real to choose to heal.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: Every day, right. I love that, right and and and
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: so I can do that when I have that close
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: time with the Lord and with that power that's so
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: much more than me, and that I am loved and
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: I that's even a choice, yeah, to believe that you're loved, right,
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: And then I think that when I can give love
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: to others, that's giving love back to me too.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: When I can, like I said, be of service, When
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: I can show up from my sister friend, when I
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: can cook and make somebody's day better and she is
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: that thank you, that's love and that is part of healing.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: It's part of healing me and others. And that is
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: self care and so and also just sister friend time
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: or family time, like it means the world to me
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: when my kids who are now adults. You know, I
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: can go to dinner with them, or I can you know,
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Olivia and I can get our nails done, or we
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: can you know, go to an you know, to a
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: movie or whatever. Those things mean. They're exciting and it's
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: self care. Why because it's me embracing my life.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: Yes, right, and we both do that.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: We even tell each other to do that.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: We do.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: We need to check out, Dianna, check out, time to
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: check Outana, don't, Dianna, don't. Don't check those emails today, Dianna.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: She sees me respond and she's like, I told you,
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: and we'll get in that text threat that just you
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: want to kill yourself over because it's just so many
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: ding ding ding ding ding, and you'll see me just
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: not even.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: Answer, hands on, silent a lot of them. So I
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: need that. I just need that, And so I'm listening
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: to what I need.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: You need that because we deal with the daily, We
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: deal with everyone, and yet we don't even we don't
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: know what curveballs are coming at us, and life throws them.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: You are no stranger to them. You have gone through
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: life with such grounded, passionate regal force, and yet you've
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: had some major curveballs. Major you are a breast cancer
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: survivor and you've lost the sun. Yes, and yet you
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: are one of the most graceful women I have ever
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: come across to have gone through curveballs like that, and
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: curveballs puts it lightly through those what the fuck moments?
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: And I have a lot of what the fuck moments.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: That's another thing, you know, It's when you've been through
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: suffering and pain, you have to have what the fuck
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: moments because then you're not being honest with yourself. I mean,
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: you know, I very very long, detailed story short. You know,
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: my my son, Scott Jared Cohen, my firstborn, who was incredible, funny, goofy,
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: phenom athlete, strong character, very handsome. Yeah, just just just incredible.
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: And you know, you know when I don't need to
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: tell you, like and all the moms out there, like
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: when you have your first child, it's just the absolute
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: best feeling ever because you're just like, oh my goodness, like,
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: look look at this beautiful being I've created that grew
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: inside of me. And you know, I I breastfed my kids,
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: so it was like I literally like you know, gave
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: him life. Right, So there's this insane connection, and so
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: losing a child is beyond some shit that will take
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: you down. Yeah, it has killed some of my friends
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: that have lost their kids. My son was a phenom athlete.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: We became a soccer family very quickly because he took
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: to that. Since he was very young, we were always
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: on a soccer field. And at about sixteen years old,
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: he was trying out for a junior development Olympic development
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: program and was very badly injured at that tryout, and
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: the doctors that did surgery on him put him on oxy.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: That was the beginning of the end, the beginning of
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: an eleven year drug battle in and out of rehabs, psychiatrists, doctors, therapists, coaches,
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: life coaches. I was going I mean, not only was
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: our family just completely falling apart, but I was going
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: broke because rehab after rehab, doctor after doctor. The insurance
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: companies suck. They don't cover what they should for mental
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: health and drug addiction, which I speak on very much now.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: And so the other thing is that there's no support
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: for families. It's really like you're the ground gets pulled
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: out from under you and you're just in this fall mode,
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: like you just feel like you're just falling. And I
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: think the horrible pain and stress of watching your child
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: die and kill himself because my son became a heroinautic.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: I saw him shoot up and just the violent outbursts.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: I mean, I can't tell you how many moments I
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: had to throw myself on top of him and try
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: to calm him down. And I was injured, and you know,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: I lots of really bad things happened. And my husband,
