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Brave Midlife: Defeat Change, Grief, & Loss · Create The Best Me

• 0:00
  Carmen Hecox: Welcome to Create the Best Me.
• 0:02
  Carmen Hecox: I am Carmen Hecox, a personal development coach, and I am so excited to be connecting with you today.
• 0:09
  Carmen Hecox: Whether you're listening to the podcast or joining us on YouTube, my goal is to help women navigate through midlife challenges with compassion, inspiration, and empowering conversations.
• 0:21
  Carmen Hecox: Each week we'll dive into thought-provoking topics, designed to build self-confidence, overcome invisible women's syndrome, and find the courage to create the best version of yourself.
• 0:34
  Carmen Hecox: I'll also be joined by expert guest who will share their wisdom and insights, so make yourself comfortable and let's embark on this journey together.
• 0:44
  Carmen Hecox: Well, hello there fearless midlife trailblazers.
• 0:47
  Carmen Hecox: Welcome to Create the Best Me.
• 0:49
  Carmen Hecox: If you are new here, I'm so glad you made it here.
• 0:53
  Carmen Hecox: If you're returning listener, Welcome back to the one and only place where we encourage and empower women in midlife to pursue their dreams and live life to the fullest.
• 1:04
  Carmen Hecox: In each episode, we will delve into various aspects of life that contribute to molding us into a better, stronger version of ourselves.
• 1:13
  Carmen Hecox: I am Carmen Hecox, your host and personal development coach.
• 1:16
  Carmen Hecox: Today we're exploring a topic that's often tough to talk about, but incredibly significant in our lives, navigating major life changes, grief and loss.
• 1:28
  Carmen Hecox: You see, life is a series of chapters, some filled with joy, triumph, discovery, while others may be marked by loss, change and challenges.
• 1:40
  Carmen Hecox: These difficult chapters, though painful carry the potential for profound personal growth.
• 1:47
  Carmen Hecox: They are the curable in which our strength, resilience, and wisdoms are tested and ultimately refined.
• 1:54
  Carmen Hecox: In today's episode, we will discuss how we can navigate significant life changes through seismic shifts that challenge our routines, identities and expectations.
• 2:05
  Carmen Hecox: Next we'll delve into the complex experience of grief, breaking down the many ways it can manifest, and How it intertwines with our major life changes.
• 2:16
  Carmen Hecox: From there, we'll explore the concept of acceptance, what it really means, and why it's so vital when coping with grief and change.
• 2:26
  Carmen Hecox: We'll also discuss the power and the importance of seeking support from others during these challenging times, and how this act of reaching out can bolster our journey.
• 2:38
  Carmen Hecox: And finally, we'll close the loop by looking at personal growth through grief and change.
• 2:44
  Carmen Hecox: How we can use these experiences as catalysts to evolve and create a more resilience, empathic, and self-aware version of ourselves.
• 2:54
  Carmen Hecox: So let's begin this journey by exploring what it means to navigate significant life changes.
• 3:00
  Carmen Hecox: You probably heard the saying, that change is the only constant in life, right?
• 3:07
  Carmen Hecox: Nowhere is that more apparent than in the realm of significant life changes?
• 3:12
  Carmen Hecox: These aren't your everyday shifts, like trying a brand new brand of coffee or switching up your workout routine.
• 3:20
  Carmen Hecox: No, we're talking about big shifts that really shake up the very foundation of our lives.
• 3:27
  Carmen Hecox: Perhaps you recently retired, stepping away from decades long career and the daily routine relationships and identities that come with it.
• 3:37
  Carmen Hecox: Maybe you've just sent your youngest off to college, coming back to an eerie quiet house, an empty nest.
• 3:44
  Carmen Hecox: Or it could be that you're grappling with menopause, navigating hot flashes, mood swings, and the question of femininity means to you in this new stage of life.
• 3:55
  Carmen Hecox: These changes, expected or not, can make us feel like we're sailing in uncharted waters.
