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Transcript

An Unlikely Affair: The Positive Side of Porn with Dr. Ian Kerner · Untraditionally Lala

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hi Amber, Hi Lola, Welcome to an Unlikely Affair. Hello,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: my loves, We're back with an unlikely affair.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Hi Amber.
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: I always hate when you're through my screen. I know,
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: I know you look hot today by the way I do. Yeah,
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: I'm trying.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: I'm really trying.
• 0:24
  Speaker 4: I figured what if I FaceTime avoid today, I'm gonna
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: need him to finally see me with a face on
• 0:29
  Speaker 4: instead of just always in a bed.
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: I don't know why, yeah, but you're beautiful either way.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Well, you gotta let him know. Here's the thing.
• 0:37
  Speaker 4: I always say, you need to FaceTime them when you're
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: like in your unwind moment, no makeup on, because it's
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: better for them to see you that way for like
• 0:48
  Speaker 4: the first time and then glamed out because they're like,
• 0:52
  Speaker 4: oh shit rather than oh shit.
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: I'm like, here you go, this is me in my
• 1:01
  Speaker 4: truest form. If you're not attracted to it, I suggest
• 1:05
  Speaker 4: you go bye bye.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: No, you're good, It's all good. You're good too. How
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: are you this morning? Fired the fuck up? Let's go baby, Yes,
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: room room.
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I didn't even have a full cup of
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: coffee and I'm ready to like.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Start launching grenades.
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: Oh Yeah, the cockroaches are alive and fucking well at all.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they are. I know what is that?
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: I posted something the other day and it said my
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: personality is mother Teresa or somewhere between mother Teresa and motherfucker.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: So now every day I want you to say, is
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: this my mother Teresa or is this motherfucker? I say,
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: I'm that.
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: Well, today's a great day to be that, especially because
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: we're like talking about sex. I love that we're having
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: a sex therapist who's a man, because I've had sex
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: therapists on in the past, back when it was give
• 2:01
  Speaker 4: them La la, and it's always female, which is great, Like,
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: I too could use a few tips and tricks. And
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: you know, she said the number one thing that women
• 2:11
  Speaker 4: needed was lube, and I was like, wow, I thought
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: I was good in that area, but you know, like
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: God given lube, but apparently I need the man made
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: as well because it's life changing and it is.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: So today I'm super excited.
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: Okay, So I have to tell you one thing before
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: we before we jump into the episode.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: Right, I've never been in this situation before.
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: So I've been single for four and a half years, right,
• 2:36
  Speaker 4: and like when I started dating you, and I have
• 2:38
  Speaker 4: talked about this. I kept attracting men who would like
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: love bomb me and then disappear, and I was like, oh,
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: we got to do some work because we're attracting people
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: who are not good for you and toxic. So finally,
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: as we talked about on the last episode or maybe
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: a couple ago, I was like, this is the year
• 2:56
  Speaker 4: that I'm going to open myself up and be open
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: to putting my guard down and welcoming love because I
• 3:01
  Speaker 4: deserve that. So I'm talking to this guy and he's
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: quite a bit younger than me, and we're trying to
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: figure out when we're going to see each other. So
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: we're like on FaceTime, trying to coordinate schedules whatever, and
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: he was like, you know, you could come out here
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: or I'm more than happy to come out there. I
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: just don't know what your situation is. And I was like,
• 3:22
  Speaker 4: like living situation and he goes, yeah, because I know
• 3:25
  Speaker 4: you have kids, and I said yes, as you know,
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: like I share one, but my other is like here
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: full time, full time resident baby and he goes yeah,
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: he goes, I can get a hotel. I just don't
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: know if I would be ready to meet your kids.
• 3:42
  Speaker 4: Yet like I think that might be weird so soon
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: when I tell you, I wanted to jump through the
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: phone and fuck him up, as if you would have
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: the luxury of meeting my children, and as if you
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: would even have a say and whether you do, like right, right, right.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: So that's age too. He's young. He doesn't know.
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: His brain's not fully developed yet. Twenty seven, not even.
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: Twenty he's not even twenty seven, Like he just barely lot.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: Of his Lawsah, I'm sitting here and I'm like, don't laugh,
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: turning red.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: Is he still breastfeeding? I would breastfeed him. He's so high.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: I know you would.
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: He's so high and fucking big and just sexy.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: Anyway, Oh, I love this for you.
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: But I could tell he was trying to backtrack sort
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: of because like you, you could feel my energy.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: Shift, like in my head. I was like, fuck this guy.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: I'm never speaking to him again.
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: But I wanted to like relax and take I was
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: having an out of body experience, right, And I'm like, okay,
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: the intention. I've been talking to him for a little bit,
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: and I know his intention. He's more than happy to
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: have uncomfortable conversations, real honesty and again, I don't know
• 4:59
  Speaker 4: him super well, but I had to focus on the
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: intention behind it, right. But I like as after he
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: said it, I started like laughing in a passive aggressive way,
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: and I was like, you and I have only been
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: talking for a little bit, and although I think you're
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: a wonderful person so far, I would never allow you
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: around my kids. I was like, I, ah, no way, priorities.
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: They are my number one. I am very protective of them.
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: You would never be welcome around them. And I think
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: he was like, like you could tell his mind was
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: going like never is a strong, a very strong word
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: which I love to throw around. I'm like, I'll never
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: date a man ever again. And here we are talking
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: about a man. But I've never experienced that before where
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: we have to have that conversation.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: I mean, I think what I'm hearing from you is
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: that you went into mama bear mode. You know, like
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: your kids will always be your priority. When you're a
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: full time single mom and you have your kids the
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: majority of the time, how do you mix this in?
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: How do you find time for sex life, how do
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: you go out on dates? How do you juggle all
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: of these things?
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I didn't have the answer.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: I wish someone would tell me the answer because I'm
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: still trying to figure it out.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: But it's hard.
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: It's very hard. And we continued the conversation. He was like,
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: you know, I've never talked to a woman or been
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: with a woman who has kids before, so I think
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: I would struggle to find my place again. He's very young,
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: and he was like, you know, when I think about it,
• 6:35
  Speaker 4: I would think that, like I see myself in the
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: father role. But if they're not my kids, but I'm
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: in a father figure role, there's a boundary because I'm not.
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: The actual dad. And I was like, you have to stop.
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: I was like stop. I was like, I'm not.
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: Looking for anyone to fulfill a father figure role. In fact,
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: I'm actively trying to get rid of father's That's why
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: I have any donor. Like the whole point of having
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: a donor baby is so that this conversation doesn't need
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: to be had.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: Don't worry about it, right, right, don't worry about it.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: I had that conversation the other day. I literally told someone,
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: I said, listen again, I'm not looking and this wasn't
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: the chef, this was someone else. I'm not looking for
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: a dad for my kids, Like I had this dynamic
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: when I was dating the guy after. I wasn't there
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: too parent. I was there to be like an extra
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: support system in any way. I don't want to parent
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: anyone's kids. I'm good and I don't want anyone at
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: the end of the day, no one telling me how
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: to raise my kids. That is my biggest pet peeve.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: If you want to put something in the freaking suggestion box,
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: I'll consider it, but I don't need you intervening. I
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: don't need you to tell me what I'm doing right
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: or wrong. It's like, I'm good, Thanks buddy, Thanks buddy,
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: Thanks buddy.
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: It's the one area in my life where I'm like,
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: I'm crushing this, so kindly, fuck right off.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right, right right.
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: There's a lot of areas in my life where I'm like,
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: a lot of tweaking could be done. Motherhood, I fucking
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: got this, yeah for to do for today.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: You never know that could change.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: No one's perfect, No one has a manual on how
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: to raise kids. It's it's this is all. We're just
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: doing the best we can. And I'll tell you something,
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: We're doing a really good damn job.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So too. It's not perfect, it's not linear. It's
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: a lot of growing pains, and whenever tsually is different.