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: you know, we're very different, Like he did what he
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: could in his way, and I'm very Latina Puerto Rican,
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: like I get in there and I deal with you.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: You know you want to wrestle, We're gonna wrestle. I'm
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: gonna be right here. I'm not leaving you. My husband
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: didn't know what to do, and so you had this
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: unbelievable separation happening there on how to handle this and
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: trying to come together like, oh my god, we need
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: to figure this out, like what do we do? What
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: do we do? And then shelter and protect your other
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: two younger children. My god, it's a lot. That's a lot,
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: and I think the stress of all of that. I
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: got breast cancer and I was a lead on a
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: series when it got really really tough, I was on
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: being married Jane at the time, having to travel to
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: go shoot in Atlanta and leave my family, which was brutal.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: And there were times when so many times when my
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: son would call me I was about to do a
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: scene and he was. He would tell me he was
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: gonna drive off mul holland I'm gonna kill myself and
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: I'll find myself and I'm far away and i can't
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: do anything, and I'm calling everybody trying to please go
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: over there, please go, And I would tell him, I'm
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: gonna call the police and they're gonna break the door
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: down if you don't, you know, stop come out of
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: that guest house or whatever. It was horrible. It was horrible.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: And so I got breast cancer, and to tell you
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: the truth, I was like, I can't even think about
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: breast cancer. My sons might be dying any day now.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: And I my doctor was like, best thing to do
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: because it runs in my family is just double missectomy.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: My husband and I were like, you know, let's just
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: do it. And I did three surgeries and I had
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: to go back to work.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: All this and the camera's we like and and you're like,
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: I'm here in prison, in this pretend world of performing,
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: which I don't know. You know how I did have
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: an experience with it, but how people are going through
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: this in their lives, but they can't afford to just
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: walk away from work and they have to keep going in.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: Your life with breadwinner. I've always been the breadwinner in
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: my family. I had children in school, I had a home,
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: I had bills, I had cars, I had insurance, I
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: had this, I had that, and paying for rehabs and
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: doctors and everything. I mean, I was like, but I
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: tell you what, God was with me through all of it.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: I did not completely destroy and combust as much as
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: I wanted to. Yeah, and every day I thought I would,
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: But somehow I kept going. And then things got worse
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: with my son. You know, I got through that breast cancer.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: I was like, I gotta get through this. This can't
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: take me down. I didn't have time to feel sorry
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: for myself. I didn't have time to you know, be
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: in pain. I had to just go.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: It is amazing. What a There's that scene that everyone
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: talked about in Wonder Woman, the first one with Gail
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: Gado when she's out and she's in on the field
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: and she's running and she's got a shield. There's ten
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: thousand warriors in front of her that are all shooting
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: at her. I had been told about the scene before
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: I went to see the movie, and they said it
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: as a mother, it gets you in a visceral place
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: and you will feel it. I'm like, okay, I love
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Wonder Woman, but sure I go and I watch it
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: on the big screen and there's the scene and gael
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Godeou goes down with her shield in front of her,
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: with ten thousand arrows coming at her and they're just
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: pe and pew, and she's just sitting there and she
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: is the epitome of nothing but strength and resilience. And
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: I'm like, that's Lisa jumping on her son to help
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: him from the reactions.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: So sorry, okay, come, no, no, no, no, no, no, that happens.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: You know what.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what we we women do. And how then,
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: momm because you are a walking example of no matter
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: how much you give to people, you clearly get up
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: every day and still choose you because look at you.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: You're here, you're beautiful, you're grounded, You're still out there
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: being of service and being there for everyone else. You
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: clearly still choose you, because I know people who have
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: fallen into the hole of the darkness of that can
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: come from from experiences as these tragedies such as this.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: But you're the gaeal Goadot who stood up and I'm like,
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: I'm still standing. Yeah, a couple of varols got past me,
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: but I'm still standing. How do you get up every
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: day and and choose you? What do you do to
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: choose you every day?
