Latest / The Starfish Storytellers / Season 5, Episode 8: From Surfboards to Standing Ovations - Building a Life Through Stories with Lee Silber

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Season 5, Episode 8: From Surfboards to Standing Ovations - Building a Life Through Stories with Lee Silber · The Starfish Storytellers

0:00
Welcome to the starfish storytellers the podcast
0:03
that makes a difference one story at a time by
0:05
bringing storytelling to life Well, the moment
0:09
where the month that we're doing this interview
0:11
is the month that my father passed away and it's
0:15
been 15 years But if you've lost someone close
0:19
to you, especially on the anniversary of the
0:21
event you think about it and the day that he
0:24
passed away in June I was flying out to give
0:27
a presentation so I wasn't there when he passed
0:30
away but it happened so suddenly. So my father
0:34
was climbing up a ladder to trim the trees and
0:38
branches away from the house because he was having
0:39
it painted and he was both handy and frugal so
0:43
he thought this would save some money. But he
0:45
fell and he landed on his side. I guess my mom
0:49
must have helped him into the lounger chair that
0:52
he always sat in but he couldn't get up. So My
0:57
mom called my brothers and I, and we said, he
0:59
should go to the hospital. Take him to the hospital.
1:01
He wouldn't go. So the next morning, my brothers
1:04
and I went there, and we kidnapped him. We picked
1:08
him up. We put him in the car. We took him to
1:10
the hospital. And they did tests the entire day.
1:14
So we sat and waited. And then finally, at the
1:17
end, late in the afternoon, they said, your father
1:20
did not break a rib or puncture a lung, which
1:23
is what we thought had happened. Your father
1:25
has stage four lung cancer and has maybe a week
1:29
left to live. And that was a Friday. So he wanted
1:33
to go home. He said, I don't want to be here.
1:35
I want to go home. So we brought him home. I'm
1:38
a writer and a speaker. So I just felt more comfortable.
1:42
I wrote my dad a long letter saying, I'm so proud
1:45
to be your son. I've learned so much. Just all
1:48
the things I wanted to say, but probably never
1:50
said. And some things even after the fact, I
1:53
wish I would have written down to tell him, but
1:55
anyway, I did the best I could in such short
1:57
notice. I said, mom, will you read this to dad?
2:01
But I was giving a speech on Monday. So Sunday
2:03
night, I had to fly out to get my speech. And
2:06
the last thing I said to my dad is, I'll see
2:08
you tomorrow. And I'll get back as soon as I
2:10
can. And so I was in the air flying apparently
2:14
when he passed away. But in the time that...
2:17
We had together the end. My dad never said, I'm
2:20
proud of you. In fact, in my entire life, my
2:23
father never said, I'm proud of you son. You
2:25
know, I've done some things, but he just, for
2:28
whatever reason, couldn't say it. So at the celebration
2:31
of life that we put together, I wrote a song.
2:34
I say I wrote a song. The song just kind of came
2:36
to me and it just came out. I don't even know
2:37
where it came from. It's a country. I don't even...
2:40
play country music or listen to country music
2:43
but that's the way it came through me and my
2:45
band performed and the people came up to give
2:48
speeches and said such nice things about my dad.
2:52
One of my dad's close friends who they had a
2:54
boat my dad's boat and his boat were across the
2:58
slips from each other so they saw each other
3:00
all the time. He walked over to me and he had
3:02
Parkinson's so got up and spoke but he was very
3:04
shaky but he made a point to come to me afterward
3:06
and say your dad was so proud of you like really.
3:10
He said, oh yeah, he would talk about you all
3:12
the time. He would give everyone copies of your
3:15
books. I said, wait a minute, what? My dad paid
3:18
retail for the books? I can't believe that. But
3:21
he apparently was proud of me, but just couldn't
3:24
say it. That meant so much to me that Dawn would
3:28
tell me that because I may have never known.
3:31
So a small gesture like that, you know, as is
3:36
the spirit of this show can mean... So much of
3:40
someone that really had an impact on me a big
3:42
impact so If it's even a small gesture, and it
3:46
doesn't seem like it's gonna matter I say we
3:48
just go ahead and do it and that one gesture
3:50
by dawn to tell me that my dad actually was very
3:53
proud of me Has carried forward in my life since
3:56
then and meant a great deal Hello, my name is
4:07
Liana Henry and welcome to the Starfish Storytellers.
4:10
I'm the CEO of the Black Dog Group and your host.
4:14
I'm passionate about storytelling and on a mission
4:16
to raise up the next generation of storytellers.
4:19
We're called the Starfish Storytellers after
4:22
the moral of the Starfish story, which centers
4:24
on the power of one. Because no matter how big
4:27
the challenge, every action matters. One step,
4:30
one starfish, and one story at a time. Every
4:34
episode will welcome a new storyteller who will
4:36
inspire and connect with you. So thanks for tuning
4:39
in. Now let's get started. Today's episode is
4:43
from surfboards to standing ovations, building
4:46
life through stories. And with me today is Lee
4:48
Silber. Lee is an entrepreneur, author, speaker,
4:53
trainer, and lifelong storyteller. Over the course
4:56
of his career, he's written 27 books, founded
5:00
five companies, delivered more than 2 ,500 presentations
5:04
to audiences all over the world. and helped countless
5:08
individuals communicate their ideas more effectively.
5:12
Along the way, he's built a life around curiosity,
5:15
creativity, and a willingness to pursue opportunities
5:18
others might overlook. From launching his first
5:22
business at 11 years old, yes, you heard that
5:26
correctly, repainting mailboxes, to moving to
5:29
Hawaii in pursuit of adventure, to building a
5:32
nationally recognized speaking and writing career,
5:35
Lee's journey is a reminder that some of the
5:38
best stories come from saying yes to unexpected
5:42
opportunities. So Lee, welcome to the Starfish
5:46
Storytellers. We're really, really happy that
5:48
you're here. Wow. That was such a good introduction.
5:51
You're the best. Oh, wow. That felt good. Thank
5:56
you. Well, I mean, you've done all of those things.