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: The moment you think you're crushing it with one, you
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: have a second, and they require a whole new set
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: of parenting skills that you're like, holy shit, how did
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: this happen?
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: Who are you? I don't know what to deal how
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: to deal with this situation.
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: It's a constant, but I just it was very interesting
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: to venture into this new phase where I'm having those conversations,
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: and you know, I rounded back on it because then
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: I started taking it as a personal attack on me,
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: and I was like, I just have to ad like
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: we had been talking now we were off this subject,
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: and I was like, I just it's kind of bothering me.
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: Do I strike you as the type of woman that
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: would just bring a man around my.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: Kids like that?
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: And he was like no, I wasn't trying to say that.
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: There was no winning for him in that. Here's the thing.
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: I think that you just got triggered and you did
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: something you paused, which was fantastic. You composed yourself and
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: you said it in a kind but firm way back
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: to him, and if he respects you then he would
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: be okay with that, right, And how whatever way you
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: want to lead, Are we still talking to this guy
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: or do we put him to the side?
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Did we bench you?
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: We didn't bention him because I could throughout the rest
• 9:51
  Speaker 4: of the conversation there were little things that he was
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: saying where I could tell that his intention was not
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: He wasn't trying to offend me, you know. And there
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: are times where I say things and people focus on
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: how I said it, and I'm like, I really wish,
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: I really want you to know the intention behind it.
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: So if I'm going to I have to practice what
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: I preach. The rest of the conversation was lovely. He's like,
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: very easy to talk to. I dig him. It's like
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: the plus and the minus are the same thing. I'm like,
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: the plus is he's young. I'm like, the negative is
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: that he's young. They are just things that life experiences,
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: no matter what career you're in, and like the life
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: that he gets to live and see, you just don't
• 10:38
  Speaker 4: have the life experience that I.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: Have quite yet.
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: And he's very intelligent, but a book cannot teach you
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: life experience.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: So no, he's not on pause. He's not on pause. OHI, well,
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: I love this.
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: I can't wait to continue the conversation. But I'm very
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: excited because we have a guest that I've been wanting
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: to talk to. I finished one of his books and
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: now I'm halfway through another book, and it's doctor Ian Kerner,
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: and he's a licensed psychotherapist. He is a nationally recognized
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: sex therapist and a New York Times best selling author. Okay,
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: the title of his book, are you ready for this?
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Tell me?
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: It's called The First One is she Comes First?
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: Cum No?
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: And then yes, love that? And then his newer book
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: is so tell Me About the Last Time You had Sex? Okay,
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: And that's more about intimacy. It's I'm super excited. This
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: is going to be a great conversation. Did you read
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: the coms first? Of course I did, obviously, obviously, And
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: that was more I took it as more of a
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: like biological scientific kind of approach. This one, this newer book,
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: So tell Me About the Last Time He Had Sex,
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: is more of a guide to relationships and like, let's
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: I want to diving because I have so many questions
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: for him, and I love a male's perspective.
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: Oh, I've never had one so let's get him in here.
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: Let's get him in here, bring him at Toronto.
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: Hey, how are you good?
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: How are you good? We're so excited to have you.
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: I have to be honest, I've never had a male's
• 12:19
  Speaker 4: perspective on a lot of these topics, which I guess
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: is strange. I guess maybe when you're in an intimate
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: partnership you should be having these conversations. Hence, maybe why
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: I'm not in a relationship because all the important shit
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: I don't talk about.
• 12:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I mean I think that you have to
• 12:37
  Speaker 5: be communicating in relationships. You know, I just watched I've
• 12:40
  Speaker 5: been watching heated rivalry and the things people are everyone's
• 12:43
  Speaker 5: talking about it. But the thing I like most is
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: the way they are talking about sex, not just the
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: sex being hot, but what feels good, what doesn't. I
• 12:53
  Speaker 5: love that it doesn't hinge all around intercourse the way
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: heterosexual sex does, and they engage in all these what
• 13:01
  Speaker 5: I call outer course activities. So yeah, I think it's
• 13:04
  Speaker 5: a great example of the importance of communicating.
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: You just said exactly what I have been trying to
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: Sometimes my brain is working but my mouth can't catch up.
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: What you just said is exactly how I felt about
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: heated rivalry. So thank you for saying that, because you
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: just nailed it absolutely.
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it was. I think anybody who wants to learn
• 13:27
  Speaker 5: how to talk about sex, how to be creative about sex,
• 13:31
  Speaker 5: how to let sexuality simmer, how to maintain interesting sex,
• 13:36
  Speaker 5: go watch that show and get entertained.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I agree, I agree.
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: And you know something, So I read your first book,
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: She Comes First, and I learned so much about the clip,
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: and I learned so much about my own biology that
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: I didn't know that it has eight thousand nerve endings.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: Is that correct?
• 13:58
  Speaker 5: That is right, Amber, You got clitterate.
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: From what I experienced last night. That sounds absolutely correct. Yeah,
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: that sounds right on.
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 14:10
  Speaker 5: I mean, you know, so many men are still ill clittering.
• 14:15
  Speaker 5: They don't understand that the clitterists is the powerhouse of
• 14:18
  Speaker 5: female pleasure. It has external parts that we're all used
• 14:22
  Speaker 5: to that get stimulated, but there are also internal parts
• 14:26
  Speaker 5: that wrap around the entrance to the vagina which actually
• 14:29
  Speaker 5: make intercourse feel good and feel stimulating. Without the clitterists,
• 14:36
  Speaker 5: there is no real feeling around sex because vaginas are
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: meant to deliver babies, right, you don't want more sensitive
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: nerve endings deep inside the vagina. You don't want to
• 14:47
  Speaker 5: experience more pain or more sensation. So yeah, the Clitterist
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: is an amazing organ and I wrote that book over
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: twenty years ago and it's still a very powerful part
• 15:00
  Speaker 5: of my work, which is getting couples, heterosexual couples, men
• 15:04
  Speaker 5: and women to take a more female centric approach to
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: sex and to prioritize outer course all the things that
• 15:13
  Speaker 5: are not intercourse.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: And I love that.
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: How does that land with a man? Usually when they're like,
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: oh wait, she's a part of this.
• 15:30
  Speaker 5: Too, you know, some men are a little threatened. Some
• 15:37
  Speaker 5: women are too. People like to think that penis and
• 15:41
  Speaker 5: vagina intercourse is the be all and end all and
• 15:44
  Speaker 5: organize all of their sexual events around that. I actually
• 15:49
  Speaker 5: meet many men, believe it or not. I meet many
• 15:52
  Speaker 5: men who want to be literally focused. They love going
• 15:57
  Speaker 5: down on their partners, they want to do more of it.
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: It's a very vulnerable sexual behavior and it's actually a
• 16:03
  Speaker 5: lot of women who are sometimes resistant to receiving that
• 16:08
  Speaker 5: kind of stimulation and want to try and just focus
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: on intercourse. So I've been surprised over the years around
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: the open mindedness of men to take this feedback and
• 16:21
  Speaker 5: some of the rigidity of women. But I think it's
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: also like, you know, we have genital self esteem issues.
• 16:27
  Speaker 5: We men. We worry about the size of our dicks
• 16:30
  Speaker 5: and how long we're going to last and how long
• 16:32
  Speaker 5: we can keep it up. And I think women have
• 16:34
  Speaker 5: their own set of issues around sexual self esteem.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: That is so true, Like it's my biggest fear.
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: I'm like, when you start talking to someone and you're like, oh,
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: this is great, and then I go, oh, no, we're.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: Gonna have sex. Fuck?