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: Well, I tell you. I tell you. My son killed
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: himself five years ago. He couldn't take it anymore. He
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: tried to stop using and he couldn't. You know. I
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: had a hopeful moment and he was like, Mommy, I
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: want to live, I want to be a father, I
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: want to get married. And I was so excited. And
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: he had just come out of one of the rehabs
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: when it happened. We went to Hawaii with my kids
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: for my daughter's graduation and he was in his apartment
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: and he shot himself and I didn't get to say
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: goodbye to him. And I didn't think in that moment
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: he was suicidal. I really didn't. But that's the thing
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: you guys, like with suicide, you never know when they're
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: gonna flip it. It's something that can happen in the
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: minute where the choice is made and it happens. And
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: so talk about someone who was angry with God, someone
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: who always felt like, no, I know you got me,
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: you got me. I'm all right, you got me. And
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: there's not a whole lot that will test your strength,
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: your belief system, everything around you. Suddenly your world goes dark, right,
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: And first of all, I will say that like you're
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: in shock the first year, you really are. But I
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: will say that, like the village that showed up for
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: me to be there, and it was during COVID. That
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: was another thing, you know, losing a child during COVID.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: COVID was a bitch and hard enough in itself, but
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: people we had to I remember we had to choose
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: a different location because we didn't have enough room with
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: everyone that wanted to show up.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: Or the funeral. Yeah, okay, yeah.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: I was there at the celebration of his life, and
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: I felt very loved, very supported by my community out here,
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: and that was that was important to me. But you know,
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: I knew that people would fall away. You know, time
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: goes forward, and what people don't realize is that this
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: kind of pain and suffering never goes away, never goes away,
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: you just learn how to live with it. And so
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: I kind of think I want to really say that
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: because I want people to know that when they know
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: other people have gone through something so terrible and so tragic,
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: they should know the pain never goes away, that the
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: person is just learning how to live with the pain
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: and still function right. And then there are people that
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: try to live with the pain and they don't make it.
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: I have several friends that I've already lost because of that.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: It was like I lost my son and then one
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: friend after another lost their child. It was crazy because
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: I felt like I needed, like I was put in
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: this position to walk through it with them, and part
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: of walking through it with them is absolutely taking care
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: of me too, because it was like, oh, we know
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: what this is, we know what this feels like, and
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: I know what you need and you know what I
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: need and I'm here. Yeah, and you know, people should know,
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: don't talk too much, don't say too much, don't be overwhelming,
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: but don't say nothing, because it's like you're you're not
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: even acknowledging that this person went through such a tragedy.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, right there, were just things. That's tricky, and it's
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: it is. I have watched you and like I went
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: to the funeral and we we were friends. Obviously we
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: at that moment weren't as close as we are now
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: because we've walked through some great experiences together since them. Yeah,
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: but I remember being at the funeral and it was
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: he huge, and somehow at the end of it, I
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: was able to get up to give you a hug goodbye.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: And when I hugged you, I whispered in your ear,
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: call me when it gets quiet, because I just felt
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: at some point what you said, it falls out and
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: people get quiet. And then we went on to save
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: the world and the Latinas and the entertainment and the
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: straight like we went on to do great things. But
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: you're also a board member and a spokesperson for Cure
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Addiction now, so you are really choosing you to be
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: there for others and be in service of others and
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: other greeming families, being a part of this organization that's
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: doing amazing things. Amazing things.
