Latest / I Do, Part 2 / 1 in 4 Women Have Rejected A Marriage Proposal: Why “She Said No”

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1 in 4 Women Have Rejected A Marriage Proposal: Why “She Said No” · I Do, Part 2

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey, that folks. It is Sunday, August sixteenth, and it
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: wasn't too terribly long ago that I proposed to Amy Roebuck.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: She said yes. Turns out I'm one of the lucky ones.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and tej.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: You just told me the stat before we started. I
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: was shocked to hear, baby, how many women actually say no?
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: This shocked me too, And I looked at multiple different
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: sources and they all had the same number. One in
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: four women doesn't say they have turned down our proposal.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: In their lives. That's so hot.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: That's high, isn't it.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: Men?
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: I know men are nervous before they proposed. With that statistic,
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: you should be sweating.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: One out of four you got age twenty five percent
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: chance of rejection. That's high. Wow, that's high.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: That's crazy.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: That what am I? Okay? How about say I'll be
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I would wonder if a lot of those women say
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: no and then they still end up getting married later
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Maybe it wasn't the right time or oh answer is yes,
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: day okay, then maybe that's not so bad.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: But that sounds is yes to that?
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: So yeah, actually we are almost coming up on our
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: one year, proposal versary is that a thing?
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: It's not, and we're not going to make.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: It one, all right.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: So I started looking into this story because Yahoo had
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: something up this week about men sharing their stories about
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: proposal rejections. I got into it. It was fascinating, It
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: was interesting. Most of them said they were grateful that
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: she ended up saying no, But it was just fascinating
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: looking at the moments that don't go as expected and
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: the whole notion that rejection is protection.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: We hear that all the time. This was absolutely the case.
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: So we are going to get into a study from
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: psychology today about why women say no, and it was
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: women because I think they said in the ones they studied,
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: it was like ninety eight percent of these were men
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: proposing to women. Of course, but some of the stories
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: I just wanted to read some of them to you
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: because I wanted to get your reaction. I thought this
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: was and some of these actually play perfectly into the
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: reasons why women say no. The first one, my significant
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: other said no to me. She said marriage is an
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: archaic institution and she sees no reason why if we
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: want to stay together forever, we can't do it without
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: a contract.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: That's only you. Rauh. You should have known ahead of
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: time how your woman felt.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: About that, so she said no. He said that was
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: in two thousand and nine.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Should have never asked.
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: We have three kids in a house together now and
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: we both wear wedding rings, still not married.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: We were actually considering that road.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then I thought better of it.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: Why do you think better of it?
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: Because there does you? This is.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: I've been married twice before. No right, no disrespect to
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: those previous unions, rolled, because this is the first time
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: where I have wanted to get I want to be
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: your husband, not based on well this is the next step,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: where this is the right thing, or this has been official,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: or she's gonna leave it's been too many years, like
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: there's always something, and sometimes you get married because you
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: think it's the right thing to do. Of course it's
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: the right next step. I just want to We don't
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: have any reason at all, nope.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: That we need to get married, and yeah we both
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: want to gain no.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Kids to deal with and their last names. There ain't nothing,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: but I want to. So, yes, it is different, and
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: I knew what the answer was going to be when
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: I propose. You should always know when it's like lawyers, right,
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: don't ask a question you don't know the answer to.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: We'll get into that too. That's a part of that's
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: a part of the advice. This is one of my favorites.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: It was just one line.
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: She came out of the closet while I was on
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: vended knee.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Wow, I mean again, that's all you, bro.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: I feel like it's good to know though there were.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Never any signs, really right.
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: I think maybe that's one of those. Upon reflection, Yeah, see,
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: that's tough.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: That's tough.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: I drove her to I.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: Was ready to marry her, this woman and walk down
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: the aisle with her, and the whole time she doesn't
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: even like men.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: What was I missing?
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: You got to do a lot of self reflection on
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: that one.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Okay. So the two you've really so far have to
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: do with things that should have been known previously.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: Yes, correct, okay, yes, And this third one is fun
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: because again this goes straight into the why my friend
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: proposed to his girlfriend at red lobster in front of
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: his whole family.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: She felt pressured, of course, and said yes. She broke
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: up with him shortly before the wedding.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, I thought you were going to say shortly before dessert.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Nobody wants that. Where'd you get proposed in front of
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: his whole family while they were serving hut up biscuits.
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: I know that one made me laugh. I was thinking
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: of you. I know you worked at Red.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: Lobster, the whole thing, not a proposal place.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: Yes, where you do it matters, how you do it matters,
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: when you do it matters.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: We're going to get into all of the whys right now.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: This is so interesting.
