Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Moving on in an argument

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Moving on in an argument · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

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  Welcome to the good morning from the chicken coop, podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and master mindset.
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  Coach filled with inspiration, distinctions, perspectives and
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  possibilities. We help you to cultivate a
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  mindset that leads you to create the best version of yourself.
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  You could ever imagine join Kim. Every morning from one of her.
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  Favorite happy places her chicken coop, along with all her
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  chickens. Hey everybody.
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  Good morning from the chicken coop so today I want to talk to
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  you a little bit about what happens when you get into an
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  argument. Because I think that, you know,
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  it's inevitable. If you're a human being, you're
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  going to get in an argument with another person may be many
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  people, you're an argue with yourself about things.
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  You're going to definitely argue with other individuals that are
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  in your family friends, whatever it might be, there will be
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  arguments, that will ensue. And when they take place how you
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  handle it is everything, how you handle yourself?
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  Self in the argument is everything.
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  But really quite frankly how you deal with that argument and what
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  that means to you is going to be a huge factor in your healing
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  process and moving forward in it.
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  But it's also just an emotional growth spurt for us as human
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  beings, if we can understand our offenses, why it happens and
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  moving forward. So let's just talk about the
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  fact that, okay, let's say you Into an argument with your
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  spouse, your partner, it could be anybody that's pretty close
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  to you. And if you're close with
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  somebody, it is definitely evident that you will get into
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  an argument with that person because it's next to impossible
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  to be with a person for a good period of your life.
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  And not have a serious argument at some point in time where you
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  are in such a disagreement and you just don't like each other
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  and you, you know, I often will joke around and say, hey, I love
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  my husband beyond words and beyond measure, but there
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  doesn't mean, I don't want a throat, punch him some days and
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  it is true and it is possible to feel two things at the same
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  time. And one of them is anger and one
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  of them is love and how you handle yourself to get past it
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  so that you can move on and truly create something and not
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  take it with you is a major factor in It meant and health
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  mental health. So let's say you have an
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  argument with somebody and you know, in your mind you were
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  right because we're always thinking, we're right?
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  Because that's our position. So we are always going to hang
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  on to the fact that we are right, and maybe we are right,
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  maybe there is a point where we are, right?
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  But let's just, it doesn't matter.
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  We're not talking right and wrong, right?
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  This minute what we're talking about is how you move past it,
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  but in your head, you're still thinking about the right thing.
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  So, the very first thing you have to discern, Is that you
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  don't need to hang on to being right, if you're choosing to be
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  happy, okay? And I think that's an important
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  distinction. If you want to be happy with the
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  other person, you have to choose to be happy.
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  Now, I'm assuming in this conversation that you don't want
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  to get rid of the other person that you do want to stay with
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  the other person. Now, this is a completely
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  different story. If you've decided, I just don't
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  want to be with this person anymore.
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  I don't want to have this person in my life, whether it be
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  friends, employee, partner, whatever, Might be spouse if you
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  have made a hard decision that you don't want them there
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  anymore, then the strategies are different.
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  But I'm going to assume for this conversation that you do want to
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  have the person there and that you do want to be happy.
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  So you have to remind yourself. First and foremost, my most
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  important thing in my life is to be happy because if I'm happy
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  and I'm focused on being happy then, I can heal myself, I can
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  heal the aggravation, I can heal what's going on and I don't have
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  to hang on to it and as Gandhi, I said I refuse to allow others
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  to walk through my mind with their dirty feet which just
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  basically boils down to meaning. I'm not going to let somebody
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  else and their anger or whatever.
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  They did to me stay with me and that's what we're talking about.
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  You're just not going to allow it to stay with you because it's
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  more important to move on and be happy.
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  So let's assume you want to do that.
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  And you say I want to be happy. Okay?
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  And then three minutes later you're still irritated with it.
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  So what do you do? How do you get past this?
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  And I think I hear this. So, Didn't that it really is
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  something to be addressed within yourself.
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  If this is coming up for you, often, if you are finding
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  yourself constantly having these moments where you're just so
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  aggravated and you can't seem to let go of it and move on and let
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  go of it and move on just truly let go of it and move on.
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  Well for me, the trick that I find that works the most is to
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  remind myself that I only I am in charge of what goes on in my.
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  My head. Nobody else.
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  I don't want to let other people be in charge of it, because if I
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  do, then how can I possibly take care of my own mental health,
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  and well-being? If I'm letting other people come
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  in and make decisions in my head, for me, so what stops me
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  from getting hooked and staying hooked?
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  That's the key staying hook, doesn't mean I don't get hooked,
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  it just means, I don't stay hooked is just reminding myself.
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  Hey, hold on here. I had to pause because I'm not
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  going to let this keep getting me.
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  Now will it happen multiple times throughout the course of
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  you know the day or the week if it's if it's something big sure
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  but I have to keep reminding myself repeatedly.
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  No this is not what we said. We said it was important to be
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  happy. We said we were going to move
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  forward, you mended it with the other person and even though you
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  said fine, let's just move on, I was still aggravated.
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  You can't let it stay with you because you made the choice to
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  move forward and you have to stop yourself from looping back
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  to It. Because the next time that
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  person has an offense, the next time that person does something
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  you're going to be going into this mode of stacking where you
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  putting multiple things on top of each other.
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  So it's, you know, the proverbial straw, that broke the
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  camel's back, we have to avoid that, because it's very easy to
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  stack events. And when you're mad about one
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  thing, not really you're mad about 25 things that you've
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  still been hanging on to, and you've never really let them go.
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  Which is what this conversation is about.
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  Angry. Yes.
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  You can be angry. Can you hang on to it?
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  No, the longer you hang on to it.
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  The more you suffer because it eats away at you and chips away
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  at you. So do you have to continuously
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  chip back at it and say, nope, that's not the way I'm going to
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  be. Nope, that's not what I'm
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  thinking about. Nope, that's not how this is
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  gonna go 100%. And you have to remind yourself
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  over and over and over. This is not who I choose to be.
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  This is not the way I choose to show up.
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  I chose to let it go. I Happiness and you move on and
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  then that person or those people, nobody has any power
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  over you at that point because you'd get to decide what things
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  mean to you. If you want to be angry, be
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  angry, but do it consciously and I will always tell you that.
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  Yeah, angry will move you but happiness will thrill you and
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  happiness will put you in a better place and you attract
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  more of the things you really look for.
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  So always look for that place that you can let go mend the
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  bridges. Do what you need to do
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  especially if you've decided Did you want to stay in the
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  relationship? So once you bottom line, that
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  then it's all about moving up from there.
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  So I hope this was helpful and I will see you guys tomorrow
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  morning. Have a blessed day everybody.
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  Bye!