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: Well, let me tell you, you, my love, are a big
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: part of me waking up every day. Oh my goodness,
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: because you called me to be with you in something
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: that you had no idea. I had no idea was
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: going to become what it became. And it was quiet,
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: and there was Dianna, my beautiful sister.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: You want to lunch of shit show? Here we go.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: I want to. I want us to look at these
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: pictures here on this monitor we have.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: We look at it.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: You guys need to see the kind of work that
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: we've been doing. This was us on the picket lines
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: when sag After was on strike a couple summers ago,
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: and it was during Hispanic Heritage Month, and so we organized.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: We were organized, organized picketers every week and proud and
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: loud Latinas acting up here to raise visibility for Latinas
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: in the industry. We were gathering probably upwards of fifty
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: sixty Latinas every week on the picket lines, which has
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: now become an organization, a formal organization of over three
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: hundred members and different states and growing pretty awesome. It
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: is pretty awesome. We need the cheers to that.
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: I mean, we should just wait, can we do our ready?
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: Can we review?
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: Can we review? Mm hmm, whenever we have that's us,
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: says Laverna.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: My god, I love it. I love that. That's one
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: of my favorite things ever that we did.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: I agree.
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: I mean it was so damn funny.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: People kept calling us Laverne and shirty, like, let's give
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: the people what they want.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: Let's lis.
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: We ordered our wigs off Amazon. Lisa had the wardrobe,
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: I ordered the l and I have the bone bowling shoes.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: Believe it or not, call it today.
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: Listen, we were in character.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: We have stirred some good ship we have, we have
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: starred some good ship.
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: We absolutely have.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: And that there was our first red carpet as. I mean,
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: we're cute, we dam are you? Are you good to
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: your body? Are you kind to your body?
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: I you know what's funny?
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: You know, I think you're hot.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: I love you? Thank you? Yeah, you know what my
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: daughter told me, Mommy, you need to speak kindly to
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: your body. And I was like, oh is that a thing?
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: And I've been so funny because just earlier in this
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: in this session this podcast, you said I was twenty
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: seven years old, I was hot. That's what you need
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: to recall. Yeah, but that was then look at us,
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: I mean, look how cute we are? Right, so cute?
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: But hey, guess what I started doing that though I'm
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: talking nice to my body good because you know she's
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: aging and but she still looks good. Look at us,
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: we look damn high, happy and high. And this is
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: how I A lot of this, a lot of this
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: has to do with how I get up every morning
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: and make a choice and make a choice to heal
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: to find joy and that it's always a choice. Yeah,
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: it's always a choice.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: And you know, I think that's one of the best
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: takeaways from this conversation is you choose to heal. And
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: it's and it's not holding your feet over the fire
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: and saying I chose to heal, so you need to heal.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: It's a daily active.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: Act right there, piece of action. It's a daily choice.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, by the way, because I think a lot of
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: times could we consit whatever it is. It could be
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: grief or loss, it could be anger, resentment, and we
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: wait to be for it to just uplift and go.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: And there's actual mechanics about healing correct and that's what
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: you do. And you're a beautiful living example of it.
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: Any I want to ask you about now this is
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: the fun thing.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: Now I want you to ask us, Okay, I.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: Want you to ask us. Like my favorite part of
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: closing this is Is it just me? Or is anybody else? Blank?
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: Okay, I have to think about this because I talked
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: about everything.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: Really, is there anything that you're going through that you're like,
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: is any other woman going through this? Or is it
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: just me?
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: Oh? Okay?
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: Is it just me?
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: Or does every woman my age want to look at
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: Pinterest instead of having sex? Sometimes? Is that bad? Is
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: that really bad? Sometimes I'm like, I just want to
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: look at some fabulous shoes. I'm not really in it.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: It could be worse. You'd be looking at porn and
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: he'd be so offended.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: You're not You're looking at Pinterest, But meanwhile his ass
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: is on his phone, He's like, what's going on in
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: the news today. I'm like, we are just a fucking parent.
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: We are just is this what it is? And then
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: I'll go into the bathroom and have that moment of
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: like I still look fucking hot? Like does he not
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: want me? Yes? Right? Yeah?
