Latest / The Bridges and Beacons Podcast / The Sacred Pause with Elizabeth Soto-Baez & Kristi Sullivan

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The Sacred Pause with Elizabeth Soto-Baez & Kristi Sullivan · The Bridges and Beacons Podcast

0:39
SPEAKER_00: Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Mystic Nerd Squad podcast.
0:43
SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Kelly Meyerson, and I am beyond excited today.
0:49
SPEAKER_00: This will be a first for me in a podcast interview.
0:52
SPEAKER_00: I have two lovely women entrepreneurs with me.
0:57
SPEAKER_00: And let me introduce them to you first.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: Elizabeth Sotomayas is a transformational and mastery certified women's empowerment coach and breathwork facilitator.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: She works with women who have lost their identity, self-worth, and passion for life.
1:13
SPEAKER_00: Elizabeth currently offers one-on-one coaching and leads personal growth and breathwork workshops, as well as holistic retreats, both domestic and international.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: And down in the other square on our screen, if you're watching the replay, Christy H.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: Sullivan is a human design and self-care expert, speaker, and lead author of the best-selling Amazon book, Stop Overworking and Start Overflowing: 25 Ways to Transform Your Life Using Human Design.
1:47
SPEAKER_00: She hosts a virtual community for spiritually minded females to create better wellness, improve relationships, shift mindsets, and manifest more success, wealth, and freedom to live their best life by design.
2:02
SPEAKER_00: Welcome, Elizabeth and Christy.
2:05
SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Kelly.
2:06
SPEAKER_02: Hi, it's so exciting to be here.
2:09
SPEAKER_00: It's so good to have both of you.
2:13
SPEAKER_00: We have some really exciting news towards the end of this podcast to share how people are going to connect with you.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to just throw that in there at the beginning.
2:23
SPEAKER_00: But I want to start with what really connects the two of you.
2:29
SPEAKER_00: And I want to talk about women and self-care.
2:35
SPEAKER_00: So, Elizabeth, can you kick us off?
2:38
SPEAKER_00: Tell me what you think is such a struggle for women and their self-care.
2:45
SPEAKER_02: Oh, this is a big question.
2:47
SPEAKER_02: I'm going to try and narrow it down.
2:53
SPEAKER_02: I think the broader part of this is that there is some conditioning that happens just in society.
3:01
SPEAKER_02: And when you're conditioned to be a certain way, it's like the fish in the water.
3:05
SPEAKER_02: The fish doesn't understand that there's water everywhere.
3:08
SPEAKER_02: And so a lot of women are similar in the sense that this is just how it's always been and this is how it should be.
3:14
SPEAKER_02: And women are called to be nurturers.
3:16
SPEAKER_02: And that's our natural bench.
3:18
SPEAKER_02: So this is not like they made us be this way.
3:20
SPEAKER_02: No, we are nurturers.
3:21
SPEAKER_02: We are loving.
3:22
SPEAKER_02: We are snuggly and cuddly and want to serve and want to be of service to other people.
3:27
SPEAKER_02: And I think, you know, Christy and I and you, like the work that we do in this realm is in service of others.
3:34
SPEAKER_02: So what's happened is that's become our identity.
3:38
SPEAKER_02: And we forget that we also get to serve and love and nurture ourselves.
3:45
SPEAKER_02: And when we put ourselves in spaces as the primary nurturer and the primary person that does the serving, we forget.
3:53
SPEAKER_02: And then nobody else is doing it right, potentially for us, because it's our job.
3:58
SPEAKER_02: And then we forget.
4:00
SPEAKER_02: And then we fall into burnout.
4:02
SPEAKER_02: And we fall into like, what's wrong with me?
4:05
SPEAKER_02: And then we have a spiral.
4:06
SPEAKER_02: Why can't I do this?
4:07
SPEAKER_02: Why can't I be better?
4:08
SPEAKER_02: What's why can't why am I so tired all the time?
4:11
SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm doing all of these things.
4:13
SPEAKER_02: And um, you know, the layers of resentment and disappointment and self-worth and identity, like it just goes all the way down into the depths, and um, it's so harmful.
4:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it starts off as an amazing gift and becomes something that's so burdensome and shameful because then it's uh it's scary to say, hey, I don't want to be or do this right now.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: Christy, what do you want to add to that?
4:43
SPEAKER_01: I love that fish analogy, and you hit on so many, so many good points, Elizabeth.
4:49
SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, I I know we've all heard of this uh idea too of the oxygen mass has to go on you first.
4:57
SPEAKER_01: And I always say self-care uh for yourself is a ripple effect.
5:02
SPEAKER_01: And so when you embrace it, you are served, you are still serving others by doing it for yourself because you will show up differently, uh, you will have your cup more full so that it's not empty or even overflowing, so others will feel that goodness, that um position of your energy, and it makes just such a difference.
5:33
SPEAKER_01: And and you know, there's that analogy, put the oxygen mask on yourself first because we're so used to again conditioning, like you said, um, do for others before I do for myself, but it's starting to really reverse because we are seeing burnout, and I think that's a huge point is burnout is showing up to help teach us that we have to start doing things differently.
5:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I agree with you.
5:59
SPEAKER_00: It's so pervasive.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: Um, so what about women's conditioning?
6:07
SPEAKER_00: Why, how has this happened?
6:09
SPEAKER_00: That's the first part of my question.
6:10
SPEAKER_00: Like, how do we get here?
6:12
SPEAKER_00: And then number two is like, how are we shifting this going forward?
6:17
SPEAKER_00: What are your ideas?
6:18
SPEAKER_00: Christy, I'm gonna throw it to you first.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: How do we get here?
6:23
SPEAKER_01: So back to the conditioning, you know, we we have certain systems in society and ways of doing things that have served us.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: So when we have things that have structures and um when we've gone through the hundreds of years um of and even more of our existence, we've had things that serve us in our evolution.
6:47
SPEAKER_01: And I think what comes up is when you have certain um ways of doing things, then they eventually may not work or need to also evolve.
7:00
SPEAKER_01: And and so I think that's what it is is that it comes down to some of the things we've been taught aren't working anymore or need to be upgraded or up-leveled.