• 16:51
  Speaker 4: What does that mean? What does that mean exactly? Because
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: Amber and I are are both sober. I have a
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: little over seven years.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: You're a year and a half. Amber a little over
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: a year and a half. Yeah, amazing, So thank you
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: very much.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: So we also when we start to date, like that
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: social lubricant has gone as well as that.
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: You know, for me, the alcohol kind of put me
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: into my sexy and I was uninhibited and I was
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: down for the cause. Like you want me to eat
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: an ass, I'll fucking eat an ass.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: Now I'm like a wait or what?
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 17:26
  Speaker 5: You know, I work with a lot of sober people
• 17:31
  Speaker 5: and it is an issue. How do you disinhibit how
• 17:34
  Speaker 5: do you relax into sex when you're used to using alcohol,
• 17:39
  Speaker 5: you know, because anxiety is the enemy of arousal. And
• 17:43
  Speaker 5: the more we can do to get ourselves aroused, the
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: more you're going to be willing to eat ass again,
• 17:48
  Speaker 5: the more things that sound disgusting actually sound scrumptious once
• 17:53
  Speaker 5: we're aroused, you know. But I do agree it's a challenge,
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: and I think that's where setting setting comes into a
• 18:01
  Speaker 5: lot of comes into it and feeling very comfortable, very
• 18:06
  Speaker 5: emotionally safe with someone. I think, being connected to your
• 18:11
  Speaker 5: erotic self, and I think with a partner, maybe being
• 18:16
  Speaker 5: able to engage in the psychological aspects of sex, you know,
• 18:20
  Speaker 5: the fantasy parts of sex or the you know, Like
• 18:24
  Speaker 5: I see couples who won't talk about sex during sex,
• 18:29
  Speaker 5: and then I'll see that same couple. I've worked with
• 18:31
  Speaker 5: so many couples at dinner having a dinner, and you
• 18:34
  Speaker 5: should see them the way they're like, Oh, try this,
• 18:37
  Speaker 5: taste this, open up, baby, come on, come on, you
• 18:40
  Speaker 5: have to try it. Please. I'm like, they're having more
• 18:43
  Speaker 5: sex out at dinner than they're having, you know, sex
• 18:47
  Speaker 5: at home. So it's also about engaging the language of sex.
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: I love what you said in your new books, So
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: tell me about the last time you had sex. It's
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: the yes and dot dot dot and you fill in
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: the blank of I want to have sex tonight, yes,
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: and I'm going to start a bath first, or yes,
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: We're going to go to dinner first. Like all that
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: for play that's outside of the bedroom, and that starts
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: there even it's like a thirty second connection. Can you
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: talk a little bit more about that, because I really
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: really admire and love that approach to getting comfortable to
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: get to the point of where you're having in a course.
• 19:24
  Speaker 5: You know, I think that's so important, especially for women.
• 19:28
  Speaker 5: You know, male desire, there's been a lot of research.
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: Men experience spontaneous desire, meaning like guy sees like a beautiful,
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: sexy woman that sexual cue immediately metabolizes and he feels
• 19:42
  Speaker 5: like a move to like want to consume right. Women
• 19:47
  Speaker 5: also experience lust and can also experience spontaneous desire, but
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: more often than not experience what's called responsive desire, meaning
• 19:56
  Speaker 5: desire isn't the first thing you feel. It's like the
• 19:59
  Speaker 5: third desire warms up, desire simmers, Desire needs an environment.
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: You know, there's a difference between like a hot start,
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: we're gonna rush through the door and throw each other
• 20:11
  Speaker 5: on the bed, versus like a warm start that's nurturing,
• 20:15
  Speaker 5: that's connecting. And listen, hot starts are fun. I love them,
• 20:20
  Speaker 5: but warm starts are the reality of our lived lives.
• 20:24
  Speaker 5: And so guys, really again, that's where we have to
• 20:27
  Speaker 5: change our mindset. So to your point about like yes,
• 20:31
  Speaker 5: and Amber, I will tell couples, you know, let's say
• 20:35
  Speaker 5: you're gonna have sex on a Friday night, that's your
• 20:37
  Speaker 5: date night. When you wake up in the morning, live
• 20:40
  Speaker 5: your life like you want to get to the sex.
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: I'm not saying you have to change your day, but like,
• 20:45
  Speaker 5: take care of yourself, go to the gym, shut off
• 20:48
  Speaker 5: your phone, plan a super sexy date night, help with
• 20:52
  Speaker 5: the chores. If you're in a relationship, make your place
• 20:55
  Speaker 5: you know safe and make a setting and like prioritize
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: this that you want to get to. But to your point, Amber,
• 21:03
  Speaker 5: it's all about building you know that connection.
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: Right. I loved what you said about like the hot start,
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: which is obviously very fun, and like I love being spontaneous,
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: but if you think about you know something that is
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: going to last and be your normal.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: I think if it's it's quick.
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: And spontaneous all the time, then how do you ever
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: get like that kind of has to be something that's
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: on a whim, because then I find that men they
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: want more and at some point I'm tapped out. I'm like,
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: I can't get any fucking kinkier and more spontaneous, Like
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: I'm looking, can you just like touch me and in
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: a nice way instead of like slapping my ass?
• 21:46
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: I like the softness. People may not think that, but
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: I do.
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: Do you find from a biological standpoint that women post
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: having babies that changes on a like the desire to
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: have sex changes because it's a biological thing, or they're
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: just exhausted and stressed and their priorities have kind of shifted.
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: Because I'm sure you've seen a ton of couples that
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: the wife doesn't want to have sex because she's doing
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: all the chores and dealing with the kids totally.
• 22:18
  Speaker 5: And I think those men that come home and want
• 22:20
  Speaker 5: sex should get on the floor and play with their
• 22:23
  Speaker 5: kids and change a diaper and clean and you know,
• 22:26
  Speaker 5: join in the activity and make it feel like a
• 22:30
  Speaker 5: shared family experience. You know. Look, sex changes over the
• 22:35
  Speaker 5: life cycle, and I'm getting up there in years. I've
• 22:37
  Speaker 5: been married for twenty five years, and I've been through
• 22:40
  Speaker 5: some health issues and we've had two kids, and sex
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: definitely changes over the life cycle, and there are hormonal shifts,
• 22:47
  Speaker 5: but really it's about making space for sex and for
• 22:53
  Speaker 5: romantic love in your lives, maintaining that erotic threat. So
• 22:58
  Speaker 5: let's say you're a mom and you're changing diapers and
• 23:01
  Speaker 5: you're picking up puke and your dad and you're running
• 23:04
  Speaker 5: errands and you're both stressed out. You don't have to
• 23:07
  Speaker 5: jump in bed to have sex, but you can have
• 23:10
  Speaker 5: what I call like just like an erotic charge, like
• 23:13
  Speaker 5: a moment with each other that reminds you, hey, I'm
• 23:16
  Speaker 5: in a sexual relationship. Here, we have sex. We might
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: not be having sex right now, but this is a
• 23:22
  Speaker 5: sexy sexual relationship. So I work with a lot of
• 23:26
  Speaker 5: couples who have just had children on sort of not
• 23:30
  Speaker 5: just restarting sex, but almost like having like sex two
• 23:34
  Speaker 5: point zero, like new sex, better sex.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: Well, I love that to keep the mindset even though
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: we're not having sex right now, I am in a
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: sexy relationship. Oh my gosh, you're a fucking genius. I
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: love every our listeners are going to gain so much
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: from this. You have no idea do you find Because
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: we live in a world that so many women and
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: men are on SSRI or some sort of antidepressant, how
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: is that affecting the chemistry and the sex life of
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: a real relationship.
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: Because some of these, some of these completely kill your
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: sex drive.
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean millions of people are on SSRIs. The
• 24:16
  Speaker 5: long term effects overall don't get studied. But especially we
• 24:21
  Speaker 5: know that almost anybody who's on prozac, zoloft, lexaproach, they're
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: going to experience sexual side effects. Their desire is going
• 24:29
  Speaker 5: to be diminished, their arousal is going to be diminished.