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: So Psychology Today looked at hundreds of proposal stories and
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: they studied why some of them were rejected. So the first,
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: they said, by far, the number one reason why she
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: said no, too young, not ready. By far, the most
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: rejections happened because the women thought they were just too
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: young or they just were not ready for marriage yet.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: So it's not necessarily you're not the right guy, I
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: don't want to marry you. It's not they're not saying
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: I want this relationship to end. I guess it's difficult
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: after you get rejected.
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: And we'll get into those numbers in just a bit.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: But there were stories on this article. In that article
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: about how mom said like a child's telling the story
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: of their parents' proposal.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: Mom said no, but then two years later she said yes.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: I mean so that is one of those cases where
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: maybe just let it go, let it breathe for a
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: little bit.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: We're gonna have to go back and watch that movie
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: with our guy from White Lotus plays all the same,
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: arrogant guy. He proposed to someone and she said no,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: the whole they're hiking, what what moviem I think about it?
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: That was called I'll get it, I'll get it because
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: it was a proposal.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: And his feelings were very Oh that was so painful.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and you knew she was going to say no,
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: and like, no, don't do it, don't do it, don't
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: do it.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: She's not ready. Okay.
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: Number two, the proposal was public. When men propose in
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: front of other people, their proposals were more likely to
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: be rejected.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: I'm shocked. I thought it would be the opposite, they said.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: Other proposals that were accepted other people were present only
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: about a third of the time. Of the proposals that
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: were rejected, other people were present nearly half the time
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: forty five percent. That that is that means you really
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: really don't want to get married.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: If you say no, in front of an entire group
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: of people.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: What would you say? Is that possibly a signal of
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: something else going in a relationship if somebody chooses to
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: have an audience around like in that private, that that
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: moment and to each his or her own and yes
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: you maybe sometimes you want it. They don't. They do
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: it a lot at uh Christmas and the family gatherings.
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: People propose to I would actually say, my friends who
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: are Italian Americans, it is absolutely I have noticed a
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: tradition where they will gather all their friends, all their
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: family and then it's like it's almost expected that they're
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: waiting and then there's a party afterwards, and it's a
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: big public thing. For me, that would be terrible. I
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: would never want a public proposal.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I wonder what the numbers are on the te
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: I bet there are very few that are rejected.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: I mean they knew ahead of time, almost certainly, but.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: They oftentimes we talk about family, how important sometimes families are.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: I mean, you're a girl over in New Jersey. It's
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: a big deal that I can understand robes, but a
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: public like you are really you got it? I would
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: there should be one hundred percent success rate because if
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: you got the balls to propose in front of people.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: You should know for sure she's gonna say yes enthusiastically.
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I guess, oh, my goodness, because you can
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: even tell even when, like we've seen the stadium proposals
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: where a young woman will say like yeah, but you
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: can see on her face.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: It's not gonna happen.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Nobody does it in terrible woman wants that.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: I don't know. It's not me and I don't really
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: know any of my friends who would prefer that.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: That's pressure. Spotlight is on you and you have to
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: say yes.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: Well apparently not apparently not okay.
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: Number three, this blows my mind. The couple never discussed
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: marriage before the proposal. Every time a proposal was accepted,
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: the couple had already discussed marriage. Of the proposals that
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: were rejected, forty of them had not talked about it.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: And you deserve that.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: Why would a.
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: Guy ask a woman to marry him without talking about
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: the future ahead of time.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Maybe want to be a surprise, getting.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: A feel for where she stood on things.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Maybe wanted to be a surprise come out of nowhere.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: Well he got surprised.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: If nothing else, don't you need to have some idea
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: of the ring she wants.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: Uh, that's to just that. More on that to come. Okay.
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: The couple had not been dated for as many years,
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: so when proposals were accepted, the couple had been dating
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: for nearly twice as many years as when proposals were rejected.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: So the average I was surprised by this four years
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: and they were.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: That was like the the one that were most people
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: said yes.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: Two years was where there were more rejections.
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: So they were just saying, the longer you're dating, the
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: more likely it is to be accepted.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: That makes sense because.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: If she's stuck around waiting for you to propose, she's
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: probably gonna say yes.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: Ah, okay, I didn't even think about it like that. Okay,
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: I got you all right.
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: Number five, the man doesn't have a ring. It wasn't
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: even that they didn't like the ring. There are men
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: who propose without a ring.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: And if you want statistics, men here it is.