6:02
So we always are looking forward what's next,
6:05
you know, to appreciate and look back and realize
6:08
that you've done all those things. I think it
6:10
helps us move forward because we feel confident
6:12
that we've done it before. We can do it again.
6:16
Yeah, yeah. So we like to start every episode
6:19
asking our guests to introduce themselves in
6:21
their own words. Would you like to share a little
6:24
bit more about who you are and maybe how storytelling
6:27
has become a part of your own life? Well, we
6:30
can't give ourselves nicknames. They have to
6:32
be given to us. You could try, but it won't stick.
6:36
So people kept calling me the facilitator of
6:39
fun. And I thought... I kind of like that. I'm
6:42
going to run with it. I hear it enough and so
6:44
everything I do I try and make it fun and so
6:47
that includes storytelling because if you take
6:50
an idea or a point you want to make or even if
6:53
you're selling whatever you're doing a story
6:56
makes it more enjoyable it's just the fun comes
7:01
from the story even if it's the same information
7:04
that would have been given in facts or bullet
7:07
points or just written all out whatever method
7:11
that you would have used to convey information
7:14
doing it with a story is just so much better
7:17
and so that's what i've done in my writing so
7:20
my business books i call them business books
7:23
but they're really almost parables there's a
7:26
story for each point and when you speak they
7:28
always say you need a hook or a story about every
7:32
five minutes if not more often than that so storytelling
7:36
is it's effective i feel like i'm a natural storyteller
7:40
so i'm comfortable doing it and i can just see
7:43
in the audience there's kind of ups and downs
7:45
as you're standing you say you pull from the
7:47
audience the energy but when you look out there
7:49
and you could just see them like oh oh Oh, and
7:53
it's stories are when there's the yeah. And then
7:57
you're just giving them information that's just
7:59
kind of dry. So storytelling is fun. And I want
8:02
to be the fun guy. You are the fun guy. Thank
8:09
you for sharing your story with us. Sometimes
8:12
I wonder if it's a generational thing with telling
8:16
your kids that you're proud of them. I know personally
8:19
having growing up with a father who never told
8:23
me he was proud of me ever, ever, ever. And I
8:26
think it really, I wanted to joke with you a
8:29
little and say, overachiever, because I think
8:33
it's almost you have a choice. I think when you
8:36
have these things happen in your life, you can
8:39
let it tear you down or you can let it fire you
8:42
up. And clearly you were on a mission to do great
8:47
things and I hope that you are proud of yourself
8:50
because you should be proud of yourself, Lee.
8:52
You should. I think when I was listening to your
8:55
story and also in sort of all of the information
8:58
that I've gotten from you in our conversations,
9:00
your life didn't seem to take a straight line.
9:03
I don't know if you've ever seen the graphic
9:05
where it's two lines and there's one that says,
9:10
how I think life should go. And it's point A
9:13
with a straight line to point B. And then the
9:16
other graphic is how life really is. And it's
9:19
point A with a lot of squiggly lines to get to
9:22
point B. But it seems like your life was a series
9:25
of adventures and experiments and opportunities.
9:29
And they gradually got you here. And I think
9:32
that stories are something that maybe we might
9:35
tell after the fact. but we're living them along
9:38
the way. I often have heard it said that sometimes
9:41
the most challenging moments in our lives are
9:43
the stories we most love to tell later. Maybe
9:47
in the moment when we're going through it, not
9:48
so much, but then later on, it's those moments
9:52
of grit. I think that we learn the life lessons.
9:56
And I look at your life, you're a young entrepreneur,
9:59
a surfer, a speaker, an author. And I just see
10:02
somebody who's just willing to continue that
10:05
curiosity, you know, just following wherever
10:07
it led you. And I think it's a lesson for our
10:10
listeners to really as they get to know you today,
10:13
during the podcast. So storytelling, I think
10:16
your story is a powerful reminder that storytelling
10:18
isn't just about what we say, it's about the
10:21
choices that we make and the life that we create.
10:26
Yeah, and I would say as a storyteller and a
10:29
writer of both fiction and nonfiction, like I
10:31
said, try and blend the two factual fiction is
10:35
kind of a fictional fact that you're taking story,
10:37
you're using stories to convey information, which
10:41
I think I've already said. But what I want to
10:43
say is when I'm writing pure fiction, we always
10:46
say you want a deep rich character, you want
10:47
an arc of a character. So they start here and
10:50
they end up here, you know, you hopefully it's
10:52
a better person at the end. But to write about
10:55
characters, you have to know about them. So I
10:59
create kind of a dossier on each character in
11:01
each story, and even though I don't put it all
11:03
in the book, it's good for me to know. And then
11:05
it occurred to me, kind of what you were saying,
11:08
we should do that for ourselves, kind of a curiosity
11:11
about ourselves. You know, some of those things
11:14
that we do just naturally are tendencies. What
11:17
are we doing when time just flies and we don't
11:19
even notice it? Where do we struggle? And kind
11:23
of Create that story about ourselves in the sense
11:27
that we understand ourselves enough to know which
11:30
Opportunities would be best and which opportunities
11:33
maybe isn't right So I've hopefully made I think
11:37
I have mostly made the right choices because
11:38
what I'm trying to do is When I ask myself if
11:42
something is a possibility or an opportunity,
11:44
you know, is it something I enjoy? Is it something
11:47
I'm capable of or do well? Is it something that
11:51
potentially will make a difference in someone
11:53
else's life or will it make money? I'm putting
11:55
it through a filter and at the end of the filter
11:57
if it has enough yeses then I would say yes.
11:59
So it's not just a curiosity and then okay sure
12:02
I'll do anything, it's knowing yourself. So being
12:05
curious about what it is that really resonates
12:08
with you, what you do well, what you know you
12:11
would succeed at or you have a good shot at succeeding
12:13
at, it helps make that decision making easier.
12:16
So you were talking about being a writer of fiction,
12:19
but then you said something about, I don't know
12:22
if I heard it correctly, fictional facts or facts.
12:26
So does that mean that you may have had a life
12:29
experience and you then choose to maybe go on
12:33
and write a fictional story? but it's based on
12:38
something that you experienced, somebody that
12:40
you met. Like, have you done that? Do you have
12:44
any books like that? Yes, and I think it was
12:47
Mark Twain who said, write what you know about.