• 24:32
  Speaker 5: In a woman, that might mean that sex actually feels
• 24:35
  Speaker 5: different and is more painful because there isn't as much
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: lubrication and for both, orgasms are going to be delayed,
• 24:43
  Speaker 5: sometimes nonexistent, or sometimes really muffled. So you know, going
• 24:49
  Speaker 5: on an SSRI is a big decision. Now. Some people
• 24:53
  Speaker 5: are in such bad relationships or have so much stress
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: or anxiety that going on the SSRI helps them reduce
• 25:01
  Speaker 5: that stress and anxiety and they can focus on being sexual. Look,
• 25:07
  Speaker 5: where there's a will, there's a way. Ultimately, sex is
• 25:10
  Speaker 5: not about being spontaneous and having that hot start. It's
• 25:15
  Speaker 5: about two people meeting with their willingness at the same
• 25:18
  Speaker 5: time and really leaning into that kind of let's start
• 25:23
  Speaker 5: putting ourselves through the motions, let's start simmering. And I
• 25:27
  Speaker 5: work with lots of people who are on SSRIs, and
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: there are pathways to mitigating some of those effects and
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: finding a path to arouse it. But make no mistake,
• 25:37
  Speaker 5: it's debilitating. And really really question before you need to
• 25:42
  Speaker 5: go on that SSRI and how long do you really
• 25:45
  Speaker 5: need to go on it? And can you sometimes take
• 25:48
  Speaker 5: a break from it, you know, things to think about.
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: I had that experience on zooft and I had a change.
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: But before I changed, I went and saw a you know,
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: hormonal doctor and she's like, Okay, you don't want to
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: go off of it, let's do there's a nose spray.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, that you could take.
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: I forgot the hormone that it releases, but she's like,
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: it gives you, like within thirty minutes, you better be
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: in the bedroom because it will just turn you on
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: really quickly. I was like, I don't want to be
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: shoving anything on my nose now spraying when I won
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: want to have sex.
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: So it was the thing that you spread up your
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: nose was to get you horny and ready to roll.
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it was it effective, It was, it was
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: very effective. I actually had to get it from Organ.
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: There's only like a couple of pharmacies in the United
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: States that will actually do it, and this particular one
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: came out of Organ.
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: It was great.
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: And listen, I'm young. I don't think I need I
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: needed that, so I just stopped and I actually just
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: changed medications. I ended up going on Pristige that's better,
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: which gave me my sex drive back. So I just
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: want everyone to know and I want everyone that's listening
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: to know that, like, there's there's solutions, and sometimes it's
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: a cocktail, and sometimes it's just simply saying, hey, not
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: being afraid to go to your gun or your family
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: doctor or your psychiatrist and said, listen, this is not
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: working because I, like you say in your book, sex
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: is a primal need and it's something that we need
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: to take care of and participate in. And I want
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: women to know that there are alternatives out there.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 27:22
  Speaker 5: Yeah, amazing. I'd love to know more about that spray.
• 27:27
  Speaker 5: I work with people on trying to just work on
• 27:31
  Speaker 5: the issues that are creating the anxiety or the sadness
• 27:34
  Speaker 5: that's creating the need for those SSRIs and I like
• 27:38
  Speaker 5: to try and get people off of medications that are
• 27:40
  Speaker 5: going to be debilitating. I do think that sex is
• 27:44
  Speaker 5: an essential part of life. I mean, I think it's
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: the difference between somebody being a best friend and being
• 27:50
  Speaker 5: a lover, between being a bed mate and being a roommate.
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: And I think it's everyone's existential right to experience pleasure
• 27:58
  Speaker 5: and their sexuality.
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: Sess with this episode, by the way, we had a
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: lot of people right in and they've got some They've
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: got some questions for you. So the first one is
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: how early into dating should you talk about your sexual
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: desires with a partner?
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: You know, I think I think you should start talking
• 28:26
  Speaker 5: pretty early about sex. I think you should get in
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: the habit of talking about sex the way you would
• 28:31
  Speaker 5: talk about friends, the way you would talk about family,
• 28:35
  Speaker 5: you know, Lalla. So many of us grow up in
• 28:39
  Speaker 5: sex negative homes, you know, where sex was not modeled
• 28:42
  Speaker 5: for us. It was not you know it, it was
• 28:45
  Speaker 5: a taboo. It's a forbidden Very few of us grew
• 28:48
  Speaker 5: up in sex positive homes. Most of us grew up
• 28:51
  Speaker 5: in sex avoidant homes. That's where I grew up, in
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: a sex avoidant home. It wasn't like anybody was particularly negative.
• 28:57
  Speaker 5: They just didn't talk about it. It was never the
• 29:00
  Speaker 5: conversation that came up. So I was launched into the
• 29:02
  Speaker 5: world of sexuality not knowing how to talk about sex.
• 29:07
  Speaker 5: And then suddenly you're with a partner, You're with a lover, Like,
• 29:10
  Speaker 5: that's where you need to start developing the vocabulary and
• 29:13
  Speaker 5: early on you know. Yes, So if you're sitting across
• 29:18
  Speaker 5: the table from someone you find sexy, someone that you
• 29:21
  Speaker 5: think you might want to have sex with, whether it's
• 29:24
  Speaker 5: casual or may develop into romantic love. Yeah, have a
• 29:29
  Speaker 5: sense of sexual self esteem, sexual self worth. Talk about
• 29:33
  Speaker 5: what you like, what you don't like, what works for you,
• 29:36
  Speaker 5: what doesn't, and what you need.
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: Oh I love this because that was Actually I'm so
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: glad someone asked that because I am newly launching myself
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: into the dating, the dating world, and for a very
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: long time it was like I was not having sex
• 29:52
  Speaker 4: at all. I was planning to have a baby via donor.
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: I was pregnant for nine months. Then I'm postpartum, and
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: then it was like, you know, I just want to
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: have sex, like no strings attached. So when when you're
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: put in that situation, it's like both parties know the drill.
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: Sex is the only thing that needs to be spoken
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: about now that I'm venturing into like I'm open to
• 30:13
  Speaker 4: love and giving someone my time and affection. I don't
• 30:17
  Speaker 4: quite know when that conversation should be had.
• 30:22
  Speaker 5: Yeah, So I like to say that lust is the
• 30:25
  Speaker 5: seed of love. It doesn't always grow into romantic love.
• 30:28
  Speaker 5: Sometimes lust just becomes lust, as you were saying. But
• 30:31
  Speaker 5: sometimes you plant a seed and you're like, holy shit,
• 30:34
  Speaker 5: this is this seed is actually blossoming into something. Start
• 30:40
  Speaker 5: the conversation. You know, it can actually be the first
• 30:44
  Speaker 5: time you have sex. You can during sex you could
• 30:46
  Speaker 5: say try, you know, try this, or that feels really great,
• 30:50
  Speaker 5: or I love this about you, or move this way
• 30:53
  Speaker 5: a little bit, or ouch that hurts. I remember, honestly,
• 30:57
  Speaker 5: when I was having sex with my wife for the
• 30:59
  Speaker 5: first time, like, you know, twenty five twenty six years ago,
• 31:02
  Speaker 5: she would tell me ouch, ouch that that hurts a
• 31:05
  Speaker 5: little bit, or or this way or you know, if
• 31:08
  Speaker 5: she didn't have an orgasm, she didn't have to fake it,
• 31:11
  Speaker 5: and she was honest about it and like, no big deal.
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: That's when you know you're comfortable, if you're like, you know,
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: I didn't get off that time, instead of faking it. Oh,
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: that is the worst feeling. Does anything good ever come
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: from telling your partner how many people you've had sex
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: within the past.