7:09
SPEAKER_01: And when we look at things like conditioning that we're holding on to when we're supposed to be moving forward, it's preventing some of that evolution.
7:18
SPEAKER_01: So when we are looking at um how to unravel that, you know, I use a tool called human design.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: There's many other ways too that we can all be in this process of growing.
7:30
SPEAKER_01: Um, but for example, you know, human design is a way to look at how are you energetically wired and how are you supporting yourself.
7:37
SPEAKER_01: So I think we haven't had to always the knowledge of those tools.
7:41
SPEAKER_01: Um, human design, for example, is um based on very ancient wisdoms.
7:48
SPEAKER_01: Some of those wisdoms have gotten lost with new technology and modernization.
7:52
SPEAKER_01: And so we're starting to reconnect to some of those and saying, hey, how could we reuse some of that knowledge now?
8:00
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's how things are shifting.
8:02
SPEAKER_01: So that so I know that's kind of broad, but that's sort of my take on where we've been and why things are changing.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: And I love that you brought up human design.
8:13
SPEAKER_00: I can speak personally as somebody who has been exploring human design and has definitely explored it with Christy's guidance.
9:42
SPEAKER_00: It does create such a nice framework of how to look at yourself, look at your work, your self-care, how you engage with other people through a lens that maybe people haven't explored before.
9:57
SPEAKER_00: And I definitely want to come back to that because I think that could be really helpful for the listener.
10:03
SPEAKER_00: Elizabeth, uh, same question to you.
10:05
SPEAKER_00: Uh, how did we get here?
10:07
SPEAKER_00: And tell us a little bit about uh where are we going?
10:10
SPEAKER_00: How are we changing some of these things from your lens and from the work that you do?
10:17
SPEAKER_02: Um, so I wasn't there, but if you look back in biblical times, women were always the caretakers.
10:25
SPEAKER_02: And I use that for reference because I think most people can can have that imagery of like, this is what we did even thousands and thousands of years ago.
10:34
SPEAKER_02: Excuse me.
10:35
SPEAKER_02: And so also though, you can watch through time how women have asserted themselves and the resistance that has come up against some of the assertions and how we've evolved using Christie's language.
10:48
SPEAKER_02: Like we have evolved and we have taken back some of the things.
10:51
SPEAKER_02: There was a time when we were told who we were supposed to be, and we were put in boxes and told that we couldn't think for ourselves or do things on our own.
11:00
SPEAKER_02: I mean, in the 70s, which was not that long ago, women were not allowed to have their own bank accounts.
11:08
SPEAKER_02: So we're talking about a thousands of years evolution of women being able to be their own human being, their own self.
11:20
SPEAKER_02: And so today we can look and say, man, we've come really far.
11:25
SPEAKER_02: And we have.
11:26
SPEAKER_02: I have a bank account.
11:28
SPEAKER_02: I don't need a man to, I'm I'm a divorced woman, and I have taken care of myself.
11:33
SPEAKER_02: And that is thankfully because of women who've asserted themselves and kind of come against some of the conditioning.
11:40
SPEAKER_02: But we're still working on it.
11:42
SPEAKER_02: And um, as you were talking earlier, I was just thinking, yeah, we need to assert ourselves and put our mask on our uh, you know, on ourselves first.
11:50
SPEAKER_02: But as we do those things, we're gonna come up against resistance because not everyone agrees.
11:55
SPEAKER_02: Not everyone is is at the same level of awareness when it comes to like, I hear that you need me, but I'm not good.
12:06
SPEAKER_02: And so I need to get good so that I can come and help you.
12:10
SPEAKER_02: And in my coaching containers, most of the women are are coming up against this right now.
12:17
SPEAKER_02: Like my identity is as a nurturer, so I need to work through like, oh, I can be different.
12:23
SPEAKER_02: Oh my God, I can be different.
12:24
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
12:25
SPEAKER_02: Um, also the people in my life are so used to me being the way that I've always been that as I begin to evolve, I have to deal with other people not liking it.
12:36
SPEAKER_02: And how do I do that?
12:38
SPEAKER_02: And what if I lose people in the process because they can't hang with this new version of me.
12:46
SPEAKER_02: And so then we're dealing with that.
12:49
SPEAKER_02: Um, and so are we doing it a hundred percent.
12:53
SPEAKER_02: All the women in my containers are doing it, all the women that I connect with in these containers are doing it.
12:58
SPEAKER_02: But it's a process.
13:00
SPEAKER_02: It takes a lot of self-awareness and personal strength.
13:05
SPEAKER_02: It takes guidance.
13:06
SPEAKER_02: That's why we have coaches and therapists.
13:09
SPEAKER_02: We have human design that's also really helpful.
13:12
SPEAKER_02: We have these tools to get us into those places.
13:15
SPEAKER_02: The women that know about this, the women who have taken the risk, because it's risky to do this, come back to me and say, I'm so grateful for you teaching me, showing me, like leading me into this space because I feel so much better about myself personally.
13:34
SPEAKER_02: My energy is better.
13:35
SPEAKER_02: And I'm doing things I never imagined I could do, and I love it.
13:41
SPEAKER_02: And so this gradual movement through time in history of humanity, but also in our own time, moving in our own lives using these tools is powerful and hard and worth it, and transformational.
13:56
SPEAKER_02: And then, of course, you know, I'm a mom.
13:59
SPEAKER_02: Most of my clients are moms, but we're demonstrating, we're modeling what's possible for the time humans so that when they uh grow up, it is a it's a different place, a better place.
14:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I want to share one one thing that was fascinating that I just learned, and I'm throwing this in there because I think you both will be amazed about this.
14:22
SPEAKER_01: But I have a friend who did some research to say how many generations back do we go uh to when Eve supposedly you know was was here as the first how many generations?
14:36
SPEAKER_01: The number is 144, it's not that many, it may be thousands of years, but it's only 144 back to when biblical times were talking about you know, Jesus uh when we were at you know BC A D, that pivot, 64 generations.