12:50
And it might have been Wayne Dyer who said, you
12:53
know, teach what you need to learn. So yes, I
12:56
try and use my own stories as the basis but then
13:01
change them but a lot of my characters are women
13:03
so it's not really me but it's experiences that
13:06
i've had that i can change the names or change
13:08
the locale or whatever but what we want and if
13:12
you're afraid of we can't get through anything
13:14
without using we used to gossip and now it's
13:17
we don't gossip anymore we just talk about ai
13:19
i was trying to avoid it but i have to say if
13:22
you're afraid of AI as a creator or whatever
13:25
you do, I think that what I'm trying to get at
13:27
is to write an authentic story, an authentic
13:30
character. If it's based on something real, and
13:33
then you just fictionalize it, it comes across
13:36
as more real. And I don't know if AI can do that
13:39
yet, but I don't think it can. So that authenticity
13:43
that comes from using your own stories to create
13:47
new stories, I think is one way to by telling
13:51
it, you're reliving it and hopefully it's good.
13:54
And by using it as the basis for something else,
13:57
it's got that air of truth to it. Now, that's
14:03
a really good tip, especially for I think so
14:06
many content creators are using AI. So I think
14:09
that's a really good point, especially for someone
14:11
who's an author. The other thing that you said,
14:17
pitch on the spot a little here, you've moved
14:19
through a number of I know I said that life wasn't
14:23
a straight line and you move through sort of
14:24
very different adventures along the way and your
14:26
journey. But you said something about, or as
14:29
you were talking, you were conveying people should
14:32
be thoughtful in their journeys. And you're saying
14:36
that now as a seasoned career person who's had
14:44
this long life of experience. Were you always
14:48
thoughtful in your journeys from the get -go?
14:52
Well, you know, the one thing that doesn't exactly
14:54
fit is how did I end up in Hawaii? Yeah. Don't
15:00
you want to leave San Diego? It's pretty close,
15:03
but it was an adventure. I didn't do it willy
15:07
-nilly. I worked for my father for a while, and
15:10
I was interested in expanding our territory,
15:13
which my territory was. So I was a sales rep
15:16
for San Diego, parts of Arizona, Nevada, and
15:20
I thought, well, why don't I go west, which would
15:22
be Hawaii. So I went there just to see if I could
15:26
open some new accounts, which... I did, and I
15:29
fell in love with it. But I also noticed while
15:31
I was there reading the paper that they were
15:33
just any job you wanted, you could have. They
15:36
just had a shortage of talented, qualified people
15:39
to do some of the jobs. And I looked at that,
15:43
I wondered, what would it be like to work in
15:46
a radio station? What would it be like to be
15:48
a deckhand? What would it be like to work for
15:50
Maui Gym Sunglass? I was employee number five.
15:53
And so I had my work for my dad, but in between,
15:57
I worked all these odd jobs and I discovered
16:01
what I didn't like which you would think oh a
16:05
deckhand that sounds like a great gig working
16:07
on a sailboat or snorkel tour eh not so much.
16:10
Maui gem sunglasses I hated being indoors I'm
16:12
on Maui and I'm inside an office. Anyway it was
16:15
an opportunity to try different things and see
16:18
if they fit and so from that I realized some
16:22
of the things that I truly wanted which was freedom
16:26
the ability to work outdoors if possible and
16:30
a few other things that I only discovered by
16:33
trying something to see how it fit and it didn't
16:36
fit. And then what did fit was when I got a gig
16:40
to speak in Hawaii and I was on a stage in front
16:43
of middle schoolers and I thought, this is cool.
16:46
I like this. So there you go. There you go. That
16:51
was part of the journey. That's great. So, but
16:54
it sounds like you knew, right? You knew what
16:57
you wanted and what you didn't want. You know,
16:59
you knew, I'm in Maui. I don't want to be indoors.
17:03
Right, right. So you started your first business
17:07
at 11 years old, repainting mailboxes. Does that
17:12
sound right? Yeah. Yeah. So at 11 years old,
17:16
I wanted some money. Okay. And my dad encouraged
17:20
me to work. And so I could work for him, which
17:23
I did, on the weekends, get up with my dad, which
17:26
I actually enjoyed working in his warehouse.
17:29
But my friends had jobs like paper boys, had
17:32
to get up early to collect for people who didn't
17:34
want to pay. It just didn't work. That didn't
17:36
sound like fun. And then some of the other jobs
17:39
that my friends had, I just, why don't I start
17:42
my own business? Because my father started his
17:44
own business, my grandfather started his own
17:45
business, so it was in the genes. And so I looked
17:48
at my own mailbox and said, boy, you know, this
17:50
thing really needs some fixing. So I said, So
17:53
my parents, what will you pay me to fix it? And
17:55
they said $5. And I thought, $5? And the supplies?
18:00
Yes, and the supplies. So I did mine. The neighbor
18:02
saw it and said, hey, will you do mine? Before
18:05
you knew it, I did the entire neighborhood that
18:07
summer. I made a couple grand in 1975. So it
18:12
was... Wow, that's a lot of mailboxes. It was
18:14
a lot of mailboxes, but I could do it when I
18:16
wanted to. I could go surfing in the morning
18:18
or in the afternoon. I just worked it around
18:20
the work, around my... fun. And I've wanted that
18:24
my entire life, that freedom, that sometimes
18:27
an entrepreneur, sometimes they say they work
18:29
more than an actual person who has a job, but
18:32
they love it. And so I enjoyed that process of
18:35
seeing something run down and then making it
18:38
brand new again, but without having to throw
18:40
it away. So it was good for the environment.
18:42
I put bigger numbers so their address was easier
18:44
to find and look great. I love the process. I
18:47
probably sniffed a lot of paint that I shouldn't
18:49
have at a young age, which explains a lot. At
18:52
the end of the day, at the end of the summer,
18:53
I had a really nice little nest egg. Wow. And
18:59
not that we're going to go through every stage
19:00
of your young preadolescence and adolescence,
19:03
but from there, how long were you painting mailboxes?
