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Unleash Your Voice Through Listening With Melinda Lee · Speak In Flow

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  Melinda Lee: let's unleash your leadership voice today. Not in
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  the future. Not maybe next time, sometime soon, I will. No, let's
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  do it today. Because it matters. We need to hear your voice, your
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  voice of leadership. And part of that means that we have to stop
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  and pause. And ironically, listen, part of being an
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  effective leader. And using your voice as a leader requires that
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  we need to pause and listen and get intimate with the other
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  person and listen to the other person. And not just listening
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  for the words. Most of us are just listening to the other
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  person's words and their tone, there's more to it. When we're
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  listening to the words, sometimes we can get caught up
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  with our judgments, our own thoughts about what I want to
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  say, and especially if the other person is coming at you with
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  their fears and accusing you of something and try to blame you
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  for something. And so you're listening all these words. And
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  then you want to come and defend yourself and think about what
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  you're going to say and think about how it's not true and
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  judging what they're saying. And then when that's happening, then
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  we're not listening. And this is very difficult, especially if we
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  want to defend our perspective. And we want it our way, right.
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  And so all of us want it our way. But to have it your way,
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  does mean that we need to listen, even if it's a different
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  perspective. And so today, I'm going to give you some tips to
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  do active listening to become a better listener, in hopes that
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  your relationship and your communication skyrockets and
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  gets more close gets better, so that we can be more productive
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  together. And that those tips are going to come in the form of
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  an accurate and the acronym is place, PLA CE, the first letter
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  P stands for present, get present with yourself first,
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  meaning we're going to let go of our own thoughts, our own
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  judgments, our own concerns, our own opinions, and getting
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  present with the other person. In order to do that I like to
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  meditate, especially if I know I'm going to go into a conflict
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  someone with a different perspective. I meditate first to
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  clear out what my thoughts are clear out any judgments I may
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  have. And so I can get super centred, and grounded. And that
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  way I can fully pay attention be present to the other person
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  without chiming in without letting them know how I feel.
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  And that requires being present first and setting an intention
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  that I'm going to be curious about the other person, I'm
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  going to be really curious about what the other person is saying
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  and feeling. And then once I'm present, then you can go into
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  Listen, the L stands for listen, listen with empathy and listen
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  with heart. So focus on the other person's words, their
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  tone, their body language, listen for what they're saying.
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  And beyond that, listen also to what they're feeling. Right? How
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  many times have you been in a conflict, and the person is
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  yelling or saying some things to you. And it may be nasty, right?
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  And underneath that if you really listen with your heart,
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  you're gonna hear that the person is actually concerned,
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  they might be afraid, they might be concerned because they're not
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  being heard. And so when you can listen with your heart, and it's
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  difficult, do some breathing in the moment, breathe and know
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  that you're safe. But listen with your heart going back into
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  your heart with breathing, active breathing, and then that
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  will allow you to open up to listen to that person's
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  feelings. Not just the words but their feelings. And once you can
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  hear that, then you go into the A in place was which is
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  acknowledge, acknowledge the person's feelings, acknowledge
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  their words, use a tool called mirroring mirroring exactly what
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  they're saying. I hear that you were upset because the kids are
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  not they're always on their phone and they're not getting
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  good grades. I hear that you are concerned because I'm constantly
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  late. It's So even if you don't agree with the what they're
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  saying, you want to acknowledge what they're saying. And then
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  deeper than that, you can actually acknowledge their
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  feelings. I sense that you are concerned, and I sense that you
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  are upset or discouraged or disappointed. So labelling and
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  pointing out and acknowledging their feelings will help defuse
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  the emotion, you'll find that the calm down, because when
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  people's emotions are elevated, and more likely than not,
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  they're just not feeling heard. And so really getting good at
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  sensing their feelings, and just calling it out. I sense that
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  you're concerned, I sense that you're frustrated, you're
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  disappointed in me. Even though it's hard. You want to
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  acknowledge it, because that will then allow you and the
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  other person to have an understanding. And when there's
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  understanding there's a connection. And when there's a
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  connection and understanding, then you can move into speaking
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  and speaking confidently with empathy, with compassion, and so
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  we're in the C and E and place that communicate with empathy,
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  communicate with compassion. Communicating to let the person
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  know that you understand the person. And when you truly
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  understand the person, or connect with a person, you're
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  going to open up possibilities and perspectives and an
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  opportunity to then go into solutions. Brainstorming, like
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  what can we do together, that help build our relationship help
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  increase our understanding of each other so that we can work
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  more effectively together. So the next time you have an
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  opportunity to unleash your voice, Li, see the person into
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  more powerful connections. Remember, the acronym place P is
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  get present, eliminating, letting go of your own thoughts
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  and concerns and get present so you can stay focused to the L,
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  listening with heart, listening for not only their words, but
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  also their feelings, and calling out the feeling because that'll
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  help defuse their emotion. And then acknowledging it, again,
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  acknowledging their what they're saying, acknowledging their
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  feelings. Then finally, C and E, communicate with empathy,
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  communicate with compassion. And using this tool will help you
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  reduce misunderstandings will help you increase your
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  relationships, increase your connections with people. Most
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  people are feeling quite alone nowadays, quite alone because
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  they don't feel heard. And so when you can use this acronym
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  place, you're going to unleash your voice and lead people into
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  more harmonious outcomes, outcomes that generate a win win
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  outcomes that are productive. And so thank you so much for
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  listening. I appreciate you. Keep exploring, keep moving in
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  flow and in love