• 4:02
  Carmen Hecox: Our roles are shifting, our self-image is evolving and our routines- those daily rhythms we could do in our sleep are no more.
• 4:13
  Carmen Hecox: It's disorienting and it can leave us feeling lost or like we're standing at the edge of the deep forest without a map.
• 4:21
  Carmen Hecox: But here's the thing.
• 4:22
  Carmen Hecox: It's okay to feel disoriented.
• 4:24
  Carmen Hecox: It's okay to feel overwhelmed.
• 4:27
  Carmen Hecox: You see in the middle of these great shifts, these up heavals that were given the opportunity.
• 4:33
  Carmen Hecox: An opportunity to reevaluate, to reassess, to redefine who we are and what we want in life.
• 4:41
  Carmen Hecox: So if you're standing at the edge of the forest right now, Take a deep breath.
• 4:46
  Carmen Hecox: Allow yourself the time and space to feel these complex emotions to grapple with the questions that arise.
• 4:55
  Carmen Hecox: And in these moments of significant life changes, there's often another companion that tags along grief.
• 5:03
  Carmen Hecox: Now, grief is a term we typically reserve for death, but it's much broader than that.
• 5:10
  Carmen Hecox: You see, at the core grief is our emotional response to loss.
• 5:15
  Carmen Hecox: So even as we navigate these major life changes, we might also find ourselves grappling with grief.
• 5:23
  Carmen Hecox: But what does that look like?
• 5:26
  Carmen Hecox: Well, let's explore that next.
• 5:28
  Carmen Hecox: When we talk about grief, there's an image that comes into mind, the black clad individual weeping at the grave site.
• 5:37
  Carmen Hecox: And while this is undoubtedly a form of grief, it's far from the only one.
• 5:43
  Carmen Hecox: You see, grief is the universal yet profoundly professional response to loss.
• 5:49
  Carmen Hecox: Any loss, perhaps it's death of a loved one, which is a tremendous loss and life altering event.
• 5:56
  Carmen Hecox: But it could also be quiet, introspective grief that comes with acknowledging your children no longer need you in the same way or mourning your professional identity you've nurtured over the decades, but is now changing due to retirement.
• 6:13
  Carmen Hecox: Grief is an intricate dance of emotions.
• 6:16
  Carmen Hecox: It can manifest as a profound sadness that envelops you like a fog.
• 6:22
  Carmen Hecox: It might show up as a shimmering anger, a sense of betrayal at what life has taken away from you.
• 6:30
  Carmen Hecox: Or it may be a numbing wave that leaves you feeling detached from the world around you.
• 6:37
  Carmen Hecox: It can hit you all at once, an emotional tsunami, or it can creep up on you over time.
• 6:44
  Carmen Hecox: A slow tide that gradually overtakes the beach and sometimes it swings back and forth between the two.
• 6:52
  Carmen Hecox: The important thing to remember here is your grief is your own.
• 6:57
  Carmen Hecox: It might not look like someone else's, and that's okay.
• 7:01
  Carmen Hecox: It might not fit into a neat stage or timeline, and that's okay too.
• 7:08
  Carmen Hecox: There's no right way to grieve.
• 7:10
  Carmen Hecox: There's only your way.
• 7:13
  Carmen Hecox: While navigating through these emotions, these tumultuous waves of grief, there's a beacon that we can turn to acceptance.
• 7:23
  Carmen Hecox: Now, acceptance might sound simple, maybe even a little cliche.
• 7:28
  Carmen Hecox: But it's a powerful ally in our journey through grief and major life changes.
• 7:34
  Carmen Hecox: So what exactly does acceptance look like?
• 7:38
  Carmen Hecox: Let's dive into that next.
• 7:41
  Carmen Hecox: When we think of acceptance, it's easy to confuse it with being okay with something or resigning ourselves to a situation.
• 7:51
  Carmen Hecox: But acceptance, particularly in the context of grief and loss changes, is a much deeper concept.
• 8:00
  Carmen Hecox: Acceptance is about acknowledging the full scope of reality without trying to change or sugarcoat it.