• 31:27
  Speaker 5: Well, I can tell you that a lot of negative
• 31:30
  Speaker 5: stuff does come with it. You know, people feel like
• 31:33
  Speaker 5: my partner has you know, in men, People feel like, oh,
• 31:36
  Speaker 5: she's had more sexual experience than I did. She knows more.
• 31:41
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna have to really perform. That performing creates an
• 31:45
  Speaker 5: anxiety that then creates a reptile unpredictability, and then that
• 31:49
  Speaker 5: guy can't perform at all. So I don't think, you know,
• 31:52
  Speaker 5: I don't think it's worthwhile to talk about partners in
• 31:56
  Speaker 5: terms of numbers and quantity. If you want to talk
• 31:59
  Speaker 5: about qual if you want to talk about, you know,
• 32:02
  Speaker 5: some partners that you've had, I think that that's fair game,
• 32:06
  Speaker 5: you know, to I think we should know each other's histories.
• 32:09
  Speaker 5: I mean, I sit across the table from my wife
• 32:12
  Speaker 5: and I know almost everything about her, you know, except
• 32:16
  Speaker 5: what she writes in her journal. And I know what's
• 32:18
  Speaker 5: going on in her life and in her mind, and
• 32:21
  Speaker 5: I know what's happened in her history.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, I love that because I do like to parade
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: my list around.
• 32:29
  Speaker 5: Well, just I hope that, But that could intimidate you know.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: You know, you just say, I've had a lot of experience.
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: Here's the with the as you with the age range
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: I'm going for right now, just based off of how
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: much older I am, I've got more experience.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: So let me teach you some things.
• 32:47
  Speaker 5: What are today's pornified world? You have to the guys
• 32:51
  Speaker 5: do not know what real sex looks like. They know
• 32:54
  Speaker 5: what porn sex looks like.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: That's another big fear of mine.
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: I've lived through that. I lived through that for eight years.
• 33:01
  Speaker 4: You and me both, What are the positive and negative
• 33:04
  Speaker 4: impacts free access to pornography has done to us as
• 33:08
  Speaker 4: humans and our sex lives?
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: We were just talking about this. What have you seen
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: in your career?
• 33:14
  Speaker 5: So I am both you know, I can go both
• 33:18
  Speaker 5: ways on porn. I have a spectrum of feelings, you know.
• 33:22
  Speaker 5: On the negative side, I do think that younger people
• 33:27
  Speaker 5: at younger ages are watching porn and that's how they're
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: learning about sex because guess what nobody else is teaching them,
• 33:35
  Speaker 5: And so I don't think young people should be exposed
• 33:39
  Speaker 5: to porn sex as their first model of what sex
• 33:43
  Speaker 5: should look like. I also have men who come in
• 33:48
  Speaker 5: who feel like excessive porn news has given them a
• 33:53
  Speaker 5: reptile disorder, and they'll say, I watch so much porn
• 33:57
  Speaker 5: now I can't get it up. Porn fucked up my brain. Actually,
• 34:01
  Speaker 5: porn didn't fuck up his brain. What's fucking up his
• 34:05
  Speaker 5: brain is he doesn't know how to actually be with
• 34:08
  Speaker 5: a real person. Porn is easy, Porn is junk food.
• 34:12
  Speaker 5: Real sexuality is complex and it requires attunement. So I
• 34:18
  Speaker 5: think that there's some negatives to porn, but I also
• 34:20
  Speaker 5: think there's a lot of positives. I mean, Amber, you said,
• 34:24
  Speaker 5: what does somebody do after they've had a kid? You know,
• 34:27
  Speaker 5: in those weeks. It's true that you probably won't be
• 34:31
  Speaker 5: having sex for eight or twelve weeks, you know, and
• 34:35
  Speaker 5: who knows where you ended up in the third trimester.
• 34:38
  Speaker 5: So porn can be a very legitimate form of self pleasure.
• 34:44
  Speaker 5: I tell couples all the time who want to sort
• 34:49
  Speaker 5: of add some arousal into the sex at the beginning
• 34:53
  Speaker 5: to get going to engage in psychological stimuli. A lot
• 34:57
  Speaker 5: will choose to watch porn together.
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: I was going to to ask you about that. Yeah,
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: like you think that that's fine.
• 35:03
  Speaker 4: If a couple is like, let's watch porn together, you
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: think that that's a healthy thing to be doing.
• 35:08
  Speaker 5: I actually do, in large largely, I really do, because
• 35:11
  Speaker 5: that's a couple. First of all, they're very open minded,
• 35:15
  Speaker 5: and they're willing to do that and willing to share
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: that without feeling judged by what they selected. And ultimately
• 35:22
  Speaker 5: it can be stimulating, just like watching a sexy movie
• 35:25
  Speaker 5: or a sexy show. And look, let's speak true in
• 35:28
  Speaker 5: long term relationships, it's sometimes is hard to keep that charge,
• 35:32
  Speaker 5: that sexiness. So we owe it to our relationships to
• 35:36
  Speaker 5: find ways to get into that warm start and get
• 35:39
  Speaker 5: into the sex right.
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: Well. Also, now we're gonna have to combat AI porn
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: because that's really changing the world.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: Don't you have to pay for that?
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: I fully enjoy porn, hubb I'm just letting you guys know.
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: But just like I don't want to do this twenty
• 35:56
  Speaker 4: minute thing, get to the good shit. I got five minutes,
• 35:59
  Speaker 4: five fucking minutes.
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: I mean, I've definitely fast forward a lot of a
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: lot of the beginning.
• 36:04
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I also like to recommend ethical porn, which is
• 36:07
  Speaker 5: porn that you usually have to pay for. But it's
• 36:10
  Speaker 5: kind of like like there's fair trade coffee, there's fair
• 36:13
  Speaker 5: trade porn. You know that the actors weren't exploited, there
• 36:17
  Speaker 5: is consent STI testing, so you know, wait, it's to their.
• 36:22
  Speaker 4: Own Okay, throw it onto the list of subscriptions. My
• 36:28
  Speaker 4: business manager is going to be thrilled. Why are we
• 36:31
  Speaker 4: hearing that gen Z isn't using condoms?
• 36:37
  Speaker 5: Oh my god, what do you think about that? I
• 36:40
  Speaker 5: you know, what's your first response to that? Because I
• 36:42
  Speaker 5: actually know So I know a lot of gen Zers
• 36:47
  Speaker 5: who actually are very concerned about STIs and concerned about
• 36:51
  Speaker 5: unwanted pregnancy and do use condoms. I also know a
• 36:54
  Speaker 5: lot of gen Z women who are on birth control
• 36:57
  Speaker 5: and will forego a condom even if there's a possible
• 37:00
  Speaker 5: ability of an STI, so.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: Which is crazy to me.
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: So, going back to what you stated about how there
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: were three different types of household households with sex, I
• 37:10
  Speaker 4: grew up in a very open households. Some of my
• 37:14
  Speaker 4: listeners think my family's very weird, But I figure if
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: I can talk about this shit to a stranger. I
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: can certainly talk about it to the woman who pushed
• 37:22
  Speaker 4: me out of her vagina. So I always knew that, like,
• 37:28
  Speaker 4: the best case scenario is you get pregnant, right all
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: the other shit that sticks around that you don't want
• 37:35
  Speaker 4: use a fucking condom. I've always said you can hoe around,
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: but you've got to be an educated hoe. This sends
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: me into a full on panic to think that people
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: of this age range are not wrapping it up.
• 37:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and I think women feel a sexual pressure to
• 37:55
  Speaker 5: concede because any guy will tell you that it feels
• 37:58
  Speaker 5: better to have sex with out a condom. But you know,
• 38:02
  Speaker 5: so what, there's other ways. I mean, sex is still super,
• 38:05
  Speaker 5: super pleasurable.