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: When the man did not offer a ring, his proposal
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: was eight and a half times more likely to be rejected,
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: just eight eight and a half times more likely to
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: be reject And how about this, if he did not
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: get down on one knee, his proposal was four zero
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: point seven times more likely to be rejected.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Okay, but you down on one knee. Nobody's getting down
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: on a knee without a ring though, right, that's not
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: what we're talking about.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're right when you get down on one knee.
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: Although some people, you know, what they do, like this
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: is a promise ring and they'll bring like a little
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: bubblegum thing or a string.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I've seen you present that from a knee.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: I have seen people do on a knee.
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: Yes, Like maybe it's just in a movie or on
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: a reality show, but I have a vision of that.
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: I'm like, dude, if you're gonna do that, go ahead
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: and get a ring. Maybe we've seen it on ninety
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: day fiance when they don't have a lot of money
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: and they like remember the guy who did the ring
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: and tied it around.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: On a soccer field.
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but he got down on one knee and he
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: tied a string around her finger.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: And I was like, wait, that's all I had to do.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: No again, eight and a half times more likely to
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: be rejected if you don't have a ring.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, on that point, can you ever propose without a ring?
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: I think you can if you're I don't know if
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: there's a reason why neither one of you have any
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: money and there's a there's a promise for something later, But.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: It seems like that shouldn't be a proposal that's almost
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: a discussion, like the formality of getting down on a
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: knee and saying will you marry me? Yes? Now, what
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: do we do? We want to go lunch? I mean
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: that there had to be some ceremonial something in that
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: moment that signifies that we are now more than we were.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: I agree. I think that's important for me. It would
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: be important.
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: And it's not even like it doesn't have to be
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: some like huge, you know, diamond ring. It could be
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: if you don't have the money or the funds or whatever.
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: You can't tell me you can't go out and buy
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: a thirty dollars you know, gold plated band or whatever,
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: just as a symbol and say this will be replaced
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: by something when we build something more and better. But
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: just I think it's a signal that I took the
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: time to consider you, to find something to recognize that
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: we are now in a different Yeah, it's a gesture.
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be an expensive gesture, but to
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: not have one to me, speaks volumes about your level
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: of preparedness, how you regardless of preparedness.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: I just all of that would also that would all
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: bother me.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Generally do most well. I guess how large of a
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: segment of the population has the feeling that it doesn't matter,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: It shouldn't matter, this is a stupid tradition. Rings and
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: signifying this and showing that I'm now your blah blah blah.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: I mean, what is there a good ground swell of
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: support for that mindset or is that just something we'd
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: like to say out loud in public but secretly every
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: single woman wants the biggest ring possible.
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: I think that the d I think the last thing
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: you just said is the truth.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: Nobody will admit that.
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: Nobody will admit that, because then now you're shallow and
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: all you care about is the bling on your finger. No,
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: no one wants to admit I mean, some people will
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: happily admit that, but I think most people don't. All right,
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: And finally, one of the reasons why they found that
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: women say no the man proposed in an attempt to
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: save the relationship.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: That makes sense, though I was like, yep, I totally
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: get that. Yes, they said.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: One of the reasons that was mentioned why proposals were
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: rejected that the man was doing it to save the relationship.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: The couple was having problems and the man thought a
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: marriage proposal.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: Would solve them.
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: It's kind of like when you joke to me if
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: if we're like, you know, we're in a little bit
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: of a funk, You'll say, you know what, we should
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: have a baby.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: That'll fix everything.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Once a weekly say.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: That to me at least once a week, and then
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: I start laughing, like, you know what we should we
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: should definitely have a baby.
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: Is that'll fix it all?
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: That's always say, you know, things will be better when
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: the baby gets it all right.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: When we come back, we're gonna tell you you you
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: hit on this a little bit. You would be surprised
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: at just what what the percentage is of people who
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: continue to date after she says no. Welcome back everyone
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: to Amy and TJ as we talk about rejection is protection.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: Yes, we were shocked.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: To find out that one in four women say they
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: have turned down a proposal in their lifetime.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: And there have been some fascinating looks that just the.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: Stories behind the nose and the whys behind the nose?
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: Why do women say no? And yes?
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: I think all of them were Yes, they made a
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: lot of sense and I think most women would agree. Yep,
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: I need a ring. I want you down on one knee.
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: I don't want you to do this to fix the relationship.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: Let's not make this public. Let's have dated at least
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: for a decent amount of time. And why don't you
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: have discussed this before we actually go through with the anails.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure if I know the answer. And this
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: is a very big mistake. I should never do this.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: And if this doesn't go well, I'm going to edit
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: it out. I don't think have you rejected a marriage
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: proposal place I have not?