14:53
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's it's amazing the history, but yet like we're changing times because it's time for it to change.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think what's so um remarkable to me and in what you both shared is that we're we're talking about self-care, and that's sort of a buzzword now that people are using, oh, self-care, you know, get some bubble baths, get your pedicures.
15:19
SPEAKER_00: I don't think many people are saying that anymore, but you know, that used to be like that was self-care.
15:25
SPEAKER_00: But we're not just talking about self-care from the perspective of like, can you get through your nine to five?
15:32
SPEAKER_00: Can you function as a mom at home?
15:34
SPEAKER_00: We're talking about breaking generational patterns, we're talking about equality, equity, um, being independent, financial stability, safety.
15:46
SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm thinking about for some women, it is not safe to be independent alone, to do things on your own, whether it's for uh an immediate self-danger in your immediate environment, your home, your town where you live, or the country, the religion, the oppression that you're experiencing.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: And it makes some of the work that we're doing so much more vital because we're not talking about just getting moms to a place where they can get through the day and not feel spent and get a good night's sleep.
16:23
SPEAKER_00: We're talking about changing the patterns of our civilization in order to make it safe and uh equitable so that we can all not just be in survival mode, many of us, but to to be thriving and to be surviving in a healthy uh human race going forward.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's like, is that not as big as it gets?
16:50
SPEAKER_00: Maybe, maybe if we took it off the planet and said like other planets too, like we're talking about the entire human race and all women, and that's uh billions of people, right?
17:04
SPEAKER_00: So think about it that way, but you're right.
17:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:08
SPEAKER_00: It is crazy to think about it that way.
17:11
SPEAKER_00: So um I'm gonna dial it back a little bit because maybe for our listener, it's hard to relate to like taking it to such a big scale if you haven't spent a whole lot of time, which I know both of you have, like me, and really trying to make some of these things change.
17:27
SPEAKER_00: But what why is it feeling so impossible?
17:30
SPEAKER_00: And what's the antidote to that, Christy?
17:33
SPEAKER_00: Why do why does it feel so impossible to establish that balance for yourself?
17:38
SPEAKER_00: And like you said, put on that oxygen mask.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: We talked about conditioning, but what is it about like how we're just functioning in our typical day-to-day lives?
17:49
SPEAKER_00: That's that's really not working for us.
17:52
SPEAKER_01: What comes to mind is that stories we're kind of stuck in the story, like think of it as a tape recorder that we're playing, you know, one of those tapes or CDs that just keeps uh repeating.
18:05
SPEAKER_01: Um and we have to sort of change the cassette tape.
18:10
SPEAKER_01: We we are stuck in also telling the story of, well, I I can't because it's always been like this, or if you take the reference of what's happened to start to predict the future, you're writing that story, and you have to really be mindful and change the story so that you can kind of free yourself to create something new.
18:37
SPEAKER_01: Because creating our you know, thoughts create our reality, our future.
18:43
SPEAKER_01: So, what are you thinking?
18:45
SPEAKER_01: How are you thinking?
18:45
SPEAKER_01: We have to change our thoughts, and if not, we get stuck in a loop, we get stuck in that story that we have been telling ourselves that we're really good at.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I think it's about really shifting that.
19:01
SPEAKER_01: It might be just, you know, rewriting possibility, not necessarily I mean, we we do, and now uh with you know, a lot of a lot of support out there, you can address self-limiting beliefs, you can address traumas, and that's good and important for healing, but then you have to get to a point where you have to start telling a new story.
19:21
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's that's what's gonna break us free.
19:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
19:25
SPEAKER_00: I love the idea of telling yourself a new story.
19:28
SPEAKER_00: I like the practicality of that, Christy, because even if someone maybe doesn't have access where they are to some of those tools, although so many of them are available right on your phone or the internet, but starting to change the story, you know, how could the story be different?
19:46
SPEAKER_00: Elizabeth, what did you want to add to what Christy said?
19:50
SPEAKER_02: I love what Christy said.
19:51
SPEAKER_02: I also side note love that she called it a cassette tape because I'm like, I was there.
19:55
SPEAKER_02: I was there when there were cassette tapes.
19:58
SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.
19:59
SPEAKER_02: Um, the the word picture I use is also old school.
20:04
SPEAKER_02: It's like the negatives on your film.
20:07
SPEAKER_02: You take your film to get developed, and they give you the negatives, and you have the strip and you hold it to the light and you can see the pictures.
20:13
SPEAKER_02: And when I talk to clients about this, I say, we're looking up at the pictures and we're cutting out the parts that don't align with who we're becoming.
20:22
SPEAKER_02: This isn't about giving up all of you or forgetting people that you love or like abandoning all and starting like completely fresh.
20:31
SPEAKER_02: This is about noticing what's in the negative and saying, oh wow, I didn't realize that was there.
20:37
SPEAKER_02: Because so many people don't know that they're telling stories.
20:41
SPEAKER_02: And you're right, we have to rewrite stories.
20:43
SPEAKER_02: You have to, but you gotta know what the story is first.
20:47
SPEAKER_02: Because if you don't know what the story is, how can you make edits?
20:51
SPEAKER_02: And so we need to edit the story.
20:54
SPEAKER_02: The problem is it's scary.
20:57
SPEAKER_02: And your brain doesn't like new stuff.
21:00
SPEAKER_02: Your brain is like, what are you up to?
21:03
SPEAKER_02: We don't do that around here.
21:06
SPEAKER_02: And fear holds us captive because we don't know what's gonna happen.
21:11
SPEAKER_02: Because with the stories we have, we can make predictions.
21:14
SPEAKER_02: Like you said, we can predict because we've already done this story before.
21:17
SPEAKER_02: When you're starting fresh and rewriting your story, you don't know what's gonna happen.
21:23
SPEAKER_02: And you know, I have a friend right now who's really struggling with her mom.
21:27
SPEAKER_02: And when we talk about it, it's always the stories.
21:31
SPEAKER_02: Well, I have to take care of my mom because who's gonna do it?
21:33
SPEAKER_02: Or I have to be here because who else is?
21:35
SPEAKER_02: And I've always done this, and so now how am I supposed to stop doing it?