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: There's so many different kinds. Go to Costco.
• 38:09
  Speaker 4: They come in bulk, the thin there, the wrist kinds
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: that climb on rocks like there's no reason why you
• 38:18
  Speaker 4: shouldn't be putting a condom on. I want to shake
• 38:20
  Speaker 4: these people. That is so dumb to be like, well,
• 38:22
  Speaker 4: I'm on birth control, so all is good. Not all
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: is good. I remember in the seventh grade they they
• 38:28
  Speaker 4: pulled up this like basically, what is that thing where
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: there's like circles and it connects everyone. You know, I'm
• 38:36
  Speaker 4: thank you, thank you talk to And it shocked me
• 38:40
  Speaker 4: to be like if this person has been with me,
• 38:42
  Speaker 4: but they've been with all of these people and I've
• 38:44
  Speaker 4: been and it connected all of us.
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god. So I always practice
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: safe sex with the condom and birth control.
• 38:54
  Speaker 5: And you know what, the fact that you're sober is
• 38:57
  Speaker 5: amazing because I think more than likely you may be
• 39:00
  Speaker 5: acting with men who moderate or are sober, or you're
• 39:04
  Speaker 5: more connected into a sober environment because rates of unwanted
• 39:08
  Speaker 5: pregnancy and STI highly correlate with you know, drinking and disinhibition.
• 39:15
  Speaker 5: And so I think, you know, you're lucky you're in
• 39:18
  Speaker 5: a and maybe are you in a sober sex environment
• 39:21
  Speaker 5: or to some extent or.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: Yes, I would.
• 39:26
  Speaker 4: I would say that no one has, No one is
• 39:30
  Speaker 4: an alcoholic. I get very worried about being involved with
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: men who are also in the program because, as you know,
• 39:36
  Speaker 4: I'm a single mom. I have to worry about my
• 39:38
  Speaker 4: own sobriety. I don't want to worry about yours. So
• 39:42
  Speaker 4: I prefer you come into my life and just have
• 39:44
  Speaker 4: a healthy relationship with alcohol.
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: If I could have it that way.
• 39:50
  Speaker 4: But I'm sure there were many times where in my
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: drinking years I was stupid and didn't you know, practice.
• 39:58
  Speaker 5: Its okay, we don't need to use a condom exactly.
• 40:01
  Speaker 5: So that's what you do when you're a little You know,
• 40:03
  Speaker 5: there's a difference between non consensual sex and unwanted sex.
• 40:09
  Speaker 5: Unwanted sex can actually be consensual. I'm drunk, I'm a
• 40:12
  Speaker 5: little drunk. Okay, let's not use that condom. I wake
• 40:16
  Speaker 5: up the next morning. Fuck, I can't believe I let
• 40:20
  Speaker 5: that happen. But yeah, you let it happen.
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: I know, love to plan be back in the day,
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: love to plan be.
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, stop. You know this is who I am.
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: I'm an overshare. Can a lack of sex have negative
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: health impacts?
• 40:35
  Speaker 5: So you're not going like, look, I think that sex
• 40:39
  Speaker 5: is a vital need. I don't think it's a need
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: like food or water. If you don't get food or water,
• 40:45
  Speaker 5: eventually you're gonna die. If you don't get sex, you
• 40:49
  Speaker 5: know you are you're not going to die. But I
• 40:54
  Speaker 5: think you're going to be missing out on a key
• 40:58
  Speaker 5: aspect of relation. And let me just say, when I
• 41:01
  Speaker 5: talk about sex, I'm not talking about intercourse. I'm just
• 41:05
  Speaker 5: talking about whatever feels really sexual to you or wherever
• 41:10
  Speaker 5: it gets you to pleasure. So they like to say
• 41:16
  Speaker 5: that sex has health benefits, but you know, there are
• 41:19
  Speaker 5: no real studies like, oh, sex is going to help
• 41:21
  Speaker 5: me lose weight, or it's going to clear up my skin.
• 41:24
  Speaker 5: I mean, you know, papers love to publish those kinds
• 41:27
  Speaker 5: of stories. So I don't think sex is going to
• 41:30
  Speaker 5: help you necessarily live longer. Being in a great relationship
• 41:35
  Speaker 5: that has great sex might help you to live longer.
• 41:39
  Speaker 5: And I don't think not having sex is going to
• 41:42
  Speaker 5: kill you.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: Is it true?
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: Because I've had quite a few men talk about that
• 41:57
  Speaker 3: if they don't if they don't have sex frequently or
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: jack off, that it builds up toxins in their body.
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: They have to get rid of the toxins that doesn't
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: turn into something that is unwanted, like a like a poop,
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: you don't go.
• 42:17
  Speaker 5: You know, there is there are some studies that show
• 42:20
  Speaker 5: that masturbation is associated with prostate health. There's no real
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: guideline around it. But you know, I would say that,
• 42:29
  Speaker 5: you know, masturbation is can help with prostate health. But
• 42:33
  Speaker 5: you know, guys love to sort of say, oh, if
• 42:36
  Speaker 5: I don't release, I have you know, blue balls. I'm
• 42:39
  Speaker 5: in this state of you know, arousal intention. The truth is,
• 42:43
  Speaker 5: guys get turned on very quickly. We turn on we
• 42:47
  Speaker 5: see something and we have to turn ourselves off. So
• 42:50
  Speaker 5: it's just about sort of surfing those waves.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: I wonder how that translates for women, Like what's the
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: equivalent of blue balls for women?
• 42:59
  Speaker 5: Well? Women, And you know what's interesting is if you
• 43:01
  Speaker 5: look at male sexuality versus female sexuality. During sex, blood
• 43:07
  Speaker 5: goes into the male genitals very quickly, creates that you know,
• 43:12
  Speaker 5: strong erection and that propulsion, propulsive ejaculation. Blood goes in
• 43:18
  Speaker 5: quickly and blood leaves quickly, right, so men can go
• 43:22
  Speaker 5: up here, have their orgasm and come you know, right
• 43:25
  Speaker 5: back down here, and they have a refractory period a
• 43:27
  Speaker 5: period of time before they can have sex again women again,
• 43:31
  Speaker 5: And this is the beauty and the power of female sexuality.
• 43:35
  Speaker 5: For women, blood flows into the genitals much more slowly,
• 43:39
  Speaker 5: meaning yes, we a have to spend a lot more
• 43:41
  Speaker 5: time on connecting and arousal and foreplay and things that
• 43:45
  Speaker 5: feel good. But after orgasm, blood does not leave the
• 43:49
  Speaker 5: genitals quickly. For women, it stays there, so women can
• 43:53
  Speaker 5: go into this sort of warm plateau phase, and some
• 43:57
  Speaker 5: women like to have more sex from there and have
• 44:01
  Speaker 5: another orgasm. Women have sort of an unlimited capacity for
• 44:06
  Speaker 5: orgasm if you just want to sort of ride that
• 44:09
  Speaker 5: curve of orgasm into the warm state back into orgasm.
• 44:14
  Speaker 5: So blood flows out of the female genitals more slowly,
• 44:17
  Speaker 5: but ultimately men and women, you know, within a few minutes,
• 44:21
  Speaker 5: will all land in the sort of the pre arousal
• 44:24
  Speaker 5: stage of sex.
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: Did he answer your question, Amber, Yes, I know this
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: guy who stays hard for fucking hours and he's super young,
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, this is fucking crazy, Like literally, we'll
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: get off and within seconds it'll be ready to go again.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: He's like a dream man.
• 44:43
  Speaker 5: Anyway, And how new is the sex?
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: Very new? And he's like utill iPhone. I hope my
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: mom doesn't listen. He's like twenty four, right, twenty four.