• 8:08
  Carmen Hecox: It's looking at loss or change square in the face and saying, I see you.
• 8:15
  Carmen Hecox: I may not like you, but I acknowledge you are part of my reality now.
• 8:20
  Carmen Hecox: Imagine being caught in the rip current while swimming.
• 8:24
  Carmen Hecox: Our instincts are often to fight against it, to swim straight back to the shore.
• 8:30
  Carmen Hecox: But anyone trained in ocean safety will tell you that that is the most dangerous thing to do.
• 8:36
  Carmen Hecox: The best way to survive the rip current is to accept that you are in it.
• 8:42
  Carmen Hecox: Then swim parallel to the shore conserving energy until you are out of the current.
• 8:50
  Carmen Hecox: Similarly, fighting against the reality of our loss or change, or denying the emotions that come with them often leaves us exhausted and feeling stuck.
• 9:02
  Carmen Hecox: Acceptance, on the other hand, is like swimming parallel to the shore.
• 9:08
  Carmen Hecox: It's not an immediate solution, but it's the path toward eventually healing.
• 9:14
  Carmen Hecox: Acceptance allows us to feel our feelings fully to cry when we need to, to yell, when frustration builds up to seek comfort when we feel alone.
• 9:27
  Carmen Hecox: It's our first step toward processing our experience and eventually finding a new way forward.
• 9:36
  Carmen Hecox: But acceptance doesn't mean going it alone.
• 9:39
  Carmen Hecox: in fact, having a supportive network is a critical part of navigating grief and life changes.
• 9:45
  Carmen Hecox: That brings us to our next segment, the power of seeking support.
• 9:50
  Carmen Hecox: Let's dive into this topic.
• 9:53
  Carmen Hecox: In our society, there's often a myth of the lone wolf.
• 9:58
  Carmen Hecox: The individual who triumphs over challenges and adversity without help of anyone else.
• 10:04
  Carmen Hecox: But in reality, we're social creatures.
• 10:07
  Carmen Hecox: We're wired for connection for community, especially during times of grief and significant life changes reaching out for support can be a vital lifeline.
• 10:18
  Carmen Hecox: Support comes in many forms.
• 10:20
  Carmen Hecox: It could be a close friend who's always there to listen, a family member who offers words of comfort, a support group of individuals going through similar experience Or a professional counselor or therapist who provides tools and strategies to navigate these complex emotions.
• 10:42
  Carmen Hecox: Why is support so crucial?
• 10:44
  Carmen Hecox: Well, first, it helps us realize that we're not alone in this journey.
• 10:49
  Carmen Hecox: It's easy to feel isolated in your pain or feel like no one can possibly understand what you're going through.
• 10:57
  Carmen Hecox: But hearing from others who have been in similar situations can be incredibly validating and comforting.
• 11:05
  Carmen Hecox: Second, our support network can provide perspective.
• 11:09
  Carmen Hecox: When we're in the thick of our emotions, it can be hard to see anything beyond our immediate pain.
• 11:16
  Carmen Hecox: Someone outside the situation can offer valuable insights or a different point of view, helping us see our experience in a new light.
• 11:26
  Carmen Hecox: Finally, seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
• 11:31
  Carmen Hecox: It takes courage to reach out, to be vulnerable, to admit that we're hurting.
• 11:37
  Carmen Hecox: If you find yourself hesitating, remind yourself that asking for help isn't a sign of failure.
• 11:44
  Carmen Hecox: Instead, it's a testament to your resilience and your determination to navigate through these difficult times.
• 11:53
  Carmen Hecox: So, reach out.
• 11:55
  Carmen Hecox: Lean on your support network or build one if you don't already have one.
• 12:00
  Carmen Hecox: You are not alone in this journey and there are many hands ready to help you along the way.
• 12:08
  Carmen Hecox: So, we talked about the experience of grief and major life changes and the importance of acceptance and the power of seeking support.
• 12:17
  Carmen Hecox: But where does this all lead us?