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: Okay, no, no, And look.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: So my chances were high you're gonna say this.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: No.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: We had discussed it before.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, you know we didn't discuss time. Well, we discussed.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: Marriage, but I told you I wanted to marry, and.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: I've told you plenty of times. Yes, so we had,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: but we didn't go but timing. We didn't do anything else,
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: but we had an understanding that this would be accepted.
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: You shocked the hell out of me. I was not
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: prepared for it. I did not know you were preparing
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: to do it.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: In fact, I actually.
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: I I'm rarely shocked in my life. I was genuinely
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: shocked on that day, and it was a it was
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: a good shock.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: I was like blown away. I immediately started crying happy tears.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: I was.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: I was, Yeah, you did a really good job.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: But we had talked a lot about wanting obviously to
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: be married and to continue our lives together.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: And I had told you I wanted to be your wife.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Now this is as close as I am going to get.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: We have been very, very protective of our engagement story.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: This is as far as I will go, robes, as
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: far as I will go, because it goes in line
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: with some thing you were talking about that should happen
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: in public with people all around And that's all I'm
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: going to say.
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: That is true.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: It did happen in public with people all around us,
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: and yet.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: It was private and it worked.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: Yep, Because yes, that was actually perfect. It was a
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: perfect public setting. That was that we were still allowed
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: to have a private moment.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: No one knew around us what had just happened.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: That is funny. There's one I don't know if we
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: will ever actually we should commit. I don't ever want
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: that story out. I don't. But there are people who
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: are for they will are a part of our relationship
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: that have no idea.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true, that is true.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: No, And this was there was some shocking or surprising
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: parts to this survey that was done, This study that
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: was done. Would you be surprised to hear that thirty
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: one percent of couples where she rejected his propose went
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: on to continue to date.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: That sounds right, And you know what, I wouldn't have
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: been surprised if that was a little higher. That makes
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: just it's a timing issue. It's tough to get past,
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: I suppose, Robes, because you said going to date, you
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: didn't say going to marry. Is there a different stat
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: on that one.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: Some of them eventually did marry, And I will say this,
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: on average the relationship lasted another two and a half years,
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: but in most cases it did end.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: But in some cases they did go on to mary.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: It's tough to get past that one. And also, Robes,
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: if someone says no to a proposal, there's probably a
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: good reason for it. Then maybe we need to flesh
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: out in the next couple of years.
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, and Look, I had a good friend who said
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: no to her now husband, and he was devastated.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: He was gutted.
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: I mean he was crying. But they didn't break up,
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: and a year later he proposed again. She got pregnant
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: and the next.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Time she said yes, told us everything's better with the babies.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: I told you, wow, I just brought that for full circle. Yes,
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: and now they've got two kids, still married. All good,
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: But okay, I actually don't know if she had not
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: gotten pregnant, if they would have gotten married. She has
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: allat She wasn't sure if she wanted it wasn't not.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: She didn't.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: She was never unsure about him. She was unsure about
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: the institution of marriage. And so that is something that
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: a lot I think a lot of young folks are
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: like that. Now.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: They're weary of the institutional, kids.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: Calling it an institution. That's maybe why marriage has a
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: pr problem. First of all, two people with two divorces
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: are talking about it, but nobody wants to listen to
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: us because they failed. They don't know what they're doing. No,
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: listen to us. We are experts in this, and when
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: you're twenty three, I can recognize the things you're doing
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: your relationship that I can confidently say, get out, get away,
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: this ain't gonna happen. But then robes. A lot of
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: times you have to make those mistakes and you have
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: to learn. But at the same time, I hate people
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: not trying. I want everybody to keep going for it,
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: go after love. You're gonna learn those things. They're gonna
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: make you happy later. But when you start with that robes,
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: when you start with the institution of marriage, I'm scared
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: to do this or I don't believe in it. I
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: hate that mindset.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: I you know, I that you just said that. You
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: said that, I know, Jaelo.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: Keep going for it. Six seven hate It doesn't matter
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: going for love.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: I mean Elizabeth Taylor, she holds the record. What Jayla
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: Elizabeth Taylor.
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: I think it's in question because she married one of
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: her husbands twice. So it's always like, I never know
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: what the number is.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: A marriage count, that's a marriage, but hate marriage is
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: seven husbands kind of thing.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: But good luck to you guys out there.
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: And certainly I think everyone should read that article before
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: they get down on one knee, or certainly every woman
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: should look and see, wait, does.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: He fit all these things? Keep doing this all right
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: before I say.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: Yes, and remember just have a baby. If you have
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: a question, it's all everything.
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: There we go, perfect way to end and with that everyone,
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: we always appreciate you listening to us.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: I made me robot alongside t J. Holmes.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: We'll talk soon.