21:39
SPEAKER_02: You know, and she's 40, and it's like, you're right, you've been doing this for 20 years since I met you.
21:44
SPEAKER_02: How do you rewrite that story?
21:45
SPEAKER_02: And the challenge of that, and that's what I come up with the women that I work with who are in their mid-30s to mid-40s, who are like, I've just always done it this way.
21:55
SPEAKER_02: Is it even possible to do it differently?
22:00
SPEAKER_02: And so working in that space to rewrite the stories, working through the bravery of like what's really possible if you rewrite the story, um, acknowledging that you're the co-author of your life.
22:15
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, that's beautiful.
22:18
SPEAKER_00: You're the co-author of your life.
22:20
SPEAKER_00: That what could that mean, Christy?
22:23
SPEAKER_00: If you're the co-author of your life, then what does that mean?
22:26
SPEAKER_00: How are we taking that and running with it?
22:29
SPEAKER_01: Oh, infinite, infinite possibilities.
22:31
SPEAKER_01: And I think, you know, I I I love the research that I've learned from one of my mentors in human design about really what's happening, what's getting triggered in your brain based on words that you use and the really energetic vibration of words and the possibility that exists.
22:53
SPEAKER_01: But our brains, like Elizabeth was saying, we're we're used to the familiar, but the solutions and possibilities lie in what we're not familiar with, the unknown.
23:06
SPEAKER_01: And that is a whole universe because think about how we could sit and come up with solutions or ideas, but there's so many more that other people have even thought of, but that we haven't thought of, or that hasn't even been perhaps even invented, right?
23:22
SPEAKER_01: So there's things out in the realm of possibility, and we have to tap into that.
23:27
SPEAKER_01: And part of going back to that word of burnout, when we're so um tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, um feeling stuck, it's really a reflection like of our nervous system and rest is so important because when we can get that nervous system back into neutral or parasympathetic, which is um not the it's not the fight or flight or freeze, it's the Okay, I'm breathing, it's spacious.
24:03
SPEAKER_01: Rest does that, breath does that, and when we get that not just energy uh nervous system but energy aligned, there's more access to what's unknown and the possible, and we have more access to um opening, opening up to just what we don't know, and we're doing it also from a more stable place than the fight or flight.
24:28
SPEAKER_01: So it's like the combination of you know, this holistic view, but also what's really physiologically happening in your body.
24:36
SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
24:37
SPEAKER_00: Elizabeth, I know that's a lot of the work that you do, you know, uh getting getting that sense of you know some psychological safety and some safety in your body.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: So um I know the person listening to this is if they're in a state of burnout and overwhelm, they haven't maybe experienced feeling that safety to rest, to take care of themselves.
25:06
SPEAKER_00: So what is a good practical way for them to start, Elizabeth?
25:11
SPEAKER_02: Um, great question.
25:14
SPEAKER_02: And that was a great like segue into um a lot of the work that I've been doing, which is breath work.
25:20
SPEAKER_02: And um, I feel like this is a hot button topic now.
25:23
SPEAKER_02: I'm seeing it a lot.
25:25
SPEAKER_02: People are talking about it.
25:26
SPEAKER_02: When I tell people I'm a breath work facilitator, they immediately say, Oh my god, I do box breathing.
25:30
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, good job.
25:32
SPEAKER_02: There's other things, it's a great place to start.
25:36
SPEAKER_02: Um, but I love that uh that people are starting to understand that breath is powerful and how you breathe is powerful.
25:47
SPEAKER_02: Now, most of the people that I work with don't understand that when you breathe a certain way, it ignites the parasympathetic nervous system that feel and heal, rest and digest part of us.
25:57
SPEAKER_02: So a lot of my work is around teaching about the nervous system.
26:00
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so what's our parasympathetic?
26:02
SPEAKER_02: What's a sympathetic?
26:03
SPEAKER_02: Once people have an understanding of that, just a basic, super basic, they can explain to me, like, oh my God, my body always feels like this.
26:16
SPEAKER_02: And then we can work on, okay, imagine what it might be like if you felt like this.
26:23
SPEAKER_02: And we can unpack that because people don't understand that they are addicted to cortisol, for example.
26:32
SPEAKER_02: Um, or that they are running on adrenaline as a normal human.
26:38
SPEAKER_02: Like this is just how I function all the time, anyway.
26:40
SPEAKER_02: I did have a client whose cortisol and adrenaline adrenaline were so high for over a decade that her liver was starting to break down.
26:48
SPEAKER_02: She was 40.
26:49
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
26:50
SPEAKER_02: Um, she's like, My body's starting to break down because I don't understand how to not be in cortisol.
26:57
SPEAKER_02: I don't understand how to not be anxious.
27:00
SPEAKER_02: And so so much of the work is taking baby steps towards what it could feel like and teaching basic breathing patterns because breath is with you everywhere you go.
27:11
SPEAKER_02: It's free.
27:12
SPEAKER_02: You can use it at any moment.
27:13
SPEAKER_02: It doesn't take a very long time to transition into a more regulated or calm state.
27:20
SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, we we could breathe for two minutes and completely shift our energy and our nervous system state in a two-minute, in a two-minute time span, which is phenomenal and so exciting.
27:32
SPEAKER_02: And something that I want people to know about.
27:34
SPEAKER_02: If you're listening, it's only two minutes.
27:36
SPEAKER_02: That's all you need to get started, you know?
27:39
SPEAKER_02: Uh the other part.
27:40
SPEAKER_01: Two minutes of self-care.
27:41
SPEAKER_01: Two minutes of self-care.
27:43
SPEAKER_02: Two minutes.
27:43
SPEAKER_02: And and you know what?
27:44
SPEAKER_02: That's another thing.
27:45
SPEAKER_02: People are like, oh my God, I can't take care of myself because it takes so much time.
27:48
SPEAKER_02: Actually, no.
27:50
SPEAKER_02: That needs to be a reframe that you have.
27:52
SPEAKER_02: Self-care does not have to take all of this time.