• 12:20
  Carmen Hecox: Can we really grow from such challenging experience?
• 12:24
  Carmen Hecox: Let's explore that in our next segment.
• 12:27
  Carmen Hecox: You may be thinking personal growth through grief, through major life changes.
• 12:33
  Carmen Hecox: That almost sounds like a paradox, but trust me, it isn't.
• 12:38
  Carmen Hecox: It's these significant shifts, these deep valleys of loss that we often unearth the potential for profound growth.
• 12:49
  Carmen Hecox: Growth doesn't mean forgetting about our loss or change.
• 12:53
  Carmen Hecox: It doesn't mean we wake up one day completely unaffected by what we've been through.
• 13:00
  Carmen Hecox: Instead, growth through grief is about evolving in response to our experience, reshaping ourselves around the space that our loss or change has left behind.
• 13:14
  Carmen Hecox: Maybe it's gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves, our values, our strengths, or even our vulnerabilities.
• 13:22
  Carmen Hecox: Perhaps it's developing a more profound empathy for others through similar experience, or it might be finding a renewed sense of purpose, a drive to live our lives more fully in honor of what we've lost or changed.
• 13:40
  Carmen Hecox: This growth often doesn't happen overnight.
• 13:43
  Carmen Hecox: It's not a straight line or a simple step-by-step process.
• 13:48
  Carmen Hecox: It's a journey filled with bumps, twists, and turns.
• 13:52
  Carmen Hecox: It takes time.
• 13:54
  Carmen Hecox: Patience and self-compassion, but bit by bit.
• 14:01
  Carmen Hecox: Day by day, we start to see changes.
• 14:04
  Carmen Hecox: We start to see that even in the midst of pain and loss, there's room for growth, for transformation, for creation of a new version of ourselves.
• 14:16
  Carmen Hecox: So let's recap what we've explored today.
• 14:19
  Carmen Hecox: We begin by talking about navigating major life changes and how these significant shifts can leave us feeling lost or disoriented.
• 14:28
  Carmen Hecox: Then we delved into the experience of grief, acknowledging its complexity and the unique ways it manifests in each of us.
• 14:38
  Carmen Hecox: We explored the concept of acceptance, not as resignation, but as an active, acknowledging our reality and our emotions fully.
• 14:48
  Carmen Hecox: We also discuss the importance of seeking support, reminding ourselves that reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness, but a testament of our resilience.
• 14:59
  Carmen Hecox: Finally, we looked at personal growth through grief, recognizing the potential for profound evolution and transformation in the midst of our loss and change.
• 15:11
  Carmen Hecox: Amazing trailblazers navigating major life changes.
• 15:15
  Carmen Hecox: Grief and loss is not a small feat.
• 15:19
  Carmen Hecox: It's a journey filled with complexity and emotions.
• 15:23
  Carmen Hecox: But remember, you're not alone.
• 15:26
  Carmen Hecox: You have the power to seek support, to accept your reality, and to seek growth through your experiences.
• 15:35
  Carmen Hecox: This shows transcripts can be downloaded at.
• 15:38
  Carmen Hecox: createthebestme.com/ep017.
• 15:43
  Carmen Hecox: If this episode resonated with you, don't forget to hit subscribe to stay updated.
• 15:49
  Carmen Hecox: Join me next week as our special guest is Karen Church, the founder and CEO of Wellness Success Coaching.
• 15:58
  Carmen Hecox: Karen has uncovered the secret to how to lose weight and keep it off for life.
• 16:03
  Carmen Hecox: Trust me, you don't wanna miss this episode.
• 16:06
  Carmen Hecox: Until next time, keep dreaming big, take care of yourself.
• 16:11
  Carmen Hecox: And remember, you were beautiful, strong, and capable of creating the best version of yourself.
• 16:18
  Carmen Hecox: Thank you for watching.
• 16:20
  Carmen Hecox: Catch you next week.
• 16:21
  Carmen Hecox: Bye for now.