19:08
Well, the experience of doing it that summer
19:11
encouraged me to find another opportunity like
19:15
that. So my father's business, he had slightly
19:20
blemished or damaged things that he would eventually
19:23
return. But it took him a long time to get to
19:26
that. And so I said, Dad, why don't I take these
19:28
down to the swap meet and sell them? And we'll
19:33
split the money and it's a win -win. It'll be
19:34
faster and, you know, keep me off the streets.
19:37
So I would go on a Saturday and Sunday and sell
19:41
the products that weren't selling or that were
19:44
slightly damaged. And first I sold them to the
19:46
consumers. Then I met a guy there who had his
19:49
own We were competing and he said, I'll buy from
19:51
you. So then I didn't even have to go to the
19:53
swap meet. He just came to the warehouse. I showed
19:56
him what I had and I was working one day a week
19:59
and making more than all my friends. And they're,
20:02
how do you do it? What's the secret? Entrepreneurship.
20:05
So it's not for everyone. I get that. But for
20:08
me, it fit because I'm a self -starter. I'm motivated
20:11
to do what needs to be done. And I'm not afraid
20:14
to ask someone, you know, Hey, that I asked him,
20:17
I said, well, instead of me, you and I competing,
20:19
how about you buy for me? And so that's how that
20:21
all became something I did for a couple of years
20:24
from six. I had to learn how to drive, but when
20:27
I drove, I would drive myself down to the swap
20:29
meet and it was good money and a good time. I
20:31
was working outside and met all kinds of cool
20:33
people and I helped my dad out too. It was a
20:35
win, win, win. Yeah. Yeah. So that was really
20:38
what really pushed you forward. Okay. So. You
20:45
have given more than 2 ,500 speeches to over
20:49
a million people. A lot of people think that
20:53
public speaking is about expertise, but I think
20:56
it's more about connection. You're on the stage,
20:58
you're making a connection. When did you first
21:01
realize that stories, and maybe not facts, might
21:05
be what audiences would remember? right away.
21:10
Well, when I started speaking, I just naturally
21:13
started telling stories. Not because I didn't
21:15
have good ideas or material or something to share,
21:17
but I thought if I attached it to a story, people
21:20
would, A, pay more attention, and B, remember
21:24
the story and then remember the idea. And so
21:27
I'm not saying this is my original Idea, I was
21:30
listening at the time to like Zig Ziglar and
21:33
it seemed because he would just tell story after
21:35
story And I'm thought what is this? This isn't
21:38
self -help. I mean, it's just a bunch of stories
21:40
But then I realized I remembered the stories
21:42
and I remembered the ideas so that's how I got
21:45
the idea to do it myself and once I started doing
21:47
it and seeing results where people were really
21:51
interested, you know, you could see them leaning
21:52
in, they want to hear the story, and at the end
21:55
they maybe didn't know that the vegetables were
21:57
mixed in with the spaghetti sauce, they got something
22:00
useful out of the story. And so when I was asked
22:03
to be a part of Chicken Soup for the Soul, the
22:05
book, I realized, boy, this is exactly what people
22:09
want, is stories that can... inspire, that can
22:13
teach, that can make them feel something, and
22:16
so if it was Chicken Soup for the Soul, or the
22:19
Reader's Digest, or speakers who use stories,
22:22
I found the commonality was people love stories,
22:25
they remember stories, and then they retell them,
22:27
and that's not happening when you give them a
22:30
list of seven tips to do this, although for some
22:35
people that's very good, I think... Overall,
22:37
people prefer everything delivered in a story.
22:40
I know it's a long explanation for stories work.
22:45
They do. They do. When I was getting my masters,
22:48
one of the textbooks that we read was called
22:49
The Story Factor. And in The Story Factor, I
22:52
can't remember the author's name. I think her
22:54
first name is Anne. Her last name is escaping
22:56
me right now. But she talked about different
23:00
types of scenarios when stories would work. And
23:03
she gave examples and she said, for example,
23:06
stories, teaching stories, stories to teach someone
23:08
how to do something. And she gave an example
23:11
of a new person coming into an office and they're
23:15
going to be the administrative assistant. And
23:19
the woman before them, Mrs. Smith is retiring
23:22
and Mrs. Smith is well known across the office.
23:26
Mrs. Smith could greet someone who came in the
23:29
door, answer a phone with a smile, find the wandering
23:32
CEO, get him to a meeting, and then get back
23:35
to her desk before anybody knew she was gone.
23:40
So when you're teaching the new administrative
23:42
assistant, how do you think is the best way to
23:44
teach them? Tell them what button to push on
23:46
the phone or tell them a story about Mrs. Smith
23:48
and the most preferred administrative assistant
23:52
that we've ever had. Because when that new person
23:56
is taking on their tasks, they may ask, what
24:00
would Mrs. Smith do? So I love what you were
24:03
sharing. I think it's the same thing. One of
24:06
the things I was wondering about, because you've
24:08
been on stage a lot. Do you tell, is there one
24:12
story that you like to tell a lot from the stage
24:15
over and over again? Or it finds its way into
24:17
a lot of your, I know that your presentations
24:20
and speeches are tailored. to your audience but
24:23
is there a story that you've told on stage that
24:27
sort of resonates across audiences? Well I'm
24:31
lucky because I've been being asked to come back
24:34
to the same group so I can't tell the same story
24:37
again so I'm always looking for new stories and
24:41
so recently I live at the beach, a couple houses
24:45
in from the sand, but I ride my bike on the boardwalk
24:48
almost every day or a walk, and there's a guy
24:51
that just caught my attention. He's very tan,
24:55
very handsome, older. That's hard to describe,
24:57
but he's wearing boxing gloves and no shirt.
25:01
And as he walks by, he just says to people nice
25:04
things. And when he sees me, he says, hey, handsome.