27:56
SPEAKER_02: It can be, you know, a five-minute walk in the morning, a two-minute breathwork session by yourself in the shower, or before you brush your teeth in the morning.
28:05
SPEAKER_02: Like it's not a thing.
28:06
SPEAKER_02: We can fix this, right?
28:08
SPEAKER_02: The other part that's really important, and I want the listeners to understand this too, is when you've been living in that fight flight for decades, like many of us, it's gonna feel weird to not be in that.
28:22
SPEAKER_02: It's it's gonna feel funny to you, right?
28:23
SPEAKER_02: It's gonna be strange.
28:25
SPEAKER_02: And like Christy said, you know, your brain doesn't like things that are unfamiliar.
28:29
SPEAKER_02: So it takes time to say it's safe for your body to be safe.
28:37
SPEAKER_02: It's safe for it to feel safe.
28:40
SPEAKER_02: And we have to give ourselves permission to do that.
28:43
SPEAKER_02: So it takes time for people to receive that.
28:49
SPEAKER_02: Um but once they do, I think that's the click in the brain that allows us to continue to step into what self-care truly is and how we can truly incorporate it as a regular part of being alive.
29:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think that's such an important piece that initially it can feel really uncomfortable because you get you get a norm of a higher state of anxiousness.
29:18
SPEAKER_00: And I think about something as simple as people who rely on adrenaline for deadlines, you know, whether you're a kid in high school or college writing papers and you just have to uh me, me, this is this was me.
29:32
SPEAKER_00: I just have to wait until enough adrenaline surges that it just kicks me into high gear and I can use all that adrenaline to just bang out a paper in like, you know, an hour the night before it's due at midnight, you know, disrupting everything.
29:47
SPEAKER_00: But when that practice has worked for you and bonus points, you you become known as being really good under pressure.
29:57
SPEAKER_00: So, what does everybody do?
29:58
SPEAKER_00: They're like, oh, yeah, oh, you have something that needs to get done really fast.
30:03
SPEAKER_00: Give it to Kelly.
30:04
SPEAKER_00: Kelly will get it done.
30:05
SPEAKER_00: Kelly will get it done in no time flat, and she'll do it all by herself, and it'll be the best work you've ever seen, you know.
30:11
SPEAKER_00: So I think I can speak from experience and knowing how it feels for that to be your way of operating and again, serving people, um, not myself.
30:22
SPEAKER_00: And I know when I first started exploring all of this, this all happened for me when I was um in my late 20s and married and going through separation, divorce, like a really toxic marriage.
30:39
SPEAKER_00: And I suddenly was like everything I thought I knew as truth was absolutely not.
30:45
SPEAKER_00: And I had all my life here and none of my life and awareness in my body, and it was so frightening.
30:54
SPEAKER_00: And that I think the best thing I ever did was I went to a therapist to work through it.
31:01
SPEAKER_00: And that was the best money ever spent, in my personal opinion, because I had somebody professional to tell me that everything I was feeling was normal for what I went through, and that um some of the things I was experiencing were not my fault.
31:17
SPEAKER_00: Codependency.
31:19
SPEAKER_00: So you know, another buzzword.
31:22
SPEAKER_00: If if we've lived that, we know it.
31:25
SPEAKER_00: Um, and so uh it really helped to have somebody hold space for me because I thought I was losing my mind.
31:32
SPEAKER_00: Turns out, no, I was just codependent and in a toxic marriage.
31:37
SPEAKER_02: A hundred percent.
31:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
31:39
SPEAKER_02: And that's why, if I could add, and that's why it's so important to have a professional person that is working alongside you.
31:50
SPEAKER_02: Um, something that was said earlier, and I kept thinking, I'm like, what is the quote?
31:53
SPEAKER_02: What is a quote?
31:54
SPEAKER_02: I can't remember exactly what it is, but I think it was Einstein that said something like, the solution to your problem can't come from the same mind that created the problem.
32:05
SPEAKER_02: And so we need to move into that parasympathetic state so there is expansion and clarity and a renewed, like fresh eyes, but also like someone else that is just a few steps ahead on this journey who can say, I remember standing in that spot on the path, and I know what you feel and understand that.
32:29
SPEAKER_02: And these are the things that we can do to get you to move along.
32:33
SPEAKER_02: Um, because we feel trapped in this, like, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying.
32:39
SPEAKER_02: You know, I am doing self-care.
32:40
SPEAKER_02: Don't you see?
32:41
SPEAKER_02: I went and got my nails done and I got my hair done, and like, and it's like, I guess.
32:48
SPEAKER_02: I mean, good job.
32:51
SPEAKER_01: Such a great point.
32:52
SPEAKER_01: We're we're not alone.
32:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
32:55
SPEAKER_01: And you don't have to be alone if people are listening to this.
32:58
SPEAKER_01: You don't have to be alone.
32:59
SPEAKER_01: There's especially women know how to network and connect and you know, find each other.
33:06
SPEAKER_01: So I love that point.
33:08
SPEAKER_01: You're not alone.
33:09
SPEAKER_02: 100%.
33:10
SPEAKER_02: Um, that sorry, I'm gonna one more thing and then I'll stop talking.
33:13
SPEAKER_02: Now you're perfect.
33:16
SPEAKER_02: That makes me think of something I say a lot.
33:18
SPEAKER_02: And I own and I'm owning that too all the time.
33:20
SPEAKER_02: It's the idea that one of the biggest lies that we tell ourselves is that we're the only one who feels how we feel.
33:29
SPEAKER_02: We're the only one who's experiencing what we experience.
33:33
SPEAKER_02: Um, and even as you evolve and change, like personally, even as I continue to like reshape and molt, like shed things, I still will will hear that voice like nobody's gonna get it.
33:46
SPEAKER_02: Nobody knows.
33:48
SPEAKER_02: Like it's just you.
33:50
SPEAKER_02: And it isn't.
33:52
SPEAKER_02: It never is.
33:53
SPEAKER_02: It will never just be you.
33:55
SPEAKER_02: There is someone else who has had a similar experience, who has walked a similar path, who can resonate in a deep and profound way to the experience that you're having.