• 44:54
  Speaker 5: There you go. Younger guys shorter refractory periods sometimes can
• 44:58
  Speaker 5: get hard again right away, and new sex with someone
• 45:02
  Speaker 5: who's hot and sexy will get them right back up again.
• 45:06
  Speaker 4: Well, there we go, twenty four. That's the where I
• 45:09
  Speaker 4: want to be is in terms of age.
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: Oh Jesus, twenty four, I can't with you. So one
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: of the things that I'm finding not twenty four, but
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: like guys that are in their forties and fifties that
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: are taking all this testosterone, what is a long term effect?
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: Because I imagine it can't be good. But maybe I don't know.
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: I'm not the doctor, you know.
• 45:34
  Speaker 5: I'm not sure that I'm not a urologist. There haven't
• 45:36
  Speaker 5: really been What I mean is that from what I've read,
• 45:39
  Speaker 5: there haven't really been long term studies of testosterone. We
• 45:44
  Speaker 5: live in a culture where doctors love to say, because
• 45:47
  Speaker 5: of pharmaceutical companies, you can stay on this for life,
• 45:50
  Speaker 5: and we really don't know a lot of men out
• 45:53
  Speaker 5: there who have low libido and go on testosterone. It's
• 45:57
  Speaker 5: not actually the testosterone that was the problem. It's it's
• 46:00
  Speaker 5: other things. So so stosterone can be great. Like I'm
• 46:04
  Speaker 5: working with some guys who really have chronically low libido
• 46:11
  Speaker 5: and they feel a lot of lust or want for
• 46:14
  Speaker 5: their partners, but they can't. They just don't feel a
• 46:17
  Speaker 5: lot of lust or want but they did in the beginning,
• 46:20
  Speaker 5: or they want to. They're into their partners, and so
• 46:23
  Speaker 5: sometimes testosterone can move the needle. I think it's biologic.
• 46:28
  Speaker 5: Sex is biological, it's psychological, it's you know, it's relational.
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot going on.
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: I found the nasal spray, so I was taking this
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: in twenty twenty three, and now I realize, like during
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: that period, I think I was heavily in the family
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: core system battling, So you can only imagine that my
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: sex stri was not so exciting. So it was actually
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: an oxytocin nasal spray.
• 46:56
  Speaker 5: Oh yeah, oxytostin nasal spray.
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: That's really interesting is this is a quick acting so
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: you want to use it within minutes of sexual activity.
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: It was one hundred units spray one to two sprays
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: into each nostril immediately before sexual activity. That's that's sexy.
• 47:14
  Speaker 5: That is really interesting. You know, like oxytocin in spray
• 47:17
  Speaker 5: form is becoming more popular. I haven't had a lot
• 47:22
  Speaker 5: of experience with it, amber so your experience is great
• 47:25
  Speaker 5: to know. I mean, oxytocin helps to Oxytocin is the
• 47:31
  Speaker 5: cuddle hormone. It's the it's the connecting hormone. It's a
• 47:34
  Speaker 5: hormone that helps with arousal. So I could see that
• 47:37
  Speaker 5: and it would be short acting.
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: It works, you guys, I am not joking. It's like
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: you become a rabbit. I used it and I was like,
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: and I actually threw it away because it had expired
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: when I moved out to Montana, so I was actually like,
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: do I need But I'm good now that problem has
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: been solved. But yeah, that was one of the things
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: that my doctor prescribed me and I actually got from
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: a compounding pharmacy and organ cool.
• 48:03
  Speaker 5: I'm going to ask an MD I work with, who's
• 48:06
  Speaker 5: an obgyn and she's really into this stuff and she
• 48:11
  Speaker 5: works we work with a lot of compounding pharmacies as well,
• 48:13
  Speaker 5: so thank you for that. I'm going to bring this
• 48:16
  Speaker 5: up with her and see if we can make it
• 48:17
  Speaker 5: part of our potentially part of our treatment plan. And
• 48:20
  Speaker 5: I'll get her feedback and she probably knows everything about it.
• 48:23
  Speaker 5: So if there's anything should you guys should know about it,
• 48:26
  Speaker 5: I'll let you know.
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, please do I would love that. Yeah, we want
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: to follow up with our listeners for sure. Yeah.
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: Well, the listeners were thrilled about this episode. I just
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: have a couple more questions. What can a wife do
• 48:39
  Speaker 3: to spice things up besides toys?
• 48:42
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, toys on their own are not inherently spicy.
• 48:46
  Speaker 5: They're just devices. You know, same with like handcuffs or
• 48:51
  Speaker 5: little you know, anything that's like BDSM or kinky or
• 48:56
  Speaker 5: kink light, Like those are just accessories. They're prop It's
• 49:01
  Speaker 5: what do we psychologically imbue them with, right, So you
• 49:05
  Speaker 5: know it's sexy, Like if you wake up and tell
• 49:09
  Speaker 5: your guy, you know, I had a super sexy dream
• 49:12
  Speaker 5: about you last night, Like I don't know what my
• 49:15
  Speaker 5: unconscious was up to, but you know, boy, where we
• 49:18
  Speaker 5: getting it on in some unusual original ways, like hopefully
• 49:23
  Speaker 5: you spice someone's interest in you thread it through the day.
• 49:26
  Speaker 5: I guess what I'm trying to say is psychological arousal
• 49:31
  Speaker 5: is as important as physical arousal. There have been studies
• 49:34
  Speaker 5: that show that women can fantasize their way to orgasm
• 49:39
  Speaker 5: without touching themselves. Men can get very powerful erections just
• 49:43
  Speaker 5: by sitting in front of porn for seven minutes or
• 49:47
  Speaker 5: looking at someone sexy or thinking about someone sexy. So
• 49:50
  Speaker 5: think about bringing more psychological arousal into the relationship, which
• 49:55
  Speaker 5: maybe requires a little more vulnerability.
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: I've actually seen YouTube videos of women orgasming just by
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: doing breath work, working with a sex therapist.
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: That was fascinating.
• 50:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah, no, it is wild for I think it's all
• 50:09
  Speaker 4: about the mental state, Like I have to feel very comfortable,
• 50:12
  Speaker 4: I have to like create the fantasy. I think it's
• 50:15
  Speaker 4: all about like the muscles within the vagina as well
• 50:18
  Speaker 4: that you should constantly be working out. And yeah, there's
• 50:23
  Speaker 4: I think what I love about this episode the most
• 50:27
  Speaker 4: is all of the things that we've touched on that
• 50:29
  Speaker 4: have everything to do with the sex that exists before
• 50:37
  Speaker 4: the actual sex that I think so many people forget about.
• 50:43
  Speaker 4: It's all about just the the penis entering the vagina,
• 50:49
  Speaker 4: and there's so much more that goes into all of it.
• 50:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I was working I worked with a couple who
• 50:57
  Speaker 5: hasn't had they haven't had sex in two months, but
• 51:00
  Speaker 5: they feel like they're in a very sexy sexual relationship.
• 51:03
  Speaker 5: They have sexual confidence in themselves and each other. And
• 51:06
  Speaker 5: then I was working with a young couple that had
• 51:08
  Speaker 5: moved in during COVID and they were having sex five
• 51:11
  Speaker 5: times a week or four times a week, and the
• 51:13
  Speaker 5: guy was like, I don't feel like we're in a
• 51:15
  Speaker 5: sexual relationship.
• 51:16
  Speaker 4: Wow, you know, so that is mind blowing because mentally
• 51:21
  Speaker 4: they're not in sync.
• 51:23
  Speaker 5: Yeah, he didn't even realize they were having She's like,
• 51:26
  Speaker 5: what do you mean we're not in a sexual relationship?
• 51:28
  Speaker 5: We had sex four times and he's like, really, I
• 51:31
  Speaker 5: don't remember that. And when I started to talk to him,
• 51:34
  Speaker 5: talk to them, It's just there was no erotic thread.