25:08
And not in a creepy way, but hey handsome, hey
25:11
young man, and it just makes you feel good. So
25:14
I said, I'm gonna meet this guy. What's going
25:18
on? So I got to know him. We sat down, we talked,
25:21
and not long after that, someone thought it'd
25:23
be funny, because he had the boxing gloves, to
25:25
punch him in the face. And they knocked out his
25:28
two front teeth. And so I took... the story that
25:32
I'd been working on about him because in my head
25:35
I'm like this is this needs to be told about
25:37
Jay his name is Jay Ando so I wrote a story about
25:40
him we started a GoFundMe and the story and the
25:43
GoFundMe raised enough money for him to have
25:46
his teeth replaced and so when I saw him after
25:48
he had his new teeth I said man that really was
25:51
a terrible thing someone did to you that's horrible
25:54
he said you know what it could have been worse
25:57
And I thought, even with that kind of someone
26:00
punching him, knocking his teeth out, it could
26:02
have been worse. I'm like, the fact that he makes
26:05
people feel good about themselves and that he
26:08
takes everything in stride and always finds the
26:10
positive and the silver lining. And I'm like,
26:13
I want to be like Jay Hondo. And so it's a work
26:17
in progress, but by me telling his story and
26:20
showing a picture of him and, you know, in all
26:22
my speeches, it's for the audience. And the point
26:25
we're trying to make, I think it's clear, but
26:28
it's also for me. Every time I tell this story,
26:31
it reminds me that when I see someone to find
26:34
something I can compliment, if I'm thinking,
26:37
well, why me? Why is this happening to me? You
26:39
know, it could have been worse. And so the Jay
26:41
Ando story is my new favorite story. That's a
26:45
great story. And what a mantra, right? Could
26:49
have been worse. Could have been worse. Could
26:52
have been worse. So let's talk about some of
26:56
your books. Okay. I know that you wrote a book
27:00
called The Credit Union Way. And I know when
27:04
we were preparing for the podcast, I'd asked
27:07
about it then. And you know, every book from
27:11
the author has a reason for existing. whether
27:14
fiction or nonfiction. But really, when you think
27:17
about the credit union way, I guess I'd really
27:20
would love for you to share what is the story
27:22
behind that and what was happening in the industry
27:26
when you wrote it, what was happening in your
27:27
life when you wrote it. Why did you feel compelled
27:30
to write that? Well, I'm a lifelong credit union
27:33
member, so I'm a believer. That sounds weird.
27:36
I think it's a great a way to have your money
27:40
somewhere that's doing good. You know the movie
27:42
It's a Wonderful Life? It's kind of like that
27:45
where the Bailey saving building and loan the
27:48
money When there was a run to try and get their
27:51
money back, he said, well, your money's not here.
27:53
It's in his house, in her house. And the credit
27:55
union is like that. The money goes in, but it
27:57
goes back to help the community. It's how it
27:59
all started in a shoe box or a cigar box in the
28:02
back room of a factory or something. Everyone
28:04
put in their money, and then they loan it to
28:06
each other. And it's still bigger than that now
28:08
in scope, but it's the same concept. I love that.
28:11
I also like that the credit union is the little
28:13
guy. The banks are the big bad Mr. Potter, I
28:16
think his name was in the movie, and the credit
28:18
unions are the Baileys. And I like the stories
28:21
that have the little guy winning, or at least
28:24
competing, and I identify with that. So I love
28:27
the fact that credit unions are... not for everyone,
28:30
and that's okay. I think the people that work
28:33
there are just naturally drawn to it because
28:36
they care, they're compassionate, they're likable,
28:39
they're personable, but they're professional.
28:41
And that resonates with me as well. So it's the
28:44
people that when I go in, they know my name,
28:46
I trust them. In fact, that's one of the good
28:48
things. Being small, they can turn on a dime,
28:51
but also being small, they know their members'
28:54
names. And so I just thought, you know what,
28:56
I think this is good for a lot of businesses.
28:58
Who is your ideal client? Who do you really want
29:01
to work with and for? And that I identified credit
29:04
units. So I went to the National Credit Union
29:06
Association, and they came up with the idea,
29:09
we want you to go undercover, like undercover
29:12
boss, but undercover in different credit unions
29:14
and kind of create a documentary and a speech
29:18
around what you find. Look for the good. So that's
29:20
what I did. I was a janitor. I was a plant, you
29:23
know, the plants. I would water the plants. Well,
29:25
I would just listen. I was a painter. And when
29:27
I was done, I realized, wow, these people aren't
29:30
faking it. It's real. They care. about their
29:33
members and they are going to do the right thing
29:35
for those people. And so you can trust them with
29:37
your money. So that's how it all began. And then
29:40
from that national speech and documentary that
29:43
I put together, I started speaking at different
29:45
credit unions. As I was going around the country,
29:49
I realized, as people at the end of my speech
29:51
come up and say, you know what, my credit, you
29:53
know, I worked for this credit union, but I was
29:55
divorced and I had no money. And they were going
29:57
to take my house and my car and the credit union
29:59
saved me. And then I went to work for them because
30:01
I wanted to do that for other people. I kept
30:03
hearing all these feel good stories of just heart
30:07
and soul. And I thought, Is there a book like
30:10
this? Well, yes, Chicken Soup for the Soul, but
30:11
what about Chicken Soup for the Credit Union
30:14
Soul? I don't want to call it that, obviously,
30:16
but that's how the book came about. And the stories
30:20
in it weren't written by me, which is another
30:22
thing that I thought was great. All these people
30:24
who said, I want to be a writer. Well, let me
30:26
give you an opportunity to tell a story, write
30:29
it, and I'll publish it. So my stories are mixed
30:32
in with others. Some people were anonymous, so
30:35
there's no name, but it... turned out better
30:37
than I could have ever hoped for. And when people
30:40
read it, you come to the conclusion that, why
30:42
am I not with a credit union? It makes perfect
30:44
sense. Not for everyone, but a lot of people,
30:46
I think, have read the book and said, I want
30:48
that. The other thing that was odd is my own
30:51
credit union. The one I started with when I was
30:53
10 years old had a little pass, we call it a
30:56
passbook. I'd go in. and they stamp it right
31:00
in how much you put in and how much your balance
31:02
was and I mean that's crazy to think of now but
31:05
that's when I started well they grew and grew
31:07
and I better not see what their slogan is but
31:09
they became like a bank they're huge and so when
31:13
I kept hearing these stories when I went around
31:15
the country from smaller credit unions and how
31:17
personal it was and how they did, you know, a
31:21
tragedy in the neighborhood. They were the first
31:23
ones there with blankets and food and resources.