34:05
SPEAKER_02: Um, you never have to be by yourself, no matter what is happening in your life, for sure.
34:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think that's so important, Elizabeth.
34:13
SPEAKER_00: I think the I can relate to having felt that way in my life, like I'm this, you know, person who's different from everybody else, and nobody else goes through this, and and recognizing, holy moly, there's so many people.
34:29
SPEAKER_00: So I love that some of what the two of you are offering is community and connection.
34:37
SPEAKER_00: Um, and the best thing for me is being able to say, I went through this.
34:45
SPEAKER_00: And if the pain that I experienced and the trauma and the hard times and all aspects of my life can in any way give somebody else, another woman, a boost to make it even a fraction easier for her.
35:01
SPEAKER_00: That to me is the best gift I could ever receive and really allows me to make my story less about my suffering.
35:13
SPEAKER_00: And my story is more about what did I learn and how do I make change based on that learning.
35:19
SPEAKER_00: So um what do you think about that, Christy?
35:23
SPEAKER_00: About us having our experience and then creating community and connection so that we're all sort of group learning.
35:31
SPEAKER_00: Let's learn this all together and get better at it together.
35:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I am such a supporter of that.
35:39
SPEAKER_01: I that's why I have a community that I actually when I started my online Facebook group, it was back in 2000.
35:51
SPEAKER_01: And the reason was because I was going through a number of things pre-pandemic.
35:57
SPEAKER_01: It was right before, but I decided I wanted to do a self-care challenge.
36:03
SPEAKER_01: And I actually created this group to say, hey, anybody else out there want to be doing self-care?
36:09
SPEAKER_01: I need to be, I need to be doing something every day.
36:11
SPEAKER_01: So it was virtual, but whether it's virtual or in person, um, thankfully, back in person or still virtual, a combination, there are ways to connect and have support.
36:26
SPEAKER_01: And you can do things on your own as well, but when you it's just stronger sometimes when you're together.
36:33
SPEAKER_01: Um, I know we're gonna be talking about a retreat, but I love that concept of retreats because you're with somebody else who's also guiding you.
36:41
SPEAKER_01: That's your self-care is stepping out of you know your day-to-day and letting somebody else sort of guide you, lead you.
36:49
SPEAKER_01: Um, like Elizabeth was saying, maybe a professional or just somebody who's been through it already so that you know you're not alone.
36:56
SPEAKER_01: And again, the power of women coming together um is just amazing, I think, because again, back to that original, we're the self-care givers, we're the caregivers.
37:07
SPEAKER_01: And so self-care is part of that caregiving because it's so natural to us.
37:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's great.
37:15
SPEAKER_00: That makes it so much easier, perhaps, for people to understand who have just been in this pattern of always caring for everybody else.
37:22
SPEAKER_00: Like just put yourself in there, slide yourself in that list.
37:26
SPEAKER_00: You know, if you're not ready to just go full force and put your oxygen mask on first, you know.
37:32
SPEAKER_00: Um, and you know what?
37:34
SPEAKER_00: I I always like to throw in this caveat.
37:36
SPEAKER_00: If you're listening to this and you are a brand new mom, some of this will not apply.
37:43
SPEAKER_00: Some of the mama, listen, if if this you have a newborn, you're getting the feeding and sleeping and pooping schedule together and just trying to like your survival, and that's okay.
37:56
SPEAKER_00: Our bodies and our minds are meant to get through that.
37:59
SPEAKER_00: You if you're that person and self-care is suffering, I'm gonna tell you right now, the first thing you want to do is you just want to prioritize your sleep and your baby sleep, your eating and your baby's eating.
38:14
SPEAKER_00: And then everything else can come secondary to that.
38:18
SPEAKER_00: This is the time when somebody says to you, hey, can I help you with anything?
38:22
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
38:23
SPEAKER_00: Make yourself a list when you're when you've got that little nap time and you're not ready for a nap for yourself.
38:28
SPEAKER_00: You're just gonna write down the things that you need to get done.
38:31
SPEAKER_00: And when somebody comes over, you're gonna throw them the list and you're gonna let them do whatever they do.
38:35
SPEAKER_00: Um, but feed yourself, feed your baby, sleep, make sure your baby's sleeping.
38:41
SPEAKER_00: And when you're struggling in one of those areas, get professional help to come in to your people will come to your house and help you and ask your friends, your family, your partner for help.
38:53
SPEAKER_00: Don't be, don't be strong like me, and try to do it all yourself and feel like you're failing if you can't.
39:00
SPEAKER_00: No, because you're supposed to do this in a community.
39:02
SPEAKER_00: So that's just my sidebar conversation.
39:04
SPEAKER_00: In case we're catching uh a new mom at home and she's like, This sounds great, guys, but I'm like really struggling.
39:10
SPEAKER_00: No, this is for women who are struggling because of this pattern.
39:17
SPEAKER_00: They may also have kids and people who are dependent on them.
39:22
SPEAKER_01: Um and this used to this used to go back to biblical times.
39:25
SPEAKER_01: You know, we talked about that earlier, but I loved reading the book called The Red Tent.
39:29
SPEAKER_01: It's about women back in the day, they would have their time around their cycles, but also around childbirth.
39:40
SPEAKER_01: And they were all helping to keep take care of each other and the children.
39:44
SPEAKER_01: Um, not that we have to go back to those times, but like this idea of you can have help around you, and that's also a natural instinct and pattern that we need to reconnect and bring it to the modern, the modern world so that we know that we don't have to be alone.
40:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
40:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, that's so true.
40:06
SPEAKER_00: Uh, part of me wants to go into is that why like I just I want to buy like a big property with a bunch of tiny houses and put like all my girlfriends, my cousins, my sister, my sister-in-law, like I want us all just together on this property.
40:21
SPEAKER_00: That's why that that like there's just this feeling, like that would be amazing anyway.
40:26
SPEAKER_00: That's that'll be our next conversation, how to build like a literal community.
40:31
SPEAKER_00: So uh, Elizabeth, I I saw you nodding uh when I was talking about the new mom experience.
40:39
SPEAKER_00: Uh as a mom, I know you you get that.