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: Pinterest is seductive. I always say, like it is. It's uh,
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: it's four play, it can be four plated camis because
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: they said it's all about the head. The mind, you know,
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: my best Tina, Oh, the mind that could be a
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: head to you know my best ee, Tina. I love
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: the one week that comes on here and gives Tina's take.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: She had knee surgery recently, and she tells me, you
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: know her, she's been married for thirty years, great marriage,
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: he's a great guy. She's lying in now because she
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: has been. She's a go getter. She can't stop. So
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: the healing of this knee replacement has been a ship
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: show because she can't. So he's like, you have to
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: lay down, you have you can't do all this work.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: So she goes. She's like, all right, I'm gonna go
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: to bed, and all of a sudden, she's like looking
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: at Pinterest and he starts massaging her back and she's like, right, right,
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: what am I supposed to do with this? He's like,
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: you could just move it over. It's okay.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: These are the moments. These are the moments. Listen and
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: I listen. I tell my husband, I'm like, can you
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: reach over every once in a while, because like, and
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: I'm so bad, I'm so like Puerto Rican New York
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: and I'll be like, you know, I can get a
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: guy from down the street to like rub my arm
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: and tell me I'm beautiful. What's gonna make you different,
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: which was a gil trip.
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: The other day, someone was complimenting my girl here Lisa
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: and said, you're beautiful, Like I don't. I'm a little uncomfortable.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: Is he flirting? I'm like, he's been kind. It's it's
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: it's he's being kind. She knows me so down, sweetheart,
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: he's gonna he was like, I don't want.
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: To have to drop kick that mofo because I was.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: So good. I this is what we need to hear.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: We need to hear how and what it looks like
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: to choose you, even if it's a daily decision, and
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: if healing is a daily decision. I cannot thank you
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: enough for being here and being so willing to open
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: your heart and soul and share this with everyone because
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: it's happening every day, and choosing you needs to happen
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: every day, and healing every day.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: Anything for you. You know that, I'm so lowering so much,
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: and I'm happy for you, and I want I want
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: everybody better watch this podcast, so I'm gonna come after you.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: Listen, you do not want to get this girl from
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: Spanish Harlem coming after you, because we have this funny
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: dynamic and lend on this is that there. Lisa can
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: see it on my face coming a mile away. When
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: I'm done with somebody, She's like, okay, Hi, so Deanna
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: is going to go eat something while we can solve this,
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: you know, because I'm just like exactly, I'm like, she's done,
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: She's done. Okay, So anyway, And then there are other times,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: because I know you love the Lord that I said, like, Lisa,
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: go get Jesus and deal with this because I'm done
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: with this person. I'm out. I'm out, and makes us
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: the best, the.
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: Best team, the best team. But you know, when I'm
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: done too, I'd be like I tell Dianna, I'm gonna
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: let you have this because Jesus I don't know. He's
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: on vacation right now. And so yeah, but.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: I've also heard you get into schooling somebody who should
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: know better and they don't yet at this age. I'm
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: my uh, she told you I've got nothing here, don't
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: look at me for protection.
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: Right, There's that, there's that part. We absolutely are like
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: the Mama's the theas, the this the that we are.
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: I mean, listen, i mean, I'm proud, shit, I'm proud
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: that I'm sixty. I'm proud of the wisdom that I have.
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: I don't know everything yet, there's always something to learn,
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: but I am proud of that and I know who
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: I am, and so I'm there. I love people, I
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: love to support and encourage you, and I want to
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: live authentically. That's another thing that we get to, this
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: age that you find and authenticity is everything. I can't
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: even stomach the fake shit or people that are surfacing
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: and plastic or not authentic and don't walk that way
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: like I don't have tolerance for it anymore. It's gone.
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: So yeah, that's the blessing.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: That's the blessing.
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: That's the blessing. Sal Sal, I love you, Thank you
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: for being here, Thank you for having me.
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: How hard can it be? With the animade Ariva is
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: a Hyphenit media group production in partnership with Iheart'smichaultura podcast network.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: For more of your favorite shows, visit the iHeartRadio app,
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.