31:26
I wanted that. So I pined for the day when my
31:30
credit unit was so small that I'd walk in, hey,
31:34
Lee, you know, now I'm not just a number, but
31:36
it's not like that anymore. So it brought back
31:39
the feeling of the small towns bank that where
31:43
everyone knew everybody. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've
31:47
been a member of a credit union since I was 15.
31:50
So I've been a member of one credit union for
31:52
40 years and my mom was a member. And then my
31:58
dad became a member. And then all of the kids,
32:00
all of us kids became members. Then we grew up
32:03
and we got married. Our spouses became members.
32:05
Our kids became members, their partners, their
32:08
spouses. Like we have brought in so much business
32:11
for this one credit union. They make life so
32:14
easy. you know, they make handling your money,
32:17
moving your money, doing the things that you
32:19
need to do with your money, their interest rates,
32:21
everything is just makes it just so easy. It's
32:24
like sometimes, and I know this is a sexist comment,
32:26
sometimes women will follow their hairdresser
32:27
wherever they go. It's like, I just wanted to
32:30
stay with this credit union. It just really was
32:32
a great experience. So I agree. I'm still with
32:35
my credit union, even though they're the one
32:37
that you were with when you were a 10. Yes, I
32:39
would never leave, but I loved hearing the stories
32:43
of how it used to be in my credit union when
32:45
they were small. But like you said, it simplifies
32:48
your life because I'm an Apple person all the
32:51
way. And so if I need a new anything, I know
32:54
what I'm going to buy because I like it. Love
32:56
it. That's the thing. I love it. I trust it.
32:58
You know, Apple, it's not the Apple that it used
33:01
to be Southwest. I used to love that airline.
33:04
I don't love it as much, but I'm still loyal.
33:07
But the credit union thing, it's for life for
33:09
me. Yeah, no, I'm a Dell girl myself for when
33:12
it comes to computers and I always buy Dell so
33:14
I can appreciate. You love your brand. You do.
33:17
You're loyal to it. So I know when we met previously,
33:22
you were talking about an upcoming project. I
33:25
don't know. We haven't talked for a few months,
33:26
so I don't know where you're at with it, but
33:29
I think you mentioned that it might've taken
33:31
a little bit longer to write. It's a book called
33:33
Without Confidence, You Don't Get Shift, which
33:37
is a great title. That's great. So for you, as
33:47
you decided to write this, there was obviously
33:49
a story behind this because with you, I know
33:51
there's going to be a story behind this. So what
33:53
was the moment where you realized that self -confidence
33:58
wasn't just going to be another self -help topic,
34:01
that it deserved a book? stories or a feel or
34:07
experiences you were having that were just pulling
34:09
you back to this theme? Well, the story I told
34:13
in the very beginning, I think kind of gives
34:15
a clue that even this is again, what I said,
34:19
you teach what you need to learn. You also gravitate
34:23
towards if I'm working to help others with something
34:26
and it also helps me as a reminder or to work
34:30
through things, that's perfect because I don't
34:33
like when people are talking down to me. I'd
34:36
rather it's we. We could all use a little boost
34:41
of self -confidence. Brash in your face. I mean
34:45
a kind of a quiet confidence. I think everybody
34:48
Well, maybe not everyone but a lot of people
34:50
could use that kind of a boost So I feel like
34:53
it's not something universal It's something that
34:55
I also need help with and so if you believe in
34:59
the universe Which I guess I have to tell a story
35:02
to tell this to finish this story. I Met a woman
35:06
named sunshine Her real name is Barbara but everyone
35:09
calls her Sunshine because she's so positive
35:11
and upbeat and yet she was an orphan not because
35:15
her parents died they didn't want her and they
35:18
lived in the town that she was in foster homes
35:20
with so they were there they just didn't want
35:23
her that's so harsh and she had a lot of hardships
35:26
in her life but yet she was always positive and
35:30
she lived the most extraordinary life of ups
35:33
and downs and adventures and just It's a movie.
35:37
So the way I met her was I was on a panel. I
35:40
actually put this whole conference together and
35:43
I was speaking about how to write your book and
35:45
you should write it. Anyway, she stayed after
35:47
and we were the last two to leave the Barnes
35:49
and Noble and we're sitting in these little,
35:51
I'll never forget, little chairs that the kids
35:53
sit in. It's in the kids section. And she's like,
35:57
I want to write a book about my life. And I said,
36:00
well, let's do it. I said, you should do it.
36:04
something about Sunshine, she just made you feel
36:06
good about yourself. So of course you want to
36:08
spend time with her. So we became friends. And
36:11
whenever I see her, I don't want to make her
36:12
feel guilty, but how's the book coming? Oh, you
36:14
know, I'm too busy living my life. So she called
36:17
me. This is like 20 plus years go by and we're
36:21
in touch this whole time. And she called me and
36:24
said, I just got diagnosed with stage four lung
36:26
cancer and I want you to come and see me. So
36:31
I rushed over to the Hospice I guess it was and
36:35
we went outside we sat on a table and she put
36:38
her hands on my hands And she said I want you
36:40
to write my book. I want you to tell my story
36:43
Wow and that's a big ask but Okay, and so it
36:50
took me a long time to write this book, but I
36:52
finally wrote sunshine and it won awards there
36:56
was some interest from Goldie Hawn playing an
36:59
older sunshine and Kate Hudson playing a younger
37:01
sunshine in the movie version all kinds of things
37:03
happen but Sunshine left me with a few things
37:07
from our time working on that book because we'd
37:10
meet every Wednesday kind of like Tuesdays with
37:12
Maury. It was Wednesdays with Wes and she kept
37:14
saying the universe provides everything you need.
37:17
You just have to pay attention and say yes. And
37:21
so that's kind of what happened for me is the
37:24
universe kept saying, you know a book about confidence,
37:28
a book about helping people feel better about
37:30
themselves. And if it's not, and not just a book,
37:33
a whole thing that ties together. So the first
37:36
piece was I developed an app called Hashmark.