40:42
SPEAKER_00: Uh what were you feeling in that feeling pulled to say?
40:47
SPEAKER_02: Um I thought it was great that you addressed that.
40:51
SPEAKER_02: So thank you.
40:53
SPEAKER_02: Because um our default is to be able to do it all.
40:58
SPEAKER_02: Our default is to be able to be the winner, right?
41:01
SPEAKER_02: That's like, I got this, I can do it.
41:03
SPEAKER_02: Um, asking for help is vulnerable.
41:06
SPEAKER_02: It is incredible.
41:07
SPEAKER_02: Even after you've pushed a baby out of your body and everything is recuperating, there is still something that tells us that it's not okay to not be okay or to ask for help.
41:20
SPEAKER_02: And so it is okay to not be super mom all the time.
41:24
SPEAKER_02: Um, it is okay to need rest and be tired.
41:28
SPEAKER_02: It is okay that your house is a mess, whatever that means to you, right?
41:34
SPEAKER_02: Because we all have levels of what's messy and not um, you know, what came to mind, and this is a whole other podcast, but I just want to like drop it in here is as you as moms, especially of tiny humans like infants and toddlers, like I have a friend with a threeenager, and it is rough.
41:55
SPEAKER_02: Um mom shaming comes up and there is this idea that there that we are being judged for how we parent or how we deal with our children or deal with our lives or deal with our home, or if we're cooking fresh home meals, or it's really the mom shaming.
42:18
SPEAKER_02: Ha ha that could be a whole other podcast.
42:20
SPEAKER_02: It is not our job to criticize or judge other moms for how they are functioning because there are things that we don't know about in their lives.
42:28
SPEAKER_02: Our job as women, as humans, is to love on and meet each other where we are on this journey to be a support and an encouragement when it feels scary or hard to ask for help.
42:43
SPEAKER_02: To create, like you said, Kelly, that communal sense where the moms get together and they love and support each other and their babies together.
42:54
SPEAKER_02: Um, no mom should ever feel like they have to be the super mom all the time because we're just not.
43:02
SPEAKER_02: We're all super moms because we're moms.
43:05
SPEAKER_02: That is all.
43:05
SPEAKER_02: That's all you need to be considered super.
43:08
SPEAKER_02: You are a mom, and that is all.
43:10
SPEAKER_02: And uh yes, it just that's a whole soapbox for me because I see it a lot and it's it hurts my heart that we can't just connect as moms and say, man, today was rough.
43:21
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
43:22
SPEAKER_02: Or like I lost it on my tiny human, or like I don't know how to take care of myself in this season.
43:27
SPEAKER_02: We need to be able to do that.
43:29
SPEAKER_02: Um, that's a really important part of self-care too.
43:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
43:33
SPEAKER_02: To say I'm struggling right now.
43:35
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
43:37
SPEAKER_00: And I I agree with you wholeheartedly about stop the mom shaming.
43:43
SPEAKER_00: Stop, you know, judging another woman for the way that she does it.
43:49
SPEAKER_00: That like really, like, as long as we're feeding them and taking care of them, it can look so different.
43:57
SPEAKER_00: Um, one of my uh favorite books is How to Keep House While Drowning.
44:04
SPEAKER_00: And it's a book all about that.
44:06
SPEAKER_00: And I apologize that her name is escaping me, but I love her and I follow her podcast.
44:12
SPEAKER_00: But um she talks about like they're like taking the morality out of the picture.
44:21
SPEAKER_00: Like if your house is messy or your house is clean, it doesn't make you morally superior or inferior.
44:29
SPEAKER_00: And that it's important to be functional, not have this sense of aesthetic perfection, unless like that's just like normal for you, but that doesn't make you better or worse.
44:43
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think that meant a lot to me, like as somebody who struggles with disorganization, the idea that like you being like super organized is not it doesn't make you like morally superior to everybody else.
44:58
SPEAKER_00: So um I think that's a really important topic because sometimes we look at the way that somebody does it as different and we don't really understand.
45:07
SPEAKER_00: And if we took more time to understand, and maybe if we could just all agree, like let's not chop down other women.
45:16
SPEAKER_00: We we don't need that.
45:17
SPEAKER_00: We've already covered from biblical history till now, we're only just getting stabilized and we have a lot of work to do.
45:26
SPEAKER_00: But if we could just agree, like if one action is take care of yourself, put your oxygen mask on, breathe, and also don't cut down other women, other moms, other professionals, just don't do it, just don't take part in it, you know, when those moments happen, and like let's just stop that here and now.
45:47
SPEAKER_00: So I want to shift and uh I want to reveal to everybody if there was somebody who was like, wait, what are they talking about?
45:55
SPEAKER_00: Did Christy mention a retreat?
45:57
SPEAKER_00: Tell me about About this retreat that you have coming up.
46:01
SPEAKER_00: Elizabeth, I'm gonna jump to you first.
46:03
SPEAKER_00: Tell me about the retreat.
46:04
SPEAKER_00: When is it coming up?
46:05
SPEAKER_00: And then I want to hear from both of you what are your parts in this retreat?
46:10
SPEAKER_00: And of course, everything will be in the show notes if people are interested in learning more.
46:15
SPEAKER_02: Yes, thank you.
46:16
SPEAKER_02: So we uh Chrissy and I are going to be co-leading a retreat this October, the 24th to the 27th.
46:22
SPEAKER_02: Excuse me.
46:23
SPEAKER_02: It is in the Hudson Valley in um New York, which is just about two hours north of New York City.
46:30
SPEAKER_02: It is a beautiful part of New York State.
46:34
SPEAKER_02: Um, it is going to be at the peak of fall, so it's going to be gorgeous.
46:38
SPEAKER_02: There's a body of water on the property, um, which I'm so excited about because water is so calming.
46:44
SPEAKER_02: Um, it's called the Sacred Pause, Women's Retreats.
46:47
SPEAKER_02: And it is that it is a sacred pause.
46:50
SPEAKER_02: It is a moment to step out of regular life and to pause and to allow yourself to be.