• 51:38
  Speaker 5: There was nothing connecting a sexual event to the next
• 51:41
  Speaker 5: sexual event. There was no eroticism in the air. Right.
• 51:45
  Speaker 3: That's why I think I always when people say, oh,
• 51:49
  Speaker 3: you shouldn't have sex until you've hit the three month
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: mark of dating, I see, and I get that perspective, right,
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: and I respect that. But my thing is, what if
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: you don't have sexual chemistry, what if there's no or
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: what if there's issues in the bedroom, Like you're going
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: to waste three months of your life of like building
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: this thing and then all of a sudden it's the
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: biggest ledgew You're like, oh, that's trumans of my life
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: that I'm not going to get back.
• 52:16
  Speaker 5: Yeah. I agree. I mean, hopefully you pick someone that
• 52:19
  Speaker 5: you really have physical and sexual attraction with and you
• 52:22
  Speaker 5: feel a heat just at that level just sitting across
• 52:26
  Speaker 5: from each other. Now, the question is, you know, what
• 52:29
  Speaker 5: do you do with that chemistry? And can you actually
• 52:32
  Speaker 5: dance together sexually?
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: Yes? Yes, thank you.
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: Amen.
• 52:37
  Speaker 5: Hey, so I have a patient in my waiting room.
• 52:39
  Speaker 4: We love that because that's how we're going to sign up.
• 52:42
  Speaker 4: If you have a patient in your waiting room.
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: Thank you. I love that much. We are so appreciative
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: of you joining you got it.
• 52:49
  Speaker 5: This was great, and stay in touch and good luck
• 52:51
  Speaker 5: with everything.
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much. Have a great day. Bye, bite
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: you guys.
• 52:57
  Speaker 4: That was doctor Ian Kerner and I just he just
• 53:01
  Speaker 4: made me so happy.
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: I'm so happy as well.
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: That was really good. I gained a lot from that. Yeah.
• 53:09
  Speaker 4: And can I tell you you said you have a
• 53:12
  Speaker 4: g spot inside your vagina. If my clit doesn't get
• 53:16
  Speaker 4: the love it deserves, there's nothing happening for me.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: Really.
• 53:21
  Speaker 3: Yes, we bounce each other out. We have something to
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: teach each other.
• 53:24
  Speaker 4: I don't want to be fucked like a jack rabbit,
• 53:27
  Speaker 4: you know, like give me something, you know.
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: Warm up the bean a little.
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: The tiny but mighty I learned that it's tiny and mighty.
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: I want to get a Chihuahua and name her clit
• 53:44
  Speaker 4: because she'll be tiny, but mighty oh.
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: I literally do that.
• 53:49
  Speaker 4: Darling or clitoris kind of like Dolores, I love that.
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: I can't.
• 53:56
  Speaker 3: I can't, I can't.
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: That was that was amazing.
• 53:59
  Speaker 4: What was your most favorite part that he told you
• 54:02
  Speaker 4: you shouldn't wait three months to fuck someone.
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: I don't need permission, not anymore. We all love a quickie. Okay,
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: that's that's a midday quickie could be nice, but like
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: also taking the time, taking it slow, and really connecting
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: with your partner, like really connecting with your partner in
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: a way that's just not like hurry up and let's
• 54:25
  Speaker 3: get it over with.
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: I feel like.
• 54:26
  Speaker 3: There's something really like sexy and this ebb and flow
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: that I like about what he said about around all.
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: That I do too.
• 54:36
  Speaker 4: I feel like that podcast was very helpful for this
• 54:39
  Speaker 4: stage that I'm getting into, where it's it's beyond just
• 54:42
  Speaker 4: like hey, we're having sex and that's where it starts
• 54:45
  Speaker 4: and ends, and creating this dynamic of like true intimacy.
• 54:50
  Speaker 4: So I loved everything that he said. I hope that
• 54:52
  Speaker 4: he wasn't turned off by me talking about eating ass.
• 54:55
  Speaker 3: I can't help but just be La la at all times.
• 55:00
  Speaker 3: You fucking crushed it, amber thank you. No, but he
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: has seen everything. Okay, my god, he lives in New
• 55:06
  Speaker 3: York City. Do you know the ship? By the way,
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: have you ever seen the show Billions?
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: Of course I have.
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: Okay, do you know the wife who's like this button
• 55:13
  Speaker 3: up therapist and her husband who's the day You know,
• 55:17
  Speaker 3: these are two people that you would think would would
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: have very vanilla sex or even sex at all. Those
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: scenes where she gets her leather boots out and she
• 55:27
  Speaker 3: gets the whip and I'm like, oh my god, I
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: love this show. That show was so hot.
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: I mean it was still good. Me too, Me too.
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: I've been wanting to do.
• 55:38
  Speaker 3: Wait, there's one more thing that I have to clear
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: up because I've been reading a lot of.
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: Comments and stuff. Okay, what the heck did you mean
• 55:47
  Speaker 2: by I can go Brad or Angelina?
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: Can you explain that to me and everyone who doesn't
• 55:52
  Speaker 3: understand that because you have cleared like there's a storm
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: out there around.
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: This, you know, I really I did not think that
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: it would be like that.
• 55:59
  Speaker 4: I don't don't know why. Maybe I'm an idiot. As
• 56:03
  Speaker 4: most people know, I have hooked up with women before.
• 56:06
  Speaker 4: I have a deep love and appreciation for beautiful women.
• 56:10
  Speaker 4: I find that I have a type when it comes
• 56:12
  Speaker 4: to women. I do not like labels. I do not
• 56:16
  Speaker 4: consider myself bisexual. There are other people who you may
• 56:19
  Speaker 4: ask and they label me that, which is totally fine
• 56:23
  Speaker 4: if that makes anyone feel more comfortable by putting a
• 56:25
  Speaker 4: label on me. The only two labels that I will
• 56:28
  Speaker 4: ever wear with pride are independent and mother.
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: That is it. That's where it ends. So could I
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: cook up with a woman? Yes?
• 56:37
  Speaker 4: Do I see myself in a romantic partnership where we're
• 56:40
  Speaker 4: intimate and life partners?
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: No? But again I always go back to I also
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: didn't see myself having a baby va sperm donor, so
• 56:49
  Speaker 3: I'm just open to whatever.
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: Honey, I love it. I love it great.
• 56:53
  Speaker 4: Michelle had people congratulating her. I was like, oh fuck,
• 56:56
  Speaker 4: I'm so sorry. I thought this was going to be
• 56:58
  Speaker 4: like a cute friend's moment, and then like we love housewives,
• 57:01
  Speaker 4: like let's use the Kyle Richards line. But I do
• 57:04
  Speaker 4: find Michelle extremely sexy. I've told her, I'm like, if
• 57:06
  Speaker 4: you if you were into that, Hi.
• 57:12
  Speaker 3: So she's your type, I would say, if you were
• 57:13
  Speaker 3: gonna like she would be.
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: Everyone has a type.
• 57:17
  Speaker 4: Everyone has a type. Yes, everyone has a type. And
• 57:20
  Speaker 4: I don't usually like blondes, but I mean, I masturbate
• 57:23
  Speaker 4: it to you, so who the fuck knows.
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: I'm just an enigma. I love that wrapped in a
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: riddle and cash all right, I love you so much.
• 57:34
  Speaker 3: Ill you.
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: That was the best. I will call you later. Great,
• 57:38
  Speaker 2: let's do it all right?
• 57:39
  Speaker 4: Thanks for listening to another episode of an Unlikely Affair.
• 57:42
  Speaker 4: I hope you guys gained a lot start texting your
• 57:45
  Speaker 4: husbands and your wives saying how fucking horny they make you,
• 57:50
  Speaker 4: and I'll catch you tonight, baby.
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: Bye bye everyone,