37:40
It's from an Arnold Schwarzenegger book. He says
37:42
making hash marks every time you do something
37:44
good reminds you how many times you do good things
37:47
during the day or good things happen to you.
37:49
So The app is called Hashmark. It's called the
37:51
Feel Good app. And what it does is you can hit
37:55
a button and it says nice and it counts your
37:57
wins. You can take pictures of things that make
38:00
you smile or that you want to remember and it
38:03
saves them in for that day. And then if people
38:06
say something nice to you, you can record it
38:07
as a video or an audio or type it in. Either
38:10
you can write things to yourself or people say
38:12
nice things about you and it's all saved under
38:14
that day. So you could celebrate. that day and
38:17
even go back and look at that day. So the book
38:21
and the app and everything is just to try and
38:24
make people feel better about themselves so they
38:26
can be happier about their life but also to do
38:30
more. I mean when you don't have confidence you're
38:35
less likely to when the universe gives you an
38:37
opportunity to say yes. But when you have confidence
38:40
and you hear something that seems like it's a
38:43
challenge, it's not going to be easy, I'm not
38:45
sure if I can do it, but I'm confident I'm going
38:48
to try. And that's the short answer to a very
38:51
long, I give you a long answer, but we're storytellers.
38:54
It's what we do. That's right. You were telling
38:56
a story, more stories, more stories, more stories,
38:59
always more stories. That's wonderful. I think
39:02
I've seen it. I've seen Sunshine in your bookstore.
39:05
I think Sunshine is in your bookstore, right?
39:08
Yes, Sunshine is it's sold. Fairly well, but
39:12
like I said, it won some awards, but the process
39:15
of writing it made it worthwhile. If it never
39:18
sold one copy, although I wanted people to read
39:20
it, it wouldn't have mattered. My time with Sunshine
39:23
was invaluable. I didn't know what to expect
39:26
when we sat there. And unfortunately, the arc
39:27
of Sunshine was she passed away before the book
39:31
came out. But in such sunshine fashion, I was
39:34
doing the book signing for a different book,
39:36
not far from where the hospice was. And she had
39:39
them bring her to my book signing. It was on
39:42
the second floor. They had to carry her upstairs.
39:45
She wanted to be there for me, for this event.
39:48
That's sunshine. And she passed away a couple
39:50
of days after that. But she wanted to be there.
39:53
So being around somebody that makes you feel
39:55
better about yourself and teaches you things,
39:59
she was wise and always willing to share and
40:02
always there to help you. It just made that time
40:05
so special. And hopefully we all have someone
40:07
like that in our lives. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think
40:12
if we think about it, whether it's a mentor,
40:15
whether it's a family member, whether it's a
40:18
friend, whether it's a client, somebody that,
40:22
you know, reminds us, I was reading on LinkedIn.
40:27
Somebody that I follow on LinkedIn and she was
40:30
talking about she was at a women's entrepreneurs
40:32
event and There were speakers and one of the
40:37
speakers said Remember to do one thing every
40:41
day that reminds you you're human because as
40:45
an entrepreneur we become these machines and
40:50
I think what you're talking about with sunshine
40:53
is just that you just getting to experience her
40:57
life and just those moments of just pure humanity.
41:03
And it keeps us right -sized, I think, in those
41:07
moments. And yeah, so thank you for that. I'm
41:12
going to come full circle from your opening story
41:16
to another moment in your life. I remember you
41:19
told me a story about publishing your first book
41:23
and telling your grandfather. And his comment
41:26
was, well, anybody can self publish a book. And
41:33
we talked about it when we opened this episode
41:36
about how sometimes that some people would be
41:40
discouraged by that, but really for you, it seems
41:43
like it was a motivation. What would you tell
41:47
our readers as you're looking back now? And you've
41:52
just written this book about confidence. So you're
41:54
writing this book about confidence. Do you think
41:56
it comes from believing in yourself or deciding
41:59
to not let other people define who you are and
42:04
what your story is? I think it's not letting
42:06
it hold you back from all that you could be and
42:10
do. And so at that moment, when my grandfather
42:13
said that, one of the first things I did is I
42:16
wrote a letter to just in general. I'm a young
42:20
writer who wants to get published by a big publishing
42:23
house. I'm looking for a mentor, anyone that's,
42:26
you know, can help. So I went to the fanciest
42:29
part of town, Rancho Santa Fe, and they have
42:31
like a main street, and there's Rolls Royces
42:33
and Bentleys and Jags and all, and I just put
42:36
one letter on each car. I had my phone number,
42:38
and I got a call. Guy from Retired, he worked,
42:42
I think, as a president of Times and Mirror Books,
42:45
and he said, I'll help you. and he was my mentor
42:48
and he was at my wedding. That took a lot of
42:52
guts to do that, to just, you know, write a letter
42:54
and to put it on people's cars, you know. And
42:57
then when he called to not be intimidated and
42:59
to admit I need help and I'm going to accept
43:03
help and realizing that for him, whatever reason,
43:06
maybe he has guilt about all of his riches and
43:08
success and he wants him back and do something
43:10
nice for someone else. But it was huge to have
43:13
somebody like that, not just open doors, but
43:16
push me through them. You know what I mean? He
43:17
would say, I'm like, I don't know. He's like,
43:19
go. You can do it. And one of the things that
43:22
happened later was I was asked to go to a group
43:26
of other authors, well -published authors who
43:30
were very successful and were also speakers.
43:33
And they, I don't know, they heard about me and
43:35
they invited me. And I thought, I don't know.
43:38
I know at their level. It's in the summer. I
43:40
got to go fight traffic. It's all right. I'll
43:43
go. So I get seated next to a person. again the
43:45
universe at work we get to talking she says you
43:48
know my agent asked me to write a book about
43:52
time management but i am already writing a book
43:55
about time management so i can't do both would
43:57
you be interested and she said oh by the way
43:59
it's for creative people right brainers oh this
44:03
is perfect and so again i said yes and so she
44:07
introduced me her agent i got signed by random
44:09
house and a whole other my life at that point
44:13
went one way where it could have who knows but
44:16
that was a pivotal what do we call those a point
44:20
of thank you moment right yeah and just by me
44:24
saying Okay, I know these are well -known authors
44:27
bigger than me, but so what I'm not comparing
44:30
myself to them I'm gonna learn from I'm going
44:32
there to learn I'm going there to experience
44:34
what it is that they or what are they doing that
44:36
I'm not and sure enough this opportunity came
44:39
to me because I said yes and Confidence gets
44:42
you to the point where you say yes, even though
44:44
your mind is screaming No, no, no you overcome
44:49
that with self -confidence or at least faking
44:52
it All right, yes, I'm going to try this. What's
44:56
the worst that could happen? Right. Oh, I love
44:59
that you said that. Fake it till you make it.