46:58
SPEAKER_02: This idea of beingness, another hot topic as opposed to the doingness.
47:04
SPEAKER_02: And as women and moms and professionals, we are doing, doing, doing, doing, doing, and we don't understand how to just be.
47:13
SPEAKER_02: And I can raise my hand and say, sometimes that is me too.
47:17
SPEAKER_02: And so the goal is step out of life, come into this beautiful landscape, into this beautiful space at an amazing time of year and just breathe.
47:27
SPEAKER_02: Just pause, relax, allow yourself to be held.
47:31
SPEAKER_02: Um, Christy and I are gonna be holding the energetic and emotional space, physical space for these women to just come and relax.
47:40
SPEAKER_02: We're gonna have a variety of healing modality opportunities.
47:43
SPEAKER_02: So we're gonna have some breath work that I'll be facilitating.
47:46
SPEAKER_02: We're gonna have yoga.
47:48
SPEAKER_02: Christy's gonna be doing that.
47:49
SPEAKER_02: Um, human design, which is amazing.
47:52
SPEAKER_02: And I'm so excited that we're gonna have that opportunity to learn more about that.
47:55
SPEAKER_02: We have a sound bath scheduled and opportunities to have private Reiki sessions, which is another healing modality, in addition to community time and resting and alone time and some group uh facilitated conversations to really allow us to kind of connect with other women and just notice that you're not the only one.
48:21
SPEAKER_02: Uh, that there are other women who who feel and experience what you feel and experience, and just in the noticing of that, that can be so healing for us.
48:30
SPEAKER_02: I'm not alone in this.
48:31
SPEAKER_02: Um, and that is ultimately the goal with some fresh cooked meals and a cozy space with beautiful humans.
48:38
SPEAKER_02: I'm so excited about it.
48:40
SPEAKER_02: Christy, did I miss something?
48:43
SPEAKER_01: No, it was beautiful, and you know, that the time of year where we're gonna be is just gonna be so uh nurturing, healing.
48:51
SPEAKER_01: I do want to say um time for you to come and step out and be alone, but you can bring friends, and we do have limited spots, so it's a going to be an intimate group, not a huge, you know, overwhelming.
49:09
SPEAKER_01: Um it's it's gonna be in the always the right people are are all energetically like aligned to be coming to this.
49:17
SPEAKER_01: So if you say yes, just no, there's magic.
49:20
SPEAKER_01: There's magic with who is destined to be here.
49:23
SPEAKER_01: It's uh again gonna be a wonderful size group and um bring a friend because you can share the experience and still get so much out of it too for yourself.
49:36
SPEAKER_00: Awesome, 100%.
49:38
SPEAKER_00: Bring a sound.
49:40
SPEAKER_00: It sounds amazing.
49:42
SPEAKER_00: Um, and of course, we'll have everything linked in the show notes.
49:45
SPEAKER_00: So if this is speaking to you and you feel like uh this is a calling for you to participate in this, to join this community of women, uh, all of the healing modalities sound amazing.
50:01
SPEAKER_00: And of course, I know Christy has so much to offer in terms of blending human design with specific self-care for you, which I think is is a really exciting way to approach it.
50:14
SPEAKER_00: So I want to thank you both for being here.
50:17
SPEAKER_00: We had such an amazing conversation covering so many wonderful topics.
50:22
SPEAKER_00: Each of them probably could have gone into a completely different direction.
50:27
SPEAKER_00: So I really appreciate you um being here today and sharing.
50:32
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I look forward to hearing how well this retreat goes.
50:36
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'll have to have you both back to tell me the results and where we're going next with our uh life-changing groups such as yours.
50:45
SPEAKER_00: So thank you, Elizabeth, for being here.
50:47
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Christy.
50:48
SPEAKER_00: Um, Christy or Elizabeth, any final words for the listener before we go?
50:53
SPEAKER_00: Go ahead.
50:54
SPEAKER_00: Elizabeth, I'll throw it to you first.
50:56
SPEAKER_02: Um, Kelly, thank you for being here.
50:58
SPEAKER_02: And for all of those that are listening, thank you for listening.
51:01
SPEAKER_02: Thank you for being here with us um and sharing this space.
51:04
SPEAKER_02: And you can find me at um www.launchyourlife coaching.com, which is also where you can find information about the retreat if you're very interested.
51:14
SPEAKER_02: Uh launchyourlife coaching.com.
51:17
SPEAKER_02: I'm also on Instagram, same name with periods in between, launch dot your dot life.coaching.
51:23
SPEAKER_02: You can come and follow me there and send me a DM.
51:25
SPEAKER_02: Tell me you heard me on our podcast today.
51:28
SPEAKER_02: I'd love to connect and chat with you if that sounds exciting.
51:32
SPEAKER_02: Thanks a lot, Kelly.
51:33
SPEAKER_00: You're welcome.
51:34
SPEAKER_00: Christy, how about you?
51:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, again, thank you also for this space and for those listening.
51:41
SPEAKER_01: This was totally unscripted.
51:43
SPEAKER_01: I think it was just amazing how things come together and the direction we talk uh things we talked about.
51:50
SPEAKER_01: Um, if you're interested in human design, come check out your a free chart at hdwithchristy.com.
51:56
SPEAKER_01: And I know you're gonna post all the links and all of that, and definitely reach out.
52:01
SPEAKER_01: Um, even if you're just curious about the retreat, because it is coming up.
52:07
SPEAKER_01: So even if you're listening to this um uh later, um reach out to uh let us know that you heard about us and heard about uh heard us through this podcast.
52:18
SPEAKER_01: And thank you, Kelly, for holding the space here.
52:20
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're so welcome.
52:22
SPEAKER_00: Thank you both for being here.
52:23
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening or watching.
52:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I invite you to take some of these practices to heart and affect your own self care uh as well as passing it to the next woman.
52:35
SPEAKER_00: Let's let's take away the shaming.
52:38
SPEAKER_00: Let's really rally against each other and realize that we're so much stronger when we're taking care of ourselves and taking care of each other.
52:46
SPEAKER_00: All right, everyone.
52:47
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening or watching and have a great day.