45:02
Yeah. You know, and I've also heard it said too
45:04
that bring the body and the mind will follow.
45:08
One foot in front of the other. You're not always
45:11
going to know where the path is going to lead,
45:12
but you're not going to find out if you're not
45:14
at least just putting one foot in front of the
45:16
other. So good stuff. Good stuff. I know that
45:19
there's a combination it seems like in your bookstore.
45:22
There's the stories that you've written like
45:25
sunshine's, but there's also lots of tips and
45:28
tricks. There's a lot of business books that
45:31
you have as well. Okay. One last question. Are
45:34
the business books, those, did you write them?
45:37
because someone had a need or were they things
45:41
that you, as you were becoming a speaker, you
45:43
just felt like, okay, I'm meeting with this group.
45:46
These are great tips for them. I'm meeting with
45:47
this group. I'm presenting for this group. How
45:49
did you come to write those? Well, I know I said
45:53
about a mentor and I had a real life person that
45:56
I could call and meet. but you can also have
45:59
a virtual mentor as well. So I chose, he didn't
46:02
know this, but Jimmy Buffett, which I actually
46:04
did get to meet, but that's another story for
46:06
another day, but I used him as an example and
46:10
my agent told me, You can't write both fiction
46:13
and non -fiction. Pick one. You can't do both.
46:16
But yet Jimmy Buffett had a best seller as a
46:19
fiction and a non -fiction. A lot of people didn't
46:20
realize that, that he was a successful author
46:22
as well as entrepreneur, entertainer, you know,
46:25
he did it all. But I chose to not listen to my
46:29
agent and said, I don't believe that you can
46:32
only do one or the other. And besides, some of
46:36
the books like The Wild Idea Club, it's about
46:38
how to get ideas from the frontline workers at
46:40
the bottom of a company to the top. We did it
46:43
through story. Each chapter is a story about
46:45
how a person did that. So it's categorized as
46:49
non -fiction, but each story or each chapter
46:52
is a story about a real person who implemented
46:56
the ideas that we wanted to convey. And so I
46:59
feel like I kind of blended the two. Again, that's
47:02
why I was so gravitated towards you and your
47:04
show. And the concept is because stories are
47:08
just so powerful and we love hearing them, reading
47:12
them, sharing them. I mean, I can't think of
47:14
anything. bad about using stories in your writing.
47:18
So the books, you think to yourself, I see a
47:20
thick book, I don't have time. But if it's a
47:23
story and kind of like the one minute manager
47:26
or who moved my cheese or the greatest salesman
47:29
in the world, they're all parables. And you're
47:31
reading almost fiction, but yet you're learning
47:34
something. I think that's the ideal way to teach
47:37
and to learn. Yes, I agree. Couldn't agree more
47:40
100 percent. You know, I think what like you
47:43
said right at the beginning, you're telling stories
47:46
on stage, people are going to remember those
47:50
moments. They're going to remember, hey, I remember
47:53
seeing the speaker. What was his name? He told
47:55
this really great story. Let me tell you this
47:57
story. Oh, wait, I think his name was Lee Silber.
48:00
You know, it's a win -win. And the story about
48:02
my dad, if I tell it in a speech, it's never
48:06
easy to tell. I get a little, but it seems like
48:10
that is the most common reason for people to
48:13
seek me out afterwards. because they want to
48:15
tell me about how their dad or their mom were
48:18
very stingy with praise, if they gave it all.
48:21
And I always try and tie a story into something.
48:24
So what I do, and after I tell my father's story,
48:27
is I say, here, we're all here together, usually
48:29
they're in the same industry or have something
48:31
in common. Let's have, who wants to give a shout
48:35
out to someone? We have the time. I have mics
48:37
for you. And it starts with maybe one, okay.
48:40
And oh, I think Betty is so great and she's such
48:43
a good person. She does. And then it just, I'm
48:45
like, okay, we got to stop for another time.
48:48
Because once it gets started, it doesn't stop.
48:51
But I'm trying to get that, prime the pump. And
48:53
I say, throughout this conference, if you see
48:56
someone, and again, not in a creepy way, in a
48:58
very healthy way, give them the compliment that's
49:02
in your head that you're afraid to say and trust
49:04
it'll hit. It'll mean something to them. And
49:07
besides, it feels good to do it. You're getting
49:09
something out of it as well. Not that we're doing
49:11
it for that reason, but it feels good. Yeah.
49:14
Lee, I could just talk about this stuff all day.
49:17
Okay. Yeah. Okay. Let's do that. But unfortunately,
49:21
it's all the time we have and I have to wrap
49:23
it up. But thank you so much for your stories,
49:25
your personal stories, your stories of being
49:29
an author, the stories of the people that you've
49:31
met along the way. And you're just a success
49:35
story yourself just by doing those things. I
49:38
think the thread that runs through it all is
49:41
your curiosity. And I think all of your stories
49:45
tell us follow that thread, follow that curiosity
49:47
and just see where that journey takes you. Thank
49:51
you. This went by in a blink of an eye. And so
49:54
that's proof that when we're sharing stories.
49:58
It doesn't feel like work. It doesn't feel like
50:01
it's just the best it is. Stories make the time
50:04
fly. They really do. Thank you. And to our listeners,
50:10
whether you first heard us locally through BTV
50:12
studios in Bedford, Massachusetts, or you're
50:15
tuning in from across the globe on Spotify, Apple
50:18
podcasts or Amazon podcasts. Thank you for listening.
50:22
We hope you enjoyed this episode and we'll see
50:24
you next time. Happy storytelling!